1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, and welcome back to On Purpose. This is 2 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:07,560 Speaker 1: a very very special episode. I had the opportunity to 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,920 Speaker 1: sit down with three hosts, and one of them has 4 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,800 Speaker 1: been on here before. Someone we all love and admire, 5 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 1: an incredibly talented friend of mine. I'm a big fan 6 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:20,120 Speaker 1: of his new book, Man Enough, Undefining My Masculinity, where 7 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 1: he helps readers think outside of the traditional definition of masculinity. 8 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: He opens up to everyone, allows himself to be vulnerable, 9 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: and admits that he is still working on healing himself. Everyone, 10 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,920 Speaker 1: please welcome back Justin Boldoni and someone who hopes his 11 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,240 Speaker 1: book will inspire other men to let themselves be vulnerable 12 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: as well. This is one that I don't want you 13 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 1: to miss. Can't wait for you to hear this conversation. 14 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: There's some big reveals in this one. Welcome to the 15 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 1: Man Enough podcast. Man Enough is a conversation about what 16 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 1: it means to be a man today and undefining all 17 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: of the stereotypical, traditional ideas of masculinity to make room 18 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,479 Speaker 1: for anybody who identifies as a man to be allowed 19 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 1: to be a man. We want to create a world 20 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 1: where there is more unity and equality, and that starts 21 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: with uncomfortable conversations where we go deep and we are 22 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,400 Speaker 1: growing and learning in real time. We have not arrived, 23 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,959 Speaker 1: We're just beginning. Check us out at man enough dot 24 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 1: com or you can like it and subscribe to us 25 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcast. Hello and welcome back to 26 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:35,679 Speaker 1: man Enough. I'm Justin Baldoni here with the incredible list Plank, 27 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 1: Jamie Heath, and the one and only, my dear friend 28 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 1: mister Jay Shetty Dude. We're finally doing that. We're doing it. 29 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. Guys, you have you been 30 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 1: on a podcast. I've never been on a podcast three 31 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: co host, so this is not yours. This is special. 32 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 1: This is very special. I just wanted this to be 33 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: your first podcast, but he's never been on any podcast. 34 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: This is This is the first time I've been on 35 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 1: a podcast which has such a beautiful, clear purpose to 36 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 1: help people redefine who they want to be in the world. 37 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: And so it is the first time, and it's the 38 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: first time that I'm being interviewed by Justin. I've had 39 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,520 Speaker 1: him on the podcast before, which has been really special. 40 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,919 Speaker 1: It's the first time we are meeting and Liz have 41 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,919 Speaker 1: been a huge fan of for like the last five years. 42 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,240 Speaker 1: I've just been name dropping all of her video names 43 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 1: since we've met. And I'm so grateful to get to 44 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 1: meet you today, Jamie. Indeed, thank you for having me, 45 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 1: Thanks for being gotcha. You're just You're just special. You're 46 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: a special man. It's like you meet people that you know, 47 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:49,679 Speaker 1: we're sent by God to with a purpose to just 48 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: like make it a little better. And you're one of 49 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:56,800 Speaker 1: those people. You are a bestselling author, you are a 50 00:02:56,880 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 1: former monk and a purpose coach. You're the host of 51 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 1: an incredibly popular podcast on Purpose, Speaking of Purpose, which 52 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: has more than sixty four million downloads. Your YouTube videos 53 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,959 Speaker 1: have been streamed two billion times. That's like a third 54 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:16,760 Speaker 1: of the planet. And I hope you find success. Maybe 55 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:20,959 Speaker 1: one day you can be on the podcast. When you guys, 56 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,720 Speaker 1: you finished your studies, you turned down jobs in the 57 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: business world to go live in India and become a 58 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 1: full time monk. That inspired your book, Think Like a Monk. 59 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 1: It came out in September twenty twenty during this pandemic, 60 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: and I know you've talked about it so much. Hopefully 61 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: we will get to talk about it and so many 62 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: more other things. But it's it's sold out so many copies, 63 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 1: and with that in mind, love to welcome you our 64 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 1: show to men enough thank you for embarrassing me is 65 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 1: awkward to just like here you're you know, even a 66 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 1: portion of your life story and your successes, right, yeah, 67 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 1: perceive successes? Well, I get it, you know, I no, 68 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,839 Speaker 1: I value everything you just shared, like I'm so great 69 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: and blessed to have that. But I have this practice 70 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:07,800 Speaker 1: that we were trained in as monks that when someone 71 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,160 Speaker 1: notices something good about you, even what you were just 72 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: saying earlier, you accept and you receive it, but you 73 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: think of the person that helped you get that skill 74 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 1: or ability or habit or practice that helped you develop 75 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,840 Speaker 1: that intentionally on intentionally, and you pass it on to them. 76 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,920 Speaker 1: So I love doing this because I can just sit 77 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 1: here and think about all my teachers and monk teachers 78 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,359 Speaker 1: and pass it back to them and thank them in 79 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: my heart. So it's an opportunity to be thankful and grateful. 80 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 1: So I love that you've been on the podcast for 81 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:40,600 Speaker 1: thirty five seconds and you've already dropped something that's helpful 82 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,919 Speaker 1: to me because I have a hard time accepting compliments. 83 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,679 Speaker 1: I just have a hard time with it and I love. 84 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 1: I love that I can accept it and thank somebody. 85 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:52,720 Speaker 1: I can do that. Yeah, it's simple. I can do 86 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,920 Speaker 1: that because I stand on the shoulder of giants. Right, 87 00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: I appreciate that. All right, all right, thank you. I've 88 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 1: noticed too before you before I hope you don't mind 89 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 1: me putting this out. Before we started, I saw you. 90 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,039 Speaker 1: I looked over you, and your eyes were closing. You 91 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: just look like thirty fifty sixty seconds. Is that something 92 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:21,360 Speaker 1: that you learned during your Yeah, what monastery? During your time? Yeah, 93 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 1: it was the idea of using any opportunity before you 94 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:31,520 Speaker 1: begin something, you're setting your intention for service. So before 95 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 1: you begin anything in the day, whether it's eating or 96 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 1: even sleeping or spending time with someone or I mean, 97 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,919 Speaker 1: we literally are serving humanity through Justin and all of 98 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: you and the incredible work that man enough to us. 99 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: So to just set your intention and be like, Okay, 100 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:47,160 Speaker 1: let me get out of my own way, let me 101 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: be a channel, let me serve, let me you know not. 102 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:53,480 Speaker 1: So it's not really a prayer. It's a prayer. You 103 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,440 Speaker 1: could call it a prayer, absolutely, Yeah, you could call 104 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,239 Speaker 1: it a prayer. But the clear thing is you're setting 105 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: your intention for service. Yeah, so a prayer to be 106 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:07,600 Speaker 1: of service. Absolutely. So I'd like to start by asking 107 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 1: you when was a time where you just didn't feel 108 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 1: like you were man enough. I'd probably see him my 109 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:19,719 Speaker 1: whole life like it's it feels like such a real 110 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,159 Speaker 1: thing because when I was growing up as a young boy, 111 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,280 Speaker 1: I was overweight and I was one of the few 112 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:30,159 Speaker 1: ethnic minorities in my area, and so I was bullied 113 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 1: at primary school and I'd always be picked on or 114 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,599 Speaker 1: the mick taken out of whether it was racism or 115 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: whether it was about my weight or body image and 116 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:43,640 Speaker 1: all of those kind of issues. And I actually didn't 117 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,320 Speaker 1: take it that personally because I'd go home and my 118 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,719 Speaker 1: mom loved me a lot, and so I was raised. 119 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,479 Speaker 1: I feel like I was literally raised by my mom, 120 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,039 Speaker 1: And that's one of the reasons why I never felt 121 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: man enough, because my mother was the most involved parent. 122 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 1: My dad was very much aloof let me make my decisions, 123 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: failure's choice is, but my mother was always there. My 124 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 1: mother taught me how to shave my face, she taught 125 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,640 Speaker 1: me my skincare routine. She taught like my mother was 126 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: like the first person to teach me a lot of 127 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: what people's dads usually teach them, and that wasn't because 128 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 1: my dad was a bad father. It's just that that 129 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: was his style. And we have a great friendship now. 130 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,160 Speaker 1: But with my mom, she was the one of mold. 131 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,680 Speaker 1: So I never felt man enough because I didn't have 132 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: a man teaching me man things, or however you want 133 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaker 1: to put it. I was always surrounded by my mother 134 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 1: and my sister and powerful women in my life, and 135 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 1: I wasn't really exposed to how for males or any 136 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: of those figures. So how's that manifest? Like people call 137 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 1: your mama's boy? Did they call your names? Yeah? All 138 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,000 Speaker 1: of it. I remember when when someone would pick on 139 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: me at school, I'd go tell my mom that my 140 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 1: mum would come to school to like, you know, like 141 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 1: they're like, why are you treating my son like this? 142 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,720 Speaker 1: And that's like the worst night I've ever a kid, right, 143 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 1: Like It's like everyone in the school is like, oh Goshler, 144 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 1: it's Jay's mom again. And you know, my mom can 145 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 1: be pretty protective of me, especially when I was younger, 146 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 1: and so she'd get right in there with the headmistress's 147 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,520 Speaker 1: office or the dean's office and just be like, can't 148 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: have this happen, and then everyone would find out and 149 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 1: then and would laugh at you more. And so I 150 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 1: think I think it ended up. I actually think it 151 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 1: just made me more of who I am today. But 152 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: when I went to high school, I started to crave 153 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 1: more male attention. So going from that, I then went 154 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 1: to an all boys school. Oh wow, So I went 155 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: to an all boys school from the age of eleven 156 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 1: to eighteen. And at that point you have no one 157 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 1: else's validation or recognition to get apart from other boys. 158 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 1: Right now, I want to fit in, did you? So? 159 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,319 Speaker 1: Did you seek or crave that attention? Absolutely? That's when 160 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, now I want to be seen 161 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: as strong, and I want to be seen as cool, 162 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 1: and I want to be seen as the guy, and 163 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: I want to be seen as this and that. And 164 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 1: so I think that manifested in being quite competitive. And 165 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:55,680 Speaker 1: so I wanted to get a spot on the school's 166 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: rugby team. I wanted to get a spot on the 167 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,719 Speaker 1: school's swimming team. I wanted to get a spot on 168 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 1: the stool I did. I think a big part of 169 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 1: it was that masculine feeling that it gave me. And 170 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,760 Speaker 1: so I think it manifested in insecurities at high school. 171 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: So as I got older, I actually think between fourteen 172 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: to eighteen, it manifested as insecurities of seeking validation and 173 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 1: recognition for that which was not me. So I wasn't 174 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:26,559 Speaker 1: looking to be loved because I was empathetic and compassionate 175 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 1: and kind, which is how my mom raised me. I 176 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 1: was looking to be liked because I was bold and 177 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:37,719 Speaker 1: courageous and strong and physical and competitive, and so you 178 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 1: almost start looking for validation for the things that you're not, 179 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 1: so you became you were performing absolutely every day, absolutely absolutely. 180 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 1: Masculinity feels like like it's a total dance, right, It's 181 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 1: a total choreography, and you're kind of watching other men 182 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: like do it right, Like even the handshake, Like how 183 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:56,320 Speaker 1: am I supposed to like do the hug? Then the pole, 184 00:09:56,400 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: then the there's like a pole, there's a tap sometimes. Yeah, 185 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 1: there's a lot of different It's very funny, not funny, 186 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,200 Speaker 1: but you can be entertaining it as a woman to 187 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 1: just kind of watch that and be like, I'm so 188 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,840 Speaker 1: happy I don't have to figure that out, but but 189 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 1: I want to come back to the you know, your 190 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,439 Speaker 1: point about service, which you really opened up our conversation 191 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:22,319 Speaker 1: with I feel like we overemphasize service for women, right 192 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: that you are at the service of the people around 193 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,440 Speaker 1: you and that's your value in the world, and we 194 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:31,960 Speaker 1: kind of under emphasize service for men. And it seems 195 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:36,720 Speaker 1: like for you finding service as purpose was really very 196 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:40,320 Speaker 1: meaningful part of your identity. I'm wondering how you see, 197 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,240 Speaker 1: you know, us being able to make that connection, what 198 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,200 Speaker 1: a service look like for men, and how is it 199 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: tied to masculinity. Yeah, I mean I saw. What I 200 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,839 Speaker 1: was saying was I saw my mother's sacrifice growing up. 201 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,680 Speaker 1: So my mother was raising me and my sister deeply 202 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:57,720 Speaker 1: would love have always felt love by my mother. And 203 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,440 Speaker 1: then she would also have her own business, so I 204 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,680 Speaker 1: didn't even know. I didn't know she was an entrepreneur. 205 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,280 Speaker 1: But she was an entrepreneur, which was so weird because 206 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 1: she never made herself out to be an entrepreneur. And 207 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: so she had her own business. She started it so 208 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,800 Speaker 1: that she could work more flexibly, and she was taking 209 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 1: care of my sister. She'd drop us to school, she'd 210 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:18,320 Speaker 1: pick us up, she'd make us dinner. She'd be working 211 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: as well, and at one point became the main breadwinner 212 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 1: in the family as well, and so I saw my 213 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 1: mum serve or sacrifice in this way, and so I 214 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:30,520 Speaker 1: feel like I got trained by watching her and observing her. 215 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: And then when I met the monks, who the predominant 216 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,200 Speaker 1: monks that I lived with were all men, and service 217 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: was at the core of their entire being. So our 218 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: teachers would always tell us that the only way a 219 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,839 Speaker 1: culture succeeds is if everyone wants to serve everyone else. 220 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: And so that was like the encouragement of that culture. 221 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,720 Speaker 1: And that's where it became so real to me and 222 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 1: for me, service and masculinity go hand in hand, but 223 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,840 Speaker 1: service and humanity go hand in hand. And I think 224 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 1: this is it's slightly veering off from where we are, 225 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 1: but I think it's an important point to make. Is 226 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: when I lived as a monk, we stopped identifying as 227 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 1: men and women, and we were asked to identify as consciousness. 228 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:19,760 Speaker 1: And that distinction and difference just kind of created this 229 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: huge like weight of my shoulders because now I was like, Oh, 230 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,760 Speaker 1: I'm not masculine or feminine, or I'm not this or that. 231 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just I'm just consciousness. I'm a human, 232 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 1: I'm a soul. Whatever, you want to call it, I'm energy, 233 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 1: and that energy is wired for service, and so the 234 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 1: energy inside each of us at this table is wired 235 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 1: for service. So the way it connects is that we've 236 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:46,720 Speaker 1: been designed to serve. But unfortunately, and I've heard that 237 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:50,160 Speaker 1: a lot from women, is that often it turns into 238 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 1: being a martyr or going to the point of self 239 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: sacrifice and self sabotage because of how it's encouraged more 240 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 1: and I was speaking at this event and a man 241 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,160 Speaker 1: came up to me. He was probably in his forties, 242 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: and I had just told a story about how when 243 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 1: I met the monks at eighteen, they shifted my perspective 244 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,240 Speaker 1: to service. And he said to me, he goes, You're 245 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 1: so lucky that you got that at eighteen, and I 246 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I no, trust me, Like I'm so 247 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 1: grateful to my teachers. He goes, no, no, no, really, 248 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 1: he goes, I only realized that someone else mattered when 249 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: I had a child, And he was like, that's the 250 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 1: only that was the first time I realized that someone 251 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 1: apart from me mattered. And you know, he was obviously 252 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,679 Speaker 1: being really vulnerable, and I appreciated him sharing that, and 253 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,800 Speaker 1: I met it with compassion. But I think that's the 254 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 1: case that for a lot of men that I don't 255 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:44,040 Speaker 1: think we're trained early on in our life to realize 256 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 1: that not just to our kids matter or our partners matter, 257 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 1: but everyone matters, and more people matter. Well, you're rewarded 258 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 1: if you don't, right, like on the rugby team, you know, 259 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,959 Speaker 1: sort of the culture you're describing where you get rewarded 260 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 1: if you are individualistic, competitive, and you know, have this 261 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 1: kind of added to And again for women it's the opposite. 262 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,600 Speaker 1: We get heavily punished when we when we take on 263 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:09,640 Speaker 1: those characteristics. That's true. Yeah, but that ungendering is so interesting, right, 264 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 1: that happened, and that surplus of energy that you felt 265 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,079 Speaker 1: is something that we could all access, right if we 266 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 1: weren't weight down by these gender stereotypes. It's like the freedom, right. Yeah. 267 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: So you're saying that you had sight, you had knowledge 268 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:29,120 Speaker 1: growing up by your mother, and you kind of held 269 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: that to yourself. I gave it up because I saw 270 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,160 Speaker 1: it as less than So it's not even that I 271 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 1: held it back. I gave it up and substituted it, 272 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: traded it in for your man card, correct for this toxicity, 273 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 1: which then obviously encouraged more people to go down that path. 274 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 1: And then I think the best thing I've done to 275 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: try and remove that is when I became a monk. 276 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,400 Speaker 1: I became the mentor to a lot of young men 277 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,840 Speaker 1: in London. And those young men are still involved in 278 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,240 Speaker 1: my life. So I've known them since they were like 279 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 1: sixteen to eighteen years old. They were like twenty to 280 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 1: twenty eight years old now, and so I feel like 281 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,560 Speaker 1: those twenty five guys, they know who they are, Like, 282 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 1: those are like my favorite success story because those they 283 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 1: I just see them make amazing decisions with their partners, 284 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 1: their careers, Like they're all most of them in relationships now, 285 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: and I see the husbands and the fathers they're becoming, 286 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: and I mean it's it's you know, many of them 287 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,359 Speaker 1: become fathers before I am one, And it's just inspiring 288 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: that they're also leading that way and showing me that 289 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 1: people don't have to make as bad a mistakes or 290 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 1: go as far as I did. Right, where do you go, 291 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,120 Speaker 1: like when you're struggling, you know, when you and your 292 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,080 Speaker 1: wife are having a fight, or if you ever have 293 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: a fight. I don't know if you guys have fights, 294 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: where do you go? And share that because you are 295 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 1: you are a spiritual gurroof to millions of people now, 296 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,640 Speaker 1: right and in many ways, and so many people look 297 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 1: to you for advice, But who do you go to? 298 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,440 Speaker 1: Where do you go when you need help? Yeah? So 299 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: the first thing I'm going to address that they're arguing 300 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 1: my wife, because I think that's such a good thing 301 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: to talk about. This is what I find fascinating about 302 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: the way humans are wired. And and I'll give an example. 303 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 1: So my wife's been my first guest every year when 304 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 1: we launched a new season other podcast. So she's been 305 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 1: on the podcast three times, the guest we've had on 306 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 1: the most. And every time we'll do like a one 307 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: and a half hour episode of everything we struggled with 308 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 1: that year, and so we talk about like the mistakes, 309 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,880 Speaker 1: the failures, the things that went wrong, and the number 310 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: one comment will be relationship goals, and then I'm on 311 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 1: comment will be couple goals. And what I found is 312 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 1: that the human desire to be inspired and want someone 313 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 1: to project perfection onto anyone is so strong that my 314 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: honest comment back is always please listen to what we 315 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,760 Speaker 1: just said. Yeah, and I'm listening right like yeah, like 316 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: and not in not listening in like, and I know 317 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,720 Speaker 1: you don't mean it's not in an attacking Please just 318 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 1: listen to me. Like, I just told you that when 319 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,280 Speaker 1: I first started dating my wife, I thought she wanted 320 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,960 Speaker 1: to be wooed like in the movies of Hollywood, and 321 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,920 Speaker 1: I got it all wrong because I was doing all 322 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: this flashy stuff and my wife's actually a simple person, 323 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,400 Speaker 1: did not want any of that. I just told you. 324 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 1: You don't we have the same story. Yeah, yeah, we haven't. 325 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,120 Speaker 1: I didn't know that. I don't think. I don't think 326 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:11,440 Speaker 1: we had on a double day. We didn't talk about 327 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,680 Speaker 1: we did not talk about identical story. Really, yeah, keep going, 328 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,199 Speaker 1: please keep going. So so my point is being like, 329 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,400 Speaker 1: if I've just told you that, actually, for the first 330 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,960 Speaker 1: two years of our marriage, sorry two years of our relationship, 331 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:26,239 Speaker 1: we didn't understand each other. Don't just look at us 332 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 1: and go like, oh, yeah, you guys got green eyes 333 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 1: and they match, and so you match, and like, you know, 334 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,879 Speaker 1: it's there's just so much more to it. And I 335 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:37,200 Speaker 1: find that as humans, we so want people to be 336 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:41,680 Speaker 1: perfect that we create a pedestal even if someone's telling 337 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,199 Speaker 1: you the truth. And I think if we just sit 338 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 1: and all listen to each other. Then a we won't 339 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 1: be let down by people and be we won't put 340 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,119 Speaker 1: people on the pedestal. But but who do I go to? 341 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,400 Speaker 1: So the first thing I definitely turned to my texts, 342 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 1: and I know we share this in common. But the 343 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 1: bugod Geeta has has been such a companion and guided 344 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: my life from so long since I was eighteen, that 345 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,880 Speaker 1: I turned to it all the time. My monk teacher 346 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 1: who's now seventy years old, who you actually met, Yeah, 347 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,640 Speaker 1: when he came to my home, so you've you've met him, 348 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: And he's now seventy years old. He grew up in 349 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,400 Speaker 1: Chicago and hitched hike to India at the age of nineteen. 350 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:23,880 Speaker 1: Stories insane, Yeah, he's And And so when I'm when 351 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: I'm struggling with something in a major way, when it's 352 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,840 Speaker 1: like a real like like I feel like it's a 353 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:30,879 Speaker 1: tragedy at this point, then he's the person I go 354 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,639 Speaker 1: to because he always helps me see the reality and 355 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 1: see the truth. Again, there's monks in between that journey, 356 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,680 Speaker 1: So he's like kind of at the top of the order. 357 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: But then there's other ones that are more like older brothers, 358 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 1: and I can be more vulnerable with them than I 359 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:51,159 Speaker 1: don't feel like. So you have monks, are like monks 360 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,920 Speaker 1: and they're there to help you, like just recalibrate, bring 361 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 1: yourself to accounts. So for men who don't have monks 362 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,920 Speaker 1: one dial, what is what is your advice for that 363 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:04,119 Speaker 1: to do business in a more spiritual way. So spirituality 364 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 1: and business is an interesting concept because a lot of 365 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:11,720 Speaker 1: people today see it as an oxymoron or you know, 366 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:17,200 Speaker 1: mutually exclusive. And the truth is that spirituality is so 367 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:21,360 Speaker 1: powerful that it actually spreads across everything. And I know 368 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,240 Speaker 1: all of you understand that, but it's like, if spirituality 369 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: is what we all say it is, then it has 370 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:32,359 Speaker 1: the purity and the power to spread across anything. And 371 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,440 Speaker 1: again going back to our previous theme, the key element 372 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:40,840 Speaker 1: is is this for service of humanity for others or 373 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,879 Speaker 1: is this in the service of myself? Now that's a 374 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:46,359 Speaker 1: fine line, and I've been on the wrong side of 375 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 1: that line plenty of times. So there's plenty of times 376 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 1: when I assess options and opportunities in front of me 377 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,440 Speaker 1: and I realize I'm only taking that option because there's 378 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,600 Speaker 1: ego involved. I'm only taking that option because there's an 379 00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,960 Speaker 1: opportunity or there's a big payout or there's a nice 380 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,879 Speaker 1: dollar sign next to it, and I'm only doing it 381 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: for that. And I've said yes to stuff like that 382 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,359 Speaker 1: plenty of times to know that I'm not perfect. But 383 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:12,320 Speaker 1: the awareness is what I would encourage people to do 384 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: is having the ability to be like, here are the 385 00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: three four options in my life right now, let me 386 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 1: write a word above them, which is the intention of 387 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:24,200 Speaker 1: why I'm choosing that. And if the word isn't love 388 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 1: or service, it's not going to feel good after over 389 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:31,680 Speaker 1: finish it. And so that's what I would encourage people 390 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,400 Speaker 1: to do as a reflection without needing anyone in their 391 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,879 Speaker 1: life or anyone around them. I love that. I love that. 392 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,040 Speaker 1: There's this quote. I don't know the quote exactly, but 393 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 1: one of the central figures in the Behagh faith talks 394 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:48,239 Speaker 1: about abdul Baha that when you are suffering and when 395 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 1: you are going through something and you cannot find a 396 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,119 Speaker 1: way out, to immediately go be of service to another. 397 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,879 Speaker 1: Because when you are service to others, you find that 398 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 1: your own pains and things, um just dissipate through that. 399 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 1: So when you talked about earlier about being wired for service, 400 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 1: So while I think that also there are some people 401 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 1: that are put into service toward two others, not to 402 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,800 Speaker 1: be of pure service, because they're forced to be put there. Um, 403 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 1: women are some wives oftentimes unless we do something different. 404 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 1: I have these conversations with Liz all the time. The 405 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,040 Speaker 1: service that I've always seen with women in my life, 406 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:32,920 Speaker 1: my mother, grandma, all of them, they it was, it was. 407 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,400 Speaker 1: There was a lot of sexism going on as well, 408 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:41,439 Speaker 1: not necessarily by my father, certainly, I want to I 409 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,040 Speaker 1: want to say no, but all of the stuff that 410 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 1: was being experienced. So I think that this idea of 411 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,600 Speaker 1: service being elevated, but service being forced, how do we 412 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,600 Speaker 1: how do we really talk and how does service and 413 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:57,959 Speaker 1: cabitalism right like which feel at odds m How do 414 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 1: you how do you reconcile that. Yeah, there's a beautiful 415 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:04,399 Speaker 1: statement by Peter Diamandis and he says that we should 416 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 1: redefine the word billionaire to be someone who impacts the 417 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:12,159 Speaker 1: lives of a billion people. Now, whether you think of 418 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: that from spirituality or from a money perspective, the wealthiest 419 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 1: people in the world are creating something that services the 420 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,359 Speaker 1: most amount of people. And the scale of the problem 421 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,560 Speaker 1: you're solving and the depth of the issue is how 422 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,200 Speaker 1: much money you make. So if someone created a cure 423 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,359 Speaker 1: for cancer and was able to scale it across the world, 424 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,960 Speaker 1: they would probably be the wealthiest person on the planet 425 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,640 Speaker 1: because they created something out of service. Now you may say, well, Jay, 426 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,200 Speaker 1: well no, many people out of wanting the money will 427 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,720 Speaker 1: figure that out. I'd say that they may, but I'm 428 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:50,480 Speaker 1: hoping that on that journey they'll upgrade in their desire 429 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,600 Speaker 1: and their intention will be purified. And I think this 430 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,880 Speaker 1: was what I loved learning from the Barge Ghita, which 431 00:22:55,920 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 1: was this idea of there is no pure intention. All 432 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:06,560 Speaker 1: intentions are percentages and divided. So when you first start something, 433 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,200 Speaker 1: you may have a seventy percent pure intention, but there's 434 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,480 Speaker 1: thirty percent of ego in that. Or when you start 435 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,360 Speaker 1: it's probably the other way around twenty five percent good 436 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 1: intention then seventy five percent ego, but it's purified in 437 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,560 Speaker 1: the process. So even if you look at people who've 438 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 1: set out their lives, and I work with many of them, 439 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,840 Speaker 1: who set out at the beginning of their lives to 440 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,919 Speaker 1: become wealthy and famous. When they became wealthy and famous, 441 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,040 Speaker 1: they then realized that wasn't the point, and they were 442 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:33,359 Speaker 1: purified in the process of achieving their goal. And so 443 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,920 Speaker 1: the way I think about it is that in a 444 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:42,080 Speaker 1: capitalist society, even the people that are succeeding are succeeding 445 00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:45,000 Speaker 1: because of service, whether it's conscious or not conscious, whether 446 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,359 Speaker 1: it's intentional or unintentional, there's still only like Amazon is 447 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 1: successful because we all want its service, Like we want 448 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,560 Speaker 1: to be served by Amazon, right, And I'm not promoting 449 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,760 Speaker 1: or deep promoting Amazon. I'm just making the point that 450 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 1: because it serves a daily need for the majority of 451 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:05,960 Speaker 1: the population, they are financially successful because of it. Does 452 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,399 Speaker 1: that make senseless? I don't know if I'm answering your question. Well, 453 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:09,960 Speaker 1: and I want to and I see your face, so 454 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,359 Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to, well, because I feel like 455 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 1: it doesn't purify like Jeff Bezos. Actually, I don't care 456 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,199 Speaker 1: about pissing off Jeff Bezos doing it with love. Um, 457 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,439 Speaker 1: you know, Jeff Bezos, I don't think. I don't I 458 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:26,200 Speaker 1: don't have any evidence that he was purified by becoming 459 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 1: a billionaire, Like he still has twenty eight bathrooms, but 460 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 1: then he's preventing his workers from unionizing, right, So like, yeah, 461 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:36,840 Speaker 1: I guess I'm still wondering how to reconcile those things. 462 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,920 Speaker 1: And we've talked about the intersection of masculinity and risk 463 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: about how you know, women are willing to take big 464 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 1: risks when it comes to redistribution, when it comes to 465 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,280 Speaker 1: more taxation, when it comes to the environment, and it's 466 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:55,760 Speaker 1: actually men who and particularly white men. Sorry that I'm 467 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:59,400 Speaker 1: just talking. I'm just speaking the data. It's particularly white 468 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 1: men because yeah, the ten most wealthy of those people 469 00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 1: are are white men. Um, you know, they have the 470 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,080 Speaker 1: most to lose. So I think about that all the time, 471 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,560 Speaker 1: you know, I and I you know, I'm bringing this 472 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: up because it's something that that I grapple with. Yeah, 473 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,359 Speaker 1: where I feel like my heart is in the right place, 474 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,400 Speaker 1: and I've known when it's not, or when I've done 475 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,879 Speaker 1: something I'm like, this was not for the right reason. 476 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,200 Speaker 1: But yeah, how do we do how do we reconcile 477 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:28,200 Speaker 1: those things? I think? And yeah, whether anyone's been purified 478 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 1: or not, and where their journey of life goes, well, 479 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: we'll find out, right with everyone. I really believe that 480 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 1: everyone's on this recurring journey of life and it's all 481 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,120 Speaker 1: to get people to realize that service is the only goal. 482 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,359 Speaker 1: And we kind of have to keep having life experiences 483 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,960 Speaker 1: and failures and shortcomings and issues and everything going wrong 484 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,240 Speaker 1: to only remind you of that and that being the 485 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:55,280 Speaker 1: only satisfying thing. The way you reconcile it is only 486 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,400 Speaker 1: through stillness and solitude. Like if you don't spend enough 487 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:02,720 Speaker 1: time alone every day and try to hear yourself and 488 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,200 Speaker 1: try to hear the words of your spiritual teachers, guides texts, 489 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,280 Speaker 1: then you are only going to hear the noise from 490 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,879 Speaker 1: society outside, and that's what you'll end up following. Or 491 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,879 Speaker 1: if you're switching off the noise to listen to a 492 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 1: podcast like this and all the other episodes that I've seen, 493 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,399 Speaker 1: the guests you've had on, and the types of conversations 494 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: you're having on, you're all performing a service. And by 495 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,920 Speaker 1: the way, everyone who's listening is also serving by learning, 496 00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:29,679 Speaker 1: So it's not only the giver that is serving, the 497 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,760 Speaker 1: receiver is also serving. I think the bigger challenge is 498 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 1: also that we've just lacked examples of that, And so 499 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,840 Speaker 1: to me, it's like I would be traveling with one 500 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 1: of our senior monk leaders. You know this gentleman seventy 501 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:50,520 Speaker 1: years old. I'm like twenty one years old and every 502 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:54,040 Speaker 1: day we'd wake up in the morning and he would 503 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:58,080 Speaker 1: bow down before me on the floor to honor the 504 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,520 Speaker 1: soul that's within my heart. And I would do the 505 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 1: same bag, but he would always beat me to it, 506 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:06,879 Speaker 1: and there was no one watching. There were no fanfare, 507 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,560 Speaker 1: there was no audience, there was no one to do 508 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,719 Speaker 1: it for. I wasn't Jay shed like. I was just 509 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:15,440 Speaker 1: a kid who's twenty one years old, And that's how 510 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 1: we were taught to behave with each other with that 511 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 1: much level of respect. Now, he would have done that 512 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,119 Speaker 1: with anyone in the room. So the reason I'm sharing 513 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:27,200 Speaker 1: that is, like, when I experienced that level of masculine 514 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:28,959 Speaker 1: or whatever you want to call that, Like, you know, 515 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,639 Speaker 1: if when I experienced that, it gave me faith that 516 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,479 Speaker 1: a man could be extremely powerful by being extremely humble, 517 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,440 Speaker 1: that a man could be extremely could penetrate my heart 518 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,840 Speaker 1: by being really kind and caring and compassionate. But if 519 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:47,200 Speaker 1: you've never experienced that, how are you to believe that 520 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,000 Speaker 1: that's possible? Yeah, I think the first step is to 521 00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:53,000 Speaker 1: seek and find. Like, I think it's hard to tell 522 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:57,040 Speaker 1: anyone to the formula for how to navigate that without 523 00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:00,560 Speaker 1: them finding a purpose that is bigger than themselves. Yeah, 524 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:04,920 Speaker 1: like it's hard for anyone to navigate life. Sometimes your purpose, 525 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,480 Speaker 1: bigger than yourself becomes your family and your love for 526 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 1: your family, and that's as far and wide as your 527 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,639 Speaker 1: mind wants to go. And that's beautiful. And for some 528 00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:14,720 Speaker 1: people it becomes the world, and for some people becomes 529 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:18,400 Speaker 1: their town and their city. But everyone has to have something, 530 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,119 Speaker 1: you know, those beautiful words of Martin Luther, King of 531 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:22,879 Speaker 1: You know, if you have nothing to die for, you 532 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,240 Speaker 1: have nothing to live for. Like that to me is 533 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,800 Speaker 1: the clear purpose of life where we have to seek 534 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,479 Speaker 1: out what it is that we really care about and 535 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:34,920 Speaker 1: what we really believe in. And that can be your family. 536 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,119 Speaker 1: That's totally fine. Like this doesn't have to be like 537 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,120 Speaker 1: a I'm going to become an activist and change the 538 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 1: world conversation. This is I care about the quality of 539 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 1: life my family has, but I think about quality based 540 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,160 Speaker 1: on the depth of their experience of life, not just 541 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 1: what they have. And I'm going to live my life 542 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 1: or try and live my life in that way. And 543 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 1: so to me, the first step is to seek mentors, coaches, guides, guidance. 544 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,120 Speaker 1: It has to be it always is. I had the 545 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:10,040 Speaker 1: fortune of interviewing Walter Isaacson. He's famously known to write 546 00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,680 Speaker 1: the biographies of the biggest icons of all time. So 547 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:17,280 Speaker 1: he wrote the official biography of Leonardo da Vinci, Einstein, 548 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,800 Speaker 1: Steve Jobs like you know, just it's insane. And he 549 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:24,960 Speaker 1: worked at CNN and Time before that. And he wrote 550 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 1: a new book about a lady named Jennifer Dowdner who 551 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 1: is the founder of gene editing. Now. She's a female 552 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,640 Speaker 1: scientist who was told by her school teachers that women 553 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 1: don't become scientists, right like women's can't be scientists. She 554 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:46,800 Speaker 1: just won the Nobel Prize for her discovery, so amazing, 555 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,479 Speaker 1: and he just wrote a book about her life. It's 556 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 1: called Codebreaker. The reason why I'm sharing all of that 557 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 1: is that some girls going to pick up that book, 558 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 1: or guy both or anyone or they are going to 559 00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,000 Speaker 1: pick up that book and they are going to find 560 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 1: their role model in that book. We all find we 561 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,000 Speaker 1: may not have a monk on speed Dow we may 562 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 1: not have met a monk when you're eighteen, but you're 563 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,720 Speaker 1: going to find when you start searching and looking, and 564 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 1: when you find that, you're going to read it, You're 565 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,760 Speaker 1: going to internalize it. And it's going to change how 566 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,560 Speaker 1: you think. And I just feel that encouraging people to 567 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:22,440 Speaker 1: find coaches, guides, and mentors is the best thing I 568 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 1: can do, because there's no one we admire that doesn't 569 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:29,280 Speaker 1: have that. Whether they're an athlete, whether they're a singer, 570 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,320 Speaker 1: whether they're a musician, whether they're a videographer or editor. 571 00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,600 Speaker 1: Everyone's had mentors, guides, and coaches, but it's become so 572 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: far removed from our lives today that everyone thinks they 573 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:41,640 Speaker 1: have to figure out for themselves, and that's where the 574 00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,440 Speaker 1: mess is created from. It sounds like an obvious point, 575 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,880 Speaker 1: but it's almost like we obviously haven't pushed it enough. 576 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,000 Speaker 1: Because as a man, to take another person as your 577 00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 1: mentor also requires you to have humility. You've got to 578 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,240 Speaker 1: forgive yourself, You've got to be compassionate to yourself. So 579 00:30:56,280 --> 00:31:01,040 Speaker 1: the simple act of taking on a mentor actually does 580 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,680 Speaker 1: more for your masculinity than anything else. And also being 581 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:09,200 Speaker 1: a mentor, yes, right, you reach, you reach a place 582 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,640 Speaker 1: and you have your success or you have achieved something, 583 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,920 Speaker 1: and then being of service to that person who's sending 584 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,280 Speaker 1: the elevator back down. But it's the biggest, it's the 585 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,200 Speaker 1: biggest myth of masculinity that we have to do it 586 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:22,440 Speaker 1: by ourselves. Yes, like that. We you know that we 587 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,080 Speaker 1: can't ask for help, We can't ask for guidance, We 588 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:27,240 Speaker 1: can't ask for those things. Yeah. Yeah, I want to 589 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:31,240 Speaker 1: ask you something real quick, Jay, because because I don't 590 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,440 Speaker 1: know how you do it. And social media, I want 591 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,560 Speaker 1: to talk about social media for a second. We talked 592 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 1: about a little bit when I joined your podcast, But 593 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,040 Speaker 1: we know what social media in many ways does to 594 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:46,520 Speaker 1: our brains. We get dopamine hits left and right, much 595 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,479 Speaker 1: more than you know we ever have in human history, 596 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:53,680 Speaker 1: like dislike, followers, comments, all of which are contributing, I 597 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 1: think to a different kind of pandemic, which is like 598 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:02,960 Speaker 1: extremely low self worth, seeking external validation, and everybody wanting 599 00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:07,240 Speaker 1: to become the center of attention, an influencer, to have influence. 600 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,280 Speaker 1: And then you mix in like what's becoming trendy or 601 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,800 Speaker 1: popular or woke in culture, and then you have service, right, 602 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,080 Speaker 1: and these lines get very blurred, like I've struggle like 603 00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: do I post that? Doing not post that? Like oh 604 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:20,520 Speaker 1: that didn't get as many likes? And I still have 605 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:24,320 Speaker 1: those thoughts, And I just imagine fifteen year olds and 606 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: twelve year olds now that are getting social media and 607 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 1: all of these things. And I remember watching this, like 608 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 1: I swear she was eight years old. She was doing 609 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 1: she was by herself in a CVS doing a TikTok, 610 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:35,840 Speaker 1: holding the phone by herself, and I was really confused. 611 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,000 Speaker 1: And I looked at that and my heartbroke just thinking 612 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:42,400 Speaker 1: about the performative aspect of what social media does. How 613 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:50,320 Speaker 1: have you stayed above water? How have you not been affected? 614 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,160 Speaker 1: Or are you ever affected? And I guess that's my 615 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:55,480 Speaker 1: question is are you also affected by if something doesn't 616 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 1: have a lot of likes or if a podcast doesn't 617 00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,600 Speaker 1: have a lot of downloads. Because you seem impermeable in 618 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,040 Speaker 1: that way, like you have the teachings. You're so rooted 619 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:03,960 Speaker 1: in the teachings and in your meditation and your practice 620 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 1: that it's like if you're not shaken by the outside world, 621 00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 1: but you're teaching people this wisdom, this ancient wisdom, but 622 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:11,640 Speaker 1: yet you're doing it from the swamp. How do you 623 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,160 Speaker 1: stay out of it? And do you struggle? Ever? You 624 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 1: fall in and you fall in again all the time. 625 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:21,560 Speaker 1: Social media was my last resort to try and share 626 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,960 Speaker 1: a message that I deeply believe the world needed and 627 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 1: so if I had it my way, I would never 628 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:28,640 Speaker 1: have taken to social media. I would have done it 629 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,280 Speaker 1: through one of these official channels that wouldn't give me 630 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,360 Speaker 1: a chance. And I think people don't think that. People think, oh, yeah, 631 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:35,880 Speaker 1: you joined social media because you want to get it. 632 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:38,200 Speaker 1: It's like I joined social media because I didn't know 633 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,400 Speaker 1: any other way to spread the message. So going back 634 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:45,160 Speaker 1: to mistakes on social media or failures, I've fallen into 635 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:46,880 Speaker 1: it so many times that I fall into on a 636 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:51,400 Speaker 1: daily basis. If your life revolves around serving through social media, 637 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:56,200 Speaker 1: you have to become phenomenal at social media strategy. It's 638 00:33:56,320 --> 00:34:00,000 Speaker 1: you can't separate the two. You have to The problem 639 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:05,280 Speaker 1: is when the strategy overtakes the sincerity. The problem is 640 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:09,719 Speaker 1: when the strategy overtakes the creativity or overshadows the creativity. 641 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,360 Speaker 1: The problem is when the strategy just becomes a game 642 00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,560 Speaker 1: and now you're just living in this fake world you've created. 643 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,600 Speaker 1: And that's the problem. When you just look at the 644 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 1: likes and you don't look at the comments, when you 645 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 1: look at the views, but you don't look at the engagement. 646 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,239 Speaker 1: And when I say engagement, I mean the depth of it. 647 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,200 Speaker 1: What are people saying, how are they feeling? That's what 648 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,320 Speaker 1: humanizes it again for me. So that's what I'm holding 649 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,719 Speaker 1: onto is the humanizing of it, of seeing like, how 650 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:38,520 Speaker 1: is this genuinely having a human impact not a data impact. 651 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,759 Speaker 1: And I think that's where our mindset is strategist versus 652 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:45,800 Speaker 1: spiritualist goes is. As a strategist, you're meant to think data, 653 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,040 Speaker 1: but as a spiritualist you're meant to think depth, and 654 00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:53,239 Speaker 1: so you can't let data overshadow depth. And what I 655 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:56,960 Speaker 1: love about algorithms is that they always keep you humble. 656 00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:01,279 Speaker 1: You will never beat the algorithm. It will always keep 657 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,920 Speaker 1: you humble. So if you're actually doing it for likes 658 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,640 Speaker 1: and love and hearts, you will give up. But if 659 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,680 Speaker 1: you're doing it because you just want to find what 660 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:14,200 Speaker 1: is going to connect with people, what is going to resonate, 661 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:17,080 Speaker 1: what is going to cut through, then that's something that 662 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,320 Speaker 1: will keep you humble in the process of it, because 663 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,880 Speaker 1: you'll never win. You've been able to separate how a 664 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,920 Speaker 1: video does or performs from your own self worth, oh 665 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,600 Speaker 1: for sure. And I think that is really kind of 666 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:32,320 Speaker 1: the key and the question for when that TikTok or 667 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:37,120 Speaker 1: the Instagram video turns off, they're left with themselves. Yeah, 668 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:38,920 Speaker 1: and you know, one of the things you teach us 669 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:40,600 Speaker 1: being with yourself. But if they don't know how to 670 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,000 Speaker 1: be with theirselves, so I guess this is this is 671 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:46,680 Speaker 1: an opportunity. I'm asking you to talk to them. If 672 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,560 Speaker 1: someone's listening right now, who's struggling with that, because I 673 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:52,920 Speaker 1: have struggled with it, especially from a service perspective, like 674 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:54,400 Speaker 1: I'm here to be of service. Why am I making 675 00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,600 Speaker 1: this about? Why do I care? Why should I care? 676 00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:59,680 Speaker 1: I don't care? Do I care? I do care? I 677 00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:01,719 Speaker 1: care too much? No, I didn't get you know. And 678 00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:03,480 Speaker 1: it's like, should I post that? No, But this is 679 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:05,120 Speaker 1: my platform. I want to post whatever I want. I 680 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,840 Speaker 1: want to post the picture of the sunset, but no 681 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,920 Speaker 1: one's gonna like the picture of the sunset, justin to 682 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:12,560 Speaker 1: post something. And I've had these conversations with myself and 683 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,680 Speaker 1: the fact that I'm having them drive me crazy. And 684 00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:16,319 Speaker 1: you just strike me as somebody who doesn't have them 685 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,919 Speaker 1: as much. And maybe that's because you have a sense 686 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:23,280 Speaker 1: of self. A practical answer is all the work goes 687 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:27,759 Speaker 1: in thinking about something up front. So when you set 688 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,759 Speaker 1: your intention, when you're creating a piece of content. So 689 00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:33,880 Speaker 1: my books the biggest, deepest, most meaningful thing I put 690 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:38,000 Speaker 1: out in the world, in my opinion, And I spent 691 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:42,040 Speaker 1: a lot of time writing it, researching it, thinking about 692 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,520 Speaker 1: the every day you were on a mission three four 693 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,000 Speaker 1: hours a day, you were literally yeah, yeah, and we 694 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,759 Speaker 1: I knew that I wanted science in it, and I 695 00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,879 Speaker 1: wanted monk research in it, and so I had had 696 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,680 Speaker 1: monks resetting, I had a scientific research ye Like. It 697 00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,640 Speaker 1: was a real team project to get it to be 698 00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:02,680 Speaker 1: what I wanted it to be. And I put in 699 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:06,399 Speaker 1: all the work up front because my intention was if 700 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:10,040 Speaker 1: you create something with the love, with the service, with 701 00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,160 Speaker 1: the intention of that, then that's what people are going 702 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:15,719 Speaker 1: to feel. Whereas if I create it with the intention 703 00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:19,239 Speaker 1: of going viral or which would you can't actually do 704 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:24,080 Speaker 1: because viral, by nature and by what it is, means 705 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 1: that you can't predict it like people can do that. 706 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,399 Speaker 1: People decide that with the book. If you're obsessed with 707 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:35,960 Speaker 1: X result, it ruins the process. So for me, when 708 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,880 Speaker 1: I'm in the process, I really shut my windows and 709 00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,239 Speaker 1: I close the doors, and I'm like, this process has 710 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,600 Speaker 1: to be as pure as possible, as possible, as possible. 711 00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:46,359 Speaker 1: So it's not one hundred percent, but it's as good 712 00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:50,000 Speaker 1: as it can get. And when we look at and 713 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:51,800 Speaker 1: you know, when we talk about how do we share 714 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,759 Speaker 1: this with the world, let's also make the process really good. 715 00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:56,479 Speaker 1: Are we sharing in the right places? Are we getting 716 00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:59,359 Speaker 1: it right? And then when you share it, you know 717 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:02,880 Speaker 1: that you've done everything you possibly could to make it worthwhile, 718 00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,000 Speaker 1: and if it doesn't work, you can take that because 719 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,680 Speaker 1: you've done everything. The problem is when you put something 720 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,279 Speaker 1: out with the desire of, oh, it's going to do great. 721 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:14,200 Speaker 1: I know, I'm masterminded this, it's perfect, and then it 722 00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:16,560 Speaker 1: doesn't do well, then it affects you. Whereas when you've 723 00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,799 Speaker 1: built all your self worth in the process of that. 724 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:23,279 Speaker 1: And so I sent my publishers an email and I'm 725 00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:25,120 Speaker 1: saying this because I'm proud of myself doing this, and 726 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,440 Speaker 1: I'm going to say that here. I send them an 727 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,279 Speaker 1: email the day before the book came out and we 728 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:30,839 Speaker 1: had no idea what was going to happen or anything, 729 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:32,080 Speaker 1: and I said, I just want to thank you for 730 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,120 Speaker 1: this process. It's been the best process I've ever had. 731 00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:37,839 Speaker 1: I love you guys. It's been amazing. It's You've been 732 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:39,560 Speaker 1: the best team I've ever worked with that I really 733 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,720 Speaker 1: appreciate you, from the editor down to the fact checker, 734 00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 1: down to this whatever, everyone on the team, and I 735 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:46,000 Speaker 1: just want you to know I'm already proud of what 736 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,080 Speaker 1: we've achieved. And I send that email after them, and 737 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:50,839 Speaker 1: I remember the president of the company that I work 738 00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:52,480 Speaker 1: with he replied to me, because Jay, we never get 739 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:54,480 Speaker 1: one of these emails the day before the book comes out. 740 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,640 Speaker 1: It was like, we always get this if the book 741 00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:58,000 Speaker 1: does well or whatever. And I was like, no, I 742 00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:01,160 Speaker 1: genuinely feel so proud of what we've achieved already. Whatever 743 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,920 Speaker 1: happens happens. I had my UK publisher tell me, Jay, 744 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,600 Speaker 1: you know what, we're probably not going to hit number 745 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:09,319 Speaker 1: one on the Sunday Times in the UK because you 746 00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:11,239 Speaker 1: know there's some big hitters in the UK coming out 747 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:12,920 Speaker 1: this week. Are you okay with it? I was like, dude, 748 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,480 Speaker 1: I have written the best book I possibly could. We've 749 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,960 Speaker 1: done the best launch that I probably could have done. 750 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:19,920 Speaker 1: I couldn't have done anymore. I'm good, like whatever, I 751 00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:23,000 Speaker 1: don't care. And it's like, to me, that's the only 752 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,359 Speaker 1: way to not care is that you put all your 753 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:28,560 Speaker 1: heart into the creation. So that's the practical answer, the 754 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:35,600 Speaker 1: philosophical answer, and the more spiritual answer is I'm flawed. 755 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:39,480 Speaker 1: I do seek validation in what people think of me. 756 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:44,200 Speaker 1: I do get upset if someone doesn't like my videos 757 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:47,600 Speaker 1: and like someone else's. And I forgive myself. I'm compassionate, 758 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:51,080 Speaker 1: and I start over again. That's just the real answer, Like, 759 00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:54,680 Speaker 1: that's just the truth. I mess up, I fall down. 760 00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:58,640 Speaker 1: I get that I'm I do get worried about, Oh, well, 761 00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,319 Speaker 1: will I be relevant next year? Oh? I do get 762 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,759 Speaker 1: worried about, like, oh will people care about me? I 763 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:05,680 Speaker 1: do get worried about like have I said anything good 764 00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:07,960 Speaker 1: on this podcast right now? Like? Is there anything that 765 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,680 Speaker 1: I've said that is actually even worth this podcast? I 766 00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:13,040 Speaker 1: do think about that, like every time I think about it, 767 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,600 Speaker 1: every time I record a solo episode of my podcast, 768 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:18,400 Speaker 1: and I think about it all the time. But what 769 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:21,759 Speaker 1: do I do I allow myself to feel that, I 770 00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:25,720 Speaker 1: allow myself to experience it. I forgive myself for judging myself, 771 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,560 Speaker 1: and then I start again, and I start every day 772 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,520 Speaker 1: as if it was new. And my wife and I 773 00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:33,600 Speaker 1: have this amazing ability we both have. It is that 774 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:35,480 Speaker 1: we can go to sleep, forget the night before, and 775 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,920 Speaker 1: start again, and I think my memory literally does that. 776 00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:41,040 Speaker 1: I erase all of my failures and mistakes from the 777 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,160 Speaker 1: day before and just start afresh every day, because it's 778 00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:46,440 Speaker 1: the only way I know to allow myself to have 779 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,680 Speaker 1: another go at it. Just the idea of allowing yourself 780 00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:52,520 Speaker 1: to have some compassion for yourself. And I think everyone 781 00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,440 Speaker 1: who's sitting out there who's judging themselves accept that you 782 00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:59,560 Speaker 1: judge yourself, be compassionate, but then seek to redirect that energy. 783 00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:04,560 Speaker 1: Whatever table you're at and whoever's at that table is 784 00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,839 Speaker 1: what you judge yourself by. So when we heard that 785 00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:11,839 Speaker 1: famous quote of you are the average of the five 786 00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,520 Speaker 1: people you spend the most time with, actually what the 787 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,600 Speaker 1: truth is, your values become the average of the five 788 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:20,920 Speaker 1: people and their values. I love that. When we talked 789 00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,799 Speaker 1: you and I did like a pandemic check in with 790 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,160 Speaker 1: like a man enough kind of check in, and you 791 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:29,719 Speaker 1: had admitted that you were addicted to video games for 792 00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:32,520 Speaker 1: a little bit. I was, and and that was big 793 00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,800 Speaker 1: In the book, I talked about, you know, an ongoing 794 00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:36,840 Speaker 1: struggle I've had with porn since I was you know, 795 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,319 Speaker 1: a kid, and and you said it caught you by 796 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:42,799 Speaker 1: surprise that you were addicted. You found yourself like, you know, 797 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,839 Speaker 1: taking all of this emotion and just playing video games 798 00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:48,560 Speaker 1: and hours would pass by. Yeah, I'm curious which one. 799 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:54,400 Speaker 1: By the way, So FIFA, NBA two K, two K 800 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:59,120 Speaker 1: twenty one now I have and Assassin's Creed. It's is 801 00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:04,680 Speaker 1: really mess Wait wait an playing Assassin's Creed. Yes, yes, 802 00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,520 Speaker 1: so I'm curious how bad did it get and what 803 00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:09,760 Speaker 1: pulled you out or or is that still an ongoing 804 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,000 Speaker 1: thing that you're you're just struggling with a little bit, 805 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,719 Speaker 1: or is it a you know, oh my gosh. So yeah, 806 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,359 Speaker 1: we just found out as the pandemic, I realized we 807 00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:18,920 Speaker 1: were going to be stuck indoors. I thought maybe this 808 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,920 Speaker 1: is gonna be last a month, That's what I thought. 809 00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:25,600 Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, well, what am I 810 00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:27,279 Speaker 1: going to do with this time? Like a lot of 811 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:29,399 Speaker 1: things were getting canceled at the time and things like that, 812 00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,439 Speaker 1: and we had a friends staying my wife's friends staying 813 00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,759 Speaker 1: with us, so they would always be spending time together 814 00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:36,239 Speaker 1: and everything. So I was pretty much on my own 815 00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:40,759 Speaker 1: and instead of meditating more or reading more, I ordered 816 00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:43,839 Speaker 1: a PlayStation, which, by the way, I hadn't played video 817 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,799 Speaker 1: games for ten years, like I just hadn't. I hadn't 818 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:50,359 Speaker 1: watch TV religious like properly, like watch the series on TV. 819 00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:52,360 Speaker 1: I'd watched movies. I love movies. I dodn't watch a 820 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,839 Speaker 1: TV show for like ten years, but I literally would 821 00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,360 Speaker 1: sit there and play how was an? How was it? 822 00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:00,440 Speaker 1: Video games? And I think I didn't stop playing for 823 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:03,040 Speaker 1: like it took like three to four weeks before I 824 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,280 Speaker 1: realized that I'd been playing video games for eight hours 825 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:10,400 Speaker 1: a day, eight hours time was wasted. All of I 826 00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:13,200 Speaker 1: thought I was dealing well with what was going on, 827 00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:16,240 Speaker 1: but actually I was just using that as my escape 828 00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:20,200 Speaker 1: to what was actually happening in the world. And I 829 00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,920 Speaker 1: know it sounds stupid. It's like our video games, but 830 00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:24,600 Speaker 1: it's not. It's terrible. I mean when I would play 831 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:27,000 Speaker 1: Assassin's Creed, I would walk out there. My wife was 832 00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:29,120 Speaker 1: just like, you look like you've just exited a war. 833 00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:31,480 Speaker 1: Are you okay? Like she would literally look at me, 834 00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,800 Speaker 1: like our camera crews laughing, they're like, oh, I feel that. 835 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,200 Speaker 1: She was literally like are you Like she would see 836 00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:38,800 Speaker 1: me come out of the room. I'd come out of 837 00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:40,799 Speaker 1: the cave of like, She's like, are you like? I 838 00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:42,919 Speaker 1: don't think that game's good for you, Like I don't 839 00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:45,640 Speaker 1: think that game's good for your energy. And it was 840 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:47,560 Speaker 1: like three to four weeks in where I realized I 841 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:49,759 Speaker 1: was like, God, the world suffering right now, Like I 842 00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,799 Speaker 1: should be serving. I'm sitting here playing video games. But 843 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:55,399 Speaker 1: I have to allow myself and cut myself some slack. 844 00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:58,160 Speaker 1: That that that was my escape at the time. I just 845 00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:02,040 Speaker 1: hadn't slowed down and I hadn't stopped for like the 846 00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:05,320 Speaker 1: last three to four years. Yeah, I hadn't allowed myself 847 00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:08,200 Speaker 1: to have any downtime because I was building and serving 848 00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:12,720 Speaker 1: and creating that that was my outlet. You still realize 849 00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:15,279 Speaker 1: that it starts to damage your relationships, Like my mom 850 00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:17,600 Speaker 1: was like, why not calling? Like, I'm not calling my 851 00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:19,840 Speaker 1: mom and I'm playing a I was a video again. Yeah, 852 00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:21,640 Speaker 1: I'm not calling my system. I'm playing I was a 853 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:23,239 Speaker 1: video games. They're not spending time on my wife. From 854 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,319 Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of like anything that doesn't have 855 00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:28,200 Speaker 1: moderation involved. Yeah, then it's toxic, right, and you drink 856 00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:31,160 Speaker 1: too much water. And then my therapist put it this way, 857 00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,480 Speaker 1: if it's fine, it's acceptable behavior if you're doing it, 858 00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:38,120 Speaker 1: and afterwards you don't feel any shame. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, 859 00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,480 Speaker 1: but if you feel bad they're terrible and that you 860 00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:42,319 Speaker 1: do it again, then you should look at it. Well, 861 00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:44,400 Speaker 1: there are bad things you men can do that they 862 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:48,520 Speaker 1: don't feel about. Well, yeah, I'm for somebody who's like, 863 00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:50,440 Speaker 1: by the time you get to therapy and you're actually 864 00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:52,279 Speaker 1: working on that thing and you're like, hey, you're trying 865 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,360 Speaker 1: to understand it, by that point, it's like, okay, well 866 00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:58,160 Speaker 1: this is probably unhealthy for you if you're if you're 867 00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,560 Speaker 1: that reflective and you're already there, right, So yeah, it's 868 00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:04,000 Speaker 1: it's it's interesting that it seems to be the women 869 00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,680 Speaker 1: in your life that sort of pointed that out. Always, 870 00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:09,960 Speaker 1: like the women women like my mother, my sister, and 871 00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:13,040 Speaker 1: from my wife. I've just learned, like like I dedicate 872 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:16,120 Speaker 1: my book to her because she is more monk than 873 00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:19,279 Speaker 1: I'll ever be, and that's so humbling. When when we 874 00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:21,400 Speaker 1: got married, I was like the guy who'd been a 875 00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:24,040 Speaker 1: monk and meditating for all these years, and even some 876 00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:27,560 Speaker 1: of my spirit spiritual friends were like, oh, you can't 877 00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,040 Speaker 1: marry her, she's new to spirituality, et cetera, et cetera. 878 00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:35,000 Speaker 1: And my wife, like, my wife wakes up earlier than 879 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,120 Speaker 1: I do. She meditates for longer than I do. She 880 00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:40,640 Speaker 1: is she's amazing, Like she's far more spiritual than I'll 881 00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:44,279 Speaker 1: ever be. And and I love that because I need 882 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,319 Speaker 1: that she's amazing. Yeah, and I need that. If she 883 00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:48,399 Speaker 1: wasn't that, maybe I wouldn't be who I am today, 884 00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,880 Speaker 1: Like maybe I would have got more deviated from the 885 00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:53,680 Speaker 1: path and lost my way. Jay, You're you're incredible. We're 886 00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:57,080 Speaker 1: going to go to these last questions. Welcome to this 887 00:45:57,120 --> 00:46:00,920 Speaker 1: week's Man Enough Podcast Rapid Fire Question, Lau, do you 888 00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:04,399 Speaker 1: want to start all right? The rapid fire question? When 889 00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:09,080 Speaker 1: is the last time that you cried? It was probably 890 00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:11,080 Speaker 1: when I was you know what, I yeah, it was 891 00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:13,640 Speaker 1: probably this Because I don't live in the same country 892 00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:15,520 Speaker 1: as my mom anymore, and because of the pandemic, I 893 00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:17,000 Speaker 1: don't get to see her as much anymore. I used 894 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,319 Speaker 1: to go back regularly. I feel like whenever I'm leaving 895 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:24,200 Speaker 1: London and my mom cries, I cry because it's my mom, 896 00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:25,879 Speaker 1: Like I love it, like she did every She's done 897 00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,960 Speaker 1: everything for me. And the thing about love is there's 898 00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:32,800 Speaker 1: no way of repaying it, so you can only keep trying. 899 00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,960 Speaker 1: And I think that that's the beauty of love. And 900 00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:39,120 Speaker 1: also the hard part of love is that you can't 901 00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,680 Speaker 1: repay real love. And I feel like I'm always in 902 00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:44,200 Speaker 1: debt to my mom in a good way. And so, yeah, 903 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:47,440 Speaker 1: i'd say that tell me something that other people value 904 00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:57,200 Speaker 1: that you don't, I'd say it's probably being understood. I'm 905 00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,800 Speaker 1: okay with being misunderstood. Wow, I just think it's reality. 906 00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:03,480 Speaker 1: I just don't think you will ever be understood by everyone, 907 00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:06,600 Speaker 1: and so it's okay. Like I don't value being understood 908 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:08,440 Speaker 1: any I used to. I used to love being I 909 00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:11,680 Speaker 1: want to take that as a superpower. Yeah, I'm going 910 00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:15,200 Speaker 1: to add one, What are you afraid of? I'm afraid 911 00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:19,520 Speaker 1: of not reaching my potential. I'm genuinely afraid of that. 912 00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:22,760 Speaker 1: I do think about that, like I think about the future, 913 00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:25,919 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't want to die having thought 914 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,040 Speaker 1: that I didn't try my best to do everything that 915 00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:32,400 Speaker 1: I was meant to do. And my teacher told me 916 00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:36,600 Speaker 1: something once which which set the pedestal of potential much higher. 917 00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:39,080 Speaker 1: And he asked me once, he said, well, what are 918 00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:40,759 Speaker 1: you doing right now? As an update? And so I 919 00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:42,240 Speaker 1: was telling him. I was like, I'm doing this podcast 920 00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:44,400 Speaker 1: and we've launched this book, and I was just sharing 921 00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:48,359 Speaker 1: it out of love and gratitude to him. And he said, 922 00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,640 Speaker 1: he said to me, Goes, you know, for all of 923 00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:54,759 Speaker 1: these things that you're doing, I have no expectation, but 924 00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:59,000 Speaker 1: I simply demand the purity of your heart. And I 925 00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:02,439 Speaker 1: was just like, oh, that's a lot harder. And that's 926 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,399 Speaker 1: my biggest fear that I don't live up to that, 927 00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:07,440 Speaker 1: because I feel like I would have wasted all the 928 00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:09,200 Speaker 1: love that he's given me over the years and the 929 00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:11,840 Speaker 1: amount of investment that these teachers are put into a 930 00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:14,600 Speaker 1: random kid from London who is on his way to 931 00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:16,799 Speaker 1: do all the stupid things that people do. And they've 932 00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:21,080 Speaker 1: they've they've loved me through so much and it upsets 933 00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:26,239 Speaker 1: me to think that I mess it up. So, yeah, 934 00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:30,240 Speaker 1: when was the last time you apologize to someone? Today? 935 00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,880 Speaker 1: To my wife, we were doing a video together and 936 00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:35,440 Speaker 1: I was rushing to come here or somewhere else and 937 00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:36,920 Speaker 1: I was I had the worst and energy, and she 938 00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:38,239 Speaker 1: stopped me and she looked me in the face and 939 00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:40,680 Speaker 1: she was like, are you okay? Like what's up? Like 940 00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:42,440 Speaker 1: I can tell that you're just frustrated to be here, 941 00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:44,120 Speaker 1: but you need to do this right now, and are 942 00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:46,480 Speaker 1: you okay with that? And and then I was like, 943 00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:47,920 Speaker 1: all right, let's just do it. I don't like your 944 00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:50,160 Speaker 1: energy right now. And then I went back to it 945 00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:52,080 Speaker 1: and I gave her rug and its like I'm really sorry, look, 946 00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:53,839 Speaker 1: I'm just you know, I've had a lot on this 947 00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,520 Speaker 1: last week and whatever. So yeah, that was sure. And 948 00:48:56,640 --> 00:49:01,600 Speaker 1: the final question, what does it mean to be man enough? Oh? 949 00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:03,840 Speaker 1: I think, in my opinion, what it means to be 950 00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:11,560 Speaker 1: mad enough is to There's a beautiful statement by Russell 951 00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:16,800 Speaker 1: Barkley where he said that people who need the most 952 00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:20,760 Speaker 1: love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. 953 00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:23,560 Speaker 1: And I think what it means to be mad enough 954 00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:26,919 Speaker 1: is to be able to approach everyone with that love, 955 00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:31,600 Speaker 1: recognizing that the pain they're causing you or anyone else 956 00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:34,520 Speaker 1: is coming from a place of them being unloved at 957 00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:39,320 Speaker 1: some point in their life. Wet, you're my friend or 958 00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:42,880 Speaker 1: man enough. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you, Liz, 959 00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:46,560 Speaker 1: thanks so much for you. I know I know you 960 00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:47,759 Speaker 1: had to move a lot of stuff run to make 961 00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:49,800 Speaker 1: us happen, So thank you so much. This is so special. 962 00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:52,840 Speaker 1: I learned some sweet If you want even more videos 963 00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,560 Speaker 1: just like this one makes you subscribe and click on 964 00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:58,520 Speaker 1: the boxes over here. I'm also excited to let you 965 00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:01,400 Speaker 1: know that you can now yet my book Think Like 966 00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:05,640 Speaker 1: a Monk, from thinkli amnkbook dot com. Check below in 967 00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,160 Speaker 1: the description to make sure you order today.