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Speaker 1: Hi everybody, and welcome back to Katie's crib. In this episode,

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Speaker 1: I want to give you guys a visual. But I

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Speaker 1: am sitting here with two very good friends of mine,

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Speaker 1: Jackie Sidon and Amy Mass, and we are sitting here

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Speaker 1: with a bottle of solve Blanc. Yeah, Amy Mass, bottle,

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Speaker 1: bottle of solve blanc. Because today's episode is about miscarriages. Um.

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Speaker 1: This is a very painful, triggering topic. But again, like

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Speaker 1: so many triggering and painful topics in motherhood, they really

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Speaker 1: really need to be talked about. UM. A lot of

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Speaker 1: women have had them. Just like to run some statistics

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Speaker 1: by you guys, like ten pregnancies end in miscarriage, So

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Speaker 1: that's like practically one in four, one in five, eight

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Speaker 1: out of ten miscarriages happened in the first three months.

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Speaker 1: And a miscarriage is when an embryo or fetus dies

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Speaker 1: before the twenty week of Pray Nancy. UM. So I

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Speaker 1: want to introduce you to my friends and we are

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Speaker 1: having this glass of wine and we are going to

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Speaker 1: talk about this topic and wine is hopefully going to

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Speaker 1: help us really just get into um these experiences, because

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Speaker 1: like I said, these numbers are staggered. I mean they're

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Speaker 1: they're large. It's not it's crazy that we're talking about

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Speaker 1: something that happens in one out of four or five pregnancies,

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Speaker 1: and yet before it happened to me because yes, guys,

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Speaker 1: I too had a miscarriage. Um, I hadn't talked about it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: did you guys have the same experience? And then everyone

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Speaker 1: you tell says, oh, I did too. My mother, for example, Yes,

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Speaker 1: she said I had a miscarriage and you didn't know

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Speaker 1: she did? Know? What? Wow? Yeah? Same with my mother

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Speaker 1: in law came out and said I had a miscarriage

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Speaker 1: in one of the first and very something that really

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Speaker 1: made me feel better about having one was she said

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Speaker 1: I had one before I had your husband, and I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have had your husband had I not had one.

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Speaker 1: UM So that made me feel better for maybe like

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Speaker 1: five minutes. But um so, first and foremost, Amy Mass

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Speaker 1: and Jackie Sidon, You guys, these are another two moms

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Speaker 1: are very close to me, um and in my village. Um,

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Speaker 1: do you guys prefer to when you're talking about your

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Speaker 1: experiences the terminology used miscarriage, pregnancy loss, something else. I

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Speaker 1: just say miscarriage. I do too, but I have no

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Speaker 1: preference I say miscarriage too. I guess so. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think that's that's what we're going to use today's crab.

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Speaker 1: We're calling it miscarriage. I wonder if it's because it's

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Speaker 1: more medical. It's almost easier to digest miscarriages. What was

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Speaker 1: the other one, pregnancy loss? Yeah, I don't know, I've

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Speaker 1: said miscarriage. Um, so Amy Mass when you had um

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Speaker 1: your miscarriage. Now you have had talk us through your

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Speaker 1: experience with miscarriage personally. Sure, we'll drink up that wine.

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Speaker 1: And I like that you asked the common writer to

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Speaker 1: come talk about the hilarious subject miscarriages. That's why you're

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Speaker 1: at that we might be a little inappropriate, just humor.

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Speaker 1: Humor has really proven multiple times to be a very

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Speaker 1: helpful tool. Best medicine is the only way. Yes, And

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Speaker 1: there were definitely some, even though obviously very sad moments,

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Speaker 1: there were some really funny moments. Um. Yeah, So my experiences, UM,

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Speaker 1: I had three, but I guess one was not considered

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Speaker 1: a miscarriage because it was after twenty weeks. But the

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Speaker 1: first two are called missed miscarriages, which means that when

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Speaker 1: I went to the doctor around one was that eight

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Speaker 1: weeks when was at ten UM there was no heartbeat,

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Speaker 1: So I didn't actually go through a miscarriage where I

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Speaker 1: was bleeding and had, you know, it was going through

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Speaker 1: the pain of it at that time. I found out

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Speaker 1: from the doctor I had the same thing. So wait,

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Speaker 1: what did I didcarried? No? But you didn't have Oh

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Speaker 1: she told you you had no heartbeat also, and then

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Speaker 1: you we never got to that point. Well yes, so Arson, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think that's might be different than I think you'd

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Speaker 1: like a real miss carriage. So well, so what this

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Speaker 1: was is that the doctor says, okay, there's no heartbeat,

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Speaker 1: and you're like shocks. You're like, oh, okay, great, now

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Speaker 1: what now what? And the first time I took UM,

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Speaker 1: the doctor told me to take this pill at home

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Speaker 1: psytotech or misappropriate, I don't forget the name of the

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Speaker 1: actual drug. But and that induced it, like that makes

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Speaker 1: you have a miscarriage at home, and it's just like

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Speaker 1: the heaviest period of your life. That was honestly the worst.

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Speaker 1: That was worse than child's birth for me, because it

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Speaker 1: causes cramping, like you're going through birth of something very small, right,

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Speaker 1: and I'm learning, you know, and it's just it's and

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Speaker 1: it's also condensed into a shorter period of time, so

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Speaker 1: it's like a few hours that are just horrible. It's

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Speaker 1: not like you're having a baby at the end of it,

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Speaker 1: you know, um, and you were actively trying to conceive

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Speaker 1: right and then take us through So wait, what is

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Speaker 1: that term? Not miscarriage. It's called well, it's a missed miscarriage.

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Speaker 1: And then there's other terms miscarriage, meaning that maybe if

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Speaker 1: I had waited a few more weeks, it would have

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Speaker 1: happened on its own, like in the olden days. I

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Speaker 1: always think about that with my so weird, I always

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Speaker 1: think about that. I don't, but like I when I

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Speaker 1: was going through my miscarriage, I always thought about because

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Speaker 1: I had to have a d n C um, which

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Speaker 1: so you guys know, Um, a d n C is

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Speaker 1: a medical treatment. A d NC stands for dilation and

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Speaker 1: curetage if I'm pronouncing that correctly, which is a procedure

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Speaker 1: to remove any remaining tissue from the uterus and um,

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Speaker 1: you get you can be put under or you can

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Speaker 1: be awakened. It can be local anesthesia. I think also, um,

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Speaker 1: that's what I had from my second one. You had

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Speaker 1: a d n C, but where you awake or asleep.

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Speaker 1: They gave me like fun pills where I was kind

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Speaker 1: of like loopy, yeah nice, Yeah, Yeah, I had fun

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Speaker 1: pills and I was lupy as hell. And then they

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Speaker 1: put me under UM and it removes the The DNC

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Speaker 1: removes all the tissue UM and after you know, you're

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Speaker 1: in and out same day. It takes like thirty minutes

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Speaker 1: and then you're given like essentially like heavy ibprofen or

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Speaker 1: something for the pain. UM. So your second miscarriage, you

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Speaker 1: had to have a d NC. Yes, And I will

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Speaker 1: say if anyone, I hope no one listening has to

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Speaker 1: go through this, but if you are any of the

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Speaker 1: option of taking the pill at home organ the d

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Speaker 1: n C, just get the d NC. Yeah, that's how

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Speaker 1: it's so much easier. You just go in, you take

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Speaker 1: the medicine. It's painless. I mean, I can't pay me experience,

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Speaker 1: Like I was super scared when they I had a

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Speaker 1: very similar experience to you where I went to my

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Speaker 1: I think the it was I was about eleven and

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Speaker 1: a half weeks. I was a couple of days away

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Speaker 1: from telling everybody that I was pregnant UM, which, by

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Speaker 1: the way, when I got pregnant with ALBEI. I waited

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Speaker 1: way longer than twelve weeks till anyone because I kind

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Speaker 1: of had PTSD. This was a miscarriage and um I

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Speaker 1: uh went to a routine doctor's visit to here or

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Speaker 1: the heartbeat, and she was like, oh my god, I'm

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Speaker 1: so sorry, but there is none and in came the

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Speaker 1: tissues and um. But but it was over a holiday

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Speaker 1: weekend and she was like, we can't do the d

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Speaker 1: n C for a few days. And I just had

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Speaker 1: like this real like oh no, no, I need to

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Speaker 1: get in there like tomorrow. That was my response. I

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Speaker 1: was like, get it out, like I don't want to

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Speaker 1: walk around anymore knowing that there is like a dead

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Speaker 1: inside those days. I mean, what was that like for

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Speaker 1: you waiting and then driving to go get the d

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Speaker 1: n C. What's going through your head? How are you processing?

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, what do you What did you feel

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Speaker 1: amy like when you for the second one? Well, so

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Speaker 1: you would say d n C over the pill for well,

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Speaker 1: for me the hardest, you know, obviously my throne I

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Speaker 1: actually do wait over two weeks, take us through your

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Speaker 1: third and then we're going to get to Jackie's experience. Well,

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Speaker 1: so the third, you know, was obviously the hardest because

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Speaker 1: we were we got to twenty six weeks over six,

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Speaker 1: so I was going, everyone knew us pregnant, we had

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Speaker 1: that gender reveal party, we had names, you know, a

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Speaker 1: one of us were there. Um. So what happened with

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Speaker 1: that one was everything was normal and going great. The

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Speaker 1: first two, you know, we're chromosomal, which is very common.

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Speaker 1: That's what the most common you know, reason for a

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Speaker 1: miscarriage and there's nothing you can do about it happens,

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Speaker 1: you know, at conception. So this one, though, you know,

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Speaker 1: everything's going great. We're going for our second trimester. You

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Speaker 1: know that big three D scan you do, yes, And

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Speaker 1: I think it was around twenty four weeks. We waited

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Speaker 1: because Jared was out of town, so it was a

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Speaker 1: little bit later, and they went and they said that

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Speaker 1: there was like no amniotic fluid. And at the time

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Speaker 1: it didn't really dawn on me. I'm like, oh, that

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Speaker 1: sounds bad, but it didn't seem like, oh, this is

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Speaker 1: they need that for survival. So amniac fluid is the

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Speaker 1: liquid that the baby's swimming in and your uterus and

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Speaker 1: eating and all that stuff. So without it baby's lungs

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Speaker 1: can't develop, so if it happens, it is there. It

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Speaker 1: can be a common in your third trimester to have

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Speaker 1: lower ematic fluid and usually it's okay, but but they

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Speaker 1: monitor it closely and if they need to induce your

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Speaker 1: labor or have a C section, they're like watching you.

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Speaker 1: If amniotic fluids an issue, put you on bed rest

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Speaker 1: or But because it was still early in my pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: it's not good. So I went home. Basically, they told

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Speaker 1: me they don't think it's going to be a viable pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: but the baby sort of heartbeat, could still feel her

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Speaker 1: moving around, so they were like, well, and I was.

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Speaker 1: They were like, well, you could just we can give

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Speaker 1: you something to stop the heartbeat and then we can

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Speaker 1: do the surgery. And I just like, even though mentally,

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Speaker 1: like I knew it wasn't gonna be viable, I couldn't

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Speaker 1: just give up on her way. So they're giving you

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Speaker 1: the option. The doctors are literally saying, this pregnancy is

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Speaker 1: not going to go any further, and here's a pill

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Speaker 1: that you can end her whatever if you may or

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Speaker 1: may not believe she has I think it was an

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Speaker 1: injection or something, but yeah, like right before the surgery.

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Speaker 1: So I said, you know what, I'm gonna wait. So

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Speaker 1: even though I knew it her heart would probably stop

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Speaker 1: eventually its own, I just chose to wait. So that's

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Speaker 1: why for two weeks I waited. So that was the

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Speaker 1: hardest part. Um, How did you sleep? And I mean

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Speaker 1: it was it was a rough couple of weeks, um,

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Speaker 1: But you know, and then is the procedure to have

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Speaker 1: it removed a d n C. That's a d n E.

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Speaker 1: So the dilation and evacuation I think it's called UM

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Speaker 1: And that was actually a real weird procedure. So and

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Speaker 1: again this might be I'm getting a little feminist here,

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Speaker 1: but go for it. So what I learned is that

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Speaker 1: because it was basically the d n E, which is

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Speaker 1: the surgical procedure, is considered an abortion. And because it

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Speaker 1: was late in my pregnancy, abortion a second trimester abortion. Essentially,

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Speaker 1: even though the baby's heart had stopped at this point,

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Speaker 1: UM insurance was an issue. So I could have gone

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Speaker 1: to the hospital and delivered my dead baby for free

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Speaker 1: at the maternity ward, you know where they play the

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Speaker 1: chimes whenever a baby is born. Could have done that,

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Speaker 1: or I could go to a place where I could

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Speaker 1: get the surgery and I could be put under and

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Speaker 1: I could, you know, not have to deal with all

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Speaker 1: the pain physically. And I had to pay ten grand

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Speaker 1: out of pocket to not have a baby. So but

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Speaker 1: the procedure was actually pretty painless physically. So like women

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Speaker 1: who don't have that kind of money obviously, like that

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Speaker 1: is to give birth to a dead baby. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: some women, Look, some women actually choose to do that

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Speaker 1: because seeing the baby helps them move on. I personally

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Speaker 1: am not that kind of person. I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: see anything. I had the very same reaction you went

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Speaker 1: at when it was like the fetus was no longer viable.

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Speaker 1: I was like, when I need to make an appointment now,

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Speaker 1: like I need to in order to move on with

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Speaker 1: my life. I don't taken care of but I do

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Speaker 1: have to say, like, and we'll get into this. The

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Speaker 1: grieving process was long, and I can't even imagine how

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Speaker 1: long it was for you, Amy either. Jackie tell us

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Speaker 1: about um your miscarriage. Mine was this was my first pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: which was the same with you. Was my first pregnancy.

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Speaker 1: I found out it was pregnant. People, weren't you not

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Speaker 1: to tell people that you're pregnant? But of course you

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Speaker 1: just never think that's going to happen. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it just doesn't occur to you. You just think I'm

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Speaker 1: pregnant becausehen you're sixteen. Everyone's like, when you get pregnant,

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Speaker 1: you have a baby, So I'm gonna have a baby.

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Speaker 1: So of course I'm like, oh, well, we can't say anything.

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Speaker 1: We tell everyone, you know, we do the thing, we

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Speaker 1: reveal it to our parents on FaceTime, and I can't

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Speaker 1: as well. I videotaped all my family's responses to me

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Speaker 1: being pregnant, and then I won all of them and

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Speaker 1: say I'm not. I made fake fortune cookies and had

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Speaker 1: my parents open them up, and it said You're going

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Speaker 1: to be a grand this is what I'm saying. So

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Speaker 1: we said all the next one. I didn't do anything

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Speaker 1: neither exactly because you learned. Yeah, we were like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not doing anything. Meanwhile, your story I couldn't remember this

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Speaker 1: morning if it was your story or my story about me.

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Speaker 1: You're going to be grand like the ones that that

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Speaker 1: said grandparents. You did something videos of like we recorded

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Speaker 1: my family finding out, like my parents and Adam's family

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Speaker 1: and my brother and my best friend girls that we whatever.

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Speaker 1: So we told everybody and drink and exactly and then, um,

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Speaker 1: I will say for me, what happened was I had

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Speaker 1: a flash that was going to happen before it happened. Um,

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Speaker 1: because you think, because yeah, you guys, by the way,

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Speaker 1: I'm told psychic book, should I tell everyone that how

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Speaker 1: I found out I was pregnant the second time? By

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Speaker 1: the way, a psychic told me in my dream, your

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Speaker 1: baby girl has arrived. So I am psychic, So thank

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Speaker 1: you very much. But you don't remember that story. Just

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Speaker 1: the woe is it's the audience. Yes, the stories better slower,

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Speaker 1: but anyho, Um, I had a flash. I went to

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Speaker 1: the bathroom and I just had a flash and basically

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Speaker 1: I knew and I and I looked at it was

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Speaker 1: my situation. Was a crime scene in the toilet bowl,

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Speaker 1: just an old fashioned crime scene. And no, it's They're

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Speaker 1: all terrible. I will say, I will never forget that

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Speaker 1: image I I saw and I didn't see it, and

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Speaker 1: I think I saw the thing like I saw it.

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Speaker 1: I saw everything, and then um, then the breakdown and

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Speaker 1: then the pain started because your body, No, that was

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Speaker 1: what was very strange. But I was after like on

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Speaker 1: the floor with your face on the cold, tiled sort

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Speaker 1: of cramping. Um. For as long as it took, I

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Speaker 1: just laid on the floor. I remember when you called

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Speaker 1: me and you said, um, well, I guess I'm in

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Speaker 1: the club now. And I said what happened? And she

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Speaker 1: was like I because I had been through my miscarriage already,

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Speaker 1: and you were like, well, I've also now had a miscarriage.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, like looking are It's exactly so.

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Speaker 1: In our group of moms from mom class, there's twelve

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Speaker 1: of us or something ten eleven us and three of

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Speaker 1: us have been miscarriages. So that's the numbers about right,

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Speaker 1: Like that's not so. Again, this needs to be talked

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Speaker 1: about more openly, more freely, because it's I went to therapy.

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Speaker 1: I told my therapist and I said, you know, you

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Speaker 1: can throw a rock and hit someone who's had a miscarriage.

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Speaker 1: And she raised her hand in our session and I

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Speaker 1: was like, of course, we've all we've all gone through this. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like the unspoken about, which is sad. It's sad

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Speaker 1: we don't talk about it more. What let's talk about

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about the physical toll, and then we'll talk

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Speaker 1: about the mental toll. But Amy you, I know, had

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Speaker 1: a real physical toll with the last miscarriage because it

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Speaker 1: was so late in the game. Like you, I think

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Speaker 1: you are already you were had already gained pregnancy weight,

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Speaker 1: you or your boobs were sizes up. I mean it

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Speaker 1: was like we bought gifts, and yeah, we bought gifts.

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Speaker 1: So I had to cancel my baby show. I remember that.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember that email my sister to send out.

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Speaker 1: By the way, I will say, if anyone had sent

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Speaker 1: me a flower anything, I probably would have punched them

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Speaker 1: in the face. So I would just say I got

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Speaker 1: sent a lot of cookies, and I enjoyed that. I

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Speaker 1: called a woman who had a lot of miscarriages and

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Speaker 1: she knew I was going in that day for my

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Speaker 1: d n C. And when I came home, there was

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Speaker 1: like a jug of milk and like a thousand cookies

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Speaker 1: and I ate them all and then I ate sushi. Um,

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Speaker 1: the things you're not allegedly got drunk and then I

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Speaker 1: got wasted. Um. So were you in physical pain after

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Speaker 1: your d n E. Well, the worst part was the

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Speaker 1: worst pain of the entire thing was that my milk

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Speaker 1: came in so ween your breasts. Yeah, and you're not

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Speaker 1: feeding and you're not trying to relieve that. You know now,

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Speaker 1: I know now, we all know that. And gorged feeling

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Speaker 1: it hurts so bad, right like when your milk first

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Speaker 1: cod of it right now, um, And so yeah, you

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Speaker 1: don't want it the milk to come out, so I would.

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Speaker 1: It took like almost a week and I had to

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Speaker 1: lay there with like cabbage leaves and cold like after this,

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Speaker 1: after this, it called a miscarriage. Um. At that point

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Speaker 1: it's called I forget what it's called, but it's not

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Speaker 1: a miscarriage. I'd say something um um. And Jackie, you

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Speaker 1: obviously said you were in super physical thing afterwards it

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Speaker 1: Once it was done, it was done though, it was

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Speaker 1: just a couple of hours, and then I was done.

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Speaker 1: I felt no physical pain, like I said. The d

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Speaker 1: n C. I remember they gave me whatever like fenton

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Speaker 1: al or something, but they gave me that. And I

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Speaker 1: remember being wheeled into the surgery room completely fucked up

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Speaker 1: out of my mind, and I remember saying, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: this looks like a Gray's anatomy set. And then I

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Speaker 1: also remember saying, I feel so good and so buzzed

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Speaker 1: right now. And I have been buzzed in three months

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Speaker 1: because I was had almost been pregnant for three months,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, if you got any more of

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Speaker 1: what you're given, give me more. And then I remember

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Speaker 1: my ob just like holding my hand and like petting

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Speaker 1: my hand and saying, you're it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

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Speaker 1: And then I like went to sleep and I woke

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Speaker 1: up and the baby was gone, and for me, the

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Speaker 1: real and I wasn't in pain afterwards, but the real

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Speaker 1: pain was mental and it was shitty and so much

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Speaker 1: shittier than I imagined at being um, I'm such a like.

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Speaker 1: I think the initial feeling when I found out there

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Speaker 1: was no heartbeat from the doctor in a routine checkup

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, let's like Olivia Pope, the situation, Let's

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Speaker 1: fix it. Let's make the schedule, let's get to the hospital,

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Speaker 1: let's get the d let's get that done. When when

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Speaker 1: can I start trying again? Like and then as soon

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Speaker 1: as it sort of said in that I had had

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Speaker 1: a miscarriage, what happens is you have a major hormonal

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Speaker 1: drop off. And I think I was massively sad for

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Speaker 1: about three months and I was only pregnant for three months,

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Speaker 1: so I can't imagine Amy what you felt or Jackie

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Speaker 1: what you felt actually seeing something, which is an image

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Speaker 1: you can't ever forget. UM. But I had to go

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Speaker 1: through I went through a lot of therapy UM a lot.

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Speaker 1: And also what's crazy about a miscarriage that you don't

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Speaker 1: know is that it takes you a really long time

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Speaker 1: to get your period back UM and to get back

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Speaker 1: on a regular cycle. So if you're a woman like

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Speaker 1: I am, who is greatly affected by her cycle, like

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Speaker 1: I have, I've been fortunate enough to be kind of

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Speaker 1: regular my whole life and come to except my period. Well,

364
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:46,960
Speaker 1: I didn't get a period for three months after I

365
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Speaker 1: had my miscarriage, and so I felt like an insane

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Speaker 1: person because my body was really messed up and my

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00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,399
Speaker 1: hormones were really recovering and messed up in my what

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00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,199
Speaker 1: I've come to learn, my uterine wall was rebuilding from

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Speaker 1: the d n C and things like that. And you

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00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 1: also can't really start to try to conceive. Some doctors

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00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,199
Speaker 1: would recommend until you've had a period because it's a

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Speaker 1: sign that your cycles back and the egg is dropping

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Speaker 1: and you might actually have a chance of getting pregnant again.

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Speaker 1: So it's not like I could jump back in the

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Speaker 1: saddle and try to start fixing the problem. So for

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Speaker 1: three months I had to sit there and not get

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Speaker 1: my period and feel, you know, like, yeah, I have

378
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 1: that extra five seven pounds on. I was sad, but

379
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 1: I really just felt kind of crazy, like I was

380
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:36,560
Speaker 1: having disproportionate responses to conflict, Like little things would come

381
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 1: up and I would be shot out of a canon,

382
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 1: like totally insane and not acting like myself. Did you

383
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,640
Speaker 1: find that jacking the hormone and balance is a real thing,

384
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,720
Speaker 1: not something you would even think about it's going to happen.

385
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,199
Speaker 1: But of course, and I went through that with you.

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Speaker 1: I remember, I remember, and I remember you having going

387
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,439
Speaker 1: through that. It made did you? I mean I actually

388
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,440
Speaker 1: had to go back on birth control to help me

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Speaker 1: get regular because I feel like a crazy person, Like

390
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 1: you said, I just the hormones are so coct Like

391
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:04,960
Speaker 1: that's the thing, like if one in four or five

392
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,119
Speaker 1: pregnancies are ending in miscarriage and women are just like

393
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,119
Speaker 1: needing help, like whether that's to know to go on

394
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,080
Speaker 1: birth control, or whether that's to speak to a therapist

395
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,040
Speaker 1: or to have a friend to talk to. Like imagine

396
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,359
Speaker 1: you don't know you go back to your nine you

397
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 1: or you have another kid you're looking after, Like I

398
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,760
Speaker 1: have a friend who had a baby, has three kids

399
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 1: and had a miscarriage in between every single one. So

400
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,399
Speaker 1: like baby miscarriage, baby miscarriage, baby miscarriage. So this can

401
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 1: happen again to us because I don't I don't think

402
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 1: I know, but that is like, it is a real

403
00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 1: miracle to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and make a baby.

404
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 1: And I don't understand how anyone can accidentally get pregnant.

405
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 1: They make you feel like if you look at a guy,

406
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 1: you're going to get pregnant. Um bowl, So you went

407
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 1: back on birth control? Did you guys start immediately trying

408
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 1: to have a baby right away? Did you wait? We? Oh,

409
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,439
Speaker 1: I wasn't complete denial. I was like, I'm fine, I

410
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 1: remember that, I'm fine. It's something bad happened. I'm fine.

411
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 1: I'm fine. And I really believed, I was very strong.

412
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,200
Speaker 1: It's all lies, but I really think I'm fine. I'm fine,

413
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 1: I'm fine, it's fine. And yes, we started trying. We

414
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 1: went on with our life and people would ask about it.

415
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:22,879
Speaker 1: Did you wait to get a period or did you

416
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 1: just start trying right And we started trying. Actually we started.

417
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,679
Speaker 1: This is exactly what we did. You know how everyone

418
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 1: says if you're not trying, you get pregnant that thing.

419
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,240
Speaker 1: So I'm like, well, I'm not trying because I can't

420
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 1: get pregnant. But secretly I was kind of trying and

421
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 1: hoping I would know. And it worked because it was

422
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,439
Speaker 1: like the not trying trying, you were just like getting

423
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,879
Speaker 1: back in your body. I was like, yeah, I'm not

424
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,399
Speaker 1: gonna get pregnant. I'm not doing and I'm not supposed to.

425
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,120
Speaker 1: But in the back of my mind, I was trying

426
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: to manipulate the universe exactly. So I was I'm fine,

427
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 1: I'm fine, let's keep boning. And and because I told

428
00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:00,200
Speaker 1: so many people, I had a lot of which say

429
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 1: let me tell you not again. And the only other

430
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,639
Speaker 1: thing I would say is just don't send me flower

431
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 1: I please, because you know you're hanging on by a threat.

432
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:12,880
Speaker 1: And then I sent you flowers? What I hate them.

433
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 1: What would be your advice two women who have had

434
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 1: a miscarriage, what would you send or saying you said cookies,

435
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 1: which I think is great advice and booze booze, okay,

436
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 1: And what are suggestions of what you would say, I'll

437
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 1: tell you what not to say. Oh that's good. Um,

438
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,680
Speaker 1: that's just as help. This is what bothered me when

439
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 1: everyone's like everything happens for a reason. Oh my god,

440
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 1: you guys, come on anyone if we can change one

441
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,360
Speaker 1: time from listening to this podcast to say that except

442
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,880
Speaker 1: we all agree that after we all had our firstborn,

443
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,360
Speaker 1: we looked at each other and said, well, I guess

444
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:50,119
Speaker 1: it didn't happen a reason. Well, no, Look, I love

445
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 1: my kid, but I would have loved my other three

446
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 1: kids too, you know, like, and I have to say,

447
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 1: like I think about that, like I do think about

448
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 1: like I don't. I have a son and I'm so

449
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,199
Speaker 1: fortunate that he's happy and healthy. But I, in my

450
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 1: gut have this really weird feeling that the baby I

451
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 1: lost was a girl, Like I just for some reason,

452
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,919
Speaker 1: Like I know that I was never told to me,

453
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: but I feel like it's a girl. And Adam and

454
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 1: I go back and forth a lot. This is really weird, guys,

455
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: But we go back and forth a lot about Adam

456
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,200
Speaker 1: thinks that the baby we lost is the same soul

457
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 1: as Albie, my current son was actually really glad I

458
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 1: don't like I think it was a soul that came

459
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,639
Speaker 1: and went to wherever she was supposed to go. And

460
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 1: Albi is a new person. Um, what do you guys feel?

461
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 1: I definitely feel like again psych psychic. So psychics always

462
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 1: told me I was going to have a boy. I

463
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 1: was gonna have a boy, and I believed I was

464
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 1: having a boy, and in my mind, maybe to make

465
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,640
Speaker 1: peace with it, we had come up with a girl's name.

466
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 1: My daughter's name is Pearl, and we had always said

467
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 1: the name Pearl, and we didn't have a boy's name,

468
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,159
Speaker 1: and we felt like we were calling her to us.

469
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,880
Speaker 1: And I believe there are two different spirits. And my

470
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 1: son tagged out and he said, you know what, they're

471
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: calling you. You go first. WHOA. I just got home eventually,

472
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 1: and then she came and I god, I just got goose.

473
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 1: I think I did too, actually, and I believe that

474
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 1: their spirits made a soul contract. And she she said,

475
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 1: you know what, let me go first. They're calling me,

476
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:26,239
Speaker 1: and then then you call. So that's why I keep

477
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 1: saying I'm gonna have a but look in the next

478
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,679
Speaker 1: spirit will come as a girl or a boy. But

479
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,679
Speaker 1: that's what I tell myself. That's super helpful. Like, like,

480
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 1: we have to come up with things because for the

481
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 1: person who says, like everything happens for a reason or whatever,

482
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 1: like at the end of the day, we're the ones

483
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 1: laying there going through it, and like, how do you

484
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 1: come to terms with What are the things you tell yourself?

485
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: And I think it's a beautiful thing to tell yourself, Amy,

486
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 1: what else would you tell people not to say or

487
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: to say, I don't know, Um, everything happens for a

488
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 1: reason is not good. That's not a good one. You

489
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 1: know what actually was helpful because I I did go

490
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 1: to therapy after my last one and my first time

491
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 1: going to therapy, and I found a fertility and law

492
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:10,680
Speaker 1: specialist and she herself had had many losses and went

493
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 1: through fertility And so people listening that is a therapist

494
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: that I didn't know existed. That's huge. So there is

495
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: there are specific fertility and loss specialists to deal with

496
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 1: women who have had late any sort of feelings towards

497
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,680
Speaker 1: even just going through I have friends going to last

498
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 1: fertility issues and that's a whole other nightmare. So what

499
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,200
Speaker 1: she told me that I thought was helpful. There was

500
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: two things that were a great piece of advice. The

501
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 1: first was I started to feel very anxious when I

502
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,879
Speaker 1: was pregnant again, and I would always get scared. And

503
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 1: she said, yeah, it's basically like you have PTSD. Of

504
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 1: course you had these traumatic experiences. Cut yourself from slack.

505
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 1: Just know that it's going to take time to get

506
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 1: over the trauma of these lass and like retrain your

507
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,879
Speaker 1: brain to rewrite the story that like this one is different,

508
00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 1: like this time is going to be different. And then

509
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: the thing that I take moving forward that I took

510
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 1: in my pregnancy was, you know, I'm not a very

511
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,200
Speaker 1: religious person or I don't go to psychics. Just give

512
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 1: me the fifteen minutes and uh so what what she

513
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: said to me was like, well, do you believe in

514
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: like karma or playing the odds? And I was like, okay,

515
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 1: go on, And her thing was like, you know, all

516
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:24,959
Speaker 1: these bad things have already happened to you. What are

517
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 1: the odds more bad stuff is going to happen? And

518
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 1: I was like, I like the way I like we

519
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 1: were going with that. Somebody I don't know have scientifically

520
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 1: that's a real theory. But I kind of in my

521
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 1: pregnancy and even having the baby now, in my mind,

522
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 1: I kind of think, look if I had to go

523
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 1: through all that crap, but she's going to be happy

524
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 1: and healthy. Okay, that's a fair trade. Yes, And it

525
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 1: Isn't it weird like sitting here talking about our miscarriages

526
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: and now here we are, and and it is weird

527
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 1: how women are fucking resilient as fuck guys, Like it

528
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 1: is crazy, like the amazing women that we all know

529
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 1: collectively or may no individually who have gone through lots

530
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 1: of ship and come out on other sides. And it's

531
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:17,920
Speaker 1: just unbelievable to me. Um uh, let's talk about sharing

532
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: your experience with other people. Amy that way, especially for

533
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 1: you since you like had a shower or not know

534
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,959
Speaker 1: the shower by cancel, but you had a baby reveal party.

535
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 1: Um you know I love that Pinterest and Etsy so

536
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 1: Amy Mass is the queen of a themed party. Yeah,

537
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: she's a great party. She loves themes, masaene Halloween is

538
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: her favorite holiday that there is. Um, did would you

539
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 1: how would you would you give advice to women listening

540
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 1: on how to tell people or how what to expect back?

541
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 1: I thought about this on the way over here, and

542
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: I feel almost like when you have a miscarriage, you're

543
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: kind of raw of that joy of sharing this great

544
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: news with everyone, because that's the stuff that I live for,

545
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 1: you know, Like I have Pinterest pages saved like hidden

546
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 1: on how to do reveals and how to tell people

547
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,600
Speaker 1: in parties, and for me, like, I was just so

548
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 1: happy and so excited to finally share with everyone, and

549
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,479
Speaker 1: I feel robbed. I had all these cute moments that

550
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 1: now obviously aren't cute anymore. And I know that sounds

551
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: like a shallow Obviously there's way worse things, but no,

552
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 1: in that moment, it's it's it's devastating in a way.

553
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 1: And then then when you tell your parents, like by

554
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 1: time we told our parents for our fourth pregnancy, they

555
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 1: were kind of like, okay, they're so they're just worried

556
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 1: and cautious and scared, and it's kind of sad that

557
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 1: you want to be celebrating but you're also nervous. But

558
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:49,560
Speaker 1: I will say, you still have to make it. You

559
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 1: still have to do something to celebrate your pregnancy. So

560
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 1: we didn't go crazy public this time. I didn't have

561
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 1: any parties. Obviously, I didn't even post about it on

562
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: social media. But for my husband, I found out that

563
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 1: it was a girl, and so I made like a

564
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: big banner, and I did all this stuff in the house,

565
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,480
Speaker 1: and when he came home from Mark one day, you

566
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 1: did your major big amy mass celebrations. Yes, I think

567
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: video I had to someone is so great. What about you, Jackie? Um,

568
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 1: I actually relate to Amy saying about being rob but

569
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 1: that was for not because of the miscarriage, but because

570
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 1: of that faulty gender tests that I got with my

571
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 1: daughter where we had a single X chromosome, which is

572
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: a different podcast. But um no, but you had once

573
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 1: you were pregnant again. Yeah, let me I will say,

574
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 1: I'll back it up just a little bit, which is

575
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: to say earlier when I was talking about that, I'm fine.

576
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 1: I'm fine. I will say that when I got pregnant

577
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 1: again and I saw that yes on the stick, all

578
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 1: of that grief, that's we were talking about grief. That's

579
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: when that all came out. So I had the joy

580
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 1: and the grief. I released it all and I didn't

581
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:01,719
Speaker 1: know I was carrying it, and it just sort of

582
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 1: came out, and I was sobbing hysterically that I was pregnant.

583
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,960
Speaker 1: But it was some of it was most of it

584
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 1: was grief. I felt grief and then the joy, so

585
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 1: it's all sort of connected. So and then to bring

586
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: it back to what we're talking about now that joy, Um,

587
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 1: I I believed it was going to be okay. I

588
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 1: just have to believe that. So I just let that.

589
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: I don't know, man, because you woke up every day

590
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 1: and that's what you needed. You were like, I believe

591
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay. I kept telling everyone it's like

592
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 1: a coffee machine and you always have to warm it

593
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 1: up first and for it to work, and never quite

594
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 1: the pods. Never, So I'm like, I just needed to

595
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 1: get my body warmed up. But um, but then, yes,

596
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 1: I had more issues than once I was pregnant with

597
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: the testing. I you know, I have to say, I

598
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,240
Speaker 1: when I had such I can't I can't even imagine

599
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 1: the PTSD you had, Amy, because once I got pregnant again.

600
00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: So after like three months of not getting my period,

601
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 1: I finally got my period again and we started to

602
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,320
Speaker 1: try to conceive again, and thank god, it didn't take

603
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 1: very long. I can't even imagine the women who are

604
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 1: listening who finally get the green light that they can

605
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 1: start try again after a miscarriage, and it takes like

606
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 1: a year and then they miscarry again like there are

607
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 1: like I said, women are resilient aflow. I had to

608
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 1: take a break for me, the for for your marriage,

609
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 1: for your own mental sen I needed my life back

610
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 1: because we had at that point it had been three years.

611
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 1: At one point I looked back and I was like,

612
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 1: in the past two years, I've been pregnant for like

613
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: a year and a half on off, and so the

614
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 1: first two as soon as I got my period, we've

615
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: tried again. And then after you know, the the late term,

616
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: and I remember it's called still birth. That's when it's

617
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 1: past twenty weeks, which I don't like that saying, so

618
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: I'll just say miscarriage. But after that, when we took

619
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 1: a year off, I was like, I want to go

620
00:32:56,080 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 1: back to drinking. I want to travel. So yeah, you

621
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,719
Speaker 1: want to just figure out again who you are and

622
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: and and that's and let your hormones really, um come

623
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 1: back to some sort of normalcy. But I remember being

624
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 1: so PTSD in the first three months of Albi's life,

625
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 1: like I didn't tell as anybody I was pregnant. I

626
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 1: was petrified to tell anybody. Um. Even when we made

627
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 1: it past the twelve weeks, I was like, still so

628
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 1: unsure because like you go through something like that, and

629
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 1: for me it was all about like protecting myself from

630
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 1: like expectations or and then superstitious moving on. Now, I

631
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 1: don't want to have anything. Nobody looked at me, Nobody

632
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 1: looked too closely because it might not work out. And

633
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 1: Um and Amy, we had watched you, so I think

634
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: we were all kind of waiting to get past you

635
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: know what I mean, because oh God, once I heard

636
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 1: that that was still a possibility, it was like, oh

637
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 1: my gosh, like this is this is like say this

638
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 1: is no, this is really like a physical miracle. Um

639
00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 1: and Amy, can you tell us how you how how

640
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 1: and the work you did on this fourth pregnancy, because

641
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 1: you changed a lot about your lifestyle for this pregnancy.

642
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 1: And I will say the late term lot, like my

643
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 1: experience is much more rare. So I don't want to

644
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 1: freak out. Listeners, no, no, no, no, listeners. Um. Ten

645
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 1: of the pregnancies that end in miscarriage, eight out of

646
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 1: ten of those miscarriages happen in the first three months. Um.

647
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,879
Speaker 1: And the other thing we should dispel as a myth

648
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 1: right now is that And I, for God, I feel

649
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 1: this is so it's difficult to even know why miscarriages happened.

650
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 1: Amy brought up previously their chromosomal like for whatever reason, um,

651
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 1: something doesn't stick and it can and it's it's very

652
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 1: like sometimes some people say, if if it wasn't supposed

653
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: to be. I know, we've already said if it's not

654
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 1: meant to be, summan to be. But no, sometimes it's

655
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: your body doing its job that the baby was not

656
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 1: well or um, the baby was going to have massive

657
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,720
Speaker 1: sort of it is a good sign to your body,

658
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 1: so maybe it's not supposed to be is taking care

659
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:10,040
Speaker 1: of you. But what is a myth is that sex, exercise,

660
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 1: working do not cause miscarriages. Because I held a party

661
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 1: of fundraiser at my house for a charity a couple

662
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 1: of days before I miscarried, and I lifted a few

663
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 1: things that we're not that heavy, but I'll tell you

664
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 1: I still think about them and I still have to

665
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 1: like read in Google that like, that's not what caused

666
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: your miscarriage and lifted a box. It's fine. There are

667
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 1: women working all over the world that lift things and

668
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 1: their pregnancies completely end full term healthy. So you were

669
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 1: pregnant with Albie and shooting scandal very screaming, giving birth,

670
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 1: murdering people. So another other science facts is that some

671
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,800
Speaker 1: things that are known to cause miscarriages, which would be

672
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: the opposite is when there's an abnormal number of chromosomes, genes,

673
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,760
Speaker 1: which is what Amy had twice, and I think also

674
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:05,480
Speaker 1: what I had. UM. Certain illnesses can increase the chance

675
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,240
Speaker 1: of miscarriage, Like if you have like the most severe

676
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:09,799
Speaker 1: case of diabetes, I think it has to be like

677
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:11,840
Speaker 1: watched very closely, but that is something for you and

678
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 1: your doctor to work out. UM. And then there can

679
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,959
Speaker 1: also be abnormalities in the uterus um. And then also

680
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,399
Speaker 1: it starts to be sort of a numbers game with Amy,

681
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 1: which is why I'm really curious about your fourth pregnancy,

682
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:27,719
Speaker 1: because it starts one miscarriage. The doctors are not concerned

683
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:31,360
Speaker 1: because it happens to a lot of women, even if

684
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 1: it's chromosomal. They're not worried if you have three, which

685
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,919
Speaker 1: is what Amy started to walk into. Now is when

686
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: we start looking at really what's going on here? And

687
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 1: so tell us what you learned and what you did

688
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,480
Speaker 1: for fourth For our little Ellie may Mass was here

689
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: in the world. So in the year I took off,

690
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 1: I actually spent a lot of time doing research and

691
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,840
Speaker 1: getting tests, like I needed to find an answer. I

692
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:54,560
Speaker 1: need to know why this had happened. I didn't just

693
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 1: sit with me that, oh, it just happened. I needed

694
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,399
Speaker 1: to find out. And I became obsessed with doctor's tests

695
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 1: and seeing shalists, and at one point I shipped my

696
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: blood overnight to a specialist in Chicago and it was

697
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 1: just this whole thing, and my husband was finally like,

698
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 1: you gotta stop. And I thought, because I have like

699
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:15,239
Speaker 1: this very rare autoimmune disorder, it's a skin condition, that

700
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 1: it had to do with that, and I went to

701
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:21,279
Speaker 1: Finally my therapist helped, and she said, you know, go

702
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:24,719
Speaker 1: see one last doctor, go see a high risk specialist.

703
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 1: UM the there who you would go to see when

704
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 1: you get those three d uh scans scans um paranetologists

705
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:32,880
Speaker 1: for those of you guys who don't know. But like

706
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 1: later in a lot of pregnancies, especially if you're an

707
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 1: old pregnant woman like we are above thirty five, which

708
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,479
Speaker 1: is called a geriatric pregnancy, which is literally the worst

709
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 1: name for anything ever and was named by a dude. Um,

710
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 1: you have to go take a test where it's like

711
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 1: a three D picture of and it looks at like

712
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,359
Speaker 1: every single part of your baby, that it has four

713
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 1: chambers of the two chambers of its brain, for chambers

714
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: of its heart, that the lungs you're developing. You can

715
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:59,239
Speaker 1: literally see every single organ. And so baby's face looks like, yes,

716
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 1: so you she sent you to one of these doctors

717
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 1: who does that scan. And you know, I had asked him,

718
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:07,840
Speaker 1: do you think it's because of my autoimmune disorder? And

719
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,399
Speaker 1: he said, you know, it could be, but it could

720
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,759
Speaker 1: be one of hundreds of things. And you know, if

721
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 1: you look back at the last twenty years and the

722
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,959
Speaker 1: advances in technology for fertility, it's come a long way,

723
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 1: but there hasn't been a lot of advance in pregnancy loss.

724
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,760
Speaker 1: And I and so my doctor said, yeah, we're learning

725
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 1: more what some of these causes are, but you know,

726
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: he's like, we may never know. And what he said

727
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: to me was, I don't know exactly why it happened,

728
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: but I know how to fix it. And I was like, great,

729
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:39,239
Speaker 1: I'll take it. And his confidence is what just made

730
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:40,799
Speaker 1: me feel so much better. And I was like, all right,

731
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 1: let's do this. So what do you say? What was

732
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 1: the how to? He said, we're going to do a

733
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 1: few things. One, we're going to put you in a

734
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,279
Speaker 1: low inflammatory diet, which for me, I had never been

735
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,800
Speaker 1: a diet. Not that not that didn't need I just

736
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:55,480
Speaker 1: don't have the willpower. So I s and he made

737
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 1: me be gluten free, which you know, I love pizza

738
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 1: and pasta, so that was hard. Um. But and I

739
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 1: started exercising. So he basically took your entire diet and

740
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,399
Speaker 1: made it so that you didn't have anything that would

741
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,359
Speaker 1: inflame your body, which for most people is like a

742
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 1: lot of gluten sodium and now some people, well, he

743
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 1: had me and it was also like healthy fats like

744
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 1: and so that was the first major body like a

745
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 1: breeding ground for babies. I lost like fifteen pounds when

746
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: I was pregnant, also cutting out the booze probably but um.

747
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 1: And then you know, I was exercising a lot, and

748
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 1: then he wanted me I had to give myself blood

749
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 1: dinner shots every day and that sucks because those hurt.

750
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 1: And then I was on steroids for a little bit.

751
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:41,279
Speaker 1: I was on baby as one for a little bit.

752
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,720
Speaker 1: So it was all these things where and then I

753
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 1: for my sanity, he let me come in like every

754
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: two weeks to get an ultra zone because I was like,

755
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 1: and I bought when those at home once you can

756
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 1: hear the heartbeat. But at the end, when I had

757
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,319
Speaker 1: a healthy baby, I said to my doctor, what do

758
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,399
Speaker 1: you think it was that did it? He goes, who knows?

759
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 1: Maybe none of these helped? Oh my god, after all,

760
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:06,799
Speaker 1: but like he's right, He's like, we did what we

761
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:09,680
Speaker 1: know can help. Was in your control. You could have

762
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 1: just been a crap to It could have literally just

763
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: been bad luck and bad whatever, And this time it

764
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,800
Speaker 1: was just it worked. To see, That's when I get spiritual.

765
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 1: I have to Yeah, you gotta Amy doesn't And I

766
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: respect that about you. Who did you? Guys turn to

767
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,840
Speaker 1: for like for people who are listening who may have

768
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: struggled with miscarriage or know someone who's struggling with miscarriage, Like,

769
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: what does a support system look like to get you through? Someone?

770
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 1: I got Jackie side look in the mirror? Are you

771
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: looking at me? What do you mean? I was like,

772
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 1: I was you. I was like markableing you every day.

773
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 1: Thank you? And I mean Amy in the village that

774
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:47,840
Speaker 1: you were talking about, I mean without the village. So

775
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:49,440
Speaker 1: it really helps to talk to other women who have

776
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,319
Speaker 1: had miscarriage. And of course my sister who had had

777
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 1: three herself, and she had three miscarriages. Yes, she ain't

778
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:56,840
Speaker 1: stillborn as well. What this is what I'm saying, women

779
00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 1: are mind blowing mean while she has four children out

780
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 1: so you were all like, you're perfect impressions. Who did

781
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 1: you turn so so other women who had miscarriages. It

782
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 1: was a big support network for you and what about

783
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 1: you and me? I think after the first one, I

784
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:15,919
Speaker 1: didn't really know any of my friends had I knew

785
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:17,960
Speaker 1: one friend from high school and my good friends and

786
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 1: reached out to her. But now it's crazy now that

787
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 1: I've been through it and I put it out there,

788
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 1: I don't remember, like I sent an email to everyone

789
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,840
Speaker 1: and I was like, made me Amy's email. Let me

790
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 1: tell you something in the long and short of it.

791
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 1: I think it was it through you or through Jared

792
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:32,840
Speaker 1: or who was from both of you? But was it

793
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,799
Speaker 1: the email that said something like you send a mass

794
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 1: email to all of your friends and you said, god, guys,

795
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 1: maybe cry. But you said something to the effect of like,

796
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 1: if there's any like light at the end of the tunnel,

797
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 1: if there's any silver lining to this whole thing, it's

798
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 1: that I'm so glad this happened to us and other

799
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 1: people because we have so many great friends who were

800
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 1: close with and can help us through this. That's what

801
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 1: my husband said. He said, you know, he's like, we're

802
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: lucky that we have each other, we have families whereas

803
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 1: and we have a great group of friends, and we're

804
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: going to get through this. And he said, there's people

805
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 1: out there that are going to have a hard time,

806
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:11,239
Speaker 1: and it's it could isolating yourself is feels sometimes what

807
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,399
Speaker 1: you want to do, but it's not helpful in the end.

808
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 1: It really helps to reach out. And me helping my

809
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:21,359
Speaker 1: friends did make me feel better. Oh yeah, oh my god, help.

810
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 1: I mean you, I totally the women who had had miscarriages,

811
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 1: I did feel like it's part of a really sad club.

812
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 1: But here's the weird thing about the club. There's a

813
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 1: shipload of women in it. That's what's so weird. It's

814
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 1: like there's a there's a lot of women who have

815
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 1: had miscarriages, and so it is helpful and a lot

816
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 1: of women who have had miscarriages who have gone on

817
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 1: to have kids, which is a very wonderful source of inspiration.

818
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:49,919
Speaker 1: I joked with one of my friends she had had

819
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:53,400
Speaker 1: like maybe like four or five mischaracters, so sad. But

820
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 1: then her kid that she had is super smart, so cute.

821
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, you had a super baby. All of that

822
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 1: led down. I have a question. Yes, you were talking

823
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 1: about things that cause and don't cause botox? What are

824
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 1: we saying on botox? Oh, welcome to l A. I

825
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:16,160
Speaker 1: just feel like it is something that causes well, you know,

826
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 1: I sometimes think about like I was on this. I

827
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,720
Speaker 1: had an adult onset acne guys in my early thirties

828
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 1: where I had the worst kind I've ever had my

829
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,800
Speaker 1: entire life, and I went on a drug called a

830
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 1: drug for my face? Can I take it? And a

831
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 1: whole other episode is how your skin gets really weird

832
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 1: after you have babies, And I don't mean just on

833
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 1: your face. Maybe I shouldn't have brought wine for um.

834
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 1: But I was on a drug that I had to

835
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: go off of like thirty days where I started trying

836
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 1: and I got pregnant, like you know, like thirty days,

837
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 1: like pretty soon after. And sometimes I think about that.

838
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 1: You know. The point is you're always going to think

839
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 1: should have, would have? Could have? Like what would have

840
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 1: been done differently? What would my family look like if

841
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,400
Speaker 1: that pregnancy would have stuck for say, is what my

842
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 1: family looks like now? Um? But did I cut you off? Jackie?

843
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 1: Were you going to say something about your button? The

844
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 1: doctor hat of like one other things I'm telling to

845
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:13,480
Speaker 1: you that makes me sound super smart. I have one

846
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 1: other thing that sucks about miscarriages. Um, names, what do

847
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:21,799
Speaker 1: you do about names? Well, you can't use it again?

848
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 1: Can We told everything God? And it was like the

849
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 1: name that Jared and I have been talking about since

850
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 1: we met and we loved it so much. Can you

851
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,240
Speaker 1: flip it or use it? No? No, it's fine, We're passive.

852
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:39,560
Speaker 1: But again, name has to go again. I was attached

853
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 1: to my name. But I love that. I don't know,

854
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 1: but I love that about you, Like I think it

855
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 1: whatever works is like to get you through. Like if

856
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 1: that's a name you retire because that's an experience you

857
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 1: are moving on from and closing the door, and that's

858
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 1: named for that experience, or you are someone that's like,

859
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 1: that's a name that means something to me, and I

860
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 1: get to continue to use it and I get to

861
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 1: do what I want. I mean, I don't know, I

862
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't if I went through with Amy

863
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:06,279
Speaker 1: went through maybe not well. Also, this is something I

864
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 1: did not know going into it, and it was shocking.

865
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,840
Speaker 1: If you go past certain amount of weeks after you

866
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:16,279
Speaker 1: have your surgery, you have to decide what to do

867
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:18,840
Speaker 1: with the baby. Tell me about that. I was so

868
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 1: you know, some people have funeral, so we opted for

869
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 1: cremation and then we went and spread her ashes during

870
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:28,279
Speaker 1: and I had like a really nice moment. So at

871
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,759
Speaker 1: that point, you can't reuse the name. Nope, Nope, Nope,

872
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,600
Speaker 1: can't reason that. Nope, I hear you have the chills.

873
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 1: I want to cry. Said. What I think is so

874
00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 1: crazy is what your high risk doctor said, which is,

875
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 1: we've come very far in the advances of fertility fertility,

876
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 1: and what we've not come far in the advances of

877
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 1: is what went wrong? What went wrong? And I think

878
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:57,560
Speaker 1: it's you know, miscarriages has been around since the beginning,

879
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 1: but I will never forget at the Christmas after I

880
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:06,440
Speaker 1: lost my first pregnancy, and I was sitting there with

881
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 1: my great aunt Joan who's eighty nine, and my grandmother

882
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 1: who's eighty five, and I told them I had had

883
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:16,400
Speaker 1: a miscarriage. Um, my grandmother had already known because she

884
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:18,719
Speaker 1: was part of the like I'm pregnant and now I'm

885
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 1: not pregnant. And her sister, who's they're very close, she

886
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 1: I think, had told and we were talking about miscarriage

887
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 1: because it's great conversation on christ Crave, you guys, while

888
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:33,719
Speaker 1: you've had Manhattan's in Buffalo, New York. Um, but we

889
00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: were having Manhattan's and they my great aunt Joan had

890
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:40,399
Speaker 1: five babies and my grandmother had four. And they went

891
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:42,799
Speaker 1: on and on to tell me how many miscarriages they had,

892
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:47,440
Speaker 1: how many late term miscarriages they had, and it was

893
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:51,880
Speaker 1: like something I'll never forget, Like they were just so

894
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:57,720
Speaker 1: strong and like yep, like welcome to being a woman

895
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 1: and being a mother and it's a nightmare. And my

896
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:05,400
Speaker 1: great aunt Joan was like, you know, I buried in

897
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 1: eight month old you know, fetus at you know, in

898
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 1: nineteen or whatever it is. And here I am on

899
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 1: Christmas Eve with my five kids and my fifteen grandchildren

900
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 1: and my twelve Manhattans and my twelve Manhattan's and she says,

901
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,360
Speaker 1: I still think about that baby. I still think about

902
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 1: that baby. My grandmom Pat says she still thinks about

903
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 1: her lost babies, and you know that's something that we

904
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:34,800
Speaker 1: carry with us, and that is something that we hold

905
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 1: in our heart, and it's also, you know, just part

906
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 1: of our story, I guess, but I didn't change the relationship.

907
00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:47,040
Speaker 1: Just felt made me feel super connected to my family,

908
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 1: my the matriarchs of my family, but also like women

909
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 1: in general for all time, like I think you feel, so,

910
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:56,000
Speaker 1: I felt so connected in my labor to my son

911
00:47:56,719 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 1: because I felt connected that that older women in life

912
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:03,399
Speaker 1: had done this before me. But in the same way

913
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 1: like I had felt, I felt connected to women that like,

914
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 1: oh my god, they're women go through this and this

915
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:11,520
Speaker 1: is something that we need to talk about. And I

916
00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 1: hope that bringing you guys in and thank god you

917
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:16,360
Speaker 1: were here to help me. But I really hope that

918
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:19,720
Speaker 1: all of us sharing our stories like today. I hope

919
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:21,880
Speaker 1: that there are women out there listening and can feel

920
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 1: any bit of better and and just know that there's

921
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 1: resources out there. There's Facebook groups, there's track groups, there's

922
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: so many mommy groups that did you use that stuff?

923
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I went on a lot of those like

924
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 1: you know what You're expecting, You're expecting and all those

925
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,200
Speaker 1: websites and just read about other people going through the

926
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 1: same kind of thing. And it does help to know

927
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:44,640
Speaker 1: that you're not alone. And especially now, like I said

928
00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 1: in the first one, I didn't really know anyone. Now

929
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:49,959
Speaker 1: it's like I know so many people. And I think

930
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: that once you start talking about it, that's when you

931
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:54,839
Speaker 1: realize you're not alone. And it does help to talk about,

932
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 1: at least my experience. I agree what you said is key.

933
00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 1: It's about the connection that you had with your grandma

934
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 1: and your great aunt. It's the thing that is comforting.

935
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 1: It's you connect you to your womanhood and to each other.

936
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 1: And I couldn't agree with through it, could not agree more.

937
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:12,720
Speaker 1: Amy and Jackie, is there any advice you would give

938
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:17,359
Speaker 1: to a woman who has maybe recently had a miscarriage,

939
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 1: or to maybe a woman who has a friend who

940
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:27,839
Speaker 1: has had a miscarriage. Yeah, I would say, um, give

941
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 1: yourself space to grieve because you don't know where it's

942
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 1: going to come out later, Because honestly, you have to

943
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:40,239
Speaker 1: pay it. Respect it. As my mother says, it matters,

944
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 1: It matters, it counts, it's a real thing. You're not

945
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 1: crazy or whatever judgment or name you could call yourself

946
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 1: for going through that process. Give yourself space to grieve,

947
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:55,239
Speaker 1: respect that that it happens, and you're going through something.

948
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 1: You're going through something, no matter how you try to

949
00:49:57,719 --> 00:50:01,439
Speaker 1: say it's fine. I I gave myself time to grieve,

950
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:03,240
Speaker 1: but also went back to work and then also grieved

951
00:50:03,239 --> 00:50:06,279
Speaker 1: at work. I feel bad from my show when I

952
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:07,840
Speaker 1: was working on a show at the time, and it

953
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 1: was after that appointment where I went straight to work

954
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:13,479
Speaker 1: because I wasn't really sure. It didn't really see where

955
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 1: they said is it a viable pregnancy? That was me

956
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:17,560
Speaker 1: out a fluid. Then you went to work. I went

957
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:22,719
Speaker 1: to work and you told your boss, but he's he's great, um,

958
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 1: and I just started. I just broke down in his office.

959
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:29,399
Speaker 1: And we would always joke that because you know were

960
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 1: I write comedies, and we always say if there's something

961
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:34,919
Speaker 1: dramatically like oh, that's for parenthood, like the show Parent.

962
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 1: And so I was literally crying, bawling in his office

963
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:39,920
Speaker 1: and I go, oh my god, I'm so sorry. This

964
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 1: is a real parent a moment right now. And then

965
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:45,839
Speaker 1: but he was like, I think you should just go home,

966
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 1: and he gave me obviously, He's like, take as much

967
00:50:49,239 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 1: time as you want. I took off a week and

968
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 1: then I came back and it actually did help to

969
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:54,919
Speaker 1: be back to work with my friends and everyone knew

970
00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:56,719
Speaker 1: when everyone was so supportive and yeah, I did cry

971
00:50:56,719 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 1: a couple of times at work and but we got

972
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 1: through it. And you know everyone, I think they were

973
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:04,840
Speaker 1: a little cautious around me, like didn't know what to say,

974
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:08,239
Speaker 1: but them just letting me talk and cry if I

975
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:11,200
Speaker 1: needed to was it was really helpful. What advice would

976
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:15,239
Speaker 1: you give to maybe someone who's recently or had a

977
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 1: miscarriage in the past, or a friend who what could

978
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 1: a friend do to some for someone who may be

979
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 1: going through a miscarriage or Yeah, I think, like we said,

980
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: bring over some drinks and some food, sushi and beer

981
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:32,240
Speaker 1: and just say I'm here for you, and it sucks

982
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 1: right now, but it does get better and eventually you'll

983
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 1: have your baby. That is one other thing my therapist said.

984
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:42,440
Speaker 1: She said she loves being a fertility and loss specialist

985
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 1: because there's always going to be a happy ending because

986
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 1: no matter what, there will be a way you can

987
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:53,399
Speaker 1: have her baby, whether it is so if you want that, yes,

988
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 1: so if you want to have a baby, you'll you'll

989
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,480
Speaker 1: get your happy ending. So just know that it sucks

990
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 1: right now, but the there will be a light at

991
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 1: the end of the tunnel. Can I make a disclaimer

992
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:06,520
Speaker 1: before you close? Yes, if I made any jokes that

993
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 1: were offensive or just you did not, I'm sorry not

994
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 1: Also like to yes, humor, humor you guys. I'm trying

995
00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 1: to think if I would have any advice. I think

996
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 1: that was really good about space. Um you're good with hugs. Yeah.

997
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:32,239
Speaker 1: I felt it really helpful to talk about it. I

998
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:35,239
Speaker 1: just really did, because my god, you know what we

999
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:38,719
Speaker 1: didn't talk about. I did feel ashamed, Oh my god,

1000
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:41,520
Speaker 1: and the failure the whole I did. I it sucks,

1001
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:46,200
Speaker 1: but there is something about being a woman and being perfect,

1002
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,840
Speaker 1: especially because you're supposed to be good at having a baby,

1003
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 1: that's what your body is meant to do. And you

1004
00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:53,319
Speaker 1: feel like you have failed in some way and you

1005
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:57,839
Speaker 1: feel ashamed that you didn't do a good job or

1006
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:02,360
Speaker 1: there's something you did wrong, and that is the freaking worst.

1007
00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 1: Like I definitely felt like I said, like I kept

1008
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 1: thinking about I picked something up or I was on

1009
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 1: an acne drug and that's why it's the choices I

1010
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:13,360
Speaker 1: made that made it so that I put my family

1011
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:17,360
Speaker 1: through this. Um. So I felt a tremendous amount of

1012
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 1: shame and I felt guilt and I felt embarrassed. UM.

1013
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:25,279
Speaker 1: And like Jackie said, I think these are really really

1014
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:30,880
Speaker 1: they're real feelings, UM, and you shouldn't sit alone with them.

1015
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 1: And I think, UM, it's really helpful to talk about

1016
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:37,799
Speaker 1: it with either a professional or a friend who you

1017
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 1: trust and can hold you and put you in a

1018
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:47,400
Speaker 1: safe space. UM. Well said, So yeah, you guys, we

1019
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 1: have finished our bottle of wine of Solve Blanc and

1020
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 1: it was helpful. And UM, I want to thank Jackie

1021
00:53:57,080 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 1: Side and Amy Mass so very much the bottom of

1022
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:03,479
Speaker 1: my heart for being here and sharing your story. You've

1023
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:05,879
Speaker 1: heard it helps sharing your story because I know that

1024
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:10,879
Speaker 1: that I've done talk. I haven't talked publicly about my miscarriage,

1025
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 1: and I think it was because it was meant to

1026
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 1: be said here. Uh, that was meant to be. That's

1027
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:22,080
Speaker 1: my experience of it. UM. So thank you guys so

1028
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:26,200
Speaker 1: much for listening to this episode of Katie's Crib. Thanks

1029
00:54:26,239 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 1: for going on this journey with us, and UM subscribe

1030
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:34,759
Speaker 1: tune in. There's going to be more happier topics. We're

1031
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 1: or not you guys. Motherhood is a mixed bag of

1032
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:43,480
Speaker 1: ups and downs and all sorts of sideways. So and

1033
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:46,399
Speaker 1: pimples on the butt um. So thank you guys so much,

1034
00:54:46,680 --> 00:55:02,720
Speaker 1: and cheers, cheers, cheers, find tracks into the cane ride