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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host. We've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: Two boyfriends in a row broke up with me because

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Speaker 2: they're jealous of my boss.

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Speaker 3: Is your boss trying to be your boyfriend?

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Speaker 2: I twenty seven female and am an executive assistant at

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Speaker 2: a fast paced job. I am one of my boss's

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Speaker 2: thirty two male two executive assistants and I was hand

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Speaker 2: picked for the position after his last one retired through

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Speaker 2: a personality assessment in addition to skills assessments two years

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Speaker 2: ago from within the company. I assumed her duties, which

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Speaker 2: included the typical but also a lot of life management,

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Speaker 2: including shopping clothes and food, his schedule, and basically making

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Speaker 2: his life easier in a variety of ways.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from no Work.

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Speaker 2: Life Ball And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit. So the

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Speaker 2: personality assessment and us both being married to work has

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Speaker 2: made us a working relationship.

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Speaker 5: I don't like that.

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Speaker 2: In addition, the first year was full of a lot

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Speaker 2: of stress. For both of us. His girlfriend left him

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Speaker 2: for his best friend, and my father passed away. That

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Speaker 2: made us close friends. When my first boyfriend Patrick left

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Speaker 2: me and was jealous of my position, I assumed he

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Speaker 2: was jealous of the hours Slash didn't understand our changing life.

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Speaker 2: Slash didn't want a girlfriend who was frankly a bummer

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Speaker 2: at the time. However, yesterday, my boyfriend twenty four mail

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Speaker 2: of four months, Erin, broke up with me because I

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Speaker 2: don't want to be the oblivious guy in.

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Speaker 4: The rom com.

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Speaker 2: I was surprised. While Erin and I weren't serious between

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Speaker 2: our schedules, we were really just getting to know each other.

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Speaker 2: I liked him and was excited about the future. He

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Speaker 2: had a good sense of humor and was so busy

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Speaker 2: with his own work that he didn't mind Netflix, Chinese

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Speaker 2: and Chilling being the bulk of our relationship. I love

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Speaker 2: my job and I love my boss. But can this

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Speaker 2: all be a coincidence? Do I need to draw lines?

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Speaker 2: And how do I draw lines? Here are some things

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Speaker 2: that Aaron cited when I asked what he meant. I

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Speaker 2: answer his phone calls on his first ring, which, well, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's work. I spend late nights with him doing date

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Speaker 2: like date like things. Usually this is work related or

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Speaker 2: food after a long night with no break for meals.

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Speaker 2: We aren't going on romantic getaways or holding hands at

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Speaker 2: the movies. We have each other's spare keys. I have

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Speaker 2: spent Thanksgiving with his family. I buy his underwear work

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Speaker 2: nowhere else to go when my dad passed away work.

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Speaker 4: He's given me head.

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Speaker 2: Rubs before and gets me frequent gifts, typically things he

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Speaker 2: buys himself. He will grab two of or just generous

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Speaker 2: gifts for holidays or as thanks for working extra hard.

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Speaker 2: That is all the concrete stuff he gave. The rest

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Speaker 2: was vague things. You know everything about him, you smile

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Speaker 2: every time you meant him.

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Speaker 5: Blah blah blah.

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Speaker 2: I really don't know if my boyfriends just aren't understanding

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Speaker 2: of my work. I am not sure whether I'm genuinely

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Speaker 2: too close or if I am just your average workaholic.

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Speaker 5: Advice.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to quit my great job or lose

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Speaker 4: a great friend. And we have some comments. Comment one.

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Speaker 2: I've had executive assistants in the past and been around

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Speaker 2: countless others. I have never seen a CEO with a

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Speaker 2: key to the EA's apartment whose underwear is bought by

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Speaker 2: her or who gives her head massages. Your boyfriend's reactions

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Speaker 2: are not surprising in the slightest Comment two. Is your

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Speaker 2: boss the same way with his other assistant? That's a

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Speaker 2: good question, uh an opd whose comment was down voted

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Speaker 2: forty seven times.

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Speaker 5: Nice.

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Speaker 2: No, she has kids and loves working for him. He

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Speaker 2: really is a good boss because he insists she leaves

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Speaker 2: at five on the dot. She also has responsibilities that

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Speaker 2: involve her leaving his sphere more often. She doesn't get

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Speaker 2: my bonuses, though, I replaced an older woman who was

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Speaker 2: actually his nanny growing up, and then got hired on

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Speaker 2: in the company when he got too old.

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Speaker 4: Nepotism is weird. Comment three.

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Speaker 2: You're filling the roles of nanny, best friend, and girlfriend

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Speaker 2: to this guy. That's a lot of blurred boundaries and

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Speaker 2: a lot of expectations to heap on one person. How

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Speaker 2: many hours per week do you spend with your boss?

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Speaker 2: How often is your personal time interrupted with calls and

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Speaker 2: texts from him? Do you think of him first as

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Speaker 2: your boss or first as your friend?

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Speaker 4: Do you prioritize his.

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Speaker 2: Needs above your own or your boyfriend's, And if you

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Speaker 2: were interviewing for an executive assistant position at another company,

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Speaker 2: and you described your current job to them the.

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Speaker 4: Way you have here, how do you think they would

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Speaker 4: view you?

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Speaker 2: Answering these questions may give you some insight into what

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Speaker 2: is going on here. It does sound to me like

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Speaker 2: you're too clothes and that this job is not strictly professional.

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Speaker 2: Head rubs are insanely inappropriate in a boss set slash

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Speaker 2: subordinate relationship. Buying underwear is nowhere near what an executive

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Speaker 2: assistant does in any place I've ever worked. I think

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Speaker 2: you both may have over relied on each other due

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Speaker 2: to your personal circumstances, and as a result, you function

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Speaker 2: more like best friends or a couple than you do

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Speaker 2: employer slash employee. It's easy to understand why your boyfriends

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Speaker 2: have felt uncomfortable. I think it will be hard to

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Speaker 2: draw lines at this point because your job seems to

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Speaker 2: have no boundaries around it. Anything and everything could be

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Speaker 2: considered work, so if you try to stop doing any

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Speaker 2: of it, you risk being seen as unwilling to do

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Speaker 2: your job. If you and your boss really are close,

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Speaker 2: then you could approach him with it as a concern.

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Speaker 2: Let him know that two different people have pointed out

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Speaker 2: that they felt your job interfered with your personal life

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Speaker 2: and that this has made you rethink so things, but

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Speaker 2: that's going to come with some risk.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean yeah, I was thinking, as soon as

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Speaker 3: you become the not cool assistant, you're getting fired.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Not fair, I mean hopefully not. Hopefully he's accepting of

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Speaker 4: your boundaries.

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Speaker 2: And can.

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Speaker 3: Buying you underwear.

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Speaker 4: No, no, she's buying him underwear.

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Speaker 3: Whatever.

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Speaker 4: So a lot of what she was.

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Speaker 2: Saying at first, to me sounded more like you were

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Speaker 2: hired in as a personal assistant, because I've done the

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Speaker 2: mix of like semi executive assistant semi personal assistant before,

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Speaker 2: and I did have a key to my boss's house,

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Speaker 2: but he did not have a key to my house,

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Speaker 2: and it was like to pick up groceries for him,

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Speaker 2: because that was the personal assistant side of things. But

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Speaker 2: if you were hired as an executive assistant, you should

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Speaker 2: never be going out of the office.

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Speaker 3: Tasks, stay within your parameters.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that becomes personal assistant at that point, and if

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Speaker 2: that's what he wants, that's a different job. Commenter four,

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Speaker 2: I think it is pretty telling that at one point

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Speaker 2: in your post you refer to him as my mal.

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Speaker 4: Okay, that's his name.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. That that also is super telling because we read

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Speaker 3: that and we were like, what does she mean her

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Speaker 3: job or her position her boss? And it's like, why

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Speaker 3: are you calling him my mau? That's insane?

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Speaker 2: Yeah uh, And someone replies, I saw that too, But

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Speaker 2: I think she may have intended to write my boss

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Speaker 2: at first and then try to change it to mal

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Speaker 2: for clarity while forgetting to delete the my part of it.

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Speaker 2: To be honest, happens to me all the time. And

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Speaker 2: Opie says, yes in accident.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I believe that, but I do believe that because

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Speaker 3: it makes no sense.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and we have an update.

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Speaker 2: Let's do a lot of you had some really good advice,

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Speaker 2: and I took it all in. I would like to

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Speaker 2: take a moment to defend my job.

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Speaker 4: I am not a.

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Speaker 2: Sugar baby or a glorified nanny. For example, today I

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Speaker 2: came in and spent the first two hours revising a

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Speaker 2: presentation and prep pairing materials that Mal was to give

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Speaker 2: after lunch. Then I helped him rehearse, made some verbiage suggestions,

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Speaker 2: and brought him up to speed on a few attendees. Afterwards,

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Speaker 2: I read through employee satisfaction reports, summed them up into

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Speaker 2: a quantitative and qualitative data I set up the conference room,

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Speaker 2: went to get lunch for us, grabbed the dry cleaning

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Speaker 2: after lunch, greeted meeting attendees, took notes during meeting. After meeting,

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Speaker 2: continued with the employee satisfaction report. I formed a committee

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Speaker 2: to handle some rough spots it uncovered, made materials for committee.

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Speaker 2: Then I began researching an incentive program that I would

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Speaker 2: like to implement, answered emails with ongoing concerns, scheduled and

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Speaker 2: reviewed Mal's calendar, called final job candidates, and tried to

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Speaker 2: fit them in for final interviews with Mal.

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Speaker 4: That summarizes the day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so that sounds exactly like when I was a

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Speaker 2: mix of executive assistant and personal assistant. There was that

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Speaker 2: weird like, hey, pick up my dry cleaning, but also

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Speaker 2: run meetings and interview people.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a line.

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Speaker 3: I mean, if it's if it's literally impacting your personal

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Speaker 3: relationships though, like maybe I mean, just have a discussion

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Speaker 3: with your boss.

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Speaker 2: Finally, I asked Mel if you wanted to grab a

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Speaker 2: drink to celebrate a three day weekend. We only had

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Speaker 2: a one day last week due to a conference He

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Speaker 2: was surprised but agreed. I told him that the boyfriend

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Speaker 2: and I had broken up. He said that he hadn't

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Speaker 2: cared for him and I could do better. I said

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Speaker 2: I needed more of a work life balance because at

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Speaker 2: some point I would like a serious relationship. He acted dumbfounded.

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Speaker 2: I don't text that often, don't you like blank? I

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Speaker 2: thought we were friends too, and it was hard to

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Speaker 2: tell him that I wanted all of that, but I

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Speaker 2: couldn't because he but I couldn't because he can't be

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Speaker 2: my best friend and pseudo boyfriend and boss. I love

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Speaker 2: my job and him, but I need to think long term.

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Speaker 3: How are you feeling, Oh, we need conversations.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I needed to have discussions.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and it sounds like.

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Speaker 2: Maybe he does kind of want that very deep intimate relationship.

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Speaker 2: And I mean, go girly, set your boundaries. I hope

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Speaker 2: he listens to them.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's very important.

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Speaker 2: He was very upset and asked if I wanted to

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Speaker 2: move departments if he was that bad. Honestly, I was

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Speaker 2: upset too, and of course I don't want to move departments.

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Speaker 2: I suggested we develop time frames and put a little

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Speaker 2: distance in between us, such as not texting at certain

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Speaker 2: times and me sitting in the outer area of the

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Speaker 2: office more often. He said sure, sure, whatever, and then

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Speaker 2: made an excuse to leave. Later, he texted me, this

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Speaker 2: will be the last text you get from me after

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Speaker 2: seven point thirty. This is all BS. I don't give

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Speaker 2: an f about my underwear. I care about losing my

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Speaker 2: best friend.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this was the right move. You've made the correct decision. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I haven't responded because I feel like I broke up

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Speaker 2: with my best friend and I don't know what to say.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I cut off my hand. I feel

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Speaker 2: like I broke up with the most important person in

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Speaker 2: my life. But I know that something had to change.

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Speaker 3: Thanks.

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Speaker 2: Guys, Yeah, you feel like you broke up with someone

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Speaker 2: you were dating your boss without knowing it.

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Speaker 3: Come on, bro, it's crazy, Oh Carabaut, who's my best friend?

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Speaker 3: And then he's definitely like you started as my best friend?

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Speaker 4: But you Yeah, I think with you.

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Speaker 2: Comment one, you should quit your job and just start

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Speaker 2: dating him. You are clearly in love with the guy,

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Speaker 2: and someone responds seriously, I just want to shake Ope.

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Speaker 2: This guy is clearly out over heels in love with her,

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Speaker 2: and she's just a step behind him.

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Speaker 4: Get with him.

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Speaker 2: Girl, he's known you for years and it's clearly interested.

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Speaker 2: If it comes to it. Yeah, you made need a

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Speaker 2: new job, but that isn't a bad thing if you

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Speaker 2: find your soulmate in the process.

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Speaker 4: I don't agree with that. You do not agree with that?

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Speaker 3: Did these people what not read the end of this story?

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Speaker 3: I mean it's possible, they totally can be.

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Speaker 2: But also like, don't throw away your potential job for that.

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Speaker 2: Like I potentially do agree with, Uh, get find a

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Speaker 2: new job or at least put feelers out and look

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Speaker 2: for a new job.

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Speaker 5: But like, you don't have to start dating this guy.

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Speaker 2: What?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. It's just crazy that you tried

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Speaker 3: to set a boundary and it immediately goes ballistic and

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Speaker 3: is like being like, oh, fine, well, I'm so awful.

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Speaker 3: I guess I won't see you ever again.

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Speaker 4: And then everyone's like you should date him.

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Speaker 3: That was dumb. I refused to one hundred percent support

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Speaker 3: my fiance and it affected our wedding.

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Speaker 2: To like ninety nine support him.

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Speaker 3: I twenty five male, met my fiance Laura twenty five females,

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Speaker 3: six years ago when we were freshman in college. She

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Speaker 3: was a highly motivated, hard working person, extremely smart, caring,

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Speaker 3: and funny and just overall a great person to be around.

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Speaker 3: When we started dating, she motivated me to really push

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Speaker 3: myself through college. By the way, this comes from user

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Speaker 3: myso is lazy and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 3: own stories, go to the art slash Owkay storytime subbured it.

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Speaker 3: So the three years after we graduated things started to change.

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Speaker 3: I found a great IT job and she struggled for

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Speaker 3: a bit before landing a travel position in her field.

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Speaker 3: Within the first two years of working, I had increased

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Speaker 3: my salary through promotions and certification by almost fifty percent,

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Speaker 3: and that's about the time we got engaged. Laura hated

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Speaker 3: her job and asked if she could quit while she

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Speaker 3: looked for something else. I was literally I was against it. Initially,

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Speaker 3: I asked her if she could just swap the part time,

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Speaker 3: maybe twenty to thirty hours per week instead. We were

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Speaker 3: already renting, and though my salary had increased significantly, I

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Speaker 3: wanted to continue saving money so that we could purchase

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Speaker 3: our first home together. She threw a fit and went

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Speaker 3: to her parents, where her mom was completely against me,

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Speaker 3: saying that I should support her daughter and that I

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Speaker 3: made more than enough to support her until she found

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Speaker 3: a job. It should be noted that her mom doesn't

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Speaker 3: work and her family isn't well off, so they actually struggle.

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Speaker 3: Her dad works, but for whatever reason, her mom stopped

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Speaker 3: working after she had Laura and never went back the

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Speaker 3: workforce despite her father not making enough. I tried to

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Speaker 3: hold firm, and after some research, found that her employer

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Speaker 3: offered PRN positions or to twenty hours per week with

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Speaker 3: increased pay, basically as work at basically a work as

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Speaker 3: needed position. She didn't want that either. When my parents

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Speaker 3: came over one day, she talked to my mom about it,

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Speaker 3: who seemed to side with her as well. My mom

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Speaker 3: is to stay at home mom because my dad makes

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Speaker 3: so much and allows it. Eventually I doubted myself. Maybe

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Speaker 3: I was being insensitive, and I led her quit her

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Speaker 3: job to look for another one. I initially increased my

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Speaker 3: own hours from forty hours a week to fifty to

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Speaker 3: fifty five just to offset the reduced income. Six months

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Speaker 3: go by, with no new job in sight, I asked

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Speaker 3: her if she could take over a few more chores.

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Speaker 3: I tried to be understanding, but working eleven hours a

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Speaker 3: day and then coming home to have to clean up

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Speaker 3: and cook was really taking its toll. The new chores

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Speaker 3: thing was hit or miss. Some weeks she did, in

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Speaker 3: other weeks she didn't. She gets to the twelve months

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Speaker 3: of unemployed stage and we have serious talk. I tell

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Speaker 3: her I can keep up this work style for another year,

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Speaker 3: and that I already have a new position in the

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Speaker 3: works for myself for better pay, closer commute, and more experience.

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Speaker 3: I think telling her this was a mistake, because now

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Speaker 3: she has this idea that I'm going to support us

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Speaker 3: both for even longer while she tries to find a job.

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Speaker 3: I thought maybe her resume needed some tweaking, so one

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Speaker 3: day she asked me to take a look at it

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Speaker 3: for I get on the computer to update it and

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Speaker 3: immediately realize after logging into her job search that in

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Speaker 3: the past twelve month she has only applied to twelve positions.

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Speaker 3: In comparison, when we graduated, I put one hundred and

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Speaker 3: eighty applications in in a three month period and she

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Speaker 3: put in ninety rets respectively. I brought it up and

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Speaker 3: she said, there aren't many jobs out there right now.

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Speaker 3: She tells me her and her best friend, who is

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Speaker 3: a college dropout, are looking into the idea of doing

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Speaker 3: something like streaming or YouTube. Let's go, it's nice. I

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Speaker 3: express my concerns, tell her maybe working part time while

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Speaker 3: doing that would be best. My mom and her mom

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Speaker 3: think that I should just commit to one hundred percent

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Speaker 3: supporting her, but I don't want to do that. Her

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Speaker 3: dad tells me not to let her become like her mother,

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Speaker 3: but I think it's already too late. I don't know

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Speaker 3: what I can really do, except given ultimatum or just leave.

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Speaker 3: I still love her and she's a great person outside

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Speaker 3: of the whole job thing. I want to support her,

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Speaker 3: but I fear she may never change back to the

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Speaker 3: girl I met the wedding. The wedding has been postponed

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Speaker 3: due to my demanding work related training, which has me traveling.

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Speaker 3: Am I being selfish or unreasonable? Thoughts? And there's an update?

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Speaker 4: Oh god, no, not at all.

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Speaker 2: Like I mean, you were great and supportive to let

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Speaker 2: her initially quit her job and look for one. And

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00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,200
Speaker 2: the job market, especially depending on what industry, could really

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Speaker 2: suck right now.

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Speaker 5: But you can always go to jobs outside.

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Speaker 2: Of your industry, Like she's not tied to some great

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Speaker 2: paying job like you said, she could get a part

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Speaker 2: time job she wants to try streaming, but she still

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Speaker 2: needs something like that's going to take a while to

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Speaker 2: start up.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, literally, just anything, anything to give you some level of.

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Speaker 2: Intel target work at a grocery store like anything tiny,

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Speaker 2: part time, just to get something.

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Speaker 3: Update pretty much, life sucks. Wasn't planning on updating this.

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Speaker 3: It isn't really my thing, but I realized for my

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Speaker 3: own sanity, I think I need to tell someone that

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't have to deal with. Later on Monday, after

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Speaker 3: I got home from work, Laura was in the bedroom

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Speaker 3: talking to her mother. I took a seat in the

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Speaker 3: living room to wait for her to finish, but overheard

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Speaker 3: her mom tell her that she should just find a

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Speaker 3: job for a little bit. She was in a pretty

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Speaker 3: hostile mood, but I figured there was no reason to wait.

359
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Speaker 3: Her older brother had been in town since last week

360
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Speaker 3: and she's been spending a considerable amount of time with him,

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Speaker 3: which surprisingly had her feelings extremely stressed out. He really

362
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Speaker 3: dislikes what she has become. Our talk started pretty awful,

363
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Speaker 3: to be honest. I basically asked her if anything was

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Speaker 3: wrong with her and what she would need to get

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Speaker 3: back on her feet, and a lot of stuff about

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Speaker 3: our relationship, where we used to be and where we

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Speaker 3: wanted to go. It turned into a crapstorm pretty quickly

368
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Speaker 3: of her trying to pin blame on me. She told

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Speaker 3: me about the indescribable guilt that she felt each day.

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Speaker 3: She wanted to do something and move forward with her life,

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Speaker 3: but didn't know what to do. She blamed me and

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Speaker 3: my kindness and work ethic for letting her become the

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Speaker 3: person that she is now without much fuss.

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Speaker 4: Huh.

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Speaker 3: She told me that as long as I was in

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Speaker 3: the picture, she felt like she could never venture back

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Speaker 3: out into the real world. She told me that she

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Speaker 3: hated the person that she had become and that she

379
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 3: hated how much she dragged both of us down. She

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Speaker 3: said that she loved me but resented my situation at

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Speaker 3: the same time, and her words really hurt her. Anger

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00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 3: turned into sadness and a bunch of crying. After a

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Speaker 3: few minutes of yelling, she was yelling. She apologized for

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Speaker 3: everything she knew the real reason I postponed our wedding,

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Speaker 3: and even told me that it should be canceled permanently. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'd say that would be an effect on your wedding.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, saying to cancel it. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. We talked a bunch more, and we sat down

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Speaker 3: and really thought out and developed a plan step by

390
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Speaker 3: step with guidelines of exactly what we were going to do.

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Speaker 3: I'll admit I got my hopes up. I felt like

392
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Speaker 3: everything was making sense. I was understanding her and all that.

393
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,679
Speaker 3: It was a highly emotional and stressful part of the conversation.

394
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Speaker 3: I condensed it heavily, but I don't think I've ever

395
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 3: pushed her before. But with the wedding called off and

396
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,879
Speaker 3: both of us on the same page, I figured this

397
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Speaker 3: time could be different. The next day at work, I

398
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,160
Speaker 3: couldn't even focus. I spent most of my time researching

399
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Speaker 3: and planning stuff for her. I'll admit I was excited,

400
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,200
Speaker 3: and I even left work early just so we could

401
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Speaker 3: get a head start. But when I got back to

402
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,880
Speaker 3: the apartment, all their stuff was gone, closed, shoes, laptop,

403
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 3: literally nothing was left of hers. The amount of panic

404
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:40,720
Speaker 3: and anxiety I felt, I don't even know how to

405
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,639
Speaker 3: describe it. All my calls went straight to voicemail. She

406
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,199
Speaker 3: left me a note on the counter, along with her

407
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,919
Speaker 3: engagement ring, key to the apartment, and her parking pass.

408
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 3: Long story short, she left with her older brother to

409
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Speaker 3: live with him in California. She didn't really think we

410
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Speaker 3: could turn her life around like he could. It hurt

411
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Speaker 3: like heck reading her note, dide you dodged a bullet.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, for real, this is crazy.

413
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Speaker 3: I know it's only been a day, if that, but

414
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,639
Speaker 3: I still feel just as upset, bitter, and angry at

415
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,440
Speaker 3: myself as I did the day it happened. Yeah, it's

416
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 3: been one day. You can't say. I know it's been

417
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 3: one day, but I'm still as upset as I was

418
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:17,200
Speaker 3: literally just yesterday. Of course you are. I can't get

419
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,400
Speaker 3: a hold of her, embarrassed to admit how many times

420
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Speaker 3: I've tried, keep telling myself, maybe if I would have

421
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 3: put my foot down sooner or paid more attention than

422
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 3: maybe we could have worked on it together. She didn't

423
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,960
Speaker 3: even tell her parents, apparently, because they called me looking

424
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 3: for her yesterday when they couldn't get a hold of

425
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 3: her either. I told them where she went, but didn't

426
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Speaker 3: tell them about the note or the ring. I can't

427
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 3: deal with that drama yet. My parents showed no sympathy.

428
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,840
Speaker 3: My mom even tried to accuse me of chasing her off.

429
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 3: I've decided to no, I've decided to go no contact

430
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 3: with her for a while, as well as her own parents,

431
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,400
Speaker 3: until I figure myself out. I know, I just need

432
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,480
Speaker 3: time to think and try to put things into perspective

433
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,760
Speaker 3: that my life is going to change. Some may say

434
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 3: I dodged a bullet, but I just feel like I

435
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 3: lost my best friend and that I tried too late

436
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 3: to do anything about it. I wouldn't have married her

437
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 3: until things straightened out, and I wasn't giving her an allowance.

438
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,920
Speaker 3: Time was literally all we had once the wedding was canceled.

439
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,440
Speaker 3: I know, probably just sounds like I'm in denial, We're

440
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,920
Speaker 3: being pathetic, but this crap sucks that I don't even

441
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 3: have a say in how it all went down, even

442
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,959
Speaker 3: though it's probably for the best, I just feel blindsided

443
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,399
Speaker 3: by the whole thing. The worst part is the cloudiness.

444
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 3: I don't even know where we stand. You're broken up,

445
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 3: you're not getting together.

446
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:26,879
Speaker 6: Move on.

447
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 5: She's left the state she went.

448
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 3: She left you for unemployment benefits. Move on. You don't

449
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:35,479
Speaker 3: need to worry about it.

450
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,160
Speaker 5: Not your problem anymore.

451
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:41,119
Speaker 2: I could no longer support my girlfriend, but she flat

452
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:42,439
Speaker 2: out refuses to work.

453
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 3: Oh, she's unemployed.

454
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 2: I twenty seven female started a long distance relationship with

455
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 2: a girl thirty female I met through a friend, which

456
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,880
Speaker 2: lasted about a year and culminated her moving across state

457
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 2: lines to be with me in the city. Everything was

458
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 2: great and we were truly in love with each other.

459
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes.

460
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:10,640
Speaker 2: From epicyclis, and if you want to submit your own stories,

461
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:14,119
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. So, because

462
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 2: she moved across state lines, and because she expressed the

463
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,920
Speaker 2: desire to leave her toxic field of choice and try

464
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,639
Speaker 2: her hand at something more than all, I agreed to

465
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 2: take on the burden of supporting her for a while

466
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:25,400
Speaker 2: until she.

467
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:25,920
Speaker 5: Had a job.

468
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,240
Speaker 2: She would take on most of the cleaning and groceries,

469
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 2: et cetera while I was at work.

470
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 4: I even agreed to sleep on.

471
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 2: A mattress in the kitchen because she had chronic insomnia

472
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 2: problems and required very specific constraints under what she got sleep.

473
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,240
Speaker 2: I could not tolerate these while working. I feel like

474
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,160
Speaker 2: I've done everything I could for her, including taking care

475
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 2: of her expensive medical needs, which destroyed my savings. After

476
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 2: around one point five to two years, I started to

477
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 2: develop an anxiety disorder under the stress of supporting her.

478
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:01,800
Speaker 2: What had at first been something I was willing to

479
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:05,120
Speaker 2: do out of kindness and love quickly became a consent

480
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 2: issue and had turned into a burden. Fast forward now,

481
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 2: four years after she came to the city and still

482
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 2: no job, I am a nervous wreck, and I feel

483
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 2: completely emotionally run down by the burden of supporting her.

484
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,359
Speaker 2: I've destroyed my body by putting on weight due to

485
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 2: the stress as well. I used to be pretty happy

486
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,120
Speaker 2: and carefree, but now I'm just depressed and anxious all

487
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 2: the time.

488
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,399
Speaker 3: Well, it sounds like we know this isn't good for

489
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,199
Speaker 3: us anymore, so we got take steps to rectify it

490
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 3: with black counseling or anything.

491
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:40,879
Speaker 5: We're talking.

492
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 2: We have a non existent spicy sleep life because my

493
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 2: spicy sleep drive has tanked completely. I don't know what

494
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,920
Speaker 2: to do because I still love her and we have

495
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 2: a loving, romantic relationship. Otherwise, She's never really done anything wrong,

496
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:01,920
Speaker 2: if that makes sense. She's and loving, helpful, and genuinely

497
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,159
Speaker 2: seems affected by not succeeding in finding a job and

498
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 2: helping shoulder the burden. I never really cared for my

499
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 2: mental health much before, but it's really starting to affect me.

500
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, but the notion that she can't get a

501
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:19,640
Speaker 3: job anywhere after four years is absurd insane maybe if

502
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 3: she's thinking of like the one specific job she wants,

503
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 3: but when it comes down to it, you have to

504
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 3: be willing to make income where you can get it.

505
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 2: Yeah.

506
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 5: Yep.

507
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 2: I've become emotionally unstable, and sometimes the stress and resentment

508
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 2: come through in my interactions with her. The hardest part

509
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 2: about this is that I can tell she's trying and

510
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 2: just failing. I've tried to help and I've been rebuffed

511
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 2: several times and only able to help a bit. But

512
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 2: otherwise she hasn't done anything wrong. If she has, I

513
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 2: haven't been able to tell what she's doing wrong, in

514
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,400
Speaker 2: particular because I can't and don't want to be there

515
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:02,720
Speaker 2: twenty four to seven ton her every job application. But

516
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 2: I am resentful because I feel like I've sacrificed everything

517
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 2: from my body to my mental health to make this

518
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:09,879
Speaker 2: relationship happen.

519
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 4: But it's just not happening. What do I do to

520
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 4: make it clear?

521
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,639
Speaker 2: This is a big deal breaking issue for me that

522
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 2: I've told her is my primary source of stress and anxiety.

523
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 2: I don't see much change, and I think she's too

524
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 2: ashamed at this point to give me updates, which just

525
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 2: compounds my stress because of the radio silence.

526
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 4: We have some comments.

527
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 2: Comment one, if I were in that position, I'd tell

528
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 2: her I couldn't support her anymore because she's becoming a burden.

529
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 2: I know you probably care about her, but I think

530
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 2: you need to spell it out for her. Tell her

531
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 2: how it negatively impacts your life and how you can't

532
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,239
Speaker 2: keep financing her. Tell her that you care about her

533
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,159
Speaker 2: a lot, and that you wish you didn't need to

534
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 2: ask her to get a job, but tell her it's

535
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 2: your last resort. Tell her that it makes you anxious

536
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 2: and stressed, and how it's affecting your mental health. And

537
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 2: after that, if she still has done anything to get

538
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,159
Speaker 2: a job, than she doesn't care enough. No one that

539
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,440
Speaker 2: cares a lot about their partner would want to be

540
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 2: a burden. They do their best to help out as

541
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:09,880
Speaker 2: much as they can.

542
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:10,920
Speaker 6: Uh.

543
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 4: And there's a reply.

544
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 2: Opie says he believes she is trying and failing. He

545
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 2: mentions she applies to jobs, so what is the problem.

546
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 2: Is she only trying for a certain caliber of job

547
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 2: she isn't qualified for and only becomes a less attractive

548
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 2: candidate over time. Is her resume or references terrible. The

549
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 2: one thing she clearly is doing wrong is rebuffing Opie's help.

550
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 2: OPI is well within her rights at this point to

551
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,919
Speaker 2: call the relationship and say this is not working. I

552
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 2: would not blame her, and that is a valid option.

553
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 2: The other options I see them are to tell her

554
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,199
Speaker 2: that Opie can't continue to be in a relationship with

555
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 2: her while supporting her, and she has X time then

556
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:55,200
Speaker 2: needs to contribute financially or leave that OPI isn't breaking

557
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 2: up with her, but she won't be able to keep

558
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 2: living here and having her expenses paid. Frankly, I'd expect

559
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 2: this to end the relationship if she can't get a

560
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 2: job in that time. And finally, OPI can say it's

561
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 2: not acceptable that she is radio silent and refusing their

562
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 2: help given it's been four years and supporting her is

563
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 2: causing Opie anxiety to the extent it is harming Opie's

564
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:22,399
Speaker 2: mental health and poisoning the relationship. So Opie needs to

565
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 2: see her resume, cover letters, what job she's applying for,

566
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,479
Speaker 2: et cetera, and look it over and have some idea

567
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 2: of what she is doing OPI will give her feedback

568
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:31,920
Speaker 2: if they can.

569
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:33,960
Speaker 5: Opie also needs.

570
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 2: Her applying to all jobs right now, not just careers

571
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 2: but FedEx, Amazon, McDonald's and everything to have some work.

572
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 2: Then she can start community college or something towards getting

573
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 2: a better job, but only once she can pay for

574
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 2: her own classes. And be very clear that if she

575
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 2: isn't willing to show you except help adjust her expectations,

576
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 2: then you're done with the relationship. And even then you

577
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,359
Speaker 2: may have to set some sort of timetable to it,

578
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 2: at least in your head for when you'll give up.

579
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 4: And we have an update.

580
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:10,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I honestly I hope that you take

581
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 3: the comments and use that, because it seems like if

582
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 3: you said that, it would probably either you know, be like, Okay,

583
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 3: we're starting to bridge the gap, or it's like, well,

584
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 3: this is just an unfixable situation.

585
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 2: Yep, And like all those comments said, she should apply

586
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:27,880
Speaker 2: to every job.

587
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 3: Yeah.

588
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 2: Update, I posted about a four year relationship causing me mental, emotional,

589
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 2: and physical health problems due to said partner failing to

590
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 2: find a job or contribute to the finances in any

591
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,719
Speaker 2: meaningful way. I made the post at the height of

592
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 2: the VID in my area, trying to keep the relationship alive. Okay,

593
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 2: so during the height of the VID also could have

594
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 2: been why she was struggling to find a job, but

595
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 2: doesn't she.

596
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 3: Is definitely that makes sense.

597
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 2: Extra stress on both of you. At the time, we

598
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 2: had moved to a new state and a smaller town

599
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 2: to live more cheaply and to help address my physical

600
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 2: needs that couldn't be met in the city. With everything

601
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 2: and everyone locked down. Things were good for a few months. However,

602
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 2: the job question came back again. I was working full

603
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 2: time and had taken on new responsibilities for keeping myself

604
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,719
Speaker 2: in shape, working hard to lose the weight. That's when

605
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 2: I noticed she was just kind of existing. She wasn't

606
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 2: excited about anything in the area and wasn't doing much

607
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 2: to find jobs. I had a talk with her in

608
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 2: October and we agreed that perhaps my request that she

609
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 2: find a salaried nine to five job could be relaxed

610
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 2: and part time would be sufficient to help out. After all,

611
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 2: I only needed two things from her space from time

612
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 2: to time, and her to help out in any way

613
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 2: she could with the finances. The first of two final

614
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 2: straws occurred that winter. I was working to build a

615
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 2: new business from scratch, and I had to leave my

616
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 2: job in order to do it, which meant around four

617
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 2: months of negative income. It was going to be tight,

618
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 2: but she agreed to help support by finding an easy job.

619
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 2: This support never came oooo. She couldn't do it or

620
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 2: didn't want to. I began to notice it felt more

621
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 2: like the latter. As a result, we barely made rent

622
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 2: in February, thanks to my taking on contract work on

623
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 2: the side, effectively working two jobs. We had a huge

624
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,240
Speaker 2: fight in February over this. I wasn't willing to be

625
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 2: that close to being homeless just because she didn't want

626
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 2: to work a job that was beneath her qualifications. Geez

627
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 2: I made it explicit that this was a deal breaker

628
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:35,080
Speaker 2: for me, and then I would not move an inch

629
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 2: in the relationship until she started contributing in the way

630
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 2: we discussed.

631
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 4: She agreed. Another five months went by with no job.

632
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 3: I think the only universe in which this is acceptable,

633
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 3: that you're giving her this much leeway is that it

634
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 3: was during the VID.

635
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 2: But even still, even still, Yeah, during the VID, when

636
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 2: Opie expected her to get a nine to five job,

637
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 2: that's tough, But then you pushed it down to part time,

638
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 2: and I'm sure by now another year in the VID

639
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 2: was lightning up.

640
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 3: And there were opportunities from work from home online. There

641
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 3: could have there was, there was some way.

642
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, for stories to make something. Could have still gotten

643
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 4: hired somewhere. Another five months went by with no job.

644
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 2: At this point, frustrated with her lack of success, she

645
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,959
Speaker 2: asks me to move with her to her hometown and

646
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,880
Speaker 2: move in with her parents while she looks for a

647
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 2: job where she had a network. I flat out refused

648
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 2: and we went on a break. I moved to a

649
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 2: new state and hoped that maybe some space would allow

650
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,840
Speaker 2: me to think clearly about the relationship. By September this year,

651
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 2: I realized I felt completely happy to be on my

652
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 2: own and stress free. We broke it off completely to

653
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 2: my knowledge. She still doesn't have a job as of

654
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 2: this post.

655
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 3: Oh, for the love of the game. For the love

656
00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 3: of the game. That's insane, the game of having no job.

657
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 5: But I mean, you broke up.

658
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 3: Yep, it's over.

659
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 2: She still doesn't have a job, probably living back at home,

660
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 2: like she said, yeah, and seems best.

661
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,800
Speaker 3: I hope you learned your lesson, Fomi. Once. Shame on

662
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 3: you for me for five years yeah, fum for five years.

663
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 3: Probably a little bit of shame on me. Yeah.

664
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 2: I feel used emotionally, physically and financially, mistreated and hurt

665
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 2: by how casually someone could run me into the ground

666
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 2: like this. But I also feel hopeful about myself, and

667
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 2: I'm seeing a therapist who's helping me unpack it all further,

668
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 2: my business was worth it, and it's taken off and

669
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 2: given me enough time and space to deal with all

670
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 2: of this while maintaining.

671
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 4: A healthy lifestyle overall.

672
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 2: The biggest downer is I feel like I've just wasted

673
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 2: five years of my life with someone who I'm fairly

674
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 2: sure was a subtle abuser the whole time. It hurts

675
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 2: to say it, but the way I always feel like

676
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 2: the bad guy, or the way she would guilt, trip

677
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 2: me and keep me from my friends bad news. I'll

678
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 2: never let anyone do.

679
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 4: This to me again.

680
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 3: Whoo good.

681
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 4: We have some comments.

682
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 2: Comment one, you didn't waste five years, You saved yourself fifty.

683
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 2: This experience will help you if you decide to have

684
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:18,959
Speaker 2: another relationship. You will know how to identify positive traits

685
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 2: and will not give too many chances when dealing.

686
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,240
Speaker 4: With negative traits. You're much more likely to have a

687
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 4: happy future. That's the end of that.

688
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I agree, you've saved yourself fifty years of torment.

689
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 5: Yes, good job.

690
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 3: You got there.

691
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 4: Eventually took five years, but we got there.

692
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 3: Yes, yead even like five more years, it would have

693
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 3: been terrible.

694
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 1: Geez hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna

695
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: get back to the stories. But here's three minutes of

696
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 1: ads from our sponsors.

697
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 6: I think my wife is cheating with her coworker.

698
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 5: Oh, that's never good.

699
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 6: A few months ago, I installed a security camera outside

700
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 6: our front door, primarily for safety, prompted by a shooting

701
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 6: in our neighborhood. Ooh, okay, safety first. It wasn't in

702
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 6: out of suspicion towards my wife. By the way, this

703
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 6: comes from user in Miserable Debate seventy four to thirty eight.

704
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 6: If you want to submit your own stories, go to

705
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 6: the r slash ok storytime supped it so. About a

706
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 6: week ago, my wife came home from work and casually

707
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 6: mentioned taking public transit, which is a common mode of

708
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 6: transport for her, along with the occasional uber rides if

709
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 6: she works very late. I didn't think anything of it

710
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 6: at the time. The next day, while reviewing the camera

711
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,960
Speaker 6: footage I was looking to see if a package was

712
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,799
Speaker 6: dropped off. I saw the video of her arrival from

713
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 6: the previous night mrt row. The camera captures out front

714
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 6: door and part of the street. It showed her walking

715
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 6: up to the door, pausing to look across the street,

716
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 6: smiling and waving as a car pulled away, and then

717
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 6: entering the house. It strongly suggested get been dropped off.

718
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 6: I casually asked her if she had taken an Uber

719
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:52,360
Speaker 6: home the night before. She initially insisted she had taken

720
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 6: transit hmmmmm. When I mentioned the camera footage, she shifted,

721
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 6: suggesting maybe it was an Uber and she had forgotten.

722
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:03,360
Speaker 6: Sensing something was off, I jokingly asked if she typically

723
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 6: waved goodbye to Uber drivers from our doorstep as they

724
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 6: waited for her to get inside. This led to further

725
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 6: hesitation before she finally admitted it was a coworker. The

726
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 6: co worker is a man she has previoleas mentioned in

727
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 6: passing when talking about work or a project she's involved in,

728
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 6: who had dropped her off after they both worked late. Naturally,

729
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,840
Speaker 6: I felt really off. Her story went from transit to

730
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:32,279
Speaker 6: maybe Uber. I forgot to actually a co worker. I

731
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 6: asked that was that the first time he drops her off?

732
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:38,399
Speaker 6: She said yes. I pointed out how unusual it seemed

733
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 6: to forget being dropped off for the very first time

734
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 6: by a coworker, especially what it wasn't her usual routine.

735
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 6: This is when she became defensive, of accusing me of

736
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:50,759
Speaker 6: calling her a liar and claiming it was just an

737
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 6: honesome stake do it to being tired. While I tried

738
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 6: to accept this, I couldn't shake the feeling that her

739
00:35:55,640 --> 00:36:00,720
Speaker 6: reaction in multiple explanations were illogical. Uh oh hmm. Unable

740
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 6: to let it go, I reviewed the camera footage from

741
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,880
Speaker 6: the week prior. What I discovered she had been dropped

742
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 6: off by the same car multiple times that week alone,

743
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 6: and spanning my search to the past month's recordings as

744
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 6: they reset monthly, I found the scenario repeated two to

745
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 6: three times a week.

746
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 3: Wow, that's a.

747
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 5: Whole lot, a whole lot of cheating.

748
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 6: So she lied, and then she fled again, and then

749
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,799
Speaker 6: she kind of lied again, and now she's been lying

750
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 6: this entire time.

751
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 7: Does she ever actually take Uber's home or is it

752
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,360
Speaker 7: this guy or public transit?

753
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 5: Yeah?

754
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 6: Which one interesting and she's never mentioned it before.

755
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 5: Oh hmmm.

756
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 6: I also discovered instances where the same car picked her

757
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 6: up in the morning, specifically on the days when I

758
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 6: had left for work early. I confronted her again, stating

759
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,720
Speaker 6: that the footage showed frequent occurrences of her being dropped

760
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 6: off by the same exact car. She looked like a

761
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 6: deer in headlights when I said that. She downplayed it again,

762
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 6: saying it was just her coworker and I was making

763
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 6: a big deal out of nothing. I explained that the

764
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 6: hiding and lying about it was concerning not necessarily the

765
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 6: act of being dropped off. Why the secrecy if it

766
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,319
Speaker 6: was so innocent. She became defensive again, attempting to turn

767
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 6: it back on me by suggesting by checking the footage

768
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 6: was obsessive and paranoid. Well, she's not helping her case.

769
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 6: After an hour long argument, she finally agreed that, yeah,

770
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 6: it was weird. I guess that she hadn't mentioned it.

771
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 6: I asked her directly if there's anything romantic or inappropriate

772
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 6: going on with this coworker. She denied it, called me crazy.

773
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 6: We have an open phone policy, though I've never felt

774
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,640
Speaker 6: the need to use it until this point. I asked

775
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 6: to see her phone, and she handed it over. I

776
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 6: looked through messages and found nothing that seemed suspicious or

777
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 6: indicative of an affair with this coworker. There's a second phone.

778
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:52,280
Speaker 6: Despite this, I still have trouble believing her. Her initial lies,

779
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 6: the shiftiness, the attempt to blame me for being suspicious,

780
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 6: and the eventual half admission have eroded my trust. I

781
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 6: also noticed that since the day I found out about

782
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 6: the coworker dropping her off, the coworker has completely stopped

783
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 6: dropping her off or picking her up. Based on the

784
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 6: camera footage, he's just going around the corner.

785
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly.

786
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:12,919
Speaker 6: To me, this looks like she warned him or tipped

787
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 6: him off on my suspicions, maybe even meeting further away

788
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 6: from the house where the camera can't see. Literally around

789
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:20,440
Speaker 6: the corner.

790
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 7: Yeah, we've all we were all in high school. We

791
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 7: know how it goes.

792
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:27,239
Speaker 6: Where are you going? Who you hang out with? So

793
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:29,760
Speaker 6: and so name? Okay, you're gonna pick me around the corner.

794
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 5: Yep, dollon street, doll the street, no reason.

795
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,600
Speaker 6: Don't worry about it. I can't let this go. But

796
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:38,759
Speaker 6: I'm also confused because outside of the specific issue and

797
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,440
Speaker 6: her weird behavior when confronted. I haven't noticed the typical signs.

798
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:45,839
Speaker 6: I haven't noticed the typical signs associated with infidelity. She's

799
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 6: in secretive with her phone, she hasn't become distant, and

800
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 6: her general behavior hasn't changed in ways that would make

801
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 6: me a question her fidelity. We are both incredibly busy

802
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 6: with demanding jobs and a three year old and a

803
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,399
Speaker 6: one year old who keeps us on our toes, which

804
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 6: naturally limits our time together as a couple. But there

805
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,839
Speaker 6: hasn't been a shift in our dynamic that raised red

806
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 6: flags before this, because you're not there.

807
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:08,440
Speaker 5: They have kids.

808
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 6: You guys have kids, and you guys have incredibly busy schedules,

809
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 6: so you guys really don't have time to see that

810
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 6: from each other.

811
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:16,360
Speaker 5: Yeah.

812
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:20,959
Speaker 6: I'm not saying she's cheating, but my man, her case

813
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 6: is not looking good right. I feel like I'm going insane,

814
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 6: and I really am struggling to find a logical explanation

815
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 6: for this behavior that does not lead to the conclusion

816
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 6: that she is cheating on me. I can't discuss this

817
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 6: with friends without feeling like I am making her look bad.

818
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,960
Speaker 6: I'm turning to anonymous help, hoping for some perspective on

819
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 6: whether my reaction is warranted or if I'm letting paranoia

820
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:44,280
Speaker 6: take over. And we have an update. Oh Andjie boy,

821
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 6: how does one feel.

822
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:53,240
Speaker 7: Right I'm betrayed? I because I mean there's clear evidence. Yeah,

823
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,840
Speaker 7: and just because there's maybe different clear evidence. Now, it

824
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 7: doesn't mean that it's like not happening. Like she's right,

825
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 7: like she was caught for being dropped off, like basically

826
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 7: in front of the house.

827
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:04,839
Speaker 5: It's seeing the.

828
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,640
Speaker 6: Car, the gas lighting. You two like you're crazy, Like,

829
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 6: come on, like it's nothing. Yeah, what's paranoid? It's not

830
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 6: that weird. Now, it's kind of weird, I guess, but

831
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:14,760
Speaker 6: not really that weird.

832
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:15,279
Speaker 5: Yeah.

833
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, you've been lying about taking rides home every single

834
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 6: night and.

835
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 5: Right yeah, no exactly.

836
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 6: It is.

837
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 5: Uh disappointing, to say the least.

838
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 6: Update, my suspicions have been confirmed. No, this was after

839
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:40,760
Speaker 6: thirteen hours. He's updating us fast, thanks SOP. This morning,

840
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 6: she had a later start to her day. This is

841
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 6: not unusual, so I left for work before her. But

842
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 6: after dropping the kids off at childcare, instead of driving

843
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:51,840
Speaker 6: to work, I came back home and parked farther up

844
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 6: the street to avoid being seen.

845
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:54,319
Speaker 5: Nice.

846
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 6: When she eventually left the house, she walked up the

847
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 6: street and turned onto the main road where she usually

848
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 6: catches public trans it. I followed at a distance and

849
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,920
Speaker 6: saw her getting into his car that was parked there.

850
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:08,439
Speaker 6: We called it up. Until then, I had held onto

851
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:10,440
Speaker 6: a hope that she may have felt uncomfortable with these

852
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:13,440
Speaker 6: pickups slash drop offs after our conversation, and that she

853
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,759
Speaker 6: might have found a way to politely end them. But

854
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 6: now seeing her deliberately walk around the corner to meet

855
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 6: his car out of view of our camera has confirmed that,

856
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,960
Speaker 6: at the very least, my wife is actively collaborating with

857
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:29,960
Speaker 6: another man to conceal their interactions from me. Her husband,

858
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,879
Speaker 6: a faithful partner who would never need to do something

859
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 6: like this. I'm heartbroken and shaking with rage, but I

860
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 6: won't say anything to her. I'm going to hire a

861
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 6: private investigator to find out the full extent of their

862
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 6: relationship and then proceed from there. Oh wow, thank you

863
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 6: to everyone who offered their advice. And there's another update.

864
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 6: And I saw the title.

865
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,719
Speaker 5: Yea, I saw it too. Dang a private investigator. Man,

866
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:53,800
Speaker 5: that's intense.

867
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 6: He got magnum pi on the case. Yeah, it looks

868
00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 6: like let's just.

869
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 5: We all saw it didn't take that long. Yeah, let's

870
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 5: just go right into it.

871
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 6: Update Doumber two, the affair is confirmed again. It's like

872
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 6: from the very get go, the lie to lie to

873
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,960
Speaker 6: lie to like, you caught me, but I'm gonna resent

874
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 6: you and like, is this You're weird? You're crazy? Right?

875
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 6: And she kept doing it. Guy, she did it. She

876
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 6: was like like a high schooler. Yeah exactly, I'm just

877
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 6: gonna go around the corner and like, probably never find

878
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 6: out easy. She's a dunce, but she I mean, she

879
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 6: also sucks. But let's see this update after seventeen hours

880
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 6: from the original post, or maybe the previous update, who knows.

881
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 6: I wanted to share that I have confirmed the affair. Wow,

882
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 6: we're not shocked. I waited outside her office building and

883
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:45,040
Speaker 6: saw her leave around twelve thirty pm with him. They

884
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 6: went across the street to get food, then drove to

885
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 6: a nearby park and stayed in his car. They launched

886
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 6: and chatted, laughed, and they made out. Not just kiss, No,

887
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,799
Speaker 6: they sat in the car and made out like fing teenagers.

888
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,799
Speaker 6: I took a video, so he didn't even need your

889
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 6: You didn't need a PI.

890
00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, save your money.

891
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 6: Save your money, You've got it. Then they left and

892
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,439
Speaker 6: went back to work a Lotti DoD ydad. I don't

893
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 6: know how I stop myself from approaching them and attacking

894
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 6: him then and there. The thought of doing something rash

895
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 6: and losing my children is probably what stopped me. I

896
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 6: am now home and struggling to process what I saw.

897
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:21,319
Speaker 6: I feel completely devastated, in a profound sense of loss

898
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 6: for our family, our children's sense of security, and my

899
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 6: own self worth. I've never felt so completely hopeless in

900
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 6: my life before. I will keep it together and move

901
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,400
Speaker 6: forward for the sake of my children, because they are

902
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 6: innocent in all of this.

903
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, what do we do?

904
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,840
Speaker 6: I mean, it seems like Opie is got a you know,

905
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 6: the right mindset. Do it all for the kids? Yeah obviously,

906
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 6: lawyer up, Yeah, lawyer up.

907
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 7: Buttercup, if really, if you wanted to do this in

908
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:54,760
Speaker 7: like a petty way, hm, drop the kids off at school,

909
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:57,239
Speaker 7: yeah okay. If she has a latea drop them off,

910
00:43:57,600 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 7: come back home, be like, Hey, they actually don't need

911
00:43:59,960 --> 00:44:02,799
Speaker 7: me today. Uh they said that I can go home

912
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:06,759
Speaker 7: or I'm gonna actually start later today, Okay, wife is

913
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,920
Speaker 7: still getting ready for work, okay, or to see this man.

914
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 7: Then you're in the living room chilling out, and then

915
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:17,239
Speaker 7: you cast that video onto your TV and you're just

916
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 7: and just watch it and.

917
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:23,759
Speaker 6: You're like, oh, yeah, I'm crazy. That's a little weird, right. Yeah.

918
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 7: She comes in, yah, she comes in to leave for

919
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:29,320
Speaker 7: work and she sees that, Well, movie are you watching?

920
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 5: Or you're like, hey, like, babe, there's this really cool

921
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 5: movie I need you to watch. And then it's just

922
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:35,839
Speaker 5: them making out.

923
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:38,839
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's to Catch a Cheater, yeah exactly, and then

924
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:41,760
Speaker 7: and then have it out then and there.

925
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 6: It's called or it's like, what's that movie? It's called, Uh,

926
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:46,840
Speaker 6: it's We're Divorcing, Yeah.

927
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 5: Exactly.

928
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 6: But there's a little bit left. Let's go ahead and

929
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:54,279
Speaker 6: close us up. I am currently contacting divorce attorneys and

930
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 6: scheduling initial consultations. I do not plan to confront my

931
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 6: wife about what I saw until I am advised by

932
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:03,320
Speaker 6: my attorney. I will keep my distance until then. The

933
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 6: volume of responses and attention my post are received is

934
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:09,919
Speaker 6: incredibly overwhelming. While I am grateful for the support, reading

935
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 6: comments and different opinions, while processing the betrayal is too much.

936
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:16,839
Speaker 6: Right now, I will delete my account, but we'll leave

937
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,839
Speaker 6: my post up so I can review the advice later

938
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:21,840
Speaker 6: when I am in a calmer headspace. At this moment,

939
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,320
Speaker 6: I'm unable to make significant decisions and will rely on

940
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 6: legal advice from an attorney to guide me through the

941
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 6: next steps. Thank you to everyone who offered support and advice. Op.

942
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:32,239
Speaker 3: Yeah it was.

943
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 6: It was kind of then and there the get go.

944
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:39,240
Speaker 6: You don't deserve this, But shout out to your camera.

945
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 6: Shout out to you and your instincts. You knew something

946
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 6: was up, you knew something was wrong. It's sorry that

947
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,399
Speaker 6: you found out like this what you found it found

948
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:50,320
Speaker 6: out this way. But yeah, just you already you already

949
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 6: know what you need to do, follow the legal advice,

950
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 6: stay low key until it's time, and then just move

951
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 6: on and uh, just be the dad that you need

952
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 6: to be for your children.

953
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:03,880
Speaker 5: Yep, and it sounds like you're on your way for that,

954
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:07,919
Speaker 5: so good job. Yeah. I caught my wife cheating through

955
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:08,840
Speaker 5: her email.

956
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:11,480
Speaker 6: You've got mail she cheated on you.

957
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:14,720
Speaker 7: I am male thirty four and married to my wife,

958
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:17,359
Speaker 7: female thirty two. We have been married for eight years

959
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 7: and I have two sons, aged four and one. By

960
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:23,800
Speaker 7: the way, this comes from le Secrets thrown Away, and

961
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,320
Speaker 7: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

962
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 7: the ours slash Okay story time Separate It.

963
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 5: So backstory. I first met my wife when I was

964
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:30,759
Speaker 5: twenty four.

965
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:32,799
Speaker 7: I was working for the company I still work at

966
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,759
Speaker 7: today and was on a business trip to Beijing. She

967
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 7: was twenty two and still is absolutely gorgeous and I

968
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,840
Speaker 7: was infatuated with her. After a little playful flirting, she

969
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:44,839
Speaker 7: agreed to meet up with me again and we soon

970
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 7: began dating. Even when I had to return to the States,

971
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:50,840
Speaker 7: we continued at an LDR and I would save up

972
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:53,800
Speaker 7: to return to Beijing to meet her. She is Chinese

973
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 7: and has very traditional parents. Her mother was welcoming, as

974
00:46:57,040 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 7: were her two brothers, yet her father was intimidating. But

975
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,359
Speaker 7: all this they gave me their approval to ask their

976
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:04,759
Speaker 7: daughter her hand in marriage just over a year after

977
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 7: meeting her. This may seem quick to some, but I

978
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 7: was and still am, head overheels in love with her.

979
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,080
Speaker 5: So we married.

980
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 7: She moved to the States with me, and we started

981
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 7: a family four years ago with the birth of my

982
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 7: first son. My second son turned one this April. I

983
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,400
Speaker 7: have no money troubles. I have a large house that

984
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 7: I own. I couldn't be happier now. I saw nothing

985
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:30,279
Speaker 7: wrong with my marriage until I discovered the offending emails.

986
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 5: We have spicy sleep regularly.

987
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 7: She has never seemed off with me, although recently I

988
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 7: admit that she seems more glued to her cell phone

989
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 7: than usual. She works as a secretary for a company

990
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,439
Speaker 7: based in a town about forty five minutes drive home

991
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:45,759
Speaker 7: from our house, so she leaves earlier than I do

992
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 7: in the mornings and returns home after me. Recently, I've

993
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 7: been noticing her returning later than normal, her reason being

994
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:55,200
Speaker 7: that she had extra work to take care of, and

995
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 7: I thought nothing of it.

996
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 5: I now know that that reason was a lie.

997
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,279
Speaker 7: One afternoon, my wife was out with my two sons

998
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 7: shopping and I was working at home.

999
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 5: I had to use my wife's laptop. His mind was

1000
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 5: still in the office when I logged on, an.

1001
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 7: Email notification popped up, with the beginning of the email

1002
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:16,560
Speaker 7: shown starting approximately like this, thank you for Thursday evening,

1003
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 7: Maybe meet up da da da. I got curious and

1004
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,839
Speaker 7: opened the email to find that my wife had spent

1005
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 7: Thursday evening with this man and that he wanted to

1006
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 7: arrange another meeting for the following Tuesday evening after work,

1007
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:33,439
Speaker 7: I discovered this man worked at her company, and after

1008
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 7: looking through her emails, I discovered that she had been

1009
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:39,360
Speaker 7: meeting the same man after work once or twice a

1010
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:42,400
Speaker 7: week at his apartment for the past six months. The

1011
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:45,240
Speaker 7: earliest email I found that suggested any kind of affair

1012
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 7: was dated late January twenty twelve, but who knows, it

1013
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 7: could have been earlier. The man in question works at

1014
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 7: a higher position in the company my wife works at,

1015
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:55,880
Speaker 7: and it's much richer than we are.

1016
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 5: I would guess he's in his late forties.

1017
00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:00,320
Speaker 7: Yet I would say that he is quite attractive, probably

1018
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 7: more so than I am. I am an average looking

1019
00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:06,880
Speaker 7: guy of an average build, and usually I'm not very funny.

1020
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 6: Oh pee pee, come on man.

1021
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:11,239
Speaker 5: My friends repeatedly.

1022
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 7: Remind me about how lucky I am to have such

1023
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 7: an attractive wife who has retained her figure, and I

1024
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:17,720
Speaker 7: realized how many people could see her as.

1025
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:18,800
Speaker 6: Out of my league.

1026
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 7: I obviously am very devastated and heartbroken at the discovery,

1027
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:25,560
Speaker 7: especially considering that I had thought I had such a

1028
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 7: happy life. My wife and kids are my everything. I

1029
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:30,840
Speaker 7: love her to bits, and I have no idea what

1030
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,320
Speaker 7: to do. I don't want to split with her, especially

1031
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 7: not with my children being so young, and I definitely

1032
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 7: do not want to go through the pain of divorce.

1033
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 7: If she came back and asked me for a second chance,

1034
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,600
Speaker 7: I would give it to her. But what's to stop

1035
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:44,719
Speaker 7: her doing it again. It has been a couple of

1036
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 7: days since I uncovered these emails, I said the one

1037
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 7: I read to unread, so she didn't realize that I

1038
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,759
Speaker 7: had seen it. I've acted as well as I can

1039
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:55,360
Speaker 7: normal with her, yet I realize I need to talk.

1040
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:57,879
Speaker 5: To her about it. So Reddit, what do you think

1041
00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 5: I should do? If I should talk to her about it?

1042
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:03,600
Speaker 5: What should I say? And there is an edit, but

1043
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 5: before we get into that, what would you say, Kean,

1044
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:08,279
Speaker 5: oh pee poor man.

1045
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 6: I want to give you a hug. Right, go to

1046
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:16,279
Speaker 6: the gym. I don't know, Like this is where you

1047
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:18,680
Speaker 6: focus on yourself and you know you do what's best

1048
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 6: for you, And it seems like you don't want divorce,

1049
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 6: especially since your kids are so young. Yeah, therapy, couples therapy,

1050
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,040
Speaker 6: one hundred percent. You need to talk to your wife,

1051
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:31,239
Speaker 6: and I feel like it's not fair to you six

1052
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 6: months of this. Also, the fact that it's through email

1053
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:37,160
Speaker 6: is like it's kind of like right there out for

1054
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:40,719
Speaker 6: you to see. I don't know. You got to ask her, like,

1055
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:44,760
Speaker 6: why why do this? Uh? You know, we have a family,

1056
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:47,919
Speaker 6: we have a house together, we have a wonderful life,

1057
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:51,600
Speaker 6: right and am I not fulfilling that for you? Especially

1058
00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 6: since you guys said you sleep, you know you have

1059
00:50:54,160 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 6: spicy sleep on a regular basis? Yeah, I don't know.

1060
00:50:58,600 --> 00:50:59,440
Speaker 6: Why is she doing this?

1061
00:50:59,640 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 2: Is it?

1062
00:50:59,880 --> 00:51:02,359
Speaker 6: Is she doing this to keep her job? You gotta

1063
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:04,279
Speaker 6: you know, is she doing this for herself because she

1064
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 6: doesn't you know, she doesn't like you, But I don't know.

1065
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 6: You gotta definitely talk to her and ask her why

1066
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:10,879
Speaker 6: and then proceed from there.

1067
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, And there is an edit.

1068
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 7: I think the smartest move would be to consult a

1069
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 7: lawyer before confronting her in the case that she isn't

1070
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 7: genuinely sorry and wants to divorce. When I next get

1071
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:24,680
Speaker 7: a chance, I will save the emails in case I

1072
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 7: need them. Even if this marriage is over, I still

1073
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:28,839
Speaker 7: love my kids to bits and I don't want them

1074
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,040
Speaker 7: to get hurt. Most people seem to suggest that if

1075
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:34,240
Speaker 7: we are to divorce, we should do it now, whilst

1076
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:37,080
Speaker 7: they don't remember it as well. Rather than later on

1077
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:39,080
Speaker 7: and there is an update, I think we should just

1078
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:40,000
Speaker 7: roll right into.

1079
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 6: It, right into it. Yeah, right into it.

1080
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 7: Well, there's a lot to say, even if the situation

1081
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:47,439
Speaker 7: isn't one hundred percent resolved. Firstly, I went to see

1082
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,280
Speaker 7: a lawyer and he told me to get all evidence

1083
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 7: of these emails in case it came to divorce. Evidence

1084
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 7: of her adultery will help me in court. He didn't

1085
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 7: advise me to use my children as ponds, but he

1086
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 7: did say, whatever happens, I have to stay calm. And

1087
00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:02,240
Speaker 7: he's says that he can get me a joint custody

1088
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 7: of our children, which is fantastic news as long as

1089
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:06,960
Speaker 7: I can prove that with my income and I can

1090
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 7: provide for them, which I can't. I returned home and

1091
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 7: managed to get copies of emails from my wife's laptop.

1092
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 7: They've been printed off and are now in a file,

1093
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:19,600
Speaker 7: just in case next came confronting my wife. She arrived

1094
00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:22,160
Speaker 7: home on Wednesday, late as I expected, and I had

1095
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:24,759
Speaker 7: already put the children to bed. Asked her why she

1096
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 7: was late, and she told me that she had extra

1097
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,920
Speaker 7: work to take care of and I said, it hasn't

1098
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 7: got anything to do with this colleague. Then she seemed

1099
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 7: slightly taken. Aback asked me what I meant, and I

1100
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 7: told her that I had seen the emails. I know

1101
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 7: what's going on, and I wanted to know why she

1102
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 7: did it. She began to cry, didn't deny it, and

1103
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 7: there were a lot of tears from this point on

1104
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:47,839
Speaker 7: from the both of us. Apparently he made her feel

1105
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 7: safe as he had a good job with high income,

1106
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 7: and that he gave her what I couldn't, and that

1107
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:56,920
Speaker 7: was expensive romantic meals and restaurants, getaways and four star hotels.

1108
00:52:57,480 --> 00:52:59,680
Speaker 7: Here was when I found out that when she had

1109
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:02,920
Speaker 7: to go on a weekend work trips, it was actually

1110
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 7: her going to a hotel with him. She felt free

1111
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:07,560
Speaker 7: when she was with him, whereas with me, she felt

1112
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 7: that she was trapped.

1113
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 5: Yikes.

1114
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 7: She told me that marriage was such a permanent thing

1115
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:14,560
Speaker 7: and that she wasn't keen on marrying me in the

1116
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 7: first place, that because her parents and friends liked me,

1117
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 7: she felt pressured into doing it, and that her affair

1118
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:22,880
Speaker 7: was her way of escaping it. She told me she

1119
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:24,840
Speaker 7: still loves me and that she still wants to be

1120
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 7: with me. She said that the affair wasn't my fault

1121
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:29,720
Speaker 7: in the slightest It was a result of her marrying

1122
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:33,239
Speaker 7: too early and not experiencing relationship with others before she

1123
00:53:33,360 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 7: committed herself to me. She said that she would end

1124
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:37,680
Speaker 7: the affair and would try to make amends with me.

1125
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:40,560
Speaker 7: I wasn't totally sure whether she was telling the truth

1126
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:42,759
Speaker 7: and that she would end the affair, so I told

1127
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:45,200
Speaker 7: her that I would forgive her and we would try

1128
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:47,040
Speaker 7: to go back to where we were if I was

1129
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:49,880
Speaker 7: there when she ended it with her colleague in person,

1130
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:52,800
Speaker 7: so I knew she had definitely done it. She agreed,

1131
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:55,120
Speaker 7: and we are now set to try and get our

1132
00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 7: marriage back on track. It will take time, it may

1133
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 7: never be the same after she betrayed my trust, but

1134
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:02,840
Speaker 7: we love each other at least I do, and we

1135
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 7: want to fix this. She has set up a quote

1136
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:08,360
Speaker 7: date for Sunday evening at our house, telling her colleague

1137
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:10,600
Speaker 7: that the kids are at my parents' house. This is true,

1138
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:12,560
Speaker 7: they will be and then I'm out of town for

1139
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 7: the night. In reality, I will be there and my

1140
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 7: wife will end it with him. I'd just like to

1141
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:19,239
Speaker 7: say thank you so much readit for helping me. The

1142
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:21,600
Speaker 7: answers I received were extremely helpful. And I don't know

1143
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:24,920
Speaker 7: how I would have lasted this without your advice? And

1144
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:27,759
Speaker 7: what do you think about this confession.

1145
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:31,440
Speaker 6: Of first interesting? Wow, I didn't like him, She's like,

1146
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,840
Speaker 6: I didn't want to marry you in the first place,

1147
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 6: but yeah, all my my family and friends liked you.

1148
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:38,360
Speaker 6: So I guess I liked you and I love you.

1149
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:44,000
Speaker 6: I guess yeah. I don't know. Very she sounds very superficial.

1150
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:47,360
Speaker 6: The fact that you and me gave her a family

1151
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 6: a roof over her head. I don't know. You said

1152
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 6: the house was yours and she never asked. Well, from

1153
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 6: what we got from the story, she never asked you

1154
00:54:56,920 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 6: for you know, let's go on vacations, let's go oka ways.

1155
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 6: I want expensive dates, right, it seems like you have

1156
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:06,439
Speaker 6: the means for that, or at least once in a while,

1157
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:08,759
Speaker 6: And she never asked that. So she just escaped with

1158
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 6: someone other guy. I don't know. I feel like you're

1159
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:14,440
Speaker 6: being a little head over heels for her, and I

1160
00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:18,800
Speaker 6: guess because you have a new family, what would you do, dude?

1161
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:21,080
Speaker 7: I don't know, because I mean, I feel like I

1162
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:24,000
Speaker 7: could understand if someone I mean, she got married when

1163
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 7: she's twenty three, after a year of knowing this guy.

1164
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:29,480
Speaker 6: I feel safe. I feel safe with him.

1165
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:32,120
Speaker 7: Yeah, I would be worried, like do I not make

1166
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:34,320
Speaker 7: you feel safe or something like that like that, I

1167
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 7: don't want you to feel unsafe around me, Like I think,

1168
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:39,920
Speaker 7: I think I would definitely be hurt. I think I

1169
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:41,480
Speaker 7: would definitely be hurt. I don't know if I would

1170
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 7: go to divorce or not. I have not been married,

1171
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:45,359
Speaker 7: and I have not been.

1172
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:46,320
Speaker 5: Checked out of a marriage.

1173
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 7: Either of us have, So that's that's hard to imagine

1174
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:51,359
Speaker 7: because I feel like sometimes the rules are different there

1175
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 7: very but.

1176
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:55,400
Speaker 5: You know, maybe this is something that could be worked on.

1177
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:57,760
Speaker 7: I would definitely be like, well, I'm not gonna forgive

1178
00:55:57,760 --> 00:55:59,239
Speaker 7: you yet, I'm willing to like.

1179
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 6: See if if I can time and a lot of effort.

1180
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 6: Yeah from her, for sure.

1181
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:06,040
Speaker 3: You didn't.

1182
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:08,320
Speaker 6: I seems like she said it's not on you, but

1183
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:12,080
Speaker 6: it's like it yeah, because I don't make you feel

1184
00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 6: safe because.

1185
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:15,200
Speaker 7: Like you kind of you know, it feels like it

1186
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:17,279
Speaker 7: is like you you said it's not, but yeah, I

1187
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:20,560
Speaker 7: would maybe they can try to go to therapy. She

1188
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,160
Speaker 7: he can just be like, yeah, this this freaking hurts.

1189
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:24,920
Speaker 7: I wish you would have talked to me about this.

1190
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:28,319
Speaker 7: Stuff before you did this something that you can't undo,

1191
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:30,960
Speaker 7: you know, So maybe they can go to therapy and

1192
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 7: maybe they can work it out.

1193
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 6: Yeah again, Op, it's not saying like I don't. It's

1194
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 6: like it seems like you don't have a lot of

1195
00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 6: respect for yourself, but a little bit more because it

1196
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 6: seems like you were just like Okay, she I caught

1197
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 6: her and she said, she's sorry. We're gonna work on this.

1198
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know.

1199
00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 6: I feel like you need more than that. She needs

1200
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,320
Speaker 6: a lot more effort for you, right, No, it's the

1201
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:53,920
Speaker 6: balance of a relationship, right.

1202
00:56:53,960 --> 00:56:56,439
Speaker 5: We gotta know the details of what how you're gonna

1203
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:56,759
Speaker 5: work on it.

1204
00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:58,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, there is a little bit more to the story,

1205
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:01,279
Speaker 7: so edits After Brassey these comments, I can see the

1206
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 7: risks associated with the plans me and my wife had made.

1207
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:07,320
Speaker 7: After all, what is to stop her cheating again? She

1208
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:09,960
Speaker 7: could potentially side with him and make secret plans with

1209
00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:12,640
Speaker 7: him and backstab me when he comes around. Thank you

1210
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:15,759
Speaker 7: for the advice. Alarm bells are beginning to ring. Even

1211
00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 7: though I still love my wife deeply, there's nothing to

1212
00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:20,680
Speaker 7: suggest that she will be trustworthy with me. I've decided

1213
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:23,840
Speaker 7: to do the following one insists that she quits her job.

1214
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:26,320
Speaker 7: If she truly wants to end the affair, she surely

1215
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:29,640
Speaker 7: will have no qualms about doing this. She is intelligent,

1216
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:32,960
Speaker 7: she has a great resume, and has good qualifications. I'm

1217
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,520
Speaker 7: positive she'll be able to get a new job of

1218
00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 7: equal pay.

1219
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:37,320
Speaker 5: Two, I can.

1220
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 7: Invite my friend over at the same time as when

1221
00:57:39,440 --> 00:57:41,600
Speaker 7: we meet her colleague, just to ensure that nothing will

1222
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 7: go wrong. I've informed him of my situation and he

1223
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:47,400
Speaker 7: has agreed to come around. We are not violent people,

1224
00:57:47,520 --> 00:57:49,480
Speaker 7: and despite the hate I feel for this guy, I

1225
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:51,240
Speaker 7: wouldn't resort to violence.

1226
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:52,760
Speaker 5: Upon meeting him, knowing the consequences.

1227
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 7: If she is uneasy about either of these, this may

1228
00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:59,320
Speaker 7: suggest she plans on continuing the affair. If so, I

1229
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:02,120
Speaker 7: may have to admit my marriage is over. I'm not

1230
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 7: looking out for me. I'm looking out for my kids.

1231
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 7: They are the ones who will suffer the most from this,

1232
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:09,240
Speaker 7: not me. And I have decided that I'd rather end

1233
00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:11,760
Speaker 7: this marriage sooner rather than later, and that is the

1234
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:12,640
Speaker 7: end of that story.

1235
00:58:12,760 --> 00:58:13,120
Speaker 5: Yikes.

1236
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, never never do it for the kids, because at

1237
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:18,560
Speaker 6: the end of it, it's gonna like you're gooda. It's

1238
00:58:18,600 --> 00:58:20,919
Speaker 6: gonna divorce eventually, and you're also gonna have that thought

1239
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:22,960
Speaker 6: process of like, how do I trust you? How am

1240
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:25,240
Speaker 6: I going to ever trust you again? Right? I feel

1241
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 6: like if it really does not go in that direction

1242
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:31,480
Speaker 6: one hundred and fifty percent, where it's like you already

1243
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:33,800
Speaker 6: have a single doubt in your mind, it's going to

1244
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:36,960
Speaker 6: be there the entire time, and it's unhealthy for you,

1245
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:39,640
Speaker 6: for her and for your children.

1246
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:42,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, you want to show them, you know, because I

1247
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:45,040
Speaker 7: that is always worry of mine too, is like if

1248
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:47,320
Speaker 7: you don't divorce because of this, and then like later

1249
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,000
Speaker 7: your kids like obviously find out the truth.

1250
00:58:49,520 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 5: If if you stayed with them, then like they might

1251
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:53,120
Speaker 5: think that it's okay.

1252
00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 6: To be cheated on, yeah, and then like it's okay

1253
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 6: to cheat yeah.

1254
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:57,840
Speaker 5: And so it's like you really don't want to teach

1255
00:58:57,880 --> 00:58:58,120
Speaker 5: them that.

1256
00:58:58,560 --> 00:59:01,439
Speaker 7: Even if you say, like don't do that, yeah, they'll

1257
00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:03,919
Speaker 7: still see it and see learn from the example more.

1258
00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 5: Than the world.

1259
00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:07,440
Speaker 6: Doing it for the kids is not always the best,

1260
00:59:08,120 --> 00:59:10,000
Speaker 6: you know. Yeah, scenario doesn't always work.

1261
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:11,640
Speaker 3: Hey's johny Og host here.

1262
00:59:11,680 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

1263
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 1: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

1264
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:18,320
Speaker 6: My husband cheated on me through craigslist.

1265
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:20,600
Speaker 5: Eoo, witch, you look at that.

1266
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:25,360
Speaker 6: That's fancy. My husband forty male, and I have forty female,

1267
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:28,760
Speaker 6: have been married for seventeen years. It's always been easy.

1268
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 6: We never fight. We are a good team. We come

1269
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:35,160
Speaker 6: to agreements easily, even if we didn't at first, basically

1270
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:37,440
Speaker 6: adhering to the If you feel so strongly that you

1271
00:59:37,560 --> 00:59:40,000
Speaker 6: want to put your foot down about this one, then

1272
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:44,680
Speaker 6: sure we'll go with yours because we so rarely disagree.

1273
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:47,600
Speaker 6: I like hanging out with him. We share fun friends.

1274
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 6: We have kids whom we parent almost equally. I say almost,

1275
00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:53,400
Speaker 6: because he works slightly longer hours than I do, so

1276
00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:55,560
Speaker 6: I tend to deal with them at a little bit more.

1277
00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:59,040
Speaker 6: He's awesome in the house. He cooks beautiful meals, helpful

1278
00:59:59,120 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 6: with cleaning and by the way, this comes from user

1279
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:04,120
Speaker 6: deleted And if you want to submit your own stories,

1280
01:00:04,200 --> 01:00:07,720
Speaker 6: go to the r slash Okay storytime separate. So all

1281
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:11,080
Speaker 6: of our friends joke about us like the perfect couple.

1282
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:14,280
Speaker 6: Hope I could find a relationship like you've got. You're

1283
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:16,360
Speaker 6: so lucky that you trust your husband to travel for

1284
01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:18,880
Speaker 6: work with women like that and have asked me for

1285
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:22,160
Speaker 6: a relationship advice like I wouldn't know the answers. Usually

1286
01:00:22,400 --> 01:00:24,400
Speaker 6: I don't because I'm not good at fighting.

1287
01:00:24,600 --> 01:00:25,280
Speaker 3: We never do it.

1288
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:29,200
Speaker 6: Our marriage has been easy, comfortable, comforting, happy and calm.

1289
01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:32,120
Speaker 6: We're both very laid back and avoid stressors of any

1290
01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:34,920
Speaker 6: kind whenever possible. We have always shared the view that

1291
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:39,360
Speaker 6: infidelity is a deal breaker. Wants a cheater, always a cheater.

1292
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 6: Why would someone ever put themselves in position where it

1293
01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:44,720
Speaker 6: could happen to them a second time? It's easy to

1294
01:00:44,760 --> 01:00:47,280
Speaker 6: make hard and fast rules about it before you're in

1295
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 6: it yourself. Now Here it comes. I logged onto his

1296
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:53,880
Speaker 6: laptop because mine doesn't have the program I needed to

1297
01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:56,600
Speaker 6: work on real quick. Open up the browser and there's

1298
01:00:56,640 --> 01:00:59,440
Speaker 6: a throwaway email account with a conversation opened between him

1299
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 6: and another woman, dun dundog. I thought nothing of it

1300
01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 6: and went to open another tab. But after I opened it,

1301
01:01:07,160 --> 01:01:10,760
Speaker 6: my brain registered having seen the words ooh, having seen

1302
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:14,560
Speaker 6: the words I can't say that seeing words that are

1303
01:01:14,720 --> 01:01:21,480
Speaker 6: very inappropriate and spicy sleep terms, WTF. I opened it

1304
01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 6: back up and read through two or three emails, which

1305
01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:26,640
Speaker 6: is enough to make it clear that in fact was

1306
01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 6: going on the cheating. He happened to come home at

1307
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:32,560
Speaker 6: that minute, and astonishedly, my immediate reaction was to smile

1308
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:34,840
Speaker 6: at him and say, hey, babe, did you have a

1309
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:37,280
Speaker 6: good day? I guess I was just so shocked, and

1310
01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 6: I hadn't processed it yet. I don't think real quick.

1311
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:42,320
Speaker 6: He went and had a shower like he always does,

1312
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:45,040
Speaker 6: and I was suddenly seeing red flags all over the place.

1313
01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:47,800
Speaker 6: He went out to a movie by himself last night,

1314
01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:50,440
Speaker 6: because sometimes he does that if he's been housebound all day,

1315
01:01:50,720 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 6: and if it's a movie I'm not interested in. He

1316
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:54,840
Speaker 6: showers when he gets home. He comes home from his

1317
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:57,480
Speaker 6: office job and at wildly of varying times, so he

1318
01:01:57,600 --> 01:02:00,040
Speaker 6: comes in and I figure I need to ask. I

1319
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:03,680
Speaker 6: show him the screen with the casual what's this? And

1320
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 6: he effing falls into a million pieces. He raced to

1321
01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:12,440
Speaker 6: the bathroom to throw up. He came back for twenty

1322
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:15,440
Speaker 6: I'm sorries and I f'd ups and I have no

1323
01:02:15,720 --> 01:02:18,760
Speaker 6: idea why I did that. And then he goes back

1324
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 6: and pukes some more, crying, shaking right red all the

1325
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:25,440
Speaker 6: way down to his chest. Looked like he was going

1326
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:28,680
Speaker 6: to have an effing heart attack, crying, kneeling by me,

1327
01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 6: fing pitiful me, Meanwhile, I'm pretty cool. Like I said,

1328
01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:37,040
Speaker 6: I don't think real quick. I just feel like I'm

1329
01:02:37,040 --> 01:02:41,120
Speaker 6: observing some very interesting chemical implosion right here in my bedroom.

1330
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:43,400
Speaker 6: I think I was more astonished than anything right then.

1331
01:02:44,120 --> 01:02:47,080
Speaker 6: So now, like ten minutes of theatrics in, I started

1332
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:49,360
Speaker 6: asking a few questions. Who is she?

1333
01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:50,320
Speaker 2: No one?

1334
01:02:50,440 --> 01:02:50,680
Speaker 5: I know?

1335
01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:53,640
Speaker 6: How long have you been seeing her? A few weeks?

1336
01:02:54,040 --> 01:02:58,080
Speaker 6: Do you love her? No? Is that where you were

1337
01:02:58,200 --> 01:02:58,600
Speaker 6: last night?

1338
01:02:59,120 --> 01:02:59,160
Speaker 7: No?

1339
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:00,040
Speaker 2: What?

1340
01:03:00,680 --> 01:03:04,240
Speaker 6: Still very calm, still mostly flabbergasted. And he started off

1341
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 6: with trying to sugarcoat it, just just to oh.

1342
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:11,240
Speaker 5: Oh my god, so many details. Yeah, I'm gonna go

1343
01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 5: do that.

1344
01:03:11,920 --> 01:03:15,160
Speaker 6: And he started off with trying to sugarcoat it. He

1345
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:18,600
Speaker 6: did some fun stuff for me third base, Yeah, third

1346
01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:21,760
Speaker 6: base for me, not for him. Yeah, But collapse pretty

1347
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,600
Speaker 6: quick into what I think is mostly the truth. Sorry

1348
01:03:24,640 --> 01:03:27,080
Speaker 6: a few times, sneaks out of work for a midday

1349
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:31,240
Speaker 6: spicy sleep with her. Feels dirty afterward, yeah, but not

1350
01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:33,920
Speaker 6: so dirty. You didn't keep going back? Right then he

1351
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:36,480
Speaker 6: jumps up and says, obviously you wouldn't want to have

1352
01:03:36,640 --> 01:03:39,200
Speaker 6: me here, so I'll go sleep on the couch and

1353
01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:41,880
Speaker 6: takes his sobbing butt out to the couch and stays

1354
01:03:41,920 --> 01:03:44,800
Speaker 6: there all night. So now I'm left in the dark

1355
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:48,400
Speaker 6: to digest all of this, and I'm still just so shocked.

1356
01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:51,480
Speaker 6: Lay there awake all night. Could hear him awake out

1357
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:52,720
Speaker 6: there all night? He was probably like.

1358
01:03:52,800 --> 01:03:58,600
Speaker 5: Going more puking noises.

1359
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:03,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, out about two am, I start crying. Here it comes.

1360
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:06,040
Speaker 6: I'm starting to get it now, and he comes in

1361
01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:08,720
Speaker 6: and sort of half heartedly tries to pat me. It's

1362
01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 6: not your fault story, but he's clearly terrified to console

1363
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:16,400
Speaker 6: me in any real way, probably the safest I don't know.

1364
01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:18,880
Speaker 6: Then he goes back out to be awake on the

1365
01:04:18,920 --> 01:04:22,080
Speaker 6: couch for the rest of the night. Weird. We get up,

1366
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:24,840
Speaker 6: get the kids ready for school, go to work, Me

1367
01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:27,080
Speaker 6: trying to be super normal with the kids, but too

1368
01:04:27,160 --> 01:04:29,800
Speaker 6: mad to even look at him, him slinking around like

1369
01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:33,440
Speaker 6: a freakin' fairal cat that is off to work, and

1370
01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:37,480
Speaker 6: he sends me an email so sorry all that what

1371
01:04:37,680 --> 01:04:40,760
Speaker 6: an idiot, can't believe I f this up. Don't know

1372
01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:43,200
Speaker 6: why I did it. I love you, I'll do anything,

1373
01:04:43,400 --> 01:04:47,320
Speaker 6: so sorry, blah blah blah. Then a few hours later

1374
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:49,800
Speaker 6: he emails me with a big I've been looking online

1375
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:52,000
Speaker 6: about people who have been effed over like I did

1376
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:54,240
Speaker 6: to you, and here are some things I've learned, and

1377
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:58,200
Speaker 6: then continues to apologize take full responsibility. It wasn't anything

1378
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:00,560
Speaker 6: missing in our marriage, he says. A few weeks ago,

1379
01:05:00,640 --> 01:05:04,480
Speaker 6: he posted something on Craigslist for a workout buddy, whom

1380
01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:07,840
Speaker 6: he then met. The propositions to him, they hooked up.

1381
01:05:08,080 --> 01:05:11,040
Speaker 6: Their rest is history. I believe most of this. I

1382
01:05:11,120 --> 01:05:13,360
Speaker 6: feel like he's come mostly clean, but the fact that

1383
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:18,160
Speaker 6: he initiated the Craigslist post has me on e fing fire. Okay,

1384
01:05:18,680 --> 01:05:21,440
Speaker 6: now I'm really effing pissed. I think it's hitting me now.

1385
01:05:21,760 --> 01:05:24,320
Speaker 6: I have e fing rage. I like how mid like

1386
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:28,120
Speaker 6: just the mid post. It's like processing for ope, No, literally,

1387
01:05:28,240 --> 01:05:28,520
Speaker 6: it's like.

1388
01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:31,760
Speaker 5: This is literally, I mean it's journaling for these people.

1389
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:36,080
Speaker 5: So it's like he's like super chill.

1390
01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:39,520
Speaker 7: I didn't feel bad, but actually, wait a second, whoa,

1391
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,360
Speaker 7: this is crazy, this is stupid.

1392
01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:42,400
Speaker 5: He said.

1393
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:46,360
Speaker 6: Sorry, I'm i'm ah just typing this in all caps.

1394
01:05:46,560 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 5: Right, it's starting to click.

1395
01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:50,440
Speaker 6: I can't call him right now, I'm at work, so

1396
01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:53,320
Speaker 6: I fire off an emo back, replying to all his points,

1397
01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:56,320
Speaker 6: and I basically punish him with my ire as much

1398
01:05:56,320 --> 01:05:59,680
Speaker 6: as I possibly can with my piss week all caps.

1399
01:06:00,120 --> 01:06:03,480
Speaker 6: I have never felt anything like that before. I thing

1400
01:06:03,640 --> 01:06:06,480
Speaker 6: hated him. How dare he? End of work? I go

1401
01:06:06,640 --> 01:06:08,680
Speaker 6: home normal, in front of the kids, The kids go

1402
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:10,600
Speaker 6: to bed, and he SLINKs in and says, can we

1403
01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:15,360
Speaker 6: talk now? I'm calm again, emotionally drained, and say that

1404
01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:17,640
Speaker 6: I really don't know what to say. I burn my

1405
01:06:17,760 --> 01:06:21,200
Speaker 6: fury out earlier and now I'm just sad. He cries again.

1406
01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:26,440
Speaker 6: I'm so sorry again, I'm such an idiot again, I'll

1407
01:06:26,520 --> 01:06:31,000
Speaker 6: do anything again. So here we are. What the heck happens?

1408
01:06:31,040 --> 01:06:31,200
Speaker 3: Now?

1409
01:06:31,760 --> 01:06:33,640
Speaker 6: Do I cut my losses and get the f out

1410
01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:35,800
Speaker 6: and go through the withdrawal of what has been a

1411
01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 6: great marriage? Or at least I thought. This is a

1412
01:06:38,880 --> 01:06:41,760
Speaker 6: sucky option though, because while I'm happy living in this town,

1413
01:06:42,120 --> 01:06:44,600
Speaker 6: if I wasn't tied here to his work, his family,

1414
01:06:44,920 --> 01:06:47,120
Speaker 6: and our mutual friends here, I'd rather live in a

1415
01:06:47,160 --> 01:06:49,800
Speaker 6: different country where I lived before. But I can't have

1416
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:52,520
Speaker 6: our kids living thousands of miles away from their otherwise

1417
01:06:52,760 --> 01:06:56,200
Speaker 6: good dad. I just don't know where to go from here.

1418
01:06:56,400 --> 01:06:57,280
Speaker 6: And we have an update.

1419
01:06:57,480 --> 01:07:02,560
Speaker 5: Yikes, man, oh my joh well, I mean I think

1420
01:07:03,120 --> 01:07:04,480
Speaker 5: I kind of think you do know where to go

1421
01:07:04,560 --> 01:07:04,880
Speaker 5: from here.

1422
01:07:05,120 --> 01:07:06,880
Speaker 7: I kind of think you know that you want divorce

1423
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:09,640
Speaker 7: if you hate him like this, if you feel so betrayed.

1424
01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:12,880
Speaker 5: It's like and and you have decided that, like cheating

1425
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:14,960
Speaker 5: is a non negotiable he did that.

1426
01:07:15,320 --> 01:07:18,280
Speaker 6: You literally stated it once. Cheater, always a cheater. It

1427
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:20,280
Speaker 6: was like one of the things that you guys agreed upon,

1428
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:22,000
Speaker 6: and he broke that, right.

1429
01:07:22,360 --> 01:07:25,280
Speaker 7: And I mean he's definitely going the route of trying

1430
01:07:25,280 --> 01:07:29,040
Speaker 7: to apologize but trying to like like degrade himself.

1431
01:07:29,280 --> 01:07:30,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's like at the same time.

1432
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:33,520
Speaker 6: The same times, like you can't Okay, you can keep digging,

1433
01:07:33,640 --> 01:07:36,760
Speaker 6: but I'm not changing my opinion right exactly.

1434
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:39,560
Speaker 7: It's like that's not going to actually convince someone, Yeah,

1435
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:42,280
Speaker 7: just gonna possibly manipulate.

1436
01:07:42,760 --> 01:07:45,440
Speaker 6: Also to the very beginning of the story where you

1437
01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:49,000
Speaker 6: guys are like, we don't argue at all, it's healthy

1438
01:07:49,120 --> 01:07:51,560
Speaker 6: to argue, not in like a combative way, but to

1439
01:07:51,600 --> 01:07:54,640
Speaker 6: actually have genuine arguments with your partner. If you guys

1440
01:07:54,640 --> 01:07:59,080
Speaker 6: agree upon everything, yeah, like or disagreements like genuinely, that's

1441
01:07:59,080 --> 01:08:01,000
Speaker 6: part of a relationship. If you guys are like that,

1442
01:08:01,720 --> 01:08:03,720
Speaker 6: it's too I feel like it's too good to be true.

1443
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:07,680
Speaker 6: I think disagreements are healthy for a relationship because it

1444
01:08:07,720 --> 01:08:09,360
Speaker 6: shows that you guys have your own opinions.

1445
01:08:09,840 --> 01:08:11,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, and that you're not afraid to like speak up

1446
01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:11,760
Speaker 5: about that.

1447
01:08:11,760 --> 01:08:14,040
Speaker 6: Speak about your mind, and like, Okay, we disagree on this.

1448
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:17,280
Speaker 6: I like I like chocolate, you like vanilla, right, great,

1449
01:08:18,120 --> 01:08:20,080
Speaker 6: that like we can agree on that, but like, yeah,

1450
01:08:20,160 --> 01:08:23,120
Speaker 6: I'm not gonna take your side. I like chocolate more right. Yeah,

1451
01:08:23,280 --> 01:08:25,600
Speaker 6: It's it's natural. I think that's that happens. And I

1452
01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:30,360
Speaker 6: think again, I'm not discrediting your relationship, but just for

1453
01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:33,519
Speaker 6: people out there, it's okay to have your opinions. You

1454
01:08:33,600 --> 01:08:38,240
Speaker 6: could have a perfect relationship and still have disagreements. That's yeah, exactly.

1455
01:08:38,479 --> 01:08:43,040
Speaker 6: We do have an update seventy two hours in. It's Friday. Real, well,

1456
01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:46,120
Speaker 6: he's still here. He immediately broke it off with her

1457
01:08:46,200 --> 01:08:48,880
Speaker 6: before closing the email count. He only ever dealt with

1458
01:08:48,960 --> 01:08:51,559
Speaker 6: her by email. I check the phone records, but also

1459
01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:55,080
Speaker 6: he just usually does stuff via email anyhow, seems legit.

1460
01:08:55,320 --> 01:08:57,600
Speaker 6: I'm sure that went down fine because seems like she

1461
01:08:57,880 --> 01:08:59,920
Speaker 6: and her husband are cool with each other. Slash bo

1462
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:02,640
Speaker 6: both of them picking up randoms off Craigslist. I did

1463
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:04,720
Speaker 6: not catch a glimpse of something suggesting that both she

1464
01:09:04,800 --> 01:09:06,920
Speaker 6: and her husband did that in those few minutes I

1465
01:09:06,960 --> 01:09:09,920
Speaker 6: saw the emails. I'm certain he won't see her again.

1466
01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:14,559
Speaker 6: They'll show me a spicy sleep test results before coming

1467
01:09:14,600 --> 01:09:17,320
Speaker 6: anywhere near me. Why should I be the one to

1468
01:09:17,360 --> 01:09:20,720
Speaker 6: be getting effing tested? Anyone have any relevant comments here?

1469
01:09:20,960 --> 01:09:22,400
Speaker 6: If he's tested, then I should be cool?

1470
01:09:22,479 --> 01:09:22,639
Speaker 2: Right?

1471
01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:26,160
Speaker 6: Am I missing something? Also? It's expensive, so I can

1472
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:28,639
Speaker 6: maybe see what he got tested for and then only

1473
01:09:28,680 --> 01:09:31,439
Speaker 6: get myself tested for different things later. You know, twice

1474
01:09:31,479 --> 01:09:34,080
Speaker 6: the scope of all those possible infections. Play it safe.

1475
01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:36,599
Speaker 6: He has arranged to see a counselor Monday. The kids

1476
01:09:36,680 --> 01:09:39,200
Speaker 6: have coincidentally had some days off school and are sleeping

1477
01:09:39,240 --> 01:09:42,040
Speaker 6: over with friends a lot. So we've temporarily dodged a

1478
01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:46,880
Speaker 6: bullet there, and we have a counselor, we have marriage counselor. Great, Yeah,

1479
01:09:49,400 --> 01:09:51,639
Speaker 6: could we? I feel like we should ask him why

1480
01:09:51,720 --> 01:09:54,920
Speaker 6: he did this other than like I'm an idiot? Yeah,

1481
01:09:54,960 --> 01:09:56,640
Speaker 6: because he was just like, oh, I don't know what

1482
01:09:56,880 --> 01:09:57,040
Speaker 6: to do.

1483
01:09:57,280 --> 01:09:57,599
Speaker 2: My god.

1484
01:09:57,680 --> 01:09:59,840
Speaker 5: It's like, okay, well I think that you probably didn't.

1485
01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:02,719
Speaker 6: Oh reason, there's definitely a reason you did this, right.

1486
01:10:02,760 --> 01:10:05,200
Speaker 7: Like I think he understands that there's no excuse, which

1487
01:10:05,280 --> 01:10:07,880
Speaker 7: is why he's going on the like degrading route.

1488
01:10:09,040 --> 01:10:11,559
Speaker 5: But yeah, there's definitely like there.

1489
01:10:11,600 --> 01:10:14,800
Speaker 7: I mean, there's always an explanation, you know, so you

1490
01:10:14,840 --> 01:10:16,960
Speaker 7: can at least try to find that out. Obviously won't

1491
01:10:17,040 --> 01:10:21,320
Speaker 7: excuse it, right, but like, yeah, I think I think

1492
01:10:21,520 --> 01:10:23,759
Speaker 7: it's worth a shot. I mean, it kind of doesn't

1493
01:10:23,800 --> 01:10:25,800
Speaker 7: sound like their marriage can be saved by this, but

1494
01:10:25,960 --> 01:10:27,800
Speaker 7: I guess go for it, give it a shot.

1495
01:10:27,920 --> 01:10:30,759
Speaker 6: We have a little bit left do. Let's see what happens.

1496
01:10:31,120 --> 01:10:33,479
Speaker 6: He is never online slash watching TV at home like

1497
01:10:33,560 --> 01:10:36,240
Speaker 6: he usually has been, which is very weird. He just

1498
01:10:36,320 --> 01:10:38,800
Speaker 6: sits and tries to read or whatever. It's weird because

1499
01:10:38,840 --> 01:10:41,840
Speaker 6: he's obviously upset, but also because he really doesn't know

1500
01:10:41,840 --> 01:10:44,160
Speaker 6: what to do with himself. Yeah, he's not out cheating,

1501
01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:47,360
Speaker 6: he's not out being scandalous. Never had so much time

1502
01:10:47,400 --> 01:10:50,280
Speaker 6: to fill in the evenings without electronics. He's trying to

1503
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:52,560
Speaker 6: be sweet to me, but it kind of gags me.

1504
01:10:52,760 --> 01:10:54,720
Speaker 6: He says he loves me and he's sorry, and all

1505
01:10:54,760 --> 01:10:57,240
Speaker 6: I can find to respond with is the Han solo.

1506
01:10:57,920 --> 01:10:58,160
Speaker 2: I know.

1507
01:11:00,120 --> 01:11:02,200
Speaker 6: Nice as for me, I was totally cool. The first

1508
01:11:02,240 --> 01:11:05,400
Speaker 6: couple of days. Then yesterday I cried all dang day.

1509
01:11:05,920 --> 01:11:07,679
Speaker 6: I felt a lot of pressure to decide to either

1510
01:11:07,720 --> 01:11:11,840
Speaker 6: forgive him or divorce him right away. But then I realize, again,

1511
01:11:11,920 --> 01:11:14,000
Speaker 6: thank you to the commentsars, that I really don't have

1512
01:11:14,080 --> 01:11:16,679
Speaker 6: to do that right now. I'm confident he isn't seeing

1513
01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:18,960
Speaker 6: anyone else at this very moment. All the rest of

1514
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:22,679
Speaker 6: whatever's been done is already dang done. I'm not concerned

1515
01:11:22,720 --> 01:11:24,960
Speaker 6: for my safety or anything like that. So a few

1516
01:11:25,000 --> 01:11:27,640
Speaker 6: weeks of calm, thinking time and honestly observing him and

1517
01:11:27,680 --> 01:11:30,679
Speaker 6: seeing if we've got anything left to go from will

1518
01:11:30,720 --> 01:11:32,599
Speaker 6: be really good for me and help me figure out

1519
01:11:32,760 --> 01:11:36,720
Speaker 6: where to go next. What a crap show, sang, And

1520
01:11:36,840 --> 01:11:39,240
Speaker 6: that is the end of the story. Dang man, you

1521
01:11:39,800 --> 01:11:43,479
Speaker 6: like it's the thing of you. You go, youlready broke,

1522
01:11:43,560 --> 01:11:46,920
Speaker 6: You're pretty much number one rule of but just no infidelity,

1523
01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:47,479
Speaker 6: and you did it.

1524
01:11:47,720 --> 01:11:52,880
Speaker 7: Right right, So yeah, I mean again, it's like you're

1525
01:11:53,280 --> 01:11:56,080
Speaker 7: you're doing the best you can with trying to work

1526
01:11:56,160 --> 01:11:57,120
Speaker 7: on things, but.

1527
01:11:57,640 --> 01:11:59,880
Speaker 6: And there's nothing you need to do. You did a

1528
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:04,519
Speaker 6: righting wrong. You you caught him and he's like upset

1529
01:12:04,560 --> 01:12:06,160
Speaker 6: about that you caught him, and he's upset that like

1530
01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:09,000
Speaker 6: I cheated on my wife as he as he welled

1531
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:12,479
Speaker 6: down should be. But yeah, you got to be like, hey,

1532
01:12:12,600 --> 01:12:14,280
Speaker 6: where do we go from here? And again, do it

1533
01:12:14,320 --> 01:12:16,040
Speaker 6: on your own accord, do it when you have because

1534
01:12:16,200 --> 01:12:18,800
Speaker 6: Opie doesn't think like you said, like she needs to

1535
01:12:18,840 --> 01:12:21,880
Speaker 6: process bars a little bit more. Take the time you deserve,

1536
01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:25,400
Speaker 6: take the time you need exactly, but tread carefully, see

1537
01:12:25,439 --> 01:12:29,280
Speaker 6: what's actually right. What's the best option for your relationship

1538
01:12:29,400 --> 01:12:32,439
Speaker 6: and for your family, and don't do it for the kids.

1539
01:12:32,800 --> 01:12:36,480
Speaker 6: Do it for yourself and what's beneficial for your relationship,

1540
01:12:37,560 --> 01:12:40,000
Speaker 6: because again, if you do it for the kids, you know,

1541
01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:42,240
Speaker 6: further down you might get a divorce still, and that

1542
01:12:42,880 --> 01:12:46,960
Speaker 6: just you know, yeah, it's a very part of navigate situation.

1543
01:12:47,000 --> 01:12:50,639
Speaker 5: Right, So best of luck to you guys. My goodness.

1544
01:12:50,880 --> 01:12:54,040
Speaker 6: Yes, that is the end of the story and the

1545
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:58,320
Speaker 6: end of this episode. Love you and see you tomorrow.