1 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:11,520 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:14,920 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everyone, welcome back to a 5 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,479 Speaker 1: new week on the podcast. It's so great to have 6 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 1: you here. Thanks for tuning in, Thanks for listening to 7 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:34,600 Speaker 1: this latest episode. Today we are talking about a really 8 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:38,839 Speaker 1: really interesting topic, one that was actually suggested to me 9 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:41,680 Speaker 1: on Instagram. I put out a little pole the other 10 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:45,200 Speaker 1: day asking people, you know, kind of what they wanted 11 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:49,639 Speaker 1: to hear this week, and this response really jumped out 12 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,239 Speaker 1: at me because I think it is a topic that 13 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: isn't really spoken about in psychology that much. It's a 14 00:00:56,560 --> 00:01:00,360 Speaker 1: really spiritual topic, I find, but it has a lot 15 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: of connections to ideas that we often talk about when 16 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: we talk about social psychology and biological psychology, in particular 17 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 1: ideas of love and attraction and partnership and connection. So 18 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: I thought it would be a really interesting deep dive, 19 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 1: and I was right. The research and all the things 20 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: I found out about this topic was just really magnificent 21 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,479 Speaker 1: and really interesting to look into. So today we are 22 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:30,120 Speaker 1: talking about the idea of a twin flame, or the 23 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 1: idea of a soulmate really truly interesting. And regardless of 24 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:39,480 Speaker 1: whether you think that soulmates are really out there, whether 25 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: you have one, whether they exist, I think some of 26 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,840 Speaker 1: the implications that a belief in soulmates has for our 27 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: psychology and the well being about romantic and non romantic 28 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,919 Speaker 1: relationships is something that everyone should kind of know about 29 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 1: and a really interesting thing to think about when you 30 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 1: approach perhaps your quest for love, or how you connect 31 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 1: with people and how you meet people. So, as we 32 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 1: always do, let's have a little intro. Let's talk a 33 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 1: little bit about some of the background information to do 34 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 1: with this topic. So psychology can make a lot of 35 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,800 Speaker 1: sense of soulmates and the term soulmates, it kind of 36 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: implies this deep connection, a special affinity, or an understanding, 37 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: this really intense, powerful bond that exists between yourself and 38 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 1: another person. Historically, there have been a lot of deep 39 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 1: beliefs and ideas, very esoteric ideas about what soulmates are, 40 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: and ancient esoteric philosophy often calls soulmates our twin flames, 41 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: also called our twin souls, and they believe that they 42 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,399 Speaker 1: are literally the other half of our soul, your soulmate, 43 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: and you were once one entity, one being, one soul, 44 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:03,079 Speaker 1: and we have been separated from each other, and they've 45 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,680 Speaker 1: been split into and we've gone our separate ways, and 46 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,360 Speaker 1: we are being incarnated and brought back to life over 47 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: and over again to gather human experiences before coming back together. 48 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,760 Speaker 1: And in some of those ancient kind of philosophical and 49 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: spiritual ideas, there was this idea that you know, we 50 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: have multiple lives, we live multiple lives, we are reincarnated, 51 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 1: and that person, that soulmate shows up in each one 52 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 1: of them, and in that way we're tied together. And 53 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: in many ways, some connections do really feel destined to be. 54 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 1: It's almost like meeting this person was written in the 55 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 1: stars and kind of heavens a line to make it happen. 56 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 1: And I don't know if you've felt that way. I 57 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 1: don't even know if I've felt that way. When I 58 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 1: was researching this, I was like, dang, like this sounds brilliant. 59 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: I want this. But these powerful unions in this life 60 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 1: are kind of what we imagine to be soulmates. And 61 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: a soulmate is someone that we that if we feel 62 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: that they get us, like we're cut from the same 63 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 1: energetic cloth almost. And although I think the traditional notion 64 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,720 Speaker 1: of a soulmate, or maybe your conception of a soulmate 65 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:11,280 Speaker 1: is that of a romantic partnership, as we'll talk about, 66 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,840 Speaker 1: they can appear in many forms, and they kind of 67 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 1: rest upon a deep, special, spiritual relationship with another person 68 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 1: that doesn't have to be an intimate relationship. And a 69 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:26,120 Speaker 1: lot of people believe that our soulmate relationships are here 70 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,599 Speaker 1: to teach us something important. They hold up a mirror 71 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: for us to go deeper within ourselves and to expand 72 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,480 Speaker 1: and evolve, and to achieve that that purpose. You don't 73 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 1: necessarily have to be romantically involved with that person. It 74 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: could be a friend, it could be a teacher. We 75 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:45,839 Speaker 1: will talk all about those different theories later on. But 76 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,919 Speaker 1: is the idea of a soulmate or a twin flame 77 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 1: something that can be backed up by science? I think 78 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:56,720 Speaker 1: you know the answer. It's most likely a know. But 79 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:02,159 Speaker 1: there is this wealth of kind background information and background 80 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 1: research that explains why we might have that feeling that 81 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,120 Speaker 1: someone in our lives was someone we were meant to meet. 82 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: It might come from biology, it might come from attraction 83 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:16,520 Speaker 1: and from compatibility, but there are certain reactions that come 84 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: from our interactions with others that make us more in 85 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 1: tune with someone else. And that's something I really want 86 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:26,000 Speaker 1: to discuss. And there are also some dark to some 87 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,159 Speaker 1: darker sides to believing that we have one person out 88 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 1: there for us. So a lot of really interesting things 89 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:41,279 Speaker 1: we're talking about today. Let's dive right in. Okay, So 90 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: perhaps the first thing we should talk about is how 91 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 1: do we know if we've maybe met a soulmate. Maybe 92 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 1: you have someone in your life right now who you 93 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: think is your twin flame, you think they are your 94 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:59,000 Speaker 1: other half, your better half, and how are we able 95 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,279 Speaker 1: to discern that that person is really kind of divinely 96 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 1: meant to be with us, or whether we just have 97 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: a strong alignment with them. How do we know that, 98 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,800 Speaker 1: you know, maybe if someone we've met might be one 99 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 1: of our soulmates, might be one of those deep, meaningful 100 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: connections we hold with us for our entire life. Well, 101 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 1: here are some of those indicators or characteristics of a 102 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:25,479 Speaker 1: relationship that might indicate that the person they're connecting to 103 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 1: might be someone who you could connect to deeper or 104 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,320 Speaker 1: who is potentially a soulmate, so you might feel a 105 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 1: connection with them almost instantly and on an intuitive level. 106 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:40,320 Speaker 1: Intuition is not just kind of a mystical spiritual idea. 107 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: It's a legitimate scientific concept that has a lot of 108 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: evidence supporting its legitimacy and its existence. In psychology, the 109 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 1: idea of intuition, it's defined as kind of the productive 110 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:57,919 Speaker 1: influence of unconscious emotional information. So intuition is kind of 111 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 1: like a brain process that gives us the ability to 112 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: make decisions without the use of analytical reasoning. Almost it's 113 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: almost the activity of the old brain, of this unconscious 114 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 1: thought process that is constantly going on in our minds 115 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 1: that allows us to make decisions without needing to think 116 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 1: about them every single second. And it applies when we 117 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 1: meet someone and we are unconsciously able to recognize something 118 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 1: unique about that person that somehow aligns with us, even 119 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,640 Speaker 1: if that thought is not happening on a conscious, higher 120 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 1: up level. We're going to talk about personality compatibility later 121 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 1: on in this episode, but intuition and recognizing something similar 122 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 1: in someone else almost instantly is a core part of 123 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: why you might feel a deep connection with someone. But 124 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 1: there are some other indicators as well that you may 125 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 1: have met a soulmate or someone you are destined to meet. 126 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 1: You might feel a really strong chemistry upon meeting them, 127 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:59,559 Speaker 1: an intense energy and intense connection. You feel understood because 128 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 1: of this strength of the bond that you have between 129 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: that person and yourself. And isn't that just an amazing feeling, 130 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 1: Feeling understood, feeling seen. Critically, You accept them at their 131 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 1: best and their worst, and they do the same for you. 132 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 1: I want to talk about that a little bit later on. 133 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 1: I think I have the saying that love is forgiveness, 134 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 1: and I think that idea of accepting people for their 135 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: flaws is really indicative that you've met someone you have 136 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: a really deep connection with you might recognize them. So 137 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,760 Speaker 1: this sounds really wishy washy, maybe a little bit bizarre, 138 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 1: but I'm trying to put everything on the table. When 139 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: I say recognize them, I mean like you might physically 140 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: be like that person seems familiar. And some people might 141 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:45,080 Speaker 1: say that you knew them in a past life and 142 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: therefore recognize them, and that there is some form of 143 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:53,199 Speaker 1: bond that traverses space and time. In terms of scientific 144 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,959 Speaker 1: evidence for this, there isn't much, but I do think 145 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: we've perhaps all maybe felt that way about someone else, 146 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,840 Speaker 1: So even anecdotally. We may read something into the fact 147 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 1: that we can sometimes recognize people that we see as 148 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,240 Speaker 1: soulmates and they feel familiar to us, like we've known 149 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 1: them before. You also have deep empathy towards one another. 150 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 1: Empathy is a crucial factor in most really close relationship, 151 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 1: so it makes sense that it turns up when we're 152 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:24,520 Speaker 1: discussing twin flames. This was a really interesting one. I 153 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,079 Speaker 1: saw this on a website and I really related to this. 154 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 1: You don't always need to speak to be able to connect. 155 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 1: I don't know if you've had that experience where you're 156 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:38,439 Speaker 1: sitting in silence with someone and it feels comfortable, even enjoyable, 157 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,479 Speaker 1: and you don't feel the need to feel that silence constantly. 158 00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: You can still connect and communicate without talking or communicating verbally, 159 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,560 Speaker 1: But when you do choose to communicate, it's honest, it's vulnerable, 160 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:56,479 Speaker 1: and your values align Underneath that deep twin flame passionate 161 00:09:56,520 --> 00:10:00,839 Speaker 1: connection are deeper values that connect you to someone. I 162 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 1: think this makes a lot of sense. It's really difficult 163 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:09,600 Speaker 1: to have a really deep relationship with someone who fundamentally 164 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 1: you don't agree on the same things. Fundamentally you have 165 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:17,520 Speaker 1: different values and attitudes, towards respect for others, towards what 166 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: a good life means, about what you want out of life, 167 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:24,640 Speaker 1: what's important. Another indicator you may have met your twin 168 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: flame or your soulmate is that you can let your 169 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 1: guard down and things feel easy. It's not strained, or 170 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:34,080 Speaker 1: it's not difficult. My friend Kate always says this love 171 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 1: should be easy, and you can be vulnerable with that 172 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:41,199 Speaker 1: person without fear, without feeling like there's judgment, that you're 173 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 1: saying the wrong things, that you're not able to speak 174 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:49,640 Speaker 1: your truth, and this person supports your growth. Soulmates don't 175 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,520 Speaker 1: enter our lives just to bring excitement and fun and 176 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,839 Speaker 1: love and good times. This kind of soul contract is 177 00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:01,080 Speaker 1: some people call it is ultimately about deeper things. That 178 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: means your soulmate, in whatever form they arrive, will actively 179 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:09,439 Speaker 1: support your growth and development as a person. They will 180 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,160 Speaker 1: encourage you, they lift you up, They offer you practical 181 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:15,599 Speaker 1: help so you can reach your goals. But sometimes this 182 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:21,560 Speaker 1: can include hard truths. Like we've previously mentioned twin flames 183 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 1: or soulmates, they might just be there to really hold 184 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,320 Speaker 1: up a mirror so you can observe yourself and in 185 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,839 Speaker 1: that reflection you might not only see good things. You 186 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: might see some of those elements of yourself that you 187 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: want to work towards and improve. And I think that 188 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 1: is part of this greater idea of soulmates. It doesn't 189 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 1: need to be unconditional. But this love that you might 190 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,360 Speaker 1: have for this other person and them for you is 191 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 1: about growing, and it's about learning lessons and building a 192 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: deeper understanding of yourself and your values. We're going to 193 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:54,320 Speaker 1: talk about different types of soulmates now, as I'm sure 194 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:58,200 Speaker 1: you've kind of gathered. I don't think that they're purely romantic. 195 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 1: And I do believe in the eye idea of soulmates 196 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: or twin flames, and I'm really stressing that plural form there. 197 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: I don't see our soulmate as being one person like 198 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: that traditional religious version of the idea is you know 199 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 1: that you were once one entity and now now you're two, 200 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 1: very Adam and Eve kind of mythology there. My belief 201 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,480 Speaker 1: is that there are many people that we are meant 202 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,720 Speaker 1: to meet and that we are meant to connect to, 203 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 1: and they don't always have to be in our life forever, 204 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,680 Speaker 1: and they don't always have to be romantic. I have 205 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,480 Speaker 1: friends who are soulmates to me? Who are people that, 206 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,439 Speaker 1: like I said, would you kind of tick those boxes 207 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 1: across all of those indicators of supporting my growth, of 208 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 1: holding me accountable, being able to sit in silence. And 209 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,280 Speaker 1: sometimes they're not even people that you know for longer 210 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 1: than a moment. But the idea of a soulmate is 211 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 1: someone that you feel divinely connected to, who comes into 212 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: your life and teaches you something and who feels familiar. 213 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:02,520 Speaker 1: So romantic soulmates obviously what we think of when we 214 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 1: hear the term twin flame. Often you might hear people 215 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 1: call their partner their soulmate. There's someone who brings them passionate, intellectual, emotional, 216 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 1: and spiritual physical experiences and that sounds amazing, right, that 217 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:21,439 Speaker 1: sounds fantastic. And if you've met someone you connect with 218 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: like that, the magic of these sensations can make us 219 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 1: feel like the love we share with that person was 220 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 1: meant to be, that it has divine purpose, divine timing. 221 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 1: And interestingly, this idea of a soulmate, it does appear 222 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 1: in a lot of cultures. So the Yiddish word for 223 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 1: soulmate is bash red, and it's the belief that before birth, 224 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:50,040 Speaker 1: God decided your spouse and they are a matchmate in heaven. 225 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 1: Then the eye to the idea is that even before 226 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 1: you were born, God kind of decided who would be 227 00:13:56,080 --> 00:14:00,240 Speaker 1: your partner, and they're the person that you ultimately in 228 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,840 Speaker 1: your life. I don't know how much I believe that, 229 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,640 Speaker 1: but it's interesting that it's shown up throughout history, and 230 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 1: it's also perhaps kind of found in other parts of 231 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,199 Speaker 1: the world and in other time frames, although it might 232 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 1: have some different names. So this is a theory, well 233 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 1: not really a theory but almost folklore, and it comes 234 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 1: out of East Asia and I was obsessed with this 235 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 1: when I was younger. I believed in this wholeheartedly. And 236 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 1: it's called the red Thread of fate and originally originated 237 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:33,920 Speaker 1: from Chinese mythology, but it's also found throughout, like I said, 238 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 1: a lot of East Asian cultures, such as Japanese culture. 239 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 1: And the kind of myth or the legend is that 240 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 1: it's kind of thought as that there is an invisible 241 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,960 Speaker 1: red chord around the finger of those who are destined 242 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 1: to meet another in any in their lifetime. And it's 243 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 1: the idea of true love that this red string, this 244 00:14:54,880 --> 00:15:00,080 Speaker 1: red thread connects you and according to Chinese ledge, and 245 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 1: the deity in charge of the red thread is believed 246 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 1: to be this person called U Law and they are 247 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,920 Speaker 1: the old lunar matchmaker God who was in charge of marriages. 248 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 1: So these two people connected by this red thread are 249 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 1: destined lovers, regardless of place, time, circumstances, this magical chord, 250 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 1: the idea goes, It might stretch, it might tangle, but 251 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:26,400 Speaker 1: it never breaks. And this myth is a very similar 252 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 1: to this Western concept of a soulmate or a destined partner. 253 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 1: And these kind of notions or folk stories and ideas 254 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 1: of a soulmate are beautiful and maybe you have imagined 255 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 1: what it would be like to love and connect with 256 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: someone that deeply. But when we analyze the idea of 257 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 1: a soulmate in the romantic sense from a psychological rather 258 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 1: than a spiritual perspective, it can become complicated and it 259 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,360 Speaker 1: has a lot less to do with this mystical, worldly, 260 00:15:55,440 --> 00:16:01,680 Speaker 1: divine intervention. So research has highlighted a potentially darker side 261 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:06,000 Speaker 1: to believing in soulmates when we aren't able to learn 262 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 1: or manage our expectations. So even a matchmate in heaven 263 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: will always experience conflict. And according to this really interesting 264 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,920 Speaker 1: study done by this author called League Believing that a 265 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: soulmate relationship is somehow a finished product, something that you 266 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 1: find and that requires no work, is really detrimental. This 267 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 1: author did a bit of further research on this. He 268 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 1: says that there are two perspectives we can take when 269 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:39,680 Speaker 1: it comes to romantic relationships and the idea that out 270 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 1: there exists our twin flame. Researchers into this belief and 271 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 1: to this kind of divine love identify two types of 272 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,120 Speaker 1: thinkers when it comes to soulmates. We can call them 273 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:56,120 Speaker 1: nonbelievers and believers, but they call them destiny believers and 274 00:16:56,360 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 1: growth believers. So a destiny believer they have these passionate, intense, fiery, 275 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:08,360 Speaker 1: short term relationships, and they often think of love as 276 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 1: something that comes to you and something that is meant 277 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,919 Speaker 1: to be, something that is effortless and easy and beautiful 278 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:20,280 Speaker 1: and fully constructed upon arrival. Whereas growth believers they might 279 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:24,479 Speaker 1: take a little bit longer to commit. They kind of 280 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 1: believe that love is something that requires work an effort, 281 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,920 Speaker 1: that there might not be one perfect person out there 282 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,000 Speaker 1: for you, but many people who you could find yourself 283 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 1: being really happy with. Growth believers within a relationship often 284 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:44,480 Speaker 1: lead to more successful long term partnerships compared to so 285 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:49,159 Speaker 1: called destiny believers, because they believe that issues and problems 286 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,439 Speaker 1: and incompatibilities which will always emerge can be fixed and 287 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:56,600 Speaker 1: work through. So essentially this research are found that those 288 00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 1: people who believe in soulmates really deeply more likely to 289 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:05,160 Speaker 1: break up, give up, or have difficult relationships if their 290 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:09,280 Speaker 1: beliefs create a fixed attitude within that partnership. So an 291 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:13,520 Speaker 1: unhealthy idea that soulmate union should be perfect perfect may 292 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: lead us to have, like I said, these passionate and 293 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:22,439 Speaker 1: intense short term relationships, disillusionment and frustration over challenges. You 294 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,960 Speaker 1: might impose deal breakers or unfair demands on your partner 295 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:29,439 Speaker 1: because you have this specific idea of who your soulmate is. 296 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 1: You might also believe that love should be instant, that 297 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:38,120 Speaker 1: all love is founded on instantaneous attraction and energy, when 298 00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 1: in reality it might actually take time to build, and 299 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 1: like I said before, it might result in you moving 300 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 1: on rather than trying to fix your relationship problems if 301 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,680 Speaker 1: you're of the belief that there is one person, one 302 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,720 Speaker 1: perfect person, who is out there for you. On the 303 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 1: other hand, people who have a growth attitude towards relationships, 304 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,600 Speaker 1: tend to take longer to commit, they stay longer, and 305 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 1: they look to find solutions and compromises in their relationship, 306 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: and believe that relationships take effort, and you grow to 307 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:13,240 Speaker 1: fit each other, you grow to fit together, and they 308 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 1: believe that love is built. So regardless of whether there 309 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,359 Speaker 1: is actually a perfect person out there for us, and 310 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:23,240 Speaker 1: obviously that's up for debate, it is the very belief 311 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,320 Speaker 1: in the idea of a soulmate that actually might be 312 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:31,879 Speaker 1: most influential on whether we find love and the types 313 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,920 Speaker 1: of connections we build with some people, and whether that 314 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:39,320 Speaker 1: initial energy and chemistry we reveal with someone can be 315 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:42,720 Speaker 1: built into something that is trusting and stable and long term. 316 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,120 Speaker 1: Those are some of those some of the ideas around 317 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:50,639 Speaker 1: romantic soulmates how we traditionally think of our twin flame. 318 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,879 Speaker 1: But like I mentioned, I don't think that they always 319 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 1: have to do with intimacy, that these people we are 320 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 1: meant to meet are always going to be lovers or 321 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 1: people we connect with on a physical level. Friendship soulmates 322 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:08,240 Speaker 1: are just as valid. Friends are an essential part of 323 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:12,280 Speaker 1: our journey, and these types of soulmates are those that 324 00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 1: help us laugh when we're in pain, they nurture us. 325 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 1: They flow with us when we're writing high. They challenge 326 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,199 Speaker 1: us to be real and to be vulnerable and to 327 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,360 Speaker 1: speak our truth. And they love us to spy our 328 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: problems and our flaws, and we love them for that 329 00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 1: as well. These people are not those that were necessarily 330 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: attracted to or have a sexual relationship with, but they 331 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,119 Speaker 1: are so critical for our well being and our sense 332 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 1: of belonging and love. And I think with traditional notions 333 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,600 Speaker 1: of partnership, when you have your partner, when you've met 334 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:47,400 Speaker 1: your match, if you're a monogamous person, you really only 335 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:50,480 Speaker 1: have room for one. But the idea of friendship soulmates 336 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: means that you have opportunities to have multiple of these people. 337 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 1: And I feel very blessed to have been able to 338 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,280 Speaker 1: meet some of the people like this in my life, 339 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,880 Speaker 1: and they continue to be in my life. I specifically 340 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:06,600 Speaker 1: remember meeting my best friend Zoe, and when I think 341 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 1: about those characteristics or indicators when you've met a soulmate, 342 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,160 Speaker 1: they all seem to apply. It was our first day 343 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,000 Speaker 1: of high school and I saw this girl sitting out 344 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 1: the front of our school and she was crying her hope. 345 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,120 Speaker 1: She doesn't mind me saying this, but she was really 346 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,960 Speaker 1: upset and I saw her and I was like, I 347 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,360 Speaker 1: don't know what it was, but I was like, I'm 348 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,479 Speaker 1: going to be friends with that person. I recognize her. 349 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,880 Speaker 1: There's something about her that instant chemistry, and I went 350 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,639 Speaker 1: up to her and I started talking to her, and 351 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 1: ever since then we have been so close, thick as thieves. 352 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 1: It's like she knows me better than I know myself, 353 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:43,600 Speaker 1: and it doesn't necessarily mean that her love is unconditional. 354 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,480 Speaker 1: I think the reason why I see her as a 355 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,560 Speaker 1: soulmate and why we are so close, and I've said 356 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,160 Speaker 1: this to her so many times, is that she also 357 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:55,120 Speaker 1: sees and knows my bad qualities. She knows the worst 358 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,160 Speaker 1: things about me and still loves me and can look 359 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,639 Speaker 1: past them, and has this idea of me that is 360 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,960 Speaker 1: not delusional and is forgiving and acknowledges me for who 361 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 1: I truly am on a deep level. And I hope 362 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 1: that I do the same for her. So I hope 363 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 1: that emphasizes the importance of friendships as soulmates and friends 364 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 1: as twin flames, because sometimes that's who they are. There 365 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,880 Speaker 1: are a couple other ideas. I think, maybe The traditional 366 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,560 Speaker 1: way to go about this would be to talk about 367 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,600 Speaker 1: friends and to talk about romance. But I found this 368 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 1: concept that I thought was really interesting. Two concepts actually. Firstly, 369 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 1: it's the idea that we have teacher soulmates in life, 370 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:38,560 Speaker 1: not just romantic and friends, and not just romantic soulmates 371 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:42,439 Speaker 1: and friendship soulmates, but teacher soulmates. And to a certain extent, 372 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,480 Speaker 1: we learn from all people in one way or another, 373 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,920 Speaker 1: but especially with our teacher twin flames. They might be 374 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,439 Speaker 1: a valued mentor or healer in your life who you 375 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: meet with divine timing. They could be an inspirational professor 376 00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:02,280 Speaker 1: from school who encourages you to pursue something new, thinking 377 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,760 Speaker 1: about the dead poet society, I don't know why, and 378 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,119 Speaker 1: you know. They could even be a total stranger who 379 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,919 Speaker 1: has really wise words for you. They could be a grandparent, 380 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:15,600 Speaker 1: someone who whose role in your life is to teach 381 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:19,119 Speaker 1: you and change the course of your life forever. And 382 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 1: there's the idea of lifelong soulmates. These people might not 383 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:26,720 Speaker 1: necessarily be your partner, You might not necessarily be friends, 384 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,000 Speaker 1: but they're people that you know your entire life, who 385 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:34,359 Speaker 1: support you like no other. Lifelong Soulmates are those strong 386 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,760 Speaker 1: partnerships that stay with us throughout our lives. They might 387 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:43,080 Speaker 1: include business partners or family members, sisters, siblings, brothers. Some 388 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,919 Speaker 1: people are just meant to be there and meant to 389 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 1: be by your side, but some people aren't. I don't 390 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,479 Speaker 1: think that we should be confusing soulmates with this notion 391 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:56,800 Speaker 1: of forever, although that might be what traditional ideas tell us. 392 00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,760 Speaker 1: There's a saying maybe you know it, I do really 393 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,520 Speaker 1: love it, and the saying is a reason a season 394 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:08,080 Speaker 1: or a lifetime. People aren't meant to be in your 395 00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 1: life forever. Just because you form a strong bond with 396 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 1: someone doesn't mean you need to hang onto them for 397 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:20,160 Speaker 1: your whole life. Different types of soulmate relationships may last 398 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:23,520 Speaker 1: for different amounts of times, maybe days, some years, and 399 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:27,360 Speaker 1: some a lifetime. But people sometimes are just passing through 400 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 1: and you're in each other's lives to teat each other 401 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:33,160 Speaker 1: something an important lesson. And I think the word soulmate 402 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: does signifies does signify kind of a deep and intense bond, 403 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:41,119 Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean it means to be forever or 404 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 1: it needs to be perfect. And just because it doesn't 405 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:47,000 Speaker 1: last for your lifetime doesn't mean it hasn't been valuable 406 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 1: or it's not a true soulmate connection. Okay, so there 407 00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 1: is a lot to make of this and this notion 408 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:04,360 Speaker 1: of destiny and soulmates. Many of the explanations we've kind 409 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,199 Speaker 1: of slightly touched on so far have all rested on 410 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,840 Speaker 1: ideas of a higher power or a deep spiritual path, 411 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,879 Speaker 1: some form of deity that leads us to our person 412 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:18,200 Speaker 1: And although I love this idea and it might feel true, 413 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,840 Speaker 1: there are some other explanations for why we may have 414 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 1: that immediate connection with some people but not others, and 415 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,360 Speaker 1: why this might lead us to confuse someone we've met 416 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,879 Speaker 1: as being a soulmate, either romantically or otherwise. This is 417 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,359 Speaker 1: a psychology podcast, so let's talk about some ideas of 418 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:40,520 Speaker 1: biology and personality and compatibility that might provide a better 419 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:45,239 Speaker 1: explanation for the idea and existence of soulmates rather than 420 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,879 Speaker 1: a spiritual perspective. So, there have been a lot of 421 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 1: theories that certain personality types are more compatible for decades. 422 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,520 Speaker 1: Decades and decades, experts have kind of tried to classify 423 00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:00,800 Speaker 1: the possible different types of personalities in kind of an 424 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 1: attempt to understand why everyone is different yet similar and 425 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,800 Speaker 1: why some people get along better than others. I'm sure 426 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,880 Speaker 1: you might have a coworker or a friend who, for 427 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,840 Speaker 1: some reason, they just grind your gears. There's something about them. 428 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,760 Speaker 1: You can't put your finger on it, but you just 429 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 1: don't get along, Whereas there are other people who it's 430 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:23,119 Speaker 1: like they could do no harm. They nothing they do 431 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,560 Speaker 1: pisses you off. They are like perfectly suited to you. 432 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:27,800 Speaker 1: So I don't know if you've heard about this, but 433 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:31,440 Speaker 1: this is called the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, and it's 434 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,960 Speaker 1: one of those tools we were just talking about that's 435 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:39,200 Speaker 1: been developed to identify personality types and to identify compatibility. 436 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,040 Speaker 1: I'm going to put this out here. I know a 437 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:45,439 Speaker 1: lot of people do their MBTI or their personality type, 438 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 1: but it's not particularly evidence based, and its validity is 439 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: often kind of question. But it's a really really interesting 440 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,879 Speaker 1: kind of experiment to really think about the traits that 441 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,159 Speaker 1: define you. And if you have heard of Myers Briggs, 442 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,359 Speaker 1: it's essentially kind of gives you an idea of where 443 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:05,440 Speaker 1: you stand on a spectrum of traits. So there's four 444 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,640 Speaker 1: main kind of letters or comparisons within this personality type. 445 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,439 Speaker 1: So are you extroverted or are you introverted? Do you 446 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:16,160 Speaker 1: sense or do you intuit? Are you thinking or are 447 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,760 Speaker 1: you a feeling person? And do you judge or do 448 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:22,000 Speaker 1: you simply perceive? And if you want to do it, 449 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,600 Speaker 1: it's free, it's online. It's very interesting, and it's based 450 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:29,400 Speaker 1: on these personality theories of Carl Jung, and he kind 451 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,600 Speaker 1: of proposed this system of personality types based on your 452 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:36,199 Speaker 1: attitudes around these four kind of equations and how you 453 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,480 Speaker 1: feel in these situations, whether whether you are in a 454 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,800 Speaker 1: situation and you judge what people are doing or you 455 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,959 Speaker 1: simply perceive it, whether you react with your heart or 456 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 1: your brain. These kind of attitudes and these reactions, they 457 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,600 Speaker 1: are the basis of your personality, which is a distinctive 458 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:56,480 Speaker 1: kind of combination of thoughts, emotions, and experiences that make 459 00:27:56,520 --> 00:28:00,480 Speaker 1: you who you are. It's unique and complex. It does 460 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,919 Speaker 1: change and adapt to circumstances. But there are some people 461 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:08,320 Speaker 1: who possess a similar personality or compatible traits, and it 462 00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,440 Speaker 1: means that you're better able to connect and share beliefs 463 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,679 Speaker 1: and attitudes with them and you see the world the 464 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:20,080 Speaker 1: same way. Compatibility of obviously falls across a spectrum, and 465 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,080 Speaker 1: it may be that those we share a lot in 466 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 1: common with on a personality and trait level. Are people 467 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:29,160 Speaker 1: we come to see as soulmates, not because of some 468 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:33,400 Speaker 1: divine connection, but because of something a lot simpler, which 469 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 1: is that we are similar. We are similar, our personalities 470 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:41,080 Speaker 1: gel really well. They might also be feeling. They might 471 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 1: also be very intuitive, they might also be extroverted. And 472 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 1: because you see the world similarly, you're able to connect 473 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 1: and you're able to discuss and be vulnerable with each other, 474 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:54,520 Speaker 1: particularly romantic compatibility. It depends on a lot of factors 475 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,240 Speaker 1: and circumstances, and this is just one of many ways 476 00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 1: to look at it. But I also think that compatible 477 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:04,080 Speaker 1: ability doesn't just hinge on this inventory of personality traits. 478 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:06,600 Speaker 1: It's not something that you just have. You can also 479 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,480 Speaker 1: work to be more compatible. It's a process. And obviously 480 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:14,320 Speaker 1: our personality changes over the course of our lifetime, as 481 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,560 Speaker 1: things happen, as events happen to us, as we grow, 482 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:21,880 Speaker 1: as we mature. So I think that compatibility it's a disposition, 483 00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,720 Speaker 1: and it's an attitude, and it can be worked on, 484 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:26,880 Speaker 1: and you can come to see things the way others 485 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:31,160 Speaker 1: see it, and you can come to share a similar outlook. Okay, 486 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,880 Speaker 1: we've talked about personality and compatibility as an explanation for 487 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:39,720 Speaker 1: White for this idea of soulmates. But what about physical reactions. 488 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,680 Speaker 1: I think biology, as simple as it sounds, can really 489 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:49,640 Speaker 1: explain this deep sensation of having met your twin flame. 490 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:54,200 Speaker 1: So another explanation for that unconscious pull and energy we 491 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:58,400 Speaker 1: might feel towards someone who we might perceive as a soulmate. 492 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 1: It comes from activity in our nervous system and within 493 00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:07,400 Speaker 1: our hormones and within our brain. Sometimes it's difficult to 494 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:12,680 Speaker 1: distinguish what is lost and what is love, particularly when 495 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: we're talking about someone who we feel a soul connection to. 496 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:21,040 Speaker 1: There are just some people we find really attractive and 497 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 1: more alluring and the resulting reactions in our body. They 498 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,720 Speaker 1: are often controlled by instinctual patterns such as our libido. 499 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,280 Speaker 1: That explains why we feel deep chemistry with someone. It 500 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: might just come from attraction. So a likely cause behind 501 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:41,840 Speaker 1: this kind of intense soulmate reaction or this infatuation the 502 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,440 Speaker 1: chemical reactions that take place in your brain when you're 503 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,000 Speaker 1: aroused and when you see something that you like. So 504 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,720 Speaker 1: when you see someone you're attracted to, there are a 505 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 1: couple of things that happen in your brain So firstly, 506 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,640 Speaker 1: this is a hormone. It's called pea or phenolatin. It's 507 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:01,320 Speaker 1: a natural hormone that's emitted by your body and it 508 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,360 Speaker 1: speeds up the communication between your nerve cells and triggers 509 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:10,520 Speaker 1: the release of dopamine, our favorite happy hormone. Dopamine is 510 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 1: the hormone and the neurotransmitter behind feelings of bliss and 511 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 1: joy and ecstasy. At the same time, when we are 512 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:22,160 Speaker 1: attracted to someone, our body releases nor openehrin, which is 513 00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:26,960 Speaker 1: an arousal or stress hormone that consequently stimulates the production 514 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 1: of adrenaline. So combined these three chemicals, they act almost 515 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,680 Speaker 1: as an amphetamine, and they elevate our energy levels and 516 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:38,480 Speaker 1: our mood and the effects of these chemicals usually it 517 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:43,200 Speaker 1: can last up to six months to three years if 518 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:46,440 Speaker 1: we're continuing to stay on that high, and of course 519 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,040 Speaker 1: if you're not around them all the time, those hormones 520 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:51,200 Speaker 1: are released every time you see them, so you kind 521 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 1: of are chasing this high. And it might be that 522 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,880 Speaker 1: the people we consider our soulmates, especially on a romantic level, 523 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:03,000 Speaker 1: are really in our life because of the physical and 524 00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:06,880 Speaker 1: biological reactions that their physical appearance or their way of 525 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:10,960 Speaker 1: making us feel creates in our bodies. There are some 526 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:14,960 Speaker 1: other theories. I want to talk to one that's really popular, 527 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,280 Speaker 1: and I'm sure we see a lot in the media. 528 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,040 Speaker 1: If you're on TikTok, you might see this a lot. 529 00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,959 Speaker 1: It's become a bit of psycho bubble. It's called love bombing. 530 00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:29,240 Speaker 1: Love Bombing is a pretty known, almost narcissistic, controlling action 531 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:33,880 Speaker 1: that partners often use to cause us to fall deeply 532 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,240 Speaker 1: in love with them or to be deeply attracted and 533 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:41,040 Speaker 1: infatuated with them. Love Bombing involves the repeated and consistent 534 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:44,080 Speaker 1: giving of gifts, giving of attention, giving of love and 535 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,800 Speaker 1: of services for a brief period of time until we're 536 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 1: hooked on another person and then reality kind of hits. 537 00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:53,000 Speaker 1: It could be that if you feel you've met your soulmate, 538 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:56,000 Speaker 1: maybe sit back and think about whether you're being love 539 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,440 Speaker 1: bombed and the reactions that's creating that excitement and that 540 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:02,600 Speaker 1: attention is really why you feel a deep connection and 541 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 1: why you feel deep passion and deep energy. There's also 542 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:10,760 Speaker 1: models of addiction that explain ideas of twin flames and soulmates. 543 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,880 Speaker 1: Like I said, when we are attracted to someone the 544 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,400 Speaker 1: way that that feeling kind of reacts and is created 545 00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:21,000 Speaker 1: in our body is through the release of dopamine. Dopamine 546 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,840 Speaker 1: is also associated with a lot of addictive practices like 547 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 1: gambling and drug addiction and alcohol addiction. It could be 548 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 1: that the release and the varied release of dopamine by 549 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:35,520 Speaker 1: this person is causing you to become addicted to them 550 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,000 Speaker 1: because they are a source of real joy and pleasure 551 00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:43,560 Speaker 1: and bliss. I think also it's worth considering alternative models. 552 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:48,120 Speaker 1: Not everyone believes in soulmates, and that's completely valid. It 553 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,920 Speaker 1: does have a lot of spiritual connos connotations, you know, 554 00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:54,160 Speaker 1: the idea of a soul and of a twin flame 555 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:57,080 Speaker 1: of someone that you're divinely and you're meant to meet 556 00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,120 Speaker 1: them and they're meant to be in your life. But 557 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,240 Speaker 1: there are some other perspectives. I have friends who I 558 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,040 Speaker 1: really admire and I really agree with them when they 559 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:11,440 Speaker 1: tell me that relationships aren't meant to be divine spiritual things. 560 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,480 Speaker 1: They aren't meant to be easy. They might not meant 561 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,480 Speaker 1: to be instant, but they take effort and they require work. 562 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 1: And the person who you love the most might not 563 00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:24,480 Speaker 1: necessarily be the best partner for you. The person who 564 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,680 Speaker 1: you believe is your twin flame, and who you connect 565 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,880 Speaker 1: with on that really deep level maybe isn't who you 566 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,840 Speaker 1: should end up with. It's the person who matches you 567 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,759 Speaker 1: the best, who suits your personality the best, who wants 568 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:39,279 Speaker 1: to shares the similar values as you do, who would 569 00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:41,719 Speaker 1: be a good partner because you know that you're going 570 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,799 Speaker 1: to work well together even after that initial spark may 571 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:53,760 Speaker 1: have faded. Well, everyone, I hope you enjoyed this brief 572 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:58,880 Speaker 1: synthesis around some of the psychology behind twin flames and 573 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,520 Speaker 1: the idea that we might have a soulmate. I think 574 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:05,879 Speaker 1: regardless of what you believe, it does feel amazing when 575 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,240 Speaker 1: you connect with someone really deeply, whether they are someone 576 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:14,239 Speaker 1: you're romantically interested in, or a friend, or you know, 577 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,480 Speaker 1: even a sibling or a parent, someone who you feel 578 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:22,319 Speaker 1: this deep, intuitive relationship with. So if that's what you're after, 579 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,240 Speaker 1: go for it. I think some of the other theories 580 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:27,839 Speaker 1: that we discussed are really interesting about where that could 581 00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,720 Speaker 1: lead us. If we believe that there is one love 582 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,600 Speaker 1: that is destined to be ours, it might result in 583 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,560 Speaker 1: you're giving up on something that could be really great 584 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,040 Speaker 1: before you've really tried it out because you have these 585 00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,560 Speaker 1: deal breakers because you have this notion and belief in love. 586 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,560 Speaker 1: I'm not telling you to settle, but it is I 587 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,840 Speaker 1: think some research to kind of take in and to 588 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:52,160 Speaker 1: apply to your own perspective and attitude towards love. It's 589 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,680 Speaker 1: also worth considering some of those other theories, those biological theories, 590 00:35:55,880 --> 00:36:01,440 Speaker 1: love bombing, addiction, the right time, putting work into relationships. 591 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:05,080 Speaker 1: All in all of an incredibly interesting topic and one 592 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,759 Speaker 1: that I had a lot of fun researching. Like I 593 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,719 Speaker 1: always say when I end these episodes, if this resonated 594 00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:15,560 Speaker 1: with you, if you enjoy this content, and if you 595 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,759 Speaker 1: feel cooled to do so, please feel free to leave 596 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:22,920 Speaker 1: a five star review on Apple or Spotify. It really 597 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:26,120 Speaker 1: helps the podcast grow and we have so many new 598 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,040 Speaker 1: listeners at the moment. Hello to you all, and to 599 00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,200 Speaker 1: all of you who've reached out to me. It is 600 00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:37,920 Speaker 1: just insane to me. I really, I just can't fathom 601 00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:41,200 Speaker 1: how many people want to listen to my voice. I 602 00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:44,680 Speaker 1: don't even know it's yeah, I'm kind of stumbling over 603 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,600 Speaker 1: my words a little bit, but I feel really, really grateful, 604 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,720 Speaker 1: so thank you for all of your support. It really 605 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,560 Speaker 1: is just insane. It blows my mind and I really 606 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:57,160 Speaker 1: appreciate it. Follow us on Instagram. It's where I get 607 00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,560 Speaker 1: a lot of my topic ideas from. So if you 608 00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:02,160 Speaker 1: have something that we haven't talked about before that you 609 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 1: think would be a really good match with some of 610 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:08,319 Speaker 1: these psychological explanations, shoot it. Shoot it to me, send 611 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,520 Speaker 1: it to me. I will read it, and I will 612 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,640 Speaker 1: let you know what I think, and hopefully we'll be 613 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,640 Speaker 1: able to integrate it into a future episode. But thank 614 00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,800 Speaker 1: you so much for listening. Enjoy your lovely, beautiful weeks, 615 00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,560 Speaker 1: your weekends wherever you are in the world, and I 616 00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:23,760 Speaker 1: will see you next week for another episode.