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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Hi. I'm coming off of a

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Speaker 1: very big week Grammys. We had Grammys. I was nominated

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Speaker 1: for Grammy for Evolution Past Comedy Album. I did not win,

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Speaker 1: but it was really fun to go to the Grammys.

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Speaker 1: I've never been before, so Joe and I went, and

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Speaker 1: then we just turned it into a three day birthday

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Speaker 1: bonanza for Joe because he didn't get to celebrate his

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Speaker 1: fiftieth birthday during COVID because he was shooting his movie

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Speaker 1: called Easter Sunday, which comes out in August. And I

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Speaker 1: had to celebrate my Buddha because I love him so much,

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Speaker 1: and his whole family's in Vegas, and I thought, why

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Speaker 1: don't we just turn the Grammys into a three day party.

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Speaker 1: And that's what we did. Easy. We had lots of

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Speaker 1: late nights, and we have dune buggy ing, we had

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Speaker 1: pool parties, and we got to see I had a

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Speaker 1: lot of friends come, and he had a lot of

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Speaker 1: family come. And he's a happy camper and I am

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Speaker 1: Scott free, you know what I mean. I am in

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Speaker 1: the opposite of the doghouse for the next I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: say six months. Okay, excellent, at least until his next birthday, right, Well,

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Speaker 1: that's the problem. His birthdays in June, so I'm kind

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Speaker 1: of like fun, but I'm gonna be on tour. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be in Pittsburgh performing that night. It's June two,

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Speaker 1: and I believe he'll be with me, So we will

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Speaker 1: be selling it, braiding his birthday, probably on stage in Pittsburgh.

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Speaker 1: I will make the whole baring to him. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: anyone coming to our Pittsburgh show, I can't wait. Pittsburgh's

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite cities that gets such a shitty

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Speaker 1: rap and it's such a cool city. It's kind of

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Speaker 1: reminds me a little bit of Portland a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Ye Oh, hi, honey, I was just talking about the

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Speaker 1: birthday party that I just threw for you, and there

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Speaker 1: are three days of magic and oh that's nice. Hi,

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Speaker 1: how was this birthday party? How was your birthday party?

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Speaker 1: She's asking. Yeah, the only problem that we're having in

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Speaker 1: our relationship right now is that his body is reaching

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Speaker 1: a pinnacle and my body he I'm the Buddha now.

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Speaker 1: I told him there's only room for one good body

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Speaker 1: in this relationship, and then he stole that role. So

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Speaker 1: I actually have to get back on track because my

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Speaker 1: time up in Whistler put me over the edge. Too

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Speaker 1: many Moscow mules. Cheers. Cheers, by the way, cheers cheers.

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Speaker 1: So let's ensure our guest everybody knows him from a

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Speaker 1: Queer Eye and that's Emmy nominated show. Correct. So there's that. Yes,

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Speaker 1: his name is Bobby Burke and he's our guest today.

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Speaker 1: Oh hey girl, okay, how are you? Good morning? What

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Speaker 1: a beautiful vista you have thought this. This is a

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Speaker 1: much better reaction than the last time you were were

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Speaker 1: on Zoom together when he said who are you? What

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Speaker 1: was that game? It was like like could we be

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Speaker 1: friends or something? Yeah, they were like describe that was

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Speaker 1: like who are you? It was It was devastating because

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Speaker 1: the moment you said hello, who you were? I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is Oh you know what. Don't even take that personally.

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Speaker 1: I mean half the time, I'm so stoned. I don't

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Speaker 1: even know what's going on. So please don't take a

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Speaker 1: personally Bobby. Oh I didn't. I didn't. I didn't at all.

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Speaker 1: I have been in the game that long. Where are you?

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Speaker 1: That looks so pretty? I'm at home, excuse of course

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Speaker 1: you are. That's the difference between design experts and design

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Speaker 1: non experts. What I I control the landscape behind me?

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Speaker 1: I guess, so, yeah, I could. I could show the

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Speaker 1: landscape behind me. Look, technically I do pull this closure.

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Speaker 1: The window that you're looking at is technically in front

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Speaker 1: of me right now. He just pulled it down as

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Speaker 1: a green screet. But if I sit in front of it,

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Speaker 1: then it it washes me out. You can't see me

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Speaker 1: because it's too bright behind me. But I like that scenes,

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Speaker 1: So I just took a video of it, and so

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Speaker 1: I get to look out the window, and you guys

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Speaker 1: get to look at the window. Oh that's awesome. Hold

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Speaker 1: on one second, you guys, Okay, one second, I'm sorry, sorry,

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Speaker 1: amssus just showed up at our house in the morning,

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Speaker 1: and I have to let Joe know he has a

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Speaker 1: massage because I never have told him. So one second,

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Speaker 1: you guys, I thought you were going to say, and

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Speaker 1: unfortunately I have to go get a massage. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: are you guys cool if we do this a massage? Honey,

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Speaker 1: you have a massage? I forgot about that. Nine am.

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Speaker 1: Get ready, she's gonna set up. Thank you so much. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and what are they going to do it? Though? Like,

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Speaker 1: right right there at direct you can director. No, No,

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Speaker 1: that's not what he likes. Yeah, yeah, I'd like to

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Speaker 1: direct all of his massages. Well, last night we were

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Speaker 1: in a bit of a in an emergency situation because

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Speaker 1: we're in Whistler, Canada, and we came up for like

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Speaker 1: two and a half days for my friend's birthday. And

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Speaker 1: we got here and of course I made Joe go

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Speaker 1: skiing and he fell on his shoulder. And then last

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Speaker 1: night he was like, I need a massage. I need

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Speaker 1: a massage. So I like reached out to everyone, and

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Speaker 1: then somebody said, oh, we can't do it tonight, We'll

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Speaker 1: do it in the morning. So we took that one,

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Speaker 1: and then someone came back and said we could do

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Speaker 1: it tonight. So we had a massage last night. And

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Speaker 1: because I don't like canceling, pardon my cough. All week,

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Speaker 1: I've been sick in bed going how the fund can

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Speaker 1: you get COVID twice in two months? No, you have COVID. No,

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Speaker 1: I just got my test back. I don't right. They

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Speaker 1: say cases very symptomatic. My husband's the same way. He's

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Speaker 1: a doctor. Never got it. I had it, and I

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Speaker 1: was him and I were snowboarding and Tahaa weekend and

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Speaker 1: drinking out of the same cop and I just thought,

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Speaker 1: you know, oh, it's cold and we're in high altitude.

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Speaker 1: I've got a runny nose and uncongested sleeping in the

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Speaker 1: same bed in the same car. And then it got

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Speaker 1: a little worse later on. But you don't need to

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Speaker 1: be slipping in, Bobby, you do not need to be

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Speaker 1: sleeping in your car at this point. I just want

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Speaker 1: to let you know that, you know, it keeps me grounded. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can get a grounding map for that keeps you grounded,

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Speaker 1: because my my Model X that I sleep in does

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Speaker 1: have camp mode, so that a C stays on. I

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Speaker 1: like when I made my dogs in my Tesla, you

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Speaker 1: know how it has dogs. What's it called? Were you

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Speaker 1: like your dog staying in the car and you turned

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Speaker 1: on dog mode? Yeah, dog mode, And so when you

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Speaker 1: come back to the car. I mean several times somebody's

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Speaker 1: been like, how are these two dogs in the car

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Speaker 1: with the windows up? I'm like, because I have dog mode. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you see a huge screen that's lit up with the

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Speaker 1: dog on it that says, don't worry, yeah, Beck, the

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Speaker 1: owner will be back in fifteen minutes. Three hours later,

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Speaker 1: Bert's on his back with his paws in the air, like,

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Speaker 1: where's my mother, Bobby? Speaking of your partner, Your partner's

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Speaker 1: name is Dewey, right, it is? It is? And you

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Speaker 1: guys have been together a significant amount of time correct

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Speaker 1: eighteen years going on nineteen. Yeah, that's so cool. I've

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Speaker 1: been with my boyfriend for eight months. I know. I

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Speaker 1: love it. I love that you who ended up with

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Speaker 1: each other. It's so cute, it's so funny. I was

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Speaker 1: doing a live stream yesterday and one of the guests

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Speaker 1: on there was Joy Choe. But I kept that sounds

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Speaker 1: like one of our relatives, kept hearing Joe Coy in

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Speaker 1: my head because the sound are exactly. Her first name

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Speaker 1: sounds like his last name. His last name sounds like

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Speaker 1: his first name. So when I introduced her, luckily it

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Speaker 1: was just on the practice, I was like Joy Choi

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Speaker 1: and She's like, you know, it's it's I know. But

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm hearing Joe Coy's head and my name

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Speaker 1: when you hear it, because your guy's names, same syllables,

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Speaker 1: same letters, just completely flipped. And I'm like, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: I know his name more than yours. That's how I

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Speaker 1: felt when you and I were playing that game, Bobby,

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Speaker 1: I thought that it was somebody else. I was like, wait,

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Speaker 1: Bobby Burke, I'm like that I got it confused with

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Speaker 1: somebody else named who knows what. But I was all

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Speaker 1: over the shop. But I have to say, I get

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Speaker 1: confused with our names because my middle name is Joy

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Speaker 1: and his name is Koi, and then people call us Choi,

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Speaker 1: so's Joy Joy. So it's very confusing. All I know

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Speaker 1: is that I'm now Filipino and everyone refers to me

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Speaker 1: as a Filipino woman, and I'm just going to accept

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Speaker 1: it because it's a culture I never thought i'd be

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Speaker 1: a part of. Do you know? I love you? And

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Speaker 1: I know how to say? Ma didn't Kita in return? Oh?

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that my excess Filipino? Oh really? So wait?

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Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about your relationship with

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Speaker 1: Dewey and how what what? I want to talk about

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Speaker 1: what it's like to be with somebody for eighteen years

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Speaker 1: and like how do you guys keep that going? And

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Speaker 1: what is your relationship dynamic? Like is there somebody who

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Speaker 1: you know wears the pants? So to speak? Chelsea? How homophobic?

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Speaker 1: If you say, I'm well, I'm a big homophobe. Everybody

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Speaker 1: knows that. I know, I know, which is why I

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Speaker 1: was comfortable making that joke to you, because obviously you

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Speaker 1: are not. It's funny because I would say most people

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Speaker 1: think and assume that I wear the pants in the

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Speaker 1: family because he's quiet and I'm the more outgoing one,

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Speaker 1: and I'm the one that, to the outside world is

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Speaker 1: making the decisions. But he's you know, like the N

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Speaker 1: Sync record, he's pulling the strings, you know, in the background.

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Speaker 1: He's the puppeteer, and he's the one making the decisions. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: not completely, but I think we have a pretty good

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Speaker 1: dynamic as far as decision making. You know, there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of things that are very important to me that

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Speaker 1: don't make any that aren't really important, and then there's

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Speaker 1: the big things that are important to him that he

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Speaker 1: makes a decision to. Yeah, and what do you and like,

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Speaker 1: do you guys fight? Are you healthy fighters? Like? What

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Speaker 1: what's your when there's friction? How do you guys handle that?

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Speaker 1: We rarely fight. Honestly, we used to. We used to

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Speaker 1: fight a lot growing pains. Would you attribute that to

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Speaker 1: like the beginning of the relationship, Yeah, and I definitely

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Speaker 1: remember like every time we'd have a fight. I was

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Speaker 1: his first long term relationship, so every time we have

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Speaker 1: a fight, he'd be like, Okay, well, I guess this

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Speaker 1: is it. I'm like, wait, no, no, no, that was

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Speaker 1: just a fight. We're not breaking up. Like we just

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Speaker 1: piste off about where we wanted to go to dinner.

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Speaker 1: It's okay, it's okay. But yeah, we rarely fight now,

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Speaker 1: Like when we fight, they will be big fights, but

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Speaker 1: those happen maybe once a year at the most. It's

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Speaker 1: a nice annual tradition to keep up, yes, specifically around

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Speaker 1: the holiday. Yeah, Katherine and I were talking about that

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Speaker 1: because I find that I don't, like, you know, a

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Speaker 1: fight should be a fight. A fight is not an ending,

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Speaker 1: you know, it should just be a discussion and then

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Speaker 1: you know, everyone can cool it down and figure it out.

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Speaker 1: But Joe and I have been into a couple of

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Speaker 1: fights where he said, okay, well I guess this is it,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, come on, Joe, stop it. I

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Speaker 1: know you don't mean that, and I know and you

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Speaker 1: have to understand for me, you know, like my history,

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Speaker 1: that is a trigger for me, Like if somebody says, okay,

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Speaker 1: it's over. Then I shut down because my brother, you know,

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Speaker 1: my my psychiatrist, Dan explained this to me so sagaciously.

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Speaker 1: You know that my idea I believed for so long

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Speaker 1: because I you know, my brother died, was there one

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Speaker 1: day and gone the next that I thought he goes

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Speaker 1: That's how you think relationships end. You know, that's that's

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Speaker 1: what's normal to you. So for me now, like to

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Speaker 1: break that cycle and break that pattern, like it can

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Speaker 1: never be a threat for an ending of the relationship.

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Speaker 1: It has to be like, Okay, wow, we're both upset,

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Speaker 1: let's go to our separate corners and come back. And

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Speaker 1: leaving in the middle of the fight. You know that

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Speaker 1: I've had a lot of traumatic relationships and a lot

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Speaker 1: of that both romantically and familiar relationships where people left

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Speaker 1: and so back in the you know, when my my

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Speaker 1: husband I first got together, he's the type of person

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Speaker 1: where he wouldn't want to sit there and keep talking

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Speaker 1: about it. He would just leave because he needed space.

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Speaker 1: And that was a huge trigger for me. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I need to sit there, we need to work this out.

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Speaker 1: Don't just leave me. Yes, I do, tell me when

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Speaker 1: you're coming back. Yeah, I I don't leave, but I

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Speaker 1: want to go to a different room and take an

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Speaker 1: edible and talk to you in the morning. Like once

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Speaker 1: it gets to a crescendo, if there's yelling then, which

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Speaker 1: I used to do. It's so funny because all the

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Speaker 1: things that trigger me are in my own behaviors right always.

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Speaker 1: But I used to scream and yell and be like, well, no,

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Speaker 1: it's okay, we can work it out. And then if

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Speaker 1: someone now yells at me. Now that I've learned that

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Speaker 1: it's not necessary to yell ever at anybody like I now,

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Speaker 1: if I get yelled at or if there if it

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Speaker 1: gets to that decibel, I I completely with I'm like, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to scream back and forth. I used

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Speaker 1: to always be the yeller. I came from a very

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Speaker 1: southern family, like like the ya ya sisterhood that was

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Speaker 1: all my aunts, and so I used to be the

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Speaker 1: yeller and now I'm not. And now he's kind of

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Speaker 1: the yeller. I mean, nowhere near the way I used

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Speaker 1: to yell. But now hill yell and I'll just be like,

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Speaker 1: why are you yelling? You don't need to raise your

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Speaker 1: voice why And that pissitsim off more of course, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: of course, and in time somebody says calm down, You're like,

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Speaker 1: why don't I shove this orange up your asshole? He

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Speaker 1: used to not one of talk things through, and he

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Speaker 1: would he would be very, um my, COVID brain. I

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Speaker 1: did have COVID a few months ago, and I to

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Speaker 1: still like words just aren't there anymore. He was very stubborn. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's scary. That is scary. Scary actually just like the

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Speaker 1: simplest of words, like stubborn. But he would be very stubborn,

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Speaker 1: and we'd have one little fight before we're getting ready

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Speaker 1: to get in a car to go on a whole

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Speaker 1: weekend trip, and he'd be like, I'm not going. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna let this little fight ruin an entire weekend

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Speaker 1: just because you're too stubborn to just say sorry. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But and think about it, if it were like the opposite.

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Speaker 1: You're both in a fight and you're like, Okay, we're

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Speaker 1: going away for the weekend. We have an hour to

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Speaker 1: not talk and like cool down, and we're both committed

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Speaker 1: to spending the weekend together. After that happens, and once

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Speaker 1: we knowing that you're both committed to resolving whatever the

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Speaker 1: issue is, right, Like that is such a healthier way

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Speaker 1: to go through go through things, you know, instead of

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Speaker 1: stomping your feet and threatening to leave. He's definitely got

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Speaker 1: way better than at that. I used to always be

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Speaker 1: the one that would say I'm sorry and cuttle up,

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Speaker 1: whether it was my fault or not, just because I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to keep fighting. But he if I didn't

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Speaker 1: do that, he could hold them run through days, weeks.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes he would just dig his heels in and just

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Speaker 1: be pissed for days. So finally I have to be like, oh, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we'll be right back. So you grew up in the South.

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Speaker 1: I you came from a kind of religious background, right,

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Speaker 1: what religion? Christian? Yeah, Christian. I went to an Assembly

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Speaker 1: of God's school growing up, so you know, yeah, I know, really, Catherine. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was nondenominational, but it was like we had it

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Speaker 1: was all Assembly of God. We had to sign a

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Speaker 1: contract that we wouldn't smoke or drink even outside of school,

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Speaker 1: or of course have sex or any of that stuff.

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Speaker 1: It was. I went to a Christian school in elementary

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Speaker 1: I think it was Methodist maybe, but we didn't have

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Speaker 1: teachers that would stand up and teach first through kindergarten

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Speaker 1: was all in the same room, and we were all

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Speaker 1: in these little cubicles that faced the wall, and we

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Speaker 1: all had our own little workbooks that we had to

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Speaker 1: work in. And it was a very, very very weird.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, Grip super religious. And so how did you

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Speaker 1: What age did you start to rebel against that religion?

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Speaker 1: I would say probably at fifteen when I came out

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Speaker 1: and I realized that the people and the religion and

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Speaker 1: the life that I had devoted myself to instantly turned

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Speaker 1: their backs on me. And I started really kind of

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Speaker 1: wrapping my head around what religion was and what I

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Speaker 1: had been taught and what I believed. And I realized

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Speaker 1: that I had just blindly been believing bullshit, like the

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Speaker 1: stupidest bullshit, And yeah, I just started to look at

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Speaker 1: it more logically. And it still causes me a lot

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Speaker 1: of pain, because a child will never get over the

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Speaker 1: hurt that is inflicted by religion. That I definitely better now,

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Speaker 1: I still though do. I noticed this yesterday. I physically

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Speaker 1: like snarl when I drive by a church. I was

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Speaker 1: on my way to set yesterday and I drove by

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Speaker 1: a church and I noticed myself, go, damn, I still

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Speaker 1: have a physical, visceral reaction to driving by a church.

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Speaker 1: I don't blame you. I think I have that reaction.

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Speaker 1: And I've never really been religious. I mean, I grew

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Speaker 1: up Jewish, but my mother was Mormon, so that was

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Speaker 1: enough of a stain on my consciousness. Like I just

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Speaker 1: I couldn't believe that. I was just like, mom, you're

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Speaker 1: so much smarter than this. I feel like, out of

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Speaker 1: all the religions, Judaism, I feel like it's it's the

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Speaker 1: least healthier brimstone. Like, I mean, there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: Jewish mother guilt, but I don't feel like there's as

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Speaker 1: much religious guilt. Maybe it's just because I didn't grow

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Speaker 1: up Jewish, but I have surrounded by Jewish friends, and

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Speaker 1: they all seem to be much more well rounded with

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Speaker 1: their religious bringing Christian friends. Yes, they're not tolerant, it's

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Speaker 1: not it's not as hypocritical, hypocritical, thank you, Oh look

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Speaker 1: at your word. There it is there, it is, there,

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Speaker 1: we go. It's not as hypocritical unless you know extreme Judaism. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: Orthodox is a different story, right, but modern Orthodox is

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Speaker 1: pretty tolerant, you know, and and reformed and conservative Jews

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Speaker 1: the way I grew up, was just totally everybody's cool, Like,

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Speaker 1: don't worry about people who aren't Jewish, that's that's okay.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to proselytize to other people to try

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Speaker 1: and bring them over to your religion. And I respected

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Speaker 1: that a lot, especially after seeing Mormons in action trying

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Speaker 1: to recruit other people to become Mormons. That's a huge

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Speaker 1: turn off. It's it's crazy because like, for for example,

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Speaker 1: Thesemblies of God, they aren't just happy with people being Christians.

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Speaker 1: You have to be Assemblies of God. Baptists, We're going

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Speaker 1: to Hell, Methodist, Mormons, Lutherans, Jews, everyone else was going

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Speaker 1: to Hell except Assemblies of God. You had to believe

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Speaker 1: exactly like them or else you're gonna bart in hell. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that is just such bullshit. And at the end of

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Speaker 1: the day I realized it's the Somebolies of God corporate

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Speaker 1: just wanting to make sure that all the tides coming

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Speaker 1: from all the Christians are just going to the sby

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Speaker 1: got It's just it's I also don't like that word tithing.

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Speaker 1: That reminds me of the word moist. You know, it

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Speaker 1: just is right up there in that category tithing, Like

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Speaker 1: what it sounds illegal, should be, I know. I also

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Speaker 1: liked that you didn't get a high school diploma because

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Speaker 1: I was very close to that not having happen either.

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Speaker 1: And the more people I talked to in this industry,

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Speaker 1: the more creatives. Catherine, you graduated from high school. I

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Speaker 1: did in college? Right in college? Yes, I didn't go

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Speaker 1: to college, and neither to Right. No, I didn't finish

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Speaker 1: high school. I didn't get my g D. No, none

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Speaker 1: of that. My cousin said to me the other day,

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Speaker 1: She goes, you got your g D. Right, I don't know, Molly,

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Speaker 1: I didn't get my g e D. I graduated from

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Speaker 1: high school. She goes, oh, I thought you got. I

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Speaker 1: thought you were like a total funk up. I go,

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Speaker 1: I was a total funk up. And I ended up

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Speaker 1: going to alternative school, which is like an offshoot for

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Speaker 1: the slow on the uptake kids, like the kids who

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Speaker 1: were drug addicts or whatever just did. I didn't go

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Speaker 1: to school because I had a boyfriend that was older

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Speaker 1: and illegal, and I would hang out with him all

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Speaker 1: the time. And but when I knew I had to graduate,

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Speaker 1: I stopped everything I was doing and I just went

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Speaker 1: to this alternative school where you could work at your

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Speaker 1: own pace. And I did graduate in time, but by

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Speaker 1: the skin of my teeth. My point is that there

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Speaker 1: are a lot of creatives that haven't gone to college

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Speaker 1: and haven't graduated high school and hadn't needed to because

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Speaker 1: that's not the kind of brain, is it left brain

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Speaker 1: or right brain? I think right brain is creative, right,

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Speaker 1: and left brain is a d D. So it could

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Speaker 1: be who doesn't who doesn't have a d My brain

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Speaker 1: is apparently opposite of everyone else's. I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: forgot that obviously because I have a d D. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: What's your relationship like with your family? Now? It's good? Now? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean the last few years have been a bit trying, honestly,

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Speaker 1: just with the lack of belief in science and not

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Speaker 1: following a political partly blind lay off a cliff. So

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Speaker 1: that's yeah. There's been some family members that I've just

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Speaker 1: been like, you know what we're done. Yeah. Blood does

385
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 1: not make all of this. Okay, you're out there voting

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Speaker 1: for politicians who are very vocally trying to take away

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Speaker 1: my rights. Yet when I have kids, you can't wait

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Speaker 1: to be an aunt. Well, you can't have it both ways.

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00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 1: You gotta either support me at the polls and at

390
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Speaker 1: home or not at all. Yeah, I know, I I

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Speaker 1: feel the same way. I don't have a lot of

392
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Speaker 1: different political belief systems in our family were all pretty

393
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Speaker 1: much on the same page. But I do have one

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Speaker 1: one that I have a wife of someone in my

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Speaker 1: family that I find it very difficult to deal with,

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Speaker 1: especially yeah, especially right now. So I'm lucky in the

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Speaker 1: sense that I haven't had to excommunicate most of my family,

398
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Speaker 1: but I'm on my way to excommunicating one of them.

399
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Speaker 1: I was going to ask you about drag because I

400
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,080
Speaker 1: had bobbed the drag queen on and he was telling

401
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Speaker 1: me how badly he wanted to see me in drag.

402
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Speaker 1: And I know that you used to do drag. How

403
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,200
Speaker 1: did that work out for you? Well? I only did

404
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 1: it to make money, because I mean that was back

405
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,960
Speaker 1: in like my living in my car days and homeless days,

406
00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:01,879
Speaker 1: so I was just like anything for a dollar, lot anything. Well, yeah,

407
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:07,720
Speaker 1: let's be honest. So yeah, I Um, I had a

408
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Speaker 1: lot of friends who were drag queens, so they started

409
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Speaker 1: putting me in drag every weekend, and I started shake

410
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Speaker 1: them my moneymaker and drag for some dollar bills. Oh,

411
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Speaker 1: I didn't realize that. I thought drag you just do

412
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 1: for fun. I didn't realize. I guess it's a yeah,

413
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 1: obviously it's a paying gig too, But I didn't realize

414
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 1: that you did it for money. Yeah, yeah, I did

415
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,959
Speaker 1: anything for money back then. Well again, not anything. But

416
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Speaker 1: did you have a drag name? Um? It was so bored.

417
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Speaker 1: I took my drag mother's last name and my first

418
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 1: girlfriend's name, because that's what you do to get your drag,

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00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 1: and I became Jessica Grant. Oh, very dramatic. It sounds

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00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 1: like a character that belongs on not Slanding Yes, Yes, yes, yes, yes,

421
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,439
Speaker 1: or Dynasty. Now though, if I were to do it,

422
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:54,480
Speaker 1: i'd named myself Sharon Bucks, Sharon Buss, Sharon Butts, Sharon

423
00:21:54,520 --> 00:22:00,360
Speaker 1: but Sharon But I was like, Sharon but Sharon Day,

424
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:06,919
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Basketball? Basket? Wait? That sparked

425
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,639
Speaker 1: something to me, and I already just forgot what it

426
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:13,120
Speaker 1: was about. Sure you didn't have COVID No I didn't,

427
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 1: I could. Who knows. You have to get tested every

428
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,639
Speaker 1: single day. Now I'll find out what I try to

429
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 1: get back to the States. I'll have to take a

430
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:22,240
Speaker 1: test tomorrow. I'm sure Okay, So you're coming up on

431
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 1: your sixth season of your TV show. You said, coming

432
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 1: up on your sixties. I was like, well, you are

433
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 1: going to be coming up on your sixties two, so

434
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,080
Speaker 1: we should start getting prepared for that. That's just around

435
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 1: the corner. We all need to get prepared. Peles like it.

436
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 1: It really does feel like it. This morning, I woke

437
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 1: up and I was like, oh God, I'm like late thirties,

438
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 1: late thirties, and I'm like, bitch, you're fucking forty seven.

439
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,120
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? Late thirties. I was sitting

440
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,640
Speaker 1: there thinking about, God, thirty eight, it's no big deal.

441
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,680
Speaker 1: And then I'm like, I'm forty seven. I'm not even

442
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 1: in the right number. Last year, Yeah, I turned forty

443
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 1: one this year, Oh you did? Forty is a great birthday?

444
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 1: Well not during COVID, I guess it wasn't you know.

445
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:03,880
Speaker 1: I got rented at this island off the coast of Tanzania.

446
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 1: It was so funny story the Elton John Aids Foundation

447
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 1: Oscar viewing party. I was the host because Alton was nominated,

448
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 1: so he asked me and my cast mates to host

449
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,399
Speaker 1: it for him. So during the event, they have an

450
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 1: auction to raise money, and this wealthy Dutch family always

451
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 1: donates this island off the coast of Tanzania that they

452
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 1: own that normally rents for forty seven thousand dollars a day.

453
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:36,160
Speaker 1: It's ridiculous, that's reason. And so the auctioneers like, oh,

454
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,440
Speaker 1: you know every year this goes for two dollars in action.

455
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,919
Speaker 1: So at seventy I was like, oh, i'll bet, I'll participate,

456
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: but it's gonna go for way there more than that,

457
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 1: and I'll I'll stop bidding at like a hundred. I

458
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: guess everyone was like, oh, we can't bid against the

459
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 1: host and just stopped a bidding and I was like, no, no, no,

460
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 1: no bid. Oh my god. I was like yeah. But

461
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,720
Speaker 1: the end of the day, it was the best vacation

462
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 1: I've ever had, and I'm so glad I did it.

463
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,680
Speaker 1: That sounds like fun. How many people did you bring

464
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:11,760
Speaker 1: with you? Fun? Nothing like renting an island right right,

465
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,679
Speaker 1: see your own little nineteen acre island and the Indian Ocean.

466
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 1: It was crazy. How long did you go for? One week?

467
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 1: We're there for a week. That's so nice. It's hard

468
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:26,119
Speaker 1: to vacation after things like that, don't you think, yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah,

469
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 1: when you've got a whole island of staff and once

470
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,120
Speaker 1: you set that precedent and you're like, I can't really

471
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,080
Speaker 1: go for a weekend to Paul Mia this holiday and

472
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 1: is not heading like it used to holiday you know what?

473
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 1: Speaking of holiday, holiday, and I really wish that, now

474
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: that COVID is on the decline, that these hotels and

475
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 1: motels need to reinstall the goodies into the mini fringe.

476
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 1: I am so sick and tired of walking into a

477
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,439
Speaker 1: hotel room in the middle of the night after I

478
00:24:55,520 --> 00:25:01,439
Speaker 1: perform in some city and having absolute nothing in the

479
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 1: mini fridge. I need some options, even if I'm not

480
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,200
Speaker 1: going to eat anything. I like to see an array yea,

481
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,639
Speaker 1: or there are bringing room service back or opening up

482
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: all the restaurants when they're supposed to be Yeah. Yeah,

483
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 1: traveling now, I mean it's obviously first world problem at

484
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 1: the moment, but yeah, I get it. When you're traveling

485
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,199
Speaker 1: away from home, you at least want some food in

486
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,199
Speaker 1: your room. Yeah, exactly, Absolutely. I don't want to have

487
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 1: to carry my snack pack like I'm walking around like

488
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 1: a third grader. Although my snack packs have graduated from

489
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,719
Speaker 1: the days and when my parents used to I use

490
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 1: quotes packed me lunch. Now my housekeeper packs me little

491
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,400
Speaker 1: snack packs, and they are much better and much more organized.

492
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 1: It's like I'm living out my childhood life that was

493
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: so like I hated growing up because my parents were

494
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 1: so messy and they like, you know, the house was

495
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,399
Speaker 1: always gross, Like we had a cleaning lady once a

496
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 1: week and it was clean for like six hours after

497
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 1: she left, and we had so many kids and animals,

498
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 1: and it was just always gross. Like my friends would

499
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 1: come over and I would always like be cleaning, you know.

500
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: And now it's like I have what I wanted as

501
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:07,359
Speaker 1: a childhood with labels and organization, and my housekeeper packs

502
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 1: me and it's so organized, and you know, I have

503
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,439
Speaker 1: the right amount of underwear. I mean, it's just like

504
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,920
Speaker 1: I'm basically like in adult sleepaway camp, is how I feel. Now,

505
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: don't forget your snacks. I know. She's like, here's your

506
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 1: protein bar and your little antioxid pack. Okay, so we're

507
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: gonna take some calls and letters from callers who need advice.

508
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 1: All right, are you ready for that? Let's do it. Okay, Well,

509
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,880
Speaker 1: before we do that, and before we actually even take

510
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 1: a break, I do have a little bit of a

511
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,640
Speaker 1: follow up from a previous caller. Okay, this is also

512
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 1: just to sort of prepare you for the kind of

513
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 1: drama that we hear here under Chelsea. This is a

514
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,679
Speaker 1: follow up from our episode with Tinks and Nicole had

515
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 1: written in because oh Vandessic Fanganessic. Nicole had written in

516
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,679
Speaker 1: because her fiance had a very close work friend and

517
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: they would go see a tracks together and have like

518
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 1: day dates, and this woman was like, what's going on?

519
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 1: So she she wrote in. She says, Hi, Katherine and Chelsea,

520
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 1: I have an update. After being on the show, I

521
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:15,439
Speaker 1: decided to call off my engagement and break up with

522
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 1: my fiance. Now that I'm out, I see how much

523
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 1: he was disempowering me in the relationship. His quote close

524
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 1: friend slash coworker also kicked him to the curb. He's

525
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,439
Speaker 1: been trying to win me back and being super manipulative

526
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 1: about it, but I told him, to quote Taylor Swift,

527
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 1: we are never ever getting back together. Thank you so

528
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 1: much for the great advice. I'm so grateful, Nicole. On

529
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: I just said fuck on. I guess that's my new expression.

530
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: But when I that is awesome. I love strength, you know,

531
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 1: because sometimes you give someone advice. I've done this so

532
00:27:58,240 --> 00:27:59,879
Speaker 1: many times in my life and they don't take it

533
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 1: it and you know you're being strong for them because

534
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: they're not being strong or they're not in their strong moment.

535
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 1: Because you know, all of our moments of strength, they

536
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 1: don't always necessarily they're not in order. Sometimes we're strong

537
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 1: and then we get weak or and you know, it's

538
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: not always consistent. So when somebody can is strong enough

539
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,359
Speaker 1: to take action when obvious, it's so obvious, Bobby. This

540
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 1: relationship was like this guy was going out with his

541
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 1: coworker like a couple of times a week and wouldn't

542
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 1: invite his girlfriend and wouldn't stop seeing her when his

543
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 1: girlfriend was like, hey, this relationship is making me uncomfortable,

544
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 1: and they were engaged. Yeah yeah, And it's just like,

545
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 1: why would you ever want to disrespect someone's feelings like that?

546
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 1: In I never do anything without doing like except Hollywood

547
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 1: stuff because he refuses to go to any of that.

548
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,840
Speaker 1: But yeah, like I would never just be like, hey,

549
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 1: I'm going out with my friends. I mean every once

550
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 1: in a while maybe, but not like every week or

551
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 1: a couple of times a week. Be like all right, babe,

552
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 1: stay home. I'm going out. That's not the way to

553
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: make a healthy relationship with this one person, with the

554
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 1: same person, you know, someone who was like heterosexual with

555
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 1: a woman, and and then refusing not to when he

556
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 1: knows that his fiancee was objecting to it. So for

557
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 1: her to break that up, Nicole, way to go. Way

558
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 1: to inspiring for all women everywhere and men, you know,

559
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 1: whomever needs to leave a bad situation. Okay, great update, Catherine.

560
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 1: I love these updates and I love her podcast. Yeah,

561
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 1: we're really changing people's lives. Yeah, breaking up, breaking up,

562
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 1: future marriages and everything. Yeah, so don't call in unless

563
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: you're ready to leave your spouse. Exactly, exactly. Well, we'll

564
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 1: take a quick ad break and we'll be back with

565
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 1: more questions. And when we say ad break, that means

566
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 1: myself and today's guest, which is Bobby, are taking a

567
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 1: quick shower and then we come back. Okay, ready, and

568
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 1: we're back. We're back. Oh my god, I knew you

569
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,920
Speaker 1: were going to say that. I knew you're gonna say

570
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: squeaky clean. So see, we could be friends, you know ESPN. Well,

571
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 1: our first question comes from Greg. Dear Chelsea, I've been

572
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 1: dating my boyfriend for two years now, and he has

573
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 1: just recently moved into our one bedroom apartment. My parents

574
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: and siblings have no idea that we were dating, since

575
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 1: I'm not currently out to them. All my friends know,

576
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 1: as well as my one cousin, who I trust with

577
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 1: my life. I've met my boyfriend's family and have been

578
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 1: to their home a few times already. He's been very

579
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 1: supportive with my coming out process and has not pushed

580
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 1: me to come up to my parents, although with us

581
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,479
Speaker 1: now being moved in together and having dated for two years,

582
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 1: the clock is ticking. My family is extremely conservative, and

583
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 1: being gay is not something my family exactly agrees with,

584
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,720
Speaker 1: as they've made comments in the past about gay people.

585
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 1: I was thinking of maybe writing a letter to them

586
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: so I can get all my thoughts out without being interrupted,

587
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 1: as not only would I be coming out, I would

588
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 1: also be revealing a two year relationship that has been

589
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 1: hidden from them all this time. I'd appreciate any advice

590
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 1: you may have and thank you so much in advance.

591
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 1: Best Greg, Okay, Bobby, I'll let you help this since

592
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 1: so I can definitely relate to all of that. When

593
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: my husband and I moved in with each other, It

594
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 1: was funny because, you know, one better apartment in New York,

595
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: and his mom was coming to visit and he had

596
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 1: not come out to her yet. I had met her

597
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: because he had brought me home to his house in

598
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 1: l A. But I was just a friend from medical

599
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 1: school that was going to a medical convention with him

600
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 1: that wanted to try Vietnamese food, which is why he

601
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 1: brought me home. I think she was more in the

602
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 1: end disappointed that I wasn't a doctor than I was

603
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 1: with her son. But so before she came to visit

604
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: and she was bringing her best friend and her daughter,

605
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 1: he wrote her a letter so he could get his

606
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 1: feelings out and get everything out without interruptions, and that

607
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 1: actually worked up really well for them. What did work out, though,

608
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: was that his mom didn't tell her best friend who

609
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 1: was bringing her daughter to try to set her up

610
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:12,239
Speaker 1: with Dewey. And the daughter, Oh yeah, the daughter just

611
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: didn't get it. I'm like, how, you're sitting in a

612
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 1: very tastefully decorated apartment in New York that's one bedroom

613
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 1: with two guys living in it. What don't you get

614
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:28,480
Speaker 1: about this situation? Girl? He's not into you, so I

615
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 1: think the letter idea is a really great idea. I

616
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 1: don't know your family dynamic, but I know that my

617
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 1: coming out situation wasn't great. And a lot of times

618
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 1: parents will react very negatively in the moment because they

619
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: don't have time to process it, and they react emotionally,

620
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: and they say things that you'd never get over, and

621
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,480
Speaker 1: I know that they wish they would never have said.

622
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 1: So I think a letter is a good idea. Wow,

623
00:32:56,200 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 1: that's really poignant. I watched a movie yesterday, the plane

624
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: called Joe Bell. I had never heard of it, but

625
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 1: one of my really good friends, Connie Britten, was in it. Surprisingly,

626
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 1: it's Mark Wahlberg and Connie Britten, and it's the story

627
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 1: of a young boy in Oregon who comes out to

628
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: his father, and his father's kind of a redneck. And

629
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: it's beautiful and it is a beautiful kind of depiction

630
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 1: of why it's so important to embrace your children when

631
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 1: they give you news that you don't want to hear,

632
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 1: you know, and to have some sort of understanding of

633
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 1: how difficult it even is to come out, you know,

634
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 1: for straight people, because they don't understand, they can't empathize

635
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: because it's not their their situation, and that's not their experience,

636
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 1: and they want to resist it and figure out a

637
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,239
Speaker 1: way to fix it so that it's not true. And

638
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: you can't change somebody's truth. So I think a letter

639
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 1: what you said is absolutely right, you know, because that

640
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 1: gives people time to digest before they can react in

641
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 1: real time, and it's not a pussy move like not

642
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 1: confronting the situation. I think it's actually the most effective

643
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 1: way to get your message across because it allows people

644
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 1: to read and reread, you know, and go ahead. And

645
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 1: it also allows you to really think about what you're

646
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 1: saying and instead of you reacting emotionally as well. And

647
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 1: you know, one of the things that the LGBTQ community

648
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 1: needs to realize about their family and when you're coming

649
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 1: out is we've had our whole lives to figure it

650
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 1: out and to come to terms with it and and

651
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: to accept it. And often we expect our family two

652
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 1: instantly accept it and feel the exact same way when

653
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:42,439
Speaker 1: their their mourning the person they thought we were there

654
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,839
Speaker 1: at the time. A lot of process thoughts are going

655
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 1: to their morning. Though they're never gonna get married, they're

656
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 1: never gonna have kids, I've never got to grandchildren, obviously

657
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 1: they're going to realize that that's bullshit, and you are

658
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 1: going to get married and you possibly are going to

659
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 1: have kids. But you know, we again, we've had our

660
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,800
Speaker 1: whole lives to figure this out. So we need to

661
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 1: who to give our family a beat sometimes to come

662
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 1: around and if they don't come around instantly minded, not

663
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 1: at all. You know, I left home at fifteen. I

664
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:14,799
Speaker 1: didn't speak to my family for years. And now my

665
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,359
Speaker 1: dad will face time my husband and not even ask

666
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 1: where I'm You know, my dad's is eighty one year

667
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 1: old cowboy. You know, he calls him do do he lowers? Do?

668
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 1: Do he loves? Do? Do? You know? And my and

669
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:30,400
Speaker 1: one of the things that I think will will help

670
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,799
Speaker 1: in this letter is talk about your relationship. You know,

671
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 1: I think my family back in the day, you know,

672
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: they didn't think of gays as being able to be

673
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 1: in loving, healthy, normal relationships. And so one of the

674
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 1: things that really helped my parents come to turn with

675
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 1: it most my relationship with my ex that was about

676
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 1: three years and they saw me in this like a normal,

677
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 1: loving relationship that was way healthier than any relationship my

678
00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 1: sister had ever been in. And this are to going, oh, okay,

679
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 1: and they really liked him, and they I noticed the

680
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 1: walls started coming down and they're like, oh yeah, this

681
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,880
Speaker 1: is fine. You know. So in the bottom and the

682
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 1: way in the back of the mind, I'm sure they

683
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 1: still because of their religion that's ingrained in them. They

684
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 1: still wish that I was straight, but they do now

685
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 1: love and accept me for who I am, and they

686
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:27,359
Speaker 1: love my partner. Well, you said something interesting, you said

687
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 1: like that they they're mourning the loss of who they

688
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 1: thought you were. It's like they're actually just mourning your sexuality.

689
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 1: Their mourning who they wanted you to have sex with.

690
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 1: Like they think about it in such fundamental terms, because

691
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 1: that's basically what it is. Your sexual predilections is what

692
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: they're mourning, not the person you are, because you are

693
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 1: who you are, You've always been that person. You know

694
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 1: they love you and they will continue to love you,

695
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,720
Speaker 1: whether they are able to express that. You can't stop

696
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 1: loving somebody. Sad at least, so much of our identity

697
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 1: and society is tied to who we have sex. Like,

698
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 1: so much of our our identity isn't twine that, Like

699
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 1: that really should be the least of our identity, you know,

700
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 1: I long for the day when no one has to

701
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 1: come out anymore. You're just right you or who you are.

702
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 1: And also I would like to say to you that

703
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 1: the longer you put it off, the longer that you

704
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 1: are postponing the situation that Bobby's now in with his father,

705
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:26,160
Speaker 1: where his father has come around. So like, don't postpone

706
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 1: your future anymore. Your parents, Yes, they're conservative, they may

707
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 1: have a hard time with it. They may also surprise you.

708
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 1: You know, they may also be like, Okay, we're going

709
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,359
Speaker 1: to deal with this, or you know, they may say

710
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 1: I'd love you no matter what, and hopefully that will

711
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,760
Speaker 1: be the situation. But even if it's not. By putting

712
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 1: it out there sooner than later, then you're going to

713
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 1: get to the result you want sooner than later too,

714
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 1: because it is most likely that they will come around

715
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 1: and they might also say, yeah, uh, and you know,

716
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 1: we knew, and you've been allowing not sharing this with them,

717
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 1: to be a wedge in your relationship that to you

718
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 1: from getting closer and keeps you from enjoying the love

719
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 1: and acceptance that you will feel even more when they

720
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 1: love and accept your relationship. And one other thing, by

721
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,280
Speaker 1: keeping this and kind of I know you're not living alive,

722
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: but they will consider it to be living a lie

723
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 1: because they didn't know the truth. You've been in this

724
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,440
Speaker 1: relationship for two years, You've been living with this person.

725
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 1: That's just giving them AMMO, like against when you do

726
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 1: tell them you lie to us for so long, Like

727
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 1: all of that, you just want to diffuse, just like

728
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 1: get it out. So it's out and be open. And

729
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 1: I promise you you're going to feel better about it.

730
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 1: You're gonna feel better about yourself, whether or not your

731
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 1: family is on board right away or not. You're gonna

732
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,240
Speaker 1: feel clear, and you're gonna feel like something has been lifted.

733
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,959
Speaker 1: And this is coming straight from a gay man's mouth.

734
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: The emotional turmoil and the toll that it has on

735
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 1: you hiding that like thinking about having to watching what

736
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,799
Speaker 1: you say and watching what you do. It is it

737
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,560
Speaker 1: is a lot. And so even if they don't react

738
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:05,479
Speaker 1: great in beginning, just the weight off your shoulders that

739
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 1: that will take, the emotional bandwidth that that will free

740
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 1: up for you to make your relationship even better than

741
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: it already is, is worth the little bit of turmoil

742
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 1: it might cause. Yeah, okay, So so I hope you

743
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:21,720
Speaker 1: take our advice and let let us know what happens. Please,

744
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,799
Speaker 1: this is a this is a necessary follow up. Yes,

745
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: keep us posted. Greg good advice, Bobby great advice. Yeah. Well,

746
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: our first color today is Alex. Alex is from Michigan,

747
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 1: he says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Alex. I'm a

748
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:41,320
Speaker 1: female to male transgender man. I've been on my journey

749
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:45,760
Speaker 1: of transitioning since during late I met my now wife

750
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 1: and we had our beautiful, smart, loving daughter, Sutton. Sutton

751
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 1: is three on November sixteenth, and I recognize the topic

752
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 1: of gender is coming up more and more as the

753
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,759
Speaker 1: days go on. We live in a small town in

754
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 1: West Michigan, and she comes home from daycare with very

755
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 1: binary concepts of girls like these movies, etcetera. It's terrifying

756
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,440
Speaker 1: to me what she's learning at such a young age.

757
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 1: We obviously combat at all as we're very open about

758
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 1: our support and love for all things and people identifying

759
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 1: out of the binary. Our best friends are nearly all gay, lesbian,

760
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 1: or trans, and all have their own families, including kids.

761
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:24,279
Speaker 1: I'm struggling with the conversations around how to be a

762
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,799
Speaker 1: dad and stay validated as that to my daughter while

763
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 1: also being open about who I was quote born as

764
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 1: I'm in therapy as well as working on me and

765
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 1: how I present and fit into the world. But adding

766
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,640
Speaker 1: the layer of Sutton growing up and becoming more intuitive

767
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 1: is a lot of pressure. I have a big surgery

768
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 1: bottom surgery coming up within the next year and a half,

769
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,240
Speaker 1: so she'll be very impressionable during that process. How should

770
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 1: I prepare her? Also, if you have any ideas on

771
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 1: how to meet since gender guys to make friends with,

772
00:40:55,520 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 1: please tell me. Thanks. Alex, Hi, Hello, meet you, Hi.

773
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 1: Alex Hi. Realized you were going to pop. I was like, oh, yeah, Hi,

774
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 1: here you're here. Yeah, how are you doing? I'm doing well, awesome.

775
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 1: How are you doing? I'm great. It's much sunny where

776
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: you are in West Michigan and snowing stills so not

777
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 1: white spray. I'm actually in Canada looking for some snow,

778
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 1: So if you could pass it over here, I would

779
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:28,479
Speaker 1: appreciate it. Yeah, I'll send it that way. Bobby Burke

780
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,240
Speaker 1: is our guest today, so he's here with you. Great

781
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 1: to meet you, Alex, you too, Bowie, and my co

782
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,320
Speaker 1: host Catherine is here as well, so yeah, you're in

783
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: good company. Okay, Well let's start, So You're gonna be

784
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 1: honest with your daughter about everything, right, Absolutely, Yes, Honesty

785
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 1: is the best policy for sure. I think it's where

786
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:52,439
Speaker 1: I'm at and with my wife is kind of having

787
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 1: a hard time figuring out. Don't want to make it

788
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: a detriment to her growth and have my story or

789
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 1: my p stional journey be too impactful to the relationships

790
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 1: that she's trying to build with folks in her life.

791
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,239
Speaker 1: And I know that she's a toddler, right, She's got

792
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:11,279
Speaker 1: a lot of life to live. But I think that

793
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: at this point it's just a little bit difficult to

794
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:17,759
Speaker 1: see how much of myself I should tell her so

795
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 1: that when she gets into those conversations she may feel

796
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 1: like she needs to be the hero for me. I

797
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 1: maybe that's not something she's wants to take on. M m, well,

798
00:42:27,239 --> 00:42:30,720
Speaker 1: that's very sensitive. But yeah, I understand what you're saying.

799
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,719
Speaker 1: And I don't know what the right agees. I mean,

800
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 1: I don't know what the right ages to tell a child,

801
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 1: whether they were adopted or that daddy used to be

802
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: a woman who has transitioned three sounds young. I don't

803
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 1: think that that's necessary in this moment, But you obviously

804
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 1: don't want to be lying about anything, right, because that's

805
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:53,360
Speaker 1: what children hold onto is the lies that they're told.

806
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 1: That's what hurts them the most. I was adopted and

807
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,960
Speaker 1: I was told at eight, which I think might have

808
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 1: been slightly too young. Oh slightly too young, Yeah, I

809
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 1: think especially. I mean when we were little, things were

810
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,359
Speaker 1: very different. I think younger kids have their brains, have

811
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,839
Speaker 1: way more information in them now. They know about way

812
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:14,480
Speaker 1: more things than they used to. So I think for

813
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 1: me at the time it was a little young. I

814
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 1: think ten might have been a little bit better. But

815
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: I definitely think three might be too young. Yeah, three

816
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 1: is too early. But you do want them to not

817
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 1: have it be such a reaction, right. It wants you

818
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 1: wanted to be part of who they are, like part

819
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 1: of their understanding, so that you're never sitting down and

820
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 1: being like, oh my dropping some sort of bombshell. Right.

821
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 1: You want them to be comfortable with the notion of

822
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 1: what your reality is, because there's no reason for her

823
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 1: not to be. I'm assuming Sutton is a girl. Is

824
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:45,399
Speaker 1: that a current? Okay, so I think you should really

825
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:47,759
Speaker 1: talk to actually a real professional. I'm sorry we don't

826
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 1: have one on today. I'm doing another episode I'm going

827
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: to ask my psychiatrist, Dan because he specializes in adult

828
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 1: and childhood psychology, and I'll ask him for sure, and

829
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,319
Speaker 1: we'll get Katherine to send you what he thinks about that.

830
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 1: But I definitely think, yes, you want to be as

831
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 1: honest as possible. Children are smarter than we were when

832
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,399
Speaker 1: we were younger. They understand things much sooner than we did.

833
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,880
Speaker 1: They have access to all sorts of information by the

834
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 1: time they're eight, So I actually think eight is probably

835
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 1: a little too late, but maybe it's the right age,

836
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,239
Speaker 1: or maybe it is too early. But I think that

837
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:22,279
Speaker 1: you know when you're telling your story. I've noticed when

838
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 1: you have a positive outlook about what you did and

839
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: what the choices that you've made, and then the way

840
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 1: that you were born, right, because a lot of them

841
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 1: are in choices. A lot of it's not a choice

842
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:35,400
Speaker 1: to be transgender. It's the way you were born. And

843
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 1: if you have a positive outlook and you have a

844
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 1: positive outtake about it and you're not traumatized by it,

845
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,839
Speaker 1: and you don't pass on that trauma to her, then

846
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: there's only good stuff to take away from that. Then

847
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 1: there's only good ways to instill that idea in her.

848
00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:54,399
Speaker 1: And the younger all of us learn tolerance and acceptance

849
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 1: and that everybody's path is different. The better human beings

850
00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: we turn out to be, so you will only have

851
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 1: good stuff to spread to her. It's just a matter

852
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 1: of when and how much. You know, you don't want

853
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 1: to put a burden on a three year old obviously,

854
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 1: because she doesn't understand that yet. She doesn't even understand

855
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:11,879
Speaker 1: what private parts are really yet, So not that that's

856
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 1: the only thing we're talking about, but you know, like

857
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,880
Speaker 1: it starts there. I think for a lot of kids, Katherine,

858
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 1: what do you think? I mean? I think that there

859
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 1: are different ways to explain things to kids as they age,

860
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:27,879
Speaker 1: and the language that you would use with her when

861
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 1: she's eight or ten is gonna be different than if

862
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,839
Speaker 1: you do start talking about it now. As far as

863
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 1: like you said, daddy was born a woman and now

864
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 1: as a man, and we love everyone, and you know,

865
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 1: it's the same thing as like some people have two

866
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,800
Speaker 1: mummies and some people have two daddy's and that's a

867
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,759
Speaker 1: very different conversation if someone is, you know, fourteen or

868
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:47,399
Speaker 1: fifteen and you're having those conversations for the first time.

869
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 1: But to me, it feels like if it's just a

870
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 1: natural part of the conversation, like it already seems like

871
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 1: it is in your in your immediate community. You don't

872
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 1: have to get too granular with it, but just having

873
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 1: that be part of the versation, I think is great.

874
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:03,960
Speaker 1: The other thing is we may want to get some

875
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 1: advice from Dan about how to address the surgery portion

876
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:10,760
Speaker 1: of it, because you know you will have some healing

877
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: time and some recovery time, and you want to frame

878
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:16,360
Speaker 1: it in a way that you know, Daddy's not sick,

879
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 1: but you know having this recovery. So we might want

880
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:21,320
Speaker 1: to talk to Dan about how to address that and

881
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:23,799
Speaker 1: what language to use their. Yeah, that's a good idea.

882
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 1: Let's definitely do that, and we will circle back with

883
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 1: you if he has resources about like certain therapists who

884
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,279
Speaker 1: specialize in this, which I'm sure there are plenty and

885
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,719
Speaker 1: specialize in these kinds of conversations, and we'll give you

886
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 1: those resources as well. That would be fantastic. Bobby. My

887
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 1: personal advice, and I'm sure you're already doing this, but

888
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:44,000
Speaker 1: this is kind of for advice for cis gender parents

889
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 1: out there who want to be better advocates and allies

890
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 1: for the trans community is stop letting your kids think

891
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:54,560
Speaker 1: of things in such a binary way, like these are

892
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:56,760
Speaker 1: boys toys, and these are girls toys, and like you mentioned,

893
00:46:56,760 --> 00:47:00,080
Speaker 1: these are movies. Girls like movies. Boys want all that

894
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:03,400
Speaker 1: was created by corporate America wanting to sell more toys

895
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 1: and wanting to sell more movies. Oh well, let's make

896
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:08,279
Speaker 1: the girls toys pink and the blue toys blue, so

897
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: that way they have to buy separate toys. You know,

898
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:15,239
Speaker 1: So get away from teaching your kids that, oh, no, no no, no,

899
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:18,239
Speaker 1: girls don't like baseball, girls can fucking like baseball, or

900
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 1: girls all my cars, or boys shoot't like barbies? Sure

901
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:24,800
Speaker 1: they can. And if sis gentered, people would start getting

902
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:28,400
Speaker 1: their kids away from these this binary way of thinking,

903
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:30,799
Speaker 1: you know, the rest of us wouldn't have to be

904
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,240
Speaker 1: so concerned about how are we going to tell our children,

905
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 1: and our children gonna have to be taking up for

906
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,359
Speaker 1: us in school and defending us, Like I know, that's

907
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 1: what you're probably most worried about, is sudden having to

908
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 1: be defending you, when if it wasn't for the other

909
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 1: parents teaching the kids, she would never have to, you know.

910
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 1: So my advice is, I know I personally don't have

911
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:52,959
Speaker 1: a ton of advice for you. I think Chelsea's idea

912
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,800
Speaker 1: of bringing in a professional that deals with this is

913
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 1: a great idea. But my advice for the world to

914
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 1: help one like you is stop teaching your children that

915
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,280
Speaker 1: certain things are for boys or certain things are for girls,

916
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 1: and it's just things for everyone. Yeah, it sounds like

917
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 1: your whole lifestyle anyway involves men with men, women with women,

918
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 1: and men and women, So your child is already exposed

919
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 1: to the idea, So you just have to keep implementing that,

920
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 1: you know, and keep inculcating it into her brain. Like

921
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 1: some little girls like to play with dolls, and some

922
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 1: little girls like to play with trucks, and some little

923
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 1: girls feel like little boys, and some little boys feel

924
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:29,799
Speaker 1: like little girls, and some people want, you know, like

925
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:32,400
Speaker 1: it's it's just a constant conversation. And as long as

926
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 1: the conversation is constant and there are no surprises, Yeah, absolutely,

927
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 1: that's that's what we definitely try to do when we

928
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,440
Speaker 1: buy all the books jack Wants to be Jackie and

929
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 1: those type of things, and and my daughter gets a

930
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 1: Show and Tell day every Friday, and she always happens

931
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 1: to pick those books to bring to daycare. So we're

932
00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: kind of, you know, infiltrating in our own little way,

933
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:56,799
Speaker 1: but she really is choosing them. It's just we're not

934
00:48:56,920 --> 00:49:00,080
Speaker 1: we're not taking it away and saying, hey, you're three, me,

935
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 1: that's not a conversation that you should facilitate in the

936
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 1: classroom with a bunch of three year olds. But anyway, yeah,

937
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:09,800
Speaker 1: we let her be her, and we we talk about

938
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,880
Speaker 1: what family structure looks like. It's kind of just, Bobby,

939
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:14,880
Speaker 1: what you're kind of referring to. It's the adults that

940
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:18,759
Speaker 1: you worry about as far as how comfortable your kid

941
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 1: is and being in that space and sharing their truth

942
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,040
Speaker 1: and their parents truth and their family's truth and whatever

943
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:27,919
Speaker 1: that is. Yeah, kids aren't born homophobic and transphobic or

944
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:31,080
Speaker 1: or racists. They're taught that by their parents. So it's

945
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:34,319
Speaker 1: the parents that need to step up and start, you know.

946
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:36,239
Speaker 1: And a lot of times it's no, I'm not saying

947
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:38,919
Speaker 1: most parents aren't bad. It's America, I questioned that these days.

948
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 1: But a lot of parents aren't bad. They just have

949
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:45,319
Speaker 1: this binary system ingrained in their mind and that's just

950
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, we're gonna buy our little girl this,

951
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 1: We're gonna buy a little boy that. But for all

952
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 1: your parents out there that do want to make the

953
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 1: world a better place, start consciously thinking about the terminology

954
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 1: that you're using with your kids and stop, you know,

955
00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:00,439
Speaker 1: labeling everything in such a binary way, and your kids

956
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:02,800
Speaker 1: will stop thinking about it so much, and Sutton won't,

957
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 1: you know, Suttons and all the little Suttons in the

958
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 1: future won't have to deal with things in a negative way.

959
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 1: So it was nice to talk to you, Alex. Yes,

960
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you so much, Thank you for calling in.

961
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 1: You're so cute. Thank you talk. He was cute. He's

962
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 1: like a bundle of love energy. Yeah, I said to

963
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:27,759
Speaker 1: him in our pre interview. I was like, you do

964
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,799
Speaker 1: a lot of presentations on zoom, right, and he was like, yeah, yeah,

965
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: I do so zoom faces. Now we do faces. I

966
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 1: have to exit my own screen, like I have to

967
00:50:40,200 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 1: take the photos down because I end up just staring

968
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:47,000
Speaker 1: at myself. That's how lame I am. I just I'm

969
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:49,520
Speaker 1: like talking to people looking straight at myself. So I

970
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,480
Speaker 1: have to take it all down and just to focus

971
00:50:51,520 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 1: on the camera. I definitely used I've gotten a little

972
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:58,640
Speaker 1: bit better, and now I put mine at the very

973
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:00,840
Speaker 1: bottom and I put everyone else's Where's a top towards

974
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:04,400
Speaker 1: the camera, so I've been looking more directly at it. Yeah,

975
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:13,800
Speaker 1: that's right. There we go exactly. Well, our next color

976
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:16,439
Speaker 1: is a little bit of a left hand turn. So

977
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 1: our next color is Danny, she says. Dear Chelsea. I'm

978
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 1: twenty six years old, and for the first time in

979
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 1: my life, I feel as though I've finally found my place.

980
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:27,800
Speaker 1: I recently accepted a position as a service and support

981
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:31,759
Speaker 1: specialist for a private family in my area. This role

982
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 1: involves a lot of travel internationally and domestically. What could

983
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:40,600
Speaker 1: be better. There's one hitch. I struggle with debilitating motion sickness.

984
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:43,280
Speaker 1: I've only been on a plane a handful of times,

985
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:46,319
Speaker 1: and the most recent time I was violently ill. I've

986
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:48,800
Speaker 1: had this affliction my entire life, and it's only gotten

987
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 1: worth the older I get. When this opportunity arose, however,

988
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 1: there was no way I could say no to it.

989
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:56,520
Speaker 1: My entire life, I've said no to the things that

990
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:59,160
Speaker 1: I truly wanted to do but was too afraid to.

991
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:02,120
Speaker 1: So is time I figured I just manifest my way

992
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:05,399
Speaker 1: to Sunday skies on a calm stomach. Lately, though, all

993
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:07,359
Speaker 1: I can think about is how awful it would be

994
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 1: to be incapacitated with nausea on my first trip with

995
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:17,520
Speaker 1: this family. Any suggestions, Danny, Hi, Danny, Hi, Hi, Hi.

996
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm great? How are you? I'm good?

997
00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:23,520
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in. This is Bobby Burke. He's my

998
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:27,640
Speaker 1: special guest. H I hate to hear that. My sister

999
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 1: is the same way. Yeah, and she just I feel

1000
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:35,200
Speaker 1: so bad. It's awful. I don't live with it, but

1001
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 1: obviously grew up with somebody that did, and hers has

1002
00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 1: gotten worse as she's gotten older as well, Like she's

1003
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:44,280
Speaker 1: gotten to her now it's unless she's behind the wheel

1004
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:45,600
Speaker 1: of the car, we just don't go. She just doesn't

1005
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:48,640
Speaker 1: go anywhere. I know, I'm getting to that point. It's horrible.

1006
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 1: And and Danny, I think you should tell them also

1007
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 1: what you told me about when you were on what

1008
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:55,279
Speaker 1: happened last week when you were on the boat and

1009
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:58,960
Speaker 1: it wasn't moving. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like

1010
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 1: it's a big mental thing as well, because I was

1011
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 1: cleaning one of the boats and we were in a

1012
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:09,279
Speaker 1: boat barn, so like it's on stilts and I was

1013
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:12,760
Speaker 1: cleaning and it wasn't horrible, but like I definitely felt

1014
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 1: different and it was there's like a pressure change or

1015
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 1: something weird was happening, and I just felt like I

1016
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:22,320
Speaker 1: could get sick. It was so weird. So it wasn't

1017
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 1: in water, but you still felt like, ye see, I

1018
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 1: always I'm not a doctor, you know, but I am.

1019
00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 1: I have always felt like it's more of a mental

1020
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:39,279
Speaker 1: thing because here's the thing. When you're driving a car,

1021
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 1: you're still in the same car, it's still moving, it's

1022
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 1: but you're you're focused on something. And you know, I've

1023
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:47,680
Speaker 1: always said to my sister, I'm like, this can't be

1024
00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:50,240
Speaker 1: a physical thing because when you're driving it doesn't happen.

1025
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:52,400
Speaker 1: And she's like, well, I focused on something. I'm like, well,

1026
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:56,600
Speaker 1: there you go. Have you tried hypnosis? No, but I

1027
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 1: looked it up. I looked into it. I'm just in

1028
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 1: an area where it's not readily accessible to me. I

1029
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 1: don't know if they can properly do hypnosis over zoom

1030
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 1: or something like that. I think you need to try.

1031
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,120
Speaker 1: You have to try, because I was going to say

1032
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:14,239
Speaker 1: the exact same thing, and you need to get hypnotized.

1033
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 1: This is a very common problem that people get hypnotized

1034
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:18,960
Speaker 1: for all the time. And I would offer you where

1035
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:23,719
Speaker 1: do you live Michigan Okay, okay, Michigan today, But it

1036
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:27,279
Speaker 1: sounds like it seems like it sounds like that you

1037
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:31,120
Speaker 1: work for family that takes you to bigger places. Maybe

1038
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:34,400
Speaker 1: the next trip you go on free kind of look

1039
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:37,959
Speaker 1: for a hypnotist in that area and go there. Yeah,

1040
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:41,239
Speaker 1: that's definitely a possibility. I have a person in l A.

1041
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:43,480
Speaker 1: If you're ever in Los Angeles, his name is Carrie Gan.

1042
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:45,640
Speaker 1: Or you do have to go three times. It's once

1043
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 1: a week for three weeks. You need to find someone

1044
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:51,440
Speaker 1: on zoom or in your area and try just because

1045
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:54,120
Speaker 1: it is a mental thing, it's completely mental. You just

1046
00:54:54,160 --> 00:54:57,759
Speaker 1: have to try to. Even pursuing it and following through

1047
00:54:57,760 --> 00:55:00,800
Speaker 1: with hypnosis over zoom is going to change your mental

1048
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:04,400
Speaker 1: state about the motion sickness and whether it's also control

1049
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 1: or whatever it may be, whatever it comes down to,

1050
00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 1: because if you take some action that is going to

1051
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:11,919
Speaker 1: help you mentally be in a different place than you've been.

1052
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:14,759
Speaker 1: You definitely I understand you do not want to go

1053
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:17,680
Speaker 1: on a trip with his family and be the burden

1054
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:20,120
Speaker 1: to them. You know, my husband puked over the side

1055
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 1: of the boat as he was proposing to me, So

1056
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 1: you don't that's a whole another story, and that's why

1057
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 1: they've been together for eighteen years. I believe it was

1058
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:34,840
Speaker 1: eighteen years. So you've tried drugs, right, dramamine or whatever

1059
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:38,560
Speaker 1: over the counter anti nausea stuff. Yeah, dramamine works because

1060
00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 1: it knocks me out. And right, have you tried go palamine? Patches?

1061
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 1: I ordered a bunch recent. Okay, have you tried have

1062
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:56,520
Speaker 1: you tried weed? Oh? No, normally it makes me nauseous,

1063
00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:59,759
Speaker 1: So unfortunately, I'm not sure they would have the right

1064
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:02,840
Speaker 1: of that, but it's possible. Yeah, you should try maybe

1065
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:06,479
Speaker 1: cb D only because that will calm your body down

1066
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 1: without going into your head. You know, it's not psychoactive.

1067
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:12,640
Speaker 1: Cb D isn't going to make you nauseous. It's gonna

1068
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 1: be you know. That's what they give to people who

1069
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:17,040
Speaker 1: are going through chemo who can't stop being nauseous. So

1070
00:56:17,120 --> 00:56:19,000
Speaker 1: you need to be alert and with them on the

1071
00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:22,959
Speaker 1: plane ride, right, you need to be helpful and awake. Yeah,

1072
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 1: not necessarily, they're not gonna be on the plane, but

1073
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:27,880
Speaker 1: the boats. For sure, planes make me sick too, but

1074
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 1: the boat is really what I'm most concerned about. Yeah, Okay,

1075
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:35,000
Speaker 1: I would try some CBD and hypnosis. Okay, yeah, and

1076
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:38,160
Speaker 1: I just got off being on a boat for a week.

1077
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:41,880
Speaker 1: I was okay, But my one sister in law was

1078
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:45,719
Speaker 1: six a dog the first day, and the one thing

1079
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:49,120
Speaker 1: that helped her a lot was the scopolamine patches. Now,

1080
00:56:49,160 --> 00:56:51,040
Speaker 1: if you have a full patches, like a little teeny

1081
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:53,440
Speaker 1: patch that goes behind your ear, and if it gives

1082
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:55,799
Speaker 1: you any sort of like blurred vision, like she and

1083
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:57,840
Speaker 1: my other sister in law who tried it, both were like,

1084
00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:00,280
Speaker 1: I can't read it in my cell phone. Am I going? Mind?

1085
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:03,120
Speaker 1: Like kind of had a panicky moment. But cut it

1086
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:05,120
Speaker 1: in half and you can use just half of it,

1087
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:07,480
Speaker 1: So try that. You can even apply it before you

1088
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:11,480
Speaker 1: actually get on the boat. And the crew there said

1089
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:16,040
Speaker 1: they've never had anyone stay sick after like about two

1090
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:20,320
Speaker 1: days on the water, So your body should naturally adjust

1091
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 1: to the waves and adjust to the motion. I would

1092
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 1: also try there are some supplements you can try, like

1093
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:29,479
Speaker 1: peppermint or ginger. You can get like things to suck

1094
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 1: on that will help as well, or potentially even like

1095
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:37,360
Speaker 1: some essential oils can sometimes help with the nausea. So

1096
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:41,440
Speaker 1: but I like, I really like the idea of hypnosis.

1097
00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:44,320
Speaker 1: And then I've also heard of cognitive behavioral therapy being

1098
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:45,840
Speaker 1: good for that as well, but that's a little bit

1099
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:49,480
Speaker 1: more of a longer fix. Hypnosis maybe could help quickly.

1100
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:51,800
Speaker 1: And if you also google, I mean, these are a

1101
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,240
Speaker 1: lot of things to do, but you need to do them.

1102
00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 1: So you also look up meditation apps that are specific

1103
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:02,920
Speaker 1: to this, or affirmations that are specific to this. Just

1104
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:04,720
Speaker 1: kind of google that and see what you come up with,

1105
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:06,640
Speaker 1: because there's going to be something that's going to be

1106
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:09,360
Speaker 1: like something that you can say on mantra each day

1107
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:12,720
Speaker 1: leading up even starting today until you're on your trip,

1108
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,360
Speaker 1: so you're just resetting your kind of neural pathways that

1109
00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:17,720
Speaker 1: you can reset your neural pathways, so there is a

1110
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:20,080
Speaker 1: way out of this for you. So you just have

1111
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:23,120
Speaker 1: to keep trying everything you can until you figure it out.

1112
00:58:23,360 --> 00:58:26,640
Speaker 1: And yeah, I've also been on several boat trips and

1113
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:28,919
Speaker 1: people who are sick and they're not sick the whole time,

1114
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:32,520
Speaker 1: so it does kind of work itself out of your system.

1115
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:35,200
Speaker 1: Although you know that's not ideal either, it's better than

1116
00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:38,479
Speaker 1: being sick the entire time. Definitely, I've tried a little

1117
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:41,400
Speaker 1: bit of t M in the morning, and you know,

1118
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:43,920
Speaker 1: unfortunately it's not something that I can really test out.

1119
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:46,600
Speaker 1: But yeah, but just be consistent. You know, as long

1120
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:48,720
Speaker 1: as you're consistent with things, then they start to show

1121
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: up in your body. You just have to be consistent,

1122
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 1: even if you think it may not be having an impact.

1123
00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 1: Just do it every day. Consistency is key with everything

1124
00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:59,840
Speaker 1: in life. That's why I consistently drink heavily, you know.

1125
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:04,000
Speaker 1: I mean it works for me, so yeah, but let

1126
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:06,320
Speaker 1: us know when you do figure it out what worked

1127
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,240
Speaker 1: for you, so we can help other people figure it

1128
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 1: out as well. Yeah, of course I will. When's your

1129
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:14,200
Speaker 1: first trip? As soon as I get my passport back.

1130
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:17,000
Speaker 1: I'm not a huge traveler, but it should be a

1131
00:59:17,080 --> 00:59:19,160
Speaker 1: couple of weeks from now. So, I mean, and how

1132
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:22,960
Speaker 1: how big are the boats? Um? I thought they were

1133
00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 1: going to be bigger, but there don't you hate that?

1134
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:32,320
Speaker 1: I was hoping because I know that that can help.

1135
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:36,480
Speaker 1: But they're they're they're small yachts, just a small yachts.

1136
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:40,000
Speaker 1: It only has only the only has one helicopter pad,

1137
00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:45,840
Speaker 1: can you head? And some of them are speed boats

1138
00:59:45,840 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 1: as well that are in the area. So I hate

1139
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 1: saying somebody it's it's all in your head because I

1140
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:53,560
Speaker 1: know you're like, no, it's not, but I know that

1141
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: you can probably logically think, yeah, when I'm driving, I'm fine.

1142
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:01,120
Speaker 1: So it is so those daily after nations of realizing

1143
01:00:01,520 --> 01:00:03,160
Speaker 1: I am I hate to say this this way, but

1144
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 1: I'm doing this to myself because I feel like this

1145
01:00:05,720 --> 01:00:08,000
Speaker 1: is going to happen, and I think this is gonna happen.

1146
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:11,080
Speaker 1: So it happens. But you know what, when I drive,

1147
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:13,560
Speaker 1: it doesn't happen. So it makes no sense that it happens.

1148
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:15,920
Speaker 1: So you know what, next time, it's not going to happen.

1149
01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:18,920
Speaker 1: And just keep reminding yourself, this is only happening because

1150
01:00:18,920 --> 01:00:22,680
Speaker 1: I am manifesting it to happen, so manifested to not happen,

1151
01:00:22,760 --> 01:00:25,920
Speaker 1: and realize that. You know, again, I hate saying this,

1152
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,960
Speaker 1: I'm doing this to myself, but there are things that

1153
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,400
Speaker 1: we do to ourselves. You know. There are things that

1154
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:33,280
Speaker 1: we dwell on, and because we dwell on it so much,

1155
01:00:33,280 --> 01:00:36,720
Speaker 1: we make it happen, especially when it's a physical reaction

1156
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:38,920
Speaker 1: like that. You know, if we think, oh, and then

1157
01:00:38,920 --> 01:00:40,760
Speaker 1: I get nervous, You get nervous. Oh and then I

1158
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:43,080
Speaker 1: have anxiety, you get anxiety. You know, we do these

1159
01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:45,960
Speaker 1: things for ourselves so, like Chelsea said, do these daily

1160
01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 1: affirmations really, Like, you know what, this is just movement.

1161
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:52,600
Speaker 1: I I deal with movement. The planet is literally spending

1162
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:56,040
Speaker 1: right now, and I'm fine. And you know what another

1163
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:58,120
Speaker 1: idea is. I know we're throwing a lot of things

1164
01:00:58,160 --> 01:01:00,000
Speaker 1: at you, but talk to your doctor about a beta

1165
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:03,920
Speaker 1: blocker because it's anxiety induced, and that is something that

1166
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:06,240
Speaker 1: cuts off anxiety. I take for prian alol and when

1167
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:07,960
Speaker 1: I go on stage a lot, so my voice doesn't

1168
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:10,160
Speaker 1: get too high because sometimes when I'm like, I have

1169
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:12,800
Speaker 1: a lot of energy and adrenaline, I get like I

1170
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:14,440
Speaker 1: talked too fast, I get too high and it just

1171
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 1: kind of totally takes the nerves out. So this is

1172
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 1: anxiety related. So that might be an option too, because

1173
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:23,200
Speaker 1: and you can test that easily. My husband just prescribed

1174
01:01:23,200 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 1: that to me. Oh he did. Yeah, I'm supposed to

1175
01:01:27,240 --> 01:01:29,840
Speaker 1: do a performance this weekend, but I thought I had COVID,

1176
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 1: so I canceled it. But I was so nervous that

1177
01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:35,200
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm just going to prescribe to beta blockers.

1178
01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:37,800
Speaker 1: And one time I did stand up and it was

1179
01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:40,280
Speaker 1: the most terrified thing I've ever done in my entire

1180
01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:43,240
Speaker 1: fucking life, and I wish I had had beta blockers

1181
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:45,400
Speaker 1: because now I'm realizing, yes, my voice did feel much

1182
01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:48,480
Speaker 1: higher and I was speaking wickquicker, but I just you know,

1183
01:01:48,720 --> 01:01:54,959
Speaker 1: got really ship faced before and I thought that would help. Yeah,

1184
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 1: that always helps, until it does. That's a really good idea.

1185
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,280
Speaker 1: But yeah, okay, so just don't give up and just

1186
01:02:02,320 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 1: think this is the beginning of the rest of my life.

1187
01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:07,880
Speaker 1: I'm finding a solution for my issue, definitely yea, and

1188
01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:11,040
Speaker 1: good luck with the new job as well. Thank you

1189
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:13,360
Speaker 1: and Chelsea. I just wanted to tell you before I

1190
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:17,640
Speaker 1: sign off. I wouldn't have even considered doing this job

1191
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:19,360
Speaker 1: or applying for it if it weren't for you and

1192
01:02:19,400 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 1: your stand up. And I just like finally feel like

1193
01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:25,040
Speaker 1: worthy enough of good things in my life, and I

1194
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:27,360
Speaker 1: just have to credit you with some of that. So

1195
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:29,960
Speaker 1: thank you God, Well, good for you. I'd love to

1196
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,480
Speaker 1: hear that. Yeah, we're all worthy of good things. You

1197
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:36,960
Speaker 1: know what. I credit Chelsea for my my laugh lines.

1198
01:02:38,440 --> 01:02:41,200
Speaker 1: I literally used to watch your show and I could

1199
01:02:41,200 --> 01:02:43,680
Speaker 1: go like this when i'd watch because I'm like, you're

1200
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:47,320
Speaker 1: making me regal, Chelsea. I'm sitting here for an hour

1201
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:51,200
Speaker 1: in the same position laughing and you're giving me laugh lines. Literally.

1202
01:02:51,640 --> 01:02:54,760
Speaker 1: I used to say, I get these from Chelsea. Him, yeah,

1203
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:57,200
Speaker 1: is that where we grew a beard? It is to

1204
01:02:57,560 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 1: cover all my Chelsea lines. I wish I could grow

1205
01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:04,680
Speaker 1: a beer. Okay, we'll keep us posted and yes, all

1206
01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:09,320
Speaker 1: good things are coming your way. Okay, thank you, okay, by.

1207
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:13,400
Speaker 1: I must have missed the whole fucking boating part because

1208
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:15,920
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, plain and then she was like, no,

1209
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:18,680
Speaker 1: it's on a boat. So wait, she's helping me. She's

1210
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:21,160
Speaker 1: so she's gonna go be like a YADDI for this family,

1211
01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:24,520
Speaker 1: like a personal assistant. It was just like whole rich

1212
01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:28,160
Speaker 1: family life on jets, on boats, on everything, just vot

1213
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:31,360
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, yeah, I think it's like all over the place,

1214
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 1: but it's not. It's not volunteer work, Like no, no,

1215
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:38,760
Speaker 1: it's uh yeah, I'm way out of it. I missed

1216
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:42,320
Speaker 1: a whole sentence. There's something froze because I was like boats.

1217
01:03:42,400 --> 01:03:44,840
Speaker 1: When I started talking about boats, I was like, wait,

1218
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 1: what she's like, we're helping refugees. I was like, yeah, exactly,

1219
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 1: jet setting with rich people, you know. So yeah, she's

1220
01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:57,320
Speaker 1: gonna be living the dream and she'll be she'll be

1221
01:03:57,400 --> 01:03:59,920
Speaker 1: on below deck. Before we get I was like, next,

1222
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:03,280
Speaker 1: he's an on below deck? Yes, well, well the new well,

1223
01:04:03,320 --> 01:04:07,439
Speaker 1: the new girl get her motion sickness under wraps well.

1224
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:13,720
Speaker 1: Our last question comes from Courtney Dear Chelsea. I went

1225
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:16,600
Speaker 1: back to school in my early thirties for decorating and design,

1226
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:19,360
Speaker 1: something I had developed a passion for in my late

1227
01:04:19,400 --> 01:04:22,640
Speaker 1: twenties and decided to pursue as a career. I'd always

1228
01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:27,200
Speaker 1: been great at picking out paint colors, decorating vignettes at work, renovations,

1229
01:04:27,320 --> 01:04:31,120
Speaker 1: space planning, basically anything that involves decorating or designing a space.

1230
01:04:31,720 --> 01:04:33,640
Speaker 1: Now in my mid thirties, I currently work in a

1231
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:36,800
Speaker 1: retail setting where I manage a paint and small flooring department,

1232
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:38,840
Speaker 1: and I have future plans to run the kitchen and

1233
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:42,200
Speaker 1: bath design center once we expand. My issue is this,

1234
01:04:42,840 --> 01:04:44,919
Speaker 1: I have a handful of friends who like to use

1235
01:04:44,920 --> 01:04:48,680
Speaker 1: my design services for free, rather than actually hiring me

1236
01:04:48,720 --> 01:04:51,160
Speaker 1: to come pick their paint colors and design their space.

1237
01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:54,440
Speaker 1: They'll send me texts with photos asking what color do

1238
01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:56,600
Speaker 1: you think I should paint this room? Or I want

1239
01:04:56,600 --> 01:04:59,280
Speaker 1: to redo this bathroom? What should I do? Or my

1240
01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:01,360
Speaker 1: mom wants to In a feature wall in her living room.

1241
01:05:01,400 --> 01:05:03,400
Speaker 1: Here's some picks of the space. What do you think.

1242
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:06,360
Speaker 1: While I don't mind giving out the odd piece of advice,

1243
01:05:06,440 --> 01:05:08,840
Speaker 1: I tend to feel taken advantage of and like my

1244
01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:11,360
Speaker 1: choice of career doesn't mean much to them, like as

1245
01:05:11,400 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 1: a hobby rather than an actual job. And Bobby is

1246
01:05:14,680 --> 01:05:20,480
Speaker 1: nodding ferociously. How do I approach this subject without sounding

1247
01:05:20,520 --> 01:05:22,960
Speaker 1: like a bit I understand that maybe they're trying to

1248
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:25,000
Speaker 1: save money, But if I'm going to do this for you,

1249
01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:28,360
Speaker 1: shouldn't I be entitled to something, whether during my workouts

1250
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:30,760
Speaker 1: or in my spare time. It is my design advice

1251
01:05:31,160 --> 01:05:35,040
Speaker 1: that I went to school for. Is it not worth something? Courtney?

1252
01:05:35,120 --> 01:05:38,560
Speaker 1: I can relate, Courtney. I mean even to this day,

1253
01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:42,160
Speaker 1: I literally get let's say, hundreds of d m s

1254
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:46,560
Speaker 1: a day from people wanting free design advice, and I'm

1255
01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:50,080
Speaker 1: rereading my kitchen what color? And I'm just like, I

1256
01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:52,480
Speaker 1: honestly see them, and I just don't respond because I'm like,

1257
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:55,360
Speaker 1: are you for real? Do you think that all I

1258
01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:58,400
Speaker 1: have to do is sit around and get free design advice?

1259
01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:02,320
Speaker 1: Come book, go to expert dot com and book a

1260
01:06:02,360 --> 01:06:05,360
Speaker 1: session with me. But I can completely relate to Courtney,

1261
01:06:05,400 --> 01:06:08,680
Speaker 1: because my friends will do it too. And this was

1262
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:10,520
Speaker 1: back when I was a designer or I on a

1263
01:06:10,560 --> 01:06:13,360
Speaker 1: furniture store. And and you know, you wouldn't go to

1264
01:06:15,240 --> 01:06:17,560
Speaker 1: your plumber friend and asked them to do plumbing stuff

1265
01:06:17,600 --> 01:06:19,440
Speaker 1: for you, or your doctorate friend and asked them to

1266
01:06:19,800 --> 01:06:23,400
Speaker 1: you know, you would be like, oh, they're a trained professional.

1267
01:06:23,800 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 1: This is their job in their livelihood. Well it's yours

1268
01:06:26,320 --> 01:06:30,440
Speaker 1: to Courtney, So you know, I would I would advise,

1269
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:31,840
Speaker 1: you know, putting your foot down a little bit and

1270
01:06:31,840 --> 01:06:34,360
Speaker 1: be like, hey, this actually sounds like a really fun project.

1271
01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:36,920
Speaker 1: I'd love to help your mom out. You know, here's

1272
01:06:36,960 --> 01:06:40,120
Speaker 1: my hourly rate, you know, or hey, since you're my friend,

1273
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:42,800
Speaker 1: I'll do it for half or whatever. But just to

1274
01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:45,840
Speaker 1: let them know that you went to school for this,

1275
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:50,480
Speaker 1: you have student loans for this. You weren't pro I mean,

1276
01:06:50,560 --> 01:06:54,320
Speaker 1: I'm being prosumptious, but you are probably as you're helping

1277
01:06:54,360 --> 01:06:58,560
Speaker 1: them still paying this off, so they can't expect you

1278
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:01,600
Speaker 1: to do this for free. You know, I definitely wouldn't

1279
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:04,240
Speaker 1: advise trying to charge them what you would normally charge,

1280
01:07:04,320 --> 01:07:08,840
Speaker 1: but just giving them a price make some step back

1281
01:07:08,840 --> 01:07:10,960
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, you know what you're right, this

1282
01:07:11,080 --> 01:07:13,720
Speaker 1: is your job, and I'm asking you to do your

1283
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:19,320
Speaker 1: job for free and constantly. Yeah, so put your foot down,

1284
01:07:19,360 --> 01:07:21,440
Speaker 1: stand your ground, don't be a bit about it. It's

1285
01:07:21,440 --> 01:07:24,520
Speaker 1: not being a bit right to to to make your

1286
01:07:24,720 --> 01:07:26,480
Speaker 1: let your friends know that you have value in that

1287
01:07:26,520 --> 01:07:29,800
Speaker 1: you're of worth and and remind them that you know,

1288
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:32,280
Speaker 1: you spent a lot of money to get the degree

1289
01:07:32,400 --> 01:07:34,960
Speaker 1: and then know how that you have and that's why

1290
01:07:34,960 --> 01:07:38,560
Speaker 1: they're coming to you. Otherwise they could do it themselves, right.

1291
01:07:38,840 --> 01:07:40,800
Speaker 1: I like the idea of sort of being a little

1292
01:07:40,800 --> 01:07:43,640
Speaker 1: bit presumptuous back, which is not bitchy at all. It's like,

1293
01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:46,440
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I would love to Like they're presuming

1294
01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:48,440
Speaker 1: that you will do it for free, and you're like, great,

1295
01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:50,480
Speaker 1: I would love to help. Here is my friends and

1296
01:07:50,520 --> 01:07:53,560
Speaker 1: family rate. It's normally this like let me know when

1297
01:07:53,560 --> 01:07:55,600
Speaker 1: she's ready to sit down for a meeting. Because the

1298
01:07:55,640 --> 01:07:59,000
Speaker 1: way that does is it makes them think that you

1299
01:07:59,200 --> 01:08:03,000
Speaker 1: just a sue. Of course they were hiring you, and

1300
01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:05,200
Speaker 1: then they wouldn't be like, oh no, bit, you need

1301
01:08:05,280 --> 01:08:06,480
Speaker 1: to do this for free, and they'd be like oh

1302
01:08:06,560 --> 01:08:08,920
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah okay, So either they are

1303
01:08:08,920 --> 01:08:11,040
Speaker 1: going to pay you or they're going to stop bothering

1304
01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:13,800
Speaker 1: you and expecting it for free, but it's just it

1305
01:08:13,880 --> 01:08:15,800
Speaker 1: makes them kind of feel like the asshole for expecting

1306
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:18,040
Speaker 1: that you would have done it for free. Yeah. Yeah,

1307
01:08:18,080 --> 01:08:20,360
Speaker 1: And or you could send out an email and mask

1308
01:08:20,439 --> 01:08:23,160
Speaker 1: to all your people and just go, hey, this is

1309
01:08:23,160 --> 01:08:26,479
Speaker 1: a really friendly reminder that I, you know, this is

1310
01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:28,880
Speaker 1: my job and this is my career choice. And I've

1311
01:08:28,880 --> 01:08:31,519
Speaker 1: had so many of friends and family lean on me

1312
01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:33,160
Speaker 1: and ask me for a design help, but I just

1313
01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:35,320
Speaker 1: want to make it very clear this is what I

1314
01:08:35,360 --> 01:08:37,960
Speaker 1: do for a living. So moving forward, if you're going

1315
01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:39,960
Speaker 1: to come to me for any I can, we can

1316
01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:42,120
Speaker 1: work out a deal maybe, or you know, whatever you're

1317
01:08:42,160 --> 01:08:46,040
Speaker 1: comfortable parameter wise, but just letting everybody know. Like I

1318
01:08:46,080 --> 01:08:49,000
Speaker 1: had a doctor who did this recently because one of

1319
01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:52,040
Speaker 1: my we have this anti aging doctor and one of

1320
01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:56,240
Speaker 1: my friends emails her non stop about this drug and

1321
01:08:56,320 --> 01:08:58,519
Speaker 1: that drug and the research that they do and then

1322
01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:01,160
Speaker 1: compares it to the doctor and dada da da, and

1323
01:09:01,479 --> 01:09:04,360
Speaker 1: she sent out an email to everyone saying I am

1324
01:09:04,400 --> 01:09:08,719
Speaker 1: no longer taking unsolicited emails like it is. I'm charging

1325
01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:12,679
Speaker 1: per email. So our one friend ruined it for all

1326
01:09:12,720 --> 01:09:16,000
Speaker 1: of us because he wouldn't leave her alone. You know,

1327
01:09:16,080 --> 01:09:18,519
Speaker 1: he just kept asking and asking and persisting. And when

1328
01:09:18,520 --> 01:09:21,040
Speaker 1: I saw the doctor in person, I go, I guess so,

1329
01:09:21,080 --> 01:09:23,559
Speaker 1: and so you know, ruined this for all. Yeah, I

1330
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:25,639
Speaker 1: mean she's like, does he think I'm up all night

1331
01:09:25,680 --> 01:09:28,759
Speaker 1: there to answer his questions? So you can actually almost

1332
01:09:28,840 --> 01:09:31,519
Speaker 1: lay blame. It will be perceived as as it's coming

1333
01:09:31,520 --> 01:09:34,920
Speaker 1: from one person when it's really about everybody. I had

1334
01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:42,080
Speaker 1: a best friend that her constantly asking for design advice

1335
01:09:42,120 --> 01:09:46,800
Speaker 1: and expecting it for free ruined our relationship. Oh well there,

1336
01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:49,320
Speaker 1: you got absolutely ruined our relationship. And we were friends

1337
01:09:49,400 --> 01:09:52,880
Speaker 1: for a very long time and she had and we're

1338
01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:55,760
Speaker 1: good now. So if she's listening and she knows I'm

1339
01:09:55,760 --> 01:09:57,680
Speaker 1: talking about her, you know, I love you now and

1340
01:09:57,680 --> 01:10:02,680
Speaker 1: you know at but yeah, that was just starting a

1341
01:10:02,720 --> 01:10:06,759
Speaker 1: business and the very first location. I was so ready

1342
01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:08,800
Speaker 1: to help her get her business going. I of course

1343
01:10:08,840 --> 01:10:11,040
Speaker 1: did it all for free. But then at a certain

1344
01:10:11,080 --> 01:10:13,679
Speaker 1: point she was at like half a dozen locations and

1345
01:10:14,240 --> 01:10:18,640
Speaker 1: you know, rolling in seven figures and doing well, but

1346
01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:21,599
Speaker 1: still just reaching out to me for all this free

1347
01:10:21,640 --> 01:10:24,439
Speaker 1: design advice. And I started to get you know, have

1348
01:10:24,520 --> 01:10:27,000
Speaker 1: a lot of animosity towards her being like, whoa you

1349
01:10:27,000 --> 01:10:29,320
Speaker 1: know this? I went to school. I didn't go to

1350
01:10:29,320 --> 01:10:31,439
Speaker 1: school for this one, am I talking about? I self

1351
01:10:31,479 --> 01:10:34,519
Speaker 1: taught myself all this stuff. You know, this is my

1352
01:10:34,640 --> 01:10:38,280
Speaker 1: business and here here you are reaping the benefits and

1353
01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:41,160
Speaker 1: having a successful business because on one part I helped

1354
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:43,559
Speaker 1: you get this off the ground. But now you're still

1355
01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:49,800
Speaker 1: expecting all this for free. But Bobby, the exposure, oh

1356
01:10:49,800 --> 01:10:52,800
Speaker 1: situation where that? Yeah, I'm like, that's not the kind

1357
01:10:52,840 --> 01:10:57,839
Speaker 1: of exposure I want. Honey. Yeah, you know what, Courtney,

1358
01:10:57,960 --> 01:11:00,120
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes. Next time, you put

1359
01:11:00,160 --> 01:11:04,760
Speaker 1: your foot down, cheerfully with a friend, and we'll take

1360
01:11:04,800 --> 01:11:07,000
Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be back to wrap up

1361
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:10,000
Speaker 1: with Bobby. And no, this time it's a bubble bath.

1362
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:12,639
Speaker 1: I just want to make sure you leave here as

1363
01:11:12,640 --> 01:11:23,519
Speaker 1: clean as possible impossible, and we're back. Oh god, the

1364
01:11:23,560 --> 01:11:26,559
Speaker 1: bubbles barely got going, I know. But it was romantic

1365
01:11:26,600 --> 01:11:29,080
Speaker 1: with the champagne and everything in the strawberries that I

1366
01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:31,519
Speaker 1: lost in my bikini bottom. I don't know why I

1367
01:11:31,560 --> 01:11:34,479
Speaker 1: was wearing it a bikini. Yeah, my pikachi, they're inside

1368
01:11:34,479 --> 01:11:37,400
Speaker 1: my Pikachu. That's actually not a bad idea to freshen

1369
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:44,920
Speaker 1: up rows up on the podcast. Okay, so Bobby, you

1370
01:11:44,960 --> 01:11:47,479
Speaker 1: have been an absolute pleasure. Do you have any advice

1371
01:11:47,520 --> 01:11:49,439
Speaker 1: that you want to ask me? This is our closing

1372
01:11:49,479 --> 01:11:54,640
Speaker 1: segment that Catherine came up with that I love. The

1373
01:11:54,680 --> 01:11:57,120
Speaker 1: funny thing is there was some advice I wanted from you,

1374
01:11:57,200 --> 01:12:00,360
Speaker 1: but I had Paul text you one day asking about it.

1375
01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:02,680
Speaker 1: I don't know if you know, maybe I don't know

1376
01:12:02,720 --> 01:12:05,640
Speaker 1: if he asked if it was from me, but advice.

1377
01:12:05,800 --> 01:12:10,320
Speaker 1: It was some advice on a certain drug that you

1378
01:12:10,400 --> 01:12:13,840
Speaker 1: had talked about. I forget what it's ayahuasca. I don't

1379
01:12:13,840 --> 01:12:15,400
Speaker 1: think it was ayawaska. I feel like it was something

1380
01:12:15,439 --> 01:12:18,960
Speaker 1: else five d m e ot like frogs. Then um,

1381
01:12:20,320 --> 01:12:23,599
Speaker 1: it was that. And I had read in an article

1382
01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:26,040
Speaker 1: that you mentioned it, and I was like, Paul, I

1383
01:12:26,080 --> 01:12:28,840
Speaker 1: asked Chelsea about this, like this sounds great. I want

1384
01:12:28,840 --> 01:12:33,760
Speaker 1: to Oh, yeah, well I was. That is not one

1385
01:12:33,760 --> 01:12:37,880
Speaker 1: of my favorite drugs I had. I know, I basically

1386
01:12:38,120 --> 01:12:40,720
Speaker 1: ripped my clothes off in a pool of sweat when

1387
01:12:40,720 --> 01:12:43,320
Speaker 1: I took that drug and woke up nude. I had

1388
01:12:43,360 --> 01:12:46,439
Speaker 1: my top off and I think I was it was

1389
01:12:46,520 --> 01:12:48,679
Speaker 1: so brutal. But you know what, I didn't really prepare

1390
01:12:48,720 --> 01:12:50,599
Speaker 1: for it, so I can't really speak to it, although

1391
01:12:50,840 --> 01:12:52,559
Speaker 1: I just want. I mean, I talked about it in

1392
01:12:52,640 --> 01:12:55,280
Speaker 1: my last stand up special, so it's not a secret.

1393
01:12:55,320 --> 01:12:58,360
Speaker 1: But I just had the most I have a very

1394
01:12:58,360 --> 01:13:01,160
Speaker 1: good relationship with drugs and I have a very solid

1395
01:13:01,200 --> 01:13:04,479
Speaker 1: track record with not having them take over my brain,

1396
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:08,040
Speaker 1: and that one was not I was. I lost complete

1397
01:13:08,080 --> 01:13:12,160
Speaker 1: control and it was dark and it was just very dark.

1398
01:13:12,240 --> 01:13:15,920
Speaker 1: It was very olmous. So yeah, I wouldn't really recommend

1399
01:13:15,920 --> 01:13:18,200
Speaker 1: that to anything. Okay, I will stay away from that.

1400
01:13:18,240 --> 01:13:24,400
Speaker 1: Then okay, something new problem solved. Bobby, thank you so

1401
01:13:24,479 --> 01:13:26,400
Speaker 1: much for being our guest today. You gave great advice.

1402
01:13:26,439 --> 01:13:28,840
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. Thanks for having me. This has been great.

1403
01:13:29,360 --> 01:13:32,439
Speaker 1: Thank you. Just goodbye, goodbye, Bobby. I hope you see

1404
01:13:32,800 --> 01:13:34,800
Speaker 1: when when my house is ready, I want you and

1405
01:13:34,840 --> 01:13:37,240
Speaker 1: Paul to come over and we'll well, we'll do five

1406
01:13:37,320 --> 01:13:49,280
Speaker 1: d N sounds great, It's okay, sounds good. That'll be fun. Thanks. So,

1407
01:13:49,320 --> 01:13:51,720
Speaker 1: if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, just send

1408
01:13:51,720 --> 01:13:55,960
Speaker 1: an email to Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.