1 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, welcome back, Welcome back 5 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, 6 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,640 Speaker 1: old listeners. It's all about the listeners today. Wherever you 7 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,239 Speaker 1: are in the world, it is so great to have 8 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:41,519 Speaker 1: you here back for another special special episode as we 9 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,520 Speaker 1: break down the Psychology of your twenties. It is coming 10 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: to the end of twenty twenty four, only a couple 11 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,680 Speaker 1: of weeks away from the start of a new year, 12 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 1: and with that in mind, I wanted one of the 13 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: final episodes of the year to be something special, to 14 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 1: be something a little bit different, and to be something 15 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:05,440 Speaker 1: that included you, all the listeners, You who have tuned 16 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 1: in every single episode, You guys who have supported me 17 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,679 Speaker 1: so much this year and who have been in my 18 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:17,639 Speaker 1: corner as I announced my new book, as the show grew, 19 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,399 Speaker 1: as I traveled, when we did meetups. All of the 20 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 1: best parts. 21 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,520 Speaker 2: Of this year really did include the community and included 22 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,680 Speaker 2: all of you who have just really been enjoying the 23 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:31,680 Speaker 2: show and been showing your love and support, and I thought, 24 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,440 Speaker 2: why not thank you guys. Why not thank you guys 25 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 2: by making you one of the guests of our December 26 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 2: guest segment, by giving the listeners an opportunity to come 27 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,120 Speaker 2: on to be the guest, to have their voices heard 28 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:49,840 Speaker 2: by other listeners, and also to answer some of your 29 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 2: twenty something dilemmas. I get so many messages and dms 30 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 2: every single day recounting some of the things that you 31 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 2: guys are all going through through, some of the really 32 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:06,560 Speaker 2: confusing trials and tribulations and barriers that you're facing, and 33 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 2: breakups that you're going through, and friendships that are falling apart, 34 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 2: and careers that are uncertain, so many questions, and just 35 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,959 Speaker 2: by the very nature of you know, having a large community, 36 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,200 Speaker 2: which I'm very grateful for, it means that I can't 37 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,080 Speaker 2: always get back to every single one of you. I 38 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,959 Speaker 2: can't give you the personal, individualized advice that I would 39 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,600 Speaker 2: love to be able to give. But it doesn't mean 40 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 2: that these requests and you know, when you guys share 41 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,400 Speaker 2: these stories with me, it doesn't go unnoticed. So today 42 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:39,359 Speaker 2: I thought, why not dedicate a whole episode to answering 43 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 2: some of those dilemmas to answering some of the questions 44 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 2: that you guys have been asking me all year about 45 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:50,400 Speaker 2: your own lives, and also getting to hear your voices 46 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 2: on the show, of course. So I asked you all 47 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 2: to send in your biggest dilemmas that you are facing 48 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:01,239 Speaker 2: right now, the biggest problems that you're encounter the place 49 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 2: is where you feel stuck, the place is where you 50 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 2: feel behind, to send in voice notes detailing exactly what 51 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 2: it is you're going through, and I'm going to answer them. 52 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,080 Speaker 2: I'm going to give you all of my advice, the 53 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 2: advice that I would give my best friends, the advice 54 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 2: that I would give you if we were friends and 55 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 2: meeting in person over coffee. So I really really hope 56 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 2: that you enjoy this episode, and I want to give 57 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,239 Speaker 2: a huge shout out to everyone who sent in a 58 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 2: voice message. First of all, there were just so many 59 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 2: of them, so we did listen to them all, and 60 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 2: they were all of you are so eloquent, first of all, 61 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 2: so intelligent, and all the dilemmas were things that I 62 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 2: was like, Wow, we've all got a lot on our plate, 63 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 2: So thank you so much for sending them through. I 64 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 2: chose seven seven of the dilemmas that I felt would 65 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 2: resonate with you all the most, but also which resonated 66 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 2: with me. So I hope that you enjoy this episode 67 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 2: and specifically hearing from people just like you are the 68 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 2: listeners of the show. Without further ado, I say, we 69 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 2: get into this special limited edition special version of the podcast, 70 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 2: the Listener episode of twenty twenty four. Let's get into it. 71 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 2: I'm just gonna get right into it and play one 72 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 2: of the very first voice notes that we received. 73 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 3: First off, I love you and your podcast and everything 74 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 3: that you do for the community. Second, I've been dating 75 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,599 Speaker 3: this guy for about seven eight months, and sometimes I 76 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,360 Speaker 3: feel like I'm asking a lot from him emotionally, and 77 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 3: he does it, but it still gives me a lot 78 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 3: of anxiety to ask, how would you cope with that? 79 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,920 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for your question, and also, I'm 80 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,960 Speaker 2: so glad that you are loving the show. That honestly 81 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,680 Speaker 2: makes me feel very, very happy. I think this is 82 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:50,359 Speaker 2: a hard dilemma, right. Communicating our emotions is always difficult 83 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:53,760 Speaker 2: because A Sometimes we feel like with the right person 84 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 2: we shouldn't have to B Sometimes we feel like we 85 00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:00,599 Speaker 2: are over asking and say you know, so it's never 86 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 2: easy being vulnerable, even with people that we really really 87 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:08,160 Speaker 2: care about. I think my interpretation of your dilemma is 88 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 2: that you feel bad for having to ask, and you 89 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 2: feel like you're putting a lot on his plate, but 90 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 2: also you feel like maybe you shouldn't have to. I 91 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 2: think that having to ask what you want from someone emotionally, 92 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 2: or having to maybe really highlight to them what you 93 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:30,839 Speaker 2: need from them when you need them, when you need them, 94 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,640 Speaker 2: when you need it from them, that's probably a better 95 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 2: way of saying it. I actually think that's a really 96 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,839 Speaker 2: really healthy part of a relationship, and it can feel 97 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,960 Speaker 2: exhausting to have to do it over and over again. 98 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,599 Speaker 2: And I do think that it does get to a 99 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 2: point where perhaps you need to be considering whether someone 100 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,479 Speaker 2: is actually learning from your moments of vulnerability and learning 101 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,840 Speaker 2: from the times that you are communicating. But being seven 102 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 2: to eight months into a relationship, you are still firmly 103 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 2: in the learning phase of the relationship. Some people call 104 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 2: it the honeymoon phase, right, but I call it the 105 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 2: learning phase. This is when you are really getting to 106 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,159 Speaker 2: know the other person, and of course you're getting to 107 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 2: know all the really really fun stuff, right like, oh, 108 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 2: what do your parents do for a living? That's not 109 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,600 Speaker 2: very fun. I don't know why that's the first thing 110 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,480 Speaker 2: that came to my mind, But you know, when did 111 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:20,640 Speaker 2: you When was the first time you broke an arm? 112 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 2: And what did you want to be when you're a kid, 113 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,840 Speaker 2: and what's your biggest ambition? And where do you want 114 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:28,280 Speaker 2: to travel? You're learning all those like factoids about them 115 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 2: or the trivia, and then you're also learning the deeper stuff, 116 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:35,479 Speaker 2: the deeper stuff like their insecurities, like the times they've 117 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,840 Speaker 2: been hurt, and like how they need you to show 118 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,600 Speaker 2: up for them emotionally. So right now, I actually think 119 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 2: that it's quite normal for you to have to communicate 120 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:47,800 Speaker 2: and ask, and I don't want you to feel like 121 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 2: you're being a burden for doing that. In fact, the 122 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 2: right person, that should be something that they want to know. 123 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,720 Speaker 2: That should be something that they are actually interested in 124 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,599 Speaker 2: learning from you, because it means that they can show 125 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 2: up for you in the future and they can continue 126 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 2: to make the relationship work by being a good partner. 127 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 2: That's really the core part of this, right So, if 128 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 2: this is the right person a, I don't think that 129 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 2: they'll mind. I think that hopefully they will continue to 130 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 2: want to learn even in five, ten, twenty years. If 131 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 2: that's where the relationship takes you back to your anxiety 132 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,240 Speaker 2: about having to ask. I kind of interpreted in this 133 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 2: two ways, like a I shouldn't have to ask because 134 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 2: I shouldn't he should know, which I think no one 135 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,440 Speaker 2: ever knows. We kind of covered that before. The only 136 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:35,240 Speaker 2: way you know. No one's a mind reader, even people 137 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 2: who are cell mates, so it takes a while to 138 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 2: start to get a good read on someone else's emotions. 139 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 2: But that second component of your anxiety is I don't 140 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 2: want to be a burden, right, And I think that 141 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 2: that anxiety really comes from previous instances and previous relationships 142 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 2: where you were made to feel like your vulnerability was 143 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 2: a weight that someone else didn't want to carry. And 144 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:05,880 Speaker 2: that can be in obviously a family relationship, say, for example, 145 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 2: you were the child who maybe was ignored, maybe your 146 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:14,119 Speaker 2: parents were quite emotionally withdrawn, so big displays of emotion 147 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,640 Speaker 2: and vulnerability weren't really accounted for. Or maybe it was 148 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 2: inn a friendship or an early relationship where you would 149 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 2: come to someone with your emotions and with your vulnerability 150 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 2: and they would be dismissive I think that that is 151 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,840 Speaker 2: really a big origin for a lot of our almost 152 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:36,400 Speaker 2: guilt and embarrassment for sharing our emotions, and that's something 153 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 2: that we really have to unlearn in our twenties because 154 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:42,440 Speaker 2: if we continue to live in that space in our 155 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 2: mind that says we are the problem for being emotional beings, 156 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 2: we actually a never really get to connect with anyone 157 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,200 Speaker 2: else and be we do ourselves a huge disservice. Part 158 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,560 Speaker 2: of unlearning that is actually doing the thing that feels 159 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 2: the hardest, which is just being vulnerable and being honest 160 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 2: and essentially giving our emotions to other people asking for 161 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 2: help and not allowing ourselves to feel rejected if they 162 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 2: don't respond the proper way, instead knowing that maybe that 163 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 2: person isn't right for you, but also knowing that the 164 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 2: right person will not feel burdened by that at all. 165 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 2: So it's really about going against everything that perhaps you've 166 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 2: been taught or you've learnt or you've seen that says 167 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 2: hide these things away and choosing to very radically do 168 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,960 Speaker 2: the absolute opposite and make it very very visible. So 169 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 2: it's a very common situation I think people find themselves 170 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 2: in in the early stages of relationship. You know, what 171 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 2: is too much, what is too emotional, what is too loud? 172 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 2: What can I share? What can I share? My biggest 173 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 2: piece of advice is to share whatever is going on 174 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:56,839 Speaker 2: in your mind, to let people love you, give them 175 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,560 Speaker 2: the gift of getting to care for you and also 176 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:04,079 Speaker 2: being quite graceful and forgiving as they learn to adapt 177 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 2: to your unique states and your unique way of seeing 178 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 2: the world. So good luck in your relationship. I like 179 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 2: that he does it. I think that that's an amazing sign, 180 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:17,479 Speaker 2: and just wishing you lots of lots of love and happiness. 181 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,320 Speaker 2: All right, let's move on to my next question. 182 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,959 Speaker 4: Hi, So there's a little bit of backstory to this. 183 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:27,720 Speaker 4: I went to college for art and I am a printmaker. 184 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:32,280 Speaker 4: I graduated from art school in twenty twenty two and 185 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:37,120 Speaker 4: I've been working different jobs since then. And about four 186 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:41,360 Speaker 4: months ago I started working as a hairstylist after like 187 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 4: a year of a training. So before the I started 188 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 4: doing hair I didn't have a creative job, and I 189 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,520 Speaker 4: was still able to do my art on the side 190 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 4: a little bit more. But now that I'm working in 191 00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:01,960 Speaker 4: a creative field, I really don't have the urge to 192 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 4: work on my printmaking anymore. I will have ideas for 193 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 4: like stuff I want to make, and I'll think, oh, 194 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:11,000 Speaker 4: this would be super cool, let me write it down. 195 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 4: And then sometimes I'll like sit down and be like, Okay, 196 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 4: today I'm doing I'm working on art, and I'll only 197 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 4: make it like thirty minutes before I'm just so like 198 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 4: bored of the activity and not inspired anymore. And I'm 199 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,079 Speaker 4: trying to not force myself to do it because then 200 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,199 Speaker 4: I just feel even more resentment from the activity. 201 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 5: But yeah, I'd love to hear if. 202 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 4: You have any advice or know any psychology that could 203 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 4: you know help me get out of this little rut 204 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 4: I'm in. 205 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 5: Thank you, Alivishaw. 206 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,040 Speaker 2: This is such a great question. Also, your voice is 207 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 2: just so cute, Like I just love the tone of 208 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,200 Speaker 2: your voice. I like heard this voice not and I 209 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:54,200 Speaker 2: was like, go, she sounds so like fun and peppy 210 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 2: and lovely. But back to your question, I would bet 211 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,719 Speaker 2: good money on the fact that what you were experiencing 212 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 2: is creative burnout. And I have been there. I have 213 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 2: done that. I have got the T shirt, working in 214 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 2: a creative space with printmaking, with hairdressing. If you're an artist, 215 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:16,319 Speaker 2: if you're a dancer, if you're a musician. It is 216 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 2: exhausting because your creativity is derived from so much more 217 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,600 Speaker 2: than just what you can physically do. It's derived from 218 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 2: where you're at emotionally, how you feel physically, how you 219 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 2: feel mentally, how you feel about your life. And that 220 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,320 Speaker 2: is why it is such a hard career to have, 221 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 2: because you really do have to be almost fully in it, 222 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:46,199 Speaker 2: fully immersed fully embracing your medium in order to feel 223 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 2: inspired and to feel like you want to make something. 224 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 2: I think the big turning point for you was probably 225 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,559 Speaker 2: starting the hair dressing job, right that is also equally 226 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:03,840 Speaker 2: quite a demanding job creatively and visually and esthetically and 227 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 2: also time wise. I think perhaps a lot of the 228 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 2: energy that you had previously reserved for printmaking is now 229 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 2: being given to hairdressing. This thing is taking a bigger 230 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,640 Speaker 2: slice of your brain. It's taking up more of the 231 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 2: pie and all the energy that you previously and all 232 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 2: the inspiration as well, and all of the perhaps even 233 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 2: the emotional resources that you used to devote to printmaking 234 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:33,320 Speaker 2: into this creative form of expression is kind of being 235 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,480 Speaker 2: dominated by hairdressing. In the way that you're making money. 236 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,680 Speaker 2: That is also a really common and difficult dilemma with 237 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 2: anyone who works in a creative space. It's the kind 238 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,240 Speaker 2: of toss up between I need to make money from this, 239 00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 2: but also I need to be inspired. And being inspired 240 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 2: requires rest, and it requires introspection, and it requires time 241 00:13:56,679 --> 00:14:00,240 Speaker 2: devoted to my craft. It's very hard to find a 242 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,640 Speaker 2: way that you can have both. That you can get 243 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 2: paid to make art and still love it, and so 244 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,960 Speaker 2: a lot of people do seek alternatives and do seek 245 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,040 Speaker 2: other careers, and you know that aren't their primary medium 246 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 2: to make money. And I think that that's really explaining 247 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,680 Speaker 2: what you're going through right now. So creative burnout, that's 248 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 2: really what we're getting at. What I want you to 249 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:28,600 Speaker 2: focus on, and you're already doing this is not creating. Actually, 250 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 2: what I want you to focus on is just being inspired. 251 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:36,360 Speaker 2: The next six months, all I want you to do 252 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,840 Speaker 2: is focus on finding things that inspire you. And it 253 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 2: doesn't even have to do with printmaking. Things that inspire joy, 254 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 2: stories that pop into your mind that you're like, wow, 255 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 2: that's that's kind of funny. Little things that you see 256 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 2: on the street that make you laugh or make you think. 257 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:58,960 Speaker 2: A beautiful sunset, a beautiful autumn tree. I don't know 258 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 2: a beautiful steam rising from your coffee. Just be inspired. 259 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 2: That is what you're in the business of, because being 260 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 2: inspired takes up a lot less energy than being physically 261 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 2: creative and having to put pen to paper or I 262 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 2: guess scalpel to scalpel to linoleum. I don't really know 263 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 2: how printmaking works, really, but I want that to be 264 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 2: your primary goal right now, to just be inspired. What 265 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,880 Speaker 2: I tend to find is that when we focus on inspiration, 266 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 2: our desire to create gets bigger and bigger and bigger 267 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 2: because we're putting more fuel on the fire. Right, we 268 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 2: have more things that we want to make into something 269 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,560 Speaker 2: physical that we want to be able to show people. 270 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 2: And so the more creative and inspirational and motivational wood 271 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 2: that you stack up, the more things that you see, 272 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 2: I think begins to push you and begins to almost 273 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 2: relight the fire that makes you want to create. So 274 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 2: what's going to eventually happen? And this is what's happened 275 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 2: to me before? Or is that when I start looking 276 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,640 Speaker 2: for inspiration rather than putting pressure on myself to actually 277 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 2: make something, Eventually I get to a tipping point where 278 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:11,200 Speaker 2: I'm like, something comes along that I have trained myself 279 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 2: to look for that really like sets a spark in me, 280 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 2: or eventually I'm just like, I just need to make 281 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 2: something that all all that energy that I've been saving 282 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,440 Speaker 2: up through inspiration comes crashing down and suddenly like I'm 283 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,280 Speaker 2: awakened again and I'm alive again and i want to 284 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,680 Speaker 2: be making stuff. I'll also say, sometimes these things come 285 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 2: and go right sometimes, people, do you know, there's authors 286 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 2: who don't write for decades at a time. There are 287 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 2: artists who don't make any new works for years. There 288 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 2: are songwriters who you know, stop making music for two 289 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 2: decades and then they come back to their craft because 290 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,960 Speaker 2: something calls them back. So maybe you're just in a 291 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,720 Speaker 2: period of waiting at the moment. You're just in a 292 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 2: period of having different priorities, of not feeling as attached 293 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,680 Speaker 2: and in love with what you have trained to do, 294 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,400 Speaker 2: and that is okay. It doesn't mean that you've lost 295 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,639 Speaker 2: it forever. The one thing I've learned about creativity is 296 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,560 Speaker 2: it doesn't like to be forced. It does not like 297 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 2: to be a chore, and it most certainly does not 298 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,480 Speaker 2: like to be something that you have to squeeze out 299 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,439 Speaker 2: of yourself. It should flow, it should come naturally. And 300 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,160 Speaker 2: if that's not the case right now, maybe you need 301 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 2: to retreat backwards a little bit and just let it rest. 302 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,920 Speaker 2: And there's nothing wrong with doing that. You won't lose it. 303 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 2: You won't you leave it and never return. And even 304 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:39,520 Speaker 2: if you do, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe you're 305 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 2: making space for something else. So to summarize what I'm saying, 306 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 2: search for inspiration. Don't force yourself to create, because that 307 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 2: is the creativity hates being forced. It's never a good sign. 308 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,800 Speaker 2: And give yourself some space to explore other things and 309 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,400 Speaker 2: to just let your creativity and to let your skills 310 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,880 Speaker 2: just sit for a while, marinate, just have a little 311 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,399 Speaker 2: bit of a break. But yeah, I'm really really rooting 312 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 2: for you, and it's something that I've experienced before and 313 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,199 Speaker 2: I've come at the other side. So you're not going 314 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 2: to lose it. Don't worry. And maybe this is a 315 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,480 Speaker 2: good time to see that your identity is made of more, 316 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 2: could be made of more. All right, We're going to 317 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 2: take a short break and then we will return to 318 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:28,680 Speaker 2: hear more of your twenty something dilemmas. Stay with us. 319 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,640 Speaker 2: We are back with Morelissa and a dilemmas. Let's see 320 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:33,720 Speaker 2: from this next person. 321 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 6: Hi, Jimma, I'm in my mental late twenties and I 322 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,240 Speaker 6: just can't help but feeling like I have to choose 323 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 6: between owning a house or continuing to travel. My husband 324 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,399 Speaker 6: and I both have really good paying jobs with college degrees, 325 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,239 Speaker 6: and I still feel like we're not doing as well 326 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,359 Speaker 6: as we should be. We've spent quite a bit of 327 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 6: time and money traveling, which I absolutely don't regret, but 328 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 6: in doing so, we have made sacrifices. We live in 329 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,480 Speaker 6: the US and have lived in a one bedroom apartment 330 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,040 Speaker 6: in the Midwest for about three years, and rent just 331 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 6: keeps going up. But I'm anxious because I feel like 332 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 6: once we buy a house, our ability to travel will 333 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,199 Speaker 6: significantly decrease. I can't help but feeling like, although we 334 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 6: should be well off, we'll have to give up travel 335 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,120 Speaker 6: for a house, or give up a house to continue 336 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:15,640 Speaker 6: to travel. 337 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,800 Speaker 5: All of my friends are in the same boat too. 338 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,960 Speaker 5: My parents and my husband's parents don't seem to understand 339 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 5: why we still don't have a house, and I just 340 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,719 Speaker 5: get discouraged every time I try and explain how different 341 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,240 Speaker 5: times are from when they bought their first house. Is 342 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,879 Speaker 5: it even possible to travel? And own a house successfully 343 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:34,639 Speaker 5: in your twenties or am I just setting unrealistic expectations? 344 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, what a big question. And you know what, 345 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 2: at face value, it looks like it's about, you know, 346 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 2: horme ownership versus travel, But it's about so much more 347 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 2: than that. You already mentioned one of those things your 348 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,880 Speaker 2: parents and your husband's parents not understanding that the priorities 349 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 2: of this generation are a whole lot different. No longer 350 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 2: is property ownership and starting a family really young and 351 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:08,400 Speaker 2: just slowly going up the corporate career ladder what most 352 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 2: people want. We are such a privileged generation where we 353 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,879 Speaker 2: see opportunities out there. We see the opportunity to travel. 354 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,679 Speaker 2: That's something a lot of us are embracing, especially in 355 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,439 Speaker 2: many ways, because things like you know, traditional markers of 356 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:28,879 Speaker 2: success like home ownership are just not possible. They just 357 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:32,639 Speaker 2: don't seem as doable anymore. And it feels like they 358 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 2: cost us a lot more than the money. They also 359 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:40,119 Speaker 2: cost us experiences, and they cost us flexibility, and they 360 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:41,880 Speaker 2: cost us a life that we would want to live. 361 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,760 Speaker 2: I am in the same boat. I'm going to be 362 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 2: completely honest. I don't know anyone around me who is 363 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:52,360 Speaker 2: thinking about home ownership. Obviously, I live in Sydney, which 364 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 2: is like the second most expensive city in the world. 365 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,200 Speaker 2: But if you live in any large city, I think 366 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 2: it's something that really comes up. Why would I continue 367 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 2: to so potentially save for a house that I might 368 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 2: be able to buy. That's just going to put me 369 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 2: in so much debt i might not even be able 370 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,480 Speaker 2: to do it, and I'm going to have to give 371 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:13,119 Speaker 2: up a life that I actually really really want. So 372 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:17,040 Speaker 2: this is how I think you should reframe this question 373 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:23,719 Speaker 2: in your mind. Why do you want a house? Genuine question? 374 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,359 Speaker 2: I know you mentioned that your rent is increasing, It's 375 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,840 Speaker 2: likely that you know your house might be just as expensive. 376 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,399 Speaker 2: But is it because you want to put money towards 377 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,720 Speaker 2: something you own? Why do you want it? Is it 378 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,520 Speaker 2: because it's what everyone has told you you need to 379 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 2: have by a certain time? Is that why you want 380 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 2: the house? Is it because the house and having a 381 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,920 Speaker 2: house and getting to decorate it and having a place 382 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,760 Speaker 2: that's your own. Is that actually your dream? Is it 383 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,920 Speaker 2: for the financial stability of not having to pay rent? 384 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,120 Speaker 1: I want you to. 385 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 2: Really think about why you really want to own a 386 00:21:56,359 --> 00:22:02,199 Speaker 2: property and whether that why is the biggest why in 387 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,159 Speaker 2: your life right now? Is the reason you want to 388 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 2: buy a property? The most important thing to you is 389 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 2: financial stability. The most important thing to you is having 390 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,560 Speaker 2: a stable place to live. The most important thing to 391 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:20,720 Speaker 2: you or is it travel? Is it still being in 392 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 2: this flexible, adaptable eerror of your life? Is it still 393 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 2: having the opportunity to put the money that you would 394 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:34,359 Speaker 2: otherwise put towards a property towards new experiences? So I 395 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,640 Speaker 2: really want you to think, what are your motivations, because 396 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 2: you know the opportunity to buy a house that is 397 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,920 Speaker 2: always going to be there in some form or another. Yes, 398 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,560 Speaker 2: your financial situation might change, but I don't think that 399 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,600 Speaker 2: travel will always be there. You know, when you are 400 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 2: seventy eighty ninety, you are maybe going to look back 401 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,240 Speaker 2: at this time in your life and think, gosh, why 402 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 2: did we feel so pressure to do this traditional thing 403 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:07,040 Speaker 2: and to follow this blueprint? And we gave up something 404 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,960 Speaker 2: that we weren't done with yet. We weren't done with 405 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:14,280 Speaker 2: the travel, We weren't done with this freedom and this 406 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:18,359 Speaker 2: period of our life. There are, also, of course alternatives, 407 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,680 Speaker 2: and obviously I'm not going to give you any financial advice, 408 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,480 Speaker 2: but you could buy somewhere else cheaper, and then you 409 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 2: could keep traveling, or you could use you know, you 410 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 2: could buy a property and then use it as a 411 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,920 Speaker 2: rental for the next two years, and then maybe even 412 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,280 Speaker 2: live with your parents so that you could still have 413 00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:38,359 Speaker 2: that little nest egg that house and still be able 414 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 2: to travel. Not that I'm really like promoting becoming a landlord, 415 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:44,879 Speaker 2: but you know what I mean, Like, there are options 416 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,920 Speaker 2: that you could do both. You could also move out 417 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 2: of your current apartment and move somewhere perhaps a little 418 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,119 Speaker 2: bit more regional. I think you said you lived in 419 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 2: New York, Like you could move upstates so that you 420 00:23:56,080 --> 00:24:02,000 Speaker 2: could do travel around those parts whilst still paying less rent. 421 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,919 Speaker 2: So there are alternatives. But I really think that you 422 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 2: need to consider why it is you want to buy 423 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,679 Speaker 2: a house and whether that is the most important thing 424 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,400 Speaker 2: to you right now, whether buying a house is going 425 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,280 Speaker 2: to really align with the priorities of this chapter in 426 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:19,040 Speaker 2: your life more so than other alternatives, and then go 427 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,320 Speaker 2: from there. But yeah, you're definitely not alone in that one. 428 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,200 Speaker 2: I have just kind of completely given up the prospect, 429 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,919 Speaker 2: to be completely honest, I'm like, why not have fun? 430 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,040 Speaker 2: And some people might call that doom spending and might 431 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 2: say that that's poor financial literacy or that I'm making 432 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,920 Speaker 2: the wrong choices, But I think at the end of 433 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:40,680 Speaker 2: the day, it's just so implausible that this generation, all 434 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,280 Speaker 2: of us, could have the same opportunities that our parents 435 00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 2: and their parents had to buy property and to then 436 00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:49,000 Speaker 2: still be able to have the little luxuries that we want. 437 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,879 Speaker 2: So as a generation, our priorities are changing, and that 438 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,680 Speaker 2: doesn't mean that those priorities are wrong. So best of luck, 439 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,679 Speaker 2: Keep me updated dm me on Instagram. I want to 440 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 2: know what you end up doing. I'm very invested. All right, 441 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,119 Speaker 2: let's jump into another question from one of you lovely 442 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,360 Speaker 2: lovely listeners. 443 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 1: Hi. 444 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:12,000 Speaker 7: There, So, my twenty somethings dilemma is that I feel 445 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:17,840 Speaker 7: overwhelmed by the amount of options or directions that I 446 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:24,120 Speaker 7: can choose to pursue. I feel overwhelmed because I'm scared 447 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,760 Speaker 7: I don't choose the correct one. I'm scared I choose 448 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:30,400 Speaker 7: the wrong one and I end up wasting my potential there. 449 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 7: And I'm also scared that not only do I end 450 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 7: up wasting my potential there, I end up wasting time there. 451 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:44,400 Speaker 7: That like everything feels like it needs to get done 452 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 7: in a rash. It feels like everything has a timeline, 453 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,480 Speaker 7: even though it doesn't, it feels like it a lot 454 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,679 Speaker 7: of the times, and that's what I'm ultimately scared of 455 00:25:53,560 --> 00:26:00,879 Speaker 7: choosing the wrong like pursuit and waste my potential and 456 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,000 Speaker 7: my time and not feeling fulfilled. 457 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,280 Speaker 2: The first thing i want to say to this dilemma 458 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:13,080 Speaker 2: is that I'm assuming ninety five, maybe even one hundred 459 00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:18,879 Speaker 2: percent of us feeling the exact same way. What I 460 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,199 Speaker 2: want to tell you is this, I really think that 461 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,200 Speaker 2: your twenties are for exploring, and then your thirties and 462 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:28,439 Speaker 2: even your forties are for deciding. So I know it 463 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,160 Speaker 2: feels like you need to make a lot of really 464 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,680 Speaker 2: big important decisions right now, and you need to stay 465 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 2: with those decisions and be loyal to those decisions. That 466 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 2: is totally not the case. I think that even within 467 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:44,840 Speaker 2: this decade, how I've begun my twenties was so different 468 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:48,040 Speaker 2: to what I was doing in like my mid early 469 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,440 Speaker 2: mid twenties, to what I'm doing in my mid twenties. 470 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:55,920 Speaker 2: Right there is fluidity there. Things do change, and so 471 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 2: I think what you're really struggling with, though, is you 472 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,399 Speaker 2: know you're at this starting line and there is all 473 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:07,040 Speaker 2: these branches stemming out, stemming out from where you are, 474 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 2: and it's the classic Sylvia Plath fig Tory analogy. At 475 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,960 Speaker 2: the end of every branch is this beautiful piece of fruit. 476 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:16,480 Speaker 2: You know, you could be a doctor, you could be 477 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:21,040 Speaker 2: a mother, you could be a lawyer, you could be traveling, 478 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,320 Speaker 2: you could be a musician, you could start your own business, 479 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,439 Speaker 2: you could go back to school. There is a million 480 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,359 Speaker 2: different alternative lives and every one of them feels just 481 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 2: as appealing, and you don't know which one to choose, 482 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,160 Speaker 2: and it feels like you can only choose one. You 483 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,600 Speaker 2: can actually do it all, you just can't do it 484 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:43,000 Speaker 2: all at once. So choose whichever path feels best to 485 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 2: you right now, knowing that you can change. And what 486 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:51,159 Speaker 2: I really want to impress is that there is no 487 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,760 Speaker 2: such thing as a wrong choice. Time is actually not 488 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 2: something that you can waste. You know, it's not a 489 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 2: waste if you're having an expence. And so what I 490 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,679 Speaker 2: really want you to focus on moving forward is not 491 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:06,520 Speaker 2: what do I want to do? What do I want 492 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 2: to achieve? What do I want to experience? Because that 493 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,399 Speaker 2: is what your twenties are about right now? What do 494 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:16,199 Speaker 2: I actually want to see feel hear do with my 495 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:21,280 Speaker 2: life and just choose one pathway that feels like it's 496 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 2: going to get you closest to whatever that is. And 497 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:28,679 Speaker 2: here's the thing, there is no one right pathway. I 498 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,959 Speaker 2: think the other thing that we really toss up is, 499 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,240 Speaker 2: and it really came up with that last question as well, 500 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,680 Speaker 2: is the pool between doing something that is traditional, conventional, 501 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 2: expected of us and doing something that maybe we want 502 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:45,360 Speaker 2: to do more that's less traditional and more free and flexible, 503 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 2: and that might be a little bit more risky and scary. 504 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:52,240 Speaker 2: Which one of those things appeals to us the most. 505 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 2: You have to go with your gut and you have 506 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 2: to go with your heart. I think especially the privilege 507 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 2: of your twenties is that you can make miss stakes 508 00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:04,200 Speaker 2: and that you know time is not wasted at all. 509 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,160 Speaker 2: Think of this as like your experimental decade. You know, 510 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,239 Speaker 2: it doesn't really matter till you start your thirties and 511 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:13,000 Speaker 2: you have experiences right as long as you are doing 512 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 2: something that you care about, that is going to put 513 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 2: you on a good path, even if you decide that 514 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,479 Speaker 2: you want to change later on. And I'll give you 515 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,800 Speaker 2: the example of what I'm doing right now. I started 516 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:28,760 Speaker 2: out my twenties, having absolutely no idea what I wanted 517 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 2: to do, and I was in your position. I think 518 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,080 Speaker 2: that I probably had the exact same thoughts that you had. 519 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,520 Speaker 2: How do I know? How can I be sure? How 520 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,480 Speaker 2: am I going to do this right? And I also 521 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 2: just felt really lost and I feel felt really really scared. 522 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,520 Speaker 2: So I just went with the thing that felt best 523 00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 2: at the time, knowing that I was going to learn 524 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,600 Speaker 2: something from that. And I became a management consultant, which 525 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,000 Speaker 2: no one knows what that is, because you know, it's 526 00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,560 Speaker 2: a weird job. It's like an everything job. But I 527 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 2: became a management consultant. I worked a corporate career, and 528 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,959 Speaker 2: for you know, the first two three years of my twenties, 529 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,320 Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, I'm just going to work really hard. 530 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 2: I'm and hustle really hard, and I'm going to move 531 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,880 Speaker 2: up the career ladder in this firm. And then I 532 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:14,600 Speaker 2: started this podcast. And I started the podcast because it 533 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,680 Speaker 2: was fun and because I realized that I just wanted 534 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,920 Speaker 2: to do something and I wanted to do something creative 535 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 2: and to express myself. And then suddenly that became bigger 536 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,280 Speaker 2: than my corporate job. And now this is what I 537 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:29,479 Speaker 2: do full time. I never could have expected that. But 538 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,120 Speaker 2: the thing that was really important was that I didn't 539 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:36,560 Speaker 2: see any experience as a waste, and I didn't I 540 00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:40,400 Speaker 2: didn't tie myself down to one path, and that was 541 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,000 Speaker 2: important when something was pulling me off that path, because 542 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:46,640 Speaker 2: I let myself float with it. So just choose whatever 543 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 2: feels most important to you right now, knowing that you 544 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,800 Speaker 2: can change, knowing that time is not a waste, knowing 545 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:55,600 Speaker 2: that every experience gives you something. And I use the 546 00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,080 Speaker 2: things I learned in my corporate job still to this day, 547 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,000 Speaker 2: and I don't think I would be as you're successful, 548 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,760 Speaker 2: or making the right business decisions or making the right 549 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 2: career decisions if I hadn't had that previous experience in 550 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:10,720 Speaker 2: a more corporate world. So you are going to be okay, 551 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,600 Speaker 2: You're going to make the right choice. Good luck. I 552 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,160 Speaker 2: feel like I'm saying this at the end, but at 553 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 2: the end of every question, but I do just see 554 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 2: myself reflected in all of these, So good luck, It's 555 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,960 Speaker 2: going to be okay, I promise you. All right. Second 556 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:27,680 Speaker 2: last question, let's hear from another listener. 557 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:33,240 Speaker 8: My twenties dilemma is almost reaching my thirties and wondering 558 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:36,440 Speaker 8: if I will be going through the same patterns, same 559 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:41,960 Speaker 8: experiences in knowing how I can navigate it without this podcast. 560 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 2: I know that the name of this podcast is obviously 561 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,320 Speaker 2: the Psychology of your twenties, but you would be surprised 562 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,960 Speaker 2: how many questions I get about our thirties. Am I 563 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,440 Speaker 2: going to do the Psychology of your thirties? Or questions 564 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 2: or even listeners who are in their thirties? So I 565 00:31:56,520 --> 00:32:00,920 Speaker 2: think first things first. As much as like the name 566 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,800 Speaker 2: of this podcast as twenties, I love when people listen 567 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 2: who are in their thirties, forties, fifties. One of the 568 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:10,920 Speaker 2: best messages I ever received was from someone in their 569 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:15,440 Speaker 2: sixties actually, who was like, oh, it was my situationship episode, 570 00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 2: and she was like, I've I just realized that this 571 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,080 Speaker 2: relationship I had with a man was this, and you've 572 00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:23,560 Speaker 2: given me the words to articulate it. So there is 573 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:27,400 Speaker 2: no age limit to this podcast. I also think that 574 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,120 Speaker 2: it's totally okay if you're still going through the same 575 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,280 Speaker 2: things in your thirties, because really, what is your thirties 576 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:34,840 Speaker 2: other than just a new chapter? 577 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:35,280 Speaker 1: Right? 578 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,040 Speaker 2: Is it really that different to go from twenty nine 579 00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,240 Speaker 2: to thirty than to go from twenty five to twenty six, 580 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 2: like you're only a day older at a time, only 581 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,040 Speaker 2: a day older at a time, and learning and learning 582 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 2: and learning. The other thing I want to say about 583 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,760 Speaker 2: our thirties is that the other night I had a 584 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:55,440 Speaker 2: couple of friends over for like Christmas drinks, holiday drinks, 585 00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:59,480 Speaker 2: and all of them were in their thirties, and I 586 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,680 Speaker 2: I was like, you know, I'm looking at all these people, 587 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:06,960 Speaker 2: and I admire every single one of your lives. Turning 588 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,440 Speaker 2: thirty and having the life of any single one of 589 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:13,520 Speaker 2: these friends of mine I would be so insanely happy about. 590 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,239 Speaker 2: And actually what I was like, what's your advice? I 591 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,000 Speaker 2: was thinking about this question, and I was like, what's 592 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 2: your advice? Also, because I want that advice. I want 593 00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,680 Speaker 2: my thirties to look like these people I admire. And 594 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 2: one of my friends was basically just like, it's really 595 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:32,800 Speaker 2: not that different. You just do more for yourself. She 596 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,320 Speaker 2: was like, all the pressure that you used to face, 597 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 2: it seems to almost slide away, and you take everything 598 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:42,280 Speaker 2: that you've learned from your twenties and you're finally able 599 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,240 Speaker 2: to apply it. So I think that that's something to 600 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,400 Speaker 2: be really optimistic about. The other thing. I want to say, 601 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,320 Speaker 2: every single person that I know in their thirties just 602 00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:56,200 Speaker 2: gets hotter and brighter and more intelligent and more self 603 00:33:56,240 --> 00:34:00,680 Speaker 2: assured every single year, Like every single one of them. 604 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,520 Speaker 2: I'm like, you just get more beautiful and more self 605 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:08,520 Speaker 2: assured everything like you are just you are, just with age, 606 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:12,560 Speaker 2: becoming more yourself and more brilliant. And I just think 607 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,680 Speaker 2: that that actually gives me something to look forward to. 608 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,920 Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm just actually I'm pretty excited to 609 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,680 Speaker 2: turn thirty, to be honest, and I know it will 610 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,040 Speaker 2: be the end of an error. And people always ask 611 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,080 Speaker 2: me if I'm going to do the Psychology of your thirties. 612 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,360 Speaker 2: I really don't know. Maybe by that point I'll be 613 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,680 Speaker 2: ready for something new. But regardless, I know that I'll 614 00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:34,440 Speaker 2: be excited about it because it is a whole new decade. 615 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,399 Speaker 2: And how amazing that you turn thirty and then you're 616 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:40,520 Speaker 2: at the start of a whole new something. It's like 617 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:43,080 Speaker 2: you're turning twenty one again. You've got this whole new 618 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:46,360 Speaker 2: decade and chapter to look forward to. And I always 619 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:50,680 Speaker 2: think about this Reese Witherspoon interview and it's very, very random, 620 00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:54,280 Speaker 2: but it was her interviewing some up and coming actress 621 00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,120 Speaker 2: and the actress goes, oh, I'm thirty two, and Reese 622 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,840 Speaker 2: is like, you're such a baby. You are such a baby. 623 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,719 Speaker 2: She's like, I didn't know anything at thirty two. I 624 00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,680 Speaker 2: was just beginning, and you know, she was already pretty 625 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,799 Speaker 2: a pretty prominent actress. But I think that what that 626 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:14,040 Speaker 2: really showed me was that you are always young at heart, 627 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,480 Speaker 2: and you're always going to be younger than the next generation. 628 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,840 Speaker 2: And people always look back at these decades that we 629 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:23,800 Speaker 2: put so much gravitas on, and in hindsight, they realized 630 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,480 Speaker 2: that they were still learning and that they still had 631 00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:29,480 Speaker 2: time and there was still so much to look forward to. 632 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,360 Speaker 2: It's just that it didn't feel like that then. It 633 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,360 Speaker 2: felt like the end of something, when actually it was 634 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:39,920 Speaker 2: the beginning. So congratulations on entering your next decade, the 635 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,279 Speaker 2: decisive decade as they call it. And of course you 636 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,360 Speaker 2: can still listen to the podcast. You are more than welcome. 637 00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:48,960 Speaker 2: I think that there is a lot of really amazing 638 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:50,960 Speaker 2: stuff in store for you. I can feel it. We're 639 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,759 Speaker 2: gonna take another quick break and then return for our 640 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:58,200 Speaker 2: final twenty something Dilemma of the Listener episode. Stay tuned. 641 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:07,480 Speaker 2: We have one final voice note, one final question from 642 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:09,880 Speaker 2: a listener, and of course I had to end the 643 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:14,880 Speaker 2: episode with another Australian with another Ozzie girl who voice 644 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:18,200 Speaker 2: noted in and her dilemma for the podcast here. 645 00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:21,799 Speaker 5: She is, Okay, So what has been like coming up 646 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,120 Speaker 5: for me recently? Is that? 647 00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:28,600 Speaker 9: So a few months ago, my two year long relationship 648 00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:31,359 Speaker 9: that was a very intense and consisted of a lot 649 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:36,839 Speaker 9: of love bombing ended and now I realized that I've 650 00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:39,359 Speaker 9: sort of pushed all my friends to the side, and 651 00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,799 Speaker 9: that like currently, my only friends, like only that would 652 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:47,240 Speaker 9: consider my friends are like my ex partner's friends, which 653 00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:51,279 Speaker 9: obviously aren't the most sustainable friendships given the circumstances. So 654 00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:55,120 Speaker 9: I guess my dilemma is now feeling like I don't 655 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,799 Speaker 9: really have the friends that I once did before my relationship, 656 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:01,640 Speaker 9: and I know that's of my own fault. 657 00:36:59,840 --> 00:36:59,920 Speaker 7: But. 658 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,959 Speaker 9: How do we rekindle those past friendships that I've pushed 659 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:09,720 Speaker 9: aside to prioritize my relationship at the time. 660 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:14,480 Speaker 2: What a great question, and I'm sorry about your breakup. 661 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,719 Speaker 2: I'm sure that is a difficult chapter for you. It 662 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,719 Speaker 2: does get better, though, and I know you're properly sick 663 00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:22,239 Speaker 2: of hearing that, but I know it gets better because 664 00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:25,799 Speaker 2: I've been in your shoes. I have been exactly where 665 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:29,480 Speaker 2: you are. I was in a really toxic, terrible relationship 666 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:33,920 Speaker 2: when I was twenty one, and it was just it 667 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:38,520 Speaker 2: cost me so many friendships because I was so invested 668 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,480 Speaker 2: in him and I was so enamored with him, and 669 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,319 Speaker 2: it was just not a very healthy dynamic. And he 670 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,520 Speaker 2: made me equally anxious and excited, and that kept me 671 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,000 Speaker 2: really wrapped around his finger. And because of how enraptured 672 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:54,520 Speaker 2: I was with him, it meant that I found any 673 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:58,440 Speaker 2: excuse to be friends with his friends, and just naturally 674 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,839 Speaker 2: I spent so much time with them and at their 675 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,720 Speaker 2: house that I fell into those friendships really, really easily, 676 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,600 Speaker 2: because of course it's convenient they're around. They're probably really 677 00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:13,480 Speaker 2: nice people. When the relationship inevitably ended, I of course 678 00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:16,959 Speaker 2: felt devastated and heartbroken by the fact that I wasn't 679 00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:20,640 Speaker 2: with this person anymore, But also I felt an additional 680 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:25,360 Speaker 2: form of social pain that came from losing those friendships. 681 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,680 Speaker 2: It was a sad truth that they were his friends first. 682 00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,840 Speaker 2: And I know that, you know, perhaps we're more mature 683 00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,120 Speaker 2: than to think that ODDS is a thing, or to 684 00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,399 Speaker 2: think that we can claim certain people as our own. 685 00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,080 Speaker 2: But it was just a nature of how things felt 686 00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,600 Speaker 2: that they were more his friends than mine, and so 687 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:48,040 Speaker 2: I lost him. Then I lost his friends, and then 688 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:51,960 Speaker 2: I turned around and realized that I'd lost my own 689 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:56,160 Speaker 2: friends in the process of pursuing this relationship. And I 690 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,279 Speaker 2: will not sweeten the sugar for you. It was really 691 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:02,200 Speaker 2: really difficult, and it was really really hard, but this 692 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,279 Speaker 2: is how I went about it. Firstly, I did reach 693 00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:06,960 Speaker 2: out to my old friends and I was really really 694 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,920 Speaker 2: honest with them. I said, you know, we've broken up. 695 00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:14,319 Speaker 2: I realized that that relationship, you know, caused me to 696 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,440 Speaker 2: perhaps behave the way that I didn't want to. It 697 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,640 Speaker 2: caused me to not be as present in your life anymore. 698 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:22,360 Speaker 2: But if you'll give me the chance, I'd really like 699 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:26,000 Speaker 2: to reconnect and just do things that are slow and steady. 700 00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,640 Speaker 2: Some of them might say no, that's totally okay, But 701 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:32,560 Speaker 2: most people are kind and forgiving, and they probably really 702 00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:35,680 Speaker 2: love your company. They really enjoy your company. They've probably 703 00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:38,719 Speaker 2: missed you, so they will want to bring you back 704 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:40,680 Speaker 2: into the fold. They will want to be in your life. 705 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,600 Speaker 2: Reach out just to do something small, do something your 706 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:47,200 Speaker 2: activity based go and get a coffee, go for a walk, 707 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:53,239 Speaker 2: and then also try and extend your circle beyond those 708 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:57,080 Speaker 2: old friends and beyond your ex boyfriend's friends, to also 709 00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,400 Speaker 2: include people who didn't know you before, who didn't know 710 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,480 Speaker 2: you during, but who know you in this new phase 711 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:05,280 Speaker 2: of your life, because it's going to be a brilliant one. 712 00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:10,880 Speaker 2: The post breakup glow up is insane, and it's not physical, 713 00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:14,320 Speaker 2: it's mental. You become this like enchanting version of yourself. 714 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,640 Speaker 2: Once you get through the pain and the hurt, there 715 00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,640 Speaker 2: is just such fertile soil upon which for you to 716 00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:24,080 Speaker 2: grow as an individual and to really rediscover yourself. I 717 00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,040 Speaker 2: think you might need some new friends for that chapter. 718 00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:28,799 Speaker 2: So this really comes down to how to make friends 719 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,560 Speaker 2: as an adult as well. My biggest tip is to 720 00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:33,560 Speaker 2: start doing the same things at the same time in 721 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:38,520 Speaker 2: the same place, build friends around routine. So how I 722 00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,120 Speaker 2: did this after my breakup and then I also moved 723 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:43,760 Speaker 2: to cities at the same time, was that I started 724 00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:47,120 Speaker 2: going to the same fitness classes on the same day 725 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,000 Speaker 2: at the same time. So do boxing on Tuesday at 726 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,400 Speaker 2: six thirty pm and on Thursdays at five point thirty 727 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:54,600 Speaker 2: and I knew that there would be other people who 728 00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:56,919 Speaker 2: would have the same routine and structures me, so I'd 729 00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,480 Speaker 2: be seeing them and through that we were able to 730 00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:03,720 Speaker 2: start building a friendship. I also went to life drawing 731 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,840 Speaker 2: classes and I went to a ceramics class, and I 732 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:10,239 Speaker 2: made friends that way, because you know, post school and UNI, 733 00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:13,560 Speaker 2: it's always so difficult, even like outside of work, to 734 00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:17,080 Speaker 2: make new friends because you don't have those convenient structures. 735 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:22,759 Speaker 2: But I find that like classes and weekly activities that 736 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:25,480 Speaker 2: are structured are a really great way to meet people 737 00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:29,800 Speaker 2: and also just start reaching out to mutuals. Start reaching 738 00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,360 Speaker 2: out to people who you know, you've met a couple 739 00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:35,040 Speaker 2: of times at a party and who you really really 740 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,400 Speaker 2: hit it off with, or who are friends of friends. 741 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:42,760 Speaker 2: This is an excellent time for you to really regrow 742 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:46,560 Speaker 2: that social circle that perhaps you've been lacking. I know 743 00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:50,399 Speaker 2: that it probably feels really, really daunting and maybe really 744 00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:54,440 Speaker 2: lonely at this at this point as well, but I 745 00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,920 Speaker 2: had a really crazy realization. I really feel for you, actually, 746 00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:00,000 Speaker 2: because just a few days ago I was having my 747 00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:02,680 Speaker 2: friends MISS like my friends MISS party for all my friends, 748 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,960 Speaker 2: and I was sitting at the table and I was thinking, wow, 749 00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:10,799 Speaker 2: when I first moved to Sydney. After this breakup, I'd 750 00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:14,560 Speaker 2: lost so many friends and I never imagined that I'd 751 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,080 Speaker 2: be at this point again. And if this was what 752 00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,600 Speaker 2: I always wanted, I always wanted to have a big 753 00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,759 Speaker 2: table full of people who I could celebrate with. And 754 00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:26,040 Speaker 2: these were like twenty of my really good friends. And 755 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,920 Speaker 2: I remember in that time after my breakup, when I 756 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,520 Speaker 2: really didn't have many friends, I'd neglected my old friendships, 757 00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:35,799 Speaker 2: you know, they weren't really as strong as they could be. 758 00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:39,480 Speaker 2: And I'd really, you know, rebuilt those old friendships and 759 00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:41,560 Speaker 2: also found new ones. So I want you to know 760 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,880 Speaker 2: it's possible. Sorry, there was a long ramble, a gratitude ramble, 761 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,960 Speaker 2: I would say, just to really tell you that where 762 00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:49,920 Speaker 2: you are right now is not where you'll be forever. 763 00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,319 Speaker 2: Put an effort, put in time. Take a year to 764 00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,640 Speaker 2: just be single and to really concentrate on building those 765 00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:59,600 Speaker 2: social circles. And also take it as a lesson that 766 00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:02,440 Speaker 2: whatever next relationship you find, because you will find a 767 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:06,320 Speaker 2: new person and you will find love again, your friendships 768 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:10,000 Speaker 2: need to be equally as important because they are the 769 00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:13,719 Speaker 2: things that really sustain us through every single chapter in 770 00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:17,560 Speaker 2: our life. Those are all of the twenty something dilemmas 771 00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:21,600 Speaker 2: that I had for you guys today. I really enjoy 772 00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:25,759 Speaker 2: doing this episode. I guess I love advice giving. I 773 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,680 Speaker 2: love specific advice giving, and it was really nice to 774 00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:32,200 Speaker 2: actually be able to have your voices on the podcast 775 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,400 Speaker 2: because gosh, obviously the season of gratitude, I'm going to 776 00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:39,200 Speaker 2: be all sappy and emotional again. But you guys made 777 00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:41,759 Speaker 2: the show this year. You made the podcast this year. 778 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:46,600 Speaker 2: You were behind every amazing thing that I got to do. Period. 779 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,400 Speaker 2: You know, I'm not even gonna take any credit Without 780 00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:53,040 Speaker 2: you guys, it wouldn't be possible. So I really hope 781 00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:56,799 Speaker 2: that it was really nice getting to hear from other 782 00:43:56,920 --> 00:44:00,560 Speaker 2: listeners that these questions resonated with you. Maybe you've got 783 00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:03,520 Speaker 2: answers to some of your own dilemmas. And I want 784 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:06,439 Speaker 2: to thank you from the bottom of my heart for 785 00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:09,120 Speaker 2: all of the support and love that you have for 786 00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:12,560 Speaker 2: the Psychology of your twenties. Next year is going to 787 00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,960 Speaker 2: be a crazy year. I have some big news coming 788 00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:21,759 Speaker 2: January sixth, some huge news, and you know, I got 789 00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:24,719 Speaker 2: to announce my book this year, So if you haven't 790 00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:28,000 Speaker 2: already made sure that you pre order Person in Progress, 791 00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:30,800 Speaker 2: it's coming out in April, and I will be traveling 792 00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:33,440 Speaker 2: all around the world to hopefully get to meet you 793 00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:36,279 Speaker 2: all at some book signings, at some book tours, at 794 00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:38,680 Speaker 2: some meetups. We're going to have so much more in 795 00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:42,560 Speaker 2: person connection next year that I'm very, very pumped for 796 00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:44,839 Speaker 2: because i feel like that's what we've been missing. I'm 797 00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,239 Speaker 2: really excited to get out there and to meet some 798 00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:50,040 Speaker 2: of the fans, meet some of the listeners, meet some 799 00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:53,799 Speaker 2: of the other fellow twenty something people who are going 800 00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:57,080 Speaker 2: through what we are all going through at the same time. 801 00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:00,960 Speaker 2: So I want to say big happy holidays and a 802 00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,640 Speaker 2: happy New Year. We're definitely gonna talk before then, but 803 00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,640 Speaker 2: this will probably be one of my last, you know, 804 00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:08,920 Speaker 2: solo episodes where I just get to talk to you 805 00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,960 Speaker 2: guys before then. So you have made my year. Not 806 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,080 Speaker 2: to sound like a broken record. And make sure that 807 00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:18,680 Speaker 2: you are following along or you're subscribed on Apple Podcasts 808 00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:22,520 Speaker 2: or Spotify. Leave a little review. It's a really great 809 00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:25,160 Speaker 2: way to give back these holidays is to give me 810 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:28,759 Speaker 2: some kind words to read when I'm feeling anxious. After 811 00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:32,799 Speaker 2: my New Year's Day party in plans and we will 812 00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:35,520 Speaker 2: talk very very soon. Make sure to send this episode 813 00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,960 Speaker 2: to someone you know who might enjoy it as well. 814 00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:43,319 Speaker 2: And until next time, stay safe, stay kind, please be 815 00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:47,200 Speaker 2: gentle with yourself. We will talk very very soon.