Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea, Hi everybody. Welcome to a
Speaker 1: new episode of Dear Chelsea. I have been getting a
Speaker 1: lot of sister advice. I got a lot of sister
Speaker 1: action in my life, a lot of sisters in my life,
Speaker 1: a lot of sisters asking for advice, and a lot
Speaker 1: of sisters come to see me perform. So I thought
Speaker 1: it would be kind of fun to have my sisters
Speaker 1: on to dole out advice. Because my older sister Simone
Speaker 1: is who I go to for all my advice. Shashana,
Speaker 1: I also Shawna is more of like a love like
Speaker 1: a love seat, like you go to her for love
Speaker 1: and warm ship. Yeah, she's a lot like my mom.
Speaker 1: And then my sister Simone is less emotional and more practical.
Speaker 1: And so I have both sides of the coin and
Speaker 1: my sister to be Yes, I feel very, very lucky.
Speaker 1: Notice that I'm not mentioning how lucky I feel about
Speaker 1: my brothers. But I do have a really sweet brother
Speaker 1: named Roy. He is so sweet. He's just a little
Speaker 1: He's like a just a love muffin. Also, but I'm
Speaker 1: not asking him for advice either.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited that they're joining us.
Speaker 1: I know it's a very exciting. So I want to
Speaker 1: give a warm welcome to both of my sisters, Simone
Speaker 1: and Shashana. Look they're both here at the same time,
Speaker 1: so serendipitous or an appointment.
Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, Hello.
Speaker 1: Simone, you look so profresh. I love it. I am
Speaker 1: a professional, so I know, I know, I know all
Speaker 1: the fucking about it. Hi Catherine, Nice to meet you, Hie.
Speaker 2: Likewise, I'm so excited for today.
Speaker 3: Shauna beginning see you but not hear you yet.
Speaker 1: This is what it's like to get a phone call
Speaker 1: from her. Hi.
Speaker 3: Girls, do we not get to meet Brad?
Speaker 4: Brad?
Speaker 2: Come say hi, Brad.
Speaker 1: Bring the dogs. They got a brother and sister combo platter,
Speaker 1: just like Burton Bernice pug puppies.
Speaker 3: Two pugs. Oh my god, yes, the smush face.
Speaker 2: And we have an older pug who's seven.
Speaker 3: Nice.
Speaker 1: Oh they're the two dogs, I say, Hi. Oh, look
Speaker 1: at them. They're making out with each other. That's sweet
Speaker 1: when they kiss each other like that.
Speaker 4: Cute.
Speaker 1: Okay, So to continue our family story, So Simone had
Speaker 1: her surgery. Then I went so Shanna got the rough
Speaker 1: of it because someone was in bad shape for the
Speaker 1: first week. And then when I came on the scene.
Speaker 1: We turned a corner and I forced her into a
Speaker 1: physical therapy regimen, a walking exercise regimen post.
Speaker 3: Spinyal boot camp is what I like to call it.
Speaker 1: And then Shashana was like, Chelsea, don't give her alcohol.
Speaker 1: You know, you can't give her alcohol. She's recovering, she's
Speaker 1: on oxy cotton. And I was like, first of all,
Speaker 1: oxy cotton was made to be paired with alcohol, so like, obviously,
Speaker 1: if you know anything about a medical procedure or recovery,
Speaker 1: you want to make it as painless as possible.
Speaker 3: That first Margarita was delicious.
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, and then she's like, and definitely don't give
Speaker 1: her edibles. And of course, you know, three days in,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is going to make you relax and
Speaker 1: feel better. So we had two different experiences. But on
Speaker 1: the last day of our trip, Simone had a goal
Speaker 1: to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge, right, is that
Speaker 1: the bridge we walked across mony, Yeah, which was a
Speaker 1: lot less pleasant than we thought it was going to
Speaker 1: be because you're basically on a bridge that feels like
Speaker 1: it's swaying back and forth while.
Speaker 3: Hundreds of cars are zooming past you.
Speaker 1: It was like this, and you can't talk because you
Speaker 1: can't hear anything. So it's basically it was like a
Speaker 1: march and we got to one side. I was like,
Speaker 1: let's call an uber. She's like, let's just walk back.
Speaker 1: I'm like, but why it's so unpleasant.
Speaker 4: All I saw for the week.
Speaker 5: That you were there was posts of Margarita's and luncheons,
Speaker 5: and I was like, what happened?
Speaker 4: I mean, what did I mean?
Speaker 3: You did get the raw end of the field.
Speaker 1: Shawna thought they were going to boor a board together.
Speaker 1: She's like, when are we going to go paddle boarding? Anyway,
Speaker 1: I left Simone in great stead. So Shashana is technically
Speaker 1: a registered nurse, but I'm a medical practitioner, and I
Speaker 1: would like to say that even though everyone advises me
Speaker 1: against advising others of medicine, I'm going to continue to
Speaker 1: do it because I feel like I know what I'm doing,
Speaker 1: and I can tell by Simone's progress while I was
Speaker 1: there that I do know what I'm doing.
Speaker 4: You were on CNN yesterday for that. Did you see that?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: For what?
Speaker 1: I don't watch CNN anymore. For ompic oh, for my ozempic.
Speaker 1: People are like Chelsea handler didn't know she was on ozempic.
Speaker 1: I was like, first of all, do you think I
Speaker 1: would admit that I don't know the difference between the
Speaker 1: sun and the moon, but then lie about ozempic. I mean, obviously,
Speaker 1: I fucking tell the truth about everything. And it's called
Speaker 1: semaglue tide. So I did not know I was on
Speaker 1: ozempic until I was on ozempic. Perfect anyway, Okay, so girls,
Speaker 1: let's talk about both of you. Oh no, Catherine, you
Speaker 1: had something.
Speaker 3: Right, I do.
Speaker 2: I actually have an email from one of our listeners,
Speaker 2: and I wanted to get your perspective on it. Ladies.
Speaker 2: A very special flight attendant emailed us and she said,
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, not sure if you'll ever read this, but
Speaker 2: I watched your special last night with a fond memory
Speaker 2: of having you on board my flight in first class
Speaker 2: when I was a purser on a flight we were
Speaker 2: taxiing out when the in prints, the white businessman gentleman
Speaker 2: next to you, rang his call button and decided to
Speaker 2: tell me you hadn't turned off your phone. You looked
Speaker 2: at him and said, are you fucking kidding me? Are
Speaker 2: we in high school? You're telling on me? I was
Speaker 2: laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Your mention of
Speaker 2: respect for flight attendants was touching, as was the mention
Speaker 2: of your fear of pregnancy in the forties. I am
Speaker 2: one of those women who chose to never have children,
Speaker 2: and yes, drunk, I thought you couldn't get pregnant in
Speaker 2: your forties and did, and yes, thank God had access
Speaker 2: to abortion. So thank you for mentioning it, and thank
Speaker 2: you for one of my most memorable flight stories. So
Speaker 2: what I would love perspective on is has she always
Speaker 2: been this way? Just able to say stuff like this
Speaker 2: to like strangers who were trying to read her on
Speaker 2: the plane.
Speaker 6: Yes, that's a really quick, easy answer. Yes, And that's
Speaker 6: the most common question we get about Chelsea is was
Speaker 6: she always like this? Yes, since she was probably three
Speaker 6: years old.
Speaker 2: And are you both like that as well or less direct?
Speaker 6: We'll say no, No, we have different styles.
Speaker 3: I'm kind of a pleaser.
Speaker 6: I don't like to make waves and those confrontational type things.
Speaker 6: I mean, I will get annoyed, but it takes a
Speaker 6: little bit more for.
Speaker 3: Me to get annoyed. Like I had someone on the
Speaker 3: plane once.
Speaker 6: Who, during an eight hour flight to France, got up
Speaker 6: six times to pee, and the fifth time I just
Speaker 6: looked over and said, really.
Speaker 1: Well we both have the same language, because really was
Speaker 1: the first thing I said to that guy too.
Speaker 3: I'm reasonable up to a point and then I lose it.
Speaker 3: So so Shahana.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel kind of the same way.
Speaker 5: I mean, you know, it takes a lot to get
Speaker 5: me going, but it's something like that, I would definitely
Speaker 5: have said something.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I love the idea of an adult person telling on
Speaker 1: another adult person to a flight attendant, like you can't
Speaker 1: settle this little kerfuffle between two people. She's not turning
Speaker 1: off her phone, so that's like her saying her seat
Speaker 1: tray isn't up, which I still don't understand why those
Speaker 1: have to be up when we take off, like they're
Speaker 1: going to fly off into our eyes. I don't understand
Speaker 1: why we can't be reclined. And actually, with all of
Speaker 1: my newer relationships with flight attendants and the goodwill that
Speaker 1: I've instilled with them for me, I feel like I
Speaker 1: should be able to ask one of them. I don't
Speaker 1: understand why we can't be reclining when we take off.
Speaker 1: When I take a sleeping pill and then get on
Speaker 1: a plane, I want to go straight to sleep. I
Speaker 1: don't want to take off and go to sleep.
Speaker 4: There must be a reason. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 3: And get those answers for you, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well there's yeah. And also the like turns your
Speaker 1: phone on airplane mode. I don't believe that's true either,
Speaker 1: that you have to do that. I do it. Do
Speaker 1: you do it when you guys go on planes put
Speaker 1: your phones on airplane mode?
Speaker 5: We used to do it, but the last couple of
Speaker 5: years I hit or miss. I just forget.
Speaker 1: And whether you do it, whether I.
Speaker 3: Do it, that's above our pay grade. Sorry.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, thanks for all your help you guys. That's
Speaker 1: the end of the episode. Thank you for coming perfect. Okay,
Speaker 1: So let's talk about Catherine. I want to talk about
Speaker 1: sisters and the dynamic between sisters. So Simone's oldest, Sashawana's
Speaker 1: the middle, and I'm the youngest. Even though I'm the
Speaker 1: loudest and the most obnoxious and the most opinionated, I'm
Speaker 1: the baby. But I also act like I run the family, right, guys,
Speaker 1: that's very true.
Speaker 3: She does like the boss of the family.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I will defer to other people's opinions if
Speaker 1: I find them of value.
Speaker 3: So kind of you.
Speaker 1: I'll defer to Simone on a lot of things because
Speaker 1: I know Simone smarter than I am. So when I
Speaker 1: ask her a question about how to frame something in
Speaker 1: a more reasonable way, or how to tell somebody that
Speaker 1: they're fucking annoying without hurting their feelings, Simone is the
Speaker 1: person to go to. And Shashana has recently blossomed and
Speaker 1: burst into her own stage of womanhood right with her
Speaker 1: personal business which she's at ear Piercer, a remote ear piercer,
Speaker 1: and she's a registered nurse, so you're getting a safe
Speaker 1: ear piercing when you You can follow her on Instagram
Speaker 1: at Piercing's Sha Shanna. Shauna started her own business how
Speaker 1: long ago Shauna two years?
Speaker 4: One year, about a year ago.
Speaker 1: Okay, and it's thriving.
Speaker 4: Doing it about four years.
Speaker 5: So yeah, it's a mobile concierge piercing service. We come
Speaker 5: right to your home and make it a safe, fun experience.
Speaker 4: Everyone gets a certificate.
Speaker 5: Of bravery for pictures and it's just a really happy,
Speaker 5: fun way to do it that's comfortable and relaxed in
Speaker 5: your own home.
Speaker 6: And there's a huge market of little babies and little
Speaker 6: girls that are getting their ears piers I had no
Speaker 6: idea that so many people do this.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, Yes, every little girl in Jersey.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and everybody I tell, they tell five or six friends.
Speaker 2: Do you do like birthday parties and stuff?
Speaker 4: I do?
Speaker 5: Sometimes I'm the actual present and the kid doesn't even
Speaker 5: know I'm coming, but she's been begging to get her
Speaker 5: ears pierced for months. And I walk on the door
Speaker 5: and they say, do you know who this is? She's
Speaker 5: going to pierce your ears? And then I pop out
Speaker 5: of a cake.
Speaker 1: Topless. Everyone in our family goes topless. It's not just me,
Speaker 1: it's hereditary. My point of that story, Shauna, was that,
Speaker 1: but you were working in the medical industry, not medical industry, healthcare,
Speaker 1: proper healthcare. You were a nurse. My sister was a
Speaker 1: nurse and then she kind of got tired of that,
Speaker 1: and I guess the hours and the sense of responsibility.
Speaker 1: So you started your own business, and I think it's
Speaker 1: given you a really big boon, right, like a boost
Speaker 1: of self confidence, of self esteem. Tell us about that.
Speaker 5: Well, in a million years, I never thought I would
Speaker 5: own my own business. So it's been so much fun.
Speaker 5: I kind of fell into it because I started out
Speaker 5: with another company and then they ended up stopping the
Speaker 5: home piercings and there was such a huge demand.
Speaker 1: So Shashana continued to moonlight.
Speaker 5: That I thought, you know, how can I keep doing this,
Speaker 5: you know, legitimately, And so I formed my own company.
Speaker 5: And I love it. It's so rewarding and fun. Everybody I
Speaker 5: need is so nice and they're so happy. It's such
Speaker 5: a happy occasion. Everything's good about it, and I love it.
Speaker 6: It's so cute because you're so much more social now,
Speaker 6: Like I never really thought of you as being super social,
Speaker 6: but you're out there, like meeting new people all the
Speaker 6: time and they adore you.
Speaker 3: It's really cute. Yeah.
Speaker 5: No, I mean, I don't think I ever had a
Speaker 5: problem being social or anything. I'm like more shy and
Speaker 5: quiet than you guys are. But I've always give been
Speaker 5: good with patients and patient care in the hospital and
Speaker 5: all that, so it's just transferring it to the home.
Speaker 4: So for me, it's been easy, but I love it.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: I think that Pivot is really great for our listeners
Speaker 2: to hear because we have a ton of people who
Speaker 2: call in or write in and they're like, well, this
Speaker 2: is what I learned to do. This is what my
Speaker 2: career has been for the last twenty years. I can't
Speaker 2: really get out of it, especially when it's something really
Speaker 2: like you had to study for a long time for healthcare,
Speaker 2: et cetera, and you pivoted into something where your background
Speaker 2: is super relevant, but it's definitely outside the box, and
Speaker 2: you know, you got creative with it, and look at
Speaker 2: you now.
Speaker 1: And both of them have had big life moves. Simone
Speaker 1: moved to San Francisco, like how many years ago?
Speaker 3: Mony, it's been like six and a half years, I guess.
Speaker 1: Yeah, from New Jersey. Her kids were getting older, but
Speaker 1: she still had one kid in high school, my niece, Sunny.
Speaker 1: So she was deliberating whether or not to move out west,
Speaker 1: which was a huge culture shift really, I mean as
Speaker 1: far as a culture shift as you can get in
Speaker 1: like America. I guess Mississippi would be a bigger culture shift.
Speaker 1: But you know, and you kind of did change, not careers,
Speaker 1: but in a way you did. You changed what you
Speaker 1: were doing.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: No, I mean I think in my career I've done
Speaker 6: a lot. I've had a lot of different jobs or
Speaker 6: different positions.
Speaker 3: But so it has been in healthcare law.
Speaker 6: And so I think as my kids were getting older
Speaker 6: and I was divorced, and I was living in suburbia,
Speaker 6: and I was kind of just bored with living there
Speaker 6: and that whole routine of taking kids of soccer and baseball,
Speaker 6: and I didn't really find my people there where I was,
Speaker 6: And then I thought, you know, I really do need
Speaker 6: a change. So when I found this job in California,
Speaker 6: I was like, Oh, I could totally live in San Francisco.
Speaker 3: Why couldn't I.
Speaker 6: The only big stumbling block was my daughter, who was
Speaker 6: in high school and had to move her whole life here,
Speaker 6: But even for her, for her it was probably a
Speaker 6: huge benefit as well.
Speaker 3: So it worked out. I don't know for both of us.
Speaker 3: It's changed the venue I think is always good.
Speaker 1: I feel like those big changes are always beneficial to everybody.
Speaker 1: Because you were kind of like, this, isn't that a
Speaker 1: far move? I remember you talking about it, and it's like, no,
Speaker 1: you got to go for it, switch things up in
Speaker 1: a big way. And you've never looked back and regretted
Speaker 1: that you ever moved across the country. No, not for
Speaker 1: a second exactly. And Shashan, even when you were starting
Speaker 1: your business you were like, Oh, I got to go
Speaker 1: register as like an LLC or whatever it was, or
Speaker 1: an escorp or whatever you were talking about, and you're like,
Speaker 1: it's just such a pain in the ass, and then
Speaker 1: you did it and look and then you have never
Speaker 1: looked back. Right, Like, all the little reasons that we
Speaker 1: always have for not doing something, we don't ever even
Speaker 1: end up remembering those reasons. So like when you're making
Speaker 1: a big decision or a life move and you're making
Speaker 1: it's almost like you're making excuses for why it can't
Speaker 1: be done. And when you overcome hurdles, which you kind
Speaker 1: of need to do to take a risk in life,
Speaker 1: you have to overcome these hurdles otherwise it's not a
Speaker 1: risk exactly. You really rarely ever look back and be like,
Speaker 1: oh God, I wish I hadn't done that, you know,
Speaker 1: when you're taking leap of faith.
Speaker 5: Oh, I mean, honestly, I'm thinking three years old, and
Speaker 5: it's the best thing I've ever done. And I'm happier
Speaker 5: now than I've ever been doing anything professionally. I couldn't
Speaker 5: be happier. So I'm so glad that I did found
Speaker 5: out what I had to do, and it was a
Speaker 5: pain in the ass, and it took a while, but
Speaker 5: now it's done.
Speaker 6: I also like the fact that when you do something
Speaker 6: like that, you know you have two kids that see
Speaker 6: that change in you, and so you're modeling this behavior
Speaker 6: of doing something unique and different and risky.
Speaker 3: So they see that they benefit from that in their
Speaker 3: own lives and their own decision making too.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I totally agree with that. They definitely do.
Speaker 1: I know Burt and Bernice have benefited from all of
Speaker 1: the challenges and risks I put myself in front of.
Speaker 5: The only thing is Russell, my fourteen year old teenage
Speaker 5: son tells his friends when they ask what his mother does,
Speaker 5: they say, she stabs babies for a living.
Speaker 4: So that's a little.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but those are babies whose parents are choosing for
Speaker 1: them to be staffed like that's an unfair assessment. I
Speaker 1: always used to look at like babies getting their ear
Speaker 1: pierce as hard, so now I think it's adorable.
Speaker 4: They look so mute, I know.
Speaker 1: And plus it's over in a second, right, It's not
Speaker 1: like it goes on. I said to Sean, I go,
Speaker 1: what happens when you do the one ear and then
Speaker 1: they know what's going on? How do you do the
Speaker 1: second ear. She's like, they forget right away, way quickly.
Speaker 5: You're smiling and happy. Two minutes. It's great and they
Speaker 5: never remember it. So everybody's happy, the parents are happy.
Speaker 2: Do you only do ears?
Speaker 4: I do only do ears.
Speaker 5: You know a few months ago, Chelsea put up on
Speaker 5: Instagram that I would pierce pretty much anything on your body,
Speaker 5: you know, anything, anything, And I got all these private
Speaker 5: messages if I could come pierce their private parts, and
Speaker 5: they're this and that, and I had to you know,
Speaker 5: I had to let them down gently that right.
Speaker 4: Now, it's it's just an ear business.
Speaker 3: So it was an area for expansion down the road.
Speaker 3: Don't roll it out.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll think about that.
Speaker 1: Just get some extra alcohol swabs and you'll be all set.
Speaker 4: Maybe I'll practice nibble piercing on my husband Mike. I'm
Speaker 4: sure he would be thrilled.
Speaker 1: Nipple piercing. Can't be that bads. Oh oh yeah, copy that, Okay,
Speaker 1: got it, got it. Shashana is more virginal than I am.
Speaker 1: If you haven't picked up on that. Also, where's our
Speaker 1: where's Roy Shashana? What's roy status? These days? Our brother
Speaker 1: Roy was living with Shashana. He came out to visit
Speaker 1: with Simone when we were we were tending to her back.
Speaker 3: Oh that's right, there was.
Speaker 6: A surprise visit. He just showed up at my doorstep.
Speaker 6: That was that was a really nice surprise.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And then he hung out with us all week.
Speaker 1: And then what we would do is each of us
Speaker 1: had to take Simone for well, we took her for
Speaker 1: like her geriatric walk basically every day because she wasn't
Speaker 1: very mobile, So we would take her out for like
Speaker 1: thirty minutes or as much as she could handle, and
Speaker 1: then we'd get back and then Roy would go for
Speaker 1: a real walk, and then he'd come back and I'd
Speaker 1: go for a real walk. I was smoking a lot
Speaker 1: of pot during this time because I had nothing going
Speaker 1: on except the care for Simone, and that I could
Speaker 1: barely handle. So one day and our only responsibility was
Speaker 1: not to leave Simone alone like that was it just
Speaker 1: don't leave her alone because in case she got herself
Speaker 1: into a jam, she wouldn't be able to get out
Speaker 1: of it because she had stitches up and down her back.
Speaker 1: So one day Simone was like, oh, I have a
Speaker 1: tesla appointment at too, that's all we have today. After
Speaker 1: we went for a walk. I said sure, okay, So
Speaker 1: Roy went for a walk. I smoke a joint, I
Speaker 1: go for a walk. I go for a longer walk
Speaker 1: than expected because I'm stoned. And I get back and
Speaker 1: Simone's not there, and I was like, Roy, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Where's Simone? And he's like, oh, she went to a
Speaker 1: Tesla appointment. I was like, no, you let her drive herself,
Speaker 1: and he goes, yeah, you weren't back, and she didn't
Speaker 1: want to teach me how to use the Tesla. Her
Speaker 1: tesla's for some reason extra annoying, and I was like,
Speaker 1: the whole reason we're here is to never leave her alone.
Speaker 1: He's like, you're the one who missed the appointment, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I know, Roy, but I thought I
Speaker 1: could rely on you. So then I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: well I have to go to her find she's at
Speaker 1: to a Tesla dealership. And I was like, we have
Speaker 1: to call an uber. Roy call an uber, and he's
Speaker 1: like I don't know how to call an uber. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to call an uber either.
Speaker 6: And then and these are the people that are in
Speaker 6: charge of me, these are the protect me, and they
Speaker 6: can't call it suber.
Speaker 1: I was like screaming at him in the kitchen. I go,
Speaker 1: why don't you have Uber? That doesn't even make any sense.
Speaker 1: He's like, why would I need Uber? And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't need Uber. And so anyway, I had Uber
Speaker 1: Eats on my phone and I was like, I wonder
Speaker 1: if they can pick me up in the middle of
Speaker 1: a food delivery and take me to my sister. And
Speaker 1: then finally I had Uber on my phone. I just
Speaker 1: had to find it and I called an Uber. It
Speaker 1: was a huge success. I got there as Simone was
Speaker 1: just in the waiting room, just with a tiny bit
Speaker 1: of attitude, not too much, and she's like, I told
Speaker 1: you I had an appointment at two. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is fucking Royce.
Speaker 4: I should have stayed another week or two.
Speaker 1: I know it would have been more fun if we
Speaker 1: were all together. Sean, I'm sorry you got the brunt
Speaker 1: of it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I came in hot. He was cooking
Speaker 3: every day.
Speaker 6: He had me made chicken soup for twenty six people,
Speaker 6: even though there's only three of us.
Speaker 1: So and then one night he made turkey meatballs for
Speaker 1: twenty six people even though there were three of us.
Speaker 3: I still have those meatballs in the freezer.
Speaker 1: By the way, I was like, Roy, who are you
Speaker 1: serving here?
Speaker 6: He has no sense. It can only cook for like
Speaker 6: fifty people at a time. He can't cook for two
Speaker 6: or three people.
Speaker 4: At the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he can't cook individually. Yeah it's individually or for
Speaker 1: fifty people. It's nothing in between exactly.
Speaker 3: But anyway, they nursed me back to health.
Speaker 1: How are you feeling money?
Speaker 3: I'm good.
Speaker 6: I mean this lovely deluxe chair that you kindly bought me,
Speaker 6: and I'd say I'm about eighty five percent there. I
Speaker 6: think the last ten or fifteen percent will take another
Speaker 6: six months. There's certain twisting right and left spending that
Speaker 6: I can't really do.
Speaker 3: But I got a physical therapy once or twice a
Speaker 3: week and they are great. I'd like to go there every.
Speaker 6: Day, frankly, but apparently that's not really necessary.
Speaker 3: I just like having a trainer. I like someone who
Speaker 3: tells me what to do.
Speaker 1: When I do it, it feels like you should go
Speaker 1: more than once a week.
Speaker 6: Now They're like, I've progressed so much that I only
Speaker 6: need to just to do what they tell me seven
Speaker 6: days a week.
Speaker 1: And also, when I was out there with someone and
Speaker 1: I said, listen, this is a make or break moment
Speaker 1: in your life. This could be the end, or this
Speaker 1: could be a new beginning. And she looked at me,
Speaker 1: she goes, just shut up. Okay, I have another peak
Speaker 1: left in me. This is not the end. And I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, but you can go for it in
Speaker 1: this moment and get really healthy and strong. Or some
Speaker 1: people in their mid fifties that get a procedure like this,
Speaker 1: just slide straight downhill.
Speaker 3: Not happen.
Speaker 4: To you.
Speaker 3: No, No, I've got many good years left. So this
Speaker 3: was just a little hiccup.
Speaker 1: Okay, good to know. Good to know. By the way,
Speaker 1: to all of our straight mail listeners, Simon's available.
Speaker 3: I'm available.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey, okay, so what do we have in store today? Catherine?
Speaker 2: Amazingly, I do have a straight mail listener who has written.
Speaker 1: In Oh is it for Simone? Oh my god, this
Speaker 1: would be amazing.
Speaker 2: I don't know, but he is married.
Speaker 1: Somebody sounds like an eager beeper.
Speaker 2: I have some sister questions. I have some dating questions,
Speaker 2: all kinds of stuff.
Speaker 1: Let's do sister's question.
Speaker 2: All right, well, let's go quick break and we'll be
Speaker 2: right back.
Speaker 1: And we're back.
Speaker 2: We are back. Well, this first question is from lovable aunt.
Speaker 2: Growing up with my three years older sister was sort
Speaker 2: of a battle. She was always so headstrong, almost like
Speaker 2: a bully to everyone, especially me. She had this bad attitude,
Speaker 2: always looking for a fight, and she was spoiled rotten.
Speaker 2: When we were young, we weren't friends. She always pushed
Speaker 2: me around, tease me to the point where I would cry.
Speaker 2: She once said to a new friend that she didn't
Speaker 2: know me and that I was a neighbor who lived
Speaker 2: on another street. Fast forward to now, and we are
Speaker 2: the best of friends. Somewhere along the way she grew
Speaker 2: up and finally realized what's right and wrong and became normal.
Speaker 2: The issue is she has a four year old son
Speaker 2: who looks exactly like her, and I'm terrified to say,
Speaker 2: is exactly like she was when she was younger. My
Speaker 2: nephew is a bully in the making, just like she was.
Speaker 2: He is only four and he already has this bad attitude.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's giving me PTSD of some sort.
Speaker 2: I do love him, but I cannot tolerate him. It's
Speaker 2: hard to like him. Do I have to wait till
Speaker 2: he's in his twenties to be able to bond with him?
Speaker 2: He is just so awful. And no, I do not
Speaker 2: have kids on my own, nor do I ever want one.
Speaker 2: He is my birth control, any advice, lovable and with
Speaker 2: an unlikable nephew.
Speaker 1: Oh geez, that's an interesting one.
Speaker 3: I haven't heard like that.
Speaker 6: When you started out, I was like, Oh, this is
Speaker 6: Shashawa and Chelsea when they were.
Speaker 3: Little, exactly.
Speaker 4: That's what I thought.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I thought too, except I was the
Speaker 1: youngest and I was the bully.
Speaker 3: And this is what it would have happened if you
Speaker 3: had children.
Speaker 1: Right, which is why everyone in our family advised me
Speaker 1: over and over again. You guys say I don't listen,
Speaker 1: but obviously I did because I didn't have children, and
Speaker 1: all of you kept telling me definitely don't when you
Speaker 1: didn't need to say that. But okay, so go on, okay,
Speaker 1: so continue sigmo. Yeah.
Speaker 6: So I think this is a tough one because I
Speaker 6: feel like commenting on someone's child.
Speaker 3: Is you have to tread really lightly. It's a delicate area.
Speaker 6: If she's good friends with her sister, now that's a
Speaker 6: great starting point. There's got to be an opportunity that
Speaker 6: when they're all together, for her to not necessarily criticize
Speaker 6: her nephew. But when her sister corrects her nephew or
Speaker 6: parents her nephew, I wonder if there's an opportunity to
Speaker 6: have a broader discussion about his behavior, or you know,
Speaker 6: even saying things like, oh, how does he do at preschool?
Speaker 3: How's he doing with other kids?
Speaker 6: Like asking more objective questions about his behavior to see
Speaker 6: if she'll realize that this child is having some behavioral
Speaker 6: issues and is a bit of a bully.
Speaker 3: But I wouldn't do it very subjectively.
Speaker 6: And really go in there and say your kid is
Speaker 6: a nightmare, like you need to fix him, because that's
Speaker 6: that's never goes well.
Speaker 5: Yeah, do you think that she's aware that your son
Speaker 5: is acting like she did when she was young or
Speaker 5: that's a question that you know, I wouldn't want to know.
Speaker 1: It's interesting to talk about who's aware of their children
Speaker 1: and who Isn't you know what I mean, you're so
Speaker 1: blind when it's your own child. I just talked to
Speaker 1: a friend of mine who said it was a straight
Speaker 1: cup I was with recently that they both were working
Speaker 1: big jobs, both CEOs at different companies, and they realized
Speaker 1: that their kid was turning into a major brat and
Speaker 1: she's like, I just realized that she was turning into this.
Speaker 1: She's like, so one of us had to stop working
Speaker 1: and we had to spend more time with her. And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, oh, I've never heard anyone say
Speaker 1: that about their own kid.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean that takes a lot of self awareness to
Speaker 3: realize that.
Speaker 6: I think in some cases, like if the child is
Speaker 6: now emulating the parent, some people find that endearing.
Speaker 3: Oh, it was just like me as a kid, he's.
Speaker 1: Looking Oh, I've heard that so many times from so
Speaker 1: many mothers. She's like, she's just like.
Speaker 6: Me, Like, that's actually not a p pre behavior a child.
Speaker 3: So it's a difficult area.
Speaker 6: Again, I think siblings providing advice on their nieces and
Speaker 6: nephews is just a touchy area. I just think you
Speaker 6: have to I think it's worth bringing up, but I
Speaker 6: think you have to do it in a very sort
Speaker 6: of diplomatic way.
Speaker 1: Well maybe this woman could she start doing stand up
Speaker 1: and just out everybody that way.
Speaker 3: There you go. There's another option. That's option B.
Speaker 1: That's the straightest path to success.
Speaker 5: I think if the sisters have a close enough relationship,
Speaker 5: there is a way to open up that conversation gently.
Speaker 5: That it depends how tight they are to be able
Speaker 5: to work that in slowly gently.
Speaker 4: But if you really do have that really tight close.
Speaker 5: Relationship, I think that you can find a space to
Speaker 5: talk about it in the right way without being really
Speaker 5: obnoxious about it.
Speaker 2: I also think depending on the relationship that you have
Speaker 2: with your nephew and with your sister, if it's appropriate,
Speaker 2: where like she doesn't mind if you reprimand him or
Speaker 2: have some input on his behavior. I have a niece
Speaker 2: who was a Helian growing up, and I was a
Speaker 2: person in her life who set like really firm boundaries
Speaker 2: and she knew that, like I was the aunty that
Speaker 2: if I said no, the answer was no. If I
Speaker 2: said later, the answer was later. And that as I
Speaker 2: set those boundaries early on, that paid off in dividends
Speaker 2: as she got older.
Speaker 6: Yeah, Catherine, I think you definitely that's a good point
Speaker 6: about as the child grows up, you developed your own
Speaker 6: relationship with that child. I don't think she has to
Speaker 6: wait till he's eighteen years old, but it develops over time.
Speaker 6: And I know all of my kids benefit from their
Speaker 6: ants and novels.
Speaker 2: So starting school too might help correct some of this
Speaker 2: behavior because a lot of times kids are bad in
Speaker 2: a way that like their peers are not going to
Speaker 2: put up with. So like, as he gets into kindergarten,
Speaker 2: first grade, whatever, some of this might start coming out
Speaker 2: in the wash. Hopefully that's true.
Speaker 3: I mean that wasn't the case for Chelsea when she
Speaker 3: was little, But you know.
Speaker 1: I got more. I was more confrontational once I met
Speaker 1: other people. I was like, oh, there's a whole there's
Speaker 1: a whole sea of people I can disagree with. I
Speaker 1: remember getting thrown out of nursery school because I said
Speaker 1: something to the teacher that Dad had said to me
Speaker 1: about her. I said to her face, and then I
Speaker 1: got in trouble. She had Dad picked me up, and
Speaker 1: Dad's I give to go and apologize. I think she
Speaker 1: was trying to get me to take a nap, and
Speaker 1: I hated that. Now I would love it, but back
Speaker 1: then I didn't want to be forced to lie on
Speaker 1: those stupid cots. I was like, first of all, there's
Speaker 1: accounting to be done for my family, Like I have
Speaker 1: to figure out where the money's coming from, or where's
Speaker 1: it where is it coming in? And my dad was like,
Speaker 1: you have to apologize. I'm like you're the one who
Speaker 1: said it. It was either something about the way she
Speaker 1: dressed or it was something I can't remember, but anyway,
Speaker 1: I was so mad that I was basically getting in
Speaker 1: trouble for something he told me, and then I repeated.
Speaker 1: I was like, you're a bad influence. But yeah, so
Speaker 1: I'm not a good example, but other people are. You
Speaker 1: do get socialized when you go to school. I feel
Speaker 1: like teachers are so tired and exhausted now that they're
Speaker 1: not going to put up with any bullshit.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Yeah, okay, while lovable aunt, tell us what happens
Speaker 2: with their nephew, and if you can set some boundaries,
Speaker 2: let us know what happens.
Speaker 1: Problem solved. It sounds like solved.
Speaker 2: Well, at the end of the day, I got to
Speaker 2: wait it out right, Well, we have a caller. Are
Speaker 2: you ready for a caller? Ladies? A lot of caller
Speaker 2: joining up.
Speaker 3: Let's go.
Speaker 2: Okay, Amber says, dear Chelsea. I've been dating my perfect
Speaker 2: man for two years this time around. We dated seventeen
Speaker 2: years ago and had a tumultuous eight year relationship that
Speaker 2: ended with cheating, and I was the cheater. In the
Speaker 2: seven years apart, he dated one girl and I dated
Speaker 2: several douchebags. He was always on my mind, though, and
Speaker 2: about two years before we got back together, I started
Speaker 2: pursuing him again, even while he was committed to someone else.
Speaker 2: Needless to say, I won him back. I know there's
Speaker 2: a lot to unpack there, but we've been working really hard.
Speaker 2: But he has major trust issues. I cheated on him
Speaker 2: ten years ago, and I'm a completely different person now.
Speaker 2: I have done a ton of therapy and twelve step
Speaker 2: programs and even a two month retreat in Thailand. They
Speaker 2: all have the same message of truth telling and honesty,
Speaker 2: so I've been exactly that honest. How do I earn
Speaker 2: his trust back and convince him that I'm not the
Speaker 2: Amber from ten years go? Will the trust ever come back?
Speaker 2: Or will my shitty ways haunt me forever? Amber? Hi Amber,
Speaker 2: Hi Catherine? How are you? So everyone your shirt? I'm
Speaker 2: very excited about this, So let's go to therapy.
Speaker 3: Oh that's cute, right, cute?
Speaker 1: Hi Amber? How are you? These are my sisters? There
Speaker 1: are special guests today.
Speaker 3: Hi sisters, I meet you. Nice to meet you as well.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's a long breakup and then you got back.
Speaker 1: How many years were you guys?
Speaker 2: Apart.
Speaker 3: We were apart for seven years.
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, so you had.
Speaker 3: Let me get this straight.
Speaker 6: You had eight years together, then broke up for seven
Speaker 6: and then you've been together again for the second time
Speaker 6: for two years.
Speaker 3: Correct, Okay, that's seventeen. Yeah.
Speaker 7: So we were together for eight years and then I
Speaker 7: cheated on him and I had a little bit of
Speaker 7: an affair, about a three month affair. Obviously he found
Speaker 7: out about it, we broke up, he got involved in
Speaker 7: a new relationship, and I was pining for him that
Speaker 7: whole time and ended up getting back together and we've
Speaker 7: been back together this last two years. But he just
Speaker 7: does not trust me.
Speaker 1: Wait, I have a question, Amber, Was that the only
Speaker 1: time you cheated on him?
Speaker 3: One time?
Speaker 1: Okay? Yeah, Okay, go ahead, someone, So.
Speaker 3: How has it been these last few years?
Speaker 6: You obviously both still had something going on for each other,
Speaker 6: so enough to bring.
Speaker 3: You back together? Yeah?
Speaker 6: What is How is he demonstrating this distrust like he's
Speaker 6: just not one hundred percent there?
Speaker 3: You know, For me, it's been great.
Speaker 7: I'm just so excited to be back together with him
Speaker 7: that I think I'm a little bit blinded by his insecurity.
Speaker 7: He gets insecure about kind of the silliest things like
Speaker 7: if I'm on my phone for too long. Maybe if
Speaker 7: I'm on an app and I close out of the
Speaker 7: app too soon, he's like, why are you doing that?
Speaker 7: I mean, obviously, when I cheated on him eight years ago,
Speaker 7: a lot of it was related around the phone. So
Speaker 7: he's just been really insecure and he doesn't really voice it.
Speaker 7: He's a little bit passive aggressive. I can just tell
Speaker 7: that something's upsetting him. He's not really good at verb it.
Speaker 7: And then it gets to a point where I start
Speaker 7: to retreat because he's retreating, and then we'll have kind
Speaker 7: of like a blow up where he's like, I just
Speaker 7: don't trust you. You're doing these things, You're being shady
Speaker 7: with your phone, You're closing out of these apps some things.
Speaker 3: I don't even know what he's talking about. I'm confused
Speaker 3: and why he's right.
Speaker 6: He's in a different state of mind altogether than you are. Right,
Speaker 6: the jealousy thing is a serious thing that's not going
Speaker 6: to automatically go away.
Speaker 1: Have you guys gone to counseling together at all?
Speaker 7: I go to therapy. I asked him to go to therapy,
Speaker 7: and he was not on board with going to therapy.
Speaker 1: Well, that's a big problem right there. That's a big
Speaker 1: red flag.
Speaker 5: This is a hurdle that you have to figure out,
Speaker 5: and therapy is not the only way, but it might be,
Speaker 5: you know, the easiest and best way to have a
Speaker 5: third party figure out, you know, with you guys, if
Speaker 5: you can get past this, because it's hanging over your
Speaker 5: relationship and it's not healthy. So you have to move
Speaker 5: through this or you have to probably not be together.
Speaker 5: So if you're going to make it work, you have
Speaker 5: to find a way to address this issue because it's
Speaker 5: not going away.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and it's you know, it's been seventeen years and
Speaker 7: I have so many amazing single girlfriends and I want
Speaker 7: to be in a long term relationship and I want
Speaker 7: to be with him, and I don't want to give
Speaker 7: up on the relationship. And I know that he loves
Speaker 7: me very much too and doesn't want to give up either.
Speaker 3: I don't want to say don't. He doesn't want to
Speaker 3: go to like a traditional therapist. He does his own work.
Speaker 7: He's very spiritual, who listens to a lot of like Eckhart,
Speaker 7: Tooley and Deepop and he's just really into that spiritual
Speaker 7: side of himself. He's a pretty special human. He just
Speaker 7: can't get past this hurdle, and I'm not sure. I'm
Speaker 7: not sure what to do.
Speaker 6: I think the fact that he's had this experience, I mean,
Speaker 6: he has a legitimate reason to have this trust issue
Speaker 6: with you. You have never been in that position, it sounds like,
Speaker 6: so you can't really understand what he's going through and
Speaker 6: why he's acting this way, but it's legitimate for him.
Speaker 3: So I think you really do.
Speaker 6: If he is spiritual, maybe you just need to go
Speaker 6: to a different type of third party, as someone that's
Speaker 6: a little bit more connected to mindfulness or someone that
Speaker 6: he's on board with, because I don't think you can
Speaker 6: kind of grow together if you really think he's the
Speaker 6: one and he thinks you're the one, but there's this
Speaker 6: constant issue hanging over your head.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's going to work unless you really
Speaker 3: hash it out.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I just feel like he's punishing me for something
Speaker 7: I did ten years ago.
Speaker 1: Well, he's not punishing you. He's still hurt from something
Speaker 1: that you did ten years ago. He's hurting and he's
Speaker 1: not able to let it go. And the whole thing
Speaker 1: about spirituality is not to hold on to the past
Speaker 1: or to harbor the past, and that's what he's doing
Speaker 1: so he can be as spiritual as he wants. But
Speaker 1: he's not taking the advice that he's listening to, which
Speaker 1: is to let go. You're a different person. You've gone
Speaker 1: to therapy all these years. If he doesn't even have
Speaker 1: the interest in going and sitting down with you to
Speaker 1: hear about what you've learned and to figure out a
Speaker 1: way for you guys to continue, that is a really
Speaker 1: big red flag. And that's to say what he could
Speaker 1: spend the next ten years holding this over your head.
Speaker 1: I feel like you have done the work to account
Speaker 1: for your behavior. You're not going to do it again.
Speaker 1: Enough time has passed, it's been two years. How long
Speaker 1: is he going to hold onto this for? He has
Speaker 1: to accept and trust in order for you guys to grow,
Speaker 1: and if he can't, Yeah, you've got to either figure
Speaker 1: you have to have a third party sit down and
Speaker 1: have a conversation about it, because it's irrational. At this point,
Speaker 1: you're not doing anything that's warranting his distrust. And if
Speaker 1: he wanted to get back in this relationship, even though
Speaker 1: you went and pursued him, and I'm sure you were
Speaker 1: very influential in getting you back together. He agreed to
Speaker 1: get back together, right, so he has to agree to
Speaker 1: a new set of terms at a fresh start.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean enough time has passed since this happened,
Speaker 6: and you've demonstrated your behavior in the past two years
Speaker 6: and then this newest part of your relationship, and if
Speaker 6: that's not enough, then it has to be. You know,
Speaker 6: you have to work on it together for him to
Speaker 6: either get past it, or if he realizes he can
Speaker 6: get past it, that's a problem.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 7: It makes me really sad because I'm worried that he
Speaker 7: can't And yeah.
Speaker 1: It sounds like he might not be able to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do wonder if there is something that's, not,
Speaker 2: like you said, traditional therapy that might be really healing
Speaker 2: for him. First of all, of course, there's a ton
Speaker 2: of books about getting over cheating and how to repair relationships,
Speaker 2: so like that might be something to be like, Hey,
Speaker 2: I need you to read a couple of these books
Speaker 2: so we can start to move on from this and
Speaker 2: rebuild that trust. But you might also look into like
Speaker 2: a weekend retreat with a shaman based on connecting with
Speaker 2: your significant other or something like that that feels a
Speaker 2: little bit more you guys, or feels a little bit
Speaker 2: more him that he might be more comfortable with.
Speaker 7: Now like he did ayahuasca. He did an ayahuasca retreat
Speaker 7: in Kosa, Okay. Yeah, and I think that really helped him.
Speaker 7: I don't think it was as powerful as he was
Speaker 7: expecting it to be, but I know that's more his
Speaker 7: route and I'm willing to support him in that.
Speaker 3: So I really like that idea.
Speaker 6: Well, I mean, it's good that he's into this stuff
Speaker 6: and then he's sort of open to sort of you know,
Speaker 6: forward thinking and you know, changing his outlook and all
Speaker 6: of that, so it sounds like he's got the potential
Speaker 6: to do it. I mean, this one issue is kind
Speaker 6: of significant for him, but there's got to be a
Speaker 6: way that you can address it together, because again, you're
Speaker 6: speaking about two different things. He's experiencing things and he's
Speaker 6: not able to verbalize it to you what the triggers
Speaker 6: are and when it happens and how that makes him feel.
Speaker 3: And you need to have this conversation together, and I.
Speaker 6: Think the only way to do is to have an interpreter,
Speaker 6: a third party that can really help.
Speaker 1: You and try. Maybe you can do a Molly MDMA
Speaker 1: session with somebody those are good. No, really, it's helpful
Speaker 1: for couples, especially when they're cheating involved, because it kind
Speaker 1: of like gets rid of your ego and people are
Speaker 1: just like, you're so loving and communicative that you can
Speaker 1: solve a lot of these kinds of big issue relationship
Speaker 1: issues in one session. Yeah, like if you get somebody
Speaker 1: who can guide you through an MDMA therapy journey with
Speaker 1: you and your partner and that way, it's not traditional therapy.
Speaker 7: Yeah, we've tried be made together, but having somebody lead it,
Speaker 7: I think.
Speaker 3: Would be would probably be more powerful.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because for him at this point, his rote response,
Speaker 2: his pattern in his brain is like I'm afraid, I'm afraid.
Speaker 2: I'm afraid. So he needs something to break him out
Speaker 2: of that, and he also needs to be taking the
Speaker 2: initiative to work on that healing for himself.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 7: I just hope, I just hope that the relationship that
Speaker 7: hasn't just hasn't gone too far, because I do love him,
Speaker 7: and it sounds like.
Speaker 3: You want to do the work, So that's half of
Speaker 3: the battle, and I just have to make sure he
Speaker 3: wants to do the work.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you just need to figure out what that work
Speaker 4: looks like.
Speaker 5: And let him know how much you're committed to trying
Speaker 5: to get there where whatever it is that it takes
Speaker 5: to get him more comfortable.
Speaker 4: You guys are on the same page and get past
Speaker 4: this that you'll do it.
Speaker 3: Well, I'll do what it takes. I'm hoping he does
Speaker 3: as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you've got like seventeen years together now, right,
Speaker 1: so try and figure it the fuck out. Tell him that,
Speaker 1: Tell him that, I'll tell him.
Speaker 3: Chelsea said that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Please, do I need another straight fan.
Speaker 3: To add to the other two.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, thanks for calling in, Amberg. Keep us
Speaker 1: posted and let us know how everything goes.
Speaker 3: Good luck Amber so much. Thank you, sisters.
Speaker 4: Bye.
Speaker 1: That's a good podcast title, you guys. Thank you sisters.
Speaker 3: Unless it's about nuns.
Speaker 2: Well, I have an email from a straight listener. His
Speaker 2: name is Sean. Dear Chelsea, my name is Sean, and
Speaker 2: I wanted to write in and see if I could
Speaker 2: get some advice about an upcoming diagnosis. My wife, yes
Speaker 2: I am a straight man writing in, has come into
Speaker 2: recent awareness that she might be on the autism spectrum.
Speaker 2: She's going to get tested because she would like to
Speaker 2: have the answer to some of the idiosyncrasies in her life.
Speaker 2: We've been together for six years and married for a
Speaker 2: little over a year. I expressed that no matter what
Speaker 2: the outcome could be, it doesn't change any part of
Speaker 2: who she is as a person, and more importantly, she's
Speaker 2: my wife. I'm just worried that she could go into
Speaker 2: a grieving or depression about this discovery. She's expressed to
Speaker 2: me that she would most likely grieve for her younger self,
Speaker 2: but I want to make sure I can show up
Speaker 2: for her in every facet as a role model for
Speaker 2: women and mental health. I feel that you would be
Speaker 2: able to help give some perspective as to how I
Speaker 2: can best support and comfort my wife through this time.
Speaker 2: You're a north star for both my wife and my
Speaker 2: mother in law, sharing many similar traits and beliefs. That's
Speaker 2: why I thought you'd be perfect to give an outside perspective. Sean,
Speaker 2: What a sweetheart, I know.
Speaker 4: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's sweet Sean. We're all attracted to you. Now, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll go first. I think that first of all, it's
Speaker 1: a total gift to get a diagnosis so you understand
Speaker 1: where your behaviors are coming from. My friend Amy Schumer,
Speaker 1: who's been very public about her husband's autism diagnosis was
Speaker 1: also directed by her. She noticed some weird behaviors or
Speaker 1: some non tradition behavior, stuff she wasn't used to seeing.
Speaker 1: She saw and asked, hey, do you think I've looked
Speaker 1: this up? And I think there's a chance you might
Speaker 1: want to get tested because you might be on the spectrum.
Speaker 1: And he did, and it was like such an informational tool.
Speaker 1: Then he understood why he acted differently in his behavior
Speaker 1: towards things like she fell down once and he didn't
Speaker 1: go to pick her up, and he's like, I don't
Speaker 1: know why I didn't do that either. She's like, usually
Speaker 1: if someone falls, you know, somebody comes to help me,
Speaker 1: Like why are you standing there? And he's like, I
Speaker 1: don't know. So, you know, the synapses are different, and
Speaker 1: the reactions are different, and your socialization is very different.
Speaker 1: So it's a very big gift to get the information
Speaker 1: to understand and put in context all of these things
Speaker 1: that you've kind of been confused about for so long.
Speaker 1: So I think you have to look at it and
Speaker 1: go at it from that very positive angle, like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, great we have answers.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 6: I mean data is key, So you know, she could
Speaker 6: potentially be diagnosed with a form of autism, but she's
Speaker 6: not being diagnose with terminal cancer. So it's something she's
Speaker 6: had probably since she was a child, and it's just
Speaker 6: putting sort of a name to it, in diagnosis to it.
Speaker 6: But it's not changing her life in any way. She's
Speaker 6: still living the same life with her husband. So this
Speaker 6: information can be useful, you know, they can read more
Speaker 6: about it, and they can sort of maybe I don't
Speaker 6: even know if you would change anything, to be honest,
Speaker 6: but just recognizing the signals and the symptoms and the
Speaker 6: behaviors that she's been seeing, I think, yeah, I agree,
Speaker 6: it's valuable to get that information back.
Speaker 3: There's nothing wrong with data.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And being autistic is an advantage in many ways
Speaker 1: that we don't see. So there's this whole additional layer
Speaker 1: of added value that autistic people bring to the table
Speaker 1: in the way they see things and in the way
Speaker 1: they take information in in the way that they see
Speaker 1: the world. It's just so much different, and so like,
Speaker 1: there's so much value in teaching more people about that
Speaker 1: your children. It's not a bad thing. It's not like
Speaker 1: you're getting a cancer diagnosis. You're getting a personality diagnosed,
Speaker 1: and that is always helpful.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it might be like a little just a
Speaker 5: relief just to know, Okay, now that's what I have,
Speaker 5: I have a name for it, this is what it is.
Speaker 5: If I know that I have autism, then there are
Speaker 5: very specific people that you can go see that deal
Speaker 5: with that you know, regarding autism, that can help you,
Speaker 5: as opposed to seeing somebody that may not be familiar
Speaker 5: with that or that kind of thing. So it's a
Speaker 5: good opportunity to move forward with it knowing what you
Speaker 5: have and knowing where.
Speaker 4: To go to get help if there's things you want
Speaker 4: to change.
Speaker 6: And I also think to Sean's original question, which I
Speaker 6: think was about how do I provide appropriate support, I
Speaker 6: think you know she's going to handle it, how she's
Speaker 6: going to handle it. We can't predict if she's going
Speaker 6: to be depressed about it initially, or she's going to
Speaker 6: be kind of excited to have this data and then
Speaker 6: want to see a therapist or want to see a specialist.
Speaker 6: So you kind of have to react to her and
Speaker 6: know not to diminish any of those feelings that she's
Speaker 6: having and just be there as you have been apparently
Speaker 6: and support her regardless of her reaction, and then it's
Speaker 6: really ultimately her decision as to whether she takes the
Speaker 6: next steps or not, because I remember it sounds very
Speaker 6: similar to any's story. So some people, you know, there's
Speaker 6: nothing to do. It's just to be there and support
Speaker 6: those reactions and sort of help her walk through the
Speaker 6: emotions that she might experience.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and great for you for even asking, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean that says it all about your personality. It's
Speaker 1: already where it needs to be totally. That you'll be
Speaker 1: supportive and very encouraging and always I think just keep
Speaker 1: reminding your wife in the moments that she needs to
Speaker 1: hear it what a positive thing this is. Knowledge is power,
Speaker 1: and like you have all this information now assuming she
Speaker 1: does tests and is on the spectrum, So positivity is
Speaker 1: everything too. You know, just to be like a solid
Speaker 1: kind of stable force in someone's life when they're going
Speaker 1: through something is a big gift.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that's all good advice. Well, Sean, let
Speaker 2: us know how it goes. Let us know if you
Speaker 2: found some resources and we're able to put some good
Speaker 2: systems in place, and.
Speaker 1: I think we should start. So we're giving rewards to
Speaker 1: the straight men that call into the podcast, Catherine, I mean,
Speaker 1: if they're this kind, yeah, there should be a list. Obviously,
Speaker 1: anyone straight man who's listening to this or calling in
Speaker 1: is very masculine because you would have to be very confident.
Speaker 1: Oh I just hit myself in the face with a microphone. God,
Speaker 1: it's almost like men were just kicking me in the
Speaker 1: face as a response to that. But yeah, it takes
Speaker 1: a big man to do that, and that's very sexy. So,
Speaker 1: like I said, we're all attracted to.
Speaker 2: You, Sean. Yes, this is another sibling related question. Soft
Speaker 2: Live wrote into us and she said, Dear Chelsea, my
Speaker 2: brother and his Now what breaks my heart to say?
Speaker 2: Ex girlfriend have been separated for close to a year.
Speaker 2: To make a long story short, they encountered issues as
Speaker 2: they both got older and faced real world responsibilities. It
Speaker 2: had an impact on their relationship where they felt they
Speaker 2: needed to separate and or the record, they're twenty five.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing. The two of them are still in
Speaker 2: love with each other and have both admitted it to me,
Speaker 2: And it's so obvious to everyone who knows and loves
Speaker 2: them that they're meant to be. For some reason, they
Speaker 2: haven't been able to get it together to resolve the situation,
Speaker 2: most likely poor communication. Our entire family has been under
Speaker 2: the impression that we were just waiting for them to
Speaker 2: be in the right head space to get back together. However,
Speaker 2: after his ex told him he should move on even
Speaker 2: though she didn't actually want him to, my brother has
Speaker 2: taken it upon himself to start dating a new girl.
Speaker 2: I'm entirely sure that this is a band aid, an
Speaker 2: easy situation for him to have fun and feel better.
Speaker 2: He was hiding this from me because he knows I'm
Speaker 2: still close with his ex. I always envisioned her as
Speaker 2: my future sister in law. I really don't want to
Speaker 2: make the situation about myself. However, I'm having a hard
Speaker 2: time because only I know how the two of them
Speaker 2: still feel about each other. But now he wants me
Speaker 2: to meet his new girl that he's seeing. I feel
Speaker 2: like it's too soon and frankly have no interest in
Speaker 2: meeting her, But I don't want to hurt his feelings.
Speaker 2: How do I handle this situation without imposing my feelings
Speaker 2: onto his life? Ps Listening to this podcast every week
Speaker 2: has probably enabled me to not have very strong emotional
Speaker 2: reaction to the situation to begin with. I appreciate this
Speaker 2: basically free therapy, and I should probably go to real
Speaker 2: therapy live.
Speaker 1: I feel like, has she expressed her feelings about this
Speaker 1: to her brother.
Speaker 2: I don't think so. Like I think they've talked about it,
Speaker 2: and she said, like she's close with both of them,
Speaker 2: they're both still in love with each other, but it's
Speaker 2: also been a year since they broke up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but look at our last couple. They were broken
Speaker 1: up for seven years exactly.
Speaker 6: I feel like not meeting a new girlfriend is not
Speaker 6: the move. I don't think that like she's holding it
Speaker 6: against him that he hasn't. He may need five years
Speaker 6: to come to that conclusion, you know. And it's not
Speaker 6: really for her to sort of force them together at
Speaker 6: this point in their life if they've decided they need.
Speaker 3: To be separate at this point in their life.
Speaker 6: So this no girlfriend hasn't done anything wrong. She's just
Speaker 6: happens to be the new girlfriend. And if it's important
Speaker 6: to her brother that they meet, and don't see why
Speaker 6: she can't honor that And don't think of it as
Speaker 6: this is your sister in law. This is just someone
Speaker 6: he's dating right now at this moment in time, I
Speaker 6: think he's reading a lot into it, And I don't
Speaker 6: think that people need to find their life partner at
Speaker 6: twenty five years old.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely not at twenty five years old. And
Speaker 1: if you really believe that they're so in love with
Speaker 1: each other, then you can say that to your brother, like, hey,
Speaker 1: it's very obvious to me that you guys are in
Speaker 1: love with each other still. So all you have to
Speaker 1: do is just express that to him once and then
Speaker 1: your job is done and your conscience is clear. You
Speaker 1: can't prevent him from moving on and dating people or
Speaker 1: any of that. It's like you're not in charge of
Speaker 1: their relationship. All you can do is just tell him
Speaker 1: your truth, tell him once, don't repeat at fifty times,
Speaker 1: and then move on with it. This new girl didn't
Speaker 1: do anything, she's just dating somebody. And the fact that
Speaker 1: he's twenty five years old is also a sign that
Speaker 1: everybody needs a little bit more growing up than to
Speaker 1: get settled down at twenty five. That's just super young.
Speaker 6: So I mean they may have gotten super scared that
Speaker 6: they were so intense and so like ready for marriage,
Speaker 6: and that could have caused the breakup. Maybe they realized,
Speaker 6: like we were going too fast, too young, and maybe
Speaker 6: they'll come around and we'll get back together.
Speaker 3: But again, it's not.
Speaker 6: Her job to force them together and get in the
Speaker 6: middle of it. It is a lot about her, is this
Speaker 6: I'm getting a future for him the sister?
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is just writing in Yeah, yeah, And I
Speaker 2: think you know, we do get so bonded to the
Speaker 2: people that our siblings bring home. I know my mother
Speaker 2: in law was even more devastated with a breakup that
Speaker 2: happened with one of her sons than he was. I mean,
Speaker 2: and for years she was devastated about the loss of
Speaker 2: this relationship. And it's okay to grieve that, but at
Speaker 2: the same time, you do have to respect, like, maybe
Speaker 2: your brother does want to move on, Maybe maybe he
Speaker 2: does want a little band aid and a little fun,
Speaker 2: and maybe they will get back together, maybe they won't.
Speaker 2: You know, you just have to be nice and civil
Speaker 2: to the new girl while she's there. But it doesn't
Speaker 2: mean you have to like be or bestie all the time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you don't need to sabitage it either.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, right right, Treshana, any more wisdom on that one.
Speaker 4: I mean, she really needs to take a step back.
Speaker 5: She's too involved with the whole their adults, so they're
Speaker 5: going to do what they're going to do and let
Speaker 5: nature take its course. I agree with Chelsea that she
Speaker 5: should let her know how she feels or him know
Speaker 5: how she feels. But you know, that's all you can say.
Speaker 5: And they're grown ups, so you know, maybe it'll happen,
Speaker 5: maybe it won't. Don't hold it against the new person
Speaker 5: that's you know, it seems wrong and what's going on
Speaker 5: with you and your boyfriend and your relationships?
Speaker 4: Like, you know, yeah, she might need.
Speaker 1: But I will say I want to go on the
Speaker 1: record because I've had this conversation with both of my
Speaker 1: sisters about previous relationships that I've been in when they
Speaker 1: didn't say anything to me when I was with somebody
Speaker 1: that they thought was creepy or weird or whatever. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you guys, wait to tell me after the fact, they're like, well,
Speaker 1: we never liked him. It's like, well, fuck off. It
Speaker 1: was like two to four years of my life. But
Speaker 1: and their excuse is what simoan that I wouldn't listen
Speaker 1: to you if you have.
Speaker 6: I think it's a different sitution. I think those are
Speaker 6: different situations. Here. We're talking about someone she loves an
Speaker 6: ex girlfriend, she wants them to marry the ex girlfriend.
Speaker 6: It's like not for her to make that happen when
Speaker 6: it's I'm seeing with you that I don't think someone
Speaker 6: that you're with is currently perfect.
Speaker 1: I no, I know it's not the same situation, but
Speaker 1: I know how.
Speaker 3: How that can sabotage. You can say that. You can
Speaker 3: say I really don't like this person.
Speaker 6: Then you end up getting married and you have a
Speaker 6: twenty five year married and I put that out there
Speaker 6: that I just don't love this guy. There's that risk
Speaker 6: there to the relationship. If I really thought the person
Speaker 6: was dangerous for you or it was an unhealthy relationship,
Speaker 6: I think that's a different story, and that's where you
Speaker 6: do have to step up and say something to prevent
Speaker 6: that from.
Speaker 3: Becoming a long term unhealthy relationship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess, so, I guess so. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel like you should tell people when you don't
Speaker 1: like their spouse, but I know it does backfire. But
Speaker 1: I just think with sisters and siblings, it's a different story.
Speaker 1: Like you're hearing that from a sling, like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: this person is dangerous or this person is weird, or
Speaker 1: I think it would have a different impact, especially girls. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then again, conversely, girls can be totally bitchy and
Speaker 1: cunty and be pissed about it. So I get it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well it's like that movie. What was that show,
Speaker 3: Bad Sisters where all the sisters.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they murdered the brother in law. I love that.
Speaker 3: That's the best I know.
Speaker 1: They were at the Critics' Choice Awards. I gave them
Speaker 1: a shout out for murdering their brother. Their brother, their brother,
Speaker 1: their brother. That's how their brother in law. I said that,
Speaker 1: I'm my family. I've been wanting to do that for years,
Speaker 1: but I could never get any of my siblings on board.
Speaker 1: You know who I was really talking about. Anyway, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's a wrap. We are done. We're not going to
Speaker 1: ask them for advice, Catherine, because it's silly.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you're gonna ask your a little sister for I.
Speaker 3: Got a lot of unsolicited advice anyway, So.
Speaker 4: All the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, thank you ladies. What a great job. Sissy Baum,
Speaker 1: Well that was fun.
Speaker 3: Thank you so good to meet you.
Speaker 2: Oh likewise, I'm so pleased to finally meet you and Chelsea.
Speaker 3: I confirmed the March fifteenth connection.
Speaker 1: Yes, all right, the March babies, Yes, I know that's
Speaker 1: a great birthday to have. Actually, March fifteenth.
Speaker 6: Three now three, and our family, the family Mike yeah,
Speaker 6: and me and Catherine yeah okay.
Speaker 1: And Olga's March twentieth yes, right, okay, great, okay. Well,
Speaker 1: good to know. I'm gonna write all those dates down
Speaker 1: right now because I don't want to miss your birthday.
Speaker 1: Bye girls, thank you. Also, I'm going back on tour. Everybody,
Speaker 1: I have a new tour. It's called Little Big Bitch
Speaker 1: because I'm a little big bitch and I always have been. Sometimes.
Speaker 1: Well now I'm a big little bitch. No, I'm still
Speaker 1: a little big bitch. Whatever. Anyway, I'm going back on tour.
Speaker 1: I'm warming up my new one hour that I have
Speaker 1: to create from scratch. But I have some very strong ideas.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a Zanies Nashville March twenty ninth
Speaker 1: through Sunday, April sixth, and then Irvine, improv and and
Speaker 1: I have dates theater dates everywhere from Peoria, Illinois, Carmel, Calama, Zeo, Spokane, Washington,
Speaker 1: Boys Idaho, Vegas, Highland, California, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and more and
Speaker 1: more and more, so go to Chelsea handler dot com
Speaker 1: for tickets and yeah, that starts in April. So I'm
Speaker 1: very excited, Catherine, Yeah amazing.
Speaker 2: I have family in Peoria, Illinois. Feel too square though
Speaker 2: to come see you.
Speaker 1: Well, no, they can see me. They just reached it
Speaker 1: at Interact.
Speaker 2: Yeah right exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't forget to watch my special on Netflix. You guys. Revolution.
Speaker 1: It's a revolution.
Speaker 2: So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us
Speaker 2: an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio. Executive produced by
Speaker 2: Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered
Speaker 2: by Brad Dickert.