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Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning.

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Speaker 2: Breakfast Club Morning, everybody in stee j n V. Charlemagne

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Speaker 2: the God. We are the Breakfast Club. We have Laura

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Speaker 2: la Rossa our special guest host, and we got a

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Speaker 2: special guest in the building, La Kerry Washington's welcome. Washington,

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Speaker 2: congratulating on the new book.

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Speaker 1: Okay, thank you, How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm really good? Yeah, Yeah, I'm good.

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Speaker 2: God Yeah, new book out Thicker than Water. Congratulations. Learned

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Speaker 2: so much about you with this book. First, maybe it's

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Speaker 2: just me be it' supid. I didn't know you were

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Speaker 2: from the Bronx.

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Speaker 3: Really, I did not know that. I didn't know you

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Speaker 3: were from then and born and raised. And my mother

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Speaker 3: was born in the Bronx. My mother grew up on

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Speaker 3: Simpson Street and I grew up on Pugsley Avenue course

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Speaker 3: from Stephen's in high school.

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Speaker 1: You know what I say.

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Speaker 4: I say, the craziest people in America come from the

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Speaker 4: Bronx and all of Florida.

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Speaker 3: Why what Why? I agree on Florida, but why the Bronx.

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Speaker 3: One of the most talented people that come from the Bronx.

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Speaker 2: That is very true too.

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Speaker 1: Now, how did you know now the time to write

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Speaker 1: thinking it was.

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Speaker 3: So what I write about in the book is that

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Speaker 3: a handful of like five years ago, my parents sat

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Speaker 3: me down and shared with me some new information about

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Speaker 3: myself that really kind of challenged the way that I

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Speaker 3: thought about myself, that I thought about my family, turned

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Speaker 3: my world upside down. And at the time, I had

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Speaker 3: actually sold another book, Idea, which was based kind of

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Speaker 3: inspired by the show that I was on, Scandal, and

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Speaker 3: it was like, these are the ten things that I

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Speaker 3: learned from Olivia Pope. So that was a really fun,

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Speaker 3: kind of self reflective but not very deep, deep soul

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Speaker 3: searching book. But every time I sat down to write

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Speaker 3: that book, all I could think about was this new

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Speaker 3: information I'd been given and how it impacted my family

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Speaker 3: and my sense of self. And so I wasn't going

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Speaker 3: to write a book at all. I tried to give

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Speaker 3: the publisher their money back, but they wouldn't take it.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 3: And then a few years later I was like, I

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Speaker 3: think I have to at least try to write this.

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Speaker 4: Book because you said your parents didn't want you to

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Speaker 4: reveal Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so my my my parents told me that they

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Speaker 3: were sort of forced to tell me that my dad

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Speaker 3: is not my biological father.

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Speaker 2: How did that affect you, because I mean, he's still

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Speaker 2: your dad. At the end of the day, we seen

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Speaker 2: the picture, you know, had had.

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Speaker 3: Jokes on Instagram.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, So how did that affect anything after you

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Speaker 2: were told?

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Speaker 3: So, I think immediately when they told me it was weird,

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Speaker 3: to be totally honest with you, I felt like excited.

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Speaker 3: I felt excited and grateful because I had always felt

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Speaker 3: like there was something going on in my family that

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Speaker 3: I couldn't put my finger on. But it was like

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Speaker 3: a dynamic of distance or like there was I just

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Speaker 3: knew that I didn't know what. I didn't know, but

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Speaker 3: I knew that that there was something between my parents

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Speaker 3: and I. And because I didn't know what it was,

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Speaker 3: a lot of times I blamed myself for that or

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Speaker 3: maybe thought I was crazy for thinking it, maybe thought

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Speaker 3: maybe I'm just not open enough, like I was always

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Speaker 3: trying to figure it out. So when they told me,

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Speaker 3: it felt like, I don't know, it felt like I

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Speaker 3: could breathe. It felt like, oh, this is this is

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Speaker 3: a real opportunity for me to jump into this new

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Speaker 3: kind of understanding of myself and my life. And you know,

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Speaker 3: it was it was really exciting.

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Speaker 2: Did you care because it's you know, I did care.

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Speaker 3: I did care because I did care partly because I

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Speaker 3: felt like, yes, my dad is always going to be

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Speaker 3: my dad. But the reality is now fifty percent of

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Speaker 3: my genetics became a big question mark. And that's important, right,

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Speaker 3: like in terms of health care, in terms of you know,

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Speaker 3: in terms of understanding my medical history. But even like

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Speaker 3: you know, I don't know what I might get, you know,

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Speaker 3: in the whole nurture versus nature dynamic. There might be

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Speaker 3: parts of me that I get from this donor, this

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Speaker 3: sperm donor that I've never known was from that side

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Speaker 3: of my family. Like I just thought this, I guess

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Speaker 3: partly I've I've struggled to feel comfortable in my skin

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Speaker 3: for most of my life. It's part of why acting

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Speaker 3: has kind of saved me a business, because I always

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Speaker 3: I would find myself in these characters. I would kind

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Speaker 3: of grab onto their identities, and there was like a

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Speaker 3: sense of freedom and wholeness in becoming other people. But

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Speaker 3: this felt like an opportunity to try to be comfortable

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Speaker 3: in my own skin.

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Speaker 5: When you would ask questions about like just different things,

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Speaker 5: like hey, you go to the doctors and they say

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Speaker 5: you know what illnesses are on your mom. So when

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Speaker 5: you would ask your dad your mom those questions, how

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Speaker 5: would they answer it?

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Speaker 3: As if my dad was my father. They were going

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Speaker 3: to take this to their grave. And I get it.

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Speaker 3: I totally understand, right, like you, yeah, I think they

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Speaker 3: they felt like, well, first of all, let me just

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Speaker 3: say this, my parents are renegades, right, like a lot

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Speaker 3: of us. Now we know people who go to sperm

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Speaker 3: don or sperm banks, right, it's like very common relatively now,

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Speaker 3: and you get a whole catalog. You can pick the

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Speaker 3: color of the eyes and what Ivy League university they

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Speaker 3: went to. But when my parents did this in the

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Speaker 3: mid seventies, nobody was doing this. This was highly experimental,

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Speaker 3: highly secretive. It was a big risk they were taking.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't like they had complete health screenings for the donor.

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Speaker 3: They had no idea who the donor was. They said,

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Speaker 3: we asked two things. Let them be healthy. Who knows

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Speaker 3: what that means at the time, right, but like we

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Speaker 3: want him to be healthy, and we want him to

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Speaker 3: be black. Because they wanted this to be a secret.

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Speaker 6: So yeah, yeah, there's are you okay?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, Because you know, sometimes we put

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Speaker 5: things in these books, and you know, we bear our souls.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but then we got to go on these press runs.

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Speaker 4: We may not be ready to talk about these No.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting because I actually feel like I think

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Speaker 3: I am a little bit emotional today because it's the

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Speaker 3: book is really out in the world. But I I

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Speaker 3: think I'm having an easier time processing it than a

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Speaker 3: lot of people because I've been living with it for

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Speaker 3: five years, you know, over five years, so and for

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Speaker 3: other people it's very new information. But I feel, you know,

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Speaker 3: every time I talk about it, I feel a little

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Speaker 3: bit more liberated. I feel a little bit more free.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to ask, you know, you know, you talk

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Speaker 2: about your eating disorder and dealing with how you felt

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Speaker 2: about your body and your looks. I wanted to know

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Speaker 2: what got you in that point. And the reason I

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Speaker 2: ask is I have four daughters. Charlemagne has four daughters,

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Speaker 2: and I always want to make sure I try my

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Speaker 2: hardest to give my daughter as many compliments as possible, right,

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Speaker 2: because you never want them to feel that way, But

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Speaker 2: sometimes I don't think that matters because it's also how

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Speaker 2: they look at themselves. So what got you to that

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Speaker 2: point where you didn't like what you've seen in the mirror,

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Speaker 2: or something that you weren't happy about.

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Speaker 3: It's such a good question. I have daughters too, right,

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Speaker 3: So it's something that I think about a lot. I

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Speaker 3: think that the food, it's like any other kind of

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Speaker 3: addictive behavior. It's not about the drug. It's not really

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Speaker 3: about the food or even really about the relationship with body.

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Speaker 3: It came from a compulsion to try to fix my

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Speaker 3: came out from a compulsion of trying to escape the

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Speaker 3: feelings I was having or numb them. And so I

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Speaker 3: think for me, it was this sense that I write

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Speaker 3: about in the book of feeling like I had to

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Speaker 3: be perfect, like I had to be better than who

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Speaker 3: I was in order to be deserving of love. And

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Speaker 3: some of that came from like why do I have

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Speaker 3: this weird dynamic with my parents? Like what's going on?

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Speaker 3: Maybe if I was better, prettier, smarter, thinner, then I

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Speaker 3: might be more lovable. So I don't even you know,

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Speaker 3: I mean, I do think it's important to teach our

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Speaker 3: kids to make healthy choices when it comes to exercise,

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Speaker 3: to make healthy choices when it comes to food, to

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Speaker 3: teach them about nutrition, about how food works in the

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Speaker 3: body all that's important. But I think helping a kid

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Speaker 3: to feel unconditionally loved, to feel safe physically and emotionally

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Speaker 3: like those and to help a child have their fears

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Speaker 3: and process their feelings and not feel like they need

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Speaker 3: to escape their feelings, those are the things that I

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Speaker 3: think help us have the tools to live in life

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Speaker 3: on life's terms, as opposed to grabbing at addictive behaviors

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Speaker 3: to escape life.

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Speaker 6: Are you? Are you your parents only a child?

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Speaker 5: I am Also you went through this like kind of alone,

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Speaker 5: even though they were still there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, there was a lot of pressure. Yeah. I mean,

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Speaker 3: I think that was one of the big things for

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Speaker 3: me is when I was in college and the food

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Speaker 3: stuff got really bad and I just was that was

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Speaker 3: really the first time that I started to ask for help,

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Speaker 3: because I think up until that time, I felt like

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Speaker 3: self reliance is the point, like you're supposed to kind

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Speaker 3: of go it alone, be strong, get through life. And

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Speaker 3: that was the turning point for me where I was like,

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Speaker 3: I think I need some help.

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Speaker 6: What did you experts? Did you ask your parents?

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to think. I think I asked an aunt

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Speaker 3: what I called an aunt of mine first and was like,

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Speaker 3: I think I have a really messed up relationship with food.

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Speaker 3: But the thing what's hard about eating disorders is a

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Speaker 3: lot of people will tell you like, oh, everybody eats

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Speaker 3: when they're depressed, or everybody goes to the gym when

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Speaker 3: they're upset. That's okay. But I knew, like to the level,

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Speaker 3: to the extent that I was in that behavior, that

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Speaker 3: it was self destructive. I knew this wasn't just like

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Speaker 3: a cute kids on a sitcom eating a little ice

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Speaker 3: cream because they were sad, like this was. This was

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Speaker 3: a different level of pain.

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Speaker 6: What was your go to anything?

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Speaker 1: Anything fast food?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess I was in college, so it was

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Speaker 3: like normal stuff you can get your hands on in college,

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Speaker 3: like pizza. But really, again, like it wasn't about the food, right,

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Speaker 3: it was about the numbing and.

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Speaker 1: The why not drugs? Alcohol?

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Speaker 3: Good question, that's a good question. There's time, there's time

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Speaker 3: for me. I can go there, Lord have mercy. I

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Speaker 3: think you know, it's funny. It's like I couldn't be

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Speaker 3: a perfectionist and do the drugs and alcohol thing. Like

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Speaker 3: I still the thing about the eating disorder and the exercises, Yes,

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Speaker 3: I could hide it so I could still be a

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Speaker 3: great student, maintain my be seen as a perfectionist, Still

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Speaker 3: have the lead in all the plays in college, Still

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Speaker 3: come across as a good girl, but secretly have this behavior.

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Speaker 3: And I knew, you know, I also have a lot

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Speaker 3: of alcoholism in my family. So I had this sense

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Speaker 3: that if I went there, I would lose the good

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Speaker 3: girl image. I could do this other thing, and it

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Speaker 3: actually kind of led me to the good girl image.

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Speaker 4: Now I'm jumping all around because I want people to

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Speaker 4: read the book Thinking and Water. But you talked about,

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Speaker 4: you know, always driving for perfection. Yeah, but you said

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Speaker 4: Jamie Fox taught you a very valuable lesson.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, can you explain what that was?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think Jamie. I mean, I've been really lucky.

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Speaker 3: I've been lucky enough to work with Jamie twice on

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Speaker 3: Ray and Janego Unchained Classics by the way, Yeah, truly,

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Speaker 3: he's He's the best. And Jamie's taught me a lot

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Speaker 3: about a lot of things. But one of the things

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Speaker 3: is in my work as an actor, to you have

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Speaker 3: to let go of that perfection idea. Because we were

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Speaker 3: doing a scene together in Ray. It was the scene

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Speaker 3: where I find speaking of drugs, where I find all

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Speaker 3: his heroin works the first time as his wife, and

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Speaker 3: you know, we had done it in the morning, we

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Speaker 3: had hit it out of the park and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: we are on fire. This is incredible. And then as

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Speaker 3: the day went on, I kept trying to do it

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Speaker 3: exactly the way we had done it earlier that morning,

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Speaker 3: so that it would be in that perfect place that

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Speaker 3: it felt so good. And that's the beginning of death.

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Speaker 3: As an actor, like you, you can't try to recreate magic.

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Speaker 3: You have to keep cultivating new magic, right, Like, you

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Speaker 3: have to truly be in the moment. And Jamie really

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Speaker 3: helped me to realize I was frustrated in the scene

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Speaker 3: and he was like, you got to you gotta keep digging.

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Speaker 3: You got to let go of this morning. And that

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Speaker 3: was a really powerful lesson.

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Speaker 4: Why was it easier to find that in acting as

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Speaker 4: opposed to real life?

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Speaker 3: Well, I guess I hadn't learned how to apply that

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Speaker 3: to the rest of my world. You know, there was

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Speaker 3: like it was in a vacuum, was isolated kind of moment.

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Speaker 6: It's a good question.

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Speaker 3: I mean, that is the lesson though, right is that,

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Speaker 3: like the answer is never about perfection, It's always about

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Speaker 3: like what's the best possible version of my life in

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Speaker 3: this moment of me, in this moment, I.

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Speaker 2: Was going to ask what you know with doing this book?

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Speaker 2: What made you finally say, you know what? I'm ready

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Speaker 2: to open up because you've always been so private about

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Speaker 2: your life other than acting.

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Speaker 1: What said?

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Speaker 2: What was the moment he says, this is why I

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Speaker 2: want to do it, and this is why I want

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Speaker 2: to do it now.

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Speaker 3: I think part of it, honestly, is that I have

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Speaker 3: been always very private with my kids, very private with

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Speaker 3: my husband. You know, we don't put our kids online.

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Speaker 3: We don't really talk about our marriage on the internet

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Speaker 3: but or the press. But I've been very public in

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Speaker 3: my relationship with my parents. My parents come to premieres,

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Speaker 3: they come to award shows, fashion shows, red carpets, magazines.

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Speaker 3: So suddenly I felt like when they gave me this

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Speaker 3: information and they asked me not to share it, I

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Speaker 3: was now being complicit in their life, Like they had

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Speaker 3: built this false narrative and now they were asking me

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Speaker 3: to buy into it. And I was like, I don't

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Speaker 3: want to be out in the world doing an interview

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Speaker 3: where people are like, oh, wow, you're on looks so

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Speaker 3: much like your dad. Which by the way, he weirdly does,

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Speaker 3: and not be able to be honest right, Like I

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Speaker 3: just wanted. I wanted to be able to have my

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Speaker 3: truth and not feel like I had to live under

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Speaker 3: their shadow. And I felt like, if somebody's going to

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Speaker 3: tell this story, I want to tell it because it's

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Speaker 3: my story. So I didn't want to just do it

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Speaker 3: on a talk show or I wanted to really have

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Speaker 3: the narrative.

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Speaker 2: Now, you did say something I heard you say that

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Speaker 2: parents do the best that they can and then it's

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Speaker 2: up to us to parent ourselves after that, explain that well.

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Speaker 5: I think.

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Speaker 3: One of the things that I've truly come to terms

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Speaker 3: with in writing this book is that every choice my

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Speaker 3: parents made was out of love. They weren't trying to

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Speaker 3: be cruel, they weren't trying to hurt me. They really

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Speaker 3: thought that this was the best choice. And by the way,

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Speaker 3: doctors back then said it, like artificial inssemination was so new.

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Speaker 3: They would say, we do this thing and then you

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Speaker 3: go home and have sex, and then you have plausible deniability.

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Speaker 3: And nobody knew forty years ago there would be these

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Speaker 3: home tests twenty three in ancestry. You had no idea,

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Speaker 3: so they were like, go home and have sex, then

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Speaker 3: the kids you end of story, nothing to talk about, right,

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Speaker 3: And so it I think my parents didn't want me

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Speaker 3: to feel different. They didn't want me to feel weird.

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Speaker 3: They didn't want me ironically, they didn't want me to

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Speaker 3: feel distance from them, even though that's what wound up happening.

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Speaker 3: So I know that they made loving choices or choices

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Speaker 3: out of love, even if they didn't feel loving to me.

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Speaker 3: But I think we have to for me and my journey.

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Speaker 3: It's been like, it's been good to understand who they were,

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Speaker 3: to have compassion for their choices, but I can't blame

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Speaker 3: them for where I am now. Like now that I

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Speaker 3: have awareness, I have to say, like, Okay, they gave

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Speaker 3: me everything they could with as much love as they

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Speaker 3: could in the places where I feel like I don't

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Speaker 3: have the tools that I needed. I didn't get the

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Speaker 3: tools I needed in that household. Part of being an

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Speaker 3: adult is to say, how do I give myself those tools?

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Speaker 3: How do I ask for help in therapy, in you know,

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Speaker 3: reading coaches, like how do I now close the gap

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Speaker 3: between what they gave me and what I need? That's

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Speaker 3: my responsibility as an adult. If I just sit here

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Speaker 3: and continue to complay about what they didn't give me

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Speaker 3: that I'm keeping myself a child.

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Speaker 6: What's that? What's the conversation like with your kids?

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Speaker 5: Like once you decided to take this world to your

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Speaker 5: kids and even deciding to write the book, and now

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Speaker 5: you're you know, because your kids, I'm sure they're friends

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Speaker 5: and everybody knows who you are. So how do you

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Speaker 5: have that conversation with them? And kind of how are

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Speaker 5: they responding to things?

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Speaker 3: You know, it's funny, like I was saying before, this

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Speaker 3: is so common now, like it's not news to my kids.

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Speaker 3: They were so unimpressed. Like, you know, they're in their classes.

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Speaker 3: They have kids with two dads and two moms, So

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Speaker 3: they have friends from sperm donors, friends from egg donors,

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Speaker 3: friends who are adopted, friends who were born from surrogates.

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Speaker 3: Like they also like we're a blended family, right, They're

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Speaker 3: big sister. You know when you we look at the

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Speaker 3: three of them, their big sister has four parents. Like

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Speaker 3: having me having another parental figure in my story is

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Speaker 3: not weird to them. For my parents, they came from

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Speaker 3: a world where what makes a family was very different.

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Speaker 3: But the ideas of what makes a family now is

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Speaker 3: much more open, so you know, they they know obviously

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Speaker 3: the conversation I have with my seventeen year old is

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Speaker 3: very different than the conversation I have with my six

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Speaker 3: year old, right, But you know, I'm we I want

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Speaker 3: to be a home where we're open and honest and

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Speaker 3: where they feel like they can ask anything.

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Speaker 5: What about when you decided to because I know in

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Speaker 5: this book you talk about the abortion that you had

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Speaker 5: at twenty. Yeah, that is something that is like in

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Speaker 5: your twentieth but I mean it's around Saved the Last

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Speaker 5: Dance time, right, so you were, you know, highly successful

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Speaker 5: at this time. I know, But it's in a chapter

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Speaker 5: that I call black famous because I was, I mean,

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Speaker 5: you know how we are like white people didn't necessarily

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Speaker 5: know that the girl from Save the Last Dance was

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Speaker 5: the same girl from Ray was the same girl.

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Speaker 3: From Last Cave of Scotland. So we knew, I you know,

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Speaker 3: but so yes, I was, my star was on the rise.

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Speaker 3: But it wasn't. I wasn't like I could still go

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Speaker 3: to the grocery store and it was all good.

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Speaker 5: Do you remember the next like, because I know that

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Speaker 5: there's probably like a lot of like medicine and different

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Speaker 5: things that you take when all that's happening, But when

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Speaker 5: you really were able to like sit and talk to

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Speaker 5: yourself after that, What was the conversation you had with yourself.

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Speaker 3: After my abortion? Oh, that's such a great question. I

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Speaker 3: don't remember. I don't remember. I mean, are you asking

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Speaker 3: in terms of, like, how did I feel about making

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Speaker 3: that choice?

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Speaker 5: Yes, because I think prior to making the choice, maybe

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Speaker 5: it's different after right, or maybe it's not.

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Speaker 6: I don't know, but I'm just wondering.

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Speaker 3: I never questioned whether or not it was the right choice.

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Speaker 3: It didn't feel easy, But I mean, to be honest,

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Speaker 3: I remember feeling really grateful that I was able to

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Speaker 3: make that choice because I knew that that would have

383
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Speaker 3: had a huge impact on my life, on my career,

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Speaker 3: on my mental health. I knew I wasn't ready, and

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Speaker 3: I felt really lucky to live in a country where

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Speaker 3: I had the right to make that choice, where I

387
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Speaker 3: had agency, free agency over my body, and could, you know,

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Speaker 3: make decisions about my family and my family planning that

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Speaker 3: were the healthiest decisions for me.

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Speaker 1: Changed the discustry.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I shared it,

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Speaker 3: because I feel like those rights are under attack. And

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Speaker 3: you know, in that moment, I talk about it as

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Speaker 3: a loss of personal privacy because I got wreck Even

395
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Speaker 3: though I went to the abortion clinic under a pseudonym,

396
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Speaker 3: under a fake name, I got recognized. So you really

397
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,840
Speaker 3: did that, yeah, yeah, and so. And for me, it

398
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Speaker 3: was like I had a sense of the loss of

399
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Speaker 3: my privacy in that room. And that's what's happening to

400
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Speaker 3: so many women right now. The right to have an

401
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,120
Speaker 3: abortion is part of our right to privacy. And when

402
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Speaker 3: we attack a woman's ability to make choices about her

403
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,960
Speaker 3: own life that are not anybody else's business, we really

404
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,080
Speaker 3: chip away at her ability to be a full human being.

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Speaker 4: I want to have a more question about your father.

406
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Speaker 4: How did finding out your father wasn't your biological father

407
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Speaker 4: changed your views on parenthood?

408
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:52,800
Speaker 1: Oh?

409
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Speaker 3: Man, Well, one thing I say in the book is,

410
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Speaker 3: and it's what I feel, is that you know, in

411
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Speaker 3: a community, in our community where people have historically had

412
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Speaker 3: such difficult relationships, right where there's this history of dads

413
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Speaker 3: maybe not being present. You know, in the neighborhood that

414
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Speaker 3: I grew up in, I grew up in one of

415
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Speaker 3: the few households where the dad was around, and you know,

416
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 3: my parents were still married, and the fact looking back

417
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Speaker 3: that that my dad really did choose me, that he

418
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Speaker 3: was there, he's been there for me the whole time,

419
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Speaker 3: that he's been this you know, parental force in my life,

420
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Speaker 3: that he's my dad, that he chose me, that I

421
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:37,120
Speaker 3: belonged to him and he belongs to me. It almost

422
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:42,800
Speaker 3: meant more than it ever did before. And I feel

423
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Speaker 3: really grateful, you know, because the back then when I

424
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,080
Speaker 3: think about the mid seventies, and you know a lot

425
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Speaker 3: of even today, like people not being able to have

426
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Speaker 3: a baby breaks a lot of marriages up right, Like

427
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,880
Speaker 3: a lot of people they don't make it through that

428
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,200
Speaker 3: hurdle or over that hurdle is the right metaphor. But

429
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:05,120
Speaker 3: my parents, they like they made the choice. They wanted

430
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:08,959
Speaker 3: me so badly. They made the choice to take on

431
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 3: this incredible risk and do something that nobody else was

432
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,800
Speaker 3: doing and to keep a four decade secret because they

433
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:18,439
Speaker 3: just they really wanted me in their life. And so

434
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Speaker 3: I think as a parent, it makes me just remember

435
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 3: not to take any moment for granted. As a parent,

436
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,639
Speaker 3: like that each one of us, I know this sounds

437
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 3: so hokey, but like each one of us really is

438
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,000
Speaker 3: a miracle, you know, like the odds of like that

439
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 3: egg being in the right place at the right time

440
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,919
Speaker 3: with that sperm and making it like every single one

441
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,040
Speaker 3: of us from the moment we arrived, we're a miracle.

442
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:43,439
Speaker 3: But for my parents, I was like, this crazy prayed

443
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,160
Speaker 3: for a miracle, and I just I want to make

444
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,120
Speaker 3: sure you know, there may be a lot of things

445
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 3: that I don't agree with in terms of the choices

446
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 3: that my parents made, but the fact that I knew

447
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 3: I was loved and wanted is something that I tried

448
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,800
Speaker 3: to take from my experience as a child and put

449
00:20:58,800 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 3: it in my kids' lives.

450
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 4: And it's safe to say that culture is secrecy that

451
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 4: so many black families have.

452
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:05,920
Speaker 1: You don't have that in yours.

453
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 3: I mean, I think we're really chipping away at it.

454
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 3: I mean, it's funny. My mom says, we were doing

455
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,960
Speaker 3: an interview the other day and they said, like, what's changed,

456
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 3: what's the family like now? And I said, we're much

457
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 3: more open, We're much more honest, And she said, I

458
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,400
Speaker 3: thought it was so beautifully put. We're no longer afraid

459
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 3: to hurt each other, right, because that's part of intimacy,

460
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 3: is to take the risk to be yourself to maybe

461
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,679
Speaker 3: not agree to say something that might hurt somebody, but

462
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 3: you choose to be in truth no matter what. So yeah,

463
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:40,960
Speaker 3: there's a lot more transparency in my in my family. Now.

464
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 2: Now you contemplated suicide at one point.

465
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 3: Yeah.

466
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 2: The reason I asked is, I'm sure there is people

467
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 2: in this book.

468
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 5: I know it's like zero to sixty, But you're not

469
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 5: understand how good this is going to do for so

470
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:58,120
Speaker 5: many people because we watch you, especially like with women,

471
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 5: I know we watch you in them that you have,

472
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,640
Speaker 5: the way you speak to see that like you you've

473
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 5: actually been through things and now you're at a place

474
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 5: where you're able to talk about it and you know

475
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 5: what I mean, It's going to give so many people

476
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,120
Speaker 5: that I feel in of like, Okay, cool, I can

477
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:11,399
Speaker 5: do this.

478
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 6: I got this.

479
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,080
Speaker 3: I think there's also an important lesson, Yeah, it's there's

480
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 3: also an important lesson I think in never comparing your

481
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,880
Speaker 3: insides with somebody else's outsides because you're right like from

482
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 3: the outside. I felt like it was part of my job,

483
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:29,080
Speaker 3: particularly you know, like when Scandal first started, there was

484
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 3: all this talk about how there hadn't been a black

485
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 3: woman on network drama in almost forty years, and I

486
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:36,479
Speaker 3: had this sense that I was I wasn't just like

487
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 3: making a show for my own success. It was for

488
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 3: the culture. It was like it was bigger than me.

489
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 3: It's heavy, and so I didn't I never wanted to

490
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 3: be flawed because I felt like, you know, if I

491
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,120
Speaker 3: don't do this right, if we don't get this right,

492
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 3: it'll be another forty years before there's a black woman

493
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 3: on the air. And luckily, because audience is tuned in,

494
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 3: that wasn't the case. You know, soon we had you know, Cookie,

495
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,920
Speaker 3: and we had an a lease on How to get Away,

496
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 3: and we had all these other shows, even like Priyanka

497
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,239
Speaker 3: Shopeer's show. Right Like suddenly black and brown girls were

498
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 3: allowed to be the lead on these shows. And so

499
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,479
Speaker 3: I felt like I had to maintain And before that,

500
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 3: before Scandal, there was always the sense that you had

501
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 3: to maintain appearances. And I think I learned that from

502
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 3: my parents too, right, because they were always maintaining appearances

503
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 3: even though I didn't even know what was happening behind

504
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 3: the curtain. But getting through it again was that asking

505
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,159
Speaker 3: for help and what.

506
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,119
Speaker 2: Got you there first of all, and then how did

507
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,119
Speaker 2: you get through it? Because I'm sure, there's people listening

508
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 2: now that might be in that same zone and trying

509
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 2: to work themselves through it every day. So what got

510
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,439
Speaker 2: you to that point where you felt that way? And

511
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 2: then how did you get over that obstacle?

512
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 3: I mean the biggest When you say there might be

513
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 3: people listening who feel that way, it's like, my heart

514
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:48,919
Speaker 3: breaks because I just know how hard it is to

515
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 3: feel that alone and that hopeless. So if anybody's listening

516
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 3: and is feeling that way, the one thing I would

517
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:02,439
Speaker 3: say is to ask for help, you know, is to

518
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 3: really ask for help because you are you feel alone,

519
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 3: but I guarantee you you are not alone. And for me,

520
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,439
Speaker 3: that was the big thing was I mean number one

521
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 3: was the first time that I truly got on my

522
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 3: knees and talked to God and was like I need help,

523
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 3: Like I don't I because I felt like I really

524
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 3: don't have any tools. I don't I don't know what

525
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 3: to do. So it was the first time that I

526
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 3: think I humbled myself enough to feel like there's there's

527
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 3: got to be something bigger than me that points me

528
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 3: in the direction of healing, and I started reaching out.

529
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 3: I went to therapy for the first time, group therapy

530
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,439
Speaker 3: one on one, like I just really started committing to

531
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 3: trying to walk this road of healing.

532
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 1: Yah, I want to I love yourself awareness.

533
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,639
Speaker 4: Did you realize you were black famous when you were

534
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 4: black famous?

535
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:51,400
Speaker 1: Or was that in hindsight?

536
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 3: No, in the moment, because because I knew, you know,

537
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 3: it was like I knew I could walk down the

538
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,399
Speaker 3: street on fifty seventh and Madison and be fine, but

539
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 3: if I was in the Bronx, it was like, oh

540
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:08,200
Speaker 3: my God. Or like at the time, I was a

541
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,199
Speaker 3: substitute teacher in New York City public schools. That was

542
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 3: one of my many side hustles when I was trying

543
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,879
Speaker 3: to make a living as an actor. And it was

544
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,239
Speaker 3: funny because I would get hired into the school and

545
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,400
Speaker 3: the principals who were white, you know, the principle's vice principals,

546
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,200
Speaker 3: they would be like, so nice to meet you. Great,

547
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 3: they bring me to the classroom. They had no idea

548
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 3: who I was. But then I would be asked to

549
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,680
Speaker 3: leave a school because by the second day, all the

550
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,639
Speaker 3: kids were cutting class to see Chaneil from Save the

551
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 3: Last Dance because they knew who I was because I

552
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,360
Speaker 3: was substitute teaching in Harlem. So it was like that dynamic.

553
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,679
Speaker 3: I understood that certain people knew who I was and

554
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 3: other people didn't.

555
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 5: Do people Sorry, do people walk up to you and

556
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 5: bust out in the moves from Save the Last Days?

557
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:47,640
Speaker 6: Like it was that a thing?

558
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 2: Then?

559
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,399
Speaker 3: Yes, for sure, for sure it was the thing that.

560
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 3: But even just yesterday I saw Kiki Palmer and she

561
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 3: literally did like the monologue from the movie that I

562
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 3: do sitting in the clinic with my baby. I was like, got,

563
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,199
Speaker 3: do you remember this, Kiki?

564
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:02,919
Speaker 2: She was like, that was my Shiit.

565
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 4: What's more fulfilling being black famous or white famous?

566
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,640
Speaker 3: I think you have to have both. That was one

567
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 3: of the things that that Chris Rock taught me, like

568
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 3: you you can never ever forget your core original first audience.

569
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 3: You cannot because that that other audience will come and go,

570
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 3: they'll be ebbs and flows. But black people will hold

571
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 3: you up throughout you. If you stay with us, we

572
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:30,119
Speaker 3: stay with you.

573
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 1: I feel like that's what made scandal Is such a hit.

574
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, I mean we were part of the birth

575
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,639
Speaker 3: of black Twitter at the time. So I one of

576
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 3: my best friends from high school. She's a brilliant social

577
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:45,439
Speaker 3: media person, Alison Peters She actually convinced me to go

578
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,679
Speaker 3: on Twitter, and I was like, what why, I don't know,

579
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 3: and she was like she had come out of viacom

580
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,439
Speaker 3: and was like, it's really important, you need to do this,

581
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,239
Speaker 3: And she and I kind of talked the I mean

582
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 3: I talked Shonda Rhimes into talking the cast into being

583
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 3: on Twitter. And we were one of the first shows

584
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 3: to do live tweeting and to really have event television

585
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 3: at a time where people were no longer watching shows

586
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,919
Speaker 3: in real time unless it was like a basketball game,

587
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 3: And so that conversation around the show was our grassroots movement,

588
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 3: like we had black Twitter on fire. People like Oprah

589
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,719
Speaker 3: eventually were like, I only started watching Twitter because it's

590
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,719
Speaker 3: I only started watching Scandal because it's the only thing

591
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:27,399
Speaker 3: people talked about on Thursday nights on Twitter. So yes,

592
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:32,919
Speaker 3: in that first season, it was absolutely because black audiences.

593
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 3: You know how culture follows us, So black audiences made

594
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:38,640
Speaker 3: it that you had to be there to tune in,

595
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 3: and suddenly it trickled out into the rest of the world.

596
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 4: How often do people come up to you to fix it.

597
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 3: All the time? And to be honest, Because the show

598
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 3: was inspired by a real woman, Judy Smith, who's a

599
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 3: real DC fixer, who never slept with the president, but

600
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 3: was a real fixer. And I have her on speed dial,

601
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 3: so people also will come to me to get to her, wow,

602
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 3: because they know she is truly able to fix down.

603
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 3: Have you needed I haven't needed her, but I've sent

604
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,880
Speaker 3: other people to her. Yes, but I've talked to her.

605
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 3: I mean, like not on like I'm in jail. It's

606
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 3: two Am helped me out, but like you know, if

607
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 3: there's a rollout of a movie and I'm like, I

608
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 3: don't know, this directory is a little bit of a problem.

609
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 3: What do you think you know I've done. I've had

610
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 3: those kind of conversations with her. Yeah, but people, do

611
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 3: you know? It's funny, like it'll happen in political moments,

612
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 3: Like a lot of my political work now is inspired

613
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 3: by the fact that in twenty sixteen, the morning after

614
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 3: the election, when that awful, rapist, racist person was elected,

615
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 3: that when I woke up all over social media people

616
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 3: were like, you have to save us. What are you

617
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:53,719
Speaker 3: gonna do? Please Olivia Pope? And it was funny for

618
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 3: a minute, and then I was like, we have a

619
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 3: real problem in our culture because we we don't realize

620
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 3: is that Olivia Pope is an imaginary character on a

621
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 3: television show, and that every single person who wrote one

622
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,440
Speaker 3: of those tweets they have more power than Olivia Pope

623
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 3: because she can't vote, she can't register voters, she can't volunteer,

624
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 3: she can't knock on doors. But it's like we've given

625
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,719
Speaker 3: our power over to imaginary people because we have this

626
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 3: hero worship, right, So we're not stepping into our power

627
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 3: because we're looking for somebody else to solve our problems

628
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 3: for us. So a lot of the work that I've

629
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 3: been doing has been trying to figure out how to

630
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 3: turn the spotlight that's on me onto those grassroots organizations

631
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 3: and people who are really doing the work.

632
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: When people saw you with the Vice President the other day.

633
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, probably she's back, she's at the White House.

634
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 6: Yeah.

635
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 2: What do you do to relax and release? I see

636
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 2: a lot of videos that you do in yoga? Yes,

637
00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 2: I mean you see you doing yoga on your head

638
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 2: like it like it's a dance all artist. So what

639
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 2: do you do to release a relax? Yeah?

640
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 3: I think it's a lot of I love pilates, I

641
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 3: love yoga. I honestly go for a lot of walks.

642
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 3: I do walking and hiking, even with my husband in

643
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 3: a box. No, not as I don't live the Bronx anymore,

644
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 3: but I do. I mean I do walk in the

645
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 3: Bronx if I'm there.

646
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 5: But in terms of like, don't don't shade the Bronx.

647
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 3: The Bronx is a beautiful place. Listen, the Bronx is

648
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 3: a beautiful place to grow up.

649
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,800
Speaker 6: We love it. But where do you know? We don't

650
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 6: don't go walk there?

651
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 3: What?

652
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 5: I just honestly maybe with Cardi b because I don't know,

653
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 5: but I want to know people where. It's like we

654
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 5: got to protect you at all calls and I just

655
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 5: don't hilarious. Yes, but listen, I mean I I walk.

656
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 5: I like to walk wherever I am.

657
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 3: I feel like walking is part of how you acclimate

658
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 3: to an environment. So I always tell people, like when

659
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 3: I'm in a place filming, I warned security security, right, Yeah,

660
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 3: I mean I we walk. I don't care where we are.

661
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 3: I don't care if we're in Jamaica, I don't care

662
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 3: if we're in the Bronx. I don't care if we're

663
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 3: in Colombia. I shot a filming in South America and

664
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 3: Columbia last year. We walk. I walk. It's part of

665
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 3: how you ground yourself and where you are, and it's

666
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 3: part of how I relax and feel like I am

667
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 3: where I am. But also honestly, just spending time with

668
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 3: friends and family, like being with my kids, being with

669
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 3: my husband. Those are the and I do a lot

670
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 3: of walking and hiking with my husband. Those are like

671
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 3: it's like part date night, part business meeting, part therapy session.

672
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 4: Like I got a couple of questions. You talk about

673
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 4: traveling in the Black Famous chapter, you talk about going

674
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 4: to Africa, Yeah, to become African. How did that trip

675
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 4: change you? So?

676
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 3: I was filming Last King of Scotland. That was my

677
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 3: first time on the continent, and it was great because

678
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 3: I do feel like sometimes as black people in America,

679
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 3: we go to Africa with all these like do I

680
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 3: belong here? Do I feel at home?

681
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: Like?

682
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 3: What is my relationship here? And I just had to

683
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 3: put all of that aside because my focus was on

684
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 3: just kind of dropping in and becoming a Ugandan woman.

685
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 3: And I really did feel at home there. I did.

686
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 3: I felt I felt so lucky to be able to

687
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 3: be so immersed in the culture that I wasn't there

688
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 3: like you know as a tourist, you know, and I

689
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 3: took it when I was there. I don't know if

690
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,920
Speaker 3: you've heard about this experience. It's not in the book,

691
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 3: but we were hiking in the ruin Zori Mountains, which

692
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 3: are the mountains that border Rwanda and Uganda, and it's

693
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 3: where the only wild gorillas live. And you can go

694
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 3: out with a gorilla trukker and find the gorillas in

695
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 3: the jungle and spend time with them. You go with

696
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 3: like a tour guide and these truckers and these guys

697
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 3: with AK forty seven's just in case people travel from

698
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 3: all over the world to have this experience because it

699
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:44,959
Speaker 3: is it is one of the most intense spiritual experiences

700
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 3: I've ever had. The second one is my experience with

701
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 3: the whales that I write about at the end of

702
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,680
Speaker 3: the book. But it was like to be in the jungle,

703
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 3: to be with these creatures, and you realize we really

704
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 3: do share like ninety seven ninety eight percent of our

705
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 3: DNA with these animals, and they are You start to

706
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 3: think like, oh, they're so human, but no, like we

707
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 3: are so gorilla. And the craziest thing that happened was

708
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 3: when they give you this in this orientation in the morning.

709
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 3: They're like, if a gorilla gets close to you and

710
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:12,479
Speaker 3: is looking at you, the most important thing to do

711
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 3: is not run. You have to to feel safe, act

712
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 3: like a gorilla. So I was. I didn't hear it

713
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 3: through that lens because for me, I was like a

714
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 3: young actor who had done animal exercises at school, like

715
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 3: this was my opportunity for this was my Meryl Street

716
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,000
Speaker 3: mow wow. So when the gorilla case from the tree,

717
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 3: I was like, I squat down. I mean, everybody in

718
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 3: my group was like, what is she?

719
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 5: When I tell you that is the best performance of

720
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 5: my life, I was, I was.

721
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 3: The gorilla, the gorilla was me. I started, I picked

722
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 3: off a leaf, started chewing on it, and we have

723
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 3: the most incredible experience because this gorilla gorilla kept getting

724
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 3: closer and closer to us, and this little baby gorilla,

725
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 3: she was so curious. She was like, what, We've never

726
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 3: seen a human like this. She was like, this one's

727
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:04,959
Speaker 3: one of us.

728
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 5: But they just they got closer, the trucker said than

729
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,959
Speaker 5: they'd ever had a gorilla get to a group before.

730
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 5: I mean, the guy with the AK forty seven came

731
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 5: right next to me because they were terrified, but I was.

732
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,440
Speaker 3: Like, don't stop, don't stop. Yeah, it was incredible.

733
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 1: The only person like a gorilla.

734
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, how you don't need to tell you that, just because.

735
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 3: The experience that we got out of it. I mean

736
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 3: they said it to everybody in the group, but I

737
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 3: was the best actor.

738
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 5: In the wow.

739
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,320
Speaker 2: And I went to the whales because you mentioned whales.

740
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:37,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I was kayaking with whales in Hawaii. Jesus,

741
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 3: And yeah, I wanted.

742
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:43,880
Speaker 5: To believe you walk in the bronx. Now, yeah I do,

743
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 5: calling the bronx the.

744
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:49,439
Speaker 3: Jungle, yes, yes, yes, yes.

745
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 2: So I was.

746
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:55,720
Speaker 3: Kayaking with whales in Hawaii and we had this incredible experience.

747
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 3: It was just me and one other guide and this

748
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 3: calf a baby whale jumped out of the water and

749
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:05,279
Speaker 3: landed so close to the kayak. But I think the

750
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,080
Speaker 3: mom was upset that the baby was being a little

751
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 3: too playful, so she came around to swim under my

752
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 3: kayak to warn me. And you know, if you're on

753
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 3: the water and something like swims under the boat, your

754
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 3: boat rises and comes back down. This well was the

755
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 3: size of a school bus, so when she swam under me,

756
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 3: my kayak went up and it just stayed up and

757
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 3: up and up until she passed under me, and then

758
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 3: she kind of turned and pulled her eye out of

759
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 3: the water to look at me. And it's just those

760
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 3: are those moments where you just feel so for me,

761
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:40,759
Speaker 3: where I felt so connected to nature, to the you know,

762
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 3: to everything that has come before you, because this eye,

763
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 3: this like giant eye is taking me in and kind

764
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 3: of warning me like that's my kid. Don't do the

765
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 3: wrong thing. No I didn't.

766
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 2: I couldn't.

767
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 3: So yeah, that was magical. That was really really magical.

768
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 3: And I learned, you know, I was shaking for like

769
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:04,319
Speaker 3: two days, but I learned. On the way back, I

770
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 3: was talking to my guide and I was like, that

771
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 3: was amazing to see the calf and the mom and

772
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 3: the dad. And he said, no, no, no, it's not

773
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 3: the dad that with whales when you see them in

774
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,280
Speaker 3: a group of three, that's not the father. That's actually

775
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,919
Speaker 3: the whale that wants to mate with her next year.

776
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:23,760
Speaker 3: That he accompanies her on the migration back home, almost

777
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 3: like an act of chivalry to prove himself like I'm

778
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 3: the man you want to get with next year.

779
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,400
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, I got a couple of questions. I know

780
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:31,800
Speaker 1: you got to Go.

781
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 4: In the chapter Miracles, you talk about the indie film

782
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:38,240
Speaker 4: our song. Yeah, and somebody labeled you. They dis labeled

783
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 4: you simply a miracle. Yeah.

784
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:41,880
Speaker 1: What kind of confidence did that give you?

785
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 2: Oh?

786
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 3: Wow, I don't know if it gave me confidence I felt.

787
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 3: I think it made me feel excited about the possibilities

788
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 3: of what could come. But I remember feeling and in

789
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 3: some ways I still feel like, I don't know if

790
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 3: I'll ever be as good as I was in that movie,

791
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:12,399
Speaker 3: because I was so hungry, and it was like the

792
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,239
Speaker 3: first time. It was my first movie ever, and I

793
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 3: felt like it was the first time with the history

794
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 3: of everything we were talking about, you know, kind of

795
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 3: all the mental health issues, you know, all the stuff

796
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 3: that I've been dealing with. I always wanted to be

797
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 3: somewhere else or be somebody else. But when I was

798
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 3: making that movie, I finally felt like I was in

799
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 3: my purpose, Like I was really exactly where I wanted

800
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 3: to be. I talked in the book about being a

801
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:38,400
Speaker 3: kid in the Bronx, and we lived in the path

802
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 3: of the of LaGuardia Airport, and so I would always

803
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,239
Speaker 3: see planes fly over our apartment when I was a kid,

804
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,799
Speaker 3: and wish that I was on those planes going somewhere else,

805
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,879
Speaker 3: living somebody else's life. But when we shot our song,

806
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 3: we were in Rockaway by Kennedy Airport, and so we

807
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 3: would be we would see planes, we would see planes

808
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:59,239
Speaker 3: fly over, and I never wanted to be anywhere then

809
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 3: where I was. So, you know, I think I felt

810
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 3: seen when he said that, when he said I was

811
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 3: a miracle, I was like, no, this opportunity was miraculous.

812
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, when all of this is done, like everybody gets

813
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 5: the book, they get to read it.

814
00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 3: Everybody should get the book, book, read the audio book.

815
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 3: It's me and my own words. So that's fun.

816
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 5: What is the like the hug or the message that

817
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 5: you want people to get from this book.

818
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:33,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a great question, I think, And this is

819
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 3: something that I've written in the book. But there's a

820
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 3: saying I heard a long time ago that I really

821
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 3: love that we are as sick as our secrets. Sure,

822
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 3: and that when I think, when we can let go

823
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 3: of the things that keep our true selves hidden, we

824
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 3: can let go of our shame. So I want people

825
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 3: to know that you deserve to live in your truth

826
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 3: and be in your truth. Not everybody has to know everything.

827
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:00,840
Speaker 3: Not everybody has to write a book and come on

828
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:06,359
Speaker 3: the breakfast club and talk about their suicide. But you

829
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,840
Speaker 3: deserve to be loved for who you are. So find

830
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,880
Speaker 3: those safe spaces. Maybe it's a pastor, maybe it's a therapist,

831
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 3: maybe it's a best friend, maybe it's a spouse. Trust yourself.

832
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:19,320
Speaker 3: Find those spaces where you can really really be yourself

833
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 3: and be loved unconditionally. Because that was one of the

834
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:24,279
Speaker 3: things that I said to my dad. You know, I

835
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:28,240
Speaker 3: knew when my parents told me. I realized that they

836
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,880
Speaker 3: they had been living under this lie for so long

837
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 3: that every time I had said I love you to

838
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:38,279
Speaker 3: my dad, whether it was conscious or unconscious, there must

839
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:40,479
Speaker 3: have been a part of him that thought, she loves

840
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 3: me because she thinks I am her father.

841
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 1: Wow.

842
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,240
Speaker 3: And there must have been a part of him that thought,

843
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 3: if she knew I wasn't her father, maybe she won't

844
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 3: love me. That's part of why they didn't tell me.

845
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 3: And so I had the opportunity, once they gave me

846
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 3: that truth, to actually for the first time, love my

847
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 3: father unconditional. And that's what we all deserve, that's what

848
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 3: we all want. We want to know that no matter

849
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 3: what we do or how we act or what we've

850
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 3: done in the past, that we're lovable and that we're loved.

851
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 3: And I feel like my family's in that place now.

852
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 3: But you only get there when you expose your truth,

853
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 3: when you're vulnerable enough to show people who you are

854
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 3: and they love you anyway, then you know that you

855
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 3: are worthy of of unconditional love.

856
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 4: But I think your father proved that, you know, just

857
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 4: because you just because somebody provides FERM doesn't meet them father.

858
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:34,840
Speaker 1: He's an actual Yeah.

859
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:35,920
Speaker 2: It's a big thing.

860
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 3: That's right, that's right, And it's even like people will say, like, well,

861
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 3: do you know who your biological father is? And I'm

862
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 3: still wrapping my head honestly around that language, Like I

863
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,400
Speaker 3: know that scientifically it is true, but I still refer

864
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 3: to him as the donor because I don't have a

865
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,240
Speaker 3: relationship with him. I don't know that he's a Again,

866
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 3: scientifically he's my father, but I have a dad. I

867
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 3: love my dad. It's not that it's an uncomplicated relationship,

868
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,920
Speaker 3: you know. I talk a lot about how complicated those

869
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:03,839
Speaker 3: relationships are. They're not perfect. I'm not perfect, But it's

870
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 3: that ability to walk through hard things that builds real intimacy.

871
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 3: So I think I just I want people to know

872
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,240
Speaker 3: that everybody deserves to be loved unconditionally, that you deserve

873
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,360
Speaker 3: to live in your truth, and that we can do

874
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,839
Speaker 3: hard things even when we feel like we can't. If

875
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 3: we align ourselves with the people who are really in

876
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 3: our corner, we can do hard things.

877
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:22,880
Speaker 1: Do you want to know who the donor is?

878
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 6: I was literally about to ask, I do.

879
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 3: I'm searching. I'm looking, and again not because I need

880
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:31,720
Speaker 3: a daddy, right like, I'm not looking for an emotional connection.

881
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:33,879
Speaker 3: I'm really open. I mean I say that now, who

882
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 3: knows once you never know, Like he could walk in

883
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 3: the room and I can be like, But I think

884
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 3: I'm just really curious about that fifty percent of me,

885
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 3: that genetic fifty percent of me. I think there is

886
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 3: a question. I know what I've gotten from my dad.

887
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 3: I know from my dad I've gotten my sense of humor,

888
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 3: my imagination, my belief in the impossible, my ability to

889
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 3: tell a story. I know what I've gotten from my mom,

890
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 3: my intellect, intellectual curiosity, my grace, my compassion. I don't

891
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 3: know what I've gotten from the donor. I'm curious what

892
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 3: part comes from him. And I'm curious just in terms

893
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 3: of my medical history. I feel like I owe that

894
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 3: to my kids, that they should know where they come from.

895
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:17,839
Speaker 3: But the emotional part of it, I'm open to let

896
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 3: it be what it's gonna be. Maybe it'll feel like

897
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,480
Speaker 3: I have additional family. Maybe it'll just feel like I

898
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,239
Speaker 3: have additional information. I feel good either way.

899
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:27,400
Speaker 2: Did you talk to your dad about that?

900
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:27,760
Speaker 1: About?

901
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:31,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, what was it? He wasn't thrilled. I mean, he

902
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:33,800
Speaker 3: hasn't been thrilled about any of this, to be honest,

903
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 3: you know, like even you know, we had the big

904
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 3: Robin Roberts special come on ABC the other night. I

905
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:40,279
Speaker 3: watched it with my parents. It was me and my

906
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 3: husband and my parents, and we all watched it together.

907
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:46,040
Speaker 3: This has been a real healing process for the four

908
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:49,480
Speaker 3: of us, and my dad still grapples with parts of it.

909
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,759
Speaker 3: You know, he also still you know, I say this

910
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 3: when I called my dad and said, like, I talked

911
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 3: to the doctor we did the DNA test. Doctor said

912
00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 3: that you are there's a point zero z zero zero

913
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 3: zero zero zero one chance that you're my biological father.

914
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:09,840
Speaker 3: He was like, there's a chance that's where his brain lives.

915
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 3: And I love that about him. I love that he's like,

916
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 3: until you find that guy, I'm the one that can't

917
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,279
Speaker 3: say nothing to me. And I think I want him

918
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 3: to know that even when I figure out who that

919
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:24,799
Speaker 3: guy is, he's the one. Yeah, that's right, that's right,

920
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 3: that's right, that's one hundred percent. But yeah, I think

921
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:31,719
Speaker 3: I think it's just good to have more information and

922
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 3: I and I want him to know also that he

923
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:37,720
Speaker 3: can do hard things right, that like his he's proving

924
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,880
Speaker 3: to himself and seeing truly that he's loved unconditionally. That

925
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:46,200
Speaker 3: having this other information doesn't make me any less devoted

926
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 3: to him.

927
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:47,400
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

928
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 5: I was going to ask you, when you do meet

929
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 5: your other dead donor, is your mindset around like your

930
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,720
Speaker 5: thought about him? Is it going to be different because

931
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 5: it's like he, you know, just gave the sperm and

932
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 5: didn't really. I mean, I don't know if they're allowed

933
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:07,480
Speaker 5: to come back and try and figure out who the

934
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:08,360
Speaker 5: who they listen.

935
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:10,840
Speaker 3: When my parents did this, it was the wild West,

936
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 3: no rules. When he did this, it was the wild West.

937
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 3: It's not like he was like in love with My

938
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 3: mom looked at me at the hospital and was like, yeah, sure,

939
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 3: she's ugly. I'm out like there was. There's no like.

940
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 3: I don't feel rejected by him. He didn't sign up

941
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,480
Speaker 3: when he did that, when he donated his sperm, he

942
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 3: wasn't signing up to be in relationship. So I don't

943
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 3: feel somehow toward him in that way. In fact, I

944
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:36,319
Speaker 3: feel some compassion that he might be like, I didn't

945
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:39,239
Speaker 3: sign up for this. You know, I don't know, can

946
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 3: we you?

947
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,359
Speaker 4: It's something you said in the epilogue, and I feel

948
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 4: like it can relate to so many people.

949
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: You saved my life. It's not about my donor nor

950
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 1: about my parents. My life is my own. What did

951
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:50,720
Speaker 1: that mean to you? And what could that mean to others?

952
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, So when my parents told me this information, I

953
00:44:55,640 --> 00:45:00,480
Speaker 3: realized because they had built this narrative, this false narrative

954
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:03,000
Speaker 3: about where I came from, I realized that in many

955
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 3: ways I had been the supporting character in their story

956
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,840
Speaker 3: right like they were living this life. They were Earl

957
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 3: and Valerie, parents of this beautiful child, successful middle class

958
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:19,320
Speaker 3: black family, like I was the supporting character in that fable.

959
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 3: And when they gave me the truth, I felt like

960
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 3: part of why I wanted to write the book was

961
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 3: that it was time for me to step into being

962
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 3: the lead character in the story of my life, to

963
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:34,840
Speaker 3: not let my life belong to them, to say, like,

964
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 3: I deserve to be on this journey, this quest because

965
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 3: I have my own story. Like, I get it, you

966
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 3: had four decades of living this your way. But it's

967
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 3: my turn to kind of take this narrative and figure

968
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 3: out what my life means for me. So I do

969
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 3: I love my parents. I do love being a supporting

970
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,360
Speaker 3: character in their life, but that has to be a choice.

971
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,279
Speaker 3: I have to know that fundamentally my life is my

972
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:02,720
Speaker 3: own and that they because I have the most incredible parents,

973
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:06,920
Speaker 3: they now have the opportunity and have allowed themselves to

974
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:10,480
Speaker 3: be supporting characters in my story. And a lot of

975
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 3: what I've learned about parenting has been about that choice

976
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 3: on their part, because they have allowed themselves to be

977
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:20,160
Speaker 3: supporting characters for me in this moment, which is humbling

978
00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 3: for all of us, but them in particular. Right, and

979
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,360
Speaker 3: as I look forward at my kids, I realize this

980
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:28,879
Speaker 3: is my moment. Like this book, I am the protagonist

981
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 3: of this book, but I'm also the supporting character in

982
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 3: the story of my kids, and I want them to

983
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 3: know that I have their back and that they have

984
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 3: to live their own life. They shouldn't be living in

985
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:40,919
Speaker 3: the ways that make me comfortable. They shouldn't be making

986
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 3: choices that are for my own good. They have to

987
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 3: make the right choices for them in the way that

988
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 3: I'm making the right choices for me.

989
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 2: Now, well, we appreciate you for joining us this morning, Thick,

990
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 2: because than water is out right now. We also got

991
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 2: to say thank you too, because you know she I

992
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:57,880
Speaker 2: was watching an interview and she detailed her own rollout,

993
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:01,240
Speaker 2: so she had interviews with She's happened with Tyler Perry,

994
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 2: with Gabrielle Union, and she picked the Breakfast Club. Yes,

995
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 2: I think come.

996
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,640
Speaker 3: See us on tour. We're going to be in Chicago,

997
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,800
Speaker 3: d C, Atlanta, l A. I'm going to be in

998
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:15,760
Speaker 3: conversation with Gabrielle Union, Tyler Perry, bellow me, young Tony Goldwyn.

999
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 3: It's an incredible lineup, So come see us out on

1000
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:18,399
Speaker 3: the road.

1001
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:19,919
Speaker 1: Get her out of here. She's holding in a cough.

1002
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:27,359
Speaker 2: That's right, it's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, thank you.

1003
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 2: Wake that ass up in the morning.

1004
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:30,600
Speaker 1: The Breakfast Club