1 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:18,119 Speaker 1: Welcome back to I Do Part two. I'm one of 2 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 1: your celebrity mentors here on the pod, Cheryl Burke. Today, 3 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,279 Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about sex and intimacy from a 4 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 1: single woman's perspective. You guys know, I have been really 5 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 1: open about my celibacy journey, so I want to talk 6 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:32,880 Speaker 1: about that and also about this new trend we're hearing 7 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:36,559 Speaker 1: a lot about sleeping in separate rooms. So today we're 8 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 1: joined by relationship coach doctor Shanna Bromley to talk all 9 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:44,160 Speaker 1: about it. How are you, doctor Shanna, how are you doing. 10 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: I'm good. I've done a little bit of research on you, 11 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: and let's just get right into it and talk about 12 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: navigating intimacy. You know, I'm single. I have been very 13 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: open with my journey and how I've been celibate, and 14 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 1: I've been choosing, obviously to be celibate for the past 15 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 1: I would say three years. I'm divorced and I'm just 16 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,880 Speaker 1: choosing to date myself and it's been lovely. 17 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,080 Speaker 2: I'm curious what brought you to that. 18 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,160 Speaker 1: Decision dating myself? 19 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, dating yourself being celibate. It's I admire the commitment. 20 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:20,480 Speaker 2: I'm always curious when people make that commitment to themselves. 21 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: It is something I've never done before. First of all, 22 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 1: I was a serial dater. Like I never was single, 23 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,600 Speaker 1: not even for a day. It was always back to 24 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,759 Speaker 1: back relationships since I was thirteen and I'm forty now, 25 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:40,600 Speaker 1: so it has been something that I am also very 26 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,360 Speaker 1: much in therapy and I have been for most of 27 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 1: my life and I will continue to be till the 28 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,040 Speaker 1: day I die. But I this is part of my 29 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,640 Speaker 1: work and being sober now for six years, you know, 30 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 1: this is something that I now owe to myself. And yeah, 31 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 1: there's no rush for me to start dating again. 32 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,520 Speaker 2: And for you being solid. Bit is it about not 33 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 2: having sex and sexuality with partners or is it also 34 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 2: part of you shutting down your own sexual energy? 35 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 1: Oh no, no, I'm very sexual with myself. Okay, okay, yeah, 36 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: but no I'm not dating, so therefore there is that 37 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,200 Speaker 1: is not an option for me at the moment, which 38 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: is okay because I also fall in love quickly if 39 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: I do become intimate with you. But this is what 40 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 1: I'm currently working on, right So I mean, look, it 41 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: all traces back to the way I was raised, to 42 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 1: the trauma I deal with this little girl. My definition 43 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,840 Speaker 1: of love is not necessarily something that I want to 44 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 1: continue to live by because I want to change the 45 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 1: pattern in my brain. So in order for that to happen, 46 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 1: I really have to slowly rewire. You know, there's no 47 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: time limit, there's no taking time bomb, though there is 48 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,160 Speaker 1: for our lives, but like one day at a time, 49 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 1: like my sobriety, and yeah, I just don't have that 50 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: urge like I used to. I think I felt like 51 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,040 Speaker 1: I needed that person was going to complete me. But 52 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,519 Speaker 1: we all know that that doesn't happen through outside sources, right, 53 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,640 Speaker 1: that's all from within, And that's what I'm currently working 54 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 1: on at this moment all at all. I've been very 55 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,839 Speaker 1: open with just my story, especially on this podcast. What 56 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 1: do you believe is important when it comes to whether 57 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:26,239 Speaker 1: it's newly being broken up as far as intimacy goes, 58 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 1: whether that's with yourself or with other partners, Is it 59 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 1: important to continue the intimacy? Is it okay to take breaks? 60 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,520 Speaker 1: Is it okay to just be celibate like me? 61 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 2: I think absolutely, it's okay to do whatever you feel 62 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 2: called to do. I don't think celibacy, it's I mean 63 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 2: the connections, your sexual connection should be the connection you 64 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 2: have with yourself. I don't think that that should ever 65 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,920 Speaker 2: go away. I think that's something that we should always 66 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 2: invest our time into. Sensuality is absolutely something that every 67 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 2: woman and every man that they should keep for them selves, 68 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 2: whether they're in a partnership or not. 69 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 1: Right, And when it comes to the older generation, right, 70 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: because I think that there is this whole thing when 71 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: giving pleasure to yourself for example, right, it's like a 72 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: I think it is generational. I don't know, maybe it's not. 73 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 1: Maybe it's just where I was raised, who knows, But 74 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 1: I believe that there is this weird like how dare you? 75 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 1: You can't you can't please yourself and you have to 76 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: stay in a marriage or you know, all of these 77 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: societal expectations. How how does one accept themselves if they 78 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,600 Speaker 1: want to do something that may not be what they 79 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 1: think is right? 80 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,279 Speaker 2: I think you are a spot on. I think society, 81 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 2: whether it's church, whether it's our educational systems, whether it's 82 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 2: just traditional family values and systems have programmed us to 83 00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 2: feel that sex for pleasure, self pleasure, that it's dirty 84 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:07,479 Speaker 2: and the big stigma behind it. And you know, I 85 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,720 Speaker 2: think especially so for women, you know that you're supposed 86 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,720 Speaker 2: to be the good girl, you're supposed to be a 87 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:16,920 Speaker 2: program and so pleasing yourself. Yeah, I think a lot 88 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 2: of us need to break through those like societal programmings 89 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 2: that we have. 90 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 1: And how do you do that? 91 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 2: I think Number one just understanding that pleasure is not 92 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,840 Speaker 2: a dirty thing. Pleasure is divine, It is a gift 93 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 2: in I mean, sensuality essentially means tuning into your sense it. 94 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 2: There's nothing dirty or wrong about that. It's beautiful part 95 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,160 Speaker 2: of being a human being. And I think if you're 96 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 2: having a hard time kind of breaking through that cap, 97 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 2: then you can do some research and find other people 98 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 2: who are also struggling with the same programming and then 99 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 2: realize like, hey, I'm not the only one that's feeling 100 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,839 Speaker 2: this way. There's a lot people that want to be 101 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 2: having pleasure and are having pleasure and it's normal and 102 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,279 Speaker 2: it's beautiful and it should be cherished and it should 103 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:08,120 Speaker 2: be celebrated. 104 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I think also having these conversations are it's 105 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 1: very important, you know, because we have to normalize it, 106 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:19,200 Speaker 1: like this is not I think living in that strict 107 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 1: you know, in that world in our heads mainly, right, 108 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,280 Speaker 1: isn't it? Because like when you start to actually have 109 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 1: the conversation, You're like, oh, I'm not alone, like at all. 110 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 2: Absolutely, do you think that women get judged more for 111 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 2: being celibate than than men? Do? I find means it's wow, 112 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 2: you're so strong and with women, it's kind of a 113 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 2: whole different mindset around it. 114 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 1: It's kind of like because I've been so open, right, 115 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 1: Like I I'm like an open book. I can care 116 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,240 Speaker 1: less what I mean, I care what people think about 117 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 1: or what's what they think as far as like sometimes 118 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 1: of what I say is it too much? But it 119 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 1: is because I'm a woman, Like I don't think we 120 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 1: get celebrated enough. That is kind of like, oh, you'll 121 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 1: find the right one, Like that's not the reason why 122 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: I'm celibate. Like I know I can find the right one, 123 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,880 Speaker 1: but I'm not out there finding the right one because 124 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,720 Speaker 1: I don't want to, Like I'm finding myself right. So 125 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: like that alone, it's almost like that without even the 126 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: celibacy part, it's kind of like, oh. 127 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely people think that as a woman, a single woman, 128 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 2: like it's it's it's a sad experience. I don't understand. 129 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 2: I mean, seeing single is so empowering. You get to 130 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 2: design your life. You don't need to accommodate anybody else. 131 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 2: It's it's such a it's such an empowering experience, but 132 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 2: it's very sad that society looks on it like, oh, 133 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 2: you poor thing, you're. 134 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: Gonna die alone. Well how about this, We're all gonna 135 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: die alone? Like this is not a new news people, 136 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,440 Speaker 1: and like who's going to take care of you when 137 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 1: you're old? Like what this is? Instead? Like you know 138 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: how people celebrate, Oh, we're Instagram official, Like I'm Instagram 139 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 1: official with myself, Like why can't we all just celebrate both, 140 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 1: you know, and the fact like Valentine's Day it's oh, 141 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm so so, Like I am so I've never been 142 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 1: so consistently content, and the love I have for myself 143 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 1: has never been where it is today. Put it that way, 144 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,440 Speaker 1: not even close than when I was in relationships. Now. 145 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,680 Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's black and white, right, Like I 146 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 1: truly believe that maybe now if I were to be 147 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: in a relationship, yes, things would change, but it does 148 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 1: take time to cause my I always say my lazy brain, 149 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: meaning like if I'm not really conscious and really thinking 150 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:47,680 Speaker 1: about who I'm dating or what I'm attracting and vice versa. 151 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 1: I will go back to those old patterns right so 152 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 1: I'm not scared of doing it. I'm just like, in 153 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 1: this moment, in this present time, I'm really enjoying myself 154 00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 1: in my own company, and I don't think that's a 155 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:04,480 Speaker 1: bad I'm forty, yes, And people are like, they say, 156 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,440 Speaker 1: do you realize it? Maybe you're not gonna be able 157 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,679 Speaker 1: to have kids. I'm like, yeah, guys, Like, it's just 158 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,559 Speaker 1: so crazy how people are so open and quick to 159 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 1: judge others, but when it comes to their own experiences, 160 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 1: it's a big no no or I overshare. It's either 161 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 1: or you can never please everybody. 162 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 2: I tend to look at whether we're single or we're 163 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 2: in partnership as what is my spiritual assignment right now? 164 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 2: Is it that I need to grow? I've had times 165 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 2: where I've chosen, like, I really want to be single 166 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 2: right now, because, like you, I might have been serial 167 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 2: dating or am I dependent relationships, or I might not 168 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,240 Speaker 2: have been able to release relationships when I knew that 169 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 2: they weren't right for me. And so I knew that 170 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 2: a period of time with just me, myself and I 171 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,679 Speaker 2: was what I needed for my own healing and my 172 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,839 Speaker 2: own growth, and then down that I've reached a point 173 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 2: where I'm like, okay, you know, I'm ready for an 174 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 2: other challenge right now and and and right now. For 175 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 2: me in partnership, it's quite a challenge at times because 176 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 2: you're you're triggered so much in partnership as well, and 177 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:17,679 Speaker 2: it's an opportunity for me to look at what the 178 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 2: mirror is in the situation. 179 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:20,959 Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's got chills. 180 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,199 Speaker 2: There's not a right or wrong. It's a very personal 181 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 2: decision about where is your healing and where is your 182 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 2: growth and what type of container right now is right 183 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 2: for you. 184 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 1: You have said so many important things just now about 185 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,839 Speaker 1: it really is. It's kind of like the triggers, right 186 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:51,680 Speaker 1: are so important to look at and observe and not react, 187 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 1: But that's so much easier said than done. Are you 188 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,559 Speaker 1: so you're so you are in a partnership. 189 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,160 Speaker 2: Currently, Yeah, I'm in a partnership. 190 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 1: It's new, okay. 191 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,920 Speaker 2: But it was after a period where I'd been by 192 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 2: my own for about a year and a half, okay, 193 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 2: and I just started feeling a little stagnant. My life 194 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 2: was I was I was, I was, I was, I 195 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 2: was making my life quite isolated. I found so partnership 196 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,439 Speaker 2: for me was I was ready for more challenges. I 197 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 2: was ready for Have I resolved my childhood traumas? Can 198 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 2: I be foot put in front of the triggers and 199 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 2: learn to respond and not react, learn to take a 200 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 2: higher perspective? Can I learn to love and lean in 201 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 2: when I really just want to hit the eject button 202 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 2: and run for the hills. 203 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 1: I hear you, Oh, okay, so you've done a lot 204 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 1: of work on yourself. Would you like to tell me 205 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,640 Speaker 1: and my listeners like your background a little bit, just 206 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 1: so you know, we know, uh, we just know a 207 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 1: little bit more about you, because it's so fascinating. 208 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 2: Sure, I mean, I grew up. 209 00:11:59,160 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 1: You know. 210 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 2: I don't think that there's good people are bad people. 211 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,400 Speaker 2: I think that we're all doing the very best we 212 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 2: can with our states of consciousness at the time. But 213 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,640 Speaker 2: the environment that I grew up in was not very nurturing, 214 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 2: and it was quite traumatizing, and it really left me 215 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,960 Speaker 2: with a lot of limiting beliefs about myself. I fully 216 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 2: believed that I was not lovable, I would never be enough. 217 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 2: And I started as I became a teenager and I 218 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 2: became an adult, I started making really bad decisions for myself. 219 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,840 Speaker 2: I hang out with people that I thought would equate 220 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:39,840 Speaker 2: to my worth, and that resulted in very abusive relationships 221 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,920 Speaker 2: and just a life of chaos. And I just had 222 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 2: this moment one day where I just said, I don't 223 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 2: want this, I don't want this anymore, and so I 224 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 2: just committed myself to education at that point in time, 225 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:58,680 Speaker 2: so not just with psychology, but with metaphysics and spirituality, 226 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 2: really just trying to to learn as much as I 227 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:06,840 Speaker 2: can from my healing. And then now I spend every 228 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 2: day helping people, you know, find their way out of 229 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 2: the darkness. 230 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 1: Wow, I can relate big time. And it's beautiful what 231 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,560 Speaker 1: you're doing as far as you know, being of service 232 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 1: because there's so many people who I'm sure also can 233 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: relate to your story in a way. And that feels 234 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,120 Speaker 1: stagnant and stuck. And it's interesting because when you say that, 235 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 1: it's like, I don't feel that right now, just right now, 236 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,480 Speaker 1: I can only speak for now right and regardless of time. 237 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 1: What is time anyway at the end of the day. 238 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:42,320 Speaker 1: But that I felt like that, like in my relationships 239 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,760 Speaker 1: and that feeling of stagnant, I know it very well, 240 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:49,319 Speaker 1: and it was it is something that you can get 241 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: really comfortable in. 242 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 2: Absolutely, for me, it was very disempowering to be in 243 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:01,560 Speaker 2: relationships before I really needed to spend time alone and 244 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 2: just really focus on loving myself. My grandmother was somebody 245 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,079 Speaker 2: that was a beautiful person in my life, and when 246 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,080 Speaker 2: she had transitioned, she had left me her like great 247 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 2: great grandmother's engagement ring. And so the promise that I'd 248 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,280 Speaker 2: made to myself when I had that aha moment was 249 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 2: I put it on my finger and I said, from 250 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 2: now on, I'm going to date you, I'm going to 251 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 2: love you. And I look back and it's such a 252 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 2: transition of how did that girl become this girl? And 253 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 2: really what it was it was just a decision to 254 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 2: love me and invest in me every day and then 255 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 2: slowly but surely you fill up your own cup and 256 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 2: you just experience the world and people within it in 257 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 2: a very different way. But it was necessary absolutely for me. 258 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,120 Speaker 1: That takes a lot of self awareness, though, right, So, like, 259 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 1: how does one do that if they they're just not 260 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 1: self aware? Like you know, I guess it's kind of 261 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: like do you have to hit rock bottom for that 262 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 1: to happen? I know it's different for everybody, but like 263 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: I have to take accountability for my sobriety, it's very similar, 264 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 1: you know. And I truly believe I'm not grateful for 265 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 1: the trauma that has happened in my life, obviously, but 266 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 1: because of the trauma, I'm able to voice I believe 267 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:24,640 Speaker 1: this very in an open setting. And I think that 268 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,760 Speaker 1: for that, I know, is the reason why that has happened, 269 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 1: you know, because I know we're helping people. 270 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 2: I do. I do actually think we need to hit 271 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 2: a rock bottom. If I look at my own experiences 272 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 2: and I look at anyone that's ever come to me 273 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 2: as a client, no one's ever come to me when 274 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 2: everything was going great and I can blow up? How 275 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:50,360 Speaker 2: can I level up? It's always been like, wow, Okay, 276 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:54,280 Speaker 2: I just realize that I'm the common denominator in all 277 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,680 Speaker 2: of these things that don't feel good. What can I do? 278 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:00,280 Speaker 2: And I actually haven't seen anyone come to me when 279 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,880 Speaker 2: they haven't been in a place of pain and they 280 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 2: haven't been comfort So I wish I could say, yeah, 281 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,840 Speaker 2: we just had like a seed of inspiration and self 282 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:14,520 Speaker 2: awareness that just blossomed one day, but I haven't seen it. 283 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I think you're right. Actually, something has to 284 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,440 Speaker 1: happen to where you're like, okay, I give up, like 285 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 1: you can. You can't blame anybody else but yourself. 286 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 2: We surrender, and what's just like okay, okay, what do 287 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 2: I need to do? 288 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: Okay? So what happens when you're just not sexually inspired 289 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:41,840 Speaker 1: or you're no longer motivated? Like, do you do you? 290 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 1: Is it important to reach oge like to re energize 291 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:46,680 Speaker 1: that part of you? 292 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 2: Yeah? I think our sexual energy is our creative energy. 293 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 2: So I do think that it is essential that we 294 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:57,680 Speaker 2: invest into ourselves and we cultivate that energy. Now, we're 295 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,240 Speaker 2: not going to just be in the mood for that 296 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,120 Speaker 2: a lot of the time, but it's the same as 297 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,720 Speaker 2: if I want to have a certain body, I might 298 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,679 Speaker 2: not feel like going to the gym, but I know 299 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 2: I need to go do those habits in order to 300 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,119 Speaker 2: cultivate the result that I'm looking for. And well that 301 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,360 Speaker 2: sensual energy and sexual energy and creative energy is all 302 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 2: something that is a lifeline to me and makes me 303 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:24,440 Speaker 2: feel vibrant and happy and resonate on a higher vibrational level. 304 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,360 Speaker 2: Then I know that I need to take the actions 305 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,919 Speaker 2: and the habits that are going to cultivate that, and 306 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:34,520 Speaker 2: it's really about exploration and a self discovery. There's a 307 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 2: million death of different methodologies that we can use to 308 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,760 Speaker 2: start to channel our sexual energy. 309 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,479 Speaker 1: I think movement. I'm a dancer, you know, so like 310 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,080 Speaker 1: for me, it's just like self awareness with the body, 311 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,280 Speaker 1: even just like it doesn't have to you don't have 312 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: to go to the nearest sex store, you know, or 313 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 1: whatever it's called. But like, honestly, it's just being in 314 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,320 Speaker 1: tune with your body, like just breathing. 315 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:01,600 Speaker 2: How about just breathing, stretching even just I mean sensual energy. 316 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:06,280 Speaker 2: It's your senses. It's not about your dina, It's about senses. 317 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 2: And it's any way that you feel like you can 318 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 2: tune into your senses. You can sit here in the 319 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,199 Speaker 2: room and you can look at where the shadows and 320 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 2: the light meat. You can smell and see what's the 321 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,880 Speaker 2: most fragrant smell if you can taste. I can take 322 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 2: coffee on my breath right now, How does this dress 323 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,959 Speaker 2: feel on my body? Right now? It can be just 324 00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:32,000 Speaker 2: having a nice bubble bath with essential oils and giving 325 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,439 Speaker 2: myself that time. It can be putting moisture lotion on. 326 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 2: It can be stretching, it can be. 327 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,120 Speaker 1: To love self care. This is all the giving back 328 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,560 Speaker 1: because like, you can't do anything if you don't fill 329 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 1: your cup up. You can't be there for anybody. I 330 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,760 Speaker 1: mean you can, but it's gonna run out, like you're 331 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:48,720 Speaker 1: gonna break. 332 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,399 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're gonna be resentful. What you give to others 333 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,040 Speaker 2: has to be what's left over, what's spilling out of 334 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 2: your cup. You can't give up. It has to spill 335 00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:58,480 Speaker 2: out of your cup. 336 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,040 Speaker 1: So when it comes to partnership and you want to 337 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,240 Speaker 1: self please and have you know, please yourself, is it 338 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,359 Speaker 1: something to be open as far as communication goes, Because 339 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 1: I have experienced you know, ex partners of mine who 340 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:28,640 Speaker 1: may have not necessarily loved the idea of me giving 341 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:34,280 Speaker 1: pleasure to myself and have wanted to always be around 342 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,640 Speaker 1: at every time, you know. And obviously I just think 343 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,960 Speaker 1: people analyze things a little too much. And maybe also 344 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 1: I maybe I did not have to talk to them 345 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 1: about it, you know what I mean as far as 346 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,080 Speaker 1: that goes, Maybe it's not their business. I don't know. 347 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 2: You tell me, Well, it really depends what kind of 348 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:54,120 Speaker 2: relationship that you want to have. Yeah, I think if 349 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 2: somebody is trying to control your pleasure. That's a red flag. Yes, 350 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,840 Speaker 2: I don't really agree with pornography. I think that there 351 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,200 Speaker 2: can be an issue when we're using external people and 352 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:13,119 Speaker 2: external stimulus to orgasm and the pleasure. For me, I 353 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:16,479 Speaker 2: think it should be more about using your imagination and 354 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:21,320 Speaker 2: tuning into your body and connecting to yourself. I understand 355 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 2: people feeling insecure and having fear based thoughts if they 356 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 2: think that, you know, you rather watch porn than be 357 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,359 Speaker 2: with them, and I can see how a lot of 358 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:37,399 Speaker 2: meanings can be given to that. I don't think it's 359 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 2: necessary that you say, hey, this morning, you know, I'm 360 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:45,280 Speaker 2: masturbated and it was so awesome. Of course I think 361 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 2: we need to share that, but it's also what kind 362 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 2: of relationship do you want to have with somebody. If 363 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,159 Speaker 2: that's something important to you that you guys are in 364 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,119 Speaker 2: alignment on and that you do share, then yeah, you 365 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,080 Speaker 2: want to share. If it's something that you want to 366 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,840 Speaker 2: keep as a ritual for yourself, that's fine too. I 367 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,320 Speaker 2: don't necessarily tell my partner every time I take a 368 00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 2: bubble bath. 369 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:06,640 Speaker 1: No, right, So. 370 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 2: It's just really I don't think there's a right and 371 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 2: wrong container. It's really about you knowing where you want 372 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,480 Speaker 2: your relationship to be and then you make that you're 373 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:20,040 Speaker 2: taking the actions and the habits in order to create 374 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:20,880 Speaker 2: that for yourself. 375 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean I will from 376 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,639 Speaker 1: I mean years ago when I was in a I 377 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,440 Speaker 1: have only been in serious relationships, you know, so and 378 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,480 Speaker 1: plural back to back as you know now. But it 379 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,199 Speaker 1: was interesting because, like when it comes to porn and 380 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,199 Speaker 1: all that stuff, you know, if it happens regularly and 381 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,600 Speaker 1: it's without you, then obviously those feelings of like am 382 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:46,800 Speaker 1: I enough or not enough come up? And when you 383 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:51,160 Speaker 1: say like outside pleasure in a wait, are you also 384 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,440 Speaker 1: talking about like sex toys and stuff like that as well. 385 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,400 Speaker 2: No, I think sex toys are fine because you're still 386 00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,960 Speaker 2: using your imaginary, you're. 387 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,040 Speaker 1: Not using another person that you're watching another person. 388 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,600 Speaker 2: And I think the issue with pornography too is it 389 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:10,040 Speaker 2: does to stimulate you because there's always people trying to 390 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 2: push the threshold more and more and more, and peorn 391 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 2: is performative. It's not real. Sex doesn't look like that, 392 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:21,120 Speaker 2: so it also just creates really unrealistic expectations. 393 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:25,919 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, it's not healthy, yeah at all. I 394 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,199 Speaker 1: don't think, but like if to each their own, you know, 395 00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 1: and I think when it comes to that, I do 396 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:33,760 Speaker 1: believe open conversation and being transparent is important because when 397 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,320 Speaker 1: you start to hide it, which I've also experienced, is 398 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,440 Speaker 1: just not that to me is like a red flag. 399 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 2: Well, if you feel that you need to hide anything, 400 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,320 Speaker 2: it's all a red flag. 401 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,960 Speaker 1: And that Yeah, yeah, you've done a lot of work 402 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 1: on yourself. I really respect that. 403 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:51,560 Speaker 2: Thank you. 404 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:57,640 Speaker 1: Likewise, thank you. Let's transition to this article that has 405 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:03,040 Speaker 1: caused controversy, but I mean what hasn't nowadays. Let's talk 406 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,120 Speaker 1: about what being a sleep divorce means. What does that 407 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:06,880 Speaker 1: mean exactly? 408 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 2: Sleep divorce is when you are sleeping in separate beds, 409 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:16,040 Speaker 2: And I mean I think, with like many things, there's 410 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,120 Speaker 2: pros and cons. Do what I've heard, decisions that you make. 411 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:24,760 Speaker 2: For some people, it's very practical. It's more common in 412 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:30,200 Speaker 2: older couples. Snoring is an issue, menopause, different sleep schedules. 413 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,639 Speaker 2: But the thing is there is an unconscious bonding that 414 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:38,399 Speaker 2: happens when we're sleeping next to somebody. So if you 415 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 2: are choosing to sleep in separate beds, be aware that 416 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:45,360 Speaker 2: that closeness that you're not having does need to be 417 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 2: substituted and replaced with another type of connection ritual for sure. 418 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,359 Speaker 1: And I posted something on my Instagram story yesterday about this, 419 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:58,639 Speaker 1: and I got so many dms from football yeah saying 420 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 1: my husband's norms so loud, like there is no choice, 421 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,240 Speaker 1: like I and mind you, this obviously has happened over time, 422 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 1: like they've obviously started out sleeping together. It wasn't like 423 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 1: a rule that was you know, enforced from the beginning. 424 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 1: But it also matters when it comes to your mental health, 425 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:19,400 Speaker 1: like sleep is so important. But yes, I agree with you, 426 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,640 Speaker 1: like maybe there needs to be a time for intimacy, 427 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,120 Speaker 1: but then there's the pressure of greate, I just gotta 428 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 1: like have sex with you now. Or it's not even 429 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,679 Speaker 1: about this physical act of sex. 430 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,960 Speaker 2: It's not even about it's not even about sex. It's 431 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:39,160 Speaker 2: just about chitchien. It's about intimacy, I meaning next to somebody. 432 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 2: There's those small little physical touches, there's the warmth of 433 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:46,359 Speaker 2: a body next to you, there's the presence, and so 434 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,800 Speaker 2: I think that you do feel avoid when that person's 435 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 2: not there. But at the same time, if you're getting 436 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,199 Speaker 2: one hour of disruptive sleep and you can't function the 437 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,199 Speaker 2: next day. But you're like, oh, but we sleep in 438 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,880 Speaker 2: bed every night. I mean, what's the trade off here? 439 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,440 Speaker 2: But there's lots of ways around this. I mean, you 440 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 2: can go to bed at the same time and you 441 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,119 Speaker 2: can just cuddle for an hour. You can wake up 442 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 2: and you can cuddle for an hour, you can have 443 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,520 Speaker 2: coffee in bed. Like, there's lots of ways that we 444 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,359 Speaker 2: can still put the intimacy. If for your state of 445 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,679 Speaker 2: well being, it just doesn't work to sleep in the 446 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,720 Speaker 2: same bed together. Have you Have you ever slept in 447 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,159 Speaker 2: a separate bed or wanted to with a partner? 448 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:34,760 Speaker 1: I get hot, but I don't think so. I would 449 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:38,240 Speaker 1: say me three years ago wouldn't like that because that's 450 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:42,520 Speaker 1: not where I was in my personal life. I think 451 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: that with that would have come a lot of insecurity 452 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: to be just completely transparent with you, I would have 453 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,280 Speaker 1: felt not as connected, but that had to do with 454 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,639 Speaker 1: my trust issues and stuff like that, you know, and 455 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,480 Speaker 1: that was all also and just maybe just in my head. 456 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,520 Speaker 1: But then it would just escalate and kind of go 457 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:04,639 Speaker 1: down around So but today I'm totally for it if needed. 458 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 2: Some people even sleep in bunk beds as long as 459 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 2: snoring's not the issue. But if it's something that I 460 00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:11,320 Speaker 2: get too hot. 461 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,159 Speaker 1: I have to say I have a really weird sleeping 462 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,760 Speaker 1: I don't have as like I'm a dancer and my 463 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:20,000 Speaker 1: creative juices happen at like after midnight. And I do 464 00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:23,359 Speaker 1: remember this bothering my exes at one point where like, 465 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:27,520 Speaker 1: I don't me going to bed before two of the 466 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 1: morning is hard to do, Like I am a night owl, 467 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:36,359 Speaker 1: and I know that that affected some of my relationships 468 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:40,199 Speaker 1: for sure, especially if I wasn't dating a dancer, you know. 469 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,920 Speaker 1: And some people work better at night, some people work 470 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,919 Speaker 1: better at mornings, and it's just different for everybody, and 471 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:51,399 Speaker 1: so that would definitely screw get a little screwy. I think. 472 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,480 Speaker 2: I think it's even a question on Tinder nowadays, are 473 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,760 Speaker 2: you an early bird or are you a night owl? 474 00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:58,959 Speaker 1: That's a good question. 475 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,199 Speaker 2: Is there is a compatibility issue there that means you 476 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,760 Speaker 2: need to talk about it and you need to compromise. 477 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 2: My partner he has really bad sleep anxiety, and so 478 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,639 Speaker 2: a lot of the time he tries to go to 479 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,320 Speaker 2: bed with me, but he'll just lay there and eventually 480 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,600 Speaker 2: he has to get up and then he falls asleep 481 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 2: when I'm getting up to start with my sessions in 482 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:24,399 Speaker 2: the morning and the transition to have because I haven't 483 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:27,320 Speaker 2: experienced that before. So it took us coming up with 484 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,040 Speaker 2: like our rituals and ways that we were going to 485 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:34,240 Speaker 2: work around this and creating a compromise and for that 486 00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:35,240 Speaker 2: to work for us. 487 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,760 Speaker 1: Do you mind sharing just quickly as for your last thing. 488 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, So he'll lay in bed with me, and then 489 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 2: I'm like out like a light by eight thirty because 490 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,119 Speaker 2: I wake up super early, so be opposite is you, 491 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,760 Speaker 2: And so he'll lay in bed with me. I'm gone, 492 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:51,800 Speaker 2: and then he goes and he does his work. And 493 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 2: then generally I only worked till noon, so when I'm 494 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,399 Speaker 2: done work, he's actually getting up, so we are not 495 00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,280 Speaker 2: really missing important time with each other. But then on 496 00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:02,719 Speaker 2: the weekend when I don't have clients, I stay up 497 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,480 Speaker 2: later and he gets up earlier. So I'll usually book 498 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,560 Speaker 2: us an adventure that we're going on with this in 499 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 2: the middle, and we have something fun plan to do. 500 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:15,439 Speaker 1: See you guys. There are solutions, It's very specific. 501 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,600 Speaker 2: There's always solutions. It's just a matter of talking it 502 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,719 Speaker 2: out because I mean, the biggest complex that all humans 503 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 2: have is we think we think the same. So if 504 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,360 Speaker 2: you're doing something different than me, I must be right 505 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:30,080 Speaker 2: and you must be wrong, and it's where the issues begin. 506 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,960 Speaker 2: But if we can just accept, hey, you're different and 507 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,600 Speaker 2: I'm different. This is a very different thing about us. 508 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,640 Speaker 2: But how do we find a middle ground here? What's 509 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 2: a fun compromise? It feels good for the both of us. 510 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:41,600 Speaker 2: Let's try that. 511 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,800 Speaker 1: Let's make an agreement on that and the communication. You 512 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,280 Speaker 1: have to feel comfortable enough to just communicate this right 513 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: because there's a lot of shame behind it. But thank 514 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,120 Speaker 1: you so much for all that you do. Seriously, this 515 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:54,120 Speaker 1: is so important. 516 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 2: Thanks for your time, Take care YouTube by bye. 517 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 1: Thank you doctor Shanna for joining me today. I really 518 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,440 Speaker 1: hadn't given too much thought to the whole idea of 519 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:06,000 Speaker 1: sleep divorce, so I'm glad we talked about it. Are 520 00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,880 Speaker 1: you having a difficult time navigating dating and sex since 521 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 1: your breakup or divorce? Are you looking for some advice? 522 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,800 Speaker 1: Call us or email us, follow us on socials. All 523 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,280 Speaker 1: the information will be in the show notes. Make sure 524 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,080 Speaker 1: to rate and review the podcast. I do part two 525 00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 1: in iHeartRadio podcast, where falling in love is the main objective.