1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,720 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stuff 2 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:19,080 Speaker 1: I've Never told you production of I Heart Radio. Yeah, 3 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:23,239 Speaker 1: and welcome to another edition of Monday Many, where we 4 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,760 Speaker 1: talk about all sorts of things, whether it is current 5 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: events and or our own emotions, in the current state 6 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,879 Speaker 1: of our emotions, which can be good or bad or 7 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 1: sad or neither, I don't know. And before we start, 8 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 1: we want to put a content warning here, nothing too deep, 9 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:45,440 Speaker 1: that's kind of deep. We go. We're gonna go everywhere, 10 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,880 Speaker 1: but we are going to talk a little bit about 11 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,159 Speaker 1: eating disorders, uh, specifically mindsets when it comes to eating, 12 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: as well as weight loss and weight gain and our 13 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: emotional state of being. So if that's not something you 14 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,120 Speaker 1: want to listen to right now, skip on ahead it. 15 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 1: But today we wanted to kind of revisit an older topic. 16 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 1: I don't know it was for uh was it for 17 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:11,039 Speaker 1: Monday Many or was it for a Happy Hour? It was? Okay, y'all, 18 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,040 Speaker 1: it's all starting to blur. We do so many now, 19 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: but we've had a whole discussion about eating and eating 20 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:20,680 Speaker 1: disorders and just some of the stigma around just eating 21 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: point blank, how it affects you or how it could 22 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:28,560 Speaker 1: be a part of your reaction to trauma past and 23 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 1: any You're really open, and you and I dug into 24 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:35,119 Speaker 1: a few things about our own personal issues and our 25 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: thought processes and things that we're going through today even 26 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,280 Speaker 1: and a lot of y'all reached out about some of 27 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 1: the personal experiences you had gone through and you feel 28 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 1: really strongly about it. And first of all, thank you 29 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 1: so much for reaching out to us and just being 30 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 1: so open. I can't tell you what a privilege it 31 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 1: is to feel like we're in the inner group with 32 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: you and someone that you can talk to as well 33 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 1: as someone who you can be open with and also 34 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 1: give us great advice. And as one of y'all said, 35 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 1: there's nothing like solidarity, and it is as one of 36 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 1: the best ways to get through this. Thank you for 37 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:15,080 Speaker 1: that and just again opening up to us about your experiences, 38 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:19,519 Speaker 1: because yeah, as a person who truly believes in that too, 39 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 1: because I've gone so long isolating myself when it comes 40 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:26,840 Speaker 1: to my emotions, my insecurities. Having people being so open 41 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: and willing to be vulnerable with us and allow us 42 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 1: to be vulnerable with you, that is a privilege and 43 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: we understand that and we value it so much. So 44 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,800 Speaker 1: first and foremost get all the fields out and but 45 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 1: there was one thing that several of y'all talk to 46 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:45,800 Speaker 1: us about, and it was this whole weirdness of people 47 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 1: needing to complement other people, specifically oftentimes with women about 48 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:54,920 Speaker 1: their weight loss or just change in appearance. Um, and 49 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 1: that got me as I am someone who has always 50 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,960 Speaker 1: struggled with their weight. That has always been an issue 51 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 1: for me coming into a white family already different, and 52 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,360 Speaker 1: then feeling like an outsider not only from the white 53 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,360 Speaker 1: culture of losing of being skinny, but the Asian culture 54 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:16,840 Speaker 1: just culture in general of being skinny and I am 55 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: and I was a thick girl, um, and have had 56 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,240 Speaker 1: a hard time trying to come to terms was with 57 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 1: just liking myself, not even loving myself, but liking myself 58 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 1: and my body image. It's something I finally come to 59 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,360 Speaker 1: the point of being content with. So it's come to 60 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:39,200 Speaker 1: man after about thirty eight it was kind of the Okay, 61 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 1: I understand this whole new go yourself over this moment 62 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,480 Speaker 1: of not caring about other people's opinions. And don't get 63 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: me wrong, I still care about other people's opinions. If 64 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,920 Speaker 1: you follow me on Twitter, I am very self deprecating, 65 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 1: and I like to revel in all the bad reviews 66 00:03:56,720 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: we get, especially of my voice. I know I've stopped. 67 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: I've stopped since the last and uh, several of our 68 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: coworkers or friends have been like, stop reading the reviews, 69 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 1: and I'm like, Okay, you're right, You're right, but I 70 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,800 Speaker 1: just need to know. I need to be validated. And 71 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 1: of course typically the only times we get reviews is 72 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,040 Speaker 1: when they come to tell us how much they hate us, 73 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 1: and we'll no longer listen to us. Thanks, but no, 74 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 1: actually there's been also a lot of great reviews and 75 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: people are so kind as well. But for some reason, 76 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 1: I focus on the negative because that's my way of being, 77 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 1: and you know, I think being that person. Of course, 78 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 1: self image is one of the things that I struggle with. 79 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 1: And like I said, I finally come to a point 80 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,600 Speaker 1: that I'm like, you know what I am, who I am. 81 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,720 Speaker 1: This is not a bad thing. I just need to 82 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: learn to appreciate and and and just enjoy what it 83 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 1: is um and be healthy. But again, like I said, 84 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,360 Speaker 1: I still have the ups and downs. And not long ago, 85 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,159 Speaker 1: a few years ago was in fact, it came to 86 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,840 Speaker 1: a point that I was really in a very depressed state. Um, 87 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: it lasted a lot longer than typical, and as one 88 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 1: of our listeners had told me, very similar to her 89 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,760 Speaker 1: experience of like going through a bad time in a relationship, 90 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 1: it really hit me hard on top of another bad 91 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 1: time in my job state. Like there's so many things 92 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:24,520 Speaker 1: that just piled on that I stopped eating. And it 93 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 1: wasn't because I wanted to, because I love food, y'all, 94 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,599 Speaker 1: but it was because I just felt nauseous and just 95 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 1: too sad to eat, so I would rather sleep or 96 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,720 Speaker 1: do anything else essentially sleep. That's that's kind of how 97 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: I would go. And I lost a lot of weight 98 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,799 Speaker 1: during that short amount of time, like it was real quick, 99 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:48,159 Speaker 1: and of course originally I was really excited by that fact. 100 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: It felt like an accomplishment. Uh. And I had this 101 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:55,360 Speaker 1: weird echoonomy of being depressed but pleased because of me 102 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 1: losing weight, And of course it was unrealistic. I don't 103 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,640 Speaker 1: want to be in a forever depressed state. That is 104 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,160 Speaker 1: not who I am. Yes I get there, and yes 105 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,120 Speaker 1: I'll revel in it sometimes just because I need to 106 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 1: acknowledge it there because if I try to push it away, 107 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 1: it gets worse and lingers. We know this for me anyway, 108 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,839 Speaker 1: and I gained it back within a year, and then 109 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: quarantine happened, and uh yeah, that added all where I 110 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,359 Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, how do I fight and 111 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: combat enjoying being isolated too much but at the same 112 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:30,159 Speaker 1: time knowing I shouldn't be isolated too much. And of course, 113 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:34,560 Speaker 1: again I did not do as I was advised by 114 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: all of Twitter verse, which is to take advantage and 115 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,440 Speaker 1: do all these home workouts. Sorry, it didn't happen for me, 116 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: and I absolutely isolated and I was like, nope, not 117 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:48,239 Speaker 1: going to the gym. You also haven't been vaccinated slash. 118 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: There was no vaccine at the time. You know, of 119 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: course that they were also, but in my head that's 120 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,760 Speaker 1: how I, you know, talked myself into this. And so yeah, 121 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 1: gaining all of this way back, there was a lot 122 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: of shame in that for me, and it was really 123 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 1: overwhelming and it still kind of is, like I just 124 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,800 Speaker 1: actually recently saw a friend that hadn't seen in four years, 125 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,920 Speaker 1: and the entire time, the panic of me trying to 126 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: find something to whear to try to hide that I 127 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 1: had gained everything back was fairly overwhelming to the point 128 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: that I'm like, maybe I should just cancel and stay 129 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 1: home and eat rice like that that was the thought 130 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,240 Speaker 1: process for me, But I didn't. I did go out, 131 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 1: and yeah, I had gotten so many compliments and kudos 132 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 1: from my work, which mostly resulted because I felt too 133 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 1: nauseous and sad like that was the reason I it 134 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 1: wasn't really something to celebrate, honestly, And don't get me wrong, 135 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,680 Speaker 1: I definitely exercise, but it wasn't different from what I 136 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 1: typically already do or doing, like that's something I've always 137 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 1: done and I just don't have the metabolism to be skinny, 138 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:51,440 Speaker 1: like maybe it helps me maintain to Technically I'm considered obese. 139 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 1: Thank you obesity. I got to qualify from my vaccine early. Cool, 140 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 1: I'm just saying, but technically I am obese by those standards. 141 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 1: And again, when I realized how it was all back on, 142 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: I had a moment of shutting down and didn't want 143 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: to socialize or go back out in public. And I'm 144 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: still feeling that way, y'all. I'm still having this moment. 145 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 1: There's a wedding coming up next week, and I'm really 146 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: overwhelmed because a few of the people who complimented my 147 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: weight loss and congratulated me and obviously saw me for 148 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,880 Speaker 1: the first time, and we can We're gonna talk about 149 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: that too. This level of like being recognized as a 150 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 1: woman because I lost weight. It was lovely at that 151 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 1: point in time, But now I'm back here realizing the 152 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,320 Speaker 1: difference and how it was paid attention to. It's kind 153 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 1: of shocking and kind of like heartbreaking for me. Y'all 154 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:58,280 Speaker 1: reached out and have told us similar things with different 155 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,440 Speaker 1: reasons why, whether it's something to lar to what Annie 156 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,839 Speaker 1: was talking about with just the non desire to eat 157 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 1: and having to plan and make yourself eat, or being 158 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 1: a trauma response to past events and the overall weirdness 159 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 1: of being told this is the standard, and then also 160 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 1: the conversation about eating in public and trying to put 161 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 1: on a brave face either way, and then having this 162 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,600 Speaker 1: microaggression from others, whether it's one listener talked about how 163 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,119 Speaker 1: they were like, oh, if you turn sideways, you disappear, 164 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,000 Speaker 1: and that that is a microaggression to this person trying 165 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,960 Speaker 1: to figure out, Hey, I have complications in eating in 166 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 1: front of people. You're making this worse them honestly believing 167 00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 1: that it is a compliment we have of course older 168 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,360 Speaker 1: generations just who never held back. And you and I 169 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,200 Speaker 1: talked about this when I was in high school when 170 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,600 Speaker 1: we went to someone's grandparents home to show off our 171 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 1: dress to be like, look like rikiute and being told, oh, 172 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:03,079 Speaker 1: you got thick thighs, you got burling thighs, keep those 173 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, thank you. As a high schooler 174 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,440 Speaker 1: and having that stigma on me for so long and 175 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,080 Speaker 1: being told like, oh, you know, but your standards, your 176 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:18,239 Speaker 1: beauty standers would be a hit here, and I'm like, again, 177 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 1: I don't know what to do with this comment that 178 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,640 Speaker 1: you're giving me, but that this is that whole level 179 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:28,440 Speaker 1: of my own concern on how do we talk to 180 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: each other and lift each other up but not doing 181 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:37,120 Speaker 1: away that it's actually really counterintuitive if being lifting each 182 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:42,080 Speaker 1: other up. Yeah, it's it's complicated, for sure, and there's 183 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,960 Speaker 1: a lot to impact and what you were just saying, 184 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:51,840 Speaker 1: because there's a whole level of fat phobia, and clearly 185 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: we've talked about before, but associating like one is obviously 186 00:10:55,800 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 1: better than the other, and we've somehow tied morality to 187 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,319 Speaker 1: thinness as well. So there's just all these judgments people 188 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:07,560 Speaker 1: feel so okay with making that are quite shocking, and 189 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 1: like the comments people will make. I remember when I 190 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: was in high school, a relative of mine and I 191 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 1: was a chubby I was a chubby kid, but he said, 192 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:21,560 Speaker 1: you're soon you're gonna have to start shopping in the 193 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,480 Speaker 1: maternity section. And you better believe after that, I was not. 194 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 1: I could not eat in front of him, like this 195 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: was my young mind totally impacted by it, still remember 196 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,600 Speaker 1: it so clearly. But that shouldn't. I mean, there's several 197 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: things wrong with that, but it was said as an 198 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 1: like insult almost, and that's messed up, Like it's there's 199 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 1: so many things that are wrong with this, and I 200 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: do I really appreciate how many people wrote in and 201 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,440 Speaker 1: shared their own struggle with being open about this while 202 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:02,559 Speaker 1: not wanting to perpetua eight um all these things, all 203 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,680 Speaker 1: these like messed up thoughts and feelings we have around weight, 204 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: and how that can get even more complicated when you're 205 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,959 Speaker 1: a feminist, where it's like you don't want to lie, 206 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: you don't want to but if people are doing these 207 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 1: weight things that you know are wrong, but you know 208 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,560 Speaker 1: you're doing them too, and you're just hiding them because 209 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 1: it's not the feminist thing to do. I think we 210 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 1: have to talk about that as well. But it is 211 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 1: frustrating because it has been I just gave so much 212 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 1: of my brain space to thinking about that and I 213 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 1: don't want to, but I do. I think about it 214 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,520 Speaker 1: all the time. I also worry about going out. I've 215 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,320 Speaker 1: canceled plans because I'm like, they're going to think I've 216 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:51,080 Speaker 1: gained all this weight during quarantine, which is it shouldn't 217 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 1: inspire the fear that it does, right, Yeah, it literally 218 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,959 Speaker 1: causes me to disrupt my life because I don't want 219 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:17,320 Speaker 1: to be seen. Yeah, I want to kind of come 220 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,600 Speaker 1: back to this has already kind of gotten along with 221 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 1: all of my thoughts, because I do want to come 222 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:25,240 Speaker 1: back to the fact that there's this responsibility on us 223 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 1: as individuals who are trying to uplift others that has 224 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,920 Speaker 1: to have a balance of giving someone a feel good 225 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:38,560 Speaker 1: moment versus perpetuating a stigma that's not necessarily healthy. We 226 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 1: don't know why someone lost weight. We don't know if 227 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,199 Speaker 1: that was a plan, we don't know, but it it is 228 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 1: for their own health. We don't know what it is about, 229 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,280 Speaker 1: and oftentimes that's the one thing people feel like this 230 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 1: is okay to say because she looks amazing. You've lost 231 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 1: ten pounds. It's obvious. How did you do that? Tell 232 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 1: me your secrets type of which is not a secret. 233 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 1: Metabolism is different. The way we eat it is different. 234 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 1: I can. I exercise almost three to five times a 235 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 1: week typically. I have never really lost that much weight. Yes, 236 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,600 Speaker 1: I also really love ice cream and pumpkin pies. Did 237 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,040 Speaker 1: I eat never breakfast for the past two weekends. Yes, 238 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: We're not going to talk more about that. No, But 239 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: that's the thing is, like I understand all that, and 240 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,080 Speaker 1: I would say that for when I was running. I 241 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,400 Speaker 1: don't anymore because it hurts my body. Because we've just 242 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 1: figured out recently that I would say one mile was 243 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 1: one donut, Like that was the joke that I would have, 244 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 1: and that I'm running so I can eat and it's 245 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 1: still unhealthy. That is so unhealthy. It's not because I'm 246 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 1: running aside. Enjoy its, you know, like and I did, 247 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 1: and it was a stress reliever. And please know, when 248 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 1: I go and do these dance classes, half the is 249 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,600 Speaker 1: for social reasons because I love my dance family, So 250 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 1: I say dance it's all workouts and it's just zoomba 251 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 1: and cardio jam. But I love it and I love 252 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 1: being with the people there because there's a failure a 253 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: camaraderie and something outside of my normal scope. They are 254 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,520 Speaker 1: people from all kinds of worlds, and I love this. 255 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:04,880 Speaker 1: And I say that in like, yes, exercising it's beautiful, 256 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 1: doing things it's good for you, or if you feel 257 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,760 Speaker 1: it's good for you in a healthy way, is beautiful. 258 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 1: But there is also this norm that we have allowed 259 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 1: that says, yes, we compliment for things that look appeasing 260 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: and what we value in ourselves, or we wish for 261 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 1: ourselves or we wish for others, to the point that 262 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 1: it is a detriment to most of society. And I 263 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 1: will say, for my family member, I have a niece 264 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 1: who's talking about some of the situations and she's gorgeous 265 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: and oh my god, the pictures of her is phenomenal 266 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: and apparently like there's some conversations around her home about 267 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 1: and I know this because I lived in the similar 268 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 1: home that this whole idea of being skinny is what 269 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 1: makes you valuable. So whether it's to become a wife, 270 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 1: whether it's to become a cherished wife, whether it's to 271 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,600 Speaker 1: become a good wife. And that's kind of that conversation. 272 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 1: I will say here, my mom never maybe feel like 273 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: I was ever overweight. My mom never put it in 274 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 1: my head that I had to be skinny. However, my 275 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,480 Speaker 1: mom was so concerned with her own body as well, 276 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 1: and she would make her comments about her own body 277 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: that of course it influenced me as well, and that 278 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 1: was one of the big things when I was in nanny. 279 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: I was like, stop doing this. You're feeding into your 280 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 1: eleven year old head that a standard is taking diet 281 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 1: pills and skipping mills so you can have drinks. And again, 282 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 1: that is one of those things I will say is 283 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: absolutely unhealthy. I will not hear that anything else on 284 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,600 Speaker 1: that stuff like that as a standard. That is unhealthy. 285 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 1: And I did it and sometimes I still do it. 286 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:39,240 Speaker 1: So please understand I am very aware of these unhealthy habits. 287 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 1: And that's part of the problem in this bigger conversation 288 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,640 Speaker 1: is trying to maintain something that may not be realistic 289 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 1: for you, and that includes for people who can't gain weight. 290 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 1: Of course, people may be bitter about this. There's those 291 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 1: again who have always struggled with weight that feels a 292 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 1: little bitter like you won the lottery. But for those individuals, 293 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 1: that's not what they want it. Oftentimes that is not 294 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,680 Speaker 1: something that they have seated, and they have been oftentimes 295 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,959 Speaker 1: justice teased for being too skinnies, for being too wiry, 296 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 1: for any of those conversations. And that is that conversation 297 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,720 Speaker 1: of being perfect. And we're gonna talk about this again, 298 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: I know, later on. But it's this whole level of 299 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: this fine line of for those who have worked because 300 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 1: they feel that they were unhealthy and they were unhappy, 301 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 1: and so they did it in a healthy manner in 302 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,320 Speaker 1: which they saw change but also was able to have 303 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,760 Speaker 1: like encouragement with their mental health and meaning that they 304 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,720 Speaker 1: were able to come to a point of really understanding 305 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 1: mentally and physically what this means for them and truly 306 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:43,280 Speaker 1: coming to a point of being healthy again mentally and 307 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:46,360 Speaker 1: physically as well, more so mentally than anything else. If 308 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,720 Speaker 1: that is something that they have done and feel like, yes, 309 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,760 Speaker 1: I would like that to be acknowledge, then yeah, I 310 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 1: think we followed that lead. Not necessarily the compliment, oh 311 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: you look so much better, because that's not the truth. 312 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 1: That doesn't change the person m I would hope, but 313 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,399 Speaker 1: that they've accomplished a goal that they have set for 314 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 1: themselves in a healthy manner. And I've seen people do this, 315 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 1: and I have seen people being able to do this 316 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,480 Speaker 1: in a great way, and we want to acknowledge that, 317 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,840 Speaker 1: but we should not come out of bounds and do 318 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: it on our own without knowing who or where they're 319 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 1: coming from. Right, Yeah, And there's just so much stuff 320 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:29,720 Speaker 1: that is impossible to untangle when you're talking about this, 321 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:35,880 Speaker 1: so like the toxic diet industry and all these messages 322 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 1: we've fed young girls and women, because you know, it's 323 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,320 Speaker 1: hard to when you've grown up in that system, getting 324 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 1: those messages all the time, it's hard to know why. 325 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:48,639 Speaker 1: Like I also I love exercising, but I was also 326 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 1: doing it for unhealthy reasons, so that they both can exist. 327 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,760 Speaker 1: But it's just so much work to like get to 328 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 1: the bottom of why you're doing something. And that's, you know, 329 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:03,880 Speaker 1: unfortunate that we have to do it. But I think 330 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: that it's it is you should examine why why you're 331 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 1: doing things. And I think twice maybe before complimenting someone, 332 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:17,640 Speaker 1: complimenting someone on something, and that I mean that can 333 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 1: be almost I get so in my head about it. 334 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 1: I often won't even mention the best. I feel like 335 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 1: I do that in so many things that I'm like, 336 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,359 Speaker 1: I don't know where to go from here. I'm going 337 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 1: to ignore this, which is again probably not the best, 338 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 1: but at that point, like at least I need to 339 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: wait to read the room. M Yeah, see if you 340 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:44,160 Speaker 1: can get the story. Well, um, we tossed on so 341 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,879 Speaker 1: much stuff we could expound upon in this. Thank you 342 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:52,359 Speaker 1: Samantha for being so open. Thank you listeners for sending 343 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 1: us messages um and being so open as well and 344 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,680 Speaker 1: giving us a lot to think about. And if you 345 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,879 Speaker 1: would like to contact us, you can email is stuff 346 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 1: in your mom Stuff at I heart me dot com. 347 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,320 Speaker 1: You can find us on Instagram and Stuff I Ever 348 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,880 Speaker 1: Told You or on Twitter, app, Mom Stuff podcast. Thanks 349 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 1: That's always start of super producer Christina, Thank you. Thanks 350 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 1: to you for listening. Stupone told the production of I 351 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,160 Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcast on my Heart Radio, visit 352 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,200 Speaker 1: the heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen 353 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,000 Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.