WEBVTT - Gwyneth Paltrow Talks Sex 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.720 Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:06.120 Red Table pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the 0:00:06.120 --> 0:00:10.239 Facebook watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and 0:00:10.360 --> 0:00:13.360 I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:18.040 on Apple Podcasts. Get ready for the first time. I'm 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:23.239 going out here. Oscar winner Gwyneth Paltrow talks sex at 0:00:23.280 --> 0:00:26.000 the Red Table. Have you guys seen what the actual 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:32.440 clitterest looks like? Just that conversation with my mother starting now, 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:36.760 I got a slow walking because of these heels. Honey. 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:41.600 Oh there's only two chairs. Oh, I know, but it's temporary. 0:00:41.680 --> 0:00:44.800 It's temporary for it, and we both have one pink 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:49.680 for breastast cancer awareness and we didn't plan it. So 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:55.680 great minds, think alike. Facts all right, r T T fam, 0:00:55.760 --> 0:00:59.960 Fair warning, We are having a sex talk at the table, 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:05.880 okay with gop Guru Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth is on a way, 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:16.400 but look who is zooming in. I miss you, guys. 0:01:17.120 --> 0:01:19.800 It just breaks my heart that I can't be there. 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:23.320 I know you're on the road and you are killing 0:01:23.520 --> 0:01:33.200 it being that rock started you are. You're really showing 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:42.319 that black girls can what rock. So that's awesome, thank you, 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:46.880 But we wanted to get your generational perspective on sex. 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:50.000 You know, Gwyneth is coming. I feel like the sex 0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:53.320 question for this generation is way deeper because it's not 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:57.320 just about the sex, it's about like who you are? Right? 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:01.640 Do you feel like your generation is really experimental? It's 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:05.760 mostly extremes I've seen. I've seen it go from fear 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:09.760 of just intimacy and having that anxiety and being protective 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:13.960 of one's emotional state. So I I see that a lot. 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:17.880 And I also just see complete and utter recklessness and 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:22.560 just have sex with everyone that you see. Right, Where 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:28.760 do you think you learned most about sex? Did you 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:33.000 learn it on the internet from your friends? Did you 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:37.560 learn it from me? So I would read like those 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:40.440 little like fiction. I would always go into the library 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:42.280 and you would always tell me, oh, don't read that book, 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:44.520 like you're too young to read that, and then would 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:47.080 be trying to reading and Rice. But I would sneak 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:49.120 and read these books. And in these books there are 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:54.480 sex scenes. I would just be readings that to YouTube. 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:59.880 She's always been supremely curious, so you would think I 0:03:00.040 --> 0:03:06.840 would be getting around a little bit more Jesus. So 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:10.519 for the very first time. She's an Oscar winner, a 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:17.680 style icon, mom, wife, boss lady, and now what sex goddess. 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:21.919 Gwyneth Paltrow was in the house for new project Sex, 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:26.400 Love and Goop is taken sex to a whole, whole 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:29.960 new level scale of one to five. How pleasurable it's 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:34.560 five jack pot. It's one thing to be emotionally vulnerable 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:38.280 on camera, but to be sexually vulnerable. We've never really 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:41.520 seen this before. We weren't close to getting a divorce. 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:44.040 His parents are wondering why he doesn't have babies, and 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:46.400 am I gonna have an orgasm before I have a baby? Okay, 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:49.040 let's bring out a couple of little pleasure items. These 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:52.760 are my no matter what it looked like on camera, 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:57.800 if you haven't felt that before, for having sex, because 0:03:57.800 --> 0:04:01.400 the show about sex, we're gonna talk about. Come on 0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:07.880 out here, ask a winner. Come on, I'm so god, 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:15.200 are you kidding me? Nice to meet you, Thank you, 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:21.120 great to be here. Hi. Hi, She's the latest rock star. 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:27.240 She's amazing, exciting. One of the reasons why I felt 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:31.080 like your Netflix project is so powerful is because for 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:34.479 the first time, Gammy and I were on the phone 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:38.839 and we were having a very in depth conversation about sex, 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:41.599 like it was nothing. And I got off the phone 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:44.640 and I was like, dude, I just had that conversation 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:50.240 mother totally. I was like, that's healing right then. That 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:54.640 was probably the first time we ever had a conversation 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:59.159 about sex in that way, in that kind of free flow, 0:04:59.440 --> 0:05:03.520 and I'm not is talking about just basic surface stuff 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:05.760 like we went kind of like how you and I 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:09.839 have done yeah, because it's kind of hard to talk 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:12.719 about sex if you weren't talking about about sex, you 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:17.320 know what I mean. And it was just so natural. 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:21.719 Show helped you have that conversation because we have never 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:25.040 had a reason to go that in depth. But let 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:29.240 me ask you, we'll talk to you about sex. You know. 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:34.240 I'm old. So we didn't have this kind of openness 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:36.720 at all in the culture. I don't know, it just 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:42.839 was very sort of like we don't talk about because 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:48.240 you don't. There wasn't a lot of talk about it, 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:52.120 and so you learned. And it was pre internet, right, 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:54.400 so it was like we were really siloed in a 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:57.760 lot of ways. And I don't think we went naturally 0:05:57.800 --> 0:06:01.479 to our mother's to talk about it. It's still weird 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:04.000 to like, I adore my mother, but I don't know, like, 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.720 do you guys talk about that gonna tell you what's 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:10.479 so funny? Gwyneth, My mother's conversation to me was don't 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:14.880 get pregnant. I don't even think my mom's also told 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:18.960 you that it wasn't gonna be enjoyable, It is not 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:23.560 going to be fun I think that that myth is um, 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:26.799 that's not okay for some people. I mean, everyone's body 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:29.159 is different, you know, but I don't think that you 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:33.760 should tell someone it's gonna be hurtful, right, it might not. 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:37.880 That's a very patriarchal thing to um to propagate in 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:40.279 the minds of young women. Yeah, I mean I have 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:42.960 to say my first you know, I wouldn't say I 0:06:43.040 --> 0:06:46.000 was like who, but I was like something that I 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:49.760 can work with, you know how patriarchal it was, Willow. 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:53.479 It was just my experience. I just I just hear 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:55.719 that so much. As a woman, you just get told 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:57.880 that all the time. And it's interesting too, Like I 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:01.359 remember when my kids were really little, having urged to 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:04.640 want to say to them like, oh no, did that hurt? 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:07.760 And you have to catch yourself like, let's not implant 0:07:08.120 --> 0:07:10.760 any ideas around anything, right. But it's hard as a 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:13.360 mother because to your point up, your own experience needs 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:15.280 you to define things how you see them. And then 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:17.920 you say, oh, no, that must have been awful, and 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:21.080 it's like, well, maybe just ask right, because maybe it 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:24.520 wasn't that bad. Yeah. I feel like a lot of 0:07:24.520 --> 0:07:27.960 people don't know their bodies enough, and they surely don't 0:07:27.960 --> 0:07:30.520 know the bodies of people that they're having sex with. 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:34.880 So sometimes things can be a little uncomfortable if you're 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:40.240 not really aware of how somebody's body is, how it functions, 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:42.560 how how to get pleasure, you know what I mean? 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:45.600 You're so correct. That's one was left out in my 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:48.880 conversations with my mother will I never heard the word 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:51.280 pleasure come out of her mouth. I never heard none 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:57.400 of that. Yeah. I want to say, once humans can 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:03.600 fix the way that we perceive sex and just anything 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:06.120 that has to do with relating to one another, the 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:09.600 world's going to become a better place. Yeah. I'm so sorry, guys, 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:14.160 I gotta dip. Okay, bag, you have a great show, 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:19.440 go kill it. Thank you. How old is she? She's 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:24.520 always She's so wise and smart. She's like a Buddha, 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:29.400 like wisdom like pouring out of this child. She's old, 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:32.160 she's always been that way. So Gwyn, it's like with 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:35.080 group and everything. I know it's wellness and that's what 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:39.760 I thought that, But I mean, now you're like this 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:46.400 kind of sex goddess. Like what made sex for you 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:50.720 such an important subject? I really do believe that you 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:54.839 can't really talk about women's wellness without talking about her 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:58.360 sexual wellness, and that that's a really important pillar in 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:02.000 overall wellness because so many of us throughout our lives 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:07.360 have experienced some level of disconnection from ourselves because of 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:12.920 trauma or you know, shaming, or from partners. And if 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:15.680 you have a woman who's disconnected from herself or she 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:20.200 feels shame around her sexuality or she's not comfortable in 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:24.880 her sexuality, it's like she's cut off from her truest self. 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:28.559 And sex is so interesting because it's this microcosm for 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:32.040 what's going on holistically in your life. Right, Like, if 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:34.400 you're really honest with yourself and you've really done work 0:09:34.440 --> 0:09:38.679 on yourself generally, you can be really close to yourself 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:41.640 in a sexual way. And if there's a block, you 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:43.720 can say, oh there's a block here, or this doesn't 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:45.520 feel right to me, and I just felt like it 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:49.400 was so fascinating that it's still taboo, you know that 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:53.000 we still even me, like, even though I'm helping facilitate 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:56.560 all of these conversations, I'm still shy to talk about 0:09:56.800 --> 0:10:00.440 my sexual stuff, you know. So it's like, how can 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:04.480 we start to create a conversation where we can just 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:08.280 eliminate shame from women's lives, And there's no better place 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:11.800 to do that than around sex. I think we can't 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:18.720 underestimate how much pain is caused between two people when 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:22.800 they feel that they don't have the language to tell 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:26.240 each other what's wrong, what they like, what they don't like. 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:31.520 Couples unfortunately, fail all the time because the conversation sounds 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:35.520 so threatening. I always tell people, oh, Rodney and Rodney 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:37.760 is my husband, And I say, Rodney and I can 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:44.040 talk about anything, We can talk about any phasing. But 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:50.480 but the conversation about sex is difficult. But doesn't mean 0:10:50.520 --> 0:10:54.200 we're not talking, but it's difficult, and I still feel 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:58.800 very shy about it. I still have shame, I still 0:10:58.800 --> 0:11:03.920 have all of these emotions that make the conversation difficult. 0:11:05.440 --> 0:11:09.600 That has been my struggle my entire life. And I'm 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:13.640 like getting ready to sixty eight. Yeah, gosh, you look good, 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:22.720 doesn't true? Yes, definitely. I know you revealed some of 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:27.600 your own struggles with sex, like you know, communication what 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:30.040 has healed for you? You know? It was the most 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:33.800 striking thing for me was to remember how important it 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:38.240 is for women to speak up for themselves. And we're 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:42.559 not generally conditioned. I mean like Willow and Apple my daughter. 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:46.000 I think they are a different generation, but our generations, 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:51.359 I don't think we're conditioned two really speak up for themselves. 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:54.800 What happens when you don't speak up for yourself. You're 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:58.760 also not accountable, you know what I mean. You're not saying, hey, 0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:01.080 this is my half of this, or this is like 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:04.880 where I feel lacking, or here's my insecurity. Yeah, it's 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:08.080 so important for us to be accountable for our sexual selves. 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:11.520 And if we're uncomfortable or we're not getting what we want, 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:15.800 we have to muster the bravery to say could I 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:19.400 ask you this question? Or like, let's talk about this 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:22.240 right like, because as soon as you make it unthreatening, 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:24.760 then it's easier for couples to have a conversation. Right. 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:27.679 It's not you do something wrong or I don't like 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:30.079 when you do this. It's just like, hey, I've been 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:32.720 too shy to have this conversation with you, Like, is 0:12:32.760 --> 0:12:35.240 it okay if we talk about that. That's a great 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:39.440 way to start the conversation. But you also brought something 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:43.720 up that I think is supremely, supremely important, and that 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:47.880 is the idea of accountability, right right, You know that 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:51.959 that we have to be able to speak up when 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:55.600 things aren't going well, when things are going well, you 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.040 know what I mean. But that level of accountability that 0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:03.200 actually bleed through our entire life. We can be accountable 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:07.440 for our realities, for the quality of our existence, whether 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:09.800 it's in the bedroom, whether it's in the workplace, no 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:12.320 matter where it is. So that is a very very 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:19.280 powerful point. Otherwise we stay in victim right, like someone's 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:24.439 doing something to me for me, and then you don't grow. 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:27.720 I always think like that's the devil's biggest trick is 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:32.959 to like not orient us around accountability and more around victimhood. 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:34.800 Because victimhood you're like, this is my get out of 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:36.679 jail free car. Like I don't need to look at 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:42.319 my that you can cur go right ahead, Okay, sorry, um, 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:45.400 it's they hurt me, they did this to me. I 0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:49.319 cannot be over here and be resentful, yeah, be angry, 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:52.959 and then we don't get anywhere, especially for women. For 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:59.880 us sometimes that's a very difficult subject to talk about. Accountability. Yeah, 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:03.280 so we've read that you're having some of the best 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:10.680 sex these days. Yea, and you're forty nine. Yes, But 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:14.559 I'm an next so it's like, yeah, maybe a little yeah, 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:17.719 I get that. Yeah, I am too kind of how 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:20.520 many only three? We just had our three years? Yeah, 0:14:20.600 --> 0:14:24.880 we just had our fifth. Yeah. Me, on the other hand, 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:34.600 that's amazing, it's incredible. It's hard, I know. I mean 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:36.720 the thing that will and not talk about a lot 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:38.720 is the journey. I mean, we started in this at 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:42.000 a very young age, you know, twenty two years old. 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:46.360 That's why the accountability part really hit from me, because 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:50.680 I think you expect your partner to know, especially when 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.080 it comes to sex. It's like, well, if you love me, 0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:56.000 you should know, you know what I mean, if you 0:14:56.080 --> 0:14:59.200 love me, you should be able to reach your mom, 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:02.040 you know, And that's a huge that's a huge pipe, 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:05.720 you know. Is that here though, It's like someone doesn't 0:15:05.720 --> 0:15:08.640 read your mind and we feel crushed, rushed, like we 0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:11.080 feel so disappointed. Why do we Where do we get 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:14.160 that from? I think because I like that at all, 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:16.640 I guess, or maybe I've just grown out of it. 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:18.640 I think it's like, you've got to tell me what 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:21.680 you what you need, Like I can't read your mind 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:24.880 because I've grown out of it too. Tell me what 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:27.360 you need, tell me what you want. And on top 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:29.720 of it, I know that I have to be accountable 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:33.440 to do the same, and do you. I really try. 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:38.840 It's uncomfortable, but it's deeply healthy. And I think around 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:42.680 sex because it's something that we don't talk about a lot, 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:46.040 and there's so much fantasy around it. Do you know 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:49.760 how confused we are because of porn? And yeah, I 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:54.040 was just talking. Somebody really messed us up in some ways. 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:57.400 I'm supposed to be there for every whim, every pleasure, 0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:00.400 and that the woman's pleasure doesn't matter, it's not even 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:03.480 thought about. No, no, no. And then the other layer, 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:08.120 which I find really disturbing, is that because of the 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:11.520 imagery that comes out and the consciousness comes out around porn, 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:15.640 I feel like girls, young girls are getting the message 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:21.960 that they have to be like that's the number one priority, right. 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:27.120 It's so awful, and it's like it's doing such a disservice. Absolutely, 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:29.000 and it's so weird. I don't know, I feel like 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:30.920 we're living in such a weird time because we're making 0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:33.760 all these incredible advancements and then we're going backwards and 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:38.120 all these other and that really disturbs me that young 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:41.200 girls you can see it on Instagram absolutely what is 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:44.400 this pose? Like why are you? What is that? Right? 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:48.080 And it's because that's what they think is like the 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:52.040 metric of success, right, Like someone wants to know I'm 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:56.280 cursing too much. Okay, I know your daughter is seventeen, 0:16:56.760 --> 0:17:00.400 so speaking of Instagram, like, Kenneth, how do you help 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:07.240 her navigate all of that? It's so interesting to have 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:14.240 been raised myself. How we all were where like there 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:16.920 was an answering machine and like if you went out 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:20.639 for the night, your friends couldn't find you and no Internet. 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:24.360 And now it's like this hyper exposure that they are 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:26.640 dealing with all the time. And I think that they're 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:31.880 wrestling with how much am I exposing myself? Early on, 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:33.480 I thought, my god, how am I going to parent 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:36.320 my way through this? You know? Because also for us, 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:38.960 like we didn't grow up with it. I think they'll 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:43.000 have more context, right, like Willow and Apple, if they 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.880 become mothers, they'll be like, oh, well, this is how 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:49.199 I dealt with it. But now so he went to 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:53.040 Blockbuster and stood in line to check out a video. 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:58.960 My concern is that there's this hyper objectification happening, and 0:17:59.040 --> 0:18:01.960 they're the standards that they're being told, like, this is 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:04.440 the prescription you have to look like this. So all 0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:07.359 I've tried to do is focus on who are the 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:10.239 human beings that I'm raising? What can I do in 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:13.359 the house to counteract as much of this as possible? 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:17.280 How do you raise a girl that feels good about 0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:20.679 who she is? Like? What is the messaging? Like, what 0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:24.600 is the quality of listening with them at the dinner table? 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:28.360 What is the quality of the interaction or the time together? 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:31.720 Like what are those things that you can bring to 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:35.760 your parenting that make them feel like, oh, I'm funny? Like, wow, 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:38.920 I did have a good idea. How do you do it? 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:43.640 I spent a lot of time with them talking and watching. 0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:46.760 I read this quote. I think it was attributed to Banksy, 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:52.080 that artist who said something like you know, I'm going 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:55.360 to paraphrase badly, but this generation of parents like, well, 0:18:55.400 --> 0:18:58.560 do anything for our kids anything, you know, you see 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:02.600 with like the college scandal or you know, removing all 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:06.320 their obstacles, Like we will do anything for our kids 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:10.560 except let them be who they actually are. And I 0:19:10.600 --> 0:19:13.320 read it and I was like I had chills, and 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:17.400 I thought, God, there are aspects of me that think, well, 0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:19.639 you should do it this way because like that worked 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:22.199 for me, or let's avoid this, and so I just 0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:25.280 tried to be really conscious of letting them emerge as 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:28.199 who they are and being loving and supporting. And I 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:30.280 get up all the time, you know, like I say 0:19:30.320 --> 0:19:33.160 the wrong thing, and especially right now because she's seventeen, 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:36.720 she's like everything says, oh my god, it's a change 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:40.800 in nineteen okay, okay, o my god. Um. But now 0:19:40.840 --> 0:19:44.280 that they're young adults, basically it's like how can you 0:19:44.400 --> 0:19:48.920 reinforce valuing each other? So I don't know, it's kind 0:19:48.920 --> 0:19:52.040 of a big experiment, Like I'll see right, like it 0:19:52.200 --> 0:19:55.800 is an experiment. Yeah, it's always so delicate talking about 0:19:55.800 --> 0:19:58.680 how we talk to our kids about sex. But oh 0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:03.159 my god, they thank god they at their elementary school. 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:06.680 Elementary school, by the way, in sixth grade had the 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:14.119 craziest sex said, really, it was incredible, full on everything, 0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:18.880 Like they learned everything. I will never forget apples. When 0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:22.080 she came home and she told them every breath. And 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:24.639 when I say everything, I mean everything. Had she not 0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:37.560 asked you in nothing? Because nothing? No? Really and what 0:20:37.560 --> 0:20:46.280 did this do? And like it's like I love that? Yeah? 0:20:46.440 --> 0:20:48.520 So were good for you? I mean that. Yeah. So 0:20:48.560 --> 0:20:52.600 they kind of broach the subject since then. I don't 0:20:52.640 --> 0:20:55.840 think that kids want to talk to their parents about 0:20:55.840 --> 0:20:59.200 sex that much. I don't know do they. I guess 0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:05.120 I got weird. I make it known like I'm there 0:21:05.280 --> 0:21:07.480 if she wants to talk. Otherwise I just sort of 0:21:07.560 --> 0:21:12.119 leave it. Wow, you got off. You're lucky. What about 0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:14.600 your son's I know it's different for you with with 0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:17.719 with Jayden? How do you talk to your son about sex? 0:21:18.280 --> 0:21:20.840 Or do you? He also had the same sixth grade talks, 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:24.760 and I'm so grateful for that. He's like at a 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:30.200 phase where you know, we're extremely close, and he's also 0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:33.560 like differentiating and he doesn't want me to show a 0:21:33.640 --> 0:21:36.639 bra strap, like let alone have me ask him a 0:21:36.760 --> 0:21:39.200 question about a girl. You know, it's like we are 0:21:39.480 --> 0:21:46.080 off limits, Like don't even you know so I'm just 0:21:46.200 --> 0:21:47.760 you know, but I'm like, I'm here if you ever 0:21:47.800 --> 0:21:50.800 want to talk. Yeah, you know. And I think Dad's 0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:54.760 are really good in that particular area. I think so too. 0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:59.040 My whole thing with my sons was just about respect, consideration. 0:21:59.240 --> 0:22:04.480 That was as a mother, I drilled that to the ground. 0:22:05.119 --> 0:22:09.480 So so important. And it's such a cool opportunity to 0:22:09.640 --> 0:22:14.720 be given to like raise a good man. My son 0:22:14.920 --> 0:22:20.200 is such a sweet, empathetic guy when he leaves the room, 0:22:20.200 --> 0:22:21.840 like if we're sitting at the kitchen table, if he 0:22:21.920 --> 0:22:24.199 leaves the room to go to his room, he kisses 0:22:24.240 --> 0:22:32.920 me goodbye. It's Jaden. He loved mama. Yeah, he's the sweetest. 0:22:33.320 --> 0:22:37.600 She's just so prescire. He's twenty three now, Oh my gosh. 0:22:37.640 --> 0:22:40.639 It's so nice to be able to have such healthy 0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:43.879 relationships with sons. So that's not easy when it's not 0:22:43.960 --> 0:22:46.439 a given. So I'm glad you have one, you know, 0:22:46.640 --> 0:22:51.320 I'm glad you have a sweetie alright. Joining the table. 0:22:51.400 --> 0:22:56.439 A sexual wellness coach and certified erotic educator giant for 0:22:56.520 --> 0:22:59.199 more than twenty years, Jayat has immersed herself in the 0:22:59.240 --> 0:23:02.680 study of turn and on and developed a signature erotic 0:23:02.720 --> 0:23:08.439 blueprints an individualized guy to getting your sexual need met. Oftentimes, 0:23:08.480 --> 0:23:12.520 doubles blueprints their opposites. Here's an energetic touch, here's a 0:23:12.640 --> 0:23:15.560 sensual touch, here's a kinky touch. And she's featured in 0:23:15.680 --> 0:23:23.600 Sex Love and Good Hello, Welcome. Describe what you do well. 0:23:23.680 --> 0:23:26.320 The short answer is I help people have amazing hot 0:23:26.560 --> 0:23:30.600 sex lives. Nice couples come to me because usually there's 0:23:30.600 --> 0:23:32.880 a discrepancy in their sex life. One of them wants 0:23:32.920 --> 0:23:36.080 more sex, one of them wants less sex. Somebody wants 0:23:36.119 --> 0:23:38.800 to do something that the other one doesn't, and they're 0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:41.280 trying to get on the same page. When we were 0:23:41.280 --> 0:23:46.320 trying to pull together experts for these various couples, Jaia 0:23:46.440 --> 0:23:49.159 was the first person and I thought of because she's 0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:53.240 been able to create these kind of templates for our 0:23:53.320 --> 0:23:56.240 different sexual types. Yeah, I think it's vital to know 0:23:56.280 --> 0:23:58.920 what your erotic blueprint is. It's like giving somebody the 0:23:58.920 --> 0:24:01.960 guide book, this is what I like. Here all my desires, 0:24:02.000 --> 0:24:03.640 here's what turns me on, and just to put those 0:24:03.640 --> 0:24:06.679 out on the table. And so the erotic blueprints are 0:24:06.760 --> 0:24:10.840 one step towards that. So the five erotic blueprint types 0:24:10.880 --> 0:24:13.119 start with the energetic, and that's somebody who's turned on 0:24:13.200 --> 0:24:19.600 by anticipation, space, tease. They like longing, yearning, nie contact 0:24:19.640 --> 0:24:25.760 from across the room. Oh okay, the energetic, And then 0:24:25.760 --> 0:24:28.919 the next one is the sensual. The sensual. The sensual 0:24:29.040 --> 0:24:33.560 someone who's turned on by lights, candles, the environment. It's 0:24:33.600 --> 0:24:36.679 all the senses being ignited, Like the energetic likes all 0:24:36.680 --> 0:24:41.760 the space, but essential ones, all the closeness and slow dancing. 0:24:42.320 --> 0:24:44.920 And then there's the sexual. So the sexual is turned 0:24:44.960 --> 0:24:47.359 on by what we think of a sex in our culture. 0:24:47.840 --> 0:24:51.320 I think of penetration or orgasms or nudity, those kinds 0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:53.960 of things that turn us on. And then the fourth 0:24:54.000 --> 0:25:02.520 one is kinky, and so kinky is about the taboo. 0:25:02.880 --> 0:25:06.520 If something feels taboo to you, then it turns you on. 0:25:07.119 --> 0:25:10.159 So it's that edge. And there's psychological kinky, and then 0:25:10.200 --> 0:25:14.320 there's what is an example of psychological So psychological kinkies 0:25:14.440 --> 0:25:16.720 like we want to play with power, or we want 0:25:16.720 --> 0:25:19.439 to role play, so we may want to surrender in 0:25:19.480 --> 0:25:21.840 the bedroom. We might want to give up power, give 0:25:21.920 --> 0:25:25.199 over or somebody be in control in the bedroom, or 0:25:25.320 --> 0:25:28.880 we like playing in fantasy and roles. But it feels like, oh, 0:25:28.920 --> 0:25:33.520 I'm doing something naughty, you know. And then the the 0:25:33.600 --> 0:25:36.800 other aspect is impact aspect, so it's more of a 0:25:36.800 --> 0:25:40.000 sensation aspect, so people who like spanking or people who 0:25:40.119 --> 0:25:44.520 like ropes that intense sensation. And then finally we have 0:25:44.560 --> 0:25:46.840 the shape shifter, and the shape shifter is someone who's 0:25:46.880 --> 0:25:48.639 turned on by all of it. They want all of it, 0:25:48.720 --> 0:25:51.320 they want more, They want all the things, all the time, 0:25:51.400 --> 0:25:57.040 as long as you can possibly have. They love it 0:25:57.080 --> 0:26:00.760 all and they want more of it, all the variety, 0:26:01.080 --> 0:26:03.960 all the different things, all the flavors, the Morgan sport 0:26:04.000 --> 0:26:08.720