WEBVTT - Very Small Yachts with Bobby Berk 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:04.600 Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Hi. I'm coming off of a 0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:07.400 very big week Grammys. We had Grammys. I was nominated 0:00:07.440 --> 0:00:10.559 for Grammy for Evolution Past Comedy Album. I did not win, 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:12.520 but it was really fun to go to the Grammys. 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:14.600 I've never been before, so Joe and I went, and 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:16.320 then we just turned it into a three day birthday 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:19.599 bonanza for Joe because he didn't get to celebrate his 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:22.479 fiftieth birthday during COVID because he was shooting his movie 0:00:22.520 --> 0:00:26.000 called Easter Sunday, which comes out in August. And I 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:28.560 had to celebrate my Buddha because I love him so much, 0:00:28.680 --> 0:00:30.760 and his whole family's in Vegas, and I thought, why 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:32.720 don't we just turn the Grammys into a three day party. 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:36.640 And that's what we did. Easy. We had lots of 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:40.120 late nights, and we have dune buggy ing, we had 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:43.760 pool parties, and we got to see I had a 0:00:43.760 --> 0:00:46.040 lot of friends come, and he had a lot of 0:00:46.040 --> 0:00:49.320 family come. And he's a happy camper and I am 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:52.559 Scott free, you know what I mean. I am in 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:55.640 the opposite of the doghouse for the next I'm gonna 0:00:55.640 --> 0:01:00.160 say six months. Okay, excellent, at least until his next birthday, right, Well, 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:02.520 that's the problem. His birthdays in June, so I'm kind 0:01:02.520 --> 0:01:05.360 of like fun, but I'm gonna be on tour. I'm 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:08.360 gonna be in Pittsburgh performing that night. It's June two, 0:01:09.040 --> 0:01:11.039 and I believe he'll be with me, So we will 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:13.759 be selling it, braiding his birthday, probably on stage in Pittsburgh. 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:16.360 I will make the whole baring to him. Yeah, So 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:19.080 anyone coming to our Pittsburgh show, I can't wait. Pittsburgh's 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:21.200 one of my favorite cities that gets such a shitty 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:23.399 rap and it's such a cool city. It's kind of 0:01:23.600 --> 0:01:26.680 reminds me a little bit of Portland a little bit. 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:28.480 Ye Oh, hi, honey, I was just talking about the 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:30.080 birthday party that I just threw for you, and there 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:34.199 are three days of magic and oh that's nice. Hi, 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:37.199 how was this birthday party? How was your birthday party? 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:42.600 She's asking. Yeah, the only problem that we're having in 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:46.160 our relationship right now is that his body is reaching 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:50.200 a pinnacle and my body he I'm the Buddha now. 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:53.680 I told him there's only room for one good body 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:57.120 in this relationship, and then he stole that role. So 0:01:57.280 --> 0:02:00.200 I actually have to get back on track because my 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:02.760 time up in Whistler put me over the edge. Too 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:07.560 many Moscow mules. Cheers. Cheers, by the way, cheers cheers. 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:12.480 So let's ensure our guest everybody knows him from a 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:18.840 Queer Eye and that's Emmy nominated show. Correct. So there's that. Yes, 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:22.800 his name is Bobby Burke and he's our guest today. 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:28.760 Oh hey girl, okay, how are you? Good morning? What 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:32.440 a beautiful vista you have thought this. This is a 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:35.600 much better reaction than the last time you were were 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:41.560 on Zoom together when he said who are you? What 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:43.440 was that game? It was like like could we be 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:48.800 friends or something? Yeah, they were like describe that was 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:52.160 like who are you? It was It was devastating because 0:02:52.760 --> 0:02:55.160 the moment you said hello, who you were? I was like, oh, 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:59.000 this is Oh you know what. Don't even take that personally. 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:01.079 I mean half the time, I'm so stoned. I don't 0:03:01.080 --> 0:03:02.960 even know what's going on. So please don't take a 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:06.720 personally Bobby. Oh I didn't. I didn't. I didn't at all. 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:09.400 I have been in the game that long. Where are you? 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:13.360 That looks so pretty? I'm at home, excuse of course 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:17.120 you are. That's the difference between design experts and design 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:20.799 non experts. What I I control the landscape behind me? 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:23.480 I guess, so, yeah, I could. I could show the 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:30.480 landscape behind me. Look, technically I do pull this closure. 0:03:30.520 --> 0:03:32.680 The window that you're looking at is technically in front 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:35.640 of me right now. He just pulled it down as 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:37.600 a green screet. But if I sit in front of it, 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:39.400 then it it washes me out. You can't see me 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:42.480 because it's too bright behind me. But I like that scenes, 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:43.960 So I just took a video of it, and so 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:45.800 I get to look out the window, and you guys 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:50.160 get to look at the window. Oh that's awesome. Hold 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:54.600 on one second, you guys, Okay, one second, I'm sorry, sorry, 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:57.000 amssus just showed up at our house in the morning, 0:03:57.000 --> 0:03:58.320 and I have to let Joe know he has a 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:01.080 massage because I never have told him. So one second, 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:02.760 you guys, I thought you were going to say, and 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:08.080 unfortunately I have to go get a massage. Oh yeah, 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:12.320 are you guys cool if we do this a massage? Honey, 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:14.920 you have a massage? I forgot about that. Nine am. 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:19.880 Get ready, she's gonna set up. Thank you so much. Okay, 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:22.440 and what are they going to do it? Though? Like, 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:27.440 right right there at direct you can director. No, No, 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:30.520 that's not what he likes. Yeah, yeah, I'd like to 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:33.040 direct all of his massages. Well, last night we were 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:35.760 in a bit of a in an emergency situation because 0:04:35.760 --> 0:04:38.159 we're in Whistler, Canada, and we came up for like 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:40.800 two and a half days for my friend's birthday. And 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:42.960 we got here and of course I made Joe go 0:04:43.080 --> 0:04:47.640 skiing and he fell on his shoulder. And then last 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:49.039 night he was like, I need a massage. I need 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.480 a massage. So I like reached out to everyone, and 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:53.760 then somebody said, oh, we can't do it tonight, We'll 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:55.160 do it in the morning. So we took that one, 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:56.520 and then someone came back and said we could do 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:58.359 it tonight. So we had a massage last night. And 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:04.200 because I don't like canceling, pardon my cough. All week, 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:07.360 I've been sick in bed going how the fund can 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:11.839 you get COVID twice in two months? No, you have COVID. No, 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:15.240 I just got my test back. I don't right. They 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:19.200 say cases very symptomatic. My husband's the same way. He's 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:21.960 a doctor. Never got it. I had it, and I 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:24.760 was him and I were snowboarding and Tahaa weekend and 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:26.560 drinking out of the same cop and I just thought, 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:28.480 you know, oh, it's cold and we're in high altitude. 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:31.039 I've got a runny nose and uncongested sleeping in the 0:05:31.080 --> 0:05:33.520 same bed in the same car. And then it got 0:05:33.520 --> 0:05:35.000 a little worse later on. But you don't need to 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:36.800 be slipping in, Bobby, you do not need to be 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:38.440 sleeping in your car at this point. I just want 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:41.799 to let you know that, you know, it keeps me grounded. Yeah, 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:44.360 you can get a grounding map for that keeps you grounded, 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:47.200 because my my Model X that I sleep in does 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:50.080 have camp mode, so that a C stays on. I 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:52.599 like when I made my dogs in my Tesla, you 0:05:52.600 --> 0:05:55.960 know how it has dogs. What's it called? Were you 0:05:56.040 --> 0:05:58.719 like your dog staying in the car and you turned 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:01.240 on dog mode? Yeah, dog mode, And so when you 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:04.040 come back to the car. I mean several times somebody's 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:05.600 been like, how are these two dogs in the car 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:09.200 with the windows up? I'm like, because I have dog mode. Okay, 0:06:09.520 --> 0:06:11.960 you see a huge screen that's lit up with the 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:15.040 dog on it that says, don't worry, yeah, Beck, the 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:18.000 owner will be back in fifteen minutes. Three hours later, 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:20.480 Bert's on his back with his paws in the air, like, 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:24.520 where's my mother, Bobby? Speaking of your partner, Your partner's 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:27.680 name is Dewey, right, it is? It is? And you 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:30.359 guys have been together a significant amount of time correct 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:35.440 eighteen years going on nineteen. Yeah, that's so cool. I've 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:38.440 been with my boyfriend for eight months. I know. I 0:06:38.600 --> 0:06:41.440 love it. I love that you who ended up with 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:44.000 each other. It's so cute, it's so funny. I was 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:48.640 doing a live stream yesterday and one of the guests 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:53.279 on there was Joy Choe. But I kept that sounds 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:58.039 like one of our relatives, kept hearing Joe Coy in 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:01.040 my head because the sound are exactly. Her first name 0:07:01.080 --> 0:07:02.800 sounds like his last name. His last name sounds like 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:04.960 his first name. So when I introduced her, luckily it 0:07:05.000 --> 0:07:08.279 was just on the practice, I was like Joy Choi 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:11.400 and She's like, you know, it's it's I know. But 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:14.400 I'm like, I'm hearing Joe Coy's head and my name 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:17.800 when you hear it, because your guy's names, same syllables, 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:20.239 same letters, just completely flipped. And I'm like, I'm sorry, 0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:24.720 I know his name more than yours. That's how I 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:26.800 felt when you and I were playing that game, Bobby, 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:29.200 I thought that it was somebody else. I was like, wait, 0:07:29.240 --> 0:07:31.480 Bobby Burke, I'm like that I got it confused with 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:33.880 somebody else named who knows what. But I was all 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:36.240 over the shop. But I have to say, I get 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:38.160 confused with our names because my middle name is Joy 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:41.160 and his name is Koi, and then people call us Choi, 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:45.960 so's Joy Joy. So it's very confusing. All I know 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:48.560 is that I'm now Filipino and everyone refers to me 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:50.960 as a Filipino woman, and I'm just going to accept 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:53.240 it because it's a culture I never thought i'd be 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:56.680 a part of. Do you know? I love you? And 0:07:56.720 --> 0:08:00.600 I know how to say? Ma didn't Kita in return? Oh? 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:04.080 I didn't know that my excess Filipino? Oh really? So wait? 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:05.840 I want to talk to you about your relationship with 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:07.800 Dewey and how what what? I want to talk about 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:10.560 what it's like to be with somebody for eighteen years 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:12.880 and like how do you guys keep that going? And 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:16.520 what is your relationship dynamic? Like is there somebody who 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:23.120 you know wears the pants? So to speak? Chelsea? How homophobic? 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:27.920 If you say, I'm well, I'm a big homophobe. Everybody 0:08:27.960 --> 0:08:31.000 knows that. I know, I know, which is why I 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:33.640 was comfortable making that joke to you, because obviously you 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:37.160 are not. It's funny because I would say most people 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:40.360 think and assume that I wear the pants in the 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:44.880 family because he's quiet and I'm the more outgoing one, 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:47.280 and I'm the one that, to the outside world is 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:50.439 making the decisions. But he's you know, like the N 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:53.320 Sync record, he's pulling the strings, you know, in the background. 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:57.240 He's the puppeteer, and he's the one making the decisions. Yeah, 0:08:57.480 --> 0:08:59.960 not completely, but I think we have a pretty good 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:05.040 dynamic as far as decision making. You know, there's a 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:07.600 lot of things that are very important to me that 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:11.480 don't make any that aren't really important, and then there's 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:13.360 the big things that are important to him that he 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:16.600 makes a decision to. Yeah, and what do you and like, 0:09:16.920 --> 0:09:19.720 do you guys fight? Are you healthy fighters? Like? What 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:22.840 what's your when there's friction? How do you guys handle that? 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:26.400 We rarely fight. Honestly, we used to. We used to 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:29.280 fight a lot growing pains. Would you attribute that to 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:31.600 like the beginning of the relationship, Yeah, and I definitely 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:33.240 remember like every time we'd have a fight. I was 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:36.240 his first long term relationship, so every time we have 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:39.480 a fight, he'd be like, Okay, well, I guess this 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.000 is it. I'm like, wait, no, no, no, that was 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:44.880 just a fight. We're not breaking up. Like we just 0:09:45.200 --> 0:09:47.360 piste off about where we wanted to go to dinner. 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:50.319 It's okay, it's okay. But yeah, we rarely fight now, 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:52.920 Like when we fight, they will be big fights, but 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:55.920 those happen maybe once a year at the most. It's 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:59.560 a nice annual tradition to keep up, yes, specifically around 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:02.280 the holiday. Yeah, Katherine and I were talking about that 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:04.840 because I find that I don't, like, you know, a 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:07.040 fight should be a fight. A fight is not an ending, 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:09.719 you know, it should just be a discussion and then 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:12.120 you know, everyone can cool it down and figure it out. 0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:14.120 But Joe and I have been into a couple of 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:16.400 fights where he said, okay, well I guess this is it, 0:10:16.559 --> 0:10:19.200 and I'm like, oh, come on, Joe, stop it. I 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.320 know you don't mean that, and I know and you 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:25.040 have to understand for me, you know, like my history, 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:27.480 that is a trigger for me, Like if somebody says, okay, 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:30.640 it's over. Then I shut down because my brother, you know, 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:34.080 my my psychiatrist, Dan explained this to me so sagaciously. 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:38.080 You know that my idea I believed for so long 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.520 because I you know, my brother died, was there one 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:43.000 day and gone the next that I thought he goes 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:46.440 That's how you think relationships end. You know, that's that's 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:49.000 what's normal to you. So for me now, like to 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:51.360 break that cycle and break that pattern, like it can 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:53.840 never be a threat for an ending of the relationship. 0:10:54.160 --> 0:10:56.720 It has to be like, Okay, wow, we're both upset, 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:59.560 let's go to our separate corners and come back. And 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:02.280 leaving in the middle of the fight. You know that 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:05.400 I've had a lot of traumatic relationships and a lot 0:11:05.440 --> 0:11:11.240 of that both romantically and familiar relationships where people left 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:13.439 and so back in the you know, when my my 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:15.880 husband I first got together, he's the type of person 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:18.480 where he wouldn't want to sit there and keep talking 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:21.200 about it. He would just leave because he needed space. 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:22.960 And that was a huge trigger for me. I'm like, 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:24.880 I need to sit there, we need to work this out. 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:28.120 Don't just leave me. Yes, I do, tell me when 0:11:28.120 --> 0:11:30.360 you're coming back. Yeah, I I don't leave, but I 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:32.640 want to go to a different room and take an 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:34.960 edible and talk to you in the morning. Like once 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:38.640 it gets to a crescendo, if there's yelling then, which 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:40.720 I used to do. It's so funny because all the 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:44.040 things that trigger me are in my own behaviors right always. 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:47.280 But I used to scream and yell and be like, well, no, 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:49.280 it's okay, we can work it out. And then if 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:51.240 someone now yells at me. Now that I've learned that 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:55.280 it's not necessary to yell ever at anybody like I now, 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:57.000 if I get yelled at or if there if it 0:11:57.040 --> 0:12:01.079 gets to that decibel, I I completely with I'm like, no, no, no, 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:03.640 I'm not going to scream back and forth. I used 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:05.400 to always be the yeller. I came from a very 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:08.240 southern family, like like the ya ya sisterhood that was 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:10.400 all my aunts, and so I used to be the 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:13.600 yeller and now I'm not. And now he's kind of 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:15.640 the yeller. I mean, nowhere near the way I used 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:18.240 to yell. But now hill yell and I'll just be like, 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:21.360 why are you yelling? You don't need to raise your 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:24.280 voice why And that pissitsim off more of course, Yeah, 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:27.000 of course, and in time somebody says calm down, You're like, 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:30.360 why don't I shove this orange up your asshole? He 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:34.480 used to not one of talk things through, and he 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:37.960 would he would be very, um my, COVID brain. I 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:39.520 did have COVID a few months ago, and I to 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:45.240 still like words just aren't there anymore. He was very stubborn. Yeah, 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:48.960 it's scary. That is scary. Scary actually just like the 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:52.680 simplest of words, like stubborn. But he would be very stubborn, 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.559 and we'd have one little fight before we're getting ready 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:56.679 to get in a car to go on a whole 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.720 weekend trip, and he'd be like, I'm not going. I'm like, 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:04.200 you're gonna let this little fight ruin an entire weekend 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:07.280 just because you're too stubborn to just say sorry. Yeah. 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.520 But and think about it, if it were like the opposite. 0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:11.199 You're both in a fight and you're like, Okay, we're 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:13.200 going away for the weekend. We have an hour to 0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:16.439 not talk and like cool down, and we're both committed 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:18.880 to spending the weekend together. After that happens, and once 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:22.400 we knowing that you're both committed to resolving whatever the 0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:25.160 issue is, right, Like that is such a healthier way 0:13:25.200 --> 0:13:28.160 to go through go through things, you know, instead of 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:31.160 stomping your feet and threatening to leave. He's definitely got 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.440 way better than at that. I used to always be 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:36.560 the one that would say I'm sorry and cuttle up, 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:38.120 whether it was my fault or not, just because I 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:40.480 didn't want to keep fighting. But he if I didn't 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:44.400 do that, he could hold them run through days, weeks. 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.360 Sometimes he would just dig his heels in and just 0:13:47.400 --> 0:13:53.839 be pissed for days. So finally I have to be like, oh, yeah, yeah, 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:59.720 we'll be right back. So you grew up in the South. 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:02.160 I you came from a kind of religious background, right, 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:09.440 what religion? Christian? Yeah, Christian. I went to an Assembly 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:15.760 of God's school growing up, so you know, yeah, I know, really, Catherine. Yeah, 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:19.560 it was nondenominational, but it was like we had it 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:21.240 was all Assembly of God. We had to sign a 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:25.240 contract that we wouldn't smoke or drink even outside of school, 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:27.840 or of course have sex or any of that stuff. 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:33.080 It was. I went to a Christian school in elementary 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:36.120 I think it was Methodist maybe, but we didn't have 0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:40.600 teachers that would stand up and teach first through kindergarten 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:43.000 was all in the same room, and we were all 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:45.480 in these little cubicles that faced the wall, and we 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:48.200 all had our own little workbooks that we had to 0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:51.360 work in. And it was a very, very very weird. 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:55.280 But yeah, Grip super religious. And so how did you 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:58.240 What age did you start to rebel against that religion? 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:01.760 I would say probably at fifteen when I came out 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:05.040 and I realized that the people and the religion and 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:08.960 the life that I had devoted myself to instantly turned 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:12.360 their backs on me. And I started really kind of 0:15:12.840 --> 0:15:16.280 wrapping my head around what religion was and what I 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:19.720 had been taught and what I believed. And I realized 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:23.920 that I had just blindly been believing bullshit, like the 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:28.000 stupidest bullshit, And yeah, I just started to look at 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:30.120 it more logically. And it still causes me a lot 0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:33.360 of pain, because a child will never get over the 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:37.520 hurt that is inflicted by religion. That I definitely better now, 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:42.680 I still though do. I noticed this yesterday. I physically 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:49.200 like snarl when I drive by a church. I was 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:51.800 on my way to set yesterday and I drove by 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:54.880 a church and I noticed myself, go, damn, I still 0:15:54.920 --> 0:15:59.000 have a physical, visceral reaction to driving by a church. 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:01.480 I don't blame you. I think I have that reaction. 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:03.400 And I've never really been religious. I mean, I grew 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:05.360 up Jewish, but my mother was Mormon, so that was 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:08.320 enough of a stain on my consciousness. Like I just 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:10.640 I couldn't believe that. I was just like, mom, you're 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:13.400 so much smarter than this. I feel like, out of 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:16.840 all the religions, Judaism, I feel like it's it's the 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:20.560 least healthier brimstone. Like, I mean, there's a lot of 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:23.280 Jewish mother guilt, but I don't feel like there's as 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:26.200 much religious guilt. Maybe it's just because I didn't grow 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:29.280 up Jewish, but I have surrounded by Jewish friends, and 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:33.680 they all seem to be much more well rounded with 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:38.800 their religious bringing Christian friends. Yes, they're not tolerant, it's 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:43.400 not it's not as hypocritical, hypocritical, thank you, Oh look 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:46.640 at your word. There it is there, it is, there, 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:51.840 we go. It's not as hypocritical unless you know extreme Judaism. Obviously, 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.200 Orthodox is a different story, right, but modern Orthodox is 0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:58.680 pretty tolerant, you know, and and reformed and conservative Jews 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:02.280 the way I grew up, was just totally everybody's cool, Like, 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:05.840 don't worry about people who aren't Jewish, that's that's okay. 0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:08.200 You don't have to proselytize to other people to try 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:10.680 and bring them over to your religion. And I respected 0:17:10.720 --> 0:17:13.440 that a lot, especially after seeing Mormons in action trying 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:16.440 to recruit other people to become Mormons. That's a huge 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:19.399 turn off. It's it's crazy because like, for for example, 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:23.040 Thesemblies of God, they aren't just happy with people being Christians. 0:17:23.440 --> 0:17:26.040 You have to be Assemblies of God. Baptists, We're going 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:32.080 to Hell, Methodist, Mormons, Lutherans, Jews, everyone else was going 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:35.879 to Hell except Assemblies of God. You had to believe 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:41.280 exactly like them or else you're gonna bart in hell. Yeah, 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:44.320 that is just such bullshit. And at the end of 0:17:44.359 --> 0:17:46.800 the day I realized it's the Somebolies of God corporate 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:49.480 just wanting to make sure that all the tides coming 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:51.200 from all the Christians are just going to the sby 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:54.480 got It's just it's I also don't like that word tithing. 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:56.480 That reminds me of the word moist. You know, it 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:59.359 just is right up there in that category tithing, Like 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:04.480 what it sounds illegal, should be, I know. I also 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:06.960 liked that you didn't get a high school diploma because 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:09.160 I was very close to that not having happen either. 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:12.880 And the more people I talked to in this industry, 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:15.680 the more creatives. Catherine, you graduated from high school. I 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:19.000 did in college? Right in college? Yes, I didn't go 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:22.560 to college, and neither to Right. No, I didn't finish 0:18:22.680 --> 0:18:25.800 high school. I didn't get my g D. No, none 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:28.040 of that. My cousin said to me the other day, 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:30.200 She goes, you got your g D. Right, I don't know, Molly, 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:32.280 I didn't get my g e D. I graduated from 0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:35.200 high school. She goes, oh, I thought you got. I 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:36.560 thought you were like a total funk up. I go, 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:38.639 I was a total funk up. And I ended up 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:42.240 going to alternative school, which is like an offshoot for 0:18:42.280 --> 0:18:44.400 the slow on the uptake kids, like the kids who 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:47.040 were drug addicts or whatever just did. I didn't go 0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:49.040 to school because I had a boyfriend that was older 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:51.760 and illegal, and I would hang out with him all 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:54.840 the time. And but when I knew I had to graduate, 0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:57.200 I stopped everything I was doing and I just went 0:18:57.240 --> 0:18:58.959 to this alternative school where you could work at your 0:18:58.960 --> 0:19:01.440 own pace. And I did graduate in time, but by 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:05.080 the skin of my teeth. My point is that there 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:08.440 are a lot of creatives that haven't gone to college 0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:13.080 and haven't graduated high school and hadn't needed to because 0:19:13.560 --> 0:19:16.119 that's not the kind of brain, is it left brain 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:19.080 or right brain? I think right brain is creative, right, 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:21.320 and left brain is a d D. So it could 0:19:21.400 --> 0:19:24.960 be who doesn't who doesn't have a d My brain 0:19:25.040 --> 0:19:27.560 is apparently opposite of everyone else's. I don't know. I 0:19:27.640 --> 0:19:30.359 forgot that obviously because I have a d D. Yeah. 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:35.400 What's your relationship like with your family? Now? It's good? Now? Yeah, 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:39.080 I mean the last few years have been a bit trying, honestly, 0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:43.600 just with the lack of belief in science and not 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:47.440 following a political partly blind lay off a cliff. So 0:19:47.600 --> 0:19:50.639 that's yeah. There's been some family members that I've just 0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:55.080 been like, you know what we're done. Yeah. Blood does 0:19:55.080 --> 0:19:58.480 not make all of this. Okay, you're out there voting 0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:03.000 for politicians who are very vocally trying to take away 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:05.960 my rights. Yet when I have kids, you can't wait 0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:08.240 to be an aunt. Well, you can't have it both ways. 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:10.600 You gotta either support me at the polls and at 0:20:10.600 --> 0:20:14.600 home or not at all. Yeah, I know, I I 0:20:14.920 --> 0:20:16.439 feel the same way. I don't have a lot of 0:20:16.480 --> 0:20:19.680 different political belief systems in our family were all pretty 0:20:19.760 --> 0:20:22.240 much on the same page. But I do have one 0:20:23.200 --> 0:20:27.320 one that I have a wife of someone in my 0:20:27.400 --> 0:20:30.560 family that I find it very difficult to deal with, 0:20:30.880 --> 0:20:34.439 especially yeah, especially right now. So I'm lucky in the 0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:37.159 sense that I haven't had to excommunicate most of my family, 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:39.760 but I'm on my way to excommunicating one of them. 0:20:39.800 --> 0:20:41.720 I was going to ask you about drag because I 0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:44.080 had bobbed the drag queen on and he was telling 0:20:44.080 --> 0:20:46.200 me how badly he wanted to see me in drag. 0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:49.400 And I know that you used to do drag. How 0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:52.200 did that work out for you? Well? I only did 0:20:52.240 --> 0:20:54.520 it to make money, because I mean that was back 0:20:54.560 --> 0:20:56.960 in like my living in my car days and homeless days, 0:20:56.960 --> 0:21:01.879 so I was just like anything for a dollar, lot anything. Well, yeah, 0:21:02.080 --> 0:21:07.720 let's be honest. So yeah, I Um, I had a 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:09.600 lot of friends who were drag queens, so they started 0:21:09.600 --> 0:21:12.200 putting me in drag every weekend, and I started shake 0:21:12.280 --> 0:21:15.120 them my moneymaker and drag for some dollar bills. Oh, 0:21:15.200 --> 0:21:17.040 I didn't realize that. I thought drag you just do 0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:18.920 for fun. I didn't realize. I guess it's a yeah, 0:21:18.920 --> 0:21:21.600 obviously it's a paying gig too, But I didn't realize 0:21:21.600 --> 0:21:23.760 that you did it for money. Yeah, yeah, I did 0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:26.959 anything for money back then. Well again, not anything. But 0:21:27.119 --> 0:21:30.000 did you have a drag name? Um? It was so bored. 0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:33.200 I took my drag mother's last name and my first 0:21:33.280 --> 0:21:35.840 girlfriend's name, because that's what you do to get your drag, 0:21:36.680 --> 0:21:42.040 and I became Jessica Grant. Oh, very dramatic. It sounds 0:21:42.040 --> 0:21:45.600 like a character that belongs on not Slanding Yes, Yes, yes, yes, yes, 0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:48.439 or Dynasty. Now though, if I were to do it, 0:21:48.480 --> 0:21:54.480 i'd named myself Sharon Bucks, Sharon Buss, Sharon Butts, Sharon 0:21:54.520 --> 0:22:00.360 but Sharon But I was like, Sharon but Sharon Day, 0:22:00.520 --> 0:22:06.919 what are you talking about? Basketball? Basket? Wait? That sparked 0:22:06.960 --> 0:22:08.639 something to me, and I already just forgot what it 0:22:08.720 --> 0:22:13.120 was about. Sure you didn't have COVID No I didn't, 0:22:13.280 --> 0:22:15.720 I could. Who knows. You have to get tested every 0:22:15.720 --> 0:22:17.639 single day. Now I'll find out what I try to 0:22:17.640 --> 0:22:19.159 get back to the States. I'll have to take a 0:22:19.200 --> 0:22:22.240 test tomorrow. I'm sure Okay, So you're coming up on 0:22:22.280 --> 0:22:24.720 your sixth season of your TV show. You said, coming 0:22:24.800 --> 0:22:27.320 up on your sixties. I was like, well, you are 0:22:27.359 --> 0:22:28.760 going to be coming up on your sixties two, so 0:22:28.800 --> 0:22:32.080 we should start getting prepared for that. That's just around 0:22:32.119 --> 0:22:34.920 the corner. We all need to get prepared. Peles like it. 0:22:35.080 --> 0:22:37.280 It really does feel like it. This morning, I woke 0:22:37.320 --> 0:22:39.560 up and I was like, oh God, I'm like late thirties, 0:22:39.640 --> 0:22:42.520 late thirties, and I'm like, bitch, you're fucking forty seven. 0:22:42.680 --> 0:22:45.120 What are you talking about? Late thirties. I was sitting 0:22:45.119 --> 0:22:47.640 there thinking about, God, thirty eight, it's no big deal. 0:22:47.680 --> 0:22:49.680 And then I'm like, I'm forty seven. I'm not even 0:22:49.680 --> 0:22:53.840 in the right number. Last year, Yeah, I turned forty 0:22:53.840 --> 0:22:56.760 one this year, Oh you did? Forty is a great birthday? 0:22:56.880 --> 0:22:59.000 Well not during COVID, I guess it wasn't you know. 0:22:59.240 --> 0:23:03.880 I got rented at this island off the coast of Tanzania. 0:23:04.280 --> 0:23:10.240 It was so funny story the Elton John Aids Foundation 0:23:10.240 --> 0:23:15.520 Oscar viewing party. I was the host because Alton was nominated, 0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:17.040 so he asked me and my cast mates to host 0:23:17.040 --> 0:23:20.399 it for him. So during the event, they have an 0:23:20.400 --> 0:23:25.320 auction to raise money, and this wealthy Dutch family always 0:23:25.400 --> 0:23:28.000 donates this island off the coast of Tanzania that they 0:23:28.000 --> 0:23:31.440 own that normally rents for forty seven thousand dollars a day. 0:23:31.760 --> 0:23:36.160 It's ridiculous, that's reason. And so the auctioneers like, oh, 0:23:36.240 --> 0:23:39.440 you know every year this goes for two dollars in action. 0:23:40.080 --> 0:23:42.919 So at seventy I was like, oh, i'll bet, I'll participate, 0:23:42.960 --> 0:23:44.320 but it's gonna go for way there more than that, 0:23:44.359 --> 0:23:47.280 and I'll I'll stop bidding at like a hundred. I 0:23:47.320 --> 0:23:49.600 guess everyone was like, oh, we can't bid against the 0:23:49.600 --> 0:23:56.399 host and just stopped a bidding and I was like, no, no, no, 0:23:56.400 --> 0:23:59.800 no bid. Oh my god. I was like yeah. But 0:24:00.040 --> 0:24:02.720 the end of the day, it was the best vacation 0:24:02.760 --> 0:24:04.440 I've ever had, and I'm so glad I did it. 0:24:04.880 --> 0:24:06.680 That sounds like fun. How many people did you bring 0:24:06.720 --> 0:24:11.760 with you? Fun? Nothing like renting an island right right, 0:24:11.880 --> 0:24:14.679 see your own little nineteen acre island and the Indian Ocean. 0:24:14.800 --> 0:24:17.240 It was crazy. How long did you go for? One week? 0:24:17.320 --> 0:24:21.080 We're there for a week. That's so nice. It's hard 0:24:21.080 --> 0:24:26.119 to vacation after things like that, don't you think, yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, 0:24:26.320 --> 0:24:28.960 when you've got a whole island of staff and once 0:24:29.000 --> 0:24:31.120 you set that precedent and you're like, I can't really 0:24:31.160 --> 0:24:34.080 go for a weekend to Paul Mia this holiday and 0:24:34.280 --> 0:24:38.480 is not heading like it used to holiday you know what? 0:24:38.640 --> 0:24:41.720 Speaking of holiday, holiday, and I really wish that, now 0:24:41.760 --> 0:24:45.520 that COVID is on the decline, that these hotels and 0:24:45.680 --> 0:24:50.000 motels need to reinstall the goodies into the mini fringe. 0:24:50.400 --> 0:24:52.920 I am so sick and tired of walking into a 0:24:53.000 --> 0:24:55.439 hotel room in the middle of the night after I 0:24:55.520 --> 0:25:01.439 perform in some city and having absolute nothing in the 0:25:01.520 --> 0:25:04.520 mini fridge. I need some options, even if I'm not 0:25:04.560 --> 0:25:07.200 going to eat anything. I like to see an array yea, 0:25:07.440 --> 0:25:10.639 or there are bringing room service back or opening up 0:25:10.640 --> 0:25:13.000 all the restaurants when they're supposed to be Yeah. Yeah, 0:25:13.080 --> 0:25:16.800 traveling now, I mean it's obviously first world problem at 0:25:16.800 --> 0:25:19.520 the moment, but yeah, I get it. When you're traveling 0:25:19.520 --> 0:25:21.199 away from home, you at least want some food in 0:25:21.240 --> 0:25:24.199 your room. Yeah, exactly, Absolutely. I don't want to have 0:25:24.240 --> 0:25:26.720 to carry my snack pack like I'm walking around like 0:25:26.760 --> 0:25:30.720 a third grader. Although my snack packs have graduated from 0:25:30.720 --> 0:25:32.719 the days and when my parents used to I use 0:25:32.840 --> 0:25:37.120 quotes packed me lunch. Now my housekeeper packs me little 0:25:37.119 --> 0:25:40.400 snack packs, and they are much better and much more organized. 0:25:40.440 --> 0:25:42.919 It's like I'm living out my childhood life that was 0:25:42.960 --> 0:25:46.080 so like I hated growing up because my parents were 0:25:46.080 --> 0:25:48.159 so messy and they like, you know, the house was 0:25:48.200 --> 0:25:50.399 always gross, Like we had a cleaning lady once a 0:25:50.440 --> 0:25:52.680 week and it was clean for like six hours after 0:25:52.720 --> 0:25:56.119 she left, and we had so many kids and animals, 0:25:56.160 --> 0:25:58.000 and it was just always gross. Like my friends would 0:25:58.000 --> 0:26:00.359 come over and I would always like be cleaning, you know. 0:26:00.440 --> 0:26:02.520 And now it's like I have what I wanted as 0:26:02.560 --> 0:26:07.359 a childhood with labels and organization, and my housekeeper packs 0:26:07.480 --> 0:26:09.919 me and it's so organized, and you know, I have 0:26:10.040 --> 0:26:12.439 the right amount of underwear. I mean, it's just like 0:26:12.640 --> 0:26:15.920 I'm basically like in adult sleepaway camp, is how I feel. Now, 0:26:16.200 --> 0:26:18.800 don't forget your snacks. I know. She's like, here's your 0:26:18.800 --> 0:26:22.600 protein bar and your little antioxid pack. Okay, so we're 0:26:22.600 --> 0:26:26.040 gonna take some calls and letters from callers who need advice. 0:26:26.119 --> 0:26:30.359 All right, are you ready for that? Let's do it. Okay, Well, 0:26:30.400 --> 0:26:32.880 before we do that, and before we actually even take 0:26:32.880 --> 0:26:34.359 a break, I do have a little bit of a 0:26:34.400 --> 0:26:37.640 follow up from a previous caller. Okay, this is also 0:26:37.680 --> 0:26:39.280 just to sort of prepare you for the kind of 0:26:39.359 --> 0:26:44.280 drama that we hear here under Chelsea. This is a 0:26:44.400 --> 0:26:48.679 follow up from our episode with Tinks and Nicole had 0:26:48.720 --> 0:26:55.520 written in because oh Vandessic Fanganessic. Nicole had written in 0:26:55.520 --> 0:26:58.679 because her fiance had a very close work friend and 0:26:58.720 --> 0:27:01.280 they would go see a tracks together and have like 0:27:01.480 --> 0:27:05.199 day dates, and this woman was like, what's going on? 0:27:06.040 --> 0:27:09.080 So she she wrote in. She says, Hi, Katherine and Chelsea, 0:27:09.280 --> 0:27:11.960 I have an update. After being on the show, I 0:27:12.040 --> 0:27:15.439 decided to call off my engagement and break up with 0:27:15.480 --> 0:27:18.760 my fiance. Now that I'm out, I see how much 0:27:18.840 --> 0:27:22.560 he was disempowering me in the relationship. His quote close 0:27:22.600 --> 0:27:26.960 friend slash coworker also kicked him to the curb. He's 0:27:26.960 --> 0:27:29.439 been trying to win me back and being super manipulative 0:27:29.480 --> 0:27:31.879 about it, but I told him, to quote Taylor Swift, 0:27:31.960 --> 0:27:36.600 we are never ever getting back together. Thank you so 0:27:36.680 --> 0:27:43.760 much for the great advice. I'm so grateful, Nicole. On 0:27:44.119 --> 0:27:46.600 I just said fuck on. I guess that's my new expression. 0:27:47.080 --> 0:27:55.080 But when I that is awesome. I love strength, you know, 0:27:55.240 --> 0:27:58.159 because sometimes you give someone advice. I've done this so 0:27:58.240 --> 0:27:59.879 many times in my life and they don't take it 0:28:00.000 --> 0:28:02.080 it and you know you're being strong for them because 0:28:02.119 --> 0:28:04.600 they're not being strong or they're not in their strong moment. 0:28:04.680 --> 0:28:07.439 Because you know, all of our moments of strength, they 0:28:07.440 --> 0:28:11.040 don't always necessarily they're not in order. Sometimes we're strong 0:28:11.160 --> 0:28:13.480 and then we get weak or and you know, it's 0:28:13.480 --> 0:28:16.320 not always consistent. So when somebody can is strong enough 0:28:16.359 --> 0:28:19.359 to take action when obvious, it's so obvious, Bobby. This 0:28:19.440 --> 0:28:21.720 relationship was like this guy was going out with his 0:28:21.840 --> 0:28:24.760 coworker like a couple of times a week and wouldn't 0:28:24.760 --> 0:28:27.720 invite his girlfriend and wouldn't stop seeing her when his 0:28:27.760 --> 0:28:30.960 girlfriend was like, hey, this relationship is making me uncomfortable, 0:28:31.200 --> 0:28:34.320 and they were engaged. Yeah yeah, And it's just like, 0:28:35.000 --> 0:28:38.320 why would you ever want to disrespect someone's feelings like that? 0:28:38.600 --> 0:28:44.200 In I never do anything without doing like except Hollywood 0:28:44.200 --> 0:28:46.080 stuff because he refuses to go to any of that. 0:28:46.400 --> 0:28:48.840 But yeah, like I would never just be like, hey, 0:28:48.880 --> 0:28:51.040 I'm going out with my friends. I mean every once 0:28:51.120 --> 0:28:54.400 in a while maybe, but not like every week or 0:28:54.440 --> 0:28:56.000 a couple of times a week. Be like all right, babe, 0:28:56.040 --> 0:28:58.440 stay home. I'm going out. That's not the way to 0:28:58.480 --> 0:29:01.040 make a healthy relationship with this one person, with the 0:29:01.120 --> 0:29:04.640 same person, you know, someone who was like heterosexual with 0:29:04.680 --> 0:29:08.160 a woman, and and then refusing not to when he 0:29:08.200 --> 0:29:11.920 knows that his fiancee was objecting to it. So for 0:29:11.960 --> 0:29:14.760 her to break that up, Nicole, way to go. Way 0:29:14.800 --> 0:29:18.160 to inspiring for all women everywhere and men, you know, 0:29:18.280 --> 0:29:22.400 whomever needs to leave a bad situation. Okay, great update, Catherine. 0:29:22.440 --> 0:29:26.160 I love these updates and I love her podcast. Yeah, 0:29:26.240 --> 0:29:30.080 we're really changing people's lives. Yeah, breaking up, breaking up, 0:29:30.080 --> 0:29:32.360 future marriages and everything. Yeah, so don't call in unless 0:29:32.360 --> 0:29:37.880 you're ready to leave your spouse. Exactly, exactly. Well, we'll 0:29:37.920 --> 0:29:40.160 take a quick ad break and we'll be back with 0:29:40.200 --> 0:29:42.360 more questions. And when we say ad break, that means 0:29:42.560 --> 0:29:45.040 myself and today's guest, which is Bobby, are taking a 0:29:45.120 --> 0:29:52.560 quick shower and then we come back. Okay, ready, and 0:29:52.640 --> 0:29:56.400 we're back. We're back. Oh my god, I knew you 0:29:56.400 --> 0:29:58.920 were going to say that. I knew you're gonna say 0:29:58.960 --> 0:30:07.640 squeaky clean. So see, we could be friends, you know ESPN. Well, 0:30:07.720 --> 0:30:12.040 our first question comes from Greg. Dear Chelsea, I've been 0:30:12.120 --> 0:30:14.560 dating my boyfriend for two years now, and he has 0:30:14.640 --> 0:30:18.240 just recently moved into our one bedroom apartment. My parents 0:30:18.240 --> 0:30:20.680 and siblings have no idea that we were dating, since 0:30:20.720 --> 0:30:23.640 I'm not currently out to them. All my friends know, 0:30:23.840 --> 0:30:25.680 as well as my one cousin, who I trust with 0:30:25.720 --> 0:30:28.400 my life. I've met my boyfriend's family and have been 0:30:28.440 --> 0:30:30.760 to their home a few times already. He's been very 0:30:30.760 --> 0:30:33.480 supportive with my coming out process and has not pushed 0:30:33.480 --> 0:30:35.760 me to come up to my parents, although with us 0:30:35.800 --> 0:30:38.479 now being moved in together and having dated for two years, 0:30:38.760 --> 0:30:42.200 the clock is ticking. My family is extremely conservative, and 0:30:42.240 --> 0:30:45.040 being gay is not something my family exactly agrees with, 0:30:45.360 --> 0:30:47.720 as they've made comments in the past about gay people. 0:30:48.520 --> 0:30:50.440 I was thinking of maybe writing a letter to them 0:30:50.480 --> 0:30:53.040 so I can get all my thoughts out without being interrupted, 0:30:53.440 --> 0:30:55.520 as not only would I be coming out, I would 0:30:55.560 --> 0:30:58.200 also be revealing a two year relationship that has been 0:30:58.240 --> 0:31:01.280 hidden from them all this time. I'd appreciate any advice 0:31:01.320 --> 0:31:03.360 you may have and thank you so much in advance. 0:31:03.640 --> 0:31:08.040 Best Greg, Okay, Bobby, I'll let you help this since 0:31:08.560 --> 0:31:12.960 so I can definitely relate to all of that. When 0:31:13.000 --> 0:31:15.040 my husband and I moved in with each other, It 0:31:15.080 --> 0:31:18.720 was funny because, you know, one better apartment in New York, 0:31:19.680 --> 0:31:23.160 and his mom was coming to visit and he had 0:31:23.280 --> 0:31:25.720 not come out to her yet. I had met her 0:31:26.120 --> 0:31:28.400 because he had brought me home to his house in 0:31:28.560 --> 0:31:32.720 l A. But I was just a friend from medical 0:31:32.800 --> 0:31:36.000 school that was going to a medical convention with him 0:31:36.040 --> 0:31:39.400 that wanted to try Vietnamese food, which is why he 0:31:39.440 --> 0:31:41.480 brought me home. I think she was more in the 0:31:41.560 --> 0:31:43.640 end disappointed that I wasn't a doctor than I was 0:31:43.680 --> 0:31:48.320 with her son. But so before she came to visit 0:31:48.440 --> 0:31:51.440 and she was bringing her best friend and her daughter, 0:31:51.960 --> 0:31:55.280 he wrote her a letter so he could get his 0:31:55.360 --> 0:31:59.040 feelings out and get everything out without interruptions, and that 0:31:59.120 --> 0:32:03.080 actually worked up really well for them. What did work out, though, 0:32:03.400 --> 0:32:06.240 was that his mom didn't tell her best friend who 0:32:06.280 --> 0:32:08.320 was bringing her daughter to try to set her up 0:32:08.360 --> 0:32:12.239 with Dewey. And the daughter, Oh yeah, the daughter just 0:32:12.280 --> 0:32:14.520 didn't get it. I'm like, how, you're sitting in a 0:32:14.960 --> 0:32:19.960 very tastefully decorated apartment in New York that's one bedroom 0:32:20.560 --> 0:32:23.520 with two guys living in it. What don't you get 0:32:23.560 --> 0:32:28.480 about this situation? Girl? He's not into you, so I 0:32:28.520 --> 0:32:31.600 think the letter idea is a really great idea. I 0:32:31.640 --> 0:32:34.600 don't know your family dynamic, but I know that my 0:32:34.720 --> 0:32:37.200 coming out situation wasn't great. And a lot of times 0:32:38.120 --> 0:32:42.400 parents will react very negatively in the moment because they 0:32:42.400 --> 0:32:45.880 don't have time to process it, and they react emotionally, 0:32:46.240 --> 0:32:50.080 and they say things that you'd never get over, and 0:32:50.120 --> 0:32:52.480 I know that they wish they would never have said. 0:32:53.320 --> 0:32:56.040 So I think a letter is a good idea. Wow, 0:32:56.200 --> 0:33:00.560 that's really poignant. I watched a movie yesterday, the plane 0:33:01.120 --> 0:33:03.760 called Joe Bell. I had never heard of it, but 0:33:03.800 --> 0:33:06.320 one of my really good friends, Connie Britten, was in it. Surprisingly, 0:33:06.400 --> 0:33:09.600 it's Mark Wahlberg and Connie Britten, and it's the story 0:33:09.640 --> 0:33:12.600 of a young boy in Oregon who comes out to 0:33:12.680 --> 0:33:15.440 his father, and his father's kind of a redneck. And 0:33:15.520 --> 0:33:18.720 it's beautiful and it is a beautiful kind of depiction 0:33:19.080 --> 0:33:23.520 of why it's so important to embrace your children when 0:33:23.600 --> 0:33:25.720 they give you news that you don't want to hear, 0:33:25.840 --> 0:33:28.520 you know, and to have some sort of understanding of 0:33:28.520 --> 0:33:32.200 how difficult it even is to come out, you know, 0:33:32.320 --> 0:33:36.360 for straight people, because they don't understand, they can't empathize 0:33:36.400 --> 0:33:39.360 because it's not their their situation, and that's not their experience, 0:33:39.400 --> 0:33:41.880 and they want to resist it and figure out a 0:33:41.920 --> 0:33:44.239 way to fix it so that it's not true. And 0:33:44.280 --> 0:33:47.640 you can't change somebody's truth. So I think a letter 0:33:47.840 --> 0:33:50.320 what you said is absolutely right, you know, because that 0:33:50.360 --> 0:33:53.240 gives people time to digest before they can react in 0:33:53.320 --> 0:33:57.120 real time, and it's not a pussy move like not 0:33:57.200 --> 0:34:00.800 confronting the situation. I think it's actually the most effective 0:34:00.840 --> 0:34:03.360 way to get your message across because it allows people 0:34:03.360 --> 0:34:07.560 to read and reread, you know, and go ahead. And 0:34:07.600 --> 0:34:10.279 it also allows you to really think about what you're 0:34:10.320 --> 0:34:14.120 saying and instead of you reacting emotionally as well. And 0:34:14.160 --> 0:34:17.799 you know, one of the things that the LGBTQ community 0:34:17.840 --> 0:34:21.040 needs to realize about their family and when you're coming 0:34:21.080 --> 0:34:24.759 out is we've had our whole lives to figure it 0:34:24.760 --> 0:34:27.160 out and to come to terms with it and and 0:34:27.239 --> 0:34:33.160 to accept it. And often we expect our family two 0:34:33.760 --> 0:34:37.759 instantly accept it and feel the exact same way when 0:34:38.440 --> 0:34:42.439 their their mourning the person they thought we were there 0:34:42.480 --> 0:34:44.839 at the time. A lot of process thoughts are going 0:34:44.880 --> 0:34:46.759 to their morning. Though they're never gonna get married, they're 0:34:46.760 --> 0:34:48.960 never gonna have kids, I've never got to grandchildren, obviously 0:34:49.360 --> 0:34:51.960 they're going to realize that that's bullshit, and you are 0:34:51.960 --> 0:34:53.880 going to get married and you possibly are going to 0:34:54.000 --> 0:34:56.759 have kids. But you know, we again, we've had our 0:34:56.760 --> 0:34:59.800 whole lives to figure this out. So we need to 0:35:00.000 --> 0:35:04.239 who to give our family a beat sometimes to come 0:35:04.280 --> 0:35:07.600 around and if they don't come around instantly minded, not 0:35:08.280 --> 0:35:11.200 at all. You know, I left home at fifteen. I 0:35:11.239 --> 0:35:14.799 didn't speak to my family for years. And now my 0:35:14.960 --> 0:35:17.359 dad will face time my husband and not even ask 0:35:17.440 --> 0:35:20.799 where I'm You know, my dad's is eighty one year 0:35:20.840 --> 0:35:24.120 old cowboy. You know, he calls him do do he lowers? Do? 0:35:24.120 --> 0:35:27.239 Do he loves? Do? Do? You know? And my and 0:35:27.480 --> 0:35:30.400 one of the things that I think will will help 0:35:31.080 --> 0:35:33.799 in this letter is talk about your relationship. You know, 0:35:33.920 --> 0:35:37.120 I think my family back in the day, you know, 0:35:37.719 --> 0:35:40.120 they didn't think of gays as being able to be 0:35:40.239 --> 0:35:44.880 in loving, healthy, normal relationships. And so one of the 0:35:44.880 --> 0:35:47.120 things that really helped my parents come to turn with 0:35:47.160 --> 0:35:49.520 it most my relationship with my ex that was about 0:35:49.520 --> 0:35:53.200 three years and they saw me in this like a normal, 0:35:53.400 --> 0:35:57.640 loving relationship that was way healthier than any relationship my 0:35:57.719 --> 0:36:02.040 sister had ever been in. And this are to going, oh, okay, 0:36:02.080 --> 0:36:05.799 and they really liked him, and they I noticed the 0:36:05.840 --> 0:36:08.520 walls started coming down and they're like, oh yeah, this 0:36:08.719 --> 0:36:11.880 is fine. You know. So in the bottom and the 0:36:11.880 --> 0:36:14.640 way in the back of the mind, I'm sure they 0:36:14.680 --> 0:36:19.040 still because of their religion that's ingrained in them. They 0:36:19.080 --> 0:36:22.600 still wish that I was straight, but they do now 0:36:22.680 --> 0:36:24.359 love and accept me for who I am, and they 0:36:24.440 --> 0:36:27.359 love my partner. Well, you said something interesting, you said 0:36:27.400 --> 0:36:29.200 like that they they're mourning the loss of who they 0:36:29.200 --> 0:36:32.480 thought you were. It's like they're actually just mourning your sexuality. 0:36:32.760 --> 0:36:36.600 Their mourning who they wanted you to have sex with. 0:36:36.960 --> 0:36:39.759 Like they think about it in such fundamental terms, because 0:36:39.760 --> 0:36:44.080 that's basically what it is. Your sexual predilections is what 0:36:44.120 --> 0:36:46.520 they're mourning, not the person you are, because you are 0:36:46.560 --> 0:36:48.960 who you are, You've always been that person. You know 0:36:49.160 --> 0:36:51.080 they love you and they will continue to love you, 0:36:51.080 --> 0:36:53.720 whether they are able to express that. You can't stop 0:36:53.760 --> 0:36:57.160 loving somebody. Sad at least, so much of our identity 0:36:57.160 --> 0:37:01.239 and society is tied to who we have sex. Like, 0:37:01.480 --> 0:37:04.120 so much of our our identity isn't twine that, Like 0:37:04.160 --> 0:37:06.440 that really should be the least of our identity, you know, 0:37:06.520 --> 0:37:08.799 I long for the day when no one has to 0:37:08.800 --> 0:37:11.960 come out anymore. You're just right you or who you are. 0:37:12.719 --> 0:37:14.560 And also I would like to say to you that 0:37:15.400 --> 0:37:18.400 the longer you put it off, the longer that you 0:37:18.440 --> 0:37:22.400 are postponing the situation that Bobby's now in with his father, 0:37:22.480 --> 0:37:26.160 where his father has come around. So like, don't postpone 0:37:26.280 --> 0:37:29.680 your future anymore. Your parents, Yes, they're conservative, they may 0:37:29.719 --> 0:37:32.200 have a hard time with it. They may also surprise you. 0:37:32.200 --> 0:37:34.600 You know, they may also be like, Okay, we're going 0:37:34.640 --> 0:37:36.359 to deal with this, or you know, they may say 0:37:36.400 --> 0:37:39.040 I'd love you no matter what, and hopefully that will 0:37:39.080 --> 0:37:41.760 be the situation. But even if it's not. By putting 0:37:41.760 --> 0:37:43.759 it out there sooner than later, then you're going to 0:37:43.840 --> 0:37:46.120 get to the result you want sooner than later too, 0:37:46.320 --> 0:37:49.480 because it is most likely that they will come around 0:37:49.800 --> 0:37:54.279 and they might also say, yeah, uh, and you know, 0:37:54.480 --> 0:37:58.239 we knew, and you've been allowing not sharing this with them, 0:37:58.280 --> 0:38:00.200 to be a wedge in your relationship that to you 0:38:00.200 --> 0:38:04.040 from getting closer and keeps you from enjoying the love 0:38:04.080 --> 0:38:06.440 and acceptance that you will feel even more when they 0:38:06.480 --> 0:38:10.440 love and accept your relationship. And one other thing, by 0:38:10.560 --> 0:38:13.280 keeping this and kind of I know you're not living alive, 0:38:13.360 --> 0:38:15.160 but they will consider it to be living a lie 0:38:15.160 --> 0:38:17.239 because they didn't know the truth. You've been in this 0:38:17.320 --> 0:38:20.440 relationship for two years, You've been living with this person. 0:38:20.600 --> 0:38:23.640 That's just giving them AMMO, like against when you do 0:38:23.760 --> 0:38:26.560 tell them you lie to us for so long, Like 0:38:26.920 --> 0:38:29.440 all of that, you just want to diffuse, just like 0:38:29.560 --> 0:38:31.880 get it out. So it's out and be open. And 0:38:31.920 --> 0:38:34.440 I promise you you're going to feel better about it. 0:38:34.440 --> 0:38:36.560 You're gonna feel better about yourself, whether or not your 0:38:36.560 --> 0:38:39.600 family is on board right away or not. You're gonna 0:38:39.600 --> 0:38:42.240 feel clear, and you're gonna feel like something has been lifted. 0:38:42.520 --> 0:38:44.959 And this is coming straight from a gay man's mouth. 0:38:45.840 --> 0:38:50.520 The emotional turmoil and the toll that it has on 0:38:50.640 --> 0:38:55.680 you hiding that like thinking about having to watching what 0:38:55.760 --> 0:38:58.799 you say and watching what you do. It is it 0:38:58.960 --> 0:39:01.560 is a lot. And so even if they don't react 0:39:01.560 --> 0:39:05.479 great in beginning, just the weight off your shoulders that 0:39:05.480 --> 0:39:08.960 that will take, the emotional bandwidth that that will free 0:39:09.040 --> 0:39:11.200 up for you to make your relationship even better than 0:39:11.239 --> 0:39:14.960 it already is, is worth the little bit of turmoil 0:39:15.040 --> 0:39:18.920 it might cause. Yeah, okay, So so I hope you 0:39:18.960 --> 0:39:21.720 take our advice and let let us know what happens. Please, 0:39:22.840 --> 0:39:25.799 this is a this is a necessary follow up. Yes, 0:39:25.960 --> 0:39:30.560 keep us posted. Greg good advice, Bobby great advice. Yeah. Well, 0:39:30.600 --> 0:39:35.000 our first color today is Alex. Alex is from Michigan, 0:39:35.640 --> 0:39:38.480 he says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Alex. I'm a 0:39:38.520 --> 0:39:41.320 female to male transgender man. I've been on my journey 0:39:41.320 --> 0:39:45.760 of transitioning since during late I met my now wife 0:39:45.840 --> 0:39:50.640 and we had our beautiful, smart, loving daughter, Sutton. Sutton 0:39:50.760 --> 0:39:54.200 is three on November sixteenth, and I recognize the topic 0:39:54.200 --> 0:39:56.200 of gender is coming up more and more as the 0:39:56.280 --> 0:39:58.759 days go on. We live in a small town in 0:39:58.800 --> 0:40:01.680 West Michigan, and she comes home from daycare with very 0:40:01.719 --> 0:40:06.520 binary concepts of girls like these movies, etcetera. It's terrifying 0:40:06.560 --> 0:40:08.440 to me what she's learning at such a young age. 0:40:08.840 --> 0:40:11.719 We obviously combat at all as we're very open about 0:40:11.760 --> 0:40:14.640 our support and love for all things and people identifying 0:40:14.680 --> 0:40:18.400 out of the binary. Our best friends are nearly all gay, lesbian, 0:40:18.480 --> 0:40:21.200 or trans, and all have their own families, including kids. 0:40:21.719 --> 0:40:24.279 I'm struggling with the conversations around how to be a 0:40:24.400 --> 0:40:27.799 dad and stay validated as that to my daughter while 0:40:27.840 --> 0:40:31.080 also being open about who I was quote born as 0:40:31.880 --> 0:40:34.799 I'm in therapy as well as working on me and 0:40:34.840 --> 0:40:37.480 how I present and fit into the world. But adding 0:40:37.680 --> 0:40:40.640 the layer of Sutton growing up and becoming more intuitive 0:40:40.719 --> 0:40:43.520 is a lot of pressure. I have a big surgery 0:40:43.719 --> 0:40:46.880 bottom surgery coming up within the next year and a half, 0:40:47.160 --> 0:40:50.240 so she'll be very impressionable during that process. How should 0:40:50.239 --> 0:40:53.440 I prepare her? Also, if you have any ideas on 0:40:53.480 --> 0:40:55.400 how to meet since gender guys to make friends with, 0:40:55.520 --> 0:41:02.239 please tell me. Thanks. Alex, Hi, Hello, meet you, Hi. 0:41:02.400 --> 0:41:06.200 Alex Hi. Realized you were going to pop. I was like, oh, yeah, Hi, 0:41:08.520 --> 0:41:14.160 here you're here. Yeah, how are you doing? I'm doing well, awesome. 0:41:14.280 --> 0:41:17.160 How are you doing? I'm great. It's much sunny where 0:41:17.200 --> 0:41:20.680 you are in West Michigan and snowing stills so not 0:41:20.800 --> 0:41:23.680 white spray. I'm actually in Canada looking for some snow, 0:41:23.719 --> 0:41:25.239 So if you could pass it over here, I would 0:41:25.239 --> 0:41:28.479 appreciate it. Yeah, I'll send it that way. Bobby Burke 0:41:28.560 --> 0:41:31.240 is our guest today, so he's here with you. Great 0:41:31.280 --> 0:41:34.520 to meet you, Alex, you too, Bowie, and my co 0:41:34.640 --> 0:41:37.320 host Catherine is here as well, so yeah, you're in 0:41:37.440 --> 0:41:41.680 good company. Okay, Well let's start, So You're gonna be 0:41:41.760 --> 0:41:46.040 honest with your daughter about everything, right, Absolutely, Yes, Honesty 0:41:46.280 --> 0:41:49.600 is the best policy for sure. I think it's where 0:41:49.600 --> 0:41:52.439 I'm at and with my wife is kind of having 0:41:52.480 --> 0:41:54.640 a hard time figuring out. Don't want to make it 0:41:54.680 --> 0:41:59.200 a detriment to her growth and have my story or 0:41:59.360 --> 0:42:03.239 my p stional journey be too impactful to the relationships 0:42:03.280 --> 0:42:06.840 that she's trying to build with folks in her life. 0:42:06.960 --> 0:42:09.239 And I know that she's a toddler, right, She's got 0:42:09.239 --> 0:42:11.279 a lot of life to live. But I think that 0:42:11.640 --> 0:42:14.200 at this point it's just a little bit difficult to 0:42:14.200 --> 0:42:17.759 see how much of myself I should tell her so 0:42:17.800 --> 0:42:21.000 that when she gets into those conversations she may feel 0:42:21.000 --> 0:42:22.759 like she needs to be the hero for me. I 0:42:22.800 --> 0:42:27.200 maybe that's not something she's wants to take on. M m, well, 0:42:27.239 --> 0:42:30.720 that's very sensitive. But yeah, I understand what you're saying. 0:42:30.800 --> 0:42:33.719 And I don't know what the right agees. I mean, 0:42:33.760 --> 0:42:36.080 I don't know what the right ages to tell a child, 0:42:36.160 --> 0:42:39.480 whether they were adopted or that daddy used to be 0:42:39.600 --> 0:42:44.160 a woman who has transitioned three sounds young. I don't 0:42:44.239 --> 0:42:48.160 think that that's necessary in this moment, But you obviously 0:42:48.160 --> 0:42:51.160 don't want to be lying about anything, right, because that's 0:42:51.200 --> 0:42:53.360 what children hold onto is the lies that they're told. 0:42:53.480 --> 0:42:55.640 That's what hurts them the most. I was adopted and 0:42:55.680 --> 0:42:58.960 I was told at eight, which I think might have 0:42:58.960 --> 0:43:03.120 been slightly too young. Oh slightly too young, Yeah, I 0:43:03.160 --> 0:43:07.520 think especially. I mean when we were little, things were 0:43:07.600 --> 0:43:10.359 very different. I think younger kids have their brains, have 0:43:10.440 --> 0:43:12.839 way more information in them now. They know about way 0:43:12.840 --> 0:43:14.480 more things than they used to. So I think for 0:43:14.520 --> 0:43:16.120 me at the time it was a little young. I 0:43:16.160 --> 0:43:18.719 think ten might have been a little bit better. But 0:43:18.800 --> 0:43:21.560 I definitely think three might be too young. Yeah, three 0:43:21.640 --> 0:43:23.200 is too early. But you do want them to not 0:43:23.320 --> 0:43:26.000 have it be such a reaction, right. It wants you 0:43:26.040 --> 0:43:28.160 wanted to be part of who they are, like part 0:43:28.160 --> 0:43:31.000 of their understanding, so that you're never sitting down and 0:43:31.080 --> 0:43:34.160 being like, oh my dropping some sort of bombshell. Right. 0:43:34.520 --> 0:43:36.440 You want them to be comfortable with the notion of 0:43:36.719 --> 0:43:39.000 what your reality is, because there's no reason for her 0:43:39.000 --> 0:43:41.360 not to be. I'm assuming Sutton is a girl. Is 0:43:41.360 --> 0:43:45.399 that a current? Okay, so I think you should really 0:43:45.440 --> 0:43:47.759 talk to actually a real professional. I'm sorry we don't 0:43:47.800 --> 0:43:50.400 have one on today. I'm doing another episode I'm going 0:43:50.440 --> 0:43:53.200 to ask my psychiatrist, Dan because he specializes in adult 0:43:53.280 --> 0:43:56.840 and childhood psychology, and I'll ask him for sure, and 0:43:56.840 --> 0:43:59.319 we'll get Katherine to send you what he thinks about that. 0:43:59.600 --> 0:44:02.200 But I definitely think, yes, you want to be as 0:44:02.200 --> 0:44:04.640 honest as possible. Children are smarter than we were when 0:44:04.640 --> 0:44:07.399 we were younger. They understand things much sooner than we did. 0:44:07.680 --> 0:44:09.880 They have access to all sorts of information by the 0:44:09.880 --> 0:44:13.160 time they're eight, So I actually think eight is probably 0:44:13.200 --> 0:44:15.680 a little too late, but maybe it's the right age, 0:44:15.760 --> 0:44:18.239 or maybe it is too early. But I think that 0:44:18.600 --> 0:44:22.279 you know when you're telling your story. I've noticed when 0:44:22.320 --> 0:44:25.279 you have a positive outlook about what you did and 0:44:25.320 --> 0:44:27.560 what the choices that you've made, and then the way 0:44:27.560 --> 0:44:29.680 that you were born, right, because a lot of them 0:44:29.680 --> 0:44:32.080 are in choices. A lot of it's not a choice 0:44:32.440 --> 0:44:35.400 to be transgender. It's the way you were born. And 0:44:35.440 --> 0:44:37.319 if you have a positive outlook and you have a 0:44:37.320 --> 0:44:41.040 positive outtake about it and you're not traumatized by it, 0:44:41.120 --> 0:44:43.839 and you don't pass on that trauma to her, then 0:44:43.840 --> 0:44:46.000 there's only good stuff to take away from that. Then 0:44:46.040 --> 0:44:50.000 there's only good ways to instill that idea in her. 0:44:50.239 --> 0:44:54.399 And the younger all of us learn tolerance and acceptance 0:44:54.440 --> 0:44:57.600 and that everybody's path is different. The better human beings 0:44:57.600 --> 0:44:59.680 we turn out to be, so you will only have 0:44:59.760 --> 0:45:02.200 good stuff to spread to her. It's just a matter 0:45:02.239 --> 0:45:04.120 of when and how much. You know, you don't want 0:45:04.120 --> 0:45:06.000 to put a burden on a three year old obviously, 0:45:06.080 --> 0:45:08.520 because she doesn't understand that yet. She doesn't even understand 0:45:08.520 --> 0:45:11.879 what private parts are really yet, So not that that's 0:45:11.920 --> 0:45:14.120 the only thing we're talking about, but you know, like 0:45:14.200 --> 0:45:16.880 it starts there. I think for a lot of kids, Katherine, 0:45:16.920 --> 0:45:20.600 what do you think? I mean? I think that there 0:45:20.600 --> 0:45:24.080 are different ways to explain things to kids as they age, 0:45:24.320 --> 0:45:27.879 and the language that you would use with her when 0:45:27.920 --> 0:45:30.120 she's eight or ten is gonna be different than if 0:45:30.160 --> 0:45:32.839 you do start talking about it now. As far as 0:45:32.920 --> 0:45:34.719 like you said, daddy was born a woman and now 0:45:34.800 --> 0:45:37.600 as a man, and we love everyone, and you know, 0:45:37.600 --> 0:45:39.279 it's the same thing as like some people have two 0:45:39.360 --> 0:45:41.800 mummies and some people have two daddy's and that's a 0:45:41.880 --> 0:45:44.759 very different conversation if someone is, you know, fourteen or 0:45:44.760 --> 0:45:47.399 fifteen and you're having those conversations for the first time. 0:45:47.920 --> 0:45:50.560 But to me, it feels like if it's just a 0:45:50.680 --> 0:45:53.160 natural part of the conversation, like it already seems like 0:45:53.160 --> 0:45:56.640 it is in your in your immediate community. You don't 0:45:56.680 --> 0:45:59.200 have to get too granular with it, but just having 0:45:59.239 --> 0:46:01.080 that be part of the versation, I think is great. 0:46:01.400 --> 0:46:03.960 The other thing is we may want to get some 0:46:04.000 --> 0:46:07.480 advice from Dan about how to address the surgery portion 0:46:07.560 --> 0:46:10.760 of it, because you know you will have some healing 0:46:10.840 --> 0:46:14.520 time and some recovery time, and you want to frame 0:46:14.560 --> 0:46:16.360 it in a way that you know, Daddy's not sick, 0:46:17.040 --> 0:46:19.560 but you know having this recovery. So we might want 0:46:19.600 --> 0:46:21.320 to talk to Dan about how to address that and 0:46:21.400 --> 0:46:23.799 what language to use their. Yeah, that's a good idea. 0:46:23.880 --> 0:46:25.640 Let's definitely do that, and we will circle back with 0:46:25.680 --> 0:46:28.480 you if he has resources about like certain therapists who 0:46:28.520 --> 0:46:31.279 specialize in this, which I'm sure there are plenty and 0:46:31.320 --> 0:46:33.719 specialize in these kinds of conversations, and we'll give you 0:46:33.760 --> 0:46:37.960 those resources as well. That would be fantastic. Bobby. My 0:46:38.040 --> 0:46:40.440 personal advice, and I'm sure you're already doing this, but 0:46:40.520 --> 0:46:44.000 this is kind of for advice for cis gender parents 0:46:44.040 --> 0:46:47.640 out there who want to be better advocates and allies 0:46:47.680 --> 0:46:52.080 for the trans community is stop letting your kids think 0:46:52.280 --> 0:46:54.560 of things in such a binary way, like these are 0:46:54.600 --> 0:46:56.760 boys toys, and these are girls toys, and like you mentioned, 0:46:56.760 --> 0:47:00.080 these are movies. Girls like movies. Boys want all that 0:47:00.239 --> 0:47:03.400 was created by corporate America wanting to sell more toys 0:47:03.600 --> 0:47:06.160 and wanting to sell more movies. Oh well, let's make 0:47:06.160 --> 0:47:08.279 the girls toys pink and the blue toys blue, so 0:47:08.320 --> 0:47:11.120 that way they have to buy separate toys. You know, 0:47:11.280 --> 0:47:15.239 So get away from teaching your kids that, oh, no, no no, no, 0:47:15.280 --> 0:47:18.239 girls don't like baseball, girls can fucking like baseball, or 0:47:18.360 --> 0:47:21.640 girls all my cars, or boys shoot't like barbies? Sure 0:47:21.719 --> 0:47:24.800 they can. And if sis gentered, people would start getting 0:47:24.800 --> 0:47:28.400 their kids away from these this binary way of thinking, 0:47:28.880 --> 0:47:30.799 you know, the rest of us wouldn't have to be 0:47:30.840 --> 0:47:33.240 so concerned about how are we going to tell our children, 0:47:33.480 --> 0:47:36.279 and our children gonna have to be taking up for 0:47:36.400 --> 0:47:39.359 us in school and defending us, Like I know, that's 0:47:39.400 --> 0:47:41.680 what you're probably most worried about, is sudden having to 0:47:41.719 --> 0:47:45.160 be defending you, when if it wasn't for the other 0:47:45.239 --> 0:47:48.200 parents teaching the kids, she would never have to, you know. 0:47:48.360 --> 0:47:51.080 So my advice is, I know I personally don't have 0:47:51.120 --> 0:47:52.959 a ton of advice for you. I think Chelsea's idea 0:47:53.000 --> 0:47:55.800 of bringing in a professional that deals with this is 0:47:55.840 --> 0:47:58.640 a great idea. But my advice for the world to 0:47:58.760 --> 0:48:02.719 help one like you is stop teaching your children that 0:48:02.880 --> 0:48:05.280 certain things are for boys or certain things are for girls, 0:48:05.320 --> 0:48:08.239 and it's just things for everyone. Yeah, it sounds like 0:48:08.280 --> 0:48:12.520 your whole lifestyle anyway involves men with men, women with women, 0:48:12.640 --> 0:48:15.080 and men and women, So your child is already exposed 0:48:15.120 --> 0:48:17.680 to the idea, So you just have to keep implementing that, 0:48:17.719 --> 0:48:20.080 you know, and keep inculcating it into her brain. Like 0:48:20.320 --> 0:48:22.120 some little girls like to play with dolls, and some 0:48:22.160 --> 0:48:24.319 little girls like to play with trucks, and some little 0:48:24.360 --> 0:48:27.080 girls feel like little boys, and some little boys feel 0:48:27.080 --> 0:48:29.799 like little girls, and some people want, you know, like 0:48:29.880 --> 0:48:32.400 it's it's just a constant conversation. And as long as 0:48:32.440 --> 0:48:37.799 the conversation is constant and there are no surprises, Yeah, absolutely, 0:48:37.840 --> 0:48:40.040 that's that's what we definitely try to do when we 0:48:40.120 --> 0:48:43.440 buy all the books jack Wants to be Jackie and 0:48:43.440 --> 0:48:46.000 those type of things, and and my daughter gets a 0:48:46.040 --> 0:48:48.200 Show and Tell day every Friday, and she always happens 0:48:48.239 --> 0:48:50.640 to pick those books to bring to daycare. So we're 0:48:50.719 --> 0:48:53.520 kind of, you know, infiltrating in our own little way, 0:48:53.680 --> 0:48:56.799 but she really is choosing them. It's just we're not 0:48:56.920 --> 0:49:00.080 we're not taking it away and saying, hey, you're three, me, 0:49:00.160 --> 0:49:03.680 that's not a conversation that you should facilitate in the 0:49:03.760 --> 0:49:07.120 classroom with a bunch of three year olds. But anyway, yeah, 0:49:07.200 --> 0:49:09.800 we let her be her, and we we talk about 0:49:09.800 --> 0:49:12.880 what family structure looks like. It's kind of just, Bobby, 0:49:12.920 --> 0:49:14.880 what you're kind of referring to. It's the adults that 0:49:14.920 --> 0:49:18.759 you worry about as far as how comfortable your kid 0:49:18.880 --> 0:49:21.520 is and being in that space and sharing their truth 0:49:21.680 --> 0:49:24.040 and their parents truth and their family's truth and whatever 0:49:24.080 --> 0:49:27.919 that is. Yeah, kids aren't born homophobic and transphobic or 0:49:28.280 --> 0:49:31.080 or racists. They're taught that by their parents. So it's 0:49:31.120 --> 0:49:34.319 the parents that need to step up and start, you know. 0:49:34.360 --> 0:49:36.239 And a lot of times it's no, I'm not saying 0:49:36.280 --> 0:49:38.919 most parents aren't bad. It's America, I questioned that these days. 0:49:38.960 --> 0:49:42.480 But a lot of parents aren't bad. They just have 0:49:42.680 --> 0:49:45.319 this binary system ingrained in their mind and that's just 0:49:45.440 --> 0:49:47.080 you know, yeah, we're gonna buy our little girl this, 0:49:47.120 --> 0:49:49.000 We're gonna buy a little boy that. But for all 0:49:49.040 --> 0:49:50.560 your parents out there that do want to make the 0:49:50.560 --> 0:49:54.160 world a better place, start consciously thinking about the terminology 0:49:54.200 --> 0:49:56.319 that you're using with your kids and stop, you know, 0:49:57.480 --> 0:50:00.439 labeling everything in such a binary way, and your kids 0:50:00.440 --> 0:50:02.800 will stop thinking about it so much, and Sutton won't, 0:50:03.000 --> 0:50:04.680 you know, Suttons and all the little Suttons in the 0:50:04.719 --> 0:50:08.440 future won't have to deal with things in a negative way. 0:50:08.440 --> 0:50:11.759 So it was nice to talk to you, Alex. Yes, 0:50:12.120 --> 0:50:14.960 thank you, thank you so much, Thank you for calling in. 0:50:15.000 --> 0:50:22.120 You're so cute. Thank you talk. He was cute. He's 0:50:22.160 --> 0:50:26.120 like a bundle of love energy. Yeah, I said to 0:50:26.160 --> 0:50:27.759 him in our pre interview. I was like, you do 0:50:27.840 --> 0:50:30.799 a lot of presentations on zoom, right, and he was like, yeah, yeah, 0:50:30.800 --> 0:50:38.200 I do so zoom faces. Now we do faces. I 0:50:38.239 --> 0:50:40.200 have to exit my own screen, like I have to 0:50:40.200 --> 0:50:42.840 take the photos down because I end up just staring 0:50:42.880 --> 0:50:47.000 at myself. That's how lame I am. I just I'm 0:50:47.040 --> 0:50:49.520 like talking to people looking straight at myself. So I 0:50:49.520 --> 0:50:51.480 have to take it all down and just to focus 0:50:51.520 --> 0:50:57.200 on the camera. I definitely used I've gotten a little 0:50:57.200 --> 0:50:58.640 bit better, and now I put mine at the very 0:50:58.640 --> 0:51:00.840 bottom and I put everyone else's Where's a top towards 0:51:00.880 --> 0:51:04.400 the camera, so I've been looking more directly at it. Yeah, 0:51:04.440 --> 0:51:13.800 that's right. There we go exactly. Well, our next color 0:51:13.920 --> 0:51:16.439 is a little bit of a left hand turn. So 0:51:16.480 --> 0:51:20.000 our next color is Danny, she says. Dear Chelsea. I'm 0:51:20.000 --> 0:51:21.920 twenty six years old, and for the first time in 0:51:21.920 --> 0:51:24.440 my life, I feel as though I've finally found my place. 0:51:24.800 --> 0:51:27.800 I recently accepted a position as a service and support 0:51:27.920 --> 0:51:31.759 specialist for a private family in my area. This role 0:51:31.880 --> 0:51:35.520 involves a lot of travel internationally and domestically. What could 0:51:35.520 --> 0:51:40.600 be better. There's one hitch. I struggle with debilitating motion sickness. 0:51:41.239 --> 0:51:43.280 I've only been on a plane a handful of times, 0:51:43.280 --> 0:51:46.319 and the most recent time I was violently ill. I've 0:51:46.360 --> 0:51:48.800 had this affliction my entire life, and it's only gotten 0:51:48.800 --> 0:51:52.120 worth the older I get. When this opportunity arose, however, 0:51:52.200 --> 0:51:53.960 there was no way I could say no to it. 0:51:54.200 --> 0:51:56.520 My entire life, I've said no to the things that 0:51:56.600 --> 0:51:59.160 I truly wanted to do but was too afraid to. 0:51:59.760 --> 0:52:02.120 So is time I figured I just manifest my way 0:52:02.160 --> 0:52:05.399 to Sunday skies on a calm stomach. Lately, though, all 0:52:05.440 --> 0:52:07.359 I can think about is how awful it would be 0:52:07.400 --> 0:52:10.480 to be incapacitated with nausea on my first trip with 0:52:10.520 --> 0:52:17.520 this family. Any suggestions, Danny, Hi, Danny, Hi, Hi, Hi. 0:52:17.800 --> 0:52:21.000 How are you? I'm great? How are you? I'm good? 0:52:21.080 --> 0:52:23.520 Thanks for calling in. This is Bobby Burke. He's my 0:52:23.600 --> 0:52:27.640 special guest. H I hate to hear that. My sister 0:52:27.800 --> 0:52:31.680 is the same way. Yeah, and she just I feel 0:52:31.719 --> 0:52:35.200 so bad. It's awful. I don't live with it, but 0:52:35.400 --> 0:52:38.920 obviously grew up with somebody that did, and hers has 0:52:38.920 --> 0:52:42.000 gotten worse as she's gotten older as well, Like she's 0:52:42.040 --> 0:52:44.280 gotten to her now it's unless she's behind the wheel 0:52:44.280 --> 0:52:45.600 of the car, we just don't go. She just doesn't 0:52:45.600 --> 0:52:48.640 go anywhere. I know, I'm getting to that point. It's horrible. 0:52:49.400 --> 0:52:51.360 And and Danny, I think you should tell them also 0:52:51.520 --> 0:52:53.520 what you told me about when you were on what 0:52:53.560 --> 0:52:55.279 happened last week when you were on the boat and 0:52:55.280 --> 0:52:58.960 it wasn't moving. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like 0:52:59.000 --> 0:53:02.200 it's a big mental thing as well, because I was 0:53:02.239 --> 0:53:05.160 cleaning one of the boats and we were in a 0:53:05.200 --> 0:53:09.279 boat barn, so like it's on stilts and I was 0:53:09.400 --> 0:53:12.760 cleaning and it wasn't horrible, but like I definitely felt 0:53:12.800 --> 0:53:15.120 different and it was there's like a pressure change or 0:53:15.160 --> 0:53:18.920 something weird was happening, and I just felt like I 0:53:18.960 --> 0:53:22.320 could get sick. It was so weird. So it wasn't 0:53:22.320 --> 0:53:27.279 in water, but you still felt like, ye see, I 0:53:27.400 --> 0:53:32.040 always I'm not a doctor, you know, but I am. 0:53:32.840 --> 0:53:36.480 I have always felt like it's more of a mental 0:53:36.520 --> 0:53:39.279 thing because here's the thing. When you're driving a car, 0:53:39.440 --> 0:53:41.920 you're still in the same car, it's still moving, it's 0:53:41.960 --> 0:53:45.279 but you're you're focused on something. And you know, I've 0:53:45.320 --> 0:53:47.680 always said to my sister, I'm like, this can't be 0:53:47.719 --> 0:53:50.240 a physical thing because when you're driving it doesn't happen. 0:53:50.440 --> 0:53:52.400 And she's like, well, I focused on something. I'm like, well, 0:53:52.440 --> 0:53:56.600 there you go. Have you tried hypnosis? No, but I 0:53:56.640 --> 0:53:58.680 looked it up. I looked into it. I'm just in 0:53:58.719 --> 0:54:02.440 an area where it's not readily accessible to me. I 0:54:02.480 --> 0:54:07.440 don't know if they can properly do hypnosis over zoom 0:54:07.520 --> 0:54:09.880 or something like that. I think you need to try. 0:54:10.080 --> 0:54:12.120 You have to try, because I was going to say 0:54:12.120 --> 0:54:14.239 the exact same thing, and you need to get hypnotized. 0:54:14.440 --> 0:54:17.040 This is a very common problem that people get hypnotized 0:54:17.080 --> 0:54:18.960 for all the time. And I would offer you where 0:54:18.960 --> 0:54:23.719 do you live Michigan Okay, okay, Michigan today, But it 0:54:23.760 --> 0:54:27.279 sounds like it seems like it sounds like that you 0:54:27.280 --> 0:54:31.120 work for family that takes you to bigger places. Maybe 0:54:31.160 --> 0:54:34.400 the next trip you go on free kind of look 0:54:34.480 --> 0:54:37.959 for a hypnotist in that area and go there. Yeah, 0:54:38.000 --> 0:54:41.239 that's definitely a possibility. I have a person in l A. 0:54:41.360 --> 0:54:43.480 If you're ever in Los Angeles, his name is Carrie Gan. 0:54:43.640 --> 0:54:45.640 Or you do have to go three times. It's once 0:54:45.680 --> 0:54:47.920 a week for three weeks. You need to find someone 0:54:48.000 --> 0:54:51.440 on zoom or in your area and try just because 0:54:51.480 --> 0:54:54.120 it is a mental thing, it's completely mental. You just 0:54:54.160 --> 0:54:57.759 have to try to. Even pursuing it and following through 0:54:57.760 --> 0:55:00.800 with hypnosis over zoom is going to change your mental 0:55:00.960 --> 0:55:04.400 state about the motion sickness and whether it's also control 0:55:04.600 --> 0:55:06.960 or whatever it may be, whatever it comes down to, 0:55:07.360 --> 0:55:09.680 because if you take some action that is going to 0:55:09.719 --> 0:55:11.919 help you mentally be in a different place than you've been. 0:55:12.280 --> 0:55:14.759 You definitely I understand you do not want to go 0:55:14.760 --> 0:55:17.680 on a trip with his family and be the burden 0:55:17.800 --> 0:55:20.120 to them. You know, my husband puked over the side 0:55:20.120 --> 0:55:22.480 of the boat as he was proposing to me, So 0:55:23.400 --> 0:55:27.040 you don't that's a whole another story, and that's why 0:55:27.120 --> 0:55:29.680 they've been together for eighteen years. I believe it was 0:55:29.760 --> 0:55:34.840 eighteen years. So you've tried drugs, right, dramamine or whatever 0:55:34.880 --> 0:55:38.560 over the counter anti nausea stuff. Yeah, dramamine works because 0:55:38.560 --> 0:55:46.080 it knocks me out. And right, have you tried go palamine? Patches? 0:55:46.680 --> 0:55:50.200 I ordered a bunch recent. Okay, have you tried have 0:55:50.280 --> 0:55:56.520 you tried weed? Oh? No, normally it makes me nauseous, 0:55:56.680 --> 0:55:59.759 So unfortunately, I'm not sure they would have the right 0:55:59.760 --> 0:56:02.840 of that, but it's possible. Yeah, you should try maybe 0:56:02.840 --> 0:56:06.479 cb D only because that will calm your body down 0:56:06.560 --> 0:56:09.640 without going into your head. You know, it's not psychoactive. 0:56:09.800 --> 0:56:12.640 Cb D isn't going to make you nauseous. It's gonna 0:56:12.640 --> 0:56:14.160 be you know. That's what they give to people who 0:56:14.200 --> 0:56:17.040 are going through chemo who can't stop being nauseous. So 0:56:17.120 --> 0:56:19.000 you need to be alert and with them on the 0:56:19.040 --> 0:56:22.959 plane ride, right, you need to be helpful and awake. Yeah, 0:56:23.120 --> 0:56:25.040 not necessarily, they're not gonna be on the plane, but 0:56:25.280 --> 0:56:27.880 the boats. For sure, planes make me sick too, but 0:56:28.000 --> 0:56:31.120 the boat is really what I'm most concerned about. Yeah, Okay, 0:56:31.280 --> 0:56:35.000 I would try some CBD and hypnosis. Okay, yeah, and 0:56:35.480 --> 0:56:38.160 I just got off being on a boat for a week. 0:56:38.520 --> 0:56:41.880 I was okay, But my one sister in law was 0:56:42.560 --> 0:56:45.719 six a dog the first day, and the one thing 0:56:45.719 --> 0:56:49.120 that helped her a lot was the scopolamine patches. Now, 0:56:49.160 --> 0:56:51.040 if you have a full patches, like a little teeny 0:56:51.040 --> 0:56:53.440 patch that goes behind your ear, and if it gives 0:56:53.440 --> 0:56:55.799 you any sort of like blurred vision, like she and 0:56:55.840 --> 0:56:57.840 my other sister in law who tried it, both were like, 0:56:57.880 --> 0:57:00.280 I can't read it in my cell phone. Am I going? Mind? 0:57:00.480 --> 0:57:03.120 Like kind of had a panicky moment. But cut it 0:57:03.160 --> 0:57:05.120 in half and you can use just half of it, 0:57:05.280 --> 0:57:07.480 So try that. You can even apply it before you 0:57:07.520 --> 0:57:11.480 actually get on the boat. And the crew there said 0:57:11.520 --> 0:57:16.040 they've never had anyone stay sick after like about two 0:57:16.120 --> 0:57:20.320 days on the water, So your body should naturally adjust 0:57:20.440 --> 0:57:23.240 to the waves and adjust to the motion. I would 0:57:23.280 --> 0:57:25.720 also try there are some supplements you can try, like 0:57:26.000 --> 0:57:29.479 peppermint or ginger. You can get like things to suck 0:57:29.520 --> 0:57:33.560 on that will help as well, or potentially even like 0:57:33.600 --> 0:57:37.360 some essential oils can sometimes help with the nausea. So 0:57:37.440 --> 0:57:41.440 but I like, I really like the idea of hypnosis. 0:57:41.480 --> 0:57:44.320 And then I've also heard of cognitive behavioral therapy being 0:57:44.320 --> 0:57:45.840 good for that as well, but that's a little bit 0:57:45.840 --> 0:57:49.480 more of a longer fix. Hypnosis maybe could help quickly. 0:57:49.840 --> 0:57:51.800 And if you also google, I mean, these are a 0:57:51.800 --> 0:57:54.240 lot of things to do, but you need to do them. 0:57:54.320 --> 0:57:59.480 So you also look up meditation apps that are specific 0:57:59.520 --> 0:58:02.920 to this, or affirmations that are specific to this. Just 0:58:03.040 --> 0:58:04.720 kind of google that and see what you come up with, 0:58:04.720 --> 0:58:06.640 because there's going to be something that's going to be 0:58:06.720 --> 0:58:09.360 like something that you can say on mantra each day 0:58:09.520 --> 0:58:12.720 leading up even starting today until you're on your trip, 0:58:12.800 --> 0:58:15.360 so you're just resetting your kind of neural pathways that 0:58:15.480 --> 0:58:17.720 you can reset your neural pathways, so there is a 0:58:17.800 --> 0:58:20.080 way out of this for you. So you just have 0:58:20.160 --> 0:58:23.120 to keep trying everything you can until you figure it out. 0:58:23.360 --> 0:58:26.640 And yeah, I've also been on several boat trips and 0:58:26.800 --> 0:58:28.919 people who are sick and they're not sick the whole time, 0:58:29.400 --> 0:58:32.520 so it does kind of work itself out of your system. 0:58:32.640 --> 0:58:35.200 Although you know that's not ideal either, it's better than 0:58:35.360 --> 0:58:38.479 being sick the entire time. Definitely, I've tried a little 0:58:38.480 --> 0:58:41.400 bit of t M in the morning, and you know, 0:58:41.680 --> 0:58:43.920 unfortunately it's not something that I can really test out. 0:58:44.120 --> 0:58:46.600 But yeah, but just be consistent. You know, as long 0:58:46.640 --> 0:58:48.720 as you're consistent with things, then they start to show 0:58:48.800 --> 0:58:50.800 up in your body. You just have to be consistent, 0:58:50.840 --> 0:58:53.240 even if you think it may not be having an impact. 0:58:53.520 --> 0:58:56.520 Just do it every day. Consistency is key with everything 0:58:56.560 --> 0:58:59.840 in life. That's why I consistently drink heavily, you know. 0:59:00.040 --> 0:59:04.000 I mean it works for me, so yeah, but let 0:59:04.120 --> 0:59:06.320 us know when you do figure it out what worked 0:59:06.320 --> 0:59:08.240 for you, so we can help other people figure it 0:59:08.280 --> 0:59:11.240 out as well. Yeah, of course I will. When's your 0:59:11.240 --> 0:59:14.200 first trip? As soon as I get my passport back. 0:59:14.240 --> 0:59:17.000 I'm not a huge traveler, but it should be a 0:59:17.080 --> 0:59:19.160 couple of weeks from now. So, I mean, and how 0:59:19.280 --> 0:59:22.960 how big are the boats? Um? I thought they were 0:59:23.000 --> 0:59:26.680 going to be bigger, but there don't you hate that? 0:59:30.120 --> 0:59:32.320 I was hoping because I know that that can help. 0:59:32.480 --> 0:59:36.480 But they're they're they're small yachts, just a small yachts. 0:59:37.080 --> 0:59:40.000 It only has only the only has one helicopter pad, 0:59:40.040 --> 0:59:45.840 can you head? And some of them are speed boats 0:59:45.840 --> 0:59:49.120 as well that are in the area. So I hate 0:59:49.120 --> 0:59:51.480 saying somebody it's it's all in your head because I 0:59:51.520 --> 0:59:53.560 know you're like, no, it's not, but I know that 0:59:53.600 --> 0:59:57.720 you can probably logically think, yeah, when I'm driving, I'm fine. 0:59:58.000 --> 1:00:01.120 So it is so those daily after nations of realizing 1:00:01.520 --> 1:00:03.160 I am I hate to say this this way, but 1:00:03.200 --> 1:00:05.640 I'm doing this to myself because I feel like this 1:00:05.720 --> 1:00:08.000 is going to happen, and I think this is gonna happen. 1:00:08.120 --> 1:00:11.080 So it happens. But you know what, when I drive, 1:00:11.240 --> 1:00:13.560 it doesn't happen. So it makes no sense that it happens. 1:00:13.600 --> 1:00:15.920 So you know what, next time, it's not going to happen. 1:00:16.240 --> 1:00:18.920 And just keep reminding yourself, this is only happening because 1:00:18.920 --> 1:00:22.680 I am manifesting it to happen, so manifested to not happen, 1:00:22.760 --> 1:00:25.920 and realize that. You know, again, I hate saying this, 1:00:26.000 --> 1:00:27.960 I'm doing this to myself, but there are things that 1:00:28.000 --> 1:00:30.400 we do to ourselves. You know. There are things that 1:00:30.440 --> 1:00:33.280 we dwell on, and because we dwell on it so much, 1:00:33.280 --> 1:00:36.720 we make it happen, especially when it's a physical reaction 1:00:36.800 --> 1:00:38.920 like that. You know, if we think, oh, and then 1:00:38.920 --> 1:00:40.760 I get nervous, You get nervous. Oh and then I 1:00:40.760 --> 1:00:43.080 have anxiety, you get anxiety. You know, we do these 1:00:43.120 --> 1:00:45.960 things for ourselves so, like Chelsea said, do these daily 1:00:46.040 --> 1:00:49.160 affirmations really, Like, you know what, this is just movement. 1:00:49.200 --> 1:00:52.600 I I deal with movement. The planet is literally spending 1:00:52.760 --> 1:00:56.040 right now, and I'm fine. And you know what another 1:00:56.160 --> 1:00:58.120 idea is. I know we're throwing a lot of things 1:00:58.160 --> 1:01:00.000 at you, but talk to your doctor about a beta 1:01:00.040 --> 1:01:03.920 blocker because it's anxiety induced, and that is something that 1:01:03.920 --> 1:01:06.240 cuts off anxiety. I take for prian alol and when 1:01:06.280 --> 1:01:07.960 I go on stage a lot, so my voice doesn't 1:01:08.000 --> 1:01:10.160 get too high because sometimes when I'm like, I have 1:01:10.240 --> 1:01:12.800 a lot of energy and adrenaline, I get like I 1:01:12.840 --> 1:01:14.440 talked too fast, I get too high and it just 1:01:14.520 --> 1:01:17.720 kind of totally takes the nerves out. So this is 1:01:17.800 --> 1:01:20.480 anxiety related. So that might be an option too, because 1:01:20.680 --> 1:01:23.200 and you can test that easily. My husband just prescribed 1:01:23.200 --> 1:01:27.040 that to me. Oh he did. Yeah, I'm supposed to 1:01:27.240 --> 1:01:29.840 do a performance this weekend, but I thought I had COVID, 1:01:29.920 --> 1:01:33.120 so I canceled it. But I was so nervous that 1:01:33.200 --> 1:01:35.200 He's like, I'm just going to prescribe to beta blockers. 1:01:35.200 --> 1:01:37.800 And one time I did stand up and it was 1:01:37.840 --> 1:01:40.280 the most terrified thing I've ever done in my entire 1:01:40.320 --> 1:01:43.240 fucking life, and I wish I had had beta blockers 1:01:43.240 --> 1:01:45.400 because now I'm realizing, yes, my voice did feel much 1:01:45.480 --> 1:01:48.480 higher and I was speaking wickquicker, but I just you know, 1:01:48.720 --> 1:01:54.959 got really ship faced before and I thought that would help. Yeah, 1:01:55.040 --> 1:01:59.720 that always helps, until it does. That's a really good idea. 1:02:00.120 --> 1:02:02.280 But yeah, okay, so just don't give up and just 1:02:02.320 --> 1:02:04.160 think this is the beginning of the rest of my life. 1:02:04.160 --> 1:02:07.880 I'm finding a solution for my issue, definitely yea, and 1:02:07.920 --> 1:02:11.040 good luck with the new job as well. Thank you 1:02:11.120 --> 1:02:13.360 and Chelsea. I just wanted to tell you before I 1:02:13.400 --> 1:02:17.640 sign off. I wouldn't have even considered doing this job 1:02:17.720 --> 1:02:19.360 or applying for it if it weren't for you and 1:02:19.400 --> 1:02:22.680 your stand up. And I just like finally feel like 1:02:22.760 --> 1:02:25.040 worthy enough of good things in my life, and I 1:02:25.120 --> 1:02:27.360 just have to credit you with some of that. So 1:02:27.600 --> 1:02:29.960 thank you God, Well, good for you. I'd love to 1:02:30.000 --> 1:02:32.480 hear that. Yeah, we're all worthy of good things. You 1:02:32.520 --> 1:02:36.960 know what. I credit Chelsea for my my laugh lines. 1:02:38.440 --> 1:02:41.200 I literally used to watch your show and I could 1:02:41.200 --> 1:02:43.680 go like this when i'd watch because I'm like, you're 1:02:43.720 --> 1:02:47.320 making me regal, Chelsea. I'm sitting here for an hour 1:02:47.400 --> 1:02:51.200 in the same position laughing and you're giving me laugh lines. Literally. 1:02:51.640 --> 1:02:54.760 I used to say, I get these from Chelsea. Him, yeah, 1:02:54.960 --> 1:02:57.200 is that where we grew a beard? It is to 1:02:57.560 --> 1:02:59.720 cover all my Chelsea lines. I wish I could grow 1:02:59.720 --> 1:03:04.680 a beer. Okay, we'll keep us posted and yes, all 1:03:04.720 --> 1:03:09.320 good things are coming your way. Okay, thank you, okay, by. 1:03:11.040 --> 1:03:13.400 I must have missed the whole fucking boating part because 1:03:13.440 --> 1:03:15.920 I was like, wait, plain and then she was like, no, 1:03:16.000 --> 1:03:18.680 it's on a boat. So wait, she's helping me. She's 1:03:18.720 --> 1:03:21.160 so she's gonna go be like a YADDI for this family, 1:03:21.200 --> 1:03:24.520 like a personal assistant. It was just like whole rich 1:03:24.600 --> 1:03:28.160 family life on jets, on boats, on everything, just vot 1:03:28.960 --> 1:03:31.360 yeah yeah, yeah, I think it's like all over the place, 1:03:31.800 --> 1:03:35.280 but it's not. It's not volunteer work, Like no, no, 1:03:35.520 --> 1:03:38.760 it's uh yeah, I'm way out of it. I missed 1:03:38.760 --> 1:03:42.320 a whole sentence. There's something froze because I was like boats. 1:03:42.400 --> 1:03:44.840 When I started talking about boats, I was like, wait, 1:03:44.880 --> 1:03:50.360 what she's like, we're helping refugees. I was like, yeah, exactly, 1:03:51.000 --> 1:03:53.880 jet setting with rich people, you know. So yeah, she's 1:03:53.880 --> 1:03:57.320 gonna be living the dream and she'll be she'll be 1:03:57.400 --> 1:03:59.920 on below deck. Before we get I was like, next, 1:04:00.040 --> 1:04:03.280 he's an on below deck? Yes, well, well the new well, 1:04:03.320 --> 1:04:07.439 the new girl get her motion sickness under wraps well. 1:04:07.480 --> 1:04:13.720 Our last question comes from Courtney Dear Chelsea. I went 1:04:13.760 --> 1:04:16.600 back to school in my early thirties for decorating and design, 1:04:16.960 --> 1:04:19.360 something I had developed a passion for in my late 1:04:19.400 --> 1:04:22.640 twenties and decided to pursue as a career. I'd always 1:04:22.640 --> 1:04:27.200 been great at picking out paint colors, decorating vignettes at work, renovations, 1:04:27.320 --> 1:04:31.120 space planning, basically anything that involves decorating or designing a space. 1:04:31.720 --> 1:04:33.640 Now in my mid thirties, I currently work in a 1:04:33.680 --> 1:04:36.800 retail setting where I manage a paint and small flooring department, 1:04:37.000 --> 1:04:38.840 and I have future plans to run the kitchen and 1:04:38.840 --> 1:04:42.200 bath design center once we expand. My issue is this, 1:04:42.840 --> 1:04:44.919 I have a handful of friends who like to use 1:04:44.920 --> 1:04:48.680 my design services for free, rather than actually hiring me 1:04:48.720 --> 1:04:51.160 to come pick their paint colors and design their space. 1:04:51.440 --> 1:04:54.440 They'll send me texts with photos asking what color do 1:04:54.480 --> 1:04:56.600 you think I should paint this room? Or I want 1:04:56.600 --> 1:04:59.280 to redo this bathroom? What should I do? Or my 1:04:59.360 --> 1:05:01.360 mom wants to In a feature wall in her living room. 1:05:01.400 --> 1:05:03.400 Here's some picks of the space. What do you think. 1:05:04.160 --> 1:05:06.360 While I don't mind giving out the odd piece of advice, 1:05:06.440 --> 1:05:08.840 I tend to feel taken advantage of and like my 1:05:08.920 --> 1:05:11.360 choice of career doesn't mean much to them, like as 1:05:11.400 --> 1:05:14.280 a hobby rather than an actual job. And Bobby is 1:05:14.680 --> 1:05:20.480 nodding ferociously. How do I approach this subject without sounding 1:05:20.520 --> 1:05:22.960 like a bit I understand that maybe they're trying to 1:05:23.000 --> 1:05:25.000 save money, But if I'm going to do this for you, 1:05:25.120 --> 1:05:28.360 shouldn't I be entitled to something, whether during my workouts 1:05:28.440 --> 1:05:30.760 or in my spare time. It is my design advice 1:05:31.160 --> 1:05:35.040 that I went to school for. Is it not worth something? Courtney? 1:05:35.120 --> 1:05:38.560 I can relate, Courtney. I mean even to this day, 1:05:38.680 --> 1:05:42.160 I literally get let's say, hundreds of d m s 1:05:42.160 --> 1:05:46.560 a day from people wanting free design advice, and I'm 1:05:46.600 --> 1:05:50.080 rereading my kitchen what color? And I'm just like, I 1:05:50.120 --> 1:05:52.480 honestly see them, and I just don't respond because I'm like, 1:05:52.480 --> 1:05:55.360 are you for real? Do you think that all I 1:05:55.440 --> 1:05:58.400 have to do is sit around and get free design advice? 1:05:59.680 --> 1:06:02.320 Come book, go to expert dot com and book a 1:06:02.360 --> 1:06:05.360 session with me. But I can completely relate to Courtney, 1:06:05.400 --> 1:06:08.680 because my friends will do it too. And this was 1:06:08.720 --> 1:06:10.520 back when I was a designer or I on a 1:06:10.560 --> 1:06:13.360 furniture store. And and you know, you wouldn't go to 1:06:15.240 --> 1:06:17.560 your plumber friend and asked them to do plumbing stuff 1:06:17.600 --> 1:06:19.440 for you, or your doctorate friend and asked them to 1:06:19.800 --> 1:06:23.400 you know, you would be like, oh, they're a trained professional. 1:06:23.800 --> 1:06:26.320 This is their job in their livelihood. Well it's yours 1:06:26.320 --> 1:06:30.440 to Courtney, So you know, I would I would advise, 1:06:30.480 --> 1:06:31.840 you know, putting your foot down a little bit and 1:06:31.840 --> 1:06:34.360 be like, hey, this actually sounds like a really fun project. 1:06:34.400 --> 1:06:36.920 I'd love to help your mom out. You know, here's 1:06:36.960 --> 1:06:40.120 my hourly rate, you know, or hey, since you're my friend, 1:06:40.440 --> 1:06:42.800 I'll do it for half or whatever. But just to 1:06:42.920 --> 1:06:45.840 let them know that you went to school for this, 1:06:46.600 --> 1:06:50.480 you have student loans for this. You weren't pro I mean, 1:06:50.560 --> 1:06:54.320 I'm being prosumptious, but you are probably as you're helping 1:06:54.360 --> 1:06:58.560 them still paying this off, so they can't expect you 1:06:58.600 --> 1:07:01.600 to do this for free. You know, I definitely wouldn't 1:07:01.600 --> 1:07:04.240 advise trying to charge them what you would normally charge, 1:07:04.320 --> 1:07:08.840 but just giving them a price make some step back 1:07:08.840 --> 1:07:10.960 and be like, oh, you know what you're right, this 1:07:11.080 --> 1:07:13.720 is your job, and I'm asking you to do your 1:07:13.800 --> 1:07:19.320 job for free and constantly. Yeah, so put your foot down, 1:07:19.360 --> 1:07:21.440 stand your ground, don't be a bit about it. It's 1:07:21.440 --> 1:07:24.520 not being a bit right to to to make your 1:07:24.720 --> 1:07:26.480 let your friends know that you have value in that 1:07:26.520 --> 1:07:29.800 you're of worth and and remind them that you know, 1:07:30.040 --> 1:07:32.280 you spent a lot of money to get the degree 1:07:32.400 --> 1:07:34.960 and then know how that you have and that's why 1:07:34.960 --> 1:07:38.560 they're coming to you. Otherwise they could do it themselves, right. 1:07:38.840 --> 1:07:40.800 I like the idea of sort of being a little 1:07:40.800 --> 1:07:43.640 bit presumptuous back, which is not bitchy at all. It's like, 1:07:44.000 --> 1:07:46.440 oh my gosh, I would love to Like they're presuming 1:07:46.440 --> 1:07:48.440 that you will do it for free, and you're like, great, 1:07:48.480 --> 1:07:50.480 I would love to help. Here is my friends and 1:07:50.520 --> 1:07:53.560 family rate. It's normally this like let me know when 1:07:53.560 --> 1:07:55.600 she's ready to sit down for a meeting. Because the 1:07:55.640 --> 1:07:59.000 way that does is it makes them think that you 1:07:59.200 --> 1:08:03.000 just a sue. Of course they were hiring you, and 1:08:03.040 --> 1:08:05.200 then they wouldn't be like, oh no, bit, you need 1:08:05.280 --> 1:08:06.480 to do this for free, and they'd be like oh 1:08:06.560 --> 1:08:08.920 yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah okay, So either they are 1:08:08.920 --> 1:08:11.040 going to pay you or they're going to stop bothering 1:08:11.040 --> 1:08:13.800 you and expecting it for free, but it's just it 1:08:13.880 --> 1:08:15.800 makes them kind of feel like the asshole for expecting 1:08:15.800 --> 1:08:18.040 that you would have done it for free. Yeah. Yeah, 1:08:18.080 --> 1:08:20.360 And or you could send out an email and mask 1:08:20.439 --> 1:08:23.160 to all your people and just go, hey, this is 1:08:23.160 --> 1:08:26.479 a really friendly reminder that I, you know, this is 1:08:26.520 --> 1:08:28.880 my job and this is my career choice. And I've 1:08:28.880 --> 1:08:31.519 had so many of friends and family lean on me 1:08:31.560 --> 1:08:33.160 and ask me for a design help, but I just 1:08:33.200 --> 1:08:35.320 want to make it very clear this is what I 1:08:35.360 --> 1:08:37.960 do for a living. So moving forward, if you're going 1:08:38.000 --> 1:08:39.960 to come to me for any I can, we can 1:08:40.000 --> 1:08:42.120 work out a deal maybe, or you know, whatever you're 1:08:42.160 --> 1:08:46.040 comfortable parameter wise, but just letting everybody know. Like I 1:08:46.080 --> 1:08:49.000 had a doctor who did this recently because one of 1:08:49.000 --> 1:08:52.040 my we have this anti aging doctor and one of 1:08:52.040 --> 1:08:56.240 my friends emails her non stop about this drug and 1:08:56.320 --> 1:08:58.519 that drug and the research that they do and then 1:08:58.720 --> 1:09:01.160 compares it to the doctor and dada da da, and 1:09:01.479 --> 1:09:04.360 she sent out an email to everyone saying I am 1:09:04.400 --> 1:09:08.719 no longer taking unsolicited emails like it is. I'm charging 1:09:08.840 --> 1:09:12.679 per email. So our one friend ruined it for all 1:09:12.720 --> 1:09:16.000 of us because he wouldn't leave her alone. You know, 1:09:16.080 --> 1:09:18.519 he just kept asking and asking and persisting. And when 1:09:18.520 --> 1:09:21.040 I saw the doctor in person, I go, I guess so, 1:09:21.080 --> 1:09:23.559 and so you know, ruined this for all. Yeah, I 1:09:23.560 --> 1:09:25.639 mean she's like, does he think I'm up all night 1:09:25.680 --> 1:09:28.759 there to answer his questions? So you can actually almost 1:09:28.840 --> 1:09:31.519 lay blame. It will be perceived as as it's coming 1:09:31.520 --> 1:09:34.920 from one person when it's really about everybody. I had 1:09:35.520 --> 1:09:42.080 a best friend that her constantly asking for design advice 1:09:42.120 --> 1:09:46.800 and expecting it for free ruined our relationship. Oh well there, 1:09:46.800 --> 1:09:49.320 you got absolutely ruined our relationship. And we were friends 1:09:49.400 --> 1:09:52.880 for a very long time and she had and we're 1:09:52.920 --> 1:09:55.760 good now. So if she's listening and she knows I'm 1:09:55.760 --> 1:09:57.680 talking about her, you know, I love you now and 1:09:57.680 --> 1:10:02.680 you know at but yeah, that was just starting a 1:10:02.720 --> 1:10:06.759 business and the very first location. I was so ready 1:10:06.800 --> 1:10:08.800 to help her get her business going. I of course 1:10:08.840 --> 1:10:11.040 did it all for free. But then at a certain 1:10:11.080 --> 1:10:13.679 point she was at like half a dozen locations and 1:10:14.240 --> 1:10:18.640 you know, rolling in seven figures and doing well, but 1:10:18.920 --> 1:10:21.599 still just reaching out to me for all this free 1:10:21.640 --> 1:10:24.439 design advice. And I started to get you know, have 1:10:24.520 --> 1:10:27.000 a lot of animosity towards her being like, whoa you 1:10:27.000 --> 1:10:29.320 know this? I went to school. I didn't go to 1:10:29.320 --> 1:10:31.439 school for this one, am I talking about? I self 1:10:31.479 --> 1:10:34.519 taught myself all this stuff. You know, this is my 1:10:34.640 --> 1:10:38.280 business and here here you are reaping the benefits and 1:10:38.320 --> 1:10:41.160 having a successful business because on one part I helped 1:10:41.200 --> 1:10:43.559 you get this off the ground. But now you're still 1:10:43.600 --> 1:10:49.800 expecting all this for free. But Bobby, the exposure, oh 1:10:49.800 --> 1:10:52.800 situation where that? Yeah, I'm like, that's not the kind 1:10:52.840 --> 1:10:57.839 of exposure I want. Honey. Yeah, you know what, Courtney, 1:10:57.960 --> 1:11:00.120 let us know how it goes. Next time, you put 1:11:00.160 --> 1:11:04.760 your foot down, cheerfully with a friend, and we'll take 1:11:04.800 --> 1:11:07.000 a quick break and we'll be back to wrap up 1:11:07.000 --> 1:11:10.000 with Bobby. And no, this time it's a bubble bath. 1:11:11.360 --> 1:11:12.639 I just want to make sure you leave here as 1:11:12.640 --> 1:11:23.519 clean as possible impossible, and we're back. Oh god, the 1:11:23.560 --> 1:11:26.559 bubbles barely got going, I know. But it was romantic 1:11:26.600 --> 1:11:29.080 with the champagne and everything in the strawberries that I 1:11:29.120 --> 1:11:31.519 lost in my bikini bottom. I don't know why I 1:11:31.560 --> 1:11:34.479 was wearing it a bikini. Yeah, my pikachi, they're inside 1:11:34.479 --> 1:11:37.400 my Pikachu. That's actually not a bad idea to freshen 1:11:37.520 --> 1:11:44.920 up rows up on the podcast. Okay, so Bobby, you 1:11:44.960 --> 1:11:47.479 have been an absolute pleasure. Do you have any advice 1:11:47.520 --> 1:11:49.439 that you want to ask me? This is our closing 1:11:49.479 --> 1:11:54.640 segment that Catherine came up with that I love. The 1:11:54.680 --> 1:11:57.120 funny thing is there was some advice I wanted from you, 1:11:57.200 --> 1:12:00.360 but I had Paul text you one day asking about it. 1:12:00.400 --> 1:12:02.680 I don't know if you know, maybe I don't know 1:12:02.720 --> 1:12:05.640 if he asked if it was from me, but advice. 1:12:05.800 --> 1:12:10.320 It was some advice on a certain drug that you 1:12:10.400 --> 1:12:13.840 had talked about. I forget what it's ayahuasca. I don't 1:12:13.840 --> 1:12:15.400 think it was ayawaska. I feel like it was something 1:12:15.439 --> 1:12:18.960 else five d m e ot like frogs. Then um, 1:12:20.320 --> 1:12:23.599 it was that. And I had read in an article 1:12:23.640 --> 1:12:26.040 that you mentioned it, and I was like, Paul, I 1:12:26.080 --> 1:12:28.840 asked Chelsea about this, like this sounds great. I want 1:12:28.840 --> 1:12:33.760 to Oh, yeah, well I was. That is not one 1:12:33.760 --> 1:12:37.880 of my favorite drugs I had. I know, I basically 1:12:38.120 --> 1:12:40.720 ripped my clothes off in a pool of sweat when 1:12:40.720 --> 1:12:43.320 I took that drug and woke up nude. I had 1:12:43.360 --> 1:12:46.439 my top off and I think I was it was 1:12:46.520 --> 1:12:48.679 so brutal. But you know what, I didn't really prepare 1:12:48.720 --> 1:12:50.599 for it, so I can't really speak to it, although 1:12:50.840 --> 1:12:52.559 I just want. I mean, I talked about it in 1:12:52.640 --> 1:12:55.280 my last stand up special, so it's not a secret. 1:12:55.320 --> 1:12:58.360 But I just had the most I have a very 1:12:58.360 --> 1:13:01.160 good relationship with drugs and I have a very solid 1:13:01.200 --> 1:13:04.479 track record with not having them take over my brain, 1:13:05.000 --> 1:13:08.040 and that one was not I was. I lost complete 1:13:08.080 --> 1:13:12.160 control and it was dark and it was just very dark. 1:13:12.240 --> 1:13:15.920 It was very olmous. So yeah, I wouldn't really recommend 1:13:15.920 --> 1:13:18.200 that to anything. Okay, I will stay away from that. 1:13:18.240 --> 1:13:24.400 Then okay, something new problem solved. Bobby, thank you so 1:13:24.479 --> 1:13:26.400 much for being our guest today. You gave great advice. 1:13:26.439 --> 1:13:28.840 I appreciate that. Thanks for having me. This has been great. 1:13:29.360 --> 1:13:32.439 Thank you. Just goodbye, goodbye, Bobby. I hope you see 1:13:32.800 --> 1:13:34.800 when when my house is ready, I want you and 1:13:34.840 --> 1:13:37.240 Paul to come over and we'll well, we'll do five 1:13:37.320 --> 1:13:49.280 d N sounds great, It's okay, sounds good. That'll be fun. Thanks. So, 1:13:49.320 --> 1:13:51.720 if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, just send 1:13:51.720 --> 1:13:55.960 an email to Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.