Speaker 1: Okay, it's only films to be buried with. Hello, and
Speaker 1: welcome to Films to be buried with. My name is
Speaker 1: Brett Goldstein. I'm a comedian and actor, a writer, a director,
Speaker 1: a milkmaid, and I love films. As John Green said,
Speaker 1: some infinities are bigger than other infinities, like, for instance,
Speaker 1: the Infinity War, which is apparently not as big as
Speaker 1: the End Game if you think about it, isn't it.
Speaker 1: I don't know. They're both pretty big to me, but
Speaker 1: I've not actually consciously measured them like you have, John Green,
Speaker 1: So I'll tell you words for it. Every week I
Speaker 1: invite a special guest. Either I tell them they've died,
Speaker 1: then I get them to discuss their life through the
Speaker 1: films that meant the most of them. Previous guests include
Speaker 1: Barry Jenkins, Jamila Jamie, Kevin Smith, and even Ched Crambells.
Speaker 1: But this week it is the amazing comedian Desiree Birch.
Speaker 1: Head over to the Patreon at patreon dot com forwards
Speaker 1: spread gold Steam, where you'll get an extra twenty minutes
Speaker 1: of chat with Desiree. We talk about beginnings, We talk
Speaker 1: about films that changed her perspective on something but we
Speaker 1: also get an amazing extra secret with her, and you
Speaker 1: get the whole episode uncut and as a video. Check
Speaker 1: it out over at patreon dot com. Forward Slash Brett
Speaker 1: Gold Steam Ted Lasso. Season two has only got four
Speaker 1: episodes left, so get caught up on all of that
Speaker 1: on Apple tv Plus and also check out Soulmates on
Speaker 1: Amazon Prime. Mom will make you happy, the other will
Speaker 1: make you think. Yes. So, Dere's a rage birch. Dere's
Speaker 1: a egg birch. He's a brilliant comedian. She's a presenter,
Speaker 1: she's a writer, she's all sorts. She's also someone I've
Speaker 1: wanted to get on this podcast for a very long time.
Speaker 1: We finally managed to record this over zoom last week
Speaker 1: where she just started a holiday increase. I was very
Speaker 1: grateful for her time and we had a right old laugh.
Speaker 1: I probably should put some kind of I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know who listens to this podcast, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? What I will say is me and
Speaker 1: Desiree talks a lot about very adult, very adult subjects
Speaker 1: for the first third. So if that is anything that
Speaker 1: you think, well, I shouldn't be listening to that, you
Speaker 1: could sort of skip forward to thirty minutes in and
Speaker 1: then you'll probably be fine, probably who knows, do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? You'll be fine, Come on, grow up.
Speaker 1: So that is it for now. I very much hope
Speaker 1: you enjoy Episode one hundred and sixty four of Films
Speaker 1: to be Buried With. Hello, and welcome to Films to
Speaker 1: be Buried With. It is me Brett Goldstein, and I'm
Speaker 1: joined today by a writer, a actor, a podcaster, a presenter,
Speaker 1: a comedian, a panel showist, a panel wither, a hero,
Speaker 1: a legend, one of the finest comics of her generation
Speaker 1: in the UK. Even though she's not from here, she
Speaker 1: came over here and basically took out over comedy. Please,
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. The brilliant, the amazing des Batch.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Brat, thank you so much. You might
Speaker 1: have made up from my whole childhood just then. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. I needed all of that. But like
Speaker 1: when I was eight, do you have a time machine? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we could do that. We could make that happen. To listen,
Speaker 1: we listen, we have Films to be Buried With. Towers.
Speaker 1: I'm delighted to have you on the show. You're a
Speaker 1: very you're a very busy lady. You got everything I know. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you reaching out to me. It made me
Speaker 1: feel quite cool, So thank you. You're you're curious, deceptively
Speaker 1: very nice, but you're also very cool. And I've known
Speaker 1: of you as being a very cool guy for a while.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't mean that to sound bad. It's
Speaker 1: just cool. And I was like, h cool divided me
Speaker 1: to the party. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, very yeah.
Speaker 1: Famously famously known as as a cool guy. Now what
Speaker 1: what you if? You can share this with the listener
Speaker 1: you on? Where are you right now? Where the fuck
Speaker 1: are you right? Yeah? Where the fuck am I is
Speaker 1: a huge metaphysical question, But in the immediate physical I
Speaker 1: am in Greece for a very very brief and very
Speaker 1: wonderful and desperately needed holiday. I'd literally just scott here
Speaker 1: like earlier, like in the wee hours of the morning,
Speaker 1: and now I am on the island of Kiah, and
Speaker 1: I just came in from like being in the sea,
Speaker 1: which is why my hair looks like I took care
Speaker 1: of it. You know, there's nothing better than like just
Speaker 1: beach everything, Like when you come out of the beach,
Speaker 1: just like you could be ashy as fuck and it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. You're just like gorgeous and sun kiss I
Speaker 1: feel amazing. Can we ask you just you just finish something,
Speaker 1: you're in thing you did you were allowed to talk
Speaker 1: about it? Oh yeah. I was just like, yeah, yes
Speaker 1: we are, because it's out there in the universe. It's
Speaker 1: so funny. I feel so bad because every time people
Speaker 1: we're like, oh, you just worked on a thing, I
Speaker 1: was like, I've just worked on like so many things.
Speaker 1: I have no idea what thing we're even talking about,
Speaker 1: or what data is or who I am. So I've
Speaker 1: just finished shooting a pilot for a new show for
Speaker 1: Channel four E four and it's called The Love Triangle.
Speaker 1: It's all it's a thruples dating show. Because at this point,
Speaker 1: I don't know how I became the dating show person.
Speaker 1: I guess between too hot to handle, like like, I
Speaker 1: don't know. They were just like you're the perfect person
Speaker 1: for this, and I guess having worked as a dominatrix.
Speaker 1: Everyone's like, if it's about sex, desiree's got to talk
Speaker 1: about I'm like, honestly, like, for the amount that we
Speaker 1: talk about me and sex, I've had far less of
Speaker 1: it than everybody else who doesn't say a damn thing
Speaker 1: about it. But yeah, it's really interesting, Like I really
Speaker 1: hope that it does well and kind of works. I
Speaker 1: think it's like a thing that still needs to be
Speaker 1: sort of perfected, because I don't know that we have
Speaker 1: a very good mainstream understanding of what that is. Because
Speaker 1: what most people think of is a threesome. Do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? They think of like monogamous couple
Speaker 1: as the anchor, you know, whether it's romantic or sexual,
Speaker 1: and then there's just a sort of like satellite moon
Speaker 1: going around them that's like fun sometimes, which is not
Speaker 1: necessarily what a thruple should be. Do you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Even though I'm not polyamorous per se, what
Speaker 1: would be your ideal version of a thruffle? See, I'm
Speaker 1: the worst person to ask because I have threesome mentality.
Speaker 1: My thruple is me at the center and then other
Speaker 1: people making me feel like I'm at the center. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: So your one is not even a there's night couple,
Speaker 1: you're just the thing and then it's just me and
Speaker 1: then there's two people, right, or like there's like a
Speaker 1: couple and then there's the other person for when I'm
Speaker 1: sick of that person. I mean, for me, I guess,
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm bisexual, so my boyfriend I'm dating
Speaker 1: a dude, So I guess it would be a woman,
Speaker 1: but I don't know exactly, like I couldn't name, like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's definitely gonna be this person or whatever who's famous
Speaker 1: and hot, but like I also probably wouldn't because it'd
Speaker 1: be someone I know in my life who'd listen to
Speaker 1: this and be like wait hey, And I'm like, actually,
Speaker 1: it's more of a fantasy than anything, please don't phone.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think probably it would be. But then again,
Speaker 1: I say that, and I'm like, I don't know if
Speaker 1: I should be that satisfied. And that sounds really like
Speaker 1: a very self denying like thing to say. But I
Speaker 1: don't know that that that amount of satisfaction allows for
Speaker 1: a lot for me, for a lot of growth, like
Speaker 1: I do needs struggle, Like when I would date women exclusively,
Speaker 1: like it would be great, and I was like there's
Speaker 1: something missing here, like like the sex is nice, and
Speaker 1: then we eat dinners and we hang out, and I
Speaker 1: don't know, I need something else, Like I need some trouble,
Speaker 1: like I need a problem. I need some frustration, I
Speaker 1: need to go huff and walk into the other room,
Speaker 1: and that's not happening here. And so I don't know
Speaker 1: that I would sustain the rest of my existence being
Speaker 1: that content, but wouldn't. Wouldn't Adding another person into the mix.
Speaker 1: It ups the chances of more struggle and problems and issues.
Speaker 1: And you're right, I mean, it'll keep the politics of
Speaker 1: that should keep you busy for a while out of
Speaker 1: feel Yeah, you're absolutely right. I think that we also
Speaker 1: m I at least always imagine, you know, because I'm
Speaker 1: at the center of my own universe with all these
Speaker 1: satellites around me, that I'm like, oh, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: all about me and everyone's gonna make me happy. No,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have a fight with one and then the
Speaker 1: other one's gonna be like, yeah, you're wrong, and then
Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, oh, well, now there's accountability as
Speaker 1: opposed to just like one person said one thing and
Speaker 1: the other person said another, and I guess we'll never know.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, we know you fucked up. Yea, yeah,
Speaker 1: we've now got a fucking majority to decisions. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: I do not want democracy in my house. You never want.
Speaker 1: You never want a situation where there's could be a
Speaker 1: majority against No. No, I'm outside my door. Great in
Speaker 1: my home. No totalitarianism, talitarian authority. Tell me this then,
Speaker 1: So this show, which obviously I'm now obsessed with, it's
Speaker 1: like different versions of a couple auditioning someone. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: the way that it's structured, and I even I don't
Speaker 1: know I even questioned this, but the way it is
Speaker 1: structured is that a couple comes and they are looking
Speaker 1: for a third to be part of their sort of life,
Speaker 1: not just for like a night, but you know whatever,
Speaker 1: to kind of incorporate and see if it works out. So,
Speaker 1: you know, they it's basically like you've got three people
Speaker 1: you can't see, and you, you know, you get to
Speaker 1: ask them questions and then they slowly sort of get
Speaker 1: eliminated and they sort of get to ask you some
Speaker 1: questions back and whatever, and then you get to the
Speaker 1: place where it's like, okay, we're gonna look at each other,
Speaker 1: now do we still want to do this thing? And
Speaker 1: they're standing on as you know, well, I don't even
Speaker 1: know if I should say this, but you know, because
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, but basically they secretly choose like yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to go on a date and it's literally
Speaker 1: just a day. Yes I want to go on a
Speaker 1: date with this person of these people or actually no, thanks.
Speaker 1: Now that I've gone through this, and I hope that
Speaker 1: it'll sort of pull people out who are kind of
Speaker 1: like looking for you know, I would say that part
Speaker 1: of it calls into question just relationships in general, Like
Speaker 1: I'm someone that I'm like, even though I tend to
Speaker 1: practice monogamy. I feel like that's a construct that people
Speaker 1: created for the purposes of, like property and land and
Speaker 1: ownership and all these other things, Like, so why not
Speaker 1: have a totally different construct, Like why not? Because honestly,
Speaker 1: life is twice as long as it used to be
Speaker 1: because we have like penicillin and stuff, So like, why
Speaker 1: not figure out if something else works a little bit
Speaker 1: more functionally because who knows? And however, many hundreds of years,
Speaker 1: if that's the thing actually that we figured out three
Speaker 1: is actually the magic number and this works a lot better,
Speaker 1: is a lot more stable or something? I don't know,
Speaker 1: but it's worth questioning everything that we thought we knew,
Speaker 1: because clearly, if the President has revealed anything to us
Speaker 1: as that we don't know what we thought we knew,
Speaker 1: you know, just about everything. I've sort of had a
Speaker 1: theory for a while that this century is going to
Speaker 1: be spent undoing everything that happened in the last century.
Speaker 1: It's like everything, every every aspect of it that we did,
Speaker 1: we did wrong, and we're running now realizing we did
Speaker 1: everything wrong and now we have to undo everything until
Speaker 1: I guess we're just a village living in fields and
Speaker 1: and bringing the torches to someone's house. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but but can I ask you, and maybe this is
Speaker 1: two personal have you ever been in a relationship that
Speaker 1: is polyamorous. I've never been in a polyamorous relationship. I've
Speaker 1: been in the like one night situation, but like not
Speaker 1: in the like let's like live together and work this out.
Speaker 1: I do have some friends who have done that, but
Speaker 1: they I tend to find that it's not always true,
Speaker 1: but more frequently they are younger. I feel like like
Speaker 1: you and I are around the same generation. We're in
Speaker 1: that weird sort of like gen X millennial taint area.
Speaker 1: But I feel like, you know, like that Gooch generation goods. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like I feel like millennials and you know, are
Speaker 1: they gen zet what? I don't know what letter we're on?
Speaker 1: Are we in the Greek alphae? But now? But anyway,
Speaker 1: I feel like those who are younger than us are
Speaker 1: a little bit more receptive to that. I think just
Speaker 1: in terms of going like, probably they've seen a lot
Speaker 1: of heterosexual or even not heterosexual at this point, but
Speaker 1: monogamous relationships not work, and so they're kind of like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's possible to love more than one person,
Speaker 1: and let's work it out. You know. I'm of the
Speaker 1: generation where my friends go like, yeah, but at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, there's too many damn people in
Speaker 1: the room, Like I can barely deal with one other
Speaker 1: person in the same home where I can hear them breathing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm really fascinated by the idea, and I love the
Speaker 1: idea of it, and I struggle to I read a
Speaker 1: book about where they were talking about like jealousy is
Speaker 1: a made up emotion that you can sort of get
Speaker 1: rid of, And I thought, is it? But I'm interested?
Speaker 1: But I also thought, is it seems like a fairly
Speaker 1: common one. It is, But I think I don't know
Speaker 1: what the argument is. But if you go back to
Speaker 1: looking at monogamous relationships as an invented construct then, yeah,
Speaker 1: jealousy would then be the emotions that are built on
Speaker 1: top of that, whereas before you like I guess even
Speaker 1: before like you know, dual person relationships, maybe you might
Speaker 1: see someone that you snogged and then next day's talking
Speaker 1: to someone else you uh, you know, but I mean
Speaker 1: ultimately tends to me more about your insecurity, right yeah,
Speaker 1: but that insecurity it's both real and made up though, right,
Speaker 1: Like our insecurities are based on weird stories that we
Speaker 1: have about ourselves and our shortcomings that pretty much nobody
Speaker 1: else holds about us typically. Yeah, so that is also
Speaker 1: kind of in a way of made up emotion. It's
Speaker 1: kind of like when therapists talk about like feelings about feelings,
Speaker 1: where it's like, don't feel guilty about being sad, like,
Speaker 1: just have the pure emotion because emotions happen for a reason.
Speaker 1: Don't then make up feelings about the feelings you had,
Speaker 1: because it's just like, why are you hitting yourself so? Right?
Speaker 1: Because I guess what jealousy is is saying I'm not
Speaker 1: comfortable with this thing happening with someone else because I
Speaker 1: don't believe in myself enough that this is going to
Speaker 1: be fine or yeah, yeah, it's it's needing validation or yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah I think it is. I mean this may be
Speaker 1: related or may not be, but I remember there's the
Speaker 1: stude that I spent like right my year leading up
Speaker 1: this was like post sad in Return leading up to
Speaker 1: like thirty year of like being all messed up about
Speaker 1: and we had one of those relationships that isn't a relationship,
Speaker 1: but is one one that's like all this like hand
Speaker 1: holding and late night talking and sharing of dreams and
Speaker 1: like not actually really having physical connection or actually being
Speaker 1: claimed publicly but still having a thing going on. Happens
Speaker 1: to a lot of women and a lot of gay
Speaker 1: men I've found. But like there's this whole thing of
Speaker 1: like me being like, you know, like I feel like
Speaker 1: you're the one and you're not giving me the thing,
Speaker 1: and I feel all fucked up about myself. And then
Speaker 1: the minute he was like, I just don't think I'm
Speaker 1: as into it as you are, Like basically I'm just
Speaker 1: not that into you, right Like it was a big
Speaker 1: kick to the cooter. But then after that I was
Speaker 1: just like you, And it was amazing how quickly my
Speaker 1: psyche went like oh you're gross, Like you're not into me,
Speaker 1: and you just spend a year like fucking daddling around
Speaker 1: and holding my and like also just like if you're
Speaker 1: not into me, Like I don't know, I don't necessarily
Speaker 1: always have like a super high self esteem, but in
Speaker 1: this moment, I was like, you're fucking stupid, Like you're
Speaker 1: just dumb. I can't believe I like someone so dumb
Speaker 1: and fucking useless. And it was amazing how some part
Speaker 1: of me just like stood up for myself. Immediately after
Speaker 1: he was like, I'm just I don't really think I'm
Speaker 1: into you, and I was just like okay, fine, and
Speaker 1: I cried for like a night. I woke up the
Speaker 1: next day I was like, fucking lame but gross bomb
Speaker 1: and emoji over and I was like, I wish that
Speaker 1: I had, you know, made that confrontation happen in a
Speaker 1: lot of other situations sooner, so I wouldn't have had
Speaker 1: jealousy or feelings of self worth that were in the
Speaker 1: gut or and all these other things, when I could
Speaker 1: just have had that feeling of like al that cuts
Speaker 1: like a knife. I'm gonna cry like I've been stabbed
Speaker 1: in the street. It hurts, and then go other person's
Speaker 1: gross and stupid bye. You know, like no better feeling
Speaker 1: than being like I feel nothing for you. That's the dream.
Speaker 1: The dream is to feel nothing at old times? Anyway,
Speaker 1: can I ask you one of the thing? Oh that
Speaker 1: you may I know you've talked about it a lot,
Speaker 1: so genuinely if you were like I'm talking about that,
Speaker 1: say so, and we weren't talking about it, but in
Speaker 1: your time as a dominate change, like I sort of
Speaker 1: there are two things I sort of want to know.
Speaker 1: One is like your first day, your first time, like
Speaker 1: whether it was like scary or you were like, like
Speaker 1: was it? I'm sort of interested in the very because
Speaker 1: until you get everyone gets used to whatever the thing is.
Speaker 1: But the first time, first day at work, yeah you
Speaker 1: thought you I don't know what what made you go,
Speaker 1: I'll give this a go. But when you first did
Speaker 1: where you're like, this is weirder than I thought, this
Speaker 1: is better than I thought, this is scary, Like how
Speaker 1: was the very first time? If I may, so? Yeah,
Speaker 1: yes you can now normally um like I usually I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so bored of talking about this because
Speaker 1: people tend to not have any questions, like they just go,
Speaker 1: So you were dominatrix just right, and then you're like yeah.
Speaker 1: But the thing and the reason that I usually go
Speaker 1: like ah, is because people think they're interested until they
Speaker 1: hear the truth, and then suddenly they're not interested in anymore,
Speaker 1: because like the truth is like you know, it's full
Speaker 1: of like reality and blue wids and weird emotion and
Speaker 1: pain and stuff that people were like, oh, I thought
Speaker 1: it was gonna be like a cinemax like sort of
Speaker 1: situation that was gonna be all like airbrushed, and you know,
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, this is like for real people who
Speaker 1: go to their jobs, put on makeup and PVC or whatever,
Speaker 1: walk across a you know, a threshold into a room,
Speaker 1: just like you walk onto a stage and you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is who I am or you know, I've read
Speaker 1: the dossie of what the dude wants. This is who
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be. And also it's really funny because I
Speaker 1: always think about, like I was a dominatrix, I went
Speaker 1: to Yale, and people always impressed when you say those things,
Speaker 1: but no one ever asks how you did it those
Speaker 1: things like I wasn't great and I was ship I
Speaker 1: was really bad to it, but yes, I was not
Speaker 1: a good dominatrix. I was a much better comedian writer,
Speaker 1: like Fly on the Wall. I'm gonna use this later.
Speaker 1: I was not great at the job. I mean, I
Speaker 1: was a virgin when I started it, Brett, so like
Speaker 1: I was, Yeah, that's the whole trick of it. I
Speaker 1: went into that job having I was a late virgin,
Speaker 1: I hadn't had sex at all. I went into that going, well,
Speaker 1: this is a sex free way of getting to look
Speaker 1: at men in a sexual way and starting to sort
Speaker 1: of like desensitize myself about like the fear around that.
Speaker 1: And you know, I had a lot of just body fear,
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm I am a fat black woman.
Speaker 1: That is pretty much as far as sexuality goes in
Speaker 1: Western culture, pretty low on the totem pole, except for
Speaker 1: in the fetish world, where suddenly all the people who
Speaker 1: won't admit that they're attracted to you in the light
Speaker 1: of day are like So that was for me. It
Speaker 1: was in part validating, but I also kind of needed
Speaker 1: to feel some sense of empowerment with it, just because
Speaker 1: I just felt like so objectified, just in this body
Speaker 1: where so much attention is paid to you about like
Speaker 1: your flaws, and then no attention is paid to you
Speaker 1: as to like your qualities, right, so going into it,
Speaker 1: please please please, So if you would vage and you
Speaker 1: had this, you had this idea, but the did the
Speaker 1: idea come to you because you knew someone else who
Speaker 1: was doing it? Did someone suggest it? Where did it
Speaker 1: come from? So? I was on a date with this
Speaker 1: girl at the time. She had a friend who was
Speaker 1: working out the same dungeon. So, and it was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've like, well, okay, look, you
Speaker 1: probably have because you're an artist, and I'm certain you've
Speaker 1: done the thing where you do something for the story
Speaker 1: or because you want to say you've done it. I
Speaker 1: do everything for the story for the story, right, And
Speaker 1: so as like being a dominator or something, I wanted
Speaker 1: to say that I done because that makes me seem
Speaker 1: pretty cool and badass and more powerful than I actually am.
Speaker 1: So a fake it till you make it kind of gesture.
Speaker 1: So she was talking about it, and she was just
Speaker 1: sort of like a normal person, Like she wasn't sort
Speaker 1: of like hyper sexualized, like you look like a striper
Speaker 1: or anything like that. She was just like a Brooklyn Witch,
Speaker 1: you know, like you do right, who also worked as
Speaker 1: a dumb and I was just like, tell me more,
Speaker 1: and you're like yeah, I mean we're always hiring, you know, um,
Speaker 1: because they are always hiring because there's a high turnover
Speaker 1: rate and a job like that, it's kind of like
Speaker 1: canvassing where it's like you do that for one day
Speaker 1: and you're like, yeah, I don't care about green peace,
Speaker 1: never mind by So I'm done. Yeah, pretty much, I'm
Speaker 1: done because if one more person like gives me the
Speaker 1: evil eye on the street and just ignores my existence,
Speaker 1: I'm going to lose it. So I go in, I
Speaker 1: have the interview. They basically are like, you know what
Speaker 1: this job is, right, I'm like yeah, um. So then
Speaker 1: they're like, great, you're hired because basically, you know, you
Speaker 1: don't make any money until they make some money, so
Speaker 1: they may as well hire you. So my first I
Speaker 1: believe this was my first good It was just a
Speaker 1: half hour spanking session. It was just a spanking session.
Speaker 1: But the thing is that's thirty minutes, right, and so
Speaker 1: you've got to create oh yes, you've got to create
Speaker 1: a world in which a spanking happens in a sexual way,
Speaker 1: which is not something I knew how to do because
Speaker 1: I hadn't don't have to do anything in a sexual way.
Speaker 1: So I beat this guy's ass like he was a
Speaker 1: black kid who had stayed out best this street lights
Speaker 1: coming on, Like I beat his ass like there wasn't
Speaker 1: like if you give a sexy spanking, you have to
Speaker 1: like you have to do the spank and the rub.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like part of it is the tease
Speaker 1: and part of his the withholding and then the smack
Speaker 1: and like the exhilaration of not knowing when it's coming.
Speaker 1: It's not getting whaled on like your southern grandma with
Speaker 1: a switch was like, you know, I beat this ground
Speaker 1: man's ass and like I didn't do a great job
Speaker 1: because like he didn't finish, which is how you know
Speaker 1: you've done your job right right at the end, he goes, no,
Speaker 1: no storyline as and you just walked in and just
Speaker 1: started hitting it me. I was like trying to be
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, been over, get on, you know the
Speaker 1: spanking horse. You've been bad. I just beat his ass
Speaker 1: and then took his cache. Can't you just so Fortunately,
Speaker 1: you know you work with other people who are like
Speaker 1: you know, they'll show you how to use a flogger.
Speaker 1: They'll show you the whip, or they'll show you or
Speaker 1: they'll let you sit in on their session because the
Speaker 1: guy likes being you know, voyeurism, or he likes being
Speaker 1: looked at or whatever. So you get a chance to
Speaker 1: go see and you go, oh, that's like how you
Speaker 1: create a character, and you know, or I mean not
Speaker 1: even a character, but like literally how you sort of
Speaker 1: create a power dynamic, you know when you come into
Speaker 1: the room and you know, I mean there were women
Speaker 1: who were younger than I was, who had been doing
Speaker 1: it for you know, there were a couple of women
Speaker 1: I worked with who would like either done it right
Speaker 1: out of high school or dropped or whatever, you know.
Speaker 1: And then there are other women who like went to
Speaker 1: Ivy League schools or putting themselves through nursing school or
Speaker 1: college or whatever. It was like the whole gamut of women.
Speaker 1: It's like the coolest sorority, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's not just like you know, whatever girl's named Jessica.
Speaker 1: I didn't learn who are like uh, but it was
Speaker 1: just like women from like all walks of life. And
Speaker 1: so you got to see someone who's like like this
Speaker 1: stoks younger than me, she's basically a kid, but she
Speaker 1: knows what she's doing, and she knows what she has
Speaker 1: how to wield this attention and how to give that
Speaker 1: attention back to someone in a way that's still you know,
Speaker 1: because the submissive is always the center. They are the
Speaker 1: ones who are getting you know, like, I'm far more
Speaker 1: submissive than dominant, because I like having attention paid to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you want to be exactly which is you know, when
Speaker 1: you're the submissive, everything is happening to you because of
Speaker 1: you at you. So then it is about being able
Speaker 1: to not only empathize but also to push beyond, you know,
Speaker 1: what is comfortable comfortable for some people. Some people are
Speaker 1: like super into pain, and I get the way the
Speaker 1: brain works and how that fires off a pleasure because
Speaker 1: they're right next to each other. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: you're like, this is kind of like but like I
Speaker 1: don't want to stick needles in you. I don't want
Speaker 1: to keep twisting you nipples to they fall off, Like
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that, but you're into that,
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna have to like find a way to
Speaker 1: do that or be like I can't do that level
Speaker 1: of pain session. You have to give that to someone
Speaker 1: who's really just like like, I mean, I worked with
Speaker 1: a woman who was studying to be a nurse. She
Speaker 1: had no problem, Like she knew exactly how to put
Speaker 1: a needle in someone, cut someone whatever. She's like great,
Speaker 1: And those were fun too, because it's like that's just
Speaker 1: a science experiment. When a guy's like, put those pins
Speaker 1: all over my balls, I was just like, let's see
Speaker 1: how many of these I can put on before you
Speaker 1: scream loop. You know, like at that point, you're just
Speaker 1: like a kid who's been given a chemistry set. The
Speaker 1: first one, Yeah, the first one, were you scared turning up?
Speaker 1: Were you like us? And then were you like, Oh no,
Speaker 1: it's just this, it's just a person in the room. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was less scared then than I would be now. Like,
Speaker 1: I think that you can do magnificently terrible things when
Speaker 1: you're young because you don't know, you don't know what
Speaker 1: you're risking, you don't know you have to lose. I
Speaker 1: always felt like you get much more sensitive as you
Speaker 1: get older, because I think you just like have enough
Speaker 1: experience to know what kind of pain or hurt or
Speaker 1: something could result from what you're about to do. When
Speaker 1: you're twenty three, twenty four, You're just like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: show me something, like, I haven't done shit, so like
Speaker 1: just owe me anything, like I don't know what does
Speaker 1: this do like? And then later you're like, oh, I
Speaker 1: did spend a whole year in therapy about that thing
Speaker 1: when I was twenty three, but I needed to do
Speaker 1: that to have like something to work on. So when
Speaker 1: I came in, I was just more like, Okay, well
Speaker 1: they hired me. I guess they'll, you know, like any job.
Speaker 1: I guess they'll show me what to do on the day.
Speaker 1: Absolutely I got an outfit. I don't know. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: the second question I went to ask, and I appreciate
Speaker 1: you talking about it, is you went in a virgin
Speaker 1: and one of the reasons you did was to you know,
Speaker 1: learn stuff. Did it change your worldview on sex and
Speaker 1: liked it? Did it make things better and more exciting?
Speaker 1: Did it make it worse? Did it like? Well, so
Speaker 1: there's a there's a many levels to that question. I
Speaker 1: can't just answer a question for like one sentence. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry. It'd be much snappy as a podcast if
Speaker 1: I did. But I think that there was what happened
Speaker 1: in the immediate and then what happened in the long term,
Speaker 1: Like I think there was part of it in the immediate,
Speaker 1: like when you I'll be real frank, when you have
Speaker 1: enough dudes on their hands and knees beating off to
Speaker 1: like something you just did, Like at some point you're
Speaker 1: just like all these guys just like want to get
Speaker 1: something from you, get off and then go and it
Speaker 1: starts to change your worldview about men in a way
Speaker 1: from me that I was like, this isn't necessarily what
Speaker 1: I need upfront, do you know, because at some point
Speaker 1: you start to just go like, oh God, all of
Speaker 1: you just like seething animals looking ah everywhere you look,
Speaker 1: just users you know, not that that isn't helpful information
Speaker 1: to have, because later you can go, you know, all
Speaker 1: of us have our moments in which we're just gross.
Speaker 1: I happened to have worked in a place where I
Speaker 1: am seeing people at a certain state in their lives.
Speaker 1: Even though ninety percent of the time they're at home
Speaker 1: with their kids, or they're at the office, or they're
Speaker 1: doing other things. The ten percent they're just like, I
Speaker 1: need a stranger to do this thing to me because
Speaker 1: I'm too afraid to tell somebody who's in my life
Speaker 1: about this, because I think they'll leave me. So I
Speaker 1: need a place where I can pay someone so I
Speaker 1: can be my most base possible. Right. So I understand
Speaker 1: in retrospect that that was a specific kind of you know,
Speaker 1: view of humanity that I was getting at the time,
Speaker 1: But it did very much open my eyes up to
Speaker 1: kind of like what power dynamics can come into relationships, sexuality,
Speaker 1: and just like the outside world in a way that
Speaker 1: I think was really elucidating. Like once you see that,
Speaker 1: it's hard not to transpose those images onto like the
Speaker 1: default world and be like, I see what this scenario is,
Speaker 1: or like, you're the kind of guy who really just
Speaker 1: likes to be shout on, so I'm not going to
Speaker 1: sit and listen to you. Like I can see from
Speaker 1: your face. So yeah, yeah, yeah, you're big and important,
Speaker 1: but like, shut the fuck up because you'll go in
Speaker 1: and just have a girl squat over your face. And
Speaker 1: not that there's anything wrong with that per se, but
Speaker 1: it makes me go, well, like stop tooting your own horn,
Speaker 1: because I know what you like, so but yeah, for me,
Speaker 1: it let me go like, oh, I can see things
Speaker 1: that I might be into, like I know that there
Speaker 1: are things that I maybe am not into, but there
Speaker 1: are other things. I was like, oh, I definitely see
Speaker 1: the appeal of that, you know, And I think it
Speaker 1: made me a little less like, um, I don't know
Speaker 1: that I would have been necessarily super judgmental anyway, but
Speaker 1: it made me a lot less just because anything anybody's
Speaker 1: ever been like, oh I'm really into this, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've seen people who are into ten times worship, So like,
Speaker 1: that's not gonna it's not gonna make me walk away
Speaker 1: from you or judge you or whatever. It's gonna make
Speaker 1: me go like huh. I wonder where that came from,
Speaker 1: because typically when you're enacting some weird fantasy, you're like,
Speaker 1: you clearly had something like this happened to you, like
Speaker 1: at puberty, and it got stuck, you know, Like I
Speaker 1: did one where like a guy wanted us to dress
Speaker 1: up like cheerleaders and make fun of him like he
Speaker 1: was in high school, and I was like, so when
Speaker 1: did this happen? And you got like a surprise boner
Speaker 1: and then this was like a thing that switched in
Speaker 1: your head and now you're constantly trying to like, you know,
Speaker 1: get the same high that you got from that moment.
Speaker 1: You can't quite get it, you know. Yeah, So anyway, anyway,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's a fascinating view into the universe. But
Speaker 1: also it's like we all everybody fucks, do you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? I mean almost everybody, right, you know,
Speaker 1: I guess unless you whatever, but everybody fucks. And it's
Speaker 1: a thing that we're like we can never talk about it.
Speaker 1: And I was like, but I wish that someone had,
Speaker 1: like I wish I didn't have to learn the things
Speaker 1: that I learned there there. I wish that I wish
Speaker 1: my mom would just spent half a day just being like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is gonna happen, and this is gonna happen, and
Speaker 1: don't feel bad because then that's gonna happen. It's gonna
Speaker 1: be fine, you know, Like, and sometimes you're gonna be
Speaker 1: fucking grice. You do grice, and sometimes it's like you're
Speaker 1: a fucking animal. And then and then you suddenly not
Speaker 1: like an animal and feel word about the bit that
Speaker 1: five minutes ago you were like an animal. That's so yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the best part when you're like, oh my god, animals.
Speaker 1: And then you're like, remember what you said five minutes
Speaker 1: ago when you were like being disgusting to shut up,
Speaker 1: you said you liked it good. Yeah, that's so. I
Speaker 1: also really like, I suppose you're in a fairly un
Speaker 1: usual situation to if you're with a guy and he
Speaker 1: tells you what his thing he's to tell you, and
Speaker 1: you're like, I've cut someone open and fed them there
Speaker 1: and tested, like, think that's okay. I mean, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: like half the time people thinks that people are like,
Speaker 1: I mean this thing, I'm like, yeah, that's normal, Like
Speaker 1: people are into people who have sex for long enough
Speaker 1: are into that thing, you know, so weird. You know,
Speaker 1: anytime a guy's like, oh I wanted to try putting
Speaker 1: something up my button, I'm like, yeah, of course you do.
Speaker 1: That's where your G spot is. Like I was, I've
Speaker 1: been waiting. I can't believe you wait till date too.
Speaker 1: Come on, yeah, I mean, come on, let's go. Right,
Speaker 1: I thought I would liked me, come on, let's do this.
Speaker 1: Amazing It's the best podcast ever, all right, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm absolutely loving this. So, I mean, obviously you could
Speaker 1: talk to you about this all day, but um, I've
Speaker 1: forgotten to tell you something and I should have told
Speaker 1: you when he came on the zoom. Yeah, I do
Speaker 1: full disclosure up front, and I know as well as
Speaker 1: it's a bit of it like, but I'll just say
Speaker 1: it and then we'll deal with it. Okay, Okay, you've died.
Speaker 1: You're You're dead, Bomber is it is? I had plans
Speaker 1: and stuff? I know. I'm so sorry. How did you die?
Speaker 1: How would you die? All right? I have too many
Speaker 1: answers to this question. So what I want to say
Speaker 1: and what I want to put out into the universe
Speaker 1: is that I either die in my sleep after being
Speaker 1: at least mid eighties, or I die fast. All right.
Speaker 1: If I don't die in my sleep, I just want
Speaker 1: to die fast. I don't necessarily like I don't want
Speaker 1: to be in the bottom of a well putting lotion
Speaker 1: on my skin kind of situation, Like I don't want that,
Speaker 1: you know, um, Like I don't want to be murdered.
Speaker 1: But I've often and I don't even want to say
Speaker 1: this good thing is tables would I'm going to knock
Speaker 1: on it because I'm quite superstitious, but I've definitely had
Speaker 1: sort of I don't know if this is just a
Speaker 1: natural human thing because we're not supposed to be in
Speaker 1: these scenarios. But like, have you ever done the thing
Speaker 1: where you've been on the freeway driving in a car
Speaker 1: and just had a flash of like special sni snash,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Yes, Like, and I
Speaker 1: was just like, is that Dinah car accident in a
Speaker 1: previous life or am I just thinking about how like
Speaker 1: my body's going ninety miles an hour and it probably
Speaker 1: shouldn't be doing that and this piece of metal And
Speaker 1: so I'm always like would it be? You know, like
Speaker 1: what I don't want it to be is to be
Speaker 1: like I'm on one of these winding roads and then
Speaker 1: like it goes off and I'm like, oh no, this
Speaker 1: is how fuck? Like so what you drive up for Cliff? Yeah,
Speaker 1: or just like you know, into something like I don't
Speaker 1: necessarily maybe it's cool to have that moment, but I
Speaker 1: don't necessarily want to have that moment where I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 1: this is how it happens. And I know that, you know,
Speaker 1: people talk about stories where they have evaded death, where
Speaker 1: they've had that thought of like oh I guess this
Speaker 1: is I go, you know, and I mean maybe that's
Speaker 1: not I just don't want it to be murder anything else,
Speaker 1: All right, okay you can well I'll make a note
Speaker 1: just no, just no murder, like no murder and no
Speaker 1: stereotypical deaths like I'm big and black. So I don't
Speaker 1: want to die of like heart disease or diabetes, because
Speaker 1: fuck everybody not going out like that. I rather, I
Speaker 1: don't want to fall down a flight of stairs. But
Speaker 1: you know I'm a clutzy person, so to be honest,
Speaker 1: it'll be an accident. See do you want to go
Speaker 1: with drive off a cliff? Because great mind drive off
Speaker 1: a cliff because you get a moment of flight. And
Speaker 1: I think that it is a question answered. It is
Speaker 1: the last question answer. But you're like, this is what
Speaker 1: it's like to be in free fall? Yeah, yeah, and
Speaker 1: then hopefully you'll be quick we'll see. But yeah, like,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to answer the question, like this
Speaker 1: is what it's like to have the steering column go
Speaker 1: through your Torso yeah, but here we are, so here
Speaker 1: we are. I'm so I get in pressI you worry
Speaker 1: about death? Is that it is? I think because of
Speaker 1: where I am in life, it has become a lot
Speaker 1: more present and real, Like I think somewhere between sort
Speaker 1: of like I'm forty two now, so like from like
Speaker 1: thirty seven thirty eight, particularly thirty nine was a big one,
Speaker 1: I guess. One the lead up to forty and two.
Speaker 1: My mom got really sick at that time, and she's
Speaker 1: thirty nine when she had me, So I was kind
Speaker 1: of looking at like the mirror image of being like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm the age that she was like when she was
Speaker 1: my parent and all of that stuff, and like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't have any of that shit figured out, but
Speaker 1: Lyn neither did she I just thought she did. So
Speaker 1: mortality became a very real concept of like, oh, you
Speaker 1: really do need to like figure out what you're doing
Speaker 1: because you don't have that much time left, and do
Speaker 1: you want to do you want to die still doing
Speaker 1: some of the same stuff you're doing. So I think
Speaker 1: about it in that way in terms of being like
Speaker 1: I'd love to change certain patterns in my life just
Speaker 1: so that I don't keep doing the same thing to
Speaker 1: the exclusion of other things that this life could contain,
Speaker 1: you know, because like I guess, my belief is that
Speaker 1: we do choose to come into a physical form, that
Speaker 1: there is some point at which there's like I like
Speaker 1: to think of it as the waiting room or whatever.
Speaker 1: But like people have indies talk about like, oh and
Speaker 1: then I saw my grandparents or my parent or whatever,
Speaker 1: and it was all this beautiful light and it's like
Speaker 1: this beautiful technicolor dream and everyone's like it's okay, and
Speaker 1: it's not your time though, go back and all that stuff,
Speaker 1: but like it's all okay, it's going to be great,
Speaker 1: and you're surrounded in love. And I do feel like
Speaker 1: there's an element of that that is true. But I
Speaker 1: feel like when you come into a form, you choose
Speaker 1: to take it all right, you know, you choose to
Speaker 1: go for the sake of feeling and in my opinion,
Speaker 1: for the sake of sort of moving forward some karmic debts.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go back into a physical form for
Speaker 1: all of the beauty, majesty and absolute horror that it contains.
Speaker 1: And so yeah, I like, I guess I think about
Speaker 1: death in terms of, like, have I done the things
Speaker 1: that I came here to do? When I was sitting
Speaker 1: up there going I choose her, and I choose this one,
Speaker 1: and I choose all of these circumstances, a lot of
Speaker 1: which can be quite heavy. But I think that I
Speaker 1: can do it, Like I think I can get us
Speaker 1: across the next I can click us over a little
Speaker 1: bit more and can get us across the next finish line.
Speaker 1: Am I doing that? Or did I get lost in
Speaker 1: the whirlpool and forget why I came and get lost
Speaker 1: in the store and go fuck I fucking forgot God
Speaker 1: damn it. So you think in terms of no, I love,
Speaker 1: love love this. So you think you don't plan out
Speaker 1: your life, but you put the kind of roadblocks in
Speaker 1: the way you guys. Yeah, I think you choose the
Speaker 1: circumstances I'll deal with, for example, And I'm guessing nothing
Speaker 1: to do do with you. But an I choose a death earlier,
Speaker 1: I choose this, I choose you know. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I don't know if you get to choose your death,
Speaker 1: but I do know, Yeah, maybe you do, because I
Speaker 1: think everybody has their time. Like there's enough people who
Speaker 1: have evaded death and enough people who just died apropos
Speaker 1: of nothing for me to go, there's a day with
Speaker 1: your name on it, Yeah, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 1: and I didn't used to believe that way, but yeah,
Speaker 1: if you could know the day with your name on it,
Speaker 1: would you want to know, Oh fuck, no, that's too much,
Speaker 1: Like it's okay. I have of two minds of that.
Speaker 1: Like if I was in the position where someone's like,
Speaker 1: you have X amount of weeks or months to live,
Speaker 1: that's a gift, that's like, okay, great, then I'm going
Speaker 1: to do it all because now is the only time
Speaker 1: that there is and it immediately puts you into the
Speaker 1: present in a way that most people don't actually live
Speaker 1: their lives. But if I knew, I don't know, Like
Speaker 1: if I knew it was I don't know, Like if
Speaker 1: I knew it was like ninety five, maybe I'd forget.
Speaker 1: But if I knew it was like fifty five, I'd
Speaker 1: spend so much time being like why me? And what
Speaker 1: the fuck? And like well maybe I need to be
Speaker 1: famous or maybe need to write all of the h
Speaker 1: Like it's it's different when it's like five months months
Speaker 1: then when it is like fifteen years, like that's just
Speaker 1: sort of like a lot of unfair. Like I know, me,
Speaker 1: I'd spend a lot of time sulking you really made
Speaker 1: the most of it. Yeah, five months, I can deal
Speaker 1: with that. Like I don't know about you. I'm a coper.
Speaker 1: I do well with a deadline, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And if and if a deadline is in a month,
Speaker 1: that or like, if a deadline's tomorrow, that's what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do the most work of deadlines in the month.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wait until the deadlines tomorrow and then do
Speaker 1: the most. Yeah. Absolutely, So a deadline of fifteen years
Speaker 1: not good for me interesting, and a deadline of ninety
Speaker 1: five is like, well, who gives a fuck? That's life. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was hoping for something nearer, you know, So I
Speaker 1: get most hit done. Yeah, I get a light of
Speaker 1: fire under my house. Yeah. So when you die, you
Speaker 1: return to this waiting room, that's what you think? Or
Speaker 1: is there like a bit where you get to have
Speaker 1: some fun? Is there a heaven bit? Oh, you guys
Speaker 1: are waiting room and you like top up your score
Speaker 1: of like this was the plan. Here's the things you've
Speaker 1: you missed? Maybe, I mean like, so, I honestly, I
Speaker 1: like it is still a worldview of like spiritual reality
Speaker 1: and consciousness that I'm still fully forming. So I couldn't
Speaker 1: give you like a clear sort of lay of the land.
Speaker 1: But I do think that I do think that we
Speaker 1: as sort of different souls expressions of consciousness don't always
Speaker 1: come back into this planet, this world, this existence. I
Speaker 1: do think that there's time that we just sit out
Speaker 1: and whether we're in heaven and whether it looks like
Speaker 1: clouds and pearly gates or whether it looks like you know,
Speaker 1: like an acid dreamscape of just like color and you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, but like I do think that there's
Speaker 1: time that you just kind of like up there and
Speaker 1: being like wow, things are really magnificent. Wow, the universe. Wow.
Speaker 1: And then at some point, like I don't think everybody volunteers,
Speaker 1: but some people were like, yeah, I'll go in there
Speaker 1: and play, like I'll go and you know, go in
Speaker 1: for a round, because somebody's got to go in for
Speaker 1: a round. And look at these people like they're about
Speaker 1: to have a baby and they're all fucked up and
Speaker 1: they're definitely gonna pass on a bunch of like you know,
Speaker 1: like generational trauma and this and that and whatever, and
Speaker 1: maybe I can help or maybe I can do something there.
Speaker 1: And then I think you get here and you go,
Speaker 1: what the fuck have I done? And you're hipped out
Speaker 1: of a womb and you're like this is the most
Speaker 1: uncomfortable I will be for however long this thing is
Speaker 1: about to last. Yeah, yeah, I don't. I don't disagree. Nevertheless,
Speaker 1: I am dead. My dad did I imagine this point
Speaker 1: in people? They're like, is the film podcast? And I'm like, yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: what's your problem? But also you're dad, so yeah, it's
Speaker 1: an absolutely is well. I have I have some news there.
Speaker 1: This way ingram you talk of that exists, but we
Speaker 1: called it heaven and it's nice. It's pretty great. It's
Speaker 1: it's calle your favorite thing in it? What's your favorite thing?
Speaker 1: I mean, off the top of my head, it's shellfish
Speaker 1: and oral set right, so basically the wolves. I mean
Speaker 1: you might regret that choice. The wolves are made of
Speaker 1: shellfish and all sex. I'm just if it's if it's
Speaker 1: got oysters and scallops, I'm so good. Okay, there's oyses
Speaker 1: and scalops everywhere, but unfortunately, whenever you get near them,
Speaker 1: they try to perform allal sex and me so is it.
Speaker 1: It's mixed. It's a mixed build. But just met up
Speaker 1: against the wall legs of Kimball, like, this is fine,
Speaker 1: this is totally fine. God said it was cool, just good.
Speaker 1: This isn't quite what I remember. It's pretty good. And
Speaker 1: in this heaven whilst you're eating oysters and muscles but
Speaker 1: also having all sex performed on you by them. The
Speaker 1: people that are there just watching casually walking past, they
Speaker 1: want to they want to talk about your life. Weirdly.
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm kind of busy, but they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's fine, and they're like, oh no, just keep going.
Speaker 1: We just have some questions. Yeah, if you can concentrate
Speaker 1: on two things, You're like, I think so, And they say,
Speaker 1: we want to talk about your life but through film.
Speaker 1: And the first thing they ask you is and you're like, this,
Speaker 1: I've got to say, guys, this heaven is fucking weird, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we know we wanted someone. No one could have guessed.
Speaker 1: None of the religions got this part right. That is
Speaker 1: a lot of people who misinterpreted all the books we left.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love this. Okay. So the first
Speaker 1: thing they want to ask is what is the first
Speaker 1: film you remember seeing? Desiree? But so, okay, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I don't want this to be the first film,
Speaker 1: but I think it is because of the nightmares it
Speaker 1: gave me. It's this film called The Gate. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it was a horror film. From the eighties, and I
Speaker 1: feel like I saw a part of it, but just
Speaker 1: the part where the things under the bed were like
Speaker 1: eating the fingers of the person on the bed. It
Speaker 1: was like a kid like. It was basically I couldn't
Speaker 1: let any of my limbs hang off the bed, which
Speaker 1: is a common kid thing. But it was in part
Speaker 1: because I had seen the scene where they were these
Speaker 1: little demons that came out from underneath the bed and
Speaker 1: like saw the hand and the fingers and went like ha,
Speaker 1: And I was like, see, I knew it. The ship
Speaker 1: under the bed, it's going to eat me, like I'm
Speaker 1: going to get on. And so I know that I've
Speaker 1: seen other films around that time, but that I remember
Speaker 1: so distinctly because I think it just the fear response
Speaker 1: that it ignited in me was so salient, Like for years,
Speaker 1: well beyond the point of rationality, I was afraid to
Speaker 1: have anything hanging off the bed. Well were you do
Speaker 1: you remember? I had to have been somewhere around six.
Speaker 1: I was six. I grew up in a city called
Speaker 1: Diamond Bar, California, which is right next to Pomona. So
Speaker 1: because you know La, I can say Pomona, but nobody
Speaker 1: knows what's next to that. It's right next to here,
Speaker 1: to Pomona, which people have heard of, and so um, yeah,
Speaker 1: my parents had moved out of Los Angeles to the suburbs.
Speaker 1: But like at the time, they didn't even have a
Speaker 1: street light in that town. But now it's like a ridge,
Speaker 1: Pittown or whatever. So this would have been in Dinabark, California.
Speaker 1: I would have been you know, this would have been
Speaker 1: around eighty five. Maybe I have to check and see
Speaker 1: when that film came out, but I'm guessing like it
Speaker 1: was on TV and I had two working parents, which
Speaker 1: means a lot of parental things that should have happened,
Speaker 1: like me not watching shit like that on TV did
Speaker 1: not happen. Also, my dad was not good at being
Speaker 1: a father in that way, Like he let me watch
Speaker 1: The Predator with him, and I'm like, I'm eight, what
Speaker 1: the fuck's wrong with you? Like, even at eight, I
Speaker 1: was like, this is inappropriate? Like what do we do?
Speaker 1: You know, I've talked to other people who have dads
Speaker 1: like that, and I don't know what they think they're doing,
Speaker 1: but it's not a favor. Well, but then look how
Speaker 1: you've turned out. You weren't wrong. Yeah, but because I'm
Speaker 1: afraid of like seventy five five percent of things, because
Speaker 1: there's so many things like entities and creatures to be
Speaker 1: afraid of the us that I'm just like, just be
Speaker 1: good and nice to everyone. You never know who's a
Speaker 1: demon who wants to eat your fingers. A child, no,
Speaker 1: I am. Yes, I have siblings. I have an older
Speaker 1: half brother and sister and a younger brother. So I'm
Speaker 1: three out of four. I am a desperate for attention
Speaker 1: middle child. Nice. Okay, that's a great first film. What
Speaker 1: is the film that made you cry the most? And
Speaker 1: now you a crier? I am, And it depends on
Speaker 1: the thing. I hope no one on the podcast can
Speaker 1: hear how much wine I'm pouring. But I'm on vacation,
Speaker 1: So I am a crier. So when you said that,
Speaker 1: the okay, So a couple of films come to mind.
Speaker 1: The first one, and I wish I could tell you why,
Speaker 1: but it was when I was younger, was Legends of
Speaker 1: the Fall. It was the first film that made me cry,
Speaker 1: like ugly cry. It was like, you know, right around
Speaker 1: when Anthony Hopkins has the stroke and the sons are
Speaker 1: all kind of coming back, and I was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: like ugly crying at that, you know, and I mean
Speaker 1: in retrospect, I don't know how great the film is,
Speaker 1: but it's got a lot of sad stuff, like poor
Speaker 1: Elliott from Ete gets all like killed in World War
Speaker 1: two and like all I mean spoiler alert, but the
Speaker 1: ship's fucking thirty years old anyway, like you know, like
Speaker 1: it's just like there's like a lot of generations of stuff.
Speaker 1: So that's the first film that I remember like gut
Speaker 1: crying at, but a recent one. And I don't know
Speaker 1: how much this counts because it was on a plane,
Speaker 1: and I cry it pretty much anything I see on
Speaker 1: a plane, yes, because I think it's just the altitude
Speaker 1: and the transit. I cry on trains a lot too,
Speaker 1: like anytime I'm moving. I think that like those liminal
Speaker 1: spaces are places where like something can just hit you
Speaker 1: and you're like oh and like no defenses. You know,
Speaker 1: it'll take a day for my soul to catch up
Speaker 1: with me. So I always cry on planes and trains.
Speaker 1: So but I watched The Hate You Give, which was
Speaker 1: really really really welcome. It's fucking great, and I was
Speaker 1: sobbing on the plane and it was so hilarious because
Speaker 1: I was next. I was in am It was an
Speaker 1: international flight. I was flying from London to la to
Speaker 1: see family and I was in that middle row of
Speaker 1: three seats. I was on the aisle. So I had
Speaker 1: watched the film and then there was they were two
Speaker 1: friends like the of each other. Um, not my friends,
Speaker 1: but just two people were friends. But I say two
Speaker 1: white girls only because like I was watching the film
Speaker 1: and then I watched it, I was like sobbing whatever,
Speaker 1: and then I moved on to something else. And then
Speaker 1: I saw her turn it on get about twenty minutes
Speaker 1: and it was like nope, And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: what happened to all that work y'all said, y'all wanted
Speaker 1: to be doing everybody's reading the books and everything. You
Speaker 1: can't even make it this damn film. No, she just
Speaker 1: got to the first ten. And I get it because
Speaker 1: like a lot of times, I get to tense moments
Speaker 1: and I know the horrible thing that's coming and I
Speaker 1: have to pause and just go like okay. And then
Speaker 1: but it's like, because I know it's worth watching, I'll
Speaker 1: go back. But like I saw her pause and be
Speaker 1: like I can't, I can't do it. I need to watch,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know whatever, something light and I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, fine, fine, really good. I said, that
Speaker 1: film has not come up on this podcast before, and
Speaker 1: it's a really good film. Enough not cry. God, you
Speaker 1: watch a lot of films. Yeah, I can believe you've
Speaker 1: seen all of this. So my thing in it? What is? It?
Speaker 1: Would be really fun if this podcast was just me good.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is. Nope, no one either. Nope.
Speaker 1: The film podcast Somedy has a really saved films. Check
Speaker 1: it out. Yeah, what's what's the film that scared you
Speaker 1: the most? You're easily scared? Oh you're not. You were
Speaker 1: I am easily scared. Okay, No, I think I want
Speaker 1: to save that one because there's Okay. So The Ring
Speaker 1: scared the shit out of me. But it was a
Speaker 1: really well made film. I really liked it. I watched it.
Speaker 1: I think I saw it in a theater first, I think.
Speaker 1: But what happened was I was in New York City
Speaker 1: at the time. I bought the DVD off of it
Speaker 1: off the sidewalk, like you do, off of someone who's
Speaker 1: selling bootlegs. And what happened was the bootleg didn't work.
Speaker 1: But I didn't really so I had seen the film, right,
Speaker 1: and that's the whole thing. It's like, you watch a
Speaker 1: thing the screen, you have seven days the phone rings.
Speaker 1: I put it in and then it wouldn't come on,
Speaker 1: and I was like, because I wanted to watch it
Speaker 1: again either, that's right, I'd seen it before and I
Speaker 1: wanted to watch it again because it was that horror
Speaker 1: film that scared the shit out of me. But I
Speaker 1: was also like, is really fucking cool and I want
Speaker 1: to watch it again. And I was like, what the
Speaker 1: fuck it's not working and I literally ran because we
Speaker 1: had a landline and I ripped the fucking corner of
Speaker 1: the while I was like, no one can call right now,
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I will buy into a thing enough
Speaker 1: to believe that shit like and it was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's just a bootleg that didn't work. But I swear
Speaker 1: to god, I spent the rest of the night scared shitless.
Speaker 1: And my tag onto that is that. As I mentioned
Speaker 1: before about my father not knowing what is appropriate, I
Speaker 1: told him I'd really enjoyed that movie and he was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you should really see Ring Gou, the Japanese one, like
Speaker 1: that's the bed It's based on it so much better,
Speaker 1: and oh, like, if you like that, you should watch audition.
Speaker 1: I bought audition. I couldn't make it through audition because
Speaker 1: you see an audition and you know what the fuck
Speaker 1: happens in there. And at some point when the tongue
Speaker 1: got pulled out, I was like, goodbye. I did with
Speaker 1: the white girl on the plane did next to me.
Speaker 1: I've never finished that film because I was like, I
Speaker 1: could tell they were still a good half hour left,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, we're starting it at dismemberment,
Speaker 1: so I got a dip. So yeah, I think it
Speaker 1: was I think that stopped me doing horror for a
Speaker 1: little bit, because my dad was like, you should really
Speaker 1: get into horror, and I was like, I can't objectively
Speaker 1: appreciate things like I when people get shot in action films,
Speaker 1: I like tense up and like hold myself, Like I'm
Speaker 1: too emotionally empathetic for violent films like that. So I
Speaker 1: just had to stop. But yeah, the Ring was amazingly scary,
Speaker 1: but like scary, Yeah, that's great. What is the film
Speaker 1: that people don't like? It's not critically acclaimed, but you
Speaker 1: love it unconditionally. You're like everyone else is dumb? Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know if people dislike it, Like I haven't
Speaker 1: looked at its rotten Tomato score, but I know that
Speaker 1: it doesn't get mentioned very much from like the sort
Speaker 1: of cadre of nineties films that like we all sort
Speaker 1: of really enjoyed and talk about. And I love don't
Speaker 1: Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead so much and I don't
Speaker 1: And I don't know if people are like, that's a
Speaker 1: great film or people, but like people don't talk about it, dude,
Speaker 1: that is such a good out was that it was
Speaker 1: right anyone talk about it, and it was like, you know,
Speaker 1: it was like I think Christina Applegate had come out
Speaker 1: of They're like married with children sort of like and
Speaker 1: like I didn't even know what a grunion was until
Speaker 1: I saw the film. Like there was so much good
Speaker 1: stuff happening in that and the whole like we're going
Speaker 1: to band together and sort it out because there was
Speaker 1: like I must have been around the time of stuff
Speaker 1: like adventures and babysitting and probably you know, like they
Speaker 1: was like like Ferris Buellist the day Off started that
Speaker 1: thing of like hey, we're kids left on our own,
Speaker 1: like what can we get up to? But like I
Speaker 1: don't know. I can watch Don't Tell Mom the Babies
Speaker 1: Saer's dead now and she'd be like, Yep, I'm into it.
Speaker 1: I love this movie so much. Right, great, Great, I'll
Speaker 1: tell you what. I'm not actually giving you sixty points
Speaker 1: for that. Thank you. Yeah, Hey, what is the film
Speaker 1: that you used to love? You loved it a lot,
Speaker 1: and then you boughtched it recently and you've gone out. No,
Speaker 1: I don't like this anymore. For whatever reason that might be. This,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I will have given enough thought.
Speaker 1: The thing is, all that's coming up is stand up.
Speaker 1: That's not that isn't a film, because when I when
Speaker 1: you asked me this question, the first thing I think
Speaker 1: of as the of the and like, obviously isn't going
Speaker 1: to stand up. But the first thing I think of
Speaker 1: is watching Bill Cosby himself, which is not a film.
Speaker 1: It's a stand up thing. But it was one of
Speaker 1: the things that I watched when I was younger, before
Speaker 1: I became a stand up, that was like, wow, this
Speaker 1: is the thing you can do, Like wow, like I
Speaker 1: want to be a stand up. And I remember watching
Speaker 1: it with some friends and this was like before all
Speaker 1: of the you know, like before we all knew it
Speaker 1: was a rapist and we watched it and I was like,
Speaker 1: this isn't funny, and like that was the first experience
Speaker 1: I remember having of just being like I thought this
Speaker 1: thing was like golden and untouchable and it's and it's not,
Speaker 1: you know, And I guess stand up has an easier
Speaker 1: time of doing that. If I think of a film,
Speaker 1: I'd have to think, like, the problem is I love
Speaker 1: so many things from like the eighties that are classic
Speaker 1: eighties comedies. I don't know I would ever abandon, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like like everything that, like everything
Speaker 1: that like Bill Murray, Steve Martin or like Chevy Chase
Speaker 1: did in the eighties. Like I don't give a shit.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't care which vacation movie it is,
Speaker 1: like I don't like and I don't care how dated
Speaker 1: it is, Like fuck, this is this is the one
Speaker 1: where you've got me stumped. Listen, you could you can't.
Speaker 1: I would accept Bill Cusby himself because it was released
Speaker 1: as a film. There are stand up films. I invited
Speaker 1: people over and we were like, yeah, we're gonna watch it,
Speaker 1: and we all sat there not laughing. And this was
Speaker 1: not because we judged the Man. But I remember watching
Speaker 1: this and just being like this was so key to me,
Speaker 1: like thinking that stand up comedy was a thing that
Speaker 1: I could ever do. And I don't understand what I
Speaker 1: saw in it or what is missing anyway, but that
Speaker 1: was the one. I'm sure in two days I'll be like, ah,
Speaker 1: this was the movie, and I'll just record myself saying
Speaker 1: it and we'll superimpose it. Cool. Yeah, we could do that.
Speaker 1: We could do that. What's the film that you might
Speaker 1: not be special, but it's the film that means that
Speaker 1: nice to you because of the experience you had around
Speaker 1: seeing it that will always make it meaningful. Ah fuck,
Speaker 1: this is okay. There are two answers, and one has
Speaker 1: a much better story. I should tell that one, even
Speaker 1: though it's not like the film has meaning to me,
Speaker 1: even though the film is not like, so like, the
Speaker 1: lighter answer is the film Scrooged. I watched that film
Speaker 1: over and over with my family. It's the one holiday
Speaker 1: thing that we actually do. We never celebrate Christmas really,
Speaker 1: and like there wasn't very much that happened around that time,
Speaker 1: but we always sit down and watch that, and it
Speaker 1: was something that could bring everybody together and it's just
Speaker 1: my family's taste of Christmas film because it's not going
Speaker 1: to be too you know, schmalty or two whatever, but
Speaker 1: it's something we can laugh at, but it's something that
Speaker 1: does always sort of hit you in the gut at
Speaker 1: the end and make it go like uh. So that
Speaker 1: to me, like, I'll still put it on, and even
Speaker 1: though it's extremely dated and all that stuff, like, I
Speaker 1: still have those like warm cockles of like feeling. I
Speaker 1: had to say that before I say the film that
Speaker 1: probably actually deserves the rightful spot of this answer because
Speaker 1: of what happens surrounding it. So that is Jordan Peels Us,
Speaker 1: which is one of the scariest films that I've ever seen,
Speaker 1: but also scary in a like psychologically, spiritually, very profound way,
Speaker 1: obviously because of what the message of the film is,
Speaker 1: but because of how I saw it. So back in
Speaker 1: good old Diamond Bar, California. Um, the house that I
Speaker 1: grew up in as where my dad lives now. My
Speaker 1: mom when they could go out divorce, moved out, blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, but my dad still lives there. So I uh,
Speaker 1: And when I hang out with my dad, he wants
Speaker 1: to watch something like a movie or something, because that's
Speaker 1: his language, do you know what I mean? Like, you know,
Speaker 1: like he's that kind of man who like doesn't know
Speaker 1: how to communicate. And he's like, let's spend time together
Speaker 1: and watch a screen and you're like, okay, sure, and
Speaker 1: at some point you yes, so because we had we
Speaker 1: had watched UM Get Out together, you know, when Us
Speaker 1: came out, I was like, oh, we should watch that
Speaker 1: one too, you know, and he obviously has no problem
Speaker 1: watching a horror film with his child and being like
Speaker 1: this is fine. So you've seen that film. Uh, it
Speaker 1: has um and you know, on top of all of
Speaker 1: the like you know deep you know, the sort of
Speaker 1: like mirror image of the underworld whatever, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of like eleven eleven symbology in the film, which has
Speaker 1: already got sort of mystical connotations, but also in this
Speaker 1: film quite sort of dark, sort of like there's like
Speaker 1: a gate through which things can pass through whatever connotations.
Speaker 1: I bring that up because I was at his house.
Speaker 1: We were watching it, you know, like on his TV whatever.
Speaker 1: And when I go out there, I use my brother's
Speaker 1: electric car. He has like a Nissan leaf and it's
Speaker 1: an old one. Who means it needs to be charged
Speaker 1: up all of the time. So I had plugged the
Speaker 1: car into my dad's garage port and just left it
Speaker 1: charging when I came over to whatever, right, which means
Speaker 1: I had to go unplug it when I came back out.
Speaker 1: So he was walking me out to the car, saying goodbye,
Speaker 1: because like when I go out to visit, I see
Speaker 1: my dad a couple of times, but then that's it,
Speaker 1: and he's like, oh, it's always good to see him.
Speaker 1: Let's hug and be awkward whatever anyway, so he's walking
Speaker 1: me out to the street. Now, Diamond Bar is a
Speaker 1: very suburban town, very quiet at night. However, it does
Speaker 1: have a large I mean in the UK we call
Speaker 1: them boy racers right there are it's because it is
Speaker 1: quite moneyed. There are very wealthy families, very sort of wealthy,
Speaker 1: predominantly East Asian families with kids who are driving around
Speaker 1: in BMW's Mercedes. Like it's crazy rich Asians in this
Speaker 1: town basically, So there's a kid sixteen seventeen who has
Speaker 1: a car he has no business fucking touching that he
Speaker 1: is driving around, right, which means sometimes there's zipping down
Speaker 1: streets late at night because fuck all is going on right.
Speaker 1: So I'm setting up the scenario for this because my
Speaker 1: dad's walking me out to my suburban street, right, and
Speaker 1: you know, he's you know, saying goodbye, we hug and
Speaker 1: I'm going to unplug the car. He goes up to
Speaker 1: the garage of the driveway to go unplug that part
Speaker 1: of it, to pull the plug back into the car.
Speaker 1: So I'm standing in the street next to my car
Speaker 1: that's parked on the street. As I'm unplugging the car,
Speaker 1: I feel and here before I see a car at
Speaker 1: the top of my hill booming down the street. Like
Speaker 1: this is a residential, twenty mile an hour street. This
Speaker 1: car is going sixty right because this kid is going
Speaker 1: to like just zip down the street and zip onto
Speaker 1: his home and whatever the fuck else. And it's a
Speaker 1: hill that has a curve and then you get to
Speaker 1: the bottom, which is where my house is. So I'm
Speaker 1: standing in the street and I feel with my gut
Speaker 1: and like my third eye and like my soul this
Speaker 1: car coming. And the only I can only describe it
Speaker 1: like the way you feel in a dream where you're
Speaker 1: like something's wrong. And I felt this car coming, and
Speaker 1: I was like and I wanted to in my gut.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to run up into the house. I
Speaker 1: wanted to run up into the driving into the house
Speaker 1: because it was like, this isn't safe, Like it's not
Speaker 1: even safe for me to be on the street. I
Speaker 1: need to get the fuck away from this. The car
Speaker 1: zooming around the corner. The car, the guys in the
Speaker 1: car don't expect there to be anybody on the street
Speaker 1: because it's eleven o'clock at night. It's eleven eleven at night,
Speaker 1: which I find out afterwards after what happens next, which
Speaker 1: is they see me in the middle of the street
Speaker 1: because I can feel the wind of it. He slams
Speaker 1: on the brakes fish tails into a wall, into like
Speaker 1: a residential wall of someone's house halfway down the street
Speaker 1: because he saw me. I saw him, and I was like,
Speaker 1: this can't fucking happen. And he slams on the brakes
Speaker 1: and flies into a wall. So then we spend the
Speaker 1: next forty five minutes like getting nine to one the
Speaker 1: fire department whatever, because these kids have slammed a fucking
Speaker 1: convertible into a wall. Airbags have gone off, They're passed
Speaker 1: the fuck out, you know, and I like, like, and
Speaker 1: my dad's running down and he's like, what happened? I
Speaker 1: was just like standing, I'm still standing in the street
Speaker 1: because you know how you're like in that situation, I
Speaker 1: would do this, and that You're not gonna do shit.
Speaker 1: You're gonna stand stock still and try not to pish yourself.
Speaker 1: Like I couldn't move, And I went down to call
Speaker 1: nine on one after the crash. It was eleven fucking twelve,
Speaker 1: which means it happened to the left and eleven and
Speaker 1: I just watched that fucking film and I was freaked
Speaker 1: the fuck out the entire night because like we waited
Speaker 1: for an hour, they got taken away. You know, they
Speaker 1: were okay in the end, but like I was just
Speaker 1: like something about that film felt like it had crossed
Speaker 1: over into the like from the upside down into the
Speaker 1: real world in a way where I was like, I
Speaker 1: didn't expect that ship to follow me. So that is
Speaker 1: the right answer to your question, because I will never
Speaker 1: forget that film or that evening or what happened to
Speaker 1: my life after I saw that film. King Hell, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm glad that I'm alive because I could not be.
Speaker 1: And there they were, Yeah, they were, I mean, they're okay.
Speaker 1: Only because I was checking the newspaper to see if
Speaker 1: they had died. It was just like, oh, there's a
Speaker 1: car crash. And my dad was like, I assume they're
Speaker 1: okay because there's no flowers in front of that wall,
Speaker 1: and I was like, that's thing anyone's ever said, but
Speaker 1: you're not wrong. So I think they're okay, probably because
Speaker 1: they're seventeen, do you know what I mean? The kind
Speaker 1: of shit that'll kill you when you're forties, the kind
Speaker 1: of thing that you kind of like go like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I remember that fucked up thing that happened I was seventeen,
Speaker 1: you just like walk away from. So I think they
Speaker 1: were okay because there was no notice that they died,
Speaker 1: but yeah, that happened. God. So yeah. I mean that's
Speaker 1: why I'm like, I try not to fuck with horror films,
Speaker 1: but like though, there are some really excellent horror films
Speaker 1: out there, so I get why people are into them
Speaker 1: because of what they do to the human psyche. I
Speaker 1: just I feel like I'm at a very there's a
Speaker 1: thin membrane between me and all of that nightmare, and
Speaker 1: I'm a very fearful person underneath it. So yeah, well,
Speaker 1: and too obviously the obviously the next logical question is
Speaker 1: what's the sexiest film? I mean, come on, if we're
Speaker 1: talking about fear, we definitely need to talk about sex.
Speaker 1: So these are um I mean, my answer to this
Speaker 1: is secretary because obviously it's an S and M film,
Speaker 1: But that's not the reason. For the sole reason. The
Speaker 1: reason is that is the film that I went on
Speaker 1: a date with the guy I lost my virginity too,
Speaker 1: so I yes, that's how old I was when that happened.
Speaker 1: We went to see the film in the theater in
Speaker 1: the East Village, I can't remember, with Sunshine or somewhere
Speaker 1: else that we went to. And I remember going into
Speaker 1: the bathroom after the film and look at myself in
Speaker 1: the mirror and being like we're getting bucked tonight. Like
Speaker 1: we both walked out. It was like clearly we're turned
Speaker 1: on and like sure a shit, Like we went home
Speaker 1: together and that's when it happened. So in my head,
Speaker 1: that's the sexiest film because I deeply associated with having
Speaker 1: it was it was done, which is what I wanted
Speaker 1: it to be at that point. Like it wasn't bad,
Speaker 1: it was just like it's like the first time you
Speaker 1: get like high or something like you don't know what
Speaker 1: to expect, so you don't get the full appreciation out
Speaker 1: of it, Like you don't even you're just like is
Speaker 1: at it? Like I don't know, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So like when it happened, I was like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: like you know, I mean, he didn't have a small
Speaker 1: dick or a big if you just had a dick
Speaker 1: and we just did some sex and like it was fine.
Speaker 1: But I was mostly so in my head about like
Speaker 1: is happening the thing I've been waiting for it happened,
Speaker 1: is happening that? Like I couldn't tell you it was
Speaker 1: like it was. It was mostly just sort of like comical,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like also he had a
Speaker 1: small bed that I think that we maybe cracked a bit,
Speaker 1: like I heard a crack. So it was funny. It
Speaker 1: was funny. There's a subcategory which I mean, I didn't
Speaker 1: even know it was where we got how we geting
Speaker 1: with it? Troubling. Biden is worrying why Dunes a film
Speaker 1: he found arousing that you weren't sure you should. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't have a lot of like I've
Speaker 1: never found like a kid's film arousing, So aside from that,
Speaker 1: I mean, as some people do, but like I don't
Speaker 1: necessarily have a lot of judgment about the things that
Speaker 1: I found arousing, but I'll tell you things that weren't
Speaker 1: supposed to be arousing that I found arousing. So mostly
Speaker 1: because of Okay, So the one that comes to mind
Speaker 1: is Batman returns us is when the sexiest films ever made?
Speaker 1: Okay good because I just I'm between Michelle Feiffer and
Speaker 1: Michael Keaton's Batman. Like I love a lot of Michael Keaton,
Speaker 1: like I was big, like and some of the more
Speaker 1: you know, like Johnny Dangerously night Shift like loves some
Speaker 1: Michael Keaton, so like I as far as his Batman,
Speaker 1: he's my preferred Batman. I'm multiple that's my preferred Batman.
Speaker 1: And um yeah, that scene where they're fucking da sing,
Speaker 1: you know what is it? A mistletoe can kill you
Speaker 1: if you eat it. A kiss can be deadly or
Speaker 1: if you mean it or whatever. Yeah, and then the
Speaker 1: only two people as wearing musk is so yeah, I
Speaker 1: definitely humped a lot of pillows as a teenager to
Speaker 1: that image in my head, so that I don't but
Speaker 1: maybe that was supposed to be sexy. But like after that,
Speaker 1: I was just like, boom, that's that's it. That's the
Speaker 1: first that's the first deposit in the wank bank. Is
Speaker 1: that lovely? I mean absolutely, I mean there's nothing to
Speaker 1: be Yeah. I don't even know if that's troubling, right, Like,
Speaker 1: that's not even worry, that's just I mean. I also
Speaker 1: sense and sensibility is another one, only because Alan Rickman
Speaker 1: is so delicious that like, and everything about his character
Speaker 1: and that film is so delicious. I made a comment
Speaker 1: about that him on stage once where I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, when a man sounds like he's good at eating,
Speaker 1: you out, um, that's he sounds like he's good at eating.
Speaker 1: And I just just but you know, he's done a
Speaker 1: lot of things, but him specifically in that film, which
Speaker 1: is not a particularly like him being super broody or whatever,
Speaker 1: was always just like who just got me? Yeah? Wide
Speaker 1: on a flowing yeah a widen. Okay, what is the film?
Speaker 1: What is the film that you guys relate to? Um?
Speaker 1: So I need to give you a single answer, not
Speaker 1: too the first one that comes. Well, No, So there's
Speaker 1: this film and I don't even remember if it's it's
Speaker 1: it's it's a film that was like a made for
Speaker 1: TV movie kind of thing. I don't even know if
Speaker 1: it ever came out in a cinema. I believe it,
Speaker 1: and I saw it when I was young, and it's
Speaker 1: called I think it's called Most Likely Too, And it's
Speaker 1: basically about this chick who's like a fat chick who
Speaker 1: gets made fun of in high school and then she
Speaker 1: has a car accident and somehow she comes out skinnier
Speaker 1: after the surgery or something. They fix her up and
Speaker 1: they make her hot, which never happens, and then she
Speaker 1: like goes about getting revenge on everybody. Now she's fucking hot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's she's a serial killer or something right, something like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I just remember seeing it when I was young,
Speaker 1: and just because, like you know, I still have a
Speaker 1: lot of petty grievance about Like, you know, when you
Speaker 1: receive an award, when you imagine the speech, you're supposed
Speaker 1: to imagine all the people that you're thinking who got
Speaker 1: you there, But like also part of you imagines being
Speaker 1: like fuck you, fuck you and fuck you. I have
Speaker 1: a dream fuck you well. And also I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: because you have a very high likelihood of winning an Emmy,
Speaker 1: so like you really need to think of make some
Speaker 1: choices now about what the future's gonna hold because you
Speaker 1: might be like you know and missus Torrence and thick Gray,
Speaker 1: but like probably not so. But I will say the
Speaker 1: one I think only because I have a lot of
Speaker 1: like deeply seated just being a fat kid resentment about
Speaker 1: like taking that like that rage out. But I think more,
Speaker 1: I think this is a better example. Um True Stories.
Speaker 1: Um the talking heads are David Byrne film True Stories,
Speaker 1: so that in that film, Swoozie Kurtz plays the laziest
Speaker 1: woman in town. And I just was like, fucking goals,
Speaker 1: Like she lives in her bed and like people come
Speaker 1: to like a hairdresser comes to her bed, people bring
Speaker 1: the phone to her bed, people bring like meals to
Speaker 1: a bed, and she's sitting there watching TV and John
Speaker 1: Goodman is on this show talking about stuff, and she's like,
Speaker 1: I want to meet him, find me him. And then
Speaker 1: he comes over for a day in her fucking bed,
Speaker 1: and I just was like, you're I just yes, Like
Speaker 1: everything about her living her life from her bed, I
Speaker 1: was just like exactly that, like that, why do we
Speaker 1: not accept that that is a reasonable way to live?
Speaker 1: When I saw that, I was just like, yep, I'm
Speaker 1: all about this life, so the laziest woman in town.
Speaker 1: I was just like, I've never had a film speak
Speaker 1: so directly to me. Okay, well, it's objectively, objectively the
Speaker 1: greatest film of all time. Shit, no, your favorite necessarily,
Speaker 1: it's just like, maybe there's another one. The best film
Speaker 1: of this has been said before. I think it's just
Speaker 1: a perfect film. I mean, it's definitely been said a
Speaker 1: billion times before, but Ferris Bueller's Day Off is a
Speaker 1: perfect film in my mind. It's no, no, I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone's put it in the greatest category. I think
Speaker 1: like it, Like I'm not people put like big heavy
Speaker 1: dramas and Oscar winners and whatever. I'm a huge comedy person,
Speaker 1: so to me, like that is a perfect film, like
Speaker 1: that Bill and Tess excellent adventure, perfect film in my mind,
Speaker 1: but like especially because it happened in San Dimas, which
Speaker 1: is right next to me. But I think Ferris Bueller's
Speaker 1: Day Off is a perfect or film, and objectively, I
Speaker 1: think that anyone could watch that in any era and
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, like you're a kid dipping out of
Speaker 1: some shit you don't want to do. Who hasn't been
Speaker 1: that person? And you were set about having the perfect
Speaker 1: day and guess what, you fucking had it? Perfect film? Yeah? Right,
Speaker 1: what is the film that you could or have? What's
Speaker 1: the most ever and ever again? I oh, coming to
Speaker 1: America I've probably seen two hundred times. I mean easily,
Speaker 1: like just you know, I can do that film with
Speaker 1: my family coming to America. And what about Bob? I
Speaker 1: should say Groundhog Day? Everybody says Groundhog Day? What about Bob?
Speaker 1: I've watched that film with our family so many times.
Speaker 1: Love that film so much, will continue to quote it
Speaker 1: with like just someone will say something and then we'll
Speaker 1: start popping off of each other. Both of those films
Speaker 1: I've seen so much, love them so much, can quote them,
Speaker 1: will watch them again, put them on, doesn't matter. And
Speaker 1: I think with like a close second Tommy Boy, I've
Speaker 1: seen a bazillion times and love that movie list so
Speaker 1: deeply and we'll laugh at it now and always, Yeah,
Speaker 1: good list. That is a solid list. We don't like
Speaker 1: to be negative day. We desiree what's the worst film
Speaker 1: you've ever seen? There's worst as in amazingly bad, and
Speaker 1: then there's bad bad, like amazingly bad is anything by
Speaker 1: Neil Breen, like Fateful Findings, like you know, amazingly bad,
Speaker 1: hilariously bad, like you know MST three K kind of bad,
Speaker 1: but like enjoyable. But for me, I will say the
Speaker 1: film Olympus has fallen only because I walked out of it,
Speaker 1: because I walked into it. And then they were just
Speaker 1: shooting up people on the White House lawn and it
Speaker 1: was so extraordinarily violent for no reason right up top
Speaker 1: that I was just like no, like it just it
Speaker 1: made me mad. I was like, you haven't even earned
Speaker 1: any of this, and you put Morgan Freeman's ass in
Speaker 1: there to like fucking condone this shit, you know, because
Speaker 1: he's the voice of the president and God and everything.
Speaker 1: Anytime it's like we need an official voice, call Morgan
Speaker 1: up right. And then it's just a bunch of fucking
Speaker 1: random violence for no reason. Like that's not how, that's
Speaker 1: not how the government's gonna get taken down. The Government's
Speaker 1: gonna get down by fucking Facebook, as we all figured out,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Like I was just
Speaker 1: I was so mad at all of it that I
Speaker 1: was there for ten minutes and I was with my
Speaker 1: brother and we walked out and got our fucking money back.
Speaker 1: I was just like, it's it's so gratuitously violent, like
Speaker 1: it's and I don't abhor violence, but it's just like
Speaker 1: you know when you see a Hollywood film that disrespects you,
Speaker 1: that goes like, oh, they'll just take this shit, you know.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that was that was one. I'm gonna put
Speaker 1: it on the worst list only because I don't know,
Speaker 1: it might have been an okay film, but fuck that
Speaker 1: film because and also sometimes they're selling the violence. What
Speaker 1: they're selling is look at how well and how much
Speaker 1: we did the violence. I'm like, you can't see a
Speaker 1: single fucking titty, but you can see all like someone
Speaker 1: be eviscerated, and like like it's just so I just
Speaker 1: feel I felt like offended about our society and about
Speaker 1: like filmmaking and everything. I was just like, no, fuck you,
Speaker 1: I'm getting this whatever twelve fifty back. Yeah, that is
Speaker 1: so fucked up. I mean, look you probably I'm sure
Speaker 1: people know this about me. I would rather see a
Speaker 1: titty than violence. Yeah, I think everyone on this planet
Speaker 1: would rather see a titty than violence, except for certain
Speaker 1: Republicans who are in charge of your Yeah, it's very Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a real that whole thing with the censorship in America,
Speaker 1: that sex stuff will get you an ah and shooting
Speaker 1: people will get you up. Yeah, this is a suitable
Speaker 1: for children over thirteen. Yeah, no, it's fucking not because
Speaker 1: those the kids are shooting up the schools. It's absolutely
Speaker 1: not okay for them. Yeah, you're in comedy. You're very funny,
Speaker 1: very good. What's the film that made you laugh the most? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I like the answers I want to come
Speaker 1: back to are the ones that I've watched over and over,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like Coming to America, Tommy
Speaker 1: Boy make me laugh, like and I've watched them over
Speaker 1: and over and they continue to make me laugh over
Speaker 1: and over, like it is the commodation of like physical comedy.
Speaker 1: And you know, I, I don't know, just like just
Speaker 1: some heart, you know, like I just I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm basic, um just you know, I likes they are.
Speaker 1: I wish I could think of something that was just
Speaker 1: like so much funnier funnier, but like those are really funny. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, and there was like basically you know, like
Speaker 1: how SNL had like a really good run of every
Speaker 1: time someone would leave and do a film, You're like,
Speaker 1: it's fucking great, you know what I mean, like the
Speaker 1: eighties and and well into the nineties, you know, and
Speaker 1: I mean I mean even some of the Adam Sandler runs,
Speaker 1: some of them quite good, quite good, you know, and
Speaker 1: even his dramatic turns quite good. But then sometimes I
Speaker 1: was just like, man, you gotta knock it off. But like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, um, who wait a second, hold on, I
Speaker 1: made a quick list. I'm gonna see if there's anything
Speaker 1: on my cheat sheet that's better than what I've said.
Speaker 1: Because I did. I was like, I made a little
Speaker 1: list of things that i'd seen. Here's another one, and
Speaker 1: this is the one that I've seen a lot that
Speaker 1: is very quotable. Um, The Golden Child a lesser, more
Speaker 1: unsung Eddie Murphy film. H But again, I mean it
Speaker 1: could go into a number of categories. But I love
Speaker 1: that film just like I mean, just you know, like
Speaker 1: he had to comment on every fucking thing. Only a
Speaker 1: man who asses narrow can fit down his hands just
Speaker 1: every moment, even though they're all like super Buddhist. It's
Speaker 1: like the juxtaposition of like the super like Tibetan Buddhist
Speaker 1: whatever with fucking Eddie Murphy, who's the one in charge
Speaker 1: of saving them. Yeah, that's a great one. I could
Speaker 1: watch that a million times and laugh. That is right.
Speaker 1: You've been absolutely brilliant, wonderful. I've loved this. This has
Speaker 1: been a joy. Oh for me too. However, when you
Speaker 1: were driving along a windy road and I knew what
Speaker 1: day it was, because I know the day you're going
Speaker 1: to die, but you don't want to know. So you
Speaker 1: saw nothing come in and you just sort of turned
Speaker 1: the corner, but the corner was much more turny than
Speaker 1: you thought, and you just drove off. You just drove
Speaker 1: off the cliff, and for a brief moment, you were flying, Jack,
Speaker 1: you were flying, and you held out your arms and
Speaker 1: you were amazingly peaceful, despite knowing that very soon it
Speaker 1: would all end. And you crashed into the ground and
Speaker 1: your body went straight through the windscreen into the ground
Speaker 1: and crushed within too itself. It was really it was disgusting.
Speaker 1: And then the car exploded and I was walking about,
Speaker 1: walking about the yea sort of valleys, and I was like,
Speaker 1: where's desert. Ain't seen her for a while, And I
Speaker 1: got a coffee with me, you know what I like,
Speaker 1: And I see this sort of smoldering wreckage. And I
Speaker 1: looked through it and there's eating your remains and I'm like,
Speaker 1: bloody yeah, and if she's not been through it now
Speaker 1: and I shoo them off, I go fus, come to
Speaker 1: get you, come to get what's left of you. But
Speaker 1: it's a fucking mess. It's like ash. There's bits everywhere glass. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I do what I can. I put everything in the coffee,
Speaker 1: but there was I've packed you in, but there's no
Speaker 1: room in this coffin now. It's like it's absolutely full
Speaker 1: because of the bits of car and the and the
Speaker 1: and bits of sort of kyote ship. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: serially sorry, but it's not pretty. It's okay as long
Speaker 1: as you can fit it into like a mushroom bag.
Speaker 1: I want an eco burial and I want to be
Speaker 1: can't posted, So get it in the bag. But the
Speaker 1: thing is, there's only enough room in this eco bag
Speaker 1: for me to slip one DVD into the side with you,
Speaker 1: for you to take to the other side. And on
Speaker 1: the other side, it's movie night every night, and one
Speaker 1: night it's your movie night. What film are you going
Speaker 1: to show everyone when it's your movie night? While the
Speaker 1: Oysters and clams are performing Aroosex and you during the screening.
Speaker 1: I've used up so many good films I wish I
Speaker 1: could um so I think, I mean, is this a
Speaker 1: terrible answer? It's my movie Night in the Afterlife. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's the funny answer, and there's the email. Now this
Speaker 1: funny answer. I think I want to just put on
Speaker 1: The Peee's Big Adventure, Right, that's a great they'll love it.
Speaker 1: We all just need to remember to you know. And
Speaker 1: also like that was you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: everyone I talked to who's around our age talks about
Speaker 1: being freaked out about Large March at that point, and
Speaker 1: they're like, you know, we're all like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's so scary. It's fucking claymation. We were all scared shitless.
Speaker 1: And there's something so delightful, you know, when he's going
Speaker 1: through Exhibit B and then it's like Exhibit Q. Like
Speaker 1: there's just so many great moments. It's such a darling film.
Speaker 1: Paul Robbins such a darling person. Like, yeah, I just
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's what That's what I'm gonna put on.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've gone through all of the films and
Speaker 1: I'm like the this means so much to me, but like,
Speaker 1: once I'm in the afterlife, it's like, come on, you know,
Speaker 1: let's have a fucking laugh. Let's you know, let's put
Speaker 1: something on for the whole family. Let's let's scare some
Speaker 1: of the kids who died too early because they're here too,
Speaker 1: and they got to watch something they need to see
Speaker 1: and be like, oh my good, brilliant. Is there anything
Speaker 1: you would like to tell people to look out for
Speaker 1: to watch to listen to you before week? Sure? So, um,
Speaker 1: if you are in the UK, please do watch the
Speaker 1: pilot of The Love Triangle, which is going to be
Speaker 1: on E four and then C four. But um, also
Speaker 1: I think if you were in other places you could
Speaker 1: check me out. I'll be on this next upcoming season
Speaker 1: of Taskmaster, which is very exciting, um and was such
Speaker 1: a delight, like one of the delights of my life
Speaker 1: to do. You don't get gigs that fun very often,
Speaker 1: so that was really wonderful. So um, and that'll be
Speaker 1: out in um uh like soon, like in the autumn,
Speaker 1: like I think toward the end of the month or
Speaker 1: you know, at the beginning of October or something like that. Also,
Speaker 1: there's going to be another season of Too Hot to Handle,
Speaker 1: because I mean, it's not going to stop, so check
Speaker 1: it out so I can keep having work. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to buy house, guys, so please check. Please, please watch it.
Speaker 1: Please do not slide into my DMS to ask me
Speaker 1: how you can get on the show. My name is
Speaker 1: not undercasting. I can if I could collect the hundreds
Speaker 1: of messages they are like, hey, hell, can I get
Speaker 1: onto you? I'm like, may, I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: want to know. I don't know how these people, I
Speaker 1: don't even know where you will come from, like they're lovely,
Speaker 1: but I have no idea. Please stop, but yes, do
Speaker 1: check it out. Desert. You're amazing. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for doing this for your time. You're amazing. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much, and I'm so glad that I avoided doing
Speaker 1: during the podcast what most people do is to congratulate
Speaker 1: you on how amazing your show is. I feel like
Speaker 1: ten percent of your podcast stop. No, it's so good,
Speaker 1: it's so good, and we'll cut this part out. But
Speaker 1: I just wanted to tell you that you're fucking dope
Speaker 1: and well done, and I'm going to stop the recording it.
Speaker 1: Thank you, good days, Just say good name. So that
Speaker 1: was episode one hundred and sixty four. Head over to
Speaker 1: patreon dot com forward slasprect Goldstein for the extra twenty
Speaker 1: minutes of chat, secrets and video with Desiree. Go to
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts give it us a five star rating. But
Speaker 1: don't tell me about the podcast. I don't care. I
Speaker 1: want to hear about the film that means the most
Speaker 1: to you and why it's very nice thing to read,
Speaker 1: helps numbers blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bla.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much to Desiration for doing the show,
Speaker 1: Thanks to Scrubius piping the Distraction Pieces Network, Thanks to
Speaker 1: Buddy Piece for producing it, Thanks to AGAs for hosting it.
Speaker 1: Thanks to Adam Richardson for the graphics. At least allow
Speaker 1: them for the photography. Coming to me next week for
Speaker 1: another brilliant guest. But that is it for now, So
Speaker 1: everyone in the meantime have a lovely week, and please
Speaker 1: now more than ever, be excellent to each other. Backs contacts,
Speaker 1: backs back