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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Keon and this is Angie, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from our sponsors that keep the show running.

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Speaker 3: My house guest took our stuff for months and had

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Speaker 3: the nerve to demand I return his things.

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Speaker 2: Well, one thief, does it make a second thief a

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Speaker 2: good thief?

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Speaker 3: Ten or eleven months ago, a blast from the past

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Speaker 3: friend of mine female thirties fiance has contacted him and

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Speaker 3: announced that he Dug male forties was moving into town.

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Speaker 3: And to be clear, I think Op's female thirties and

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Speaker 3: the fiance's friend is Doug. He asked if he could

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Speaker 3: crash for a bit while he was looking for a place.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from mug Madness and if

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Speaker 3: you would admit your don stories, go to the r

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Speaker 3: slash Okay Storytime Separate.

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Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I am the marker man Dakota.

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Speaker 3: You know who I am, and we're here to give

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Speaker 3: good advice goofy, but we don't know everything. That guy

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Speaker 3: has a bunch of markers on him.

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Speaker 2: I know I've I've got thirty dry erase markers next

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Speaker 2: to me.

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Speaker 4: Right now.

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Speaker 3: But if you know something beyond counting, let us know

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Speaker 3: in the comments and hope he says. To make a

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Speaker 3: very long story short, Doug grossly overstayed is welcome, nice

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Speaker 3: guy to be around for lunch or drink, but completely

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Speaker 3: socially unaware as a roommate, moved our stuff around without asking,

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Speaker 3: broke or damaged things, used things and promised to replace them,

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Speaker 3: and then took the replacements when he moved. I could

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Speaker 3: go on and on. We finally gave Doug a deadline,

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Speaker 3: even delivering him a new place on a silver platter.

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Speaker 3: A friend and coworker of mine needed someone to share

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Speaker 3: the mortgage while he looked for work in his home

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Speaker 3: state where he was moving back to. At the point

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Speaker 3: my friend moves, Doug will have the house to himself

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Speaker 3: or get a roommate if he wants. He's been living

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Speaker 3: with Rob now for a few months. So there's where

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Speaker 3: we stand. My now husband and I still can't find

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Speaker 3: a bunch of our things from our kitchen, but frankly,

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Speaker 3: it's been worth it toa have the house back. We've

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Speaker 3: just let our WTF frustrations.

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Speaker 4: Go until today.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, Yesterday evening I went to Robs to pick up

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Speaker 3: a bottle of bourbon he bought for us. We were

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Speaker 3: standing in his kitchen chatting and I saw Starbucks you

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Speaker 3: are here mug from my home state of Wisconsin on

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Speaker 3: the counter. For those of you who aren't familiar that

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Speaker 3: you are here. Cups are mugs with city or state

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Speaker 3: designs on them that you can only buy in those

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Speaker 3: particular cities or states. I got one from Washington.

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Speaker 4: Did you yeah? Are you there though?

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Speaker 3: No, well I've been there. How did you get it?

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Speaker 3: Because they ran out of the San Diego ones when

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Speaker 3: I left my job, and so they gave me the

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Speaker 3: Washington one.

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Speaker 2: Is there some kind of network where they pass all

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Speaker 2: this stuff around?

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Speaker 3: Oh no, When you leave a Starbucks job, they give

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Speaker 3: you a mug. But they ran out of the San

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Speaker 3: Diego ones, so they gave me a Washington. I've collected

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Speaker 3: them for a while, and the mug on Rob's counter

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Speaker 3: was one that I owned but hadn't seen recently. I

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Speaker 3: assume my husband had it in his car or at work,

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Speaker 3: because he constantly has coffee in his hand and cups

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Speaker 3: get left around. I flipped the cup over because Hubbs

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Speaker 3: has a habit of marking his wayward cups with his

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Speaker 3: initials in sharpie. There was washed, but still there sharpie

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Speaker 3: on the mug. So I said to Rob, tell Doug,

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Speaker 3: I'm reclaiming my mug. I've been missing this one and

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Speaker 3: I took it with me when I left. This morning,

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Speaker 3: I get a text from Doug telling me to give

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Speaker 3: the cup back to Rob to give back to him,

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Speaker 3: that he Doug got it as a gift. I replied

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Speaker 3: back with I snagged it because it had sharpie on

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Speaker 3: the bottom where a husband tried to label it and

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Speaker 3: claim it as his. Sure you got the right mug.

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Speaker 3: I'd never seen Doug with the Starbucks mug, but I figured, hey,

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Speaker 3: he also lived in the same state, so maybe he

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Speaker 3: had one somewhere and we mixed them up or whatever.

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Speaker 3: He fired back with it did not. I got that

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Speaker 3: from my friend in Wisconsin when I was last back.

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Speaker 3: He added another few lines of where he got it,

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Speaker 3: who gave it to him, and then added, and I

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Speaker 3: really wish you would ask before you just take my things.

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Speaker 3: I resisted the urge to point out the obvious iron

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Speaker 3: in the statement and just said, not trying to be difficult,

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Speaker 3: but my Wisconsin mug was gone. So when I looked

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Speaker 3: at the bottom of that one. I was like, ah,

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Speaker 3: migrated in the move and didn't give it another thought.

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Speaker 3: Went downhill from there. He's text shouting at me that

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Speaker 3: it is and it hasn't left his position since he

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Speaker 3: was in Wisconsin last How he never took my mug?

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Speaker 3: And then he knows which ones I have at the

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Speaker 3: house and a Wisconsin one isn't even one of them.

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Speaker 3: How will just have his friends send him another one?

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Speaker 3: And he doesn't even know why. He's trying to defend

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Speaker 3: his position.

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Speaker 2: On and all that's great that what if the electrons

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Speaker 2: in these mugs were in superposition and they actually instantaneously

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Speaker 2: swapped places.

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Speaker 4: He's telling the truth. I believe Doug.

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Speaker 3: He's now peppered my inbox with ten or eleven messages

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Speaker 3: to my two replies and is f bombing and swearing.

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Speaker 3: Why is your fiance friends with Doug?

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Speaker 4: Because Doug's got the mug?

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Speaker 2: That's why.

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Speaker 3: It's like, the only reason I'm friends with Doug is

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Speaker 3: because he's stolen so many of my mugs, and I

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Speaker 3: can't stop the friendship until I've collected all of them again.

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Speaker 4: Doug's got my mugs.

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Speaker 3: I sent one more message I'm not asking you to

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Speaker 3: defend a thing. If you got the mug after you moved,

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Speaker 3: I believe you. When I picked it up last night,

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Speaker 3: I just went, oh, crap, here it is. His next

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Speaker 3: messages were, whatever, it's okay. I know I had it

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Speaker 3: since friend gave it to me and I brought it back.

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Speaker 3: You can just thank her keep it and other well,

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Speaker 3: if it means so much to you, snotty variations. I

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Speaker 3: quit responding because it was frankly creepy. I talked to

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Speaker 3: my husband, who's out of town this week later, and

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Speaker 3: apparently Doug had been simultaneously sending him all sorts of

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Speaker 3: texts asking if he marked his coffee mugs or something

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Speaker 3: like that. Don't have those verbatim, and when he acknowledged

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Speaker 3: he does do that with no idea why Doug was

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Speaker 3: even asking. Doug blew up on him too. I really

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Speaker 3: do believe the cup is mine, But if Doug has

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Speaker 3: the same one and we mixed them up and he

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Speaker 3: also truly believes it's his, also, I'd have no problem

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Speaker 3: giving into the guy. It's a coffee cup, for Christ's sakes.

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Speaker 3: I'll just chalk it up to a mix up and

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Speaker 3: grab another one. The next time I visit family. Innocent

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Speaker 3: mistake on one of our ends.

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Speaker 4: Let's leave the Lord out of this.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, he doesn't want to get involved in your

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Speaker 3: mug issues. He's got bigger thing, the story.

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Speaker 4: About Big j Man. Don't have time for your mug problems. Okay.

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Speaker 3: I'm just shell shocked by how badly he blew up

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Speaker 3: over something so silly. Rob even told me he Doug

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Speaker 3: was pissed to the point that Rob left for work

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Speaker 3: early just to get out of the house. I hate

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Speaker 3: when people are upset. I'm always the fixer, so I

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Speaker 3: feel like I should do something to smooth things over.

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Speaker 3: But I also feel like I got unfairly attacked over

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Speaker 3: something totally innocent, even if it is totally coincidental. Doug's

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Speaker 3: cup was marked up, and I'm absolutely in the wrong.

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Speaker 3: It's not like I snuck the cup away or did

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Speaker 3: it to be mean, knowing all along it was his.

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Speaker 3: All he would have had to say was I have

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Speaker 3: that same cup. I don't know where yours is, but

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Speaker 3: I think you took mine. Do I even respond anymore

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Speaker 3: or try to explain? This is truly the dumbest argument,

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Speaker 3: if you can even call it that I've been in

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Speaker 3: since middle school, and folks, we got an update. But

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Speaker 3: what do you say, dude?

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Speaker 2: Honestly, it's so ridiculous where it's like, yeah, there's zero

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Speaker 2: awareness on his part that like he's being ridiculous.

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Speaker 4: So you just you either just completely ignore it or

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Speaker 4: you mess with him. Those are your two options. Really,

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Speaker 4: I think.

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Speaker 3: Update karma, it appears, is a witch. Doug somehow came

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Speaker 3: to the conclusion that telling everyone we know about how

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Speaker 3: crappy of a person I am for stealing his coffee

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Speaker 3: cup was a good idea. Now, these are all people

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Speaker 3: he met through me and my husband, trying to make

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Speaker 3: me look bad, hurt my feelings. Who knows all it

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Speaker 3: accomplished was to alienate him and confirm that I shouldn't

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Speaker 3: feel bad at all for the situation. After all this nonsense,

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Speaker 3: Doug's current landlord and roommate and our friend by the way,

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Speaker 3: Rob sat him down to ask him to leave. The

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Speaker 3: raging was becoming too much and over things beyond the

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Speaker 3: stupid coffee cup. He gave him thirty days, but Doug

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Speaker 3: reacted by announcing he was moving back in with his

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Speaker 3: parents anyway and would be out by June first. I'm

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Speaker 3: sure they have tons of mugs. Fast forward to Saturday.

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Speaker 3: I get out of the shower to see Doug's suv

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Speaker 3: tearing out of the yard with his trailer in toe Good.

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Speaker 3: The abandoned trailer is gone, but bad. He ripped up

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Speaker 3: the lawn in the process and also didn't bother to

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Speaker 3: mow the mess of grass underneath where it was parked,

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Speaker 3: despite them more being three feet away. Husband shook his

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Speaker 3: head and said it confirms Doug's selfish attitude and he's

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Speaker 3: glad Doug is out of our lives. Fast forward a Sunday.

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Speaker 3: Husband's getting the nephew's ready to head out and go

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Speaker 3: off roading and do some shooting up on the ranch.

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Speaker 3: Doug calls Ring, Ring Ring. His suv is broken down

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Speaker 3: and he needs a ride home. Husband says he's packing

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Speaker 3: up the kids and is already running a little bine. Sorry.

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Speaker 3: Doug responds with, oh, so you're home now, good, I'm

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Speaker 3: right on your way. Yeah. My husband just looked at

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Speaker 3: me like he's kidding. Right, he has to be kidding.

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Speaker 3: Where Doug broke down is right on the way, But

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Speaker 3: to get him back to Rob's would be a forty

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Speaker 3: five minute round trip. I also point out to my

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Speaker 3: husband that Doug has roadside assistants. I know because I

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Speaker 3: helped him set up the end vehicle on staresque unit.

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Speaker 3: Husband says to Doug to try that, or to call

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Speaker 3: someone else. Doug calls Rob, who's out and doesn't want

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Speaker 3: to leave his weekend activity either, and our entire circle

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Speaker 3: of mutual friends no one wants to go get him.

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Speaker 3: They all tell him to call roadside. He gives each

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Speaker 3: person a different excuse. It'll take too long, they'll cover towing,

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Speaker 3: he doesn't trust TOE companies whatever. Finally, despite his protests,

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Speaker 3: he has to resort to ra anyway. They tow his

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Speaker 3: vehicle the ten three miles that come with the program,

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Speaker 3: then dump the SUV and the record driver takes Doug

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Speaker 3: the additional four miles to Rob's house and drops him off.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my thoughts for this guy sucks and we should

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Speaker 2: just stop dealing with him. Like, honestly, here's here's the

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Speaker 2: thought that I feel like you kind of think in

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Speaker 2: your head.

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Speaker 4: Ope, You're like, I need Doug to.

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Speaker 3: Not be Doug.

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Speaker 4: How do I make Doug not be Doug?

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Speaker 3: You can't.

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Speaker 4: He's Doug, So you can.

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Speaker 2: Either associate with him or not, and that's you know,

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Speaker 2: those are your moves.

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Speaker 3: Sounds like you don't want to associate with him, so

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Speaker 3: don't easy? Is that solutions? Doug call's husband a few

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Speaker 3: more times to ask for help diagnosing and fixing the

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Speaker 3: vehicle husband was a mechanic, or possibly loading it onto

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Speaker 3: one of our trailers and loading him the trailer for

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Speaker 3: the twelve hundred mile trip back to his parents' place.

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Speaker 3: Husband is forced to point out to him that he's

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Speaker 3: not at all interested in doing favors for someone who

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Speaker 3: not only never reciprocates, but also add the poor judgment

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Speaker 3: to treat me the way he did. Doug tried to

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Speaker 3: husband he didn't appreciate things that were worth money. What

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Speaker 3: the f a coffee monk being taken from him? And

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Speaker 3: Husband replied with, you're right, we'll be around when you

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Speaker 3: swing by to drop off inserts list of things missing

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Speaker 3: from our kitchen. I'll make sure I afford run down

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Speaker 3: from the unpaid rent and utilities. You still us to

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Speaker 3: your parents' place, then, I'm sure you're concerned about settling up.

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Speaker 3: It's the fair thing to do. We haven't heard from

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Speaker 3: Doug since Rob reports he's in a bit of a

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Speaker 3: foul mood. You don't say, well, that's the end of

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Speaker 3: our Doug adventures.

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Speaker 2: Wowd fode for a foul dude, and that's the end

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Speaker 2: of this story.

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Speaker 4: Let's head to the next one. A man I barely

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Speaker 4: know told me how to parent my child. I lost it.

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Speaker 3: Maybe figure out your own life, Bud.

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Speaker 2: I female twenty seven, have a friend Jen, female thirty three,

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Speaker 2: who was engaged to Brad, male twenty six.

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Speaker 4: My friend Jen and I.

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Speaker 2: Both have three year old dog, and I also had

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Speaker 2: another baby in the fall. Brad is not the biological

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Speaker 2: father of Jen's daughter. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: us your hungry math five eight four five. Do you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, then go to the

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Speaker 2: r slash showcase storytime subpret it.

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Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and we're gonna give good advice.

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Speaker 2: Goofly about this story right here in my hands. We

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Speaker 2: don't know all the answers to life's problems. If you

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Speaker 2: think you know stuff we don't know, tell us in

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Speaker 2: the comments. Nah, my child and I went for a

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Speaker 2: visit in the afternoon. The two girls played and had

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Speaker 2: a great time while my friend and I chatted and visited.

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Speaker 2: While I also have a newborn baby. Visit is coming

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Speaker 2: to a close and Brad shows up at Jen's apartment.

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Speaker 4: They don't live together and they won't until marriage. We

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Speaker 4: say hi.

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Speaker 2: He plays with the girls for a bit, and then

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Speaker 2: I give my daughter a warning that we're leaving soon.

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Speaker 2: And Brad then begin to encourage the girls to start

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Speaker 2: cleaning up their mess of toys.

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Speaker 4: I want to note.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't this insane, crazy mess. It was toys on

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Speaker 2: the floor that were played with. If you have toddlers,

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Speaker 2: you know they make a mess and don't always clean

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Speaker 2: up after themselves. So Jen turns on the TV to

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Speaker 2: a clean up song on YouTube to encourage the girls

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Speaker 2: to clean Brad told her to turn it off because

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Speaker 2: they will get distracted.

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Speaker 3: What turn it up? We gotta have some music will

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Speaker 3: be clean, dude, lock in play some Mario card.

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Speaker 2: This guy has no idea how to Pavlov dog his children.

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Speaker 2: You teach them that the sound of the cleanup song

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Speaker 2: means it's time to clean up. Then they start hearing

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Speaker 2: that song and they're like the program initiated pick up objects.

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Speaker 3: They become the Winter Soldier.

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Speaker 2: I gave my daughter some time to try and clean herself.

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Speaker 2: But she's three, and I think it's a little silly

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Speaker 2: to expect three year olds to just start cleaning.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that's true. They're three, they do clean.

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Speaker 2: Maybe if you never teach your three year old how

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Speaker 2: to clean, yeah, I.

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Speaker 3: Disagree with that. I think that you're limiting your daughter.

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Speaker 2: So I go and hold my daughter's hand and really

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Speaker 2: prompt her to tidy up while holding my infant. I

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Speaker 2: also tried to tidy some things up myself, but my

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Speaker 2: daughter just wanted to play. I gave her about two

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Speaker 2: to three warnings and the consequences of not tidying would

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Speaker 2: be to put her shoes on and go home. She

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Speaker 2: proceeded to play, so I began to enact the consequence.

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Speaker 2: Brad begins calling the girls to come and clean in

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Speaker 2: another room that he's in. My daughter tries to go

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Speaker 2: to help because he's telling her to. I explained gently

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Speaker 2: that Mama said it's time to go.

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Speaker 4: I need you to listen to Mamma.

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Speaker 2: Brad doesn't know I told you it's time to go home.

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Speaker 2: Brad comes into the room that I'm in, and while

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Speaker 2: I'm on the floor helping my toddler get dressed, he

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Speaker 2: comes in and tells me that they have a rule

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Speaker 2: that the girls need to tidy up after they play.

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Speaker 2: He said that their house has rules and cleaning up

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Speaker 2: is one of them, and the mess needs to be

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Speaker 2: tidied up before we go. This is where I snapped.

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Speaker 2: I told him that I told my child it was

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Speaker 2: time to go, and I will not tolerate him telling

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Speaker 2: me what I need to tell my child to do.

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Speaker 2: He says to me, if you can't follow the rules,

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Speaker 2: and then you won't be welcome back.

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Speaker 4: I was floored.

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Speaker 2: I didn't handle this situation well after this statement was made,

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Speaker 2: I'll admit it. I was so shocked and taken aback.

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Speaker 2: Jen told him not to jump to extremes in the moment,

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Speaker 2: but then proceeded to defend him as she should as

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Speaker 2: his fiance. I explained to them that I gave my

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Speaker 2: child warnings and she wasn't tidying, so I decided the

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Speaker 2: consequence was to go home. Is it the best consequence?

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Speaker 2: I don't know, but it's my consequence. Your consequence for

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Speaker 2: robbing the bank is you get to leave.

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Speaker 3: I like that, actively second guessing herself as she proceeds

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Speaker 3: with the story, She's like, did I react well, no,

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Speaker 3: was it the best consequence? Also? No, but I did

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Speaker 3: it and I'm standing by it.

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Speaker 4: But it's the thing that I said.

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Speaker 2: And since I can't be wrong about anything in front

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Speaker 2: of my kid.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna down this hill. I don't believe that.

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Speaker 2: Telling another person how to parent their child is appropriate.

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Speaker 4: I don't think that's even what he did.

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00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,960
Speaker 3: I agree, it's not what he did.

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Speaker 2: Unless the child is in dangerous She says, Yeah, I don't.

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Speaker 2: I don't think that's what he did at all. I

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00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,000
Speaker 2: think you're just being a little defensive. This turned into

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Speaker 2: a whole thing, and in the heat of the frustration,

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00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,760
Speaker 2: I told them they need to post a list of

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Speaker 2: rules for their company so that everyone is on the

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00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:47,200
Speaker 2: same page regarding rules and expectations when visiting, because how

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Speaker 2: was I supposed to know that they had this rule

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Speaker 2: that forced their company to clean. I don't think it's

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Speaker 2: about the company. I think it's about the children learning.

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Speaker 2: I don't know responsibility. I think he reacted to your

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Speaker 2: initial like incredulous defensiveness by being.

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Speaker 3: Like, Okay, well I guess if you.

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Speaker 4: Don't do that, we won't be welcome back.

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00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, good morning, Patty Potato says the adults need to

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Speaker 3: have a conversation outside of the situation to make an

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Speaker 3: agreement on who was a right to parent your child. Also,

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00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,720
Speaker 3: leaving is not really a punishment withholding her favorite movie

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Speaker 3: is Yeah, I think it. To me, it's a little

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Speaker 3: bit of an everyone seck situation here. That's my thought.

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Speaker 2: It is good manners to tidy up your mess when visiting,

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Speaker 2: but it shouldn't be enforced.

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Speaker 4: By the man of the house. I will also add

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Speaker 4: that I have.

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Speaker 2: Always cleaned and tidied in the past when visiting. I

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Speaker 2: was thirty seven weeks pregnant and cleaning food off the

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Speaker 2: floor after dinner, because that's the kind of person I am.

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Speaker 3: Aunt, Shushy says. Remember she was also holding a baby

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Speaker 3: trying to juggle kids.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, you're taking care of your three year old while

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Speaker 2: you've got an infant in your arms.

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Speaker 4: But also like, yeah, it really, it really is just

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Speaker 4: a yeah.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it was as oh, she's.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Hey, you need to clean up more before we

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Speaker 2: can go. Okay, we need to be polite, we need

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Speaker 2: to be nice.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I don't think it was as big a deal

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Speaker 3: as op made it into.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but to be fair, everything's probably a bit of

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Speaker 2: a bigger deal when you're wrangling a three year old

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Speaker 2: and a toddler.

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Speaker 3: Very true, they can be very stressful.

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Speaker 4: Actually, infant.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I told them they should have communicated this rule

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Speaker 2: to me. I told him that next time he needs

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Speaker 2: to take a deep breath and sit on the problem.

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Speaker 4: I e. The company that didn't tidy.

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Speaker 2: Talk with Jen and if they still feel they have

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00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,200
Speaker 2: a problem, then to communicate it. Then forgot, what do

388
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,240
Speaker 2: we the Ford Motor Company in the nineteen fifties, do

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Speaker 2: we need a whole committee to figure out just cleaning

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Speaker 2: up after ourselves.

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Speaker 3: So we've all to come together and we've decided that

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00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,240
Speaker 3: we just really didn't like how you acted that one time,

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00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 3: and so we sent it to our local constituents and

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00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,720
Speaker 3: they've also considered the issue, and they also didn't really

395
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Speaker 3: like it. So then we sent it to our representatives

396
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:09,239
Speaker 3: and they were so so on it, and so then

397
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Speaker 3: it went back to the beginning.

398
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:15,240
Speaker 2: You're being unreasonable, but to lash out in the moment

399
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 2: was not fostering a welcome environment. Brad backpedaled and started

400
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,280
Speaker 2: to say you're welcome anytime we want to have you here,

401
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 2: but we have rules. The damage is done in my eyes,

402
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:30,920
Speaker 2: I feel quite hood.

403
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:35,399
Speaker 4: Go gay, Schad, you're the annoying way, So am I

404
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:35,920
Speaker 4: the A whole?

405
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:37,680
Speaker 3: A hole?

406
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:38,720
Speaker 4: No, a hole?

407
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:39,679
Speaker 3: You know what it is.

408
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:43,240
Speaker 4: You're just being difficult man. And that's the end of

409
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,240
Speaker 4: this story. Let's head to the next one.

410
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:49,080
Speaker 3: I cut off my best friend completely, but he reached out.

411
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,040
Speaker 4: He reached out and he touched you. Call the police.

412
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,679
Speaker 3: I'm reaching out because I'm at my wits end. Things

413
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 3: blew up yesterday with my best friend. We've been friends

414
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 3: for over ten years and things were always great, but

415
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 3: for months now he's been acting increasingly disrespectful and toxic.

416
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 3: Yesterday was the breaking point. By the way, this comes

417
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 3: from a ratchlag and if you want to spit your

418
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,679
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime subbured it.

419
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,359
Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I am Riley, and we're here

420
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,080
Speaker 3: to give good advice. Scoofley, but we don't have all

421
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 3: the answers. We only know what we'd do, So let

422
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,479
Speaker 3: us know what you would do in the comments, and

423
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 3: Opie says after a concert, he texted me recommending a

424
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 3: game I'd already played, a Rim World plus Crusader's King Clone,

425
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 3: whose demo I had already tried and simply didn't enjoy

426
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Speaker 3: and thought was terrible. Then he quoted a mutual friend

427
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,359
Speaker 3: basically implying I'm too dumb to play video games and

428
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,200
Speaker 3: I'm an idiot.

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00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:47,000
Speaker 2: Oh nice, true, Yeah, sure, that's the number one vector

430
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Speaker 2: for intelligence.

431
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Speaker 3: That was the last straw. It totally ruined my day.

432
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:54,359
Speaker 3: It was so mad. I sent him a voice note

433
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Speaker 3: saying I wouldn't put up with that behavior anymore and

434
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,879
Speaker 3: why he had to ruin my day like that. I

435
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:02,119
Speaker 3: was a bit louder because the place was noisy and

436
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Speaker 3: I was angry. He said he wouldn't be talked to

437
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 3: like that, even if I'm his best friend, and that

438
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 3: I was being disrespectful. I didn't think I was yelling.

439
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,359
Speaker 3: After some back and forth, I told him I was

440
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 3: fed up with them constantly bringing me down and behaving

441
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,240
Speaker 3: so badly towards me, which is why I was going

442
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,159
Speaker 3: to produce contact. I cut contact with him and that

443
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,199
Speaker 3: other buddy, muted them both on chat and WhatsApp and

444
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,920
Speaker 3: hit the chats, didn't delete them. Here are some examples

445
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 3: of how he's treated me in recent weeks and.

446
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,920
Speaker 4: Months yay examples. I love full of point. Let's get

447
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 4: disrespectful in here. Let's do it now, Let's make it clear.

448
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,639
Speaker 3: Insults me in a friend's Twitch chat, telling all the

449
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 3: viewers I'm stupid, fat, and an idiot, referencing things I

450
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,200
Speaker 3: said in the chat or my in game performance. Constantly

451
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 3: comments on my eating habits, but regularly drinks adult soda

452
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 3: or wine after work, sometimes one or two bottles of

453
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 3: wine in an evening. It's not an every day, but

454
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 3: it is a regular pattern. Sarcastically asks what I do

455
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,639
Speaker 3: at work and gets mad if I take vacation or

456
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 3: have a day off. He himself works fifteen to twenty

457
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,879
Speaker 3: hours a day voluntarily.

458
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 4: Voluntarily a day voluntarily.

459
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,639
Speaker 2: Did you put voluntarily on their legal like for legal

460
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:20,879
Speaker 2: reason week? I think they mis voluntarily Either way, I

461
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 2: think I think it's fifteen to twenty hours. Yeah, it's

462
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,840
Speaker 2: either fifteen to twenty hours a week or this person's

463
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 2: in a labor camp.

464
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:31,440
Speaker 3: Criticizes my taste in everything, music, anime, games, you name it.

465
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 3: If I suggest something or add it to our discord pot,

466
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 3: it instantly is trash and crap. Gets mad about my

467
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 3: volunteer work for my club, calling it free labor because

468
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 3: I don't get paid. He plays tennis at his club

469
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 3: and also holds a volunteer position there. If that other

470
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,040
Speaker 3: buddy corrects him on a mistake, it's fine. If I

471
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 3: correct him, it's a huge deal, and he already knew anyway.

472
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 3: After a trade show, he bombarded me with messages because

473
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,879
Speaker 3: he hadn't heard from me in four and a half hours.

474
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 3: He knew I was at a trade show. And that's

475
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 3: just a small sample of his recent behavior. I think

476
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,159
Speaker 3: he's stressed from work and taking it out on me.

477
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 3: For context, I don't have a girlfriend or partner, I'm overweight,

478
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 3: and I earn less than him. The one thing I

479
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 3: probably have more of than him is free time, which

480
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 3: seems to genuinely bother him. Up until a few months ago,

481
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,880
Speaker 3: everything was fine between us. A little trash talk among

482
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 3: friends is normal. But it's simply reached a point where

483
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 3: I'm no longer willing to tolerate it. Like I said,

484
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 3: I've temporarily cut contact because it's too much. I don't

485
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 3: want to end the friendship completely. It means too much

486
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 3: to me, but this can't continue. I'm not dealing with

487
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 3: this toxic relationship anymore, and it's really bringing me down.

488
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,359
Speaker 3: I've told friends about this and they agree with me,

489
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 3: seeing that my best friend seems to enjoy putting me

490
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 3: down and making me angry. Still, I wanted to ask Reddit,

491
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 3: if I had reacted correctly, what your suggestions are for

492
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 3: how to move forward with this friendship, or if you

493
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,639
Speaker 3: have other ideas about why he's acting this way given

494
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,879
Speaker 3: the information I've provided, And there's an update three years later,

495
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 3: that's crazy.

496
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,919
Speaker 2: There's so many different reasons he would be acting that

497
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 2: way or could be acting that way.

498
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 3: Towards you, and none of them are really your.

499
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 2: Fuh literally, none of them matter because it's just he's

500
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 2: acting that way.

501
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 4: And I think you know.

502
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,160
Speaker 2: The number one thing you can do in a situation

503
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 2: like this is you just be really direct and you

504
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 2: should go, hey, why are you talking to me this way?

505
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 4: Why do you keep talking to me like this?

506
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:32,400
Speaker 3: That doesn't make me feel good?

507
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,920
Speaker 2: Why do you do this? Why are you doing this?

508
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 2: Did I do something to make you upset? And then

509
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 2: he'll go, ah, no, no, I don't know what were

510
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:41,680
Speaker 2: you talking about?

511
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 3: Why I didn't do anything?

512
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 4: But I mean, you know, and this is all through discord.

513
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 4: You can also solve this with just boop, block or

514
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:50,959
Speaker 4: hide or you know whatever.

515
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,399
Speaker 3: Update after three years. Three years ago, I asked for

516
00:24:55,400 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 3: advice here because my best friend was behaving impossibly. I

517
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 3: want to give you an update on what's happened since then.

518
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,440
Speaker 3: After my post back then, there was a first heart

519
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 3: to heart. I explained to him openly how much his

520
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 3: behavior and the way he talked about my job hurt me.

521
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 3: At the time, I was working a low paying job,

522
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 3: had little income, and relatively free time, which really seemed

523
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 3: to bother him while he was working ten to twelve

524
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 3: hours a day. I also apologized for my own emotional

525
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 3: reactions and tried to work on myself. For a while,

526
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 3: things actually went better, but after a short time he

527
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 3: fell back into old patterns. Even my other friends were

528
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 3: already asking me why I was still maintaining this friendship

529
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 3: at all. This situation finally escalated about a year and

530
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:45,159
Speaker 3: a half ago around our shared hobby, pen and paper.

531
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 3: For my birthday, I led my first own adventure as

532
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 3: a game master. Oh it must be some sort of

533
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 3: like RPG like.

534
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 4: D and D kind of thing pen and paper.

535
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 3: Because yeah, it must be some sort of dnd ye'd. Well,

536
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 3: everyone else was having fun and for gay my beginner's mistake.

537
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 3: He massively criticized my playing style and the story. Later,

538
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 3: when a date for our regular game was coming up,

539
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 3: he canceled at the very last minute to work on

540
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 3: his house. After a discussion in the group, he left

541
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:17,640
Speaker 3: it frustrated. At the same time, he started his own

542
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 3: online group and specifically invited a player with whom I

543
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 3: was in conflict with. Since this person constantly provoked me,

544
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 3: I felt compelled to withdraw from all shared groups. The

545
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 3: final break came a good year ago. He had asked

546
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 3: me weeks in advance for help with renovations. Shortly afterwards, however,

547
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 3: my sister invited me to celebrate her birthday at the

548
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 3: amusement park. Since there were already five other helpers on

549
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,439
Speaker 3: site on the Dan question, as well as his parents,

550
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 3: I asked my sister to ask him directly if it

551
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 3: was okay with him if I accompanied her. He initially agreed,

552
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 3: but reacted offended in the evening and accused me of

553
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 3: only sending her. I decided the next day for my

554
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 3: sister and the amusement park. During the trip, he posted

555
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 3: a very hurtful status against me, a status heah, my.

556
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 2: God, Okay, it's time to We're in shut up territory

557
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 2: for everyone involved in this story. All right, stop it?

558
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,359
Speaker 2: Why do we care it's status.

559
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 3: When he provoked me again the following Monday by message

560
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 3: and made accusations, I finally pulled the plug in a

561
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 3: knee jerk reaction. I blocked him everywhere and broke off

562
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 3: contact with a shared group of friends.

563
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,119
Speaker 4: How can you have a knee jerk reaction after three

564
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 4: years of contemplation?

565
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 3: I think this was before the three years passed. Oh yeah,

566
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:36,360
Speaker 3: ohp is telling us new information from three years ago.

567
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 3: Looking back, that was the best decision I could have made.

568
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 3: During the time of our friendship, I was in a

569
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 3: deep mental hole, which he only fueled with his behavior.

570
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 3: I should have ended it much sooner, But you don't

571
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 3: want to just end a friendship that's lasted twenty years.

572
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,199
Speaker 3: Hindsight is always twenty twenty. Today, I feel much better mentally.

573
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 3: I have worked on myself and positively expanded my circle

574
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 3: of friends. I'm now fully back in the workforce and

575
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 3: love my job. And honestly, if he knew what my

576
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 3: day looked like, I'd probably have to listen to his

577
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,479
Speaker 3: brand of envy again simply because I work less than

578
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,159
Speaker 3: he does. He did try to get information about me

579
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 3: through my best friend, but that was immediately blocked. Thanks

580
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,880
Speaker 3: to everyone who advised me back then to pull the ripcord.

581
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 3: It was absolutely the right advice. And that's the end

582
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 3: of the story.

583
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 2: Our friend left us the vet bill after her mistakes,

584
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 2: so we did the math.

585
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 3: Good for you, because I can't do math.

586
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,560
Speaker 2: We left our dog with a sitter slash friend and

587
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,680
Speaker 2: went on a trip. She is wonderful with our dog

588
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 2: and we trusted her. We also paid for her services.

589
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 2: And by the way, this comes from user couck on

590
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 2: ims and if you want to submit your own stories,

591
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Showkay story, I'm somebody, yah Day,

592
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Savannah, I'm Keon. We're here to give

593
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 2: good advice about this story, but it might not be

594
00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 2: that good because we.

595
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 4: Don't know everything and we're a bunch of goofballs.

596
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 2: So if you think we're missing you know some stuff.

597
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 2: If we've got holes, fill them in the comments. Opie says.

598
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 2: Before we left, we warned her many times that our

599
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 2: dog eats anything she can find, and chocolate is her

600
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 2: absolute favorite, so she needs to be extremely.

601
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 4: Vigilant not to leave food in reach and to close doors, etc.

602
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 4: She screwed up and during our.

603
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 3: Trip she let us know that our dog.

604
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 2: Ate some chocolate she had laying around. She took her

605
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 2: to the vet right away and got her care. We

606
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 2: were really upset, but didn't show it and comforted her

607
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 2: the issue. We got back from our trip to learn she.

608
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 4: Didn't pay the vet bill.

609
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 2: She just left it for us to pay and didn't

610
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,719
Speaker 2: even tell us in advance or offer any compromise.

611
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 4: Come on, I already hate this woman.

612
00:29:57,880 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 3: Is it a woman?

613
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 5: I think it was a lady my notes because I

614
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 5: was doing the title of my notes.

615
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 4: But how do you? How do you?

616
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 3: How big is your dog? What kind of dog?

617
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 2: I feel like this is like a Great Dane or

618
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 2: something if that dog can get anywhere and eat anything,

619
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 2: because I would be like, oh, if I leave chocolate

620
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 2: on account, it's not gonna get it.

621
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

622
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 4: But if your dog is jumping up on the counter

623
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 4: to eat food, why is it doing that? Why didn't

624
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 4: we train our dog not do that.

625
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 5: Maybe it's well, maybe it's a puppy and it don't

626
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 5: know no better.

627
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 4: I guess it could be. We don't know.

628
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 3: I need more context. If it was, it.

629
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 4: Wouldn't be so big it could get anywhere.

630
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 3: But oh, it's true.

631
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:46,080
Speaker 2: We were really annoyed, but decided to pay and let

632
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 2: it go to not strain the friendship. However, she just

633
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:54,239
Speaker 2: texted us an itemized list of services she provided that

634
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 2: felt out of nowhere and very petty. For one, we

635
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 2: dropped our dog at her house for maybe two hours

636
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 2: last week. No walks, no meals, no other care needed,

637
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 2: and she didn't mention getting paid for that. Sure, I'd

638
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 2: love to hang out with my little buddy for.

639
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 4: A couple of hours.

640
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 2: We assumed this was a friend doing a favor, as

641
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 2: that happens here all the time between our friends, but

642
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 2: we accept this was a miscommunication so agreed to pay

643
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 2: without arguing.

644
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 4: So let me get this straight. This person.

645
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 2: Pet sits for you, poisons your animal, takes them to

646
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:37,240
Speaker 2: the vet, and then doesn't foot the bill when they're

647
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 2: the ones responsible for poisoning your dog and now you're

648
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 2: paying them. Are we like are we like completely flat flat,

649
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 2: little flat one inch doormats? To make things really clear here,

650
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 2: she is not just a sitter, she's a friend. At

651
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 2: least we thought we hang out with other friends, we

652
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 2: have her over socially. When we got back, we took

653
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 2: her out to dinner as to thank you. It clearly

654
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,320
Speaker 2: wasn't a purely business relationship.

655
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 4: Did you give her chocolate?

656
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 3: Yeah? Did you feed her junglin?

657
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 4: Did you ask what are you allergic to?

658
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 2: However, we felt that if she's making all this transactional,

659
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 2: we shouldn't absorb the vet bill, as this feels one

660
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 2: sided and unfair.

661
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 5: I would say I agree with sus like, if you

662
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 5: get a warning, then do it. It becomes an informed decision,

663
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 5: and therefore you are responsible. If what you're saying is like, oh,

664
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 5: my kid's allergic to peanut butter, don't give them peanuts

665
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 5: and then they bring peanuts and they have an allergic reaction,

666
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 5: it's like, Okay, you are pain for the You're paying

667
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 5: for it now I told you not to.

668
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 4: You're paying for the hospital film or I'm never ducking

669
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:44,719
Speaker 4: you e again.

670
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 3: Those you have duo options.

671
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 4: We wrote her back with our calculation of all the things.

672
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 4: She said we owe her minus the vet bill. Now

673
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 4: she's furious and said that it's understood that owners pay

674
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 4: for vet bills during dogs. It's however, this was one

675
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 4: hundred percent her negligence that could have been fatal for

676
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 4: our dog. Why are we responsible to pay for that?

677
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 4: We offered to sit and talk it through, but she

678
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 4: says she's too angry for that.

679
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 2: So are we the a hole for calculating the vet

680
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 2: bill into what we owe considering the things she charged

681
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 2: us for. I would like to mention that this is

682
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 2: a first for us to confront instead of folding. We

683
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 2: usually absorb stuff like this with people around us to

684
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 2: not rock the boat, but this felt too oft to ignore.

685
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 4: So no, she knows exactly how you operate, and that's

686
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 4: why she's doing this. She has no respect for you,

687
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 4: she doesn't care.

688
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 3: She's trying to get out of it.

689
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, unbelievable. Let this be a lesson to everyone listening.

690
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 2: Do not be a doormat. Do not be a chronic

691
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 2: people pleaser, because people will take advantage of you and

692
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 2: poison your dog.

693
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

694
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 4: the next one. Hey, it's Keon, your favorite Filipino here.

695
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 4: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

696
00:33:58,600 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 4: three minutes of ads from our sponsor.

697
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 3: My husband spent my bonus money to fund his hobby,

698
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 3: leaving nothing for me. Hey, we're about my hobbies. My

699
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 3: husband twenty eight male and I twenty seven female, have

700
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 3: been married about four years now. We dated in college

701
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,719
Speaker 3: and got married after he finished college with a financial

702
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 3: degree and thought he would go into accounting. Well, he

703
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 3: quickly found out that was not his passion. By the way,

704
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,360
Speaker 3: this comes from throwway tired af wife and if you

705
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 3: want to spit your own stories, go to the r

706
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 3: slash Okay storytime Separate. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and we're

707
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,239
Speaker 3: here to give good advice Koofley. But we don't have

708
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we do, So

709
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 3: let us know what you would do in the comments,

710
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 3: and Opie says. So he bounced around jobs and ideas

711
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 3: like business, teacher, lawyer, but nothing really kept him saying

712
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 3: this is what I want to do. This was pre VID.

713
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:56,880
Speaker 3: Since the VID, he has not attempted anything. He says.

714
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 3: After the pandemic there will be a boom in jobs

715
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 3: and he can fin and something that he's passionate about.

716
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 3: I've been working full time and thankfully my job became

717
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,880
Speaker 3: remote and pays the bills while keeping food on the table.

718
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 3: After the fiscal year closed, my work has done really well.

719
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 3: We were selling medical testing equipment, so it was a

720
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,400
Speaker 3: big product of twenty twenty. I was given a promotion,

721
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 3: a little pay raise, and a small bonus. I was

722
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 3: really excited because I could finally repair my purse and

723
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 3: replace my shoes. My friends puppy destroyed them. I was wondering.

724
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 3: I was like, what happened to your shoes in your

725
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,360
Speaker 3: birth My friend's puppy destroyed them. But I acknowledge I

726
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:35,760
Speaker 3: should not have left my purse on a low stool

727
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,359
Speaker 3: in front of the puppy's bed, so my fault. I

728
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 3: was so excited to tell my husband, but he seemed

729
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,959
Speaker 3: more excited than me over this promotion. He started going

730
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 3: off about how he could redo his game area and

731
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 3: get the new system since he was tired of his others,

732
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 3: and I was dumbfounded. I got really quiet because I

733
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 3: almost could not believe what he was saying. He eventually

734
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 3: went out and got himself a new system, chair and mouse.

735
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 3: He basically spent my bonus. I was so upset and

736
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 3: ultimately hurt and numb. We ended up getting into an

737
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 3: argument and he called me selfish for not being happy

738
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 3: that he got to achieve his dream and said I

739
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,760
Speaker 3: was spoiled for being upset. I couldn't spend this money

740
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,880
Speaker 3: on myself. First, I basically called him an ungrateful a

741
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,879
Speaker 3: hole and asked why he deserves new stuff when I've

742
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 3: been the one providing. He got really quiet on that

743
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 3: one and stormed out, saying he was staying with his

744
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:31,880
Speaker 3: family only about an hour away. I've been getting angry

745
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 3: calls and texts because he didn't feel supported in his

746
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,239
Speaker 3: own home. And if I'm making the money, I can

747
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 3: get whatever I want what I want, and I shouldn't

748
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 3: throw it in his face that he doesn't have an income,

749
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 3: which is not true. I'm trying to keep a roof

750
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:47,799
Speaker 3: over our heads and food on the table. Dude, go

751
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 3: get yourself an income.

752
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:52,200
Speaker 1: Literally, that's all you gotta do. Literally, go work at

753
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 1: any fast food places. Yeah, and get and you'll make

754
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:56,319
Speaker 1: enough money to buy this game chair.

755
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:59,440
Speaker 3: Come on, go do it yourself. Just do it.

756
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,320
Speaker 1: Like in the fact fact that he didn't even ask

757
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 1: her about it in the first place, too, Like I

758
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: am interested in how that all.

759
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:08,440
Speaker 3: Went down though, because he says, oh, I can get

760
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 3: a new gaming thing, and then she was like what

761
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 3: and then he went out and did it. So did

762
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 3: you tell him in that moment?

763
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: Right? And also because I mean, I'm assuming they have

764
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,359
Speaker 1: like joint accounts or something, or like he has her

765
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 1: card or something like that.

766
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, but like, yeah, I'm I'm interested in why.

767
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 1: Enough time passed for him to hear about the promotion

768
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 1: and to bring home the stuff that he wants.

769
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:31,760
Speaker 3: That was I was also wondering about. Yeah, and you

770
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,359
Speaker 3: you couldn't like say anything in that point of time. Yeah,

771
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,319
Speaker 3: say stop, wait a minute, Yeah, I think before you

772
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 3: do that. Yeah, exactly. All his friends and family think

773
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:43,760
Speaker 3: I was way overreacting to something that makes my husband happy.

774
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 3: My husband said that the next time we get a

775
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 3: large sum of money, he would let me repair my purse.

776
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:53,120
Speaker 3: I haven't responded, and don't think I will for many days,

777
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 3: but I have gotten so many You're such a witch

778
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 3: messages and accusations that I'm the a hole that I

779
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 3: I'm starting to wonder if I really am. And the summary.

780
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 3: Husband is bored with this game system stuff, so he

781
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:08,839
Speaker 3: used my bonus and raised to buy himself a new

782
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 3: one without my permission. And when I got upset, I

783
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 3: was labeled selfish and unsupportive. Am I the a whole

784
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 3: and we've got an update? Well what do you think?

785
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 3: Hang on? Yeah, I'm hanging. He already had a game,

786
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 3: he had a game system. He was bored with it.

787
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 3: He was bored and you don't understand he was bored

788
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,879
Speaker 3: with it. Oh my gosh, it's my dream to get

789
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 3: the new one, he said. He said, I have a

790
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 3: switch one. I want to switch too. I want to

791
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 3: switch too. Yeah, I mean insane. Any gaming system minimum

792
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:41,839
Speaker 3: five hundred dollars, okay, minimum, he's he minimum spent. Yeah.

793
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 3: I was like, I didn't know what we're going with. Yeah,

794
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 3: I mean he minimum spent five hundred dollars. Yeah, that's

795
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,960
Speaker 3: a lot of money. Yeah, a lot of money. And

796
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 3: obviously I'm glad. This is like a promotion too, so

797
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 3: it's there will be more, you'll get that existantly. But

798
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 3: still that is like, well, although she didn't mention something

799
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 3: about a bonus bonus.

800
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I don't know if it's just maybe it

801
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,720
Speaker 1: wasn't a promotion, maybe it was a bonus, but yeah,

802
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 1: it's just like like I think you maybe could have

803
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 1: gotten that gaming system if you asked for it.

804
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe for Christmas.

805
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I understand that maybe he's frustrated in his

806
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,920
Speaker 1: position of not making money and he's frustrated that he

807
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 1: has to go to his a girlfriend or a wife

808
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 1: partner about it.

809
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 3: But at the same time, it's like, even if.

810
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,399
Speaker 1: You have a dynamic where it's like you both live

811
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:33,399
Speaker 1: off of one person's income, I feel like there's I

812
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 1: would imagine there's still some rule or unspoken rule anyway

813
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 1: to like still check in with the one that's making

814
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,919
Speaker 1: the money. Yeah, about whatever big purchase you make, because,

815
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:44,320
Speaker 1: like you said, that's a big purchase.

816
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 3: Update. Wow, Thank you everyone. I was not expecting this

817
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 3: kind of support. I appreciate all the kind messages and compassion.

818
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:54,280
Speaker 3: This is more than I have ever felt in my life,

819
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 3: So thank you read it. I took the weekend to

820
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 3: reflect on what I want and read through the comments

821
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 3: and messages. I can see your point and I know

822
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,760
Speaker 3: I can't keep treating this like a marriage if he doesn't.

823
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 3: So here's to today and my first step. I am

824
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 3: separating the finances immediately and contacting a local lawyer to

825
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 3: see my options and rights, as well as looking into

826
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 3: therapy options for him. I will present this to him

827
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 3: and he gets to choose, but I refuse to baby

828
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,479
Speaker 3: in almost thirty year old. If he wants that, well,

829
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 3: he's got a mother. Thank you everyone. I'll try an

830
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 3: update in the future, and we've got an update two

831
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:31,880
Speaker 3: months later. Hello Reddit, it has been a couple of

832
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 3: months since my last post, and so much has happened. First,

833
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 3: want to thank everyone who reached out and snap me

834
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 3: out of this daze with my soon to be X.

835
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,319
Speaker 3: He was extremely toxic and just made me feel like

836
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 3: I wasn't even worth anything. That's probably why I was

837
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 3: so hard to see he wasn't right for me. So

838
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,759
Speaker 3: I want to thank everyone who offered words of encouragement

839
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 3: and even the tough love I needed to hear it.

840
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:57,840
Speaker 3: After he went back to his parents, he was waiting

841
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 3: for my apology, which I never gave. When he noticed

842
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 3: I had drained our joint bank account, he escalated, saying

843
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 3: I was his and now I could never actually leave him,

844
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 3: and that he owed me. He said all of my

845
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:13,880
Speaker 3: success was his and that without him I would be

846
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 3: a loser dropout. His family was even worse. That's so funny.

847
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,280
Speaker 3: Without him, you'd be a loser dropout. That's so funny.

848
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 3: What's this boy doing. I'm sorry that he dropped out

849
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 3: of his career, Like that's hilarious, That's actually hilarious. It's

850
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 3: actually hilarious. What do you mean, what do you mean

851
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 3: you'd be a loser dropout? I would if someone told

852
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 3: me that and they had no job and I was

853
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 3: supporting their entire life and they said that to me,

854
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,000
Speaker 3: I would laugh. I would laugh, and I would take

855
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 3: everything I own now ha ha ha ha ha ha

856
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,839
Speaker 3: get out of my house. Because I had already blocked them.

857
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:49,000
Speaker 3: They started making fake accounts and using apps to hide

858
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 3: their numbers to pester me. They said I had ruined

859
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:55,080
Speaker 3: the son's life and that he had sacrificed everything to

860
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 3: get me where I am, and throwing him to the

861
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,760
Speaker 3: side like this was disgusting and I deserve to rot.

862
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,800
Speaker 3: I provided all of this to my lawyer, who recommended

863
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 3: I take out a restraining order in case he wanted

864
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 3: to escalate further, and to not engage ever, but just

865
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 3: keep the records. This has caused my anxiety to go

866
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,879
Speaker 3: through the roof, and I'm working on this with my therapist.

867
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 3: I have separated the finances completely and changed my banks

868
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 3: and even told them my soon to be x is

869
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 3: never allowed access to these accounts because he would take

870
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 3: it all and run. I have changed my number and

871
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 3: gone completely social media free. Besides this as through this guy. Goever. God,

872
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 3: we're getting out of this. I'm glad we're seeing how

873
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:37,279
Speaker 3: toxic he was.

874
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:40,279
Speaker 1: It sucks that it's going down this way, but I

875
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 1: like that you've got a lawyer. I like that you've

876
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 1: got a therapist. I like that you're, you know, hold.

877
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,279
Speaker 3: On to these records, getting a restraining order. Yeah. It

878
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 3: will die down eventually, but for now it sucks. For

879
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 3: now it is is dying up. Yeah. Yeah, but there's

880
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 3: a little bit left to this story. Part of me

881
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 3: is broken that our marriage came to an end over

882
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 3: a computer. I keep thinking I'm stupid and wondering how

883
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 3: I couldn't see the warning signs. I must look like

884
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 3: a fool to everyone on all I'm slowly picking up

885
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:10,920
Speaker 3: the pieces of my life and figuring out how to

886
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,920
Speaker 3: move forward. Thank you to anyone still reading this, and

887
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 3: thank you to everyone who helped me to get here. Summary.

888
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 3: I'm officially filing for divorce after I never apologized to him,

889
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,239
Speaker 3: which only made my soon to be ex husband and

890
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 3: his family start pestering me to the nth degree. I

891
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:29,359
Speaker 3: was having a panic attack every time the phone rang,

892
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,240
Speaker 3: so I had to change my number and delete any

893
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:36,320
Speaker 3: social media. I am gaining my freedom from my toxic

894
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 3: partner and his family. Congratulations. Yes, this is Independence Day.

895
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 3: God lovely. Yeah, and that's the end of the story.

896
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 3: We're going to go on to the next one. I

897
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 3: gave my wife one rule about texting me. She couldn't

898
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 3: stop herself from breaking it. Yeah, one rule, don't do it.

899
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:57,239
Speaker 1: I am thirty six male and she is thirty four female.

900
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 1: The honest core of this question is that I am

901
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:03,360
Speaker 1: super AMPI notification. I know I sound like a boomer,

902
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: but I got sick of knowing that Aunt Maple comments

903
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 1: in on my insta post years ago. I will open

904
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 1: the app if I want to know that. I do

905
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 1: not need to know about Aunt Maple's comment until the

906
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 1: second I seek out that information.

907
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from a super moon inflation.

908
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

909
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,759
Speaker 1: to the r slash Okay storytime, super at it.

910
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 3: I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

911
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 3: but we don't have all the answers.

912
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 1: We just know what we would do in these situations,

913
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 1: so let us know what you would do in the comments,

914
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:35,319
Speaker 1: and no Op says, However, I appreciated the health and

915
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:38,399
Speaker 1: activity features on the Apple Watch, so I got one

916
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 1: for myself, and I tediously curated the information delivered to

917
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 1: me on my wrist. Notifications are even worse on the

918
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:46,839
Speaker 1: watch because I can't exactly just flip the watch over

919
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 1: and ignore it.

920
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 3: My wife, whom I love.

921
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 1: Very much, wanted to make sure that she could get

922
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 1: a hold of me, so we use a chat app

923
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:55,560
Speaker 1: that allows notifications.

924
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 3: The rules were very clear when I switched to this app.

925
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 3: She can text me once and I'll answer at my

926
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 3: earliest convenience.

927
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,320
Speaker 1: I will always know it is her texting because she

928
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 1: is the only person who has access to my risk notifications.

929
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 3: Anymore than one text means emergency. She has run a

930
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,840
Speaker 3: foul of that rule many times. You can guess.

931
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 1: She says that she very literally cannot stop herself when

932
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 1: she gets excited, and that she's not neurotypical like me.

933
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 1: So I can't understand, and she's right, I don't understand

934
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 1: what it's like to have ADHD, but I do know

935
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: what my boundaries are with my wrist buzzing while I'm

936
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 1: at work.

937
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm sorry. You're telling me that you're

938
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:37,400
Speaker 3: making you made a rule that you're ADHD wild can't

939
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 3: text you not so tough.

940
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 4: You know how.

941
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 1: Many texts Riley gets when he's at work and he

942
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:45,960
Speaker 1: can't get to the phone right now? Oh yeah, so

943
00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 1: many texts for me because I'm at home.

944
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:49,360
Speaker 3: I'm just like, oh my god, I just did this

945
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:50,359
Speaker 3: is so fun.

946
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: And then and then I know he can't respond, but

947
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:52,959
Speaker 1: I'm gonnaext him anyway.

948
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,719
Speaker 3: He'll read it later. Yeah, I've got like I'm like

949
00:45:55,760 --> 00:46:00,439
Speaker 3: a six tuplet texture with my boyfriend. He's at work.

950
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 3: He'll see it later. Maybe here, No, exactly exactly like

951
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:06,600
Speaker 3: Coma just text himself reminders to me. Yeah, yeah, me too.

952
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 4: Yeah.

953
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 1: No, it's literally like I think of this bothers you

954
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 1: this much. Then you just gotta put your phone on silence. Literally,

955
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:14,400
Speaker 1: just put it, put it on silent. She's right, I

956
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 1: don't understand what it's like to have ADHD, but I

957
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 1: do know what my boundaries are with my wrist buzzing

958
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: while I'm at work. Last week, she sent me like

959
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: four consecutive texts because she found out that her coworker,

960
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,800
Speaker 1: who I don't know and frankly do not care about,

961
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 1: had gotten a duy.

962
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 3: Well. He was in college years ago.

963
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 1: So that night I sat down with her and said

964
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 1: I was not going to do the risk notifications anymore,

965
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 1: and then I'd regularly check my phone for messages from her.

966
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:40,399
Speaker 1: She was kind of vaguely mad about it for a week,

967
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 1: but yesterday I finally confronted her about it, and she

968
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:45,040
Speaker 1: said that she thought I was being disrespectful of her

969
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:49,759
Speaker 1: limitations and that everyone gets used to notifications eventually. I

970
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:51,959
Speaker 1: said it had been three months and I was still

971
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:54,120
Speaker 1: not used to it, and she said I should give

972
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:54,760
Speaker 1: it more time.

973
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,279
Speaker 3: Here's where I might be the A hole.

974
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,920
Speaker 1: I told her, I thought this was a tiny issue

975
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 1: that wasn't even worth being angry about. I still check

976
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:06,919
Speaker 1: my phone for her texts, and I've never missed one

977
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 1: by more than like fifteen minutes. I also explained that

978
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,440
Speaker 1: she can still call me if there's an emergency, but

979
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 1: she's still mad Am I the A.

980
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 3: Hole in There is an edit? But to what do

981
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:21,319
Speaker 3: you think I actually think based off of that last thing?

982
00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:24,360
Speaker 3: He said, Yeah, that he's not the a hole. Okay,

983
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 3: let us know, because he said, I like, I can

984
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 3: still get the notifications, I just wouldn't have them buzzing.

985
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 3: So he did what we said to do. And I

986
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 3: think she's still mad about Unless I'm misunderstanding. It feels

987
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 3: like he's saying I'll still get that. She's not.

988
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: He's not getting notifications, but he is constantly checking his phone.

989
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:43,360
Speaker 3: Yes, that's sorry, like he's still getting the text. Like

990
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 3: he's not saying stop texting me entirely totally, I'm just

991
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 3: not going to get the buzz right, which I think

992
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 3: that's I think that's fine. Fair.

993
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:54,520
Speaker 1: I honestly think that's very fair because like I someone

994
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:56,359
Speaker 1: let me know that my worm is upside down, thank

995
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 1: you is not even I.

996
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:02,919
Speaker 3: Feel like I'm like mailbox you are yeah, short time.

997
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 1: But honestly, yeah, I think that's fair because that's like

998
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:09,399
Speaker 1: me with Riley is like at first I was kind

999
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:11,680
Speaker 1: of like one she had text me back, this is

1000
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 1: such fun stuff. Yeah, but I had to check myself

1001
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:17,200
Speaker 1: because he's literally working, Like I need to understand that,

1002
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 1: and so I do this so cool with that.

1003
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:20,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is the same thing like for the first

1004
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 3: couple of months of dating my boyfriend. I was like, yeah,

1005
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 3: he actually be back. It's like, oh my god. Right,

1006
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:28,760
Speaker 3: But then I was like, holy is that for Like duh,

1007
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:32,840
Speaker 3: I'm also at work, but I'm constantly on my phone. Yeah,

1008
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 3: but she had different communication styles. But we do have

1009
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:37,920
Speaker 3: an edit to add here.

1010
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:40,080
Speaker 1: Okay, she got home and I just had a short

1011
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,719
Speaker 1: but really helpful conversation with her. She said that she

1012
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 1: didn't really want to buzz me all the time, but

1013
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:46,800
Speaker 1: she felt really special that she was the only person

1014
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 1: who I allowed to text me on the watch. She

1015
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 1: was sad that we lost that little intimate connection, and

1016
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 1: that makes total sense, and we both committed to finding

1017
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:58,439
Speaker 1: a good solution that makes us both happy. Really sorry

1018
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:00,400
Speaker 1: that I dragged so many people into this. It was

1019
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:02,439
Speaker 1: a small thing that could have been solved by both

1020
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 1: of us being super vulnerable and honest with each other.

1021
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,280
Speaker 3: And we do have an update. I wanted to update

1022
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:08,239
Speaker 3: this to share some things that I learned while we

1023
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 3: resolved this problem. Obviously, it ended up fine. It was

1024
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 3: a small problem that bubbled over, not a real.

1025
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:19,000
Speaker 1: Issue for people out there with ADHD partners, especially guys

1026
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:20,760
Speaker 1: with ADHD girlfriends and wives.

1027
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 3: I learned two things that could help you in the future.

1028
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 1: Rejection sensitivity is a common symptom of ADHD, especially in women.

1029
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:32,640
Speaker 1: Interesting it's tings extra when someone tells you no. That's

1030
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 1: why I got a big reaction from my wife. I

1031
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 1: didn't feel like I was rejecting her, only setting a boundary,

1032
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 1: but she felt differently, and her feelings mattered to me.

1033
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,560
Speaker 1: Two Lots of people with ADHD have been told their

1034
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 1: entire lives that they are too much, that they should

1035
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 1: take it down a notch. This is not true of

1036
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:50,799
Speaker 1: my wife, who has Oh, this is true of my

1037
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 1: wife who has a very big personality. Hearing me ask

1038
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:56,600
Speaker 1: her to control her wrist buzzes or it seemed a

1039
00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 1: lot to her like I was telling her to be

1040
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 1: smaller or to shut up. Even by those two things

1041
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:04,839
Speaker 1: we're learning about it, I honestly like I don't really

1042
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 1: relate to that second one. I feel like I usually

1043
00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:10,880
Speaker 1: tone myself down first. But the first one, with the

1044
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,880
Speaker 1: rejection thing, I mean, I don't know. Probably I relate

1045
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:15,720
Speaker 1: to both of them so hard.

1046
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 3: I have been told all my life that I am

1047
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:23,239
Speaker 3: too loud. No, and the first one I literally had

1048
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 3: this just last week. Yeah, my boyfriend made a joke

1049
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 3: that he was like, or I was. I was talking

1050
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:29,880
Speaker 3: about something and he was like, oh, your man's planning,

1051
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 3: And I was like, it's not like, it's fine. You

1052
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 3: don't want to hear you don't want to hear about it. Yeah,

1053
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 3: it's okay, that's totally just hate me. You just want

1054
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:40,920
Speaker 3: to break up.

1055
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:41,760
Speaker 1: Fine.

1056
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:46,760
Speaker 3: Two seconds later I was like, that was actually an overreaction.

1057
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:50,560
Speaker 3: That's what we call No.

1058
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:52,279
Speaker 1: That's good, but there is a little bit more to

1059
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:56,040
Speaker 1: this story here. Those two things combined created hard feelings

1060
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:58,160
Speaker 1: on her end. There was always going to be some

1061
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:00,359
Speaker 1: conflict when I set that boundary, but I could have

1062
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: been more sensitive and she could have been more communicative

1063
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:03,799
Speaker 1: and understanding.

1064
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,760
Speaker 3: These are the travails of marriage. It was a little

1065
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 3: speed bump and we got over it. Thanks to all

1066
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 3: the commenters and edits to add this was the solution. Honestly,

1067
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:14,320
Speaker 3: it's so dumb and simple.

1068
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 1: We moved the US app Google Chat to her second

1069
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 1: screen and moved the app that we use with everyone

1070
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 1: signal to her home screen. She can still access my wrist,

1071
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:24,879
Speaker 1: but she has to think about it for an extra

1072
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 1: quarter second.

1073
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 3: It has solved one hundred percent of the problem. Listen.

1074
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:31,359
Speaker 3: That's the most ad sheet thing I've heard of is

1075
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 3: think about it one more second.

1076
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 1: That's what I relate to heavy, Like if you just

1077
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 1: added like one extra step, it becomes it really creates

1078
00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 1: some friction in your brain.

1079
00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 3: And that's the end of the story. We're gonna go

1080
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:44,359
Speaker 3: on to the next one.

1081
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:48,760
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite Riley's girlfriend is here.

1082
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 3: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

1083
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:54,439
Speaker 3: three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My husband said

1084
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 3: he was laid off. I told him to stay with

1085
00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 3: his parents. Well, if you can't pay for this house,

1086
00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 3: you can't be in this house. My husband, thirty two

1087
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:04,640
Speaker 3: and I thirty had been married for just over a

1088
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 3: year now, and things couldn't be rockier.

1089
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 4: Oh.

1090
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,440
Speaker 3: I have a good job and make a decent amount

1091
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 3: of money, whereas my husband made not as much as me.

1092
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:17,799
Speaker 3: Due to this and the fact he was still living

1093
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 3: with his parents when we got married, we decided he

1094
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:22,759
Speaker 3: would move in with me and I would continue to

1095
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:24,680
Speaker 3: pay the rent and bills as long as he put

1096
00:52:24,719 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 3: money toward other things we may need as a couple.

1097
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 3: My name is the only one on the lease. By

1098
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:32,239
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from throwaway seven four eight seven

1099
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:34,319
Speaker 3: four seven three and if you want to spit your

1100
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:36,960
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subbured it.

1101
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and we're here to give good

1102
00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:41,880
Speaker 3: advice scoofully, But we don't have all the answers. We

1103
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:43,640
Speaker 3: only know what we'd do, So let us know what

1104
00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:46,960
Speaker 3: you would do in the comments, and Opie says. However,

1105
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 3: once we got married, he started to cut down on

1106
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:52,560
Speaker 3: his work hours without saying anything. First, he gave the

1107
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 3: explanation that I made plenty of money for the both

1108
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 3: of us, so he could just work part time and

1109
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:58,759
Speaker 3: do the work around the house while I was the

1110
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:03,439
Speaker 3: main breadwinner. I was fine with this, okay, A little

1111
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:05,960
Speaker 3: upset that he just assumed this would be okay, but

1112
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,839
Speaker 3: I didn't say anything as this felt fair. He did

1113
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 3: do some work around the house initially not a good word,

1114
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 3: but spent the majority of his time going out to bars,

1115
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 3: playing video games, et cetera, to the point where I

1116
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,800
Speaker 3: was the one both working and doing the cooking, cleaning,

1117
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 3: and other household chores. My husband told me he was

1118
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:28,719
Speaker 3: laid off two months ago for reasons out of his control.

1119
00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:32,120
Speaker 3: I assumed in this time that he would begin job hunting,

1120
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:35,880
Speaker 3: and I began to pay for everything. While I do

1121
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 3: earn a decent amount of money, it's not to the

1122
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:41,400
Speaker 3: point where I can pay for rent, bills, groceries, insurance,

1123
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:45,720
Speaker 3: contribute to emergency savings, and finance the lifestyle my husband

1124
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:49,240
Speaker 3: has started indulging in. I began paying for his nights out,

1125
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 3: subbing him money for trips to look for work, et cetera,

1126
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 3: all while I was under the assumption he would be

1127
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:59,120
Speaker 3: searching for a new job, at least to finance his hobbies.

1128
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:01,879
Speaker 3: About a week ago, I asked him how the job

1129
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:05,400
Speaker 3: hump was going, and he told me that it he

1130
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 3: didn't feel like it was worth it.

1131
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:10,480
Speaker 1: You don't feel that job hunting is worth having a

1132
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:11,600
Speaker 1: good job.

1133
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:14,440
Speaker 3: I don't know what. He said to me, that he

1134
00:54:14,480 --> 00:54:17,840
Speaker 3: was comfortable with what we had now, and I wasn't happy,

1135
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:20,560
Speaker 3: to say the least. I confronted him about how I

1136
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 3: was doing everything to finance and take care of our

1137
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:26,440
Speaker 3: household while he sat around and played video games. I

1138
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 3: was being a butt here, I'll admit, and during this

1139
00:54:29,880 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 3: argument he let slip that he had actually quit and

1140
00:54:33,719 --> 00:54:36,719
Speaker 3: never looked for another job. I'm sorry. So he came

1141
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:38,960
Speaker 3: home and said I was laid off. It was out

1142
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:40,759
Speaker 3: of my control. Yeah, when he quit.

1143
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 1: Wow, what a great way to start a marriage.

1144
00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:49,239
Speaker 3: I was furious that he had lied to me and

1145
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 3: told him that I didn't want him in my home

1146
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:54,239
Speaker 3: right now. Fast forward to know my in laws are

1147
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 3: understanding to an extent, but are calling me an a

1148
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:59,760
Speaker 3: hole for not wanting him to come back home until

1149
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:02,560
Speaker 3: he got it's a job. I have seen my husband

1150
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:05,920
Speaker 3: in this time, but never in our home, always out somewhere.

1151
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:09,200
Speaker 3: I no longer pay for everything, and his attitude toward

1152
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:13,920
Speaker 3: me is making me question our entire relationship. He's calling

1153
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 3: me an a hole for doing this to him, and

1154
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,879
Speaker 3: I'm beginning to think he's right. Am I an a whole?

1155
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:23,360
Speaker 3: And we've got an update sixty four days later? Whoa,

1156
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 3: Oh that's very exact. That's a big jump. But no,

1157
00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:29,720
Speaker 3: I don't think you're the a hole. No, I really don't.

1158
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:32,560
Speaker 3: I also, and I'd love to know your take on this.

1159
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,360
Speaker 3: I feel like there, you know, Okay, there are different

1160
00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 3: reasons why I get people get married, and there are

1161
00:55:38,120 --> 00:55:41,280
Speaker 3: different circumstances in which people get married. But I feel

1162
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 3: like I personally would want to be financially independent before

1163
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 3: I was getting ready to get married, unless we had

1164
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 3: a discussion where someone was going to be like a

1165
00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 3: stay at home partner, you know, like, unless that was

1166
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:58,680
Speaker 3: a specific discussion that you had which you didn't hear.

1167
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 3: I think that I would want to be financially independent

1168
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:07,200
Speaker 3: before we both decided to live together, because he went

1169
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:11,120
Speaker 3: from not really having enough money and living at his

1170
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 3: parents to directly going into Ope's place and op being like, Okay, well,

1171
00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:18,640
Speaker 3: I'll just pay until you get a job, right, because

1172
00:56:18,719 --> 00:56:20,640
Speaker 3: I mean he did for the first couple months in

1173
00:56:20,680 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 3: their marriage, right, Yeah, but not like a well paying job.

1174
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:26,560
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, so oh I see what you're saying. Okay, yeah, No,

1175
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:27,560
Speaker 1: I totally agree.

1176
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:31,520
Speaker 3: I think finances are a huge thing to consider yea,

1177
00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 3: and be on the same page on before you get married.

1178
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, and yeah, I think the fact that he didn't

1179
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:42,480
Speaker 1: talk to her about it at all made the decision

1180
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:44,279
Speaker 1: that she was going to pay for most things and

1181
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 1: he was just going to work part time in clean

1182
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,400
Speaker 1: the house, didn't clean the house even when he was

1183
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:52,439
Speaker 1: working no time, and also lied about it about why

1184
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:53,919
Speaker 1: he lost his job in the first place.

1185
00:56:53,960 --> 00:56:57,040
Speaker 3: I mean these are all big reasons for a divorce,

1186
00:56:57,239 --> 00:57:01,560
Speaker 3: and I'm glad you did one upday wait sixty four

1187
00:57:01,680 --> 00:57:05,080
Speaker 3: days later, as I mentioned on here, my thirty two

1188
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 3: male husband and I thirty one, had an argument. Oh wait,

1189
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:11,760
Speaker 3: they're both guys. I'm sorry if I miss gender. Dopie

1190
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:15,279
Speaker 3: what had an argument which resulted in me kicking him

1191
00:57:15,320 --> 00:57:17,880
Speaker 3: out of our home. Since then, the dust has been

1192
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:20,160
Speaker 3: able to settle and we have been able to work

1193
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 3: through our problems. I would also like to clear up

1194
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 3: here that we're both men, as some people assumed I

1195
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:27,440
Speaker 3: was a woman. My husband and I met up for

1196
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 3: coffee in public a couple of days after I made

1197
00:57:30,080 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 3: my original post. He's quite the avid Reddit user, and

1198
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:36,680
Speaker 3: in hindsight, I probably should have assumed he would see it,

1199
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,240
Speaker 3: but these things slipped my mind at the time. He

1200
00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:43,760
Speaker 3: apologized a lot, actually, about everything. After having my husband

1201
00:57:43,840 --> 00:57:46,880
Speaker 3: back for a while, his parents began to really tear

1202
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:49,920
Speaker 3: into him about his habits and behavior. I love that

1203
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 3: they were like, actually, you could suck been living with

1204
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,320
Speaker 3: you and you don't do anything. Yeah, yeah, now your

1205
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:59,120
Speaker 3: wife doesn't even want you here? Yeah, or husband, I

1206
00:57:59,160 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 3: did it again?

1207
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:00,280
Speaker 1: It?

1208
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:03,760
Speaker 3: Oh man, I did it again. Sorry, and that he'd

1209
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:05,600
Speaker 3: have to work hard if he wanted to keep our

1210
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 3: marriage together. We're currently seeing a couple's therapist to work

1211
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:11,400
Speaker 3: through the remainder of our issues to make sure that

1212
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 3: we're one hundred percent on the same page before we

1213
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:17,800
Speaker 3: move in together again. My husband also started working again

1214
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:21,320
Speaker 3: and moved into his own apartment after working through some

1215
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:24,240
Speaker 3: personal problems, and we're almost at a point where we're

1216
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:26,920
Speaker 3: back to where we were before all of this. I

1217
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:29,920
Speaker 3: think that is a great We talk every day, go

1218
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:32,840
Speaker 3: on dates, et cetera, aside from sharing a space, and

1219
00:58:32,880 --> 00:58:35,640
Speaker 3: we're comfortable with this. I would like to admit here

1220
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 3: that I definitely wasn't as good as a partner as

1221
00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:41,360
Speaker 3: I could have been. My husband's given me permission to

1222
00:58:41,360 --> 00:58:43,320
Speaker 3: share with you all that he'd been struggling with his

1223
00:58:43,360 --> 00:58:46,400
Speaker 3: mental health a lot in this time of unemployment, and

1224
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:48,600
Speaker 3: I feel ashamed that I was too busy with my

1225
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:51,600
Speaker 3: work to notice. I didn't know at all. I like

1226
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:54,280
Speaker 3: where they're going with this too. I think that's true.

1227
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:57,680
Speaker 1: I mean it is kind of like a hopeful thought

1228
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, yeah, one person does not I have.

1229
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:05,640
Speaker 1: There's stuff together in this marriage, So I like the

1230
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:08,560
Speaker 1: kind way that they're going about it of like giving

1231
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:13,400
Speaker 1: him a chance, you know, probably helping him get on

1232
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 1: his own feet and become independent on his own, but

1233
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 1: still being very honest.

1234
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:19,920
Speaker 3: With like you gotta figure this out. Yeah, I like it.

1235
00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 3: I like that balance. I do as well. And yeah,

1236
00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:27,440
Speaker 3: I think I think you're going towards you know, a

1237
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:29,720
Speaker 3: solut or you have a solution. You're going towards like

1238
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:33,160
Speaker 3: a better relationship together. This isn't an excuse for mine

1239
00:59:33,200 --> 00:59:36,200
Speaker 3: nor his actions at all. But we're communicating and he's

1240
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 3: finally reaching out for the support he feels he needs.

1241
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 3: I'm happy with where we are, and I feel like

1242
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,200
Speaker 3: he's not hiding his true feelings and intentions from me anymore,

1243
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:47,959
Speaker 3: which I punt myself every day for making him ever

1244
00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:51,080
Speaker 3: feel that way. Right now, we're not planning on changing

1245
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:53,960
Speaker 3: our financial arrangement or involving a lawyer like some of

1246
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 3: you suggested, as I don't want to cause myself or

1247
00:59:56,960 --> 01:00:00,760
Speaker 3: him any more stress. Some of you may diss as

1248
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:03,440
Speaker 3: his parents have been gunning for me to change financial

1249
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:06,520
Speaker 3: information and get rid of everything he has access to

1250
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:09,240
Speaker 3: in case he attempts this again. But I trust him.

1251
01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:12,040
Speaker 3: This man is the love of my life and if

1252
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:14,160
Speaker 3: I can't believe that what he tells me is true,

1253
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 3: then I don't see a point to stay with him.

1254
01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:20,360
Speaker 3: Once again, thank you all for your support. This is

1255
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:23,760
Speaker 3: my final and only update, and that is the end

1256
01:00:23,800 --> 01:00:24,400
Speaker 3: of the story.