WEBVTT - Miscarriages: You Are Not Alone w/ Amy Mass & Jackie Seiden 0:00:06.240 --> 0:00:11.400 Hi everybody, and welcome back to Katie's crib. In this episode, 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:13.320 I want to give you guys a visual. But I 0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:15.319 am sitting here with two very good friends of mine, 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:18.000 Jackie Sidon and Amy Mass, and we are sitting here 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:21.720 with a bottle of solve Blanc. Yeah, Amy Mass, bottle, 0:00:21.760 --> 0:00:27.440 bottle of solve blanc. Because today's episode is about miscarriages. Um. 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:31.120 This is a very painful, triggering topic. But again, like 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:34.720 so many triggering and painful topics in motherhood, they really 0:00:34.800 --> 0:00:38.879 really need to be talked about. UM. A lot of 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:41.440 women have had them. Just like to run some statistics 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:45.839 by you guys, like ten pregnancies end in miscarriage, So 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:51.160 that's like practically one in four, one in five, eight 0:00:51.159 --> 0:00:53.600 out of ten miscarriages happened in the first three months. 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:57.320 And a miscarriage is when an embryo or fetus dies 0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:04.480 before the twenty week of Pray Nancy. UM. So I 0:01:04.520 --> 0:01:06.440 want to introduce you to my friends and we are 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:09.280 having this glass of wine and we are going to 0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:12.520 talk about this topic and wine is hopefully going to 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:17.199 help us really just get into um these experiences, because 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:19.479 like I said, these numbers are staggered. I mean they're 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:23.880 they're large. It's not it's crazy that we're talking about 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:27.000 something that happens in one out of four or five pregnancies, 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:31.199 and yet before it happened to me because yes, guys, 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:36.119 I too had a miscarriage. Um, I hadn't talked about it. Yeah, 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:38.920 did you guys have the same experience? And then everyone 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:42.360 you tell says, oh, I did too. My mother, for example, Yes, 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:44.400 she said I had a miscarriage and you didn't know 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:49.280 she did? Know? What? Wow? Yeah? Same with my mother 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:51.240 in law came out and said I had a miscarriage 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:53.680 in one of the first and very something that really 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:55.760 made me feel better about having one was she said 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:58.120 I had one before I had your husband, and I 0:01:58.160 --> 0:01:59.960 wouldn't have had your husband had I not had one. 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:03.320 UM So that made me feel better for maybe like 0:02:03.360 --> 0:02:07.880 five minutes. But um so, first and foremost, Amy Mass 0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:10.800 and Jackie Sidon, You guys, these are another two moms 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:15.640 are very close to me, um and in my village. Um, 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:18.000 do you guys prefer to when you're talking about your 0:02:18.000 --> 0:02:22.160 experiences the terminology used miscarriage, pregnancy loss, something else. I 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:24.240 just say miscarriage. I do too, but I have no 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:27.720 preference I say miscarriage too. I guess so. Yeah, I 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:30.720 think that's that's what we're going to use today's crab. 0:02:30.720 --> 0:02:32.799 We're calling it miscarriage. I wonder if it's because it's 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:37.440 more medical. It's almost easier to digest miscarriages. What was 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:41.239 the other one, pregnancy loss? Yeah, I don't know, I've 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:46.680 said miscarriage. Um, so Amy Mass when you had um 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:50.000 your miscarriage. Now you have had talk us through your 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:53.640 experience with miscarriage personally. Sure, we'll drink up that wine. 0:02:53.800 --> 0:02:55.640 And I like that you asked the common writer to 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:59.919 come talk about the hilarious subject miscarriages. That's why you're 0:03:00.000 --> 0:03:06.359 at that we might be a little inappropriate, just humor. 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:10.119 Humor has really proven multiple times to be a very 0:03:10.160 --> 0:03:12.960 helpful tool. Best medicine is the only way. Yes, And 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:15.919 there were definitely some, even though obviously very sad moments, 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:20.240 there were some really funny moments. Um. Yeah, So my experiences, UM, 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:22.840 I had three, but I guess one was not considered 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:25.240 a miscarriage because it was after twenty weeks. But the 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:30.600 first two are called missed miscarriages, which means that when 0:03:30.639 --> 0:03:33.400 I went to the doctor around one was that eight 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:36.560 weeks when was at ten UM there was no heartbeat, 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:39.840 So I didn't actually go through a miscarriage where I 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:42.360 was bleeding and had, you know, it was going through 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:44.480 the pain of it at that time. I found out 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:47.000 from the doctor I had the same thing. So wait, 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:52.960 what did I didcarried? No? But you didn't have Oh 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:56.280 she told you you had no heartbeat also, and then 0:03:56.440 --> 0:03:59.720 you we never got to that point. Well yes, so Arson, Yeah, 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.119 I think that's might be different than I think you'd 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:05.160 like a real miss carriage. So well, so what this 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:07.880 was is that the doctor says, okay, there's no heartbeat, 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:11.120 and you're like shocks. You're like, oh, okay, great, now 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:15.040 what now what? And the first time I took UM, 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:17.080 the doctor told me to take this pill at home 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:20.240 psytotech or misappropriate, I don't forget the name of the 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:24.039 actual drug. But and that induced it, like that makes 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:27.080 you have a miscarriage at home, and it's just like 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:30.280 the heaviest period of your life. That was honestly the worst. 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:33.719 That was worse than child's birth for me, because it 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:40.000 causes cramping, like you're going through birth of something very small, right, 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:44.080 and I'm learning, you know, and it's just it's and 0:04:44.120 --> 0:04:46.640 it's also condensed into a shorter period of time, so 0:04:46.680 --> 0:04:49.880 it's like a few hours that are just horrible. It's 0:04:49.920 --> 0:04:51.840 not like you're having a baby at the end of it, 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:57.800 you know, um, and you were actively trying to conceive 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:02.080 right and then take us through So wait, what is 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:05.159 that term? Not miscarriage. It's called well, it's a missed miscarriage. 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:09.000 And then there's other terms miscarriage, meaning that maybe if 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:10.760 I had waited a few more weeks, it would have 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:12.920 happened on its own, like in the olden days. I 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:15.560 always think about that with my so weird, I always 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:17.919 think about that. I don't, but like I when I 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:20.000 was going through my miscarriage, I always thought about because 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:22.880 I had to have a d n C um, which 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:26.840 so you guys know, Um, a d n C is 0:05:26.920 --> 0:05:31.280 a medical treatment. A d NC stands for dilation and 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:35.080 curetage if I'm pronouncing that correctly, which is a procedure 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:38.360 to remove any remaining tissue from the uterus and um, 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:40.839 you get you can be put under or you can 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:44.479 be awakened. It can be local anesthesia. I think also, um, 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.520 that's what I had from my second one. You had 0:05:46.560 --> 0:05:48.440 a d n C, but where you awake or asleep. 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:51.080 They gave me like fun pills where I was kind 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:55.680 of like loopy, yeah nice, Yeah, Yeah, I had fun 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:57.520 pills and I was lupy as hell. And then they 0:05:57.520 --> 0:06:01.920 put me under UM and it removes the The DNC 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:05.880 removes all the tissue UM and after you know, you're 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:07.960 in and out same day. It takes like thirty minutes 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:11.039 and then you're given like essentially like heavy ibprofen or 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:15.320 something for the pain. UM. So your second miscarriage, you 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:16.839 had to have a d NC. Yes, And I will 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:19.680 say if anyone, I hope no one listening has to 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:21.640 go through this, but if you are any of the 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:24.640 option of taking the pill at home organ the d 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:27.120 n C, just get the d NC. Yeah, that's how 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:29.680 it's so much easier. You just go in, you take 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:34.120 the medicine. It's painless. I mean, I can't pay me experience, 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:36.120 Like I was super scared when they I had a 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:39.440 very similar experience to you where I went to my 0:06:40.480 --> 0:06:42.840 I think the it was I was about eleven and 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:44.120 a half weeks. I was a couple of days away 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:46.840 from telling everybody that I was pregnant UM, which, by 0:06:46.839 --> 0:06:48.440 the way, when I got pregnant with ALBEI. I waited 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:50.920 way longer than twelve weeks till anyone because I kind 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:56.039 of had PTSD. This was a miscarriage and um I 0:06:56.760 --> 0:07:00.120 uh went to a routine doctor's visit to here or 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:02.440 the heartbeat, and she was like, oh my god, I'm 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:04.560 so sorry, but there is none and in came the 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:08.919 tissues and um. But but it was over a holiday 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:10.600 weekend and she was like, we can't do the d 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:12.360 n C for a few days. And I just had 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:14.160 like this real like oh no, no, I need to 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:16.280 get in there like tomorrow. That was my response. I 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:17.840 was like, get it out, like I don't want to 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:23.720 walk around anymore knowing that there is like a dead 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:26.240 inside those days. I mean, what was that like for 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:29.240 you waiting and then driving to go get the d 0:07:29.320 --> 0:07:32.240 n C. What's going through your head? How are you processing? 0:07:32.240 --> 0:07:34.080 Oh my gosh, what do you What did you feel 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:37.640 amy like when you for the second one? Well, so 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:40.840 you would say d n C over the pill for well, 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:43.720 for me the hardest, you know, obviously my throne I 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:47.040 actually do wait over two weeks, take us through your 0:07:47.080 --> 0:07:49.560 third and then we're going to get to Jackie's experience. Well, 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:53.119 so the third, you know, was obviously the hardest because 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:58.920 we were we got to twenty six weeks over six, 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:02.560 so I was going, everyone knew us pregnant, we had 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:05.640 that gender reveal party, we had names, you know, a 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:10.040 one of us were there. Um. So what happened with 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:12.720 that one was everything was normal and going great. The 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:15.640 first two, you know, we're chromosomal, which is very common. 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:18.400 That's what the most common you know, reason for a 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:21.080 miscarriage and there's nothing you can do about it happens, 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:24.600 you know, at conception. So this one, though, you know, 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:27.960 everything's going great. We're going for our second trimester. You 0:08:27.960 --> 0:08:31.240 know that big three D scan you do, yes, And 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:33.760 I think it was around twenty four weeks. We waited 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:35.319 because Jared was out of town, so it was a 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:37.800 little bit later, and they went and they said that 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:41.640 there was like no amniotic fluid. And at the time 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:43.960 it didn't really dawn on me. I'm like, oh, that 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:46.920 sounds bad, but it didn't seem like, oh, this is 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:50.920 they need that for survival. So amniac fluid is the 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:53.720 liquid that the baby's swimming in and your uterus and 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:57.560 eating and all that stuff. So without it baby's lungs 0:08:57.600 --> 0:09:02.120 can't develop, so if it happens, it is there. It 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:04.840 can be a common in your third trimester to have 0:09:04.960 --> 0:09:08.440 lower ematic fluid and usually it's okay, but but they 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:11.440 monitor it closely and if they need to induce your 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:13.520 labor or have a C section, they're like watching you. 0:09:13.559 --> 0:09:15.960 If amniotic fluids an issue, put you on bed rest 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:19.040 or But because it was still early in my pregnancy, 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:23.080 it's not good. So I went home. Basically, they told 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:26.280 me they don't think it's going to be a viable pregnancy, 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:28.120 but the baby sort of heartbeat, could still feel her 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:31.640 moving around, so they were like, well, and I was. 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:34.839 They were like, well, you could just we can give 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:37.439 you something to stop the heartbeat and then we can 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:41.360 do the surgery. And I just like, even though mentally, 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:44.080 like I knew it wasn't gonna be viable, I couldn't 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:47.160 just give up on her way. So they're giving you 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:50.000 the option. The doctors are literally saying, this pregnancy is 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:52.800 not going to go any further, and here's a pill 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:57.120 that you can end her whatever if you may or 0:09:57.120 --> 0:09:59.000 may not believe she has I think it was an 0:09:59.000 --> 0:10:01.520 injection or something, but yeah, like right before the surgery. 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:04.319 So I said, you know what, I'm gonna wait. So 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:07.920 even though I knew it her heart would probably stop 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:09.840 eventually its own, I just chose to wait. So that's 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:13.360 why for two weeks I waited. So that was the 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:17.480 hardest part. Um, How did you sleep? And I mean 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:20.760 it was it was a rough couple of weeks, um, 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:23.080 But you know, and then is the procedure to have 0:10:23.160 --> 0:10:25.040 it removed a d n C. That's a d n E. 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:29.240 So the dilation and evacuation I think it's called UM 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:35.080 And that was actually a real weird procedure. So and 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.240 again this might be I'm getting a little feminist here, 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:41.040 but go for it. So what I learned is that 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:44.840 because it was basically the d n E, which is 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:48.920 the surgical procedure, is considered an abortion. And because it 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:53.600 was late in my pregnancy, abortion a second trimester abortion. Essentially, 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:56.080 even though the baby's heart had stopped at this point, 0:10:56.679 --> 0:11:01.000 UM insurance was an issue. So I could have gone 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:04.360 to the hospital and delivered my dead baby for free 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:07.000 at the maternity ward, you know where they play the 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:09.840 chimes whenever a baby is born. Could have done that, 0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:12.720 or I could go to a place where I could 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:15.240 get the surgery and I could be put under and 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:17.640 I could, you know, not have to deal with all 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:20.720 the pain physically. And I had to pay ten grand 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:26.920 out of pocket to not have a baby. So but 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:31.480 the procedure was actually pretty painless physically. So like women 0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:34.120 who don't have that kind of money obviously, like that 0:11:34.240 --> 0:11:38.760 is to give birth to a dead baby. Yeah, and 0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:40.840 some women, Look, some women actually choose to do that 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:45.800 because seeing the baby helps them move on. I personally 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:47.800 am not that kind of person. I didn't want to 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:49.800 see anything. I had the very same reaction you went 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:53.200 at when it was like the fetus was no longer viable. 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:57.079 I was like, when I need to make an appointment now, 0:11:57.320 --> 0:12:00.480 like I need to in order to move on with 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:03.000 my life. I don't taken care of but I do 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:04.480 have to say, like, and we'll get into this. The 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:08.080 grieving process was long, and I can't even imagine how 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:11.000 long it was for you, Amy either. Jackie tell us 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:18.439 about um your miscarriage. Mine was this was my first pregnancy, 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:21.599 which was the same with you. Was my first pregnancy. 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:24.120 I found out it was pregnant. People, weren't you not 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:26.280 to tell people that you're pregnant? But of course you 0:12:26.400 --> 0:12:29.520 just never think that's going to happen. I don't know, 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:31.280 it just doesn't occur to you. You just think I'm 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:33.720 pregnant becausehen you're sixteen. Everyone's like, when you get pregnant, 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:37.040 you have a baby, So I'm gonna have a baby. 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:38.880 So of course I'm like, oh, well, we can't say anything. 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:41.920 We tell everyone, you know, we do the thing, we 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:45.079 reveal it to our parents on FaceTime, and I can't 0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:50.280 as well. I videotaped all my family's responses to me 0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:53.040 being pregnant, and then I won all of them and 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:57.800 say I'm not. I made fake fortune cookies and had 0:12:57.800 --> 0:12:59.400 my parents open them up, and it said You're going 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:01.240 to be a grand this is what I'm saying. So 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:03.160 we said all the next one. I didn't do anything 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:05.839 neither exactly because you learned. Yeah, we were like, I'm 0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:08.000 not doing anything. Meanwhile, your story I couldn't remember this 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:10.280 morning if it was your story or my story about me. 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:12.839 You're going to be grand like the ones that that 0:13:12.920 --> 0:13:18.439 said grandparents. You did something videos of like we recorded 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:22.760 my family finding out, like my parents and Adam's family 0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:26.520 and my brother and my best friend girls that we whatever. 0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:33.080 So we told everybody and drink and exactly and then, um, 0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:36.760 I will say for me, what happened was I had 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:39.600 a flash that was going to happen before it happened. Um, 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:42.520 because you think, because yeah, you guys, by the way, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.480 I'm told psychic book, should I tell everyone that how 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:47.360 I found out I was pregnant the second time? By 0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:49.000 the way, a psychic told me in my dream, your 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:51.240 baby girl has arrived. So I am psychic, So thank 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:54.720 you very much. But you don't remember that story. Just 0:13:54.760 --> 0:14:00.680 the woe is it's the audience. Yes, the stories better slower, 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:04.160 but anyho, Um, I had a flash. I went to 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:07.600 the bathroom and I just had a flash and basically 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:10.440 I knew and I and I looked at it was 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:12.840 my situation. Was a crime scene in the toilet bowl, 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:18.240 just an old fashioned crime scene. And no, it's They're 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:21.200 all terrible. I will say, I will never forget that 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:25.480 image I I saw and I didn't see it, and 0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:27.600 I think I saw the thing like I saw it. 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:32.880 I saw everything, and then um, then the breakdown and 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:41.120 then the pain started because your body, No, that was 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:44.120 what was very strange. But I was after like on 0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:47.520 the floor with your face on the cold, tiled sort 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:51.000 of cramping. Um. For as long as it took, I 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:53.000 just laid on the floor. I remember when you called 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:55.560 me and you said, um, well, I guess I'm in 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:59.040 the club now. And I said what happened? And she 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:01.960 was like I because I had been through my miscarriage already, 0:15:01.960 --> 0:15:04.880 and you were like, well, I've also now had a miscarriage. 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:09.200 And I was like, yeah, like looking are It's exactly so. 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:13.760 In our group of moms from mom class, there's twelve 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:18.160 of us or something ten eleven us and three of 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:20.840 us have been miscarriages. So that's the numbers about right, 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:25.080 Like that's not so. Again, this needs to be talked 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:28.760 about more openly, more freely, because it's I went to therapy. 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.920 I told my therapist and I said, you know, you 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:34.120 can throw a rock and hit someone who's had a miscarriage. 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:36.480 And she raised her hand in our session and I 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:40.160 was like, of course, we've all we've all gone through this. Yeah, 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:43.720 it's like the unspoken about, which is sad. It's sad 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:47.360 we don't talk about it more. What let's talk about 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:49.560 Let's talk about the physical toll, and then we'll talk 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:53.960 about the mental toll. But Amy you, I know, had 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:56.800 a real physical toll with the last miscarriage because it 0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:59.680 was so late in the game. Like you, I think 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:02.480 you are already you were had already gained pregnancy weight, 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:05.600 you or your boobs were sizes up. I mean it 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:07.600 was like we bought gifts, and yeah, we bought gifts. 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.440 So I had to cancel my baby show. I remember that. 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:12.840 Do you remember that email my sister to send out. 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:15.160 By the way, I will say, if anyone had sent 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:17.160 me a flower anything, I probably would have punched them 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:18.600 in the face. So I would just say I got 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:22.720 sent a lot of cookies, and I enjoyed that. I 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:26.720 called a woman who had a lot of miscarriages and 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:28.440 she knew I was going in that day for my 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:30.320 d n C. And when I came home, there was 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.640 like a jug of milk and like a thousand cookies 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:37.160 and I ate them all and then I ate sushi. Um, 0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:38.840 the things you're not allegedly got drunk and then I 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:44.080 got wasted. Um. So were you in physical pain after 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:49.320 your d n E. Well, the worst part was the 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:52.200 worst pain of the entire thing was that my milk 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:56.080 came in so ween your breasts. Yeah, and you're not 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:59.200 feeding and you're not trying to relieve that. You know now, 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:01.000 I know now, we all know that. And gorged feeling 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:03.840 it hurts so bad, right like when your milk first 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:08.320 cod of it right now, um, And so yeah, you 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:10.720 don't want it the milk to come out, so I would. 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:12.280 It took like almost a week and I had to 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:17.880 lay there with like cabbage leaves and cold like after this, 0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:22.480 after this, it called a miscarriage. Um. At that point 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:24.720 it's called I forget what it's called, but it's not 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:30.960 a miscarriage. I'd say something um um. And Jackie, you 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:33.680 obviously said you were in super physical thing afterwards it 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:35.480 Once it was done, it was done though, it was 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:37.840 just a couple of hours, and then I was done. 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:41.600 I felt no physical pain, like I said. The d 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:46.240 n C. I remember they gave me whatever like fenton 0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:48.399 al or something, but they gave me that. And I 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:52.760 remember being wheeled into the surgery room completely fucked up 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:55.480 out of my mind, and I remember saying, oh my god, 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:57.959 this looks like a Gray's anatomy set. And then I 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:02.480 also remember saying, I feel so good and so buzzed 0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:04.200 right now. And I have been buzzed in three months 0:18:04.200 --> 0:18:06.000 because I was had almost been pregnant for three months, 0:18:06.000 --> 0:18:07.280 and I was like, if you got any more of 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:10.440 what you're given, give me more. And then I remember 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:15.719 my ob just like holding my hand and like petting 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:18.520 my hand and saying, you're it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:19.920 And then I like went to sleep and I woke 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:24.119 up and the baby was gone, and for me, the 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:27.240 real and I wasn't in pain afterwards, but the real 0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:33.960 pain was mental and it was shitty and so much 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:38.480 shittier than I imagined at being um, I'm such a like. 0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:40.639 I think the initial feeling when I found out there 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:43.720 was no heartbeat from the doctor in a routine checkup 0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:47.120 was like, okay, let's like Olivia Pope, the situation, Let's 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:49.800 fix it. Let's make the schedule, let's get to the hospital, 0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:52.880 let's get the d let's get that done. When when 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:56.080 can I start trying again? Like and then as soon 0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:57.679 as it sort of said in that I had had 0:18:57.680 --> 0:19:01.600 a miscarriage, what happens is you have a major hormonal 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:07.439 drop off. And I think I was massively sad for 0:19:07.480 --> 0:19:10.520 about three months and I was only pregnant for three months, 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:14.560 so I can't imagine Amy what you felt or Jackie 0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:17.439 what you felt actually seeing something, which is an image 0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:21.239 you can't ever forget. UM. But I had to go 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:25.280 through I went through a lot of therapy UM a lot. 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:28.400 And also what's crazy about a miscarriage that you don't 0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:30.120 know is that it takes you a really long time 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:33.000 to get your period back UM and to get back 0:19:33.040 --> 0:19:35.439 on a regular cycle. So if you're a woman like 0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:39.560 I am, who is greatly affected by her cycle, like 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:42.119 I have, I've been fortunate enough to be kind of 0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:45.280 regular my whole life and come to except my period. Well, 0:19:45.320 --> 0:19:46.960 I didn't get a period for three months after I 0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:49.880 had my miscarriage, and so I felt like an insane 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:54.199 person because my body was really messed up and my 0:19:54.320 --> 0:19:57.399 hormones were really recovering and messed up in my what 0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:00.199 I've come to learn, my uterine wall was rebuilding from 0:20:00.200 --> 0:20:01.600 the d n C and things like that. And you 0:20:01.680 --> 0:20:06.600 also can't really start to try to conceive. Some doctors 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:09.199 would recommend until you've had a period because it's a 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:11.600 sign that your cycles back and the egg is dropping 0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:13.760 and you might actually have a chance of getting pregnant again. 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:15.600 So it's not like I could jump back in the 0:20:15.640 --> 0:20:20.600 saddle and try to start fixing the problem. So for 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:22.400 three months I had to sit there and not get 0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:25.840 my period and feel, you know, like, yeah, I have 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:29.320 that extra five seven pounds on. I was sad, but 0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:31.960 I really just felt kind of crazy, like I was 0:20:32.040 --> 0:20:36.560 having disproportionate responses to conflict, Like little things would come 0:20:36.600 --> 0:20:38.280 up and I would be shot out of a canon, 0:20:38.400 --> 0:20:41.280 like totally insane and not acting like myself. Did you 0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:43.640 find that jacking the hormone and balance is a real thing, 0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:46.720 not something you would even think about it's going to happen. 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:48.199 But of course, and I went through that with you. 0:20:48.280 --> 0:20:51.879 I remember, I remember, and I remember you having going 0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:55.439 through that. It made did you? I mean I actually 0:20:55.440 --> 0:20:57.440 had to go back on birth control to help me 0:20:57.640 --> 0:21:00.600 get regular because I feel like a crazy person, Like 0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:03.240 you said, I just the hormones are so coct Like 0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:04.960 that's the thing, like if one in four or five 0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:07.119 pregnancies are ending in miscarriage and women are just like 0:21:09.600 --> 0:21:12.119 needing help, like whether that's to know to go on 0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:14.080 birth control, or whether that's to speak to a therapist 0:21:14.200 --> 0:21:17.040 or to have a friend to talk to. Like imagine 0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:19.359 you don't know you go back to your nine you 0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:22.520 or you have another kid you're looking after, Like I 0:21:22.560 --> 0:21:24.760 have a friend who had a baby, has three kids 0:21:24.760 --> 0:21:26.760 and had a miscarriage in between every single one. So 0:21:26.840 --> 0:21:30.399 like baby miscarriage, baby miscarriage, baby miscarriage. So this can 0:21:30.480 --> 0:21:33.040