1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:02,719 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota and this is Riley. Your favorite 2 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,200 Speaker 1: Okay stories on hosts and we got some great stories 3 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:05,600 Speaker 1: coming up. 4 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break 5 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:09,560 Speaker 2: from the sponsors to keep this show alive. 6 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,400 Speaker 3: My mother has booked her hotel room next to us 7 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 3: on our wedding night. 8 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: That's gonna be really loud. 9 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,959 Speaker 2: Well, it's actually Vacate the Vacation Week on Okay Storytime Podcast. 10 00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 2: So we're unpacking the chaotic, petty, and absolutely unforgettable world 11 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,840 Speaker 2: of vacation's gone wrong, where the real baggage isn't in 12 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,160 Speaker 2: your suitcase, it's the people around here. 13 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:32,360 Speaker 3: If your new year and looking for the story. My 14 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 3: husband is currently on vacation with his mistress and I'm 15 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,160 Speaker 3: confronting them. Just click the link in the show notes 16 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 3: a description or search Vacate the Vacation Week on the 17 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,599 Speaker 3: Okay Storytime Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. 18 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 2: New episodes drop all week starting July first, and trust us, 19 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,279 Speaker 2: you'll be booking solo trips by Friday. 20 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,879 Speaker 3: Let's dive into this one. I twenty six female. I'm 21 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 3: getting married in August next year. I want to be 22 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 3: prepared for the potential wedding boom that could happen in 23 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 3: my country next year, and booked everything already now so 24 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,480 Speaker 3: I don't have to stress over the details later. By 25 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,760 Speaker 3: the way, this comes from I'm not a spambot, and 26 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,240 Speaker 3: if you want to smit your own stories, go to 27 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:09,880 Speaker 3: the r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, 28 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:14,040 Speaker 3: I'm Riley, and we're here to mix y'all up. And 29 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 3: you don't know what's going on, but if you figure 30 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 3: it out, put it in the comments. And Opie says, 31 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,679 Speaker 3: my father gifted me and my future husband a sweet 32 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 3: to stay in during the wedding at one of the 33 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 3: finest hotels in my town. Oh la lah wowie. When 34 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 3: my mom found out that we got a sweet from 35 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 3: my dad, she booked two suits in the same hotel 36 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 3: for her, my stepdad and my brother. 37 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 4: Why without asking why? 38 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,959 Speaker 3: And also, let's not have her home. I feel like, 39 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 3: you know what, honeymoon out out of the town. Let's 40 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 3: venture a little bit. Further agreed, she made a big 41 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,559 Speaker 3: deal that my abbie and I picked our sweet first, 42 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 3: so she wouldn't reserve that sweet by mistake. My parents 43 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 3: have been divorced for twenty three years, and I've been 44 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 3: doing petty things like this to one up each other 45 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 3: my whole life. So it's nothing new and I'm just 46 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 3: shaking it off and continuing with my life. Can we 47 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 3: just chill for a day, Yeah, just one day, Just 48 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,360 Speaker 3: one day, guys, come on. Yesterday Mom called me and 49 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 3: wanted to tell me that she has now booked the 50 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 3: suites and what nice staff there are at the hotel. 51 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 3: They're so service oriented. They said it wouldn't be a 52 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 3: problem to book her suite right next to you in 53 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,639 Speaker 3: Hobby's suite. They're two service oriented. You need to call 54 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 3: the hotel and be like, hey, you need to service 55 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 3: me because my mom is gonna be next to me 56 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 3: on my honeymoon. I like this on my wedding night. 57 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,680 Speaker 1: I like this angle. I also feel like this woman 58 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:38,919 Speaker 1: is kind of superstitious. 59 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 3: Yeah. 60 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,320 Speaker 1: I just got into my suite. There are cameras everywhere. 61 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we just we say, oh my goodness, mon 62 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,720 Speaker 3: bugs bed bugs, bed bugs. I found terrible reviews online. 63 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:54,080 Speaker 3: I'm not staying there anymore. Yes, yeah, and I did 64 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:56,359 Speaker 3: remember this is this is wedding night, so I guess 65 00:02:56,400 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 3: you can't go out of town for wedding night. Quite honestly, 66 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 3: I was a bit dumbfounded when I heard that. I 67 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 3: don't know if I'm oversensitive or being unreasonable, but if 68 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:09,239 Speaker 3: there's one thing I don't want, it's spending my wedding 69 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 3: night with my mom in the next room. Now I 70 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 3: have to take time out of my day to contact 71 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,680 Speaker 3: the hotel to prevent this and at it. Thank you 72 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,799 Speaker 3: for the support everyone. I try to answer it as 73 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 3: many of you as possible, but I thought I would 74 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 3: answer some common questions here. The hotel cannot move my 75 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:28,680 Speaker 3: mom because Mom booked exactly that room and the receptionist 76 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 3: said the room was available on that date. They did 77 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 3: not release my information to her. Mom knew exactly which 78 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 3: room I would stand and which date, so she didn't 79 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 3: have to say can I have a room next to 80 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 3: my daughter? She only needed to say, can I have 81 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 3: a room A, which is next to room B. I 82 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 3: don't want to change hotels. It's one of the most 83 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 3: romantic ones in the city I live in, and I 84 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 3: don't want to let my mom chase me away. Many 85 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 3: of you suggest I just talked to her. That won't 86 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 3: happen either. It's not the first time she's done something 87 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 3: like this. I moved three hours away from her for 88 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 3: a reason. 89 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,600 Speaker 1: Oh so she's the problem and. 90 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 3: We've got an update. But uh, what do you think 91 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,440 Speaker 3: op should do? Why? 92 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 1: I get that you don't want to switch hotels. Yeah, 93 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 1: that might be what you gotta do. 94 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 5: It might be I was gonna say, have a full 95 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 5: on conversation with her and be like, hey, you know, 96 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,280 Speaker 5: I'm going to be shi blinking right. 97 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,240 Speaker 3: And unfortunately it seems like those are both the options 98 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:26,120 Speaker 3: that Opias just shot down in that last comment. My 99 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:28,960 Speaker 3: answer is call the hotel and say, hey, can we 100 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 3: have a different room on the opposite side of the hotel? 101 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 1: Please? 102 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 3: Is there anything? 103 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, what's your partner saying? That's a big question too. 104 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, here's my thing too. One more thing to end 105 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 1: remove on. Of course, why are we not on an 106 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,480 Speaker 1: information diet? 107 00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:44,480 Speaker 3: Yes? How did she know that you were going to 108 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 3: be in that room? Because the hotel didn't tell you know, 109 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,279 Speaker 3: tell her? So did you did? I mean I doubt 110 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 3: her ex husband did. 111 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, because they won up each other a lot, 112 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,600 Speaker 5: which is very weird. 113 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,599 Speaker 1: How one opening the ex husband is by getting a 114 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,280 Speaker 1: sweet right at the sign of your daughter, Yeah, good night. 115 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,160 Speaker 5: Because guess what ex husband I get to I get 116 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,159 Speaker 5: to hang out with her when she's in your suite 117 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 5: that you bought for her. But I got three suites 118 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 5: or two sweets, and I get to hang out with 119 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 5: her on her wedding night. 120 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 3: I don't know. You could make her pay for it wild, 121 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 3: you could be loud. 122 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: Make sure the rooms aren't connected. 123 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,320 Speaker 3: But we got an update. Yes, I'm a doormat. All 124 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 3: of your comments were very helpful, but especially one person 125 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 3: who private messaged me made me realize how my inaction 126 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,600 Speaker 3: can hurt my relationship. Okay, he's waking up. 127 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 1: That's a good point. 128 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:34,719 Speaker 5: This is what you tell your This is what you 129 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,800 Speaker 5: tell your partner. Yeah, someone's gonna be uncomfortable tonight or 130 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 5: that night. Either it's gonna be us, or it's gonna 131 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 5: be then, let's. 132 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 4: Make it then. 133 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,040 Speaker 3: And that was the wake up call I needed. I 134 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,280 Speaker 3: sat down with my fiance and read through what I 135 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 3: wrote and the comments, where we had a long conversation 136 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,160 Speaker 3: about the incident and how he feels about it all. 137 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 3: It was very clear that I needed to talk to 138 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,479 Speaker 3: my mother and say how I felt about her wanting 139 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,719 Speaker 3: a room next to me on my wedding night. My 140 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,919 Speaker 3: mom can be really manipulative in discussions and has a 141 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 3: tendency to shift the focus of the discussion away from 142 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 3: the problem and on to another detail. 143 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:12,280 Speaker 1: Oh god, I have a very simple practice you can 144 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,799 Speaker 1: use to combat this. Yes, just call it the size 145 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,119 Speaker 1: of the cake. We are focused on the wrong side 146 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 1: of the cake. This is the issue we're on. Let's 147 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 1: eat what's much on this real quick. 148 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,800 Speaker 3: Therefore, I did not dare to talk to her directly, 149 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 3: but I wrote to her nice, Okay, she can't twist 150 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,799 Speaker 3: your words if you're not there. Me, I've been thinking 151 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 3: a little more about what you said about having a 152 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,840 Speaker 3: room next to me and my husband on my wedding night, 153 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,120 Speaker 3: and I'm not really comfortable with it being so close. 154 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 3: Mom says, When did we talk about it? Me gives 155 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,720 Speaker 3: a description of when we last spoke. Mom. I told 156 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,599 Speaker 3: the hotel that I wanted a room as close to 157 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 3: you as possible, not a room right next to you. 158 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:52,719 Speaker 3: Oh guess what, You're right next to me, oh, he says. 159 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 3: Saying as close as possible feels like saying I want 160 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 3: a room next door, Mom. But that's not what I said. 161 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 3: I said as close to you as possile. I never 162 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:05,640 Speaker 3: said next to you too, Opie. No, but it can 163 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 3: be perceived that way. Mom, But I never said that. 164 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 3: When would have said that in that case? Me, stepdad 165 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 3: and your brothers just wanted a room near you. 166 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,920 Speaker 1: Uh, you said it's close as possible. 167 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 3: Me, it's okay, but not next to me. In my 168 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 3: fiance I don't want my brother or family in the 169 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 3: next room on my wedding night. I think you just 170 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 3: tell her what's happening. I don't want to say, Mom, 171 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 3: I'm having spicy sleep, crazy style. 172 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: I'm having the shibunco of my lifo. 173 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 3: And people people four rooms down, I gotta hear it. 174 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 4: We're gonna try and make you a grandma that night. 175 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 3: I'm gonna be as loud as possible, and if you're near, 176 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 3: you're hearing it. 177 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 1: I'm gonna fornice until my knees break. 178 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 3: And you're gonna hear that. We talked some more on 179 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,400 Speaker 3: another occasion, and she's only convinced that the hotel understands 180 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 3: that when she said as close as possible, they understand 181 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 3: that she does not mean the room next to us, 182 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 3: and that she will not have a room next to us. 183 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,920 Speaker 3: I asked if she has spoken to the hotel about it, 184 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 3: and she goes back to saying that the hotel definitely 185 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 3: understands what she means. 186 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 1: They did it for at freaking time. 187 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,240 Speaker 3: I'm just calling the hotel and asking for a new room. 188 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,960 Speaker 3: If you really want to stay at that place, please, 189 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 3: is there any other way that we can have a 190 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 3: different room? 191 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 5: Look, Yeah, and not tell her the room number, because 192 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 5: if she knows your room number, I'm telling her that 193 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 5: we moved the room. Yeah, I'm not telling her anything, 194 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 5: but if she knows your room number, she's gonna be 195 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 5: knocking on that yeah all night. 196 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 1: Yeah. Also, hear me out, easy fix. Yeah. Talk to 197 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: whoever's in customer service at the hotel room. Yes, tell 198 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,360 Speaker 1: them this story. Yes, tell them you don't want to 199 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 1: be a victim of this. They will do. They will 200 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,079 Speaker 1: be like, girl, I got you. 201 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm so sorry. 202 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, this is juicy t Thank you for making 203 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 1: my night. Yeah, I got your back. 204 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:44,760 Speaker 3: Absolutely. 205 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,320 Speaker 1: This is a street of a story. 206 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:47,680 Speaker 3: They got to anyone. 207 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. If you were the manager 208 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 1: of this hotel and you heard this, when you do 209 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:56,079 Speaker 1: anything in your power to make sure this doesn't happen, Oh, 210 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 1: you're evil. 211 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 4: The other driver one I'll give popcorn ready. I'm like, dang, 212 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 4: this is kind of crazy. 213 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 1: Actually I didn't think about that. 214 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,080 Speaker 4: This is kind of crazy. 215 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 5: I'm gonna tell everyone that works you keep an eye 216 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 5: on these two rooms weeks now. I would, I would 217 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 5: obviously help, But if things don't go that way, I'm 218 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 5: telling everyone. 219 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, up date too, Hey, fellow redditors gather around for 220 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 3: a story that reads like a reality TV show crossed 221 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 3: with a soap up. 222 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 4: Rus see, who doesn't want to? Who doesn't want to 223 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 4: watch that? Live action? 224 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:30,080 Speaker 3: Oh? Piece got an evil twin? No, it's got drama, laughs, 225 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,839 Speaker 3: and a whole lot of what in the world is 226 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 3: happening moments. I'm sharing these stories now as a form 227 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 3: of therapy after cutting ties with my biological mom, affectionately 228 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 3: referred to as Mother. 229 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,560 Speaker 4: Gothel Oh okay, someone here has watched Tangle. 230 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, mother knows bens. Our relationship has always been strained 231 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 3: due to her overbearing nature and emotional manipulation. It wasn't 232 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 3: until I moved three hours away from her that I 233 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:57,439 Speaker 3: realized how dysfunctional and toxic her behavior was. Quick backstory, 234 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 3: yay prequel Long ago. My parents divorced over two decades ago. 235 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:09,160 Speaker 3: They both were married for at least seventeen years. Even now, 236 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,439 Speaker 3: they can exchange a word without throwing shade. Now let's 237 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,440 Speaker 3: dive into the wedding story. Amidst the whirlwind of my 238 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:19,000 Speaker 3: twenty twenty three wedding, it felt like a reality TV 239 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 3: show with a soap opera twist. My husband and I 240 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,439 Speaker 3: had a non traditional wedding with no white dress, bridesmaids 241 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:29,440 Speaker 3: and fiery red outfits, no priest, and even bunking together 242 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:30,319 Speaker 3: the night before. 243 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:34,319 Speaker 1: Oh oooo, that is promiscuous. 244 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:39,840 Speaker 3: Armadu was simple, no stress, great food, a fabulous party, 245 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,319 Speaker 3: and an uncomplicated ceremony. All right, now, the mystery of 246 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 3: why Mother Gothe left before the appetizers? Was it a 247 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 3: because my stepmom's outfit outshone hers bee, she didn't like 248 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 3: her seat at the head table, or see, perhaps nobody 249 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 3: showered her with enough congratulations on her big day. Okay, everyone, 250 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 3: it's okay, game show. Now you've just heard three options. 251 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:11,160 Speaker 3: Why did Mother Gothel leave before the appetizers? Do I 252 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 3: need to repeat the I think I got it all right, 253 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:19,400 Speaker 3: So we've got outfits, didn't like her seat or nobody 254 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 3: showered her with enough congratulations? 255 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,240 Speaker 4: Riley, what's your answer, So I. 256 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,319 Speaker 1: Kind of ran in between the lines here. Yes, I 257 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 1: think on the third page there was a secret answer. 258 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 3: Uh, I'm gonna go with d I like it. 259 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: What was it? What was it? 260 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,360 Speaker 3: It took not long for Mother Gothle to start with 261 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,160 Speaker 3: her need for control. I turned to rende It for advice, 262 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 3: and I'd already shared the tea on some of Mother 263 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 3: Gothel's antics during the wedding preparations. The consensus of the 264 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 3: advice was put her on an information diet. That's what 265 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:51,960 Speaker 3: we said. 266 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 1: We get bonus points for that one. 267 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 3: Yes, but oh boy, that only made her even more 268 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 3: desperate for control. She bobarred me with wedding related questions, 269 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 3: giving tips as if they were sacred wedding commandments I 270 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:08,640 Speaker 3: had to obey. She conveniently forgot our choices, like our 271 00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:12,680 Speaker 3: wedding colors burgundy and gray, insisting that dusty pink was 272 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:16,720 Speaker 3: the way to go. She flooded me with dusty pink suggestions, 273 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 3: claiming they perfectly matched her theme. Sparler alert, they didn't. 274 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 1: Mother in law leave the colors to us, this is 275 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 1: our rodeo. 276 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,800 Speaker 3: The pettiness escalated, like with the sweet situation, when I 277 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,000 Speaker 3: tried to intervene. I was told to handle it with her, 278 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,959 Speaker 3: but she wouldn't budge. She had already chosen her out 279 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 3: fit ten months before the wedding, dusty pink, of course, 280 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 3: but she also had a light gray one that my 281 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 3: husband and I thought looked awfully white and floor length 282 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 3: for our taste, and we had to say no, dusty 283 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,920 Speaker 3: pink is also pretty close to white. She spent the 284 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 3: remaining months repeatedly asking me what the other mother would wear? 285 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 3: Is this coraline? 286 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 1: What? 287 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,319 Speaker 3: And whether she would be the best dressed of all? 288 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,720 Speaker 3: Not exaggerating, She pestered my maid of honor and the 289 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 3: toastmaster with questions about the order of beeches, and she 290 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,599 Speaker 3: was far from pleased with my maid of honors responses. 291 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,960 Speaker 3: According to mother gothel my stepdad should give his speech 292 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 3: after my dad and my father in law. 293 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 6: No. 294 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 3: We all thought that was a no brainer, but she 295 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:16,880 Speaker 3: believed my maid of honor wasn't taking it seriously enough. 296 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 3: The day before the wedding, my husband and I made 297 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 3: it clear to everyone no fixed plans. The only thing 298 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 3: we plan was to wind down in the hotel bar 299 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,160 Speaker 3: at the end of the day, open for anyone to 300 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,319 Speaker 3: swing by and say hi. 301 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:30,760 Speaker 1: I liked that all that. 302 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:35,000 Speaker 3: Of course, most of our family members and friends showed up. However, 303 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 3: Mother Gothel had different plans and opted for her pre 304 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,839 Speaker 3: wedding soiree in her suite at the hotel with her 305 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 3: side of the family. I did pop in to greet everyone, 306 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,640 Speaker 3: but then wanted to join the fun at the bar 307 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,679 Speaker 3: with our other loved ones. Later I found out that 308 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,440 Speaker 3: Mother Gothel was irked that I hadn't spent the evening 309 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 3: in her room with the others. The wedding day dawned 310 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 3: and it began smoothly. We headed to the venue where 311 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,600 Speaker 3: the ceremony was set, and since it was at restaurant, 312 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 3: some guests caught glimpses of me before showtime. No big deal. 313 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 3: Mother Gothel and her entourage arrived to gather he bearing 314 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 3: gifts and flowers. I tried to be polite, but I 315 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 3: wasn't in the right headspace to deal with them. 316 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, I bet so, mm hmm, I'll be. 317 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:18,680 Speaker 3: Just like, this is my wedding, Leave me alone, please 318 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:23,120 Speaker 3: gaze So I asked the staff to handle the gifts 319 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 3: and flower arrangements for me. We were fifteen minutes until 320 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 3: the ceremony would begin. And I was in my wedding dress. 321 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 3: No time for floral artistry. 322 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're about to get wet. 323 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:39,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're a little busy. Mother Gothel didn't take kindly 324 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 3: to this, but she graciously decided to let it slide 325 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 3: for the time being. The ceremony was a masterpiece, exceeding 326 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 3: my wildest dreams, self written vows, a cliff top setting 327 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 3: with a breath taking view, and my best friend playing 328 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 3: a beautiful violin piece. Everything was perfect. Afterward, we took 329 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 3: photos with family, and then my husband and I slipped 330 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 3: away for more pictures. However, there was a miscommunication and 331 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 3: the staff thought we'd make a toast with the guests 332 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 3: before our photo session. They hadn't served the toast when 333 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 3: we returned, so almost all mingling time had evaporated and 334 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 3: no one had a drink for an hour and a. 335 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 7: Half's imagining, Yeah, just parched people in the desert like, 336 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,880 Speaker 7: oh drink, How could I function? 337 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 1: No, we wouldn't know. 338 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 3: We wouldn't know. My husband and I had very little 339 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 3: time to spend with our guests, and Mother Gothel was 340 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 3: once again. 341 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,280 Speaker 1: Displease, Oh my God, give us along. 342 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,080 Speaker 3: This time it was because I hadn't devoted my time tour. 343 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 3: It's not your day. 344 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 1: Well it's okay. They're gonna hang out the hotel room. 345 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,280 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, you're like, Mom, we got it. We'll be fine. 346 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 3: And because I hadn't abandoned my own wedding to have 347 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 3: photos taken with her family And now the grand finale 348 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 3: of Mother Gothel's dramatic exit. If you guessed be the 349 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:05,080 Speaker 3: seating arrangement, give yourself a cookie. Oh it wasn't D 350 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,480 Speaker 3: it was B everyone. 351 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,280 Speaker 1: I feel like it was a little bit of a 352 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 1: B and C. 353 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, there was a lot of different stuff. 354 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 4: I think we're all you put a line through it. 355 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:22,440 Speaker 3: Oh, it's a bee. My dad and Mother Gofel couldn't 356 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,440 Speaker 3: hold the conversation without it turning into a disaster, so 357 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 3: I separated them. When I planned the seating arrangement, the 358 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,720 Speaker 3: table setup was supposed to be more intimate, with people 359 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 3: facing each other. However, at the last minute, the restaurant 360 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 3: decided to switch things up for better seating, causing everyone 361 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 3: to end up in a row. Why does this restaurant 362 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,280 Speaker 3: keep switching up stuff? 363 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 1: Oh wonder why dumb it? 364 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 3: Well, I don't even think Mother Gothel is reaching out 365 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,200 Speaker 3: to them. I think they're just like, I mean, this 366 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 3: is nice, or she's paying them off. 367 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 1: It's true. 368 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 3: This arrangement placed mother Gothel and my stepdad apart. This 369 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:54,320 Speaker 3: is weird. 370 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 1: Oh oh maybe not. They probably didn't. She probably didn't. 371 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 1: Problem then stepdad in mother Gothel. 372 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 3: It's strange, uh, strangely. Mother Goffel wasn't upset about being 373 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,359 Speaker 3: far from my stepdad. She was upset about not sitting 374 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,120 Speaker 3: next to my husband. My in laws offered to switch 375 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,679 Speaker 3: seats with her, but she declined. She sat there for 376 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,480 Speaker 3: a mere two minutes, then declared, now I'm not okay 377 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:18,240 Speaker 3: with this, stood up and vanished. Okay, well, now you're 378 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,960 Speaker 3: very far away from everyone. No one noticed her absence 379 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 3: until the staff asked if they should serve the empty seats. 380 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,919 Speaker 3: That's when I realized that she and my stepdad had 381 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,360 Speaker 3: bolted from the wedding, and my brother confirmed that she'd 382 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,920 Speaker 3: taken back her gifts, returned to the hotel and refused 383 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,160 Speaker 3: to come back. Oh no, oh no. 384 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:38,639 Speaker 4: What are we gonna do? 385 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 1: Taken back her gifts? 386 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, probably like two dollars? 387 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,920 Speaker 1: How are we? This is not even love? 388 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:50,199 Speaker 3: I'm sorry, No, she doesn't care. She just wants to 389 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:54,040 Speaker 3: one up your dad. She's like, how do I one 390 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 3: up my ex husband? 391 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: So after seventeen years, come on at you in a 392 00:17:58,600 --> 00:17:59,360 Speaker 1: happy marriage. 393 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,479 Speaker 3: No, she doesn't care about not being next door her husband. 394 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 3: Oh anyway, I was furious, but I refuse to let 395 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,919 Speaker 3: her steal my thunder. I soldiered on like a trooper, 396 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 3: smiling like nothing had happened. My Maid of Honor began 397 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:18,680 Speaker 3: her own investigation, quietly chatting with my aunt, Mother Gothel's sister, 398 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,679 Speaker 3: made of Honor. It's insane how she Gothel can do 399 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,119 Speaker 3: this to her opie on the biggest day of her life. Aunt. 400 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,439 Speaker 3: I agree, it's her biggest day, and now she's in 401 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:31,199 Speaker 3: the hotel room crying. This essentially meant that it was 402 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:34,879 Speaker 3: Mother Gothel's grand day and I was cast as the 403 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,840 Speaker 3: villain in her soap opera Caly. 404 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:39,840 Speaker 1: No one's watching it girl. 405 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 3: From my table, I noticed my aunt walking up to 406 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 3: family members on Mother gothel side. Almost everyone quietly got 407 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 3: up and left before the appetizers were even served. So 408 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:55,200 Speaker 3: she's spreading she's spreading misinformation. The aunt is on Mother 409 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,160 Speaker 3: Gothel's side, she's her henchman. 410 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 1: No, you got me kids. 411 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:03,439 Speaker 3: I caught up with them in the parking lot, clutching 412 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 3: the gifts they had taken back from the gift table. 413 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,560 Speaker 3: They didn't want me to take it personally, but they 414 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 3: had to console their sister and also steal your gifts. 415 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 1: Well, they're not a gift if they haven't given it 416 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 1: to the gift receiver. 417 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, they're like, well, you didn't open them yet, so 418 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 3: we're just this. 419 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: Is basically open the air. Still, it does have your 420 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,680 Speaker 1: name on it, but that doesn't matter. 421 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 3: They told me to see it from her perspective, it 422 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 3: was the biggest day of her life. 423 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,159 Speaker 1: What about the two times she got married? 424 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a great point. I won't drag this part out, 425 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,120 Speaker 3: but I felt crushed. I cried for ten minutes while 426 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 3: hugging my stepmom and decided it was enough sad tears 427 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 3: for today. I had one of the bridesmaids touch up 428 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 3: my makeup and then returned acting as if nothing had happened. Hope, 429 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,399 Speaker 3: he went, I'm fine. The party afterward was an absolute blast. 430 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:49,360 Speaker 1: Nice. 431 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,679 Speaker 3: My dad and stepmom even turned the bar into an 432 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,159 Speaker 3: open bar for us, and I danced until two in 433 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 3: the morning. Oh right later, I found out that my 434 00:19:56,560 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 3: awesome stepsister had stormed into mother Gotho's hotel room one 435 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,639 Speaker 3: in the morning and giving her a piece of our 436 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 3: a mine Nice. That prompted Mother Goffeld to check out 437 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,880 Speaker 3: nice and drive three hours back to her hometown one 438 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 3: in the morning. So now you don't have to deal 439 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 3: with her being next to you. 440 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,000 Speaker 1: And guess who gets a free room. 441 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,879 Speaker 3: Woo. True, we've got a little bit left to this story. 442 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 3: Any final thoughts, R Yes, that was beautiful thought. I 443 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,520 Speaker 3: made this all worked out well. You got a little 444 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 3: fun drama to tell people about on your wedding day. 445 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,240 Speaker 3: Everyone you didn't like left the wedding and you didn't 446 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,400 Speaker 3: have to deal with your mom next to you. 447 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 4: And you got to boink. We all allowed as you 448 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:38,480 Speaker 4: wanted to. 449 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:39,480 Speaker 1: You don't know that yet. 450 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:40,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, we'll see. 451 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,959 Speaker 1: It's two o'clock in the morning. She might be asleep. 452 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,719 Speaker 5: No, No, the party don't stop until I walk in. 453 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:51,840 Speaker 1: Yeah you walk in? Yeah, walk in the wood. Explain yourself. 454 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:55,159 Speaker 3: So after the wedding, despite all that drama, I consider 455 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 3: my wedding day to be the happiest in my life. 456 00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: Wow. 457 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,159 Speaker 3: Now I'm married to the love of my life and 458 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 3: we will live happily ever after, side by side. As 459 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,800 Speaker 3: for Goffel. At first I was boiling with rage, but 460 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 3: now I find myself rather numb about the whole situation. 461 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 3: I haven't heard a word from her, and strangely, I 462 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,840 Speaker 3: feel oddly at peace with it. I'll continue to maintain 463 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 3: no contact with her, and if anyone asks, I just 464 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,920 Speaker 3: don't have a mother, Oh, just an incredibly awesome stepmom 465 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 3: who more than fills that role for me. Here's to 466 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,680 Speaker 3: moving forward and cherishing the family we choose. And that's 467 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:29,520 Speaker 3: the end of the story. 468 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 1: There you go, dang, no more bio mom. But seems 469 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,960 Speaker 1: like there's a reason. I mean, this is the reason. 470 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,399 Speaker 1: But good for you. I'm glad you have support around you. 471 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, you have like a whole you know, family that's 472 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 3: besides her, that is willing to stand up for you 473 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 3: and be on your side. And now you got a husband. 474 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,200 Speaker 1: I bet the real ones really showed themselves at your wedding. 475 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:53,960 Speaker 3: Yes, and the other one's left. 476 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:58,240 Speaker 4: I bet. I bet Op's dad was like I told you, so. 477 00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 3: He's like, I don't want to say I told you show, 478 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:03,119 Speaker 3: but that side of our serf, he can see us 479 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 3: signs here. But that's the end of that story. Yes, 480 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 3: my husband berated me for a grammar mistake, so I 481 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 3: reminded him He's not perfect either. 482 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 6: Nobody's perfect. 483 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:15,880 Speaker 8: I gotta work it. 484 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,800 Speaker 3: I thirty four female, met my thirty three male husband 485 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,360 Speaker 3: online and got married six years ago. I moved from 486 00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 3: my home country to live with him in Japan. Since then, 487 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,080 Speaker 3: he is Japanese and has a stable job there. And 488 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 3: on the other hand, I am a freelance illustrator, so 489 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 3: I was okay to move here. By the way, this 490 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 3: comes from Patient Lettuce thirty nine eighty three. And if 491 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,560 Speaker 3: you want to smit your own stories, go to the 492 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,560 Speaker 3: r slash Okay storytime severed it. I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah, 493 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,440 Speaker 3: and we're here to give good advice goofy. But we 494 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,040 Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do, 495 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,119 Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments. 496 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,480 Speaker 3: And Opie says every day I use English with him. 497 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 3: Maybe you've already noticed, but English is not my first language, 498 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 3: so it's not perfect, and neither is my husband's English. 499 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 3: But at least we can communicate. I tried my best 500 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 3: to learn Japanese to be able to communicate with his 501 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:08,200 Speaker 3: friends and family, but Japanese is not an easy language. 502 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 3: I have to learn how to read Kanji, Hurgana, and 503 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:15,959 Speaker 3: Katakana from scratch by myself. During the VID twenty twenty, 504 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,040 Speaker 3: we got money from the government and he bought me 505 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,880 Speaker 3: some books and dictionaries, telling me to learn the language 506 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:24,359 Speaker 3: more intensively. During the lockdown. He didn't teach me anything, though. 507 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,600 Speaker 3: He said, since I could speak four languages, adding one 508 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:31,200 Speaker 3: more language should be easy for me, Like technically yeah, 509 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,800 Speaker 3: but also language it Yeah. Japanese is also like one 510 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:38,359 Speaker 3: of the hardest languages, and it depends on what languages 511 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 3: you already knew, Like if you were coming from you 512 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,040 Speaker 3: know the romantic languages, and then you went into Japanese, 513 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,720 Speaker 3: probably a big switch. It's so nice that he didn't 514 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:49,640 Speaker 3: offer to help you at all. 515 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:50,879 Speaker 6: He bought her books. 516 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,879 Speaker 3: Yeah, he's like read these. I tried, but it was 517 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:58,680 Speaker 3: never good enough for him. He always said, my grammar sucks. Wow, Now, 518 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:02,159 Speaker 3: how nice of your husband. But I do always have 519 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,600 Speaker 3: a problem with grammar. As you can see, my English 520 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,520 Speaker 3: grammar sucks too. He said, I should be able to 521 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,440 Speaker 3: speak like a native at this point. So last year 522 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,760 Speaker 3: summer twenty twenty two, I decided that I would get 523 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,639 Speaker 3: a part time job at a restaurant so that I 524 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,840 Speaker 3: could practice more of my Japanese. To my surprise, the 525 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:22,520 Speaker 3: staff there likes me and they can understand my Japanese. 526 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,440 Speaker 3: I also now can read and write several kangis. I 527 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 3: could write my own address with kanjis and read menus. 528 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,639 Speaker 3: Last week, we have a family dinner with his family, 529 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 3: classic family dinner with the family. During the dinner, I 530 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,159 Speaker 3: made some grammar mistakes, which was not actually quite bad 531 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 3: because everybody still understood what I was trying to say. 532 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:46,879 Speaker 3: But my husband says in front of my family, I 533 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:51,159 Speaker 3: was stupid for not understanding the correct grammar. Excuse me 534 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:53,440 Speaker 3: immediately done. 535 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,959 Speaker 8: No, It's like like people come over here and they 536 00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,439 Speaker 8: speak like broken English, like you can still understand, but 537 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:03,240 Speaker 8: it's just like you know, broken English, So it's probably 538 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,200 Speaker 8: broken Japanese. I don't know, but you. 539 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,720 Speaker 3: Still get the gist of it. You understand what she's 540 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 3: trying to say. And calling your girl or your no, sorry, 541 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 3: your wife stupid in front of your family is low? 542 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:16,520 Speaker 3: Is still low? 543 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:17,640 Speaker 6: Yeah? 544 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 8: If my family heard that any big excuse me, sorry, sir. 545 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 3: What did you say? It makes me upset because he 546 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,320 Speaker 3: said it in front of everyone. So I said in English. 547 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,880 Speaker 3: Your English isn't better than mine, and you can't speak 548 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 3: my language, so why are you calling me stupid? Oh? 549 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:38,880 Speaker 3: Mic drop? Yeah, but he couldn't have even learned any 550 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 3: of your language after six years, and he's making you learn, 551 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 3: you know, perfect Japanese in six years. He was so 552 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,440 Speaker 3: pissed off and won't talk to me since that day. 553 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,080 Speaker 3: Am I the ao And we've got an edit. But 554 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,480 Speaker 3: before we get into it, what do you think? No, 555 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 3: he literally embarrassed you in front of his family. Yeah, 556 00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 3: so no, he deserves that. I don't even think you 557 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 3: should be with this guy at all. I think I 558 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,000 Speaker 3: would be taking a look at how he treats me 559 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,560 Speaker 3: outside of this. Is it just the language stuff or 560 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,679 Speaker 3: is he always kind of belittling you? 561 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,320 Speaker 8: That's yeah, that's the other thing. I would like try 562 00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,840 Speaker 8: to find all those red flags because it seems like 563 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:16,919 Speaker 8: they're just scattered everywhere. 564 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 3: It's like a little uh, it's like, yeah, red flag stuff. 565 00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,600 Speaker 3: But the bad stuff. He is not a bad guy. 566 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 3: I love him so much. Just he's very outspoken. If 567 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 3: he dislikes something, he would say it right away. I 568 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 3: feel like your making excuses. He never commented about my 569 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:39,560 Speaker 3: body or looks, but he's very sensitive about my skill. 570 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:44,560 Speaker 3: He often criticized my art style and other skills. He said, 571 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,399 Speaker 3: I'm lazy. There is no excuse not to master the 572 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 3: language since I've lived here for almost six years already, 573 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:56,479 Speaker 3: Oh p knows four languages, well, actually five languages, it 574 00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:00,400 Speaker 3: seems because she's she's already pretty fluent in Japanese and dude, 575 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 3: you know like one and a half. Come on, I 576 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:05,600 Speaker 3: don't think oh Piece the lazy one here. 577 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,960 Speaker 8: So he doesn't know any like English. 578 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,159 Speaker 3: No, you know, he knows English, but she said, like, 579 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,439 Speaker 3: you know, he's not. He makes a lot of mistakes 580 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,399 Speaker 3: in English as well. But then what is the issue. Yeah, Like, 581 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,880 Speaker 3: I know, maybe this is me trying to defend myself. 582 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,159 Speaker 3: But last year I got my end three JLPT Japan 583 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,359 Speaker 3: Language Proficiency Test Level three certification, and he said it 584 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,400 Speaker 3: must be out of luck because my Japanese is very rough. 585 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,720 Speaker 6: This guy is awful, Like. 586 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:35,159 Speaker 8: Why can't he just be like, oh wow, that's great, Yeah, amazing, 587 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,200 Speaker 8: You're doing so well. But he's just like it should 588 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:38,720 Speaker 8: be higher, and said I. 589 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,120 Speaker 3: Should have gotten the level one already because I'm here 590 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,960 Speaker 3: for so long and we've got an update. But yeah, 591 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,880 Speaker 3: this guy sucks boo. He's horrible. 592 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,960 Speaker 6: He just keeps burrating you for literally. 593 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:53,360 Speaker 3: What learning his language. You moved to him, so you've 594 00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,520 Speaker 3: already made the sacrifice of leaving your home country to 595 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,840 Speaker 3: be with him, and then you've spent six years learning 596 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,200 Speaker 3: his language when he has not made any effort to 597 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:06,600 Speaker 3: learn yours. They're literally speaking to each other purely, it seems, 598 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:10,000 Speaker 3: either in Japanese, so his language, or in English, which 599 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,399 Speaker 3: is both of their second languages. So like the I 600 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,880 Speaker 3: don't know the audacity of not even attempting to learn 601 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,160 Speaker 3: her a native language and then berating her for how 602 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,359 Speaker 3: she speaks Japanese. 603 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:24,199 Speaker 8: Well, it's one strike one, not like you ask me 604 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,639 Speaker 8: to learn this language, but then you don't help, like 605 00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,159 Speaker 8: you got me books, like yeah, why don't like you know, 606 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,880 Speaker 8: be like, oh, I want to help it anyway, because 607 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:32,879 Speaker 8: I really want you to learn this and I figured 608 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,399 Speaker 8: you want to learn it too, so we can, like, 609 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,639 Speaker 8: you know, we lived here for so long, let me 610 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,640 Speaker 8: help you out, Like how about like some lessons or 611 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 8: you know whatever. But he instead like he's like, you 612 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,280 Speaker 8: should have a job and have this as like your 613 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 8: side job. 614 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:51,840 Speaker 3: Update. We got divorced wooooow. I've thought about it more 615 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,240 Speaker 3: and more, and I feel like these past six years 616 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 3: have been heck for me. I'm tired of having to 617 00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,880 Speaker 3: find any reason to think that he's good for me. 618 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,719 Speaker 3: I found a full time job in a Japanese company 619 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 3: and started working there last January. Everybody in my new 620 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,280 Speaker 3: company said, I speak Japanese well, and so far I'm 621 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,920 Speaker 3: doing great. I rented my own apartment and I am 622 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:16,360 Speaker 3: surviving on my own just fine in Tokyo, albeit my 623 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 3: ex husband said that I would never be able to 624 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 3: survive in Japan without them. I also have a crush 625 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 3: on another guy, but I'm taking it slow. Thank you 626 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,800 Speaker 3: for all your comments to me. And edit. I use 627 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,160 Speaker 3: only Japanese in the company I work now and earn 628 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,320 Speaker 3: almost the same amount with my ex husband despite just 629 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 3: working here for four months. Burn, you are flexing on 630 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,800 Speaker 3: this guy left and right. My crush now speaks only 631 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:45,400 Speaker 3: Japanese and we communicate just fine. And I bet he 632 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 3: doesn't make you feel bad about how you speak. I'm 633 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:54,480 Speaker 3: confident now. Ooh and another Edits just to clarify, of course, 634 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,680 Speaker 3: the reason of my doors is not only because the 635 00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,800 Speaker 3: language thing. I mean, obviously that was indicative of like 636 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 3: many other problems. 637 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,040 Speaker 6: Yeah, this was just like the cherry on top. 638 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 3: I kept saying my ex was a good person, and 639 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 3: I still think that he is a good person, but 640 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,600 Speaker 3: he's not treating me right. There were a lot of 641 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,560 Speaker 3: things he had done to me that I can no 642 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 3: longer tolerate. Before I was with him, I was also 643 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 3: doing modeling for a side job. I took good care 644 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,600 Speaker 3: of myself. But after I married him, he said that 645 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,160 Speaker 3: my looks didn't matter, and he disliked me dressing up 646 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:26,320 Speaker 3: or putting on makeup because he thought as a married woman, 647 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:29,640 Speaker 3: I shouldn't attract other men. This guy stinks. 648 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,440 Speaker 6: That's like the dumbest reason I've ever heard of. 649 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:33,320 Speaker 3: I hate that. 650 00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,800 Speaker 8: Yeah, you can't look pretty anymore. Sorry, you have to 651 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,760 Speaker 8: look ugly so that only I will want you. Yeah, 652 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:42,600 Speaker 8: like what I did what he wanted, and I kept 653 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:43,800 Speaker 8: telling myself. 654 00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,480 Speaker 3: Oh, this man loves me the way I am, no 655 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,719 Speaker 3: matter how I look. But then I found out he 656 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:51,600 Speaker 3: was following Schmetsy girls on Instagram and Twitter. He never 657 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,600 Speaker 3: chatted to them, so I let it slide, but I 658 00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 3: kept thinking about it, especially since he never said anything 659 00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:00,200 Speaker 3: positive about my look. Basically, he never said any thing 660 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,440 Speaker 3: positive about my effort except for my cooking. Well, it 661 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:06,000 Speaker 3: seems like nothing pleases this guy, so you must be 662 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:07,400 Speaker 3: like a really good cook. 663 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:09,360 Speaker 6: Yeah, it's I don't know. 664 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,720 Speaker 8: This guy seems actually impossible to live with or impossible 665 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:13,560 Speaker 8: to even tolerate. 666 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm imagining every time he goes to eat whatever 667 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,480 Speaker 3: your meals, he's like, this is ah, damn it, it's 668 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:20,160 Speaker 3: really good. 669 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 8: Yeah, he's like, oh, fine, I guess you did it 670 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,960 Speaker 8: for what prely? 671 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what he said. 672 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:27,800 Speaker 6: Whatever. 673 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 3: I started to feel unconfident. I got depressed and had 674 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:35,760 Speaker 3: to take antidepressants. Then I gained twenty kilograms in six years. 675 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,640 Speaker 3: When I said he never said anything positive about my 676 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,000 Speaker 3: look and effort, it didn't mean that he always said 677 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 3: bad things about me, just that he seemed to be 678 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 3: indifferent about it. Now, after we got divorced, I don't 679 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:52,920 Speaker 3: have to take my antidepressants anymore. Wow, direct correlation direct. 680 00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:57,920 Speaker 3: This guy sucks, and I lost fifteen kilograms already. I 681 00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 3: started to talk to some guys until I met Mike 682 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,640 Speaker 3: Crush right now. I was surprised because my crush always 683 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,400 Speaker 3: said that I looked good and nice. He noticed when 684 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,800 Speaker 3: I changed my hairstyle or nails, said I smelled nice 685 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,320 Speaker 3: and complimented me when I did good things at work. 686 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,720 Speaker 3: My crush works in the same company with me. The 687 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 3: other people also said that I look super good now, 688 00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 3: and I look so much happier. Anyways, how I learn 689 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 3: Japanese and other languages is by listening to some song, movies, 690 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,800 Speaker 3: or other people. Then when I can't understand some word 691 00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,160 Speaker 3: or phrase, I would find it in the dictionary based 692 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:34,280 Speaker 3: on how I hear it. Then I have to guess 693 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,040 Speaker 3: how it is written, so I can find the word 694 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:40,560 Speaker 3: in the dictionary or translator. I prefer dictionary to translator, though, 695 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,360 Speaker 3: because when I open the dictionary, I'll see many other 696 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:45,480 Speaker 3: words other than the one I'm looking for, and I 697 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,880 Speaker 3: may remember those words I accidentally find too. That's actually 698 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:50,320 Speaker 3: like very smart. 699 00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:53,320 Speaker 6: Look at you, Op, You don't need no mind. 700 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,120 Speaker 3: After I find the word and understand what it means, 701 00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,000 Speaker 3: I'll try to make a sentence with that word and 702 00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,120 Speaker 3: use it in real conversation. Now I can already read 703 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 3: Japanese comic books and watch the movies in cinema with 704 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,320 Speaker 3: that much difficulty. That's really impressive, and it also kind 705 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 3: of makes sense why OP might struggle with grammar if 706 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,880 Speaker 3: that is the tactic, because it seems like it's really 707 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,840 Speaker 3: working for you. But if you're not necessarily looking at 708 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:18,400 Speaker 3: like sentence structure, you're just looking at memorization of words 709 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:21,040 Speaker 3: and stuff, it does make sense why that might be 710 00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:24,000 Speaker 3: like the last thing that comes. Please wish me luck 711 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,960 Speaker 3: for my career and my life ahead, also for my crush. 712 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,400 Speaker 3: Ope it ends well and we've got a second update. 713 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:36,320 Speaker 3: Who hopefully we get another update about this crush. Well, 714 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 3: I love this. So it's been a few months and 715 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,000 Speaker 3: the result of a Japanese language proficiency test I took 716 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 3: has been announced. I passed the level two with only 717 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,840 Speaker 3: two mistakes. The highest is level one in five levels, 718 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,280 Speaker 3: and I passed the level two, So I'm proud of myself. Okay, 719 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:53,280 Speaker 3: that actually makes a lot of sense because earlier when 720 00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:55,960 Speaker 3: he was like you should up, like passed level one already, 721 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,720 Speaker 3: I guess level one is the end goal, so level 722 00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:03,240 Speaker 3: five is like the lowest. My crush also confessed to 723 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 3: me and we're dating now. Yay. He is a Japanese 724 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:10,719 Speaker 3: man who doesn't speak English at all, and he said 725 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,680 Speaker 3: my Japanese is perfectly fine. I met his parents and 726 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:17,600 Speaker 3: brothers last month during Obon holiday, and he brought me 727 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,800 Speaker 3: to his hometown in a rural Japanese village. His family 728 00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,480 Speaker 3: welcomed me. His family lives on a farm and they 729 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,440 Speaker 3: never went overseas at all and don't speak any English, 730 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,799 Speaker 3: but they welcome me very nicely. I am a divorcee 731 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,600 Speaker 3: and six years older than my boyfriend, but they don't 732 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:34,720 Speaker 3: mind at all. The fact that I am a foreigner 733 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:38,080 Speaker 3: also doesn't bother them. I just got a promotion at 734 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,560 Speaker 3: work this month, which is quite rare since I've been 735 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,480 Speaker 3: here just for ten months, but they said I did 736 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,879 Speaker 3: my best, so I deserved it. I plan to move 737 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 3: in with my boyfriend next winter. He treats me with 738 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,840 Speaker 3: nothing but respect. He always seems to be proud with 739 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,560 Speaker 3: anything that I do, and he even said my Japanese 740 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,279 Speaker 3: accent is cute. He never scolds me in public like 741 00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,959 Speaker 3: my exe. I told him, why are you so nice? 742 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,680 Speaker 3: He said, it's just normal behavior to be nice to 743 00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:04,560 Speaker 3: someone you care about. 744 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:09,200 Speaker 8: Yeah, wow, what a yeah, that's what those types of 745 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,640 Speaker 8: people they do that. It's like, wait, you're like weirdly 746 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:13,839 Speaker 8: normal so. 747 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,600 Speaker 3: Nice to me. You're like that's yeah, yeah, that's what 748 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:18,400 Speaker 3: you're supposed to do. 749 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:19,360 Speaker 8: I'm nice to people. 750 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,560 Speaker 3: I like what I thought, you're supposed. 751 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,160 Speaker 8: To be really mean to them, Which makes. 752 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:26,120 Speaker 3: Me realize how much of an a hole my ex 753 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:29,480 Speaker 3: husband was. How about my ex husband? He stalked my 754 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:32,560 Speaker 3: Instagram and found my post with my new boyfriend and 755 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:36,480 Speaker 3: threatened my boyfriend, but my boyfriend just blocked him nice. 756 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:40,799 Speaker 8: I like where this is going, Opie. I'm kinda like 757 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:45,360 Speaker 8: really rooting for you. I think you're doing great, Opie. 758 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:50,280 Speaker 8: I would my one maybe hold off. 759 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:51,960 Speaker 3: On moving in so quickly? 760 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,000 Speaker 8: Well she said next winter, so like, not even this one, 761 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:55,839 Speaker 8: it would be the next one. 762 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,319 Speaker 3: Well, we don't know if this when this was, you know, 763 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,719 Speaker 3: could have been a couple months ago. If it was 764 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:02,960 Speaker 3: like recently and you're you know, you're waiting a year, 765 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:06,160 Speaker 3: that's I think that's good. But if this was, like, 766 00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,680 Speaker 3: you know, this past summer, you might already be moved 767 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:11,560 Speaker 3: in together. I mean, I would just I would just 768 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,520 Speaker 3: be cautious, you know. But it seems like he's a 769 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,719 Speaker 3: really nice guy. My exes cousin who's really close to me, 770 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:20,040 Speaker 3: told me that my ex posted his breakup text with 771 00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:23,360 Speaker 3: his new girlfriend on Twitter and sent the screenshot to me. 772 00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:27,560 Speaker 3: Why why would he do that? I read somebody feel 773 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 3: bad for me, right please? And I felt pity for 774 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,279 Speaker 3: whatever girl was gonna be with him next because he 775 00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:37,360 Speaker 3: will never change. I feel healthier, prettier, and definitely happier 776 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,759 Speaker 3: now than ever. I don't know what will become of 777 00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:42,319 Speaker 3: my new relationship, but I learned a lot. I will 778 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,520 Speaker 3: never let anyone disrespect me and my effort. Last, but 779 00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:47,920 Speaker 3: not least, thank you all over the comments that you 780 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:51,160 Speaker 3: left me. It definitely helped to clear my mind. Jeers 781 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,719 Speaker 3: to you all. Hey, you're doing so good. You got 782 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:58,160 Speaker 3: the sopie h. And that is the end of that story, folks, 783 00:36:58,200 --> 00:36:59,960 Speaker 3: And we've got another one coming right out. 784 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,399 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Riley the host. I can't really read that. Well, 785 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,399 Speaker 1: we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three 786 00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:07,640 Speaker 1: minutes worth of ads from our sponsors. 787 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:11,080 Speaker 3: My wife had a secret contact texting her for weeks. 788 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,000 Speaker 3: It made me feel like an idiot. 789 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,600 Speaker 9: Well, she's the idiot. 790 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:19,000 Speaker 3: So to preface this, I'll thirty four male say that 791 00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:21,840 Speaker 3: my wife thirty female, has never before given me a 792 00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:24,920 Speaker 3: reason to suspect her. She's pretty open with her stuff, 793 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:28,840 Speaker 3: laptop and phone, laying around and whatnot that being set. 794 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,799 Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from a way away two 795 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,640 Speaker 3: four six oh one, and if you want to submit 796 00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,520 Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the rasash Okay Storytime separate it. 797 00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,799 Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good 798 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:42,960 Speaker 3: advice goofy, but we don't have all the answers. We 799 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:44,759 Speaker 3: only know what we'd do, So let us know what 800 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,319 Speaker 3: you would do in the comments, and Opie says, my 801 00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,839 Speaker 3: wife was in the other room doing something I don't 802 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,560 Speaker 3: even remember what, and her phone buzzed on the couch. 803 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,279 Speaker 3: No biggie. She TEGs and chats a lot, so this 804 00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,479 Speaker 3: happens fairly often. However, when I looked over at the phone, 805 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,759 Speaker 3: the message on the display was from Jeff and it 806 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:07,120 Speaker 3: said I told you I was going to brutalize you. Huh. 807 00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:09,799 Speaker 3: Seeing that, I immediately picked up the phone and checked 808 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:13,120 Speaker 3: the message. Sorry, but I don't feel guilty. I feel 809 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,720 Speaker 3: like that was a just cause, especially since I don't 810 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:19,400 Speaker 3: know of any close friends named Jeff. I mean, unless 811 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,960 Speaker 3: they're talking about like a super Smash Bros. Championship, there's 812 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,160 Speaker 3: not other great explanations. 813 00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,600 Speaker 9: Yeah, they were super smashing something else. 814 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:33,399 Speaker 3: She was super smashing your row super smash. There were 815 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,000 Speaker 3: only a few messages, one from about a month ago 816 00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 3: that went her, Hey, this is Opie's wife, just texting, 817 00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:42,960 Speaker 3: so you have my number? See you tomorrow? Him cool, thanks, 818 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,440 Speaker 3: see you. Then one from a couple of weeks ago 819 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,879 Speaker 3: that said her, Hey, gonna be a little late. There's 820 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,400 Speaker 3: a roadblock down the street. Probably just a few minutes 821 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:55,120 Speaker 3: him okay. And then the one from tonight her, how 822 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,120 Speaker 3: am I supposed to drive my car now? Jeff? 823 00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:57,799 Speaker 1: Him? 824 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:00,520 Speaker 3: I told you I was going to brutalize you. What 825 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,440 Speaker 3: did you do to the car? 826 00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:04,880 Speaker 9: No, it's not the car, Sophia. 827 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,160 Speaker 3: How am I supposed to drive my car now? 828 00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:07,439 Speaker 5: Though? 829 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,719 Speaker 3: Oh she's she's brutalized. 830 00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:13,719 Speaker 9: She's having difficulties sitting down. 831 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,800 Speaker 3: Uh man, that's tough. I thought I thought they destroyed 832 00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,480 Speaker 3: the car, Like, what are they doing this? 833 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:25,160 Speaker 9: It's all just an autobody, this story. 834 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,200 Speaker 3: Seriously, I feel sick. I don't want to believe this 835 00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:30,520 Speaker 3: is what it looks like. She has never made me 836 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,040 Speaker 3: question my trust in her, but she's also never mentioned 837 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:37,080 Speaker 3: anyone named Jeff. Jeff is just the triple A guy, Jeff, 838 00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:41,080 Speaker 3: and she's a soccer. Now I'm starting to second guess 839 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,040 Speaker 3: everything I thought was normal. She comes home late, but 840 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,360 Speaker 3: she works long hours and is salaried in a demanding job, 841 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,880 Speaker 3: so she never really knows exactly when she'll be home. 842 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,560 Speaker 3: Sometimes she's quite late, but she's also very career driven. 843 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,279 Speaker 3: She also often showers when she gets home, but she 844 00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:59,120 Speaker 3: has a physical job that she gets sweaty at, and 845 00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,440 Speaker 3: I know she hates houring in the morning. But now 846 00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:03,120 Speaker 3: I can't get it out of my head that she's 847 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:05,920 Speaker 3: covering something up. I mean, those would all be the 848 00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:09,520 Speaker 3: best things to cover something like this up with. 849 00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:12,720 Speaker 9: So just enough plausible deniability. 850 00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:15,120 Speaker 3: I don't know what to do. Should I have snoop more? 851 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,959 Speaker 3: She doesn't really password anything and her Facebook is open 852 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,840 Speaker 3: all the time, so it wouldn't be very difficult. It 853 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,759 Speaker 3: just doesn't seem like the right thing to do, though. 854 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,799 Speaker 3: Do I confront her? I don't have anything solid, and 855 00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:28,520 Speaker 3: if she's lying about this so easily, she might just 856 00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:32,120 Speaker 3: make something else Upah. I don't know. I hate this 857 00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:35,400 Speaker 3: feeling out mate, and we've got some comments. But what 858 00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:36,640 Speaker 3: do you think, GOPI should. 859 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,680 Speaker 9: Do your wife? 860 00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:45,960 Speaker 3: That's actually uh no, don't do that, I ah no. 861 00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,839 Speaker 2: But you should immediately be like, hey, who's Jeff? How 862 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:51,600 Speaker 2: did he brutalize you the other day? And watch her go. 863 00:40:56,360 --> 00:41:01,560 Speaker 3: What exactly word for word? Just like that Koheba's and 864 00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:04,439 Speaker 3: Scotch says, okay, the way things go on this sub, 865 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:08,520 Speaker 3: I'm guessing she's cheating. However, something that instantly came to 866 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:11,080 Speaker 3: mind was a workout. Does she have a personal trainer? 867 00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:13,279 Speaker 3: It all adds up if you think about it like that. 868 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:17,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and no one's ever cheated on someone with 869 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:18,760 Speaker 2: their personal trainer. 870 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,759 Speaker 3: Or it could be at two for one text him 871 00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,040 Speaker 3: that she's gonna be late, can't drive because she's a 872 00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,720 Speaker 3: weak glimbed. How am I supposed to drive? Isn't something 873 00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,520 Speaker 3: a lot of women say after getting banged hard? How 874 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:31,520 Speaker 3: am I supposed to walk? Or sit down? 875 00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:31,960 Speaker 6: Sure? 876 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,480 Speaker 3: Also, she didn't delete the old text entirely, which seemed 877 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,840 Speaker 3: to indicate she's not hiding anything. If she was being shady, 878 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:42,240 Speaker 3: you wouldn't have messages dating weeks back. Something to consider 879 00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,640 Speaker 3: before you blow her up with accusations. 880 00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:48,240 Speaker 9: Yeah, okay, that fair amount of sense. 881 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:53,040 Speaker 3: However, I feel like confronting with like a certain level 882 00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:56,160 Speaker 3: of calm is good. You know, you can say, hey, 883 00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,680 Speaker 3: I I accidentally saw some of these texts and I, 884 00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,880 Speaker 3: you know, I opened it up because I was really confused. 885 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:04,040 Speaker 3: Could you explain what this is? 886 00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:06,960 Speaker 9: But like, why would she have a secret personal trainer? 887 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,960 Speaker 3: Opie says, there were so few texts over a long 888 00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:12,960 Speaker 3: period of time, so I'm wondering if she was deleting 889 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:16,080 Speaker 3: them and only left the ones that looked innocuous. I mean, 890 00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:18,759 Speaker 3: the brutalizing one is not innocuous. 891 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,760 Speaker 9: Yeah, but that one was brand new, that's. 892 00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,799 Speaker 3: True, Goebu's and Scotch says, right, but if she's only 893 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,839 Speaker 3: texting him when she's gonna be late or when she's 894 00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:29,240 Speaker 3: sore from a workout, there isn't anything to delete. Plus, 895 00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,480 Speaker 3: if she's cheating, I can't believe she would just leave 896 00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:33,800 Speaker 3: her phone around without a past code. That's like cheating. 897 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,440 Speaker 3: One on one. Not saying I think she's not cheating, 898 00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:39,480 Speaker 3: I'm saying you have to consider alternatives before you fire away, 899 00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:44,120 Speaker 3: and op says, you're right. Pilch's cat said go check 900 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,080 Speaker 3: your phone bill. Not sure about your carrier, but for Verizon, 901 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,400 Speaker 3: at least you could see a record of all the 902 00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,200 Speaker 3: numbers that have been texted. And when I'm assuming you 903 00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:55,280 Speaker 3: have a shared account. Opie says, we do not. Actually, 904 00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,640 Speaker 3: she's on a plan with her two brothers, and I'm 905 00:42:57,680 --> 00:43:01,360 Speaker 3: on a pay as you go plan pm me cat 906 00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:05,480 Speaker 3: picks please. So does she go to the gym or not? Yeah, 907 00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:08,120 Speaker 3: that's all we want to know. Opie says she has 908 00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:10,359 Speaker 3: a gym at work, but I don't think she goes there. 909 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:14,880 Speaker 3: She says, it sucks, so personal trainers seems to be 910 00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:17,719 Speaker 3: out if she doesn't go to the gym, but it 911 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:19,320 Speaker 3: seems like she's still getting a workout. 912 00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:20,600 Speaker 9: She's doing something. 913 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,640 Speaker 3: Brief as possible, says, Does she have a personal trainer? 914 00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:26,319 Speaker 3: Opie says no, Well not as far as I know. 915 00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,279 Speaker 3: She's very cheap and she knows a lot already and 916 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,360 Speaker 3: has a free gym at her work. The plan is 917 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:35,400 Speaker 3: to ask her tonight when we're both home. I'll update. Then, Guys, 918 00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,520 Speaker 3: go into the comments right now and just tell us 919 00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:42,759 Speaker 3: what you think is gonna happen. Cause I think that 920 00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:46,239 Speaker 3: she cheated. I'm hopeful that she didn't, but I think 921 00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:46,600 Speaker 3: she did. 922 00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:50,080 Speaker 9: It could be she cheated with a personal trainer. Who knows. 923 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:54,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, but we got an update. Well, it looks like 924 00:43:55,000 --> 00:44:00,479 Speaker 3: many of you were right. She's got a personal trainer. Wow, okay, yes, 925 00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:03,799 Speaker 3: thankfully it actually was a personal trainer. So I think 926 00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:07,239 Speaker 3: that you need to maybe take a more active, you know, 927 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,760 Speaker 3: role in your wife's life. 928 00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,200 Speaker 1: He said she's a talker. 929 00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:13,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, why did he not know there was a personal 930 00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:15,680 Speaker 3: trainer or that she was even going to the gym? 931 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,680 Speaker 9: You can't know stuff if people don't tell you about it. 932 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:22,320 Speaker 3: This is true, so maybe she needs to talk about it. 933 00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:24,400 Speaker 9: It's it just makes me go, why is the personal 934 00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:25,280 Speaker 9: trainer's secret? 935 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:30,200 Speaker 3: I'm wondering that. Yeah, where's the communication issue here? Who's 936 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:31,040 Speaker 3: is it? Both of you? 937 00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:34,120 Speaker 2: Because that's gotta be like at some point it's a throwaway. 938 00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,279 Speaker 9: Oh yeah, I'm seeing a personal trainer now? 939 00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:36,680 Speaker 8: Yeah? 940 00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:37,680 Speaker 3: Why didn't she mention it? 941 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:38,360 Speaker 9: There's no way. 942 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,520 Speaker 3: I'm so relieved, and you guys are way smarter than me. 943 00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:43,879 Speaker 9: No, well to stop, don't be relieved yet. 944 00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:47,319 Speaker 3: Yeah, slowly, roll bud. She came home from work last 945 00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:49,440 Speaker 3: night and I told her I needed to ask her something. 946 00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,279 Speaker 3: Could we sit down and talk. She looked worried, but 947 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,799 Speaker 3: agreed right away, and asking what was wrong? I told 948 00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:56,360 Speaker 3: her I had read her message and asked her to 949 00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:59,880 Speaker 3: please explain it to me. Comprehension washed over her face, 950 00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,560 Speaker 3: and then a look of pity. She said she had 951 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:04,839 Speaker 3: joined the gym down the street because her work gym 952 00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:07,680 Speaker 3: is terrible, and she signed up for a personal trainer 953 00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:09,719 Speaker 3: because they were having a deal and she wanted to 954 00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:12,880 Speaker 3: be held accountable. She showed me her sign up sheets 955 00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,480 Speaker 3: and key card, and even pulled up the gym website 956 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,720 Speaker 3: and showed me here little calendar spots for her training 957 00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:22,600 Speaker 3: sessions with her personal trainer, whose name is of course Jeff. 958 00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:28,160 Speaker 2: Hmmm, why was your personal trainer a secret? I? 959 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:32,799 Speaker 3: Yeah, I just don't understand why you didn't know about this. 960 00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:34,200 Speaker 1: Why. 961 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,640 Speaker 3: I mean, like, even if she wasn't keeping it a secret, 962 00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:39,759 Speaker 3: why didn't I personally if I was going to the 963 00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:41,640 Speaker 3: gym or if I got a personal trainer, I would 964 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:43,759 Speaker 3: talk about that to my partner. I'd be like, oh, 965 00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,680 Speaker 3: exciting news. You know I hated that gym at work, 966 00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:49,480 Speaker 3: Like do you guys not talk to each other about 967 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:53,520 Speaker 3: stuff like that? And why not talk about your communication? 968 00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:57,000 Speaker 3: She apologized profusely and said she didn't mean to scare me. 969 00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:00,239 Speaker 3: I asked her why she hadn't said anything, and she 970 00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,680 Speaker 3: said it was because she wanted to make some progress first, 971 00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:05,880 Speaker 3: which honestly is very much like her. When she's trying 972 00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:07,759 Speaker 3: to do a project, she does not like to draw 973 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:11,040 Speaker 3: attention to it until it's done. I think that tada 974 00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:14,600 Speaker 3: moment motivates her. I mean, it's not really like a 975 00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:16,160 Speaker 3: project though. 976 00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:18,319 Speaker 6: No it is, but like you have to keep doing 977 00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:18,800 Speaker 6: that forever. 978 00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:21,680 Speaker 3: Kind not forever, but you know, like you're gonna be 979 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:25,640 Speaker 3: hopefully exercising. It just doesn't have to me like a 980 00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:29,120 Speaker 3: specific enough end date to well, it's. 981 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,239 Speaker 6: Just I know this happens to me. 982 00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,480 Speaker 2: Like if I want to do something and I say it, 983 00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:34,879 Speaker 2: the odds of me doing it go down. 984 00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:36,960 Speaker 9: So it's like if you're like, I'm going to the 985 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:38,840 Speaker 9: gym so I can get in shape, bob bah. 986 00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:42,439 Speaker 3: It's like now I'm less likely to if she never 987 00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:46,960 Speaker 3: says it, it will happen. Birthday rule wish stuff. So 988 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,239 Speaker 3: everything is okay because I asked her what was up 989 00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:53,080 Speaker 3: comments in Vader X body says, just god, I was 990 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:55,799 Speaker 3: right in my comment on your original post. Now she'll 991 00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:58,399 Speaker 3: wonder why you're going through her phone, but that will 992 00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:00,920 Speaker 3: be another post opia. I told her I saw the 993 00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:03,239 Speaker 3: alert and it made me want to look, and she understood. 994 00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,120 Speaker 3: I don't bek that will be an issue, and Project 995 00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,040 Speaker 3: Directory says, I think there's still room to be concerned here. 996 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,279 Speaker 3: She really should have felt comfortable telling you about the 997 00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:14,440 Speaker 3: trainer earlier. Hope, he says, I don't think it's an issue. Honestly, 998 00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:17,000 Speaker 3: she wanted to wait until she made some progress. I 999 00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,400 Speaker 3: can totally see her waiting until I said something and 1000 00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,440 Speaker 3: then excitedly telling me about the trainer. I think that's fair. 1001 00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:27,080 Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, I get that. Let us have a good 1002 00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:28,759 Speaker 9: story where no one's getting cheated on. 1003 00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:31,360 Speaker 3: Stop, let me be happy. 1004 00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:34,800 Speaker 10: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to 1005 00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:39,040 Speaker 10: the next one. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, 1006 00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,080 Speaker 10: and we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's 1007 00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:43,280 Speaker 10: three minutes of ads from our sponsors. 1008 00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:47,160 Speaker 8: My husband told me he was completely broke. I had 1009 00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:48,800 Speaker 8: no idea things were that bad. 1010 00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:51,240 Speaker 3: Why did we have no idea? 1011 00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:55,080 Speaker 8: I forty female have a son from my previous marriage. 1012 00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:58,120 Speaker 8: After my divorce, I raised him mostly alone since his 1013 00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:01,200 Speaker 8: dad doesn't pay child support. Those years were hard, but 1014 00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:03,680 Speaker 8: I rebuilt my life. I focused on my son in 1015 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,400 Speaker 8: my career, and honestly, I was very happy being single. 1016 00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:09,839 Speaker 8: By the way, this comes from important point forty four 1017 00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:11,400 Speaker 8: to twenty five and if you want to submit your 1018 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:13,920 Speaker 8: own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time subreddit. 1019 00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:16,560 Speaker 8: I'm Savannah, I'm Sophia. We have to give some good 1020 00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:18,920 Speaker 8: advice goofly, but we don't have all the answers. We'd 1021 00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:20,600 Speaker 8: only let you know what we would do in this situation, 1022 00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:22,200 Speaker 8: but you should let us know what you would do 1023 00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:26,480 Speaker 8: down in the comments. As OPI says, about five years ago, 1024 00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:30,120 Speaker 8: I met my now husband almost sixty mail through work. 1025 00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:33,960 Speaker 8: He owned his own business. I wasn't looking for anything serious, 1026 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,840 Speaker 8: but we clicked immediately. Within a couple of months, he 1027 00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:38,960 Speaker 8: was basically staying at my place all the time and 1028 00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:42,520 Speaker 8: eventually moved in even though I wasn't comfortable enough. A 1029 00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:45,880 Speaker 8: year later we were engaged. My son loves him and 1030 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,279 Speaker 8: calls him Dad. My family of friends adore him, and 1031 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,200 Speaker 8: he's always been kind and generous with us. We split 1032 00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,359 Speaker 8: our expenses in a way that worked for us. We 1033 00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:57,280 Speaker 8: paid rent fifty to fifty. I handled the household bills, 1034 00:48:57,280 --> 00:48:59,600 Speaker 8: and he was in charge of food and entertainment, going 1035 00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:03,480 Speaker 8: out activities, et cetera. Not long after moving in, he 1036 00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,279 Speaker 8: had to close his business. But he always reassured me 1037 00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:09,960 Speaker 8: we were financially fine. Because he's near retirement age, I 1038 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:12,600 Speaker 8: didn't push too hard. I assumed he had savings and 1039 00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:15,520 Speaker 8: things under control. For the last couple of years, he's 1040 00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,719 Speaker 8: been mostly a stay at home dad while I work 1041 00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:20,440 Speaker 8: full time. He cooks, cleans and supports me at home, 1042 00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:23,960 Speaker 8: which I appreciate, but over time things started to feel different. 1043 00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:26,719 Speaker 8: When we met, he was very active, went to the gym, 1044 00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:30,279 Speaker 8: had friends and hobbies. Now he mostly stays home watching TV, 1045 00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:33,880 Speaker 8: doesn't exercise anymore, and doesn't really see friends or family. 1046 00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:35,920 Speaker 3: Sounds like he may be depressed. 1047 00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:38,080 Speaker 8: Yeah, Yeah, sounds. 1048 00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:42,000 Speaker 3: A little depressed, which if he is having mon you know, 1049 00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:47,360 Speaker 3: monetary struggles, could be really yeah, and also like he 1050 00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:49,000 Speaker 3: had to close his business and everything. 1051 00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:53,799 Speaker 8: So I've tried encouraging him to do things like volunteering, 1052 00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:56,360 Speaker 8: hobbies or even part time work just to stay active, 1053 00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,719 Speaker 8: but he always brushed it off. We've also stopped going 1054 00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:03,440 Speaker 8: out together much this year. We've only been on two dates, 1055 00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:07,000 Speaker 8: both of which I planned. Then this Monday, he told 1056 00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:10,160 Speaker 8: me he's completely broke. His savings are gone, and the 1057 00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:13,279 Speaker 8: remaining money connected to his business is no longer available. 1058 00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,319 Speaker 8: What upset me wasn't the money. It was that he 1059 00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:19,759 Speaker 8: never told me things were getting this bad. Now suddenly 1060 00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:23,400 Speaker 8: I'm responsible for everything financially, and our current lifestyle is 1061 00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:27,000 Speaker 8: honestly not something I can afford alone. I've always been 1062 00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:29,960 Speaker 8: transparent with him about what I can and can't afford. 1063 00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:32,719 Speaker 8: When I told him I was upset, he said he 1064 00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:36,439 Speaker 8: thinks I was fine before because there was money, and 1065 00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:38,120 Speaker 8: now I'm only upset because there isn't. 1066 00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:44,480 Speaker 3: Well, yes, He's like, wow, I can't believe that you 1067 00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:47,200 Speaker 3: are only in it for the money, And she's like, no, 1068 00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,160 Speaker 3: I'm upset because you lied about how much. 1069 00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:52,560 Speaker 8: Money you had, or not even lied, just like didn't 1070 00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:56,399 Speaker 8: even say yeah, a lie of a mission. But that's 1071 00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:58,879 Speaker 8: not how I see it. I'm upset because he hid 1072 00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:02,000 Speaker 8: this situation and never really tried to restart the business, 1073 00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,360 Speaker 8: fine work, or even plan for the future with me, 1074 00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:08,719 Speaker 8: or that I had to carry all myself. He still 1075 00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:11,640 Speaker 8: hasn't done anything. I'm resolving the situation alone. Okay, girl, 1076 00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:12,919 Speaker 8: then you what's the point? 1077 00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:14,160 Speaker 6: Just get rid of them. 1078 00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:16,600 Speaker 3: But the problem is that, like I feel like the 1079 00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:20,680 Speaker 3: sun has you know, so much attachments, so I feel like, oh, 1080 00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:23,560 Speaker 3: he might want to work it out more because of that, 1081 00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:27,240 Speaker 3: But I absolutely think before you get married to someone, 1082 00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:31,080 Speaker 3: you should know each other's financial situation very in depth. 1083 00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,640 Speaker 8: Also, I've tried to speak with him before about how 1084 00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:37,480 Speaker 8: I was feeling prior to the big bomb, but I 1085 00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:40,239 Speaker 8: feel like he never truly listened to what I say. 1086 00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:45,280 Speaker 8: His response, I love you so much. I've never felt 1087 00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:47,399 Speaker 8: like this before. I'm so happy with you. I don't 1088 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:50,439 Speaker 8: need anyone or anything else. I told him, I want 1089 00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:52,960 Speaker 8: to see him as the partner and man of the 1090 00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:56,160 Speaker 8: house again, not someone who just stays at home all day. 1091 00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:58,880 Speaker 8: I appreciate everything he does around the house, but I 1092 00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:02,040 Speaker 8: don't want to feel like I'm his entire world while 1093 00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:05,439 Speaker 8: he has no life of his own. Yeah, you don't 1094 00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:08,879 Speaker 8: want that, No, no, no no. At the same time, 1095 00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:11,520 Speaker 8: I feel guilty for questioning things now that he's struggling. 1096 00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:13,960 Speaker 8: Am I the a hole for being upset and doubting 1097 00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:17,000 Speaker 8: our situation? And uh, there's an edit I'm gonna read 1098 00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:20,279 Speaker 8: real quick. Just to be clear, I did ask him 1099 00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:23,239 Speaker 8: several times about the finances, but he always assured we 1100 00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:26,000 Speaker 8: were okay and he got it covered. I never pushed 1101 00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:28,080 Speaker 8: to see his bank statements, and he was sort of 1102 00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:31,120 Speaker 8: covering his part of the agreement. So I believed in him. 1103 00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:33,720 Speaker 8: I assumed a man his age had it handled without 1104 00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:37,359 Speaker 8: me supervising every cent. And there's a second edit as well. 1105 00:52:37,719 --> 00:52:41,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, I just think, I mean, I don't like. This 1106 00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:45,520 Speaker 3: is not Op's fault, but I think is you know, 1107 00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:48,719 Speaker 3: is a lesson that next time if someone says, oh, yeah, no, 1108 00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:51,480 Speaker 3: no need to worry, maybe we do it like you know, 1109 00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:53,719 Speaker 3: we keep pushing and saying no, I want to know. 1110 00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:55,279 Speaker 3: I want to talk about this. We're about to get 1111 00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:57,640 Speaker 3: married or we are married, we should talk about this. 1112 00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:01,799 Speaker 3: Financial is a part I missed the partnership. Families go 1113 00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:04,480 Speaker 3: through hard times, but I don't like feeling I have 1114 00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:06,960 Speaker 3: to sort it out myself. When I was in the 1115 00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:10,399 Speaker 3: blind all the time, he started as a great team 1116 00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:13,200 Speaker 3: player and having that support was great, not the money, 1117 00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:16,000 Speaker 3: the mental and emotional one. But everything changed and I 1118 00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:19,440 Speaker 3: miss his masculine energy. I have been doing this by 1119 00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,040 Speaker 3: myself all my life. I wanted a partner for support, 1120 00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:23,320 Speaker 3: not to carry him as well. 1121 00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:26,919 Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, especially because you have a kid. 1122 00:53:27,560 --> 00:53:31,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, and your previous partner didn't support you financially. 1123 00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:34,680 Speaker 8: And again, it is not about the money. It's about 1124 00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:37,600 Speaker 8: everything else, and there's a third edit. We were a 1125 00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:39,960 Speaker 8: couple of months into a serious relationship, but we were 1126 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,960 Speaker 8: together slash dating before, so he moved in after the 1127 00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:45,360 Speaker 8: year mark. I was not comfortable. As for me, it 1128 00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:47,399 Speaker 8: was very important that whoever I was going to move 1129 00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:49,759 Speaker 8: in with because of my son, it was someone with 1130 00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:53,520 Speaker 8: a serious plan and looking for a long lasting relationship, 1131 00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:57,520 Speaker 8: not just try and hit sort of thing. Before we 1132 00:53:57,560 --> 00:54:00,800 Speaker 8: got married, we signed a prenup as I been clear 1133 00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:03,319 Speaker 8: that all I have is for my son and I 1134 00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:07,080 Speaker 8: don't want to jeopardize that. Mart he was married before, 1135 00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:10,160 Speaker 8: has four kids, all adults now. He left the house 1136 00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:12,960 Speaker 8: to the ex wife. He moved out and was looking 1137 00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:15,719 Speaker 8: at his own place when we started getting serious. That's 1138 00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:18,239 Speaker 8: why he said better to live in with me and 1139 00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:21,200 Speaker 8: get our own place together. Yes, I've met the ex 1140 00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:23,640 Speaker 8: wife and all the kids. We were actually quite close 1141 00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:26,960 Speaker 8: and they were so nice. The X four kids never 1142 00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:29,520 Speaker 8: said anything weird. On the contrary, I noticed he was 1143 00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:31,960 Speaker 8: providing for them as well am I. The a hole 1144 00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:36,399 Speaker 8: has no consensus. Opie received mixed reactions, and there are 1145 00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:40,759 Speaker 8: some relevant comments. Comment number one moved a man in 1146 00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:43,000 Speaker 8: and let him get close to your son, but wasn't 1147 00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:44,719 Speaker 8: comfortable asking about his business. 1148 00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:51,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, yeah, excellent point. It feels like Opie 1149 00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:58,560 Speaker 3: was kind of consistently not comfortable asking or like speaking 1150 00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:01,080 Speaker 3: her mind on things because she's you know, she didn't 1151 00:55:01,080 --> 00:55:03,400 Speaker 3: really want him to move in, but he did, and 1152 00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:05,880 Speaker 3: she didn't say anything. She wanted to know about the financials, 1153 00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:07,600 Speaker 3: but he pushed back, so she didn't say anything. 1154 00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:09,200 Speaker 6: Trust me, I get that. 1155 00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:13,360 Speaker 8: I'm still learning the backbone and it's hard, but you 1156 00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:16,239 Speaker 8: all in all, at the end of the day, you 1157 00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:19,719 Speaker 8: know what you want and no one should jeopardize that. 1158 00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:23,440 Speaker 8: Don't feel the need to like have people like come. 1159 00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:24,440 Speaker 6: Before you, you know. 1160 00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:28,919 Speaker 8: Ohp response, which was down voted. I did ask over 1161 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,440 Speaker 8: and over and he always gave me half responses or 1162 00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:35,640 Speaker 8: as shired. Everything was covered. Comment or two responds. If 1163 00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:38,640 Speaker 8: you refuse to ask about his finances, you are just 1164 00:55:38,719 --> 00:55:43,040 Speaker 8: as culpable. Everyone's sexier, OHPI responds. I understand your point, 1165 00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:46,240 Speaker 8: but believe me, I tried several times and his response 1166 00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:48,320 Speaker 8: was always I don't care about money. 1167 00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:49,000 Speaker 6: We are fine. 1168 00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:51,719 Speaker 8: Even when I told him to organize everything and give 1169 00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:54,680 Speaker 8: me numbers to plan, he just avoided or got upset 1170 00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:58,960 Speaker 8: Opi on her husband's retirement plan and wanted someone to 1171 00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:02,520 Speaker 8: help take care of her kid financially too. Opie responds, 1172 00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:04,960 Speaker 8: you are sort of right. I didn't need someone to 1173 00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,200 Speaker 8: help me take care of my kid financially, but I 1174 00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:09,560 Speaker 8: do believe in a partnership and wanted that team to 1175 00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:12,640 Speaker 8: build a home and a relationship where we both do 1176 00:56:12,719 --> 00:56:14,759 Speaker 8: our best for the best of the family. That's why 1177 00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:16,680 Speaker 8: I didn't want him to move in initially, as I 1178 00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:19,239 Speaker 8: believe once you take that step, it's because you are 1179 00:56:19,239 --> 00:56:22,960 Speaker 8: willing to commit forever, especially after kids. He did show 1180 00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:27,640 Speaker 8: that commitment. He loves me so much that his world 1181 00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:30,440 Speaker 8: closed and he only sees through my eyes, which is 1182 00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:32,040 Speaker 8: too much weight for me to carry. 1183 00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:32,759 Speaker 3: Ohp. 1184 00:56:32,800 --> 00:56:36,680 Speaker 8: He shared additional information after reading the comments. There's an't 1185 00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:39,759 Speaker 8: in it in terms of financial We only shared the 1186 00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:42,960 Speaker 8: rent all of other bills I pay for, including my 1187 00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,960 Speaker 8: son and my personal expenses. He has been buying the 1188 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:49,800 Speaker 8: groceries and, like I said, entertainment. He might have helped 1189 00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:52,480 Speaker 8: pay one term of my son's soccer classes, but I'm 1190 00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:55,160 Speaker 8: usually the one who pays for everything. When I say 1191 00:56:55,239 --> 00:56:58,600 Speaker 8: I can't afford all by myself, I meant taking over 1192 00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:00,840 Speaker 8: his part of the rent as we moved to a 1193 00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:03,560 Speaker 8: way more expensive house since we got together, and the 1194 00:57:03,560 --> 00:57:07,080 Speaker 8: food also. Even before he told me he's broke, I 1195 00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:09,400 Speaker 8: had started making changes on my things to save up 1196 00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:12,160 Speaker 8: some money. But I'm annoyed I'm doing this changing my 1197 00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:15,359 Speaker 8: lifestyle while he's still the same. I don't see him 1198 00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:17,440 Speaker 8: looking for a job or a loan or anything to 1199 00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:21,080 Speaker 8: resolve this situation. Hence why I'm wondering if he has 1200 00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:25,400 Speaker 8: been a freeloader all the time and was just distracting 1201 00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:26,360 Speaker 8: me with other things. 1202 00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:27,880 Speaker 6: I don't know. 1203 00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:29,440 Speaker 8: I'm sorry for being like this, and there is an 1204 00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:33,560 Speaker 8: update nine days later. Oh boy, I'm surprised by the 1205 00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:36,880 Speaker 8: number of comments, but I appreciate the advice. I take 1206 00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:40,880 Speaker 8: responsibility for my own decisions or lack thereof. To clarify 1207 00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:43,000 Speaker 8: a few things, we have a joint account where he 1208 00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:46,440 Speaker 8: was transferring his share. However, we agreed to keep our 1209 00:57:46,480 --> 00:57:49,800 Speaker 8: finances separate. I don't want him to know my financial 1210 00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,960 Speaker 8: situation or to manage my money, which I've been through, 1211 00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:57,000 Speaker 8: so I asked about his finances respectfully and he provided 1212 00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:57,840 Speaker 8: as agreed. 1213 00:57:58,000 --> 00:57:59,400 Speaker 3: Okay, it's a good start. 1214 00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,280 Speaker 8: After all the comments, I decided to have a serious 1215 00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:06,480 Speaker 8: conversation with him and requested proof of several discrepancies. He 1216 00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:09,320 Speaker 8: got upset at first, but I stood my ground. It 1217 00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,280 Speaker 8: was either that or a breakup. We've only been married 1218 00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:14,080 Speaker 8: a few months and I'm not going. 1219 00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:16,600 Speaker 6: To carry a big weight. 1220 00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:20,640 Speaker 8: He's having issues with the irs because his brother stole 1221 00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:23,320 Speaker 8: his identity and opened businesses in other states. 1222 00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:25,360 Speaker 3: Ah, are the businesses going well? 1223 00:58:25,760 --> 00:58:30,840 Speaker 11: I mean yeah, But the thing is he knew this, yeah, 1224 00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:35,880 Speaker 11: and didn't say anything, and so he put you and 1225 00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:37,200 Speaker 11: your son in jeopardy. 1226 00:58:37,960 --> 00:58:40,000 Speaker 6: Like that's just not okay. 1227 00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:42,480 Speaker 8: It's like, you know, obviously that was out of your 1228 00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:45,640 Speaker 8: control and like you know, I don't know your brother 1229 00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:48,880 Speaker 8: story identity had always opening these businesses whatever, But like 1230 00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:50,280 Speaker 8: you need. 1231 00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:53,680 Speaker 3: To be on communication. Yeah, I open be honest, say hey, 1232 00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:55,160 Speaker 3: my brother stole my identity. 1233 00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:57,920 Speaker 8: How can I get help with that? Or how do 1234 00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:02,000 Speaker 8: I go about this? You know, like anything, Like you 1235 00:59:02,080 --> 00:59:03,680 Speaker 8: just sat there and let him do it, Like I 1236 00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:06,880 Speaker 8: don't understand. I mean maybe he didn't, but like I 1237 00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:10,520 Speaker 8: don't think he communicated that to OPI though. Now there 1238 00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:13,520 Speaker 8: are other serious problems too, And I spoke with a lawyer, 1239 00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:16,720 Speaker 8: an accountant, and two ex's of the brother. The brother 1240 00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:19,760 Speaker 8: is a lost cause. I was upset because I told 1241 00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:22,400 Speaker 8: him I needed to start fixing the problem, not just wait. 1242 00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:25,600 Speaker 8: He got upset when we met with the lawyer and 1243 00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:28,560 Speaker 8: accountant to create a plan. That's when I told him 1244 00:59:28,560 --> 00:59:31,440 Speaker 8: I couldn't continue with him on those terms. I understand 1245 00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:33,520 Speaker 8: he's going through a tough time and I'm here to 1246 00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:35,840 Speaker 8: support him, but I can't take over his problems while 1247 00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:39,280 Speaker 8: he just sits around. Either he takes responsibility and gets 1248 00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:41,440 Speaker 8: things done or I'm leaving. It's not the money that 1249 00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:44,400 Speaker 8: bothers me. It's his attitude, agreed, Op, I think that 1250 00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:48,160 Speaker 8: you're being very like reasonable, Yeah, one hundred percent like 1251 00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:51,000 Speaker 8: for sure, because who is this man to come into 1252 00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:54,320 Speaker 8: your life and just ruin things for you when you 1253 00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:57,280 Speaker 8: are doing all this work, You're trying to create a 1254 00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:01,560 Speaker 8: life with you and your son and now this bomb 1255 01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:05,000 Speaker 8: he's not doing anything but just I mean, it's not 1256 01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:07,040 Speaker 8: like he's taking your money, but. 1257 01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:08,480 Speaker 3: He certainly isn't adding deady thing. 1258 01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:11,800 Speaker 8: Yeah, he's not giving you anything, and it's a partnership, 1259 01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:15,240 Speaker 8: you know, I mean, it's just Yes, I understand the 1260 01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:17,840 Speaker 8: age difference and that it's normal for a stay at 1261 01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:21,640 Speaker 8: home dad to be responsible for household chores. However, this 1262 01:00:21,840 --> 01:00:24,880 Speaker 8: wasn't ever agreed upon. I never wanted to stay at 1263 01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:26,919 Speaker 8: home husband, and as I mentioned to him, I feel 1264 01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:28,600 Speaker 8: played truthfully. 1265 01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:32,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, she's like, you just started staying at home. 1266 01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:35,120 Speaker 8: Yeah, you just started staying at home, like you lost 1267 01:00:35,120 --> 01:00:37,520 Speaker 8: your business, you know, and I let you take that 1268 01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:41,000 Speaker 8: time to kind of figure things out. But you didn't 1269 01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:43,440 Speaker 8: figure anything out. You just sat at home and did nothing. 1270 01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:47,640 Speaker 8: And now you're this couch potato who just is you know, like, oh, well, 1271 01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:49,320 Speaker 8: what am I supposed to do? 1272 01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:51,560 Speaker 3: You could just say you're a stay at home husband 1273 01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:54,920 Speaker 3: because you stay at home. It's not how that works. 1274 01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:58,080 Speaker 8: He pretended to be the kind of man I've always wanted, 1275 01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:03,520 Speaker 8: interesting and dependent, intelligent, high masculine, energy and respectful, but 1276 01:01:03,760 --> 01:01:06,880 Speaker 8: he ended up being the complete opposite. He's very respectful 1277 01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:09,919 Speaker 8: and we have an amazing relationship. But I'm feeling stuffocated. 1278 01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:17,320 Speaker 3: I think, yeah, unless he makes this huge like change, 1279 01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:19,800 Speaker 3: unless you get the change that you wanted and you 1280 01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:23,480 Speaker 3: asked for, then yeah, I think I think leave. 1281 01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:26,760 Speaker 8: Yeah, either, because I feel like you've already given him 1282 01:01:26,760 --> 01:01:27,400 Speaker 8: the ultimatum. 1283 01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:30,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, you've given him time, You've given him, you know, 1284 01:01:31,040 --> 01:01:33,440 Speaker 3: the choices, so let's see what he chooses. 1285 01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:35,600 Speaker 8: So I gave him a month to find a job 1286 01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:37,880 Speaker 8: or a solution for our financial situation. 1287 01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:38,640 Speaker 3: There we go. 1288 01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:41,360 Speaker 8: He needs to return to the gym or a sport 1289 01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:44,720 Speaker 8: and hobby, make some friends, and have a life. I 1290 01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:47,400 Speaker 8: need to be able to spend time with my son, myself, 1291 01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:50,600 Speaker 8: and my friends without him. I'm also ensuring with the 1292 01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:53,240 Speaker 8: lawyer that this situation doesn't affect me or my son. 1293 01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:54,479 Speaker 6: Smart o pie. 1294 01:01:55,520 --> 01:01:59,360 Speaker 8: There are some relevant comments commentary. One says high masculine energy. 1295 01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:05,520 Speaker 8: Responds yes, so real man, responsible, grounded, decisive, protective. I've 1296 01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:08,600 Speaker 8: been taking control all my life and in relationships because 1297 01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:11,440 Speaker 8: men just turned into big babies and I'll end up 1298 01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:14,760 Speaker 8: handling and manhunt everything at home. I wanted a man 1299 01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:18,200 Speaker 8: that could handle things so I could disconnect and try 1300 01:02:18,240 --> 01:02:21,400 Speaker 8: to have some rest. I mean, yeah, I don't. I 1301 01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:24,160 Speaker 8: feel like that's not too much to ask for, Like 1302 01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:28,520 Speaker 8: you're asking for a partnership and that is like, you know, 1303 01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:31,400 Speaker 8: it's give and take, but he's taking everything and you're 1304 01:02:31,440 --> 01:02:32,640 Speaker 8: giving everything. 1305 01:02:32,280 --> 01:02:35,440 Speaker 3: So it's like it's just not equal. There's not a balance. 1306 01:02:35,560 --> 01:02:38,520 Speaker 8: And I think once you get back to the balance, 1307 01:02:38,680 --> 01:02:41,960 Speaker 8: it should work. Out and hopefully he doesn't like relapse 1308 01:02:41,960 --> 01:02:45,080 Speaker 8: when this happens again and whatever. But like hopefully once 1309 01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:47,440 Speaker 8: he once you put him on the tracks, he'll be 1310 01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:47,760 Speaker 8: able to. 1311 01:02:47,760 --> 01:02:49,880 Speaker 3: Go, yeah, put him on the bike and then he 1312 01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:51,200 Speaker 3: starts peddling himself. 1313 01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:54,520 Speaker 8: Sometimes people need that push and like, but you can 1314 01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:57,240 Speaker 8: only push like so much to where you know, then 1315 01:02:57,320 --> 01:02:59,040 Speaker 8: it's like, all right, you don't want to do anything. 1316 01:02:59,080 --> 01:03:00,240 Speaker 6: See, yeah, you know. 1317 01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:02,880 Speaker 8: So I think that it was right to give like 1318 01:03:02,920 --> 01:03:04,720 Speaker 8: a timeframe on this, but like you have a month 1319 01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:09,120 Speaker 8: to figure this out, not everything, but just start something. 1320 01:03:09,680 --> 01:03:11,040 Speaker 9: And that's the end of this story.