Speaker 1: I'm excited to be back I Suck at Dating with
Speaker 1: Dean Angler and I Heart Radio podcast. Hello everyone, thank
Speaker 1: you for joining me and my two friends, Erica and
Speaker 1: Eastern in studio for another episode of help I Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating. UM, I apologize for my absence last week,
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry for having you sit through Nick Viles
Speaker 1: voice for an hour and a half. But I promise
Speaker 1: I won't do that to you again, at least on
Speaker 1: my own accord. So it's Tuesday, It's March sixth eighteen.
Speaker 1: Last night we watched the episode of the finale of
Speaker 1: the Bachelor. I'm still freaking out, but I guess I
Speaker 1: should rephrase that Erica and I watched the finale of
Speaker 1: The Bachelor. Easton has not seen it. I have never
Speaker 1: watched an episode of The Bachelor in my entire life,
Speaker 1: still to this day. To this day, i've seen clips,
Speaker 1: but UM, I've never seen it. I respect you so
Speaker 1: much from that, UM, and so I know that we
Speaker 1: don't normally talk a lot about The Bachelor on this podcast,
Speaker 1: it's not a Bachelor podcast, but I don't think we
Speaker 1: can skate by with this episode without talking about it
Speaker 1: a little bit. As think there's some interesting dating issues
Speaker 1: in this, like going back to an X and like,
Speaker 1: and I have some feelings about are in the way
Speaker 1: that he handled everything. I think that we'll get to
Speaker 1: it later, of course, but um, he did some really
Speaker 1: bad things and he did some things that were not
Speaker 1: so bad, and I don't know, I want to kind
Speaker 1: of get your opinion on it, because I know we
Speaker 1: haven't really talked about it yet, but you see on Twitter,
Speaker 1: like people are crucifying him and saying all these negative things.
Speaker 1: But so we can start back to that. This is
Speaker 1: the first episode that we've recorded post Winter Games finale
Speaker 1: as well, which basically seems like an afterthout at this point,
Speaker 1: like no one even cares about Winter Games now. But
Speaker 1: it is nice to be able to openly communicate the
Speaker 1: relationship with Leslie that I have instead of having to
Speaker 1: hide that. This is the first time anyone knows you
Speaker 1: in a relationship, yes, of the of the of the
Speaker 1: kind of as long as Deanie Babies has existed, he's
Speaker 1: never been in a public relationship and this is the
Speaker 1: first time this has happened, and it feels phenomenal. Um. Okay,
Speaker 1: So our first guest today is a man by the
Speaker 1: name of Justin McMillan, who is the CEO and founder
Speaker 1: of Treehouse Recovery, which is a specialized absent based recovering
Speaker 1: wellness center. Hey, Justin, how are you good? How are
Speaker 1: you doing? This is Dean. I'm joining the studio with
Speaker 1: Erica Ian Easton. Thank you so much for taking the
Speaker 1: time to jump on the phone with us. Um. Absolutely so, Justin,
Speaker 1: I just let in a little bit with with the
Speaker 1: fact that you're founder and CEO of over at Treehouse Recovery.
Speaker 1: But do you mind telling us a little bit more
Speaker 1: about kind of what you do? And um I I
Speaker 1: remember reading an email that you are a big advocate
Speaker 1: of hugs, which I absolutely love because I'm a big
Speaker 1: hugger as well. But um, maybe just like like a
Speaker 1: general overarching idea, like a like an elevator pitch on
Speaker 1: kind of who you are and what you've done. Sure? Sure, Well, first,
Speaker 1: thank you for for having me on the show. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So okay, So I'm the CEO and founder of Treehouse Recovery,
Speaker 1: which is a it's a national organization and we treat
Speaker 1: substance abuse. But we've we've come at it from a
Speaker 1: different angle. Really, we were are big its focuses on bonding,
Speaker 1: mail bonding and connecting men together. And through the body
Speaker 1: of our work, we've discovered that, you know, there are
Speaker 1: a lot of things that men can do to be
Speaker 1: healthier and stronger, and so this is kind of where
Speaker 1: where hugging comes in. One of the things that we've
Speaker 1: discovered is that an individual who is really healthy socially,
Speaker 1: a man who's healthy socially is not afraid to to
Speaker 1: hug like yourself, and that by having physical connection that
Speaker 1: men ultimately are healthier and stay healthier. And there's a
Speaker 1: lot of parts to this, uh and I could go
Speaker 1: into several different things, but uh, so we look at
Speaker 1: that and we have a we also have an academy
Speaker 1: and research institute, so we're studying men's health in general
Speaker 1: and we're looking at how to further develop what we
Speaker 1: do to make it better. And so we're constantly assessing
Speaker 1: what are the different variables that make up a healthy
Speaker 1: man and in a lot of different ways physiologically and
Speaker 1: socially psychologically. And then through that we've we've really discovered
Speaker 1: that physical touch is something that we're missing in our
Speaker 1: culture and in our society, and that men need this.
Speaker 1: You know, we need to be physical, we need to touch.
Speaker 1: And this isn't this isn't a new thing. I mean,
Speaker 1: we we all experienced this as children when we when
Speaker 1: we're young, I mean we're obviously we're held embraced at
Speaker 1: a young age, and then over time we're sort of
Speaker 1: taught social norms and eventually we sort of in general,
Speaker 1: men start to disconnect and they stopped. You know, it's
Speaker 1: more about a handshake and you know, kind of standing
Speaker 1: your ground and then touch sort of changes for men.
Speaker 1: And and so we look at that, and all the
Speaker 1: guys that come to us, I mean most of them,
Speaker 1: you know. To give you an idea about addiction, addiction
Speaker 1: is really about disconnection and and individuals being disconnected from
Speaker 1: others and from themselves and and from their own thinking
Speaker 1: in their own mind. And so we focus on reconnecting
Speaker 1: and like I said before, bonding. And what we've discovered
Speaker 1: is that healthy bonds are a critical part for human behavior.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not something we've discovered, it's known, but
Speaker 1: it's really something that we've discovered is missing. And it's sad.
Speaker 1: I look around and you see and and there's a
Speaker 1: lot of men that are afraid of this and I
Speaker 1: think in today's society where we're at right now, men
Speaker 1: need this, and I think they're society need this. I
Speaker 1: think men need to kind of rebrand themselves a little
Speaker 1: bit in terms of how we're seeing and I think,
Speaker 1: you know, touching and physical interaction is a is a
Speaker 1: big part of that. I can I understand where you're
Speaker 1: coming from. Um, It's funny when I think about it too,
Speaker 1: because I have I have a lot of obviously like
Speaker 1: a lot of male friends, and it's funny to see
Speaker 1: how even just through the years that we've grown up together,
Speaker 1: we've kind of maybe had the reverse progression where um,
Speaker 1: we're still like very not like physical with each other,
Speaker 1: but we're not afraid of hugging each other like you know,
Speaker 1: kind of like messing around like that. Um, And I
Speaker 1: can I could see how some people would think of
Speaker 1: that as like a negative thing, but I think it's
Speaker 1: a great way to to show, I don't know, one
Speaker 1: way of one another that you care about them. But
Speaker 1: because so so with this, uh podcast, it's kind of
Speaker 1: like a dating centric podcast. I'm just kind of curious
Speaker 1: to hear um. And I'm not sure if you can
Speaker 1: speak firsthand, but how do you see these men come
Speaker 1: into this, UM, I guess treatment facility in terms of relationships.
Speaker 1: Do they come in with girlfriends that come in with wives?
Speaker 1: Do they leave in the same status that they as
Speaker 1: they came in with? How does that all kind of
Speaker 1: factor in? Yeah? So okay, and and I'd love to
Speaker 1: talk about the dating side. It's a little bit too,
Speaker 1: I mean outside of even recovery. But but yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean guys come in and all the you know, some
Speaker 1: some come in marriage and come in with relationships, and
Speaker 1: I would say most of them come in with pretty
Speaker 1: unhealthy relationships. And and then after they leave, we we
Speaker 1: actually encourage them to spend six months there with us,
Speaker 1: typically for six months, and we encourage them to spend
Speaker 1: six months uh focusing solely on developing strong platonic relationships
Speaker 1: UM and not not so much in the romantic side
Speaker 1: of things. And we do that because in early recovery,
Speaker 1: the brain is still growing and if you kind of
Speaker 1: stop in the middle of your trajectory and you connect
Speaker 1: with uh somebody in a in a non platonic way,
Speaker 1: it can kind of freeze that time for you. And
Speaker 1: it can be dangerous because the person that you may
Speaker 1: fall for an early recovery may be something completely different
Speaker 1: than what you would really prefer when you're completely healthy,
Speaker 1: and it takes quite a bit of time for someone
Speaker 1: to really, you know, get through postitute withdrawal where their
Speaker 1: brains starts to come back online and they start to
Speaker 1: feel strong and healthy again. So we encourage guys not
Speaker 1: to date right out of treatment and definitely not wild
Speaker 1: in treatment because you know, it's this is kind of
Speaker 1: the bigger subject around dating in general. I think that's
Speaker 1: his men. We need to we need to really focus
Speaker 1: on being the best us that we can be so
Speaker 1: we can bring that to the equation when dealing with
Speaker 1: a partner. And and so that's what we're really about,
Speaker 1: is how do we become the most optimal man, the
Speaker 1: most optimal human being that we can be. So we
Speaker 1: have a lot more to offer. And and then women
Speaker 1: picked up on that, you know, or or our partners
Speaker 1: picked up on that when we go out in the
Speaker 1: real world. And I mean an example of this would
Speaker 1: be like you talked about with your friends and and hugging,
Speaker 1: you know, a woman, it's also a display or a
Speaker 1: demonstration of what's possible or what could be in store
Speaker 1: for a woman. So when you're with your friends and
Speaker 1: you guys are grabbing each other and wrestling and hugging.
Speaker 1: That's a sign that you're capable of of a platonic
Speaker 1: connection and that you're capable of intimacy, And it's a
Speaker 1: way to demonstrate that to a woman, so she has
Speaker 1: an idea of what she may be signing up for
Speaker 1: she does get into a relationship with you. And I
Speaker 1: think I think also women need to see that we
Speaker 1: have social circles and connections with men that we can
Speaker 1: go back to, and that you know, we're not going
Speaker 1: to have the woman be everything for us all the time,
Speaker 1: that we have this other play so where we can
Speaker 1: go to you know, dump and to you know, share
Speaker 1: things and to kind of adjust and come back to
Speaker 1: the relationships so that we you know again can bring
Speaker 1: it our best selves. So yeah, yeah, So my thing
Speaker 1: is whenever I meet someone, not whenever I meet someone,
Speaker 1: but I would say nine times out of ten when
Speaker 1: I meet someone, I want to hug them, and I
Speaker 1: probably do go in for the hug, but there's often
Speaker 1: there's often or sometimes maybe like ten, there's going to
Speaker 1: be someone that maybe like puts their hand out while
Speaker 1: I'm going in for a hug and then he just just
Speaker 1: kind of makes it. There should just be one uniform
Speaker 1: like greeting where you can just hug whoever you want
Speaker 1: to hug, and I mean within reason, of course. But
Speaker 1: I know, so Eric is here. I know she's not
Speaker 1: the biggest fan of Yeah. So I'm not a big hugger,
Speaker 1: like at all. Dean walks in the studio and I
Speaker 1: usually just like say him, no, I mean, I love it,
Speaker 1: we're like friends, but I just like, I'm not a
Speaker 1: huge hugger. And I know you focus mostly on men.
Speaker 1: But am I like putting out everything wrong to the
Speaker 1: world that I'm actually like super not intimate people. No,
Speaker 1: not at all. I mean it's not there's no such
Speaker 1: thing as one size fits all kind of the thing,
Speaker 1: you know. But but I mean, what does it What
Speaker 1: does it say to you if you see a man
Speaker 1: hug another man? How does that? Oh? My god, I
Speaker 1: think that's so sweet. I have nothing wrong but Dean
Speaker 1: hugs everyone, and I think it's really nice. But oh sorry,
Speaker 1: But I have no problems with other people hugging. And
Speaker 1: I hug like my family and my close friends, and
Speaker 1: I have no problems with that. And I even actually
Speaker 1: hug on first meeting more so than maybe third or fourth,
Speaker 1: which is strange. You get the hugs out of the
Speaker 1: way early. Yeah, I'm like, I don't have to hug
Speaker 1: you later the formal the formal, I guess to get
Speaker 1: this out of the way. Is this formality kind of deal? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really sorry. I don't know if it says anything
Speaker 1: about me or just that I really hate human contact,
Speaker 1: so I guess. And like you said, it's not it's
Speaker 1: not a one size fits all thing. I think that
Speaker 1: generally speaking, maybe women show are more effects, but you know,
Speaker 1: for you, you don't have to be and men are
Speaker 1: less affectionate on average. But I think that if you
Speaker 1: can kind of just like make it known that it's
Speaker 1: perfectly acceptable and fine to do that. Yeah. Absolutely. And
Speaker 1: there's like there's like a horseplay element for men to write.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's like just kind of it's not just
Speaker 1: always hugging. It's like like even a punch in the shoulder,
Speaker 1: like a grab or like a kind of a wrestle,
Speaker 1: you know. And that's something we see in children. You
Speaker 1: see it with little boys. They're kind of playing around
Speaker 1: until we, you know, say hey, knock it off. Don't
Speaker 1: do that anymore, you know, it's kind of like stand
Speaker 1: up straight, you know, kind of stop doing that. But
Speaker 1: that exists in us. That's a part of who men
Speaker 1: are and and you see it where they can sports
Speaker 1: teams and you know, even in the military and athletic like,
Speaker 1: guys are actually much more physical than probably we realized.
Speaker 1: And it's not always just about intimacy, and it's sort
Speaker 1: of like gentle soft way. It's like, you know, it
Speaker 1: can be like a forearm grab and like pulling someone
Speaker 1: towards you. You know, there's there's a lot more to
Speaker 1: that in who we are than I think men real life.
Speaker 1: And it's not always it's not this necessarily like a
Speaker 1: soft and touchy thing, although it can be, and of course,
Speaker 1: like you said, that can make some people uncomfortable, but
Speaker 1: I think I think it's really just about touch and
Speaker 1: in their actions, and there's so much communicated through this, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's you can say so much, you know,
Speaker 1: by giving somebody a hug, you're saying like I trust you,
Speaker 1: you can trust me, right, You're safe with me, and
Speaker 1: I'm safe with you, and uh, and you're you're you're
Speaker 1: showing that as as a man. It's it takes a
Speaker 1: certain amount of confidence and strength to do that too,
Speaker 1: and knowing who you are. And I think that that
Speaker 1: also is it's a very beautiful thing. And I think
Speaker 1: sharing that wherever you can is a is a great thing.
Speaker 1: I think another thing it's amazing about it is that
Speaker 1: there's health benefits stugg and there's actual physiological health. But
Speaker 1: if it's like it, it raises oxytocin in the in
Speaker 1: the body, which is like that we kind of feel
Speaker 1: good chemical that helps us still relaxed, and it raises serotonin.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of studies about this, and so you
Speaker 1: we have this ability through touch to like actually change
Speaker 1: someone's chemistry and make them healthier. And if you think
Speaker 1: about it that way, like like give it. You can
Speaker 1: give that to somebody, Like we as men, we can
Speaker 1: reach out and actually make someone healthier or make someone
Speaker 1: happier by just grabbing them and squeezing them. It's so simple,
Speaker 1: and it is so simple, and it's really really beautiful.
Speaker 1: I think it's it's a pretty amazing, amazing tool, an
Speaker 1: amazing thing that you can you can give to somebody
Speaker 1: else and then by doing it, you know, it's sort
Speaker 1: of it grows on itself because maybe you hug somebody
Speaker 1: that's not really a hugger, and all of a sudden
Speaker 1: they go, I kind of like this, and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden they got that bug, and then they
Speaker 1: want to hug somebody else. And then the next week,
Speaker 1: you know, we're walking down the street and everybody's hugging
Speaker 1: each other. I mean, that would be I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it. I'm a percent here for it. I
Speaker 1: think the more hugs the better. The one person that
Speaker 1: might be more of a hugger than I am is
Speaker 1: Ben Ben Higgins is every time I see him, he
Speaker 1: gives me the biggest bear hug I've ever I ever get.
Speaker 1: And I mean it's always it's a it's a it's
Speaker 1: a good thing to look for two whatever you and
Speaker 1: I've never felt terrible after a hug, Like you can't.
Speaker 1: You feel pretty good unless they're like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: forcing you to hug them. But but yeah, usually they're nice.
Speaker 1: So we can actually help people in the world through this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I was gonna say, and I think the
Speaker 1: one one of the good points that you well, they're
Speaker 1: all good points, of course, but one of the points
Speaker 1: that we can really focus on. From the dating aspect
Speaker 1: of it is is to really focus on yourself before
Speaker 1: I guess being willing and able to jump into a relationship.
Speaker 1: But I think we've mentioned that before as well. But um,
Speaker 1: you know, by going around and I guess having that
Speaker 1: that physical connection with with anyone obviously a prely potonic
Speaker 1: basis is allowing you to you know, like you said,
Speaker 1: kind of level or give you some more oxytocin and
Speaker 1: um what was it serotonine as well? So um, as
Speaker 1: as long as you're working on yourself at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, I think that's definitely one of the
Speaker 1: main takeaways, which is always a positive. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's man week. It's easy to jump into a
Speaker 1: relationship and to start to sort of forget about the
Speaker 1: connections that you have with other men and how important
Speaker 1: they are to maintain a healthy relationship, and so focusing
Speaker 1: on that and focusing on bonding and just being close
Speaker 1: to the men in your life is I think it's
Speaker 1: an important thing. Not not all men like to talk
Speaker 1: about their feelings, so sometimes like how doing you're wrestling
Speaker 1: around and grabbing each other can be a great way
Speaker 1: to say I care about you. And I'm here for
Speaker 1: you without having to sit down and have some deep conversation.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's right at my alley. I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: not much of a one to express my my feelings,
Speaker 1: so to be able to do it through that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff is it's much easier. And I think that's
Speaker 1: that can go along for a lot of other guys
Speaker 1: as well. But um, Justin, thank you so much again
Speaker 1: for taking the time. UM, if if you want to
Speaker 1: follow Justin and his his company, they're not I don't
Speaker 1: want to call it a company. I guess it's your
Speaker 1: advocate and treatment facility, right, Treehouse Recovery. Um, go ahead
Speaker 1: and follow them on on Instagram and on Facebook tree
Speaker 1: House Recovery. Um. Justin, is there anything else that you
Speaker 1: wanna maybe speak on or plug before before we jump
Speaker 1: off here? Yeah? Well, once, thank you again for having
Speaker 1: me and and I guess I I'd like to say,
Speaker 1: you know, just to present a challenge to all your
Speaker 1: listeners and whether it be male or female, that you know,
Speaker 1: step outside of your comfort zone a little bit and
Speaker 1: reach out and give somebody a hug and think about this,
Speaker 1: be present about this. I consider the fact that physical
Speaker 1: touch is an important part of your life, and that
Speaker 1: by doing so that your life will be better, You'll
Speaker 1: be happier, you'll be healthier, and you can make the
Speaker 1: world a better place. I love it. I just gave
Speaker 1: Erica Huggins. She's got the biggest green on her face
Speaker 1: right now while you were talking, reached over and hugged me.
Speaker 1: It was nice. Um okay, Justin next again one more time.
Speaker 1: It's Treehouse Recovery on both Facebook and Instagram. UM, be
Speaker 1: sure to check them out. And Justin again, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for the time. It's good to hear that
Speaker 1: you're doing so much good in the world, and we
Speaker 1: look forward to seeing what else you can do. All right,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you so much for having me have
Speaker 1: a good day. All right, take care. Another way of
Speaker 1: spreading good in the world, besides these incredible hugs that
Speaker 1: you can be given everyone on a daily basis, um,
Speaker 1: is by going on threat up and maybe getting yourself
Speaker 1: something nice, make you a little bit happier. Maybe get
Speaker 1: something for someone else, make them a little bit happier. Well,
Speaker 1: if you get something for yourself, you get happier, which
Speaker 1: then you can you're working on yourself exactly. It's all
Speaker 1: coming full circle and one of the best ways is
Speaker 1: to go to threat Up. And I know, I know
Speaker 1: you guys have heard me talk about threat Up in
Speaker 1: the past. Basically the largest online thrift store where millions
Speaker 1: of women refresh their closets. It's basically a thrift store
Speaker 1: online where every style you can imagine is going to be.
Speaker 1: There's so many good brands too, all over the website,
Speaker 1: all over the website, all the good brands. Instead of
Speaker 1: having a shift sift aimlessly throughout the racks, you can
Speaker 1: basically just sort by size, by style, by color, all
Speaker 1: that good stuff to save you a bunch of time
Speaker 1: and save you up on to money. You get a
Speaker 1: lot of these brands. I think there's like thirty five
Speaker 1: thousand brands for up to off the original retail value,
Speaker 1: which is just fantastic. I think Easton was saying the
Speaker 1: other day he got his wife something. He spent ten
Speaker 1: dollars on something that was originally a hundred dollars. That's crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's insane. Everything I've seen from thread Up, I
Speaker 1: would not have believed it came from there. Was like,
Speaker 1: you know, that's a good quality. Yeah, it's incredible. It's
Speaker 1: a thrift store usually has a connotation that's like you're
Speaker 1: gonna be covered in moth balls, and it's like Grandma clothes.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no no no, not the case of threat.
Speaker 1: No no, no no. I love it. It's the world.
Speaker 1: Like I said, it's the world's largest online thrift store,
Speaker 1: with over thirty five th brands off every autumn on
Speaker 1: the site goes through a twelve point quality inspection process.
Speaker 1: So like Easton said, you know you're not good. You
Speaker 1: know you're gonna get good quality clothes. It's not even
Speaker 1: gonna look like it came from from a thrift store
Speaker 1: or anything like that. I think free People dresses for
Speaker 1: ten dollars, Day Crew jeans for twelve dollars, Kate Spade
Speaker 1: handbags for thirty dollars. I love a good Kate Spade handbag.
Speaker 1: But if you go to if you got a thread up, uh,
Speaker 1: we're offering all of the help I suck a dating
Speaker 1: listeners in extra thirty percent off their very first order.
Speaker 1: So go to thread up dot com slash dean that's
Speaker 1: th h r e d up dot com slash dean
Speaker 1: for an extra off the already up to off retail
Speaker 1: value and invest in yourself, invest in your friends, go
Speaker 1: to threat dot com slash Dean love it. So, do
Speaker 1: you want to talk about what happened last night on
Speaker 1: The Bachelor? Yeah? I I appreciate Justin's perspective because while
Speaker 1: it wasn't necessarily perfectly aligned with what we're talking about
Speaker 1: on a daily basis through this podcast, it was still
Speaker 1: unique to hear. You know, there are some people out
Speaker 1: there that are doing good in the world. But I
Speaker 1: think that we would be remiss to not talk about
Speaker 1: the Bachelor finale last night. And again, Easton didn't watch it,
Speaker 1: so he might it might be seen some peripheral reactions, though,
Speaker 1: So I think we've we've talked a lot about it
Speaker 1: without you amongst us, Eastince, he heard quite a bit
Speaker 1: about it. I think, okay, And I think it's almost
Speaker 1: maybe better that you didn't watch it for this instance,
Speaker 1: because it kind of gives you less of a bias
Speaker 1: one way or the other. Um. I would love to
Speaker 1: hear Erica's perspective. So I watching the show, loved both
Speaker 1: Back and Lauren be Like, no issues with either of
Speaker 1: them at all. Um, But watching I knew a spoiler
Speaker 1: that he was gonna break up with whoever he got
Speaker 1: engaged to. So watching that proposal was so painful because
Speaker 1: then he gives her the final rose and spins her
Speaker 1: around and the rose breaks. Yeah, like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: she should have known at that moment um. But I
Speaker 1: just don't think that they needed to film her getting
Speaker 1: broken up with, like she was so blindsided. See that's
Speaker 1: where I disagree with you. You think they should have
Speaker 1: done it. I think it's totally cool. I think it
Speaker 1: was the best way to handle a very bad situation.
Speaker 1: It wasn't good by any means, but it was the
Speaker 1: best way that they could have done the very bad
Speaker 1: thing that was doing. And here's my thing. Let's and
Speaker 1: let's maybe you bring it back to that final where
Speaker 1: he told Lauren that he wasn't going to propose to her,
Speaker 1: but then he still told her he loved her. Yes,
Speaker 1: that was interesting, and she said, I mean, I still
Speaker 1: love you. And I think they kissed before you No,
Speaker 1: they didn't. I think he kissed her like on the
Speaker 1: cheek or something. Okay, a close close close it was
Speaker 1: it was. And then come down comes Becca. He proposes
Speaker 1: um and it was cute. It was a sweet proposal,
Speaker 1: but like he didn't cry. No one cried. He's been
Speaker 1: very devoid of emotion the entire season. And it's funny too,
Speaker 1: because I was sitting Nick Vile and I were Nickle
Speaker 1: and I were watching the finale with the live audience
Speaker 1: last night in Burbank wherever. Yeah, I saw your little
Speaker 1: camp on the Yeah, yeah, we'll can get that later
Speaker 1: as well. But Nick was like, I don't think I
Speaker 1: saw him cry once. I cried all the time in
Speaker 1: my season. He guysn't even cried once. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: didn't even realize. But you're right, he didn't didn't really cry,
Speaker 1: which maybe he's just not a crier. You can't really
Speaker 1: fault him for that. But here's my thing. So he
Speaker 1: picks Becca. Um thinks he made the right decision, and
Speaker 1: at the time, maybe it was the right decision. Like
Speaker 1: I don't think he should have proposed to her. I
Speaker 1: think that was the biggest mistake that he possibly made
Speaker 1: in that situation. He chose that morning. Like, if someone's
Speaker 1: proposing to me, I hope they know damn well, but
Speaker 1: for that morning, and yeah, and exactly, And here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I would never I would hope that no one would
Speaker 1: ever propose to someone while they're in love with someone else.
Speaker 1: So he could definitely be in love with Becca and
Speaker 1: wants to be with her, but not proposed to her
Speaker 1: if he's still in love with Lauren. So that's the
Speaker 1: challenging thing. And then here's where I tend to disagree
Speaker 1: with a lot of the viewers. Um was the televised
Speaker 1: breakup tasteful? Absolutely not? Was it ethical? Probably not? Was
Speaker 1: it brilliant TV? Yes not even that was a brilliant TV.
Speaker 1: But I think that if you think about it this way,
Speaker 1: you look at Nick and Vanessa's breakup, no one really
Speaker 1: knows why they broke up. You look at Ben and
Speaker 1: lawrence breakup, no one really knows why they broke up.
Speaker 1: You know, you hear stories from both sides, but no
Speaker 1: one's ever certain. With this situation, it's very objectively clear
Speaker 1: why they broke up. It's because Ari was in love
Speaker 1: with Lauren and in order for Becca. And again this
Speaker 1: is kind of since we haven't seen who's announced as
Speaker 1: a bachelor at assuming that Becca wants to be the bachelorette,
Speaker 1: this was really the only way to go about it
Speaker 1: because now everyone can be certain that are you is
Speaker 1: kind of the jerk that dumped her to get back
Speaker 1: together with Lauren, and now there's no he said, she
Speaker 1: said going into this bachelorette announcement. And again that's only
Speaker 1: assuming that Becca wants to be the bachelorette. If she's
Speaker 1: not the bachelorette, I think that it probably could have
Speaker 1: been should have been handled a lot differently. Um, But
Speaker 1: that's that's kind of my thoughts on it. I just
Speaker 1: him like refusing to leave that horrible. She asked him
Speaker 1: to leave, and he walks out. He walks out of
Speaker 1: the house, and I'm like, that was okay, great, And
Speaker 1: he walks back in and sits there, sits there, and
Speaker 1: then goes through the house and finds her and then
Speaker 1: sits there and she's crying and she has her hands
Speaker 1: over her face and she's like, please stop staring at me.
Speaker 1: Like he's just sitting there. He's not crying, he's just
Speaker 1: sitting there, like staring at her. I just he needed
Speaker 1: to leave much earlier than he did. And I remember
Speaker 1: seeing like I remember people saying like, oh, producers were
Speaker 1: telling him to sit there and stay and like like
Speaker 1: just draw draw it out. I don't think so at all.
Speaker 1: There were no there was no communication. It was just
Speaker 1: cameraman in the room with them, like And I think
Speaker 1: that if anyone was ever in a situation like that,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't like, there's it's just your emotion, and they
Speaker 1: wouldn't sit there listen to a producer telling them to
Speaker 1: stay on the couch for the X amount of time
Speaker 1: longer you're just gonna act instinctively regardless. I think that
Speaker 1: if I was back in that situation, I would have
Speaker 1: just gotten up and walked away. But I hated how
Speaker 1: um when Becca was like just leave, just leave, just leave,
Speaker 1: probably said a five times, he already sat there, kind
Speaker 1: of didn't say anything, and then after maybe like a pause,
Speaker 1: always like Okay, I think we're gonna go now, and
Speaker 1: it's like, well, yeah, you should have left five minutes ago.
Speaker 1: Do it when it's on her terms, not yours, And
Speaker 1: he's kind of like putting on himself, like now I'm
Speaker 1: going to leave because I feel comfortable leaving, not when
Speaker 1: she was like, you need to leave because this is
Speaker 1: way too much for me. So that was really that.
Speaker 1: I didn't really like that obviously at all. I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone likes kind of how long he lingered. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm also just really interested to see what happens tonight,
Speaker 1: which is actually live, Like so that's so yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I think it is. It is actually a live and
Speaker 1: like they're saying, like, oh, like Ari and Lauren seeing
Speaker 1: each other again, but they for sure talked since he
Speaker 1: broke up with Becca, right, what do you mean don't
Speaker 1: you think Lauren and Ari have been in communication ever
Speaker 1: since he broke up with Becca? I think they're together, right,
Speaker 1: But they're trying to tease it as if like, see
Speaker 1: what happens when we get Lauren and Ari on the stage,
Speaker 1: see if she'll take him back? And I'm like, I
Speaker 1: just feel like they've been talking this whole time. If
Speaker 1: you're Lauren w and you take him back, he's not
Speaker 1: the most hated dude in the country right now, it's
Speaker 1: bad feel like being that's just like watching from the sidelines.
Speaker 1: I was like, is she like psyched on this or like,
Speaker 1: how does she feel? No one knows. She hasn't said
Speaker 1: a think. I don't know if I could take him
Speaker 1: back if he was like, oh my god, I love you,
Speaker 1: but I love her more than I'm going to propose
Speaker 1: to her. So that's the thing too. I think that's
Speaker 1: the reason that he's being crucified as much as he is,
Speaker 1: and he should be because he never should have proposed Rebecca. No. No,
Speaker 1: he should have said, do you want to continue a
Speaker 1: relationship with me? It's so bad? Do you think that
Speaker 1: there was any way in the world this show could
Speaker 1: have ended with him saying, I'd like to continue to
Speaker 1: date both of you. Oh, that would have been juicy,
Speaker 1: because like, that's the real world, you date a couple
Speaker 1: of people. I think I saw an interview with Ben
Speaker 1: where he was like, if he wasn't certain the day
Speaker 1: of proposing Tobecca, he should have asked for like a
Speaker 1: couple of day extension to film a couple more days
Speaker 1: with the girls, and maybe that would have made a
Speaker 1: huge difference. That would be brilliant. I don't know, great,
Speaker 1: I don't know, But I just don't know if he
Speaker 1: really thought through it all, Like in his mind it
Speaker 1: was like the TV show is ending, and I have
Speaker 1: to make my decision, and Becca makes sense, so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go with Becca. Do you think it was his
Speaker 1: parents or his family that kind of swayed him, because
Speaker 1: I feel like, oh, his family loved Lauren, yeah, but
Speaker 1: I think they like Becca a little more. And they
Speaker 1: didn't show it on the show. All they showed with
Speaker 1: Becca with his family was them asking Becca about Lauren.
Speaker 1: It was so weird. That was pretty rough. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it kept cutting Tobecca an interview saying I have to
Speaker 1: hear Lauren's name one more time. I'm a little not upset.
Speaker 1: I'm a little bummed that we were at the live
Speaker 1: viewing of the finale because I would much rather be
Speaker 1: at the the thing tonight. You would rather been there tonight. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm really excited to watch tonight. It's gonna be It's
Speaker 1: gonna be fun, I think. And it's funny too because
Speaker 1: this season up until now it has been pretty lackluster, um,
Speaker 1: not incredibly exciting, but now everyone's like waiting on the
Speaker 1: edge of their seat. I can't imagine the pitchforks and
Speaker 1: people that would be coming after him if like we
Speaker 1: were super invested in these relationships Instead, I kind of
Speaker 1: just like, he'll pick one. It's cool, But like, imagine
Speaker 1: if what if? What if it was like like everyone
Speaker 1: was so into Rachel's season with like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be Brian, is it gonna be Peter? Like, oh,
Speaker 1: we all thought it was gonna be Peter. If she
Speaker 1: had done the switcher real actually really good point, it
Speaker 1: would have been like she would have had to leave
Speaker 1: the country. I wonder how much. I don't know, It's
Speaker 1: just like how much can you think was one side
Speaker 1: and one of the other side, Like how much was
Speaker 1: Ari and how much were the producers? Like, because you
Speaker 1: know that the producers had to have known that Ari
Speaker 1: wasn't certain about the relationship with Becca, and then that's
Speaker 1: kind of when they were like, if you're not certain
Speaker 1: about this, we need to get this on camera. And
Speaker 1: then of course I agreed to it. And again I
Speaker 1: think that that was the steps that were necessary to
Speaker 1: have Becca have the the public closure that she could
Speaker 1: possibly get because and again that's kind of what I
Speaker 1: keep thinking back to, is if they if they didn't
Speaker 1: air that very awkward, unedited, then very publicly Becca's relationship
Speaker 1: would be very like ambiguous and uncertain to everyone as
Speaker 1: to wide ended. And I think that was the necessary
Speaker 1: step in kind of closing that ambiguity. Do you think
Speaker 1: as much as it was super embarrassing for her, and
Speaker 1: she said that herself was like, oh my god, that
Speaker 1: also in the end is going to help her, like
Speaker 1: publicly be moved on. I think, so Okay, I mean
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not a fan of it necessarily, but
Speaker 1: I think that it was the best of a very
Speaker 1: bad situation. What would you have done though, if like
Speaker 1: you were in Becca's shoes and say Rachel did choose
Speaker 1: you and you were sitting there and she's breaking up
Speaker 1: with you on camera, Like, I guess you got broken
Speaker 1: up with on camera away and that's the thing to
Speaker 1: these people sign up for this and like it was bad.
Speaker 1: I probably was like all time high in terms of
Speaker 1: I don't know, being broken up with on camera, Like
Speaker 1: this might be the top of the top, but this
Speaker 1: is exactly what they everyone agreed to do before going
Speaker 1: on the show. Do you remember that time that I
Speaker 1: had to take you to your motorcycle and I was
Speaker 1: like going off about how big of a Bachelor fan
Speaker 1: was and I was like, oh my god, did you
Speaker 1: ever see Jason Mesnick season? Wait? Mesnick was there last night? Yes,
Speaker 1: because he's the one who's done this before. So here's
Speaker 1: the thing. Isn't he still married to the girl that
Speaker 1: he so is? That is that's a success story? Isn't it?
Speaker 1: A part of me is saying maybe Lauren b should
Speaker 1: take him back and get married and maybe they'll be
Speaker 1: happy forever. But then in ten years from how we're
Speaker 1: gonna look back and still think of Aria as this
Speaker 1: We still think, no, we don't think of Jason as
Speaker 1: a horrible person. Now it's like, oh my god, how
Speaker 1: sweet he really made the right to haven't eight years? Yes,
Speaker 1: he has one from a previous relationship who is thirteen.
Speaker 1: I did research today, super fan. Oh yeah, um. And
Speaker 1: then they have a five year old daughter. I think
Speaker 1: five somewhere around there. But I promise our resources today.
Speaker 1: And again, I mean, I hate defending the guy, but
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, are you went on
Speaker 1: the show to find love? And if his heart was
Speaker 1: telling him to go with Lauren, it's just a proposal.
Speaker 1: I just don't propose. Just don't propose. Is any better
Speaker 1: off And this is true in all relationships. Just being
Speaker 1: honest rather than staying in something that's bad. Every every
Speaker 1: party involved is better off with him being honest. That
Speaker 1: is not going to get married to someone who she
Speaker 1: shouldn't marry. Jared was saying last night that he was
Speaker 1: almost overly honest too. When he was having that conversation
Speaker 1: with Becca he kept saying when he was breaking up
Speaker 1: with Becca, he kept mentioning Lauren, which was just horrible.
Speaker 1: I think he had to be what if then he
Speaker 1: never said it. He's just like, I don't think it's
Speaker 1: working out whatever, and then she's like, I'm sorry, you know,
Speaker 1: two months later you're back with Lauren. B I think
Speaker 1: he had to be honest. Did he propose to Lauren?
Speaker 1: He's just with her. He has not yet, We don't.
Speaker 1: We were speculating there could be a proposal tonight on.
Speaker 1: Did he have to get the ring back from Becca
Speaker 1: when she handed it back? Okay, she took it off.
Speaker 1: I'm very proud of her for doing that. Literally, like
Speaker 1: thirty seconds in the conversation, I know she was still
Speaker 1: wearing it, and then the next thing I realized that
Speaker 1: she had taken it off. I was like at a girl,
Speaker 1: and he like walked outside and was holding it and
Speaker 1: was looking at it. It It was so weird. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: house was weird houses. Oh my god. There were so
Speaker 1: many doors that led to the same place. Were they
Speaker 1: the only ones in the house? Because I'm hearing him
Speaker 1: like wandering the halls like a like an empty manner,
Speaker 1: picturing them two and then two or three cameras at
Speaker 1: the camera crew, and you could see a lot of
Speaker 1: camera crew because it was unedited. I mean, you would
Speaker 1: know better than anyone in this room. Was that the
Speaker 1: first ever side by side like split screen that they
Speaker 1: ever had? Yes, what do you think of that? Amazing
Speaker 1: because you could see Becca and you could usually at
Speaker 1: some points the cameras went off, which was interesting, like
Speaker 1: you could only see one of them. Uh No, I
Speaker 1: think the unedited was good, and I do think it
Speaker 1: favored Becca. Do you I mean, do you think she
Speaker 1: wants to come the Bachelor? That's the thing. If she
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be the bachelortte, then everything I said
Speaker 1: completely disintegrates. It has no foundation whatsoever. But I don't
Speaker 1: I would almost advise her not to be the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: I think it's really soon, like they start filming, what
Speaker 1: in March, two weeks something like that. I'm sure in March,
Speaker 1: it's already marchch Um, in a couple of weeks. Like,
Speaker 1: if I'm in, everything I say has to be taking
Speaker 1: with the huge grain of salt. But I would almost
Speaker 1: advise not to take the role of bachelor at for her.
Speaker 1: Should she go in Paradise instead? Nope, Okay, she should
Speaker 1: avoid Bachelor World for the rest of her life. No, okay,
Speaker 1: not necessarily should come back next Bachelor. I don't. I
Speaker 1: haven't really thought that part of the police so, like,
Speaker 1: wait a year, maybe it was this was she was engaged.
Speaker 1: You know, that's crazy to think about, and now she's not.
Speaker 1: I've never even been close to engaged, so I can't
Speaker 1: imagine being like the rest of my life has planned out.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be with this man, We're gonna have babies,
Speaker 1: we're gonna move here, blah blah blah. Never mind. She
Speaker 1: did say something along the lines of my future. I
Speaker 1: had my future all planned out and now it's not
Speaker 1: for me. That was really sad. I hope she yells
Speaker 1: at him tonight. I think at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: we will all very very much love to see a
Speaker 1: Becca love story. M hmm, like there if she wanted it. Tears.
Speaker 1: I am team backup for Bachelorette, But I do think
Speaker 1: it's very soon and very intense. I don't know, it's tough.
Speaker 1: I'm excited to see how it all until tonight, and
Speaker 1: again I'm a little worried that something is going to
Speaker 1: catch us completely off guard and this is all going
Speaker 1: to sound completely ridiculous everything that we just talked about,
Speaker 1: But who knows, that's the fun of live show. I
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm saying. Do you want do some
Speaker 1: emails or do you want to keep talking about you know, Becca?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I still feel like I have some
Speaker 1: points to get across. I haven't gotten across yet. What
Speaker 1: is up Dean? And I'm just thinking I want to
Speaker 1: because I came in I was like, Okay, I want
Speaker 1: to talk about this and this and this. I feel
Speaker 1: this way about that. I think, yeah, I just I
Speaker 1: get always get brought back to the proposal you shouldn't proposed.
Speaker 1: But then I feel like he has this inkling or
Speaker 1: this urge to make sure that everyone that he knows
Speaker 1: to like like him. He like he wants everyone to
Speaker 1: like him. He wants to be well liked, and I
Speaker 1: think that's his ultimate pitfall, yeah, in life, and that's
Speaker 1: why he came across. Also was boring, I think, unfortunately.
Speaker 1: And then he's like savagely tweeting and the women tell
Speaker 1: all those tweets were amazing. Did you see those? Um?
Speaker 1: I remember seeing a picture that he posted of like
Speaker 1: pachelor and Paradise auditions. Ops, I mean the women tell
Speaker 1: all Yeah, which, like it's where was that personality the
Speaker 1: whole show? You know? Um? And he called out Crystal
Speaker 1: on Twitter. It was just funny. But I feel like
Speaker 1: you're right when we see him on screen. Well, I
Speaker 1: I tweeted out, like last week that already comes Across
Speaker 1: is boring on the TV show, But Ben came Across
Speaker 1: is born on the TV show and Ben is not
Speaker 1: born at all at all, like stand up Dude. It
Speaker 1: was just stand up duting. He's charismatics as hell. And
Speaker 1: so it's like I can understand that they don't necessarily
Speaker 1: have to edit the leads personality into it as much
Speaker 1: because it's more about the women's in that sense. Um,
Speaker 1: but who would you have picked if it was if
Speaker 1: those were your top two and you had to pick?
Speaker 1: I know this is not a cool game because you
Speaker 1: like have a girlfriend, but like, just say you had
Speaker 1: the fifth on that one? Oh my god, who would
Speaker 1: you have picked if you were an I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm a girl's okay, come on, we're role playing here. Sure,
Speaker 1: Becca way more personality and I really like more and
Speaker 1: beat So if she like is listening that's fine. I'm
Speaker 1: sure now, I'm just like, I don't want everyone to
Speaker 1: like me. Um Becca seems great, and again, if she
Speaker 1: decided to go Bachelorrette route, I think that she should
Speaker 1: probably get a great quality group of guys. I would
Speaker 1: hope so like those guys would be really lucky to
Speaker 1: have the opportunity to be able to date her. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it all depends on what happens tonight. It's weird how
Speaker 1: invested in the season I am, because I think I've
Speaker 1: told you this before I went on Rachel season at Bachelor.
Speaker 1: I was never a fan of The Bachelor, Bachelor or
Speaker 1: anything like that. Has you ever seen an episode at all?
Speaker 1: I've seen a couple episodes, but one of my best
Speaker 1: not quite one of my best friends made you watch
Speaker 1: some of Joe Joe's season or Ben season and then
Speaker 1: jo Jo's season. So I saw like three episodes, but
Speaker 1: they're double I love you, not quite as bad as
Speaker 1: this one. But so, this was the first season I
Speaker 1: watched start to finish, even though I skipped over a
Speaker 1: couple episodes in the middle because it's just two born. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had a hard time, so I had to force
Speaker 1: myself and I'm I haven't even I haven't even watched
Speaker 1: the final taple ssodes at Winter Games yet. Oh, so
Speaker 1: you haven't watched yourself? Oh, is that the episodes were
Speaker 1: the kissing competitions in it? Let's talk about that for
Speaker 1: a second. Yeah, well we should talk about that, because
Speaker 1: while I didn't watch the episode, there was I was
Speaker 1: on Twitter while the episode is airing. Is there any
Speaker 1: bad blood between you and Rachel? Because it comes across
Speaker 1: that way on on the show. So here's my take
Speaker 1: on that whole kissing competition whatever I was gonna have
Speaker 1: to say, dancing competition. It was definitely not a dancing Well, um,
Speaker 1: let's talk about the kissing competition or just win two
Speaker 1: games in general, but we'll start with the kissing competition. So, um,
Speaker 1: that whole night was was interesting. I think at that
Speaker 1: point there were six couples left, and we walk into
Speaker 1: the Hermitage Club. Every time we walked in one of
Speaker 1: those roads ceremonies, we didn't know how it was gonna
Speaker 1: be structured or what they were going to do every
Speaker 1: single time, and I think part of that was because
Speaker 1: they didn't know what they wanted to do. Um, And
Speaker 1: so we walked into that basically what were we think?
Speaker 1: There was fourteen of us seven couples, and Claire and
Speaker 1: Christian left before they even got to that point. Um,
Speaker 1: and we're sitting there and Chris Harrison comes in. He's like,
Speaker 1: all right, like, we're going to have a kissing competition
Speaker 1: to see who goes home. And immediately I thought, I
Speaker 1: was like, how old are we We're having a kissing
Speaker 1: competition to see who's staying around. And that was the
Speaker 1: first thought that I think Leslie had to because Leslie, now,
Speaker 1: we're very, very uh sound in our relationship and regardless
Speaker 1: of whether we went home that night or not, we
Speaker 1: knew that we were gonna have a relationship outside of
Speaker 1: the show. And so to be presented this like juvenile
Speaker 1: idea of having to perform in a kissing competition to
Speaker 1: prove your merit to stick around on The Bachelor Winter Games,
Speaker 1: we were both kind of like, that's ridiculous. So what
Speaker 1: we're gonna do is fight juvenile with juvenile and turn
Speaker 1: a kissing competition into something just completely ridiculous and just,
Speaker 1: I don't know, have fun with it. And so that's
Speaker 1: kind of where our mindset came from. We're like, we've
Speaker 1: been making out every single day for the past two weeks.
Speaker 1: We don't have to worry about whether we think we
Speaker 1: have other people think we have chemistry or passion or not.
Speaker 1: We know how to kiss. It's fine. Exactly at the
Speaker 1: point that you decided to create your little routine, did
Speaker 1: you know the judges? No, No, absolutely not. That's what
Speaker 1: the issue was, Okay, and there wasn't even an issue.
Speaker 1: So I think we were like sitting there on the
Speaker 1: couch every like all the couples basically branched off and
Speaker 1: they were practicing kissing or whatever it was unless and
Speaker 1: they were like sitting on the couch. Um, like when
Speaker 1: we were like, what do we have to worry about? Like,
Speaker 1: we don't care about again because if we get sent home,
Speaker 1: we're still gonna have a relationship outside of UM. We
Speaker 1: honestly didn't think that there was any real possibility of
Speaker 1: us getting so at home UM because again, Claire and
Speaker 1: Christian never kissed each other. H Josiah and Ali, God,
Speaker 1: we have to talk about Claire too, and so we
Speaker 1: were like, like what could we do? And then we
Speaker 1: started like practicing a kiss. We're like, all right, you're
Speaker 1: gonna bite my lip. On the third smooch and like
Speaker 1: we're all going through like the logistics of kissing each
Speaker 1: other and like this is ridiculous, there's no like what
Speaker 1: the heck, So like let's try and put a fun
Speaker 1: spin on this. And she and then we were like
Speaker 1: talking about her like dance routines in high school, and
Speaker 1: so we were both like, wait, let's like plan a
Speaker 1: core got dance routine. And then it kind of like
Speaker 1: snomballed on this thing. And then they announced the judges
Speaker 1: and yeah, Rachel came down. But what's funny is it
Speaker 1: was just hilarious to see that, you know, like it's
Speaker 1: it's weird and awkward kissing in front of someone that
Speaker 1: dated on TV for however long. But then after the fact,
Speaker 1: like they've had very specific roles and I think Rachel
Speaker 1: eleven tweeted at one point like um one was Simon
Speaker 1: one was oh, Like they were kind of told like yeah,
Speaker 1: being like Rachel, be hypercritical, um Jojo, you're the Randy Jackson,
Speaker 1: You're going to be like the kind of the cool one,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And even like after the fact, we
Speaker 1: we did the thing and they were basically were relieved
Speaker 1: with their duties of judging, and I was like upstairs,
Speaker 1: everyone was upset, Like all the girls were like I
Speaker 1: can't believe these people come in like judge our kissing ability,
Speaker 1: Like who do they think they are? Um. Kevin was
Speaker 1: like really annoyed because I think they were hypocritical of
Speaker 1: Ashley and his kiss or something they did eventually before
Speaker 1: the results. Um, and I was sitting there like, I
Speaker 1: was like, you guys have to understand how ridiculous this
Speaker 1: thing is. It was all it's it's an act, it's
Speaker 1: a TV show, it's entertainment. But everyone took everything so personally. Um.
Speaker 1: And then like Jojo and Rachel both came upstairs and
Speaker 1: like said high and like we were all friendly. So
Speaker 1: it's like there was no bad blood whatsoever. It was
Speaker 1: just like everyone is playing a character. I think also,
Speaker 1: like the whole on of Winter Games was that no
Speaker 1: one took anything seriously. Nothing about that was serious, and
Speaker 1: especially when you put a kissing competition in there, you
Speaker 1: can't take it serious with like full grown adults. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's so. That's that was the biggest thing with me.
Speaker 1: It was like I'm all for being goofy and quirky
Speaker 1: and juvenile and having fun, but if you guys are
Speaker 1: going to make this very goofy thing seemed very very serious.
Speaker 1: Then we're going to strip it of its seriousness and
Speaker 1: increase the goofiness of it. Um And so that guys
Speaker 1: are set, thank you. And what's funny too is Courtney
Speaker 1: and only had this whole big thing planned and then
Speaker 1: Leslie and I went first, and after we did our thing,
Speaker 1: they decided to kind of nix their whole routine. And
Speaker 1: that's amazing, which is pretty funny. So you were the
Speaker 1: guinea pigs and they said never mind. But I'm very proud.
Speaker 1: I'm very happy with how it ended. So um, yeah,
Speaker 1: that was the one that was another oneter game thing
Speaker 1: that I want to talk about because because there was
Speaker 1: just a lot of I guess chatter about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: people were like freaking out, and I mean me watching it,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, does she actually hate him?
Speaker 1: Because she's been on this show before and you guys
Speaker 1: got along great. Yeah. I think you guys are pretty cool, right.
Speaker 1: I mean, we're not friends, but we have no issue
Speaker 1: with each other. What are your thoughts? Like, You're you're
Speaker 1: not friends, but you're friendly with your ex? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I don't think like Rachel I don't text each other, okay,
Speaker 1: but if you like never would or just not regularly, don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think ever, like if I saw her walking
Speaker 1: down the street, I would walk like I'm sure we
Speaker 1: would walk up to each other and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: good to see you. How are you like you do that?
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I wouldn't text her, and she wouldn't text
Speaker 1: me and be like, hey, how is how are things?
Speaker 1: Because that's weird. It's just and disrespectful of each other's
Speaker 1: current relationships. We sure, okay? Sure? All right? Yeah? Um,
Speaker 1: Clarien ben wois how funny was? I was surprised by that.
Speaker 1: So Leslie and Claire our friends and Leslie it didn't
Speaker 1: even see it coming. Just how long do you know
Speaker 1: how long they were back together? I guess between when
Speaker 1: they called and when they got engaged. When he texted
Speaker 1: her saying like, hey, how are you say? Like six weeks? So? Um?
Speaker 1: What like getting engaged after six weeks? I guess is
Speaker 1: the thing on the back? Yeah, I guess. But like
Speaker 1: that was different. That wasn't on TV. They weren't spending
Speaker 1: all this time together, right, well? I think that so
Speaker 1: ben Wall lives in Canada and Claire lives in sacrament
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure Ben was spent a lot of time
Speaker 1: in Sacramento with Claire before obviously making that decision. I
Speaker 1: don't know for certain, but I know that Ben wasn't
Speaker 1: incredbly nice guy, and I know that Claire has been
Speaker 1: looking for a nice guy. I like that. So do
Speaker 1: you think they'll work Do you think it's gonna work out?
Speaker 1: I don't think I know either them well enough to
Speaker 1: really make that Okay, you didn't spend a lot of
Speaker 1: time with them, and well, Ben Wall left kind of early,
Speaker 1: kind of early, and honestly, like I spent all my
Speaker 1: time with Leslie, or if I wasn't with Leslie, was
Speaker 1: both Ben or Luke or Ashley, and Luke was pretty
Speaker 1: cool to Stacy as well. That ending, Yeah, that was
Speaker 1: pretty rough. Would you ever, like, how do you end
Speaker 1: a relationship like that? Or did they not have a relationship?
Speaker 1: I feel like we have so much to cover. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the whole Luke and Saucy thing was was kind of
Speaker 1: hard to watch, especially sitting in the audience, um, because
Speaker 1: Luke was like Luke and I had spent the weekend
Speaker 1: up in Carmel with a couple of our other friends
Speaker 1: that weekend before, and he like seemed pretty confident. He
Speaker 1: thought that every one was like on the same page
Speaker 1: in terms like like him and Stacy knew that the
Speaker 1: relationship wasn't gonna work. Um, I didn't really speak to
Speaker 1: him in great depths about anything like that, but like
Speaker 1: he wasn't worried going into it, like oh my, it's
Speaker 1: me so awful seeing her. No, And I think that
Speaker 1: people even tried to be like prepare him a little
Speaker 1: bit and be like, hey, you need to kind of
Speaker 1: figure out what you're going to say up there, and
Speaker 1: he's like, no, that's fine, Like Sacy, do I understand
Speaker 1: each other? Um, because I think that he is. I
Speaker 1: think that he really thought that what he did at
Speaker 1: the end of Winter Games was perfectly adequate in terms
Speaker 1: of like ending the relationship. And I didn't. I don't.
Speaker 1: I didn't see any It was like not on camera,
Speaker 1: it was just like personally. After we got done filming,
Speaker 1: I think we all spent like two or three days
Speaker 1: in the in a hotel without cameras, just kind of
Speaker 1: like camp. Yeah, like decompressing kind of thing. Um, we
Speaker 1: all separate rooms, etcetera, etcetera. But we all got dinner
Speaker 1: together every night and like got some drinks and all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. And I think that in that time,
Speaker 1: Luke thought that what he had done was adequate to
Speaker 1: kind of end the relationship. I don't know, I don't
Speaker 1: I don't remember. Yeah, I guess I didn't talk to
Speaker 1: him my great links about it, but feel bad for
Speaker 1: him that it was really brutal. And then mostly it
Speaker 1: was like social media after it was like, because the
Speaker 1: worst people love just making the big little things in
Speaker 1: the big things something that was a little thing because
Speaker 1: against Sacy's feelings are very real and very justified to
Speaker 1: feel that way. But it was just a huge miss communication. Really,
Speaker 1: That's what I think. Yeah, it seems like at least
Speaker 1: it's also funny because I'm like, oh my god, the
Speaker 1: people on social media after, like, you should see me
Speaker 1: tweeting about this show. It is as if my life
Speaker 1: ends on it. And we read some of your tweets
Speaker 1: real quick, Oh gosh, um, let's see from last night.
Speaker 1: Well I tweeted this one this morning. Guys. Two things, One,
Speaker 1: why is no one talking about when Becca came out
Speaker 1: of the limo and had already get on a knee
Speaker 1: and practice proposing and then he did it, not for
Speaker 1: real again to the final rows, broken Already spun her around,
Speaker 1: which is what I was that was that was really
Speaker 1: interesting how Becca was the one that made Already get
Speaker 1: down on one knee and then he proposed And I
Speaker 1: think I'm going to start meeting every man, like every
Speaker 1: first day, I'm going to be like, can you do
Speaker 1: me a favor? Get down on a knee, and say
Speaker 1: let's do the damn thing. So this weird tradition where
Speaker 1: every first day I go on, I make the guy
Speaker 1: get down on a knee, just so I can see
Speaker 1: what the future could potentially hold for it. Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: every time I'll get engaged. Well she asked him to
Speaker 1: do that and he just pulls a ring out? Is
Speaker 1: that how you know? She like had should they like
Speaker 1: faked it when she came out of the limo at
Speaker 1: the very beginning of the show, And yeah, and it
Speaker 1: was really cute and I at that moment was like
Speaker 1: I love that girl. Yet didn't work out for her though, Um,
Speaker 1: I didn't tweet that much last night. I'm sorry, but
Speaker 1: like I'm part of the problem. You get really amped
Speaker 1: up when you're watching these shows and you think that
Speaker 1: these relationships like you know them all, but you don't know.
Speaker 1: And then it's it's funny too, because social media is
Speaker 1: such a beast, Like you go to Oris page and
Speaker 1: look at all of his comments. You go to even
Speaker 1: like Becca's page or Lawrence page. It's awful. It's so bad,
Speaker 1: and people like they're like attacking like the most personal
Speaker 1: things about someone, which at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: like we we do put ourselves on TV and we
Speaker 1: put ourselves up to be scrutinized like that, but sometimes
Speaker 1: you will just take it to a level that really
Speaker 1: never really needs good to what's your social media have
Speaker 1: been like since you've been fly in a relationship? Are
Speaker 1: people nice? Are people criticizing you? It's been a mixed
Speaker 1: bag really, Yeah, everything about you and Leslie was so
Speaker 1: like pure and innocent and so sweet. And I understand
Speaker 1: that maybe past relationships are like why people are so rude,
Speaker 1: but I thought we had all gotten over that. It
Speaker 1: was funny too, because when Leslie and I were together,
Speaker 1: uh yeah, during Winter Games, I kept telling her and
Speaker 1: like I was like, you have I just want you
Speaker 1: to be ready for like kind of like this this
Speaker 1: Malstrom that's going to come after the fact, like and
Speaker 1: I did my best to prepare here, but they definitely
Speaker 1: like took a toll in the relationship right away. It's
Speaker 1: hard to go from dating someone for fourteen days in
Speaker 1: a bubble and then like you get out of that
Speaker 1: bubble and you kind of have to relearn how to
Speaker 1: date that person because you're learning so much more about them,
Speaker 1: like how they interact on a daily basis if you're
Speaker 1: not going to see them instead of you're just living
Speaker 1: in the same house as them. And there were moments too,
Speaker 1: where I think both of us were kind of like
Speaker 1: this sucks, Like we really liked each other during Winter
Speaker 1: Games and things are incredibly challenging right now, and I
Speaker 1: think there were moments that both of us were like,
Speaker 1: maybe we should just kind of take a step back
Speaker 1: and like are you freaking did everything? But I think
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, like we both really
Speaker 1: genuinely liked each other, and there was a lot of
Speaker 1: things that we're difficult but weren't difficult to get rid of.
Speaker 1: I guess, like, how did you get over that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff? Um, it just takes time. It was it was,
Speaker 1: it's still taking time. I mean, I think that we're
Speaker 1: really in a really a good spot, and I can
Speaker 1: say very safely say that I'm in like the healthiest
Speaker 1: relationship I've ever been in, and I'm incredibly happy. Um,
Speaker 1: but there were a lot of times where hey, Mark, yeah,
Speaker 1: there were a lot of times that really tested our
Speaker 1: I guess our relationship for sure. It's it's so detrimental
Speaker 1: to relationships, especially have to like hide it, to not
Speaker 1: be able to like post public pictures, to not be
Speaker 1: able to like talk on a podcast about the relationship
Speaker 1: that you're in, and have to talk about a hypothetical
Speaker 1: podcast or relationship, um, if he's in a relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's super, super challenging, and I like incredible respect for
Speaker 1: the leads of the shows who have to hide it
Speaker 1: to the fullest extent because less than I tried to
Speaker 1: hide it, but we we really weren't. Yeah, you guys
Speaker 1: were horrible. I could tell like every moment that you
Speaker 1: were together, she'd be posting the exact same things the
Speaker 1: lead to the show. This is interesting on social media,
Speaker 1: they're posting like like photos every week of like, oh,
Speaker 1: this amazing date with this girl and then two weeks
Speaker 1: of breaking up with them on TV. But they had
Speaker 1: to pretend like it was like he posted so much
Speaker 1: lovely stuff about Becca, probably definitely after they broke up.
Speaker 1: I think that's tricky. I mean, you definitely have to
Speaker 1: kind of tell the story through you on social media
Speaker 1: as this season's unfolding, even though it already happened to
Speaker 1: you in your life. I don't think that when I
Speaker 1: went through the first season, there were never any obligations
Speaker 1: to post about anything at any time. It was just like,
Speaker 1: you post kind of about what you're what you want
Speaker 1: to post, which makes me think I would imagine that
Speaker 1: Area had the same privilege of kind of posting what
Speaker 1: you want when he wanted, and no one was ever
Speaker 1: like you need to post about this to do this whatever.
Speaker 1: I talked back up today and like she posted stuff
Speaker 1: just last week being like like with him, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: did they require her to post that? I can almost
Speaker 1: assure you that they did not require her. God, which
Speaker 1: it's I don't know. It's kind of hard to be
Speaker 1: because even though it are, even though you've already experienced that,
Speaker 1: you're reliving it again through the TV screen, and it's
Speaker 1: almost kind of like you're in that moment again. I
Speaker 1: guess even though she it's really tricky. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Did you like feel like you got broken up with
Speaker 1: again when you rewatched your break up with Rachel? Are
Speaker 1: we kind of moved on that? When I watched it,
Speaker 1: I was already through Paradise. Oh my god, that was
Speaker 1: way after the fact. Okay, so you were moved on?
Speaker 1: How was watching Paradise back awful? I watched it in
Speaker 1: my room by myself every night at eleven PM before bed,
Speaker 1: and I watched it with both hands over my eyes,
Speaker 1: speaking through the creeks, is in my fingers, like I
Speaker 1: still watching a resident evil scary movie or something like that.
Speaker 1: It was kind of a scary movie for you. It's
Speaker 1: like a scary reality show. And I didn't. I listened
Speaker 1: with no sound and with close caption. Hey Mark, how
Speaker 1: are you? Oh my god? Okay, I think I know
Speaker 1: the answer to this already, but I've I've been curious.
Speaker 1: Do you You don't have any like if something goes
Speaker 1: like really sideway while you're on a date with somebody
Speaker 1: on this show and you like, can you go to
Speaker 1: a producer? Please? Please don't air that you can ask
Speaker 1: for There were a lot of things auring Winter Games
Speaker 1: that I asked them not to air, just in terms
Speaker 1: of like, I feel like we didn't see that much,
Speaker 1: even Leslie on Winter Games. We didn't and that's fine. Um,
Speaker 1: I was just like conversations about talking about like my
Speaker 1: past relationships. I want to speak to you specifically, but
Speaker 1: I was like, I just don't want this to be
Speaker 1: a new storyline, Like I want the storyline of lesson
Speaker 1: to me to be the one that's told, not the
Speaker 1: one in my past relationship, you know. And there were
Speaker 1: moments even two watching Winter Games back and again. I
Speaker 1: haven't watched the third and fourth episode, but the first
Speaker 1: two episodes there were things that I was like, they
Speaker 1: really messed me over with the editing. Um, but I
Speaker 1: mean it's like, what can you expect that because he
Speaker 1: can't really go in there expect pent accuracy. Were there
Speaker 1: are things they didn't show that you wish they had, Um, Yeah,
Speaker 1: they didn't show we had Like because Lessie and I
Speaker 1: went on two dates, I didn't really show either of
Speaker 1: those dates very much at all. They didn't show the
Speaker 1: dates at all. In Winter Games. It was like all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, you saw a five seconds clip and
Speaker 1: then was over. That was kind of annoying. But again,
Speaker 1: I think that's only developing storylines. I didn't really just
Speaker 1: have enough time to tell everything. Four episodes two hours long. UM.
Speaker 1: But all in all, I mean it was a good experience.
Speaker 1: I'm incredibly happy, Like Leslie and I don't have producers
Speaker 1: texting and calling us every single day to check in
Speaker 1: on us. It's it's so much more relieving to have
Speaker 1: a relationship where you can just like be yourselves in
Speaker 1: the relationship. At what point did you have producers every
Speaker 1: like leading up to the reunion, like how are things
Speaker 1: with you and Leslie? Unless he was like I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like I would remember, I would call Leslie
Speaker 1: and Leslie like, I got three calls from producers today
Speaker 1: continuously asking me how I am. This is like the
Speaker 1: most anxiety written thing, like I'm I'm like freaking out,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah. And She's like, yeah, they
Speaker 1: keep calling me to UM, and I think they just
Speaker 1: want to have like a very real idea of what
Speaker 1: they can kind of set up for the finale or
Speaker 1: for the reunion whatever it is. UM. So you're getting
Speaker 1: on a knee with the key, they're setting that up
Speaker 1: along or do you set that up with that your idea. Well,
Speaker 1: they didn't set that up. That wasn't like something that
Speaker 1: they played the no that I mean, see you surprise
Speaker 1: the producers and we're like, I'm gonna pretend to propose
Speaker 1: it was a joint idea. But you and Leslie okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's nice. It's it's very again, I think Leslie
Speaker 1: relationship has gone through the hardest points of having to
Speaker 1: get past the part of being on TV and now
Speaker 1: we can just be normal people and have a relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which is exciting. What does that like look like for
Speaker 1: you guys, because she travels all the time. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean we both kind of like traveling. So we just
Speaker 1: got back from Honduras for two weeks. Um. It's funny.
Speaker 1: I think we've been dating for three months and the
Speaker 1: longest time we've spent apart from each other like seven days.
Speaker 1: Like we've go We've done these trips where we spent
Speaker 1: like two weeks consecutively with each other. Um, and then
Speaker 1: like we'll spend weekends together, like we're going to Colorado
Speaker 1: this weekend. I'm going to India next week for two
Speaker 1: weeks without her, like with just some of my best friends.
Speaker 1: So that'll be interesting to see how I'm sure. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously I'm sure we'll be fine, but that will be
Speaker 1: the longest duration of time that we spent apart from
Speaker 1: each other. Um. But I think it's it's I'm very
Speaker 1: excited for what the future holds, which is very fun
Speaker 1: to say. I haven't really been able to say that
Speaker 1: at all. There have been so many people, sorry, market
Speaker 1: so many people coming out from my life asking if
Speaker 1: you guys are engaged because they know I work on
Speaker 1: this show, and I'm like, and I've been saying yes
Speaker 1: every single time. I love it. Some all of my
Speaker 1: best friends have even text me and they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: are you engaged? And like, if I was really engaged,
Speaker 1: I would have told all of you guys, um, but
Speaker 1: they would like send me because Leslie posted an instagram
Speaker 1: of me on a knee and they were all sending
Speaker 1: they were all sending me that picture, like what the
Speaker 1: hell is this? And I was like, well, maybe you
Speaker 1: should just watch because it was fun. Like it was.
Speaker 1: It was very lighthearted at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: And I mean, Leslie knew that I wasn't going to
Speaker 1: ask her to marry me in that moment, so it
Speaker 1: was just very lighthearted gesture and like, and she's technically homeless.
Speaker 1: She travels around all the time, so it's important for
Speaker 1: her to know that if she ever needs a place
Speaker 1: to stay, she can stay at my house. Why are
Speaker 1: you going to India? Um? All places in the world
Speaker 1: just kind of random. My best friend got a job
Speaker 1: out there last year with the Amazon Unscripted and so
Speaker 1: me and like four my other great friends are just
Speaker 1: traveling out there to visiting for the first That's a
Speaker 1: good reason to go to India. So we're doing the
Speaker 1: pod cast from India. Then R coming with me. Welcome
Speaker 1: Mark to the studio. We missed you. Thank you. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I get stuck in meetings sometimes. Okay, I apologize. I
Speaker 1: understand I'm not the priority in your heart media. What
Speaker 1: did I miss? Was it a great show? Well? We
Speaker 1: talked a lot about the last night's Bachelor finale. Um,
Speaker 1: did you take any phone call We spoke with Justin
Speaker 1: McMillan founder, Yeah, about hugging about treehouse recovery. So I
Speaker 1: was not our usual guest, I would say, but it
Speaker 1: was nice to hear a perspective. What about emails, I
Speaker 1: haven't any emails yet. Well, should we do that before
Speaker 1: we wrap it up. I feel like I should because
Speaker 1: people need your help. I think that we didn't have
Speaker 1: an Asked Dean Anything planned we were going to and
Speaker 1: I was wondering if we're going to do this. So
Speaker 1: let's let's we lock it in for next week. You
Speaker 1: can say that for next week, ask Dean anything next week,
Speaker 1: because he's finally freed of the shackles of constraints of
Speaker 1: a contractual obligation to reality television. And I think that
Speaker 1: it's good that we set it up that way a
Speaker 1: because now we can kind of like tease it for
Speaker 1: next week a little bit and be everyone's so focused
Speaker 1: on the Bachelor finale, that's true. Who cares about Dean
Speaker 1: any day of the week less this week. Well that's
Speaker 1: a good plan. So next week, get your questions ready.
Speaker 1: We'll take some phone calls and we'll look on you.
Speaker 1: You can, you can tweet us your questions or whatever.
Speaker 1: We'll do Ask Dean anything next week. I'll tweet out
Speaker 1: a phone number for us to call. Okay, great, so
Speaker 1: watch Dean do do the alert thing for Dean add
Speaker 1: an alert to your phone for postifications. I wish I could.
Speaker 1: That's what it is. Still that at Twitter. I would
Speaker 1: never urge anyone to turn on post edifications. Erica has
Speaker 1: a for Taylor Swift. Yeah, that's it. That's the only
Speaker 1: person that's good. From anonymous Dean and Mark, I want
Speaker 1: your opinion on this. I've beendating my boyfriend over four years.
Speaker 1: We moved in together in June. Everything's great, he is
Speaker 1: my person. Here's the plot twist. I did his old
Speaker 1: friend slash college teammate obviously prior to my boyfriend and
Speaker 1: I got together. And yes, my boyfriend's old teammate was
Speaker 1: my first love, my first everything. Fast forward to present day,
Speaker 1: four years later with my boyfriend six years later from
Speaker 1: my first love, and the first love has moved to
Speaker 1: the same city that we live in. We hang out
Speaker 1: almost every weekend. I also work with my first love.
Speaker 1: He's in a four year relationship as well, but his
Speaker 1: girlfriend doesn't know about the past. There are instances where
Speaker 1: we'll all get drunk on the weekends and the first
Speaker 1: level make comments about back in the day. Help what
Speaker 1: do I do ignore the comments when he's drunk? What
Speaker 1: do we do about his current girlfriend not knowing? Dean's
Speaker 1: really given some thoughts. What I'm waiting for Dean to Erica,
Speaker 1: go ahead, Well, I don't think the comments are harmful.
Speaker 1: My first love and I are still friendly because we
Speaker 1: have all the same high school friends and like he
Speaker 1: will make sometimes jokes. It's fine. We have not hooked
Speaker 1: up again in many years, and it happened once, but
Speaker 1: it has been several several years laps once post relation
Speaker 1: one time and like whatever, it was literally years ago.
Speaker 1: But you're also single, and is he single? He has
Speaker 1: a girlfriend. His girlfriend doesn't really love me, but we
Speaker 1: are working on that because I run into her all
Speaker 1: the time and it's fine. And so he was dating
Speaker 1: her when you guys, No, no, god, no, oh my god, no,
Speaker 1: wonder she would hate me if that was the case. No, no,
Speaker 1: but I get you're not liking your boyfriend hanging out
Speaker 1: with his exes. I get that perspective. I'm kind of
Speaker 1: an intimidating personality as well. I get it. It's fine, Um,
Speaker 1: but I don't think the comments are harmful. But the
Speaker 1: girlfriend should know that he works with But I would
Speaker 1: say it's not anonymous as responsibility to tell the girlfriend.
Speaker 1: That's up to him. Oh heck, now, yeah, that's on
Speaker 1: him to make that clear to her. That's his responsibility.
Speaker 1: I didn't follow that story incredibly well, so I'm struggling
Speaker 1: to understand. It is a little bit complicated, but I
Speaker 1: think it's basically her ex from college is now in
Speaker 1: the city with her and her boyfriend and they all
Speaker 1: hang out together but they're both in relationships. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think they're harmless comments. Her current boyfriend is like buddies
Speaker 1: with her X. I think it's fine, and he seems
Speaker 1: down with everything. It's just the ex girl the the
Speaker 1: current exs girlfriend that doesn't know. I hate it. Actually,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I don't like the situation at all. So
Speaker 1: what do you What is the girl supposed to do?
Speaker 1: Tell the girlfriend? UM, I guess it really depends where
Speaker 1: the comments are, but it's just a very That's a
Speaker 1: pretty unhealthy dynamic. If you're dating a guy who you is,
Speaker 1: who is your person, but who is also best friends
Speaker 1: with the first love of your life, that's weird. Who
Speaker 1: makes comments about the good old days, that's weird. I
Speaker 1: don't like it. So what's your advice, UM, don't get
Speaker 1: drunk with the first love. I kind of agree with that.
Speaker 1: You can still be friends, but just don't get drunk
Speaker 1: around each other. Yeah, why are you hanging out so much?
Speaker 1: What's with that? Why do they work together? Is another
Speaker 1: He's hard to avoid if they work together, But you
Speaker 1: don't think I think the issue is when they're drunk,
Speaker 1: because when they talk about the feelings that they maybe
Speaker 1: once had, and that just just there's no place for
Speaker 1: that in their relationship. But you can work together because
Speaker 1: you're not gonna be drunk at work. You're not gonna
Speaker 1: be shooting your feelings at work. For that's my that's
Speaker 1: keep it professional. Eric was like, I'm drunk, right, I'm
Speaker 1: not h Anonymous. Another anonymous to Dean Mark Eastern Erica,
Speaker 1: look at that she had all four of us. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty five, married, happy. I met my husband in a
Speaker 1: very unorthodox way three years ago. Okay, so this is
Speaker 1: a little confusing too, but this is a good one.
Speaker 1: I like this. This is very interesting to me. All right.
Speaker 1: Prior to my current relationship, as I was in a
Speaker 1: relationship for seven years with my ex, we were a
Speaker 1: high school sweethearts. We're gonna call him Steve. He bought
Speaker 1: me a lesson to learn to fly at my local
Speaker 1: airport on my birthday. Great gift. When I went in
Speaker 1: for my lesson. I found out my instructor was another
Speaker 1: guy I went to high school with. We're gonna call
Speaker 1: him Mike. He took my breath away. He was so handsome,
Speaker 1: funny and smart, and he is now my husband. I
Speaker 1: dumped Steve after seven years for Mike, and it was
Speaker 1: an awful breaker. Of course, it was awful. Steve got
Speaker 1: you the gift. If he wouldn't got you, if he
Speaker 1: gotten you something else, you might still be together. Steve.
Speaker 1: Steve was heartbroken, rightfully. He begged me not to leave.
Speaker 1: I found out months later that Steve supposedly had a
Speaker 1: ring for me and was going to ask me to
Speaker 1: marry him. I cared for Steve a lot, but we
Speaker 1: didn't have the best relationship anyway. It's been three years
Speaker 1: since the breakup. I haven't talked to Steve since, but
Speaker 1: I feel like I never got complete closure. I still
Speaker 1: feel guilty after finding out he had a ring. Why
Speaker 1: am I still hung up on this? I'm truly happy
Speaker 1: with my husband. I can't seem to get over it, though.
Speaker 1: Do I talk to Steve three years later, even though
Speaker 1: he has a serious girlfriend now and I'm married, Or
Speaker 1: do I hope it all goes away. By the way,
Speaker 1: my husband, Mike, he knows how I feel about this.
Speaker 1: He says, don't open those doors again. Your husband is
Speaker 1: a wise man. I agree with Mike. Yes, why would
Speaker 1: you open up a Pandora's box from three years ago?
Speaker 1: Don't even talk to Steve. Don't even think, well, you
Speaker 1: can think about Steve. It's you can't just tell someone
Speaker 1: not to think about something. But don't think about talking
Speaker 1: to him again. Absolutely, you want to be sensitive to
Speaker 1: Steve's feelings here, because he was destroyed by this, and
Speaker 1: there's a pretty good chance if it's three years later
Speaker 1: and he's got a girlfriend, that he's gotten over it
Speaker 1: to some extent. I don't know, maybe all the way.
Speaker 1: But if you go back into his life, you're gonna
Speaker 1: rip open all of those scabs. And you don't want
Speaker 1: to do that. And it's for a selfish excuse me,
Speaker 1: selfish reason. You getting closure, you don't. You ended it.
Speaker 1: You ended it, and you're happy, You're good. You got
Speaker 1: what you needed. Steve, hopefully we'll also get what he needs.
Speaker 1: But it's for you, it's not for him. I say
Speaker 1: leave it alone. I think everyone involved in that situation
Speaker 1: stands to lose in that situation. Yeah, Steve, Mike Anonymous
Speaker 1: and Steve, Steve's girlfriends. There's a zero win situation and
Speaker 1: that in that whole thing, don't talk to Steve. It's
Speaker 1: good that your husband knows everything. That's the important thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great. Good that you're open with about that stuff.
Speaker 1: She should have done no, sorry, Becca should have done
Speaker 1: what her husband did and said, no, don't start talking
Speaker 1: to your X again, because that's why Ari is getting
Speaker 1: back together with Lauren. But here's the thing. Did Becca
Speaker 1: know that are he was talking to his X again? Yes,
Speaker 1: Becca gave him permission to have a sit down with him.
Speaker 1: They didn't really address it. They didn't really address it
Speaker 1: last night, but they kind of mentioned it and then
Speaker 1: she confirmed in like people or something. Anyway, I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: can we can we? I'm sorry to everything. I didn't
Speaker 1: know that Lauren and him. I didn't know that Becky
Speaker 1: gave him permission talk to Lauren. I can see Becca's
Speaker 1: confident relationships, so she's like, yeah, I go talk to
Speaker 1: her closure. Yeah. Also, I didn't let Lauren already met
Speaker 1: each other before the season started. Did you catch that?
Speaker 1: I skimmed over it. I didn't understand it, I do
Speaker 1: you know what it was? They met in Dallas, and
Speaker 1: let me google upon the next email all of answers
Speaker 1: by the end of the okay, and then let me
Speaker 1: tell you about Rosie. Rosie started hooking up with a
Speaker 1: coworker a few months ago. It was a semi regular,
Speaker 1: secret trift type scenario. I was recently let go, she says,
Speaker 1: which was devastating on many levels, and since then we've
Speaker 1: been seeing each other much more frequently. Here's the deal.
Speaker 1: I started sleeping with him because there was no risk
Speaker 1: of emotional attachment with him. He's five years younger than
Speaker 1: I am and much less mature and experienced. Neither of
Speaker 1: us wanted anything more than casual and relations with each other.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, now I find myself craving his presence,
Speaker 1: and not even just for the action. I just want
Speaker 1: to hear him talk and see his face. Do you
Speaker 1: think that my sudden attachment is just displaced sadness? Am
Speaker 1: I just sad in this horny a f or does
Speaker 1: casual sex always evolve into more if it's consistent? What
Speaker 1: do you do if you don't want to like someone?
Speaker 1: Thanks so much Love the podcast Agree. The title is
Speaker 1: mody offensive, but also understand the logistical difficulties of changing
Speaker 1: the name of a program that's already established. Well, thank
Speaker 1: you Ros, such a rational thinker. He is, you want
Speaker 1: to start on this one, but yeah, I'd love to.
Speaker 1: I think that, Uh what does she say? Does casual
Speaker 1: sex always I'm sorry, just casual action always evolve into
Speaker 1: more of its consistent Um? Yeah, I think it's pretty
Speaker 1: silly to sit there and think if you're going to
Speaker 1: constantly have someone over and be intimate with them, that
Speaker 1: it's not gonna leads anything more unless you're heartless. I
Speaker 1: think at the end of the day, like you're going
Speaker 1: to develop those feeling is. I don't understand maybe why
Speaker 1: she was fighting them so much because he's five years younger,
Speaker 1: so what so what? Yeah, Okay, he's less mature than
Speaker 1: you are and less experience, but you've clearly developed feelings
Speaker 1: for him. So I think you have two choices. You
Speaker 1: let him know your feelings and see if they're reciprocated,
Speaker 1: or two, you end it and stop the casual hookups. Erica,
Speaker 1: she's gonna have to end it. He's probably not feeling
Speaker 1: the same way. Well, we don't know how he's feeling
Speaker 1: that she didn't really mention that. But god, you guys,
Speaker 1: this happens all the time. I've been there. You hook
Speaker 1: up with someone and you're like, it's fun, it's fun,
Speaker 1: it's fun, and then the girl falls for him and
Speaker 1: the guy or yeah, the girl falls for him and
Speaker 1: the guy could care less. But it's certainly possible that
Speaker 1: a guy in a friends with benefits situation can develop feelings.
Speaker 1: It's possible, but more likely for the girl. You're saying
Speaker 1: he's younger, like, he's probably just having the time of
Speaker 1: his life. Yeah, but isn't she too, But now she's
Speaker 1: feeling funny. Yeah, so I think if she gets any
Speaker 1: impression from him, there might be a reciprocation. Great if not,
Speaker 1: you know what, either way, you got to stop this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can have a secret coworker relationships. Was Google like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I don't think it's I don't think it's
Speaker 1: Rosy's responsibility to make him evolve it into a relationship,
Speaker 1: which it doesn't even seem like that's what she really wants.
Speaker 1: It sounds like she could just continuously have the consistent hookup,
Speaker 1: but she's getting feelings, and that's kind of what's concerning
Speaker 1: for her, it sounds like she's craving his presence, that
Speaker 1: she wants to hear him talk and see his face. Well,
Speaker 1: it sounds like she's falling. Start seeing someone else and
Speaker 1: she's gonna be like devastated. Yeah, the lasts and she says,
Speaker 1: what do you do when you don't want to like someone? Right?
Speaker 1: What do you do? I think distance. I think it's
Speaker 1: it's complete, clean break, and if he's interested, he'll pursue you.
Speaker 1: It's similar to like getting over a relationship. You just
Speaker 1: have to cut it off and be over, be done
Speaker 1: with it. I think there's definitely something to be said
Speaker 1: about the convenience of a relationship that that sounds like
Speaker 1: this has She's used to seeing him consistently but not
Speaker 1: having to emotionally invest herself, and then she sees herself
Speaker 1: having to invest emotions and that's where she is getting
Speaker 1: hesitant from. Which is funny because you normally see these
Speaker 1: types of emails or these types of reactions from the
Speaker 1: male's perspective, But it seems like this this kind of
Speaker 1: flipped here. So what if she went to him and said, look,
Speaker 1: this is great, what's been going on with us, but
Speaker 1: I gotta be honest with you. I've developed feelings for you,
Speaker 1: and I know that's not what this is. So for
Speaker 1: my own well being, we need to end this. That's
Speaker 1: okay because then he has the option of speaking up,
Speaker 1: but he's likely going to freak out and run probably,
Speaker 1: But if she's aware of that now she knows she'll
Speaker 1: know either way. That way, it reminds me of those
Speaker 1: like the Ashton Cutcher and Friends with Benefit or No
Speaker 1: Strings attacks, the exact same movie, just with different characters
Speaker 1: that came out right around the same time. That was okay,
Speaker 1: That was a very weird time in cinema. It was
Speaker 1: really weird. I remember being in San Francisco and looking
Speaker 1: at the billboard for one and being like, I thought
Speaker 1: this start justin to like, it sounds like one of
Speaker 1: those situations where obviously with different varying aspects, but they're
Speaker 1: trying to have a physical relationship and then they're struggling.
Speaker 1: They're fighting the emotions of it because they don't want
Speaker 1: to have that aspects, but they still kind of crave
Speaker 1: the belongingness that they offer each other. But those movies
Speaker 1: give us a false hope because it's gonna work out.
Speaker 1: What are the possible endings of a friends with benefits relationship.
Speaker 1: There is a chance to end up falling in love, okay,
Speaker 1: but that's more the Hollywood version of it. The other
Speaker 1: options are one of you develops feelings and one doesn't
Speaker 1: bad ending, one of you start seeing someone else. They
Speaker 1: do have feelings for bad ending. So I feel like
Speaker 1: there's no good ending. You get pregnant, and there's a
Speaker 1: lot of options here. Ni disease. Yes, I think she
Speaker 1: should end it. I agree. And then if he be
Speaker 1: honest about the reason why you're ending it, end it, Rosie,
Speaker 1: get out like you You're better than this. I do
Speaker 1: want to say really quick. I was in a friends
Speaker 1: benefits situation. I was, I was, and and she, uh,
Speaker 1: she made her feelings known that that they were stronger
Speaker 1: than just friendly and uh, and I reciprocated. And now
Speaker 1: she's my wife. You know, you're you know that's where
Speaker 1: he was going at that. I know their whole thing.
Speaker 1: Oh it's a great And then for him, the benefits
Speaker 1: might have been the girl could get a free movie tickets,
Speaker 1: he would take that, and she had a dental plan
Speaker 1: that was off. Oh my god. All right, Well, speaking
Speaker 1: of ending it, well, oh yeah, did you find out? Yeah, so,
Speaker 1: speaking of ending it, that's what already did with Becca
Speaker 1: last night. Um. So, Lauren mentioned really weirdly in the
Speaker 1: episode last night, like, oh my god, I remember the
Speaker 1: first night walking up from the limo and do you
Speaker 1: not remember meeting me in Dallas? And she gave him
Speaker 1: I think a picture of the two of them or
Speaker 1: something like that. Okay, but they never aired her full intro,
Speaker 1: so that's why everyone was like, what the heck did
Speaker 1: she say? And then Batchel ABC exact Robert Mills doan
Speaker 1: do you know that name? I know the name? I
Speaker 1: met him? I think he um tweeted that Lauren had
Speaker 1: gone to a race of Ari's in Dallas and that
Speaker 1: they had met there and obviously it was really briefly,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like maybe she was a fan, which
Speaker 1: is like kind of weird. So yeah, apparently they had
Speaker 1: met before, really briefly. And that's about it. I feel
Speaker 1: like they skimmed over a lot. They really did. They
Speaker 1: showed a lot of Ronus, but they also skimmed over
Speaker 1: quite a bit that kind of left us feeling like
Speaker 1: we needed more, you know what. This entire season, I've
Speaker 1: just felt like I really missed the romance. Is it
Speaker 1: kind of a throwaway season? Do we think in five
Speaker 1: years are when we're examining the bowels of the Bachelor franchise?
Speaker 1: I were just gonna forget about this one. You know,
Speaker 1: we're going to remember Dean Angler on Rachel what is
Speaker 1: her last name? Lindsay's season. But I think last night
Speaker 1: saved the season. I think last night makes this a
Speaker 1: memorable season, just like we remember Jason Mesnicks season because
Speaker 1: of that. I remember seeing that it was the highly
Speaker 1: most highly rated episode of the season. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: in comparison to other seasons. I also think though, it's
Speaker 1: going to be one of those things where they kind
Speaker 1: of go away unless he like marries Lauren or heck,
Speaker 1: if he marries Becca, who knows at this point. Now
Speaker 1: that raises a question. Are Lauren and Ari if they
Speaker 1: end up together tonight, going to stay together for probably
Speaker 1: not Erica. If you're Lauren, you're taken back. I just
Speaker 1: I don't think I could. If you choose someone else
Speaker 1: and choose to propose to them, It's okay to like
Speaker 1: choose to exploit your options and come back to me,
Speaker 1: because I understand I'm great proposing a little ass. Raven
Speaker 1: Raven posted a Instagram story with a poll that was,
Speaker 1: if you were Lauren's friend, would you tell her to
Speaker 1: get back together with Ari or to run for the hills?
Speaker 1: And I remember I was like sitting there and I
Speaker 1: stared at it for like five minutes, and I was like,
Speaker 1: which one do I want to vote for? As as
Speaker 1: long as I've ever taken to consider voting on a
Speaker 1: pool and I if Lauren was my friend, my best friend,
Speaker 1: and she came to me for advice on that situation,
Speaker 1: that's a tough one because if she really loves him,
Speaker 1: it's just so messy. I don't think I've ever seen
Speaker 1: I mean, I obviously you haven't seen many many seasons,
Speaker 1: but it's the messiest season I've ever seen. You weren't
Speaker 1: there for the mestic days, man, I was. I was
Speaker 1: fifteen then, by the way, I realized today. So my
Speaker 1: view of love has been shaped from Jason Mesnick. I
Speaker 1: met him last night. He's nice, that's great. Shorter than
Speaker 1: I expected. I was shocked. I'm not a celebrity. One
Speaker 1: and two. Yeah, people always say that I look shorter
Speaker 1: on television. It doesn't do you much justice. I think
Speaker 1: it's the cropped pants. Yeah. Anyway, on your celebrity Dean, Uh,
Speaker 1: somebody always makes me laugh is on your Instagram page,
Speaker 1: it has he listed as a fictional character. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's something that makes me laugh routinely. And there's a
Speaker 1: backstory that sort of If you look at every other
Speaker 1: cast member, they're all public figures. And the reason that
Speaker 1: that's there is because you have to link your Instagram
Speaker 1: with the business page on Facebook, and when you fill
Speaker 1: the format on Facebook, you have to decide what the
Speaker 1: business is, and so you choose like public figure, writer,
Speaker 1: fictional character, whatever it is. And this was this was
Speaker 1: right the day before season one, episode one of Batchel
Speaker 1: there at and I was like, I'm not a public
Speaker 1: figure by any stretch of the imaginations was going through
Speaker 1: to think of like the most ironic, satirical title I
Speaker 1: could and fictional characters like, I mean, that's the most appropriate,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, And you're stuck with that now. I
Speaker 1: mean I can change it whenever I want, well, but
Speaker 1: I think you should keep it. I'm not ever going
Speaker 1: to change it. I'm going to be for the rest
Speaker 1: of my life. I just ordered a vanity plate like
Speaker 1: six months ago. It's pretty embarrassing, like a vanity license plate.
Speaker 1: What is it? It's pretty embarrassing. I have I want
Speaker 1: to go pick it up yesterday, but the line of
Speaker 1: the d NB was too long. What is the plate?
Speaker 1: Any It's a dany b B so d E A
Speaker 1: n y b B, which is pretty funny, right, I
Speaker 1: figured at this point I just gotta keep oning it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great when you start getting business emails that referdios
Speaker 1: did Danny babies? Yes, for the listeners, Erica sometimes receives
Speaker 1: emails referring to me as Danny Baby, And it's just
Speaker 1: it's just to think about how far we've come, not
Speaker 1: far at all. Anyways, let's go ahead and thank Justin
Speaker 1: McMillan from Treehouse Recovery. UM gets good to have him on.
Speaker 1: It's good to you know, kind of hear here. His
Speaker 1: perspective and the physical how important the physical embrace of
Speaker 1: two humans can be, regardless of male female male male
Speaker 1: female female. Um, let's break those down. It's twenty teen.
Speaker 1: We don't need to worry about those anymore. If you
Speaker 1: meet someone, just hug them, just going for a big
Speaker 1: old bear hug. Okay, I'll start hugging, be sure, to
Speaker 1: follow them on all social media outlets Instagram, Facebook, at
Speaker 1: Treehouse Recovery. Um, next week, like we mentioned earlier, it's
Speaker 1: going to be and ask me anything, and ask Dean
Speaker 1: anything if you will. I don't know if we're gonna
Speaker 1: have anyone calling and to ask me any questions, but um,
Speaker 1: it could be very insightful for the people that you know.
Speaker 1: You only get such a small glimpse of us on
Speaker 1: television and through our social media all that kind of stuff. UM,
Speaker 1: and I definitely want to answer any questions that you
Speaker 1: guys have. It's like I was talking to Erica earlier
Speaker 1: about it's so refreshing to be able to just openly
Speaker 1: speak about a very healthy relationship. I feel good about it. Also,
Speaker 1: I'm the luckiest Bachelor fan ever because I get to
Speaker 1: sit here and be like, so, what's your relationship like now?
Speaker 1: So now it's their turn. Yes, And in three months
Speaker 1: you're gonna completely have forgotten about us, which is fine.
Speaker 1: I will never forget about you guys. UM, keep the
Speaker 1: emails coming. I suck at dating at iHeartMedia dot com.
Speaker 1: If you want to email us any questions about next week,
Speaker 1: that might be best because that way we can filter
Speaker 1: some of the ones out that we don't like and
Speaker 1: the ones I just really don't want to ask me anything.
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I'm kidding again, that's I suck at dating
Speaker 1: at iHeartMedia dot com. And I was actually thinking about this,
Speaker 1: and I know that Mark and Eastan and I have
Speaker 1: discussed changing the name quite a bit and what we
Speaker 1: could change it too. But I was like driving over
Speaker 1: here and I was like, now that, like, I feel,
Speaker 1: I'm very confident in my relationship. I kind of almost
Speaker 1: don't care about the title as much anymore. Is that
Speaker 1: the sweetest change of heart? But but what does that
Speaker 1: mean about all the progress that we made in thinking
Speaker 1: about new idea? To keep that under your hat, not
Speaker 1: tell anybody you're fine with the already it's already have.
Speaker 1: And I think I really need to sit down with
Speaker 1: Leslie and have a conversation with her. I know, talked
Speaker 1: to her about it before. I was like, Hey, do
Speaker 1: you think that this podcast is a detriment to our
Speaker 1: relationship at all? She's like, well, no, I mean it's not.
Speaker 1: I mean it really depends obviously what you go over
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff, but like, if you
Speaker 1: feel good, so I don't know. I think you know
Speaker 1: what it is. Now. Help I Suck at Dating is
Speaker 1: like the call for people to write in like they're saying, Dean,
Speaker 1: help I suck at dating? Can you help me? They're
Speaker 1: the ones saying saying it's not you. I mean, I
Speaker 1: kind of hate that. I'm starting to be okay with
Speaker 1: this anyways, until next week. Thank you for listening. This
Speaker 1: is dn BB driving Away. Follow Help I Suck At
Speaker 1: Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio or subscribe
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcasts