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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: My wife is furious. I'm not dating anyone else after

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Speaker 2: I agree to an open marriage.

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Speaker 3: Now you're just looking for a reason to be mad.

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Speaker 2: My wife and I have been together for thirteen years

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Speaker 2: and married for ten. We have a seven year old

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Speaker 2: ADHD son who needs a lot of adult supervision. My

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Speaker 2: wife came out as by and non monogamous last year.

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Speaker 2: I agreed to open up the marriage so she could

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Speaker 2: explore that side of her. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 2: from deleted and if you want to smit your own stories,

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Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it. I'm Sophia,

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Speaker 2: I'm mad, and we're here to give good advice. Goofy,

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Speaker 2: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 2: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

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Speaker 2: do in the comments and Op says I wasn't thrilled

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Speaker 2: about it, but one it meant a lot to her. Two,

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Speaker 2: sometimes you just gotta do crap you don't want. And

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Speaker 2: three I have a bunch of blood pressure related issues

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Speaker 2: that are making it hard for me to keep up

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Speaker 2: in that area. She has an online boyfriend she's hooked

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Speaker 2: up with a few times, and she's also gone on

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Speaker 2: a couple of dates with different women. I am technically

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Speaker 2: allowed to date other people as well, in the same

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Speaker 2: sense that a vegetarian is allowed to eat steak tartar.

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Speaker 2: I have zero interest, and even if I were interested,

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Speaker 2: between work and our son, I flat out don't have time. Lately.

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Speaker 2: My wife has told me she feels like I'm guilt

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Speaker 2: tripping her and martyring myself by not taking advantage of

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Speaker 2: the open part of our open relationship. When I tell

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Speaker 2: her I'm not interested, she gets angry and says I'm

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Speaker 2: being unfair and hurts her feelings by not participating. Twice

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Speaker 2: now she's threatened to break up with her boyfriend, and

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Speaker 2: at this point I honestly couldn't care less if she did,

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Speaker 2: and I know she won't. I am not a patient

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Speaker 2: man by default, and what little patience I have is

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Speaker 2: all but gone here. She already gets to f other

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Speaker 2: people and come back to our home, and that's not

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Speaker 2: good enough for her anymore. I've been thinking about threatening divorce,

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Speaker 2: but I don't want to make threats in general, and

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Speaker 2: especially not until I'm one hundred percent committed to following through.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not there yet. We are in couples therapy.

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Speaker 2: Our therapist is useless on this issue. She just makes

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Speaker 2: us automatically denigrate ourselves by saying the story I'm telling

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Speaker 2: myself is whenever we talk about our feelings. One time

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Speaker 2: she charged us four hunchred dollars for a podcast recommendation. Yikes.

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Speaker 2: My wife loves this therapist and does not want to switch.

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Speaker 2: I have been asking around for some perspectives on this.

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Speaker 2: Consensus seems to be a combination of maybe she feels

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Speaker 2: guilty and you are a liar and an idiot. Any advice,

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Speaker 2: please and edit. I did not get screamed at for

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Speaker 2: saying I consented on my bingo card. I'll just say

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Speaker 2: that upfront. Relevan common says the internet had plenty to say.

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Speaker 2: In response, a non Commoner says, you know your relationship

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Speaker 2: better than anyone here, and it's clear you've already put

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Speaker 2: a lot of thought and effort into navigating this. From

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Speaker 2: the way you describe things, it sounds like there's some

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Speaker 2: frustration and resentment building up, and that can make conversations harder.

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Speaker 2: As your wife shared what's underneath her wish for you

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Speaker 2: to explore more? Is it about wanting you to feel

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Speaker 2: balanced or is it more about how she imagines fairness?

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Speaker 2: And have you two tried exploring together whether that means

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Speaker 2: deepening intimacy just between you or finding safe ways to

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Speaker 2: experiment as a couple before branching out. I don't envy

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Speaker 2: the spot you're in. It sounds draining, especially while managing

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Speaker 2: the demands of parenting and health. Opening a relationship is

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Speaker 2: complicated even when things are solid, and it often amplifies

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Speaker 2: existing tensions rather than smoothing them out. I hope you

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Speaker 2: both find a way to realign, whether that means leaning

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Speaker 2: into the open marriage with more togetherness or focusing back

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Speaker 2: on strengthening your foundation, op says, As your wife shared

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Speaker 2: what's underneath her wish for you to explore more? Is

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Speaker 2: it about wanting to feel balance or is it more

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Speaker 2: how she imagines fairness? Opie responds and says she says

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Speaker 2: it's because she thinks me not sleeping around is me

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Speaker 2: actively guilt tripping her for sleeping around. My guess is

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Speaker 2: she doesn't want to be seen as the only one

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Speaker 2: doing it if and when other people find out. Another

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Speaker 2: commenter says, wow, that sucks, Sorry you're going through it.

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Speaker 2: Why does she say she feels like you're guilt tripping her?

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Speaker 2: Is there something else besides you just not feeling like

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Speaker 2: dating right now? You can tell her you might date

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Speaker 2: someone later, and you reserve the right to maybe you'll

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Speaker 2: meet someone and have feels for them. Who knows. But

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Speaker 2: it's strange that she gets to have her hairm and

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Speaker 2: is pissed rather than concerned or apathetic that you're not

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Speaker 2: doing anything for yourself in this area. What is her

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Speaker 2: explanation for feeling like you guilt trip her? Is it

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Speaker 2: all just protection, is it all just projection, or do

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Speaker 2: you think there might be a path to putting that

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Speaker 2: whole part to rest. She is getting to have her

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Speaker 2: cake and eat it too. There should be incentive there

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Speaker 2: for her to make a peaceful truce so the two

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Speaker 2: of you can focus on your ughder together instead of

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Speaker 2: this toxic dynamic. I think you're going to hear a

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Speaker 2: lot of feedback like your relationship styles are incompatible break up,

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Speaker 2: But it sounds more to me like your partner is

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Speaker 2: having a real crisis and needs to find a healthy

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Speaker 2: way to process everything. I hope you guys find a

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Speaker 2: way forward, but also I would say that you should

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Speaker 2: drop out of the sessions with that therapist. Couple's therapy

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Speaker 2: can only do so much, and the couple needs to

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Speaker 2: at least agree on the therapist. I think you'll both

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Speaker 2: do better with individual therapy, particularly if you make improving

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Speaker 2: communication and understanding of each other one of your goals

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Speaker 2: in individual therapy. To work out within yourselves and try

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Speaker 2: to bring back to the relationship. Op responds, so far,

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Speaker 2: she seems to think it's self obvious and that if

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Speaker 2: I were happy about her doing it, I'd obviously be

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Speaker 2: doing it myself. And the first time I made the

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Speaker 2: mistake of telling her I wasn't happy with that, she

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Speaker 2: threatened to break up with her boyfriend. There should be

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Speaker 2: incentive there for her too to make a peaceful truce.

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Speaker 2: Opie says, I agree. It would be nice if she

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Speaker 2: could learn to take the win for once. Steelman Fallacy says,

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Speaker 2: get another therapist, one that has E and m experience.

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Speaker 2: Good idea. Opie responds, this one does. Steel Man Fallacy says,

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Speaker 2: that is unexpected. What is your therapist, saying if they

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Speaker 2: are useless on this issue, it usually means either they

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Speaker 2: don't have an m experience or they're telling you something

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Speaker 2: you don't want to hear. Opie says she charged four

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Speaker 2: hundred dollars for a podcast recommendation and told us to

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Speaker 2: preface everything we say about our feelings with the story

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Speaker 2: I'm telling myself is she also thinks I'll enjoy sleeping

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Speaker 2: around when I start doing it. Oh that, Yeah, you

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Speaker 2: need a new therapist because you don't have to want

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Speaker 2: to sleep with other people. You never said you wanted

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Speaker 2: an open relationship. I don't think this is working.

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Speaker 3: Hey, Siri, play toxicity by a system of a down.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think this is I don't think this

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Speaker 2: is working.

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Speaker 3: No, there's an update, but yeah, there's so much on

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Speaker 3: the wife's side that, oh yeah, not working. And I

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Speaker 3: don't know if OP is doing anything to encourage it

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Speaker 3: or to push the wife away. We only get in

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Speaker 3: the one side, but at least from this one side,

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Speaker 3: it's it's not healthy.

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Speaker 2: Good for either of them.

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Speaker 3: I think if they break up, then wife he can

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Speaker 3: go have what she wants to having to feel guilt tripped,

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Speaker 3: and op he can focus on themselves.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean they also have a kid, which may this.

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Speaker 3: Is not a healthier environments fighting. If they're guilt tripping

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Speaker 3: each other, then that kid is going to grow up

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Speaker 3: seeing these two people who hate each other. They're going

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Speaker 3: to have an unhealthy image of relationships. Whereas if they

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Speaker 3: split and both parents are happy.

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Speaker 2: And then she can pursue what she wants exactly, she can.

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Speaker 3: Okay, there are different ways in the world that relationships

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Speaker 3: can work. Not one size fits all, as long as

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Speaker 3: it's safe and safe and healthy and happy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just really difficult when you go into a

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Speaker 2: relationship and then later on have that realization of right, right,

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Speaker 2: I have different desires.

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Speaker 3: And that's a problem with our society is that it

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Speaker 3: projects relationships and marriages like you have to be successful

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Speaker 3: and happy after the first one.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but like just to.

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Speaker 3: Trace the history back, A lot of it is just

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Speaker 3: historical for like owning land and inheritance and stuff.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's no, you don't have to stand this. No,

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Speaker 2: there is an update. It's been too long and there

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Speaker 2: are officially too many responses for me to reply to

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Speaker 2: them all, So I'm making a new thread. It's been

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Speaker 2: this long. In part because shortly after I said I

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Speaker 2: wouldn't debate the fact that I consented to this anymore,

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Speaker 2: someone reported me to the admins and got me suspended,

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Speaker 2: So congratulations to who ever did that for a twist

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Speaker 2: I didn't see coming. Anyway. We've had some couples therapy

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Speaker 2: sessions in the meantime, and I brought up yet again

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Speaker 2: that I'm fine with her having her boyfriend and dating

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Speaker 2: other women. I just don't want to sleep around with

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Speaker 2: anyone else right now. Didn't work. They both think I'm

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Speaker 2: just a dumb, boring a hole. The next session, I

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Speaker 2: tried an analogy of someone bringing you a bowl of

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Speaker 2: ice cream that you asked for even though they don't

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Speaker 2: don't want any ice cream themselves. Actual response from the therapist,

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Speaker 2: I just don't see why you wouldn't have your own

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Speaker 2: bowl of ice cream. That's kind of a downer. So

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Speaker 2: no progress there. To address other general themes and categories

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Speaker 2: of comments because there are too many to respond to

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Speaker 2: them all. Take some time for yourself and or do

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Speaker 2: something with your friends. This one popped up a lot,

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Speaker 2: and I can see the reasoning behind it. The problem

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Speaker 2: is twofold one. My wife doesn't want me to take

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Speaker 2: time for myself or spend time with my friends. She

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Speaker 2: specifically wants me to date and other people too that

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Speaker 2: time and those friends don't exist. We lost three people

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Speaker 2: at my job and I took over two of their workloads.

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Speaker 2: My kid requires constant hovering and goating just to get

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Speaker 2: his homework done and to make sure he hasn't add

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Speaker 2: another pooper p accident. The neurons just aren't firing for

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Speaker 2: him to be aware of all that. My friend group

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Speaker 2: is all lost to normal friend erosion, A couple early

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Speaker 2: a couple early passings, having an autistic kid who does

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Speaker 2: doesn't like to leave the house or play well with others,

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Speaker 2: and us moving across the country, and again my wife

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Speaker 2: doesn't want me to take time to meet with them.

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Speaker 2: She wants me to f other people. Why can't your

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Speaker 2: wife spend more time with the kid, Opie says, based

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Speaker 2: on what I've seen the few times I've been out

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Speaker 2: of town for worker funerals. For all that my wife

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Speaker 2: has going for, she's really really bad at solo parenting.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't cook, so anything the two of them would

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Speaker 2: be eating is either raw fruit and veg something I

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Speaker 2: cooked before and left her to reheat and she stopped

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Speaker 2: liking leftovers, so that's a non starter or fast food.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't clean or do laundry, so unless I've done

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Speaker 2: a thorough cleaning and laundry frenzy immediately before leaving, they'll

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Speaker 2: be wearing filthy rags and there will be flies and

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Speaker 2: spoiled food in the kitchen, the living room. Leever, nothing

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Speaker 2: she dates other people, that's it.

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Speaker 3: But who wants to date her with that?

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Speaker 5: Uh?

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Speaker 2: Literally? Lever? I'm sorry. She doesn't clean, she doesn't do laundry,

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Speaker 2: she doesn't cook, she doesn't know how to care for

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Speaker 2: your child. Bye, you're not co parenting. There's literally no.

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Speaker 3: Reason one parent and one large child and one small child.

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Speaker 4: Yep.

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Speaker 2: If she doesn't like his teacher, she won't make him

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Speaker 2: do homework. She has trouble remembering to give him his meds,

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Speaker 2: literally leave her, so his behavior issues flare up at school.

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Speaker 2: She's also way more willing to just let him skip

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Speaker 2: school than I am, so I always have to play

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Speaker 2: catch up whenever I get back. My family lives too

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Speaker 2: far away to pick up the slack for her, and

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Speaker 2: her family is flighty and unreliable. And what do you

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Speaker 2: want out of this? I want her to stop badgering

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Speaker 2: me to date other people. That's literally it. Oh pee,

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Speaker 2: you are aiming.

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Speaker 4: Too low, Opie.

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Speaker 3: You deserve much more than just don't have to date

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Speaker 3: other people.

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Speaker 2: Oh Pee, she's doing nothing. Yeah, I think that you

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Speaker 2: are grossly underestimating the problems in your relationship. Nothing she's

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Speaker 2: actively taking. I want her to be satisfied with the

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Speaker 2: wind she already got. Someone says, you need to find

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Speaker 2: a new there therapist, and she needs to get her

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Speaker 2: own therapist, and you need your own therapist too, Opie says,

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Speaker 2: in an ideal world, sure, but we don't have the

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Speaker 2: budget to triple our therapy costs. And I don't have

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Speaker 2: the ability to dip out of work in the middle

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Speaker 2: of the day once or twice a week for even

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Speaker 2: more forty five minute chunks of time for even more therapy.

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Speaker 2: And someone says, just close the relationship. Opie says, If

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Speaker 2: I thought that would solve anything, I would, But it wouldn't.

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Speaker 2: She would just be even angrier at me, or she'd

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Speaker 2: just cheat or both. Why did you agree to this

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Speaker 2: if you don't want it, Opie says, I guarantee everyone

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Speaker 2: here has agreed to do something they didn't want to

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Speaker 2: do because a friend or partner asked, I guarantee nobody

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Speaker 2: here has gotten one hundred percent of what they wanted

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Speaker 2: one hundred percent of the time. Sometimes you do, in fact,

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Speaker 2: have to compromise and give in.

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Speaker 3: I feel like wife has pretty much gotten everything. She's

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Speaker 3: she's gotten everything except for her her husband to go

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Speaker 3: sleep around.

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Speaker 2: She literally she got to sleep around with other people.

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Speaker 2: She got to not help with the kid, not learn

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Speaker 2: how to cook, clean, laundry anything. You've gotten nothing for her.

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Speaker 2: Your girl says, she's by, but she have to do.

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Speaker 2: She came out as buy and non monogamous. Those are

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Speaker 2: two different things. That's it. Not expecting much of anything here.

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Speaker 2: Theree is a little bit left to this story. But

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Speaker 2: do you have any final thoughts?

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Speaker 3: Something is up with op that they don't want to leave. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: because they're already doing all of the work already with

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Speaker 3: the kids.

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Speaker 2: There's literally nothing good about this villa being intimate.

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Speaker 3: Clearly because he said, I already said they're not he

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Speaker 3: can't because there's medication, and two said for that, and three,

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Speaker 3: I mean she's looking for it with other people. There's

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Speaker 3: clearly no emotional support because the whole problem with this

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Speaker 3: is that it's emotional attacks and abuse from the wife.

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Speaker 3: So there's no friendship, there's no intimacy, there's no dual childcare.

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Speaker 4: Is it money?

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Speaker 3: Does Opie's wife come from money? And that's what they're

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Speaker 3: using to support the child?

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Speaker 2: I don't know if she has a job. It doesn't

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Speaker 2: even seem like she Well, she must have a she

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Speaker 2: must have a job. She must be doing something, some

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Speaker 2: accounting a kid. Yeah, maybe she's a professional speed dater

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Speaker 2: or something.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. Um, but there's nothing here for op Nope,

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Speaker 3: break up, divorce. You're taking care of the kid anyway,

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Speaker 3: So what really.

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Speaker 2: Is going Yeah, there's nothing. Nothing's gonna change. You don't

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Speaker 2: need her help. Divorce comments deleted wrote do your wife

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Speaker 2: and therapists know that it's much harder to find females

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Speaker 2: who will date an e in m mann op says

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Speaker 2: her point has been one it's depressing that I haven't

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Speaker 2: even tried. Two that she's certain I will be happier

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Speaker 2: when I do it, not if when Jay Bird says,

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Speaker 2: they're acting like you can just run down to the

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Speaker 2: coffee shop and pick up a date that'll agree to

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Speaker 2: spicy sleep with you. Dating is hard work for married

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Speaker 2: E and M dudes, even when they're enthusiastic about doing it.

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Speaker 2: This is totally unfair and unrealistic expectations. Does your couple's

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Speaker 2: therapist have an actual experience doing non monogamy themselves? At it?

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Speaker 2: As a married E and M woman. If I went

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Speaker 2: on a date with a man and any whiff of

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Speaker 2: the scenario came to light, I run for the hills.

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Speaker 2: OHP responds about the therapist, I'm not about to ask

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Speaker 2: her for her dating history, but she advertises as an

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Speaker 2: E and M poly friendly therapist and has good reviews.

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Speaker 2: Ghost P wrote, this doesn't sound like a very fulfilling

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Speaker 2: marriage in general. Have you considered a separation? OHP responds yes,

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Speaker 2: and I'm not there yet. Dang Crimson says, it sounds

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Speaker 2: like you are a solo parent already with a controlling

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Speaker 2: roommate for a wife. Your whole point, too, is full

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Speaker 2: of red flags. She can't feed your kid, or do

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Speaker 2: any cleaning, or keep up with his meds or a

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Speaker 2: firm boundaries around school. She sounds less like a parent

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Speaker 2: and more like a put upon older sibling. Whether or

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Speaker 2: not you're E INM, having personal time to yourself to

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Speaker 2: do things is a no brain or friends take all

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Speaker 2: the conversation about he in and out, and I'm having

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Speaker 2: a hard time seeing how this is a healthy partnership

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Speaker 2: where you evenly divide up tasks and have the time

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Speaker 2: to enjoy things that make you happy. Your wife needs

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Speaker 2: to ask herself why she is so against you taking

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Speaker 2: personal time to do hobbies or connect with your friends.

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Speaker 2: But that's work she needs to do in therapy. This

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Speaker 2: whole trying to strong arm you into effing people is

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Speaker 2: really bearing the lead on some severely underlying problems. And

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Speaker 2: OP responds, your wife needs to ask herself why she's

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Speaker 2: so against you taking personal time to do hobbies or

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Speaker 2: connect with your friends. When I said she doesn't want

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Speaker 2: me to take time off or spend time with friends,

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Speaker 2: I didn't mean to suggest that she's against the idea

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Speaker 2: of me having friends to taking personal time. Sorry for

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Speaker 2: any confusion this may have caused. What I meant to

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Speaker 2: say was that she will not take How about I

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Speaker 2: just go on a walk? Or what if I renewed

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Speaker 2: my gym membership and started doing that again? Or would

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Speaker 2: it be okay if I took a long weekend to

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Speaker 2: fly back home and see my friends instead? As a

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Speaker 2: compromise to me dating other people. That would all have

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Speaker 2: to be in addition to sell. Wilde says, your wife

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Speaker 2: is acting in a very weird and controlling manner. Honestly,

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Speaker 2: what would happen if you put your foot down and

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Speaker 2: drew some boundaries, stop attending couple's therapy, stop engaging in

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Speaker 2: conversations with her. When she tries to insist you date others?

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Speaker 2: What would she do? And that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 5: My wife wants to move across the country for a

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Speaker 5: lower paying job.

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Speaker 2: That seems like a bad idea.

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Speaker 5: My wife was recently offered a job across the country

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Speaker 5: which requires relocation, but also we'll have frequent travel obligations.

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Speaker 5: My wife feels this would be a huge plus to

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Speaker 5: her career, but issue is we have two children and

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Speaker 5: my practice is here. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 5: career v Family And if you want to submit your

357
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,680
Speaker 5: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 5: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,

359
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Speaker 5: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 5: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

361
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Speaker 5: do in the comments, and Opie says what she will

362
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Speaker 5: earn is not even half of what I currently make.

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Speaker 5: She is currently not working, so I told her if

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Speaker 5: she wants to take the job, she would have to

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Speaker 5: help with child care expenses, which would likely include a

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Speaker 5: nanny because I sometimes work nutty hours, depending if I

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Speaker 5: have a mandated hospital shift. She feels this is unfair

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Speaker 5: because she would have to cover her own living expenses

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Speaker 5: and paying for childcare on top of that would leave

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Speaker 5: her with very little. This job is not even providing

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Speaker 5: a relocation bonus. She suggested, we move, but everything we

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Speaker 5: know is here, our children have their friends here, and

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Speaker 5: transferring my medical license is not all that simple. Her

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Speaker 5: final suggestion is she takes the kids, I stay here

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Speaker 5: and cover the cost of childcare expenses, because she claims

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Speaker 5: childcare and cost of living is cheaper, just not cheap

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Speaker 5: enough for her potential salary to sustain sane me being

378
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Speaker 5: a stay at home parent. I want to support her,

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00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:08,560
Speaker 5: but her suggestions seem half baked to me. Any advice, please,

380
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:13,399
Speaker 5: am I The A hole has no consensus bought. OPI

381
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,480
Speaker 5: received the majority not the a holes, along with a

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Speaker 5: few others, and we have some relevant comments. Comment to one,

383
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Speaker 5: not the A hole. I would understand if you were

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Speaker 5: a stay at home dad, that would be reasonable. I

385
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 5: didn't really get. Are you completely against her going to

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00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:34,480
Speaker 5: work or just this one specifically? If this one, then

387
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:39,280
Speaker 5: you are completely justified, especially considering that there are kids involved.

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00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,840
Speaker 5: Ripping them away from their friends is rude and unnecessary.

389
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,360
Speaker 5: Opie says, I am not against her working at all,

390
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,320
Speaker 5: just not in favor of moving to a different state

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Speaker 5: and ope on the long term prospects of staying locally

392
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Speaker 5: for his wife in what she wants to do not great.

393
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,080
Speaker 5: She can leverage her engineering degree to work at a

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Speaker 5: civil engineering firm doing consulting, but she did that prior

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00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 5: and she hated it. Her current offer actually would have

396
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,959
Speaker 5: her working on infrastructure and work on something with meaning.

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00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:16,359
Speaker 5: She is a female engineer and sick of working in consulting.

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00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,200
Speaker 5: She wants to do something that matters. But it is

399
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 5: a big boys club here, which is a factor as

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00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,920
Speaker 5: to why she became a stay at home mom. Comment

401
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,280
Speaker 5: or two says, not the a hole. This seems like

402
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,400
Speaker 5: a really strange situation for a married couple with children

403
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,200
Speaker 5: to be in. On the face of it, your wife

404
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 5: thinking her taking this job is a viable option? Is crazy.

405
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 5: It clearly doesn't make sense in all of the ways

406
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 5: that mattered logistically, financially, emotionally. The fact that she suggests,

407
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,640
Speaker 5: the fact that she suggested she take the kids and

408
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,399
Speaker 5: you stay, is very, very strange. So it makes me

409
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 5: wonder what else is going on. Are you happily married.

410
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,200
Speaker 5: Has she been a stay at home mom for a while.

411
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,440
Speaker 5: Maybe she's worried about not being able to get back

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Speaker 5: into the workforce and thinks she has to take any

413
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 5: opportunity she gets. Have you sat down as a couple

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Speaker 5: to discuss her getting a job and what that will

415
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,680
Speaker 5: look like for your family, what's important? Et cetera. Are

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Speaker 5: you willing for your career to take the back seat

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Speaker 5: for a while so she can re establish herself in

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Speaker 5: her career, et cetera, et cetera. Lack of communication seems

419
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,639
Speaker 5: to be the issue here, but also maybe deeper rooted

420
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 5: problems in your marriage. A downloaded commenter says, as a

421
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 5: medical doctor, he could get a new job easily. He

422
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 5: doesn't say this there is more than one side here.

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00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,399
Speaker 5: An opie responds, it actually is not that simple to

424
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Speaker 5: just go practice in a completely different state where we

425
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 5: would move to is not part of imlc's which is

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00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:52,520
Speaker 5: Interstate Medical Licensure Compact. Also, I cannot just up and

427
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 5: leave my patients like that. Commentar III says, what is

428
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,920
Speaker 5: it about this specific job that has her willing to

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00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 5: leave you on the other side of the country while

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00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 5: she and the kids start a new life. Does she

431
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,679
Speaker 5: know somebody at this job or have connections in the

432
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 5: area that you know of? Seems fishy to me, OPI

433
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 5: responds from what she has told me, she was tapped

434
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 5: for this position by her old professor and mentor from college.

435
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,480
Speaker 5: This is op on if he has his own practice

436
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,640
Speaker 5: or works for someone else. I have my own practice

437
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 5: and also work and teach at our state Learning Hospital,

438
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:33,040
Speaker 5: director of Multiple Sclerosis Center, and director Neurology Residency program.

439
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 5: I specialize in MS. I am sure many would understand,

440
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 5: but many of them would be disappointed, and it would

441
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 5: take time for me to find someone that is willing

442
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 5: to do this, especially at the rates I take. Not

443
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:50,480
Speaker 5: many here take medicaid. Uh and how old are OPI's children?

444
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 5: They are five and eight and an update three days later.

445
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's not great that she's trying to

446
00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 2: mean literally your entire life, right, Uh, for something that's

447
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 2: not even like that great of an opportunity.

448
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 5: Right, less than half of the salary that you guys

449
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 5: are currently living on.

450
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

451
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 5: I wonder too, like the state that they'd be going

452
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:15,200
Speaker 5: to if the cost of living there is just significantly higher.

453
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 2: Or lower, Like yeah, that effect thing. I mean, she

454
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 2: said it was cheaper, but.

455
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 5: She also said that taking a job like that would.

456
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 2: Be really good. Yeah, it's like cheaper and you'd be

457
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,119
Speaker 2: earning less. So is it just the same, right, or

458
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 2: is it you know, worse better at all? This seems

459
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,679
Speaker 2: like a really big decision that Op, he's not on

460
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 2: board for it, So I feel like we shouldn't do it.

461
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 2: We shouldn't split up the family so that she can

462
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:41,880
Speaker 2: pursue this.

463
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, not great. I feel like though, there totally could

464
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 5: be that talk of like, well, do you want to

465
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,879
Speaker 5: go back to work in this state and then we

466
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 5: can set up childcare so can pursue a career. Yeah,

467
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,120
Speaker 5: but yeah, this is exactly it's like, little.

468
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,119
Speaker 2: Let's talk about something that's a little more realistic. Yeah,

469
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 2: and then maybe down the line we can talk about

470
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,880
Speaker 2: that have a little but more time. But yeah, that's

471
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,120
Speaker 2: not agreed.

472
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,360
Speaker 5: Update three days later A brief update. Since I got

473
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 5: some requests, not much has changed. I spoke with our kids,

474
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 5: and of course they like it where we are.

475
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 2: They are kids.

476
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 5: The reason my wife wants to take this job is

477
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,439
Speaker 5: because she feels due to the nature of how she

478
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,920
Speaker 5: got the offer from her old professor slash mentor, and

479
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,439
Speaker 5: that she is also a female engineer, she understands the

480
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 5: weight of her position. My wife is free to do

481
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 5: what she pleases. She does not need my permission, but

482
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,320
Speaker 5: by no means can she expect us to just uproot

483
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 5: everything on the drop of a dime. I would never

484
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 5: ask that of her. I did suggest she'd try to

485
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:45,440
Speaker 5: create her own firm here and find like minded individuals

486
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 5: who share a similar experience and create the work environment

487
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 5: she wants. She is concerned she won't be able to

488
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 5: break through that barrier of entry. I told her we

489
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 5: could find a means to funds adventure, but the logistics

490
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 5: of moving do not make sense at this point. I

491
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,640
Speaker 5: would need at minimum a year to get my affairs

492
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 5: in order. I am working on research, working on opening

493
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 5: an infusion center near the hospital that would take every insurance.

494
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 5: This is a big one for me, since many of

495
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 5: the infusion centers near US do not take certain insurances

496
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 5: because they pay so little. I am also looking to

497
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 5: possibly expand my MS clinic with more providers who are

498
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 5: willing to do this labor of love for our community.

499
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 5: I cannot just drop all of that. I did tell

500
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 5: my wife I have no intention of stopping her, and

501
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 5: if she wishes to go, that is fine, but I

502
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 5: would not be sustaining two households. If she moves. She

503
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,920
Speaker 5: would be responsible for all costs associated with the move.

504
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 5: I will cover our shared expenses and primary residents and

505
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 5: that is all. I will cover everything here and she

506
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:56,440
Speaker 5: would be responsible for her own expenses. I told her

507
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 5: I would probably also lower or get rid of the

508
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 5: credit cards, since I know her she would live off

509
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 5: credit cards if she had to. I will say my

510
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,159
Speaker 5: only thing with that, if she does want to pursue it,

511
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,880
Speaker 5: I don't think it's wrong to give her some sort

512
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 5: of like set up fund to get there, because if

513
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 5: she has been a stay at home mom, she would

514
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,159
Speaker 5: be off come to get you exactly. It would be

515
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 5: like you could be starting at zero.

516
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you want her to do some sort of

517
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 2: startup and stuff, I feel like you could give a

518
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,640
Speaker 2: what's the word like investor, like invest in the business.

519
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeahah. I think that's a fair So if she

520
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,159
Speaker 5: chose to move, you can almost like, yeah, invest in

521
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 5: her movie and she could pay you back. That could

522
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 5: be part of the deal. Or if she's starting with

523
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 5: potentially no savings, yeah tricky. I threw out the option

524
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 5: of requesting to work from home. Three out of four

525
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 5: of the weeks she is not traveling, and we can

526
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 5: take it slow. See what the housing market is like,

527
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 5: see what schools look like. Normal stuff you do before moving.

528
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 5: She was not in favor of waiting, since allegedly they

529
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 5: need her answer by October.

530
00:26:58,560 --> 00:26:59,200
Speaker 2: I have no.

531
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,160
Speaker 5: Desire to divorce, but I am a child of divorce

532
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 5: and was raised by my dad. Overall, his outlook on

533
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,160
Speaker 5: divorce has always been that there is no point fighting

534
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 5: if the person has already checked out. If my wife

535
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 5: wants out, I will respect that. My wife has only

536
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 5: been a stay at home parent for around five years.

537
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 5: It's a long time if your kids are.

538
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,400
Speaker 2: Five and nine, right, So she's been the stand home

539
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 2: parent for basically one of the second entire life, his

540
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 2: entire life. That's that's a long time.

541
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 5: She worked when we had our firstborn and well into

542
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 5: the pregnancy of our second, she took maternity leave, and

543
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 5: when that was done, she went back to work. A

544
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 5: few months after her return, she was passed over for

545
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,880
Speaker 5: a project in contract she did the legwork to secure,

546
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 5: which led her to quit and stay home with the kids.

547
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:48,360
Speaker 5: Our kids have been in daycare and under grandparents' care.

548
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,920
Speaker 5: My mom took two years to help with our firstborn,

549
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 5: her parents took time off for our second. Our second

550
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,920
Speaker 5: has been in academic daycare, as she puts it, since

551
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 5: they were three, so it is not like she does

552
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 5: not get breaks or is always with the children alone.

553
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 5: My hours can be chaotic, but I made her well

554
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 5: aware of this when we started dating and progressing. When

555
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 5: we started dating, I was already vested in our community.

556
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 5: My gut tells me she is going to take the job,

557
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 5: and yes, it possibly will lead to divorce. If that

558
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 5: is the case, given how much traveling she will be doing,

559
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 5: I suspect I would be granted primary custody.

560
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:28,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, how would she have time to take

561
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,160
Speaker 2: care of the kids when she's moving, right, and why

562
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 2: would why would she even take the kids to a

563
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 2: different place.

564
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 5: Sounds like the kids also don't really want to go,

565
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 5: and I feel like the nine year old could potentially

566
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 5: be old enough that that would be something they'd take

567
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 5: into account too.

568
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I just think like kids don't want to go.

569
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 2: If she goes, she's not going to be able to

570
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 2: care for them, right, So it just doesn't really make sense.

571
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 5: I would not take child support from her. I have

572
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 5: no desire or need for it. Sorry for the stream

573
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 5: of consciousness, it is slightly disjointed because this is a

574
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 5: frustrating position to be in. I have no desire to

575
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,959
Speaker 5: be in this position, but I have other responsibilities. I

576
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 5: cannot just drop without prior notice if it comes to divorce.

577
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 5: That is the way it played out, and you just

578
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 5: roll with it. As my parents told me, I will

579
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 5: tell my kids just because they were no longer together

580
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 5: does not mean either of them loved me any less.

581
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 5: Granted it was not a cross country thing in our case.

582
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 5: My parents lived blocks away from one another. It was

583
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 5: a pretty easy transition on my part, and I hope

584
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 5: we can do the same for our kids if need be.

585
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 5: The deal is far worse than I thought, but it

586
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 5: is a small startup thing with a small team who

587
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 5: won the project since they took a huge cut on

588
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 5: their profits. So pay is actually a lot less than

589
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 5: half of what I make, more like one third of

590
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 5: what I make if.

591
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 2: That okay, so really not a good.

592
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 5: Deal thinking about this too, Still not a good deal. Yeah,

593
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 5: but if he is this like crazy doctor with his

594
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 5: own practice and everything, he's probably making a lot.

595
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 2: That it's probably still a lot. Yeah, but you dope,

596
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 2: So still not it just doesn't. Yeah, it seems like

597
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 2: it's just not financially sound all right, Like there's not

598
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 2: enough of a financial benefit to make this huge life change.

599
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 5: I can see how she cannot afford to cover any

600
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 5: shared expenses. She probably will barely be able to cover

601
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 5: her own expenses. We will see, but all signs point

602
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 5: to her taking the job, and we will adjust. But

603
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 5: if divorce happens, it happens. That is life. I do

604
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 5: love my wife, but she is her own person with

605
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 5: free will. Yeah, a little bit more some copies.

606
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, it seems like Opie's very prepared for divorce.

607
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 5: He was like very quickly on the divorce.

608
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 2: Very quickly. It's like I'm not even yeah, you know,

609
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 2: we talked about it. If she decides yet, but that's

610
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 2: kind of it.

611
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, I mean I like having that, like living

612
00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 5: across the country for that would be a little bit weird.

613
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 5: It could want if there's almost like, is there a

614
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 5: chance that if she takes the job and could stay

615
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 5: there for like a year, does she have like some

616
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 5: opportunity to transfer back And we're.

617
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think that there's like if I don't know, like,

618
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 2: let's talk about it a little bit more before we

619
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 2: make these huge descision on both.

620
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 5: Ends, right for sure, because there be details that could

621
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 5: be worked out where it's like we might be across

622
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:23,320
Speaker 5: the country but only for this specified time.

623
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's figure this out.

624
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 5: Some comments Commenter one, so she wants to move across

625
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 5: the country to take a job that wouldn't even sustain

626
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 5: her alone. Op says she barely will be able to

627
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 5: sustain herself allegedly just a temporary thing until they established

628
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 5: themselves as a firm and company. First comment or two says,

629
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 5: if she takes the job, just be careful see a

630
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 5: lawyer about protecting assets in case of divorce, because my

631
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 5: guess is she is by herself across the country, no kids.

632
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 5: It's like the old saying, when the cat's away, the

633
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 5: mice will play. Opie says. If it comes to that,

634
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 5: I would not fight it. I will give her half

635
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 5: of what she is entitled to. Probably would also just

636
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 5: buy her out of the house. Also not going to

637
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 5: sweat the little thing. She clearly does not like it here.

638
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 5: She wants more, and that is fine.

639
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 2: How much?

640
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 5: Or two says I was thinking more about your business

641
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 5: and retirement. I hope I'm wrong, but also was thinking

642
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 5: of doing it behind your back, not asking for divorce.

643
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 5: Opie says that is a good point. Wasn't thinking about that?

644
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 5: And this is Opie's response to a downvoted comment on

645
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 5: what his wife gave up when he was in medical school.

646
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 5: What has she done to help contribute to the household?

647
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 5: Opie says, we were friends when I was in medical school.

648
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 5: We were not dating. She did not quit her job

649
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 5: until our second child was born, and even that was

650
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 5: after a year or so. Leaving my obligations on such

651
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 5: short notice is not possible and far from professional for

652
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 5: us to move. I would at minimum need a year.

653
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 5: Our kids have been in daycare since they were three,

654
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 5: and we had grandparents for each child. She is not

655
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 5: isolated or anything. Yes, I understand she wants a professional career,

656
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 5: but this job, by all metrics, is a bad deal.

657
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 5: Commentar three says, what are your hours now and what

658
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 5: will they be after you expand your clinic. You said

659
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 5: your hours were already chaotic, so I'm just curious. Opie says.

660
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 5: Outside of my mandated hospital shifts, I am home no

661
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 5: later than seven, so around seven to seven once they

662
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 5: go to sleep. I may respond to patients' messages, review

663
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:34,280
Speaker 5: and update notes from twelve to two once a week.

664
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 5: Sometimes I do work weekends since some of my patients

665
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 5: are working parents, so that is the only time they

666
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:43,240
Speaker 5: can come in. But that is about eight to eleven

667
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 5: am only. I only have a handful of weekend patients.

668
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 5: That is a once a month thing, and there's an edit.

669
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 5: I know it is less than ideal, but I have

670
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 5: my reasons for going this far. My grandfather had MS

671
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 5: and it was rough for him. Commenter four says, I

672
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 5: would reconsider child support when the time comes. Your children

673
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 5: are young. If you take the child support and do

674
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:10,759
Speaker 5: something towards their future investments or such, it could dramatically

675
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,959
Speaker 5: change their lives, regardless of how much you earn, save,

676
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 5: et cetera. With young children, it seems like there will

677
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 5: be many challenges that we didn't have to face, and

678
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,680
Speaker 5: a bit extra may make an enormous difference in their

679
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 5: lives and futures. Opie says, maybe ego or pride. But

680
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:30,879
Speaker 5: if we divorce over this, I will not request child

681
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,399
Speaker 5: support and let her use that money how she sees fit.

682
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,320
Speaker 5: Hopefully she would do what is best for our kids.

683
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 5: I don't want to take money from her if we

684
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 5: separate when she claimed she could not afford it. I

685
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 5: would want to limit my interactions with her as much

686
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 5: as I can if she does not pay. I don't

687
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 5: want to have to chase her request hearings if she

688
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 5: does not pay, or deal with her possible adjustments. Thankfully,

689
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 5: I have been saving for our kids from day one.

690
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 5: I will consult my attorney if it does come to it, though,

691
00:34:58,760 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 5: that's the end of that story.

692
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get

693
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads

694
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

695
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 2: I invited my fiance's strange father to our wedding and

696
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 2: he walked out. We can't have the family reunions out.

697
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 2: A wedding gotta approve beforehand and trigger warning for mentions

698
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,839
Speaker 2: of substances. This happened about four months ago. I twenty

699
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 2: six female, have been with my fiance Cody, thirty two male,

700
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:28,320
Speaker 2: or seven years. Our relationship was amazing. We never really argued.

701
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,359
Speaker 2: Both had well above average paying jobs and we've been

702
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:34,280
Speaker 2: living together for five years. Cody doesn't speak to his father,

703
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 2: not because of anything his father did, but because when

704
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,759
Speaker 2: Cody was a horrible person after his mother's passing, he

705
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 2: was using substances and often fought with his father. By

706
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,239
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from Capable Tomorrow twenty one oh four,

707
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:47,799
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

708
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay storytime separate it. I'm Sophia

709
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 2: and I'm Angie, and we're here to give good advice goofully,

710
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

711
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 2: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

712
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 2: do in the comments. The relationship ended and Cody took

713
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:04,879
Speaker 2: his dad's nineteen seventy one Plymouth Kuda. His dad had

714
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,840
Speaker 2: that car for years and it was his pride and joy,

715
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,280
Speaker 2: the type that never got driven except to car shows

716
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 2: that he waxed every weekend religiously. Cody took it on

717
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 2: a joy ride while I picked his little sister, ten

718
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 2: female at the time, up from school in it. Then

719
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:24,400
Speaker 2: crashed the car. Oh gosh, the car was totaled and

720
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 2: his sister was seriously injured in the acts.

721
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 4: Oh no, she.

722
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 2: Survived, but required extensive physical therapy and will have lasting

723
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 2: effects from her injuries. She and Cody occasionally speak, but

724
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 2: the relationship is superficial. His father, James, never forgave him.

725
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 2: He immediately cut Cody off when he was sent to

726
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 2: juvenile detention for three years and hasn't spoken to him since.

727
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,720
Speaker 2: According to his sister, James never wanted to hear anything

728
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,759
Speaker 2: about him. Cody would talk about how he wished he

729
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 2: had his dad, or if he'd see father son scenes

730
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,880
Speaker 2: in movies, he'd get a sad look and make small

731
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 2: references to his own relationship. I know he deeply regrets

732
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 2: what he did and loves his father, but he has

733
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:03,439
Speaker 2: a lot of pride and says he won't reach out

734
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 2: because he doesn't want to apologize for something so long

735
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 2: ago just to get his dad back. He thinks his

736
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 2: father should want to come back because he's his son.

737
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 2: After we got engaged, I decided I'd try to reach

738
00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:16,360
Speaker 2: out to James. I found him on Facebook and explained

739
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,360
Speaker 2: that while Cody wasn't willing to apologize yet, he missed

740
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 2: his father and wanted a relationship with him. James didn't

741
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 2: hesitate and said he would love to attend the wedding.

742
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 2: All of my excitement for our wedding became about my

743
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 2: gift to him his father. But when the wedding came,

744
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 2: as soon as Cody spoke to James, who told him

745
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,840
Speaker 2: I'd invited me, Cody looked at me with a cold,

746
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 2: flat face. He didn't look happy, he had no emotion,

747
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 2: and then he literally walked out on our wedding. I

748
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 2: was hysterical and I'm about to cry right now just

749
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 2: typing this. I was left to deal with all the guests,

750
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 2: the venues, everything. He never came back. After three weeks

751
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:51,720
Speaker 2: of silence from him, I reached out to his sister,

752
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 2: who set up a time for us to speak. He

753
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 2: called me and said he didn't want to see my face.

754
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 2: He yelled at me for going behind his back to

755
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 2: do something like that. How he had told me he

756
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:04,080
Speaker 2: wasn't ready to apologize, and that whatever apology I promised

757
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 2: his father, he would never get ultimately further ruining his relationship.

758
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:11,440
Speaker 2: When I explained that James didn't expect anything that, I

759
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 2: made it clear he didn't want to apologize, but James

760
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 2: didn't care. He went silent. I talked for another five minutes,

761
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,719
Speaker 2: pleading with him to see my intentions were good and

762
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 2: I never gave anybody false expectations before he just hung

763
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 2: up on me. It's been three months since that day

764
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 2: and I've been living in weird limbo. All of his

765
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:30,320
Speaker 2: things are still here. He hasn't picked up clothes or anything.

766
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 2: I started therapy but haven't felt any progression. But two

767
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 2: days James reached out to ask when would be a

768
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 2: good time to pick up Cody's things. I asked him

769
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 2: if Cody had asked him to, and he said yes.

770
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 2: I asked if they were speaking, and again he said yes.

771
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 2: He thanked me for reuniting them and explained how Cody

772
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 2: reached out three months ago after my conversation with him,

773
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 2: and their relationship is on the mend. Cody's living with

774
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 2: him and they've been catching up on life. I mean,

775
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 2: this is not your fault. No, this is not your fault.

776
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 2: You clearly did something good.

777
00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like this is just a wake up

778
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 3: call to Yeah, a relationship that we just shouldn't have

779
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 3: been in.

780
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. I asked him why Cody hasn't reached back out

781
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 2: to me if he ended up reconnecting with him, what

782
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,879
Speaker 2: was he shutting me out for if he wasn't mad

783
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 2: about his father anymore? And James told me that Cody

784
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 2: was deeply betrayed by my actions by going behind his

785
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 2: back and doing something so personally invasive, and that he

786
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 2: just didn't want to be near me. After realizing what

787
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 2: type of person I can be, I feel like the

788
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 2: entire situation is unfair. I realized I shouldn't have gone

789
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 2: behind his back, but he'd expressed several times how he

790
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 2: wished his father would be at the wedding and how

791
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 2: much he wishes he'd had a relationship with him, And

792
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 2: I never gave his father a false hope for an

793
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 2: apology that Cody wasn't willing to give. Yet I'm the

794
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 2: one who got ghosted and they have a great relationship now.

795
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 2: But James is saying that I'm wrong because I went

796
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,279
Speaker 2: behind Cody's back, and that he isn't going to save

797
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 2: me from the consequences of my own actions by convincing

798
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 2: Cody that I did it for him. I'm just at

799
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,319
Speaker 2: a loss, so am I wrong for going behind his back?

800
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:58,439
Speaker 2: Regardless of my intentions? I feel like everything worked out,

801
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,359
Speaker 2: so I don't understand why I was iced out And

802
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 2: there is an edit really quick. My fiance was constantly

803
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 2: stating how he wished his father was at our wedding,

804
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 2: saying things like is it weird? I hope my dad

805
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:10,879
Speaker 2: will be there, like I feel like I'll probably cry

806
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 2: not having my father at my wedding, and also telling

807
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 2: his sister that he wouldn't mind if she invited him.

808
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,279
Speaker 2: He also frequently brought up the subject of his father

809
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 2: anytime the wedding was brought up, saying how he wishes

810
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,799
Speaker 2: he wasn't so prideful it's keeping him from inviting Dad.

811
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 2: I didn't just randomly get the idea to do it

812
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 2: at our wedding. He constantly brought it up. And there

813
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 2: is an update. After speaking with my ex's sister, who

814
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 2: encouraged me to make the post, I wanted to clear

815
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 2: some things up. She's the one who prompted me to

816
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 2: write this because I've been hounding her with are you

817
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 2: sure he wasn't out of line, since she was also

818
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 2: involved in the conflict, and she kept reassuring me that

819
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 2: I wasn't. However, in trying to keep my original post shorter,

820
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:47,759
Speaker 2: I left out a lot of information, partly because I

821
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 2: wasn't trying to include things I felt were irrelevant, and

822
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 2: I wasn't trying to have my ex painted as the

823
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 2: bad guy. I just wanted to know if this was

824
00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 2: on me clarify some things. My ex's sister cut him

825
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,120
Speaker 2: off after his and my conversation in May. Would she

826
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,280
Speaker 2: led him to reunite and move in with his father.

827
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 2: She and I regularly speak.

828
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 5: My ex had a.

829
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 2: Huge habit of never really asking anybody to do anything,

830
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 2: but hinting extremely heavily. You know, I just noticed what

831
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 2: she's calling him, her ex. Yeah, well, I mean after

832
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 2: three months. Yeah, I'm not surprised. Three months. Yeah, like, man,

833
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 2: steaks sounds so good tonight doesn't stakes sound good? I

834
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,840
Speaker 2: wonder if we have some steak until said thing was

835
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:33,880
Speaker 2: offered to him or done for him. It's how he's

836
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:37,480
Speaker 2: always been. I don't remember him ever directly asking me

837
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 2: to do things. It was just known when he wanted

838
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 2: something by his guidance, which is what he did for

839
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 2: the wedding. Oh, I would love if my dad was there,

840
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 2: love if someone could invite my dad. I think I

841
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:49,960
Speaker 2: would cry if my dad wasn't there exactly. And then

842
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 2: suddenly when he is, and he doesn't know how to

843
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,919
Speaker 2: handle his own emotions, he's like, oh, it's your fault,

844
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 2: everyone else's fault. I have to be mad at you.

845
00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 2: Now I have to run away. Yeah. When we got engaged,

846
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 2: he literally hinted four months at how he wanted his

847
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 2: father there and how upset he would be if he

848
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,240
Speaker 2: didn't magically show up. When the car incident happened, James

849
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:11,800
Speaker 2: had to file a police report and press charges against

850
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,319
Speaker 2: Cody in order for his insurance claim to be paid out.

851
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 2: So Cody was charged. My ex never apologized to his

852
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 2: sister or father for the events that transpired. He blamed

853
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,359
Speaker 2: them both for taking three years of his life Hugh

854
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 2: and said he'd apologize when they did, which they never

855
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 2: did obviously, why would they. Wow, it's shocking to me

856
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:33,719
Speaker 2: that James is so welcoming. Yeah. When I mean yeah,

857
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 2: I mean like when Op said, like, oh, he when

858
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 2: he was a terrible person, he did this thing right again,

859
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 2: it seems like he never grew from that incidt. My

860
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 2: ex lost his well paying job back in January after

861
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:45,759
Speaker 2: he got a d Y and they let him go.

862
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:47,960
Speaker 2: He has not been working since. I have been supporting us.

863
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 2: My ex repeatedly made comments about how he leave the

864
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 2: wedding to go get wasted if his father wasn't there,

865
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 2: and how his wedding wouldn't be real without his only

866
00:42:56,120 --> 00:43:00,160
Speaker 2: living parent there. Update two. I arranged for James to

867
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 2: come pick up Cody's things around noon when I'd be

868
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:04,479
Speaker 2: able to leave for a half day from where Cody

869
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 2: ended up coming with him and asked if we could

870
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 2: talk where he said he was willing to forgive me

871
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 2: on the basis that I rebuild and earn his trust back.

872
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:16,040
Speaker 2: This included allowing him to download an app that allows

873
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,280
Speaker 2: him to see everything I do on my phone throughout

874
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 2: the day. I have to be lenient with him and

875
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 2: finding a job because I put him through a lot

876
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 2: of trauma in the past few months and he needs

877
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 2: to heal. I would also need to allow him to

878
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 2: restart our relationship in which were only on the talking stages,

879
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:31,400
Speaker 2: and allow it to progress from there. If it does so,

880
00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 2: he wants to go cheat on you yeah, he's allowed

881
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 2: to talk to other people during this period. He's moving

882
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 2: back in, but he'll be taking the guest room. His

883
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 2: father said nothing to any of this, just sat on

884
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 2: the couch and listened with a blank face. When I

885
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 2: told Cody that I was not interested in working things out,

886
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 2: he kept asking me to repeat myself, before blowing up

887
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 2: about how I could hurt him so deeply and then

888
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 2: not be willing to work it out. I apologized for

889
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 2: hurting him, but told him that he had went on

890
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,759
Speaker 2: about inviting his father for months, to the point that

891
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,439
Speaker 2: I've heard punishment if I didn't invite him. He said

892
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:04,880
Speaker 2: his sister could have. However, she doesn't want to do

893
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 2: anything for him, and she said she'd never invite someone

894
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 2: to someone else's wedding, hence why I felt I had to.

895
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,960
Speaker 2: He says he wasn't mad that I invited his father.

896
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 2: He was mad that a spectacle wasn't made of the event,

897
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 2: which I asked him to elaborate, and he said he

898
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 2: thought I'd do like a bride reveal where he turns,

899
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 2: but instead of it being mead standing there, it was

900
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,960
Speaker 2: his father and a photo shoot. In reality, he just

901
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:29,520
Speaker 2: casually ran into him. During the seating period when everyone

902
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:31,759
Speaker 2: was arriving. He said I had ruined his dream of

903
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:35,560
Speaker 2: the reconnection and betrayed him. I asked them to get

904
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 2: his things and leave because the conversation was just so

905
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 2: baffling to me. James started to pack, but Cody continued

906
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:43,799
Speaker 2: following me around the house, hounding me about why I

907
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,640
Speaker 2: didn't want to work on things and that I didn't

908
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:47,880
Speaker 2: enjoy our life together. I told him he got the

909
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 2: relationship with his father that he wanted and he triggered

910
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,759
Speaker 2: my abandonment issues when he ghosted me in that I'd

911
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 2: drained all my love for him. He stormed out and

912
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:59,399
Speaker 2: James finished packing his things. His sister is at work,

913
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 2: so I haven't debriefed her yet, but this will probably

914
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,360
Speaker 2: be the last thing I post about this, and that's

915
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 2: the last part of the start. Yeah. Ope, stay far

916
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 2: away from that guy, because that is a giant red

917
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,239
Speaker 2: flag of the relationship. Absolutely.

918
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:15,839
Speaker 6: My date refused to let me visit their house and

919
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 6: it made me suspicious.

920
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 2: Oooo, I'm suspicious.

921
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:23,240
Speaker 6: I twenty two female, have been seeing this guy twenty

922
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 6: three male for five months now. He's one of the kindest,

923
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:30,279
Speaker 6: most handsome, and most intelligent men. I've met and I've

924
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 6: had a great time with him so far. We started

925
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 6: kind of casually since I didn't talk to him about

926
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 6: intentions early on, which I usually do, but it got

927
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:42,760
Speaker 6: consistently more serious. He would bring me food before work.

928
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 6: We started texting and calling more frequently, and the feelings

929
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 6: got stronger overall. By the way, this comes from user

930
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,319
Speaker 6: front Astronomer seven five eight one, and if you want

931
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 6: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

932
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 6: Okay storytime subrendit. I'm Dakota and I'm Savannah.

933
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 4: And we're here to give good gooofully. But we don't

934
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 4: always have all the answers.

935
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 6: We just know what we would do in the situation,

936
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 6: So if you would do something different, let us know

937
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 6: in the comments. After about three and a half months,

938
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 6: I asked him what he wanted out of this, because

939
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 6: it was starting to feel like we were just going

940
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:17,360
Speaker 6: to be stuck in a situationship. I told him that

941
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 6: I really liked him, but that if he wasn't wanting

942
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:22,400
Speaker 6: something more serious, I didn't want to keep wasting my

943
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:25,320
Speaker 6: time or his. He told me that he does want

944
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 6: that with me, and that he already considers us together now.

945
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 6: He tells me that he's going to ask me to

946
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 6: be his girlfriend. But for me, I don't know why

947
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 6: he's waiting, and when I asked what would happen if

948
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:38,360
Speaker 6: I asked him, he kind of laughed it off. My

949
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:40,960
Speaker 6: main issue is that he refuses to let me come

950
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 6: to his house or go to his work for lunch.

951
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 6: I can understand the work thing since I used to

952
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:48,759
Speaker 6: work at Amazon, and understand the security issue of it all,

953
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 6: but his house. He's been over to my house a

954
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:53,479
Speaker 6: couple times, and at this point I think I would

955
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:55,080
Speaker 6: have been able to go to his. I've brought this

956
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:56,880
Speaker 6: up to him a few times, and each time he

957
00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 6: has a different excuse. The most recent was that.

958
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,920
Speaker 4: He kept the dog he had with his ex.

959
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 6: According to him, this dog can't leave his room because

960
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 6: it doesn't get along with the other dogs in the house,

961
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 6: and because he keeps that dog in his room, I

962
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:14,440
Speaker 6: can't come over. I'm just getting a weird vibe, especially

963
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 6: since he would rather meet later in the day and

964
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,640
Speaker 6: sit in his car than have me at home.

965
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 4: All of this to say, I'm wondering what to do.

966
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 6: I mostly wonder if telling him, if you can't take

967
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 6: me to your house, I think we shouldn't keep seeing.

968
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:28,759
Speaker 4: Each other is worth it, or if I should just go.

969
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 6: I'd like to make it work with him, because I

970
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 6: really do love him, but I can't get over the

971
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 6: feeling that he's keeping something hidden. Come at one says,

972
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,879
Speaker 6: people are jumping into conclusions that he's cheating and you're

973
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 6: the other woman.

974
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:40,760
Speaker 4: That seems hasty.

975
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 6: Maybe he has like two hundred piss bottles sitting next

976
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 6: to his desk commet to So in five months, he's

977
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 6: been to your place only twice, and you've never gone

978
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 6: to his place, so you've been alone in private only

979
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 6: two times. This sounds like one of the most chaste

980
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 6: flings imaginable. How long is he gonna keep his ex's dog, since,

981
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,840
Speaker 6: according to him, that second dog is the only obstacle

982
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,319
Speaker 6: to you getting together at his place? There are as

983
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,560
Speaker 6: many red flags in this relationship as there are in

984
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 6: this post itself.

985
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:09,359
Speaker 4: I'm dubious, but if this post is for.

986
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 6: Real, then he's lying about something, or is just a weirdo,

987
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 6: or both, and you should scram OHP says yeah, I

988
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 6: know it's a pretty odd situation for sure.

989
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 4: That's why I put it here.

990
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 6: I've never posted anything, but I just wanted to make

991
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 6: sure that I wasn't just jumping to conclusions and was

992
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:28,280
Speaker 6: looking for insight, like if anyone's been in a similar

993
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:32,160
Speaker 6: situation or just gaining an unclouded perspective. Definitely gonna talk

994
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 6: to him one more time and if nothing changes, I'll

995
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:36,880
Speaker 6: call it. Reply, says, tell him. You can't be in

996
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:39,440
Speaker 6: a relationship with someone who isn't available. If he ever

997
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:41,759
Speaker 6: reaches a situation where he can invite you over and

998
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 6: you're still single, to contact you, No, just leave him. Yeah,

999
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 6: for God's sakes, people, you could just leave this man

1000
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 6: and move on with your life.

1001
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 2: I feel like.

1002
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 7: People, like, especially like women, are like really nice, like

1003
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 7: when they first start out, because.

1004
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,960
Speaker 5: It's like, woh who he's like me.

1005
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:00,320
Speaker 7: And then it's like, oh my gosh, I need to

1006
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 7: be really overcompensating, like to make sure that he knows that,

1007
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:07,239
Speaker 7: like I can provide and I can take care of him,

1008
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 7: and I can do this, and motherly.

1009
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:11,200
Speaker 2: Instincts, other instincts.

1010
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:12,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're you're dating a piss bottle freak.

1011
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:14,520
Speaker 6: He won't let you in his house, but then block

1012
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 6: him for a good long while for whatever reason. He

1013
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 6: isn't available if he's trying to cheat on a girlfriend

1014
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 6: or wife. I'd say never be in contact again. Have

1015
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:23,719
Speaker 6: you done a Google search to see who else is

1016
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 6: connected to his name and address? WHOA, I feel like

1017
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:31,840
Speaker 6: these people are freaks, Oh, he replies, Yes, I have googled,

1018
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:35,080
Speaker 6: but he isn't on anything like at all. He's got

1019
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:37,319
Speaker 6: a pretty unique name, but literally the only thing I

1020
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 6: could find is his address and whose name is on

1021
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:42,759
Speaker 6: the house, So just him and his mom. Update I

1022
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 6: twenty two female just met up with the guy I've

1023
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:46,240
Speaker 6: been seeing.

1024
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 4: Twenty three male.

1025
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 6: Thank you everyone for your recommendations in the original post.

1026
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 6: I think it's worth mentioning that he does live with

1027
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 6: his mom, and he's been open about that from the start.

1028
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:57,239
Speaker 6: I took someone's advice from this last post and looked

1029
00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:59,760
Speaker 6: him up on Google. It's his name and his mom's

1030
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:01,840
Speaker 6: name the house. I brought up the house again and

1031
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:04,160
Speaker 6: told him that I wasn't trying to sound accusatory, but

1032
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,319
Speaker 6: the reasons he's giving me for why I can't come

1033
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 6: to his house seem a little off. I asked more

1034
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:09,840
Speaker 6: about the dog in his room and why he couldn't

1035
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:11,879
Speaker 6: let him run around in his backyard for a little

1036
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:13,839
Speaker 6: bit while I came in. He said he doesn't like

1037
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 6: the backyard and that the dog would claw his way back.

1038
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:17,800
Speaker 4: Into the house.

1039
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 6: I asked about the other dog that doesn't get along

1040
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 6: with the first one, and he said she's aggressive and

1041
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:23,839
Speaker 6: he doesn't know how she would handle me. I asked

1042
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:26,279
Speaker 6: again why she couldn't just chill in the backyard while

1043
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,719
Speaker 6: I came in, but he had no answer. He then

1044
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:30,360
Speaker 6: told me that he and his mom have had a

1045
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:33,040
Speaker 6: series of targeted break ins since he was in high school,

1046
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:34,919
Speaker 6: and he doesn't want me going to his house because

1047
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 6: he doesn't want something to happen while I'm there. I

1048
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:39,280
Speaker 6: can understand that, which you shouldn't.

1049
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 2: No, what do I understand?

1050
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:41,359
Speaker 4: What?

1051
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 2: What part of it?

1052
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 4: I understand?

1053
00:50:43,239 --> 00:50:45,759
Speaker 6: But he had someone living at the house before, so

1054
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:48,000
Speaker 6: why was there no concern for her safety?

1055
00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:49,600
Speaker 4: He said he doesn't like to be at.

1056
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,560
Speaker 6: Home and doesn't want to bring me into an environment

1057
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 6: that he himself isn't comfortable in. I asked if his

1058
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,200
Speaker 6: mom would be a concern. He told me before that

1059
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 6: she would love me and is accepting, but I was

1060
00:50:58,520 --> 00:50:59,959
Speaker 6: trying to get to the bottom of it. He said

1061
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 6: she would have to meet me before I just came

1062
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 6: over and went to his room. I told him I

1063
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:06,479
Speaker 6: was never trying to just go to his room. Even

1064
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,360
Speaker 6: stopping by and coming in for a second would have

1065
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:10,439
Speaker 6: been more than fine. Feel like I'm being kept from

1066
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 6: something or that he's hiding something. I asked him he

1067
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 6: doesn't see this relationship as serious enough to meet his mom,

1068
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 6: which I would understand, but he said no, he loves me,

1069
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 6: and maybe I don't feel the same way, but he's

1070
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 6: really genuine in his feelings for me.

1071
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:22,799
Speaker 4: There's a little bit.

1072
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:25,959
Speaker 6: More story here, girl, I swear, girl, leave this man.

1073
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:28,800
Speaker 6: He is hiding something from you. And if he's willing

1074
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,640
Speaker 6: to go to this extent to just like blatantly like

1075
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 6: lie or like keep something from you, you should not

1076
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:38,280
Speaker 6: stay with him because guess what, he's probably lying about

1077
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 6: his feelings for you.

1078
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:42,239
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's true. I feel like in this type.

1079
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:44,880
Speaker 4: Of Cuatian ship question mark, Yes.

1080
00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 7: Yeah, this, it's like you don't owe him anything. And

1081
00:51:47,560 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 7: if he's being weird, why would you want to like,

1082
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:52,080
Speaker 7: you know, and why would you want to stay if

1083
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 7: one you're not even you know, like you don't have

1084
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 7: to stay with him, right, like you don't.

1085
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,600
Speaker 2: There's no like obligation, no, So.

1086
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:00,759
Speaker 7: I just don't understand, like I feel like, you know,

1087
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:05,120
Speaker 7: there's just some weird, suspicious red flags and I would

1088
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 7: just kind of, you know, be weary. But I mean

1089
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 7: I also get it because I will literally like come

1090
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:12,279
Speaker 7: up with any excuse, but that's bad, and don't do that.

1091
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:17,400
Speaker 6: Yes from the horse's mouth to not do this. He

1092
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,279
Speaker 6: asked me to be his girlfriend, and I told him yes,

1093
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:23,359
Speaker 6: but I can't be in a relationship with someone who

1094
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:24,879
Speaker 6: seems like they have something to hide.

1095
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,279
Speaker 4: He said that once the dog is gone, I can

1096
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 4: come over, but I don't know.

1097
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 2: I'm not so sure though the dog is gone, who is.

1098
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 4: At his house? Because he has a wife who basement.

1099
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 6: Someone is in that house that he cannot let you see.

1100
00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 6: I feel bad doubting him after he told me about

1101
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:50,960
Speaker 6: the break kids. But still, if someone else lived there before,

1102
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:54,160
Speaker 6: why can't I stop by for a couple of minutes.

1103
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 6: That's all you're asking for is to just pop in

1104
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:01,320
Speaker 6: five minutes, meet his mom, leave, And he's like the burglars, No,

1105
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 6: the burglars, you can lers.

1106
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,960
Speaker 2: Are coming in. The dogs don't like you, and everything's

1107
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 2: gonna blow up.

1108
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:07,640
Speaker 4: It's not safe.

1109
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:10,000
Speaker 6: My dog hates the outdoors and my other dog will

1110
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 6: eat you alive, and I'm uncomfortable in the house, and

1111
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:13,879
Speaker 6: the burglars will find you.

1112
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 4: This guy's crazy.

1113
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 6: I don't know if I should take this as an

1114
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:20,320
Speaker 6: elaborate excuse or have more understanding, because it sounds like

1115
00:53:20,360 --> 00:53:21,480
Speaker 6: a complicated situation.

1116
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 4: I don't want to brush off his experiences.

1117
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:25,879
Speaker 6: I'll do one more update if I get solid proof

1118
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 6: of something, but otherwise I'll.

1119
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 4: Probably end it with him, Thank God good.

1120
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:32,359
Speaker 6: If it's something I can't get over and he won't

1121
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 6: let me come over, that's probably the only option.

1122
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 4: And we've got some comments from a male comet one

1123
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 4: this is nuts.

1124
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:39,200
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1125
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:39,759
Speaker 4: I'll okay.

1126
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 2: So it's not just the female brain, it's also the

1127
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:42,040
Speaker 2: male brain.

1128
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:46,279
Speaker 6: Is that's also a male This is insanity. Something is

1129
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:50,960
Speaker 6: seriously wrong with this situation. His reasons are nonsense, and

1130
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 6: his constant excuses are beyond ridiculous.

1131
00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:54,760
Speaker 2: It's true.

1132
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:59,239
Speaker 6: The red flags couldn't be any bigger or redder. Move on,

1133
00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:03,320
Speaker 6: please for your sake. Comment to says there's definitely something

1134
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:05,799
Speaker 6: going on here. You should never have agreed to be

1135
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 6: their girlfriend without them showing action and not just words.

1136
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 6: It sounds like he's talking about rehoming one of the dogs.

1137
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 6: So what's the timeline on that. What's going to happen

1138
00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:16,800
Speaker 6: if he doesn't live up to that and allowing you

1139
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:18,319
Speaker 6: at the house. There could be a lot of things

1140
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:21,000
Speaker 6: going on. He could be dating someone else, He could

1141
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,560
Speaker 6: be a hoarder, he could be lying about a substance

1142
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:26,759
Speaker 6: habit and doesn't want you to see the way he lives. Ultimately,

1143
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:28,920
Speaker 6: do you really want to be with a partner that

1144
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 6: is acting this way? Honestly, since you already agreed to

1145
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 6: be their girlfriend, which I think is a bad idea.

1146
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:36,279
Speaker 6: I would talk to them about a timeline of when

1147
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:39,240
Speaker 6: they're getting the dog rehomed and see if they stick

1148
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:41,960
Speaker 6: to that timeline. It shouldn't be a very long timeline,

1149
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:43,960
Speaker 6: like a week, for instance. And if the dog is

1150
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,279
Speaker 6: still there and nothing is changed, break up with them

1151
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:48,840
Speaker 6: because they're not going to change. Break up with him anyway,

1152
00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 6: because this is a giant walking the reddest biggest, reddest flag.

1153
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:57,279
Speaker 6: It's the size of the moon if the moon was red, that.

1154
00:54:57,360 --> 00:55:00,080
Speaker 4: Is this guy. Get out of here. Is the the

1155
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,879
Speaker 4: end of that story. Here's johni og Host here. We're

1156
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:04,359
Speaker 4: gonna get back to the stories. But here's a quick

1157
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 4: three minute break of ass from we're sponsors.

1158
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 7: My girlfriend controls every part of my life just because

1159
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:11,000
Speaker 7: I forgot to text her.

1160
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 4: That seems unreasonable.

1161
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 7: My girlfriend forty seven female and I thirty four male,

1162
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:20,200
Speaker 7: are in a long distance relationship where she's a couple

1163
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:23,000
Speaker 7: hours away from me and can only really come visit

1164
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 7: me once a month for a couple days at a time.

1165
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:27,759
Speaker 7: We met playing a game and we originally hit it

1166
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 7: off and.

1167
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 2: Things were going really well.

1168
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:33,000
Speaker 7: We've been together for almost two years now and spend

1169
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:36,279
Speaker 7: literally every day together when we're not at work. By

1170
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:39,719
Speaker 7: the way, this comes from you, throw Ara's six one

1171
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:43,640
Speaker 7: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1172
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:45,000
Speaker 7: to Okay Stories.

1173
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 2: I sub read it.

1174
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:49,440
Speaker 7: My name's Savannah, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give

1175
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:50,840
Speaker 7: you some good advice.

1176
00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 2: Goofully.

1177
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,320
Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers.

1178
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 2: We only know what we do, so let us know.

1179
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 4: What you do in the comments.

1180
00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:59,880
Speaker 7: Over time, I've started seeing just how controlling and manipulative

1181
00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:02,320
Speaker 7: she can be. It started when I had an event

1182
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:04,640
Speaker 7: for work that caused me to be in another city

1183
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 7: about an hour and a half drive from me for

1184
00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 7: a couple of days. My work paid for a hotel

1185
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:12,719
Speaker 7: and travel expenses. But when I told her about that

1186
00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 7: upcoming event, I immediately noticed her mood chain. She started

1187
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 7: acting very guarded and concerned, but wouldn't say what was

1188
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 7: eating at hers. She would only respond with I hope

1189
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:26,680
Speaker 7: you have fun. After some coaxing, I finally got it

1190
00:56:26,719 --> 00:56:29,120
Speaker 7: out of her that she was concerned I might go

1191
00:56:29,239 --> 00:56:32,720
Speaker 7: up there and meet someone else. She's been married twice before,

1192
00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:35,279
Speaker 7: and apparently both of her previous husbands had claimed they

1193
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 7: were going on in business trips and ended up hooking

1194
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:39,600
Speaker 7: up with people during that time. So I made the

1195
00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 7: compromise that instead of staying in the hotel my work

1196
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:44,920
Speaker 7: was paying for, I'd drive back home every night and

1197
00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:47,359
Speaker 7: then back up there in the morning. Since it wasn't

1198
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:50,200
Speaker 7: a terribly long drive. She was still guarded, but that

1199
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:52,959
Speaker 7: seemed to do the trick to commerce concerns. Over time,

1200
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:55,760
Speaker 7: I've just noticed things that stood out to me as odd.

1201
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 7: I don't use any social media, but I do have

1202
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:02,320
Speaker 7: accounts from when I was younger, such as Facebook and Instagram.

1203
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:04,640
Speaker 7: One day, she got super aggressive with me out of

1204
00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:08,319
Speaker 7: nowhere and became extremely stand offish. After finally getting her

1205
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 7: to say more than one word, to me. She told

1206
00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:13,719
Speaker 7: me she's always had self esteem issues. That day, she

1207
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 7: decided to look through literally every inch of my social

1208
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 7: media accounts to see what I was following and who

1209
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:22,600
Speaker 7: I was friends with, and she instantly felt like she

1210
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:26,440
Speaker 7: wasn't meeting my standards because a few of the pages

1211
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 7: I followed were of the risque nature. I told her

1212
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 7: to make a list of the accounts that bothered her

1213
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 7: and I would unfollow them, but assured her that I

1214
00:57:35,840 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 7: don't even use those accounts anymore and I don't even

1215
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:41,000
Speaker 7: think about looking at Instagram, though I don't even remember

1216
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 7: what I was following on there. She did, and I

1217
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:46,320
Speaker 7: deleted them and we moved on. There have been instances

1218
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 7: where I've wanted to go out with some coworkers for

1219
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 7: dinner or drinks. They've been few and far between, but

1220
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:55,240
Speaker 7: I'm newer to the city I now live and work in,

1221
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:58,120
Speaker 7: so I don't know anyone here outside of work. I

1222
00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:00,800
Speaker 7: figured it'd be a good opportunity to make some friends

1223
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:03,760
Speaker 7: and get out and socialize. It's only been like two

1224
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:05,560
Speaker 7: to three times that I went out with the guys

1225
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:08,520
Speaker 7: from work, but every single time she basically interrogates me

1226
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 7: about it, asking where I'm going, what I'm going to

1227
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,160
Speaker 7: be doing, who I'm going with, Are there going to

1228
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:15,400
Speaker 7: be any females with us, when I'm going to be home,

1229
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 7: et cetera. I answer every one of her questions, but

1230
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:21,040
Speaker 7: things still obviously don't sit right with her. It's like

1231
00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:23,200
Speaker 7: she doesn't want me to have friends or anyone in

1232
00:58:23,240 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 7: my life other than her and my family.

1233
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:30,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, oohoo boo.

1234
00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:32,320
Speaker 4: That's the alarm siren going off.

1235
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:35,040
Speaker 2: Brother, that wasn't me getting my tires changed.

1236
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:37,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the five alarm bell.

1237
00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:40,440
Speaker 7: Even though she says that she's fine with it, it's plainly

1238
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:43,280
Speaker 7: obvious that that's not the case. So I go out

1239
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:45,520
Speaker 7: with my coworkers, I have a few drinks and dinner.

1240
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:48,080
Speaker 7: I text her throughout the night to give her updates

1241
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 7: on what I'm doing and when I'm going to be home,

1242
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:52,080
Speaker 7: so that she can be kept in the loop. Jill

1243
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 7: even go as far as to ask me to take

1244
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:56,240
Speaker 7: a picture of me and my coworkers together as proof.

1245
00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:59,400
Speaker 7: When I get home, she continues with the interrogation, asking

1246
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:02,320
Speaker 7: me for very specific details on everything that I did,

1247
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:04,320
Speaker 7: like she's trying to catch me in a lie or something.

1248
00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:08,040
Speaker 7: She's become extremely controlling over so many aspects of my life,

1249
00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:10,320
Speaker 7: and I've let her do it. She basically controls what

1250
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 7: I do when I get off work or on the weekends,

1251
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:16,720
Speaker 7: because pretty much from the moment I get home until bedtime,

1252
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 7: we're in discord together playing games or watching a movie. Overnight,

1253
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:23,520
Speaker 7: she insists that we stay in discord while we're sleeping

1254
00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 7: so that she can hear me sleeping if she wakes up.

1255
00:59:26,520 --> 00:59:30,120
Speaker 7: The latest incident that was finally the straw that broke

1256
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:33,400
Speaker 7: the camel's back was this last Friday, I got invited

1257
00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:35,280
Speaker 7: to go out with some coworkers for drinks. We were

1258
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 7: celebrating a couple people's recent promotions at work, so I

1259
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 7: told her I was going to be going out with

1260
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:42,560
Speaker 7: some coworkers for drinks and I would let her know

1261
00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:45,440
Speaker 7: when i'd be going home. We went through the same routine,

1262
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:49,280
Speaker 7: her grilling me on every minute detail of the plan

1263
00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 7: et cetera. Now I go out with these guys and

1264
00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:54,000
Speaker 7: we go to the bar as planned, but we decide

1265
00:59:54,040 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 7: to go to another bar instead of calling a night.

1266
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:57,120
Speaker 2: So I tell her that.

1267
00:59:57,480 --> 01:00:00,480
Speaker 7: I'm going to stay out later than I originally planned,

1268
01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 7: and that I would let her know when I'm home

1269
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:05,440
Speaker 7: and whatnot, and she just responds with okay and leaves

1270
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 7: it at that. Unfortunately, I ended up having way too

1271
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,040
Speaker 7: much to drink and had to uber home. When I

1272
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:13,720
Speaker 7: got home, it was all I could do to stumble

1273
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:17,000
Speaker 7: into my place, and I passed out before I even

1274
01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 7: hit the bed. I woke up around seven am and

1275
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:22,680
Speaker 7: realized I never told her I got home. I immediately

1276
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:26,440
Speaker 7: texted her and apologized and explain what happened. She immediately

1277
01:00:26,800 --> 01:00:29,440
Speaker 7: facetimed me and asked me to show her my room.

1278
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:32,120
Speaker 7: I'm assuming to make sure I'm telling the truth about

1279
01:00:32,120 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 7: being home and to make sure nobody was with me.

1280
01:00:34,480 --> 01:00:37,479
Speaker 7: She proceeded to absolutely break down, crying and started telling

1281
01:00:37,480 --> 01:00:39,640
Speaker 7: me that she didn't sleep at all that night because

1282
01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:40,800
Speaker 7: she started thinking that I.

1283
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 2: Was secretly out with another girl.

1284
01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:45,000
Speaker 7: She started saying things like, you maybe like this.

1285
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:45,840
Speaker 2: You did this to me.

1286
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:49,280
Speaker 7: I hope you had fun and it was worth making

1287
01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:52,520
Speaker 7: me feel this way, things like that. I get it

1288
01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:54,880
Speaker 7: that I messed up and I drank too much and

1289
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 7: I didn't let her know. That's absolutely on me, but

1290
01:00:58,120 --> 01:00:59,920
Speaker 7: the way she was saying things made it sound like

1291
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 7: I did all of this on purpose to hurt her.

1292
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:05,080
Speaker 7: She then proceeded to say stuff along the lines of

1293
01:01:05,280 --> 01:01:07,240
Speaker 7: you can never do this to me again, I don't

1294
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:09,760
Speaker 7: want you to go out with your coworkers anymore, to

1295
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:12,440
Speaker 7: which I really didn't even have a response. I just

1296
01:01:12,440 --> 01:01:14,840
Speaker 7: don't know what to do anymore. I'm at my wits end.

1297
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:18,560
Speaker 7: She has so many other controlling characteristics that just don't

1298
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 7: sit right with me, but I let her do them anyway.

1299
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:24,480
Speaker 7: It seems like she's always complaining about someone or something,

1300
01:01:24,560 --> 01:01:26,919
Speaker 7: whether it be someone at work being an a hole

1301
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:29,800
Speaker 7: to her, or her mom, or her kids, or the

1302
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:33,480
Speaker 7: drivers on the road, she always gotta complain about someone else.

1303
01:01:33,560 --> 01:01:36,200
Speaker 7: She's always the victim in every situation she's in, and

1304
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:38,240
Speaker 7: she never owns up to being the cause of anything

1305
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:40,680
Speaker 7: negative in her life. If I'm having a bad day

1306
01:01:40,680 --> 01:01:42,240
Speaker 7: from work, she's having.

1307
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:42,919
Speaker 4: A worse day.

1308
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:46,040
Speaker 7: If I have something good happened, such as my recent promotion,

1309
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:48,320
Speaker 7: then she had a fight with her mom or something.

1310
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:50,480
Speaker 7: I'll try and talk about something good and she insists

1311
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:52,000
Speaker 7: on bringing up something negative instead.

1312
01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:54,480
Speaker 4: Who are you gonna break up with a Please? Please

1313
01:01:54,520 --> 01:01:55,680
Speaker 4: break up with her now?

1314
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:56,520
Speaker 2: Break up?

1315
01:01:56,560 --> 01:02:00,800
Speaker 4: Go ahead, go ahead, break up maybe next time, Like, don't.

1316
01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:01,760
Speaker 2: With this for so long?

1317
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 7: Yeah, sometimes you have to go through it to learn

1318
01:02:04,360 --> 01:02:04,840
Speaker 7: it's true.

1319
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:06,760
Speaker 4: Now you know, you better know and don't let it

1320
01:02:06,800 --> 01:02:07,400
Speaker 4: happen again.

1321
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:10,840
Speaker 7: I'm a generally pretty positive guy. I like to see

1322
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:12,720
Speaker 7: the good in situations, and I don't like to dwell

1323
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:15,640
Speaker 7: on something bad that happened, But she insists on only

1324
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:20,400
Speaker 7: seeing the bad. Those kinds of things hold permanent residency

1325
01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:22,840
Speaker 7: in her mind, and she refuses to let things go

1326
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:25,320
Speaker 7: even when it doesn't pertain to her. How do I

1327
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:28,000
Speaker 7: finally get out of this controlling relationship? I feel like

1328
01:02:28,040 --> 01:02:31,080
Speaker 7: she gaslates me into making her past trauma be my fault,

1329
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:33,760
Speaker 7: and she insists on trying to bring my mood down

1330
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:35,360
Speaker 7: when all I do is try to be kind and

1331
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:36,000
Speaker 7: caring to her.

1332
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:38,160
Speaker 4: Okay, buddy, we got some comments coming up.

1333
01:02:38,320 --> 01:02:40,160
Speaker 2: Comments commet one end it.

1334
01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:43,160
Speaker 7: She needs her past issues addressed. She can't do right

1335
01:02:43,200 --> 01:02:46,200
Speaker 7: by anyone until she does write to herself, Opie. I've

1336
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:48,240
Speaker 7: told her that she should talk to a counselor or

1337
01:02:48,240 --> 01:02:51,360
Speaker 7: a therapist before to address those issues, because I know

1338
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:53,760
Speaker 7: that is the best way for her to get over

1339
01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:55,960
Speaker 7: that past trauma. But it's like it goes in one

1340
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:58,400
Speaker 7: ear and out the other, and she refuses to get

1341
01:02:58,440 --> 01:03:01,240
Speaker 7: professional help. So I've stopped mentioning it because all it

1342
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:04,120
Speaker 7: does is start a fight. Comment to break up over

1343
01:03:04,240 --> 01:03:07,240
Speaker 7: phone call or video chat. Don't go see her in person.

1344
01:03:07,680 --> 01:03:10,000
Speaker 7: Make the conversation short and to the point. It's not

1345
01:03:10,040 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 7: working out between us. We're not compatible. I'm breaking up

1346
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:15,440
Speaker 7: with you. Do not contact me again. That's it. No

1347
01:03:15,520 --> 01:03:18,240
Speaker 7: need to explain why. You'll probably cry, beg you, guilt,

1348
01:03:18,240 --> 01:03:21,200
Speaker 7: trip you, or threaten to unlive herself. It will be messy,

1349
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,960
Speaker 7: but you will need to stay firm in your decision

1350
01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:26,960
Speaker 7: and don't fall for her manipulations. Hang up on her

1351
01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:30,200
Speaker 7: when she starts spirally. Remember you are not responsible for

1352
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:32,760
Speaker 7: her emotions or how she's going to react to the breakup.

1353
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:35,120
Speaker 7: Put her belongings in a box outside of your home

1354
01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:37,000
Speaker 7: and text her where they are. Do not meet her

1355
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:39,040
Speaker 7: in person, Delete and block her number after that.

1356
01:03:39,120 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 6: I mean, honestly, I don't know if there are any

1357
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:42,920
Speaker 6: belongings in his home that's hers.

1358
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:46,040
Speaker 7: She might start to stalk you, so protect yourself.

1359
01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:47,240
Speaker 4: She might she sounds a little.

1360
01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:50,200
Speaker 7: Change your locks if she has keys to your place,

1361
01:03:50,280 --> 01:03:52,680
Speaker 7: put up security cameras. Be sure to tell your friends

1362
01:03:52,720 --> 01:03:54,560
Speaker 7: and family what happens, so that they know to be

1363
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:56,960
Speaker 7: on a lookout for her good luck and stay strong.

1364
01:03:57,080 --> 01:03:57,960
Speaker 2: Oh Pee, thank you.

1365
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:00,000
Speaker 7: Yeah, you've hit the nail on the head with feeling

1366
01:04:00,080 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 7: responsible for her emotions. It's felt like that's been the

1367
01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:05,240
Speaker 7: case for a while now, like if I'm not actively

1368
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:07,600
Speaker 7: doing everything I can to make her happy, it's not

1369
01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:09,720
Speaker 7: good enough for her. It's been so hard trying to

1370
01:04:09,760 --> 01:04:11,760
Speaker 7: keep up with her mood swings when it comes to that,

1371
01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:14,680
Speaker 7: because she'll say that I'm not making her feel important

1372
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:17,720
Speaker 7: enough when I quite literally spend every moment I'm not

1373
01:04:17,760 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 7: at work with her, and even when I'm at work,

1374
01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:23,520
Speaker 7: she's all but insisted that I call her on my break,

1375
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 7: so I don't even get the opportunity to chat with

1376
01:04:25,800 --> 01:04:28,240
Speaker 7: coworkers during those times. I don't think she'll go to

1377
01:04:28,320 --> 01:04:31,360
Speaker 7: the lengths of stalking me or threatening anything, but I

1378
01:04:31,440 --> 01:04:33,920
Speaker 7: fully believe she'll try to guilt trip me and whatnot,

1379
01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:36,479
Speaker 7: because that seems like her go to whenever things don't

1380
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:38,680
Speaker 7: go exactly how she wants them to go. But I'll

1381
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:41,040
Speaker 7: definitely take your advice on telling my friends and family

1382
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:43,360
Speaker 7: about it in case she messages them or something. My

1383
01:04:43,480 --> 01:04:46,760
Speaker 7: family lives in a completely different stage, so I don't

1384
01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:48,840
Speaker 7: think they'll have to worry about anything other than a

1385
01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:50,000
Speaker 7: message or something.

1386
01:04:50,160 --> 01:04:51,840
Speaker 2: I'll be honest. I should have ended.

1387
01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:54,600
Speaker 7: Things a long time ago, but anytime I started to

1388
01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:57,120
Speaker 7: get that feeling of needing to do so, she ends

1389
01:04:57,200 --> 01:05:00,480
Speaker 7: up playing the whole wounded bird scenario and play on

1390
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:03,520
Speaker 7: my empathy. I end up staying instead because I feel

1391
01:05:03,520 --> 01:05:04,640
Speaker 7: the need to fix things.

1392
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:06,680
Speaker 2: I get it. I'm the same way. O. P.

1393
01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:09,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't don't. Don't do that.