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Speaker 1: What's up? Everybody?

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Speaker 2: Welcome to ADULTA. I'm gonna shell you tell us Jordan Carlos,

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Speaker 2: do you know what the fuck it is?

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Speaker 1: It's a Wednesday? There's a show out? Is it a Wednesday?

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Speaker 1: I don't even know. Oh my gosh, what space or time?

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Speaker 1: It's a construckt.

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Speaker 3: It's not Wednesday.

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Speaker 1: I'm put you on our episodes drop on a Wednesday.

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Speaker 4: Yes, okay, fine, I that you meant. When we're recording it,

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Speaker 4: I was like, Michelle, what's going on?

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Speaker 2: Oh god, this is what it's like being friends with

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Speaker 2: someone who's so left brain.

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Speaker 1: It's like, that does not make sense. That is not

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Speaker 1: the truth. Why would you say something that's not true?

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Speaker 1: This is a Friday.

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Speaker 3: Do you know what my favorite book was?

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Speaker 1: And when I was a kid, Oh boy, can't wait

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Speaker 1: to hear.

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Speaker 3: A million Badilia. I was like, finally someone who gets me.

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Speaker 3: You remember?

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Speaker 1: A million Badilla would just do everything.

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Speaker 4: Literally, they'd be like a million Badilia, trim the turkey, whatever,

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Speaker 4: and she would just like.

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Speaker 3: Cut it in half.

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Speaker 1: She was the best.

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Speaker 4: I loved a million Badillia. Dust the carpets. She'd add

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Speaker 4: dust to the carpets. I was a literal child. Okay,

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Speaker 4: and I had to learn that people.

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Speaker 1: Were you were a literal adult.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I know. I am a literal adult.

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Speaker 1: You can something wrong with it, there's nothing wrong. You

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Speaker 1: should go to Holland because they would love.

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Speaker 2: Me not so much, right, brain coloring outside the lines

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Speaker 2: tell a story different every time. Sarcastic? What sarcasm? Why

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Speaker 2: would you say if it wasn't true?

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Speaker 5: I y.

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Speaker 3: Proper.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that's all I have to say.

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Speaker 2: Okay, oh my goodness, it's giving mercury is in retrograde

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Speaker 2: just for this one episode. I am so proud of

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Speaker 2: myself in life that I can afford a cleaning person.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: You know, when my mom first came to this country,

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Speaker 2: cleaned apartments for money, and so you.

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Speaker 1: Know, I always recognize that.

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Speaker 2: This might be a job to get you somewhere else,

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Speaker 2: or this is like putting through you or someone else

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Speaker 2: through school, or whatever the fuck it is. And I'm

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Speaker 2: not even like a type A personality. But why are

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Speaker 2: we not hitting the corners?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? That part?

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Speaker 1: Why are we not hitting the corners? Sure? You know

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Speaker 1: what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Like, I go to a restaurant to pay for food

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Speaker 2: that I don't know how to cook. Show me something

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Speaker 2: that I don't do do you.

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Speaker 1: Know what I mean? You see where I'm going in.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna see a hairdress though, So you do something

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Speaker 1: I can't do right?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: If I'm paying you for something doing better than me,

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Speaker 2: Like it took me a while to make this money,

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Speaker 2: you know this is my money?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Can you just hit the corners? You gotta move a

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Speaker 1: chair sometimes to get the spot, move it bag? But like,

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Speaker 1: how do I say that?

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Speaker 3: I mean, here's the thing.

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Speaker 4: Oh, is there a charm offensive kind of element to

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Speaker 4: this where it's like the person cleaning your house? It's

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Speaker 4: also very charming, right, So it's like I can't really

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Speaker 4: be the bad guy with them if they're that charming.

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Speaker 1: I mean, can I be an asshole and be like

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Speaker 1: I'm the charming one?

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Speaker 6: Lol?

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Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying, Like, Yeah, what's stopping you from saying?

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Speaker 4: Next time, hit the corners?

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Speaker 1: Okay? Two things?

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Speaker 2: One, I forgot both of them, so give me a minute.

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Speaker 2: One I feel like, why do I even have to

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Speaker 2: bring it up?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 1: Should I just find someone that's going to hit the corners?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, of course you should find someone that's going to

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Speaker 3: hit the corners.

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Speaker 2: Two, you hit the corners before but now you ain't

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Speaker 2: hitting the corners, So why are you comfortable?

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Speaker 1: Isn't me? Am I making people too comfortable? Too nice?

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Speaker 3: This sounds like a bad relationship.

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Speaker 1: Well this is where I go sometimes.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, so what happens when you're so what happens

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Speaker 2: when you're an overthinker?

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Speaker 3: Truly?

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Speaker 4: I mean, listen, you know that you are a good person,

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Speaker 4: but you also deserve the best level of service possible,

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Speaker 4: you know.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes you want to wait for people to finish

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Speaker 2: to see what their thing is. Like I've seen people

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Speaker 2: get a haircut and they're like micromanaging the hairdresser is like,

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Speaker 2: let them just do what they're gonna do and look

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Speaker 2: at the end result. M yeah, maybe she'll get the

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Speaker 2: corners at the last minute, because.

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Speaker 1: Because the dust is still moving around, the dust is

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Speaker 1: still you know what I mean.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's sometimes when there is a line right,

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Speaker 4: when someone's bent over, like cleaning your house, and then

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Speaker 4: you notice something that's like, you know, not right, and

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Speaker 4: you're like you missed a spot.

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Speaker 3: You know, Yeah, I understand. I get that.

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Speaker 2: This is why I can send food back at a

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Speaker 2: restaurant because I don't know the chef.

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Speaker 1: But if I had like a chef in my house,

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Speaker 1: I'd be like, well, this is your vision.

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Speaker 3: Mm hmmmmm.

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Speaker 1: It's hard when you know the person.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but I said a three egg omelet, you know,

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Speaker 3: so like shady boots. Can you imagine me with a

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Speaker 3: personal chef.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, look look, I'm gonna let you finish,

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Speaker 2: but get it. There was an omelet joke and a

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Speaker 2: Kanye West joke. Thank you so much everyone. Yes, I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna let you finish. Oh no, I got it.

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Speaker 1: I got it.

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Speaker 3: And the eating I'm gonna let you finish. I liked it.

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Speaker 3: That was good.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, I'm sorry you guys have to listen to this.

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Speaker 4: Here's what you gotta do with this with this person though,

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Speaker 4: Like sometimes yes, you know, I give myself a break.

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Speaker 4: Like we were at a restaurant in upstate New York

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Speaker 4: because of course, and we're in the Hudson Valley, and

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Speaker 4: something happened where we were waiting and waiting and waiting

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Speaker 4: on our meal so long. I was like, ray, he

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Speaker 4: says that, you know, and then it was just not

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Speaker 4: the case. The staff was like overwhelmed because people from

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Speaker 4: up state New York, like the second New Yorkers arrived.

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Speaker 3: We overwhelmed the crap out of them.

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Speaker 1: M hmm.

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Speaker 4: And like at the end of the meal, which came

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Speaker 4: kind of late, I said, Elena, I got to talk

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Speaker 4: to the manager. Lena's my wife. We got to talk

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Speaker 4: to the manager. She's like, do not make trouble. Please,

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Speaker 4: don't make trouble. If you think I don't like to

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Speaker 4: make trouble. If you think I don't like to make trouble,

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Speaker 4: I'm married to another Aquarius. She's like, don't make trouble.

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Speaker 4: So I've learned this. This is what I did though

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Speaker 4: the wait person and came back. I said, listen, I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna be a bad guy for a second. I need

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Speaker 4: to ask to talk to your manager. That helped me,

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Speaker 4: you see what I'm saying, because usually I feel the

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Speaker 4: pressure not to rock the boat.

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Speaker 3: I had to make a corny, little corny joke.

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Speaker 4: It's fine, but it helps me get through it where

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Speaker 4: I'm like, I have to be a bad guy for

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Speaker 4: a second and talk to your manager because I need

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Speaker 4: to talk to the manager.

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Speaker 5: Hm.

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Speaker 4: Talked to the manager. I was like, hey, this that

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Speaker 4: and the third we waited this long. He said, so sorry.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, we love this place. We recommend this place

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Speaker 4: all the time. Guy says, I'll take care of it.

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Speaker 4: He knocks like about thirty percent off our bill. So

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Speaker 4: in the end, I felt good about that. My partner

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Speaker 4: felt good about it. You know who else, the manager

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Speaker 4: felt good about it because he made good on it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but you don't know him, and so it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's easier to have that sort of exchange, you know that,

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Speaker 2: like responsible confrontation, you know, when someone's not in your home.

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Speaker 4: It's true, but we do go there a lot. That's

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Speaker 4: our number one spot to go to when we're upstate.

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Speaker 4: I didn't want that to end, do you see what

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Speaker 4: I'm say. I wanted to come back again and again

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Speaker 4: and again. Like if you leave it a mess, you

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Speaker 4: curdle my cream, then I'm gonna go.

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Speaker 2: You know, I appreciate you. This hasn't helped, but you guys,

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Speaker 2: we have a great show.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying. I'm just saying, I know, I know

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Speaker 1: what you're saying.

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Speaker 2: Like you know, I do think a part of being

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Speaker 2: an adult is learning how to ask for what you want.

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Speaker 2: Whether it's in a restaurant, whether it's in your home,

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Speaker 2: whether it's at a job. It is a weird place

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Speaker 2: for someone like me who people in my family are

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Speaker 2: the cleaning people to like, I'm a cleaning person, and

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Speaker 2: it's just like how does that look? So you know,

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Speaker 2: I'll figure it out.

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Speaker 1: Lol.

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Speaker 2: I get the corners when she leaves, but I need

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Speaker 2: someone to help me, you know what I mean. I'm

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Speaker 2: also like bigger picture and this is like me doing me,

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Speaker 2: like so thankful that I can have somebody come and

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Speaker 2: help me clean because these kids, these dogs.

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Speaker 1: It's a lot. Yeah, but get the fucking corners.

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Speaker 2: Okay, and this is the name of the episode, Get

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Speaker 2: your fucking corners. Yeah, I'm so excited about it, I guess.

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Speaker 4: Yes, we are interviewing Rockheil Willis, who has written a

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Speaker 4: new book, The Risk It Takes to Bloom, which I

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Speaker 4: can't wait to read, and we're gonna chop it up

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Speaker 4: with her right now, y'all.

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Speaker 7: Yay, Hi everyone, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Hi, Raquel, what's finally?

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Speaker 2: So excited fucking finally, Miquel, fucking finally.

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Speaker 6: I know. I was just like gushing about you to

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Speaker 6: my sister.

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Speaker 5: I was like, yeah, we like got to hang out

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Speaker 5: a little bit at the Glamour Awards.

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Speaker 6: And like it with the whole thing.

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Speaker 1: Oh, that's so nice. Tell Sis, I said, Hi, do

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Speaker 1: you even remember that? Of course? You know what? It

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Speaker 1: was very it was very funny.

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Speaker 2: I really did appreciate you because so we went to

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Speaker 2: the Glamour Women Women of the Year and I hosted it,

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Speaker 2: but like I just dropped and did some comedy that

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Speaker 2: nobody wanted to listen to.

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Speaker 1: I think it was like you Tarashu be Hensy, Mary J.

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Speaker 2: Blige, like y'all laughed and then like everybody else was

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Speaker 2: just talking or looking on their phone. And one thing

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Speaker 2: people don't know about me is that I have a

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Speaker 2: little bit of a social anxiety. Yeah, and so when

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Speaker 2: we went to the after party, I was like, this

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Speaker 2: is not for me, Like I prefer a one on

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Speaker 2: one and you were so sweet and came over and

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Speaker 2: You're like, what's up, and I'm like, you know, I'm

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Speaker 2: just like smiling through like the appetizers.

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Speaker 1: I'm like anxiety.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, but yeah, you and.

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Speaker 2: Gina couldn't have been like just more cool and more dope.

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Speaker 2: And then my favorite part about that evening wasn't even

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Speaker 2: meeting Brooks Shields. It's when Beyonce came on and we

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Speaker 2: both looked at each other like are we supposed to

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Speaker 2: be voking.

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Speaker 5: Right right, and I felt like a failure to my

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Speaker 5: community because I'm a black trans woman who can't vote.

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Speaker 1: So oh look same.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not a black transfoman, but I wish

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Speaker 2: I could do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Right? And I love it.

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Speaker 2: We just stood on the sidelines like that's a that's

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Speaker 2: a good move, baby.

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Speaker 5: And all these non black people was coming through with

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Speaker 5: the dips and duck walks, honey.

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Speaker 1: Ooh, taking all the fish oil. There's some good ass knees.

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Speaker 3: I was like, fuck, it sounds like a great party.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So y'all were just on the side, like judging, but

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Speaker 4: kind judges.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know it's it's definitely the wallflower that can

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Speaker 2: two step.

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Speaker 1: That's what.

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Speaker 2: That's what's giving because I don't really do parties like

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Speaker 2: that anymore.

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Speaker 1: Do you go out? I do? Okay?

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Speaker 3: Kind of Wow, that was very furtive.

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Speaker 6: Not enough. I want to go out more.

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Speaker 5: I feel like I'm Stella and I need to get

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Speaker 5: my groove back. This year got you so like, I

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Speaker 5: want to be out there. I want to be meeting

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Speaker 5: fine folks. And yes, I need more dates in my life.

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Speaker 5: I did a good amount of dating last year, but

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Speaker 5: I want to do more this experience the vibes, you know.

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Speaker 2: I mean, is it a basic bitch question if I ask, like,

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Speaker 2: what's it like dating as a beautiful like smart fly

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Speaker 2: black trans women? Are people like overwhelmed or do you

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Speaker 2: have to like walk them through shit?

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Speaker 5: Oh?

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Speaker 6: A lot of overwhelmed, I feel like.

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Speaker 2: And this is why for a lot of reasons, I

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Speaker 2: will name names, Ricky Travas, Dave Chappelle, just a lot

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Speaker 2: of people acting like, you know, black trans women are

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Speaker 2: like trying to like fucking give you a aha surprise,

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Speaker 2: Like no, bitch, Like, We're all just at the end

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Speaker 2: of the day, beautiful souls walking this earth, trying to

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Speaker 2: find love and some fucking fun.

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Speaker 1: And so I'm just like, how's it go? Well?

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Speaker 5: You know, It's like I feel like I have a

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Speaker 5: responsibility on my dates for them to be smooth, and

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Speaker 5: I wish I didn't have this responsibility. But if they

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Speaker 5: don't go smooth, then we might have some more motherfuckers

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Speaker 5: out here, like Dave and Ricky right who we're jilted

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Speaker 5: and coming after the girls. But what is dating like?

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Speaker 5: I mean, it's it depends on who I'm with. Of course,

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Speaker 5: if I'm out with, like you know, a queer trans

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Speaker 5: person generally, like those are the best dates. And also

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Speaker 5: it can be a little awkward in community because there's

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Speaker 5: this bit of like visibility.

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Speaker 6: Machine on me.

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Speaker 5: So people can be a bit fan girly and so

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Speaker 5: or fan personally and I have to be able to

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Speaker 5: kind of weed them out because that energy is not

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Speaker 5: sexy to me, honey, Like, yeah, I get that, I'm

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Speaker 5: a boss bitch, but like I need you to come

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Speaker 5: with like some confidence, bring something I need, like the

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Speaker 5: swag on point and some of these motherfuckers be folded

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Speaker 5: and that's not sexy to me.

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Speaker 6: So that's a thing.

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Speaker 4: So bring your book to like, get an autograph, just

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Speaker 4: stop a hardcover that's fun. Hard cover. Okay, that's fun.

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Speaker 6: That has not happened yet, but if that happened.

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, I don't know. What do you think about paying?

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Speaker 2: Like who's because I want to tell you she is

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Speaker 2: out of the game. Even when I was in the game,

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Speaker 2: I was like, I can hold my own door. Let

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Speaker 2: me pay for it, because I don't want you to

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Speaker 2: think I need to fucking make out with you because

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Speaker 2: you pay for this terrible appetizer. Right, I was like

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Speaker 2: almost too independent, where I was like, how am I

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Speaker 2: going to find somebody?

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Speaker 5: Like, well, I think so I'm also thirty something, right,

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Speaker 5: I honestly feel like I'm having a bit of a

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Speaker 5: unicorn experience. Like I'm a black trans woman, you know,

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Speaker 5: with a particular kind of career and you know, I've

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Speaker 5: accomplished something. So it's a weird space of like being

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Speaker 5: Mary Jane like issues just regular like black women issues,

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Speaker 5: like people just again they just be folding and can't

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Speaker 5: deal with it or they're like you're more successful or

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Speaker 5: like those dynamics are weird. Yes, And then I'm also

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Speaker 5: a black trans woman, so it's like I'll be on

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Speaker 5: dates with people and it's like I'm like the first

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Speaker 5: trans woman that they've been on a date with. So

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Speaker 5: then there is a bit of like therepising or like

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Speaker 5: weird shit like that can be annoying. Yeah, but I

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Speaker 5: mean with the paying thing, I don't mind going half seas,

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Speaker 5: but like or I don't mind paying for it, but

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Speaker 5: I'll do that like a date or two end like

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Speaker 5: that first day. Motherfucker, this is gender reparations. I'm aflex

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Speaker 5: that black trans woman car and honey, yeah you woo me.

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Speaker 5: The first date and then we'll go back and forth.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it.

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Speaker 4: Well, can I ask, like, what is your ideal evening

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Speaker 4: or end or date?

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Speaker 3: Like take us through it?

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Speaker 6: There are so many different ones.

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Speaker 5: I mean, I love a good cocktail moment to start

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Speaker 5: where we just like chat, you.

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Speaker 2: Know, over priced artisanal preserve lemon, let's go, okay, simple

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00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,600
Speaker 2: Cyrual's not so simple, baby.

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Speaker 5: I want one of those cocktails where they put like

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Speaker 5: the flavored smoke in there. I can handle it. I

339
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Speaker 5: can handle it.

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Speaker 6: So I love that. I love a good dinner.

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Speaker 5: I mean, I'm a bit of a foodie, so I

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Speaker 5: love like good food.

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Speaker 1: Have you traveled to other countries just to taste of food?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 5: I've been to Italy for food and I've had some

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Speaker 5: good moments there. But it's like anywhere else, you gotta

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00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:35,000
Speaker 5: find it. It's not just gonna be automatically good.

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Speaker 7: Right.

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Speaker 5: They got cheap, not so great stuff over there, but

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Speaker 5: generally they're cheap, not so great stuff.

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Speaker 6: It's still better than our cheap not so great stuff.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I had some good food and Panama when I went once, Okay, yum. Yeah,

354
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Speaker 5: So I mean I'm I'm pretty open in terms of

355
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Speaker 5: like what I eat. I'm not a picky eater. Honestly,

356
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Speaker 5: picky eaters get on my fucking nerves sometimes they.

357
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Speaker 1: Really do, motherfuckers. I only eat baise shit.

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Speaker 2: And they're like, I don't like water. I'm like your body,

359
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,240
Speaker 2: it's got water in it. How you know, like like what.

360
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,119
Speaker 6: You don't like yourself?

361
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,440
Speaker 1: That's a that's a turnoff. That's a turnoff.

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00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,720
Speaker 6: Yeah, so I think that's good.

363
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,320
Speaker 5: I love a museum moment, like I want to see,

364
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,120
Speaker 5: like are we making some connections here? Like you don't

365
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,720
Speaker 5: have to know the ins and outs about art, but

366
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,440
Speaker 5: like I want to know, like are you thinking about

367
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:29,440
Speaker 5: what some implications might be here? She needs someone smart,

368
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,640
Speaker 5: somebody stimulating on some level.

369
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Speaker 3: I understand.

370
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,600
Speaker 2: It almost sounds like you need someone from another country.

371
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 6: Yeah.

372
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,120
Speaker 3: Have you ever been in a museum where people touch

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Speaker 3: the art.

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00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,760
Speaker 1: Touching the art? No?

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Speaker 6: No, no, no.

376
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 4: No, I've been in a museum where people have touched

377
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:49,840
Speaker 4: the art. Stop at the moment. Stop in a museum,

378
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:53,640
Speaker 4: though there are certain rules you know, first, yes, good conversation,

379
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,520
Speaker 4: of course, if we're in an art museum, like know

380
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,320
Speaker 4: about the artists, but don't know everything.

381
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,520
Speaker 5: Please, Yeah, And no one is shut up.

382
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,000
Speaker 3: Yes, that part like you gotta know.

383
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,920
Speaker 6: The thrashhol of like impressing.

384
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:11,359
Speaker 8: Me, y'all are triggering a bitch, you gotta know depends

385
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:14,200
Speaker 8: how high you get. Yeah, but you know, my husband

386
00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,160
Speaker 8: just said, not but two nights ago, I would love

387
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,479
Speaker 8: to go to the moment during the day without kids,

388
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,320
Speaker 8: And I just looked at him and I was like, Babe,

389
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Speaker 8: I think you should go with a friend or by yourself,

390
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,320
Speaker 8: because I'm not a museum kind of person.

391
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, how long does it take you to get through

392
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,400
Speaker 4: a museum on roller skates?

393
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:29,520
Speaker 1: Like?

394
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 3: How long? Like?

395
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,879
Speaker 4: No, I'm kidding, Like, how long does it take you

396
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 4: to walk through a museum?

397
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:35,520
Speaker 3: Michelle?

398
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:36,359
Speaker 1: I have an hour.

399
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,440
Speaker 2: I have an hour for most things, even the hair

400
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,880
Speaker 2: and makeup chair. I'm like, tik TikTok, Like how bad

401
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,240
Speaker 2: does it look? Yeah? Yeah, you know, I've been high

402
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,080
Speaker 2: and that's fine, But then I start to like feel

403
00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:48,960
Speaker 2: bad because I'm high and I should be doing something

404
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:49,600
Speaker 2: else with my time.

405
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,400
Speaker 1: It's fuckery, But I love that you love.

406
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,480
Speaker 2: Yes, I mean what it sounds like like a Paris

407
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,399
Speaker 2: rom commie situation.

408
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,280
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, I mean it basically survival of a pickos

409
00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:07,959
Speaker 5: kind of like I want that experience. I need an

410
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:14,440
Speaker 5: international whirlwind moment. I've almost had that in Italy. Oh

411
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,800
Speaker 5: he was a cool guy. But you know, I made

412
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,480
Speaker 5: it out to Italy like, you know once a year

413
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,320
Speaker 5: over the last few years, which is beautiful. Yeah, a great,

414
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,720
Speaker 5: great thing and a great privilege to have.

415
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:27,640
Speaker 6: But it's not enough.

416
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:32,919
Speaker 1: But it was fun. It was fun, you know.

417
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,480
Speaker 2: It's so funny, like no matter where you go, there's

418
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,720
Speaker 2: always gonna be racism, misogyny, homophobia.

419
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,680
Speaker 1: It's just like at what level you know what I mean?

420
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,879
Speaker 2: Like if it stops with you, but I have to

421
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,120
Speaker 2: fuck with the in laws and your parents, then like okay,

422
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,840
Speaker 2: I'll figure it out, you know what I mean, Like

423
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,760
Speaker 2: I'll figure it out, you know.

424
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,680
Speaker 1: But because like who I.

425
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,399
Speaker 2: Am with is the most important person for me, you

426
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,200
Speaker 2: know what I mean to me, and so everybody else

427
00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,120
Speaker 2: can like fuck off.

428
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 1: But I don't know.

429
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,640
Speaker 2: It sounds like, let's go back to Panama and see

430
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,040
Speaker 2: what's good Panama.

431
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 5: You know, I might need to go there, you know,

432
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:07,560
Speaker 5: might need to go back there.

433
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:08,679
Speaker 6: It's cute. I need to do.

434
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:13,000
Speaker 5: I need to venture down more to South America for sure.

435
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:16,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a beautiful place. I've been to Brazil.

436
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,479
Speaker 4: Oh, I have to say it like that, because I went,

437
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,399
Speaker 4: oh two ways, not a big goal. I went with

438
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,119
Speaker 4: our good friend Dana Duke one time, Michelle. Yeah, and

439
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,399
Speaker 4: my favorite part of going to Brazil was that my

440
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 4: white friends were always like, be careful, be careful in Brazil.

441
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:34,919
Speaker 4: You're gonna get something's gonna happen to you.

442
00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:35,439
Speaker 9: Yeah.

443
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 1: And then I went and they treated me like anybody.

444
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,879
Speaker 4: Else because there's so it's such a beautiful spectrum of

445
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:45,040
Speaker 4: brown and everywhere in between. Black people just spoke to

446
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 4: me in Portuguese. Yeah, did I understand what? No, But

447
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,720
Speaker 4: it was just so wonderful to go, and it was

448
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,920
Speaker 4: such an open and awesome, awesome place.

449
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 3: If you haven't been, Raquel, I highly recommend it.

450
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,439
Speaker 6: I want to go. Yeah, I definitely want to go.

451
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,440
Speaker 5: I mean, and there's such a huge trans community there.

452
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 5: I mean, they have trans public officials there.

453
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:07,040
Speaker 3: Wow.

454
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,640
Speaker 5: It is a dangerous country, but I won't stay more

455
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,119
Speaker 5: dangerous than anywhere else.

456
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, the States.

457
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 5: It is one of the countries with the highest rates

458
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 5: of anti trans violence that's reported. Yeah, like globally, like

459
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 5: each year, there are just so many. But I think

460
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:29,480
Speaker 5: it's also because their trans community has been visible for

461
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 5: a long time, so the dynamics are just there.

462
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 6: So I think you're absolutely right, Like.

463
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 5: There is such a particularly like a white American kind

464
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,159
Speaker 5: of thing like don't go there. It's like, don't go

465
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,399
Speaker 5: to that neighborhood. And it's like I'm good hood.

466
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:47,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, my people, Yeah, like you don't go, I'll be fine.

467
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 1: Right.

468
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 2: So, as a mom and as someone who loves on people,

469
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 2: and it's so weird as I started doing more stand

470
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,040
Speaker 2: up this past year, doing crowd work and love fucking

471
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 2: with people, but like all the so I'm seeing people's

472
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 2: inner child, which is like I don't know if that

473
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,359
Speaker 2: comes from like age or being a mom, whatever the

474
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:10,119
Speaker 2: fuck it is. I'm looking at my responsibility and my

475
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 2: duty right as a loving person who's fucking hilarious right

476
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,720
Speaker 2: trying to change the scope of entertainment.

477
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 1: For the life of me.

478
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 2: I can't understand why very powerful people love punching down

479
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:24,720
Speaker 2: so much.

480
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,120
Speaker 1: Particularly with transwomen.

481
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 2: I can't understand how this joke is supposed to be funny.

482
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 2: Everything feels very dangerous, and I'm just like, if we

483
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 2: are all in this together, then why are we still

484
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 2: picking apart and kicking people and not even listening. There's

485
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,199
Speaker 2: no conversation happening. It's just very black and white in

486
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:51,359
Speaker 2: a way that feels fucking gross. And so my question

487
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,359
Speaker 2: for you is, how do you unpack that? How do

488
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 2: you go into those rooms or meetings or whatever, like

489
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 2: how you know, like.

490
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,439
Speaker 1: How do you do it and still look good? Bitch

491
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 1: with the edges late?

492
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 5: You know?

493
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 2: And I will call Peppermint and yeah, Jonathan Vannas and

494
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 2: I'm like, I just left to dinner with a very

495
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 2: good friend that I've known for years and I love them.

496
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 2: But you know, they're talking about trans women that shouldn't

497
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 2: be allowed to play sports. I'm like, why do you

498
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,640
Speaker 2: give a fuck about that ball or that score? We're

499
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 2: talking about humanity and so like, I just feel like

500
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 2: I need the vocabulary, like where's like why they hate?

501
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:31,120
Speaker 1: Where is it coming from?

502
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,679
Speaker 2: And also like, thank you so much for not only

503
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 2: understanding who you were meant to be, but also helping

504
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 2: people just feel safe and uplifted to do the same

505
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 2: for themselves.

506
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: There was a lot of feelings.

507
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 5: So yeah, no, that's real, Come on, mother, mother thoughts.

508
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 5: I honestly think that we all you know, that inner

509
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:57,680
Speaker 5: child piece.

510
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 6: I think that is the empathy.

511
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 5: Right, That's something that all of us can try and

512
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 5: like tap into and should be interested in tapping into.

513
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 5: When I think about you know, the David the David

514
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 5: Chappelle's of the world, and yes, you know whoever else

515
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:18,439
Speaker 5: who has said these kind of ridiculous, transphobic things, I

516
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 5: mean when I think about comedy. And I say this

517
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 5: not as a comedian, right, I say this to someone

518
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 5: on the outside, but when I think about the craft

519
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 5: of comedy and the folks who I love, people like you, right,

520
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 5: who are able to dissect the bullshit of the world

521
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:40,479
Speaker 5: from their lens. I think where Dave Chappelle fails is

522
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 5: that we fell in love with him because of his

523
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,920
Speaker 5: critiques on race right, where he was punching up actually

524
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 5: about white supremacy, all of these different things. Of course,

525
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 5: there's that big break and then he came back and

526
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,200
Speaker 5: now he's like, oh, I'm punching down. And it's kind

527
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,719
Speaker 5: of sad because in a weird way he's kind of

528
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:01,880
Speaker 5: fed into white supremacy and patriarchy in a way. Right,

529
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 5: Like it's like when people are like, yeah, Donald Trump

530
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 5: is on some bullshit, but like he says what he

531
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 5: thinks and he's not afraid to go there, and I

532
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,919
Speaker 5: think that that's what Dave is doing in his career

533
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 5: right now. He's like, I'm gonna say this because I

534
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 5: know it gets a rise out of folks. But I

535
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 5: also know I can get away with this because trans

536
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 5: folks in general don't have the numbers either within our

537
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,919
Speaker 5: community or in terms of the general public that is

538
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 5: understanding of our experiences.

539
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 6: So he knows that he can.

540
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 5: Get away with it, and that's fine to him for

541
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:42,159
Speaker 5: whatever reason. But I think folks in general who have

542
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 5: issues with trans folks, it's often to me, just speaks

543
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 5: to a deep insecurity that they have around their own

544
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 5: gender or at least their own place in the world.

545
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 5: I mean, these are folks who have been told, well,

546
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 5: if I just follow these rules around building a palatable life,

547
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 5: and you know, I was raised as a boy and

548
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 5: I became a man, and I'm doing all the man

549
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,959
Speaker 5: things that society told me to do. Even if some

550
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 5: of those man things are wrong, like being violent or

551
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,920
Speaker 5: saying that women and folks of other genders don't matter, etc.

552
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 6: Etc. I'm still fulfilling that script.

553
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 5: And they think that they're going to get some cookie

554
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 5: or some validation at the end of it. But honestly,

555
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 5: you're going to just forever feel inadequate because you're trying

556
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 5: to live up to these ideals that all of us

557
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 5: fail at, right, Like, you could say whatever you want

558
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 5: about my womanhood, honey, at this point in my life,

559
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,919
Speaker 5: because I know you're really speaking about yourself, like with

560
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 5: the whole just hilarious thing. Yeah, you're coming out their

561
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 5: black trans women because for some reason, you feel like

562
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 5: your womanhood is something that can be chipped away at

563
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 5: in our society. It's not actually about us, it's about

564
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 5: the problems that you have with all of these restrictive

565
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 5: ideas around gender that you feel like you're inadequate in

566
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 5: living up to. So I mean that's what I think

567
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 5: a lot of it is about.

568
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 3: I think it's competition too.

569
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 5: The competition piece, you know, go for it. I mean,

570
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:11,440
Speaker 5: I'll let you start that one, because you know.

571
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:15,119
Speaker 4: No, I'm just saying that it reflects a certain like

572
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 4: spirit of feeling threatened, threaten by what threatened by another

573
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 4: option like love.

574
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 5: Like it's scarcity, right, I mean, it's the scarcity mindset

575
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 5: that's like, well, if you're if you're a woman now

576
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 5: and respected and that what does that mean from my womanhood?

577
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,160
Speaker 5: And how is that any different from white women during

578
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 5: the stuffer just movement being like, well if we got

579
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 5: to think about black women, well what does that mean

580
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 5: for us?

581
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: Yeah?

582
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 3: You got more rights than I do.

583
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, you know, I think it's a zero sum

584
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 4: game with people, at least in the case of just hilarious. Yeah, now,

585
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 4: when you spoke about Chappelle, I really think that. Unfortunately,

586
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,439
Speaker 4: in comedy sometimes like the gesture becomes the king, and

587
00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 4: when the gesture becomes the king, the gester's job is

588
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 4: to tell the king the truth without losing his head.

589
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 4: He is the lowliest position in the court, right, that's

590
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 4: your job. When you become the king. Then you're like,

591
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 4: you don't have anything to punch up to anymore, and

592
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 4: rather than transcend and dismantle the sandbox, you'd rather just

593
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 4: let me look back at the people that never did

594
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 4: me any harm. I'm running out of road, out of material.

595
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 4: I need to do something. I know what will give

596
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 4: me a good dopemine hit and I'll make some really

597
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 4: dark minded people laugh.

598
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:30,040
Speaker 3: Boom, there it is. So I think they're victims of

599
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 3: their own success.

600
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 5: Personally, I don't even think that it is necessarily just

601
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 5: dark minded people laughing.

602
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:37,959
Speaker 6: I think it's just ignorant people.

603
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:42,120
Speaker 5: And the vast majority of people in our society are

604
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 5: ignorant as fuck when it comes to the complexity of gender,

605
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 5: when it comes to sexual orientation, all of these things,

606
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,680
Speaker 5: because we've been conditioned to be this way.

607
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 6: I mean, we see all.

608
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 5: These attacks on curricula across different states, this educational system

609
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 5: already and talk about queer and trance people in general

610
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,120
Speaker 5: in school right already weren't giving us the full understanding

611
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 5: of black history and what people on the margins have experienced.

612
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,240
Speaker 6: And now these Republican.

613
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 5: Conservative motherfuckers are like, we don't even want you to

614
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 5: have a chance at that, right. It's really sad that

615
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 5: we can't rely on these systems to build up again

616
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,919
Speaker 5: that empathy I think that you were talking about earlier, Michelle,

617
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 5: because that's really what should be at the heart of

618
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 5: a lot of this discussion, and it just isn't.

619
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,840
Speaker 2: It really fucking sucks to be honest, because you know,

620
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 2: when people are using religion as a platform, it's never

621
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 2: the good parts.

622
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 1: It's always the parts that will just control you, right right, Yeah, absolutely.

623
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 2: Like thank God for comedy because it really has saved me.

624
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: Otherwise I would just be like that loud bitch at.

625
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 2: A dinner that no, but you know what I mean, like,

626
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 2: thank God there's somewhere to put it, and and thank

627
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 2: you for writing a book, your book, because.

628
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 4: You know what.

629
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 6: It's not. I mean, y'all.

630
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 4: Know this, yes, please, you know. I mean in the

631
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 4: time when we have a little bit, you know, take

632
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,680
Speaker 4: us through it, because I'm always I'm from the South

633
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 4: and I'm always like, you know, children of the South.

634
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 4: I'm so happy when they make it out big and

635
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 4: they yeah, wow, wow, Okay, that's you're saying the quiet

636
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 4: parts out loud.

637
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: You say Jersey, I made it out.

638
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 4: I'm just you know you're from South Jersey. Yes, okay,

639
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 4: which is kind of like, yes, it's something.

640
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 1: It's Central Jersey. It's worse. Oh okay.

641
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 4: I just wanted to touch briefly on childhood and your

642
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 4: gender dysphoria that you experienced and was like growing up

643
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 4: in the South.

644
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 5: Come on, medical and mental diagnosis.

645
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 3: You know what it is.

646
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 6: Gender this one. Oh you're five.

647
00:29:55,320 --> 00:30:00,479
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, Raquel, you didn't take me seriously home, all right?

648
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 4: Putting my glasses on, I put my wby Parkers.

649
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: On put your FuG as.

650
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 3: You don't you dare?

651
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 1: Don't you dare?

652
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 3: This is supposed to be a safe ast space, but

653
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 3: it's never safe. All right, where's Haler?

654
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 5: Okay for folks listening. So I'm Roquel Willis. I am

655
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 5: black and trans, I'm an activist and I just released

656
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 5: the book The Risk It Takes The Bloom on Life

657
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 5: and Liberation. So I grew up in Augusta, Georgia, and

658
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 5: I grew up in a very Catholic, Black, traditionally Southern family.

659
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 5: When I say Catholic, honey, I mean there's already a

660
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 5: capital sea, but if we could make that see even

661
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 5: more capitalized.

662
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 6: That's what my parents were.

663
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 1: Ma'am.

664
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 2: My uncle's the archbishop of Jamaica. So I feel you wait.

665
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 5: I think I learned this trivia somewhere I can't remember.

666
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 1: I feel you wait.

667
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 6: No, that's real.

668
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:54,480
Speaker 1: So I feel you girl.

669
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 5: I have no archbishops in my family line. I have

670
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 5: a lot of Protestant pastors though, for sure. But for

671
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 5: some reason, my family was Catholic because my dad went

672
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 5: to Catholic school growing up, and my mom received an

673
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 5: award for her service to the church from our bishop,

674
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 5: so not we don't have any archbishops, but kind of closed,

675
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 5: I mean recognized by bishops. We sat in the front

676
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 5: pew every Sunday.

677
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 3: Close to Jesus, very close to Jesus.

678
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 5: My mom would stay after church talk to the pastor

679
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 5: talk to the congregation. I mean she might as well

680
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 5: been ordained to something too, but that was kind of

681
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:39,000
Speaker 5: the context. So when I was coming into my own

682
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 5: in single digit agents is different, right, I was bullied

683
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 5: as queer, as a sissy, as a feminine, all those

684
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 5: things by peers. And then I started being called gay,

685
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 5: and I was like, well, I guess that's right, because

686
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 5: I do think boys are cute, So that's what it is.

687
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 6: I guess.

688
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 5: And then I just kind of had secret for a

689
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 5: long time. And so I was lay in bed pray

690
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 5: to God at night. I was like, I wish I

691
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 5: could just wake up as a girl. It would be

692
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 5: so much easier. This is like seven to nine years old,

693
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 5: like having these thoughts, right, Wow. Then as I get older,

694
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 5: I'm like, okay, I guess I'm gay. The Internet gave

695
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 5: me a release.

696
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

697
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,880
Speaker 5: I was able to like realize, oh, there are other

698
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 5: queer folks out there. Like I was in Yahoo chat rooms.

699
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 5: Lord have mercy. The Lord saved me for some reason

700
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 5: because I wasn't snatched up because that was starting to happen. Yeah,

701
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:38,239
Speaker 5: So anyway, Yahoo chat rooms and forums all of that.

702
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 5: So then I got in my mind. I was like, Okay,

703
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 5: I gotta come out. I'm gonna have a freer life.

704
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 5: All of that came out.

705
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 6: To my mom.

706
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 5: She was like, this will be something we'll just have

707
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 5: to work through, but she was very supportive, found me

708
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 5: a counselor.

709
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 2: Oh, I love that.

710
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 1: Okay, it was the whole thing.

711
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 6: Then I was like, okay, I got to come out

712
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 6: to my dad.

713
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 5: My mom didn't want me to come out to my

714
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 5: dad until I graduated from high school.

715
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 6: I was like, girl, I can't wait that long.

716
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

717
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 6: So came out.

718
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 5: Not the best experience you can read about it in

719
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 5: the book. My dad was very loving but also like

720
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 5: the biggest enforced of gender in my life, so there

721
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 5: was a lot of expectations there.

722
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,239
Speaker 6: Fast forward to college.

723
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 5: I meet trans people in person for the first time.

724
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 3: Where did you go?

725
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 5: I went to the University of Georgia OKA in Athens,

726
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 5: so there was it's Georgia, Georgia Georgia for a long

727
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 5: time in this story, but meeting trans people, I was like, huh, okay,

728
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 5: that makes sense that you feel like a different gender

729
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 5: than you were assigned at birth.

730
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 6: That's not weird.

731
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 5: I guess that's weird to like assist people when they

732
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 5: first hear it. Usually it wasn't to me, but the

733
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 5: alarms didn't ring yet. That okay, that might be my experience.

734
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 5: Then I found drag, started performing in drag. That changed

735
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 5: my entire life. Then my father passed away shortly thereafter,

736
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 5: and I was like, oh shit, life is short. Yeah,

737
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 5: what am I going to do with all the expectations

738
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 5: he left on me? Am I going to keep trying

739
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 5: to chase them fulfill them? Or am I going to

740
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 5: live my life on my own terms? Clearly, I'm here

741
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 5: today because I chose the latter. Yeah, that's kind of

742
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 5: the first half of the book is just like coming

743
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 5: into my identity in the South.

744
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:18,840
Speaker 6: The second half.

745
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,879
Speaker 5: Is really what it was like on the other end

746
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:24,399
Speaker 5: of that, trying to be, you know, an openly black

747
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 5: trans woman and a journalist and build this media career

748
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:30,759
Speaker 5: and all of these different kind of tempole moments that

749
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 5: happened along the way. So that's my not so brief synopsis.

750
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 5: I didn't give you all the juice.

751
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:38,800
Speaker 1: People got to get the book and get the juice,

752
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:39,520
Speaker 1: you know what I mean.

753
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 4: M hm.

754
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 3: It just came to my house yesterday. I'm excited.

755
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 2: Let's dive in, let's go please. Yeah, I'm excited for

756
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 2: what's next. And I'm just so happier in the world

757
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 2: because you make it a better place, you know what

758
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 2: I mean, like real talk, Thank you. Yeah, And we

759
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,200
Speaker 2: got to just take a class and figure out how

760
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 2: to vogue if we want we shut. That's not the

761
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,240
Speaker 2: most important thing, but sometimes the small things matter.

762
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:08,480
Speaker 4: Yes, it's very important because Raquel, more than a lot

763
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:12,439
Speaker 4: of our other guests, you exercise democracy, which is dying.

764
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 4: And your speech in twenty twenty on Eastern Parkway up

765
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 4: at the museum was amazing.

766
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 6: Thank you. It was Eastern Part.

767
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:23,840
Speaker 2: Look, don't look around with a black nerd. He's gonna

768
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 2: have receipts.

769
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 4: What part of warby Parker are you? Oh my god,

770
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 4: it's feeding me info into my brain right now.

771
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,960
Speaker 2: We get questions from our audience about adulting, and we

772
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 2: try to answer them. So we're gonna ask you a

773
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 2: couple of questions you down, I'm down, dope.

774
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 3: Let's go.

775
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 2: First question, My partner has taken up painting and has

776
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:47,759
Speaker 2: decided to redecorate.

777
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 5: Our entire kind of painting, because that can mean something

778
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:54,720
Speaker 5: different in the queer community. Let me wait, wait a minute, now.

779
00:35:55,200 --> 00:36:00,359
Speaker 1: Wait a minute. To the uninitiated and the uninformed, what

780
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 1: is painting? What is painting mean in the queer community?

781
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 1: We are here to learn.

782
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 5: Oh my god, y'all are getting me unfeltered. Let's just say,

783
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 5: when somebody is bottoming and okay, got it, they leave

784
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 5: a not so pleasant surprise on the other person. Okay,

785
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 5: we'll keep going.

786
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 1: Yo, got it? Painting with the poo poo.

787
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know why I said that shot.

788
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:28,800
Speaker 1: No, I love it.

789
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:32,760
Speaker 2: We're keeping it in literally because somebody else can't. Okay, listen,

790
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,319
Speaker 2: my partner has taken a painting I want to say,

791
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,239
Speaker 2: the actual painting like Bob Roth style, but I don't

792
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:42,360
Speaker 2: also Don's style, and has decided to redecorate. Thank you

793
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 2: so much for the information. Though at our entire house,

794
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 2: you have a house go for you by putting their

795
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:48,240
Speaker 2: artwork on the walls.

796
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:51,479
Speaker 1: The only issue is I think their paintings aren't very good.

797
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:53,000
Speaker 1: This question just hits different.

798
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,799
Speaker 2: I don't think their paintings are very good in parentheses

799
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 2: day bad, but they are really excited them up and

800
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 2: I don't really like how they look. Is it worth

801
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 2: having a conversation or am I just opening up a

802
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 2: can of worms that I won't be able to put

803
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 2: back into the can?

804
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 3: Wow?

805
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,359
Speaker 1: Oh, man, living with someone is hot.

806
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,320
Speaker 2: Like I've never lived with anyone till my husband, and

807
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 2: that was a one night stand. So fifteen years in,

808
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 2: it's still like, I don't know about that picture, but

809
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,760
Speaker 2: he's got good to This is why you should definitely

810
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 2: take someone to a museum on a date to figure

811
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 2: out what kind of taste they have an art?

812
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: Yes, what say you work out? What would you what

813
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 1: should we tell said listener?

814
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 5: Wow, I wouldn't tell them that I don't like their painting.

815
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:37,320
Speaker 1: Oh.

816
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 5: I wouldn't want to be discouraging to them. I would

817
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:46,720
Speaker 5: tell them, hey, I think we should get we should

818
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 5: be strategic about how we display your artwork.

819
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:52,720
Speaker 6: And I think we.

820
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 5: Find a designated wall to be a gallery wall for

821
00:37:57,120 --> 00:38:03,560
Speaker 5: your artwork bathroom and maybe not in the bathroom. That

822
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,400
Speaker 5: might startle somebody in a very sensitive moment.

823
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 1: But but you.

824
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 5: Know, I think a gallery wall could work, and you

825
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,239
Speaker 5: just choose a wall that I mean preferably if they

826
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 5: have like a little studio area. It's there, but somewhere,

827
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 5: And honestly, even bad artwork, if there seems to be

828
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 5: like a mindset behind it, seeing it all together in

829
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,800
Speaker 5: a particular way might make it look more appealing.

830
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:33,359
Speaker 4: I love that because that is art theory. Like when

831
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,720
Speaker 4: you theorize on art, you're like, this is so bad,

832
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 4: it's amazing.

833
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 3: That is great, But choose the.

834
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 5: Gallery wall and be like, this is your designated wall, honey,

835
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 5: go ham, go ham. Yes, they'll be encouraged to take

836
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 5: things out as they hopefully improve in their painting and

837
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 5: switch things out.

838
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 3: And that wall is in the garage.

839
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,360
Speaker 2: I also think saying something like it's too much of

840
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 2: the same thing, like I need texture, I need I

841
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:07,840
Speaker 2: need diversity up on the walls. Because when I first

842
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 2: met my husband, my it was my apartment was a

843
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 2: big clearance racked from peer one imports. I look like

844
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:16,799
Speaker 2: out of work yoga teacher. It was a lot of

845
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 2: like wooden elephants, Indian pillows.

846
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I meantime, Hu and you know.

847
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 2: It was giving that and he is very like mid

848
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:28,959
Speaker 2: century modern, and so to me, his apartment just looked

849
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 2: like an Ikea prison. It was like charming, but like

850
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 2: a Swedish prison, complete with the Lingamberry sauce. And so

851
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 2: I was like the Lingamberry.

852
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 5: That is the only place I've ever seen anything Lingamberry,

853
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:41,320
Speaker 5: because you're so right.

854
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,080
Speaker 2: Nobody needs a little who needs a linga berry sauce?

855
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,359
Speaker 3: On fucking what is Lincoln berry sauce?

856
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 1: That's a little cranberry sauce, the Swedish kranberry sauce. They

857
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 1: give you a leikia with the little meat. Yeah, you

858
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 1: clearly like yourself, so you have not had that meal.

859
00:39:56,880 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 4: But I've had the meatballs at Ikea with the cream gravy.

860
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:02,240
Speaker 1: Oh thank my god.

861
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 2: Okay, bubble guts. They come with the side of Lingoberry

862
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 2: sauce and bubble guts. So I would say, too much

863
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 2: of too much of a good thing, babe, let's switch

864
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 2: it up.

865
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:14,720
Speaker 3: Yeah that's tough.

866
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I love that idea. I mean, I think

867
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 5: the constructive piece. Ideally, you want a partner that you

868
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:27,360
Speaker 5: can have a real constructive conversation with about like maybe

869
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,879
Speaker 5: what they're making. I mean ideally, right that I don't know.

870
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:32,959
Speaker 5: I mean, like Michelle, I don't know what it's like,

871
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:36,319
Speaker 5: like if your boo is like I don't like that joke,

872
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,240
Speaker 5: or like, how.

873
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 6: Would you respond to that? I don't I mean, I

874
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 6: don't know what the art of comedy making is.

875
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:47,239
Speaker 4: But it's hard. It's really hard, you know. But Michelle, like,

876
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,240
Speaker 4: do you ever try out material on ice?

877
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 2: I used to a lot more, but now, like I

878
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 2: have a pretty good sense of like what I want

879
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,719
Speaker 2: to say, you know, yeah, but I'll run stuff by him,

880
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 2: like two or three really good friends, friends that aren't

881
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 2: even comedians, that just like know me and my goofy

882
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 2: asked for a very long time, but like, yeah, I mean,

883
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 2: you know, my husband brought some.

884
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 1: Art pieces home.

885
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:15,440
Speaker 2: We hung them up. They were Andy Warhol. They were great,

886
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,239
Speaker 2: but I was like, honestly, it's just too white. Yeah,

887
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,279
Speaker 2: like I need something. I can't look at this. And

888
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 2: so he's like, bet, so what do I look for?

889
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 2: I was like, Haitian art, Go look for Haitian art. So,

890
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 2: you know, it is a conversation and sometimes it can

891
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 2: turn into like Everybody Loves Raymond episode where it's.

892
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:30,919
Speaker 1: Just like how do I tell her?

893
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 2: You know, how do I tell but like, yeah, it's

894
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 2: not what you say, it's how you say it.

895
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 1: That's the one thing I have motherfucking learned.

896
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 2: And I've also learned that people from Jerseys sound aggressive

897
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 2: even when we're not being a grossa.

898
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 6: I love it.

899
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 1: Next question, call her? What's your name? Where you're calling from?

900
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 1: Just kidding, Jordan, what's the question?

901
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:52,320
Speaker 4: Here's the next question? How often should I be calling

902
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 4: my mom? She wants a daily phone call, and I

903
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:56,439
Speaker 4: think once a week is good.

904
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 3: What do you think? Oh shit, I don't know your mom.

905
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: Oh.

906
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 5: When it comes to stuff like that, because everyone has

907
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 5: different thresholds for communication, I like to split the difference.

908
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 5: So like, Mama, you're not getting every day for me,

909
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 5: but I'm gonna try and commit to twice a week.

910
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 5: That's nice, and then we can split the difference.

911
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 3: I like that.

912
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:24,959
Speaker 6: And the thing is, like.

913
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 5: I did used to talk to my mom as often

914
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 5: as I do now, and I think that's like, you know,

915
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 5: when you're younger, like twenty something, that might make sense.

916
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:35,800
Speaker 6: I don't for a lot of people.

917
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 5: But now we talk more, and I think when I

918
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,919
Speaker 5: first started talking to her more, I mean, every call

919
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 5: is not going to be the same, like some days

920
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 5: you just want to connect with them, hear their voice.

921
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 6: Mamas want to do that.

922
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 5: And it doesn't have to be the ins and outs,

923
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:54,719
Speaker 5: like I can tell my mama I'm feeling down, I'm

924
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 5: not I don't really have the energy I had yesterday,

925
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 5: and she's fine with that, you know. But I think

926
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 5: as you do more and you build that muscle, those

927
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:08,399
Speaker 5: expectations around what the call has to be changes, and

928
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 5: it might free up y'all's relationship because it sounds like

929
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 5: y'all must have a pretty good relationship if she can

930
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:21,800
Speaker 5: express that, and you're entertaining a weekly call at least when.

931
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:23,759
Speaker 2: You're an adult, And this is a perfect question for

932
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:28,399
Speaker 2: adulting your relationship with your parents. It changes, but it's

933
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:32,919
Speaker 2: also like it's also about managing your time and your

934
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 2: peace if it is annoying to talk to them, but

935
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 2: also realizing that they're not going to be here for

936
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 2: much longer, so sort of taking advantage of that as well.

937
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 2: And you know, I think if you think calling your

938
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 2: mom once a week is a lot and enough, then

939
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:49,360
Speaker 2: do that.

940
00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:49,959
Speaker 3: Yeah.

941
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're also allowed to ignore the call, you know,

942
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 4: if they call, you ignore the call.

943
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 1: Who told you that.

944
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:57,879
Speaker 3: You can ignore your mom's call.

945
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,839
Speaker 1: You can ignore it because you have other siblings. I can.

946
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:04,480
Speaker 3: That's true. That's true. I'm like, call the other two,

947
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:05,360
Speaker 3: leave me alone.

948
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 4: Like my thing is, I'll pick up a phone call

949
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:12,239
Speaker 4: from my mom under heightened circumstances. I'll be like, you know,

950
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:15,479
Speaker 4: on the subway and like, that's sure, my mom's talking

951
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,359
Speaker 4: to me. I'm just like, this is not the best

952
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 4: time to talk, and I will. I will be stressed

953
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:22,960
Speaker 4: talking to my mother, like that's not how it should be.

954
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 4: Hit ignore, hit her back, It'll be fair.

955
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:28,720
Speaker 2: Wait all I'm hearing is motherfucker, you still ride the subway?

956
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:31,280
Speaker 1: Okay, listen.

957
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 2: So we ask all our guests the same question at

958
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,320
Speaker 2: the end of each episode. What is the most adult

959
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 2: thing you want to do for yourself that you haven't

960
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 2: had time for? And it could be truly everything, everything, anything, Sorry,

961
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter how big or small. Like for me,

962
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,280
Speaker 2: the most adult thing I want to do for myself

963
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,240
Speaker 2: is to figure out salad dressing.

964
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,399
Speaker 1: Shaikhule. I mean one of the best answers ever.

965
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 2: Go to the Island of Capri wearing caprice while drinking

966
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 2: a Caprice son. I'm still undone and done again, but

967
00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to, you know, just like true Blue, like.

968
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:03,799
Speaker 3: What you want to do, whatever you want.

969
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, I feel like I already did it this way.

970
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:11,280
Speaker 5: Oh. The most adult thing was getting one of those

971
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 5: electric scrubbers.

972
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:14,919
Speaker 3: Electric scrubbers for like.

973
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 5: Cleaning that like it's motorized and it gets into like

974
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 5: all the like corners and crevices.

975
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,879
Speaker 1: We were just talking about corners and crevices.

976
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 3: Oh you mean a roomba.

977
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 5: No, it's not a room, but it's like a handheld

978
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:29,880
Speaker 5: like scrubber.

979
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,799
Speaker 6: It's like all over social and like Amazon.

980
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what in the shark tank did I miss?

981
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:37,440
Speaker 1: Is going good?

982
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 5: But it's like you can get like the ground and

983
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 5: the grime and you don't have to like scrub so

984
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,280
Speaker 5: hard with your hand because it's motorized.

985
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 6: It has different nozzle. Oh wow, like it's.

986
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 5: A whole thing. So that was already on my list. Oh,

987
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 5: I guess it's just called the electric scrubbers. It was

988
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,359
Speaker 5: not it was an off brand something. It wasn't like

989
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 5: the shark you know. Yeah, it's like no, no, no, But.

990
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:08,359
Speaker 2: Have you seen the thing that goes in your ear

991
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,440
Speaker 2: that you can see a camera, Like what's in your

992
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:12,360
Speaker 2: ear when you go clean your ear what.

993
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:17,319
Speaker 4: No, you apparently shouldn't be cleaning your ears out though

994
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:21,040
Speaker 4: what the wax is natural, you shouldn't be doing that

995
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 4: unless it's compacted.

996
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 2: No, I've seen some kids in the daycare where their

997
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 2: ear looks like neglect. I said, no, no, I'm in it.

998
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 2: I'm in that ear. I'm digging.

999
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 3: Like.

1000
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 5: It's different for like little kids though, right, because like

1001
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,720
Speaker 5: they can easily get infections.

1002
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 1: Right, that's what they do the way you say it is.

1003
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 1: All they do is to look on your face?

1004
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:45,840
Speaker 6: Is those creatures that exist?

1005
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 1: Would you date somebody with kids?

1006
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:51,600
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1007
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:53,520
Speaker 1: What okay?

1008
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 5: But probably not more than like it can't be like

1009
00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 5: if you got it. It can't be like five, it

1010
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 5: can be like I really don't think it could be

1011
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:04,000
Speaker 5: more than like two.

1012
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:06,520
Speaker 6: And they can't both be under the age of ten.

1013
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 1: And with like two different baby mamas. I don't know.

1014
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 9: I mean what I do know, your face, I would

1015
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:18,319
Speaker 9: not love to baby mamas because then I'm gonna have

1016
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 9: two just hilariouses at my front door, and I just.

1017
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:23,240
Speaker 5: I don't need that in my life.

1018
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:27,960
Speaker 6: But shit happened that is. I try not to judge.

1019
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:32,319
Speaker 5: I try not to judge multiple baby mamas, but not

1020
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:36,920
Speaker 5: more than two, and that's already pushing it. Yeah, and

1021
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 5: you gotta be spending time with your kids.

1022
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's interesting.

1023
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:44,200
Speaker 5: I would prefer if I was with someone who had

1024
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 5: kids that they at least spend fifty percent of their

1025
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 5: time with their kids, because in my mind, it's a

1026
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 5: package deal. And like, I need you really involved in

1027
00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 5: your kid's life. I don't need you like you ship

1028
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 5: your kid off and they with the other parent all

1029
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 5: the time.

1030
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like, I don't like that.

1031
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 5: Because I now have a little bit of a responsibility

1032
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,960
Speaker 5: for this person because I love you.

1033
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not.

1034
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 2: A competition, but you wim bitch. Thank you so much

1035
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:20,280
Speaker 2: for coming on the show and sharing.

1036
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:20,880
Speaker 6: Thank you.

1037
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:21,880
Speaker 3: Thanks Racoe.

1038
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:30,280
Speaker 1: She's wonderful, Jordan, she is wonderful.

1039
00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:33,120
Speaker 2: I hope she gets a really good date that will

1040
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 2: hold the doors open for her at a museum and

1041
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 2: say all the right things because she deserves the motherfucking world.

1042
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:43,680
Speaker 2: And I want to learn how to vogue. And I

1043
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 2: want that thing to like hit my corners. Whatever she got,

1044
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 2: I want that thing with the different nozzles and stuff.

1045
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 1: That's probably what I need. I should get that to

1046
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:52,320
Speaker 1: my pleading person.

1047
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's probably the lesson here in this episode. What

1048
00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 3: that thing? Whatever that is? Who knows?

1049
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:01,760
Speaker 1: That's what you have to say. There's so many lessons,

1050
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 1: but that's pretty great. Well, okay, then let's drop another lesson.

1051
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:10,920
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, always look twice cut twice, No, look

1052
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 4: twice cut once.

1053
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

1054
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 2: Thank you guys for just putting up with us. Okay,

1055
00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:18,279
Speaker 2: we love you and we hope you love yourself too.

1056
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:22,480
Speaker 2: Take care and goodbye, byee.

1057
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 3: This has been an exactly right production.

1058
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:29,319
Speaker 1: Our senior producer is g Howley. Art Associate producer is

1059
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 1: Christina Chamberlain. This episode was mixed by John Bradley.

1060
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:34,320
Speaker 3: Our guest booker is Patrick Cottner.

1061
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: Additional production support from Hannah Kyle Crichton.

1062
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 4: Theme song and live show DJing is by DJ don Will,

1063
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 4: artwork by Jamie.

1064
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:44,240
Speaker 1: Bechtel, Photography by Heis vander Most.

1065
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:48,280
Speaker 4: Executive produced by Karen Kilgera, Georgia Hartstark, and Daniel Kramer.

1066
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 1: Follow the show on Instagram at Adulting the Pod.

1067
00:49:51,360 --> 00:50:02,960
Speaker 4: Email your questions to Adulting Questions at gmail dot com.

1068
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:55,279
Speaker 4: M