WEBVTT - Find Your Path to Success (How-To Monday) 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.840 Ba Fam, we have another how to throw back for you, 0:00:03.960 --> 0:00:06.640 of course we do all month. We're looking back at 0:00:06.640 --> 0:00:10.799 some of our favorite episodes from days past for memorable 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:13.800 guests who unforgettable moments. There's still so much to learn 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:17.000 from the be Avault. Take a listen, will. 0:00:16.840 --> 0:00:25.720 You, hey Va Fam, I can't tell you how excited 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:29.120 I am to introduce today's for this week's guest, she 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:32.000 is someone who I feel like I just don't know. 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:34.320 I'm embarrassed to say that I wasn't familiar with her 0:00:34.320 --> 0:00:36.960 work until more recently. But when I tell you I 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:39.560 am now a super fan, I am now a super fan. 0:00:39.640 --> 0:00:42.600 Her name is Menda Hearts Minda is a workplace and 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:45.800 equity consultant. She's also a best selling and award winning 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:49.480 author of books like The Memo and Write Within, which 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:54.520 both have become just Trevor treasure troves of insights and 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:58.360 strategies and real world tips for women of color struggling 0:00:58.400 --> 0:01:00.480 to find their place in the modern day work. So 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:03.000 you've got to check out Menda's books. However, she's also 0:01:03.040 --> 0:01:04.800 got a brand new book coming out as well that 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:06.640 we're going to talk about, called You Are More Than 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:10.200 Magic for young adults, and that's going to be released 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:12.160 the spring. I think, like, right now it's out. You 0:01:12.200 --> 0:01:14.480 can go buy it right now. You are more than magic. 0:01:14.880 --> 0:01:17.840 Menda is also a professor at NYU Wagner. She has 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:20.920 a frequent guest on MSNBC, and she's been featured all 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:24.399 over the place from ABC to Fast Company, Time Magazine. 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:29.760 She's a sought after speaker for companies like Liberty, Mutual, Nike, Google, 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:32.280 You know, no big deal. She's out there, and in 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:35.840 twenty twenty, she was named the top voice for equity 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:38.759 in the workplace by LinkedIn. You can also check out 0:01:38.760 --> 0:01:43.399 Menda's podcast called Secure the Seat. She is our podcast sister. Yeah, 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:45.760 so definitely head over to menda hearts dot com and 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:48.040 check out all of her incredible work. After the show, 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:50.560 check the show notes. We'll have links to all of 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:53.760 her amazing content where you can find her books. But 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:56.080 for right now, Menda is joining us on Brown Ambition 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:57.400 minda welcome. 0:01:57.880 --> 0:01:59.800 Thank you, Thank you so much for having me. Big 0:01:59.800 --> 0:02:02.120 fans of you and Tiffany, thank you for the work 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:02.560 that you do. 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:05.560 Oh likewise, how long have you been in this space 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:07.160 and why haven't I heard of you? This is my 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:09.760 I know it's my fault, but I want to know 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:12.360 all about how I know people who are usually in 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:14.520 your space have fascinating stories, and I want to hear 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:17.480 sort of like your origin story of how you became 0:02:17.880 --> 0:02:20.560 someone who is now getting hired by the likes of 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:23.160 Google and Nike to hopefully come in and help them 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:28.760 fix and better retain and develop and grow women of 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:29.760 color talent. 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:34.000 Yeah, well, well, thank you for highlighting my work, because, 0:02:34.160 --> 0:02:37.040 like you said, everybody may not have read the memo, 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:39.800 they may not know it right, and sometimes as black 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:43.359 women and brown women are were erased in different spaces. 0:02:43.400 --> 0:02:46.519 So it's podcasts like yours, it's us amplifying each other 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:48.560 so that people know that this work exists, so we 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:51.680 don't have to suffer in silence. But it really the 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:55.040 work that I started doing. I started back in twenty 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:58.480 fifteen when it wasn't as popular to talk about, you know, 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:02.080 how black women and brown women we're experiencing the workplace. 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:05.120 And it was shortly after I had read Cheryl Sandberg's 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.720 book Lean In that I thought, wow, you know, there's 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:09.920 some great advice in this book, but it's not talking 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:13.320 to me. It's not talking about the experiences that I'm having, 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:16.400 and so I really just thought about, well, what about 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:18.720 women in the workplace and why aren't we talking about 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:20.840 all women? Why are we just talking about women in 0:03:20.919 --> 0:03:24.280 dominant majority? And so I really just set out to say, 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:27.240 let me start creating content around some of the pain 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:30.640 points that we experience. And I started doing that by 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:35.400 a blog in twenty fifteen, and then eventually started doing 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:38.520 these career boot camps in New York City around black 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:41.440 and brown women how to negotiate stuff like that, and 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:44.840 then eventually the books came. But it really my origin 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:49.640 story was sitting in my car Mandy crying after fifteen 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:52.320 years of being in corporate America and saying, is this 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:55.080 what my life is like? Is this what I have 0:03:55.160 --> 0:03:57.680 to do to survive in the workplace? And I wanted 0:03:57.720 --> 0:03:59.600 to make the workplace better than I found it. And 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:01.800 that's exactly what I've been trying to do. 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:04.680 Wow. Yeah, So I mean twenty fifteen that's when we 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:07.000 launched Brown Ambition, And I love the idea that we 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:09.920 were like and obviously Tipicans I hear, but she's always 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:11.880 here in spirit. Yeah. I love the idea that that 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:14.520 the memo was taking off and Broad Ambition was taking off, 0:04:14.560 --> 0:04:17.080 and you know what's incredible. I know you mentioned until 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:19.599 more recently maybe it wasn't as popular to talk about 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:21.800 being black women and women of color in corporate America. 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:25.279 But I've never been so proud of the work that 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:28.119 we did back when in twenty fifteen, when it wasn't 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:31.120 you know, as popular, when the all the media attention 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:33.440 wasn't there and we weren't on all the lists and stuff, 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:36.880 because it was like we set the groundwork and planted 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:39.920 those seeds. Tiffany always uses that analogy of planting seeds 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:45.200 so that when like, I feel like your phone must 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:48.320 have been ringing off the proverbial hook, you know, after 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:50.520 the summer of twenty twenty, it seems like a lot 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:52.960 of because there's so few of us. It's like, okay, 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:55.159 who's a person of color and who can talk about 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:58.680 the workplace and about women and okay, men to heart's done, 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:01.440 you know what I mean? And like who's podcasting about it? 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:04.400 Brian Ambishon and like two other people, right, So I 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:07.320 mean it must feel How does that feel? How does 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:10.880 it feel to now have like all this attention and 0:05:11.080 --> 0:05:13.920 do you feel like, okay, like I've laid the groummar 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:17.039 for this. I'm ready for this moment to capitalize, for 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:20.280 lack of a better word, on this newfound interest. 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:23.400 Yeah, it's you know, Mandy, it's bittersweet, right. 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:28.120 And my life did change a lot after the unfortunate 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:31.560 death of George Floyd, because to your point, when companies 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:33.040 were starting to scramble and like. 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:34.800 What are we going to do? They're like, who's out 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:35.600 there doing this? 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:39.680 Right? And when the old saying is if you stay ready, 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:41.880 you don't have to get ready. I was already doing 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:44.279 this work, and it was I had the memo had 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:49.440 came out six or months or eight months before George Floyd, 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:51.520 somewhere around that time period, and so it was just 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:56.279 like the perfect culmination of Yes, I've been talking about this, 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:57.560 and let's dig in more. 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:00.520 Now let's move to some demonstration and not just talk. 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:02.359 And so things change, you know. 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:05.320 I remember coming off the road in February of twenty 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:07.840 twenty doing my last in person speaking engagement, and I 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:09.600 didn't know what life was going to be like once 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:11.960 COVID had kind of shut things down. I was living 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:15.360 in New York City and then all of a sudden 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:18.200 things were a little slow, and then just the calls 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:22.359 were coming, and I've been you know, busy ever since 0:06:22.760 --> 0:06:25.440 in a way. But what I'm happy about is we 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:27.800 finally get to center black and brown women in the 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:30.159 career narrative the way that it should have been centered 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:32.320 all along. Right, So, now that I do have the 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:35.840 microphone in many spaces, I make no apologies for it 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:38.000 because I'm like, this is what needs to be said, 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:39.359 this is what we're going to do. And if there 0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:42.440 are women who haven't yet found their voices in the workplace, 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:45.720 I hope that our stories will inspire them to activate 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:48.000 their voice. Because we all have a voice, we just 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:49.920 have to decide how we want to use it. 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:52.560 It's such crazy timing and like serendipitous timing that your 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:55.840 book had come out right before the pandemic and the 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:57.800 murders of George, Floyd Brown and Taylor and the list 0:06:57.839 --> 0:07:02.400 goes on tragically. Talk to me about your book, I mean, 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:05.040 having come out before the pandemic, was is there anything 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:06.760 you would have written differently or if you could add 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:09.840 a chapter today, what would you imagine adding to the 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:12.280 book now, having now come on the other side of 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:13.040 this pandemic. 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:18.120 Yeah, you know, it's interesting because before the George Floyd murder. 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:20.120 Companies would they'd be like, well, what are you going 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:22.560 to say first? You know, give me a script, like 0:07:22.600 --> 0:07:25.559 we you know, racism doesn't exist here, our black women 0:07:25.600 --> 0:07:28.960 are thriving. They never tell us anything. Differently, I'm like, okay, 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:31.400 but do they feel safe enough to tell you how 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.240 they're really feeling. That's a different question, just because they 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:36.960 haven't said anything. And so for me, it was very 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:39.000 much kind of this push and pull. And then once 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:42.680 that situation happened in twenty twenty, then companies who were 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:45.440 like fraid to have a conversation or buy the books 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:47.920 for their ergs were like, wait, come on in, come 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.160 talk about it, talk about it at its full extent. 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:53.320 And so I was like, okay, now that you're ready 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:55.320 to talk about it, we all should be ready to 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:57.520 talk about it too, right, And it was just this 0:07:57.600 --> 0:08:01.480 weird kind of juxtaposition. And so for me, it was 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:04.000 again saying, what is the main thing? Has always been 0:08:04.000 --> 0:08:07.400 the main thing centering black and brown women in the workplace, 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:10.480 And so I just doubled down even more on the 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:14.960 content and it actually allowed me to write two more books. 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:17.720 I wrote Write Within and You Are More Than Magic, 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:21.200 during twenty twenty and then they came out in twenty 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:24.600 twenty one, in twenty twenty two, But those were an 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:27.360 extension of the memo because I thought about, Okay, what 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:29.760 are the roles rules to engagement? 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:30.000 Right? 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.679 What are the office politics? How do you build your network? 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:35.160 All of the different things. You're not going crazy. I 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:38.439 want the memo to affirm you. But really the extension 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:42.319 of the memo was within to say, you've been exposed 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:45.760 to all of these racial experiences. You may not understand 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:47.959 how much it's harmed you, but you can be free 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:49.719 of that right because we want you to be your 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:51.480 healthiest life. You're not going to be able to be 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:54.760 authentic and do the office politics if you haven't actually 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:58.000 tapped into what's going on and how you're feeling about 0:08:58.000 --> 0:08:59.240 the environments that you're in. 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:01.240 That's part of what you can control. 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:04.480 And so for me, I often thought about the memo 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:06.000 what I'd add, But I'm like, you know what the 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:09.240 extra chapter is right within the act secure chapter is 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:10.280 you were more than magic? 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:13.520 Okay. I didn't realize the right within came out after 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:15.439 the memo, So you just like, don't sleep. 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:19.240 I guess there's a little bags under my eyes. 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:23.120 Yeah, I mean that's still like two books in two years, 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:25.880 my goodness. So okay, talk about the right within? So 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:28.960 what's the take on that? Is that more, here's actual 0:09:29.120 --> 0:09:33.600 actionable strategies on sort of like how to survive. You know, 0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:36.000 now that we kind of all know what the issues are, now, 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:38.840 here's how to survive and thrive right within. 0:09:39.240 --> 0:09:41.839 I took it from Lauren Hill's how You're Gonna win 0:09:41.880 --> 0:09:44.520 if you ain't right within? And I thought about, what 0:09:44.600 --> 0:09:47.360 are the things that So for example, when I was 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:49.800 in my former life, I spent fifteen years in my 0:09:49.920 --> 0:09:51.960 industry and there wasn't a day I didn't go to 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:54.440 work while I wasn't racially aggressed in some way, shape 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:57.080 or form, macro or micro. But I had started to 0:09:57.160 --> 0:10:00.640 normalize the behavior, right, So when someone would say, oh, 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:02.640 the black girl or this or that, any kind of 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:05.480 derogatory type of experiences, I'd be like, Oh, I guess 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:08.160 that's just Scott being Scott today, right, So I just 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:10.520 learned to sweep it under the rug. And I didn't 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:13.840 realize how damaging that was to me in my life, 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:16.280 how I saw myself, my worth. And then you think 0:10:16.320 --> 0:10:18.080 about the people you go home to or that you 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.560 engage with that love you. They're not getting the most 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:23.760 healthiest pieces of you yourself, because you've been in this 0:10:23.880 --> 0:10:26.920 harm this fight or flight survival mode. And I really 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:29.520 wanted black and brown women to think about what freedom 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:32.920 looks like, freedom from being the angry black woman, the 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:37.480 feisty latina, the docile agent, like we can't control being free, 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:41.200 no longer confined by those things, and so right within 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:44.960 was the inner work. And I talked about how I 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:47.720 had experienced so much racial aggression in the workplace that 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:51.400 I started to get panic attacks and depression, and how 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:55.559 I sought to find healing. I invite women to heal 0:10:55.800 --> 0:10:59.040 from those experiences so we don't take them with us. 0:10:59.440 --> 0:10:59.640 Yeah. 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:04.480 I think the hardest thing about the twenty twenty, just 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:07.240 twenty twenty in general, and the pandemic and everything was 0:11:07.880 --> 0:11:10.760 not was sort of having to confront all of that 0:11:11.200 --> 0:11:13.800 and to acknowledge sort of what you had been through. 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:18.360 And I mean, your experience sounds truly horrendous. I felt 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:20.440 like I had the fortune of working at companies that 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:23.360 were a little bit better than most. It seems like 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:27.760 at at least not you know, egregiously, it wasn't like 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:30.720 a lot of egregious racism. But then even for me, 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.880 I think there's like the reflection time and what did 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:35.719 you go through and kind of acknowledging it that can 0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:38.880 be really painful and that can make you, like you 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.960 mentioned earlier, these companies now want us, Oh, we're gonna 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:44.040 we want to hear about it. Now, talk to us. 0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:47.280 We're ready to acknowledge it. But for me, it's like, 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:49.679 but are we are we ready to talk about it 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:50.240 black women? 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:50.520 You know? 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:52.320 And do we have to do it on your time? 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:53.040 Yeah? 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:58.480 That part you're ready, But like, this is traumatic and 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:01.320 painful and not in ancess necessarily something that even we've 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:05.800 confronted internally, you know. So for those of us who've 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:07.760 maybe and it's been you know, I'm not saying that 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:11.400 everyone had those points of reflection and came to their 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:14.360 aha moment in twenty twenty. Maybe you've been working on 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:16.040 it since then, but it's been a couple of years. 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:18.240 So I mean, what kind of advice do you have 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:21.079 for those of us who now have acknowledged it and 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:23.520 it may feel like we want to start healing. What 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:25.480 can work? What can help? 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:28.000 Yeah, you know, one of the things that I hear 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:30.400 from a lot of readers or write within is that 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:33.080 they didn't even realize they needed to heal because they 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:36.040 had normalized all of the experiences be it. You know, 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:38.719 we've all been to the doctor and the doctor will say, 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:40.599 where's your pain point? Is it a ten or is 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:43.440 it a one? You know, and we all have those experiences, 0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:46.440 But if you only have experienced a three in the workplace, 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:50.800 those threes add up, and it's painful, right being mistaken 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:53.920 for the other black women every day, or someone not 0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:56.199 giving you an opportunity to use your voice, or being 0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:59.560 overlooked for the promotion, all of that is painful, and 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:03.040 we often and know the reasons why it's that way, right, 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:05.280 But what do we tell ourselves? You know, just work hard, 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:07.040 just keep your head down. This is what it's like 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.200 for black and brown women in the workplace. But we 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:13.640 don't have to pass on those old tools of survival anymore, right. 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:16.320 We want the next generation and our current generations to 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:18.959 have the tools they need to thrive and not just survive. 0:13:19.040 --> 0:13:21.640 But we first have to acknowledge that harm has been caused. 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:24.160 And so one of the things that right within is 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.400 a little bit different than the memo is that I 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:29.320 provide a lot of different frameworks for when you're One 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:32.360 thing I call Mandy healing while in hell, because not 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:35.199 all of us are able to leave where we are 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:38.240 right now. We can't just quit, But how do we 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:41.000 still focus on the things that we can control? 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:41.439 Right? 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:44.960 But first of all, the number one point is acknowledgement. 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:48.120 You can't heal from what you're not willing to confront. 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:50.480 And I think for some of us, we never even 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:53.520 called it racism because it was never even safe to 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:56.160 call it that in the workplace, right even to utter 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:57.600 that something was racist. 0:13:57.679 --> 0:13:58.760 Up until two years ago. 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:02.160 We you know, it's dominant culture in the workplace will say, 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:04.520 don't play the race card, don't make it about race. 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:06.760 And then after George Floyd, let's make. 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:08.400 It about race. Let's talk about all the things. 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:11.480 So it's these weird things, and as you know, black 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:14.240 and brown people, people of color, we just it's a 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:17.719 very jarring to be in this situation. We're trying to 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:19.480 figure out what all this means for us. And so 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:22.320 right within is that soft place for black and brown 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:24.840 women to land. We just need that space to be 0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:26.840 able to land, to be able to be thoughtful I 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.320 even talk about therapy and how that was a very 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:32.160 big part of my healing and still part of my maintenance. 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:34.160 Okay, ba fan, We're going to take a quick break 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:36.520 and be back with more of my conversation with the 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:41.560 incredible men to Hearts. All right, we are back. Here's 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:44.360 more of my conversation with Menda Hearts. So you talk 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:47.000 about therapy, and I think one of the things that 0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:50.200 is important in healing too, of course, is talking to 0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:53.640 experts and finding the right therapist, and that's also a 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:54.960 journey in and of itself. 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:55.280 You know. 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:57.280 One of the things that I found was I didn't 0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:00.520 realize I had kind of reached my patience limit for 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:03.760 talking about race issues at work and women and how 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:07.080 companies could how my company in particular could be doing better, 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:09.320 because I had been talking about it and I was 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:11.880 like kind of like resentful about it when it was 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:13.400 a summer of twenty twenty and I was like, you 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:15.520 know what, y'all deal with this, And then within the 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:17.960 next eight months, I was gone. But for women who 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:20.840 are at work and maybe they've got some energy or 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:24.080 they feel like, Okay, maybe I'm ready to talk about it, 0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:27.680 how do we make it? How do we protect ourselves, 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:31.440 you know, if you want to spend time, whether it's 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:34.480 you know, doing the town halls or talking to your 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:37.080 managers or trying to make things better, like you said, 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:40.560 for the generation to come in the workplace, how do 0:15:40.600 --> 0:15:43.840 we protect ourselves in the workplace? And even if we're 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:45.880 ready to talk about it in the company says they're 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:47.840 ready to talk about is there anything we should be 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.040 you know, weary of or just kind of be watching 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:51.880 our backs a little bit? 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:52.320 You know. 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:55.880 I think that the one thing that I always say 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:58.920 is that we have options. And I think sometimes as 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:01.120 black and brow women, we feel we don't have options, 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:02.920 that we just kind of have to go with status quo. 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:05.680 And I think now we're at a position where we 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:08.600 can say what we mean without saying it mean. So 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:11.000 what I mean by that is, if we do want 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:15.280 to engage in race, class, gender, whatever the case may be, 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:18.120 whatever intersection, we can decide that that's what we want 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:19.960 to do. But if we feel like we want to 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:23.680 tap out, we don't want that, Let the DEI person 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:26.120 or somebody else handle that. I'm going to be over 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:28.000 here doing my work and doing my own healing. 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:30.400 Then we also should give our self space to do 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:31.000 that as well. 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:33.800 One of the things that right within in the dedication, 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:36.160 it says to black women who were told they had 0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:39.240 to be strong for everybody but themselves, it's time that 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:42.600 we no longer have to center everybody else's experiences if 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:45.040 that's not congruent with what we want. And I think 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:48.920 we can create the boundaries. Part of healing, in my opinion, 0:16:49.080 --> 0:16:52.880 is creating boundaries with people. So letting people know what 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:54.640 good like good looks like to us. 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:55.720 So if we don't feel. 0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:58.280 Comfortable engaging, we can use language like, you know, I 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:01.080 don't feel like this is a psychological safe environment for 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:04.159 me to have this conversation right now, but when I'm ready, 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:06.399 I'll be happy to let you know that, right And 0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:09.199 I think again, a lot of our colleagues, Mandy, they 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:12.560 will tell us in a heartbeat what's working for them, 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:15.600 what they don't like, the copy papers out, there's no 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:18.600 more filters for the coffee maker, you know, like they 0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:21.159 have no problems saying what they want to us. And 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:24.200 I feel like it's time for us to recenter and say, 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:25.840 you know what, here's what works for me and what 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:28.159 doesn't because no one's going to know that if we 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:30.439 don't let them know what good looks like to us, 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:32.960 and that is creating those boundaries. And so I talk 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:35.800 about drawing your line in the sand, letting people know 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:38.160 what's comfortable. And if you're not able to do that, 0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:41.760 who's your squad? And the memo I talk about your squad? 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:44.720 Who are those people that you trust inside the workplace 0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:47.400 that maybe you have the conversation with them and they 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:50.679 can have different conversations. So just knowing again that there 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:54.760 are various ways and resources that we can utilize that time. 0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:57.080 But we don't have to feel guilt or shame or 0:17:57.320 --> 0:18:02.760 a responsibility to be somebody's teacher and give them the homework, right, Like, 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:06.520 we can really now start to center ourselves and figure 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:08.639 out what healthy looks like for us. And if healthy 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:11.400 is not engaging, then that's not on the job description. 0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:13.119 I don't think any of us were hired. Many of 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:16.160 us were not hired to be the educators of all 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:19.119 things related in the workplace. Now, if you want to 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:22.159 cut the check and this is an additional job role, 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:23.679 then that's a different kind of conversation. 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.520 Yeah. For me, I think it was also just realizing 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:31.360 that even if there was good intentions you know, on 0:18:31.480 --> 0:18:34.959 the employer's part or people in the workplace's part. It 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:39.600 was that sense of am I just the person who 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:42.760 makes you feel comfortable enough to talk about this, Like 0:18:43.480 --> 0:18:45.439 am I that you know people say they have one 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:48.120