Speaker 1: School of Humans.
Speaker 2: I hope this hasn't happened to you, but one day
Speaker 2: you might find yourself thrown back in time. Yes, I've
Speaker 2: been reading Outland or whatever. But let's say you're thrown
Speaker 2: back in time and you land in colonial America sometime
Speaker 2: between sixteen fifty and seventeen seventy six. Sixteen fifty because
Speaker 2: that's about half a century after the colonizers founded Jamestown,
Speaker 2: so there are more settlements around, and seventeen seventy six,
Speaker 2: you know, because some stuff happened if you recall.
Speaker 1: And so in this episode, I have.
Speaker 2: Outlined some very important information for your time traveling self,
Speaker 2: specifically a guide on how you might get some hanky
Speaker 2: panky and the colonial American past. Sure information on farming
Speaker 2: and forging might be more helpful for your survival, but
Speaker 2: don't we need a little love to get through the day.
Speaker 2: So this episode is about how one might court and
Speaker 2: do some rolling in the hay back in the day.
Speaker 2: Cue the theme song. This is American filth. I'm Gabby Watts.
Speaker 2: Every week I tell you a filthy story from American history.
Speaker 2: This week's episode the Puritan Guide to get in some
Speaker 2: First of all, we got to dispel some myths about
Speaker 2: the past. As we've all seen on the most historically
Speaker 2: rigorous podcast American filth throughout time, no matter what legislation existed,
Speaker 2: no matter what religious or social control was going on, people.
Speaker 1: Have always been getting their free gone.
Speaker 2: And the Puritans they actually liked it when people had sex,
Speaker 2: not in like a fetish sort of way. They just
Speaker 2: liked it, you know, because remember they were in colonial America.
Speaker 1: They're creating a new society.
Speaker 2: Ergo, they wanted babies, and specifically sparkling white ones. And
Speaker 2: in case you didn't know, the way that you make
Speaker 2: a baby is usually through fornication. In fact, in colonial society,
Speaker 2: that was the only way to have one, if you
Speaker 2: can believe it, they didn't have IVF back then. Back
Speaker 2: then IVF stood for ivoraciously fornicate. That being said, yes,
Speaker 2: they wanted their Puritan white babies, but the Puritan overlords
Speaker 2: also wanted people to make those babies inside marriage. But
Speaker 2: unfortunately for them, premarital sex was quite common in colonial America.
Speaker 2: How do we know, Well, there were a huge number
Speaker 2: of births that happened a few months after couples got married,
Speaker 2: not nine months or more. We're talking like a month
Speaker 2: or two. And that wasn't because the Lord gave puretons
Speaker 2: a shorter gestation period. Oh no, it was because the Puritans,
Speaker 2: just like us, were fucking before marriage. Truly, the figures
Speaker 2: are astounding. By the mid eighteenth century, between thirty to
Speaker 2: forty percent of brides getting hitched in New England were pregnant,
Speaker 2: and then, of course there are also plenty of bastards also.
Speaker 2: Premarital sex wasn't the only crazy stuff people were doing
Speaker 2: back then. Some couples even lived together without getting married.
Speaker 1: Ugh, and that's not all.
Speaker 2: In sixteen ninety five, this clergyman named John Miller was
Speaker 2: traveling through New York and was utterly scandalized by what
Speaker 2: he saw.
Speaker 1: This is what he said.
Speaker 2: There are many couples living together without ever being married
Speaker 2: in any manner of way, many of whom, after they
Speaker 2: have lived some years so quarrel and thereupon separating, take
Speaker 2: unto themselves, either in New York or some other province
Speaker 2: new companions. How can such expect that God should bless
Speaker 2: them together while they live in open contempt of His
Speaker 2: holy ordinance?
Speaker 1: They honestly didn't use.
Speaker 2: Periods back then. This quote was so confusing, but you know. Basically,
Speaker 2: what he's saying is that when he was traveling through
Speaker 2: New York, he observed couples who had lived together without
Speaker 2: being married, and then those couples broke up, and then
Speaker 2: they found other people to couple with, literally insane serial monogamy.
Speaker 1: We don't do that.
Speaker 2: We just do one monogamy, not a bowl of serial monogamy.
Speaker 2: Oh no, we're just.
Speaker 1: Doing one oat monogamy.
Speaker 2: And John Miller was scandalized even more because on his
Speaker 2: adventure he also discovered that a lot of marriages were
Speaker 2: only happening because the lasses were prego. He said, those
Speaker 2: in who ernest do intend to be married together are
Speaker 2: in so much haste that commonly enjoyment precedes the marriage,
Speaker 2: to which they seldom come till a great belly puts
Speaker 2: it so forward that they must either submit to that
Speaker 2: or to shame and disgrace, which they avoid by marriage.
Speaker 2: He's like, they're just getting married because they're pregnant.
Speaker 1: They put the belly forth. Ah.
Speaker 2: And then it gets even crazier for John Miller because
Speaker 2: another huge issue that he observed was that people were
Speaker 2: getting married in very unofficial ways instead of by clergy
Speaker 2: or the state, just a Rando would do it, and
Speaker 2: then because they didn't have official marriage contracts, people would
Speaker 2: be marrying and divorcing just willy nilly from all these
Speaker 2: godless things he saw. Miller declared this conclusion about the region.
Speaker 2: The scandal in Ea that flows from hints is very great.
Speaker 2: And sure, none of this bodes well for mister Miller,
Speaker 2: but for us it's great because if you're a horny
Speaker 2: time traveler going back to this period, don't fear Puritan
Speaker 2: pussy is near, or don't be afraid colonial cocks are
Speaker 2: ready to trade. So first things first in this Puritan
Speaker 2: guide to sex. First, obviously you need to find a
Speaker 2: sexual companion, and the best way to do that is
Speaker 2: to go to a dance. Dancing, as the Puritans would
Speaker 2: tell you, is very scandalous and very sexual. Purreton writer
Speaker 2: Philip Stubbs thought dancing was very cringe and sinful. This
Speaker 2: is what he said. Dancing, as it is used, or
Speaker 2: rather abused, is an introduction to horedum, a preparative to
Speaker 2: wantonness in all kinds of ludint For what's smooching and
Speaker 2: slabbering one of another? What filthy groping and unclean handling?
Speaker 2: Is not practice everywhere in these dancings. Honestly, this is
Speaker 2: a good point for mister Stubbs, whose name, by the
Speaker 2: way is short for mister stubby Penis. Whenever I dance,
Speaker 2: I'd be slaughtering all over the boys, and you will
Speaker 2: be slabbering as well, Time Traveler, because how they danced
Speaker 2: back in the.
Speaker 1: Day was truly freaky.
Speaker 2: Sometimes in rural areas, the settlers would dance the real
Speaker 2: which featured fast and energetic movements basically one step away
Speaker 2: from fornication.
Speaker 1: But that wasn't nearly as bad.
Speaker 2: As the jig, oh God, where sometimes you would bounce
Speaker 2: up and down. If a pear to minister saw that,
Speaker 2: they would perish on the spot. But let's say you
Speaker 2: time traveler. You're thrown back in time as a young lass,
Speaker 2: and through the power of time travel and magic and
Speaker 2: whatever we're doing, you have also somehow been dumped into
Speaker 2: a wealthier family where your dad is like a magistrate
Speaker 2: or something, and you're.
Speaker 1: The eldest daughter.
Speaker 2: So you're at the dance, maybe doing the jig, and
Speaker 2: you meet a farmer's sexy ass son. Let's call him
Speaker 2: Thomas Smith Thomas, and your name.
Speaker 1: Is Sarah Bradford Hall. Why not?
Speaker 2: But Thomas Smith, Thomas, his breeches are tight and his
Speaker 2: teeth sparkle as brightly as the newly minted shillings, mostly
Speaker 2: because he's lost several and.
Speaker 1: Has fake ones.
Speaker 2: And when your eyes meet for the first time whilst
Speaker 2: you're doing the jig, you're like, Wow, I want to
Speaker 2: slobber all over that guy.
Speaker 1: I love how his spittle glimmers in the light. And
Speaker 1: so what would you do.
Speaker 2: Next to get it on with a farmer's son. What
Speaker 2: would you have to do to get his worker in
Speaker 2: your barn? Well, you could get married. But the problem
Speaker 2: is that in the early seventeen hundreds a lot of
Speaker 2: colonial settlements didn't have their own clergy or minister. You'd
Speaker 2: have to wait until one of them traveled to your town.
Speaker 2: But you want tom As Smith Tom to squeeze in
Speaker 2: your utters faster than that.
Speaker 1: So what you could do instead, which.
Speaker 2: Was slightly common at the time, is you could do
Speaker 2: a hand fasting ceremony. This is what mister stubby Dick
Speaker 2: was referring to when he was talking about these marriages
Speaker 2: that weren't quite marriages. Hand Fasting is a tradition that
Speaker 2: started in medieval Europe, it was a form of betrothal
Speaker 2: or a temporary marriage, where a couple would clasp hands
Speaker 2: and commit to each other for a year and a day,
Speaker 2: and then after that they could either formalize their relationship
Speaker 2: into a permanent marriage or go their separate ways. It's
Speaker 2: kind of like signing a lease with your boyfriend. This
Speaker 2: has to work out for at least a year, and
Speaker 2: then we'll see where it's going. Anyway, hand fasting made
Speaker 2: its way over to colonial America and there wasn't really
Speaker 2: the whole year in a day thing anymore. But sometimes
Speaker 2: this is how people declared their union full stop, because
Speaker 2: then it was more socially acceptable to live with someone
Speaker 2: and start your life together slaughtering and then a lot
Speaker 2: of these couples never actually finalize their marriage with a minister.
Speaker 2: So let's say you're super horny for Thomas Smith Thomas
Speaker 2: that you want to jump the gun or leap the musket,
Speaker 2: as they said back then. You want to get serious
Speaker 2: with this guy, you want to jump his bones. You
Speaker 2: don't want to wait on a minister, and also you
Speaker 2: don't want to get your parents involved, because your fancy
Speaker 2: magistrate father would not approve because Thomas Smith. Thomas's family
Speaker 2: is poor back then. Oftentimes the gal's dad would pay
Speaker 2: a dowry for her, and the dad doesn't want to
Speaker 2: give money to a spendthrift or to someone who wouldn't
Speaker 2: use it to pay for your comfort. Instead, they're using
Speaker 2: it for piggies and their slop. You don't want that,
Speaker 2: but you're Sarah Bradford Hall. You're young, you're dumb, you're hot.
Speaker 2: You've known Thomas Smith Thomas for two weeks. Both of
Speaker 2: your loins are bursting. You want to get your freak on,
Speaker 2: but make this relationship semi official for propriety's sake, So
Speaker 2: you decide to have the hand fasting ceremony. It's a
Speaker 2: simple ritual where you hold hands and make vows in
Speaker 2: front of a witness, and often in colonial America, this
Speaker 2: ceremony was performed by a blacksmith. Literally, they'd clasp hands
Speaker 2: over the anvil.
Speaker 1: Which would signify the strength of their relationship. Wow love metaphors.
Speaker 2: You and Thomas Smith Thomas make your vows over the anvil,
Speaker 2: and instead of a ring, he gives you half a
Speaker 2: broken silver sixpence.
Speaker 1: He keeps the other high You keep yours.
Speaker 2: And this signifies the union yay money, and now that
Speaker 2: you're hand fasted, well, it should be slightly more socially
Speaker 2: acceptable for you to start slobbering on each other. So
Speaker 2: that's one way to do it. That's one way to
Speaker 2: start humping Thomas Smith Thomas.
Speaker 1: But suppose the blacksmith is a.
Speaker 2: Friend of your dad's and you don't want your magistrate
Speaker 2: father breaking up the whole thing. So what you and
Speaker 2: Thomas Smith Thomas do instead is you have a hand
Speaker 2: fasting ceremony in private. But you, Sarah Bradford Hall, aren't
Speaker 2: an idiot. You know that you need witnesses because even
Speaker 2: though you think you love Thomas Smith Thomas.
Speaker 1: He might be a fuck boy of your He might be.
Speaker 2: Doing this hand fasting ceremony to get under your skirts
Speaker 2: one time and then dump your ass, leaving you alone
Speaker 2: and possibly pregnant. So what young women did back then
Speaker 2: was to make sure this private ceremony had witnesses. Specifically, you,
Speaker 2: Sarah Bradford Hall, got two of your friends to hide
Speaker 2: behind a piece of furniture that's in the same room
Speaker 2: where you're hand fasting, so that they would overhear the vows.
Speaker 2: And then if Thomas Smith Thomas did dump you after
Speaker 2: you did some Puritan penetration. You would have some witnesses
Speaker 2: that you could summon in court being like, hey, the
Speaker 2: reason I'm pregnant is because of this motherfucker, and then
Speaker 2: they would be like, yes, this motherfucker. That's why it's
Speaker 2: just so important to have female friends, so that you
Speaker 2: have someone to witness your secret and not so legal
Speaker 2: marriage to a farmer's son and ensure that if you
Speaker 2: got pregnant by said son, he would have to take
Speaker 2: responsibility for it. That's why I keep my galpals around.
Speaker 2: And here's something that's kind of curious. At the time,
Speaker 2: if a girl got pregnant, often the courts would trust
Speaker 2: her account. They'd be like, oh, that guy impregnated you,
Speaker 2: I believe you. But throughout the eighteenth century post Revolution,
Speaker 2: that trust declined and more and more courts were like, huh,
Speaker 2: you actually need more proof than just your word that this.
Speaker 1: Guy got you pregnant.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, you could say that in early colonial America
Speaker 2: they were definitely in a more hashtag believe women era.
Speaker 2: Of course, we have to take that with an enormous
Speaker 2: grain of salt because of the whole Salem witch trials
Speaker 2: thing and other various stuff that they accuse women of. Anyway,
Speaker 2: if you can believe it, the Church didn't like hand fasting.
Speaker 2: They're like, this is too loose, it's too pagan, it's
Speaker 2: too uncertain. It's not in front of God, it's in
Speaker 2: front of an anvil. And as we went through the
Speaker 2: eighteenth century, hand fasting mostly fell out of favor and
Speaker 2: most developed colonial areas because marriage had become a legal
Speaker 2: institution and the Church had firmly asserted its control over
Speaker 2: the process. The Puritans were like, we're not going to
Speaker 2: be left out. We get to say what it means
Speaker 2: to be married. But in more remote areas where they
Speaker 2: still didn't have a minister or clergy, hand fasting continued
Speaker 2: and it became a symbol of the early frontier spirit.
Speaker 2: It was practical, flexible, and grounded in mutual consent.
Speaker 1: So, okay, okay.
Speaker 2: In this guide so far, we've established that one way
Speaker 2: to have more socially acceptable sex in the colonial era
Speaker 2: was to hand fast. Just do a little hand fasting,
Speaker 2: then you can do a little banging. But let's say
Speaker 2: that Thomas Smith Thomas actually came from.
Speaker 1: A richer farmer family, that your magistrate judge fought approves of.
Speaker 2: So you and Thomas Smith Thomas don't have to sneak around.
Speaker 2: What might happen instead is that your dad and your
Speaker 2: mom might invite Thomas Smith Thomas over and let him
Speaker 2: sleep in your bed. I know, crazy, We'll be right
Speaker 2: back after these soothing advertisements. Another bizarre thing that was
Speaker 2: going on during the colonial American period was this thing
Speaker 2: called bundling.
Speaker 1: And no, it's not bundling your.
Speaker 2: Clothes together to hide the edibles in your carry on
Speaker 2: luggage on the plane from Detroit to Atlanta.
Speaker 1: Was that specific?
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter, don't tell the cops. Bundling, or as
Speaker 2: it was also known, bed courting, was when a dude
Speaker 2: went over to a lady's house and they spent the
Speaker 2: night together in the same bed, under the supervision of
Speaker 2: the parents.
Speaker 1: Like they weren't in the room, but they were around.
Speaker 1: And I know this.
Speaker 2: Sounds absolutely cuckoo bananas. How could this be allowed in
Speaker 2: Puritan colonial America. Well, it was justified by the Bible,
Speaker 2: of course. In the Bible there's nowhere that it says bundling.
Speaker 2: But some people think that this one story was used
Speaker 2: to justify it.
Speaker 1: The tale of Ruth.
Speaker 2: And bo As in the story, Ruth lies at Boaz's feet, says,
Speaker 2: signal her interest in marriage, a gesture that was intimate
Speaker 2: but not sexually suggestive. And that's what bundling was all about,
Speaker 2: being close but not sexual.
Speaker 1: It was practiced so these two.
Speaker 2: Young people could get to know each other in an
Speaker 2: intimate way, not sexually though, just chatting or whatever, because
Speaker 2: I'm sure two young people in their horned up prime
Speaker 2: spending the night in the same bed would never result
Speaker 2: in anything beyond talk. Of course, many Puritans did not
Speaker 2: approve of this, Like one bishop said about bundling that
Speaker 2: it's the smartest thing Satan's done since he put the
Speaker 2: snake in the garden. Notable Puritan minister Jonathan Edwards chastise
Speaker 2: young people for the practice of bundling, and he even
Speaker 2: used his daughter's untimely death to criticize them. In seventeen
Speaker 2: forty six, he said this, my daughter died a week ago.
Speaker 2: She has died in order that you might stop fondling
Speaker 2: women's breasts, that you might stop bundling. Yes, that is
Speaker 2: exactly why she died of tuberculosis. I'm sure, so that
Speaker 2: you would stop fondling breasts and bundling. Just know if
Speaker 2: I die soon, that is exactly the reason I died
Speaker 2: as well. But all this seems a bit dramatic. Okay,
Speaker 2: but that you time traveling Sarah Bradford Hall, who comes
Speaker 2: from a wealthy magistrate family. By the way, I don't
Speaker 2: know why I did this whole time traveling thing. It's
Speaker 2: a bit much now that I'm still doing it. But
Speaker 2: we're getting back to it.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Let's say that your family doesn't really care about this
Speaker 2: bundling issue. They're like, it's fine, it's cool, it's convenient.
Speaker 2: Your dad actually sees it as protecting you, because much
Speaker 2: like hiding your gal pals while hand fasting, bundling young
Speaker 2: couples also offered protection for daughters. It's basically like, hey,
Speaker 2: you're the only dude that she's been in a bed with.
Speaker 2: If she gets pregnant, it's your fault. It's kind of
Speaker 2: like how you have some cool parents in high school
Speaker 2: who are like, it's okay to drink, just make sure
Speaker 2: you do it in the house. It also made sense
Speaker 2: to have a spend the night party because often people
Speaker 2: lived really far apart.
Speaker 1: From each other.
Speaker 2: Maybe bundling was the only way for you and Thomas
Speaker 2: Smith Thomas to actually court and get to know each other.
Speaker 2: You're not going to casually see him out and about.
Speaker 2: He's busy doing farm stuff and he can't just come
Speaker 2: over for an hour because he lives several hours away.
Speaker 2: So your parents invite Thomas Smith Thomas over and let's
Speaker 2: get ready to bundle. So obviously your parents invited him
Speaker 2: over on a Saturday because he doesn't have to work
Speaker 2: the farm on Sunday. On Sunday, the vegetables stopped growing
Speaker 2: and the field stopped needing tending as they are also
Speaker 2: resting like the lord.
Speaker 1: So he arrives. You all eat a meal.
Speaker 2: Your dad probably asks a lot of weird questions.
Speaker 1: You hate it. But then the sun goes down and you.
Speaker 2: And Thomas Smith Thomas and your parents head to the bedroom.
Speaker 2: You usually sleep in here with your other sisters, but
Speaker 2: they have been banished to your brother's rooms for this
Speaker 2: fine occasion. Also, at the time, a lot of houses
Speaker 2: didn't have living rooms, and so often bedrooms were also
Speaker 2: the places where you gathered to hang out with your family.
Speaker 2: But you and Thomas Smith Thomas get into the bed okay,
Speaker 2: and you keep your clothes on and your parents have
Speaker 2: two options for the bundling. One they might bust out
Speaker 2: the bundling board. This was a slab of wood that
Speaker 2: was the length of the bed, about a foot or
Speaker 2: so high, and they slide that between you and Thomas
Speaker 2: Smith Thomas, and wow, there's no way you're getting past
Speaker 2: that boundary. Another option that was used was a bundling sack.
Speaker 2: Here there are two options. One is a sack that
Speaker 2: was big enough to fit both you and Thomas Smith Thomas,
Speaker 2: but it was sewn down the middle long ways so
Speaker 2: you couldn't touch again, no.
Speaker 1: Way for them to get out of that sack full proof.
Speaker 2: But if your parents didn't have their hands on that
Speaker 2: type of sack, what they might instead do is have
Speaker 2: two smaller sacks that you just put on over your
Speaker 2: clothes and tie at the waist. Now, that is an
Speaker 2: impossible obstacle for both of you. No way you'll be
Speaker 2: able to get through that barrier. Who needs a chassis
Speaker 2: belt when you have a burlap sack? Am I right,
Speaker 2: burlap sacks. That's actually my favorite type of birth control. Honey,
Speaker 2: don't worry about a condom.
Speaker 1: I got a burlap sack.
Speaker 2: But anyway, once one of these obstacles is in place,
Speaker 2: your parents leave you and Thomas Smith Thomas alone, where
Speaker 2: no touching of breasts or slabbering will occur. The goal
Speaker 2: of this, in your parents' view, was that you and
Speaker 2: Thomas Smith Thomas are going to get to know each
Speaker 2: other in a private, yet chaste setting. But you're a
Speaker 2: time traveling modern woman in a puritan's horny teenage body.
Speaker 2: You might loosen your tongue in more ways than one.
Speaker 2: And indeed, it was known amongst the people of colonial
Speaker 2: America that bund wasn't as chaste as your parents wanted
Speaker 2: it to be. Like, here's a song from the time
Speaker 2: about bundling. I don't know what the tune is, but
Speaker 2: let's just make it up. I'm just going to talk
Speaker 2: over this music. Even though this music does not represent
Speaker 2: the period at all. That's fine. So maidens say, if
Speaker 2: through the nation bundling should quite go out of fashion,
Speaker 2: Courtchip would lose its sweets and.
Speaker 1: They could have no fun till wedding day. This sucks.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: A bundling couple went to bed with all the clothes
Speaker 2: from foot to head that the defense might seem complete.
Speaker 1: Each one was wrapped in a sheet. But oh, this bundling,
Speaker 1: such a witch. The man of her.
Speaker 2: Did catch the itch, and so provoked was the cat
Speaker 2: that she of him. A bastard catched ladies, don't you
Speaker 2: hate it when you catch a bastard? Ugh, it's so contagious.
Speaker 2: But we really did learn something here that they were
Speaker 2: also using sheets, not just burlap sacks to separate.
Speaker 1: The youths in the bed.
Speaker 2: So really it's just like whatever you had on hand,
Speaker 2: a sack, a sheet, a portrait of your grandma.
Speaker 1: Whatever.
Speaker 2: Now that's what I call music negative one hundred. Let's
Speaker 2: get the TikTokers to do a dance to that one.
Speaker 2: You guys can probably tell them a bit manic right now.
Speaker 2: But see Sarah Bradford Hall, You wouldn't really catch a
Speaker 2: bastard in this scenario because Thomas, miss Thomas, is in
Speaker 2: the bed, so your dad knows who impregnated you, and
Speaker 2: so your dad will just make him marry you and
Speaker 2: everything will be fine.
Speaker 1: Everyone wins, Huzzah, yay bundling.
Speaker 2: But by the late eighteenth century, a society began to modernize, urbanize, etc.
Speaker 2: Bundling came under fire. Some viewed it as old fashioned
Speaker 2: or morally dangerous. People were growing more uncomfortable with the practice,
Speaker 2: especially as Americans became more influenced by Enlightenment with stricter
Speaker 2: ideas about courtship, and then by the nineteenth century, as
Speaker 2: there are more roads and transportation, which made long stays
Speaker 2: at a potential spouse's home less necessary, it.
Speaker 1: Kind of just faded away a bit.
Speaker 2: There's also all these new ideas about privacy, propriety.
Speaker 1: And romance bundling.
Speaker 2: They're just like, we don't need that anymore, and it's
Speaker 2: gross and kind of stupid and honestly pretty creepy. But
Speaker 2: I know you guys are really concerned about bundling. You're like,
Speaker 2: it's such a great thing. Why can't we do it? Still,
Speaker 2: don't worry. Some amish people still do it. And it
Speaker 2: might have been these amish people that I saw dairy
Speaker 2: queen one time in Kentucky. It was at this dairy
Speaker 2: queen where they only played Christian rock music and they
Speaker 2: were all wearing white bonnets. Maybe they bundle, I don't know.
Speaker 2: But anyway, back to you, Sarah Bradford Hall, the time
Speaker 2: traveling person I made up, who is also you listener,
Speaker 2: Let's say, on your bundled night, with Thomas Smith. Thomas,
Speaker 2: you shimmied out of your sack and rummaged around in
Speaker 2: his or you circumvented the bundling board and then circum
Speaker 2: comed all over this son of a farmer, and finally
Speaker 2: you got to have some of that sweet, sweet Puritan
Speaker 2: hanky panky. But once you finally achieved the goal of
Speaker 2: the hanky panky, well turns out that was the key
Speaker 2: to transport you back to modern times where someday soon
Speaker 2: all of us swimmen will be back in bonnets, sewn
Speaker 2: into sacks and yelled at by Puritan ministers.
Speaker 1: America.
Speaker 2: Anyway, every week we learn a lesson on American Filth,
Speaker 2: and I think the lesson we learned today is that women,
Speaker 2: we don't need to have birth control pills. We don't
Speaker 2: need that weird stick implant. We don't even need an IUD.
Speaker 2: What we need is a frickin' burlap sack. And one day,
Speaker 2: when American Filth makes more money, that will be our merchandise.
Speaker 2: One birth control sack. Coming ride up anyway, talking to
Speaker 2: you guys next time. American Filth is a production of
Speaker 2: School of Humans and iHeart Podcast. This episode was written
Speaker 2: and sound designed and produced and all that.
Speaker 1: Good stuff by me, Gabby Watts.
Speaker 2: Our executive producers are Virginia Prescott, Elsie Croley, and Brandon Barr.
Speaker 2: Please follow along with the on Instagram at American filth Pod,
Speaker 2: and please also like, subscribe, leave some stars, give a
Speaker 2: review of the show, and again, always tell your enemies
Speaker 2: about it. Always tell your friends about it. Always tell
Speaker 2: your strange relatives about it, so that we have more
Speaker 2: listeners and can keep doing the show and really just
Speaker 2: having fun with America. All right, guys, have a wonderful weekend,
Speaker 2: our day, or week or life.
Speaker 1: Really.
Speaker 2: Xoxo, Gossip Girl, School of Humans