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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea, Hi everybody. Welcome to a

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Speaker 1: new episode of Dear Chelsea. I have been getting a

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Speaker 1: lot of sister advice. I got a lot of sister

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Speaker 1: action in my life, a lot of sisters in my life,

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Speaker 1: a lot of sisters asking for advice, and a lot

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Speaker 1: of sisters come to see me perform. So I thought

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Speaker 1: it would be kind of fun to have my sisters

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Speaker 1: on to dole out advice. Because my older sister Simone

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Speaker 1: is who I go to for all my advice. Shashana,

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Speaker 1: I also Shawna is more of like a love like

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Speaker 1: a love seat, like you go to her for love

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Speaker 1: and warm ship. Yeah, she's a lot like my mom.

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Speaker 1: And then my sister Simone is less emotional and more practical.

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Speaker 1: And so I have both sides of the coin and

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Speaker 1: my sister to be Yes, I feel very, very lucky.

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Speaker 1: Notice that I'm not mentioning how lucky I feel about

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Speaker 1: my brothers. But I do have a really sweet brother

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Speaker 1: named Roy. He is so sweet. He's just a little

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Speaker 1: He's like a just a love muffin. Also, but I'm

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Speaker 1: not asking him for advice either.

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Speaker 2: I'm so excited that they're joining us.

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Speaker 1: I know it's a very exciting. So I want to

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Speaker 1: give a warm welcome to both of my sisters, Simone

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Speaker 1: and Shashana. Look they're both here at the same time,

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Speaker 1: so serendipitous or an appointment.

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Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, Hello.

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Speaker 1: Simone, you look so profresh. I love it. I am

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Speaker 1: a professional, so I know, I know, I know all

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Speaker 1: the fucking about it. Hi Catherine, Nice to meet you, Hie.

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Speaker 2: Likewise, I'm so excited for today.

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Speaker 3: Shauna beginning see you but not hear you yet.

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Speaker 1: This is what it's like to get a phone call

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Speaker 1: from her. Hi.

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Speaker 3: Girls, do we not get to meet Brad?

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Speaker 4: Brad?

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Speaker 2: Come say hi, Brad.

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Speaker 1: Bring the dogs. They got a brother and sister combo platter,

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Speaker 1: just like Burton Bernice pug puppies.

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Speaker 3: Two pugs. Oh my god, yes, the smush face.

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Speaker 2: And we have an older pug who's seven.

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Speaker 3: Nice.

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Speaker 1: Oh they're the two dogs, I say, Hi. Oh, look

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Speaker 1: at them. They're making out with each other. That's sweet

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Speaker 1: when they kiss each other like that.

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Speaker 4: Cute.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So to continue our family story, So Simone had

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Speaker 1: her surgery. Then I went so Shanna got the rough

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Speaker 1: of it because someone was in bad shape for the

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Speaker 1: first week. And then when I came on the scene.

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Speaker 1: We turned a corner and I forced her into a

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Speaker 1: physical therapy regimen, a walking exercise regimen post.

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Speaker 3: Spinyal boot camp is what I like to call it.

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Speaker 1: And then Shashana was like, Chelsea, don't give her alcohol.

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Speaker 1: You know, you can't give her alcohol. She's recovering, she's

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Speaker 1: on oxy cotton. And I was like, first of all,

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Speaker 1: oxy cotton was made to be paired with alcohol, so like, obviously,

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Speaker 1: if you know anything about a medical procedure or recovery,

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Speaker 1: you want to make it as painless as possible.

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Speaker 3: That first Margarita was delicious.

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Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, and then she's like, and definitely don't give

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Speaker 1: her edibles. And of course, you know, three days in,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, this is going to make you relax and

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Speaker 1: feel better. So we had two different experiences. But on

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Speaker 1: the last day of our trip, Simone had a goal

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Speaker 1: to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge, right, is that

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Speaker 1: the bridge we walked across mony, Yeah, which was a

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Speaker 1: lot less pleasant than we thought it was going to

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Speaker 1: be because you're basically on a bridge that feels like

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Speaker 1: it's swaying back and forth while.

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Speaker 3: Hundreds of cars are zooming past you.

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Speaker 1: It was like this, and you can't talk because you

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Speaker 1: can't hear anything. So it's basically it was like a

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Speaker 1: march and we got to one side. I was like,

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Speaker 1: let's call an uber. She's like, let's just walk back.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, but why it's so unpleasant.

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Speaker 4: All I saw for the week.

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Speaker 5: That you were there was posts of Margarita's and luncheons,

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Speaker 5: and I was like, what happened?

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Speaker 4: I mean, what did I mean?

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Speaker 3: You did get the raw end of the field.

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Speaker 1: Shawna thought they were going to boor a board together.

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Speaker 1: She's like, when are we going to go paddle boarding? Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I left Simone in great stead. So Shashana is technically

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Speaker 1: a registered nurse, but I'm a medical practitioner, and I

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Speaker 1: would like to say that even though everyone advises me

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Speaker 1: against advising others of medicine, I'm going to continue to

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Speaker 1: do it because I feel like I know what I'm doing,

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Speaker 1: and I can tell by Simone's progress while I was

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Speaker 1: there that I do know what I'm doing.

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Speaker 4: You were on CNN yesterday for that. Did you see that?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: For what?

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Speaker 1: I don't watch CNN anymore. For ompic oh, for my ozempic.

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Speaker 1: People are like Chelsea handler didn't know she was on ozempic.

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Speaker 1: I was like, first of all, do you think I

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Speaker 1: would admit that I don't know the difference between the

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Speaker 1: sun and the moon, but then lie about ozempic. I mean, obviously,

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Speaker 1: I fucking tell the truth about everything. And it's called

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Speaker 1: semaglue tide. So I did not know I was on

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Speaker 1: ozempic until I was on ozempic. Perfect anyway, Okay, so girls,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about both of you. Oh no, Catherine, you

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Speaker 1: had something.

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Speaker 3: Right, I do.

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Speaker 2: I actually have an email from one of our listeners,

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Speaker 2: and I wanted to get your perspective on it. Ladies.

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Speaker 2: A very special flight attendant emailed us and she said,

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Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, not sure if you'll ever read this, but

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Speaker 2: I watched your special last night with a fond memory

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Speaker 2: of having you on board my flight in first class

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Speaker 2: when I was a purser on a flight we were

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Speaker 2: taxiing out when the in prints, the white businessman gentleman

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Speaker 2: next to you, rang his call button and decided to

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Speaker 2: tell me you hadn't turned off your phone. You looked

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Speaker 2: at him and said, are you fucking kidding me? Are

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Speaker 2: we in high school? You're telling on me? I was

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Speaker 2: laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Your mention of

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Speaker 2: respect for flight attendants was touching, as was the mention

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Speaker 2: of your fear of pregnancy in the forties. I am

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Speaker 2: one of those women who chose to never have children,

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Speaker 2: and yes, drunk, I thought you couldn't get pregnant in

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Speaker 2: your forties and did, and yes, thank God had access

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Speaker 2: to abortion. So thank you for mentioning it, and thank

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Speaker 2: you for one of my most memorable flight stories. So

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Speaker 2: what I would love perspective on is has she always

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Speaker 2: been this way? Just able to say stuff like this

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Speaker 2: to like strangers who were trying to read her on

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Speaker 2: the plane.

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Speaker 6: Yes, that's a really quick, easy answer. Yes, And that's

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Speaker 6: the most common question we get about Chelsea is was

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Speaker 6: she always like this? Yes, since she was probably three

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Speaker 6: years old.

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Speaker 2: And are you both like that as well or less direct?

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Speaker 6: We'll say no, No, we have different styles.

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Speaker 3: I'm kind of a pleaser.

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Speaker 6: I don't like to make waves and those confrontational type things.

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Speaker 6: I mean, I will get annoyed, but it takes a

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Speaker 6: little bit more for.

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Speaker 3: Me to get annoyed. Like I had someone on the

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Speaker 3: plane once.

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Speaker 6: Who, during an eight hour flight to France, got up

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Speaker 6: six times to pee, and the fifth time I just

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Speaker 6: looked over and said, really.

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Speaker 1: Well we both have the same language, because really was

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Speaker 1: the first thing I said to that guy too.

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Speaker 3: I'm reasonable up to a point and then I lose it.

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Speaker 3: So so Shahana.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel kind of the same way.

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Speaker 5: I mean, you know, it takes a lot to get

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Speaker 5: me going, but it's something like that, I would definitely

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Speaker 5: have said something.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: I love the idea of an adult person telling on

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Speaker 1: another adult person to a flight attendant, like you can't

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Speaker 1: settle this little kerfuffle between two people. She's not turning

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Speaker 1: off her phone, so that's like her saying her seat

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Speaker 1: tray isn't up, which I still don't understand why those

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Speaker 1: have to be up when we take off, like they're

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Speaker 1: going to fly off into our eyes. I don't understand

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Speaker 1: why we can't be reclined. And actually, with all of

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Speaker 1: my newer relationships with flight attendants and the goodwill that

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Speaker 1: I've instilled with them for me, I feel like I

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Speaker 1: should be able to ask one of them. I don't

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Speaker 1: understand why we can't be reclining when we take off.

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Speaker 1: When I take a sleeping pill and then get on

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Speaker 1: a plane, I want to go straight to sleep. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to take off and go to sleep.

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Speaker 4: There must be a reason. I don't know what it is.

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Speaker 3: And get those answers for you, Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well there's yeah. And also the like turns your

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Speaker 1: phone on airplane mode. I don't believe that's true either,

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Speaker 1: that you have to do that. I do it. Do

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Speaker 1: you do it when you guys go on planes put

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Speaker 1: your phones on airplane mode?

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Speaker 5: We used to do it, but the last couple of

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Speaker 5: years I hit or miss. I just forget.

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Speaker 1: And whether you do it, whether I.

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Speaker 3: Do it, that's above our pay grade. Sorry.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well, thanks for all your help you guys. That's

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Speaker 1: the end of the episode. Thank you for coming perfect. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So let's talk about Catherine. I want to talk about

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Speaker 1: sisters and the dynamic between sisters. So Simone's oldest, Sashawana's

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Speaker 1: the middle, and I'm the youngest. Even though I'm the

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Speaker 1: loudest and the most obnoxious and the most opinionated, I'm

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Speaker 1: the baby. But I also act like I run the family, right, guys,

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Speaker 1: that's very true.

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Speaker 3: She does like the boss of the family.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I will defer to other people's opinions if

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Speaker 1: I find them of value.

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Speaker 3: So kind of you.

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Speaker 1: I'll defer to Simone on a lot of things because

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Speaker 1: I know Simone smarter than I am. So when I

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Speaker 1: ask her a question about how to frame something in

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Speaker 1: a more reasonable way, or how to tell somebody that

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Speaker 1: they're fucking annoying without hurting their feelings, Simone is the

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Speaker 1: person to go to. And Shashana has recently blossomed and

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Speaker 1: burst into her own stage of womanhood right with her

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Speaker 1: personal business which she's at ear Piercer, a remote ear piercer,

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Speaker 1: and she's a registered nurse, so you're getting a safe

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Speaker 1: ear piercing when you You can follow her on Instagram

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Speaker 1: at Piercing's Sha Shanna. Shauna started her own business how

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Speaker 1: long ago Shauna two years?

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Speaker 4: One year, about a year ago.

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Speaker 1: Okay, and it's thriving.

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Speaker 4: Doing it about four years.

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Speaker 5: So yeah, it's a mobile concierge piercing service. We come

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Speaker 5: right to your home and make it a safe, fun experience.

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Speaker 4: Everyone gets a certificate.

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Speaker 5: Of bravery for pictures and it's just a really happy,

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Speaker 5: fun way to do it that's comfortable and relaxed in

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Speaker 5: your own home.

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Speaker 6: And there's a huge market of little babies and little

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Speaker 6: girls that are getting their ears piers I had no

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Speaker 6: idea that so many people do this.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, Yes, every little girl in Jersey.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and everybody I tell, they tell five or six friends.

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Speaker 2: Do you do like birthday parties and stuff?

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Speaker 4: I do?

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Speaker 5: Sometimes I'm the actual present and the kid doesn't even

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Speaker 5: know I'm coming, but she's been begging to get her

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Speaker 5: ears pierced for months. And I walk on the door

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Speaker 5: and they say, do you know who this is? She's

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Speaker 5: going to pierce your ears? And then I pop out

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Speaker 5: of a cake.

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Speaker 1: Topless. Everyone in our family goes topless. It's not just me,

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Speaker 1: it's hereditary. My point of that story, Shauna, was that,

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Speaker 1: but you were working in the medical industry, not medical industry, healthcare,

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Speaker 1: proper healthcare. You were a nurse. My sister was a

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Speaker 1: nurse and then she kind of got tired of that,

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Speaker 1: and I guess the hours and the sense of responsibility.

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Speaker 1: So you started your own business, and I think it's

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Speaker 1: given you a really big boon, right, like a boost

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Speaker 1: of self confidence, of self esteem. Tell us about that.

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Speaker 5: Well, in a million years, I never thought I would

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Speaker 5: own my own business. So it's been so much fun.

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Speaker 5: I kind of fell into it because I started out

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Speaker 5: with another company and then they ended up stopping the

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Speaker 5: home piercings and there was such a huge demand.

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Speaker 1: So Shashana continued to moonlight.

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Speaker 5: That I thought, you know, how can I keep doing this,

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Speaker 5: you know, legitimately, And so I formed my own company.

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Speaker 5: And I love it. It's so rewarding and fun. Everybody I

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Speaker 5: need is so nice and they're so happy. It's such

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Speaker 5: a happy occasion. Everything's good about it, and I love it.

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Speaker 6: It's so cute because you're so much more social now,

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Speaker 6: Like I never really thought of you as being super social,

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Speaker 6: but you're out there, like meeting new people all the

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Speaker 6: time and they adore you.

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Speaker 3: It's really cute. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: No, I mean, I don't think I ever had a

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Speaker 5: problem being social or anything. I'm like more shy and

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Speaker 5: quiet than you guys are. But I've always give been

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Speaker 5: good with patients and patient care in the hospital and

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Speaker 5: all that, so it's just transferring it to the home.

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Speaker 4: So for me, it's been easy, but I love it.

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Speaker 1: Well.

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Speaker 2: I think that Pivot is really great for our listeners

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Speaker 2: to hear because we have a ton of people who

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Speaker 2: call in or write in and they're like, well, this

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Speaker 2: is what I learned to do. This is what my

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Speaker 2: career has been for the last twenty years. I can't

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Speaker 2: really get out of it, especially when it's something really

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Speaker 2: like you had to study for a long time for healthcare,

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Speaker 2: et cetera, and you pivoted into something where your background

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Speaker 2: is super relevant, but it's definitely outside the box, and

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Speaker 2: you know, you got creative with it, and look at

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Speaker 2: you now.

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Speaker 1: And both of them have had big life moves. Simone

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Speaker 1: moved to San Francisco, like how many years ago?

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Speaker 3: Mony, it's been like six and a half years, I guess.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, from New Jersey. Her kids were getting older, but

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Speaker 1: she still had one kid in high school, my niece, Sunny.

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Speaker 1: So she was deliberating whether or not to move out west,

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Speaker 1: which was a huge culture shift really, I mean as

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Speaker 1: far as a culture shift as you can get in

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Speaker 1: like America. I guess Mississippi would be a bigger culture shift.

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Speaker 1: But you know, and you kind of did change, not careers,

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Speaker 1: but in a way you did. You changed what you

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Speaker 1: were doing.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: No, I mean I think in my career I've done

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Speaker 6: a lot. I've had a lot of different jobs or

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Speaker 6: different positions.

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Speaker 3: But so it has been in healthcare law.

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Speaker 6: And so I think as my kids were getting older

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Speaker 6: and I was divorced, and I was living in suburbia,

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Speaker 6: and I was kind of just bored with living there

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Speaker 6: and that whole routine of taking kids of soccer and baseball,

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Speaker 6: and I didn't really find my people there where I was,

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Speaker 6: And then I thought, you know, I really do need

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Speaker 6: a change. So when I found this job in California,

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Speaker 6: I was like, Oh, I could totally live in San Francisco.

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Speaker 3: Why couldn't I.

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Speaker 6: The only big stumbling block was my daughter, who was

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Speaker 6: in high school and had to move her whole life here,

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Speaker 6: But even for her, for her it was probably a

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Speaker 6: huge benefit as well.

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Speaker 3: So it worked out. I don't know for both of us.

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Speaker 3: It's changed the venue I think is always good.

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Speaker 1: I feel like those big changes are always beneficial to everybody.

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Speaker 1: Because you were kind of like, this, isn't that a

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Speaker 1: far move? I remember you talking about it, and it's like, no,

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Speaker 1: you got to go for it, switch things up in

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Speaker 1: a big way. And you've never looked back and regretted

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Speaker 1: that you ever moved across the country. No, not for

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Speaker 1: a second exactly. And Shashan, even when you were starting

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Speaker 1: your business you were like, Oh, I got to go

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Speaker 1: register as like an LLC or whatever it was, or

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Speaker 1: an escorp or whatever you were talking about, and you're like,

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Speaker 1: it's just such a pain in the ass, and then

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Speaker 1: you did it and look and then you have never

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Speaker 1: looked back. Right, Like, all the little reasons that we

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Speaker 1: always have for not doing something, we don't ever even

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Speaker 1: end up remembering those reasons. So like when you're making

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Speaker 1: a big decision or a life move and you're making

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Speaker 1: it's almost like you're making excuses for why it can't

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Speaker 1: be done. And when you overcome hurdles, which you kind

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Speaker 1: of need to do to take a risk in life,

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Speaker 1: you have to overcome these hurdles otherwise it's not a

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Speaker 1: risk exactly. You really rarely ever look back and be like,

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Speaker 1: oh God, I wish I hadn't done that, you know,

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Speaker 1: when you're taking leap of faith.

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Speaker 5: Oh, I mean, honestly, I'm thinking three years old, and

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Speaker 5: it's the best thing I've ever done. And I'm happier

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Speaker 5: now than I've ever been doing anything professionally. I couldn't

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Speaker 5: be happier. So I'm so glad that I did found

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Speaker 5: out what I had to do, and it was a

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Speaker 5: pain in the ass, and it took a while, but

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Speaker 5: now it's done.

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Speaker 6: I also like the fact that when you do something

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Speaker 6: like that, you know you have two kids that see

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Speaker 6: that change in you, and so you're modeling this behavior

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Speaker 6: of doing something unique and different and risky.

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Speaker 3: So they see that they benefit from that in their

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Speaker 3: own lives and their own decision making too.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I totally agree with that. They definitely do.

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Speaker 1: I know Burt and Bernice have benefited from all of

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Speaker 1: the challenges and risks I put myself in front of.

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Speaker 5: The only thing is Russell, my fourteen year old teenage

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Speaker 5: son tells his friends when they ask what his mother does,

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Speaker 5: they say, she stabs babies for a living.

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Speaker 4: So that's a little.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but those are babies whose parents are choosing for

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Speaker 1: them to be staffed like that's an unfair assessment. I

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Speaker 1: always used to look at like babies getting their ear

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Speaker 1: pierce as hard, so now I think it's adorable.

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Speaker 4: They look so mute, I know.

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Speaker 1: And plus it's over in a second, right, It's not

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Speaker 1: like it goes on. I said to Sean, I go,

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Speaker 1: what happens when you do the one ear and then

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Speaker 1: they know what's going on? How do you do the

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Speaker 1: second ear. She's like, they forget right away, way quickly.

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Speaker 5: You're smiling and happy. Two minutes. It's great and they

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Speaker 5: never remember it. So everybody's happy, the parents are happy.

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Speaker 2: Do you only do ears?

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Speaker 4: I do only do ears.

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Speaker 5: You know a few months ago, Chelsea put up on

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Speaker 5: Instagram that I would pierce pretty much anything on your body,

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Speaker 5: you know, anything, anything, And I got all these private

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Speaker 5: messages if I could come pierce their private parts, and

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Speaker 5: they're this and that, and I had to you know,

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Speaker 5: I had to let them down gently that right.

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Speaker 4: Now, it's it's just an ear business.

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Speaker 3: So it was an area for expansion down the road.

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Speaker 3: Don't roll it out.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll think about that.

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Speaker 1: Just get some extra alcohol swabs and you'll be all set.

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Speaker 4: Maybe I'll practice nibble piercing on my husband Mike. I'm

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Speaker 4: sure he would be thrilled.

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Speaker 1: Nipple piercing. Can't be that bads. Oh oh yeah, copy that, Okay,

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Speaker 1: got it, got it. Shashana is more virginal than I am.

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Speaker 1: If you haven't picked up on that. Also, where's our

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Speaker 1: where's Roy Shashana? What's roy status? These days? Our brother

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Speaker 1: Roy was living with Shashana. He came out to visit

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Speaker 1: with Simone when we were we were tending to her back.

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Speaker 3: Oh that's right, there was.

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Speaker 6: A surprise visit. He just showed up at my doorstep.

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Speaker 6: That was that was a really nice surprise.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And then he hung out with us all week.

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Speaker 1: And then what we would do is each of us

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Speaker 1: had to take Simone for well, we took her for

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Speaker 1: like her geriatric walk basically every day because she wasn't

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Speaker 1: very mobile, So we would take her out for like

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Speaker 1: thirty minutes or as much as she could handle, and

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Speaker 1: then we'd get back and then Roy would go for

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Speaker 1: a real walk, and then he'd come back and I'd

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Speaker 1: go for a real walk. I was smoking a lot

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Speaker 1: of pot during this time because I had nothing going

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Speaker 1: on except the care for Simone, and that I could

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Speaker 1: barely handle. So one day and our only responsibility was

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Speaker 1: not to leave Simone alone like that was it just

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Speaker 1: don't leave her alone because in case she got herself

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Speaker 1: into a jam, she wouldn't be able to get out

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Speaker 1: of it because she had stitches up and down her back.

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Speaker 1: So one day Simone was like, oh, I have a

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Speaker 1: tesla appointment at too, that's all we have today. After

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Speaker 1: we went for a walk. I said sure, okay, So

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Speaker 1: Roy went for a walk. I smoke a joint, I

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Speaker 1: go for a walk. I go for a longer walk

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Speaker 1: than expected because I'm stoned. And I get back and

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Speaker 1: Simone's not there, and I was like, Roy, what the fuck?

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Speaker 1: Where's Simone? And he's like, oh, she went to a

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Speaker 1: Tesla appointment. I was like, no, you let her drive herself,

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Speaker 1: and he goes, yeah, you weren't back, and she didn't

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Speaker 1: want to teach me how to use the Tesla. Her

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Speaker 1: tesla's for some reason extra annoying, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: the whole reason we're here is to never leave her alone.

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Speaker 1: He's like, you're the one who missed the appointment, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I know, Roy, but I thought I

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Speaker 1: could rely on you. So then I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: well I have to go to her find she's at

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Speaker 1: to a Tesla dealership. And I was like, we have

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Speaker 1: to call an uber. Roy call an uber, and he's

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Speaker 1: like I don't know how to call an uber. I

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Speaker 1: don't know how to call an uber either.

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Speaker 6: And then and these are the people that are in

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Speaker 6: charge of me, these are the protect me, and they

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Speaker 6: can't call it suber.

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Speaker 1: I was like screaming at him in the kitchen. I go,

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Speaker 1: why don't you have Uber? That doesn't even make any sense.

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Speaker 1: He's like, why would I need Uber? And I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't need Uber. And so anyway, I had Uber

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Speaker 1: Eats on my phone and I was like, I wonder

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Speaker 1: if they can pick me up in the middle of

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Speaker 1: a food delivery and take me to my sister. And

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Speaker 1: then finally I had Uber on my phone. I just

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Speaker 1: had to find it and I called an Uber. It

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Speaker 1: was a huge success. I got there as Simone was

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Speaker 1: just in the waiting room, just with a tiny bit

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Speaker 1: of attitude, not too much, and she's like, I told

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Speaker 1: you I had an appointment at two. I was like,

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Speaker 1: this is fucking Royce.

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Speaker 4: I should have stayed another week or two.

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Speaker 1: I know it would have been more fun if we

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Speaker 1: were all together. Sean, I'm sorry you got the brunt

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Speaker 1: of it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I came in hot. He was cooking

437
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:44,440
Speaker 3: every day.

438
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,639
Speaker 6: He had me made chicken soup for twenty six people,

439
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,080
Speaker 6: even though there's only three of us.

440
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 1: So and then one night he made turkey meatballs for

441
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,480
Speaker 1: twenty six people even though there were three of us.

442
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,159
Speaker 3: I still have those meatballs in the freezer.

443
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:58,359
Speaker 1: By the way, I was like, Roy, who are you

444
00:18:58,480 --> 00:18:59,120
Speaker 1: serving here?

445
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,520
Speaker 6: He has no sense. It can only cook for like

446
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,440
Speaker 6: fifty people at a time. He can't cook for two

447
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,240
Speaker 6: or three people.

448
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:04,320
Speaker 4: At the time.

449
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, he can't cook individually. Yeah it's individually or for

450
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 1: fifty people. It's nothing in between exactly.

451
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,200
Speaker 3: But anyway, they nursed me back to health.

452
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:14,480
Speaker 1: How are you feeling money?

453
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:15,359
Speaker 3: I'm good.

454
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,479
Speaker 6: I mean this lovely deluxe chair that you kindly bought me,

455
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:22,119
Speaker 6: and I'd say I'm about eighty five percent there. I

456
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,600
Speaker 6: think the last ten or fifteen percent will take another

457
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:29,960
Speaker 6: six months. There's certain twisting right and left spending that

458
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:30,800
Speaker 6: I can't really do.

459
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 3: But I got a physical therapy once or twice a

460
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:36,400
Speaker 3: week and they are great. I'd like to go there every.

461
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:40,040
Speaker 6: Day, frankly, but apparently that's not really necessary.

462
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 3: I just like having a trainer. I like someone who

463
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:43,360
Speaker 3: tells me what to do.

464
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 1: When I do it, it feels like you should go

465
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,439
Speaker 1: more than once a week.

466
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,440
Speaker 6: Now They're like, I've progressed so much that I only

467
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,440
Speaker 6: need to just to do what they tell me seven

468
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:53,120
Speaker 6: days a week.

469
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 1: And also, when I was out there with someone and

470
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,320
Speaker 1: I said, listen, this is a make or break moment

471
00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:00,960
Speaker 1: in your life. This could be the end, or this

472
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 1: could be a new beginning. And she looked at me,

473
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,800
Speaker 1: she goes, just shut up. Okay, I have another peak

474
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 1: left in me. This is not the end. And I

475
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, but you can go for it in

476
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,840
Speaker 1: this moment and get really healthy and strong. Or some

477
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,959
Speaker 1: people in their mid fifties that get a procedure like this,

478
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,840
Speaker 1: just slide straight downhill.

479
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:20,920
Speaker 3: Not happen.

480
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 4: To you.

481
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 3: No, No, I've got many good years left. So this

482
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:29,920
Speaker 3: was just a little hiccup.

483
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 1: Okay, good to know. Good to know. By the way,

484
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,960
Speaker 1: to all of our straight mail listeners, Simon's available.

485
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:35,680
Speaker 3: I'm available.

486
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey, okay, so what do we have in store today? Catherine?

487
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 2: Amazingly, I do have a straight mail listener who has written.

488
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,080
Speaker 1: In Oh is it for Simone? Oh my god, this

489
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 1: would be amazing.

490
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,359
Speaker 2: I don't know, but he is married.

491
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,440
Speaker 1: Somebody sounds like an eager beeper.

492
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 2: I have some sister questions. I have some dating questions,

493
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:01,760
Speaker 2: all kinds of stuff.

494
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 1: Let's do sister's question.

495
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 2: All right, well, let's go quick break and we'll be

496
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:06,680
Speaker 2: right back.

497
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:11,920
Speaker 1: And we're back.

498
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:18,200
Speaker 2: We are back. Well, this first question is from lovable aunt.

499
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 2: Growing up with my three years older sister was sort

500
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,199
Speaker 2: of a battle. She was always so headstrong, almost like

501
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:29,199
Speaker 2: a bully to everyone, especially me. She had this bad attitude,

502
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,080
Speaker 2: always looking for a fight, and she was spoiled rotten.

503
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,240
Speaker 2: When we were young, we weren't friends. She always pushed

504
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 2: me around, tease me to the point where I would cry.

505
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,840
Speaker 2: She once said to a new friend that she didn't

506
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,720
Speaker 2: know me and that I was a neighbor who lived

507
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 2: on another street. Fast forward to now, and we are

508
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 2: the best of friends. Somewhere along the way she grew

509
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 2: up and finally realized what's right and wrong and became normal.

510
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,920
Speaker 2: The issue is she has a four year old son

511
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 2: who looks exactly like her, and I'm terrified to say,

512
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,159
Speaker 2: is exactly like she was when she was younger. My

513
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 2: nephew is a bully in the making, just like she was.

514
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 2: He is only four and he already has this bad attitude.

515
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,640
Speaker 2: I feel like it's giving me PTSD of some sort.

516
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 2: I do love him, but I cannot tolerate him. It's

517
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 2: hard to like him. Do I have to wait till

518
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,679
Speaker 2: he's in his twenties to be able to bond with him?

519
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,959
Speaker 2: He is just so awful. And no, I do not

520
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 2: have kids on my own, nor do I ever want one.

521
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 2: He is my birth control, any advice, lovable and with

522
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:29,600
Speaker 2: an unlikable nephew.

523
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:33,239
Speaker 1: Oh geez, that's an interesting one.

524
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:34,120
Speaker 3: I haven't heard like that.

525
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:35,680
Speaker 6: When you started out, I was like, Oh, this is

526
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 6: Shashawa and Chelsea when they were.

527
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:37,880
Speaker 3: Little, exactly.

528
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 4: That's what I thought.

529
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I thought too, except I was the

530
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 1: youngest and I was the bully.

531
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 3: And this is what it would have happened if you

532
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:44,639
Speaker 3: had children.

533
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,199
Speaker 1: Right, which is why everyone in our family advised me

534
00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 1: over and over again. You guys say I don't listen,

535
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,959
Speaker 1: but obviously I did because I didn't have children, and

536
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 1: all of you kept telling me definitely don't when you

537
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: didn't need to say that. But okay, so go on, okay,

538
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 1: so continue sigmo. Yeah.

539
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 6: So I think this is a tough one because I

540
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,440
Speaker 6: feel like commenting on someone's child.

541
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 3: Is you have to tread really lightly. It's a delicate area.

542
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 6: If she's good friends with her sister, now that's a

543
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 6: great starting point. There's got to be an opportunity that

544
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 6: when they're all together, for her to not necessarily criticize

545
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:24,439
Speaker 6: her nephew. But when her sister corrects her nephew or

546
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 6: parents her nephew, I wonder if there's an opportunity to

547
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:32,159
Speaker 6: have a broader discussion about his behavior, or you know,

548
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 6: even saying things like, oh, how does he do at preschool?

549
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: How's he doing with other kids?

550
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 6: Like asking more objective questions about his behavior to see

551
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:43,639
Speaker 6: if she'll realize that this child is having some behavioral

552
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,439
Speaker 6: issues and is a bit of a bully.

553
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:49,640
Speaker 3: But I wouldn't do it very subjectively.

554
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 6: And really go in there and say your kid is

555
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 6: a nightmare, like you need to fix him, because that's

556
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:54,880
Speaker 6: that's never goes well.

557
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, do you think that she's aware that your son

558
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 5: is acting like she did when she was young or

559
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 5: that's a question that you know, I wouldn't want to know.

560
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 1: It's interesting to talk about who's aware of their children

561
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 1: and who Isn't you know what I mean, you're so

562
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 1: blind when it's your own child. I just talked to

563
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 1: a friend of mine who said it was a straight

564
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 1: cup I was with recently that they both were working

565
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 1: big jobs, both CEOs at different companies, and they realized

566
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 1: that their kid was turning into a major brat and

567
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 1: she's like, I just realized that she was turning into this.

568
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 1: She's like, so one of us had to stop working

569
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: and we had to spend more time with her. And

570
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, oh, I've never heard anyone say

571
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 1: that about their own kid.

572
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 6: Yeah.

573
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,639
Speaker 3: I mean that takes a lot of self awareness to

574
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:35,199
Speaker 3: realize that.

575
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,399
Speaker 6: I think in some cases, like if the child is

576
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 6: now emulating the parent, some people find that endearing.

577
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 3: Oh, it was just like me as a kid, he's.

578
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 1: Looking Oh, I've heard that so many times from so

579
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,360
Speaker 1: many mothers. She's like, she's just like.

580
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 6: Me, Like, that's actually not a p pre behavior a child.

581
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,439
Speaker 3: So it's a difficult area.

582
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:57,439
Speaker 6: Again, I think siblings providing advice on their nieces and

583
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,639
Speaker 6: nephews is just a touchy area. I just think you

584
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 6: have to I think it's worth bringing up, but I

585
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 6: think you have to do it in a very sort

586
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 6: of diplomatic way.

587
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 1: Well maybe this woman could she start doing stand up

588
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: and just out everybody that way.

589
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 3: There you go. There's another option. That's option B.

590
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:16,959
Speaker 1: That's the straightest path to success.

591
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 5: I think if the sisters have a close enough relationship,

592
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,720
Speaker 5: there is a way to open up that conversation gently.

593
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 5: That it depends how tight they are to be able

594
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 5: to work that in slowly gently.

595
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,360
Speaker 4: But if you really do have that really tight close.

596
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,199
Speaker 5: Relationship, I think that you can find a space to

597
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 5: talk about it in the right way without being really

598
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 5: obnoxious about it.

599
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,600
Speaker 2: I also think depending on the relationship that you have

600
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 2: with your nephew and with your sister, if it's appropriate,

601
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 2: where like she doesn't mind if you reprimand him or

602
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 2: have some input on his behavior. I have a niece

603
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 2: who was a Helian growing up, and I was a

604
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 2: person in her life who set like really firm boundaries

605
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 2: and she knew that, like I was the aunty that

606
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 2: if I said no, the answer was no. If I

607
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,639
Speaker 2: said later, the answer was later. And that as I

608
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 2: set those boundaries early on, that paid off in dividends

609
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 2: as she got older.

610
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, Catherine, I think you definitely that's a good point

611
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 6: about as the child grows up, you developed your own

612
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,399
Speaker 6: relationship with that child. I don't think she has to

613
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,920
Speaker 6: wait till he's eighteen years old, but it develops over time.

614
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 6: And I know all of my kids benefit from their

615
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,119
Speaker 6: ants and novels.

616
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 2: So starting school too might help correct some of this

617
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:27,639
Speaker 2: behavior because a lot of times kids are bad in

618
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 2: a way that like their peers are not going to

619
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 2: put up with. So like, as he gets into kindergarten,

620
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 2: first grade, whatever, some of this might start coming out

621
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,400
Speaker 2: in the wash. Hopefully that's true.

622
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 3: I mean that wasn't the case for Chelsea when she

623
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 3: was little, But you know.

624
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: I got more. I was more confrontational once I met

625
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 1: other people. I was like, oh, there's a whole there's

626
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 1: a whole sea of people I can disagree with. I

627
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 1: remember getting thrown out of nursery school because I said

628
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 1: something to the teacher that Dad had said to me

629
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,159
Speaker 1: about her. I said to her face, and then I

630
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 1: got in trouble. She had Dad picked me up, and

631
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,719
Speaker 1: Dad's I give to go and apologize. I think she

632
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 1: was trying to get me to take a nap, and

633
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 1: I hated that. Now I would love it, but back

634
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: then I didn't want to be forced to lie on

635
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 1: those stupid cots. I was like, first of all, there's

636
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,919
Speaker 1: accounting to be done for my family, Like I have

637
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:14,159
Speaker 1: to figure out where the money's coming from, or where's

638
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: it where is it coming in? And my dad was like,

639
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: you have to apologize. I'm like you're the one who

640
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,359
Speaker 1: said it. It was either something about the way she

641
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 1: dressed or it was something I can't remember, but anyway,

642
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 1: I was so mad that I was basically getting in

643
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 1: trouble for something he told me, and then I repeated.

644
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,679
Speaker 1: I was like, you're a bad influence. But yeah, so

645
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:35,679
Speaker 1: I'm not a good example, but other people are. You

646
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 1: do get socialized when you go to school. I feel

647
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 1: like teachers are so tired and exhausted now that they're

648
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 1: not going to put up with any bullshit.

649
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 2: Anyway, Yeah, okay, while lovable aunt, tell us what happens

650
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 2: with their nephew, and if you can set some boundaries,

651
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 2: let us know what happens.

652
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: Problem solved. It sounds like solved.

653
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 2: Well, at the end of the day, I got to

654
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 2: wait it out right, Well, we have a caller. Are

655
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 2: you ready for a caller? Ladies? A lot of caller

656
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 2: joining up.

657
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 3: Let's go.

658
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 2: Okay, Amber says, dear Chelsea. I've been dating my perfect

659
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 2: man for two years this time around. We dated seventeen

660
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,719
Speaker 2: years ago and had a tumultuous eight year relationship that

661
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 2: ended with cheating, and I was the cheater. In the

662
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,959
Speaker 2: seven years apart, he dated one girl and I dated

663
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 2: several douchebags. He was always on my mind, though, and

664
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,840
Speaker 2: about two years before we got back together, I started

665
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 2: pursuing him again, even while he was committed to someone else.

666
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 2: Needless to say, I won him back. I know there's

667
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 2: a lot to unpack there, but we've been working really hard.

668
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 2: But he has major trust issues. I cheated on him

669
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 2: ten years ago, and I'm a completely different person now.

670
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 2: I have done a ton of therapy and twelve step

671
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 2: programs and even a two month retreat in Thailand. They

672
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 2: all have the same message of truth telling and honesty,

673
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 2: so I've been exactly that honest. How do I earn

674
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 2: his trust back and convince him that I'm not the

675
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 2: Amber from ten years go? Will the trust ever come back?

676
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 2: Or will my shitty ways haunt me forever? Amber? Hi Amber,

677
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 2: Hi Catherine? How are you? So everyone your shirt? I'm

678
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 2: very excited about this, So let's go to therapy.

679
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 3: Oh that's cute, right, cute?

680
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 1: Hi Amber? How are you? These are my sisters? There

681
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: are special guests today.

682
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 3: Hi sisters, I meet you. Nice to meet you as well.

683
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 1: Wow, that's a long breakup and then you got back.

684
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 1: How many years were you guys?

685
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 2: Apart.

686
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 3: We were apart for seven years.

687
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, so you had.

688
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 3: Let me get this straight.

689
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 6: You had eight years together, then broke up for seven

690
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 6: and then you've been together again for the second time

691
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 6: for two years.

692
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 3: Correct, Okay, that's seventeen. Yeah.

693
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 7: So we were together for eight years and then I

694
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 7: cheated on him and I had a little bit of

695
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 7: an affair, about a three month affair. Obviously he found

696
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 7: out about it, we broke up, he got involved in

697
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 7: a new relationship, and I was pining for him that

698
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 7: whole time and ended up getting back together and we've

699
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 7: been back together this last two years. But he just

700
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 7: does not trust me.

701
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 1: Wait, I have a question, Amber, Was that the only

702
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 1: time you cheated on him?

703
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 3: One time?

704
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 1: Okay? Yeah, Okay, go ahead, someone, So.

705
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 3: How has it been these last few years?

706
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 6: You obviously both still had something going on for each other,

707
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 6: so enough to bring.

708
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 3: You back together? Yeah?

709
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 6: What is How is he demonstrating this distrust like he's

710
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 6: just not one hundred percent there?

711
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,040
Speaker 3: You know, For me, it's been great.

712
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 7: I'm just so excited to be back together with him

713
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 7: that I think I'm a little bit blinded by his insecurity.

714
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 7: He gets insecure about kind of the silliest things like

715
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 7: if I'm on my phone for too long. Maybe if

716
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 7: I'm on an app and I close out of the

717
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 7: app too soon, he's like, why are you doing that?

718
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 7: I mean, obviously, when I cheated on him eight years ago,

719
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 7: a lot of it was related around the phone. So

720
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 7: he's just been really insecure and he doesn't really voice it.

721
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 7: He's a little bit passive aggressive. I can just tell

722
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 7: that something's upsetting him. He's not really good at verb it.

723
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 7: And then it gets to a point where I start

724
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 7: to retreat because he's retreating, and then we'll have kind

725
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 7: of like a blow up where he's like, I just

726
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 7: don't trust you. You're doing these things, You're being shady

727
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 7: with your phone, You're closing out of these apps some things.

728
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 3: I don't even know what he's talking about. I'm confused

729
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 3: and why he's right.

730
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 6: He's in a different state of mind altogether than you are. Right,

731
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 6: the jealousy thing is a serious thing that's not going

732
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:27,479
Speaker 6: to automatically go away.

733
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 1: Have you guys gone to counseling together at all?

734
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 7: I go to therapy. I asked him to go to therapy,

735
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,240
Speaker 7: and he was not on board with going to therapy.

736
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 1: Well, that's a big problem right there. That's a big

737
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 1: red flag.

738
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 5: This is a hurdle that you have to figure out,

739
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 5: and therapy is not the only way, but it might be,

740
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 5: you know, the easiest and best way to have a

741
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 5: third party figure out, you know, with you guys, if

742
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 5: you can get past this, because it's hanging over your

743
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 5: relationship and it's not healthy. So you have to move

744
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 5: through this or you have to probably not be together.

745
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 5: So if you're going to make it work, you have

746
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 5: to find a way to address this issue because it's

747
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 5: not going away.

748
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, and it's you know, it's been seventeen years and

749
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 7: I have so many amazing single girlfriends and I want

750
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 7: to be in a long term relationship and I want

751
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 7: to be with him, and I don't want to give

752
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 7: up on the relationship. And I know that he loves

753
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 7: me very much too and doesn't want to give up either.

754
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 3: I don't want to say don't. He doesn't want to

755
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 3: go to like a traditional therapist. He does his own work.

756
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 7: He's very spiritual, who listens to a lot of like Eckhart,

757
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 7: Tooley and Deepop and he's just really into that spiritual

758
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 7: side of himself. He's a pretty special human. He just

759
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 7: can't get past this hurdle, and I'm not sure. I'm

760
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 7: not sure what to do.

761
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 6: I think the fact that he's had this experience, I mean,

762
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 6: he has a legitimate reason to have this trust issue

763
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 6: with you. You have never been in that position, it sounds like,

764
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,800
Speaker 6: so you can't really understand what he's going through and

765
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 6: why he's acting this way, but it's legitimate for him.

766
00:32:58,120 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 3: So I think you really do.

767
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 6: If he is spiritual, maybe you just need to go

768
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 6: to a different type of third party, as someone that's

769
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 6: a little bit more connected to mindfulness or someone that

770
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 6: he's on board with, because I don't think you can

771
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:15,360
Speaker 6: kind of grow together if you really think he's the

772
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 6: one and he thinks you're the one, but there's this

773
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 6: constant issue hanging over your head.

774
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:23,440
Speaker 3: I don't think it's going to work unless you really

775
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 3: hash it out.

776
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 7: Yeah, I just feel like he's punishing me for something

777
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 7: I did ten years ago.

778
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 1: Well, he's not punishing you. He's still hurt from something

779
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 1: that you did ten years ago. He's hurting and he's

780
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 1: not able to let it go. And the whole thing

781
00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 1: about spirituality is not to hold on to the past

782
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 1: or to harbor the past, and that's what he's doing

783
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 1: so he can be as spiritual as he wants. But

784
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 1: he's not taking the advice that he's listening to, which

785
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 1: is to let go. You're a different person. You've gone

786
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:52,719
Speaker 1: to therapy all these years. If he doesn't even have

787
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,840
Speaker 1: the interest in going and sitting down with you to

788
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 1: hear about what you've learned and to figure out a

789
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 1: way for you guys to continue, that is a really

790
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,960
Speaker 1: big red flag. And that's to say what he could

791
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 1: spend the next ten years holding this over your head.

792
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 1: I feel like you have done the work to account

793
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 1: for your behavior. You're not going to do it again.

794
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 1: Enough time has passed, it's been two years. How long

795
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: is he going to hold onto this for? He has

796
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,720
Speaker 1: to accept and trust in order for you guys to grow,

797
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 1: and if he can't, Yeah, you've got to either figure

798
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 1: you have to have a third party sit down and

799
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 1: have a conversation about it, because it's irrational. At this point,

800
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 1: you're not doing anything that's warranting his distrust. And if

801
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: he wanted to get back in this relationship, even though

802
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 1: you went and pursued him, and I'm sure you were

803
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 1: very influential in getting you back together. He agreed to

804
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: get back together, right, so he has to agree to

805
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 1: a new set of terms at a fresh start.

806
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean enough time has passed since this happened,

807
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 6: and you've demonstrated your behavior in the past two years

808
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 6: and then this newest part of your relationship, and if

809
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 6: that's not enough, then it has to be. You know,

810
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 6: you have to work on it together for him to

811
00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 6: either get past it, or if he realizes he can

812
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 6: get past it, that's a problem.

813
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

814
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 7: It makes me really sad because I'm worried that he

815
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,280
Speaker 7: can't And yeah.

816
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 1: It sounds like he might not be able to.

817
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do wonder if there is something that's, not,

818
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,719
Speaker 2: like you said, traditional therapy that might be really healing

819
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,919
Speaker 2: for him. First of all, of course, there's a ton

820
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:23,319
Speaker 2: of books about getting over cheating and how to repair relationships,

821
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 2: so like that might be something to be like, Hey,

822
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 2: I need you to read a couple of these books

823
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 2: so we can start to move on from this and

824
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 2: rebuild that trust. But you might also look into like

825
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 2: a weekend retreat with a shaman based on connecting with

826
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 2: your significant other or something like that that feels a

827
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 2: little bit more you guys, or feels a little bit

828
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:45,959
Speaker 2: more him that he might be more comfortable with.

829
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:49,320
Speaker 7: Now like he did ayahuasca. He did an ayahuasca retreat

830
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 7: in Kosa, Okay. Yeah, and I think that really helped him.

831
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:54,960
Speaker 7: I don't think it was as powerful as he was

832
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 7: expecting it to be, but I know that's more his

833
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 7: route and I'm willing to support him in that.

834
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 3: So I really like that idea.

835
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 6: Well, I mean, it's good that he's into this stuff

836
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 6: and then he's sort of open to sort of you know,

837
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:12,359
Speaker 6: forward thinking and you know, changing his outlook and all

838
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 6: of that, so it sounds like he's got the potential

839
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 6: to do it. I mean, this one issue is kind

840
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 6: of significant for him, but there's got to be a

841
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 6: way that you can address it together, because again, you're

842
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 6: speaking about two different things. He's experiencing things and he's

843
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,320
Speaker 6: not able to verbalize it to you what the triggers

844
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 6: are and when it happens and how that makes him feel.

845
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 3: And you need to have this conversation together, and I.

846
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 6: Think the only way to do is to have an interpreter,

847
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 6: a third party that can really help.

848
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 1: You and try. Maybe you can do a Molly MDMA

849
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:43,320
Speaker 1: session with somebody those are good. No, really, it's helpful

850
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 1: for couples, especially when they're cheating involved, because it kind

851
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 1: of like gets rid of your ego and people are

852
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 1: just like, you're so loving and communicative that you can

853
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 1: solve a lot of these kinds of big issue relationship

854
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,280
Speaker 1: issues in one session. Yeah, like if you get somebody

855
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 1: who can guide you through an MDMA therapy journey with

856
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: you and your partner and that way, it's not traditional therapy.

857
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 7: Yeah, we've tried be made together, but having somebody lead it,

858
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 7: I think.

859
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 3: Would be would probably be more powerful.

860
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

861
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, because for him at this point, his rote response,

862
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 2: his pattern in his brain is like I'm afraid, I'm afraid.

863
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,399
Speaker 2: I'm afraid. So he needs something to break him out

864
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,480
Speaker 2: of that, and he also needs to be taking the

865
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,760
Speaker 2: initiative to work on that healing for himself.

866
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 6: Yeah.

867
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 7: I just hope, I just hope that the relationship that

868
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:30,160
Speaker 7: hasn't just hasn't gone too far, because I do love him,

869
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:31,239
Speaker 7: and it sounds like.

870
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 3: You want to do the work, So that's half of

871
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 3: the battle, and I just have to make sure he

872
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 3: wants to do the work.

873
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:35,839
Speaker 6: Yeah.

874
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, you just need to figure out what that work

875
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 4: looks like.

876
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,840
Speaker 5: And let him know how much you're committed to trying

877
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 5: to get there where whatever it is that it takes

878
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:45,520
Speaker 5: to get him more comfortable.

879
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:48,320
Speaker 4: You guys are on the same page and get past

880
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 4: this that you'll do it.

881
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 3: Well, I'll do what it takes. I'm hoping he does

882
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:52,560
Speaker 3: as well.

883
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you've got like seventeen years together now, right,

884
00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: so try and figure it the fuck out. Tell him that,

885
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:02,359
Speaker 1: Tell him that, I'll tell him.

886
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 3: Chelsea said that.

887
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,240
Speaker 1: Yeah. Please, do I need another straight fan.

888
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:09,399
Speaker 3: To add to the other two.

889
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,279
Speaker 1: All right, Well, thanks for calling in, Amberg. Keep us

890
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:17,839
Speaker 1: posted and let us know how everything goes.

891
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 3: Good luck Amber so much. Thank you, sisters.

892
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 4: Bye.

893
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 1: That's a good podcast title, you guys. Thank you sisters.

894
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 3: Unless it's about nuns.

895
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 2: Well, I have an email from a straight listener. His

896
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 2: name is Sean. Dear Chelsea, my name is Sean, and

897
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 2: I wanted to write in and see if I could

898
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:45,359
Speaker 2: get some advice about an upcoming diagnosis. My wife, yes

899
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 2: I am a straight man writing in, has come into

900
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,960
Speaker 2: recent awareness that she might be on the autism spectrum.

901
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 2: She's going to get tested because she would like to

902
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 2: have the answer to some of the idiosyncrasies in her life.

903
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 2: We've been together for six years and married for a

904
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:01,400
Speaker 2: little over a year. I expressed that no matter what

905
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 2: the outcome could be, it doesn't change any part of

906
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,439
Speaker 2: who she is as a person, and more importantly, she's

907
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 2: my wife. I'm just worried that she could go into

908
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 2: a grieving or depression about this discovery. She's expressed to

909
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 2: me that she would most likely grieve for her younger self,

910
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 2: but I want to make sure I can show up

911
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:20,560
Speaker 2: for her in every facet as a role model for

912
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 2: women and mental health. I feel that you would be

913
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 2: able to help give some perspective as to how I

914
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:28,200
Speaker 2: can best support and comfort my wife through this time.

915
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:30,400
Speaker 2: You're a north star for both my wife and my

916
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 2: mother in law, sharing many similar traits and beliefs. That's

917
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 2: why I thought you'd be perfect to give an outside perspective. Sean,

918
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,239
Speaker 2: What a sweetheart, I know.

919
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 4: Absolutely.

920
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's sweet Sean. We're all attracted to you. Now, Okay,

921
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:46,319
Speaker 1: I'll go first. I think that first of all, it's

922
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 1: a total gift to get a diagnosis so you understand

923
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 1: where your behaviors are coming from. My friend Amy Schumer,

924
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:55,359
Speaker 1: who's been very public about her husband's autism diagnosis was

925
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 1: also directed by her. She noticed some weird behaviors or

926
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:02,320
Speaker 1: some non tradition behavior, stuff she wasn't used to seeing.

927
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:05,479
Speaker 1: She saw and asked, hey, do you think I've looked

928
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 1: this up? And I think there's a chance you might

929
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 1: want to get tested because you might be on the spectrum.

930
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 1: And he did, and it was like such an informational tool.

931
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 1: Then he understood why he acted differently in his behavior

932
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 1: towards things like she fell down once and he didn't

933
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,879
Speaker 1: go to pick her up, and he's like, I don't

934
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:24,879
Speaker 1: know why I didn't do that either. She's like, usually

935
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 1: if someone falls, you know, somebody comes to help me,

936
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:29,759
Speaker 1: Like why are you standing there? And he's like, I

937
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 1: don't know. So, you know, the synapses are different, and

938
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:36,800
Speaker 1: the reactions are different, and your socialization is very different.

939
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 1: So it's a very big gift to get the information

940
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:43,799
Speaker 1: to understand and put in context all of these things

941
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:45,919
Speaker 1: that you've kind of been confused about for so long.

942
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 1: So I think you have to look at it and

943
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 1: go at it from that very positive angle, like, oh

944
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 1: my god, great we have answers.

945
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:53,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree.

946
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 6: I mean data is key, So you know, she could

947
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,680
Speaker 6: potentially be diagnosed with a form of autism, but she's

948
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,919
Speaker 6: not being diagnose with terminal cancer. So it's something she's

949
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 6: had probably since she was a child, and it's just

950
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,920
Speaker 6: putting sort of a name to it, in diagnosis to it.

951
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,399
Speaker 6: But it's not changing her life in any way. She's

952
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,920
Speaker 6: still living the same life with her husband. So this

953
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 6: information can be useful, you know, they can read more

954
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:19,359
Speaker 6: about it, and they can sort of maybe I don't

955
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,480
Speaker 6: even know if you would change anything, to be honest,

956
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 6: but just recognizing the signals and the symptoms and the

957
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,880
Speaker 6: behaviors that she's been seeing, I think, yeah, I agree,

958
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 6: it's valuable to get that information back.

959
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:32,360
Speaker 3: There's nothing wrong with data.

960
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, And being autistic is an advantage in many ways

961
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:39,760
Speaker 1: that we don't see. So there's this whole additional layer

962
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 1: of added value that autistic people bring to the table

963
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 1: in the way they see things and in the way

964
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:48,319
Speaker 1: they take information in in the way that they see

965
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,400
Speaker 1: the world. It's just so much different, and so like,

966
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 1: there's so much value in teaching more people about that

967
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 1: your children. It's not a bad thing. It's not like

968
00:41:56,719 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: you're getting a cancer diagnosis. You're getting a personality diagnosed,

969
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 1: and that is always helpful.

970
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it might be like a little just a

971
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 5: relief just to know, Okay, now that's what I have,

972
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 5: I have a name for it, this is what it is.

973
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 5: If I know that I have autism, then there are

974
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 5: very specific people that you can go see that deal

975
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 5: with that you know, regarding autism, that can help you,

976
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 5: as opposed to seeing somebody that may not be familiar

977
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 5: with that or that kind of thing. So it's a

978
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:27,880
Speaker 5: good opportunity to move forward with it knowing what you

979
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 5: have and knowing where.

980
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:30,839
Speaker 4: To go to get help if there's things you want

981
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 4: to change.

982
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 6: And I also think to Sean's original question, which I

983
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:38,279
Speaker 6: think was about how do I provide appropriate support, I

984
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 6: think you know she's going to handle it, how she's

985
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 6: going to handle it. We can't predict if she's going

986
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:45,480
Speaker 6: to be depressed about it initially, or she's going to

987
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:47,960
Speaker 6: be kind of excited to have this data and then

988
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 6: want to see a therapist or want to see a specialist.

989
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,839
Speaker 6: So you kind of have to react to her and

990
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 6: know not to diminish any of those feelings that she's

991
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:59,880
Speaker 6: having and just be there as you have been apparently

992
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:03,439
Speaker 6: and support her regardless of her reaction, and then it's

993
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 6: really ultimately her decision as to whether she takes the

994
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:09,279
Speaker 6: next steps or not, because I remember it sounds very

995
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,799
Speaker 6: similar to any's story. So some people, you know, there's

996
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 6: nothing to do. It's just to be there and support

997
00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:16,880
Speaker 6: those reactions and sort of help her walk through the

998
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 6: emotions that she might experience.

999
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:19,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1000
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, and great for you for even asking, you know,

1001
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 1: I mean that says it all about your personality. It's

1002
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 1: already where it needs to be totally. That you'll be

1003
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,879
Speaker 1: supportive and very encouraging and always I think just keep

1004
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:32,360
Speaker 1: reminding your wife in the moments that she needs to

1005
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaker 1: hear it what a positive thing this is. Knowledge is power,

1006
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,359
Speaker 1: and like you have all this information now assuming she

1007
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:43,279
Speaker 1: does tests and is on the spectrum, So positivity is

1008
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: everything too. You know, just to be like a solid

1009
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: kind of stable force in someone's life when they're going

1010
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:49,879
Speaker 1: through something is a big gift.

1011
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:53,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that's all good advice. Well, Sean, let

1012
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 2: us know how it goes. Let us know if you

1013
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 2: found some resources and we're able to put some good

1014
00:43:57,600 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 2: systems in place, and.

1015
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 1: I think we should start. So we're giving rewards to

1016
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,400
Speaker 1: the straight men that call into the podcast, Catherine, I mean,

1017
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:07,400
Speaker 1: if they're this kind, yeah, there should be a list. Obviously,

1018
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 1: anyone straight man who's listening to this or calling in

1019
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:14,360
Speaker 1: is very masculine because you would have to be very confident.

1020
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 1: Oh I just hit myself in the face with a microphone. God,

1021
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:20,840
Speaker 1: it's almost like men were just kicking me in the

1022
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 1: face as a response to that. But yeah, it takes

1023
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 1: a big man to do that, and that's very sexy. So,

1024
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 1: like I said, we're all attracted to.

1025
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:38,440
Speaker 2: You, Sean. Yes, this is another sibling related question. Soft

1026
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:43,759
Speaker 2: Live wrote into us and she said, Dear Chelsea, my

1027
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:46,399
Speaker 2: brother and his Now what breaks my heart to say?

1028
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:49,839
Speaker 2: Ex girlfriend have been separated for close to a year.

1029
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 2: To make a long story short, they encountered issues as

1030
00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:56,400
Speaker 2: they both got older and faced real world responsibilities. It

1031
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 2: had an impact on their relationship where they felt they

1032
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 2: needed to separate and or the record, they're twenty five.

1033
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 2: Here's the thing. The two of them are still in

1034
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:07,400
Speaker 2: love with each other and have both admitted it to me,

1035
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 2: And it's so obvious to everyone who knows and loves

1036
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 2: them that they're meant to be. For some reason, they

1037
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 2: haven't been able to get it together to resolve the situation,

1038
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 2: most likely poor communication. Our entire family has been under

1039
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 2: the impression that we were just waiting for them to

1040
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 2: be in the right head space to get back together. However,

1041
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 2: after his ex told him he should move on even

1042
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:31,839
Speaker 2: though she didn't actually want him to, my brother has

1043
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:34,319
Speaker 2: taken it upon himself to start dating a new girl.

1044
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 2: I'm entirely sure that this is a band aid, an

1045
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,480
Speaker 2: easy situation for him to have fun and feel better.

1046
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 2: He was hiding this from me because he knows I'm

1047
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 2: still close with his ex. I always envisioned her as

1048
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 2: my future sister in law. I really don't want to

1049
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,719
Speaker 2: make the situation about myself. However, I'm having a hard

1050
00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:52,920
Speaker 2: time because only I know how the two of them

1051
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 2: still feel about each other. But now he wants me

1052
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,479
Speaker 2: to meet his new girl that he's seeing. I feel

1053
00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 2: like it's too soon and frankly have no interest in

1054
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:01,760
Speaker 2: meeting her, But I don't want to hurt his feelings.

1055
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 2: How do I handle this situation without imposing my feelings

1056
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:08,919
Speaker 2: onto his life? Ps Listening to this podcast every week

1057
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 2: has probably enabled me to not have very strong emotional

1058
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 2: reaction to the situation to begin with. I appreciate this

1059
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:18,040
Speaker 2: basically free therapy, and I should probably go to real

1060
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 2: therapy live.

1061
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:22,399
Speaker 1: I feel like, has she expressed her feelings about this

1062
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 1: to her brother.

1063
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 2: I don't think so. Like I think they've talked about it,

1064
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:28,880
Speaker 2: and she said, like she's close with both of them,

1065
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:30,879
Speaker 2: they're both still in love with each other, but it's

1066
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 2: also been a year since they broke up.

1067
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:35,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, but look at our last couple. They were broken

1068
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 1: up for seven years exactly.

1069
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 6: I feel like not meeting a new girlfriend is not

1070
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 6: the move. I don't think that like she's holding it

1071
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:45,840
Speaker 6: against him that he hasn't. He may need five years

1072
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:49,239
Speaker 6: to come to that conclusion, you know. And it's not

1073
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,239
Speaker 6: really for her to sort of force them together at

1074
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 6: this point in their life if they've decided they need.

1075
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:56,000
Speaker 3: To be separate at this point in their life.

1076
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 6: So this no girlfriend hasn't done anything wrong. She's just

1077
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:01,399
Speaker 6: happens to be the new girlfriend. And if it's important

1078
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:04,879
Speaker 6: to her brother that they meet, and don't see why

1079
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 6: she can't honor that And don't think of it as

1080
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:10,799
Speaker 6: this is your sister in law. This is just someone

1081
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 6: he's dating right now at this moment in time, I

1082
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 6: think he's reading a lot into it, And I don't

1083
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,799
Speaker 6: think that people need to find their life partner at

1084
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:18,760
Speaker 6: twenty five years old.

1085
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely not at twenty five years old. And

1086
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 1: if you really believe that they're so in love with

1087
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 1: each other, then you can say that to your brother, like, hey,

1088
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 1: it's very obvious to me that you guys are in

1089
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:30,799
Speaker 1: love with each other still. So all you have to

1090
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 1: do is just express that to him once and then

1091
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 1: your job is done and your conscience is clear. You

1092
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:38,239
Speaker 1: can't prevent him from moving on and dating people or

1093
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 1: any of that. It's like you're not in charge of

1094
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,279
Speaker 1: their relationship. All you can do is just tell him

1095
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 1: your truth, tell him once, don't repeat at fifty times,

1096
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,400
Speaker 1: and then move on with it. This new girl didn't

1097
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 1: do anything, she's just dating somebody. And the fact that

1098
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,400
Speaker 1: he's twenty five years old is also a sign that

1099
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:54,920
Speaker 1: everybody needs a little bit more growing up than to

1100
00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 1: get settled down at twenty five. That's just super young.

1101
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:00,120
Speaker 6: So I mean they may have gotten super scared that

1102
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 6: they were so intense and so like ready for marriage,

1103
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 6: and that could have caused the breakup. Maybe they realized,

1104
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 6: like we were going too fast, too young, and maybe

1105
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,040
Speaker 6: they'll come around and we'll get back together.

1106
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:10,839
Speaker 3: But again, it's not.

1107
00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 6: Her job to force them together and get in the

1108
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:16,560
Speaker 6: middle of it. It is a lot about her, is this

1109
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:19,280
Speaker 6: I'm getting a future for him the sister?

1110
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:22,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is just writing in Yeah, yeah, And I

1111
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:24,719
Speaker 2: think you know, we do get so bonded to the

1112
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:28,319
Speaker 2: people that our siblings bring home. I know my mother

1113
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 2: in law was even more devastated with a breakup that

1114
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:33,799
Speaker 2: happened with one of her sons than he was. I mean,

1115
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 2: and for years she was devastated about the loss of

1116
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:40,319
Speaker 2: this relationship. And it's okay to grieve that, but at

1117
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:42,439
Speaker 2: the same time, you do have to respect, like, maybe

1118
00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 2: your brother does want to move on, Maybe maybe he

1119
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:46,880
Speaker 2: does want a little band aid and a little fun,

1120
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 2: and maybe they will get back together, maybe they won't.

1121
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,279
Speaker 2: You know, you just have to be nice and civil

1122
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:52,839
Speaker 2: to the new girl while she's there. But it doesn't

1123
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:54,879
Speaker 2: mean you have to like be or bestie all the time.

1124
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you don't need to sabitage it either.

1125
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, right right, Treshana, any more wisdom on that one.

1126
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,359
Speaker 4: I mean, she really needs to take a step back.

1127
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 5: She's too involved with the whole their adults, so they're

1128
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:10,879
Speaker 5: going to do what they're going to do and let

1129
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 5: nature take its course. I agree with Chelsea that she

1130
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 5: should let her know how she feels or him know

1131
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 5: how she feels. But you know, that's all you can say.

1132
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:22,400
Speaker 5: And they're grown ups, so you know, maybe it'll happen,

1133
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 5: maybe it won't. Don't hold it against the new person

1134
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:29,719
Speaker 5: that's you know, it seems wrong and what's going on

1135
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:32,040
Speaker 5: with you and your boyfriend and your relationships?

1136
00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:37,479
Speaker 4: Like, you know, yeah, she might need.

1137
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 1: But I will say I want to go on the

1138
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 1: record because I've had this conversation with both of my

1139
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,400
Speaker 1: sisters about previous relationships that I've been in when they

1140
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:50,240
Speaker 1: didn't say anything to me when I was with somebody

1141
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:53,360
Speaker 1: that they thought was creepy or weird or whatever. I'm like,

1142
00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:55,799
Speaker 1: you guys, wait to tell me after the fact, they're like, well,

1143
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 1: we never liked him. It's like, well, fuck off. It

1144
00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:00,440
Speaker 1: was like two to four years of my life. But

1145
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: and their excuse is what simoan that I wouldn't listen

1146
00:50:03,719 --> 00:50:04,320
Speaker 1: to you if you have.

1147
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:06,279
Speaker 6: I think it's a different sitution. I think those are

1148
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:09,239
Speaker 6: different situations. Here. We're talking about someone she loves an

1149
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,320
Speaker 6: ex girlfriend, she wants them to marry the ex girlfriend.

1150
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,359
Speaker 6: It's like not for her to make that happen when

1151
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,800
Speaker 6: it's I'm seeing with you that I don't think someone

1152
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:18,680
Speaker 6: that you're with is currently perfect.

1153
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 1: I no, I know it's not the same situation, but

1154
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 1: I know how.

1155
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 3: How that can sabotage. You can say that. You can

1156
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 3: say I really don't like this person.

1157
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:27,960
Speaker 6: Then you end up getting married and you have a

1158
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,399
Speaker 6: twenty five year married and I put that out there

1159
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 6: that I just don't love this guy. There's that risk

1160
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:36,240
Speaker 6: there to the relationship. If I really thought the person

1161
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:39,919
Speaker 6: was dangerous for you or it was an unhealthy relationship,

1162
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 6: I think that's a different story, and that's where you

1163
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:44,440
Speaker 6: do have to step up and say something to prevent

1164
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 6: that from.

1165
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:48,239
Speaker 3: Becoming a long term unhealthy relationship.

1166
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess, so, I guess so. I don't know.

1167
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 1: I feel like you should tell people when you don't

1168
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:55,840
Speaker 1: like their spouse, but I know it does backfire. But

1169
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,720
Speaker 1: I just think with sisters and siblings, it's a different story.

1170
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 1: Like you're hearing that from a sling, like, oh, yeah,

1171
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:03,560
Speaker 1: this person is dangerous or this person is weird, or

1172
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:07,759
Speaker 1: I think it would have a different impact, especially girls. Yeah,

1173
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 1: but then again, conversely, girls can be totally bitchy and

1174
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:12,920
Speaker 1: cunty and be pissed about it. So I get it.

1175
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, well it's like that movie. What was that show,

1176
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:16,800
Speaker 3: Bad Sisters where all the sisters.

1177
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:18,959
Speaker 1: Yeah, they murdered the brother in law. I love that.

1178
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:20,719
Speaker 3: That's the best I know.

1179
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:22,719
Speaker 1: They were at the Critics' Choice Awards. I gave them

1180
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:25,959
Speaker 1: a shout out for murdering their brother. Their brother, their brother,

1181
00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 1: their brother. That's how their brother in law. I said that,

1182
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 1: I'm my family. I've been wanting to do that for years,

1183
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:33,960
Speaker 1: but I could never get any of my siblings on board.

1184
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:42,120
Speaker 1: You know who I was really talking about. Anyway, Okay,

1185
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 1: that's a wrap. We are done. We're not going to

1186
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:48,000
Speaker 1: ask them for advice, Catherine, because it's silly.

1187
00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:48,719
Speaker 4: You know.

1188
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:50,319
Speaker 2: I'm like, you're gonna ask your a little sister for I.

1189
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:52,560
Speaker 3: Got a lot of unsolicited advice anyway, So.

1190
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 4: All the time.

1191
00:51:56,840 --> 00:51:59,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, thank you ladies. What a great job. Sissy Baum,

1192
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:00,879
Speaker 1: Well that was fun.

1193
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 3: Thank you so good to meet you.

1194
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:06,840
Speaker 2: Oh likewise, I'm so pleased to finally meet you and Chelsea.

1195
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:08,760
Speaker 3: I confirmed the March fifteenth connection.

1196
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:12,399
Speaker 1: Yes, all right, the March babies, Yes, I know that's

1197
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:14,880
Speaker 1: a great birthday to have. Actually, March fifteenth.

1198
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 6: Three now three, and our family, the family Mike yeah,

1199
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 6: and me and Catherine yeah okay.

1200
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 1: And Olga's March twentieth yes, right, okay, great, okay. Well,

1201
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 1: good to know. I'm gonna write all those dates down

1202
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: right now because I don't want to miss your birthday.

1203
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 1: Bye girls, thank you. Also, I'm going back on tour. Everybody,

1204
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 1: I have a new tour. It's called Little Big Bitch

1205
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,800
Speaker 1: because I'm a little big bitch and I always have been. Sometimes.

1206
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:42,879
Speaker 1: Well now I'm a big little bitch. No, I'm still

1207
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 1: a little big bitch. Whatever. Anyway, I'm going back on tour.

1208
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 1: I'm warming up my new one hour that I have

1209
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 1: to create from scratch. But I have some very strong ideas.

1210
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:56,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a Zanies Nashville March twenty ninth

1211
00:52:56,040 --> 00:53:00,120
Speaker 1: through Sunday, April sixth, and then Irvine, improv and and

1212
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 1: I have dates theater dates everywhere from Peoria, Illinois, Carmel, Calama, Zeo, Spokane, Washington,

1213
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:10,880
Speaker 1: Boys Idaho, Vegas, Highland, California, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and more and

1214
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:13,840
Speaker 1: more and more, so go to Chelsea handler dot com

1215
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 1: for tickets and yeah, that starts in April. So I'm

1216
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,319
Speaker 1: very excited, Catherine, Yeah amazing.

1217
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 2: I have family in Peoria, Illinois. Feel too square though

1218
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 2: to come see you.

1219
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:26,400
Speaker 1: Well, no, they can see me. They just reached it

1220
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:27,239
Speaker 1: at Interact.

1221
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 2: Yeah right exactly.

1222
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:32,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't forget to watch my special on Netflix. You guys. Revolution.

1223
00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 1: It's a revolution.

1224
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:37,440
Speaker 2: So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us

1225
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:41,480
Speaker 2: an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.

1226
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio. Executive produced by

1227
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:50,000
Speaker 2: Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered

1228
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:54,360
Speaker 2: by Brad Dickert.