Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio podcast. Hey guys, it's Vanessa Grimaldi
Speaker 1: on the show right now. I've been I've been obsessed
Speaker 1: with a SMR, which is basically the sounds of well, MICHAELA,
Speaker 1: what is it exactly? It's like it's basically a close
Speaker 1: whisper for intense relaxation, for sleep. It's like I'm going
Speaker 1: to open my water bottle right now from So that's
Speaker 1: a s MR. Sounds kind of sexy, doesn't sounds likely? Okay,
Speaker 1: So you may not recognize this voice because it's not Jared,
Speaker 1: it's not Dean. There. I don't know where they are exactly,
Speaker 1: but they're not in today. Well, welcome to another episode
Speaker 1: of Help I Suck a Dating. I'm one of your
Speaker 1: three co hosts. Vanessa and I got the wonderful, beautiful MICHAELA. Whiteman.
Speaker 1: Am I saying that right? Whiteman? Whiteman white, white white man, yes,
Speaker 1: white man. Hello, Hi, thank you for having me. So,
Speaker 1: if you're a basslor fan, MICHAELA was on season which
Speaker 1: season of The Bachelor Canada season three and it stopped
Speaker 1: after that. There's no more. I wonder what happens. I
Speaker 1: don't wonder what I've done or what did he do
Speaker 1: on him. So, MICHAELA was on season three of Bachelor Canada.
Speaker 1: She didn't get engaged to the Bachelor Chris LaRue, but
Speaker 1: they did end up together kind of like Colton season.
Speaker 1: Kind of like Colton season. Um, Colton, Cassie did not
Speaker 1: get it, did not end up getting engaged, which I
Speaker 1: actually think is a smart thing to do. Well with
Speaker 1: the track record, I would agree with you. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: offense to us. Well, I mean, listen, there's there's been
Speaker 1: zero divorce rates in the Bachelor world, zero, but there's
Speaker 1: been a lot of engagements that have failed and that
Speaker 1: does make me sad. Well yes, yeah, yeah, because I
Speaker 1: don't you know, I remember like getting so many messages
Speaker 1: from girls like, oh my god, is that what I
Speaker 1: need to do to go on this on like to
Speaker 1: get find to find love. I'm like, no, you don't
Speaker 1: have to go on the Bachelor to find love. Like
Speaker 1: it does happen. It did happen for the both of us. However, Um,
Speaker 1: reality hit and when it hit, it hit it hit
Speaker 1: us hard. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely, So now that you're out
Speaker 1: of contract, give us all the GC details. What ended
Speaker 1: up happening between you guys, because I want to talk
Speaker 1: about So Michael is no longer with The Bachelor, I'm
Speaker 1: no longer with Nick, and I think it's been about
Speaker 1: for you. For me, it's going to be two years
Speaker 1: in August and Nick and I broke up, and for
Speaker 1: you it's a little longer, honestly because we broke up
Speaker 1: so quickly. It's been probably a year and half, right
Speaker 1: because you broke up during the show when the show
Speaker 1: was airing, so by the time before the show even aired.
Speaker 1: Let me just correct you there, we call it quick. Okay.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna talk a lot about dating UM in
Speaker 1: the real world, the dudes and don't of dating UM.
Speaker 1: I openly talk about having a lot of anxiety, and
Speaker 1: MICHAELA you openly talk about it on your on your
Speaker 1: Instagram as well. So I want to talk about ways
Speaker 1: that we can help build self confidence UM and cultivate
Speaker 1: this like idea that we do deserve love and we
Speaker 1: do deserve all the really great things and just try
Speaker 1: to empower other people UM to believe that too. So
Speaker 1: what ended up happening with you guys? Well, So, like
Speaker 1: I said, we kind of ended things maybe only two
Speaker 1: months after we finished filming, so at the time the
Speaker 1: show it aired, it was like long over. I felt
Speaker 1: like he made a second attempt to kind of make
Speaker 1: things better when it was coming up to the after
Speaker 1: the final roles filming, and in hindsight, I'd now believe
Speaker 1: that was full blown strategy. I think that he just
Speaker 1: didn't want me to make him look like a dead
Speaker 1: on TV, so he tried to make me feel like
Speaker 1: things were gonna get better. So he manipulated. He thought
Speaker 1: he was manipulating you. Yescent felt like that after and
Speaker 1: then so what ended up happening on the show. I
Speaker 1: don't really think you always get the whole truth. You know,
Speaker 1: you have parts of the truth, you know, the edited truth.
Speaker 1: But Sis and I were kind of decided that it
Speaker 1: was going to be yes at the end. I think
Speaker 1: maybe it was similar to your situation, like you knew
Speaker 1: a little bit more in advance. Not really, Nope, never
Speaker 1: like an inkling of anything. I thought going into um
Speaker 1: the last like the engagement, I'm like, he's not going
Speaker 1: to pick me because he had tears in his eyes
Speaker 1: and I was like, like, this is him saying like
Speaker 1: it's not you. Um, But ye know, I didn't. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I kind of rode through the whole thing very confident,
Speaker 1: like I felt like we were on the same page.
Speaker 1: I felt like it was going to be me and
Speaker 1: to the point that for the fantasy street dates, he
Speaker 1: had told me that he wasn't going to be intimate
Speaker 1: with the other contestant, and I took that information and
Speaker 1: I thought it was the truth. And I found out
Speaker 1: after that that wasn't really how it all shook down,
Speaker 1: and I confronted him about it, and I felt lied
Speaker 1: to and I felt deceived. And that's a whole part
Speaker 1: of the reason why we didn't, you know, want to
Speaker 1: move forward with the engagement at the end, because we
Speaker 1: were kind of starting their relationship on a lack of trust. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So to get engaged right after learned that someone's already
Speaker 1: deceived you, it's just not really the way I want
Speaker 1: to live my life, well, not even to just get
Speaker 1: engaged to start a relationship. So I want to talk
Speaker 1: about the dues and don'ts of a relationship. And that's like,
Speaker 1: for me, the biggest no no is lying seriously, I don't,
Speaker 1: look lawyer, no, I don't. What's the point where I'm
Speaker 1: someone who. I guess I'm the total opposite, because I
Speaker 1: want someone who's not gonna lie about anything. I am
Speaker 1: so honest. Example, i was in the car with my
Speaker 1: boyfriend the other day and I was making reservations for
Speaker 1: breakfast for my family for seven people, big gang of people,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, hey, I'm just making a reservation for seven,
Speaker 1: and they're like, okay, perfect, we confirmed you for twelve o'clock.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, it's not a hundred confirm because I'm
Speaker 1: calling another restaurant to see if I can get into
Speaker 1: that restaurant. And he's looking at me, He's like, why
Speaker 1: are you saying this. I'm like, because I'm just so honest.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to lie. What else do you say?
Speaker 1: Just the truth? Just the truth. And so what ended
Speaker 1: up happening is I did get the other restaurant reservation.
Speaker 1: So I called the other restaurant. I said, hey, just
Speaker 1: like I you know, I had previously mentioned I have
Speaker 1: to cancel. Like, thank you so much for your honesty,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, see, honesty goes a long way. So
Speaker 1: that's my biggest thing for um uh relationships like the
Speaker 1: dues and don't of a relationship because I struggle with
Speaker 1: chest issues, and I talked about this a lot um.
Speaker 1: I'm a huge advocate for mental health. I'm in therapy,
Speaker 1: you know. I think it's important to know what your
Speaker 1: struggles are prior to entering a relationship. UM and understanding
Speaker 1: how can I help myself when something is happening that
Speaker 1: could really heighten my insecurities. UM and lies for me
Speaker 1: are the biggest, Like it's a huge just like it's
Speaker 1: a really big setback. And another big no no is
Speaker 1: what Chris did to you on the show call you
Speaker 1: by the wrong day. Oh yeah, you want to make
Speaker 1: sure that your boyfriend knows your name? That's uh number one? Yeah,
Speaker 1: get the first name down, pad and then we can
Speaker 1: move on to the next step. But yeah, no, that
Speaker 1: was completely embarrassing and uh, it was not done for TV.
Speaker 1: That was a legitimate uh and yeah that one burned
Speaker 1: came to break in here, ladies. But we actually have
Speaker 1: a we have a caller on the line, Dr Jeannette,
Speaker 1: who wants to help out Vanessa with your eye problem.
Speaker 1: Will the internet, So she's on the line right now
Speaker 1: if you want to say hi, Hi, Dr Jeanette, Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for calling in. Hey, good morning everyone,
Speaker 1: my pleasure. Hi. So we got MICHAELA and myself Vanessa
Speaker 1: Um in studio and I woke up one morning I
Speaker 1: think it was a couple of days ago. Actually wasn't
Speaker 1: one morning. It was right before going in bed. My
Speaker 1: eye lid was a little bit irritated, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe it was because I was crying all day. No,
Speaker 1: I just ended up having this big I don't know
Speaker 1: what it was. I guess it was a sty. This
Speaker 1: morning it is a lot a lot better. And then
Speaker 1: someone's like, what if it's pink I And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: isn't What is pinky first of all? And what is
Speaker 1: a sty? Can you first define those two? Sure? Sure,
Speaker 1: First of all, I hope you are feeling better. But
Speaker 1: pink is just street term for conjunctive vitus um, which
Speaker 1: is the white part of your I actually turn pink
Speaker 1: red and that's why it's called pink eye. And it
Speaker 1: could be pink for many different reasons. It could be
Speaker 1: a bacterial infection where you need eye drops, or it
Speaker 1: could be allergies believe it or not, and sometimes it
Speaker 1: could be a virus. And for some people if they
Speaker 1: accidentally flash a chemical or bleach or whatever in their eye,
Speaker 1: their eye will turn pink or red. So many different
Speaker 1: causes for it, but it's definitely treatable. But if if
Speaker 1: you have it for like a long port of time,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't go see your doctor right away because we
Speaker 1: don't want any like long term complications. But so that's
Speaker 1: a pink eye is conjumptivetus and that's really contagious. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like a huge method. If you fart on your
Speaker 1: pillow and then now, now, if your pillow case is
Speaker 1: dirty and asn't been washed in a while, can you
Speaker 1: pick up infections? That's a possibility, um, because for example,
Speaker 1: a sky um, which is an infection at the base
Speaker 1: of your eyelashes, usually caused um by blockages of glands,
Speaker 1: can be due to bacterial infections like picking up germs
Speaker 1: or you know, everybody has bacterial his fingertips. They don't
Speaker 1: wash their fingers and you rubbed your eyes, you can
Speaker 1: develop a stud because it's usually caused by staff infection,
Speaker 1: that sort of thing. Um. So you know, that's that's
Speaker 1: a big issue hygiene. And if you're not washing your
Speaker 1: hands properly, if you're rubbing your eyes, if you're like
Speaker 1: letting people share your mass gara or your eyeliner. I
Speaker 1: think it might makeup done the week of by a
Speaker 1: makeup artist. Yeah, and I mean they use the same brushes,
Speaker 1: I guess, and they using cleaning cleaning tools, like if
Speaker 1: she's sterilizing, you know what she uses. I think most
Speaker 1: most makeup artists can do. But we've gotta gotta keep
Speaker 1: an eye on that. But um for most people with studs,
Speaker 1: because they can be painful if you're painful. Mine wasn't.
Speaker 1: It wasn't painful. I just it felt really heavy my
Speaker 1: eyelid and I had an event that night I had
Speaker 1: to cancel, and I guess it just was like a
Speaker 1: dent on myself esteem because I was like, well, what
Speaker 1: if I wear an eye patch and I'd be dazzled
Speaker 1: and I just leave the house and that I'd be
Speaker 1: super cool, right, But I couldn't find an eye patch
Speaker 1: and then my yes, I guess it was just like
Speaker 1: it started to yet. Last night was when the swelling
Speaker 1: really started to go down, and that's when it became
Speaker 1: really itchy. And then I noticed a lot of my
Speaker 1: eyelashes start to fall off, and I was like, what
Speaker 1: was happening? Were you rubbing your eye a lot, because
Speaker 1: sometimes people that you rub your eyes a lot, that
Speaker 1: can cause the worsening irritation. But the best thing to
Speaker 1: do if this happens again for Sky is a warm contrast.
Speaker 1: Believe it or not, a lot of times they'll they'll
Speaker 1: go away on their own, but using a warm compress
Speaker 1: and even sometimes antibiotic appointment might help. But there's not
Speaker 1: like a lot of clear evidence that it's number one treatment.
Speaker 1: But using warm compresses give it, giving it time and
Speaker 1: how much time sometimes antibiotics it um. So it's different.
Speaker 1: Everyone's different. It can be anywhere from a few days
Speaker 1: to a few weeks. Hide hidien is really important. I
Speaker 1: I al feel like you tell my patients, like when
Speaker 1: you're in the shower, take a couple of drops of Johnson's.
Speaker 1: Johnson are types of baby shampoo. Pre on your fingertips
Speaker 1: and very gently washed the base of your eyelashes very gently.
Speaker 1: And of course I'll always say throw out your makeup,
Speaker 1: make sure no one else is using it um because
Speaker 1: sometimes it can be contaminated. Well, anything that you would
Speaker 1: put on your on your eyes, like mascara, eyelashes, eyeliners
Speaker 1: that the little applicators that you used to buy eyeshadow
Speaker 1: as well, could be contaminated, and so you can you know,
Speaker 1: get continue of recurrent infection. UM and makeup brushes as well.
Speaker 1: It's really important. But anytime you feel one coming, the
Speaker 1: best thing to do right away is make sure you
Speaker 1: put some more compresses. Make sure you're drinking lots of water,
Speaker 1: believe it or not, because dehydration and getting not getting
Speaker 1: enough sleep, not getting a good roll Once diet can
Speaker 1: you know flow down the healing process and make you
Speaker 1: more prone transfections. That's important as well. Perfect well, Dr Jeannette,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for calling in. My eye is
Speaker 1: feeling better, but I definitely don't drink enough water, so
Speaker 1: I will take your advice on that one. Um. Good,
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're feeling better. Yes, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for calling in. Its much pleasure. You have a wonderful day.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Likewise, yes, well, speaking of wanting to stay healthy,
Speaker 1: when was the latic? I want to ask you, when
Speaker 1: was the last time you went to dermatologist or have
Speaker 1: you ever been? I don't think I've ever been to dermatology.
Speaker 1: I have not either. Isn't that crazy? Yes? That is
Speaker 1: crazy for some people. They may have gone, but it's
Speaker 1: probably a while since you've been to dermatologists. So there's
Speaker 1: high price department store brands. We all know those ones,
Speaker 1: gimmickey marketing tricks to disappointing products that often don't perform.
Speaker 1: It's impossible to know where to put your trust in
Speaker 1: your money. We make money, we want to make sure
Speaker 1: that we're spending it wisely. The truth is we are
Speaker 1: trying to look eighteen again, but we but looking like
Speaker 1: we sleep seven hours and more and drink a glasses
Speaker 1: of water every day would be ideal. Yes, I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know how many hours to sleep do you
Speaker 1: get tonight? Not that many? No, No, I'm like a
Speaker 1: six hour kind of sleeper. Yeah. I feel like if
Speaker 1: I sleep over eight hours, or even if I hit
Speaker 1: like eight and up, I'll be drowsy the next day. Yes,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, there's like a certain number of hours
Speaker 1: I want to be sleeping. But I don't drink enough water,
Speaker 1: that's for sure. Eg glasses what peeing every five seconds?
Speaker 1: But I have to start so. Our skin deserves more
Speaker 1: than just a trend, and there's so many different trends
Speaker 1: trends happening nowadays. It deserves to get the real freaking
Speaker 1: Deal for Hers dot Com f O R H E
Speaker 1: r S dot Com is the new woman's wellness brand,
Speaker 1: cutting the cost and delivering you one of dermatologists go
Speaker 1: to solution for aging skin. Michaelis turning twenty nine and
Speaker 1: next week the last year of the I need some
Speaker 1: of this. I'm in my thirties, um, but I think
Speaker 1: you know, prevention is a huge thing in your when
Speaker 1: you're in your twenties, you know, you want to make
Speaker 1: sure that you're using the right products and the right
Speaker 1: brands in order to avoid the whole aging game later on,
Speaker 1: or not avoid, but at least like try to slow
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Speaker 1: That's f O R H E r S dot com
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Speaker 1: website for full details. You'll love it. Um, I've been
Speaker 1: using it, and I mean you cut. You know, there's
Speaker 1: no point of especially out here like having to go
Speaker 1: to see a doctor and the lineups of the pharmacy
Speaker 1: and the insurance papers and all that. So something to
Speaker 1: look into. Mick, Yes, need to pump the brakes on
Speaker 1: that aging. But speaking of dating, since we were just
Speaker 1: talking about this before, Dr Jeanette called in, Um, we're
Speaker 1: in an age. I just started reading this book, The
Speaker 1: Happiness Equation by Neil pess Reche. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I'm saying his last name properly. And it's basically if
Speaker 1: you go to chapters or Indigo. It's this blue book
Speaker 1: and it talks about it talks about um ways to
Speaker 1: be happy, and it's like it's it seems like such
Speaker 1: a simple equation to do, but there's so many things
Speaker 1: that are hindering us to get there. And right now,
Speaker 1: people who are living in this dating culture, we're living
Speaker 1: in a culture where it's a culture of more versus
Speaker 1: back in the day when it was a culture of enough.
Speaker 1: So now we want that, God, we want there's like
Speaker 1: more dating apps, there's more just more like decision, there's
Speaker 1: like there's there's so much of everything right um, people
Speaker 1: want to date more than one person at once. Our
Speaker 1: partner needs more money, more education, more muscles, a bigger house,
Speaker 1: like more and more and more and more versus just
Speaker 1: when is it enough? And I remember having this conversation
Speaker 1: with a friend of mine who's a doctor, and he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm scared I'm gonna get to that point where it'll
Speaker 1: never be enough. I have like a nice house, but
Speaker 1: maybe I'm gonna want a nicer car, and then once
Speaker 1: I get the nicer car, I'm gonna want a prettier woman.
Speaker 1: And then once I get the pretty woman, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: want a private island, and it's like, when is it enough? Well,
Speaker 1: I mean it's kind of sad because it kind of
Speaker 1: speaks to the fact that we're not as content in
Speaker 1: things and we're always searching for something more, something more.
Speaker 1: And I think it's also funny because it also relates
Speaker 1: back to the fact that everybody has the same needs
Speaker 1: and problems, and no matter whether you have the island
Speaker 1: or whether you don't, or whether you just have a
Speaker 1: Honda you have a BMW, everybody still wants more, no
Speaker 1: matter where they are in that place. So everybody has
Speaker 1: the same problems. It's just a different level of the problem, right,
Speaker 1: It's all relative to what you're going through. Absolutely, And
Speaker 1: I feel like we do have enough, probably a lot,
Speaker 1: a lot more than enough. Yes, in some cases, so
Speaker 1: much more than they need. And I think obviously would
Speaker 1: be ideal if that was distributed amongst people more evenly,
Speaker 1: But I don't. I mean, well, when it comes to love,
Speaker 1: what is enough? What's enough for relationship instead of So
Speaker 1: I know I'm someone because I do a lot of
Speaker 1: introspective work and I'm someone that will look Maybe it's
Speaker 1: because of my chest issues, but I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people can relate to this. Men. Women. Um, I
Speaker 1: look for a problem in a relationship, I find what
Speaker 1: the problem is, and then I try to improve the
Speaker 1: problem instead of not trying to find what instead of
Speaker 1: poking holes in the relationship, like I tend to sometimes
Speaker 1: like hone in on something that bothers me, and I
Speaker 1: have to learn how to pick and choose my battles. Yes,
Speaker 1: because some things you just have to accept, because if
Speaker 1: you nippick at every single thing, nobody is perfect. Not
Speaker 1: any relationship is going to be perfect. So at some
Speaker 1: point you have to just accept the fact that there
Speaker 1: are things that aren't going to be perfect. And if
Speaker 1: you can accept those and internalize them and be happy,
Speaker 1: then So what's a huge red flight fee? What's something
Speaker 1: that you're like, I can't look past this. This is
Speaker 1: like a huge no note for me. Well, you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship now. So Michael is dating someone so excited.
Speaker 1: Michael is from Toronto. Well you were born and raised
Speaker 1: in Toronto. Winnipeg shows, but in Toronto for ten years.
Speaker 1: People in the States are like when it was Winnibeg. Um,
Speaker 1: So she just moved yesterday to Montreal. So we're in
Speaker 1: a Montreal studio right now recording. She's dating a French
Speaker 1: Canadian in Montreal, so super excited about that. Um So,
Speaker 1: MICHAELA was doing long distance for how long? Four or
Speaker 1: five months? Four or five months? And I always feel
Speaker 1: like long distance relationships, I get this. I get asked
Speaker 1: this a lot. If I'm an advocate for it, Yeah,
Speaker 1: do it, but you need to know. Set a time
Speaker 1: limit for me long distance relationships. I've done it a
Speaker 1: handful of times. Six months was my time limit. After
Speaker 1: six months, it's like, if we're not moving forward and
Speaker 1: if we're stagnant, then I something needs to give. And
Speaker 1: so you're the one, yes, that decided to move to
Speaker 1: Montreal for the relationship. I did. Yes. I mean what
Speaker 1: you're saying is so true. There has to be an
Speaker 1: end game, Like you cannot just be in a long
Speaker 1: distance relationship that has no end. You never know if
Speaker 1: you're gonna be able to live in the same city.
Speaker 1: But we were very aware of the fact that we
Speaker 1: could make the move eventually, whether it was him or I,
Speaker 1: And I mean I love Montreal, so it was me.
Speaker 1: This year she was montag because she was gone for
Speaker 1: most of the winter. Yeah. Yeah, she's living on vacation.
Speaker 1: I missed the winter. Um, but I mean I do
Speaker 1: love Montreal and I'm I'm you know, I think if
Speaker 1: it's the right person, you you know in your heart
Speaker 1: that you want to make that move and you're not afraid,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not afraid. It's scary because I mean you
Speaker 1: have to. I have a friend who might be moving
Speaker 1: out of the city. And one thing you have to
Speaker 1: realize is you're going your identity is kind of like
Speaker 1: your identity was in Toronto, but it was also in California. Um,
Speaker 1: and you're you're coming into a new city and everything
Speaker 1: is new, so it's yeah, that's tough, new friends. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well new everything and yeah, And I mean I've done
Speaker 1: this in the past where I moved to Chicago for
Speaker 1: a man and I wasn't able to cultivate my own life.
Speaker 1: I didn't make my own friend group. I was kind
Speaker 1: of just doing his thing and I ended up going
Speaker 1: crazy and getting fat and ending the relationship and going
Speaker 1: back to Canada. So this time, I think something that
Speaker 1: I've learned from the past is it's so important to
Speaker 1: keep your sense of self. Do you the things that
Speaker 1: you love to do, make your own friends, do your
Speaker 1: own thing and you know it. Be open, Yeah, be open,
Speaker 1: try new things, go to something by yourself, you know,
Speaker 1: walking around the city, talk to people. Hopefully when I
Speaker 1: learned how to speak French, this easier to but yeah,
Speaker 1: you kind of come over to my house and I'll
Speaker 1: give you a free lesson any day, perfect, any day week.
Speaker 1: So that's the thing. I think, being open um to
Speaker 1: new experiences and do something that makes you you excited
Speaker 1: but also afraid, something that makes you kind of like
Speaker 1: freak out every day. That's pushing yourself to not stay
Speaker 1: in your comfort zone. That's when you grow, yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: And so growing growth is such a big thing in
Speaker 1: a relationship as well. I was someone that would if
Speaker 1: a relationship would end, I'd be like, oh, like that
Speaker 1: was a waste. I hate using this word now, but
Speaker 1: back then I would say, oh, that was a waste
Speaker 1: of two years or why why you know I didn't
Speaker 1: listen to my intuition or why why? And instead of thinking, Okay,
Speaker 1: how did I grow from this relationship? Grande, I'm so
Speaker 1: thankful for that exactly. Be you like say thank you?
Speaker 1: But next as to that next opportunity and I before
Speaker 1: going on the Bachelor, I dated someone for two and
Speaker 1: a half years and um, no major red flags. And
Speaker 1: when I say red flags, red flags can be different
Speaker 1: for every type of relationship and every person. Red flags
Speaker 1: for me are do you want kids? If the answer
Speaker 1: is no, I was like, not even thank you. Next,
Speaker 1: it's like next, running away, running away. So he told
Speaker 1: me he wanted kids. And then one day he woke
Speaker 1: up he sick, I don't think I want kids. I
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't. I did not see this coming
Speaker 1: because we're looking for houses and stuff. And at that
Speaker 1: point I felt so sorry for myself. I felt so
Speaker 1: badly for myself. And instead of being like, Universe, thank
Speaker 1: you for this message, thank you for delivering me this now,
Speaker 1: as opposed to when we're married and you know, or
Speaker 1: in a in a later, later time in life. Now
Speaker 1: I understand that. But when I was in my twenties
Speaker 1: and I was at that point, I was twenty four,
Speaker 1: and remember thinking like I'm gonna be all by myself
Speaker 1: and like I'm celebrating, like what is it a quarter
Speaker 1: of a century, a corner of a century, all by
Speaker 1: myself without him, and I felt so bad. I went
Speaker 1: through a little depression for a couple of months. I
Speaker 1: was really I remember I couldn't leave my mom's side. Um,
Speaker 1: she would go to the bathroom and I'm like, don't
Speaker 1: close the door, mom coming in the bathroom with you.
Speaker 1: I had to stay by her side through everything, and UM,
Speaker 1: it makes me sad to look at myself back then
Speaker 1: and know how poorly I felt about myself and my
Speaker 1: self esteem was just I felt like taken away from me,
Speaker 1: especially when you're dating someone so young. UM, it's hard
Speaker 1: to sometimes understand your what your identity is and not
Speaker 1: lose it, especially well, especially when you're young, Like you're saying, now,
Speaker 1: it's not the same now that we know we're we're
Speaker 1: thirty or ish kind of now you're getting there. You
Speaker 1: just have such a better sense of self and it
Speaker 1: it really it really plays into your relationships. I feel
Speaker 1: like now going through breakup they're always hard, but I'm
Speaker 1: with you on this universe bandwagon, Like everything that happens
Speaker 1: to me now, I'm just anything in a relationship. It's
Speaker 1: coming from the universe. Everything happens for a reason, and
Speaker 1: going through a hard breakup, either we'll teach you something
Speaker 1: or you'll learn something that you want more in the
Speaker 1: next relationship. So it's always like it could always be worse. Right,
Speaker 1: maybe it could be better sometimes too, but it always
Speaker 1: could be worse. Yeah, Well there's seven mornings. There's seven
Speaker 1: stages in the morning process. And sometimes I get stuck
Speaker 1: in a stage where I could resent the person, to
Speaker 1: get really mad at them and think like they did
Speaker 1: everything wrong in the relationship. But that's not the case.
Speaker 1: It takes two to tango right, Like I hate that expression,
Speaker 1: but it's true. It takes two people. And after that relationship,
Speaker 1: I'll single for three years. But I three years because
Speaker 1: I wanted to be single and I wanted to do
Speaker 1: a lot of work on who is Vanessa? I had
Speaker 1: lost myself in the relationship. What makes me happy? What
Speaker 1: are things that I need? What are my values? What
Speaker 1: are my non negotiables? As soon as you find where
Speaker 1: your non negotiables are, those are your red flags, absolutely
Speaker 1: and you can settle on those or else you'll never
Speaker 1: all come on the wash and you will not find
Speaker 1: happiness and you will not be happy. Absolutely, So my
Speaker 1: non negotiables are. And I remember talking to Nick while
Speaker 1: I was on the show in Finland in the hot
Speaker 1: tub about family and um kids, and I want my family.
Speaker 1: I want to have my own family. I think when
Speaker 1: I was in my younger twenties, for anyone who comes
Speaker 1: from a UM, you know, a culture or religion that
Speaker 1: it has a lot of UM expectations, Like I come
Speaker 1: from an Italian background, and there's these expectations of like
Speaker 1: meeting every Sunday at lunch and not even expectations. It's
Speaker 1: like that's what just that's what we do. It's in
Speaker 1: our you know, it's like that's how we were raised
Speaker 1: to get together every Sunday. And for other people that
Speaker 1: I dated, it was like nonsense, Why would you want
Speaker 1: to go every Sunday to your grandmother's house? And now
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I get it. Maybe every Sunday seems
Speaker 1: a little bit too much. How can we create our
Speaker 1: own traditions. How can we create something that makes that
Speaker 1: pulls in from both of our identities and makes us
Speaker 1: both happy. Because as soon as you start um leaning
Speaker 1: more into what the other person wants to do and
Speaker 1: trying to fill up their cup, you're going to start
Speaker 1: feeling drained. Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely, And that's even to be
Speaker 1: said in the long distance relationships because when you make
Speaker 1: the move to a city for your significant another, so
Speaker 1: for me myself moving here from my boyfriend. I don't
Speaker 1: have any of my family here and it's all his family.
Speaker 1: So every weekend when we're doing things with his family,
Speaker 1: I'm happy to do that whatever, whatever is clever. But
Speaker 1: then when it's time to fly home to Winnipeg to
Speaker 1: spend time with my family, he has to, you know,
Speaker 1: you have to give that back or else you feel
Speaker 1: like you're losing your own your own family, your own
Speaker 1: family life, your home, family identity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And
Speaker 1: it's I mean, we're not taught any of this in school.
Speaker 1: We're taught like school, so weird school. Like I mean, listen,
Speaker 1: as a school teacher, there's certain things that I would
Speaker 1: talk about with my students because I'm like, when you
Speaker 1: get out of this classroom, like this is real life,
Speaker 1: and learning life skills and how to build interpersonal relationships
Speaker 1: is something that I think we should be teaching each other.
Speaker 1: And that's what I hope people listening to our podcasts,
Speaker 1: you know, like you're learning from our mistakes and our
Speaker 1: heartbreaks and like things that we learned along the way. Um,
Speaker 1: but one thing that I learned along the way is
Speaker 1: how to gain that self confidence. I keep getting us like,
Speaker 1: what do you do for self confidence? And I'm like, listen,
Speaker 1: I have days from like I judge myself and I
Speaker 1: compare myself and I you know, social media is legit
Speaker 1: the devil sometimes. I think Lady Gaga said it was
Speaker 1: it's the garbage of the Internet or like something something
Speaker 1: to that sort, and it's so true. You can fall
Speaker 1: into this chap of like just checking what other people
Speaker 1: are doing, and guys, we only post the best things
Speaker 1: that are happening or like our best picture. There's one
Speaker 1: picture I really wanted to post and I sent it
Speaker 1: to a friend and she's like, your gut safe you
Speaker 1: post this. There was a picture of me zero all
Speaker 1: makeup on. I woke up in the morning and I
Speaker 1: was so bloated and had my period and I was
Speaker 1: on the balcony in Florida in a bikini and I
Speaker 1: was like sitting with my stomach like with like nine
Speaker 1: folds on my stomach, and I just like I wanted
Speaker 1: to post it and be like this is me in
Speaker 1: the morning and in nine am, when I hate life,
Speaker 1: and this is what I look like when I'm bloated.
Speaker 1: And but I was like, I'm sometimes it's so scary
Speaker 1: to completely put yourself out there because people are so
Speaker 1: judge e they are, yes, absolutely judgy, and I mean,
Speaker 1: like I would have loved for you to put that
Speaker 1: out there. I mean, I still have it. It's in
Speaker 1: my safe drafts on Instagram, so I might put it
Speaker 1: out there. Okay, put it in the drafts, but I
Speaker 1: mean I I follow accounts on Instagram like that of
Speaker 1: of women who really are showing, you know, all of
Speaker 1: their stretch marks, and I love all the certain things
Speaker 1: that have happened to their body after birth, and I
Speaker 1: think it's so beautiful. And I I personally, I don't
Speaker 1: even think that I'm in a place yet where I
Speaker 1: would be able to do that, Like I'm still working
Speaker 1: on myself hard, but I admire it. I think it's amazing,
Speaker 1: and I think that the more people that are going
Speaker 1: to do it, the less going to be judging each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think, well, as long as social media is around,
Speaker 1: and as long as we keep posting our best selves
Speaker 1: and are the best days that we're having, then we're
Speaker 1: never really going to get there. But if we start
Speaker 1: opening up about things that we may be struggling with
Speaker 1: and not judge each other for that a week, we
Speaker 1: should post our worst selves, try to put that out there.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's almost every day. But I'm like, okay, a
Speaker 1: little bit of a scara. Then now that I have
Speaker 1: to throw up, throw out thut, throw out, throwing up
Speaker 1: on it because of my pink eye or sty or
Speaker 1: whatever I had. Um, but I realized it for self
Speaker 1: confidence is so I did two things. I spoke about
Speaker 1: this on the podcast. I like to, um, you know,
Speaker 1: there's certain parts of my body. I mean, I dated
Speaker 1: someone who made fun of my boobs being too small
Speaker 1: and now, yeah, I was like, okay, that was like
Speaker 1: the first time I started feeling really self conscious about
Speaker 1: my body. And I was like, you know, you you
Speaker 1: want to get intimate with your partner, and um, I
Speaker 1: was like, just like so self conscious. I didn't feel
Speaker 1: sexy around him. Yeah, I didn't want to get a
Speaker 1: naked Yeah exactly, I did not want to um. But
Speaker 1: then after that relationship ended, I remember just like loving
Speaker 1: every inch of me. Like I eat a lot of
Speaker 1: like now I eat healthy, but before before now I
Speaker 1: would not eat very well. And I have seally light
Speaker 1: Like if I squeeze my ash cheeks together, it is
Speaker 1: legit like every crater. But yeah, dim me dimples all
Speaker 1: over my butt. But I'm like, this is me. I
Speaker 1: like having a big butt, So I'm going to take
Speaker 1: the cellly light with my big butt. Oh yeah, I
Speaker 1: will trade a big butt. I want a big butt
Speaker 1: with Sally. But I don't have a big but anymore
Speaker 1: because I lost weight. And that's another thing too. I
Speaker 1: think we're in the culture where it's like it's so
Speaker 1: um people want to tell each other like, oh my god, girl,
Speaker 1: you lost weight. I'm like, don't tell me that, because
Speaker 1: I will legit crawl cry, yeah, find me pasta exactly
Speaker 1: like I wanna for me In my head. Healthy is
Speaker 1: a woman who's like has like you know, meat on her,
Speaker 1: and so those are like like a real woman with curves,
Speaker 1: and um, you know that's not like the perfect body
Speaker 1: or what we think is that the the ideal body,
Speaker 1: like the Kim Kardashians of the world, Like, no, that's
Speaker 1: not real, No, absolutely not. So I learned to just
Speaker 1: get naked in front of a mirror and literally like
Speaker 1: positive self affirmations like damn, girl, you look good today,
Speaker 1: like oh look at that, like and I literally tell
Speaker 1: myself that and I laugh at I laugh with myself
Speaker 1: in the mirror and I'm home alone at this point
Speaker 1: with the curtains clothes, but I and then it just
Speaker 1: feels so good because I was like, yep, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: beautiful and the curtains open by accident. Maybe I have
Speaker 1: on purpose no job, but that's what I do for
Speaker 1: self confidence. And I think another thing too, is we're
Speaker 1: so used to self deprecation, like making fun of ourselves,
Speaker 1: but then that allows the person that you're talking to,
Speaker 1: like window opportunity to also judge you and make fun
Speaker 1: of you because you're like, oh, you're doing it to yourself.
Speaker 1: So I think if you know there's something that you're
Speaker 1: really good at, like I don't know, uh, like I'm
Speaker 1: really good at I'm tangling necklaces, Okay, so be like
Speaker 1: what are you really good at? Then you own it, yes,
Speaker 1: instead of hiding it and making excuses for yourself. Like
Speaker 1: if you come from um, I don't know if you're
Speaker 1: really good at sports, but you don't want to let
Speaker 1: anyone know that you're really good at like a sport
Speaker 1: or that you like work out all the time because
Speaker 1: people are going to be like, oh, is that why,
Speaker 1: like is that why you're skinny? Or is that why
Speaker 1: you're like you're so fit, Like, yeah, I work out,
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm proud of the fact that I work out,
Speaker 1: you know, instead of being like, yeah, well, making it
Speaker 1: sound like you don't work out as much as you
Speaker 1: do and making excuses for yourself, own it. I'm guiltous. Yeah,
Speaker 1: very absolutely own it. Stop hiding, stop apologizing for yourself,
Speaker 1: and just like accept the good and the bad. Because
Speaker 1: once you start accepting those things, that's when you're just gonna,
Speaker 1: like the floodgates are going to open, and this love
Speaker 1: and positivity is just gonna come your Yeah, putting yourself
Speaker 1: out there and being your true speaking your truth, being
Speaker 1: your true self open floodgates. So I'm really comfortable, like
Speaker 1: I said, going in front of a mirror and just
Speaker 1: like stripping down naked and looking at my cot is cheese,
Speaker 1: But but I feel good about it. And you know
Speaker 1: what else is really comfortable? Rath these run Have you
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Speaker 1: and girls out of get this recycled plastic water bottles? Yep?
Speaker 1: And let me tell you I have them in my
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Speaker 1: And I want to like switch into like something more
Speaker 1: comfortable and get out of my heels. They're really comfortable, alight,
Speaker 1: there might go to Rath. These is the everyday flats
Speaker 1: for life on the go. Their stylish and versatile. They
Speaker 1: go with everything from yoga pants and dresses and skirts.
Speaker 1: Rath these come in a wide range of colors and patterns,
Speaker 1: and they're available in four different silhouettes. Plus they're constantly
Speaker 1: launching new style, so you're guaranteed to find a pair
Speaker 1: or three or four that you'll love. Since Row these
Speaker 1: are seamlessly crafted from recycled water bottles, which is I mean,
Speaker 1: you're doing good for the world. You're basically buying something
Speaker 1: um that's comfortable, so you're helping yourself, but you're also
Speaker 1: helping out the environment by buying a pair of rocky shoes.
Speaker 1: They're ultra comfortable as soon as you slip them on.
Speaker 1: Like I said, I have them in my bag whenever
Speaker 1: I go out and I just slipped them on. That's right.
Speaker 1: There's zero break in period in these shoes. You know
Speaker 1: when sometimes you buy a pair of shoes, in the
Speaker 1: back of your heel like it starts bleeding and you
Speaker 1: need to wear band aids. Not with rath These you
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Speaker 1: might have to get you a pair, Mick. I think
Speaker 1: I need to try these absolutely I mean, it's your
Speaker 1: birthday next weekend, you're gonna be going to Sunshine. Oh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna match We're gonna be matching. Another thing, we're
Speaker 1: really matchy matchy on is our level of anxiety. I
Speaker 1: love so one thing I love about michaela Um, she's
Speaker 1: so brutally honest on your That's what I like. I
Speaker 1: just love the fact that you're just just the stunning woman.
Speaker 1: I think you're smart. Um, you were on this TV show. Um,
Speaker 1: you have this fame, but you're also so open about
Speaker 1: everyday life. Oh yeah, and it's important you. I remember,
Speaker 1: I think you're in the bath once and you're having
Speaker 1: like a panic or your had a panic attack somewhere. Um,
Speaker 1: and you're asking people for their advice on what to do.
Speaker 1: So do you know where that stems from? Well, I've
Speaker 1: I've always had a little bit of anxiety. When I
Speaker 1: was younger, it was more of a social anxiety. So
Speaker 1: I couldn't go into a restaurant to me to friend
Speaker 1: by myself. If I was going to a sports game,
Speaker 1: I would have to get someone to meet me outside
Speaker 1: and walk in with me. Like I couldn't do the
Speaker 1: bigger social situations. Um, and now it sort of turned
Speaker 1: into more of a general anxiety with panic attacks integrated
Speaker 1: in there, which is super fun. Um, but it actually
Speaker 1: got were the worst it's ever been after The Bachelor,
Speaker 1: ding ding ding? Can we get can we get a
Speaker 1: sound of back there? So yeah, um, but yeah no,
Speaker 1: it's it's really hard after, especially because we had already
Speaker 1: broken up before the show aired, and I had to
Speaker 1: not tell anybody that a I was the last one standing,
Speaker 1: or however you want to say it, be that the the
Speaker 1: relationship was already over. So I had to watch every
Speaker 1: episode of the show knowing that nothing was going to
Speaker 1: happen at the end, but everyone was rooting for me,
Speaker 1: and I had insane anxiety almost after every viewing party
Speaker 1: were going to let people down? Oh yeah, for sure
Speaker 1: because they're all rooting for me. And then after every
Speaker 1: viewing party that anyone ever hosted for me, I literally
Speaker 1: vomited for like six to eight hours. And yeah, I
Speaker 1: had such bad panic after the episode was over. I would,
Speaker 1: you know, be even at a hotel in an event,
Speaker 1: run into the bathroom with maybe the best friend, locked
Speaker 1: myself in there, and I'd be in the shower vomiting forever.
Speaker 1: It's terrible, but I mean, yeah, it's it's a lot,
Speaker 1: especially going on the show, and if you do have
Speaker 1: that anxiety before going on the show. I So my
Speaker 1: first panic attack was I was in Italy and we
Speaker 1: were driving up while I wasn't driving, I was in
Speaker 1: the passenger seat and my boyfriend at the time was
Speaker 1: driving up this mountain and there was this massive yellow
Speaker 1: sign that says that said cast, which means massive fall.
Speaker 1: And I looked down and all I saw was nothing,
Speaker 1: just complete darkness. So I was like, if he's in
Speaker 1: Like in Italy, there's no road, so it's like one way,
Speaker 1: like it's basically a one way for two cars. And
Speaker 1: I remember thinking, if a car comes down and it
Speaker 1: hits us, I'm rolling on the side of this mountain
Speaker 1: and that's the first thing I see. So I just
Speaker 1: started I remember feeling not in control of my body
Speaker 1: and like I couldn't breathe properly, and then I just
Speaker 1: started shaking and crying and I was like, I need
Speaker 1: to kid. I remember like I need to get out
Speaker 1: of the car. I need to get a car and
Speaker 1: he was like, calm down, came down. Then he started
Speaker 1: freaking out, and I was like, if he freaks out
Speaker 1: and he's driving. And that was my first panic attack.
Speaker 1: And then and then I was like I had a
Speaker 1: second panic attack when Nick and I were talking about
Speaker 1: breaking up, and I remember how devastating it was, um
Speaker 1: and the conversations of us talking about like moving forward
Speaker 1: and you know, like how how are we going to
Speaker 1: do this, and just like having an open conversation, which
Speaker 1: I'd rather have an open conversation. If someone is going
Speaker 1: through a breakup, don't just wake up one day and
Speaker 1: then be like, oh, we're done. Like no, if you
Speaker 1: love the person and you respect them, it's so important
Speaker 1: to go into a relationship hoping that the person that
Speaker 1: you're with is going to if it's going to end,
Speaker 1: if they're going to break up with you in a
Speaker 1: respectful kind of way, in order for you to move
Speaker 1: on to the next person and not have all these
Speaker 1: um you know, like extra pain, Yeah, extra pain that
Speaker 1: that's going to linger. So I think while you're breaking up,
Speaker 1: if you're in the on the verge of breaking up
Speaker 1: with someone, talk about it with your partner. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm not happy. These are things that I need, like
Speaker 1: how can we move forward from this? And blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: blah and then like just talk about it with each
Speaker 1: other instead of just waking up one day and breaking
Speaker 1: their hearts like blindsided break up like a rose Aramon. Dude,
Speaker 1: that's what happened to me. I was in love with
Speaker 1: this one guy and I um, he was at my
Speaker 1: house and the next morning he sends me an email
Speaker 1: actually a couple of laters. Later, a couple of hours later,
Speaker 1: he sends me an email, a breakup email, and I
Speaker 1: remember like being, oh my god, he loves me so much.
Speaker 1: He just loved my house and he let he wrote
Speaker 1: me an email and I opened the email and I
Speaker 1: call my best friend bawling. I'm like, dude, you need
Speaker 1: to you need to read the email because I couldn't
Speaker 1: finish it. And he broke up with me. And that
Speaker 1: was like it was so hard to get over that
Speaker 1: relationship because of how the breakup happened. But anyway, so
Speaker 1: back to anxiety. I think for me, um, I'll wake
Speaker 1: up like if there's something like super stressful that's happening
Speaker 1: in my life, even if even if it's not super stressful,
Speaker 1: but in my head it's it's stressful, I won't be
Speaker 1: able I'll be able to fall asleep because the entire
Speaker 1: day I'm so emotionally drained from thinking so much. The
Speaker 1: morning the next morning is like when I have my
Speaker 1: my panic attacks, wake up with cript Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I remember once, Um, I got into a fight with
Speaker 1: a boyfriend of mine and I had to do laundry
Speaker 1: and I brought all my stuff on my bed and
Speaker 1: I looked at all my laundry on my bed and
Speaker 1: I was just paralyzed. I was like, I can't move.
Speaker 1: I can't physically move because everything, like everything is just
Speaker 1: so much. I can't fold my laundry right now. And
Speaker 1: I fell on my knees and I just started bawling
Speaker 1: my eyes out. And it took for that moment for
Speaker 1: me to just like cry it out to be like Okay,
Speaker 1: I could do it. Yeah. And I mean that those
Speaker 1: little moments I think are really important, you know, to
Speaker 1: overcome small things when you're having panic or anxiety. Then
Speaker 1: the other thing about it is that I feel like
Speaker 1: it kind of can recreate itself in a new way
Speaker 1: once you've been like, Okay, this isn't making me anxious,
Speaker 1: and I'm helping myself in situations that I know that
Speaker 1: I'm anxious by doing X, MIN and Z. But then
Speaker 1: you know, you can master that and then I can
Speaker 1: creep it in a different way. So I think like
Speaker 1: the tools that you can establish for yourself to figure
Speaker 1: out what the is going on when all this is happening,
Speaker 1: or even just things that you can trick your mind
Speaker 1: so that you can you know, recover. And I'll be
Speaker 1: stuck in that place, and I'll be stuck in front
Speaker 1: of your laundry, you know, not'll be stuck in the
Speaker 1: floor of the shower, like trying to trying to beat
Speaker 1: it right. And I feel like I have I have
Speaker 1: more of the tools now than I did in my
Speaker 1: twenties and my early twenties when I you know, I
Speaker 1: thought in my early twenties, I thought I was invincible.
Speaker 1: And I also thought the world was filled with butterflies
Speaker 1: and rainbows and lollipops and cotton candy until I realize
Speaker 1: it is not. The relationships are hard work. Relationships that
Speaker 1: you want to be in are really hard work. Um.
Speaker 1: And I remember someone saying, like, oh, find a relationship
Speaker 1: that's easy, Like if you feel like it's an easy Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's easy to be with the boyfriend I am with.
Speaker 1: Now that you haven't met, but I really like everybody
Speaker 1: can't wait. But it's also it's hard work because you
Speaker 1: want to make sure I'm working on myself. He's working
Speaker 1: on on himself, but we want to make sure that
Speaker 1: we're bringing in positivity into the relationship. Um. And I
Speaker 1: love doing therapy because it helps me established and understand. Okay,
Speaker 1: where is this anxiety actually coming from and where is
Speaker 1: it actually linked? And my anxiety comes from trust? Yeah, Um,
Speaker 1: your parents are divorced. They are, Yes, my parents are
Speaker 1: divorced as well. What ages your parents get divorced? I
Speaker 1: was four, I was eighteen. Okay, so that's so that's interesting.
Speaker 1: I wonder how do you feel like it's affected your
Speaker 1: view on relationships? I do? And um, I I do.
Speaker 1: My my dad has been remarried for a long time,
Speaker 1: but my mom had been in a couple of different
Speaker 1: relationships and we were me and my sister were primarily
Speaker 1: living with her. So I remember when my sister was
Speaker 1: getting married, she was having that feeling that you're talking about,
Speaker 1: wondering like, oh my God, like can I do this?
Speaker 1: Do I know? Can I trust? Is this gonna work out?
Speaker 1: Is it going to fall apart? Or haven't really seen
Speaker 1: this yet, So can I actually be this wife? Can
Speaker 1: I be this person? And um, I do think that
Speaker 1: In some moments I look back on that and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't do this, Like I don't know. But I
Speaker 1: also learned so much from seeing all like all that separation,
Speaker 1: And I think that if you look at you know,
Speaker 1: maybe that's not the one relationship that's going to inspire you,
Speaker 1: but if you look at other relationships that are more successful.
Speaker 1: I just think that that's what kind of flip my mind.
Speaker 1: One eight. I'm not going to not believe that I
Speaker 1: can be in love and day and have a marriage.
Speaker 1: I'm going to think that I can because I know
Speaker 1: that I can do this. Yeah, and you know that
Speaker 1: you want it and you deserve it. Yeah. Absolutely. So
Speaker 1: if you don't stay positive, there's no way to to
Speaker 1: navigate around. I feel like I needed to stay positive. Well,
Speaker 1: So this book that I'm reading, the happiness equation, they
Speaker 1: say of our happiness isn't based on what's happening in
Speaker 1: the world, It's based on how we see the world.
Speaker 1: So ten percent of our happiness is based is circumstantial,
Speaker 1: but of it perspective. So we crazy, it's crazy like,
Speaker 1: we can't control our emotions, but we cantrol We can
Speaker 1: control how we see the world, how we see our bodies,
Speaker 1: how we see ourselves. How like how how can we
Speaker 1: envision the life that we want to have? And that's
Speaker 1: like true to Like what's that book The Secret? I
Speaker 1: don't know if you've read it? No, I haven't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I haven't read it either, but I the author or
Speaker 1: the person behind the whole concept talks about like envisioning
Speaker 1: this lifestyle that we want to have, and it's so
Speaker 1: true of our happiness is perception that's crazy, that's so crazy. Perceptive, perspective, perspective, perspective?
Speaker 1: Is that the same word? Perspective? Perceptive? I don't know,
Speaker 1: perception or perception and perspective, Yeah, I guess no, it's
Speaker 1: it's very much the same thing. Should we go back to?
Speaker 1: I think? So? Okay, I'm going to move my mouth
Speaker 1: very close to my micro Okay, Ma, why don't want
Speaker 1: you to tell us what else you do for? Oh? Sure,
Speaker 1: because it's funny that I've actually tried this a SMR
Speaker 1: for um anxiety related to sleeping problems in the past,
Speaker 1: So it's so funny. Don't even know why we got
Speaker 1: on SMR today, but my boyfriend was working. Um, but
Speaker 1: my boyfriend sometimes when we're going to bet any notices
Speaker 1: that I'm restless, He'll suggest putting on these videos on
Speaker 1: YouTube of these women who do this talking you can
Speaker 1: really relax. And one night it put me out within
Speaker 1: two minutes. And the second time I listened to it
Speaker 1: to try to calm down a little bit and sleep,
Speaker 1: I was so creeped out, like it was a different
Speaker 1: version of the video and she was. It was getting weird,
Speaker 1: so I requested it to be turned off. But um,
Speaker 1: that's just one tiny thing that you can do for sleep.
Speaker 1: If you want to try it out, that's a s
Speaker 1: m r um. Other than that, for anxiety, I for me,
Speaker 1: it's all about the stage of the of the anxiety.
Speaker 1: So if I'm already deep in my anxiety, if someone
Speaker 1: tells calm down, breathe, I'm like, please off. So beyond
Speaker 1: me being like catch my breath, well, there's certain things
Speaker 1: that I mean, but it's true, right, it is about breathing.
Speaker 1: And there's certain things like when you're going through a breakup,
Speaker 1: people are like, you know what, it's all like time heals,
Speaker 1: all like, that's not what I want to hear, right now,
Speaker 1: you'll be better next year. I want you to tell
Speaker 1: me he's gonna come back for you, like it's gonna
Speaker 1: work out, even if it's not now, it's gonna work
Speaker 1: Like that's not Obviously, that's not the best advice. The
Speaker 1: best advice is time, heals all. That's not what you
Speaker 1: want to hear when you're going through a break. Oh
Speaker 1: heck now, So like early stages of anxiety, breathe Okay,
Speaker 1: deep breathing is so important to cope. I feel like
Speaker 1: when you start to first start to feel anxious, but
Speaker 1: if you're already past this and you can't use your
Speaker 1: breathing to try to cope, I love just to like
Speaker 1: sit on the floor in the shower and let the
Speaker 1: hot water run and do the breathing in their hot shower.
Speaker 1: So you know what I like to do when I shower. Um,
Speaker 1: first of all, I should shower more, saying my boyfriend
Speaker 1: gets mad when I don't shower every day. He really does.
Speaker 1: He's like, are you gonna shower? I'm like, I literally
Speaker 1: just don't want to wash my hair. Yeah, it's so
Speaker 1: long to dry it. So I got this This company
Speaker 1: sent me this dry shampoo that I was showing you today.
Speaker 1: I posted on my Instagram last night if you guys
Speaker 1: want to go check it out. Not an ad, just
Speaker 1: so obsessed with them. So they send me more and
Speaker 1: he starts laughing. He's like, now, this is another incentive
Speaker 1: for you not to shower, And I'm like me, yeah,
Speaker 1: love me and my stinkiness. So I like to shower.
Speaker 1: And when I shower, I envision just like washing away
Speaker 1: and in like the water that's going onto my body
Speaker 1: and dripping on my body and falling to the floor
Speaker 1: and going into the drain is all that negative energy. Then,
Speaker 1: like all those negative feelings you have towards yourself, the
Speaker 1: negative feelings that people are projecting onto you, um, the comparison,
Speaker 1: comparisons that you've been doing on yourself, and you know,
Speaker 1: the expectations that you have on yourself. Drain it down,
Speaker 1: let it go. And that's when that's what I do
Speaker 1: when I shower, because I've been trying to meditate, but
Speaker 1: I'm so I'm so like someone and I feel like
Speaker 1: you're you're like exactly like me, like that there's a
Speaker 1: circus going on in your head at you know, at
Speaker 1: all times. But that's my my version of meditation. It's
Speaker 1: just like when I shower and I try to like
Speaker 1: clear my head and envision that water just stripping down
Speaker 1: and into the into the drain. And also dancing. Dancing
Speaker 1: is one of my favorite things to do. I just
Speaker 1: turn on like happy tunes and I love dancing in
Speaker 1: front of a mirror. Yes, that's yeah, I mean that's
Speaker 1: a good one. I just love mirrors. That sounds so
Speaker 1: vain finds mirror room. It was like, literally there's a
Speaker 1: mirror in every room. And then so my boyfriend's um
Speaker 1: sister lives in l A. Her name is jesse May
Speaker 1: wolf Wolf that I said it. I said that, so
Speaker 1: weird wolf wolf, like like a wolf like. So she
Speaker 1: has this movement called heart Rise movement and it's a
Speaker 1: four step meditation method and I did a session with her.
Speaker 1: He did a session with her. So basically, when you're
Speaker 1: having anxiety, you you're you're supposed to like, let's say
Speaker 1: you see something that triggers you. I don't know. This
Speaker 1: water bottle triggers me. So I see this like ice like.
Speaker 1: Basically the steps are with heart vision. I see this
Speaker 1: water bottle with hard focus. I feel anxiety. I feel hatred.
Speaker 1: I don't know why what it is about the water bottle,
Speaker 1: but it's making me anxious. With heart knowing, I free,
Speaker 1: so you free all of those like emotions, like you
Speaker 1: understand that you're feeling them, then let them go, free them,
Speaker 1: like release them away from you. And then with heart
Speaker 1: wisdom I flow. And flow is like open your eyes
Speaker 1: and come back to the state that you're in now.
Speaker 1: I'm in studio now, because what happens when you have anxiety,
Speaker 1: you're basically you're you're physically here, but your mind's not there.
Speaker 1: So I've I've tried doing that a few times because
Speaker 1: it's like a few triggers of like either if you
Speaker 1: smell something you know because smell is a links so
Speaker 1: closely to memory, or if you see something or UM.
Speaker 1: So that's like another method I've been using um And
Speaker 1: you can check her website out or I'll post something
Speaker 1: on my Instagram for you guys. But that's basically have
Speaker 1: you ever tried the five four, three to one. No,
Speaker 1: It's like when you start to panic or have anxiety,
Speaker 1: you say five things out loud that you see, four
Speaker 1: things you can hear, three things you can touch, two
Speaker 1: things you can smell, and one nice thing about yourself health. O.
Speaker 1: I say all these things out loud, and it just
Speaker 1: helps ground your brain from the spiral that it's in
Speaker 1: and it brings you back to like the space in
Speaker 1: which you are in. So I've I've done that a
Speaker 1: few times super successfully, So if anyone wants to try
Speaker 1: that out. Five four three two one. So five is
Speaker 1: five things that you can see just okay, you so
Speaker 1: like a red wall, black chair, um, four things you
Speaker 1: can hear, three things you can feel, two things you
Speaker 1: can smell, and then thing about your saying yourself. I
Speaker 1: love that. Yeah, it's a good one. Um. I was
Speaker 1: also reading up on ways to feel happy. Like some
Speaker 1: people are like, well, how do you just be happy?
Speaker 1: Like Vanessa always seems like you're in a positive mood.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I don't those days. I am not little,
Speaker 1: do you know? Yeah? You know there's other days where
Speaker 1: I'm like I just want to be in my pj's
Speaker 1: and not leave my house or for the whole whole week.
Speaker 1: And but people should know that that's normal. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that is totally normal. Yeah, Like it's okay, it's happy
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah. No, And I think like It's
Speaker 1: totally normal to just have days where you're like, I
Speaker 1: want to be lazy the entire day. I want to
Speaker 1: uber eats everything and yeah, and like not clean my
Speaker 1: house and not shower for a week. That's me every week.
Speaker 1: Get this girl shower right exactly. Um, I forgot where
Speaker 1: I was going with this. I just sounds so dirty.
Speaker 1: I actually showered last night. We have hygiene. Yeah, shampoo,
Speaker 1: a lot of ty shampoo. Um. Okay, Well, what kind
Speaker 1: of advice would you give someone that is you're in
Speaker 1: a long so now you're no longer in a long
Speaker 1: distance relationship, but what are some things that you can give,
Speaker 1: um advice to people that are in long distance relationships?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like, especially you know, if you're in
Speaker 1: your twenties and um, you're going to college and you're
Speaker 1: dating someone that's living in a different state and you
Speaker 1: really love this person, but how do you make time
Speaker 1: for them? Or how do you trust that they're being faithful?
Speaker 1: And all of these things I would go through my head. Well,
Speaker 1: I think for for me personally, and I mean I
Speaker 1: try to trust people until they give me a reason
Speaker 1: not to trust them. It's sometimes harder to discover reasons
Speaker 1: why you shouldn't trust people when you're doing long distance,
Speaker 1: but I think it's so key to always for the
Speaker 1: two of you always have something to look forward to,
Speaker 1: so I know the next time you're gonna see each other,
Speaker 1: plans something fun and cute, a trip or a visit.
Speaker 1: But if you always have, you know, a countdown in
Speaker 1: which you are counting down the days until you can
Speaker 1: see each other and be your cute little selves, I
Speaker 1: think that's so important, so you're never wondering when the
Speaker 1: next time. And also just carving out time. If you
Speaker 1: want to make it work and it's important to you,
Speaker 1: you can carve out at least five ten minutes every
Speaker 1: single day to do FaceTime. I think text stuff is great,
Speaker 1: but like FaceTime is so so important. I FaceTime with
Speaker 1: my boyfriend who lives I'm not kidding you four minutes
Speaker 1: from my house. Yes, I love connect such You're such
Speaker 1: a too. You only ever talk to me via voice,
Speaker 1: not like you're not she's not she's supposed to talk. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't want to chat. Yeah, I wanted to connect
Speaker 1: more for so yeah exactly, So that's why. Um. A
Speaker 1: couple of days ago, I posted this picture of Dean
Speaker 1: and I on my Instagram and I was talking about well,
Speaker 1: obviously I was like feeding off of our podcast called
Speaker 1: Help by Second Dating and Red Carpets. So I asked
Speaker 1: you guys, if you wanted me to give you some
Speaker 1: of my I was gonna give you my undivided attention
Speaker 1: until Instagram basically stopped because I was writing back to
Speaker 1: too many messages. But basically, I know right, So basically
Speaker 1: I had a bunch of people not only message me
Speaker 1: and comment on that picture on dating advice, but send
Speaker 1: me so many d m s. And I love connecting
Speaker 1: with you guys. I love when you're just brutally honest
Speaker 1: about that's happening in your life because I'm like, I
Speaker 1: could relate to more than half of it. I haven't
Speaker 1: met all of you on my Instagram, but I feel
Speaker 1: like I have. When you guys are just able to
Speaker 1: be you know, it's so beautiful to just like let it, like,
Speaker 1: just tell me how it is, like what's going on
Speaker 1: in your relationship? Um, so let's read some of the
Speaker 1: comments East and do you have some of them that
Speaker 1: you could read to us? I do. I do. This
Speaker 1: is from Lizzie. I tend to get too excited about
Speaker 1: someone early on and end up scaring them off. Should
Speaker 1: be better playing the game. Oh, I hate the game.
Speaker 1: I know, like there shouldn't be No, I don't think
Speaker 1: I agree with an S. I don't think that there
Speaker 1: should be a game. Like, if you are being a
Speaker 1: authentically yourself and you think this is this isn't working
Speaker 1: for you, then you're probably just not dating the right person.
Speaker 1: If you feel like you have to change or do
Speaker 1: something different that's not you are playing game, you should
Speaker 1: probably just move on a little bit. Yeah, well so
Speaker 1: I've always been that person that goes straight in I.
Speaker 1: I feel like we're swearing so much Eastern You're gonna
Speaker 1: have to beat so much of this podcast, but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna beat. I'm gonna have to let you beep on
Speaker 1: this one. I hate meeting someone and they're not themselves
Speaker 1: until six months or a year after. What the hell?
Speaker 1: It's like? No, no, No, everything that you know you
Speaker 1: want to tell me in six months from now, tell
Speaker 1: me now, And it's not because like I'm yeah, I'm curious, George,
Speaker 1: and like I think I could be a private investigator
Speaker 1: in my next life or in this lifetime. I think
Speaker 1: most women could be UM, but I'd rather you tell
Speaker 1: me something that's brutally honest and so ugly and scary,
Speaker 1: because I will take you. I will take you for
Speaker 1: who you are, because you are showing me yourself instead
Speaker 1: of hiding. And that, for me at least, is the
Speaker 1: biggest kind of way to connect with someone. So, um, Lizzie,
Speaker 1: if you feel like people are running away from you,
Speaker 1: they're not your match. No, you want someone who is
Speaker 1: going to be able to be like, yeah, this is
Speaker 1: what I want. Uh, these are things that I'm looking for. Um.
Speaker 1: But you know, I made my mistake of basically saying
Speaker 1: like I want kids way too early on in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and that you know, some guys are like WHOA, Well
Speaker 1: maybe talk is always a scary talk. So let's not
Speaker 1: do that and the first date. What other comments do
Speaker 1: we have? This is from Shania. I hope it's Shania Twain.
Speaker 1: I just I just got engaged. But I've been getting
Speaker 1: some really negative comments about it recently. How did you
Speaker 1: deal with it? How did you stay positive and excited
Speaker 1: when people were trying to bring down you and Nick? God? Listen,
Speaker 1: Shania Twain. People people will be negative when you have
Speaker 1: something they can't have truth when you are happy, and
Speaker 1: when when you have your together, people will find a
Speaker 1: way to project their insecurities onto whatever greatness is happening
Speaker 1: in your life. If this is a person that you
Speaker 1: know you want to be with, then who cares whenever
Speaker 1: anyone else has to say right? And Ellen de Generous
Speaker 1: said this in her I went to her concert, her
Speaker 1: show in Montreal, and she was basically saying when she
Speaker 1: became famous, there was a lot of people who are
Speaker 1: like saying positive stuff and negative stuff. And She's like, well,
Speaker 1: if I have to believe if I'm going to believe
Speaker 1: the negative stuff, I'm gonna have to believe the positive
Speaker 1: comments coming, right, So don't hone And I think we
Speaker 1: have such a tendency to just like, if there's one
Speaker 1: negative comment, we just hone in on that one negative comment,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like it feels like the whole world's
Speaker 1: against you when it's just that one bitter person saying something. Um,
Speaker 1: so yeah, just let people speak, Let people talk, no
Speaker 1: matter what you do. I said this at a f R.
Speaker 1: If you choose door A in life, people will still
Speaker 1: have something to negative to say. You choose DOORB, they
Speaker 1: will still have something negative to say. So do whatever
Speaker 1: makes you happy, and you don't have to make other
Speaker 1: people happy, and don't take it personally because it's always
Speaker 1: about them, it's never about you. It's a hard thing
Speaker 1: to do, but totally true. Here's one from DeMar. Do
Speaker 1: you think it's okay for people in serious relationships to
Speaker 1: go to strip clubs? That's my constipated voice. Um, I
Speaker 1: think I wrote to Tomorrow already. Um, but Mike, what
Speaker 1: do you think I personally? I think if it's a
Speaker 1: kind of more circumstantial situation and it's communicated, I don't
Speaker 1: want my boyfriend going to the strip club on the
Speaker 1: weekend for fun. No. But if it's you know, someone's
Speaker 1: bachelor party and he needs he's going out with the
Speaker 1: boys for one night and he lets me know when
Speaker 1: he comes home after great. But I think, like the
Speaker 1: whole act of going and objectifying women in that way
Speaker 1: is just not something I would want my significant other doing. Yeah, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess if it's a um, if it's a bachelor party.
Speaker 1: But even now, Like, do people still go to strip
Speaker 1: clubs from bachelor park? I wish they didn't, but they do. Yeah? Okay, Um,
Speaker 1: I like doing things together, Like I'm someone who Uh.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't know if I say too much because
Speaker 1: my mom listens to the podcast. But I'm someone who
Speaker 1: I've been to ship clubs with previous relationships, in previous
Speaker 1: relationships with my partner because it's like, oh, well, let's
Speaker 1: like enjoy it together. You know, it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be a secret because you don't want to shame someone
Speaker 1: for doing something, because then that's when they start leading
Speaker 1: a double life. Um. But I think if it's something
Speaker 1: that you're doing because you have nothing else to do,
Speaker 1: then yeah, that's a big red flag for me. At least.
Speaker 1: It depends on what you're what the relationship is like.
Speaker 1: There was another one who wanted to read from Amanda, Uh,
Speaker 1: because I could relate to you. Well, a couple months ago,
Speaker 1: I could have related to you because I was single
Speaker 1: and a lot of my friends are single. What do
Speaker 1: you do when all your friends are married, engaged, or
Speaker 1: in a relationship and you're literally the last single girl
Speaker 1: in the group. Help. I think that you can't compare
Speaker 1: you just you can't. I think if you're, you know,
Speaker 1: your last single girl in the group, someone someone had
Speaker 1: to be. But I don't think it's it's it's means
Speaker 1: for you to feel bad. I think that you know
Speaker 1: you're gonna you'll meet your person, your time, your time
Speaker 1: or your law, your your time will come, and yeah,
Speaker 1: you just try not to compare to the friend. Be
Speaker 1: happy for them, they'll be happy for you. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: always say this, so, Um, when I was single, I
Speaker 1: remember thinking like, oh my god, that person is engaged
Speaker 1: and they're happy. Yeah, and that person is married and
Speaker 1: they're happy. How why does engagement and marriage equal happiness?
Speaker 1: It shouldn't write just because you're your friends might look
Speaker 1: at you and be like, damn, I wish I was
Speaker 1: single right now. Like damn, I wish I had the freedom,
Speaker 1: all the freedom in the world. I would say, Amanda,
Speaker 1: enjoy these moments. Enjoy just like discovering yourself and having
Speaker 1: fun and you know, like doing things for yourself and
Speaker 1: along the way that right person will come your way.
Speaker 1: I really do believe there's someone for everyone. Um, maybe
Speaker 1: the men that you've met haven't been for you, or
Speaker 1: maybe they might reappear in your life because timing wasn't right.
Speaker 1: But definitely, like Mick said, don't compare yourself, um, and
Speaker 1: maybe join like a different group of like a an
Speaker 1: art class or like a pilate studio and like grow
Speaker 1: your friendship circle and invite new people in. So I'm
Speaker 1: super excited because Reza Farrehand from Shaws of Sunset, it's
Speaker 1: on Bravo TV. Really excited he's gonna be coming in
Speaker 1: to talk to us, um right after this. Hia, what's up, Vanessa?
Speaker 1: I wish I can see you in person and give
Speaker 1: you a huge hug. And I smell really good, So
Speaker 1: I wish we were we got to talk about why
Speaker 1: you smell so good? Is it your hair? It's my hair?
Speaker 1: And I brought you guys like a little sampler plotter
Speaker 1: of residue obsessed that you guys can share and figure
Speaker 1: out what works for whom. Okay, So this wonderful voice
Speaker 1: that you're hearing, and I wish I was sitting next
Speaker 1: to him in studio right now, is Resa Farrehand? Am
Speaker 1: I saying that right? Your last name? Totally? You said
Speaker 1: it the very Persian way? Actually, So I'm in studio
Speaker 1: with MICHAELA and I was just like, I have so
Speaker 1: many Persian friends. She's just like, congratulations, Okay, So maybe
Speaker 1: that's why I was able to pronounce your names so well.
Speaker 1: So you are on Shaw's the Sunset on Bravo, and
Speaker 1: I think this is what season seven. We are actually
Speaker 1: about to start shooting season eight next month. That's so exciting.
Speaker 1: So I watched a few episodes. It's so funny. So
Speaker 1: I was doing some research and my boyfriend was sitting
Speaker 1: next to me. He's like, oh my god, Rosa. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like, well, you know, do you know of
Speaker 1: each other? He's like, he's a huge fan of the show.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend, who never watched an episode of the Bachelor,
Speaker 1: has watched Shaws of Sunset, which is basically, um, it's
Speaker 1: a reality show based off of a group of you.
Speaker 1: You're all Persian, right, we are? Yeah? Yeah, so it
Speaker 1: follows your life and all the drama and all that.
Speaker 1: But I feel like, you guys are so supportive of
Speaker 1: each other. We are, you know. It's it's funny because
Speaker 1: I have people from all over the world, from all
Speaker 1: different ethnicities, say, like Greek people, well, Latin Americans, South Americans,
Speaker 1: you name it, Koreans, different amazing Asian countries. They're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, Persians are just like us. So it's
Speaker 1: funny because if you come from like a different culture
Speaker 1: immigrant community, there are a lot of similarities were you know,
Speaker 1: we're flamboyant, we're loud, but ultimately we're super family oriented
Speaker 1: and really supportive of one another. Yeah. I love that.
Speaker 1: I love I feel like, um, I mean yeah, italents
Speaker 1: are like that totally. It's like that tribal mentality, like
Speaker 1: we're here in a foreign land, let's look out for
Speaker 1: one another exactly. So, since this is a dating podcast,
Speaker 1: what kind of Well, first of all, why what made
Speaker 1: you want to join the show? Loved? I absolutely loved,
Speaker 1: loved loved dating. I loved first dates. I was super
Speaker 1: into like meeting new people and figuring them out and
Speaker 1: what makes them tick. And I would tell people that
Speaker 1: within five minutes of being with someone on a date,
Speaker 1: I could tell whether or not I could put my
Speaker 1: tongue in their mouth. No, like not that far, Like
Speaker 1: if I could, That's what I'm thinking, letting someone put
Speaker 1: their tongue in my Like kissing is such a big deal,
Speaker 1: Like I knew within five minutes if I could kiss
Speaker 1: the person or not. And what was it about them?
Speaker 1: Was it how they smelled? No? First, Like the teeth
Speaker 1: are a big deal, like hands, nails, the way they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you're groomed and like you're tidy, it's you probably
Speaker 1: flost but I was just talking about how I don't
Speaker 1: shower so and the good news is I'm gay, so
Speaker 1: we would have never had an issue. We would be
Speaker 1: like picking up guys together. We'd be fighting over them.
Speaker 1: That's not good. Um So, what is your advice to
Speaker 1: people who are dating now? Like in you know, people
Speaker 1: like Michael and I we were in relationships. We were
Speaker 1: both on the Bachelor and we both got uh. I
Speaker 1: got engaged to the Bachelor. Michaela ended up with the Bachelor,
Speaker 1: but our relationships didn't last. Um and now we're both
Speaker 1: in I would say, serious, healthy relationships, both in Montreal.
Speaker 1: Very excited about that. Um So, what kind of advice
Speaker 1: would you give people who are wanting to date now?
Speaker 1: And it's like it is so difficult. Well, my advice
Speaker 1: is um specific to how you met the person that
Speaker 1: you're going to be going on this date with, because
Speaker 1: you know, I have tons of friends, I have lots
Speaker 1: of relatives, all different ages obviously, and you know predominantly
Speaker 1: people are meeting you know, via social media, online or
Speaker 1: something other than like you know, in a bar or
Speaker 1: at an event where you actually see the person in
Speaker 1: real life prior to going on a date. So my
Speaker 1: advice is make sure you talk to the person because
Speaker 1: a really, really, really good friend of mine just went
Speaker 1: on a date with someone who had like the hottest
Speaker 1: pictures and they communicated no, he was super hot on
Speaker 1: pictures and they communicated exclusively via text and d M
Speaker 1: s through you know, the social app And then when
Speaker 1: they met, my friend was like rez, he first of
Speaker 1: all showed up wearing like like a a headpiece. It
Speaker 1: wasn't even a wig. It was like a head piece,
Speaker 1: like a Trojan wig headpiece. And when he opened his mouth,
Speaker 1: I wasn't sure of his gender, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, for me, that's not a big issue. My
Speaker 1: friend really likes super masculine guys. I'm like, you idiot.
Speaker 1: If you had talked to him on the phone before
Speaker 1: you had gone on this date, or maybe trolled his
Speaker 1: social media a little more, you might have gotten a glinn.
Speaker 1: It's like, look at this picture where he's wearing a dress.
Speaker 1: Why didn't you scroll down further? We were just talking
Speaker 1: about how I could basically become a personal investigator or sorry,
Speaker 1: a private investor, a private personal investigator, Like if you
Speaker 1: want me to find out stuff about the guy in dating.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'll do it for free. Um. But also like,
Speaker 1: I'm so big on FaceTime. Like I's like if I'm
Speaker 1: going to go on a date with someone prior and
Speaker 1: I've done like, I've dated, I've gone on I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say blind dates, but guys I've never met in person,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, dude, let's FaceTime before so we can
Speaker 1: see if we have any like chemistry and walk around
Speaker 1: your house. Let me see if there's like toothpaste marks
Speaker 1: on your mirror in your bathroom? Yes, Like how many
Speaker 1: roommates are in that house walking around? Yeah? Also depending
Speaker 1: what age they are. But if they're yeah, if they're
Speaker 1: like in their late thirties and they have roommates, well,
Speaker 1: I mean it could work, but not not for everyone. Privacy,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Depending on how old you are, roommates cannot work. Like, oh,
Speaker 1: we can't go to my place because like my roommate
Speaker 1: might be home. I'm way too old for that. Depending
Speaker 1: on your age, that's a big, big issue. It's an issue.
Speaker 1: But I mean, then again, I was living at my
Speaker 1: mom's house house twenty nine. I mean I also lived
Speaker 1: at my my parents home until I was twenty five,
Speaker 1: but it was because they wouldn't let me go and
Speaker 1: the crying and the ball and chain and the guilt. Yeah.
Speaker 1: She My mom was like, well, I might as well
Speaker 1: move back to Iran. I was like, really rich, Like
Speaker 1: because of that, you move back to Iran. So you
Speaker 1: grew up in Beverly Hills. I did. Yeah, I went
Speaker 1: to Beverly Hills High School with Monica Lewinsky and Eric
Speaker 1: Menendez one hundred Oh. I just like gave away how
Speaker 1: old I am too. By the way, most people are like,
Speaker 1: who's Monica Lewinsky? No, I think, oh, yeah, I guess
Speaker 1: openning how yeah. Um, that's so interesting. So do you
Speaker 1: feel like have you ever dated outside of l A
Speaker 1: or outside of Beverly Hills or California? Yes, I have,
Speaker 1: And it's really interesting to date someone outside who thinks
Speaker 1: they know what's important to me and start rattling off
Speaker 1: like brand names or things that they own, which is
Speaker 1: a huge, huge turn off for me. That usually means
Speaker 1: they don't have those things, and the fact that they
Speaker 1: think that those are the only things I care about
Speaker 1: is even more important to me than the things, because
Speaker 1: the assumption is that I'm super shallow and only you know,
Speaker 1: obsessed with material possessions, which can be very fun, but
Speaker 1: if there's nothing beyond you know, your finances, I'm not
Speaker 1: really gonna want to hang out with you. And to
Speaker 1: top it off, if I was dating someone just like me,
Speaker 1: one of us would be six ft under and the
Speaker 1: other one of us would be in jail, you're basically
Speaker 1: saying opposites to attract. Like my husband says to me,
Speaker 1: He's like, honey, can I wear your Louis Vatons? I'm like, uh,
Speaker 1: you mean my lu Baton's? Yeah? Do you want to
Speaker 1: use my Louis Vuitton carry on bag? Or do you
Speaker 1: want to wear my lu Baton shoes? He's like, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about the shoes? Yeah, I think. Well,
Speaker 1: my my boyfriend and now I'm someone who's like a
Speaker 1: huge extrovert and I like kind of I love socializing
Speaker 1: and he's more he's he's a law calmer than I am.
Speaker 1: So he allows me to like take it down a notch,
Speaker 1: you know, totally. How are you and your boyfriend absolutely
Speaker 1: the same? It's very very even keeled, very lower energy
Speaker 1: than me, So yeah, he helps. What sign are you
Speaker 1: guys I'm an I'm a Libra, Aries, what's your man?
Speaker 1: But he's his birthday is November nineteen? Can you help me?
Speaker 1: Is he a Scorpio? Oh my god, your kids are
Speaker 1: in trouble? Wait? What am I? I'm a Libra and
Speaker 1: Josh is a Aquarius and the Pisces. Okay, Pisces are
Speaker 1: the most evolved sign of the zodiac, that's first and foremost.
Speaker 1: So like they could have a parent die, but they'll
Speaker 1: still go to dinner that night because they have to eat.
Speaker 1: Libras want everyone to like them. So you care way
Speaker 1: too much about what people think of you, which is
Speaker 1: really annoying for someone like an Aries or a Leo
Speaker 1: like me because we have zero fs to give. Like
Speaker 1: I used to have a crumpled up F in the
Speaker 1: back of my wallet. I can't even find that F anymore.
Speaker 1: That is hilarious. So is that? So? Can you give
Speaker 1: us a little What's going to happen in season eight?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? So I have a new girlfriend who
Speaker 1: I'm trying to bring around my friend group, so hopefully
Speaker 1: she'll be able to assimilate. M J's about to pop,
Speaker 1: like she's do any moment. Just got married, right, she
Speaker 1: just last season, she just got married, she's very very pregnant,
Speaker 1: she's been on bedrest um. And I'm feverishly working on
Speaker 1: this hair Caroline, because I spent all that I spent
Speaker 1: all the money that I had in the world on
Speaker 1: Residue Obsessed, which has eight products. By the way, Ship,
Speaker 1: I think you mentioned in last season you put in
Speaker 1: how many five hundred thousand dollars you guys, shampoo conditioner,
Speaker 1: leaving conditioner, hair oil, sea salt spray, wax hair spray,
Speaker 1: and uh palmaide and gel. We just came out with
Speaker 1: a gel. So I have five hundred thousand dollars worth
Speaker 1: of products? Did you go around that I need to
Speaker 1: sell so I can have a bable start plugging it?
Speaker 1: And where can we find this product? Well, I'm really excited.
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I'm allowed to announce this yet,
Speaker 1: but let's do it. I think my products are gonna
Speaker 1: be nationwide at Sally Beauty stores um, which is a
Speaker 1: huge deal. And I was just on e vine Um
Speaker 1: last Monday and I sold over fifty five thousand dollars
Speaker 1: worth of products in two hours of being on TV.
Speaker 1: So I'm really proud of myself. Can we buy these
Speaker 1: products online. Can we go on your Instagram page? You
Speaker 1: totally can go on my Instagram page. You can go
Speaker 1: on red b obsessed dot com, or you can go
Speaker 1: on Vine and get a coupon code to save percent
Speaker 1: off your first purchase. And you guys the products like
Speaker 1: a lot of people have products. I didn't want anything
Speaker 1: unless it was exactly the way I wanted it. And
Speaker 1: my business partner let me put in We've I've not
Speaker 1: made a dollar off of this line because it's been
Speaker 1: a passion project for me. It's got gold in it,
Speaker 1: it's got champagne for shine, it's got diamonds for strength
Speaker 1: and protection. But the thing, the thing that I'm obsessed
Speaker 1: about is I'm forty five. My hair is jet black
Speaker 1: and will remain jet black. As they're closing the coffin door,
Speaker 1: I'll be touching my hair up. Are you dying it
Speaker 1: or is it just natural? No? Boo boo, it's dyed
Speaker 1: galore like it is du ied that it is jet black.
Speaker 1: And I have a product called black Diamond Oil. And
Speaker 1: if you use if you color your hair, you process
Speaker 1: your hair, if you use this black Diamond oil, you
Speaker 1: will notice how much longer your hair color lasts. Now
Speaker 1: I'm done with my shameless plug. Let's get back that.
Speaker 1: I love it. So where can we find you? Where
Speaker 1: can we find your products? And where can we find
Speaker 1: Shaws of Sunset? Well, if you are in Las Vegas
Speaker 1: on May fourth, I will be at the Sally Beauty
Speaker 1: Supply Store in Las Vegas, Nevada. So come say hi,
Speaker 1: come give me a hug, come by some of my products. Um,
Speaker 1: you can see me on Shaws of Sunset on Bravo. Um.
Speaker 1: We are going to start shooting the next season next month,
Speaker 1: so hopefully you know, in six or eight months you'll
Speaker 1: be sold out of all your products. But you can
Speaker 1: see me, you know, anytime on social media. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: resafarihun across all my platforms F A R A H
Speaker 1: A N. Follow you there and or we can go
Speaker 1: to resi b obsessed dot com to buy your products
Speaker 1: and you know, get some jet black hair. You guys
Speaker 1: are young, you guys are good, but just remember, once
Speaker 1: the color starts going in your hair, you want some
Speaker 1: of that resipe obsessed black diamond oil to preserve the color.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to get it from my man because
Speaker 1: he's already salt and pepper, so we're gonna have to.
Speaker 1: I can like it's like such a base color white.
Speaker 1: I can diett his his hair any color, you know,
Speaker 1: paint one day in purple another. Yeah, that's awesome. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's perfect. Well, RESI thank you so much for coming in.
Speaker 1: Make sure to watch Shaw has a Sunset on Bravo.
Speaker 1: Season eight is going to be airing and welsty're going
Speaker 1: to start shooting um and filming soon and we can
Speaker 1: find you on Instagram and of course your products online
Speaker 1: and on Instagram page. Thank you so much for coming in.
Speaker 1: I wish I could give you a big, big hug
Speaker 1: right now. I just gave you guys a big kiss.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you guys. Bye. That was such a
Speaker 1: great episode. Mick, thank you so much for coming on
Speaker 1: and being honest and being your beautiful self. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for having me. Was so wonderful. I love
Speaker 1: that you live in Montreal now. And Resa, thank you.
Speaker 1: A big thank you to Reza Um. I love him.
Speaker 1: He's such a great personality. And a very big thank
Speaker 1: you to Hers. Our listeners get their first month of
Speaker 1: anti aging formula. That's right, the first month of anti
Speaker 1: aging formula from Hers for ten dollars. Just go to
Speaker 1: four hers dot com slash Dean and a very big
Speaker 1: thank you to the most comfortable shoes ever, roth The's.
Speaker 1: Go to roth The's dot com and enter Dean. Of course,
Speaker 1: the code is always Dean d E A and to
Speaker 1: get your new favorite flats and free shipping. Guys, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening and tuning into this week,
Speaker 1: uh this week's episode of Help I Second Dating. Hopefully
Speaker 1: next week well we're all gonna stuck a little bit
Speaker 1: less and hopefully next week d and Jared will we'll
Speaker 1: show up to the next episode. Thank you guys so much.
Speaker 1: Make sure to join our Facebook group. If you're not
Speaker 1: on Facebook, then you can always d M me, Dean
Speaker 1: or Jared slide into our d M s or go
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Speaker 1: Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to podcast