1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: you are in the world, you know the drill. It 7 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,839 Speaker 1: is so great to have you here back for not 8 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 1: only another episode, but a very, very very special episode. 9 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 1: This is my one hundredth episode of the Psychology of 10 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:51,920 Speaker 1: Your Twenties, and I'm kind of shook. I cannot believe 11 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:55,640 Speaker 1: that I've made a hundred of these episodes. It's just 12 00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:00,920 Speaker 1: so insane to me that, like this little tiny podcast 13 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: that I started back in when I was at UNI, 14 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:08,680 Speaker 1: really back in my share house and camera is you know, 15 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 1: my job now is like the thing that I love 16 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: the most is the thing that I put so much 17 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 1: time and attention to. 18 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:14,200 Speaker 2: And there are so. 19 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 3: Many of you amazing listeners out there who tune in 20 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:24,760 Speaker 3: every single week and who send me the most kind, heartfelt, 21 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:30,400 Speaker 3: lovely messages, and I'm just so grateful and glad that 22 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:35,040 Speaker 3: this content has resonated with so many people. It's such 23 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,920 Speaker 3: like an incredible milestone to me, like a hundred episodes. 24 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 3: I did not think that I was going to make 25 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 3: one hundred episodes, let alone make fifty. When I first started, 26 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 3: it was just like a fun little hobby for me 27 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 3: to like discuss my favorite topics in psychology and what 28 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,520 Speaker 3: I was thinking about and what my friends were thinking about. 29 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 3: And it's really come so far. So I just want 30 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,040 Speaker 3: to say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, 31 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 3: thank you, thank you for listening, for supporting this show, 32 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 3: for caring what I have to say. That's like, I 33 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 3: think the most bizarre part of it. I really really 34 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:15,079 Speaker 3: appreciate it. And kind of in honor of that milestone, 35 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,920 Speaker 3: I thought that I'd do something a little bit different. 36 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:23,680 Speaker 3: So regularly scheduled content will resume obviously on Friday. But 37 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 3: there are so many questions that I regularly get from people. 38 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 3: So many people follow me on Instagram and send me 39 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 3: dms and want advice and want to know more about me, 40 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 3: and I think that I've kind of like shied away 41 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:41,200 Speaker 3: from like talking about my kind of breaking the fourth 42 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:44,600 Speaker 3: wall right and like talking about my experience actually making 43 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:48,160 Speaker 3: this show and what I've learned, And obviously I use 44 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 3: like anecdotal pieces of my life throughout the show, but like, 45 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 3: I feel like I've never really sat down and been like, 46 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,359 Speaker 3: here's who I am, this is what I do, this 47 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 3: is what my life is like. So I thought that 48 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 3: in honor of one hundred episodes, we would do that today. 49 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 3: And I got all of your questions from Instagram. You 50 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 3: guys sent through so many, so I really appreciate you 51 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 3: taking the time to think of some amazing things to ask, 52 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,920 Speaker 3: and I want to sit down. I want to answer them. 53 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 3: I want to give some advice and just kind of 54 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 3: talk about what this like, what this has been like. Also, 55 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,919 Speaker 3: it's also the two year anniversary of the show as well, 56 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,520 Speaker 3: so I didn't even mention that it's like one hundred 57 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 3: episodes and two year anniversary. So, oh my god, got 58 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 3: a two year old getting I've got a little toddler now, 59 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:41,840 Speaker 3: a little toddler of a podcast, so so many amazing celebrations, 60 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 3: and I really want to Yeah, I really want to 61 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 3: do some different, something different this week and sit down 62 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 3: and kind of like have a chat. So that's what 63 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 3: we're going to do in just a second. Alrighty, everyone, 64 00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 3: let's get into it. So the OG listeners of the 65 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 3: show will remember that, like when I first started, I 66 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 3: was literally recording on my phone, terrible idea, terrible audio 67 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 3: quality in like the back of my car, in my 68 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 3: share house, like on my friend's floor, and a lot 69 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 3: of like the content that I originally did was with 70 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,159 Speaker 3: my good friends. So if you go back and you 71 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,000 Speaker 3: go all the way back to the beginning, you'll see 72 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,840 Speaker 3: it's just like people that I knew at college, like 73 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,160 Speaker 3: people that I knew at university who I thought were 74 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 3: really interesting and I would like bring them on for 75 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:39,520 Speaker 3: a chat. And it's like so bizarre now that like 76 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 3: it's evolved into this like entirely new process. But I 77 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:48,279 Speaker 3: really think that what I've tried to like remain and 78 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,280 Speaker 3: like keep at its core is like that authenticity, right, 79 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 3: Like no one writes my scripts for me, No one 80 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,920 Speaker 3: edits my episodes for me. I am still to this 81 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 3: day sitting on the floor. I wish I'm going to 82 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,159 Speaker 3: post a fore. I'm sitting on the floor recording this 83 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 3: with my laptop, and I really want to keep it 84 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 3: that way, Like I think that that is what really 85 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 3: brings people in, but also what makes it fun for 86 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,919 Speaker 3: me that it is still this like really beautiful, solitary, 87 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:22,159 Speaker 3: but also like self motivated and self run activity. One 88 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 3: of the questions I got, which I really loved, is 89 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 3: that you know, obviously, in two years it went from 90 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,679 Speaker 3: being like a hobby to obviously, there's so many people 91 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:36,440 Speaker 3: who are listening to this, like it's beyond insane to me, 92 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 3: Like I don't even think I can comprehend it. And 93 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 3: someone asked me, like, what is the biggest lesson. 94 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,159 Speaker 2: That you've learned? 95 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 3: I think the biggest lesson that I've learned has to 96 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 3: do with like authenticity and vulnerability, and that is that 97 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,719 Speaker 3: when you put yourself out there in a way that 98 00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:01,279 Speaker 3: is quite vulnerable, that is very not unique, but I 99 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 3: would say revealing, people really respond to that. I really 100 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 3: thought that. The interesting thing I think is that the 101 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 3: topics that I thought were going to bomb, like the 102 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 3: topics I thought no one would ever listen to. I 103 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 3: thought they were too private. There was one on loneliness, 104 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:21,159 Speaker 3: the recent episode I did on how I been feeling ugly, 105 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,279 Speaker 3: and this one on like situationships. Those three episodes that 106 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 3: I thought no one would be would want to listen to, 107 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 3: they were too private, they were too vulnerable, have been 108 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 3: the ones that people come back to me time and 109 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 3: time again and say, like that really changed my outlook 110 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 3: on life. That was really important for me to hear. 111 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 3: And I think that that really provided me with this 112 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 3: sense of like, people are actually just looking for connection 113 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 3: and people want someone to I guess be real. And 114 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,480 Speaker 3: hopefully that is what I continue to do, and I 115 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 3: really want to keep doing that because I think there 116 00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,720 Speaker 3: is so much content out there that is like Q, 117 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:05,640 Speaker 3: that is edited, that is fake, that is produced to 118 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 3: a point of it being completely unrelatable. And as much 119 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 3: as that is entertaining and as much as like our 120 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,800 Speaker 3: brains love a good doom scroll on Instagram and love 121 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,880 Speaker 3: a little bit of a social comparison, we really like 122 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,000 Speaker 3: kind of lost touch with what it means to just 123 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,920 Speaker 3: be having a human experience, and we've lost touch with 124 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 3: what it means to be someone who was insecure and 125 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 3: someone who has going through it, and someone who is 126 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 3: in their twenties and just as confused as everyone else. 127 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:35,200 Speaker 3: So I do think like the biggest lesson I've learned 128 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 3: is that when you put yourself out there, life will 129 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:44,920 Speaker 3: reward you, and you will surprise yourself. Life will surprise 130 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:49,480 Speaker 3: you in a million ways, a million tiny different ways. 131 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 3: Another lesson I've learned actually is how willing people are 132 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:56,600 Speaker 3: to share their stories with you, Like it's that has 133 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 3: been such a beautiful surprise, the amount of people even 134 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 3: like come up to me on the street or people 135 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 3: that I get DMS from who I think we're all 136 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 3: just really seeking connection. And I think that was something 137 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 3: I did know beforehand, but I've really learned that it 138 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 3: runs so much deeper than I think a lot of 139 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 3: us recognize. Like we all are just looking to connect 140 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 3: on some very universal human level. So I would say 141 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 3: that is the true Maybe it's the same lesson, like 142 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 3: one of the biggest lessons that I've learned from the show. 143 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 3: The other one that I would like, it's kind of 144 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:32,440 Speaker 3: a piece of advice, kind of a lesson, is do 145 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 3: not record on your phone. Go on if you want 146 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 3: to be a podcast, Like I think when I started, 147 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,440 Speaker 3: I really like kind of didn't really believe in myself 148 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 3: and was just doing it for fun. You should really 149 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,960 Speaker 3: invest in yourself. If there's something you really want to do, 150 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 3: go and actually buy the equipment. Like I listened back 151 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 3: to some of my early episodes and like the episode 152 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,880 Speaker 3: that obviously gets the most lessons is the one on 153 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,800 Speaker 3: Imposter Syndrome, which is my first ever episode, and it 154 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 3: is like, please do not listen to it. It is so 155 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 3: poorly recorded. It is terrible. And I've like been tossing 156 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:08,120 Speaker 3: up like whether I just re record it because it's 157 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 3: often the first episode people listen to when they find 158 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 3: my show, or whether I just leave it up just 159 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,440 Speaker 3: to kind of show the process and the growth that 160 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,080 Speaker 3: we all go through, Like you're going to learn so 161 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:23,079 Speaker 3: many things by just doing. Oh my gosh, Actually maybe 162 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 3: that's my biggest life lesson that I've learned from this, 163 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 3: Like I think if we wait for everything to be perfect, 164 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 3: we miss out on a lot of the learning opportunities, 165 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 3: and you can just learn on the way, Like this 166 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:37,079 Speaker 3: show has adapted and grown so much and developed, right, 167 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 3: Like I started recording on my phone, and then I 168 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,600 Speaker 3: started recording with like a microphone, I got off I think, 169 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 3: like Amazon, and then I finally like got a proper mind. 170 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,840 Speaker 3: Like you know that's so boring, right, no one wants 171 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 3: to hear that, But I think you will learn in 172 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,959 Speaker 3: anything that you do better. 173 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,680 Speaker 2: By doing than by waiting. 174 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 3: All Right, So the next question that I got was 175 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,439 Speaker 3: what advice would you give to some one who wants 176 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 3: to start a podcast. I get this question a lot. 177 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:08,160 Speaker 3: I would say, just do it. Firstly, it doesn't matter 178 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 3: if your first episode is terrible. What matters is that 179 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 3: you are consistent and that you learn along the way. 180 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 3: So I would say practical advice is to really invest 181 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 3: in like a good name, invest in like a good 182 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 3: cover art. Like I didn't really think those things through. 183 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 3: It just kind of happened that, you know, they just 184 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 3: worked for me. But if I was going to start 185 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 3: it again, I would say, really invest in a good 186 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,440 Speaker 3: piece of cover art, invest in a good name, have 187 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 3: a strong theme or idea of what you want to 188 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,440 Speaker 3: talk about, and I would say make sure that it's 189 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:42,720 Speaker 3: unique to you. There's no point looking at what someone 190 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 3: else is doing and trying to replicate that, because I 191 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,720 Speaker 3: think that it's just not authentic and you won't actually 192 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:52,440 Speaker 3: find that you're motivated to do it. Like if it's 193 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 3: someone that's someone else's path, right, that's someone else's dream 194 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:57,840 Speaker 3: And yes we can have the same dreams, but you 195 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,560 Speaker 3: have to do your dreams in a different way. So 196 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,720 Speaker 3: I would say, if you are really interested in like 197 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 3: starting a podcast, really like sit down and think, like 198 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 3: what do I love to talk about? Not just what 199 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 3: do I think I love to talk about, but like 200 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 3: what would I sit down and talk about with my friends. 201 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,960 Speaker 3: That's why there's so many like amazing chatty guest series 202 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,720 Speaker 3: out there, because that's what people want to talk about 203 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 3: and hear. They want to hear those intimate conversations. They 204 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,280 Speaker 3: want to be educated. And I think that also flips 205 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 3: around to the people making the shows, like what would 206 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 3: you actually want to listen to? You should make content 207 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:36,680 Speaker 3: like that. I also invest in a good microphone, learned 208 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 3: that the hard way, and don't be too preoccupied with 209 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:45,120 Speaker 3: social media. I don't know if many people listening to 210 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:48,560 Speaker 3: this note I have a TikTok it is embarrassing. I 211 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 3: think it has like two hundred followers because I like 212 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 3: never advertise it and I get like thirty views because 213 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 3: it just doesn't matter to me. Right, Like, I know 214 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,560 Speaker 3: that I'm not like someone who excels at social I 215 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 3: know that that's not what I do best. I just 216 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,720 Speaker 3: want to share knowledge and talk and really think deeply 217 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 3: about things and share that on. So just know what 218 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:13,079 Speaker 3: you do best, know what you're and also sorry this 219 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 3: is so randomly, but have a good sense of what 220 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,680 Speaker 3: you want out of this, because if you're like I 221 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:24,880 Speaker 3: want to be like a successful podcaster, I don't think 222 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:28,000 Speaker 3: that happens overnight, and there's going to be a lot 223 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 3: of like work that goes into it that I think 224 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 3: a lot of people don't see. 225 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:32,760 Speaker 2: Like it is. 226 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 3: It's a really fun hobby. It's an amazing thing to do. 227 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,760 Speaker 3: I would never discourage anyone from from doing it, but 228 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 3: it is a lot of work. So like think about 229 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:48,200 Speaker 3: whether you're after an immediate reward or a long term reward, 230 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 3: and whether it is particularly fulfilling. This next question I 231 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,440 Speaker 3: love this again, is what is the favorite topic? My 232 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 3: favorite topic that I've covered? I have so many, but 233 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,920 Speaker 3: but I did the recent episode I did on why 234 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,320 Speaker 3: I Feel Ugly was actually one that I really enjoyed doing. 235 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,000 Speaker 3: I think it was a lot more personal and a 236 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 3: lot more intimate. I did this episode on the psychology 237 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 3: of the nine to five. I think it was like 238 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:20,400 Speaker 3: episode four with my best friend Erin. She actually inspires 239 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,160 Speaker 3: so much of the content that I speak on here 240 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,720 Speaker 3: so much because she needs to come on again. She 241 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 3: is probably the most fascinating person you'll ever meet. She 242 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:35,280 Speaker 3: has the most amazing, well thought out opinions, and just 243 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 3: talking to her about our lives and our twenties and 244 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,839 Speaker 3: what we're both going through really inspires a lot of 245 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,559 Speaker 3: the content. So like the one that the other one 246 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 3: that I can think of is the myth of the 247 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 3: dream job that came from like a discussion with her, 248 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 3: The psychology of lucky Girl syndrome that came from a 249 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 3: discussion with her. 250 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 2: That's actually so interesting. 251 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,640 Speaker 3: I would say my favorite episodes are ones that have 252 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 3: come out of chatting and really connecting. I think also 253 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,280 Speaker 3: this is quite a solitary activity, and when you get 254 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 3: to sit down and really talk with someone and talk 255 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,480 Speaker 3: through your ideas and explain the psychology with someone else, 256 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 3: it feels a lot more grounded and a lot more 257 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 3: well rounded. So I would say those are my favorites. 258 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:21,440 Speaker 3: And then also, oh, how could I forget the episode 259 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 3: with Chidera Egaru that I did at the start of 260 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,120 Speaker 3: the year. I can't remember what the title was. I 261 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 3: think it's like parental runds and Dating Men something like that, 262 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:38,040 Speaker 3: But that episode. I love that episode. I actually regularly 263 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 3: still listen to that episode like once every month or 264 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:45,120 Speaker 3: couple of months. All right, next question, do you listen 265 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 3: to your own advice. Yeah, no, yeah, yes and no. 266 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 3: I think I cover a lot of topics that I 267 00:14:55,560 --> 00:15:00,200 Speaker 3: personally need advice on and want to be a able 268 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 3: to do the research because there's something that I'm personally 269 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 3: going through. So the recent episode on self sabotage, that 270 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 3: was something that I was really kind of thinking about 271 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 3: in my own personal life and wanted to explore that. 272 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,800 Speaker 3: I think I do take my own advice because it 273 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 3: is obviously everything that I produce is grounded in what 274 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,640 Speaker 3: I think and the evidence that I obviously acknowledge and know. 275 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 3: The other day, actually it was interesting, I was really 276 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 3: struggling with like confidence, and I went back and I 277 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 3: listened to my episode on self confidence because I was like, 278 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 3: who better to give me advice than me? In some ways, 279 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,880 Speaker 3: like I'm going to trust my opinion perhaps a lot better. 280 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 3: Sometimes I do like to obviously listen to other people. 281 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 3: There's this podcast called Date Yourself Instead. Love listening to 282 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 3: that for like some solid advice. Sometimes you just need 283 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,160 Speaker 3: someone else to tell you what you deal is and 284 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 3: to be I'm honest with you in a way that 285 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 3: you're perhaps not honest with yourself. But yeah, I would 286 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 3: say yes and no, there are definitely things that I 287 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,280 Speaker 3: think we all still need to work on. I find 288 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 3: it really fascinating when people are like, oh, like you 289 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,720 Speaker 3: seem to have your life together, and I'm like, I 290 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 3: absolutely do not have my life together. I'm trying, I'm 291 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:23,320 Speaker 3: aiming for it, but I just am really fascinated by 292 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 3: how we can apply like the psychology to not only 293 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,880 Speaker 3: improve our lives, but I think also on a deeper level, 294 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 3: understand our lives a bit more. I think self improvement 295 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 3: is this really interesting domain and like area where we 296 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 3: think that everything needs to be directed towards being better 297 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 3: and you know, being good and excelling. Sometimes it's actually 298 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 3: about sitting down and being like, I'm gonna take time 299 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:53,200 Speaker 3: to think, and I'm going to really self reflect and 300 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 3: really do some of that hard work before I try 301 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 3: so hard to shift everything around me and make my 302 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 3: life perfect. I do think that an equal part of 303 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 3: self improvement is contemplation and reflection as it is action. 304 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 3: The next question, which I thought was I thought was 305 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,480 Speaker 3: really really funny, but this passager said, I want dates 306 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 3: on your love life. Okay, so it was actually really 307 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,000 Speaker 3: interesting because I met up with an old friend recently 308 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 3: who knew me when I was in like a past 309 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,239 Speaker 3: relationship that I've spoken about on this show, and he 310 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,480 Speaker 3: was like, oh, I listened to some of those episodes 311 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,440 Speaker 3: that were about that person, and I didn't know all 312 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:38,399 Speaker 3: these things like happened, and that kind of left me 313 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,919 Speaker 3: a little bit shook. It really did leave me questioning 314 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 3: how much I should be sharing online about my dating life. 315 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 3: Obviously I have been quite open about past relationships. You know, 316 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 3: I had my ex on the podcast, But it really 317 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 3: does leave me thinking, like I do think people can 318 00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:00,639 Speaker 3: learn from my experiences because of their universal nature in 319 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,360 Speaker 3: that a lot of the things I think we all 320 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:07,080 Speaker 3: experience in our twenties, I'm also experiencing because I'm in 321 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:12,040 Speaker 3: my twenties, and they're not regularly spoken about by people 322 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 3: of this age two people of this age, if that 323 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 3: makes sense. But right now, I don't know what to 324 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:19,800 Speaker 3: say about my dating life. 325 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 2: Right now, I. 326 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 3: Would say I've worked through a lot of the stuff 327 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 3: I just needed to work through, not only to do 328 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 3: with like past partners, but also just in terms of 329 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:35,280 Speaker 3: my own insecurities. And I'm really happy and I'm at 330 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 3: a place of like such peace where nothing really bothers me, 331 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,560 Speaker 3: and I'm yeah, I'm just really happy and kind of 332 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:50,399 Speaker 3: dating around, but not very seriously. I think if you 333 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 3: listen to my episode on dating with intention, you'll know 334 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,399 Speaker 3: I'm not here for I'm not here for a casual 335 00:18:56,480 --> 00:19:00,160 Speaker 3: run around. I'm not down to clown as they say. 336 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:04,399 Speaker 3: I'm kind of just like I value my time so 337 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,919 Speaker 3: much right now that I'm not really willing to let 338 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:13,760 Speaker 3: someone in unless they are the right person. And whether 339 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 3: I found that right person yet or not, I do 340 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 3: not know, So I guess that's what I'll say. And 341 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 3: also thank you to my ex partners, because I'm very 342 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,480 Speaker 3: grateful to them. They really have like inspired a lot 343 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 3: of the content on this show. It's interesting, this show 344 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:33,040 Speaker 3: like really started because of a breakup and then was 345 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:37,240 Speaker 3: really promoted. I guess I really was inspired and motivated 346 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 3: by another situation, and it's really refreshing to say now 347 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,399 Speaker 3: that I'm so glad I went through those experiences, and 348 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:50,159 Speaker 3: I'm so grateful to those people in a way that 349 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 3: I don't think they'll ever know, for not hurting me, 350 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,479 Speaker 3: but for just teaching me so much about myself and 351 00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 3: motivating me and inspiring me and really getting me too 352 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,359 Speaker 3: some points where I had to really sit down and 353 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 3: think about my life. So if they're listening out there, 354 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:11,680 Speaker 3: big shout out to you guys, big thank you. Alrighty, 355 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 3: So next question, which was a little bit different, but 356 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,960 Speaker 3: it was just like we want life updates. 357 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,639 Speaker 2: Where are you living right now? What are you doing? 358 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:21,680 Speaker 2: All right? 359 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:24,200 Speaker 3: So I get this question a lot. Someone asked me 360 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 3: if I lived in Berlin the other day. I do 361 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,520 Speaker 3: not live in Berlin. Unfortunately it does look amazing. I 362 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 3: live in Sydney, Australia. I've lived here for two years, 363 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,760 Speaker 3: almost two years, and I actually live in a share house. 364 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,480 Speaker 3: I live in a sharehouse with three amazing guys. Big 365 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:45,080 Speaker 3: shout out to Tom, Jack and Lockie. They are amazing 366 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:49,280 Speaker 3: housemates and like genuinely such good people to live with. 367 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:54,120 Speaker 3: I think they have very much been like my rock. 368 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 3: I would really advise that if you're in your twenties, 369 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 3: you should live in a sharehouse. It really does teach 370 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:02,760 Speaker 3: you a lot. It is this like level of familiarity 371 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,600 Speaker 3: and like kind of family, like kind of friends, kind 372 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:11,080 Speaker 3: of something else relationship that we don't get to experience 373 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,679 Speaker 3: when we live at home with our parents or with 374 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,639 Speaker 3: our siblings or with the partner. So I yeah, I 375 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 3: still live in a sharehouse. I live in the attic 376 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 3: of my sharehouse. There we go, so it's like really beautiful. 377 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 3: I'm literally sitting here right now looking out my beautiful window, 378 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 3: and I really wouldn't change it. I think that this 379 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,000 Speaker 3: way of living like it's it's interesting, like I could 380 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,440 Speaker 3: definitely afford to live by myself, where I could move out, 381 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:37,919 Speaker 3: but I enjoy this kind of communal nature and this 382 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,680 Speaker 3: communal way of living. And I also like being able 383 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,040 Speaker 3: to sit down with someone at the end of the 384 00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:45,479 Speaker 3: night and be like, okay, so what did you what 385 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,639 Speaker 3: did you what happened today? And you know, what have 386 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,199 Speaker 3: you been thinking about? And like do we want to 387 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,679 Speaker 3: go to the gym and just like have a bit 388 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 3: of a chat. And it's actually just super rewarding and 389 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 3: super valuable to me. I used to live in Canberra, 390 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,720 Speaker 3: grew up in like Melbourne slash Queensland, which if you're 391 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,959 Speaker 3: not from Australia, I feel like everyone knows we're Melbourne 392 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,760 Speaker 3: and Queensland are I don't know, I have to explain 393 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 3: that to like massive tourist hubs. And I recently also 394 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,439 Speaker 3: quit my nine to five job, so I used to 395 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 3: work in like management consulting, I guess you would call it, 396 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:24,960 Speaker 3: particularly around mental health policy, so like advising government agencies 397 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:30,879 Speaker 3: and interest groups on how to better manage mental health 398 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,120 Speaker 3: in our society and what we needed to do and 399 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 3: what systems we needed to change. But I recently quit 400 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:42,440 Speaker 3: to do the podcast full time, which is honestly such 401 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:44,480 Speaker 3: a blessing. I feel like this is such a gratitude 402 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,199 Speaker 3: episode where I'm like, thank you, thank you, thank you, 403 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:50,200 Speaker 3: but genuinely without the lesson, like without oh, my gosh, 404 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 3: like without you guys tuning in, that wouldn't be my life. 405 00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:59,880 Speaker 3: And it was kind of rough trying to do man 406 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,119 Speaker 3: doing this podcast, which I love so deeply and I 407 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,879 Speaker 3: would continue to do even if I couldn't do it 408 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 3: full time, but managing that and like a nine to 409 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,480 Speaker 3: five job, and if you've ever worked in management consulting, 410 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,360 Speaker 3: my gosh, you will know it's never. 411 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 2: Nine to five. 412 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,680 Speaker 3: It's like eight till seven, sometimes longer. And then coming 413 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,800 Speaker 3: home and like trying to write like a really deep 414 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,160 Speaker 3: and thoughtful episode and really apply it to my life. 415 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,399 Speaker 3: And I'm kind of glad that chapter is over, but 416 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,479 Speaker 3: that is where I'm at right now. Someone asks one 417 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 3: of my plans for the future. Oh my goodness, so 418 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:37,720 Speaker 3: many things, so many things. Oh I I feel like 419 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 3: I can say it on here, so like, oh my gosh. 420 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:44,439 Speaker 3: Maybe hopefully my team doesn't like get mad at me, Shelby, 421 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 3: if you're listening to this, I'm so sorry. But yeah, 422 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 3: we're like in the process of like launching a Patreon, 423 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,040 Speaker 3: which is like something I've always really wanted to do. 424 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,440 Speaker 3: There are things that you guys ask me for a lot. 425 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,520 Speaker 3: One of them is like episode transcripts Q and a 426 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:07,159 Speaker 3: slash like advice episodes, like a newsletter, book recommendations, like 427 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 3: more of a community space, and that was something that 428 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 3: I was really like, I had some goals for this year, 429 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 3: and that was on there to create a space for 430 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:20,200 Speaker 3: that to happen. So that's launching soon, you know, alongside 431 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 3: that other things that you could maybe pick up and read. 432 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,320 Speaker 3: Obviously we had the merch launching at the side of 433 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 3: the year, but also there's a new line of merch 434 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:33,199 Speaker 3: coming out soon as well. And just actually like my 435 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,679 Speaker 3: plients for the future is to also go back to 436 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 3: UNI and get like a further qualification. This just seems 437 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,639 Speaker 3: like a great time and to do it in something 438 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:48,920 Speaker 3: different like either in journalism or even cognitive neuroscience that's 439 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,800 Speaker 3: like an area of psychology that I find and even 440 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 3: science that I find like super fascinating. So going and 441 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,359 Speaker 3: doing even further study, although I feel like I'm still 442 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,840 Speaker 3: burnt out from like all my years at university, and 443 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,600 Speaker 3: I'm also traveling a bunch. So I just got back 444 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,080 Speaker 3: from London. I was in Indonesia for a little while 445 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:11,280 Speaker 3: and then coming to La soon and then to New York. 446 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,800 Speaker 3: So if any of you want to meet up coming 447 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,760 Speaker 3: at a coffee with me, I love meeting people. We 448 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,119 Speaker 3: can just like have a yar, have a chat about 449 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,159 Speaker 3: whatever's going on in our lives. So yeah, those are 450 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 3: my plans. It feels like so big, like I'm so yeah, 451 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,879 Speaker 3: so big. But I'm just like so excited for this 452 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,800 Speaker 3: next chapter. I feel like, if this is as good 453 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 3: as it gets, I'm so happy. 454 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 2: Where I am right now. 455 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 3: So I'm just looking forward to what's coming and like 456 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 3: just making good content, bringing on really good guests. That 457 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 3: kind of leads into this next question is what topics 458 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 3: have you not covered that you really want to I 459 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,159 Speaker 3: don't know if you guys know this, but I have 460 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 3: a massive, like master list of over one hundred topics 461 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,160 Speaker 3: that I really want to do, and every time someone 462 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,359 Speaker 3: messages me an idea, I also have another list for 463 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,720 Speaker 3: that that I will sometimes pick from. But let me 464 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 3: see what I have right now. I've got my phone up. 465 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, some of this so good. This one 466 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 3: is actually coming up. So the impact of trauma on 467 00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 3: our bodies how to be completely unique, that's actually coming 468 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:25,280 Speaker 3: out next week. Oh, is pretty privileged real. The psychology 469 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:29,439 Speaker 3: of internalized misogyny. I really want to do that. I 470 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:34,880 Speaker 3: feel like that would be so fascinating. The psychology of attractiveness, 471 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:39,160 Speaker 3: body dysmorphia, the science behind the ick I also want 472 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:43,919 Speaker 3: to do. I think a bit more on certain mental 473 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 3: health conditions. I think that I shy away from them 474 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,159 Speaker 3: sometimes because I do want to bring on someone who specializes, Like, 475 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:56,439 Speaker 3: for example, I get a lot of interest in discussions 476 00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:01,000 Speaker 3: around ADHD, and obviously, I you know what ADHD is, 477 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 3: and I studied ADHD and it was part of what 478 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:07,760 Speaker 3: I learned about. But I really want, like a psychiatrist 479 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:11,000 Speaker 3: or someone who specializes in that area to come on 480 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:15,560 Speaker 3: the same with trauma as well. I think trauma is 481 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 3: something that we can all understand on an anecdotal level, 482 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 3: and perhaps if you studied psychology on a biological level 483 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,200 Speaker 3: or a psychological level, but in some ways you want 484 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,480 Speaker 3: to get deeper into some of the research. So I 485 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 3: actually have a guest coming on for that. Oh my goodness. 486 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,680 Speaker 3: One actually that I really am excited to do, which 487 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,400 Speaker 3: is so different is the healing power of nature. 488 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:38,600 Speaker 2: I don't know. 489 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,240 Speaker 3: I've been going through this phase recently where I've been 490 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:48,520 Speaker 3: reading so many amazing books that really promote nature as 491 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,960 Speaker 3: a form of therapy in some ways, and I think 492 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,639 Speaker 3: it is still quite a rudimentary scientific theory, but there 493 00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 3: are ideas of like what's it called forest bathing in 494 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 3: Japan and this amazing book called rew that I think 495 00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:05,120 Speaker 3: is fantastic, and I really want to bring that discussion 496 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,399 Speaker 3: to the show. And I don't think it's controversial to 497 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:12,560 Speaker 3: say that nature has such a profound impact on our 498 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 3: bodies and our minds and our anxiety and our stress levels. 499 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:22,600 Speaker 3: So that's one that I'm really excited about. And then 500 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 3: this one is well, which I'm like, I think I 501 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,879 Speaker 3: might do with the Patreon thing, which is like a 502 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:29,600 Speaker 3: live episode, like a call in. 503 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:31,040 Speaker 2: I don't know if. 504 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:32,399 Speaker 3: Anyone would want to do that, but I think that 505 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 3: would be really fun. I just like to think of 506 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,399 Speaker 3: like new ways that you can kind of connect with 507 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 3: the content right and new ways that we're able to 508 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 3: really make these ideas and theories in psychology more accessible. 509 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,239 Speaker 3: So yeah, those are the topics I really want to do. 510 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 3: I would also, like I said, love to bring my 511 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:51,760 Speaker 3: best friend Aaron back on. 512 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 2: She's a champion. You should go and listen to. 513 00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 3: That episode, that nine to five episode, Like I wish 514 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,959 Speaker 3: all of you had a best friend as amazing as her. 515 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,240 Speaker 2: She's like such a legend. 516 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,600 Speaker 3: So I think that is Yeah, those are the ones 517 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:05,320 Speaker 3: I really want to do. 518 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:11,760 Speaker 2: Okay, so those are. 519 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:16,000 Speaker 3: Like some of the personal questions around like me in 520 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:20,160 Speaker 3: my life and the podcast, but as always, we've got 521 00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:21,480 Speaker 3: to do a bit of this psychology. 522 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,200 Speaker 2: So I thought what. 523 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,479 Speaker 3: We could do to kind of like end this like 524 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 3: one hundredth special edition episode was like a bonus lightning 525 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 3: round of advice questions. I get, like I said before, 526 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 3: so many people asking me for advice on their life, 527 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,200 Speaker 3: and I don't tend to answer them because I find 528 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,440 Speaker 3: sometimes that could be a bit odd, like I'm you know, 529 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:46,960 Speaker 3: I don't know, I feel a bit strange like, I 530 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,800 Speaker 3: don't want to give you the wrong advice because I 531 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 3: don't really know you. So if you have ever sent 532 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,480 Speaker 3: me a TM, then I haven't responded. That's probably why 533 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,640 Speaker 3: I do still think it's valuable to share, and I 534 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,920 Speaker 3: do a lot of them. But I think there is 535 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,440 Speaker 3: this weird thing with social media sometimes and even even 536 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:10,200 Speaker 3: at this level, where you have to kind of respect 537 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 3: the fact that you probably you don't want to insert 538 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:17,200 Speaker 3: yourself or promise someone's support if you don't know them, 539 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 3: because it can become a bit of a strange relationship, 540 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 3: especially if like you're not their therapist. But this is 541 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:26,960 Speaker 3: like some general questions that I get a lot that 542 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,240 Speaker 3: I was like, let's just do it. Maybe I'll make 543 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,680 Speaker 3: a full episode about them, but let's do like some 544 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,920 Speaker 3: lightning round advice. So the first one is advice on 545 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:36,719 Speaker 3: regretting life choices. 546 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:37,880 Speaker 2: Question mark. 547 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:43,280 Speaker 3: Okay, I think that regret is inevitable in some sense, 548 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,680 Speaker 3: like there are always going to be things that we 549 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:49,840 Speaker 3: question and things that we are unsure whether we made 550 00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,640 Speaker 3: the right decision. And I think that's because our brains 551 00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 3: in a lot of ways want to be able to 552 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:59,080 Speaker 3: understand and make sense from the nonsense or make sense 553 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,600 Speaker 3: of the story that we're telling ourselves. And if the 554 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 3: story we're telling ourselves doesn't line up with our goals, 555 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:10,680 Speaker 3: we may experience some cognitive dissonance and that results in regret. 556 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:15,760 Speaker 3: I also think that regret is in part evolutionary as well. 557 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 2: We want to learn from. 558 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 3: Past mistakes, but obviously what we deem as a mistake 559 00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,280 Speaker 3: is highly subjective and it's really based on your perception. 560 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:27,520 Speaker 3: So that's something that I think we need to realize. 561 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 3: What you think is, what you think of as regret 562 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,800 Speaker 3: is not always something that you should regret, because I 563 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,080 Speaker 3: think everything brings you to the place. 564 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 2: That you need to be. 565 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 3: That is not a highly psychological theory. That's just a 566 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,840 Speaker 3: personal opinion and also an anecdotal one. I look back 567 00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 3: on my life and I think all those things that 568 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,280 Speaker 3: you know, I regretted. I regretted saying yes to that job. 569 00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 3: I regretted saying no to that opportunity. I regret dating 570 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:58,040 Speaker 3: that person, I regret not moving out faster. I regret 571 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:02,760 Speaker 3: all these different things. But everything, the timing of everything 572 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:06,760 Speaker 3: is so so particular, and if certain things had not 573 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 3: happened at certain points, there are things that you would 574 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,840 Speaker 3: have missed out on that, I think you would equally 575 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:15,080 Speaker 3: regret having missed out on, if that makes sense. Also, 576 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,440 Speaker 3: there is a study that I quote and I talk 577 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:21,280 Speaker 3: about a lot. It's my favorite ever research paper ever 578 00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:26,480 Speaker 3: ever published, and it basically examined the chances that we 579 00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:29,280 Speaker 3: will regret a decision in the future. And the research 580 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,920 Speaker 3: is basically concluded that you are way more likely to 581 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,800 Speaker 3: regret something that you didn't do than something that you did. 582 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,920 Speaker 3: So I think that if you're having that regret around 583 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,080 Speaker 3: actions that you did take, it's very likely that if 584 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:44,280 Speaker 3: you hadn't done them, there was this whole other level 585 00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,959 Speaker 3: of the whole of a kind of deep sea of 586 00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:50,480 Speaker 3: regret that you would have fallen into. Anyhow, I think 587 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,880 Speaker 3: it's also around dealing with the negative emotions associated with it. 588 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:59,040 Speaker 3: Practice self forgiveness, practice, you know, self compassion. Recognize that 589 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,600 Speaker 3: everyone in life has something that they regret. Everyone has 590 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,680 Speaker 3: said something that they didn't mean, everyone has acted in 591 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 3: a way that they didn't like everyone, every single person 592 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:10,680 Speaker 3: on this planet. 593 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:11,680 Speaker 2: Nobody is perfect. 594 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:16,080 Speaker 3: So I think when we recognize experiences it's universal, it 595 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:17,600 Speaker 3: takes away a lot of the shame and a lot 596 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,880 Speaker 3: of that negative emotion. So there you go, lightning round 597 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:25,000 Speaker 3: of advice. The next question is why do I get 598 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 3: attached so quickly? Okay, and many have four answers. First 599 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,800 Speaker 3: one attachment style easy peasy. If you are someone who 600 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:38,080 Speaker 3: is anxiously attached, that is a massive I would say 601 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,840 Speaker 3: determine it fantasy bonding. You fall in love with the 602 00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,960 Speaker 3: idea of someone and the what if, rather than their 603 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:48,360 Speaker 3: actual character traits and whether or not they are good 604 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:52,800 Speaker 3: for you. I would also say unrealistic expectations, and part 605 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:57,480 Speaker 3: of that is unresolved emotional trauma. For example, if you 606 00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:00,000 Speaker 3: have felt that you have to fall really hard, really 607 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,680 Speaker 3: quickly because otherwise they will walk away, that might be 608 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:07,920 Speaker 3: a massive predictor if you have felt in the past 609 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,800 Speaker 3: as if you were not desirable and you were not loved, 610 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:14,960 Speaker 3: or you weren't lovable. When someone does begin to show 611 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,759 Speaker 3: you that affection, sometimes it can be really overwhelming and 612 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:21,319 Speaker 3: your brain almost reacts like it's having an overdose of 613 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:25,800 Speaker 3: oxytocin and dopamine and all these feelings. I am someone 614 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:29,640 Speaker 3: who really follows the philosophy of go out and live boldly, 615 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:33,160 Speaker 3: and obviously it's not great to get attached too quickly 616 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,759 Speaker 3: and get your heart broken, but I think it's a 617 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:39,160 Speaker 3: lot better than never feeling anything, to be honest, I 618 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,000 Speaker 3: was having this discussion with a friend the other day 619 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 3: and I was like, I would much rather full head 620 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:48,680 Speaker 3: over heels than be guarded. But I do know that 621 00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:52,719 Speaker 3: it's not exactly ideal, So I would say, really set 622 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:56,600 Speaker 3: up clear boundaries with yourself around knowing if this person 623 00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,320 Speaker 3: is right for you. I think the biggest problem in 624 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:03,200 Speaker 3: the major consideration is when your judgment is clouded by 625 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,359 Speaker 3: these feelings, such that you ignore things that will inevitably 626 00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:11,560 Speaker 3: create havoc or not be good for your relationship. So really, 627 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:16,400 Speaker 3: maybe create a checklist or some guidelines that you created 628 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:19,280 Speaker 3: before you went out and started dating again or before 629 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,319 Speaker 3: you met this person around what you're actually looking for, 630 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 3: what your expectations are, and whether they are meeting them 631 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:29,720 Speaker 3: all right, next question is should I try dating apps? 632 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,200 Speaker 2: Um, yes and no. 633 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,080 Speaker 3: I would say you should give it a go, just 634 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 3: be aware that, like I would say, from personal experience, 635 00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,279 Speaker 3: this is also just personal experience, it's very hard to 636 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:45,640 Speaker 3: know what someone's actually looking for. And I think also 637 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,880 Speaker 3: dating in the age of digital technology means that we 638 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:53,320 Speaker 3: make a lot of snap, instantaneous decisions based on pitches 639 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:57,680 Speaker 3: and very instant stimuli that might actually mean you're discrediting 640 00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:01,960 Speaker 3: or rejecting someone not based on personality. Doesn't mean you 641 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:04,000 Speaker 3: need to date everyone you see on a dating app, 642 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 3: but I think go into it with an open mind. 643 00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,640 Speaker 3: On the other hand, I would say have a break 644 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:12,080 Speaker 3: every now and again. Sometimes you can just get like 645 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:16,640 Speaker 3: overwhelmed by the choice overload on a dating app and 646 00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:19,319 Speaker 3: can kind of get a little bit addicted to like 647 00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:23,040 Speaker 3: the fast paced, very immediate nature of like always being 648 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 3: able to find someone to like go on a date with, 649 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,440 Speaker 3: or hook up with, or even like get into a 650 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,799 Speaker 3: relationship with. So approach it with caution. That would be 651 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:35,560 Speaker 3: my advice, how to stop associating your self worth with 652 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:39,400 Speaker 3: how much we produce smash how we perform at work. 653 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:43,400 Speaker 3: I'm also going to include like school there. I think 654 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,600 Speaker 3: this question around what is my worth if I'm not 655 00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:52,400 Speaker 3: productive is a massive problem for this generation. We have 656 00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:57,680 Speaker 3: been really socially ingrained and scolded and taught and conditioned 657 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,840 Speaker 3: that everything we're doing, everything we should be doing is 658 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,120 Speaker 3: towards an outcome and an output. If you are not productive, 659 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:09,080 Speaker 3: you are not worthwhile I would say find joy and 660 00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:14,480 Speaker 3: find time to do things slowly. For example, when you're 661 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:18,279 Speaker 3: cooking dinner, give yourself an extra ten minutes to just 662 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 3: enjoy the process. Once a week, plan out an activity 663 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,000 Speaker 3: that is not time based, that is not productive, that 664 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,080 Speaker 3: you just want to do. Honestly, I had I asked 665 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:32,399 Speaker 3: myself this question the other day. How many times during 666 00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,640 Speaker 3: the week do I actually do something that isn't based 667 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:40,040 Speaker 3: on output or like meeting some goal. And I would 668 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,040 Speaker 3: even say, like going out for dinner, like with your friends, 669 00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:46,799 Speaker 3: Like that is still like productivity because. 670 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,399 Speaker 2: You want to see your friends. You take it off a. 671 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:53,960 Speaker 3: List whatever, Like I really think you need to rest 672 00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:57,160 Speaker 3: your identity more on what your values are and what 673 00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:01,160 Speaker 3: your beliefs are, and what you enjoy doing your passions 674 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,959 Speaker 3: and your hobbies regardless of whether you're good at them. 675 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,160 Speaker 3: Like I love people who are bad at their hobbies. 676 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,560 Speaker 3: I'm bad at my hobbies. They shouldn't, you know, they 677 00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:12,040 Speaker 3: shouldn't be for they shouldn't be like an efficiency meter, 678 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,760 Speaker 3: like they should just be for fun. So I would say, really, 679 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,799 Speaker 3: have a solid think about what your values are, but 680 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:23,279 Speaker 3: then also spend time doing something that you want to 681 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:25,520 Speaker 3: do just because you want to do it, even if 682 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,040 Speaker 3: you're bad at it, because I think that really untrains 683 00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:33,240 Speaker 3: our brain to only see our worth as what we produce. Okay, 684 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:37,520 Speaker 3: next question, So many good ones. I'm obsessed with these. 685 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:41,120 Speaker 3: I should do this more often. Oh, this one's quite sad, 686 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,040 Speaker 3: but I do want to talk about this so I'm 687 00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:46,200 Speaker 3: feeling really upset about how my body looks. Tips for 688 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:52,759 Speaker 3: building self confidence Okay, First of all, social media is 689 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:54,960 Speaker 3: your enemy here. I need you to go on social 690 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:58,440 Speaker 3: media either delete the app and I mean Instagram, TikTok 691 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:03,319 Speaker 3: primarily those two, or deliberately unfollow everyone that is making 692 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,520 Speaker 3: you feel that way. I think it's very easy to 693 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,799 Speaker 3: jump online and have a million different examples of how 694 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,160 Speaker 3: our body should look like, of how our face should 695 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:13,919 Speaker 3: look like, of whether we should get filler, of whether 696 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,279 Speaker 3: we should wear different clothes, of whether we should lose weight. 697 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,320 Speaker 3: And I think removing that as a trigger is perhaps 698 00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,680 Speaker 3: the biggest way that you can improve your self confidence. 699 00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,959 Speaker 3: But I think whilst you remove that trigger, you also 700 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,520 Speaker 3: need to do the deep work. I would say therapy 701 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,960 Speaker 3: is amazing for this, but also by there's just like 702 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,759 Speaker 3: just very simple things like buy clothes that you feel 703 00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,600 Speaker 3: comfortable in, wear clothes that you feel comfortable in, do 704 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:42,360 Speaker 3: things that you feel comfortable doing. Surround yourself with people 705 00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:46,759 Speaker 3: who do not have conversations around body image. I mean 706 00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:48,640 Speaker 3: the people who you sit down with and they're like, 707 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,359 Speaker 3: oh my god, I feel so fat, or like, oh 708 00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:53,440 Speaker 3: my god, like my thighs look enormous in this, or like, 709 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:55,399 Speaker 3: oh I can't eat that, like I'm going to put 710 00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,759 Speaker 3: on so much weight. You don't need those people in 711 00:39:57,800 --> 00:39:59,239 Speaker 3: your life, and if you do want to see them, 712 00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:01,520 Speaker 3: don't see them in a context of like exercise or 713 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:04,239 Speaker 3: food or I would say, like, do something that's a 714 00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:08,480 Speaker 3: neutral activity. I would also say this is a really 715 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:12,560 Speaker 3: weird one, but find ways to move your body that 716 00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:16,920 Speaker 3: isn't about exercise. It's just about being connected to your body. 717 00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:19,799 Speaker 3: So for me, that's like having this thing that I 718 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:21,879 Speaker 3: call a crazy dance where I just like put music 719 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,400 Speaker 3: onto my room and just like let my body do 720 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:25,120 Speaker 3: what it wants to do. 721 00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:26,120 Speaker 2: It always makes. 722 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:28,400 Speaker 3: Me feel more confident and leaves me feeling better. But 723 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:32,319 Speaker 3: like yoga is a really good one, or just like 724 00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:36,120 Speaker 3: anything that gets you moving, swimming in the ocean, just 725 00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:39,120 Speaker 3: letting the waves like take your body where it wants 726 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:42,600 Speaker 3: to go. I think it's about reconnecting with your body 727 00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:45,280 Speaker 3: and recognizing that your body is It's just a vessel 728 00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:48,960 Speaker 3: for a lot more beautiful, beautiful things about you. It's 729 00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:52,200 Speaker 3: just a vessel for your love, for your kindness, for 730 00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:57,360 Speaker 3: your amazing traits and personality. I know it's so sootypical, 731 00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:02,000 Speaker 3: but personality really is the most worthwhile thing. Okay, I'm 732 00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,520 Speaker 3: going to do one more question because I'm realizing that 733 00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:09,600 Speaker 3: we have gone for a while. Okay, what advice would 734 00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:11,360 Speaker 3: you give to a heartbroken girl? 735 00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:12,920 Speaker 2: How do you get over someone? 736 00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:17,040 Speaker 3: I think channel my biggest piece of advice, and this 737 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,840 Speaker 3: is something I do after every breakup, end of a situation. 738 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:25,840 Speaker 3: Whatever is channel that that negative energy, that grief, that 739 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:31,920 Speaker 3: sadness into something creative and productive that is solely tied 740 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:35,560 Speaker 3: to your actions. So, for example, I started this podcast, 741 00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:39,360 Speaker 3: but also I like took up painting after a breakup, 742 00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:42,840 Speaker 3: Like I took up like this is really amazing journaling 743 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:48,960 Speaker 3: practice after something ended recently. Those kinds of activities or 744 00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,680 Speaker 3: another one is like one of my friends took up 745 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:54,640 Speaker 3: like cycling or rock climbing. Find ways to reconnect with 746 00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,640 Speaker 3: a part of you that they don't know that they've 747 00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,239 Speaker 3: never touched that they would never get to experience. I 748 00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:02,160 Speaker 3: think a big part about it at the end of 749 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:06,720 Speaker 3: a relationship is questions around self worth and questions around 750 00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:10,640 Speaker 3: am I good enough? Will I find someone better? And 751 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:15,240 Speaker 3: who am I without this person? I promise that time 752 00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:21,040 Speaker 3: heals all wounds, and it's just one foot in front 753 00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:23,720 Speaker 3: of the other every day it will get easier. Spend 754 00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,080 Speaker 3: as much time as you can doing the things you 755 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,080 Speaker 3: love that make you feel like yourself. And then one 756 00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,200 Speaker 3: day it's so annoying to say this, but you just 757 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:37,240 Speaker 3: wake up and you're just free, Like you just feel better, 758 00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,200 Speaker 3: and you just you're not worried about them anymore. You 759 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,760 Speaker 3: couldn't care less if they're dating someone, what they're doing. 760 00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,600 Speaker 3: You're just like happy to be you and happy to 761 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:49,719 Speaker 3: be alive. And I think also it's about like you, 762 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,919 Speaker 3: if you want to find someone else, you will find 763 00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:55,080 Speaker 3: someone else. But the most valuable relationship you'll ever have 764 00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:58,440 Speaker 3: is with yourself. So especially as you know this is 765 00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:01,439 Speaker 3: a podcast for people in their twenties, I'm assuming most 766 00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:04,000 Speaker 3: of us are in our twenties. You have so much 767 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,120 Speaker 3: time to like establish the best kind of connection with yourself. 768 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:11,000 Speaker 3: You have so much time to really build that foundation. 769 00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,680 Speaker 3: And I think a lot of people don't take the 770 00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:17,319 Speaker 3: time to do that because they use new relationships to 771 00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 3: heal their last ones. I was someone who did that 772 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:24,760 Speaker 3: and then like this last like I think, oh yeah, 773 00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:28,000 Speaker 3: like this last like four months, I like really took 774 00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:31,279 Speaker 3: time to just be like, Okay, you know something ended 775 00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,960 Speaker 3: at the end of last year. Let's really just like 776 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:38,879 Speaker 3: spend some time healing from that and pushing forward and 777 00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:43,160 Speaker 3: just reconnecting with yourself. Also, get out into nature. I 778 00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,680 Speaker 3: saw this like TikTok, that was like the situationship was 779 00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:47,600 Speaker 3: so bad that we had to reconnect with nature. And 780 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,440 Speaker 3: I was like, oh, my goodness, that has been me. 781 00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:54,280 Speaker 3: But honestly, go and go and find like your closest 782 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,480 Speaker 3: swimming hole or your closest beach, or your closest pool 783 00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:01,560 Speaker 3: of any sort a body of water heels everything. That 784 00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:06,160 Speaker 3: would be my advice, and I will say, heartbreak there 785 00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:09,680 Speaker 3: is a reverence and heartbreak there is beauty. There is 786 00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:14,560 Speaker 3: a sacredness to heartbreak. It really reveals the deepest parts 787 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:17,320 Speaker 3: of your emotions and the deepest parts of your insecurities, 788 00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,080 Speaker 3: and it's very rare that we get appear that deeply 789 00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,319 Speaker 3: into what's going on in our soul and what's going 790 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,279 Speaker 3: on into our mind, So take it as an opportunity. 791 00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:26,240 Speaker 2: I wouldn't be where. 792 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:29,560 Speaker 3: I am without the three biggest heartbreaks of my twenties, 793 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,279 Speaker 3: and I'm so grateful for them. 794 00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:34,120 Speaker 2: Like I said earlier, so I would say, take what 795 00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,359 Speaker 2: you can from it and leave the rest behind, and 796 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:40,160 Speaker 2: just know that time will heal or wounds. I think 797 00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:41,480 Speaker 2: that's all we have time for. 798 00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,080 Speaker 3: I just want to say again, thank you, firstly for 799 00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:48,080 Speaker 3: all your questions, but secondly for all of your support. 800 00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:52,520 Speaker 3: I am beyond grateful in a way I can never 801 00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:55,920 Speaker 3: express that people want to listen to this show. I 802 00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,480 Speaker 3: cannot believe that I've made one hundred episodes, and I 803 00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:01,680 Speaker 3: wouldn't have done that without some of the amazing feedback 804 00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:04,799 Speaker 3: and support from not even the people just from day one, 805 00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,680 Speaker 3: but the people who started listening six months ago, three 806 00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:10,080 Speaker 3: months ago. Even if this is like your first episode, 807 00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:12,640 Speaker 3: thank you, thank you for deciding to listen this far 808 00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:15,680 Speaker 3: as always. If you do feel cooled to do so, 809 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,319 Speaker 3: please feel free to leave a five star review on 810 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:23,520 Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, Spotify wherever you're listening right now, and follow 811 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:27,520 Speaker 3: me at that Psychology podcast on Instagram. You can watch 812 00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,719 Speaker 3: some of my video content over there, but also you 813 00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:34,280 Speaker 3: can send in some episode suggestions. Be part of the community, 814 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,160 Speaker 3: know what's going on. Happy one hundredth I cannot believe 815 00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:39,839 Speaker 3: it and just thank you for tuning in. 816 00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:42,200 Speaker 2: My gosh, I'm just like fawning. 817 00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:46,200 Speaker 3: Over everyone who's listening right now, but yeah, I'm really grateful, 818 00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:49,359 Speaker 3: So thanks for joining us for this episode. We will 819 00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:53,320 Speaker 3: be back on Friday for our regularly scheduled content.