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Speaker 1: Am I they hole for telling my boyfriend I'd break

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Speaker 1: up with him before we move into our new house.

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Speaker 2: Uh, it depends, It depends.

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Speaker 1: Uh. And the question today we're trying to answer is

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Speaker 1: how do you behave respectfully in a relationship?

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Speaker 2: How does that happen? Bit in my mouth? Oh my well,

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Speaker 2: old cup sixty sixty five might help us spect answer

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Speaker 2: that question.

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Speaker 1: Unlike Sampec, me female twenty five and my boyfriend, male

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Speaker 1: twenty six have been dating for about a year now.

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Speaker 1: We have been unintentionally living together for six months and

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Speaker 1: officially moving together in our new house in two weeks.

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Speaker 3: Unintentionally living together like oh like they just like spent

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Speaker 3: time at.

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Speaker 1: Like it just kind of places it evolved into basically

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Speaker 1: living together. We haven't been talking about getting married, and

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Speaker 1: I've been so happy until I decided it's always the intil.

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Speaker 1: It's always the intil, until I decided to actually make

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Speaker 1: a big deal about something that has bothered me for

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Speaker 1: the entirety of our relationship. I've never gone through phone

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Speaker 1: and we have never fought in our relationship until recently.

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Speaker 1: My boyfriend has many female friends. Uh oh, there is

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Speaker 1: a handful of them that I actually really enjoy and

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Speaker 1: want to consider as friends as well. I will mention

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Speaker 1: I am naturally the jealous type and I can be insecure.

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Speaker 1: This is something I have been working on within myself.

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Speaker 1: My boyfriend is an extrovert. I am an introvert. He

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Speaker 1: has tons of friends everywhere we go. We both bartend

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Speaker 1: in our city, so anywhere we go, we always bump

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Speaker 1: into each other's friends. Sometimes I feel as if I'm

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Speaker 1: invisible or that my boyfriend is too friendly with some

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Speaker 1: of the other girls.

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Speaker 2: I've expressed my discomfort kindly. In the past. I've expressed

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Speaker 2: that I would like to have date nights that don't

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Speaker 2: involve others.

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Speaker 3: Yeah you have, well, like it would happen often with

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Speaker 3: like on dates with.

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Speaker 1: Literally going around with Sam anywhere is like like like, well,

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Speaker 1: we will drive like thirty forty minutes away in a

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Speaker 1: hotel for like a business conference, and then I'll be like.

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Speaker 2: Oh, hey, like who is this?

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Speaker 1: No, no, oh, yeah, this is that's for me true

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Speaker 1: real life events happened many times. So I've expressed that

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Speaker 1: I don't want to go to the bar and force

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Speaker 1: myself through fake conversations anymore.

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Speaker 2: I've held it together pretty long in saying these things.

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Speaker 1: In a way that isn't attacking him or telling him

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Speaker 1: that we can't do these things.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Oh, he's trying to be kind to be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: this makes me uncomfortable, and he's just like not getting

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Speaker 1: the hint. But also it's kind of low key hard

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Speaker 1: because it sounds like maybe the majority of the spots.

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Speaker 3: And it's also it's like it's not like he's doing

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Speaker 3: it intentionally. He's just so dumby popular. It's almost like

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Speaker 3: dating a like a famous person. Yeah exactly, Yeah, it's

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Speaker 3: like a local celebrity. And then so it's like when

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Speaker 3: you camp, says a local f boy. Oh, I think

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Speaker 3: it's all it's all in the how quickly do you

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Speaker 3: like push, like like say.

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Speaker 2: Like oh, like I'm on a date.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because like you can like say what's up, like oh, hey,

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Speaker 1: good to see you, and then get back to it

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Speaker 1: versus like, oh it's I'm reading between the lines that

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Speaker 1: sounds like the boyfriend's like inviting them in the conversation.

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Speaker 2: It started getting worse and I started using my voice.

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Speaker 1: I noticed that when he compliments other women, he touches

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Speaker 1: their clothing, or when we go out with my friends,

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Speaker 1: he won't even be sitting with us, He'll be sitting

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Speaker 1: with another woman at the bar. I simply tell him

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Speaker 1: once we leave, these actions make me uncomfortable. He simply says, sorry,

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Speaker 1: I won't do that again, thank you for telling me.

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Speaker 1: I love you, baby, and we move on. But he

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Speaker 1: does it again. But then he does it again. About

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Speaker 1: two weeks ago, his family was in town and they

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Speaker 1: wanted to go downtown to bar. Hop lit family. So

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Speaker 1: I went with him and his four brothers and his

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Speaker 1: dad downtown. We get to one bar and we see

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Speaker 1: his friends. His family takes a table and we as

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Speaker 1: an eye quickly say hi to do a shot and

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Speaker 1: go sit down with his family. I realized my boyfriend

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Speaker 1: didn't come with me. He's sitting with this girl. She

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Speaker 1: is leaning into him, grabbing his arms, and he and

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Speaker 1: he talked to her for probably ten minutes.

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Speaker 3: Straight to jail. No no, no, no. Grabbing arms is

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Speaker 3: a no no.

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Speaker 1: Literally, not only is he out with ope, he's out

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Speaker 1: with his family and he's with this random girl at

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Speaker 1: the bar for ten minutes. Like again, I get seeing

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Speaker 1: someone you know saying, oh, hey with my family, good

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Speaker 1: seeing you.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna I gotta head back to the to the

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Speaker 2: faan done. Yeah, disrespect done. But the riz.

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Speaker 1: Dudezz auto hor here. Yeah, Oh, is he cheating? It

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Speaker 1: looks like a lot of people are thinking that.

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Speaker 3: I don't think he's cheating. I think he's just being disrespectful.

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Speaker 4: He's a bartender, he works late at night.

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Speaker 1: I think it's possible he could be a just like

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Speaker 1: serial florid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and he's just like filarious and whatever.

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Speaker 1: He likes going around just really getting into these flirt situations,

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Speaker 1: and maybe he justifies himself with like, hey, I'm not

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Speaker 1: like making out with them, I'm not hooking up with them.

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Speaker 1: But he's like constantly like touchy, super super like over

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Speaker 1: the line flirty with like all the swim. His brothers

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Speaker 1: even started joking that he came halfway across the country

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Speaker 1: and his brothers doesn't even want to hang out with him.

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Speaker 1: I joked along and said I'll go get him, and

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Speaker 1: I walked over to the two. I stand there invisible

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Speaker 1: for a moment, even time for another friend to see

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Speaker 1: me buy a shot.

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Speaker 2: And take it. I was a little tipsy, so what

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Speaker 2: I did was crazy.

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Speaker 1: I took my shot and pushed myself between them and

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Speaker 1: dramatically placed my shot on the bar. And introduced myself

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Speaker 1: to the girl.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 1: I mean I think if you just like walked up

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Speaker 1: and was like, oh, hey, how you doing. I'm so

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Speaker 1: and so blah blah blahs, boyfriend. I feel like that

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Speaker 1: is given that they're like obviously flirting, it's.

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Speaker 3: Better is it's still like it still feels if I

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Speaker 3: saw my partner obviously flirting with someone. Here we go,

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Speaker 3: she goes I would go, I don't know if we'll

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Speaker 3: go over there, but I wouldn't say I'm her boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: She goes up.

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Speaker 1: Maybe she goes up, she's like, hey, maybe your your

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Speaker 1: family's waiting.

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Speaker 2: We all wanted to shot together. I would say something

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Speaker 2: like that, yeah, because then that's like very natural.

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Speaker 3: But then I would say afterward it would be like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I don't that it'd make me uncomfort.

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Speaker 2: That made me uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: She says hi to me, says she's heard so much

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Speaker 1: about me. Meanwhile, I've never heard about this girl in

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Speaker 1: my life. So I stormed off to the bathroom. In

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Speaker 1: the bathroom, I hear my boyfriend's voice. So I come out,

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Speaker 1: only to find him leaning against the wall with her

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Speaker 1: directly facing him and talking.

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Speaker 2: I then stormed out of the bar. And left.

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Speaker 1: He said she was outside the bathroom, asking if she

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Speaker 1: started a problem. He told me I embarrassed him. He

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Speaker 1: said that she's a friend going through a breakup, so

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Speaker 1: I need to be there for her, Babe. I need

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Speaker 1: to be her shoulder to cry upon, her bowl to

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Speaker 1: sit on, basically.

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Speaker 4: Face to sit on. She needs emotional pillow.

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Speaker 1: Here, exactly, nice one, Riley. I have never heard of

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Speaker 1: her once. If she's such a friend, then why doesn't

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Speaker 1: she know about her?

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Speaker 2: Okay, why doesn't she know about me?

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Speaker 1: Why doesn't she Why doesn't Opie know about this quote

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Speaker 1: unquote friend.

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Speaker 3: I mean it could just be has a lot of

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Speaker 3: loose friends. I mean, like it is a little bit dodgy.

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Speaker 3: But I still don't think he's cheating. I think he's

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Speaker 3: just like, probably very flirty and has a lot of

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Speaker 3: loose friendships.

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Speaker 2: So Opie says.

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Speaker 1: A few days later, my boyfriend tells me he wants

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Speaker 1: to have a beach day. Oh no, did you have

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Speaker 1: a nice cu for that?

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Speaker 4: All his girlfriends are gonna come.

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Speaker 2: And they're gonna be jeez.

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Speaker 1: I've been requesting dates that don't involve others or drinking

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Speaker 1: for a while, so I was excited. I got ready,

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Speaker 1: were and we were walking at the door. He informed

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Speaker 1: me his friends are coming. I sucked it up, but

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Speaker 1: I was upset. We go to the beach and then

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Speaker 1: go out with his friends. I'll leave the side story out,

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Speaker 1: but he and his best friend got into it, and

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Speaker 1: the premise was that my boyfriend always supports and defends girls.

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Speaker 1: He shouldn't. They decided to hug it out and enjoy

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Speaker 1: the night. Meanwhile, his coworkers show up, all girls. All

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Speaker 1: may I mind? You are tending girls?

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Speaker 2: Ooh Bro? I think Bro's hot. Yes, I think Bro's

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Speaker 2: pretty hot.

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Speaker 1: So meanwhile his coworkers show up and it's all girls.

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Speaker 1: It's normal at first, until I realized none of them

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Speaker 1: knew I existed. My boyfriend then proceeded to flirt with

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Speaker 1: one of the girls as he is holding my hand.

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Speaker 1: He was complimenting her and said something about sparks flying

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Speaker 1: between them. A dude, do you not hear yourself? Do

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Speaker 1: you are you trying to torture opee?

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Speaker 4: What are you smiling about? What are you smiling about? Sam?

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Speaker 4: Who don't tell me you've done this?

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Speaker 3: I don't think I've done this. I'm just like, maybe

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Speaker 3: maybe he's just a super flirtatious guy and nothing like.

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Speaker 2: So does that mean he should say that in front

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Speaker 2: of his girlfriend?

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Speaker 3: But maybe it's just like, oh, this conversation is so good,

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Speaker 3: we got we got the sparks flying.

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Speaker 4: No, no, that's not your girlfriend's hand.

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Speaker 3: But the thing is, I don't think he's doing this maliciously,

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Speaker 3: But why I still think he'sating it doesn't matter? Yeah, no,

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Speaker 3: I think it needs to be addressed. But I don't, well,

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Speaker 3: it does matter because I don't think he's doing it maliciously.

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Speaker 3: Based on what I'm hearing. It just sounds like they

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Speaker 3: haven't discussed what's proper boundaries.

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Speaker 1: So if a girl goes to a guy at the

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Speaker 1: bar and is like, man, sparks are flying here, it's

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Speaker 1: so it's okay because they don't mean it maliciously.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're fine with that, Yeah all.

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Speaker 3: Right, but like but like sparks flying in like like

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Speaker 3: a fun way, I I know.

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Speaker 4: But like it's making the partner uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what's bad. But it's like it that's that's

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Speaker 3: what I'm saying. It's making the part for uncomfortable, which,

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Speaker 3: which is wet, is bad. But I don't think this

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Speaker 3: is necessarily like like, I don't think he's doing it maliciously,

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Speaker 3: but I don't think he is doing it maliciously.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it matters in this context. I think

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Speaker 2: it totally matters.

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Speaker 1: I think, like, so you can still people accidentally do

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Speaker 1: things without malicious intent that can still hurt people.

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Speaker 3: Yes, And I think I think they need to have

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Speaker 3: a conversation about about what boundaries are appropriate. Like I

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Speaker 3: had a partner that was super flirty, and then like

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Speaker 3: there was elements of things that were that I was

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Speaker 3: uncomfortable with, and there was elements that I was fine with,

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Speaker 3: and then we just kind of like established rules for that, but.

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Speaker 2: In those ended up breaking up.

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Speaker 1: But in those, in those I'm in those instances of

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Speaker 1: the things that were uncomfortable even without malicious intent. I

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Speaker 1: mean that's still like didn't feel good.

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Speaker 3: No, it didn't feel good, But I like that case.

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Speaker 3: It was it was like something we talked about and

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Speaker 3: so I and I I recognize this was not a

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Speaker 3: thing done out of malicious intent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well it's just like, yeah, I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: someone is entitled to not feel good even if someone

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Speaker 1: does something out of not with malicious intent.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's like I guess this. So this sounds

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Speaker 3: like a personality trait that has been happening from like

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Speaker 3: the beginning, right, and so like she kind of like

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Speaker 3: I think this is like kind of just who he is.

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Speaker 3: There has been no or so far we don't know,

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Speaker 3: like there has been no like cheating or anything. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: there's been no emotional affair. It sounds like a flirty

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Speaker 3: guy with a lot of like girlfriends, which I don't

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Speaker 3: think is wrong in it of itself. I think what

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Speaker 3: is wrong here is there hasn't been communication about or

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Speaker 3: he hasn't he hasn't like changed his behavior to her

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Speaker 3: liking enough yet.

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Speaker 1: I could also see a mismatched in their personality ties,

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Speaker 1: but I think.

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Speaker 3: I think I think it's more of a mismatch personality times.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think I think there's oftentimes even if

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Speaker 1: something is done without malicious intent and there's like there's

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Speaker 1: different cases, but this one, I feel for OPI in

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Speaker 1: this one.

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Speaker 3: I definitely feel for OPI is upset right now, bro,

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Speaker 3: I I have I have been a victim of this though,

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Speaker 3: like I was understanding of my partner. So it's like

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Speaker 3: I don't know, this is just how I interact.

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Speaker 4: Let's see let's see what else he does. I feel

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Speaker 4: like there's some other things.

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Speaker 1: I held it in and didn't even say anything. But

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Speaker 1: as soon as the girl walked away, he asked me

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Speaker 1: if I'm mad. I said yes, and we left. Come

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Speaker 1: to find out that this girl is also having relationship

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Speaker 1: problems and he's consoling her. So that's the second girl

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Speaker 1: in a row that like they're on the rocks. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: relationship like wise.

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Speaker 4: Like maybe this guy like just gives out relationship advice

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Speaker 4: and helps out a lot of girls. Well it's you know,

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Speaker 4: like maybe that's just what he does.

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Speaker 3: I literally, I know, Chat is literally coming for my

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Speaker 3: throat right now.

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Speaker 2: Disagree. I'm gonna be honest. I think I kind of

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Speaker 2: disagree with Savior too.

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Speaker 3: If I'm just saying, if I was in a relationship

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Speaker 3: with this guy, I think like I wouldn't have an

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Speaker 3: issue yet.

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Speaker 1: So Opie says, I got so mad. I started screaming

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Speaker 1: and yelling at him about my feelings. I never called

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Speaker 1: him names or cussed at him, but I was screaming

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Speaker 1: my heart out, called me crazy, irrational, a bee and

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Speaker 1: said f you uh uh. I started yelling louder and

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Speaker 1: told him if he's gonna talk to me like that

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Speaker 1: then to.

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Speaker 2: Get out of my house. He wouldn't leave.

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Speaker 1: He started crying and using his speech impediment as an excuse.

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Speaker 3: All right, See, this is where we could I feel

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Speaker 3: like we could criticize him like this is this is

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Speaker 3: obviously bad.

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Speaker 4: But it was like certainly manipulation. It sounds like like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's like love bombing and all that stuff.

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Speaker 2: So he knows that's what he's doing. I think he's

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Speaker 2: he already messed up before.

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Speaker 3: I think this is the moment definitively where he's messed up.

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Speaker 3: This is what I'm saying. So I had a partner

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Speaker 3: who was extremely flirty all the time. I knew that

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Speaker 3: from the get go. She was a flirty person. Had

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Speaker 3: literally all guy friends, not one girlfriend, all guy friends,

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Speaker 3: and they were beautiful, they were hot as fuck. It

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Speaker 3: was made me extremely insecure.

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Speaker 4: But she picked you though, look at you, yes.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, but this I am. I'm very firm in this.

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Speaker 2: All right.

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Speaker 3: She had all guy friends, and I knew from the

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Speaker 3: get go that she was a flirty person. That's one

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Speaker 3: of the things that I loved about her. And if

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Speaker 3: I was to date this person, I was going to

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Speaker 3: have to be okay with her being flirty with guys

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Speaker 3: all the time, knowing that, like you know, there was

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Speaker 3: no boundary crossed, there was a point where I did

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Speaker 3: feel uncomfortable and knowing that this is kind of who

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Speaker 3: she is. If I was going to effectively make bounce

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Speaker 3: that were going to make me comfortable, I needed to

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Speaker 3: be very specific about what those boundaries were.

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Speaker 2: Great an actual boundary, actually.

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Speaker 3: Actual boundaries, not just like I don't like how you

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Speaker 3: interact with these people. That's not specific enough. It's not

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Speaker 3: giving anything for anyone to work with. And so I

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Speaker 3: literally was like, I just don't want you hanging out

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Speaker 3: with guys alone in their apartment after midnight.

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Speaker 2: That was my boundary.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, h and I totally agree. But I feel like

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Speaker 1: the ideal is you sit down and sit Like the.

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Speaker 3: First she flirted in front of me Lana Kevinant, Yes,

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Speaker 3: she did flirt in front of me and flirt with

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Speaker 3: other people in front of me. She was like touching

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Speaker 3: this guy's chest. It made me very uncomfortable. Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: don't think she did anything wrong necessarily in that moment.

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Speaker 3: I think she's just a flirty person.

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Speaker 1: So Obi says, I told him this has nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with that and everything to do with him not

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Speaker 1: respecting me as his girlfriend. I told him that I

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Speaker 1: love him so much, but this hurts more than when

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Speaker 1: guys in my past have blatantly cheated on me. I

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Speaker 1: told him I'm tired of apologies with no actions, and

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Speaker 1: if he has to do this for his confidence to

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Speaker 1: grab his crap and leave my house, that I will

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Speaker 1: figure out the new house out on my own.

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Speaker 2: He said it would.

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Speaker 1: He said it hurt him I'd throw us away so

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Speaker 1: easy and begged for a second chance. I told him

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Speaker 1: I will, but if he ever does it again, I'm leaving.

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Speaker 1: The next morning, he told me he was sad, thinking

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Speaker 1: I would leave him. I replied, saying that I loved him,

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Speaker 1: but that I would screw my logic on real quick

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Speaker 1: and leave if he keeps this up. So am I

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Speaker 1: the a hole for everything I did?

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Speaker 3: I think we still if it sounds like these, like

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Speaker 3: the personalities are just not meshing. I still don't think

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Speaker 3: he's necessarily cheating. But if you want this to work,

348
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Speaker 3: the boundary should be explicit. Yeah, And so it's like,

349
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Speaker 3: what does cheating look like? Or what does flirting look like?

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Speaker 3: Because flirting looks different for different people.

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Speaker 1: I think he for sure sounds like a serial flirt

352
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Speaker 1: at a minimum. But also I was peeping the fact

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Speaker 1: that the two women at the end of the story

354
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Speaker 1: both were in the exact same scenario of going like

355
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Speaker 1: basically their relationships were on the rocks and looking like

356
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Speaker 1: they were about to end. And that was pretty suspicious

357
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Speaker 1: to me because that is like, that seems to me

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Speaker 1: like maybe his his move.

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Speaker 3: I think their personalities don't mix. I do not see

360
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Speaker 3: any evidence of cheating. I mean, I think also someone

361
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Speaker 3: was asking, oh, but like did she cheat on you?

362
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Speaker 3: In my story? She didn't, like she or at least

363
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Speaker 3: as far as I know, there was no evidence of

364
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Speaker 3: actual cheating.

365
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Speaker 2: It was just a.

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Speaker 3: Boundary was crossed. And because we made that boundary and

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Speaker 3: she couldn't respect the boundary that it just wasn't like

368
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Speaker 3: her personality wasn't going to work for what I felt

369
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Speaker 3: comfortable in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: Well's he would.

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Speaker 3: I feel like he's gonna need to like reinvent his

372
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Speaker 3: whole personality to be with this person potentially, or or

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Speaker 3: like put a lot of boundaries. It's not I don't

374
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Speaker 3: think it's going to come natural to him. Yeah, if

375
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Speaker 3: he's not flirting, yes, or if he's not actually like

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Speaker 3: like doing anything ill lesson. But one of one of

377
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Speaker 3: my like my favorite uh couples, the like one of

378
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Speaker 3: the partners is extremely flirt flirtatious and they have one

379
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Speaker 3: of the healthiest relationships that I know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

381
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Speaker 1: Again, like we always say, like if you if they have.

382
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Speaker 1: Some people are polyamorous, so they are intentionally flirting with

383
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Speaker 1: other people because they're they're dating multiple people at once

384
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Speaker 1: or see multiple people.

385
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Speaker 4: I agree with that. Sam John flirts with me all

386
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Speaker 4: the time and.

387
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Speaker 3: They slaps my booty on a daily basis.

388
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Speaker 2: I do, dude, both you guys, just like.

389
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Speaker 3: Trump says, they have different ideas of what a relationship

390
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,040
Speaker 3: looks like. Yeah, And I think that's like what we're

391
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Speaker 3: drilling down here, and that is why I'm a down

392
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Speaker 3: to get just stabbed in the heart by chat Is.

393
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Speaker 3: I don't think necessarily either of them are doing anything wrong.

394
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Speaker 3: They just have different ideas of what relationships look like.

395
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Speaker 3: And I don't like the fact that he's doing all

396
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Speaker 3: of this in front of her. I don't think is

397
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,840
Speaker 3: is show that he's not trying to hide anything. It's

398
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,879
Speaker 3: just how he is. But I'm okay going down on

399
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Speaker 3: this seeking ship alone.

400
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 2: Goodbye soldier, But do we have more stories?

401
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:12,800
Speaker 1: Well?

402
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 3: Am I the a hole for not trusting my wife's

403
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:21,399
Speaker 3: ex coworker around her? So this comes from fire UBI Paris,

404
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 3: and they say, I thirty two male, have been married

405
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,760
Speaker 3: to my wife thirty six male, going on nine years.

406
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,560
Speaker 3: Recently we had a fight over one of her former

407
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 3: co workers, we can call him Matt. Matt and my

408
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,639
Speaker 3: wife hadn't been working together for a long time, maybe

409
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,000
Speaker 3: a couple months at most.

410
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 2: I noticed a behavior that had me.

411
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Speaker 3: Suspicious and feeling disrespected. My wife began constantly talking about Matt.

412
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 3: It was every sentence from her was in some relationship

413
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,679
Speaker 3: to Matt, Matt, this, and Matt that. It eventually got

414
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,560
Speaker 3: to the point I asked her if she could speak

415
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,639
Speaker 3: about him was as it was becoming annoying that every

416
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 3: conversation had to do with him.

417
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 2: Yikes.

418
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,399
Speaker 3: A few weeks later, my wife tells me that she

419
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Speaker 3: is going to have a girls' night out with her

420
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 3: female coworkers. I think that's cool that she's going to

421
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,919
Speaker 3: have fun with them. She states they'll be going to

422
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,639
Speaker 3: an audition for one coworker and then hit some bars.

423
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,439
Speaker 3: All good, I believe and then guess who is also

424
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:21,119
Speaker 3: coming to this all female event Matt.

425
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 2: Hmmm, is Matt a female? Because that doesn't sound like

426
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:26,920
Speaker 2: all female event.

427
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,400
Speaker 3: I found it on that an all female get together

428
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 3: would involve a male. Just to preface, Matt is strait

429
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,240
Speaker 3: very important, context, very important.

430
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 2: Matt invited my wife and son to a trampoline place. Wait,

431
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:42,879
Speaker 2: so do it? Rub it in.

432
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:47,679
Speaker 3: So so so, Yeah, I'm stealing your wife and child.

433
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:52,360
Speaker 1: Hey, hey, Opie's wife, check out this bouncy trampoline.

434
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,600
Speaker 2: You want to try it out? Yeah?

435
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 3: Also, I mean so I think what's op saying in

436
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:01,160
Speaker 3: the first thing is the wife's it was a girl's night,

437
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,160
Speaker 3: and then later OPI found out that that was going

438
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 3: that Matt was going, which is a red flag.

439
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,200
Speaker 2: Red flag. Op.

440
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,199
Speaker 3: If the wife was like, oh, Matt's coming to and

441
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 3: was upfront about it, maybe a little less of a

442
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 3: red flag, but definitely read.

443
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,639
Speaker 1: That's an opportunity to express if he feels uncomfortable with it.

444
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:19,040
Speaker 4: Yeah.

445
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, So, so I took the opportunity to invite myself

446
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,639
Speaker 3: to meet the guy who my wife constantly talks about

447
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,640
Speaker 3: and invites slash tags along with everything she does.

448
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,399
Speaker 2: He's already trying to be the new stepdad.

449
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 3: You get to the place and spend two hours there.

450
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:38,400
Speaker 3: Matt has spoken to me zero times outside of introductions,

451
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,640
Speaker 3: and we don't acknowledge I and won't acknowledge I exist.

452
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 3: I am quite an intimidating person, so it can so

453
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,159
Speaker 3: it can be difficult to approach me and engage with me.

454
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,879
Speaker 3: That being said, if I were Matt and had the

455
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,159
Speaker 3: opportunity to speak with a woman's husband that I'm constantly

456
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 3: talking to and inviting her places, I would absolutely get

457
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 3: to know him. Yeah, this gave me another red flag

458
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:00,680
Speaker 3: about the guy.

459
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 1: It's like, if Riley or Sam is like, oh, hey,

460
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 1: there's this friend you'd love, I'm like, oh, if Sam

461
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,200
Speaker 1: or Riley love a person, I will probably love them exactly.

462
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:09,880
Speaker 2: That would be great.

463
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 3: Time goes by and my wife is talking about Matt

464
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 3: zero but still texting him all the time.

465
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 2: That is a big red flag.

466
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 1: Would what would you rather talk about all the time

467
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,000
Speaker 1: or text Colyllie?

468
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:24,239
Speaker 2: Well?

469
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 3: The fact that she was talking about him all the

470
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 3: time and then stops talking about him all the time,

471
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 3: which might just be because OPI asked her to stop

472
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,439
Speaker 3: talking about him all the time, but it almost feels

473
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,200
Speaker 3: like she's It feels like she's hiding something.

474
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:38,680
Speaker 2: But what if she didn't have malicious intent.

475
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,399
Speaker 3: If she's hiding something, then she has malicious intent. Well,

476
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 3: she's already aft because she hid that he was the

477
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 3: that he was invited to the girls' night. So that's

478
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,160
Speaker 3: that's a lack of integrity. If she had been upfront

479
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,920
Speaker 3: about everything, then there's no lack of integrity. Yes, as

480
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 3: long as someone is honest about everything they do, then

481
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:00,960
Speaker 3: they are they Then there's integrity in the relationship. It's

482
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 3: only when people hide things that things get messy. I

483
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 3: am a consistent fellow if.

484
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 1: You're honest about if you're like, oh I cheated the

485
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 1: other day.

486
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you have to talk about like.

487
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 3: It's like if you are in a relationship and you

488
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 3: have a like and your partner starts developing feelings for

489
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,119
Speaker 3: someone and you say, hey, I've been developing feelings for

490
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,440
Speaker 3: a person, and you are honest with those feelings. As

491
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,919
Speaker 3: soon as it comes, then that person has the opportunity

492
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 3: to stop it. You stop it and either stop it

493
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,360
Speaker 3: or they could leave the relationship. So yes, as long

494
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 3: as there's integrity and honesty throughout every part of relationship.

495
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,920
Speaker 3: I think like you're basically giving the person the option to, like, say,

496
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 3: do you want to still be in this.

497
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 2: As long as you're being honest to do the good thing.

498
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 4: And Yeah, cheating makes a relationship stronger, right, that's what

499
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 4: you told me.

500
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 3: I said that in this story, there was a story

501
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 3: where someone dread where someone cheated and they got through

502
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 3: it and was stronger on the other side of it

503
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 3: because it brought up all these terrible things in their

504
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,160
Speaker 3: relationship and they worked on it and went to counseling

505
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 3: and then the relationship became better.

506
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 2: So yes, in that case, cheating made the relationship.

507
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 4: So why not go ahead?

508
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 3: Man, you shouldn't because then then that means there's something

509
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:23,919
Speaker 3: they could get through.

510
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 4: It be stronger, and then this won't be a problem.

511
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 3: Again, Well, that means there's just things that are that

512
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 3: are unsolved in this relationship.

513
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,399
Speaker 2: You know. Shout out to Sam for going one thousand

514
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:33,120
Speaker 2: v one.

515
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 3: And just stand I stand by every single take I've

516
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:37,119
Speaker 3: ever made.

517
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 2: I stand by it.

518
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 4: Someone clip that right now, Clip that right now.

519
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,919
Speaker 2: And then follow with all of his craziest.

520
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 4: Dude, okay for the wedding complimation that and then everything

521
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 4: else he's ever said after that.

522
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 3: Honestly, I think I am I have I am deadly.

523
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 3: Gamer says Sam is not consistent. I am consistent as f.

524
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, keep talking, keep going. I am.

525
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 2: I am so consistent. I dare you to bring up

526
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 2: I dare you.

527
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 3: I challenged Chat to bring up my time. I was inconsistent.

528
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 3: Time goes back one Saturday after our son's gymnastics class.

529
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 1: Wait, wait, wait, so real quick, hell in the barns

530
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,640
Speaker 1: just rewinded. He said, eighteen ninety six.

531
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 4: Oh that was right. I just didn't have the card

532
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 4: because you're gonna argue with me.

533
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,199
Speaker 2: My next guest was eighteen seventy six. I got this

534
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 2: motherfucker all right.

535
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 3: One Saturday after my son's gymnastics class, we got home

536
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 3: and we My wife exclaims, well, there goes my convertible ride.

537
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 2: Why.

538
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 3: I am confused and asks what she just said. He

539
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 3: tells me Matt bought a new convertible and was going

540
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 3: to leave as soon as we got home to ride

541
00:25:54,760 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 3: around with him. I think you can put a boundary there.

542
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, no convertible rise without me.

543
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to be in the back, having front

544
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 3: sitting next to him like this gives me another red

545
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 3: flag as why wasn't this brought up before. I believe

546
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 3: everyone can do as they want and don't need permission

547
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 3: to do the things they want. But I do think

548
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 3: giving your partner a heads up prior to things is important.

549
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 2: Agreed.

550
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 3: My wife starts telling me that Matt has X y

551
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,479
Speaker 3: Z gifts for our son. Matt is moving in. I

552
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 3: find it odd that another man is buying gifts from

553
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 3: my son when it is neither holidays nor his birthday.

554
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 3: This gives me a yellow flag at the very least

555
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 3: about what this guy is doing.

556
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: You can say red. Yeah, I think you can say

557
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 1: given given the context of his full history, you can

558
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 1: say red.

559
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 2: I even I would be suspicious. Now you know it's bad.

560
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 3: Now here's the kick and the reason I am suspicious

561
00:26:54,840 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 3: because oh, Pea's wife has been inconsistent with the information

562
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 3: that she has been giving OPI. Now here's the kicker.

563
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 3: That relates to him not speaking to me. When I

564
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 3: would pick my wife from work, my son would be

565
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 3: with me. Matt would deliberately walk in front of my

566
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 3: car in a couple spaces down before returning by going

567
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 3: around the back of my car and only speaking with

568
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 3: my son. Bro what that's so whack. I found this

569
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,800
Speaker 3: extremely disrespectful, as he went out of his way to

570
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 3: not acknowledge or speak to me, and would sneakily try

571
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 3: to speak to my son and wife. Matt decided he

572
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 3: would invite my wife and another woman.

573
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 2: To a ray.

574
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 3: Okay, come on, Matt decided he would invite my wife

575
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 3: and another woman to a rave. Nothing wrong with dancing.

576
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,719
Speaker 3: The issue arises that he did not invite any males

577
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 3: to go, nor did he invite any romantic partners of

578
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 3: the women. I told my wife that I would like

579
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:55,679
Speaker 3: to go, and she told Matt. He canceled the plans.

580
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 3: Come on, that's a red flag. This is another huge

581
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 3: red flag that he would invite Wi I'm into a

582
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 3: rave and cancel when a romantic partner decides they are

583
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 3: going to go. He tried to shift blame onto me

584
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 3: by saying he couldn't buy all the tickets because I

585
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 3: hadn't made up my mind even though I said I

586
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,679
Speaker 3: was going. After all this, I had to say, I

587
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,199
Speaker 3: decided that Matt is not a good guy and is

588
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 3: trying to weasel his way into my marriage. There's just

589
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,760
Speaker 3: too much that I am seeing that I can't nor.

590
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 3: Finally we get to what has caused a huge fight

591
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 3: between my wife and I, which is a stupid package.

592
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,879
Speaker 3: My wife orders something and I, being curious, asked what

593
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 3: it was. He tells me, none of your effing business. See,

594
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 3: this is the red flag. She's hiding things out of integrity.

595
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,479
Speaker 1: But what if she she's just like, that's just not

596
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 1: how I am. I just don't share the packages.

597
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 3: I get that that I want that that's lacks integrity.

598
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 2: And but that's that's her, that's how she rolls. That's

599
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 2: just who she is.

600
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 3: Then she then she lacks integrity and you don't want

601
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 3: to be.

602
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 2: But it's is. You can't blame her for being who

603
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 2: she is.

604
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 3: That isn't being who she is. A person who lacks

605
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 3: integrity hides who they are duplicate other people. So a

606
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 3: lack of integrity is actually not showing.

607
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,960
Speaker 2: Who who is part of who she is. That that

608
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 2: is a paradox. That's a paradox.

609
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 3: This brings up a red flag. Then I ask who

610
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 3: it's for, and again I get the same response. So

611
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 3: eventually I pick up the package and ask my wife

612
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 3: what is it? And again it's out of my business.

613
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 3: I get angry because of all this Matt stuff, and gel,

614
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 3: why are you being so secretive? She yells at me

615
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:43,959
Speaker 3: and says, it's a gift for Father's Day and wanted

616
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 3: it to be a surprise. Yes, I did think it

617
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 3: was a gift for Matt. So now my wife doesn't

618
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 3: feel like I even trust her. It's not her that

619
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 3: I don't trust. Now she's not speaking to me. I

620
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 3: find it ridiculous that we are having a fight over

621
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 3: a random ex coworker that should mean absolutely nothing in

622
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 3: a relationship.

623
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 2: Here we are.

624
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 3: You would think after almost nine years of marriage that

625
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 3: some nobody wouldn't be able to cause this much friction.

626
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 3: So am I overreacting and thinking Matt is up to

627
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 3: no good? Am I overreacting that Matt could be trying

628
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 3: to weasel his way in? Am I overreacting that my

629
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 3: wife is being blind everything that Matt has tried. Thank

630
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 3: you to everyone for your replies and thoughts.

631
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 4: I feel like the wife could have communicated better the

632
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 4: gift thing and been like, oh you don't get to know,

633
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 4: and be like frotatious.

634
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 3: None of your effing I think they could have been

635
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 3: like a cover but like if you're like, oh, like,

636
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 3: what's in that it's none of your effing business is

637
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 3: so suspicious, so mean.

638
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:47,720
Speaker 1: Even even just in her own self interest of trying

639
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 1: to hide it, she could be like, oh, that's so special.

640
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:53,719
Speaker 1: She probably I'm imagining she she says none of your

641
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: evring business, and only thought of like, oh, it's a

642
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 1: president for Father's Day, like later in the conversation, Yeah,

643
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:00,160
Speaker 1: come to re minded A short