1 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 1: All right, I'm ready. Hi guys, welcome to this episode 2 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,319 Speaker 1: of Keep It Positive, Sweetie. And today I guess what 3 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: we're talking about, the soft life. Yes, I am. I'm 4 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 1: trying to hone in on my soft life. And recently 5 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 1: this term was coined, and I feel it derived from 6 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: Black women who are tired. We're tired. We are tired 7 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: of doing everything by ourselves, especially Black women. We do everything, 8 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:48,519 Speaker 1: we hold everybody up, we single black women. I have 9 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: to do everything by myself. I have to do the 10 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,720 Speaker 1: things that has to be the man and the woman, 11 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 1: and it's exhausting. And I don't know if you guys 12 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 1: feel the way I feel, but I'm ready for the 13 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: soft life. And I feel like the soft life starts 14 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 1: with us. You know, we have to start hiring people 15 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: to do some of these things to help us really 16 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,480 Speaker 1: tap into that softly, because you will run yourself ragged 17 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: trying to do your job and a job that a 18 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: man should be doing. Okay, so let's get into it. 19 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 1: I found this quote by Zoe's Aldana and it really 20 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: resonated with me. She said, I like what I do, 21 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 1: I like how I do it. I like my mistakes. 22 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 1: I like the pace at which I learned from my mistakes. 23 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:33,680 Speaker 1: I don't want to be anybody else but me, and 24 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 1: by knowing this, I want to continue figuring out who 25 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:42,039 Speaker 1: the fuck I am. Zoe Zoldana Okay, first of all, 26 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,720 Speaker 1: says me too. I'm trying to figure that out. But 27 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 1: while I do that, I want to keep it cute 28 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 1: and keep it solved. Listen. I feel like we can 29 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: take it back back to slavery, where the black woman 30 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: had to keep the family lifted, had to hold everything down, 31 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 1: the men would lead, the men would get killed. It 32 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 1: was so many different things, and I think generationally it 33 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,640 Speaker 1: has just been ingrained in us. This is what you're 34 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,639 Speaker 1: supposed to do. You're supposed to hold it down while 35 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: he's out working. You need to make sure the kids 36 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,240 Speaker 1: are going. You need to make sure the house is right. 37 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: You need to also have a job. You need to 38 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 1: birth the children, you need to make sure that they're 39 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: raised up right. It's just so many things that fall 40 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: into the place of being a woman, and it becomes 41 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: too much, like way too much. And I think we 42 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: are finally to a point where, like y'all, we're tired, 43 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:34,760 Speaker 1: We are tired, and we want help. That's where we are, 44 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 1: and that's where the term soft life came from. For 45 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:46,400 Speaker 1: the past probably seven to eight years, really, yeah, seven 46 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:50,679 Speaker 1: to eight years, I have been doing everything by myself. 47 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,640 Speaker 1: Even when I dated for a few years between twenty 48 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: fifteen and twenty seventeen, I was still handling a lot 49 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,960 Speaker 1: of things on my own. And it wasn't until recently 50 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: because as women, and to a fault, we have felt 51 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: like men weren't stepping up so that we had to 52 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 1: do it all ourselves. And then it became this whole 53 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: I'm independent, I don't need a man, So we go 54 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: through that whole thing, which is a lie. We do 55 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:23,800 Speaker 1: need our men, and because that was ingrained in us, 56 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: then it like pushed us to just go harder and 57 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:30,320 Speaker 1: we became more and more and more successful, more independent, 58 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:34,160 Speaker 1: and probably so consciously we were pushing men away from us, 59 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 1: and so we kind of did it to ourselves ladies, 60 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,480 Speaker 1: if you think about it. But also the men and 61 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 1: y'all wasn't stepping up the way you need it to either, 62 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: So we both can take responsibility in how we got here. 63 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,920 Speaker 1: But for me, I know it got to a point 64 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: where I was just like, man, I am tired, Like 65 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 1: this is a lot. My garbage disposal broke down one 66 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: time and I was like, Lord, like this is something 67 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: like my man should be handling. Why am I calling 68 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,640 Speaker 1: around trying to figure who can come fix this? Waking 69 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 1: up this morning at seven o'clock it's freezing cold. I 70 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 1: gotta take the trash out, like I'm doing everything myself. 71 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 1: And to me, it's just like I feel like a woman. 72 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: Women need to like tap back into their femininity. We 73 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: have become so masculine. I know for me I have. 74 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,720 Speaker 1: It's like and I had to catch myself sometimes because 75 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: I have taken on the ego of a man and 76 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 1: feeling like yeah, I got this pride and I pumped 77 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: my chest like I did this myself, Like everything you 78 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,680 Speaker 1: see is me. I want to be like everything you 79 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 1: see is us. We did this. Cheers. I'm cheers into 80 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 1: my imaginary man. Cheers. Baby. We did that, I know, 81 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,479 Speaker 1: and we're gonna take this thing to the moment like 82 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: Beyonce and Jay, Yeah, thank you love that. That's my 83 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: imaginary man. We sipt champagne and all those things. Soft life. 84 00:04:53,640 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 1: But seriously, like I'll be talking to him, Yeah, I know, 85 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 1: she laughing at us. You will be here. What day. 86 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:12,479 Speaker 1: I know that I know manifestation. I am manifesting my 87 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 1: man who is going to come and help make this 88 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:19,160 Speaker 1: thing a little softer. Okay, but no, I feel like 89 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 1: it's a double edged short. I feel like men and 90 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,559 Speaker 1: women have played a part and women having to feel 91 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: like they have to do it on their own, and 92 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 1: women have pushed men away because men's like, well, shit, 93 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:32,159 Speaker 1: what am I gonna do? You got it all figured out? 94 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 1: What am I coming in here to do? You got 95 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 1: the house, you got the cars, you got the career. 96 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: You clearly you got the garbage supposed to fix what 97 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 1: you need me for. There are things that men can 98 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 1: do that women can't do and that women shouldn't be doing. 99 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: And it's not gender roles or anything like that. It's 100 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: just coming in and just being a team and playing 101 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 1: your part. And for me, I just got tired. I 102 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: was like I cannot keep doing this, Like I gotta 103 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: figure it out. So I started creating my own soft life. 104 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 1: I made sure that I get my massages weekly. I 105 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,279 Speaker 1: make sure I take time out to work out. I 106 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,559 Speaker 1: take time out to meditate, do yoga, things that calm 107 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 1: me down because sometimes I get so caught up in 108 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: my career and making sure I'm keeping up with life 109 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:21,360 Speaker 1: and keeping up the image. Let's be real, because you 110 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 1: have this the image I have to upkeep. Now that's 111 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:26,360 Speaker 1: a lot and it takes a lot of hard work 112 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,760 Speaker 1: to do that. But if I got to work and 113 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,360 Speaker 1: I gotta keep everything up, it becomes too much. So 114 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,800 Speaker 1: trying to find that balance within myself and creating a 115 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,599 Speaker 1: self life that I want another man to come in 116 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 1: and add to. So, yeah, that's how I got here. 117 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: That's why I'm sitting shit in family's couch talking to y'all. 118 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 1: I really saw my masculinity kicking when I moved to 119 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,800 Speaker 1: Atlanta and started pursuing music. Because it's such a male 120 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: dominated industry, I felt like I had to have this 121 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,720 Speaker 1: hard shell so men knew not to try me. And 122 00:06:56,760 --> 00:07:00,360 Speaker 1: it was like a protector shell. And I remember like 123 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 1: I would go to studio sessions and men were be like, 124 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 1: I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I 125 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,840 Speaker 1: would love to take you on a date. And I'm like, bro, 126 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: if you have to lead what I know, I'm not 127 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: supposed to do this, why are you doing it? You know? 128 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 1: And I was alone in a lot of those rooms, 129 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: so I had to make sure people knew don't play 130 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,680 Speaker 1: with me. And that's where that hardness come from the South. 131 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: Like I'm a Southern girl through and through Southern vale 132 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,840 Speaker 1: let the man lead. I was taught all the Southern 133 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 1: ways you speak to people in the morning. I moved 134 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: to DC and I'm like, good morning to complete strange. 135 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 1: I was just that was the Southern ways of me, 136 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 1: and They're like, who are you talking to? And even 137 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: then I started like realizing, Okay, you gotta kind of 138 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 1: tone it down. You can't be so friendly and gullible. 139 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,640 Speaker 1: And it was when I moved to Atlanta that I realized, Okay, 140 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 1: I got to let these people know they can come 141 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: to me, and I have to carry that. And it 142 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 1: just carried on through my career, even through acting, working costumes, 143 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,000 Speaker 1: designing all those things. I had to like make it known, 144 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 1: like this woman cares. You know, there are certain women 145 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: there walk into a room you just know, oh I can't. 146 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,880 Speaker 1: I can't play with her. She don't play. Like my 147 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 1: daddy said, they cut out recesses when I was in 148 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 1: school because I don't play. We don't do that. So 149 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: I had to let people know, like, you can't play 150 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 1: with me, and I think that carried on into relationships 151 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 1: where it was just like I can do it all. 152 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:24,239 Speaker 1: Like case in Point season two of Fatima, A Zatima 153 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,400 Speaker 1: just came out and Fatima was trying to change her tire. 154 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: She got a whole man, but Fatima was so used 155 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: to doing everything on her own she didn't even think 156 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,719 Speaker 1: calls that he would love to come and help. But 157 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 1: women have been so conditioned to you gotta do it yourself. 158 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 1: You need to know how to do everything because what 159 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 1: if a man is not here to save you figure 160 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,440 Speaker 1: it out? And then some women don't want to bother men, 161 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,840 Speaker 1: but they're men. Sometimes I feel like letting a man 162 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,960 Speaker 1: know that you need him makes him come even harder 163 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,840 Speaker 1: because he feels wanted, he feels needed. It's like, Okay, 164 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 1: my baby need me. And the same thing for women. 165 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,760 Speaker 1: We want to know that our man needs us. And 166 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: I feel like if we can, I'm the right person 167 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,080 Speaker 1: to like create with, we can both tap into our 168 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 1: soft side because me and eat the soft life too. 169 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: I don't think it's just a women thing. Honestly, I 170 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 1: feel like men can have If we all come in 171 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 1: and help each other together, we both can have a 172 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 1: soft life. I've been a relationship where a guy was like, 173 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: I got it. I got it, Crystal, I got it. 174 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 1: You don't have to do it. And I think too, 175 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, I used to be such a control frick. 176 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: I wanted to make sure everything went right, and because 177 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: of that, I wanted to handle it myself because I 178 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,679 Speaker 1: don't know if you're gonna do it the way I 179 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: need to be done. So I wouldn't allow the man 180 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 1: to do certain things because I just wanted to make 181 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:36,720 Speaker 1: sure it was done the way I wanted it. And 182 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 1: sometimes you just have to learn how to let a 183 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 1: man lead, let him do his thing, and he had 184 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,079 Speaker 1: to kind of put me in my place, like, Y, 185 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 1: like you you got to let me be the man 186 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,520 Speaker 1: and do these things. And I was like, okay, you right, 187 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 1: But there are some men that I do not feel 188 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 1: comfortable in letting them lead. So I feel like I 189 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: still got to do it because I don't even trust 190 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,240 Speaker 1: that you're gonna leave me in the right direction. And 191 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: when I get to that point and it's like, what 192 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 1: are we doing anyway? Like if I can't truice you 193 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,440 Speaker 1: to leave me and know that you're gonna take us 194 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 1: in the right direction, and we're gonna be all right, 195 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 1: then we don't need to be together. But yeah, I 196 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: definitely have had a man tell me I need to 197 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: calm down because I'm very much I'm even like when 198 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,000 Speaker 1: things aren't going right, I'm the one like that'll call 199 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: the company and be like, hey, what's going on with this? No, 200 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 1: we need to get this fixed. This is unacceptable. Like 201 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 1: I'm the fixer, Like put my white hat on, like 202 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:30,960 Speaker 1: carry Washington and the scandal, put my white hat on 203 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,560 Speaker 1: and try to fix it. And sometimes you gotta let 204 00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:35,920 Speaker 1: the man make the call and fix those things. And 205 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:39,200 Speaker 1: I just sit back and sit my champagne the right. Baby, 206 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,120 Speaker 1: I know I don't let you do it. You get it. 207 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:50,400 Speaker 1: Soft life, to me looks like this. Soft life is 208 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 1: not all about sitting on the couch looking cute, sipping 209 00:10:52,360 --> 00:11:00,959 Speaker 1: rerose egg. Soft life is femininity. It's allowing yourself to 210 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,280 Speaker 1: exude that, to be lady like, to be comfortable in 211 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:07,680 Speaker 1: your own skin, to know that you don't have to 212 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:13,080 Speaker 1: be all hard all the time. It means self care, 213 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,560 Speaker 1: taking care of yourself. It means taking time out to 214 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:21,199 Speaker 1: do things that you enjoy doing. Soft life means saying no. 215 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 1: Sometimes saying no to the things that don't bring you peace, 216 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,080 Speaker 1: because sometimes a lot of things that you're saying yes 217 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 1: to can also be driving that hardness as well. So 218 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: I feel like understanding where you are, understanding the energy 219 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:41,199 Speaker 1: that you want to have around you all falls into 220 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 1: encompassing the soft life. My most recent no has honestly 221 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 1: been when my friends want to go to certain places 222 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 1: and it just doesn't agree with my spirit or I'm 223 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: tired and I really just need to rest. I've had 224 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 1: to learn. And it's funny. I'll look at them be 225 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: like no, and they're like you just like you do 226 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 1: not care. I'm like, no, I don't like, I don't 227 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 1: want to do that because I've been such a people 228 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 1: pleaser and that too, can cause a lot of strain 229 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 1: on your life. And you're just saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, 230 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: what do you need? All right? Gotcha? What do you need? Gotcha? 231 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,760 Speaker 1: What do you need? Gotcha? It becomes too much and 232 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 1: you have to take the time out to be like, 233 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,319 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm cool, so say no to friends sometimes. 234 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:30,640 Speaker 1: Even this one guy that I was talking to, he's 235 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:34,600 Speaker 1: tried it, never has gone anywhere, but recently he had 236 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,320 Speaker 1: come back and he was like Hey, let's go to 237 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 1: dinner at this particular restaurant that's really hard to get into. 238 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:44,320 Speaker 1: I know the GM, but if you want to take 239 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: me figure it out, you know. Like I'm like, I 240 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,320 Speaker 1: want somebody to come in and I'm already doing a 241 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 1: million things to create this life that I have, and 242 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 1: you want to take my time away from doing what 243 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 1: I gotta do. At least figure out how to make 244 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,199 Speaker 1: a reservation and figure it out. So he was like, yeah, 245 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: but you're probably gonna need to call and make the 246 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 1: rest best because I don't know anybody and it's gonna 247 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 1: be hard to get in there. And I was like okay, 248 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,240 Speaker 1: And then two days later he didn't hear from me. 249 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 1: So he was like, I guess you got like coled 250 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,840 Speaker 1: feed or like change your mind, I said, you know, 251 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,439 Speaker 1: I was like, I just thought about it. I said, 252 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: We've tried to do this, and every time we hang out, 253 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 1: I don't call you anymore. We don't talk for months 254 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: or a year, and then you see me and you 255 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: want to hang out and I'm like, okay, I have 256 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,080 Speaker 1: nothing going on, so maybe it's just something to do 257 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: because there's nothing to do. I'm not wasting my time anymore. 258 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna say no. And I was like, 259 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,319 Speaker 1: God has shown me that this hasn't gone anywhere since 260 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,560 Speaker 1: I've met you, and it's not going to continue to 261 00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: go anywhere, So I'm not going to keep wasting my time. 262 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 1: A week later, where was this man at No Boo 263 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:54,679 Speaker 1: the restaurant? So you figured it out? So you could 264 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,320 Speaker 1: have figured it out when you wanted to take me. 265 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,599 Speaker 1: Now the right man come along and he's put it 266 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:02,439 Speaker 1: in the right energy coming to see me. Okay, cool, 267 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: Like what we're doing? Oh well, I know somebody, because 268 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: you're making me feel like you're just not taking take 269 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 1: and take and taken when you're pouring into me. I'm 270 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:13,080 Speaker 1: pouring into you. And you love this restaurant and you 271 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,480 Speaker 1: want to take me there, well, oh, bab I know 272 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 1: the GM, so I'll cause them, I'll set it up. 273 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: We're good. I don't feel like that. But when you've 274 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 1: continually wasted my time for years and then you want 275 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 1: to come in and oh I want to take you up, 276 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 1: but you got to call and make the reservation and 277 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:28,480 Speaker 1: you're gonna get my face, get out my face. And 278 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 1: that's how I felt about it. So that was another 279 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,760 Speaker 1: that was this year, top of the year, and I 280 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 1: was It felt so good to just be like yeah, no, no, 281 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: And I felt so soft after that, I really did. 282 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,320 Speaker 1: I got back in my king size bed, pulled my 283 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 1: duvet over me and watch you and I was good. 284 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: But it's like, I don't know. It was definitely one 285 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,640 Speaker 1: of the moments where I was like, this feels good 286 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,560 Speaker 1: to say no. And I think a lot of times 287 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 1: it's women. We don't advocate for ourselves. We advocating for 288 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 1: everybody else in our lives except for ourselves. We have 289 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 1: to stop doing that. We put everyone before us and 290 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: a lot of times we know our worth, but we're 291 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 1: not really acting like we know it. And we'll deal 292 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:12,000 Speaker 1: with things, deal with relationships, deal with friends that we 293 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 1: family members, people that we really need to just remove 294 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,240 Speaker 1: ourselves from because we haven't really tapped into who we 295 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 1: really are and understand like what we're worth. And I 296 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:24,040 Speaker 1: feel like understanding, hey, this is not what I deserve. 297 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: I'm gonna put me first is a part of the 298 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: soft life. So let's take it back to the guy 299 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,800 Speaker 1: who asked me to go eat. Here's another part to it. 300 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 1: Why did I feel the need when he asked me 301 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,520 Speaker 1: to go eat, go out to eat, and let's go 302 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 1: to dinner. Why did I feel the need to say 303 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 1: yes instead of just saying no. Then it took me 304 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 1: like two days to think about it, and then I 305 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: was like, this isn't what I want to do and 306 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,360 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna act like I want to do it. 307 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: And I feel like in that moment, like I didn't 308 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,520 Speaker 1: want to find I probably didn't want to have the conversation. 309 00:15:54,920 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: But in another breath, I didn't have nothing going on. 310 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:04,000 Speaker 1: I wasn't actively talking to anybody. It was a dry season, 311 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 1: so I was like, I ain't got nothing else to do. 312 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 1: I like, No Boo, they can go eat, it's fine. 313 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 1: But when I thought about it, I was like, I 314 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,800 Speaker 1: can go to No Boo anytime. I don't need you 315 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: do that and you can't get me in there. It's 316 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: what we're doing, like we only go on because I 317 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,920 Speaker 1: got the connection and you've shown me. And that's another thing. 318 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,120 Speaker 1: When people show you who they are the first time, 319 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: believe them because I've allowed this person to like pop 320 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 1: in and out and it never went anywhere, but he 321 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,040 Speaker 1: always came around when I had nothing going on. So 322 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 1: they always say that an idle mind is the devil's playground. 323 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,200 Speaker 1: And I was like, I mean, I ain't got nothing 324 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,360 Speaker 1: going on, Yeah, we can go whatever. And it was 325 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 1: also too just to get the conversation over with. But 326 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 1: once I thought about it, I was like, no, we're 327 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: not doing this. And that was me advocating for myself 328 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,080 Speaker 1: and my time and understanding Crystal, you are worth more. 329 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 1: God has more for you. If you keep wasting your 330 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,480 Speaker 1: time on people who don't see you and don't value 331 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: and don't add the same value or equal value to 332 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 1: your life, you're never gonna get what God hask for you. 333 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 1: So I had to That's another thing. I had to 334 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 1: stop wasting my time on men who have already shown 335 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,440 Speaker 1: me they're not equipped to handle me or to take 336 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 1: me to where I need to go. Some of the 337 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:24,159 Speaker 1: things I practiced daily just to like give myself a 338 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:30,680 Speaker 1: soft life, to feel like a woman waking up in 339 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:34,720 Speaker 1: the morning talking with God, not instantly jumping on my phone, 340 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:42,680 Speaker 1: taking a bath, soaking, reading a book, working out, taking 341 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:46,159 Speaker 1: care of myself. I may treat myself to dinner, I 342 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,399 Speaker 1: may cook because I feel like those are things I 343 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 1: enjoy doing as a woman. Like that make me feel 344 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,439 Speaker 1: like when I'm in the kitchen. It's just something that 345 00:17:54,520 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: feels so feminine about it. I feel like I'm like 346 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,119 Speaker 1: tapping into a different energy than if I'm just like 347 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 1: ordering uber eats, which I do all the time. But 348 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,679 Speaker 1: it's something that I can do that. I like to cook, 349 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 1: I like to do yoga. Those are things that call 350 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 1: me any Any type of activities that calm me down 351 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 1: is a way that I tap into my soft life. 352 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,719 Speaker 1: Putting on my sick pajamas, pouring a glass of wine 353 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,480 Speaker 1: or champagne for no reason, no celebration. We just do 354 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,879 Speaker 1: it cause that's what we do. And also that like 355 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,399 Speaker 1: understanding that I don't have to have a reason to 356 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,200 Speaker 1: do something extravagant. I don't have to. It isn't oh 357 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,639 Speaker 1: well it's a birthday, now we can poss some champagne. No, 358 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,160 Speaker 1: it's a Tuesday and it's twelve o'clock in the a day. 359 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 1: I do it because I want to, because I can. 360 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 1: That's period period. Y'all heard me. Do it because you 361 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:52,720 Speaker 1: can pour your glass of champagne on Tuesday afternoon, says, 362 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,400 Speaker 1: and toast to yourself and to your future man. Right, yep, 363 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,320 Speaker 1: don't forget about your man over here. Y'all better keep manifesting, y'all. 364 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: Don't feet he over here. Okay, yes, he's taller than that. 365 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 1: He's like right here. Because I'm manifesting the time. Man, Yeah, 366 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 1: I am stupid, you know what. Even when I'm filming, 367 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:22,119 Speaker 1: when I'm working fifteen sixteen hour days, sometimes longer than that, 368 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,880 Speaker 1: I can't get to the gym because I'm too tired. 369 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:29,040 Speaker 1: Those are times where like and I'm If you know me, 370 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 1: you know I am a workaholic. I take my job 371 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:35,920 Speaker 1: and craft very serious. As soon as I wrap, i'm studying, 372 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 1: if I'm on a break, i'm studying, I always want 373 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,560 Speaker 1: to make sure that I'm on it at all times. 374 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,800 Speaker 1: And when I'm doing those things, I make sure my 375 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: soft life comes into making sure I'm eating good, making 376 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,960 Speaker 1: sure i'm when it's time to rest, just rest. Don't 377 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 1: worry about the workout. Your body needs understanding. Okay, in 378 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,040 Speaker 1: this moment, I know you feel like you need to 379 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,879 Speaker 1: work out. I know you're on camera, but your body 380 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,320 Speaker 1: needs to rest. And understanding and tapping in to that 381 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,639 Speaker 1: and listening to your body is a part of the 382 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,919 Speaker 1: soft life because when you're going, going, going, you're not 383 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,639 Speaker 1: really listening that's when you get sick. That's when you 384 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: pass out on set. We've seen it happen before. So 385 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,800 Speaker 1: taking the time to really just rest when I'm filming, 386 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,200 Speaker 1: making sure I'm still eating healthy, paying attention when I'm 387 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:22,320 Speaker 1: putting my body. And when I'm done, that's when I 388 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 1: like take a vacation because the way we shoot is insane. 389 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 1: So when I'm done, i am my brain is fried. 390 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,600 Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to nobody. I just want 391 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 1: to get to a beach and lay out all day, 392 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:40,119 Speaker 1: drink my good drinks and have some fun. But I 393 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 1: think it's all in the balance you have. You know 394 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,959 Speaker 1: that there's sometimes when you got to grind. I'm not 395 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,960 Speaker 1: saying that every day you're going to wake up sipping champagne. 396 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,000 Speaker 1: You got to work. You know when you're gonna have 397 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,960 Speaker 1: to grind. You have to have a work ethic. But 398 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,439 Speaker 1: you have to find that balance. And when I'm working, 399 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,119 Speaker 1: I may not be able to get massage, but I 400 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,679 Speaker 1: try to get them on the weekends if I can. 401 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,119 Speaker 1: But when I'm during the week when I'm filming, and 402 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,880 Speaker 1: I can't do that. But yeah, just try to find 403 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 1: the balance. For sure. I define femininity as a woman 404 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: that is that makes when you come around her, you 405 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:19,120 Speaker 1: feel lighter. It's not a lot of heaviness that comes 406 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:24,639 Speaker 1: with you. You make people feel safe. I feel like 407 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 1: feminine energy makes people feel safe, It serves people, it 408 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:33,439 Speaker 1: helps people. It's an energy. It's like a it's just 409 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,280 Speaker 1: like that air about you, like the way she sits 410 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: because I'm I'm a tomboy. But when i'm when I 411 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 1: tap into that feminine energy, I may sit up like this, 412 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,440 Speaker 1: you know, like if something you know he over here, 413 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,119 Speaker 1: I may sit like this and put that thing on, 414 00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 1: you know, that feminine energy you know. You know, I 415 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 1: might cross my legs or the way I hold my glass, 416 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,520 Speaker 1: you know. In other days I'm like be like this, 417 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 1: like yeah, what's up? But it just depends, like there's 418 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,520 Speaker 1: so many different ways that it zoos. You know. It's 419 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 1: not always something that you can pinpoint, but it's a feeling. 420 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:15,080 Speaker 1: And when I feel safe as a woman, especially around 421 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 1: a good man, I'm able to tap into that ladylike energy, 422 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:21,000 Speaker 1: that feminine energy where it's not so masculine and hard. 423 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,320 Speaker 1: Because I have that too, where y'all be. I'm working 424 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,719 Speaker 1: on it, but I'll be cussing and I'm working on it. 425 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 1: But like you some people talking like, damn, girl, have 426 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:33,760 Speaker 1: you been on a pirate ship? Because I be cursing 427 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,560 Speaker 1: like a little sailor sometimes. But I'm working on we're 428 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,119 Speaker 1: gonna start a cursing jar, and so we're gonna do 429 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:40,840 Speaker 1: we had to get a jar to know, we gotta 430 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:45,920 Speaker 1: get a jar on here. A man that I can 431 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,680 Speaker 1: talk to about anything. A man that I feel free around, 432 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,720 Speaker 1: I don't feel judged. A man that I can like 433 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,960 Speaker 1: author like, wipe it all off. I can wipe it 434 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,119 Speaker 1: all off. He's like, my goodness, you are just the 435 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,199 Speaker 1: most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. A 436 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 1: man that I trust to leave me when I know that, 437 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,399 Speaker 1: like you can leave me and guide me and I 438 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,720 Speaker 1: can not be in control all the time, and I 439 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 1: can like, baby, you got that, Like I ain't got 440 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,280 Speaker 1: to worry about that. You got it. That is like 441 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 1: the safest feeling. A man that is after God's own heart, 442 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:23,000 Speaker 1: A man that I know like we're in alignment with 443 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,560 Speaker 1: our spiritual walk. Those are things that make me feel 444 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 1: safe because I know that if we're serving the same God, 445 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,240 Speaker 1: if we are we have our vision and eyes on 446 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 1: the same goal. Those are things that make me feel like, Okay, 447 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: I can I can be myself. I can be a lady. 448 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 1: I don't have to be all hard, I don't have 449 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:45,159 Speaker 1: to be in control. I can just be. And I 450 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,479 Speaker 1: haven't felt that in a long time. So I'm waiting 451 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,560 Speaker 1: on the one that really makes me feel like that. 452 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,640 Speaker 1: If I had a daughter, I would, at a very 453 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:58,399 Speaker 1: young age, like I would take her to the many 454 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,879 Speaker 1: petty s line. We would go to Nelse Line together, 455 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,639 Speaker 1: to the hair salon. These are other things that women 456 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,560 Speaker 1: do to just feel like a woman, same way men 457 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,879 Speaker 1: go to the barber shop every week. Women do the 458 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,640 Speaker 1: same thing. I would make sure because I didn't get 459 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 1: like manicures and pedicures until I got to college, Like 460 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:17,000 Speaker 1: that wasn't something my mom did with me or for me. 461 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,159 Speaker 1: So I would make sure that like I took her 462 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 1: to do those things, I would show her how a 463 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,199 Speaker 1: man should treat her. And I would hope that I 464 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:28,440 Speaker 1: have a man or a husband, that we're that example 465 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,439 Speaker 1: for her because for me, like I saw my dad 466 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,520 Speaker 1: how he steal from like when they married to now 467 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,719 Speaker 1: like how he still courts her, takes her to dinner, 468 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,159 Speaker 1: they still have date nights. I would try to be 469 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 1: an example for her to see like, oh my mom 470 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,200 Speaker 1: did this, Like oh my mom takes bubba baths, so 471 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,440 Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a bubble bath. You know. Like those 472 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,679 Speaker 1: are things that like little girls can like learn at 473 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,959 Speaker 1: a very young age to know, like this is what 474 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,959 Speaker 1: you do as a lady, like let's go dress shopping. 475 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:56,600 Speaker 1: Let's make sure that this is how you sit etiquette classes. 476 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 1: There's different things that I would instill in her the 477 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,479 Speaker 1: very young ag age so that as she got older, 478 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,720 Speaker 1: she would know how to carry herself as a woman. 479 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,199 Speaker 1: I started doing pageants. A lot of people don't know this, 480 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,439 Speaker 1: but I was a beauty pageant girl. I started in 481 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:15,720 Speaker 1: junior high school. I was a tom boy. It's like 482 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 1: that was the furthest thing in my mind. My mom 483 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 1: was just like I think you should do pageants, and 484 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 1: all my friends like you should be in the Genie 485 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,800 Speaker 1: Smart and pageant. And I was like all right, So 486 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 1: like I was the girl. My shoe came off the 487 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,480 Speaker 1: first time I walked out there. It was so embarrassing. 488 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 1: And it was something about that first day getting my 489 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,760 Speaker 1: makeup done and putting the dress on. I was like, ooh, 490 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 1: I felt like a princess. And I remember wading backstage. 491 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 1: They were calling out the contestants and who the winners, 492 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 1: and I was like, everybody else is like huddled up, 493 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 1: and I was just kind of walking around wandered. In 494 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 1: my own word, I've always been like a in my 495 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,360 Speaker 1: own little world kind of girl, still am. And they 496 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,239 Speaker 1: announced me as a winner, and like they were at 497 00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,520 Speaker 1: Crystal Is she and I was like what They were like, 498 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,199 Speaker 1: you want and I was like I did, so I 499 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,080 Speaker 1: go out there and then I kind of got hooked 500 00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 1: on it, and I started doing more and more pageants, and 501 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 1: once I got to like Miss Tennessee and that level 502 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:14,640 Speaker 1: of pageantry, it becomes like it's a different type of competition. 503 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 1: I had to take etiquette classes to even learn certain things. 504 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,240 Speaker 1: The way I spoke, We had interviews like you see 505 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,639 Speaker 1: how I just change the way I spoke. There's a 506 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,720 Speaker 1: certain way you talk when you're in beauty pageants. There's 507 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:29,800 Speaker 1: a certain way you walk. You have to walk with 508 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,640 Speaker 1: your shoulders back, the chin parallel to the ground. When 509 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 1: your arm swing, the tips of your fingers touch your legs, 510 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 1: so you're not walking like this. It's like, it's so 511 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 1: many different things that I learned while I was in pageants. 512 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 1: That definitely helps me be more lady like and tap 513 00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:48,800 Speaker 1: into my feminine energy. But I always try to say 514 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,800 Speaker 1: true to myself as well. I remember I was like 515 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,120 Speaker 1: backstage when I'm getting ready to all the girls are 516 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,680 Speaker 1: like yeah, like Princy and Prints. I have my headphones 517 00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,160 Speaker 1: on and I'm listening to the M and M lose 518 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,359 Speaker 1: yourself because I knew I was about the win and 519 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: I did, but like I was, I was still stay 520 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:08,000 Speaker 1: treating to myself. And if I like the balance of 521 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:12,840 Speaker 1: masculine and feminine energy without being too hard. So I 522 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,760 Speaker 1: feel like there's a way to have that soft life 523 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,160 Speaker 1: and still be a little bit of both because there's 524 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,920 Speaker 1: a coolness about the masculine energy, Like when a woman 525 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,679 Speaker 1: is like she's not all presy all the time. Me 526 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,480 Speaker 1: and life that like, yo, my girl, we can just 527 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,679 Speaker 1: chill in sweatpans. She ain't gotta be all made up. 528 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,200 Speaker 1: Everything doesn't have to be all fancy all the time. 529 00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,359 Speaker 1: They love when a woman can just adapt to any 530 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,639 Speaker 1: scenario and be like cool, like it's whatever. When you 531 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 1: take me something to a ball a gala, I'm gonna 532 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,159 Speaker 1: step out and you be like, wow, yes, I'm the 533 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:45,280 Speaker 1: Queen of the night. Let's go. We going to the game. 534 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:48,639 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be fly. We go into the park. You 535 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,000 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. I can do. I can fit 536 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,359 Speaker 1: in wherever I need to fit in. We're gonna go hiking. 537 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,399 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be like, well, I am gonna be 538 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:59,399 Speaker 1: like because I don't like bugs or snakes or spiders, nothing, 539 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,479 Speaker 1: but I do like I just don't like anything that 540 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:05,800 Speaker 1: comes along with hiking. But I'm rad. I'm down to 541 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 1: getting dirty, I'm down to sweed, I'm down to have fun. 542 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 1: So I think it is all about finding that balance 543 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:15,679 Speaker 1: between masculine and feminine energy. We say that we are 544 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 1: all made in God's likeness and in his image. I'm 545 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,400 Speaker 1: a woman and I'm made like God. 546 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:29,000 Speaker 2: You're a man, and you're made like God. He did 547 00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,760 Speaker 2: not make imagine every So my men watching, you're a 548 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,440 Speaker 2: man and you're made like God. 549 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:38,720 Speaker 1: And God is not a female or a man. Why 550 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 1: are we so hard on men who are super feminine 551 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:46,360 Speaker 1: and hard on women that are super masculine. And I'm 552 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,160 Speaker 1: trying to feel that because that's that's really really good 553 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:54,120 Speaker 1: because God made us in his image, And like, I 554 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,960 Speaker 1: feel like a lot of times, the feminine and masculine 555 00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:00,680 Speaker 1: energy comes from like our upbringing and what we saw. 556 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,120 Speaker 1: You know, for me, I saw my I was in 557 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,440 Speaker 1: a two raising a two parent household. But I was 558 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: very influenced by my cousins and my most of my cousin, 559 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 1: my girl cousins were like tomboys. We were raising the country, 560 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 1: so we were always doing like playing in dirt and 561 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 1: out in the fields, in the in the woods, doing 562 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:25,520 Speaker 1: stuff like that. But I feel like we judge people 563 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:30,960 Speaker 1: for being two femine, especially men, and I feel like 564 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,640 Speaker 1: there I want a man that can tap into his 565 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,360 Speaker 1: feminine side. I'm not saying be like yeah, girl, uh cheers. 566 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,720 Speaker 1: I'd be like, Okay, that's okay, you're taking too far, 567 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 1: chill out. But you know what I'm saying, I still 568 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 1: wanna be able to have him to be vulnerable, and 569 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 1: sometimes people must say vulnerability for femininity. I feel like 570 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,200 Speaker 1: everybody should vulnerable. I was talking to somebody somebody the 571 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 1: other day talking about me and shouldn't cry, Like I 572 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 1: never let anybody see me cry. Why why don't you 573 00:29:56,400 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: do that? Like there's nothing wrong with that, And it's 574 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,440 Speaker 1: I don't feel like you should tap that's a human feeling. 575 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,160 Speaker 1: Don't make that that's a feminine thing. Only females cry. 576 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:07,920 Speaker 1: I feel like that's what's wrong with a lot of 577 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,040 Speaker 1: men and men today, is that they bottle so much 578 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,040 Speaker 1: inside because they've been told man, suck it up, you 579 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 1: shouldn't cry. Don't do that, like tough enough, you weak, 580 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,479 Speaker 1: you a bitch, like all these things, and that's not 581 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,000 Speaker 1: the case. Like, no, come cry on my shoulder. We're 582 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:24,560 Speaker 1: gonna be good. Let's figure it out. But I feel 583 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,080 Speaker 1: like we have to be open to all sides that 584 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 1: it definitely there's a balance in men and women, and 585 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 1: we have to be open to all sides that come 586 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,640 Speaker 1: with our men and they come with our with our women. 587 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,400 Speaker 1: All right, guys, you already know this is my favorite 588 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:44,840 Speaker 1: part of the show, Positive Outcomes, where you guys, my community, 589 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:48,479 Speaker 1: my family right in to get my advice on certain 590 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:54,280 Speaker 1: things that you're going through. And today this young woman says, Hi, Crystal, 591 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,000 Speaker 1: I just wanted to tell you that I love you, 592 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,760 Speaker 1: and I feel like I know you. I watch you 593 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,719 Speaker 1: every week and I love your show. I am a 594 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,640 Speaker 1: mother of five, and I want to say I love 595 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 1: my kids very much, but I am tired, honey. I'm tired. 596 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,959 Speaker 1: Everyone on Instagram is talking about this soft life, and 597 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,160 Speaker 1: I'm like, Brandy, I want to be down. I know 598 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 1: that's right. I want to be down. I used to 599 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,640 Speaker 1: love that song. Can you please give me some tips 600 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:23,200 Speaker 1: on how I can have a soft life because I 601 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 1: really deserve it. Yes, you do. Si. First of all, 602 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,040 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you so much for watching. I appreciate it. 603 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,560 Speaker 1: But let's get into it. Who mother of five, I 604 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,280 Speaker 1: know you tire sis. So you definitely have to find 605 00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 1: time for yourself. You have to find time to literally say, hey, kids, 606 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:43,840 Speaker 1: I need a minute. My mom used to do this 607 00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:45,680 Speaker 1: thing where she would come in from work and she woulday, 608 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,880 Speaker 1: I need an hour. I need an hour. And that 609 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,320 Speaker 1: was how. That was another way that I knew you 610 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:53,000 Speaker 1: gotta take that time for yourself. So do that. And 611 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:57,480 Speaker 1: then also, everybody's on Instagram talking about the soft life, 612 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 1: but everybody ain't living it. So don't get caught up 613 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,080 Speaker 1: with what everybody's on Instagram. You have to figure out 614 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 1: what works for you, what makes you feel good, and 615 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,320 Speaker 1: be open to that. But you do deserve it. Know 616 00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,040 Speaker 1: that you deserve it. Take time to find out what 617 00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,400 Speaker 1: you like to do, tap into that, and I promise 618 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,640 Speaker 1: you you will start to find balance and you'll start 619 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: to feel softer. All right, thank you so much for 620 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:25,800 Speaker 1: writing it on this episode. What am I going through 621 00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:33,640 Speaker 1: and what am I growing through? I'm going through learning 622 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:38,160 Speaker 1: how to relinquish control, to not always be in control, 623 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,520 Speaker 1: because I think that's a part of a lot of 624 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,959 Speaker 1: the pressure and anxiety that I put on myself. And 625 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:53,200 Speaker 1: I'm growing through understanding that there's a balance in everything. 626 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 1: And when I find that balance, I've really tapped into something. 627 00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:01,000 Speaker 1: So finding the balance of my soft life but also 628 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:05,000 Speaker 1: keeping that grit and that grind that I have. And yeah, 629 00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,320 Speaker 1: I'm gonna figure it out. So I'm growing through that. 630 00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,840 Speaker 1: So thank you guys so much. I appreciate it. I 631 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,480 Speaker 1: hope you guys enjoyed this episode with me and my man. 632 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 1: We appreciate you guys tuning in. We are nothing without you. 633 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:19,560 Speaker 1: Next time, y'all come, I'm gonna have a man. I'm 634 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,160 Speaker 1: just gonna put that out there or sometime this year, 635 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,360 Speaker 1: I will, but no, seriously, if you guys want to 636 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,000 Speaker 1: write in, please write in to keep it positive sweet 637 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:29,600 Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. I appreciate you guys so much. 638 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,760 Speaker 1: Tap in with me on Instagram. Twitter, TikTok all the 639 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,600 Speaker 1: things at love Christa Ornee and I will see you 640 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:39,080 Speaker 1: guys next time. Can't wait. Take care and in the meantime, 641 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:42,760 Speaker 1: you know what to do. Keep it positive, sweetie, and 642 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:49,600 Speaker 1: get you a glass of champagne. Cheers. It's good in 643 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:55,320 Speaker 1: it babe, real quick though. Keep it blake. What would 644 00:33:55,320 --> 00:34:01,280 Speaker 1: your keep it blank be for this episode? Keep it honorable, sweetie? 645 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:06,720 Speaker 1: That's good. I like that. Mine would be Keep it soft, sweetie. 646 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,880 Speaker 1: That good. That's good? All right, honorable and soft. So 647 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:17,279 Speaker 1: you guys keep that in mind. We'll see you next time. Yeah, 648 00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:18,960 Speaker 1: p d A. This is my definitely love and fiction. 649 00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 1: Give it to me. Hey, you so crazy.