Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Hi. I'm coming off of a
Speaker 1: very big week Grammys. We had Grammys. I was nominated
Speaker 1: for Grammy for Evolution Past Comedy Album. I did not win,
Speaker 1: but it was really fun to go to the Grammys.
Speaker 1: I've never been before, so Joe and I went, and
Speaker 1: then we just turned it into a three day birthday
Speaker 1: bonanza for Joe because he didn't get to celebrate his
Speaker 1: fiftieth birthday during COVID because he was shooting his movie
Speaker 1: called Easter Sunday, which comes out in August. And I
Speaker 1: had to celebrate my Buddha because I love him so much,
Speaker 1: and his whole family's in Vegas, and I thought, why
Speaker 1: don't we just turn the Grammys into a three day party.
Speaker 1: And that's what we did. Easy. We had lots of
Speaker 1: late nights, and we have dune buggy ing, we had
Speaker 1: pool parties, and we got to see I had a
Speaker 1: lot of friends come, and he had a lot of
Speaker 1: family come. And he's a happy camper and I am
Speaker 1: Scott free, you know what I mean. I am in
Speaker 1: the opposite of the doghouse for the next I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say six months. Okay, excellent, at least until his next birthday, right, Well,
Speaker 1: that's the problem. His birthdays in June, so I'm kind
Speaker 1: of like fun, but I'm gonna be on tour. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be in Pittsburgh performing that night. It's June two,
Speaker 1: and I believe he'll be with me, So we will
Speaker 1: be selling it, braiding his birthday, probably on stage in Pittsburgh.
Speaker 1: I will make the whole baring to him. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: anyone coming to our Pittsburgh show, I can't wait. Pittsburgh's
Speaker 1: one of my favorite cities that gets such a shitty
Speaker 1: rap and it's such a cool city. It's kind of
Speaker 1: reminds me a little bit of Portland a little bit.
Speaker 1: Ye Oh, hi, honey, I was just talking about the
Speaker 1: birthday party that I just threw for you, and there
Speaker 1: are three days of magic and oh that's nice. Hi,
Speaker 1: how was this birthday party? How was your birthday party?
Speaker 1: She's asking. Yeah, the only problem that we're having in
Speaker 1: our relationship right now is that his body is reaching
Speaker 1: a pinnacle and my body he I'm the Buddha now.
Speaker 1: I told him there's only room for one good body
Speaker 1: in this relationship, and then he stole that role. So
Speaker 1: I actually have to get back on track because my
Speaker 1: time up in Whistler put me over the edge. Too
Speaker 1: many Moscow mules. Cheers. Cheers, by the way, cheers cheers.
Speaker 1: So let's ensure our guest everybody knows him from a
Speaker 1: Queer Eye and that's Emmy nominated show. Correct. So there's that. Yes,
Speaker 1: his name is Bobby Burke and he's our guest today.
Speaker 1: Oh hey girl, okay, how are you? Good morning? What
Speaker 1: a beautiful vista you have thought this. This is a
Speaker 1: much better reaction than the last time you were were
Speaker 1: on Zoom together when he said who are you? What
Speaker 1: was that game? It was like like could we be
Speaker 1: friends or something? Yeah, they were like describe that was
Speaker 1: like who are you? It was It was devastating because
Speaker 1: the moment you said hello, who you were? I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is Oh you know what. Don't even take that personally.
Speaker 1: I mean half the time, I'm so stoned. I don't
Speaker 1: even know what's going on. So please don't take a
Speaker 1: personally Bobby. Oh I didn't. I didn't. I didn't at all.
Speaker 1: I have been in the game that long. Where are you?
Speaker 1: That looks so pretty? I'm at home, excuse of course
Speaker 1: you are. That's the difference between design experts and design
Speaker 1: non experts. What I I control the landscape behind me?
Speaker 1: I guess, so, yeah, I could. I could show the
Speaker 1: landscape behind me. Look, technically I do pull this closure.
Speaker 1: The window that you're looking at is technically in front
Speaker 1: of me right now. He just pulled it down as
Speaker 1: a green screet. But if I sit in front of it,
Speaker 1: then it it washes me out. You can't see me
Speaker 1: because it's too bright behind me. But I like that scenes,
Speaker 1: So I just took a video of it, and so
Speaker 1: I get to look out the window, and you guys
Speaker 1: get to look at the window. Oh that's awesome. Hold
Speaker 1: on one second, you guys, Okay, one second, I'm sorry, sorry,
Speaker 1: amssus just showed up at our house in the morning,
Speaker 1: and I have to let Joe know he has a
Speaker 1: massage because I never have told him. So one second,
Speaker 1: you guys, I thought you were going to say, and
Speaker 1: unfortunately I have to go get a massage. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: are you guys cool if we do this a massage? Honey,
Speaker 1: you have a massage? I forgot about that. Nine am.
Speaker 1: Get ready, she's gonna set up. Thank you so much. Okay,
Speaker 1: and what are they going to do it? Though? Like,
Speaker 1: right right there at direct you can director. No, No,
Speaker 1: that's not what he likes. Yeah, yeah, I'd like to
Speaker 1: direct all of his massages. Well, last night we were
Speaker 1: in a bit of a in an emergency situation because
Speaker 1: we're in Whistler, Canada, and we came up for like
Speaker 1: two and a half days for my friend's birthday. And
Speaker 1: we got here and of course I made Joe go
Speaker 1: skiing and he fell on his shoulder. And then last
Speaker 1: night he was like, I need a massage. I need
Speaker 1: a massage. So I like reached out to everyone, and
Speaker 1: then somebody said, oh, we can't do it tonight, We'll
Speaker 1: do it in the morning. So we took that one,
Speaker 1: and then someone came back and said we could do
Speaker 1: it tonight. So we had a massage last night. And
Speaker 1: because I don't like canceling, pardon my cough. All week,
Speaker 1: I've been sick in bed going how the fund can
Speaker 1: you get COVID twice in two months? No, you have COVID. No,
Speaker 1: I just got my test back. I don't right. They
Speaker 1: say cases very symptomatic. My husband's the same way. He's
Speaker 1: a doctor. Never got it. I had it, and I
Speaker 1: was him and I were snowboarding and Tahaa weekend and
Speaker 1: drinking out of the same cop and I just thought,
Speaker 1: you know, oh, it's cold and we're in high altitude.
Speaker 1: I've got a runny nose and uncongested sleeping in the
Speaker 1: same bed in the same car. And then it got
Speaker 1: a little worse later on. But you don't need to
Speaker 1: be slipping in, Bobby, you do not need to be
Speaker 1: sleeping in your car at this point. I just want
Speaker 1: to let you know that, you know, it keeps me grounded. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can get a grounding map for that keeps you grounded,
Speaker 1: because my my Model X that I sleep in does
Speaker 1: have camp mode, so that a C stays on. I
Speaker 1: like when I made my dogs in my Tesla, you
Speaker 1: know how it has dogs. What's it called? Were you
Speaker 1: like your dog staying in the car and you turned
Speaker 1: on dog mode? Yeah, dog mode, And so when you
Speaker 1: come back to the car. I mean several times somebody's
Speaker 1: been like, how are these two dogs in the car
Speaker 1: with the windows up? I'm like, because I have dog mode. Okay,
Speaker 1: you see a huge screen that's lit up with the
Speaker 1: dog on it that says, don't worry, yeah, Beck, the
Speaker 1: owner will be back in fifteen minutes. Three hours later,
Speaker 1: Bert's on his back with his paws in the air, like,
Speaker 1: where's my mother, Bobby? Speaking of your partner, Your partner's
Speaker 1: name is Dewey, right, it is? It is? And you
Speaker 1: guys have been together a significant amount of time correct
Speaker 1: eighteen years going on nineteen. Yeah, that's so cool. I've
Speaker 1: been with my boyfriend for eight months. I know. I
Speaker 1: love it. I love that you who ended up with
Speaker 1: each other. It's so cute, it's so funny. I was
Speaker 1: doing a live stream yesterday and one of the guests
Speaker 1: on there was Joy Choe. But I kept that sounds
Speaker 1: like one of our relatives, kept hearing Joe Coy in
Speaker 1: my head because the sound are exactly. Her first name
Speaker 1: sounds like his last name. His last name sounds like
Speaker 1: his first name. So when I introduced her, luckily it
Speaker 1: was just on the practice, I was like Joy Choi
Speaker 1: and She's like, you know, it's it's I know. But
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm hearing Joe Coy's head and my name
Speaker 1: when you hear it, because your guy's names, same syllables,
Speaker 1: same letters, just completely flipped. And I'm like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I know his name more than yours. That's how I
Speaker 1: felt when you and I were playing that game, Bobby,
Speaker 1: I thought that it was somebody else. I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: Bobby Burke, I'm like that I got it confused with
Speaker 1: somebody else named who knows what. But I was all
Speaker 1: over the shop. But I have to say, I get
Speaker 1: confused with our names because my middle name is Joy
Speaker 1: and his name is Koi, and then people call us Choi,
Speaker 1: so's Joy Joy. So it's very confusing. All I know
Speaker 1: is that I'm now Filipino and everyone refers to me
Speaker 1: as a Filipino woman, and I'm just going to accept
Speaker 1: it because it's a culture I never thought i'd be
Speaker 1: a part of. Do you know? I love you? And
Speaker 1: I know how to say? Ma didn't Kita in return? Oh?
Speaker 1: I didn't know that my excess Filipino? Oh really? So wait?
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about your relationship with
Speaker 1: Dewey and how what what? I want to talk about
Speaker 1: what it's like to be with somebody for eighteen years
Speaker 1: and like how do you guys keep that going? And
Speaker 1: what is your relationship dynamic? Like is there somebody who
Speaker 1: you know wears the pants? So to speak? Chelsea? How homophobic?
Speaker 1: If you say, I'm well, I'm a big homophobe. Everybody
Speaker 1: knows that. I know, I know, which is why I
Speaker 1: was comfortable making that joke to you, because obviously you
Speaker 1: are not. It's funny because I would say most people
Speaker 1: think and assume that I wear the pants in the
Speaker 1: family because he's quiet and I'm the more outgoing one,
Speaker 1: and I'm the one that, to the outside world is
Speaker 1: making the decisions. But he's you know, like the N
Speaker 1: Sync record, he's pulling the strings, you know, in the background.
Speaker 1: He's the puppeteer, and he's the one making the decisions. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not completely, but I think we have a pretty good
Speaker 1: dynamic as far as decision making. You know, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of things that are very important to me that
Speaker 1: don't make any that aren't really important, and then there's
Speaker 1: the big things that are important to him that he
Speaker 1: makes a decision to. Yeah, and what do you and like,
Speaker 1: do you guys fight? Are you healthy fighters? Like? What
Speaker 1: what's your when there's friction? How do you guys handle that?
Speaker 1: We rarely fight. Honestly, we used to. We used to
Speaker 1: fight a lot growing pains. Would you attribute that to
Speaker 1: like the beginning of the relationship, Yeah, and I definitely
Speaker 1: remember like every time we'd have a fight. I was
Speaker 1: his first long term relationship, so every time we have
Speaker 1: a fight, he'd be like, Okay, well, I guess this
Speaker 1: is it. I'm like, wait, no, no, no, that was
Speaker 1: just a fight. We're not breaking up. Like we just
Speaker 1: piste off about where we wanted to go to dinner.
Speaker 1: It's okay, it's okay. But yeah, we rarely fight now,
Speaker 1: Like when we fight, they will be big fights, but
Speaker 1: those happen maybe once a year at the most. It's
Speaker 1: a nice annual tradition to keep up, yes, specifically around
Speaker 1: the holiday. Yeah, Katherine and I were talking about that
Speaker 1: because I find that I don't, like, you know, a
Speaker 1: fight should be a fight. A fight is not an ending,
Speaker 1: you know, it should just be a discussion and then
Speaker 1: you know, everyone can cool it down and figure it out.
Speaker 1: But Joe and I have been into a couple of
Speaker 1: fights where he said, okay, well I guess this is it,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, come on, Joe, stop it. I
Speaker 1: know you don't mean that, and I know and you
Speaker 1: have to understand for me, you know, like my history,
Speaker 1: that is a trigger for me, Like if somebody says, okay,
Speaker 1: it's over. Then I shut down because my brother, you know,
Speaker 1: my my psychiatrist, Dan explained this to me so sagaciously.
Speaker 1: You know that my idea I believed for so long
Speaker 1: because I you know, my brother died, was there one
Speaker 1: day and gone the next that I thought he goes
Speaker 1: That's how you think relationships end. You know, that's that's
Speaker 1: what's normal to you. So for me now, like to
Speaker 1: break that cycle and break that pattern, like it can
Speaker 1: never be a threat for an ending of the relationship.
Speaker 1: It has to be like, Okay, wow, we're both upset,
Speaker 1: let's go to our separate corners and come back. And
Speaker 1: leaving in the middle of the fight. You know that
Speaker 1: I've had a lot of traumatic relationships and a lot
Speaker 1: of that both romantically and familiar relationships where people left
Speaker 1: and so back in the you know, when my my
Speaker 1: husband I first got together, he's the type of person
Speaker 1: where he wouldn't want to sit there and keep talking
Speaker 1: about it. He would just leave because he needed space.
Speaker 1: And that was a huge trigger for me. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I need to sit there, we need to work this out.
Speaker 1: Don't just leave me. Yes, I do, tell me when
Speaker 1: you're coming back. Yeah, I I don't leave, but I
Speaker 1: want to go to a different room and take an
Speaker 1: edible and talk to you in the morning. Like once
Speaker 1: it gets to a crescendo, if there's yelling then, which
Speaker 1: I used to do. It's so funny because all the
Speaker 1: things that trigger me are in my own behaviors right always.
Speaker 1: But I used to scream and yell and be like, well, no,
Speaker 1: it's okay, we can work it out. And then if
Speaker 1: someone now yells at me. Now that I've learned that
Speaker 1: it's not necessary to yell ever at anybody like I now,
Speaker 1: if I get yelled at or if there if it
Speaker 1: gets to that decibel, I I completely with I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to scream back and forth. I used
Speaker 1: to always be the yeller. I came from a very
Speaker 1: southern family, like like the ya ya sisterhood that was
Speaker 1: all my aunts, and so I used to be the
Speaker 1: yeller and now I'm not. And now he's kind of
Speaker 1: the yeller. I mean, nowhere near the way I used
Speaker 1: to yell. But now hill yell and I'll just be like,
Speaker 1: why are you yelling? You don't need to raise your
Speaker 1: voice why And that pissitsim off more of course, Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, and in time somebody says calm down, You're like,
Speaker 1: why don't I shove this orange up your asshole? He
Speaker 1: used to not one of talk things through, and he
Speaker 1: would he would be very, um my, COVID brain. I
Speaker 1: did have COVID a few months ago, and I to
Speaker 1: still like words just aren't there anymore. He was very stubborn. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's scary. That is scary. Scary actually just like the
Speaker 1: simplest of words, like stubborn. But he would be very stubborn,
Speaker 1: and we'd have one little fight before we're getting ready
Speaker 1: to get in a car to go on a whole
Speaker 1: weekend trip, and he'd be like, I'm not going. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're gonna let this little fight ruin an entire weekend
Speaker 1: just because you're too stubborn to just say sorry. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But and think about it, if it were like the opposite.
Speaker 1: You're both in a fight and you're like, Okay, we're
Speaker 1: going away for the weekend. We have an hour to
Speaker 1: not talk and like cool down, and we're both committed
Speaker 1: to spending the weekend together. After that happens, and once
Speaker 1: we knowing that you're both committed to resolving whatever the
Speaker 1: issue is, right, Like that is such a healthier way
Speaker 1: to go through go through things, you know, instead of
Speaker 1: stomping your feet and threatening to leave. He's definitely got
Speaker 1: way better than at that. I used to always be
Speaker 1: the one that would say I'm sorry and cuttle up,
Speaker 1: whether it was my fault or not, just because I
Speaker 1: didn't want to keep fighting. But he if I didn't
Speaker 1: do that, he could hold them run through days, weeks.
Speaker 1: Sometimes he would just dig his heels in and just
Speaker 1: be pissed for days. So finally I have to be like, oh, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll be right back. So you grew up in the South.
Speaker 1: I you came from a kind of religious background, right,
Speaker 1: what religion? Christian? Yeah, Christian. I went to an Assembly
Speaker 1: of God's school growing up, so you know, yeah, I know, really, Catherine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was nondenominational, but it was like we had it
Speaker 1: was all Assembly of God. We had to sign a
Speaker 1: contract that we wouldn't smoke or drink even outside of school,
Speaker 1: or of course have sex or any of that stuff.
Speaker 1: It was. I went to a Christian school in elementary
Speaker 1: I think it was Methodist maybe, but we didn't have
Speaker 1: teachers that would stand up and teach first through kindergarten
Speaker 1: was all in the same room, and we were all
Speaker 1: in these little cubicles that faced the wall, and we
Speaker 1: all had our own little workbooks that we had to
Speaker 1: work in. And it was a very, very very weird.
Speaker 1: But yeah, Grip super religious. And so how did you
Speaker 1: What age did you start to rebel against that religion?
Speaker 1: I would say probably at fifteen when I came out
Speaker 1: and I realized that the people and the religion and
Speaker 1: the life that I had devoted myself to instantly turned
Speaker 1: their backs on me. And I started really kind of
Speaker 1: wrapping my head around what religion was and what I
Speaker 1: had been taught and what I believed. And I realized
Speaker 1: that I had just blindly been believing bullshit, like the
Speaker 1: stupidest bullshit, And yeah, I just started to look at
Speaker 1: it more logically. And it still causes me a lot
Speaker 1: of pain, because a child will never get over the
Speaker 1: hurt that is inflicted by religion. That I definitely better now,
Speaker 1: I still though do. I noticed this yesterday. I physically
Speaker 1: like snarl when I drive by a church. I was
Speaker 1: on my way to set yesterday and I drove by
Speaker 1: a church and I noticed myself, go, damn, I still
Speaker 1: have a physical, visceral reaction to driving by a church.
Speaker 1: I don't blame you. I think I have that reaction.
Speaker 1: And I've never really been religious. I mean, I grew
Speaker 1: up Jewish, but my mother was Mormon, so that was
Speaker 1: enough of a stain on my consciousness. Like I just
Speaker 1: I couldn't believe that. I was just like, mom, you're
Speaker 1: so much smarter than this. I feel like, out of
Speaker 1: all the religions, Judaism, I feel like it's it's the
Speaker 1: least healthier brimstone. Like, I mean, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: Jewish mother guilt, but I don't feel like there's as
Speaker 1: much religious guilt. Maybe it's just because I didn't grow
Speaker 1: up Jewish, but I have surrounded by Jewish friends, and
Speaker 1: they all seem to be much more well rounded with
Speaker 1: their religious bringing Christian friends. Yes, they're not tolerant, it's
Speaker 1: not it's not as hypocritical, hypocritical, thank you, Oh look
Speaker 1: at your word. There it is there, it is, there,
Speaker 1: we go. It's not as hypocritical unless you know extreme Judaism. Obviously,
Speaker 1: Orthodox is a different story, right, but modern Orthodox is
Speaker 1: pretty tolerant, you know, and and reformed and conservative Jews
Speaker 1: the way I grew up, was just totally everybody's cool, Like,
Speaker 1: don't worry about people who aren't Jewish, that's that's okay.
Speaker 1: You don't have to proselytize to other people to try
Speaker 1: and bring them over to your religion. And I respected
Speaker 1: that a lot, especially after seeing Mormons in action trying
Speaker 1: to recruit other people to become Mormons. That's a huge
Speaker 1: turn off. It's it's crazy because like, for for example,
Speaker 1: Thesemblies of God, they aren't just happy with people being Christians.
Speaker 1: You have to be Assemblies of God. Baptists, We're going
Speaker 1: to Hell, Methodist, Mormons, Lutherans, Jews, everyone else was going
Speaker 1: to Hell except Assemblies of God. You had to believe
Speaker 1: exactly like them or else you're gonna bart in hell. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is just such bullshit. And at the end of
Speaker 1: the day I realized it's the Somebolies of God corporate
Speaker 1: just wanting to make sure that all the tides coming
Speaker 1: from all the Christians are just going to the sby
Speaker 1: got It's just it's I also don't like that word tithing.
Speaker 1: That reminds me of the word moist. You know, it
Speaker 1: just is right up there in that category tithing, Like
Speaker 1: what it sounds illegal, should be, I know. I also
Speaker 1: liked that you didn't get a high school diploma because
Speaker 1: I was very close to that not having happen either.
Speaker 1: And the more people I talked to in this industry,
Speaker 1: the more creatives. Catherine, you graduated from high school. I
Speaker 1: did in college? Right in college? Yes, I didn't go
Speaker 1: to college, and neither to Right. No, I didn't finish
Speaker 1: high school. I didn't get my g D. No, none
Speaker 1: of that. My cousin said to me the other day,
Speaker 1: She goes, you got your g D. Right, I don't know, Molly,
Speaker 1: I didn't get my g e D. I graduated from
Speaker 1: high school. She goes, oh, I thought you got. I
Speaker 1: thought you were like a total funk up. I go,
Speaker 1: I was a total funk up. And I ended up
Speaker 1: going to alternative school, which is like an offshoot for
Speaker 1: the slow on the uptake kids, like the kids who
Speaker 1: were drug addicts or whatever just did. I didn't go
Speaker 1: to school because I had a boyfriend that was older
Speaker 1: and illegal, and I would hang out with him all
Speaker 1: the time. And but when I knew I had to graduate,
Speaker 1: I stopped everything I was doing and I just went
Speaker 1: to this alternative school where you could work at your
Speaker 1: own pace. And I did graduate in time, but by
Speaker 1: the skin of my teeth. My point is that there
Speaker 1: are a lot of creatives that haven't gone to college
Speaker 1: and haven't graduated high school and hadn't needed to because
Speaker 1: that's not the kind of brain, is it left brain
Speaker 1: or right brain? I think right brain is creative, right,
Speaker 1: and left brain is a d D. So it could
Speaker 1: be who doesn't who doesn't have a d My brain
Speaker 1: is apparently opposite of everyone else's. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: forgot that obviously because I have a d D. Yeah.
Speaker 1: What's your relationship like with your family? Now? It's good? Now? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean the last few years have been a bit trying, honestly,
Speaker 1: just with the lack of belief in science and not
Speaker 1: following a political partly blind lay off a cliff. So
Speaker 1: that's yeah. There's been some family members that I've just
Speaker 1: been like, you know what we're done. Yeah. Blood does
Speaker 1: not make all of this. Okay, you're out there voting
Speaker 1: for politicians who are very vocally trying to take away
Speaker 1: my rights. Yet when I have kids, you can't wait
Speaker 1: to be an aunt. Well, you can't have it both ways.
Speaker 1: You gotta either support me at the polls and at
Speaker 1: home or not at all. Yeah, I know, I I
Speaker 1: feel the same way. I don't have a lot of
Speaker 1: different political belief systems in our family were all pretty
Speaker 1: much on the same page. But I do have one
Speaker 1: one that I have a wife of someone in my
Speaker 1: family that I find it very difficult to deal with,
Speaker 1: especially yeah, especially right now. So I'm lucky in the
Speaker 1: sense that I haven't had to excommunicate most of my family,
Speaker 1: but I'm on my way to excommunicating one of them.
Speaker 1: I was going to ask you about drag because I
Speaker 1: had bobbed the drag queen on and he was telling
Speaker 1: me how badly he wanted to see me in drag.
Speaker 1: And I know that you used to do drag. How
Speaker 1: did that work out for you? Well? I only did
Speaker 1: it to make money, because I mean that was back
Speaker 1: in like my living in my car days and homeless days,
Speaker 1: so I was just like anything for a dollar, lot anything. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's be honest. So yeah, I Um, I had a
Speaker 1: lot of friends who were drag queens, so they started
Speaker 1: putting me in drag every weekend, and I started shake
Speaker 1: them my moneymaker and drag for some dollar bills. Oh,
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that. I thought drag you just do
Speaker 1: for fun. I didn't realize. I guess it's a yeah,
Speaker 1: obviously it's a paying gig too, But I didn't realize
Speaker 1: that you did it for money. Yeah, yeah, I did
Speaker 1: anything for money back then. Well again, not anything. But
Speaker 1: did you have a drag name? Um? It was so bored.
Speaker 1: I took my drag mother's last name and my first
Speaker 1: girlfriend's name, because that's what you do to get your drag,
Speaker 1: and I became Jessica Grant. Oh, very dramatic. It sounds
Speaker 1: like a character that belongs on not Slanding Yes, Yes, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: or Dynasty. Now though, if I were to do it,
Speaker 1: i'd named myself Sharon Bucks, Sharon Buss, Sharon Butts, Sharon
Speaker 1: but Sharon But I was like, Sharon but Sharon Day,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Basketball? Basket? Wait? That sparked
Speaker 1: something to me, and I already just forgot what it
Speaker 1: was about. Sure you didn't have COVID No I didn't,
Speaker 1: I could. Who knows. You have to get tested every
Speaker 1: single day. Now I'll find out what I try to
Speaker 1: get back to the States. I'll have to take a
Speaker 1: test tomorrow. I'm sure Okay, So you're coming up on
Speaker 1: your sixth season of your TV show. You said, coming
Speaker 1: up on your sixties. I was like, well, you are
Speaker 1: going to be coming up on your sixties two, so
Speaker 1: we should start getting prepared for that. That's just around
Speaker 1: the corner. We all need to get prepared. Peles like it.
Speaker 1: It really does feel like it. This morning, I woke
Speaker 1: up and I was like, oh God, I'm like late thirties,
Speaker 1: late thirties, and I'm like, bitch, you're fucking forty seven.
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? Late thirties. I was sitting
Speaker 1: there thinking about, God, thirty eight, it's no big deal.
Speaker 1: And then I'm like, I'm forty seven. I'm not even
Speaker 1: in the right number. Last year, Yeah, I turned forty
Speaker 1: one this year, Oh you did? Forty is a great birthday?
Speaker 1: Well not during COVID, I guess it wasn't you know.
Speaker 1: I got rented at this island off the coast of Tanzania.
Speaker 1: It was so funny story the Elton John Aids Foundation
Speaker 1: Oscar viewing party. I was the host because Alton was nominated,
Speaker 1: so he asked me and my cast mates to host
Speaker 1: it for him. So during the event, they have an
Speaker 1: auction to raise money, and this wealthy Dutch family always
Speaker 1: donates this island off the coast of Tanzania that they
Speaker 1: own that normally rents for forty seven thousand dollars a day.
Speaker 1: It's ridiculous, that's reason. And so the auctioneers like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know every year this goes for two dollars in action.
Speaker 1: So at seventy I was like, oh, i'll bet, I'll participate,
Speaker 1: but it's gonna go for way there more than that,
Speaker 1: and I'll I'll stop bidding at like a hundred. I
Speaker 1: guess everyone was like, oh, we can't bid against the
Speaker 1: host and just stopped a bidding and I was like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no bid. Oh my god. I was like yeah. But
Speaker 1: the end of the day, it was the best vacation
Speaker 1: I've ever had, and I'm so glad I did it.
Speaker 1: That sounds like fun. How many people did you bring
Speaker 1: with you? Fun? Nothing like renting an island right right,
Speaker 1: see your own little nineteen acre island and the Indian Ocean.
Speaker 1: It was crazy. How long did you go for? One week?
Speaker 1: We're there for a week. That's so nice. It's hard
Speaker 1: to vacation after things like that, don't you think, yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: when you've got a whole island of staff and once
Speaker 1: you set that precedent and you're like, I can't really
Speaker 1: go for a weekend to Paul Mia this holiday and
Speaker 1: is not heading like it used to holiday you know what?
Speaker 1: Speaking of holiday, holiday, and I really wish that, now
Speaker 1: that COVID is on the decline, that these hotels and
Speaker 1: motels need to reinstall the goodies into the mini fringe.
Speaker 1: I am so sick and tired of walking into a
Speaker 1: hotel room in the middle of the night after I
Speaker 1: perform in some city and having absolute nothing in the
Speaker 1: mini fridge. I need some options, even if I'm not
Speaker 1: going to eat anything. I like to see an array yea,
Speaker 1: or there are bringing room service back or opening up
Speaker 1: all the restaurants when they're supposed to be Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: traveling now, I mean it's obviously first world problem at
Speaker 1: the moment, but yeah, I get it. When you're traveling
Speaker 1: away from home, you at least want some food in
Speaker 1: your room. Yeah, exactly, Absolutely. I don't want to have
Speaker 1: to carry my snack pack like I'm walking around like
Speaker 1: a third grader. Although my snack packs have graduated from
Speaker 1: the days and when my parents used to I use
Speaker 1: quotes packed me lunch. Now my housekeeper packs me little
Speaker 1: snack packs, and they are much better and much more organized.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm living out my childhood life that was
Speaker 1: so like I hated growing up because my parents were
Speaker 1: so messy and they like, you know, the house was
Speaker 1: always gross, Like we had a cleaning lady once a
Speaker 1: week and it was clean for like six hours after
Speaker 1: she left, and we had so many kids and animals,
Speaker 1: and it was just always gross. Like my friends would
Speaker 1: come over and I would always like be cleaning, you know.
Speaker 1: And now it's like I have what I wanted as
Speaker 1: a childhood with labels and organization, and my housekeeper packs
Speaker 1: me and it's so organized, and you know, I have
Speaker 1: the right amount of underwear. I mean, it's just like
Speaker 1: I'm basically like in adult sleepaway camp, is how I feel. Now,
Speaker 1: don't forget your snacks. I know. She's like, here's your
Speaker 1: protein bar and your little antioxid pack. Okay, so we're
Speaker 1: gonna take some calls and letters from callers who need advice.
Speaker 1: All right, are you ready for that? Let's do it. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: before we do that, and before we actually even take
Speaker 1: a break, I do have a little bit of a
Speaker 1: follow up from a previous caller. Okay, this is also
Speaker 1: just to sort of prepare you for the kind of
Speaker 1: drama that we hear here under Chelsea. This is a
Speaker 1: follow up from our episode with Tinks and Nicole had
Speaker 1: written in because oh Vandessic Fanganessic. Nicole had written in
Speaker 1: because her fiance had a very close work friend and
Speaker 1: they would go see a tracks together and have like
Speaker 1: day dates, and this woman was like, what's going on?
Speaker 1: So she she wrote in. She says, Hi, Katherine and Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I have an update. After being on the show, I
Speaker 1: decided to call off my engagement and break up with
Speaker 1: my fiance. Now that I'm out, I see how much
Speaker 1: he was disempowering me in the relationship. His quote close
Speaker 1: friend slash coworker also kicked him to the curb. He's
Speaker 1: been trying to win me back and being super manipulative
Speaker 1: about it, but I told him, to quote Taylor Swift,
Speaker 1: we are never ever getting back together. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for the great advice. I'm so grateful, Nicole. On
Speaker 1: I just said fuck on. I guess that's my new expression.
Speaker 1: But when I that is awesome. I love strength, you know,
Speaker 1: because sometimes you give someone advice. I've done this so
Speaker 1: many times in my life and they don't take it
Speaker 1: it and you know you're being strong for them because
Speaker 1: they're not being strong or they're not in their strong moment.
Speaker 1: Because you know, all of our moments of strength, they
Speaker 1: don't always necessarily they're not in order. Sometimes we're strong
Speaker 1: and then we get weak or and you know, it's
Speaker 1: not always consistent. So when somebody can is strong enough
Speaker 1: to take action when obvious, it's so obvious, Bobby. This
Speaker 1: relationship was like this guy was going out with his
Speaker 1: coworker like a couple of times a week and wouldn't
Speaker 1: invite his girlfriend and wouldn't stop seeing her when his
Speaker 1: girlfriend was like, hey, this relationship is making me uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: and they were engaged. Yeah yeah, And it's just like,
Speaker 1: why would you ever want to disrespect someone's feelings like that?
Speaker 1: In I never do anything without doing like except Hollywood
Speaker 1: stuff because he refuses to go to any of that.
Speaker 1: But yeah, like I would never just be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm going out with my friends. I mean every once
Speaker 1: in a while maybe, but not like every week or
Speaker 1: a couple of times a week. Be like all right, babe,
Speaker 1: stay home. I'm going out. That's not the way to
Speaker 1: make a healthy relationship with this one person, with the
Speaker 1: same person, you know, someone who was like heterosexual with
Speaker 1: a woman, and and then refusing not to when he
Speaker 1: knows that his fiancee was objecting to it. So for
Speaker 1: her to break that up, Nicole, way to go. Way
Speaker 1: to inspiring for all women everywhere and men, you know,
Speaker 1: whomever needs to leave a bad situation. Okay, great update, Catherine.
Speaker 1: I love these updates and I love her podcast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're really changing people's lives. Yeah, breaking up, breaking up,
Speaker 1: future marriages and everything. Yeah, so don't call in unless
Speaker 1: you're ready to leave your spouse. Exactly, exactly. Well, we'll
Speaker 1: take a quick ad break and we'll be back with
Speaker 1: more questions. And when we say ad break, that means
Speaker 1: myself and today's guest, which is Bobby, are taking a
Speaker 1: quick shower and then we come back. Okay, ready, and
Speaker 1: we're back. We're back. Oh my god, I knew you
Speaker 1: were going to say that. I knew you're gonna say
Speaker 1: squeaky clean. So see, we could be friends, you know ESPN. Well,
Speaker 1: our first question comes from Greg. Dear Chelsea, I've been
Speaker 1: dating my boyfriend for two years now, and he has
Speaker 1: just recently moved into our one bedroom apartment. My parents
Speaker 1: and siblings have no idea that we were dating, since
Speaker 1: I'm not currently out to them. All my friends know,
Speaker 1: as well as my one cousin, who I trust with
Speaker 1: my life. I've met my boyfriend's family and have been
Speaker 1: to their home a few times already. He's been very
Speaker 1: supportive with my coming out process and has not pushed
Speaker 1: me to come up to my parents, although with us
Speaker 1: now being moved in together and having dated for two years,
Speaker 1: the clock is ticking. My family is extremely conservative, and
Speaker 1: being gay is not something my family exactly agrees with,
Speaker 1: as they've made comments in the past about gay people.
Speaker 1: I was thinking of maybe writing a letter to them
Speaker 1: so I can get all my thoughts out without being interrupted,
Speaker 1: as not only would I be coming out, I would
Speaker 1: also be revealing a two year relationship that has been
Speaker 1: hidden from them all this time. I'd appreciate any advice
Speaker 1: you may have and thank you so much in advance.
Speaker 1: Best Greg, Okay, Bobby, I'll let you help this since
Speaker 1: so I can definitely relate to all of that. When
Speaker 1: my husband and I moved in with each other, It
Speaker 1: was funny because, you know, one better apartment in New York,
Speaker 1: and his mom was coming to visit and he had
Speaker 1: not come out to her yet. I had met her
Speaker 1: because he had brought me home to his house in
Speaker 1: l A. But I was just a friend from medical
Speaker 1: school that was going to a medical convention with him
Speaker 1: that wanted to try Vietnamese food, which is why he
Speaker 1: brought me home. I think she was more in the
Speaker 1: end disappointed that I wasn't a doctor than I was
Speaker 1: with her son. But so before she came to visit
Speaker 1: and she was bringing her best friend and her daughter,
Speaker 1: he wrote her a letter so he could get his
Speaker 1: feelings out and get everything out without interruptions, and that
Speaker 1: actually worked up really well for them. What did work out, though,
Speaker 1: was that his mom didn't tell her best friend who
Speaker 1: was bringing her daughter to try to set her up
Speaker 1: with Dewey. And the daughter, Oh yeah, the daughter just
Speaker 1: didn't get it. I'm like, how, you're sitting in a
Speaker 1: very tastefully decorated apartment in New York that's one bedroom
Speaker 1: with two guys living in it. What don't you get
Speaker 1: about this situation? Girl? He's not into you, so I
Speaker 1: think the letter idea is a really great idea. I
Speaker 1: don't know your family dynamic, but I know that my
Speaker 1: coming out situation wasn't great. And a lot of times
Speaker 1: parents will react very negatively in the moment because they
Speaker 1: don't have time to process it, and they react emotionally,
Speaker 1: and they say things that you'd never get over, and
Speaker 1: I know that they wish they would never have said.
Speaker 1: So I think a letter is a good idea. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's really poignant. I watched a movie yesterday, the plane
Speaker 1: called Joe Bell. I had never heard of it, but
Speaker 1: one of my really good friends, Connie Britten, was in it. Surprisingly,
Speaker 1: it's Mark Wahlberg and Connie Britten, and it's the story
Speaker 1: of a young boy in Oregon who comes out to
Speaker 1: his father, and his father's kind of a redneck. And
Speaker 1: it's beautiful and it is a beautiful kind of depiction
Speaker 1: of why it's so important to embrace your children when
Speaker 1: they give you news that you don't want to hear,
Speaker 1: you know, and to have some sort of understanding of
Speaker 1: how difficult it even is to come out, you know,
Speaker 1: for straight people, because they don't understand, they can't empathize
Speaker 1: because it's not their their situation, and that's not their experience,
Speaker 1: and they want to resist it and figure out a
Speaker 1: way to fix it so that it's not true. And
Speaker 1: you can't change somebody's truth. So I think a letter
Speaker 1: what you said is absolutely right, you know, because that
Speaker 1: gives people time to digest before they can react in
Speaker 1: real time, and it's not a pussy move like not
Speaker 1: confronting the situation. I think it's actually the most effective
Speaker 1: way to get your message across because it allows people
Speaker 1: to read and reread, you know, and go ahead. And
Speaker 1: it also allows you to really think about what you're
Speaker 1: saying and instead of you reacting emotionally as well. And
Speaker 1: you know, one of the things that the LGBTQ community
Speaker 1: needs to realize about their family and when you're coming
Speaker 1: out is we've had our whole lives to figure it
Speaker 1: out and to come to terms with it and and
Speaker 1: to accept it. And often we expect our family two
Speaker 1: instantly accept it and feel the exact same way when
Speaker 1: their their mourning the person they thought we were there
Speaker 1: at the time. A lot of process thoughts are going
Speaker 1: to their morning. Though they're never gonna get married, they're
Speaker 1: never gonna have kids, I've never got to grandchildren, obviously
Speaker 1: they're going to realize that that's bullshit, and you are
Speaker 1: going to get married and you possibly are going to
Speaker 1: have kids. But you know, we again, we've had our
Speaker 1: whole lives to figure this out. So we need to
Speaker 1: who to give our family a beat sometimes to come
Speaker 1: around and if they don't come around instantly minded, not
Speaker 1: at all. You know, I left home at fifteen. I
Speaker 1: didn't speak to my family for years. And now my
Speaker 1: dad will face time my husband and not even ask
Speaker 1: where I'm You know, my dad's is eighty one year
Speaker 1: old cowboy. You know, he calls him do do he lowers? Do?
Speaker 1: Do he loves? Do? Do? You know? And my and
Speaker 1: one of the things that I think will will help
Speaker 1: in this letter is talk about your relationship. You know,
Speaker 1: I think my family back in the day, you know,
Speaker 1: they didn't think of gays as being able to be
Speaker 1: in loving, healthy, normal relationships. And so one of the
Speaker 1: things that really helped my parents come to turn with
Speaker 1: it most my relationship with my ex that was about
Speaker 1: three years and they saw me in this like a normal,
Speaker 1: loving relationship that was way healthier than any relationship my
Speaker 1: sister had ever been in. And this are to going, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: and they really liked him, and they I noticed the
Speaker 1: walls started coming down and they're like, oh yeah, this
Speaker 1: is fine. You know. So in the bottom and the
Speaker 1: way in the back of the mind, I'm sure they
Speaker 1: still because of their religion that's ingrained in them. They
Speaker 1: still wish that I was straight, but they do now
Speaker 1: love and accept me for who I am, and they
Speaker 1: love my partner. Well, you said something interesting, you said
Speaker 1: like that they they're mourning the loss of who they
Speaker 1: thought you were. It's like they're actually just mourning your sexuality.
Speaker 1: Their mourning who they wanted you to have sex with.
Speaker 1: Like they think about it in such fundamental terms, because
Speaker 1: that's basically what it is. Your sexual predilections is what
Speaker 1: they're mourning, not the person you are, because you are
Speaker 1: who you are, You've always been that person. You know
Speaker 1: they love you and they will continue to love you,
Speaker 1: whether they are able to express that. You can't stop
Speaker 1: loving somebody. Sad at least, so much of our identity
Speaker 1: and society is tied to who we have sex. Like,
Speaker 1: so much of our our identity isn't twine that, Like
Speaker 1: that really should be the least of our identity, you know,
Speaker 1: I long for the day when no one has to
Speaker 1: come out anymore. You're just right you or who you are.
Speaker 1: And also I would like to say to you that
Speaker 1: the longer you put it off, the longer that you
Speaker 1: are postponing the situation that Bobby's now in with his father,
Speaker 1: where his father has come around. So like, don't postpone
Speaker 1: your future anymore. Your parents, Yes, they're conservative, they may
Speaker 1: have a hard time with it. They may also surprise you.
Speaker 1: You know, they may also be like, Okay, we're going
Speaker 1: to deal with this, or you know, they may say
Speaker 1: I'd love you no matter what, and hopefully that will
Speaker 1: be the situation. But even if it's not. By putting
Speaker 1: it out there sooner than later, then you're going to
Speaker 1: get to the result you want sooner than later too,
Speaker 1: because it is most likely that they will come around
Speaker 1: and they might also say, yeah, uh, and you know,
Speaker 1: we knew, and you've been allowing not sharing this with them,
Speaker 1: to be a wedge in your relationship that to you
Speaker 1: from getting closer and keeps you from enjoying the love
Speaker 1: and acceptance that you will feel even more when they
Speaker 1: love and accept your relationship. And one other thing, by
Speaker 1: keeping this and kind of I know you're not living alive,
Speaker 1: but they will consider it to be living a lie
Speaker 1: because they didn't know the truth. You've been in this
Speaker 1: relationship for two years, You've been living with this person.
Speaker 1: That's just giving them AMMO, like against when you do
Speaker 1: tell them you lie to us for so long, Like
Speaker 1: all of that, you just want to diffuse, just like
Speaker 1: get it out. So it's out and be open. And
Speaker 1: I promise you you're going to feel better about it.
Speaker 1: You're gonna feel better about yourself, whether or not your
Speaker 1: family is on board right away or not. You're gonna
Speaker 1: feel clear, and you're gonna feel like something has been lifted.
Speaker 1: And this is coming straight from a gay man's mouth.
Speaker 1: The emotional turmoil and the toll that it has on
Speaker 1: you hiding that like thinking about having to watching what
Speaker 1: you say and watching what you do. It is it
Speaker 1: is a lot. And so even if they don't react
Speaker 1: great in beginning, just the weight off your shoulders that
Speaker 1: that will take, the emotional bandwidth that that will free
Speaker 1: up for you to make your relationship even better than
Speaker 1: it already is, is worth the little bit of turmoil
Speaker 1: it might cause. Yeah, okay, So so I hope you
Speaker 1: take our advice and let let us know what happens. Please,
Speaker 1: this is a this is a necessary follow up. Yes,
Speaker 1: keep us posted. Greg good advice, Bobby great advice. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: our first color today is Alex. Alex is from Michigan,
Speaker 1: he says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Alex. I'm a
Speaker 1: female to male transgender man. I've been on my journey
Speaker 1: of transitioning since during late I met my now wife
Speaker 1: and we had our beautiful, smart, loving daughter, Sutton. Sutton
Speaker 1: is three on November sixteenth, and I recognize the topic
Speaker 1: of gender is coming up more and more as the
Speaker 1: days go on. We live in a small town in
Speaker 1: West Michigan, and she comes home from daycare with very
Speaker 1: binary concepts of girls like these movies, etcetera. It's terrifying
Speaker 1: to me what she's learning at such a young age.
Speaker 1: We obviously combat at all as we're very open about
Speaker 1: our support and love for all things and people identifying
Speaker 1: out of the binary. Our best friends are nearly all gay, lesbian,
Speaker 1: or trans, and all have their own families, including kids.
Speaker 1: I'm struggling with the conversations around how to be a
Speaker 1: dad and stay validated as that to my daughter while
Speaker 1: also being open about who I was quote born as
Speaker 1: I'm in therapy as well as working on me and
Speaker 1: how I present and fit into the world. But adding
Speaker 1: the layer of Sutton growing up and becoming more intuitive
Speaker 1: is a lot of pressure. I have a big surgery
Speaker 1: bottom surgery coming up within the next year and a half,
Speaker 1: so she'll be very impressionable during that process. How should
Speaker 1: I prepare her? Also, if you have any ideas on
Speaker 1: how to meet since gender guys to make friends with,
Speaker 1: please tell me. Thanks. Alex, Hi, Hello, meet you, Hi.
Speaker 1: Alex Hi. Realized you were going to pop. I was like, oh, yeah, Hi,
Speaker 1: here you're here. Yeah, how are you doing? I'm doing well, awesome.
Speaker 1: How are you doing? I'm great. It's much sunny where
Speaker 1: you are in West Michigan and snowing stills so not
Speaker 1: white spray. I'm actually in Canada looking for some snow,
Speaker 1: So if you could pass it over here, I would
Speaker 1: appreciate it. Yeah, I'll send it that way. Bobby Burke
Speaker 1: is our guest today, so he's here with you. Great
Speaker 1: to meet you, Alex, you too, Bowie, and my co
Speaker 1: host Catherine is here as well, so yeah, you're in
Speaker 1: good company. Okay, Well let's start, So You're gonna be
Speaker 1: honest with your daughter about everything, right, Absolutely, Yes, Honesty
Speaker 1: is the best policy for sure. I think it's where
Speaker 1: I'm at and with my wife is kind of having
Speaker 1: a hard time figuring out. Don't want to make it
Speaker 1: a detriment to her growth and have my story or
Speaker 1: my p stional journey be too impactful to the relationships
Speaker 1: that she's trying to build with folks in her life.
Speaker 1: And I know that she's a toddler, right, She's got
Speaker 1: a lot of life to live. But I think that
Speaker 1: at this point it's just a little bit difficult to
Speaker 1: see how much of myself I should tell her so
Speaker 1: that when she gets into those conversations she may feel
Speaker 1: like she needs to be the hero for me. I
Speaker 1: maybe that's not something she's wants to take on. M m, well,
Speaker 1: that's very sensitive. But yeah, I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 1: And I don't know what the right agees. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know what the right ages to tell a child,
Speaker 1: whether they were adopted or that daddy used to be
Speaker 1: a woman who has transitioned three sounds young. I don't
Speaker 1: think that that's necessary in this moment, But you obviously
Speaker 1: don't want to be lying about anything, right, because that's
Speaker 1: what children hold onto is the lies that they're told.
Speaker 1: That's what hurts them the most. I was adopted and
Speaker 1: I was told at eight, which I think might have
Speaker 1: been slightly too young. Oh slightly too young, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think especially. I mean when we were little, things were
Speaker 1: very different. I think younger kids have their brains, have
Speaker 1: way more information in them now. They know about way
Speaker 1: more things than they used to. So I think for
Speaker 1: me at the time it was a little young. I
Speaker 1: think ten might have been a little bit better. But
Speaker 1: I definitely think three might be too young. Yeah, three
Speaker 1: is too early. But you do want them to not
Speaker 1: have it be such a reaction, right. It wants you
Speaker 1: wanted to be part of who they are, like part
Speaker 1: of their understanding, so that you're never sitting down and
Speaker 1: being like, oh my dropping some sort of bombshell. Right.
Speaker 1: You want them to be comfortable with the notion of
Speaker 1: what your reality is, because there's no reason for her
Speaker 1: not to be. I'm assuming Sutton is a girl. Is
Speaker 1: that a current? Okay, so I think you should really
Speaker 1: talk to actually a real professional. I'm sorry we don't
Speaker 1: have one on today. I'm doing another episode I'm going
Speaker 1: to ask my psychiatrist, Dan because he specializes in adult
Speaker 1: and childhood psychology, and I'll ask him for sure, and
Speaker 1: we'll get Katherine to send you what he thinks about that.
Speaker 1: But I definitely think, yes, you want to be as
Speaker 1: honest as possible. Children are smarter than we were when
Speaker 1: we were younger. They understand things much sooner than we did.
Speaker 1: They have access to all sorts of information by the
Speaker 1: time they're eight, So I actually think eight is probably
Speaker 1: a little too late, but maybe it's the right age,
Speaker 1: or maybe it is too early. But I think that
Speaker 1: you know when you're telling your story. I've noticed when
Speaker 1: you have a positive outlook about what you did and
Speaker 1: what the choices that you've made, and then the way
Speaker 1: that you were born, right, because a lot of them
Speaker 1: are in choices. A lot of it's not a choice
Speaker 1: to be transgender. It's the way you were born. And
Speaker 1: if you have a positive outlook and you have a
Speaker 1: positive outtake about it and you're not traumatized by it,
Speaker 1: and you don't pass on that trauma to her, then
Speaker 1: there's only good stuff to take away from that. Then
Speaker 1: there's only good ways to instill that idea in her.
Speaker 1: And the younger all of us learn tolerance and acceptance
Speaker 1: and that everybody's path is different. The better human beings
Speaker 1: we turn out to be, so you will only have
Speaker 1: good stuff to spread to her. It's just a matter
Speaker 1: of when and how much. You know, you don't want
Speaker 1: to put a burden on a three year old obviously,
Speaker 1: because she doesn't understand that yet. She doesn't even understand
Speaker 1: what private parts are really yet, So not that that's
Speaker 1: the only thing we're talking about, but you know, like
Speaker 1: it starts there. I think for a lot of kids, Katherine,
Speaker 1: what do you think? I mean? I think that there
Speaker 1: are different ways to explain things to kids as they age,
Speaker 1: and the language that you would use with her when
Speaker 1: she's eight or ten is gonna be different than if
Speaker 1: you do start talking about it now. As far as
Speaker 1: like you said, daddy was born a woman and now
Speaker 1: as a man, and we love everyone, and you know,
Speaker 1: it's the same thing as like some people have two
Speaker 1: mummies and some people have two daddy's and that's a
Speaker 1: very different conversation if someone is, you know, fourteen or
Speaker 1: fifteen and you're having those conversations for the first time.
Speaker 1: But to me, it feels like if it's just a
Speaker 1: natural part of the conversation, like it already seems like
Speaker 1: it is in your in your immediate community. You don't
Speaker 1: have to get too granular with it, but just having
Speaker 1: that be part of the versation, I think is great.
Speaker 1: The other thing is we may want to get some
Speaker 1: advice from Dan about how to address the surgery portion
Speaker 1: of it, because you know you will have some healing
Speaker 1: time and some recovery time, and you want to frame
Speaker 1: it in a way that you know, Daddy's not sick,
Speaker 1: but you know having this recovery. So we might want
Speaker 1: to talk to Dan about how to address that and
Speaker 1: what language to use their. Yeah, that's a good idea.
Speaker 1: Let's definitely do that, and we will circle back with
Speaker 1: you if he has resources about like certain therapists who
Speaker 1: specialize in this, which I'm sure there are plenty and
Speaker 1: specialize in these kinds of conversations, and we'll give you
Speaker 1: those resources as well. That would be fantastic. Bobby. My
Speaker 1: personal advice, and I'm sure you're already doing this, but
Speaker 1: this is kind of for advice for cis gender parents
Speaker 1: out there who want to be better advocates and allies
Speaker 1: for the trans community is stop letting your kids think
Speaker 1: of things in such a binary way, like these are
Speaker 1: boys toys, and these are girls toys, and like you mentioned,
Speaker 1: these are movies. Girls like movies. Boys want all that
Speaker 1: was created by corporate America wanting to sell more toys
Speaker 1: and wanting to sell more movies. Oh well, let's make
Speaker 1: the girls toys pink and the blue toys blue, so
Speaker 1: that way they have to buy separate toys. You know,
Speaker 1: So get away from teaching your kids that, oh, no, no no, no,
Speaker 1: girls don't like baseball, girls can fucking like baseball, or
Speaker 1: girls all my cars, or boys shoot't like barbies? Sure
Speaker 1: they can. And if sis gentered, people would start getting
Speaker 1: their kids away from these this binary way of thinking,
Speaker 1: you know, the rest of us wouldn't have to be
Speaker 1: so concerned about how are we going to tell our children,
Speaker 1: and our children gonna have to be taking up for
Speaker 1: us in school and defending us, Like I know, that's
Speaker 1: what you're probably most worried about, is sudden having to
Speaker 1: be defending you, when if it wasn't for the other
Speaker 1: parents teaching the kids, she would never have to, you know.
Speaker 1: So my advice is, I know I personally don't have
Speaker 1: a ton of advice for you. I think Chelsea's idea
Speaker 1: of bringing in a professional that deals with this is
Speaker 1: a great idea. But my advice for the world to
Speaker 1: help one like you is stop teaching your children that
Speaker 1: certain things are for boys or certain things are for girls,
Speaker 1: and it's just things for everyone. Yeah, it sounds like
Speaker 1: your whole lifestyle anyway involves men with men, women with women,
Speaker 1: and men and women, So your child is already exposed
Speaker 1: to the idea, So you just have to keep implementing that,
Speaker 1: you know, and keep inculcating it into her brain. Like
Speaker 1: some little girls like to play with dolls, and some
Speaker 1: little girls like to play with trucks, and some little
Speaker 1: girls feel like little boys, and some little boys feel
Speaker 1: like little girls, and some people want, you know, like
Speaker 1: it's it's just a constant conversation. And as long as
Speaker 1: the conversation is constant and there are no surprises, Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: that's that's what we definitely try to do when we
Speaker 1: buy all the books jack Wants to be Jackie and
Speaker 1: those type of things, and and my daughter gets a
Speaker 1: Show and Tell day every Friday, and she always happens
Speaker 1: to pick those books to bring to daycare. So we're
Speaker 1: kind of, you know, infiltrating in our own little way,
Speaker 1: but she really is choosing them. It's just we're not
Speaker 1: we're not taking it away and saying, hey, you're three, me,
Speaker 1: that's not a conversation that you should facilitate in the
Speaker 1: classroom with a bunch of three year olds. But anyway, yeah,
Speaker 1: we let her be her, and we we talk about
Speaker 1: what family structure looks like. It's kind of just, Bobby,
Speaker 1: what you're kind of referring to. It's the adults that
Speaker 1: you worry about as far as how comfortable your kid
Speaker 1: is and being in that space and sharing their truth
Speaker 1: and their parents truth and their family's truth and whatever
Speaker 1: that is. Yeah, kids aren't born homophobic and transphobic or
Speaker 1: or racists. They're taught that by their parents. So it's
Speaker 1: the parents that need to step up and start, you know.
Speaker 1: And a lot of times it's no, I'm not saying
Speaker 1: most parents aren't bad. It's America, I questioned that these days.
Speaker 1: But a lot of parents aren't bad. They just have
Speaker 1: this binary system ingrained in their mind and that's just
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, we're gonna buy our little girl this,
Speaker 1: We're gonna buy a little boy that. But for all
Speaker 1: your parents out there that do want to make the
Speaker 1: world a better place, start consciously thinking about the terminology
Speaker 1: that you're using with your kids and stop, you know,
Speaker 1: labeling everything in such a binary way, and your kids
Speaker 1: will stop thinking about it so much, and Sutton won't,
Speaker 1: you know, Suttons and all the little Suttons in the
Speaker 1: future won't have to deal with things in a negative way.
Speaker 1: So it was nice to talk to you, Alex. Yes,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you so much, Thank you for calling in.
Speaker 1: You're so cute. Thank you talk. He was cute. He's
Speaker 1: like a bundle of love energy. Yeah, I said to
Speaker 1: him in our pre interview. I was like, you do
Speaker 1: a lot of presentations on zoom, right, and he was like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I do so zoom faces. Now we do faces. I
Speaker 1: have to exit my own screen, like I have to
Speaker 1: take the photos down because I end up just staring
Speaker 1: at myself. That's how lame I am. I just I'm
Speaker 1: like talking to people looking straight at myself. So I
Speaker 1: have to take it all down and just to focus
Speaker 1: on the camera. I definitely used I've gotten a little
Speaker 1: bit better, and now I put mine at the very
Speaker 1: bottom and I put everyone else's Where's a top towards
Speaker 1: the camera, so I've been looking more directly at it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right. There we go exactly. Well, our next color
Speaker 1: is a little bit of a left hand turn. So
Speaker 1: our next color is Danny, she says. Dear Chelsea. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty six years old, and for the first time in
Speaker 1: my life, I feel as though I've finally found my place.
Speaker 1: I recently accepted a position as a service and support
Speaker 1: specialist for a private family in my area. This role
Speaker 1: involves a lot of travel internationally and domestically. What could
Speaker 1: be better. There's one hitch. I struggle with debilitating motion sickness.
Speaker 1: I've only been on a plane a handful of times,
Speaker 1: and the most recent time I was violently ill. I've
Speaker 1: had this affliction my entire life, and it's only gotten
Speaker 1: worth the older I get. When this opportunity arose, however,
Speaker 1: there was no way I could say no to it.
Speaker 1: My entire life, I've said no to the things that
Speaker 1: I truly wanted to do but was too afraid to.
Speaker 1: So is time I figured I just manifest my way
Speaker 1: to Sunday skies on a calm stomach. Lately, though, all
Speaker 1: I can think about is how awful it would be
Speaker 1: to be incapacitated with nausea on my first trip with
Speaker 1: this family. Any suggestions, Danny, Hi, Danny, Hi, Hi, Hi.
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm great? How are you? I'm good?
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in. This is Bobby Burke. He's my
Speaker 1: special guest. H I hate to hear that. My sister
Speaker 1: is the same way. Yeah, and she just I feel
Speaker 1: so bad. It's awful. I don't live with it, but
Speaker 1: obviously grew up with somebody that did, and hers has
Speaker 1: gotten worse as she's gotten older as well, Like she's
Speaker 1: gotten to her now it's unless she's behind the wheel
Speaker 1: of the car, we just don't go. She just doesn't
Speaker 1: go anywhere. I know, I'm getting to that point. It's horrible.
Speaker 1: And and Danny, I think you should tell them also
Speaker 1: what you told me about when you were on what
Speaker 1: happened last week when you were on the boat and
Speaker 1: it wasn't moving. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like
Speaker 1: it's a big mental thing as well, because I was
Speaker 1: cleaning one of the boats and we were in a
Speaker 1: boat barn, so like it's on stilts and I was
Speaker 1: cleaning and it wasn't horrible, but like I definitely felt
Speaker 1: different and it was there's like a pressure change or
Speaker 1: something weird was happening, and I just felt like I
Speaker 1: could get sick. It was so weird. So it wasn't
Speaker 1: in water, but you still felt like, ye see, I
Speaker 1: always I'm not a doctor, you know, but I am.
Speaker 1: I have always felt like it's more of a mental
Speaker 1: thing because here's the thing. When you're driving a car,
Speaker 1: you're still in the same car, it's still moving, it's
Speaker 1: but you're you're focused on something. And you know, I've
Speaker 1: always said to my sister, I'm like, this can't be
Speaker 1: a physical thing because when you're driving it doesn't happen.
Speaker 1: And she's like, well, I focused on something. I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: there you go. Have you tried hypnosis? No, but I
Speaker 1: looked it up. I looked into it. I'm just in
Speaker 1: an area where it's not readily accessible to me. I
Speaker 1: don't know if they can properly do hypnosis over zoom
Speaker 1: or something like that. I think you need to try.
Speaker 1: You have to try, because I was going to say
Speaker 1: the exact same thing, and you need to get hypnotized.
Speaker 1: This is a very common problem that people get hypnotized
Speaker 1: for all the time. And I would offer you where
Speaker 1: do you live Michigan Okay, okay, Michigan today, But it
Speaker 1: sounds like it seems like it sounds like that you
Speaker 1: work for family that takes you to bigger places. Maybe
Speaker 1: the next trip you go on free kind of look
Speaker 1: for a hypnotist in that area and go there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's definitely a possibility. I have a person in l A.
Speaker 1: If you're ever in Los Angeles, his name is Carrie Gan.
Speaker 1: Or you do have to go three times. It's once
Speaker 1: a week for three weeks. You need to find someone
Speaker 1: on zoom or in your area and try just because
Speaker 1: it is a mental thing, it's completely mental. You just
Speaker 1: have to try to. Even pursuing it and following through
Speaker 1: with hypnosis over zoom is going to change your mental
Speaker 1: state about the motion sickness and whether it's also control
Speaker 1: or whatever it may be, whatever it comes down to,
Speaker 1: because if you take some action that is going to
Speaker 1: help you mentally be in a different place than you've been.
Speaker 1: You definitely I understand you do not want to go
Speaker 1: on a trip with his family and be the burden
Speaker 1: to them. You know, my husband puked over the side
Speaker 1: of the boat as he was proposing to me, So
Speaker 1: you don't that's a whole another story, and that's why
Speaker 1: they've been together for eighteen years. I believe it was
Speaker 1: eighteen years. So you've tried drugs, right, dramamine or whatever
Speaker 1: over the counter anti nausea stuff. Yeah, dramamine works because
Speaker 1: it knocks me out. And right, have you tried go palamine? Patches?
Speaker 1: I ordered a bunch recent. Okay, have you tried have
Speaker 1: you tried weed? Oh? No, normally it makes me nauseous,
Speaker 1: So unfortunately, I'm not sure they would have the right
Speaker 1: of that, but it's possible. Yeah, you should try maybe
Speaker 1: cb D only because that will calm your body down
Speaker 1: without going into your head. You know, it's not psychoactive.
Speaker 1: Cb D isn't going to make you nauseous. It's gonna
Speaker 1: be you know. That's what they give to people who
Speaker 1: are going through chemo who can't stop being nauseous. So
Speaker 1: you need to be alert and with them on the
Speaker 1: plane ride, right, you need to be helpful and awake. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not necessarily, they're not gonna be on the plane, but
Speaker 1: the boats. For sure, planes make me sick too, but
Speaker 1: the boat is really what I'm most concerned about. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: I would try some CBD and hypnosis. Okay, yeah, and
Speaker 1: I just got off being on a boat for a week.
Speaker 1: I was okay, But my one sister in law was
Speaker 1: six a dog the first day, and the one thing
Speaker 1: that helped her a lot was the scopolamine patches. Now,
Speaker 1: if you have a full patches, like a little teeny
Speaker 1: patch that goes behind your ear, and if it gives
Speaker 1: you any sort of like blurred vision, like she and
Speaker 1: my other sister in law who tried it, both were like,
Speaker 1: I can't read it in my cell phone. Am I going? Mind?
Speaker 1: Like kind of had a panicky moment. But cut it
Speaker 1: in half and you can use just half of it,
Speaker 1: So try that. You can even apply it before you
Speaker 1: actually get on the boat. And the crew there said
Speaker 1: they've never had anyone stay sick after like about two
Speaker 1: days on the water, So your body should naturally adjust
Speaker 1: to the waves and adjust to the motion. I would
Speaker 1: also try there are some supplements you can try, like
Speaker 1: peppermint or ginger. You can get like things to suck
Speaker 1: on that will help as well, or potentially even like
Speaker 1: some essential oils can sometimes help with the nausea. So
Speaker 1: but I like, I really like the idea of hypnosis.
Speaker 1: And then I've also heard of cognitive behavioral therapy being
Speaker 1: good for that as well, but that's a little bit
Speaker 1: more of a longer fix. Hypnosis maybe could help quickly.
Speaker 1: And if you also google, I mean, these are a
Speaker 1: lot of things to do, but you need to do them.
Speaker 1: So you also look up meditation apps that are specific
Speaker 1: to this, or affirmations that are specific to this. Just
Speaker 1: kind of google that and see what you come up with,
Speaker 1: because there's going to be something that's going to be
Speaker 1: like something that you can say on mantra each day
Speaker 1: leading up even starting today until you're on your trip,
Speaker 1: so you're just resetting your kind of neural pathways that
Speaker 1: you can reset your neural pathways, so there is a
Speaker 1: way out of this for you. So you just have
Speaker 1: to keep trying everything you can until you figure it out.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I've also been on several boat trips and
Speaker 1: people who are sick and they're not sick the whole time,
Speaker 1: so it does kind of work itself out of your system.
Speaker 1: Although you know that's not ideal either, it's better than
Speaker 1: being sick the entire time. Definitely, I've tried a little
Speaker 1: bit of t M in the morning, and you know,
Speaker 1: unfortunately it's not something that I can really test out.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but just be consistent. You know, as long
Speaker 1: as you're consistent with things, then they start to show
Speaker 1: up in your body. You just have to be consistent,
Speaker 1: even if you think it may not be having an impact.
Speaker 1: Just do it every day. Consistency is key with everything
Speaker 1: in life. That's why I consistently drink heavily, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean it works for me, so yeah, but let
Speaker 1: us know when you do figure it out what worked
Speaker 1: for you, so we can help other people figure it
Speaker 1: out as well. Yeah, of course I will. When's your
Speaker 1: first trip? As soon as I get my passport back.
Speaker 1: I'm not a huge traveler, but it should be a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks from now. So, I mean, and how
Speaker 1: how big are the boats? Um? I thought they were
Speaker 1: going to be bigger, but there don't you hate that?
Speaker 1: I was hoping because I know that that can help.
Speaker 1: But they're they're they're small yachts, just a small yachts.
Speaker 1: It only has only the only has one helicopter pad,
Speaker 1: can you head? And some of them are speed boats
Speaker 1: as well that are in the area. So I hate
Speaker 1: saying somebody it's it's all in your head because I
Speaker 1: know you're like, no, it's not, but I know that
Speaker 1: you can probably logically think, yeah, when I'm driving, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: So it is so those daily after nations of realizing
Speaker 1: I am I hate to say this this way, but
Speaker 1: I'm doing this to myself because I feel like this
Speaker 1: is going to happen, and I think this is gonna happen.
Speaker 1: So it happens. But you know what, when I drive,
Speaker 1: it doesn't happen. So it makes no sense that it happens.
Speaker 1: So you know what, next time, it's not going to happen.
Speaker 1: And just keep reminding yourself, this is only happening because
Speaker 1: I am manifesting it to happen, so manifested to not happen,
Speaker 1: and realize that. You know, again, I hate saying this,
Speaker 1: I'm doing this to myself, but there are things that
Speaker 1: we do to ourselves. You know. There are things that
Speaker 1: we dwell on, and because we dwell on it so much,
Speaker 1: we make it happen, especially when it's a physical reaction
Speaker 1: like that. You know, if we think, oh, and then
Speaker 1: I get nervous, You get nervous. Oh and then I
Speaker 1: have anxiety, you get anxiety. You know, we do these
Speaker 1: things for ourselves so, like Chelsea said, do these daily
Speaker 1: affirmations really, Like, you know what, this is just movement.
Speaker 1: I I deal with movement. The planet is literally spending
Speaker 1: right now, and I'm fine. And you know what another
Speaker 1: idea is. I know we're throwing a lot of things
Speaker 1: at you, but talk to your doctor about a beta
Speaker 1: blocker because it's anxiety induced, and that is something that
Speaker 1: cuts off anxiety. I take for prian alol and when
Speaker 1: I go on stage a lot, so my voice doesn't
Speaker 1: get too high because sometimes when I'm like, I have
Speaker 1: a lot of energy and adrenaline, I get like I
Speaker 1: talked too fast, I get too high and it just
Speaker 1: kind of totally takes the nerves out. So this is
Speaker 1: anxiety related. So that might be an option too, because
Speaker 1: and you can test that easily. My husband just prescribed
Speaker 1: that to me. Oh he did. Yeah, I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: do a performance this weekend, but I thought I had COVID,
Speaker 1: so I canceled it. But I was so nervous that
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm just going to prescribe to beta blockers.
Speaker 1: And one time I did stand up and it was
Speaker 1: the most terrified thing I've ever done in my entire
Speaker 1: fucking life, and I wish I had had beta blockers
Speaker 1: because now I'm realizing, yes, my voice did feel much
Speaker 1: higher and I was speaking wickquicker, but I just you know,
Speaker 1: got really ship faced before and I thought that would help. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that always helps, until it does. That's a really good idea.
Speaker 1: But yeah, okay, so just don't give up and just
Speaker 1: think this is the beginning of the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: I'm finding a solution for my issue, definitely yea, and
Speaker 1: good luck with the new job as well. Thank you
Speaker 1: and Chelsea. I just wanted to tell you before I
Speaker 1: sign off. I wouldn't have even considered doing this job
Speaker 1: or applying for it if it weren't for you and
Speaker 1: your stand up. And I just like finally feel like
Speaker 1: worthy enough of good things in my life, and I
Speaker 1: just have to credit you with some of that. So
Speaker 1: thank you God, Well, good for you. I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear that. Yeah, we're all worthy of good things. You
Speaker 1: know what. I credit Chelsea for my my laugh lines.
Speaker 1: I literally used to watch your show and I could
Speaker 1: go like this when i'd watch because I'm like, you're
Speaker 1: making me regal, Chelsea. I'm sitting here for an hour
Speaker 1: in the same position laughing and you're giving me laugh lines. Literally.
Speaker 1: I used to say, I get these from Chelsea. Him, yeah,
Speaker 1: is that where we grew a beard? It is to
Speaker 1: cover all my Chelsea lines. I wish I could grow
Speaker 1: a beer. Okay, we'll keep us posted and yes, all
Speaker 1: good things are coming your way. Okay, thank you, okay, by.
Speaker 1: I must have missed the whole fucking boating part because
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, plain and then she was like, no,
Speaker 1: it's on a boat. So wait, she's helping me. She's
Speaker 1: so she's gonna go be like a YADDI for this family,
Speaker 1: like a personal assistant. It was just like whole rich
Speaker 1: family life on jets, on boats, on everything, just vot
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, yeah, I think it's like all over the place,
Speaker 1: but it's not. It's not volunteer work, Like no, no,
Speaker 1: it's uh yeah, I'm way out of it. I missed
Speaker 1: a whole sentence. There's something froze because I was like boats.
Speaker 1: When I started talking about boats, I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: what she's like, we're helping refugees. I was like, yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: jet setting with rich people, you know. So yeah, she's
Speaker 1: gonna be living the dream and she'll be she'll be
Speaker 1: on below deck. Before we get I was like, next,
Speaker 1: he's an on below deck? Yes, well, well the new well,
Speaker 1: the new girl get her motion sickness under wraps well.
Speaker 1: Our last question comes from Courtney Dear Chelsea. I went
Speaker 1: back to school in my early thirties for decorating and design,
Speaker 1: something I had developed a passion for in my late
Speaker 1: twenties and decided to pursue as a career. I'd always
Speaker 1: been great at picking out paint colors, decorating vignettes at work, renovations,
Speaker 1: space planning, basically anything that involves decorating or designing a space.
Speaker 1: Now in my mid thirties, I currently work in a
Speaker 1: retail setting where I manage a paint and small flooring department,
Speaker 1: and I have future plans to run the kitchen and
Speaker 1: bath design center once we expand. My issue is this,
Speaker 1: I have a handful of friends who like to use
Speaker 1: my design services for free, rather than actually hiring me
Speaker 1: to come pick their paint colors and design their space.
Speaker 1: They'll send me texts with photos asking what color do
Speaker 1: you think I should paint this room? Or I want
Speaker 1: to redo this bathroom? What should I do? Or my
Speaker 1: mom wants to In a feature wall in her living room.
Speaker 1: Here's some picks of the space. What do you think.
Speaker 1: While I don't mind giving out the odd piece of advice,
Speaker 1: I tend to feel taken advantage of and like my
Speaker 1: choice of career doesn't mean much to them, like as
Speaker 1: a hobby rather than an actual job. And Bobby is
Speaker 1: nodding ferociously. How do I approach this subject without sounding
Speaker 1: like a bit I understand that maybe they're trying to
Speaker 1: save money, But if I'm going to do this for you,
Speaker 1: shouldn't I be entitled to something, whether during my workouts
Speaker 1: or in my spare time. It is my design advice
Speaker 1: that I went to school for. Is it not worth something? Courtney?
Speaker 1: I can relate, Courtney. I mean even to this day,
Speaker 1: I literally get let's say, hundreds of d m s
Speaker 1: a day from people wanting free design advice, and I'm
Speaker 1: rereading my kitchen what color? And I'm just like, I
Speaker 1: honestly see them, and I just don't respond because I'm like,
Speaker 1: are you for real? Do you think that all I
Speaker 1: have to do is sit around and get free design advice?
Speaker 1: Come book, go to expert dot com and book a
Speaker 1: session with me. But I can completely relate to Courtney,
Speaker 1: because my friends will do it too. And this was
Speaker 1: back when I was a designer or I on a
Speaker 1: furniture store. And and you know, you wouldn't go to
Speaker 1: your plumber friend and asked them to do plumbing stuff
Speaker 1: for you, or your doctorate friend and asked them to
Speaker 1: you know, you would be like, oh, they're a trained professional.
Speaker 1: This is their job in their livelihood. Well it's yours
Speaker 1: to Courtney, So you know, I would I would advise,
Speaker 1: you know, putting your foot down a little bit and
Speaker 1: be like, hey, this actually sounds like a really fun project.
Speaker 1: I'd love to help your mom out. You know, here's
Speaker 1: my hourly rate, you know, or hey, since you're my friend,
Speaker 1: I'll do it for half or whatever. But just to
Speaker 1: let them know that you went to school for this,
Speaker 1: you have student loans for this. You weren't pro I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm being prosumptious, but you are probably as you're helping
Speaker 1: them still paying this off, so they can't expect you
Speaker 1: to do this for free. You know, I definitely wouldn't
Speaker 1: advise trying to charge them what you would normally charge,
Speaker 1: but just giving them a price make some step back
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, you know what you're right, this
Speaker 1: is your job, and I'm asking you to do your
Speaker 1: job for free and constantly. Yeah, so put your foot down,
Speaker 1: stand your ground, don't be a bit about it. It's
Speaker 1: not being a bit right to to to make your
Speaker 1: let your friends know that you have value in that
Speaker 1: you're of worth and and remind them that you know,
Speaker 1: you spent a lot of money to get the degree
Speaker 1: and then know how that you have and that's why
Speaker 1: they're coming to you. Otherwise they could do it themselves, right.
Speaker 1: I like the idea of sort of being a little
Speaker 1: bit presumptuous back, which is not bitchy at all. It's like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I would love to Like they're presuming
Speaker 1: that you will do it for free, and you're like, great,
Speaker 1: I would love to help. Here is my friends and
Speaker 1: family rate. It's normally this like let me know when
Speaker 1: she's ready to sit down for a meeting. Because the
Speaker 1: way that does is it makes them think that you
Speaker 1: just a sue. Of course they were hiring you, and
Speaker 1: then they wouldn't be like, oh no, bit, you need
Speaker 1: to do this for free, and they'd be like oh
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah okay, So either they are
Speaker 1: going to pay you or they're going to stop bothering
Speaker 1: you and expecting it for free, but it's just it
Speaker 1: makes them kind of feel like the asshole for expecting
Speaker 1: that you would have done it for free. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And or you could send out an email and mask
Speaker 1: to all your people and just go, hey, this is
Speaker 1: a really friendly reminder that I, you know, this is
Speaker 1: my job and this is my career choice. And I've
Speaker 1: had so many of friends and family lean on me
Speaker 1: and ask me for a design help, but I just
Speaker 1: want to make it very clear this is what I
Speaker 1: do for a living. So moving forward, if you're going
Speaker 1: to come to me for any I can, we can
Speaker 1: work out a deal maybe, or you know, whatever you're
Speaker 1: comfortable parameter wise, but just letting everybody know. Like I
Speaker 1: had a doctor who did this recently because one of
Speaker 1: my we have this anti aging doctor and one of
Speaker 1: my friends emails her non stop about this drug and
Speaker 1: that drug and the research that they do and then
Speaker 1: compares it to the doctor and dada da da, and
Speaker 1: she sent out an email to everyone saying I am
Speaker 1: no longer taking unsolicited emails like it is. I'm charging
Speaker 1: per email. So our one friend ruined it for all
Speaker 1: of us because he wouldn't leave her alone. You know,
Speaker 1: he just kept asking and asking and persisting. And when
Speaker 1: I saw the doctor in person, I go, I guess so,
Speaker 1: and so you know, ruined this for all. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean she's like, does he think I'm up all night
Speaker 1: there to answer his questions? So you can actually almost
Speaker 1: lay blame. It will be perceived as as it's coming
Speaker 1: from one person when it's really about everybody. I had
Speaker 1: a best friend that her constantly asking for design advice
Speaker 1: and expecting it for free ruined our relationship. Oh well there,
Speaker 1: you got absolutely ruined our relationship. And we were friends
Speaker 1: for a very long time and she had and we're
Speaker 1: good now. So if she's listening and she knows I'm
Speaker 1: talking about her, you know, I love you now and
Speaker 1: you know at but yeah, that was just starting a
Speaker 1: business and the very first location. I was so ready
Speaker 1: to help her get her business going. I of course
Speaker 1: did it all for free. But then at a certain
Speaker 1: point she was at like half a dozen locations and
Speaker 1: you know, rolling in seven figures and doing well, but
Speaker 1: still just reaching out to me for all this free
Speaker 1: design advice. And I started to get you know, have
Speaker 1: a lot of animosity towards her being like, whoa you
Speaker 1: know this? I went to school. I didn't go to
Speaker 1: school for this one, am I talking about? I self
Speaker 1: taught myself all this stuff. You know, this is my
Speaker 1: business and here here you are reaping the benefits and
Speaker 1: having a successful business because on one part I helped
Speaker 1: you get this off the ground. But now you're still
Speaker 1: expecting all this for free. But Bobby, the exposure, oh
Speaker 1: situation where that? Yeah, I'm like, that's not the kind
Speaker 1: of exposure I want. Honey. Yeah, you know what, Courtney,
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes. Next time, you put
Speaker 1: your foot down, cheerfully with a friend, and we'll take
Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be back to wrap up
Speaker 1: with Bobby. And no, this time it's a bubble bath.
Speaker 1: I just want to make sure you leave here as
Speaker 1: clean as possible impossible, and we're back. Oh god, the
Speaker 1: bubbles barely got going, I know. But it was romantic
Speaker 1: with the champagne and everything in the strawberries that I
Speaker 1: lost in my bikini bottom. I don't know why I
Speaker 1: was wearing it a bikini. Yeah, my pikachi, they're inside
Speaker 1: my Pikachu. That's actually not a bad idea to freshen
Speaker 1: up rows up on the podcast. Okay, so Bobby, you
Speaker 1: have been an absolute pleasure. Do you have any advice
Speaker 1: that you want to ask me? This is our closing
Speaker 1: segment that Catherine came up with that I love. The
Speaker 1: funny thing is there was some advice I wanted from you,
Speaker 1: but I had Paul text you one day asking about it.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you know, maybe I don't know
Speaker 1: if he asked if it was from me, but advice.
Speaker 1: It was some advice on a certain drug that you
Speaker 1: had talked about. I forget what it's ayahuasca. I don't
Speaker 1: think it was ayawaska. I feel like it was something
Speaker 1: else five d m e ot like frogs. Then um,
Speaker 1: it was that. And I had read in an article
Speaker 1: that you mentioned it, and I was like, Paul, I
Speaker 1: asked Chelsea about this, like this sounds great. I want
Speaker 1: to Oh, yeah, well I was. That is not one
Speaker 1: of my favorite drugs I had. I know, I basically
Speaker 1: ripped my clothes off in a pool of sweat when
Speaker 1: I took that drug and woke up nude. I had
Speaker 1: my top off and I think I was it was
Speaker 1: so brutal. But you know what, I didn't really prepare
Speaker 1: for it, so I can't really speak to it, although
Speaker 1: I just want. I mean, I talked about it in
Speaker 1: my last stand up special, so it's not a secret.
Speaker 1: But I just had the most I have a very
Speaker 1: good relationship with drugs and I have a very solid
Speaker 1: track record with not having them take over my brain,
Speaker 1: and that one was not I was. I lost complete
Speaker 1: control and it was dark and it was just very dark.
Speaker 1: It was very olmous. So yeah, I wouldn't really recommend
Speaker 1: that to anything. Okay, I will stay away from that.
Speaker 1: Then okay, something new problem solved. Bobby, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for being our guest today. You gave great advice.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. Thanks for having me. This has been great.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Just goodbye, goodbye, Bobby. I hope you see
Speaker 1: when when my house is ready, I want you and
Speaker 1: Paul to come over and we'll well, we'll do five
Speaker 1: d N sounds great, It's okay, sounds good. That'll be fun. Thanks. So,
Speaker 1: if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, just send
Speaker 1: an email to Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.