1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,360 Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin 2 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:10,040 Speaker 1: to grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another 3 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:12,239 Speaker 1: episode of How Man Think. My name is brooks Like 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:16,439 Speaker 1: and I have a new co host today. Yeah. That's 5 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 1: a deep voice, almost sounds like Gavin. But this this 6 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,799 Speaker 1: guy's this guy's a little bigger than Gavin, a little 7 00:00:22,079 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: six six six. We fired galv No, just kidding, Gavin. 8 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,040 Speaker 1: If you're listening, we miss you, buddy. We just bought it. 9 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,880 Speaker 1: Brought in a guest because you're out and singing songs. 10 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 1: We have a bar. You got it right. I so 11 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,559 Speaker 1: badly wanted you to mess up so I could correct you, 12 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,880 Speaker 1: but you didn't. It's a bar. That was good. I 13 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,600 Speaker 1: should give you my full name and see how you 14 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 1: do then show off. Let's see. Yeah, so it's a 15 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:49,879 Speaker 1: year from Nigeria. Yea from my family. My mother and 16 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: father came to this country, uh in the late seventies, 17 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: early seventies, and you know all of us were born here. 18 00:00:55,840 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: So what's the what's the Nigerian pronunciation? Yeah, I'm la. 19 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 1: You have to have lips for it. Yeah, you have 20 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: the American version down though. Bar. Thank you for coming 21 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,959 Speaker 1: into day. For those of you that don't know. He's 22 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,639 Speaker 1: the host of NBC's three time Emmy nominated series American 23 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: Ninja Warrior, uh, universal kids spinoff show American Ninja Warrior Junior, 24 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,680 Speaker 1: as well as NFL Network's highest rated show, NFL Fantasy Live. 25 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 1: So this is a busy man. Yeah, yeah, and yeah, 26 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,559 Speaker 1: and I knocked out a book in between there too, 27 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: so everyone can be a Ninja, which actually came out 28 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:38,760 Speaker 1: on my fortieth birthday. So yeah, so pretty happy about that. 29 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 1: I love that brother, your former NFL player played for 30 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,240 Speaker 1: the Raiders, the Chargers, and the Dolphins. So my brother, 31 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 1: I love having another athlete in here. Get these positions. 32 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: So get these athletes in here. What's up, dudes? How's 33 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 1: it going? Actually? Ryan, Bryan keeps checking his phone because 34 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: he's about to be a dad again. Still so tony moment. 35 00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:00,360 Speaker 1: My wife is incredibly stressed that I'm here. Why don't 36 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 1: you tell everyone about your morning congratulations? Okay, yes, continue 37 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: with your wife. She is is, she's going to tell 38 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,400 Speaker 1: me this is t m I, but she's four centimeters 39 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:17,639 Speaker 1: dilated right now. I did the inspection myself. One of 40 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: those pro tractors. Yell, and then it's echolocation that so 41 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 1: it wasn't t M I until you went off on 42 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,800 Speaker 1: a tangent. The OBI has told her she could go 43 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 1: into labor at any time because at this level of 44 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 1: dilation was the same degree that she went into labor 45 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: and her water broke with our first son. So, yeah, 46 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:40,920 Speaker 1: I am here. The phone is on vibrate so you 47 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,920 Speaker 1: can get a phone call at She just texted me 48 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: do you want deviled eggs from Clementine tonight? So it 49 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,160 Speaker 1: seems to be things are going okay, okay. Can I 50 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 1: just ask this, and I don't mean to get into 51 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: your your your navy situation, but where do you live? 52 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,240 Speaker 1: You don't have to tell me exactly, but how far 53 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,359 Speaker 1: do you live from here? Because Santa Monica, so you're 54 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: a rich thing. You have a helicopter, and you must 55 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:05,520 Speaker 1: have a helicopter. What I told her is today is 56 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 1: a Jewish holiday. The roads are clear that you know 57 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 1: that is true? Yeah, yeah, that is true in all honesty. 58 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 1: Right now, you could get a text message and you 59 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: could just bolt off of this podcast. That's exactly well, 60 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,920 Speaker 1: hold on, we we should all do we have a plan? 61 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 1: Bar you drive? What are you driving? Can we all fit? Uh? Yeah? 62 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,520 Speaker 1: If you're safe. I have a Tesla and it automatically drives, 63 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,120 Speaker 1: so we could just punch it in and and we 64 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 1: can just do the podcast from inside. I have a 65 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 1: you have a Model XRA, Model S X Yes, okay, 66 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: I got the S. So he's got the SUV because 67 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: he's got four kids. Let's got four kids. Have to 68 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 1: get your little two seater. Okay, So if if we 69 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 1: get a text message, we're all coming to the hospital 70 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: with your brother, Okay, we're all coming. Let's do it. Okay, 71 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 1: so akbar, you're driving, put that thing on, just yeah, 72 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: and then we'll just continue the conversation until we get there. Okay. 73 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 1: So okay, so we're getting this podcast done one way 74 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: or the other. I'm in. Let's go. So you're expecting 75 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 1: your second Ryan, I appreciate you being here, and we'll 76 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,200 Speaker 1: dive into more of that and what like what you're 77 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: going through right now. But first Amy wants to spice 78 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,600 Speaker 1: this up with some heat coming out the game. We 79 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,200 Speaker 1: got this email from from a woman and I want 80 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 1: you guys to listen to it. We had someone read 81 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 1: it so you guys could really experience it from a 82 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: woman's voice. So Eastern, our engineer, our brilliant engineer Easton 83 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 1: is going to play this email from Carrie. About six 84 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:25,039 Speaker 1: months ago, I reconnected with a friend from college. I'm 85 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 1: now forty, so we haven't spoken in about twenty years. 86 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 1: In our initial conversation, he told me how he had 87 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 1: a crush on me back then and I just never 88 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:38,040 Speaker 1: realized it. So fast forward, we're talking and decide I'm 89 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,040 Speaker 1: going to take a trip and visit him and some 90 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: of my other friends since he lives in my home state. 91 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 1: The second we see each other, we have sex, which 92 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:49,719 Speaker 1: we had talked about happening. I'm there for six days 93 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:52,599 Speaker 1: and we see each other twice, and of course slept 94 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 1: together a few times in those two days. He didn't 95 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,040 Speaker 1: seem to set aside a lot of time for me, 96 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,040 Speaker 1: even though we had discuss asked me coming out there 97 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 1: to see each other. We end up getting in an 98 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 1: argument about how he didn't set time aside for me, 99 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:09,120 Speaker 1: and he left my hotel and I haven't spoke to 100 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 1: him since that was two months ago. So men, what happened. 101 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,839 Speaker 1: We had never discussed this being a relationship. It was 102 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 1: just supposed to be let's hang out and maybe have 103 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,160 Speaker 1: sex thing. We both were just getting out of some 104 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 1: long term relationships, and as far as I knew, neither 105 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 1: of us wanted it to be anything but fun. We 106 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,400 Speaker 1: had spent hours on the phone together in the months 107 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 1: before I visited. He had really become a great friend 108 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,320 Speaker 1: to me, and I just I miss our talks immensely. 109 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:47,280 Speaker 1: Do I just forget about him? Oh? Amy, it's just fuming, 110 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:51,839 Speaker 1: all kinds of conflicted. So what happened was I texted 111 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:55,479 Speaker 1: the guys as I do sometimes I text the other men, 112 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: like not you and Gavin, but the other guys to 113 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 1: see if, like, I think this is something to talk about. 114 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,280 Speaker 1: So we have this text conversation that we wanted to 115 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: re enact for you a bar and then we will discuss. 116 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,039 Speaker 1: But I think the text conversation is important because sometimes 117 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 1: they really let their guard down because they don't think 118 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 1: this is the text, this is the actual text that No, 119 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 1: this is what I had with these guys, and I 120 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 1: think they're unfiltered on the text, and I want to 121 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 1: read it so that for the show, you guys are 122 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:30,280 Speaker 1: really unfiltered and you give the honest answers. So now Brooks, 123 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:34,280 Speaker 1: we have a dramatic recreation. Okay, so this is new 124 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 1: to me. You have a part. You're playing me, I'm 125 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 1: playing you. It's quite the podcast theater we have God, 126 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,720 Speaker 1: Here we go. It's my first audition. I lived in 127 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:47,280 Speaker 1: l A for four Brooks will be playing me, Tori, 128 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,960 Speaker 1: who are you playing? Tori will be playing the part 129 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 1: of Dmitri. Danielle will be playing Rick and Ryan. You 130 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: will be playing Danielle. He's learning, he's learning. He's got 131 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 1: four kids, four kids. You gotta figure it out. We 132 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: should be asking him, this is how men think re 133 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,600 Speaker 1: enactment of a how men think text chain? Okay, I 134 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: am Amy, and this is what she wrote. She sent 135 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:14,520 Speaker 1: us an email and she said, please explain this. She 136 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 1: said it herself. It was just supposed to be a 137 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 1: let's hang out and maybe have sex thing. I think 138 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 1: he did that. Yeah, but you can't be a dick communicate. 139 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,960 Speaker 1: I don't love radio silence. What did he do wrong? 140 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: Ignoring her? And I don't like how we talked to 141 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 1: her NonStop. Then she's like, we didn't spend much time 142 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 1: together and he runs turns the tables. He should listen 143 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 1: to a doll. How would you feel if you slept 144 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 1: with a girl? Kind of liked her for months and 145 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 1: she legit never spoke to you again. I would think 146 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 1: I was a bad life. Do you guys really feel 147 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 1: this guy did nothing wrong with Seriously, see now you're 148 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: putting words in my mouth, which, by the way, chicks 149 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 1: do all the time, actually people in general. I mean, 150 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 1: the guy definitely did something wrong and is a dick. 151 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,720 Speaker 1: I would tell carry onward and upwards, screw that guy. 152 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 1: See you. By the way, that was Danielle and we 153 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 1: are back to Amy. I think the guy is mean, 154 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 1: and I would cry. I'll be playing the part of Dmitri. 155 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 1: I'm stuck on. We reconnected. Who reached out? I assume 156 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:22,240 Speaker 1: she did. He said he had a vague crush. They 157 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,280 Speaker 1: talked about sex, she visited. I think he was vague 158 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: on purpose and she assumed something, probably too much. Ultimately, 159 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: his actions were wrong. My guesses he's involved and cheated 160 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:37,440 Speaker 1: to fulfill an old crush wish factor. Rick. I think 161 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,600 Speaker 1: he was into it, had a crush and wanted to 162 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 1: get laid. Who doesn't went through the weekend then realize 163 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 1: a few things. Ay, she's annoying. B it's a long 164 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 1: distance and that wasn't happening. I'm not giving him too 165 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,679 Speaker 1: much credit to think that through guys just do chicks 166 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:57,079 Speaker 1: trying to figure it out of this is a lot 167 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:01,320 Speaker 1: to unpack. I just it's don't get why guys can't 168 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:05,400 Speaker 1: communicate like you your words. I'll tell you why it's 169 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 1: easier not to Oh uh, Amy, just hearing that text. 170 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,839 Speaker 1: Let's get off. What do you think about his about 171 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 1: the guys? Well, you know what I think this is? Um, 172 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 1: this is this is not that odd to me. Um. 173 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 1: When you look at the structure of relationships and how 174 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 1: relationships go and and there are several things that I 175 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 1: kind of highlighted in this thing. One twenty years Uh, 176 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 1: and you're going back twenty years and you're trying to 177 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,960 Speaker 1: rekindle something, and you know he's probably feeling a little 178 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 1: better about himself, and they've gotten this conversation going, um, 179 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 1: going the right way. They start talking about sex, and 180 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:45,160 Speaker 1: he's thinking about reliving the past and trying to get 181 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 1: that moment, capture that pass who man, that girl that 182 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,160 Speaker 1: I really liked that I got it from college. But 183 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: here's where everything I think turned is the second we 184 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 1: see each other, they start to have sex. And that's 185 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 1: when you blur the lines, because I think what happens 186 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,280 Speaker 1: in a man in man's mind is when the sex 187 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 1: happens right away, it's almost like trying to play the 188 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:09,840 Speaker 1: season after the super Bowl. I'm not going to play 189 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 1: the season after super Bowl. I've won the championship, you 190 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 1: know what I mean. And so you're trying to reverse 191 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 1: engineer this and saying, Okay, come on, let's go through 192 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 1: the process. Is like, I'm not as motivated to go 193 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,600 Speaker 1: through the process. And and that's why I do believe 194 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:26,320 Speaker 1: that sex should be something that should be held for uh, 195 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: serious relationships. But I think when you're doing it casually 196 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: like that, feelings get involved in it because you're sharing 197 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,520 Speaker 1: a part. I mean, all sorts of stuff are being 198 00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 1: shared when you're when you're getting involved in So if 199 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 1: you choose to do that, you have to understand the risk. 200 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,040 Speaker 1: You understand that the risk of your feelings could get 201 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 1: involved in hurt. So I don't think it necessarily makes 202 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: the guy a jerk. Um. I think the one thing 203 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 1: that could have scared this guy away was when she 204 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 1: started fussing about how much time, Because in his mind, 205 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,479 Speaker 1: if we're talking about sex, we're not talking about relationship. 206 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 1: Those things are independent of each other. So when you 207 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 1: start saying you need to spend. They don't fuss at 208 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 1: me about time like you know what, I'm out by 209 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,560 Speaker 1: the way, she says, we both agree this was just 210 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: gonna be fun. The minute you're like, you didn't make 211 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 1: enough time for me, that's not fun for It contradicts 212 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 1: each other. It contradicts each other. So I think what 213 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: happens is is that she was trying to and probably 214 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,600 Speaker 1: honestly trying to hold back the feelings and getting too 215 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 1: excited about wanting more from this relationship and hoping in 216 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 1: some way that she could maybe coerce him to to 217 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: kind of go down that relationship route. Without her having 218 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 1: to say I want the relationship. She could have probably 219 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 1: just been up front and say, hey, look, I'm really 220 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 1: into this too, I want that relationship because the crush 221 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,839 Speaker 1: is different than I want to be in a relationship. 222 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 1: In in to play Devil's advocate here, in her defense, 223 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: she said we had spent hours on the phone together 224 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,679 Speaker 1: in the months before, so this wasn't just like, hey, 225 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: here's a text message, I'm going to be intended, but 226 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: this is this is somewhat of a even though it's 227 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: not like in person, this is somewhat of a relationship 228 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,680 Speaker 1: in some way that they're spending time talking. You know 229 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 1: what I think about old school slaying. We used to 230 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,560 Speaker 1: say when I was younger. Uh, this is what they 231 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:09,959 Speaker 1: call phone boning. Um, you never heard it's called phone boning. 232 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:13,520 Speaker 1: And you just it's essentially for play over the phone. Um, 233 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 1: and you're just going back and forth, and it feels good, 234 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 1: you know that that feeling that you get. There's this 235 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 1: biological thing that happens in the brain where you get 236 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 1: this good feeling and talking to somebody and you just yeah, 237 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,960 Speaker 1: it's the chase, it's the excitement, and then boom, once 238 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,600 Speaker 1: it happens, it ignites. But then all of a sudden, 239 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 1: when you change that that tune to relationship and spend 240 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 1: more time. Again, sex doesn't equal time, but I can 241 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:40,000 Speaker 1: see how if you're giving yourself up, you're wanting probably 242 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 1: a little bit more than that. It's very hard to 243 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: to try to and I know a lot of people say, well, 244 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,320 Speaker 1: you should have the right to have sex and do whatever. 245 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 1: It's very hard emotionally for man and woman um, to 246 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,199 Speaker 1: to be able to just split that, you know what 247 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,160 Speaker 1: I mean. And so when you get involved that you 248 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,720 Speaker 1: gotta know, you gotta know what you're getting into the question. 249 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,960 Speaker 1: They were there, They're only going to be with each 250 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 1: other or in the same town for two days. You 251 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: were saying that six days and they only got together twice? 252 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 1: Got it? Got it? So what is the appropriate amount 253 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:14,000 Speaker 1: of time? Too? Because they had sex the minute they 254 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 1: saw each other, what should he or she have done? 255 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 1: In your opinion then too, not have let things happen 256 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,719 Speaker 1: the way I think they carry that carry the conversations, 257 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,720 Speaker 1: try to build on some of the foundation that happened 258 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 1: over the phone and really getting to know each other, um, 259 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 1: rather than jumping into sex. Because I think sex is 260 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 1: I mean, it's good, but it's overrated. Um. And it again, 261 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,839 Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep saying it. It creates a lot of confusion. 262 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,960 Speaker 1: I don't think that. I think the way sex is 263 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:45,679 Speaker 1: used now it is totally missed. It's missed this design. 264 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: You know, it's missed this design, and so when you 265 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 1: take it out and put it into this new design, 266 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: it makes it. It makes it extremely difficult for relationships. Well, 267 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 1: and that's the point. Do you want does she want? 268 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:59,080 Speaker 1: Excuse me, does she want that that movie sex? We 269 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,000 Speaker 1: got together, We had sex right away. It was wild 270 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,280 Speaker 1: it's that, and then you want to or do you 271 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,440 Speaker 1: want the relationship? Because if you come and you have 272 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 1: that movie sex, like right away we just ripped each 273 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,640 Speaker 1: other's clothes off. Then, like you said, it's very tough 274 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:11,439 Speaker 1: to backtrack and all of a sudden start over from 275 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 1: and what do you want? Why do you want? Continue on? Well, 276 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 1: let me tell you something. There's expectations that we're not 277 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: hearing in this email. There's expectations, hidden expectations that we 278 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 1: don't know what. And I would suppose, and I just 279 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:28,000 Speaker 1: had this conversation the other day, I would say that's 280 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 1: probably coming from and I'm jumping here, but that it's 281 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 1: probably coming from two places. One, uh, from movies and 282 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 1: stuff that we see on TV about what love is 283 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: and what relationships look like. How many times have we 284 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 1: seen this play out on I mean, I can probably 285 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 1: name a hundred moves I've seen something like this happen, 286 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: right And there's the background music, the que that they're 287 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 1: playing and all this other stuff, and you you fall 288 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 1: into that like you're thinking, this is probably gonna happen 289 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,880 Speaker 1: just like I've seen it before. But the other thing 290 00:14:56,200 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 1: is the expectation love music. I was think, think about this, 291 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 1: And I have this conversation the other day and I'm 292 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 1: probably going off track here, but love music. I think 293 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 1: maybe of love music is men to women and what 294 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: men are supposed to be doing for women. But how 295 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:20,600 Speaker 1: many love songs are there for women to men? And 296 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,760 Speaker 1: so if you have that, I'll make love to you. 297 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: I mean I can't sing, but sorry. And I think 298 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: about the Boys Two Men, and the Johnny Gills and 299 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,840 Speaker 1: the Joe and the all these love artists that I 300 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 1: grew up listening to. I can only think of Beyonce's 301 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: let Me Cater to You for a woman to a man. 302 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:45,120 Speaker 1: So think about music pierces the soul. It pierces the soul. 303 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 1: I can start singing a song that you, guys haven't 304 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,680 Speaker 1: heard in twenty years, and you'll start singing it and 305 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 1: you it never leaves you. So think about how that 306 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 1: imprints on a woman's mind when she's hearing the same 307 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: love songs and the expectation she's having, but she can't 308 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,760 Speaker 1: probably even voice it because it's subconscious. Yeah, that's very 309 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: good point. I also think there's more in this. I 310 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 1: was gonna say, can I rip off of what I 311 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 1: think might be an obvious band aid, and I'm sure 312 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:10,960 Speaker 1: ladies women won't necessarily like it. But we're looking at 313 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 1: a fact that they he had a crush in her 314 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 1: twenty years ago, they talked on the phone, they got together. 315 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: I don't know if they face time or not. Sorry, 316 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 1: if you had a crush on me twenty years ago, 317 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 1: you're not getting the same guy. So perhaps they got together. 318 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 1: He was not thrilled with how she looked, whatever, being 319 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 1: a guy, you know whatever, he still had sex, and 320 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: he's like, all right, well this is it for me. 321 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: I disagree. I'm not I'm not gonna I'm not gonna 322 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 1: do that. I think that's that that plays into the 323 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 1: gender role of like, oh, like, I didn't like the 324 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 1: way like he's I'm not saying it couldn't have been 325 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: the other way. I'm just saying he's the one he 326 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 1: would if he wasn't into it, he would have he 327 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,960 Speaker 1: would he would have sidesteps. He hey, let's go out 328 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: for a good meal. I'll buy you an expensive dinner. 329 00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,840 Speaker 1: Take on it. And I would love for people to 330 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:02,160 Speaker 1: email us or all us whatever. I don't I agree 331 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 1: with everything y'all are saying. My issue is they talked 332 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:11,120 Speaker 1: on the phone, for hours. They knew each other from college, 333 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,680 Speaker 1: so there's like a history. They spent a month talking 334 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 1: and then he has never spoken to her again. And 335 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,200 Speaker 1: I know this because I emailed her and said, did 336 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: you try reaching out? And she said yes, and he 337 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 1: didn't respond. So my issue with him is not that 338 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,680 Speaker 1: he wasn't into it, that he bails, changes his mind, 339 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 1: doesn't like her that way. Whatever it is, communicate. You 340 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:40,919 Speaker 1: can't force someone to communicate if they have issues. And 341 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,640 Speaker 1: this stuff could stem from childhood, it could stem from 342 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,560 Speaker 1: his old relationships. I can personally say, before I got married, 343 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: I can find out. It wasn't until I went to 344 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,159 Speaker 1: therapy where I realized, Oh, I didn't realize that I 345 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,679 Speaker 1: had a chain of behaviors where I was starting to 346 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 1: self sabotage these relationships. I would find something because I 347 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:04,360 Speaker 1: was afraid of commitment. And if he's genuinely afraid of commitment, um, 348 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,280 Speaker 1: I think we have to a respect that fear for whatever, 349 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 1: because I don't know, I don't know his story. I 350 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,359 Speaker 1: don't know how he got to that point. And if 351 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 1: he's he's going to somehow try to sabotage like I 352 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,119 Speaker 1: don't want I don't want to go there, right, because 353 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 1: she may start pushing up on me and I don't 354 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,159 Speaker 1: want to get to this commitment point. So maybe this 355 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,680 Speaker 1: was his form of self sabotage. I mean, and again 356 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that it's but a lot of guys 357 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,960 Speaker 1: will say, she'll figure it out. So let me I know, 358 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,480 Speaker 1: I know that's awful to hear, but let me touch 359 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 1: on that because I'm with you. So there's a lot 360 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,119 Speaker 1: in here. I believe there's a lot in here in 361 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: this email that we don't know. We don't know. Um, 362 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 1: we don't know when sheld yeah, yeah, hold on. But 363 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,400 Speaker 1: also we don't know what the communication was like when 364 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 1: she was asking for more time. Was she like just 365 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 1: like begging, like all over him, like just swamping him, 366 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:56,680 Speaker 1: nagging him, or was this right room? Um? Yeah, we 367 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,040 Speaker 1: end up getting an argument about how he didn't set time, 368 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:00,760 Speaker 1: So like what was said there, we don't know what 369 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,359 Speaker 1: she said. Did she yell at him? Did she call 370 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,560 Speaker 1: him nasty words? Did he do this? We don't. We 371 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 1: just don't know. Um, but I will say, um, if 372 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,679 Speaker 1: if that is somewhat cordial, let's say that was somewhat 373 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 1: cordial not communicating for two months, not like just ghostinger 374 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:21,200 Speaker 1: and going going just Houdini. Um, I don't believe is 375 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,480 Speaker 1: acceptable that there is a person on the other line 376 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,679 Speaker 1: they do have feelings, and that he might have he 377 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,400 Speaker 1: maybe he gets back with his long term relationship, which 378 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: what she says, and maybe he's now a feeling like 379 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,359 Speaker 1: he's I shouldn't have been I shouldn't be doing that. 380 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,280 Speaker 1: There's a lot in there. I just but okay, But 381 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:39,240 Speaker 1: can I ask you questions? But if they were because this, 382 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,439 Speaker 1: this one is what's throwing me off, because I think 383 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,280 Speaker 1: you're talking from the point, in my opinion, from the 384 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:49,120 Speaker 1: original design of sex, talking about uh, feelings being involved. 385 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,639 Speaker 1: But I think several times here we see just having 386 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 1: fun is any This wasn't supposed to be anything but fun. 387 00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:02,200 Speaker 1: Fun to me does not translate into being responsible for feelings. Right, 388 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,960 Speaker 1: I go to I go to Magic Mountain to get 389 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,520 Speaker 1: on roller coasters to have fun. I'm not responsible for 390 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 1: the anything else out there. I'm responsible for me. So 391 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 1: what if it does progress to that for her? Can 392 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,560 Speaker 1: you still not treat her with respect? But so, and 393 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,320 Speaker 1: this is what we don't know. Did she say that, 394 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 1: and that's the part that's missing. Did she say, hey, 395 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,919 Speaker 1: I'm starting to really get feelings for you. But if 396 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,960 Speaker 1: she's admitting in her own words, she's saying that this 397 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 1: was wasn't supposed to be any neither of us, Um, 398 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,400 Speaker 1: this was, well, we just wanted it to be anything 399 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,680 Speaker 1: but fun. Then I'm confused. There's something missing here, there's 400 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,199 Speaker 1: more to this that we don't know. I want to 401 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,119 Speaker 1: be every anything but fun. And then it says, you know, 402 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,879 Speaker 1: then I Then she laid into him about the amount 403 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 1: of time he made for he stormed out and they 404 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,680 Speaker 1: haven't talked since. Yeah, she said, this is they both 405 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 1: agree this is gonna be fun. She laid into him 406 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: about stuff that he's supposed to be doing for and stuff, 407 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,720 Speaker 1: and he bolted it and that's it. He left. That's 408 00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:01,399 Speaker 1: the kicker to me is that she any couple of 409 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 1: days time, having not seen each other for so long, 410 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,520 Speaker 1: they got in an argument where she's saying, you didn't 411 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,920 Speaker 1: set enough time aside for me. When she went into 412 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,960 Speaker 1: the situation promising this was nothing but fun, as you 413 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:16,200 Speaker 1: just suggested. If you're getting into an argument in two 414 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: days having not seen someone for so I'm like, I'm 415 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,480 Speaker 1: thinking to myself, oh my god, I'm seeing my future 416 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 1: with this person, and it's going to be arguments endlessly, 417 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,080 Speaker 1: like we just came from various cities to go hang out, 418 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:33,000 Speaker 1: have fun, and I'm already now having to like defend 419 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,120 Speaker 1: my calendar and my lack of carving time out for you. 420 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,679 Speaker 1: It's like, no, we were supposed to have fun, and 421 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:42,160 Speaker 1: now I'm being like on the defensive, just trying to 422 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,199 Speaker 1: answer question after question after question. I'm exhausted by this. 423 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,560 Speaker 1: I'm out. I'll be honest, I want to walk out 424 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,119 Speaker 1: right now because of this. Yeah, I agree with you, right, 425 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,879 Speaker 1: I agree with what you just said. So I do 426 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,840 Speaker 1: agree with him that that happens to guys. We most 427 00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,399 Speaker 1: guys have probably been there in their life. But I 428 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 1: also disagree that just going I just think that men 429 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,200 Speaker 1: need to level up and just community just at least 430 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:12,800 Speaker 1: acknowledge the person say, because she's trying to reach. She's 431 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:17,040 Speaker 1: trying to she said when she reached, let me an apology. 432 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: Maybe she said that. Maybe, but can we all not 433 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:24,080 Speaker 1: just agree that just literally ghosting somebody is completely disrespect 434 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,560 Speaker 1: To get rid of the word ghosting and benching and 435 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:32,359 Speaker 1: houdini ing because it makes it funny. What about bringing 436 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:36,280 Speaker 1: that back? Is my new thing. And I actually think 437 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 1: phone boning should count as sort of more than just 438 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,679 Speaker 1: phone boning. When your phone boning, that's laying the groundwork. 439 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 1: The part that I agree with akbar On is if 440 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,360 Speaker 1: she didn't say I have feelings for you, I'm interested 441 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,399 Speaker 1: in you, I like you, I want a relationship, I 442 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,359 Speaker 1: want more and expect him to pick up on those 443 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:59,119 Speaker 1: things and say hey, like, because you're talking about communication, like, 444 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,440 Speaker 1: then she should communicate that. If her feelings are hurt, 445 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,240 Speaker 1: she should communicate and saying hey, look here, I know 446 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,760 Speaker 1: we did X, Y and Z, but look I caught 447 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 1: feelings for you and I don't know a yeah right, 448 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 1: And I caught feels it was supposed to be fun 449 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,919 Speaker 1: but with the next level. And then I think then 450 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,119 Speaker 1: the responsible the thing. If I got that on a 451 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,959 Speaker 1: voice amount, I'd be like, WHOA like? And I'll tell 452 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,679 Speaker 1: you something like. I remember when I came to know 453 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:29,000 Speaker 1: christ Um and I started to change the way I 454 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:34,920 Speaker 1: behave sexually and something came over me. True story in college, 455 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: right before I went to the pros, I called all 456 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,120 Speaker 1: the girls that I had their numbers, that I had 457 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:44,360 Speaker 1: messed with. I had called them in and apologize. Uh 458 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,159 Speaker 1: not that I did anything wrong to them. Um, I 459 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 1: never ghosted or whatever the stuff is. But I'm just 460 00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: going wow, like, you know, that could have been a 461 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,879 Speaker 1: you know, for a future husband, because I genuinely believe 462 00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,120 Speaker 1: that sex is designed for marriage. That's how I feel 463 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:02,400 Speaker 1: about it. I didn't follow that. I lost my virginity 464 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,840 Speaker 1: in college, and I started thinking, I going wow, like that, man, 465 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: Like that's because you always, no matter what, that person 466 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:10,959 Speaker 1: is always gonna have a piece of you, and you're 467 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: always gonna have a piece of them that you're sharing, 468 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:18,040 Speaker 1: literally sharing pieces of yourself to other people. And it's confusing. 469 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,600 Speaker 1: And so I I put it on me that I 470 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,800 Speaker 1: was going to call and I was going to apologize. 471 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:28,439 Speaker 1: Good for you six two plus. How many rides are 472 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,920 Speaker 1: you going on in Magic Mountain? I don't, Well, yeah, 473 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 1: you're right, the ones that I can't fit all of them. 474 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,399 Speaker 1: I did that a while back with my son. We 475 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:39,119 Speaker 1: did all and I got sick. I'll never ever do 476 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:47,960 Speaker 1: that again. So I want to ask you a follow 477 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,359 Speaker 1: up question to that one. I want to acknowledge you 478 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,919 Speaker 1: for being an incredible man and human being for doing that, 479 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 1: for having the self awareness and the kindness and compassion 480 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:59,200 Speaker 1: in your heart to do that. Um, for anybody listening, 481 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,080 Speaker 1: for young men listen thing or women listening, I think 482 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:05,040 Speaker 1: that's an amazing example. My question for you is how 483 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:09,480 Speaker 1: did the women react to that? I think, um, several 484 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,600 Speaker 1: of them was like, oh you don't you don't owe 485 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,359 Speaker 1: me a phone call? Um, Absolutely, I appreciate you calling me. 486 00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 1: They were all no, nobody was gotten nasty about it. Um, 487 00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:20,200 Speaker 1: but I just felt like it was all me. They're 488 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,560 Speaker 1: probably like four or five that I didn't have the number. 489 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 1: I just kind of lost their uh their contact or whatever. 490 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,480 Speaker 1: But UM, I think everyone took it well. But I 491 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,440 Speaker 1: just because it came from a real place. I wasn't 492 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,760 Speaker 1: doing it, you know, and this is way before any 493 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,120 Speaker 1: me too movement or anything like that. He just came 494 00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 1: over me. I was like man like, and I just 495 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,640 Speaker 1: thought about it like I took that opportunity. I don't 496 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,520 Speaker 1: know if I was there first or not, um, but 497 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:48,440 Speaker 1: I took that opportunity for them to enjoy. You know. Um, Um, 498 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,160 Speaker 1: what am I trying to say? I took that opportunity 499 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:54,240 Speaker 1: away from them to share that experience with someone else. 500 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,200 Speaker 1: Um that could have been their potential husband or whatever. 501 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,119 Speaker 1: Because like partner because for me, what I didn't know 502 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,720 Speaker 1: the ben was I wasn't never into it. Like I 503 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: got to a point in every relationship where I literally 504 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,359 Speaker 1: started to look for things to go wrong because I 505 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 1: wanted out. And that all tied into what I saw 506 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,439 Speaker 1: growing up, and you know, just my own fear of 507 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 1: not having full understanding and the maturity about relationships. So 508 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,240 Speaker 1: I mean, it could be anything. I mean, seriously, it's 509 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,720 Speaker 1: been is from bad breath to um. Would you be 510 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,679 Speaker 1: with me if you if I worked at McDonald's. I 511 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 1: mean I did dumb stuff, I mean dumb stuff to 512 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,399 Speaker 1: break relationships. Did you admit all of that? What was 513 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 1: the nature of the conversation? Were you apologetic or what 514 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,960 Speaker 1: were you? And I was just I was apologetic for 515 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,120 Speaker 1: you know, you know, having sex with them and not 516 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,440 Speaker 1: really wanting it to work out, and yes, and first 517 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:44,560 Speaker 1: off and then admitting, hey, look here, I shouldn't. I 518 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,480 Speaker 1: should have listened to my parents, like I held my 519 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:49,399 Speaker 1: virginia to my sophomore year in college. And you know, 520 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,760 Speaker 1: for me, I got peer pressure by my teammates. Oh man, 521 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:53,919 Speaker 1: you can't talk to me. You know, you're virgin virgin 522 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 1: and you get that enough times where you go man. 523 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:57,760 Speaker 1: You know sure, I don't want to. I want I 524 00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,200 Speaker 1: don't want to be on the out in the locker 525 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:01,240 Speaker 1: room and you go out there and you try to 526 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,680 Speaker 1: just fly and do whatever, and you know, it's very 527 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 1: real for anybody, not like anybody that hasn't been it's 528 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,480 Speaker 1: very real, that sort of pressure and that sort of 529 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,040 Speaker 1: heat inside in locker room especially. I didn't go to college, 530 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,959 Speaker 1: but I imagined, especially at the college Alpha Mel, you're 531 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,639 Speaker 1: in a room with full of Alpha mel testosteronted to hide. 532 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,760 Speaker 1: You know, at the highest point, you're lifting a bunch 533 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,440 Speaker 1: of weights. You're the athlete, you're the big guys on campus, 534 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,440 Speaker 1: and you know, it sucks when you're in a community 535 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,200 Speaker 1: of a hundred guys that you you know, you bleed with, 536 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:32,120 Speaker 1: you sweat with, and you're not accepted because of your 537 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,199 Speaker 1: off field Yeah, because you're not having sex field right right. 538 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,239 Speaker 1: One last question, did you end up phone boning one 539 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:43,359 Speaker 1: last time with an um Well, I guess it was. 540 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,399 Speaker 1: I mean, I guess you technically, no, no, it was, 541 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,640 Speaker 1: I did. I did not phone It sounds to me 542 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:53,600 Speaker 1: like you honored the women you called and honored their feelings, 543 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,240 Speaker 1: and that is my very point with this carry girl 544 00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,440 Speaker 1: that emailed us is that. I don't think this guy 545 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:04,159 Speaker 1: did anything wrong. But I think that with with people, 546 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,000 Speaker 1: if he takes her call or speaks to her a 547 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 1: couple of times, it honors her feelings, it honors that 548 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:15,400 Speaker 1: time they had together. It's respectful and kind, and I 549 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:19,440 Speaker 1: think that that goes a long way, especially with women. Yeah, 550 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: I don't think this is I agree with that, but 551 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,200 Speaker 1: I don't think this is a gender issue. I think 552 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: this is a human issue. This is just a respect 553 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:28,720 Speaker 1: because it could be a man to a man, it 554 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 1: could be a woman to a man. This is just 555 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:36,920 Speaker 1: a respect for not call me back. But how many 556 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,440 Speaker 1: women are doing that compared to men doing that. I'm 557 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:41,959 Speaker 1: sure there are women who are doing that. I mean 558 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 1: because I think like um, and I've got to be 559 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,680 Speaker 1: careful to making comparisons, but I will say this, I 560 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:54,400 Speaker 1: feel like women are equally cheating out on the relationships 561 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 1: like men. But it's covered up. It's covered up, and 562 00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:01,400 Speaker 1: they're held at a higher Oh no, women, it's just 563 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:04,360 Speaker 1: it gets labeled. There's these gender roles. They get labeled 564 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: and men do that and same thing, and men don't communicate. No, 565 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,080 Speaker 1: women should communicate. And this is a prime example. I'm 566 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,240 Speaker 1: not I'm not pointing her out or trying to, you know, 567 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,400 Speaker 1: say who's right or wrong, But I mean, I think 568 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,880 Speaker 1: in the same thing, it sounds like she couldn't communicate 569 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:31,520 Speaker 1: her true feelings. I think you, guys, I'd love to 570 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,480 Speaker 1: hear what you think on this. So I think women 571 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,760 Speaker 1: and men, quote cheat equally. I think women are smarter 572 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 1: and don't get caught. Well, that's and either way it's 573 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 1: it's not it's it's all wrong. Right, it's all wrong. 574 00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:45,600 Speaker 1: But that too. And but to what you were just saying. 575 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 1: When when a woman cheats, the first thing that somebody 576 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,440 Speaker 1: says is what did the guy did? The guy wasn't 577 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,680 Speaker 1: treating her right. The guy was probably doing something that 578 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:56,720 Speaker 1: caused her to look for something for that elsewhere. Um, sorry, 579 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:58,440 Speaker 1: you're you're thing. Whether you think that equally cheap. But 580 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,880 Speaker 1: women are smarter, that's my opinion. I think that they're 581 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:03,800 Speaker 1: smart about how they do it. I know so many 582 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 1: women that I don't even like the word cheat that 583 00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:11,880 Speaker 1: whatever they're doing, but they just are. It's different. It 584 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:13,920 Speaker 1: is I don't know. I don't like it at all. 585 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,800 Speaker 1: So that I'm more admirable to be better at cheating. 586 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 1: I'm just saying why why in society we feel men 587 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,880 Speaker 1: do it more is because men get caught so it's 588 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,640 Speaker 1: more known. That's That's my only point. I'm not saying 589 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:30,600 Speaker 1: who's better or worse men, just is it that Is 590 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,920 Speaker 1: it that men get caught more or is it that 591 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:37,520 Speaker 1: men get trashed more? I think men get trashed more 592 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,920 Speaker 1: because I think when a woman cheats, and especially if 593 00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,400 Speaker 1: it's in a relationship, I think from a man standpoint, 594 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:46,000 Speaker 1: there's a certain pride to a man, like, oh, my goodness, 595 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 1: and either he's trying to cover that up so he 596 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:52,480 Speaker 1: doesn't look so bad because that's a in his mind 597 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,880 Speaker 1: he internalizes as a reflection on him. And the other 598 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:59,320 Speaker 1: thing is is that I think we're all taught in relationships, 599 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,600 Speaker 1: like you talked about the episode before, like it was 600 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: very hunky door and stuff like they to protect the 601 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:07,600 Speaker 1: woman and don't you can't see anything mean about a woman, 602 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:09,840 Speaker 1: and you gotta always lift a woman up and you 603 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,360 Speaker 1: always got it. So so men are more trained to 604 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 1: do that. Oh how's my dress look? It really looks 605 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:16,800 Speaker 1: horrible as what I'm thinking in my mind, but I 606 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 1: gotta tell you it looks nice. I love it. No 607 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,800 Speaker 1: I don't, No, I don't, but you've trained us to 608 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,120 Speaker 1: say what you want to hear. So it's just like 609 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,760 Speaker 1: I think the same thing could be true, is that 610 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,880 Speaker 1: I don't think women are as clever in hiding that. 611 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,240 Speaker 1: I think it's revealed, but I just think it doesn't 612 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 1: get put on blast because I'm gonna tell you when 613 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,320 Speaker 1: a woman cheats, when a man cheats on a woman, 614 00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:42,200 Speaker 1: oh did you hear what he did? I mean, everybody 615 00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:45,080 Speaker 1: at work is gonna know. Everybody in their in their 616 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 1: in their family's gonna know. They're gonna tell everybody. No 617 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,360 Speaker 1: guy's gonna be like, my wife cheated on me, right, 618 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,440 Speaker 1: He's not gonna go I wasn't cutting it right, right, 619 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,880 Speaker 1: And so she gets saved while he gets blasted. And 620 00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 1: then there you go that men aren't to be trusted. 621 00:31:57,720 --> 00:31:59,320 Speaker 1: And that's why we get like even in the whole 622 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,479 Speaker 1: me to mirror mean, men are getting beat the heck up, 623 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:06,760 Speaker 1: they're getting beat the heck up. Look agree, I agree 624 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,680 Speaker 1: you and I which I wasn't gonna go there, but 625 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:12,160 Speaker 1: we were talking about Matt Lauer and it's a very 626 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 1: interesting conversation. And the reason I think so is because 627 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:20,719 Speaker 1: there's two very different perspectives, both probably filled with truth 628 00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 1: and both probably filled with inaccuracies. It's like, it's so 629 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,920 Speaker 1: hard to know. And that's why I'm interested in this 630 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:31,560 Speaker 1: email because if we had his version, it could be 631 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:36,560 Speaker 1: so totally different and also true. So I'm sort of 632 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:41,520 Speaker 1: going through this with somewhat of a family member too. Um. 633 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 1: Is that you hear extremely one sided comments and what 634 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:51,080 Speaker 1: the story is, and people quite often soften or dampen 635 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:55,680 Speaker 1: there part in it. I had just hastened this and 636 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,560 Speaker 1: then this happened. Well how did you ask? Well, I 637 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,320 Speaker 1: mean I said it probably could have said it better. Well, 638 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 1: they're like, that's you know, there's people will tell you 639 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:08,320 Speaker 1: their side of the story and omit the information that 640 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,640 Speaker 1: that doesn't paint them in such a positive light, because 641 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,560 Speaker 1: they want to be sided with, they want to be comforted, 642 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:16,040 Speaker 1: they want they want you to understand them. Um. And 643 00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,120 Speaker 1: the way to do that is to maybe negate their 644 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,080 Speaker 1: responsibility in it a little bit or not just voice 645 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,400 Speaker 1: it as much. So in the Matt Lour one, I 646 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,400 Speaker 1: mean this just came out today. We're just you know, 647 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:29,360 Speaker 1: reading up on it now. UM. I mean, if it's 648 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,680 Speaker 1: if what is said is true. It's the most despicable, 649 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:35,560 Speaker 1: despicable act in the world. It pisces me off that ship, 650 00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:43,960 Speaker 1: the the acts and the treatment um and the objectifying 651 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,120 Speaker 1: a lot of it, a lot, And I don't have 652 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:48,920 Speaker 1: the full details. Ryan just told me about this when 653 00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:52,560 Speaker 1: I walked in, so I read like, uh, thirty second 654 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,720 Speaker 1: clip on Twitter. So it's fascinating because if you read 655 00:33:55,840 --> 00:34:00,240 Speaker 1: his open letter and then when you read the other 656 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:03,520 Speaker 1: side that Ronan Pharaoh is writing, I totally changed. So 657 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,280 Speaker 1: that's where I said. But but you know what I 658 00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,759 Speaker 1: think about the the and and as this plays out 659 00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:13,279 Speaker 1: in the court of public opinion, I think the one 660 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,720 Speaker 1: mantra that gets said over and over, and I'm gonna 661 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:19,239 Speaker 1: take a football analogy here. I think about some of 662 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,960 Speaker 1: the mantras that coaches tell you, you you know, you gotta be, 663 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 1: you know, willing to play with no regard for personal safety, 664 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:27,479 Speaker 1: and you gotta be able to run through a brick wall. 665 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:30,719 Speaker 1: And we're we're kind of nutty as football players will 666 00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 1: go out there, we you know, throw our boys on that. 667 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,760 Speaker 1: But you hear it over and over. Believe women, believe women. 668 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:39,000 Speaker 1: Believe women believe women. If you say that a million times, 669 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,680 Speaker 1: do you think anything Matt Lawer says is going to 670 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,880 Speaker 1: be believed. No, and I believe that that's unfair. I 671 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,920 Speaker 1: believe that you believe women, but you also have to 672 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,360 Speaker 1: believe the men. I's like, you can't say if you 673 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,239 Speaker 1: believe the woman, because of believing the woman means that 674 00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,400 Speaker 1: that the man is automatic lying. I mean to me, 675 00:34:55,600 --> 00:35:00,319 Speaker 1: that's not a fair display. So that's why or show. 676 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,120 Speaker 1: We're not a gotcha show. We don't side with one 677 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:05,840 Speaker 1: or the other. These are like events that just happened, 678 00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:09,680 Speaker 1: and you're right, there's there's probably. Yeah, you can formulate 679 00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:11,759 Speaker 1: your opinion both. It's not our job to do that. 680 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:15,080 Speaker 1: But what was interesting is when I read his letter, 681 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,920 Speaker 1: which I read in full, when he said he stopped 682 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:26,319 Speaker 1: communicating with her, jarred me because I think that if 683 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:30,720 Speaker 1: there's a lesson, it's like communicate, talk, tell how you're feeling, 684 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 1: but you're not talked about this. But you're not talked 685 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,520 Speaker 1: about this. I was just saying, if he look if 686 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,560 Speaker 1: if this cheating is going on he admitted it, not 687 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,520 Speaker 1: if he admitted that he cheated on his wife and 688 00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,600 Speaker 1: that this has caused his family so much pain, and 689 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,839 Speaker 1: what if I'm totally making this up, totally making this up, 690 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:53,080 Speaker 1: that their relationship went through whatever at home things, he's 691 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,799 Speaker 1: always working and whatever. Again, I'm just making this up 692 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 1: at the clarify that, and somehow they rekindle something back 693 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,239 Speaker 1: at home when things start to get in there, and 694 00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,480 Speaker 1: then he's overwhelmed with this guilt like, oh my gosh, 695 00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:07,239 Speaker 1: I've been cheating on her and I just want to 696 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,120 Speaker 1: make things right and now, and this buzz go off like, 697 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,520 Speaker 1: you know what, I gotta cut this off. Maybe he's 698 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:16,279 Speaker 1: rededicated himself and saying, maybe I gotta cut this off, 699 00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:18,120 Speaker 1: and I don't want to because I know if I 700 00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:19,920 Speaker 1: go back, it could be a slippery slope and I 701 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,880 Speaker 1: gotta explain myself and I might not be able to 702 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,720 Speaker 1: explain myself because I got feelings in it. And you're done. 703 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,160 Speaker 1: You're done. By the way, I think the guy in 704 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,759 Speaker 1: the email was seeing had somebody on the side too. 705 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,080 Speaker 1: I think so too. I felt that too. I got 706 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,799 Speaker 1: I got a sense of that that he was just 707 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:39,919 Speaker 1: in for a little bit of fun and the watch 708 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,239 Speaker 1: hands here, I'm out. I got the sense that there 709 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,279 Speaker 1: was somebody else, And I don't know why I didn't 710 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:47,160 Speaker 1: think about that, that that just I mean, I don't know, 711 00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:52,480 Speaker 1: but that feels true. That feels true. Yeah, so interesting. 712 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,040 Speaker 1: That was awesome. We always appreciate you guys questions, so 713 00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,680 Speaker 1: you can email us men at i heeart radio dot 714 00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,520 Speaker 1: com or I feel like I'm gonna get a lot 715 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:04,800 Speaker 1: of hate and my my mentions. You've been incredibly refreshing 716 00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:06,800 Speaker 1: because you're honest and you've given it. Like some people 717 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,360 Speaker 1: come on and they're very politically correct, You're willing to 718 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,440 Speaker 1: voice an opinion and say this is what I stand for, this, 719 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,839 Speaker 1: I stand against this. I love that, and I'm sure 720 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,680 Speaker 1: our listeners can appreciate that. And I've been like looking 721 00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:18,520 Speaker 1: over at Amy here just listening do you speak. You're 722 00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,680 Speaker 1: very very This is like the best thing ever. I 723 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,239 Speaker 1: love you. I appreciate that. When I when I when 724 00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 1: I wanted the minute, as my manager called me and said, 725 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,600 Speaker 1: I said, I'm in, I'm in because these are actually 726 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,400 Speaker 1: I didn't realize when she said it. It made me realize, 727 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,799 Speaker 1: like these are the type of conversations, real conversations. I 728 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,640 Speaker 1: like to help. The reason I love this episode and 729 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:40,600 Speaker 1: I would again love for people to call an emails. 730 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:45,400 Speaker 1: It's so real. You are forced to tell the truth 731 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:50,680 Speaker 1: even though people listening might be like because it's I 732 00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:52,560 Speaker 1: agree with all of what you're saying, and it's such 733 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:56,160 Speaker 1: an interesting perspective into the man's mind, which I don't 734 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,080 Speaker 1: have and I need. But yeah, and we don't have 735 00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,719 Speaker 1: we're not mind readers either, like we we don't have 736 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:03,960 Speaker 1: the perspective I don't like. I believe I have a 737 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,480 Speaker 1: good understanding of my wife, and I try and listen 738 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,640 Speaker 1: to understand. I don't listen to reply, um, but that 739 00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:14,160 Speaker 1: doesn't mean we fully are going to know and understand everything. 740 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:20,920 Speaker 1: From am is that communication is really important, even if 741 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,800 Speaker 1: it's hard, even if you have to say I'm sorry, 742 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:29,000 Speaker 1: I just don't like you, or I'm sorry fixed his marriage, 743 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:34,239 Speaker 1: whatever it is, Like, the hard conversations really prevent the 744 00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:36,600 Speaker 1: icky stuff. I agree with that, and from a man 745 00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:38,479 Speaker 1: standpoint or a human stand but I can just speak 746 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,719 Speaker 1: as being a man. It feels so much better. So 747 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:45,640 Speaker 1: I just like owning up, like what you did with 748 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:47,920 Speaker 1: with calling those girls, say I apologize for my role 749 00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:50,239 Speaker 1: in this. I don't have anything to apologize for, but 750 00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,160 Speaker 1: I just want to say, like sorry, I wish I 751 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,080 Speaker 1: could have treated you better, or I shouldn't have been 752 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:55,879 Speaker 1: that man. At that stage of your life if you 753 00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:57,719 Speaker 1: know it wasn't. It's not that I treated them wrong. 754 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:01,359 Speaker 1: I just just for clarification. I called them because I 755 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,200 Speaker 1: felt guilty that I was having sex with them and 756 00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:06,480 Speaker 1: I knew that A. I was raised better and be 757 00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,800 Speaker 1: this conviction of me having sex before marriages. It overwhelmed me. 758 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,360 Speaker 1: I was like, this isn't the right thing to do. 759 00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:14,600 Speaker 1: I mean, talk about extra credit. We got guys out 760 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,640 Speaker 1: there that won't apologize for things that did. You didn't 761 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,680 Speaker 1: do anything, and you're calling and apologizing. But he felt 762 00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:23,560 Speaker 1: better and so did they. So I wish and again like, 763 00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,959 Speaker 1: if there's a goal, let's get rid of ghosting and 764 00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:31,279 Speaker 1: and benching and Houdini ng and just talk to it. 765 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:41,600 Speaker 1: You continue, David Blainey, I just he's d But on 766 00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:45,160 Speaker 1: further than that, it does. It does honestly and apologizing 767 00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,880 Speaker 1: feels amazing, like it sets you free. It's liberating as 768 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:51,520 Speaker 1: a person doing it too. Um And also I've said 769 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,600 Speaker 1: this on the show many times. I learned this in 770 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,719 Speaker 1: my professional career. Uh, good or people can take good 771 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,000 Speaker 1: and bad news as long as it honest and delivered 772 00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:04,480 Speaker 1: in a way of genuine and authentic UM care for 773 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:08,200 Speaker 1: that person. So people can take terrible news if you 774 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:13,440 Speaker 1: deliver it in a way that's transparent, honest, straightforward, UM, 775 00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:16,960 Speaker 1: they can accept that and move on. People are very resilient, 776 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,520 Speaker 1: and I think sometimes guys maybe in this situation like this, 777 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:23,920 Speaker 1: don't give women enough credit that maybe they're super uber resilient. 778 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:25,759 Speaker 1: I'll just go stir and not deal with it. Like 779 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,720 Speaker 1: you can say, I'm sorry, I understand you are into 780 00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:32,160 Speaker 1: me or you have feelings for me. It's not reciprocated. Um, 781 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:33,719 Speaker 1: but I wish you the best if I can help 782 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:35,160 Speaker 1: you in any way in your other I don't know. 783 00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:36,960 Speaker 1: It's what are you laughing at? Like? It's on it 784 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:38,839 Speaker 1: if you try it, honestly, if you try it. It's 785 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:40,160 Speaker 1: something I've tried to work on in my life. My 786 00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:42,360 Speaker 1: whole life. I've had enemies playing sport. You have enemies 787 00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:44,399 Speaker 1: your whole life and coming out of sport. I'm trying 788 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,040 Speaker 1: to unlayer that stuff. I apologize to my neighbor the 789 00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:48,720 Speaker 1: other day because I was being addict to my neighbor. 790 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:51,040 Speaker 1: I was throwing heavy weights around. It's banging around at 791 00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:52,279 Speaker 1: his house and stuff, and I'm like, well, this is 792 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,120 Speaker 1: my property. I'll do what I want And then I 793 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:55,600 Speaker 1: went and I was like the other day, It's like, 794 00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,680 Speaker 1: I apologize, man, I own everything I did the last 795 00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,879 Speaker 1: year and a half and it felt so liberate. Oh 796 00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,960 Speaker 1: my god, and our relationship is so much better. Um, 797 00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,439 Speaker 1: and he softened towards me. We put the weapons down 798 00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:10,560 Speaker 1: like it just feels amazing as a man weapons. Uh, 799 00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:16,319 Speaker 1: I'll leave that. I love well. Brooks had to apologize. Sorry, 800 00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,440 Speaker 1: I work out so hard and you heard my weights 801 00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,920 Speaker 1: clanking around. It's like, Brooks, what you're gonna learn is 802 00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,600 Speaker 1: that nine percent of the stories that Brooks Tells has 803 00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:29,240 Speaker 1: to do with with working out in some capacity. Brooks 804 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,200 Speaker 1: and I could hang out. Now. I'm kind of side 805 00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:35,160 Speaker 1: with Brooks. I mean, I don't smoke, but I do 806 00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:37,440 Speaker 1: lift weights. That's that's how That's how I deal with 807 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:42,480 Speaker 1: like like stress and everything. Like now that you told 808 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:44,120 Speaker 1: Brian you lift weights, he's going to send you a 809 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,080 Speaker 1: video of him doing three D push ups or something. Now, Honestly, 810 00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:49,279 Speaker 1: when I met you, I would never have imagined that 811 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:56,080 Speaker 1: you lifted weights. Seriously, buddy, I appreciate that. Man. You're 812 00:41:56,120 --> 00:42:00,640 Speaker 1: so kind, your your generosity is always appreciated. Yeah, Umbar, 813 00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,160 Speaker 1: I'd love for you to come back because we want 814 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:05,160 Speaker 1: to dig into fatherhood with you. I love your input, 815 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,960 Speaker 1: your insight. We're gonna do another episode with fatherhood. Will 816 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,480 Speaker 1: you stick around, You'll stick around. Okay, you're gonna stick around. 817 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,560 Speaker 1: I appreciate your brother. That's it for this episode. Next week, 818 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,000 Speaker 1: going to dig into Fatherhood Part two where we take 819 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,439 Speaker 1: the gloves off, right Amy, We're gonna take the gloves off, 820 00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,800 Speaker 1: get into more of the nitty gritty of fatherhood. Ah, 821 00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:24,040 Speaker 1: that's it for this episode. Take care of one another, 822 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:26,640 Speaker 1: love one another, and we'll see you back here next week.