WEBVTT - Jealous much? 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:03.040 Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray. 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:07.520 It's ready. Are you welcome to stuff you should know 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:16.400 from house Stuff Works dot com. Hey, and welcome to 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:20.360 the podcast. I'm Josh Clark. With me as always is 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:24.599 Charles W. Chuck Bryant, who better not be podcasting with 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:27.920 anybody else behind my back? Are you You didn't hear 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:30.800 about the Chuck and Chuck show? Who's the other Chuck? 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:33.720 It's me? You're doing it with yourself, yes, but I 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:37.920 do your voice as me. That's fine. It's sort of weird. 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:43.960 It's just obsessive, like theater acting, sort of fantasy league thing. 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:47.720 Am I the the dummy in it? Like? Are you 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:53.280 just I'm Josso. Yeah, I figured I figured you did 0:00:53.280 --> 0:00:56.600 that in your underwear in the mirror every mornings. It's 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:59.440 really good and the numbers like we're rivaling our own 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:03.400 show now open people love it. I'm surprised that hasn't 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:07.600 overtaken it yet. Wait, it's that one. Oh I didn't 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:09.560 know that was you? What. There's probably people out there like, 0:01:09.560 --> 0:01:11.880 oh my god, I gotta hear this. Let's get to 0:01:11.920 --> 0:01:15.160 it showing enough of this riff raff crap enough, Okay, Chuck, 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:21.479 You're ready. October this month? Uh is National apple Jack Month, 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:25.640 National pickle Peppers Month, National Breast Cancer Aware this month. 0:01:25.680 --> 0:01:29.240 Did you notice the Delta Stewards and Stewardesses pink everywhere? 0:01:29.240 --> 0:01:34.840 I love it. It's National Mental Illness Awareness Month, National Lesbian, 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:37.760 Gay and Bisexual History Month. And just so happens that 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:41.800 we're recording this on Pride weekend, which makes sense. Um, 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:46.720 it is National country Ham Month. Really, there's a lot 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:49.640 of October is a big month that kind of overshadows 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:54.160 Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Country Ham. It depends on the 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:57.440 country Ham. I would say, uh, And then I guess 0:01:57.600 --> 0:02:00.200 most apropos to this podcast, which I wasn't aware of, 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:03.120 but I don't think you were either. Um, It's National 0:02:03.440 --> 0:02:07.480 Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Really, yes, And I say it's 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:09.880 a propos of this podcast because this is a podcast 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:13.960 on jealousy. Jealousy is one of the more widely recognized 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:17.240 triggers of domestic violence. Did you know that? Did not? 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:20.359 But it makes sense? Um. According to a two thousand 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:27.720 three alone I study um in relationships that were domestically violent, 0:02:28.280 --> 0:02:31.160 it was male on woman domestic violence, and there is 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:35.280 such thing as the other way around, um, women who 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:39.520 were abused. As long as it was attended by jealousy, 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:43.560 it was perceived by the battered woman as um less 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:48.519 negative and that deserves but less negative than um non 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:54.120 jealous violence. Interesting. Yeah, um, which is it's very interesting, 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:56.440 and it's really weird because it kind of goes it 0:02:56.560 --> 0:03:02.120 speaks to our perception of jealousy. It's a it's a weird, undesirable, 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:07.840 unflattering emotion. Um. And yet it also shows we care 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:11.560 in certain ways. Right, Clearly, domestic violence is far far 0:03:11.680 --> 0:03:18.640 beyond any level of caring. But it's so it's it 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:22.760 can even spill over that far the idea that jealousy 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:25.800 equals caring, that it can it can reach violent levels. 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:28.160 That is one of the more messed up things I've 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:30.760 heard in a long time. And because as I can 0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:35.600 hear the scenario of well, he was just jealous because 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:37.320 I was talking to that guy at the bar, which 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:41.480 means he loves me, which is like, that's so messed up. 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:44.280 It is very because I josh am of the belief. 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:49.320 Before we get started, here's Chuck's oppinion rant. These are 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:52.280 the two things that Chuck says about jealousy. This is 0:03:52.320 --> 0:03:55.720 not backed up in any scientific way. I believe that 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:59.360 A there is no place in jealousy in any healthy relationship. 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.120 In the article, it says like jealousy can be good 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:06.360 as long as I don't agree B. Because of that, 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:09.160 I think jealousy pops up when you when there are 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:13.160 trust issues should never be trust issues. When there is 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:16.800 an unhealthy dependence on one another should never be that. 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:20.400 And when one or both of the parties is really 0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:25.480 really insecure with each other. I disagree. All right, then 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:29.799 I don't disagree to like a polar opposite degree. Um, 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:32.280 but I do think I did agree with the article 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:35.560 where it says towards the end, the psychologist that was 0:04:35.760 --> 0:04:40.360 um interviewed for this article suggests that a certain degree 0:04:40.600 --> 0:04:44.680 of what's called normal jealousy is healthy. UM. I don't 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:47.480 think it's possible to have a relationship that doesn't have 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:51.359 some sort of trust issues you're looking at it. I 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:55.040 have zero trust issues, zero jealousy, Emily, I've never had 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:58.200 anything like that. That is fantastic for you. I am 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:02.040 of the opinion, though, that jealousy in small measure to 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:07.520 a certain degree is symptomatic of a healthy relationship. Really. Yeah, 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:09.479 all right, let's get into it. Okay, you're ready. What 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:13.599 is jealousy Chuck? First of all, jealousy envy same thing. 0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:17.400 Uh No, not at all. They're in fact quite different 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:22.520 because envy, Josh is when you want something that you 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:25.160 do not have that someone else has, right, usually an 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:30.560 object near or whatever. The job, jobs, an object is 0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:32.479 it if you write it down, if you draw a 0:05:32.520 --> 0:05:35.800 picture of your job, it becomes an object. Whereas jealousy 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:38.560 is a fear of losing something that you have to 0:05:38.640 --> 0:05:42.320 someone else, like a job or an object. So you 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:45.279 want something that somebody else has an envy and jealousy 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:47.880 you already have something, but you fear losing it. Yeah. 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:49.880 And like you know, relationships are usually where you talk 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:52.880 about jealousy, So you basically fear that you're gonna lose 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:56.520 your mate to the dude at the bar. And jealousy, 0:05:56.640 --> 0:05:59.400 Chuck is an emotion. So let's talk briefly about emotions. 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:07.160 But they're um, primary emotions like fear, disgust, anger, joy, uh, 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:10.240 and a couple others okay, um, And these are found 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:14.080 in just about any animal with the brain, right, um. 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:18.120 And then there's secondary emotions that are self conscious emotions 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:24.640 that include jealousy, right, jealousy, shame, guilt, embarrassment, pride, um. 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:28.039 You have to have a sense of yourself and awareness 0:06:28.080 --> 0:06:31.520 of yourself in relation to others to experience secondary emotions 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:36.240 like jealousy, because jealousy, you can't be jealous of anything 0:06:36.880 --> 0:06:39.960 if there's not another person or another something. It takes 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:44.080 two to be jealous, right. Yeah. And Ralph Hopka, he's 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:46.880 a professor of psychology at cal State Long Beach heap 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:49.599 I know, was interviewed for this article and he put 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:53.599 it really succinctly. He said, jealousy is an anticipatory emotion. 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:56.800 It seeks to prevent loss. That really sums it up 0:06:56.880 --> 0:06:59.279 right there. But it also makes jealousy really really unusual 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:02.839 because think about it, like all relations or all um 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:08.760 emotions are reactionary. Really, there's like a stimuli or stimulus 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:12.720 and it you react to it. You feel fear because 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:15.800 of it, you feel joy because of it. Jealousy is 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:19.800 the prospect of of experiencing something, so that makes it 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:25.200 an antecedent to other emotions like anger or fear, right 0:07:25.320 --> 0:07:29.640 it comes first. Yeah, Yeah, it's weird, it's unusual, and 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:35.240 what our emotions chuck if not motivators, right, Fear motivates 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:37.200 you to like move away from the man coming at 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:40.800 you with a knife. Joy motivates you to like do 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:44.960 that again or break out in song? Right, Uh, and 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:47.920 then I guess jealousy motivates you to take measures to 0:07:48.080 --> 0:07:52.880 prevent that loss. Interesting. Yeah, all right, this is gonna 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:54.920 be a fun one, alright, because rarely do we come 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:57.880 at it from different angles. Uh. Since we're talking about 0:07:57.960 --> 0:08:02.559 m V, do you want to talk about your penis? Uh? Sure, 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:06.320 that's one of my favorite things talking about Uh. Freud. 0:08:06.800 --> 0:08:12.320 Sigmund Freud, the psychoanalyst UM came up with the concept 0:08:12.560 --> 0:08:15.560 of penis envy and I had a general idea of 0:08:15.560 --> 0:08:17.360 what it was, and it wasn't very far off. But 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:20.360 it wasn't until this article that I read what penis 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:26.400 MV is. It is defined the psychoanalytic concept in which 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:30.480 a female envyes male characteristics or capabilities, especially the possession 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:33.600 of a penis. Right, Yeah, what's that gonna do with jealousy? 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:36.920 It doesn't, but it is interesting and I didn't realize 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:39.720 I didn't understand why this um was put into this either. 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:43.120 This is one of the more feminist articles on the site. Yeah, 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:47.640 I thought so. Um. But in in this little sidebar, 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:51.480 penis envy? Um. Basically what Freud came up with was 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:54.160 that all women want to be men, and all of 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:58.120 their accomplishments and feats are the result of a sense 0:08:58.120 --> 0:09:01.360 of competition with men, or they're trying to make up 0:09:01.360 --> 0:09:05.080 for their shortcoming of lacking a penis interesting. Obviously this 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:10.960 has been generally discarded, but pertinent to your your your 0:09:11.440 --> 0:09:13.760 question of what it has to do with jealousy. Nothing, 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:16.960 because that's envy and we've already cleared the air between 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:19.240 what's envy and what's jealousy. I just thought it was 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:23.760 an interesting side it is. Can we talk about jealousy? Sure, Chuck, Uh. 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:26.320 There are there have been studies. It's kind of a 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:30.520 difficult thing to study, um, because you know, you want 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:32.880 to study if gender has an even to do with it, 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:35.199 if age has anything to do with it, if ethnicity 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:37.440 has any to do with it. And it's hard for 0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:39.640 like age, because you'd have to interview someone at the 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:43.000 age of fourteen as an adolescent, and then again in 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:46.800 their thirties and then their fifties, and that's sort of 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:48.920 a hard study to pull off. Yeah, the same person 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:50.880 you'd have to interview. One of the reasons why it's 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:54.160 so hard is because, well, it's a longitudinal study, but 0:09:54.200 --> 0:09:58.960 with jealousy specifically, it's so um contextual, culturally contextual that 0:09:59.080 --> 0:10:02.319 as the culture just expectations of what might make someone 0:10:02.440 --> 0:10:06.080 jealous change as well. Sure that was the reason at 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:09.840 least given in this in this um, in this article, 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:13.760 but other longitudinal studies have been carried out, and it 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:16.480 could considerably be carried out, but apparently no one's done 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:19.040 it on jealousy, right, Yeah, but there have been some 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:21.720 really cool studies just about different aspects of jealousy and 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:25.760 they have found some pretty cool water cooler things that 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:29.120 you can wow your buddies tomorrow. And the cubicles. Um. 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:33.480 Women they've always thought have showed jealousy a little more 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:36.800 than men do. And we'll get into the emotional and 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:41.120 sexual jealousy in a minute. But one study revealed that 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:44.640 women when they're jealous tend to aim their ire more 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:49.160 often at the rival, whereas the male will aim the 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:53.559 ire at their partner a fisher. Interesting, yeah, great example 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:59.520 of that's really great example, Um, what lies beneath fatal attraction? 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:02.040 Glenn posts yeah, although she kind of came after the 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:05.800 family wholesale energy. Yeah. And then there's always the lorrain 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:07.720 of Bobbitts who just fly in the face of that, 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:10.679 and and the woman who run who ran over her 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:14.800 husband in Texas member with her daughter in the car. Right. Yeah. 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:16.960 So I mean I'm gonna end up saying this, I 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:18.920 might as well say it. I think it's all very personal, 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:21.559 Like it's hard to do a sweeping study of jealousy 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:24.480 and say people say this and people do this because 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:27.520 everyone's different. Yeah, and this other um, this supplemental study 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:30.439 from two I think that you came up with kind 0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:33.480 of underscores that it supports that idea, Chuck. I think 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:37.040 jealousy is far more personal than it's been treated in 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:39.760 the past as well. Um, for the most part, it 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:43.440 was viewed as um, it was divided by gender, and 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:46.640 there are there are studies that support that that women 0:11:46.760 --> 0:11:49.400 tend to be more jealous than men, right. Uh. And 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:51.680 that's I guess you have to be very careful with 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:55.840 your wardening there, because it's really easy to uh skew 0:11:56.400 --> 0:11:59.200 that idea the wrong way. It doesn't mean that women 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:02.920 experience it's jealousy more than men. Necessarily. It just means 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:07.520 that women display jealous characteristics more than men according to 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:09.559 these studies. Well, yeah, and they say that one reason 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:11.719 might be that they're not more jealous, they just are 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:15.280 more open and honest with expressing that the men um. 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:17.240 Since you brought that study though, it is pretty interesting. 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:20.960 They there's long been the belief that, uh, men are 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.200 more upset about sexual infidelity, women are more upset about 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:27.559 emotional infidelity. Actually that is true, but they always thought 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:32.600 that it was evolutionary in its basis because men, ah, 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:35.080 and this is pretty interesting. There's no way to for 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:39.520 men to have proven that they're the father of a child, right, 0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:44.320 So men were always very like guarded about sexual behavior. Well, 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:47.360 they guard their mate because they my wife, my you know, 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:50.240 Tuktok is pregnant, and I don't know if it was 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:53.560 you know me, or if it was Ringo star over there. 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:57.640 Oh that's from caveman, and I don't know if Tuktok was. 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:01.960 But and women are more com admitted to raising a 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:05.160 family and having a partner, so like an emotional betrayal 0:13:05.280 --> 0:13:08.280 would be you know, more devastating to them. But the 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:12.200 scientist at a Penn State said, well, what about the 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:16.400 fact that there's men who are really upset about emotional 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:18.559 betrayal just like women are, Like, how do you explain that? 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:21.680 And they did some studies and they found that it's 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:26.400 not necessarily evolutionary and nature right, No, it's uh. What 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:29.120 they came up with was that it was much more 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:33.679 personal and specific. UM. Basically, what these two these two 0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:38.960 researchers hypothesized was that UM, men tend to be more 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:42.280 sexually jealous and women tend to be more emotionally jealous 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:45.960 or jealous over emotional betrayal and sexual betrayal. UM because 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:53.439 men are more likely to detach from personal relationships as 0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:57.520 a defense mechanism. That was their hypothesis, And they carried 0:13:57.559 --> 0:13:59.719 out the study and they found that their hypothesis was 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:06.280 really correct, that men who are detached from relationships, which 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:10.760 they theorize as a defense mechanism, are more likely to 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:13.760 report that they would be turned off or made jealous 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:18.160 by a sexual betrayal than an emotional betrayal. But what 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:19.880 they found and what I think they were trying to 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:25.400 point out, was that their their hypothesis explains the why 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:28.000 there's a population of men who are in securely committed 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:33.520 relationships who consistently report that an emotional betrayal is way 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:36.640 worse than a sexual betrayal. So it's they're saying, like, 0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:41.200 there are there there is a division of jealousy by gender. 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:43.760 But here's why it's not because you know, men can't 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:46.760 prove that that that's not their kid. That it's actually 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.440 much more personal than that. Did you know that? Men? 0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:52.720 One of the most common reactions that a man has 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:54.800 when they first find out that their wife is pregnant 0:14:55.440 --> 0:15:01.160 is whose is it? Even in committed like awesome marriages, 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:04.520 It's like a very common psychological reaction to think like 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:08.040 that can't be mine? What? Yeah, where did you read this? 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:12.720 I read it? That's it. I can't remember. Yeah, I 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:16.840 did so many sights I want to rag on right now. Alright, 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:19.880 chuck um Well quickly though about that study too. It 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:22.240 also points out that the person's history has a lot 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:24.880 to do with it, So right, it's a defense. Yeah, Like, 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:26.640 I'm not a jealous person at all, like I said, 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:28.280 and I have no trust issues, but if I had 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:30.280 been cheated on a bunch of times, I might sure, 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:33.040 and I throughout this podcast or I'm going to refer 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:37.560 to nameless friends of mine, And I do know this 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:41.560 one couple who the guy had a history of cheating 0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:43.840 and the girl had a history of cheating. They hooked up, 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:47.440 they got married, and they're both pretty jealous. Oh yeah, 0:15:47.440 --> 0:15:49.920 I mean it's and they've been mary happily married. It's 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:52.200 not like they're they're not a good couple, but they're 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:56.240 both just inherently jealous because they're both cheaters. Right. It's 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:59.080 kind of goes back to that, um judge not less 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:01.240 you be judged, or when you point a finger, there's 0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:04.840 three pointing back at you. The concept that actually encountered 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:10.680 the Yeah, the concept that if you have cheated, um, 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:13.760 you are aware that people can do that to other peopure. 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:17.360 And on the same coin, if you've been cheated on, 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:20.600 you're acutely aware that that can happen. And I think 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:22.760 both of those situations can lead to jealousy too. I 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:25.400 think that's what that past state study was was saying that, 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:29.240 like you said, it's much more personal than of evolutionary 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:33.800 origin divided along gender. Right, Um, so, Chuck, let's let's um. 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:37.200 There have been other studies too that are some are hokey, 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:41.440 some deserve rim shots, some deserve sad hombones UM. But 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:47.160 apparently some studies have focused on jealousy as an individual 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:52.840 um emotion, not necessarily needing another person that it um 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:57.040 is or it originates in the self right. And one 0:16:57.080 --> 0:17:00.320 of the things that they found was men who are 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:03.480 tall and women who are average height tend to be 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:07.920 less jealous than um men who are short or women 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:11.280 who are shorter or taller. And basically the point is 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:14.720 is that they know everybody wants them well. And I 0:17:14.760 --> 0:17:16.760 think beyond that, it goes back to what I was saying. 0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:19.000 I think the root of a lot of jealousy lies 0:17:19.080 --> 0:17:23.240 in the insecurities of a person. And you know, short 0:17:23.400 --> 0:17:27.680 guys are often insecure. Okay, So if jealousy is an 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:31.040 insecurity we're breaking new ground here, are we. Yeah, it 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:37.160 sounds like it, Okay, Jealousy is an insecurity insecurity based emotion, right, 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:39.960 I believe so, Yes, And what we're finding is that 0:17:40.080 --> 0:17:43.040 it can be It can originate from the self feelings 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:48.959 of insecurity based on appearance, um, height, attributes, what have you, 0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:53.560 or it can be inflicted by another person e g. 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:58.880 Cheating or being cheated on, or doing anything to break 0:17:58.880 --> 0:18:03.479 someone's trust right right, trust breaking dude, we get our 0:18:03.520 --> 0:18:08.320 pH ds today, Chuck, Yes, Uh, should we talk about 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:13.600 adolescent jealousy for a little bit, Yeah, adolescent jealousy, Josh 0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:17.439 is um kids are pretty jealous. Like, there's some of 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:20.040 the more jealous creatures on earth. If you sit around 0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:23.320 and watch kids, there's two types. There's one that is 0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:27.040 inherently wants to share a lot and it's very kind 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:29.359 and giving. And there's one that doesn't want to share. 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:31.879 They want what you've got, They want your Lincoln logs, 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:39.160 they want to break your toys. And uh. Kids often 0:18:39.200 --> 0:18:42.080 display this, and especially with siblings with sibling rivalry. But 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:45.440 they say rivalry whatever, and they say that's a really 0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:47.719 normal behavior though, and not to get too worked up 0:18:47.720 --> 0:18:49.600 about it as a parent, and to kind of stay 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:52.359 out of it unless you know it gets violent and 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:54.320 let them figure it out on their own. But that 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:57.159 that makes you wonder, like our kids more jealous or 0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:01.240 are they just more emotionally honest? Well, maybe have they? 0:19:01.280 --> 0:19:03.439 Have they not learned that you need to kind of 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:05.280 keep a lid on that kind of thing that or 0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:09.399 not emotionally mature. It depends on how you look at it. 0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:15.320 Jealous either way, is that right? Were you did you 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:21.200 happen to be extremely lonely or extremely insecure. I think 0:19:21.280 --> 0:19:25.760 I was insecure in my high school relationship and that 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:30.160 made me really jealous. Oh yeah, yeah, okay, so check 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:33.199 that that's actually kind of normal to experience jealousy as 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:36.639 far as friendship, jealousy is an adolescent according to a 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:39.359 study that was produced in uh, well, not produced but 0:19:39.440 --> 0:19:44.119 published instead in developmental psychology, right, and I basically found 0:19:44.119 --> 0:19:48.800 that kids who are insecure or lonely, or experience insecurity 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:53.840 or extreme loneliness tend to um be jealous of friendships. Right, 0:19:53.880 --> 0:19:56.240 So when they get into a friendship, they are jealous 0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:58.960 of their friends friends to the point where it can 0:19:59.600 --> 0:20:03.639 erupt and physical aggressiveness or passive aggressiveness where they're, you know, 0:20:03.760 --> 0:20:06.800 ignoring their friend and their friend has no idea. Why. Yeah, 0:20:06.840 --> 0:20:10.679 that's basically another way to put it. It's high school. Yeah, 0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:14.000 like you know, and I was. I sort of became 0:20:14.040 --> 0:20:16.320 friends with a popular crowd in about the tenth grade, 0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:19.679 and I never remember being jealous because I was just 0:20:19.760 --> 0:20:24.159 so excited to be in the cool club. So I 0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:26.280 was never jealous. I was just like, yeah, I like everybody, 0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:29.119 and everybody likes me, and it's all great, but it 0:20:29.200 --> 0:20:31.920 was the girlfriend that I was jealous of, but I 0:20:31.960 --> 0:20:34.040 had reason to be. I think I think it's pretty 0:20:34.080 --> 0:20:36.800 normal too. I think high school is how do you? 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:38.760 How do you ever make it through there? Don't know. 0:20:39.200 --> 0:20:41.840 I always feel so bad for kids that like take 0:20:41.880 --> 0:20:44.720 their own lives in high school because it's just like 0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:48.679 just just hung on a couple more years, you know, 0:20:48.920 --> 0:20:52.199 gets so much better. Believe me, Yeah, we can message 0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:53.800 that out to our high school friends. If you're lonely 0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:57.320 and depressed out there on so much better. High school 0:20:57.359 --> 0:21:00.720 is really the anyone who who's high school was the 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:03.800 high point of their lives, they are the sad people 0:21:03.960 --> 0:21:10.320 in your past eventually exactly. Um so chuck uh. The 0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:14.399 that study I was talking about in developmental psychology, it 0:21:14.480 --> 0:21:18.520 was pretty comprehensive. They interviewed ninth graders and asked them 0:21:18.760 --> 0:21:23.919 about hypothetical situations and found, um, it was reinforced that 0:21:24.000 --> 0:21:27.640 girls tend to be more jealous than guys. Um, which 0:21:27.680 --> 0:21:29.600 is something that I think psychology is having a lot 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:33.240 of trouble like addressing because it's just such a m 0:21:34.280 --> 0:21:37.960 It's a misogynist finding girls are jealous. It's so cliche. 0:21:38.040 --> 0:21:42.040 It's so the other word I'm trying to think of. Um, 0:21:42.080 --> 0:21:48.000 but it apparently is this open secret in psychological research 0:21:48.000 --> 0:21:51.760 into jealousy, right, or again, like you're saying, or are 0:21:52.080 --> 0:22:01.119 girls more emotionally Uh, what's the word? Um? Honest? Expressive? Honest? Yeah, 0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:04.400 but when it comes down to a study, there's no distinction. Yeah, 0:22:04.600 --> 0:22:06.960 that's true. I mean it's open displays of jealousy that 0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:10.280 you're looking for, or at least honesty in whether or 0:22:10.320 --> 0:22:13.040 not you'd be on jealous right. And I could see 0:22:13.040 --> 0:22:14.919 a lot of high school boys not being in a 0:22:14.960 --> 0:22:17.400 study like this, not wanting a cop to it. Yeah 0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:21.280 for sure. Yeah, Um, you're talking about types of jealousy. 0:22:21.400 --> 0:22:28.000 Adolescent jealousy is racked with sibling rivalry, right. Um, that's 0:22:28.080 --> 0:22:33.359 just I was second fiddle to my um middle sister, 0:22:33.920 --> 0:22:36.240 like my whole Still to this day, I'm like the 0:22:36.280 --> 0:22:38.560 baby of the family. I'm like, oh, you know, I'm 0:22:38.840 --> 0:22:41.199 going to be on TV next week and everybody's just 0:22:41.280 --> 0:22:45.840 like whatever, So, Mandy, how are the kids? Uh you 0:22:45.840 --> 0:22:50.640 know about my my handsomer, thinner, smarter, older brother. Yeah, 0:22:50.640 --> 0:22:54.240 he and I correspond pretty regularly these days. He guys 0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:57.040 writing each other, does that make you jealous? Does uh? 0:22:57.080 --> 0:23:00.439 He he is was always better than at me school 0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:03.480 and you know, better looking, and like I said, he's 0:23:03.480 --> 0:23:05.840 in better shape. But we were I was never jealous 0:23:05.840 --> 0:23:07.919 of him because my parents were always really good about 0:23:08.000 --> 0:23:11.000 just they didn't you know, Scott was good at this 0:23:11.119 --> 0:23:14.239 and you're you're good in other areas, and they were 0:23:14.280 --> 0:23:16.679 good about building me up, and you're good at growing 0:23:16.680 --> 0:23:19.760 facial hair. Yeah, exactly, Well, actually that is where I 0:23:19.800 --> 0:23:22.439 beat him. Yeah, he's he's a little he's he can 0:23:22.480 --> 0:23:24.919 grow a little goatee and a little stash, but he 0:23:24.960 --> 0:23:27.800 struggles in the facial hair department. Good. Maybe he's jealous 0:23:27.800 --> 0:23:29.800 of my facial I bet he is. He would never 0:23:29.840 --> 0:23:32.040 admit a chuck, but he is okay take it from me, 0:23:32.160 --> 0:23:34.199 and he never rubbed it into That can make you jealous, 0:23:34.200 --> 0:23:35.920 I guess if he stuffs it in your face. But 0:23:36.520 --> 0:23:38.760 we just always got along really great. Yeah. And you 0:23:38.800 --> 0:23:42.760 were saying did your parents stay out of it? Um? Yeah, 0:23:42.800 --> 0:23:45.000 I mean they stayed out of fights when we had him, 0:23:45.040 --> 0:23:48.480 and they definitely didn't say, Well, look at Scott's report 0:23:48.520 --> 0:23:51.760 card compared to yours. He got a's and you've got bees. Yeah, Well, 0:23:51.760 --> 0:23:55.600 who does that unless you're like a sadistic out there, 0:23:55.840 --> 0:24:00.280 that's crazy. Um. Yeah, my parents stayed out of mine 0:24:00.280 --> 0:24:05.280 and my sister's relationship to UM, And apparently that's the right, 0:24:05.600 --> 0:24:09.560 that's the that's the way to UM single handedly pretty much, 0:24:10.400 --> 0:24:13.760