1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,240 Speaker 1: I'm Eliot, Connie, and this is family theory. 2 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 2: Today. 3 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: I get the privilege of sitting with a mother and son, 4 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:18,440 Speaker 1: Gladys and Elijah, who are profoundly connected, extremely reflective, and 5 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,160 Speaker 1: very honest about where they are in life right now. 6 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,960 Speaker 1: During the session, Gladys even says she hopes this conversation 7 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:30,000 Speaker 1: leads to growth, resolution, and even deeper love, and Elijah 8 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 1: shares something just as powerful. He says he's trying to 9 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:37,920 Speaker 1: understand his own patterns so he's not manipulated by them 10 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,879 Speaker 1: and not mastered by them. That right there tells you 11 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: a lot about why this conversation matters. Neither of them 12 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 1: is afraid of accountability, neither of them is running from 13 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:53,440 Speaker 1: self reflection. What they're wrestling with isn't effort or love 14 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 1: or lack thereof. It's how to keep moving forward without 15 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: confusing consistency with perfection or yesterday with tomorrow's ideals. This 16 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:09,960 Speaker 1: session is about recognizing what's already there, commitment, love, discipline, creativity, 17 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:15,200 Speaker 1: and learning how small, repeated patterns can become stabilizing forces 18 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 1: in moments of anxiety, uncertainty, and estrangement. Elizah puts it 19 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: plainly when he says It's not that I'm irresponsible, It's 20 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,640 Speaker 1: a matter of consistency, and that's the issue. And Gladys 21 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 1: wonders if she could wake up tomorrow and just do 22 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: things a little better and move with more intention. This 23 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 1: conversation about what happens when we stop asking ourselves to 24 00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 1: be flawless and start allowing ourselves to be human. 25 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 2: So what are your best hopes from talking with me? 26 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 3: Well, first, I'm so excited for Elijah and I to 27 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 3: have this opportunity. So my hope is that whatever does 28 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 3: come out, we are as honest as possible, And of 29 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,840 Speaker 3: course I know that we love one another and that 30 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,840 Speaker 3: we can really rise from anything. 31 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,800 Speaker 2: What do you want this honesty to do? If we 32 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,440 Speaker 2: have a whole conversation you're both really honest with one another, 33 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,560 Speaker 2: how do you want it to impact your lives together? 34 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 3: Growth, resolution, love, even deeper love and understanding as far 35 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 3: as our own individuality, Aaron, where we're at now, just 36 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 3: everything that has to do with moving forward in the 37 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 3: greatest way that we possibly can be as a son 38 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,760 Speaker 3: and mother and as like just who we are as 39 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 3: human beings. 40 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:50,080 Speaker 2: So if we can help grow resolution and even a 41 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 2: deeper love, you would be pleased. Well, yes, Elijah, what 42 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:56,959 Speaker 2: about you? What do you hope would be then that 43 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:57,920 Speaker 2: one from us starting? 44 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 4: I think understanding most of all, it's uh, there's things 45 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 4: that just don't add up, like when it comes to 46 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 4: dynamics between like all not just Mom's side of the family, 47 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 4: but a lot of the adults from all adults. 48 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:12,919 Speaker 5: From my side of the family. 49 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,720 Speaker 4: There's things that I'm confused about in terms of conflict 50 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:22,799 Speaker 4: or issues. It's not necessarily whose fault it is, but 51 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 4: rather who's taking responsibility for what? And I think we 52 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 4: all have something to take responsibility for. I am not 53 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 4: without flaw, even if I didn't start something, or if 54 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 4: I did start something. 55 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,760 Speaker 2: And how do you hope this taking of accountability makes 56 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 2: a difference for you, Elijah, your mom, the relationship with 57 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 2: you guys, or the whole family, Like how do you 58 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 2: hope this like acknowledgment of roles and accountability makes a difference. 59 00:03:54,960 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 4: Being able to understand my own flaws and moving forward 60 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:04,840 Speaker 4: so I'm not manipulated by them or not being mastered 61 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,720 Speaker 4: by them. In a sense, it's I can take the 62 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 4: moment to realize what I'm doing wrong in a situation 63 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 4: and therefore take the steps to correct myself. 64 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,680 Speaker 2: If you could take more steps to correct yourself after 65 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 2: a start feeling you'd be pleased by it. Yes, Yeah, 66 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,159 Speaker 2: looks like you're sipcake. What else would you like to achieve? Low? 67 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:30,720 Speaker 4: I mean, it's interesting because I just had like a 68 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,600 Speaker 4: bit of a com like a I'm in a bit 69 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,719 Speaker 4: of like a strained area with my stepmam right now. 70 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 5: And it's interesting because. 71 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,480 Speaker 4: It's the same I just realized it's the same pattern 72 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:51,479 Speaker 4: for specifically women, I think. And I was just wondering 73 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,679 Speaker 4: a lot of times I have another therapist I'm talking 74 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 4: to that I was just wondering if these issues are 75 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 4: just something because the common and denominas is me and 76 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,279 Speaker 4: the fact that the people I'm having the issues with 77 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,040 Speaker 4: the most are female. 78 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 5: And so it's. 79 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:13,520 Speaker 4: A bit of a I'm wondering, like why just keep 80 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 4: happening in a sense. 81 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 2: Guessing that whatever this thing is that keeps happening, you 82 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:24,359 Speaker 2: don't want it to continue happening. Yeah, No, what would 83 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 2: you rather have happened, Elanda in those relationships? 84 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 4: Not as much fighting, not as much confusion, more ease? 85 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:32,240 Speaker 5: Definitely? 86 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, how would that help you to have more e. 87 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,080 Speaker 4: It would help me because I wouldn't have to be 88 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:44,560 Speaker 4: so stressed out anymore. I could be more comfortable where 89 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,479 Speaker 4: I'm not comfortable. 90 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 2: Okay, you know, comfortable in general or comfortable within these relationships. 91 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 4: I think in general, And like, it's both because part 92 00:05:57,279 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 4: of it it's like I am talking to women outside 93 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 4: of my mom set, mom and everyone else. But it's 94 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 4: also sometimes like there is this hesitation and caution and 95 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 4: even skepticism that comes from just me interacting with women 96 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:13,120 Speaker 4: in general. 97 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,599 Speaker 2: So somehow all of this you know, conversation, if that 98 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,960 Speaker 2: led to you being more comfortable in your interaction with 99 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:25,720 Speaker 2: women in general, you'd be pleased by that. Yeah, all right, cool, Well, 100 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:29,039 Speaker 2: before we talk about anything else, I want to just 101 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,640 Speaker 2: ask you guys a couple of questions to get to 102 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 2: know you together. Is that okay? Yes, gladys, you are 103 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 2: fully responsible for this young man's presence on this earth. 104 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,360 Speaker 2: What is your favorite thing about him? I know he's 105 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 2: not perfect and there's probably some things. Man, he drives 106 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 2: me nuts when he does this or says this or 107 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,359 Speaker 2: blah blah blah, But what is your like if this 108 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 2: kid lives to be one hundred and fifty years old? 109 00:06:56,680 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 2: I hope these things about him absolutely never change. 110 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:06,039 Speaker 3: That in itself is a big Elijah everything. From the 111 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 3: moment that I knew that I was having a son, 112 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 3: from the moment that I met Elijah when he came 113 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:18,280 Speaker 3: out my womb, he has always been to me the 114 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 3: beauty and light in the struggle and the internal struggle. 115 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 3: Let me give you a little story. Elijah, who was 116 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 3: maybe four or five years old. I go into this 117 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 3: art museum and it's artists are like, you know, giving 118 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 3: their all and showing their stuff. And then there are 119 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 3: a couple of artists that go on stage and they're 120 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 3: doing spoken word, and I've always I was so impressed 121 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 3: by them, but always so afraid to be in front 122 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 3: of a stage and like speaking words spoken word, And 123 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 3: at the time was the only kid in the art gallery. 124 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 3: And he started to raise his hand because he wanted 125 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 3: to go up on stage and say something like you know, 126 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 3: and and I've always known that I'm not here to 127 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:07,240 Speaker 3: stop Blaijah and who he wants to be because at 128 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 3: the youngest of ages he was so dynamic. If he 129 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 3: lived to be one hundred and fifty years old, it 130 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 3: would be. 131 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 5: For him to have. 132 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 3: True strength and happiness internally, for him to be prosperous 133 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 3: in everything that he does, for him to live in 134 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:32,360 Speaker 3: his true light of who he is, to speak and 135 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 3: connect his truth. Because he's always been someone who has 136 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:41,560 Speaker 3: shown me not to fear certain things. He was always bold, 137 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:45,520 Speaker 3: He's always shown me how to protect him. I had 138 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,960 Speaker 3: to straighten up to not fear, to fight for what 139 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,120 Speaker 3: was right. Like you know that he came into my 140 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 3: world in a time that things were gonna get real dark, 141 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 3: and so I respect so many, so many ways that 142 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,840 Speaker 3: he's just showed me how to be a better person. 143 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 3: I just want the I want the world for him, 144 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 3: and I want him to know that he is fresh 145 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 3: from the wound. 146 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:08,600 Speaker 5: I said to him. 147 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 3: He was born in Los Angeles, California. However he's born 148 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 3: to the world and he's the world's child. So whatever 149 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 3: that is for him, that's where I want him to be. 150 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,320 Speaker 2: How old was he that night? At the spoken word 151 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 2: of any four or. 152 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 5: Five years old? 153 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,600 Speaker 3: And he went on stage and he said a high 154 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,200 Speaker 3: cool which I have never known what a high coup was? 155 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:32,280 Speaker 3: It told somebody told me so. Elijah always been that 156 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 3: human being in the world, even before he could speak. 157 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 3: Elders would literally stop. It didn't matter we lived in 158 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 3: Korea town, people from different ethnic backgrounds would stop to 159 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:47,000 Speaker 3: address him, and he was straight on page. Because my 160 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 3: biggest thing and my biggest prayer when I found out 161 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 3: that I was pregnant was to protect him from not 162 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:59,080 Speaker 3: just the world, but from my own darkness, and so 163 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:06,199 Speaker 3: in that he just was always someone who connected without 164 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,240 Speaker 3: saying any type of word. It was just his present, 165 00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 3: like you know, and so he taught me how to 166 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 3: like I couldn't allow my doubts overshadow his light. And 167 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 3: it wasn't until I named him immediately and after his 168 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,080 Speaker 3: father found out, the name just meant splendid light, and 169 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 3: I was like, that's him all the way, that individual. 170 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,040 Speaker 2: What's your favorite thing about your mom, who I also 171 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,960 Speaker 2: assume is not perfect, But what is the thing that 172 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 2: you hope she never changes because you happen to enjoy 173 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 2: this particular quality of trade above any other. 174 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 5: My mom is a very kind and open person. 175 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 4: I like to think that I've gone I've learned my 176 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:56,719 Speaker 4: habits of affection and while from her and everyone I've 177 00:10:56,720 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 4: ever met there, I think this is like probably the 178 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 4: most like to highlight her character. 179 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,280 Speaker 5: This is probably the best story. 180 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 4: We have a friend at one point, he was homeless 181 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,959 Speaker 4: and there was a couple other people along with him. 182 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 4: I don't really know who they are, but basically what 183 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,959 Speaker 4: happened is a Mom ended. 184 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 5: Up meeting them. They were going through some struggles. 185 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:23,960 Speaker 4: One of them women was pregnant, and basically she ended 186 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,280 Speaker 4: up helping them along. Like there was at one point 187 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 4: like we were visiting them and we ended up staying 188 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,880 Speaker 4: at a hotel together. I forgot what was the thing, mom, 189 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 4: that we were doing again, it was like to help 190 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 4: do something. 191 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,720 Speaker 3: We were finding a program for him, a drug program 192 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 3: that he could do work release from that program. 193 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 5: Right, right, and yeah and so in Yeah, So basically 194 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:48,120 Speaker 5: we really helped him. 195 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,480 Speaker 4: Long, Like I've been driving with him multiple times, and 196 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 4: he got married not too long ago, and I took 197 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 4: photos and me and Mom took photos at his wedding. 198 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 5: He's just grown so much much. 199 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 4: I don't know if without Mom's health he would have 200 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,439 Speaker 4: gone to that point in his life. 201 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,560 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just that's one of the things I really 202 00:12:08,559 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 5: love about the most. 203 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:14,160 Speaker 4: And a very open person with emotions too, and some 204 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 4: of the most fondest moments I have here when I 205 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 4: ever see her cry either happy tears, when she's praying 206 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 4: or entering a situation like where she doesn't like where she. 207 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:24,880 Speaker 5: Has to let it out. 208 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 4: I usually just walk like I'm usually in the other 209 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 4: rooms minding my own business. But as student, as I hear, 210 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 4: I just walk into the room and curl around her 211 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:37,560 Speaker 4: and get in a hugger until like until like the 212 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 4: tears stop. I don't really say anything, I just like, 213 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 4: that's just how that is how I've learned to love 214 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:43,600 Speaker 4: from my mom. 215 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 3: Oh wow, Elliott, I just shared what I think I 216 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 3: shared this on our first my solo but just what 217 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 3: he said right now of like coming into the room 218 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 3: and automatically knowing when something is wrong. When he was 219 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,959 Speaker 3: three years old, we were driving and I was really 220 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 3: sad my life had changed with him dramatically. He looked 221 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 3: out the window and said, Mom, where there's a will, 222 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 3: there's a way at three, Like you know what I mean. 223 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:15,439 Speaker 3: So I'm not just messing with no ordinary human being 224 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 3: like like I truly bow because he shows shows me 225 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 3: a lot. 226 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,360 Speaker 5: Don't say like like bow. 227 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,920 Speaker 3: Like you know namyo horden gey kill bow. 228 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:30,959 Speaker 2: Do probably would you? Just thinking by the way I practiced. 229 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,080 Speaker 3: Ntroned Ice shown in this Buddhism, and it's the prayer 230 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 3: numb yo horing gay kill, numb yo horing gay kill, 231 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 3: numb yo horring gay kill. So I've been practicing. Yeah, 232 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 3: I've been practicing. Uh. This October will be twenty two years. 233 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:49,040 Speaker 3: And I really found the practice because when I found 234 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:53,359 Speaker 3: out I was pregnant, it was serious and I was afraid. 235 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 3: I was about to live in La Vida Loca in 236 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:04,640 Speaker 3: in California, and I was in the scene and Elijah 237 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 3: has said, I'm so open that I was not at 238 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,559 Speaker 3: a good place when I was pregnant, and I was frightened, 239 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:15,319 Speaker 3: and I sincerely prayed to God and asked to become 240 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 3: the greatest mother that I possibly could be, and to 241 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 3: protect my child from my darkness in the world's darkness. 242 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 3: I church shopped for a year, and when I found 243 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 3: out about nietzsche Buddhism, I knew about it because of 244 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,440 Speaker 3: Tina Turner's movie that I saw at fifteen years old, 245 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 3: What Glove Got to Do with It? And I was like, 246 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 3: oh no, and my friend was like, how do you 247 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,600 Speaker 3: even know that? I was like, that's how Tina left 248 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:47,600 Speaker 3: ikes Hat. And then when Elijah, my friend and I 249 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,360 Speaker 3: went to the culture center in Los Angeles called the 250 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:55,560 Speaker 3: Friendship Center. I literally heard angels and I never left. 251 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 3: And so this has been my practice since Elijah's been 252 00:14:59,080 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 3: in the world. 253 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,680 Speaker 5: Buddhism. 254 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 2: Is it called that phrase that you keep using that 255 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,080 Speaker 2: I can't pronounce? 256 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 5: Is that what it's called Buddhism? 257 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 2: Okay? 258 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 3: The organization, it's the Soka gat Guy, which is a 259 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 3: no priesthood within We're a lay Buddhist organization. The prayer 260 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:26,720 Speaker 3: is nammo horingey kill n a m mio hoo, m 261 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 3: yo h o ring gay is r e n g 262 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 3: e and then ko is k yo. In short terms, 263 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 3: it just I devote myself to the mystic law, cause 264 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 3: and effect through sound. It's a beautiful philosophy and it's 265 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:49,760 Speaker 3: something that has shown me the power of my own 266 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 3: life and the interconnection of life and death and everything 267 00:15:54,720 --> 00:16:02,760 Speaker 3: in between. And it's allowed me to be the the 268 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 3: mother that I needed to be, and it still gives 269 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 3: me the opportunity to become the mother that I truly 270 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,240 Speaker 3: want to be. 271 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 2: Wow, Elijah has your mother's passion and like entrance into 272 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:23,320 Speaker 2: the world of this practice. Has she ever brought you 273 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 2: into it or do you ever join? I've joined her 274 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 2: multiple times. 275 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 4: I remember constantly going with her to the Buddhist Center 276 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 4: when I was younger. Now I'm not a practitioner myself, 277 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,480 Speaker 4: but I am never opposed to chantion with my mom 278 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 4: whenever she asked me to. We have many close friends 279 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,160 Speaker 4: within the organization. 280 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:45,200 Speaker 5: And I go there. Well, it's in Atlanta, so I 281 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 5: can't really go anymore, but I used to go there. 282 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 3: It's everywhere, It's everywhere. 283 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 2: But the one that used to go with you, was it? Yeah? 284 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 5: Yeah, right, yeah, and so yeah, yeah. 285 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,160 Speaker 4: And what I was saying before was when she I 286 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 4: was praying, in those times where she got emotional and 287 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,640 Speaker 4: teared up, those are oftentimes at her old turkeys, and 288 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,960 Speaker 4: so that's when I would often just join her and 289 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:07,560 Speaker 4: by her. 290 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 2: Oh well, thank you guys. That's really that's really helpful. 291 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 2: And I normally don't ask a question as generic is 292 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,119 Speaker 2: what I'm about to ask. But how would the two 293 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 2: of you notice that your life got better if somehow 294 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 2: overnight mysteriously who knows how the earth shape the grane 295 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:39,320 Speaker 2: move algorithm changes, But because you were sleep, you don't 296 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 2: know that it happened when you woke up the next day. 297 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,239 Speaker 2: What would be your first indicator that like life is 298 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:50,440 Speaker 2: somehow better, Like I'm somehow a better version of myself 299 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,920 Speaker 2: as I wake up today, How would the two of 300 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 2: you notice that? 301 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 5: I don't think there's any. 302 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:01,360 Speaker 4: One thing for me specifically would indicate that my life 303 00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:03,120 Speaker 4: has gone better. I think where I am right now, 304 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:07,439 Speaker 4: I'm working towards trying to build a better life. Something 305 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 4: that I struggle with at times is a lack of 306 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 4: discipline and a lack of being able to keep to 307 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 4: my schedules and keep to my word. And it's not 308 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,879 Speaker 4: like I'm lying or not being responsible, but it's a 309 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:27,199 Speaker 4: matter of consistency that is the issue. So it is 310 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 4: I think that if I were starting to do stuff 311 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:34,919 Speaker 4: consistently as I said, I'm going to do constantly putting 312 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:39,959 Speaker 4: in my calendar and really putting my best effort forward, 313 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 4: I think that would be the sign that things are 314 00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:48,960 Speaker 4: going to get better, not essentially getting better if if 315 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,240 Speaker 4: it were, if it was a sign I would get better. 316 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 4: This is just a simple thing. Did I tell you 317 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 4: I was trying to make a trying to build a 318 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:59,040 Speaker 4: bus like mini home, I would be on my own 319 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 4: in a renovative bus. 320 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. Basically yes, do you do you really want to 321 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 2: live in a renovated bus. Yeah, yeah, where do you 322 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 2: want to put it? Elijah? Like do you want it 323 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,600 Speaker 2: to be in DC? You wanted to be in Alberta, Canada? 324 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,639 Speaker 2: In northern Where do you want this bus to be? 325 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 4: I don't necessarily have any direct place because for me, 326 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,440 Speaker 4: it's like I don't necessarily want to be held down 327 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,680 Speaker 4: by like a job. 328 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 5: Or like a location. 329 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 4: I'd rather be able to travel as much as I 330 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,320 Speaker 4: would want, as much as finances could allow me to. Right, 331 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 4: I don't want to settle down until I, you know, 332 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 4: actually explore more and see. Okay, this is where I 333 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 4: think I could really settle down with the wife and 334 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:45,199 Speaker 4: kids and build a good life for them. But uh yeah, 335 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,719 Speaker 4: for now, it's just more of just like renovated, Like 336 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 4: I want to work in schools for a bit while 337 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:54,720 Speaker 4: I also work on my writing and storytelling career. So yeah, 338 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 4: I think that's more just the image I have in mind. 339 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 2: So, Elijah, if this miracle happened to and you somehow 340 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:06,119 Speaker 2: became this better version of you, what time would you 341 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 2: wake up tomorrow. 342 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:10,119 Speaker 5: Thirty seven? 343 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,000 Speaker 2: When you opened your eyes, what would be the very 344 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,719 Speaker 2: first clue you would notice that would make you pause 345 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,920 Speaker 2: for a minute and be like, wait, sometimes a little bit. 346 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 5: The windows, I don't really I've all momy. 347 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,480 Speaker 4: You could tell me if I'm wrong, But it's been 348 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 4: a while since I've lived in a place where I've 349 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 4: had a lot of windows allowing me to see the outside. 350 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:38,719 Speaker 5: Oftentimes it felt dark or confined. 351 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:42,640 Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think just being able to wake up 352 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,560 Speaker 4: and see that there I can see the outside, or 353 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,879 Speaker 4: I can open my windows and see the spacious outside. 354 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,640 Speaker 5: I have light in my plane. That's why I think 355 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 5: would be different. 356 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,719 Speaker 2: Is the place that you sleep now, does it have 357 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:57,840 Speaker 2: windows in that kind of light? 358 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 4: It has windows, but the light doesn't really come in 359 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 4: that well. It barely reaches like a foot or two 360 00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,320 Speaker 4: from the window because I'm in the back of the 361 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,960 Speaker 4: building right and there's trees all around, so there's not 362 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,720 Speaker 4: really a bunch of light coming in. 363 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:17,800 Speaker 2: So if you woke up tomorrow in your current environment, 364 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 2: not a bunch of light coming in. But if you 365 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 2: woke up and you notice the window and you notice 366 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,879 Speaker 2: the light, even if it was minimal, that would be 367 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 2: a sign to you that would be different. Yeah, Okay, Mama, 368 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,600 Speaker 2: about you, what would you notice on a day when 369 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:35,119 Speaker 2: you woke up somehow after this miracle being a little 370 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:36,119 Speaker 2: bit better version of you. 371 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,800 Speaker 3: I would go a lot with what Elijah said, like 372 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,880 Speaker 3: just as far as consistency, right, I already wake up 373 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,120 Speaker 3: and feel like and have me myself. And I thought, 374 00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,760 Speaker 3: like before I go to sleep and when I wake up, like, 375 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,320 Speaker 3: you know, I could I have done better? How is 376 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,240 Speaker 3: my behavior towards the people that are around me? Like 377 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 3: those type of things I always ask. I know that 378 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:01,400 Speaker 3: I am growing. However, if I could wake up tomorrow 379 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,199 Speaker 3: and magically have what I want to have, like I 380 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 3: would be out on my own, like as far as 381 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 3: my own property land wide. 382 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,920 Speaker 5: You're not there yet, right, Nope, not there yet. 383 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,440 Speaker 2: So this thing happens in your current environment. You wake 384 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 2: up tomorrow in your current environment, but for whatever reason, 385 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 2: you are a better year. 386 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,680 Speaker 3: Because of this conversation. This will make me a better 387 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 3: me tomorrow. 388 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,159 Speaker 2: In wake what time would it be? 389 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,239 Speaker 3: I really like the morning time. I like getting up 390 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,840 Speaker 3: when there's nothing else that's happening. So I like four 391 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 3: in the morning because I feel like four in the morning, 392 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,120 Speaker 3: I can get up, have my own time, my own 393 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 3: peace of mind. I live with my mother, her husband, 394 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,600 Speaker 3: and my auntie, and three cousins. So you know, in 395 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,399 Speaker 3: the morning, there's like people get up and we'll have you. 396 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,439 Speaker 3: So I would like to have my own time in 397 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 3: getting up and being in prayer and thankful and calculating 398 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 3: what my day would be and take those moods. But 399 00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:00,639 Speaker 3: as of now, waking up tomorrow, I already feel like 400 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,960 Speaker 3: a better person because I know what just right now, 401 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 3: what this entails for my light and my future. 402 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,479 Speaker 2: I don't know if you've noticed, but Elijah, when you 403 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,080 Speaker 2: said waking up in the morning at four am, Elijah 404 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,960 Speaker 2: went like this, So you two are those like crazy 405 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:17,639 Speaker 2: morning people. 406 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 4: I'm guessing when she said that I love the mornings, 407 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 4: that's awesome me. 408 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,199 Speaker 5: I wouldn't wake up at four o'clock, teck, now I 409 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:23,960 Speaker 5: need my baty wrest. 410 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:29,280 Speaker 6: But but you Drew love them, yes, okay, And Elijah, 411 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:33,399 Speaker 6: if you woke up like six thirty seven and you 412 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:38,480 Speaker 6: started to notice, I just feel like a better version 413 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:42,240 Speaker 6: of me, and I'm noticing the windows. 414 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,760 Speaker 2: And the light in a way that really pleases me. 415 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,440 Speaker 2: How would you let your mom know that, for whatever reason, 416 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 2: on this day, I feel like a better version of me. 417 00:23:52,040 --> 00:24:01,399 Speaker 2: How would your mom find that out? How would you 418 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:05,280 Speaker 2: let your mom know that, for whatever reason, on this day, 419 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:08,560 Speaker 2: I feel like a better version of me. How would 420 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,680 Speaker 2: your mom find that out? 421 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,080 Speaker 4: I think she would find out after I made breakfast 422 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 4: in my kitchen, specifically making foods that I never got 423 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 4: to make before with mom or my parents in a 424 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 4: living with now that gross in my character, that I 425 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 4: think she would acknowledge full of joy at the fact 426 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 4: that there are things I never got to make, and 427 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 4: that I love cooking. I've always wanted to make Chiro's 428 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:34,400 Speaker 4: in Jamaican patties, and I can't. 429 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,760 Speaker 2: Really do that where I'm at right now. 430 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 5: But sharing my love of cooking is how I would 431 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 5: share that miracle. 432 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 2: Okay, how would you do that? Would you text her? 433 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,400 Speaker 2: Would you take a picture of what you How would 434 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,840 Speaker 2: you share with her Mom's in Atlanta? How would you 435 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,840 Speaker 2: share this love of cooking with her? 436 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,520 Speaker 4: I would text her and send her a picture and 437 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 4: ask if she wanted the recipe and she said yes, 438 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,159 Speaker 4: I would send it Basically. 439 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 2: Now, Mom, I'm gonna guess you've gotten millions of text 440 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:11,679 Speaker 2: messages from him over the years when he texts you 441 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 2: about his food. On this day, how would you know 442 00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:20,600 Speaker 2: an even better version of my son is texting me, like, 443 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 2: what would be a clue? That would be, like, I've 444 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:22,680 Speaker 2: got lots. 445 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,840 Speaker 3: To text regards from him because he's feeding himself well, 446 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,680 Speaker 3: Like that's always it's always a concern. 447 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 2: Or what do you consider well to you? 448 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:35,320 Speaker 3: Elijah has food allergies, so it would definitely be in 449 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,240 Speaker 3: the place of taking care of yourself and making sure 450 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:41,360 Speaker 3: that you are well. Let me just say, when he 451 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 3: does cook, we go all out. He'll be the fresh 452 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 3: earth marinating. He's making his own thing. That in itself 453 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:52,800 Speaker 3: would just make me happy than me seeing you know 454 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 3: uber eats. We know that he's eating well because he's 455 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 3: actually going to the store and doing what he loves doing. 456 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 3: He's actually an amazing cook. So that in itself would 457 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,440 Speaker 3: allow me to be like, all right, because when you're 458 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,919 Speaker 3: eating well, that's nourishing your body, making sure you're getting 459 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,640 Speaker 3: the right and especially for Elijah because of his food 460 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:20,920 Speaker 3: allergies and that's something that he's always battled with. So 461 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,120 Speaker 3: that would make me happy. I would know that he's 462 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 3: doing his own thing. He's out in the world going 463 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:31,240 Speaker 3: to different stores, he's acknowledging where his community is, he's shopping, 464 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 3: cooking for himself. 465 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,280 Speaker 5: He's caring for himself, like that would show it. 466 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 2: Would you be happy to find that out? 467 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:39,000 Speaker 5: Absolutely? 468 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:41,440 Speaker 2: How would you let him know you were happy with him? 469 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,199 Speaker 3: Like you said, send me that recipe, or when you 470 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 3: come in to see me, say you can cook that 471 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 3: for me, like you know I would. I would definitely 472 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:54,399 Speaker 3: tell him. I mean, I always share my joy when 473 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 3: Elijah is doing things that are like I know that 474 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:02,919 Speaker 3: he loves doing. I love speaking about it because everybody 475 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,840 Speaker 3: else's person as well, like you know. So it's funny 476 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,080 Speaker 3: because I just showed one of my friends, like a 477 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:15,560 Speaker 3: video of Elijah cooking mahi mahi and made this delicious dressing, 478 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,080 Speaker 3: and so I was just showing my couple of my 479 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,359 Speaker 3: friends this weekend about it. 480 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,120 Speaker 5: I apologize. 481 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 4: There was this one time where we had neighbors and 482 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,639 Speaker 4: I saved their dog and I ended up buying them 483 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:31,760 Speaker 4: over for food and it was orange chicken and salad, 484 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:33,760 Speaker 4: and then it helped me with a salad and that 485 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,440 Speaker 4: was one of my proudest moments. 486 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 3: And my girlfriends would be like, go ahead, Elijah, and 487 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:42,360 Speaker 3: all you need to know now is good wine. 488 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:47,679 Speaker 2: I'm almost mad at Elijah right barrel because my favorite food, 489 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:52,760 Speaker 2: my favorite food Eliza, Like, my favorite food of all 490 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,960 Speaker 2: time ever is orange chicken. I could literally eat more 491 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,439 Speaker 2: freaking every meal for the rest of my life and 492 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:00,600 Speaker 2: I would not can't play. 493 00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:03,720 Speaker 3: That's hilarious. That was my favorite meal when I was bright. 494 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,760 Speaker 2: Meant and Eliza, you know how to make it? 495 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:06,120 Speaker 3: Yep. 496 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,560 Speaker 5: It's kind of annoying though, because you either get the 497 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,840 Speaker 5: sauce pre made or you make it yourself. 498 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:15,679 Speaker 4: And I haven't exactly gotten it right, but I really 499 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:16,119 Speaker 4: want to. 500 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,119 Speaker 5: Keep trying because orange chicken's really cool to make with rice. 501 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:20,840 Speaker 5: There was this place. 502 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 4: In Los Angeles that you see called Veggie Girl, and 503 00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:27,399 Speaker 4: what they would have is these buffalo sauce wings with 504 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,199 Speaker 4: tofu in them. I love those things so much, but 505 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,800 Speaker 4: I never learned how to make it until a couple 506 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,360 Speaker 4: months ago and I had it. 507 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,600 Speaker 5: I was just like, oh my god, it tastes the same. 508 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:39,760 Speaker 5: He's a good cook, He's a good cut. 509 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,240 Speaker 2: Now, Elijah, how often do you do this? How often 510 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:45,240 Speaker 2: do you cook? And more specifically, how often do you 511 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:49,120 Speaker 2: cook for other people? Not as much as I would 512 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,719 Speaker 2: like to. I think that's just the issue. 513 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,600 Speaker 5: I don't know. I just I think it's also like 514 00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:02,560 Speaker 5: me just not being me not taking the act of. 515 00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,680 Speaker 4: Doing what I need to do to actually cook at 516 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,920 Speaker 4: my dad and stepmom's house or mom and nanna's house. 517 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:13,760 Speaker 4: But it's also like in fact that it's just like 518 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 4: when it comes to cooking in other people's kitchens, I 519 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 4: feel kind of weird about it. It's not that I'm 520 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:24,200 Speaker 4: not willing to participate or share with other people, but 521 00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,520 Speaker 4: rather I know that the systems they have are so 522 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:27,960 Speaker 4: vastly different than. 523 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 5: Mine that it just doesn't work. 524 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,960 Speaker 4: And then my stepmom, she's very particular, and like that 525 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 4: makes it like we've gone in arguments about before. Basically, 526 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:42,120 Speaker 4: it just makes me less and less wanting to be 527 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:42,960 Speaker 4: in the kitchen. 528 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 2: Mum, Elijah, I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna use a 529 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,080 Speaker 2: word that I I'm gonna use a word that I 530 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 2: don't think is fully accurate, but I can't think of 531 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:55,080 Speaker 2: another word. Mom, if I were able to fix Elijah, 532 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:56,400 Speaker 2: I don't like that word because I don't mean to 533 00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:58,160 Speaker 2: imply that there's something broken, but I can't think of 534 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,400 Speaker 2: another word. Would that make a difference in your life 535 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:03,760 Speaker 2: if you knew, like, oh my gosh, my son is 536 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 2: healed and in some way like at his best now, Elijah. 537 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 2: No one has a perfect life. But if somehow Elijah 538 00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:17,400 Speaker 2: has grown and he's the best version of him, Mom, 539 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:18,719 Speaker 2: how would that make a difference for you? 540 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:23,560 Speaker 3: I think for both of us we would thrive without concern, 541 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,960 Speaker 3: even in difficult relationships. There wouldn't be a great worry 542 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:35,280 Speaker 3: because we know that regardless of what will beat the adversity. 543 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:41,320 Speaker 3: I'd fed to Elijah many times that if he's not happy, 544 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,320 Speaker 3: there's no way that I could be happy. He is 545 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:47,840 Speaker 3: I and I am him, and there's no way that 546 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 3: I could be able to be truly, truly, absolutely happy 547 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:56,640 Speaker 3: within myself to know that he struggled in any type 548 00:30:56,640 --> 00:31:01,480 Speaker 3: of way and is not able to over And. 549 00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 2: What would be different about the way the two of 550 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,560 Speaker 2: you would relate when mom and son are operating at 551 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 2: the very best. 552 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 3: Well, everything can't be explained in words. It's how one feels. 553 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,120 Speaker 3: And I would be in a space of I don't 554 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:19,720 Speaker 3: know if I guess elevate it right, I would I 555 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:26,800 Speaker 3: would live in a space of there's no greater sense 556 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:28,320 Speaker 3: of a peace of mind. 557 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:30,120 Speaker 2: Oh Elijah, what difference would it make to you to 558 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 2: know that you've given your mom this sense of peace 559 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:32,680 Speaker 2: of mind? 560 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,240 Speaker 4: I would be happy that I would give her that 561 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:40,400 Speaker 4: peace of mind. And you know it's more of just 562 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:43,280 Speaker 4: that's what that's what I hope to achieve in the 563 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:43,840 Speaker 4: long run. 564 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:46,080 Speaker 2: You'd be pleased with that. If that's where it came 565 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 2: out of all of this, you'd be pleased with that. Okay, 566 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,920 Speaker 2: now we only have a few minutes left, and there 567 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 2: are two things I want to point out to the 568 00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:56,560 Speaker 2: two of you, and I'm really excited to tell you 569 00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,320 Speaker 2: both these things. Mom, there was a phrase that came 570 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,480 Speaker 2: up early in this conversation, and it came up a 571 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,320 Speaker 2: couple times, and both of you said it, and I 572 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,160 Speaker 2: want to make sure I caught this phrase right. But 573 00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:10,960 Speaker 2: the phrase that both of you said was consistency. Do 574 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:16,120 Speaker 2: you remember saying that? Yes? So, my job, my two 575 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:21,200 Speaker 2: brand new friends, my job is to point out when 576 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:25,640 Speaker 2: I think people are good at something and don't know 577 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:29,360 Speaker 2: they're good at it. One of the best ways to 578 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 2: elevate your life is to realize what you're already good at. 579 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,840 Speaker 2: Both of you talk about consistency as like I need 580 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,440 Speaker 2: to become more consistent. Here's Mom saying she needs to 581 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:45,720 Speaker 2: be more consistent. But she's been doing this Buddhist practice 582 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:51,240 Speaker 2: for twenty two years. That's the getting me of consistency. 583 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:56,640 Speaker 2: I found myself wondering, does she know she's already very 584 00:32:56,680 --> 00:33:00,400 Speaker 2: good at consistency? Mom? What your thought about me. 585 00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 3: Saying that I automatically I just said wow, And no, 586 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:09,000 Speaker 3: I didn't. That's one of the things that if I 587 00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:13,920 Speaker 3: think about consistency, yes, as far as practice wise. 588 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,880 Speaker 5: But I know, I know, I know, honestly. 589 00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:19,320 Speaker 3: Wow. 590 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:25,400 Speaker 2: My fear is you're confusing consistency with perfection. Every time 591 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:30,160 Speaker 2: you're imperfect, your brain is diagnosing yourself as inconsistent, which 592 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:35,600 Speaker 2: is not true. Consistency sounds like this. I was in 593 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 2: a really dark place. I found out I was pregnant. 594 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:43,920 Speaker 2: I prayed, and I went church shopping for a whole 595 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:49,080 Speaker 2: year until I found this Buddhist practice and I've been 596 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:53,360 Speaker 2: doing it ever since for twenty two years. That is 597 00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:56,840 Speaker 2: what consistency sounds like. And that's the exact story you 598 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,760 Speaker 2: told me. Were there days in there where you were like, 599 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,160 Speaker 2: I don't feel like going today or I don't feel 600 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,640 Speaker 2: like doing it today. I'm sure, but that does not 601 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:08,160 Speaker 2: make you any less consistent. It makes you imperfect, which 602 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:13,319 Speaker 2: actually makes you human. I think both of you are 603 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:18,799 Speaker 2: confusing consistency with perfection, and to be very blunt about it, 604 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:21,680 Speaker 2: I want you to stop doing that, like I want 605 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:25,080 Speaker 2: you to stop doing that because you're a human, You're 606 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:30,680 Speaker 2: supposed to be imperfect. Just remember, consistency is continuously moving 607 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,359 Speaker 2: in the same direction. Do I take a nap as 608 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,680 Speaker 2: I'm moving occasionally? Do I stumble in ball as I'm 609 00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:42,719 Speaker 2: moving occasionally? Because you're not perfect. The reason I think 610 00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:45,320 Speaker 2: it's so important that both of you hear this is Elijah, 611 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,640 Speaker 2: you are your mother's son. You have a lot of 612 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:54,240 Speaker 2: that woman coursing through your veins. Thank you. The fact 613 00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:56,960 Speaker 2: that both of you do this is like evidence of like, 614 00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:00,160 Speaker 2: oh my god, these are like mom's son twins, and 615 00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,160 Speaker 2: they both need to give themselves permission to be imperfect. 616 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:07,839 Speaker 2: But recognize I'm already very consistent. Does that make sense 617 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,960 Speaker 2: you guys? Okay, you don't want to kill me or anything? No, no, 618 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:16,600 Speaker 2: maybe a little, but no. The other thing, Elijah, and 619 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:21,120 Speaker 2: this is specific to Elijah, Elijah, you do a really 620 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 2: fascinating thing and I can't help but notice it. I'm 621 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:27,120 Speaker 2: a psychotherapy nerd, Elijah, I cannot help it. There are 622 00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:31,200 Speaker 2: certain things I noticed that probably non psychotherapy people wouldn't notice. 623 00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:37,239 Speaker 2: My favorite part of the conversation we had today was 624 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:42,560 Speaker 2: listening to you talk about cooking. It illuminates two things 625 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:48,840 Speaker 2: in your personality. Number One, for whatever reason, Elijah, you 626 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 2: experience a tremendous amount of joy why we're cooking, not 627 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:59,760 Speaker 2: sure why? Who knows. Some people get joy out of hiking, 628 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:03,480 Speaker 2: people get joy out of playing basketball. It's very clear 629 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,400 Speaker 2: to me that you experience a lot of joy while cooking. 630 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:10,920 Speaker 2: Even talking about cooking, Elijah, your mood elevates, your voice 631 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,480 Speaker 2: gets a little bit different, like there's something about this 632 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:18,960 Speaker 2: activity that you enjoy. The other thing it highlights about 633 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:24,640 Speaker 2: your personality is you have a heart of service. And 634 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:26,520 Speaker 2: I want to tell you a quick story about what 635 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:29,960 Speaker 2: I mean by having a heart of service. One of 636 00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:34,120 Speaker 2: the greatest chefs in the entire world is a man 637 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:38,080 Speaker 2: named Gordon Ramsey. And I assume you've heard that name before. Yes. 638 00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:42,920 Speaker 2: So in my job, Elijah, I travel a lot. I 639 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:46,239 Speaker 2: get to do cool things. And Gordon Ramsey, you know, 640 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,760 Speaker 2: he's on every TV show, and he's on Kitchen Nightmare 641 00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:52,480 Speaker 2: and Hell's Kitchen and all these things. And I was 642 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,920 Speaker 2: in London. It was like my second or third time 643 00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:58,120 Speaker 2: being in London. I just wanted to look up, like, 644 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:02,120 Speaker 2: are there any Gordon Ramsey restaurants here? And I found 645 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:07,879 Speaker 2: a restaurant called The York and Albany and I was like, oh, 646 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:09,279 Speaker 2: I want to go there. So I called a bunch 647 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,160 Speaker 2: of my friend and I said, have you guys ever 648 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:12,719 Speaker 2: been to one of these restaurants? And he said no, 649 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,400 Speaker 2: and I said can we go? It wasn't crazy expensive 650 00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:17,840 Speaker 2: as you might think. It was kind of like a 651 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:21,360 Speaker 2: little restaurant in a hotel. So I said can we 652 00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:25,600 Speaker 2: have dinner there? And funnily enough, they all said no. 653 00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:27,560 Speaker 2: But then I was like, wait a minute, this is 654 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,239 Speaker 2: my only time, this is my you know, I don't 655 00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:31,080 Speaker 2: come to London very often. Who knows if I'm ever 656 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:34,319 Speaker 2: going to come back? So I talked him into going. Listen, man, 657 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,720 Speaker 2: I cannot tell you how good that food was, Elijah. 658 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:41,799 Speaker 2: I ordered lobster raviol right, that was the dish. I 659 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:48,120 Speaker 2: ordered lobster raviol Now. I expected a bowl of ravioli's pluring, 660 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:52,239 Speaker 2: but when they brought the plate to me, it was 661 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:57,840 Speaker 2: one big ravioli stuffs. When I put that thing in 662 00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:01,399 Speaker 2: my mouth, I was like, I cannot believe that this 663 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:07,440 Speaker 2: is food like this, that's good. And I said to 664 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:11,160 Speaker 2: the server, this true story and watching you talk about 665 00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:15,400 Speaker 2: food reminded me of this moment Elijah. I said to 666 00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:21,279 Speaker 2: the server, is Gordon Ramsey here? And he said no, 667 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,440 Speaker 2: And I said does he ever come here? And he 668 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:28,200 Speaker 2: said yeah, he comes here about twice a month. And 669 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,440 Speaker 2: I said, so who cooked this food? And he said 670 00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,680 Speaker 2: the head chef that Gordon Ramsey hired. And I said 671 00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:38,120 Speaker 2: can I talk to him? And he said yes. So 672 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,360 Speaker 2: the head chef comes out and I told him this 673 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:47,000 Speaker 2: is the most amazing ravioli I ever ate. And he said, 674 00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,600 Speaker 2: wait until the next disc comes out. And then he 675 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,720 Speaker 2: did an unusual thing, Elijah. So he makes the dish, 676 00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,080 Speaker 2: they bring it to our table, and then he came 677 00:38:56,120 --> 00:39:00,279 Speaker 2: out and he just watched us eat it. He had 678 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,720 Speaker 2: his chef towel on his shoulder and he just watched 679 00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,520 Speaker 2: this eat it like he's like, are you guys enjoying it? 680 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,120 Speaker 2: Blah blah blah. And I was like, yes, he's very good. 681 00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:09,960 Speaker 2: But like I said to him, but in essence, like 682 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:15,640 Speaker 2: why do you care? And he said, people think that 683 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:20,440 Speaker 2: you've become a chef to cook food, but you actually 684 00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:25,520 Speaker 2: become a chef to make people happy through food, And 685 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,560 Speaker 2: I was like, damn, I never really because in my head, like, 686 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:31,640 Speaker 2: if he's a chef and he cooked, like, let's say 687 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:36,520 Speaker 2: a burger, he probably cooked ten thousand burgers. So why 688 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,240 Speaker 2: does he care what I think of the meal I'm eating? 689 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:43,439 Speaker 2: And the answer is because he's using food to make 690 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:46,200 Speaker 2: other people happy. So does he care about the food? 691 00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:48,920 Speaker 2: I don't know, but he cares about does the food 692 00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:52,040 Speaker 2: make other people happy? And he stood there like a 693 00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,279 Speaker 2: proud dad when me and my friend are gobbling up 694 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,680 Speaker 2: the food and were saying to him, this is very good. 695 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,000 Speaker 2: I thought about that moment, Elijah, whiley you were talking, 696 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,359 Speaker 2: because I thought Elijah might be the only other person 697 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:07,359 Speaker 2: I've ever met that experiences joy through food and has 698 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,400 Speaker 2: a servant's heart. That was my favorite moments of our 699 00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:14,240 Speaker 2: whole conversation. My least favorite moment of the conversation. And again, Elijah, 700 00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:16,200 Speaker 2: I can't help it. I'm a psychotherapist. I notice these 701 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:21,839 Speaker 2: little things you completely change when you start talking about 702 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:26,600 Speaker 2: the obstacles between you and the thing that brings you joy. So, 703 00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:30,040 Speaker 2: for example, when I asked you how often do you cook? 704 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:33,880 Speaker 2: You were like, it's complicated, you know, and you immediately 705 00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,200 Speaker 2: start talking about the obstacles between you and the thing 706 00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:38,560 Speaker 2: you want to do. And now I'm thinking, all right, 707 00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:42,200 Speaker 2: here's my job. My job is, and it's true for everybody, 708 00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,000 Speaker 2: Like if you want to have better mental health, you 709 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,279 Speaker 2: really have to just do two things. You want to 710 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,080 Speaker 2: have a better life, you just have to do two things. 711 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:52,279 Speaker 2: The first thing, and Elijah, you are very young to 712 00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,720 Speaker 2: already know the answer to step number one. The first 713 00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:59,200 Speaker 2: thing is I have to discover what it is that 714 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:03,640 Speaker 2: brings me jolling. And most people, in Elijah, they don't 715 00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:07,640 Speaker 2: know it in their early twenties. Most people find it 716 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,319 Speaker 2: out later in life. But step one is, I have 717 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:12,960 Speaker 2: to figure out what is that thing that, for whatever reason, 718 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:18,279 Speaker 2: brings me joy. Number two you have to do that 719 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:23,319 Speaker 2: thing frequently. So I need to ask you, Elijah, to 720 00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:27,160 Speaker 2: cook more. I don't care if you go get like 721 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:32,719 Speaker 2: a little kind of dorm ring style hot plate and 722 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:36,160 Speaker 2: you cook secretly in your room, just burn down the house. 723 00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:37,799 Speaker 2: I'll probably get so real bad. 724 00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:42,640 Speaker 7: I don't care how you do it, but you are 725 00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:49,680 Speaker 7: doing yourself a disservice by not doing the thing that 726 00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:52,960 Speaker 7: you know you love with frequency. 727 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:58,400 Speaker 2: Does that make sense? Yes? I follow a guy on 728 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:03,920 Speaker 2: social media who was a shaf When COVID happened, all 729 00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,799 Speaker 2: the restaurants shut down, and he was in New York City. 730 00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:10,600 Speaker 2: He would go out on the balcony of his apartment 731 00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:14,359 Speaker 2: and yell down to the street. He would say, hey, 732 00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:18,719 Speaker 2: you with the red hoodie you're on. If I could 733 00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,040 Speaker 2: cook any one thing for you, what would it be? 734 00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:25,799 Speaker 2: The person would yell up from the street spaghetti bolnis 735 00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,120 Speaker 2: and he'd say, coming right up, and then he would 736 00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:34,680 Speaker 2: go and he would record himself making spaghetti bolonnaise. Then 737 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:36,760 Speaker 2: he would bring it to the guy on the street 738 00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:39,640 Speaker 2: and he would say here and then the person would 739 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,719 Speaker 2: eat it. He now is really famous and he even 740 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,560 Speaker 2: though COVID, you know, we can go to restaurants all 741 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,680 Speaker 2: that stuff, but he still does this, except now it'll 742 00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:50,520 Speaker 2: be a celebrity walking down the street, which I'm sure 743 00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:54,480 Speaker 2: is orchestrated, and he'll look ad hey, and then you 744 00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,680 Speaker 2: look up and it's like Denzel Washington and he'd be like, 745 00:42:56,880 --> 00:42:58,200 Speaker 2: what do you want me to cook for you? And 746 00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:01,600 Speaker 2: he'll say something butter chicken. I cook it. So my 747 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:05,920 Speaker 2: challenge to you, my friend Elijah, is to get as 748 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,480 Speaker 2: creative as you will to be, but you can't not 749 00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:13,640 Speaker 2: do the thing that you know brings you joy. The 750 00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:16,040 Speaker 2: reason I know not only is it food, but it's 751 00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:18,600 Speaker 2: also serving people, because every time you lit up talking 752 00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:22,960 Speaker 2: about food, it was when you did something for someone else. 753 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:25,840 Speaker 2: And the very first thing you said, you said, I 754 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:28,160 Speaker 2: would wake up and cook breakfast. And not only did 755 00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:30,839 Speaker 2: you say that in the saying I would tell her, 756 00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:34,480 Speaker 2: you said I would ask her if she wants the recipe, 757 00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:38,760 Speaker 2: which is a way of you serving her food long distance. 758 00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:43,239 Speaker 2: That is a very special trait to have. And this 759 00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:47,520 Speaker 2: might sound crazy, but the path to you being a 760 00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:50,279 Speaker 2: better version of yourself is through doing the thing you love, 761 00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:55,320 Speaker 2: and in this particular case, it is food and serving others. 762 00:43:56,000 --> 00:44:00,799 Speaker 2: Do that make sense? Yes? So can I challenge you 763 00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:04,279 Speaker 2: to get as creative as you need to be to 764 00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:07,840 Speaker 2: make sure that is in your life with a level 765 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,160 Speaker 2: of frequency. Is that okay? 766 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:12,040 Speaker 5: I accept the challenge? 767 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:13,760 Speaker 2: Yeah? Awesome? 768 00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:14,600 Speaker 5: All right? 769 00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,520 Speaker 2: Did you find our chat useful? Yes? 770 00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:18,200 Speaker 5: Absolutely? 771 00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:21,480 Speaker 2: Well, you guys are both amazing. It is a pleasure 772 00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:22,120 Speaker 2: to get to know. 773 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:24,080 Speaker 5: You, all right, thank you so much. 774 00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:28,279 Speaker 1: After sitting with Gladys and Elijah, what I realized is 775 00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:31,880 Speaker 1: that they already are consistent. They just weren't giving themselves 776 00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:35,600 Speaker 1: credit for it. Gladys has been committed to our spiritual 777 00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:39,440 Speaker 1: practice for over two decades. Elijah lights up when he 778 00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:43,920 Speaker 1: talks about cooking, about serving others, creating joy, and feeding 779 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:47,080 Speaker 1: people as an act of care. Yet both of them 780 00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:51,440 Speaker 1: were measuring themselves against an impossible standard. And that's something 781 00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,880 Speaker 1: a lot of you listening may relate to. When anxiety 782 00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:58,680 Speaker 1: shows up, it often tells us we're failing because we paused, 783 00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:03,680 Speaker 1: because we rest did because we weren't perfect. But consistency 784 00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:08,000 Speaker 1: isn't about never stopping. Consistency is about continuing in the 785 00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:12,800 Speaker 1: same direction even when the pace changes. Take another step, 786 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:20,440 Speaker 1: and another and another. If you're listening and you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious, 787 00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:23,879 Speaker 1: or stuck, this is your reminder that you don't need 788 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:29,200 Speaker 1: one perfect solution. You need tools that fit you for 789 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:35,320 Speaker 1: some people. That structure for others, its creativity for others, 790 00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:41,080 Speaker 1: its faith, movement, food service, spontaneity, or quiet mornings before 791 00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:44,200 Speaker 1: the world wakes up. So before we end, here are 792 00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:46,439 Speaker 1: a few questions you can ask yourself the next time 793 00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,600 Speaker 1: these themes show up in your life. Where am I 794 00:45:49,640 --> 00:46:00,680 Speaker 1: confusing consistency with perfection. What am I already doing well 795 00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:10,440 Speaker 1: even if I don't do it every day? What brings 796 00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,360 Speaker 1: me genuine joy? And how often am I allowing myself 797 00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:21,440 Speaker 1: to experience it? If I took one small step in 798 00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:30,960 Speaker 1: the same direction tomorrow, what would that look like? What 799 00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:35,319 Speaker 1: does taking care of myself actually mean for me, not 800 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:46,040 Speaker 1: for anyone else. Progress doesn't come from pressure. It comes 801 00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:51,280 Speaker 1: from permission, the permission to be imperfect and to keep going. 802 00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:55,120 Speaker 1: And sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is 803 00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:59,600 Speaker 1: exactly what this family did today. Show up, stay honest, 804 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:03,839 Speaker 1: and take the next step, and the next and the 805 00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:25,920 Speaker 1: next until it's consistent. I would love to. 806 00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:29,080 Speaker 8: Hear from you about your healing journey, your family and 807 00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,200 Speaker 8: your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM, connect with 808 00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,760 Speaker 8: me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also 809 00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,080 Speaker 8: send me a text message to nine seven two four 810 00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:40,600 Speaker 8: two six two six four zero. Family Therapy is a 811 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:44,640 Speaker 8: production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect podcast Network special 812 00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,799 Speaker 8: thanks to our assistant Glendelle Seppe. It's produced by jack 813 00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:50,920 Speaker 8: Quise Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. 814 00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:54,160 Speaker 2: S Fisher. For more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit 815 00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:57,920 Speaker 2: the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. 816 00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:01,680 Speaker 1: The content presented on the Family Therapy Podcast serves solely 817 00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:04,560 Speaker 1: for educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered 818 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,279 Speaker 1: a replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance and 819 00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:09,840 Speaker 1: does not constitute a provider patient relationship. 820 00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,520 Speaker 8: It is advisable to consult with your healthcare provider or 821 00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:15,440 Speaker 8: health team, or any specific concern or questions you may have.