Speaker 1: I don't have headphones. I can't hear what's going on? Well,
Speaker 1: so on the Brody and Scary Podcast. After a headphone
Speaker 1: Scary Scary Brodie, that plays you paid Kathleen how much
Speaker 1: money to do that? Whatever? Hit the jingle start dot up?
Speaker 1: Start up, Brooklyn Boy, start up, Brooklyn buys data. They're
Speaker 1: making noise data dot up. We're starting. We're starting the
Speaker 1: number seventeen. About that. It's the Brooklyn Boys Podcast. I'm
Speaker 1: Scary Jones. That's David Brody. Yeah, and uh, what do
Speaker 1: we got going on? Man? I mean it's been a minute.
Speaker 1: It's been a minute. I got a long list, you
Speaker 1: know what. I'm actually overloaded this week too, with so
Speaker 1: much I want to talk about. By the way, shout
Speaker 1: out to all of our listeners who are like, where's
Speaker 1: the podcast? What's going on? I feel wanted for a change. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what. Oh, speaking of wanted, I gotta get
Speaker 1: my laptop. Why because there's a there's an itu UNEs review,
Speaker 1: you know what. I'll I don't think I ever had
Speaker 1: a girlfriend that wanted me so much in my life.
Speaker 1: I mean, some of people are texting in the podcast
Speaker 1: is not up. It's Thursday. People are tweeting at us,
Speaker 1: people are texting us Elvis de Ran Show. I honestly
Speaker 1: feel like we like people like this is something that
Speaker 1: might be around for a while. As long as we
Speaker 1: don't get sick of each other. You can always get
Speaker 1: in touch with us. The Brooklyn Boys Podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. Big surprise the iTunes on this computer. It
Speaker 1: wants to download a new iTunes. I get excited when
Speaker 1: I see a new download for an app though on
Speaker 1: my phone, for like, oh my god, they're gonna update
Speaker 1: Instagram today. Oh Twitter needs an update. And then all
Speaker 1: it says in the description line is fixing bugs, and
Speaker 1: you know, silly things like that, like I don't want
Speaker 1: to bug fix. I want to actually new functionality. Like
Speaker 1: the day that Twitter came out with doubling the amount
Speaker 1: that you could put in a tweet. That's an update,
Speaker 1: not bug fix. Give me a break. So a lot
Speaker 1: of them are like these guys are funny, love Brodie's rand,
Speaker 1: Scary's hysterical. Here's my here's my favorite, at least of
Speaker 1: the thirties. So I read last night. It's from Rob
Speaker 1: left his wife two years ago. That's the account. That's
Speaker 1: the name of the account now at first it sounds offensive,
Speaker 1: but then it's so us Ready here's the review. These
Speaker 1: two jerkoffs made me piss my pants while driving home.
Speaker 1: I also spit out my beer while laughing. Did you
Speaker 1: know the windshow wipe is don't work on the inside
Speaker 1: of the car? True story. Keep up the great work, boys.
Speaker 1: So Rob left his wife two years ago and now
Speaker 1: he has us two jerkoffs. They're funny, so cool. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Rob left his wife two years ago. Thanks, that's your
Speaker 1: friend Rob. No, that's not Nope, your friend Rob left
Speaker 1: his wife two years ago. We talked about this on
Speaker 1: the Fifteen Minute Morning Show. That's definitely your buddy, Rob,
Speaker 1: that's your friend. I'd like to think that was just
Speaker 1: some listener. That's the guy. You just realizing this now
Speaker 1: on this dude, you're not really his friend. On a
Speaker 1: previous podcast job on the fifteen Minute Morning Show, Brodie
Speaker 1: had his buddy Rob in studio with us. It was
Speaker 1: on the Bald to Brody in the room on the
Speaker 1: podcast live that this guy Rob left his wife two
Speaker 1: years ago, and Brody was because he's not a great
Speaker 1: friend of his found out that hold on, he found
Speaker 1: out that he's that he left his wife on the
Speaker 1: podcast because oh my god, I know that no idea
Speaker 1: about that, and Rob goes, that's because we haven't spoken
Speaker 1: it all this time. We've been out of touch. Anyway, Now, Brodie,
Speaker 1: you're reading a review from iTunes from a guy named
Speaker 1: Rob left his wife two years ago. And it takes
Speaker 1: me to point out that that is your friend Rob
Speaker 1: submitting that review. Yes, I'm a bit well, there's lots
Speaker 1: of other reviews on iTunes that like us. Anyway, Thanks,
Speaker 1: thanks Rob, my friend of forever. Alright, very good. Did
Speaker 1: you really not know that was how? I didn't know
Speaker 1: that was him? Does it not his language? And it
Speaker 1: says I didn't read the name until just now. Alright.
Speaker 1: So here's a couple of things that on my list
Speaker 1: of things I want to do today. I have a
Speaker 1: couple of rants, no kidding. I want to bitch to
Speaker 1: you about um a guest that you turned down. I
Speaker 1: want to I want a bitch about a celebrity scandal
Speaker 1: uh as far as um the sexual h predators and stuff.
Speaker 1: There's a celebrity I'm particularly upset about going on. You
Speaker 1: want a sexual predator as a guest On the unrelated
Speaker 1: I have one of those. I'm talking to him right now. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a celebrity
Speaker 1: that's been in the news a lot lately for inappropriately
Speaker 1: doing things. And you know, but the way that you
Speaker 1: said that said that I didn't want no, No, no,
Speaker 1: I did. I said, you said no to a guest.
Speaker 1: I said, then I want to talk about another guy, different,
Speaker 1: different guy. But I'm not I'm upset with him for
Speaker 1: a different reason. Just clarifying that those are two different people.
Speaker 1: Brody did not want the sexual predator on the show. No,
Speaker 1: I did not. I've got unused jokes and I've got
Speaker 1: intern resumes I want to read. Give me that mail
Speaker 1: time on stage all right. By the way, we're in
Speaker 1: that studio again where I have to push all the buttons, right.
Speaker 1: I don't like this. I don't like to shut up
Speaker 1: at all. Not that you're bad at pushing buttons. I
Speaker 1: just when you push my buttons, every chance again to
Speaker 1: hold on. But but I like to be the one
Speaker 1: at the board because that's where I feel most at home. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, here we go. Ready, Yeah, that sounds like
Speaker 1: it's mail time. Welcome, you've got mail? All right? We
Speaker 1: got an email from co matics. DJ Cole says, this person, uh, hey,
Speaker 1: brody and scary. Sorry, that's the only way it should
Speaker 1: be listed, because I like things alphabetical and they're in
Speaker 1: a list. Okay, great, thank you. I find myself doing
Speaker 1: it subconsciously anyway. Um I um, I'm from Alabama and
Speaker 1: I've never been to New York, so when it comes
Speaker 1: to Brooklyn, I don't relate. Um and uh, but Brooklyn
Speaker 1: seems like a great place. I found myself correcting people's grammar.
Speaker 1: Like you guys, I feel one of us. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: correct people's grammar two sometimes, and I'm sure you're gonna
Speaker 1: correct some grammar on some resumes coming up. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: And I find it doing my doing it more now
Speaker 1: that I'm listening. Thank you Brodie especially. Oh uh. It
Speaker 1: gets me crazy when people say the c m A
Speaker 1: Awards Hello, it's them as them the Country Music Award.
Speaker 1: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. What's this
Speaker 1: person's name? D J Cole? Okay, DJ Cole, Uh, First
Speaker 1: of all, First of all, DJ Cole, love that you
Speaker 1: wrote email, love that you love our grammar correcting. But um,
Speaker 1: we have a rule when it comes to correcting. Rule
Speaker 1: number one, right, the problem is much like when we
Speaker 1: say a t M, don't say ATM machine because it
Speaker 1: stands for automatic teller machine. When someone says, what's the
Speaker 1: VIN on your car, you don't say number number, vehicle
Speaker 1: identification number, and you'd be saying vehicle identification number number, right,
Speaker 1: And I see you unit, it's the I see you
Speaker 1: the intensive care unit unit. Right. You wouldn't say intensive
Speaker 1: care unit units, so you wouldn't say I see you unit.
Speaker 1: So he what what he's trying to hear what he's
Speaker 1: thinking about it? But he's thinking about it. But I
Speaker 1: think he's here's where. Here's where you're wrong. I think
Speaker 1: may may have changed it years ago, but it's now
Speaker 1: the Country Music Association Awards. It legitimately is the c
Speaker 1: m A Awards. In fact, they call it the c
Speaker 1: m A Awards because it is the c m A Awards.
Speaker 1: It's like it's like the NBA Awards. The A is
Speaker 1: for not for awards, it's for something completely different, rights
Speaker 1: association association. So in this case, the the example that
Speaker 1: you're citing, call c m A Awards is right, is right.
Speaker 1: You're saying it's wrong. It's right, it's not wrong. You're
Speaker 1: wrong about being right. If you would have said v
Speaker 1: m A Awards the Video Music Awards, and you wouldn't
Speaker 1: say Video Music Awards Awards, so you'd be correcting that person.
Speaker 1: So it looks like we're correcting call. So we're correcting
Speaker 1: the correction correct. It could be Iran. It is ironic,
Speaker 1: don't you think? Yes? Okay on, but you know half
Speaker 1: a point for call for tea. At least you tried
Speaker 1: to call call people. Try. You took the shot. You
Speaker 1: had a break, but you took the shot. Lindsay McMahon writes, hey,
Speaker 1: brooken boys in out of inevitably one of your names
Speaker 1: will be typed in this email before the other. However,
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean I like one of you more than
Speaker 1: the other. Anyway. I want to shoot you guys an
Speaker 1: email and let you know how much I love your podcast.
Speaker 1: Whose name that she put first names a minute. I
Speaker 1: have to be honest. When I first started listening to
Speaker 1: the loud, emphatic bickering, I could leave me. I could
Speaker 1: legitimately feel my BPM increase. That would be her blood pressure,
Speaker 1: by the way, she did not say bpm per minutes exactly.
Speaker 1: I gave it a chance, however, and I'm glad that
Speaker 1: I did. You're both hilarious and in very different ways. Brodie,
Speaker 1: you and I share fuck you. You and I share
Speaker 1: a love of grammar and a vexation for those who
Speaker 1: are incapable of probably properly preventing it like I get
Speaker 1: in that sentence. That was an ironic moment. With that said,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I heard sip ashtin mannis Galco say
Speaker 1: he has a six month year old baby. He did
Speaker 1: say if you got that too, I'm damn near positive
Speaker 1: if you wanted to correct him. Thanks for making me laugh.
Speaker 1: Scary and Brody, Wow, I can't wait to hear more.
Speaker 1: That's you change what she said. A couple of things.
Speaker 1: People also say one years old. It's one year old. Also,
Speaker 1: when you have twins, we know you have two twins.
Speaker 1: That's why they're twins. You don't have to say two twins.
Speaker 1: That's redundant. Okay. By the way, give out the email
Speaker 1: address because it's texting. The Brooklyn Boys podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. We couldn't make it any longer, we would have. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So the Brooklyn Boys Podcast at gmail dot com. And
Speaker 1: one final one from hiro Glyphics J A. I. R.
Speaker 1: O glyphics on work. This is only funny if they
Speaker 1: actually wrote the email on hieroglyphics. That would have been
Speaker 1: if his name is Hiro. This comes to us from Hieroglyphics,
Speaker 1: Bird Rocks Sun. Thanks, Hey Fellas, just wanted to say,
Speaker 1: but the subject is A big fan in San Diego.
Speaker 1: Hey Fellas, wanted to say thanks for taking a time
Speaker 1: to create such an amazing podcast. I moved to Cali
Speaker 1: from the Tri State area. I listened to The Big Show,
Speaker 1: The Fifteen Minute Morning Show, and your podcast on iHeart Radio.
Speaker 1: You guys are amazing at what you do, scary, You're
Speaker 1: very entertaining and have the gift of gab. Save the
Speaker 1: best for list and Brody. Your rants give me life.
Speaker 1: And you're a comedy genius. You're witty and quick with
Speaker 1: the jokes you've you have me dying laughing at work. Wow,
Speaker 1: you guys always make me smile. I look forward to
Speaker 1: every new episode. Also have my other coworker listening to
Speaker 1: you guys. We got another one, another one. I'm always
Speaker 1: going on and on about you all. Keep up the
Speaker 1: great work. Broken boys. A big fan from Sunny San
Speaker 1: Diego Hiero Glyphics. But I have a question. When you
Speaker 1: said that this person was dying laughing, you paused. Did
Speaker 1: they put a comma after dying that They did not.
Speaker 1: They said, you have me dying laughing at work? You right,
Speaker 1: you have me, you have me dying laughing at work.
Speaker 1: Well they did. They did say dying lefting at work. Period.
Speaker 1: No space low case. You guys always make me smile.
Speaker 1: That's okay. You know what, you cannot capitalize if it's
Speaker 1: a compliment. But that's a rule. Well that's what I
Speaker 1: got for the week. Please email us. We do read
Speaker 1: the The Brooklyn Boys podcast at gmail dot com. Let's
Speaker 1: talk celebrities for a minute. So in the news, Kevin Spacey. Look,
Speaker 1: a lot of problems with Kevin Spacey. He's done some
Speaker 1: terrible things, allegedly, he hasn't denied them. We all know
Speaker 1: the story about Kevin Spacey. Great actor, He's had some
Speaker 1: He's been a lot of trouble. That's That's not what
Speaker 1: I'm most upset abou Well, I am most upset, But
Speaker 1: here's what I am secondarily upset about. Now. You know,
Speaker 1: in the New York papers there's a crime section, right,
Speaker 1: and in the crime section they show a picture of
Speaker 1: like criminals like, oh, of course, this guy robbed a bank,
Speaker 1: this guy muggden old lady. And inevitably, what do we
Speaker 1: always see? Most of them are wearing what a Yankee
Speaker 1: Yankee cat. So when they do when they do the
Speaker 1: purple walk, the purple walk is when they're walking from
Speaker 1: the police car to the station house. Usually the you know,
Speaker 1: the media captures them and they're in handcuffs and or
Speaker 1: they're being led out of their house in handcuffs. Ever
Speaker 1: it is, they always are wearing a Yankee hat, right,
Speaker 1: and so scary and eye is Mets fans. You know,
Speaker 1: if you're not familiar with baseball, Mets and Yankees are
Speaker 1: both in New York and is a levelry. So we're
Speaker 1: like another criminal wearing Yankee laughing Brody at one point
Speaker 1: in the old studio he had an entire wall of
Speaker 1: fame of this every time, every time, every time that
Speaker 1: somebody would be caught, he would literally cut it out
Speaker 1: of the paper and posted like posted on the walls
Speaker 1: like another purpose, another criminal being let out in handcuffs
Speaker 1: in a Yankee hat. Right. So my theory was Yankee
Speaker 1: fans of criminals, because that's as a Met fan, I
Speaker 1: would say that I'm looking. I'm looking at the New
Speaker 1: York Post, but but not today, a few days ago
Speaker 1: by Kevin space Yeah, it's a there's a picture of
Speaker 1: Kevin Spacey. You know this is going and you know
Speaker 1: the New York Post, by the way, would miss no
Speaker 1: opportunity to rip anyone in Hollywood that they can. Uh,
Speaker 1: they're ripping Kevin Spacey. And I'm fine with that. He's
Speaker 1: he's but he has my problem. It's Kevin Spacey walking
Speaker 1: down the street and he's wearing a Mets hat. So
Speaker 1: somewhere there's a Yankee and go and see. I told
Speaker 1: you all met fans of purvs. So that upset um.
Speaker 1: But that's not that's the celebrity I want to talk about. Okay,
Speaker 1: Who is the celebrity you really wanted to talk about? Okay? So,
Speaker 1: from time to time is one of the executive producers
Speaker 1: of the elvistra In Morning show. I get pr firms
Speaker 1: emailing me saying, do you want to have this person
Speaker 1: on the show? That person in the show. Now, I
Speaker 1: don't book the guests anymore on the show. Nate does.
Speaker 1: So I voted him on to Ate and if they're
Speaker 1: appropriate for the show, he'll book them if they're not
Speaker 1: or if Elvis passes on the Big show. There's people
Speaker 1: that I'll say, hey, we should have them on the show,
Speaker 1: like you did with Sebastian man Scalco with the Fat Jewish. Right,
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, with Jackie, I wanted I want you called.
Speaker 1: You said, dude, we gotta have Jackie the joke man on,
Speaker 1: like absolutely, And then I said, dude, we gotta have
Speaker 1: Sebastian on. But you found him and you're like scary.
Speaker 1: I got him with him and I said, Brody, we
Speaker 1: have to have the Fat Jewish on. And then we
Speaker 1: got the beat of collaboration. I got an email. I
Speaker 1: want to have this guy on. He as a new
Speaker 1: book out. I think he's hilarious. He's a sports fan.
Speaker 1: He even though he's not a New Yorker, he sounds
Speaker 1: like in New York. He's got the vibe. He's got
Speaker 1: a Brooklyn vibe. I think he's from I think he's
Speaker 1: from the ATA know. I looked it up. He's not
Speaker 1: from brook anyway. The point is the guy's hilarious, he
Speaker 1: has an edge to him. Please give me. And then
Speaker 1: after he said no, you passed on him because I
Speaker 1: don't want to force anybody on you. Elvis was talking
Speaker 1: about how hilarious he is and in the studio was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we passed on him. He's like, why why would you
Speaker 1: pass on him? Yeah, Elvis, of all people, he thinks
Speaker 1: we're so big now is the Brooklyn Boys. We can
Speaker 1: pass on this guy? And Elvis said, dude, he'd be
Speaker 1: perfect for the Brooklyn Boys. And you know what, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Can I apologize to Michael rapp Michael Rappaport, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: of stage and screen, a regular cast member on Friends.
Speaker 1: He's he's got a fantasy football show on satellite radio
Speaker 1: which I listened to every week. He's he's he's a boy,
Speaker 1: like he's a guy. So you know what that that
Speaker 1: would have been a better been explained in person to me.
Speaker 1: I didn't think I need to tell you what Michael
Speaker 1: Rappaport was. Don't throw me Bertie, don't throw me a
Speaker 1: quick email and be like, hey, you wanna have Michael
Speaker 1: on If you really feel strongly about you gonna put
Speaker 1: it on me. Well, not putting it on you. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying, if it's so important, you come to me
Speaker 1: on Monday or Tuesday back scary. Here's why we should
Speaker 1: have Michael rapaport on and then I assumed there wasn't
Speaker 1: no because honestly, I'm feeling bad now, So how can
Speaker 1: we get Michael rab I'm gonna I'm gonna try to
Speaker 1: again him. But here's the thing, because there's a new
Speaker 1: book out. I think it's called This Book Has Balls
Speaker 1: and uh it's about you know, Bigger, Bigger Star Online
Speaker 1: five sold on. So just this week he put on
Speaker 1: a couple of videos. He's a big Knicks fan, and
Speaker 1: he was bashing Lebron James for two reasons. One Lebron
Speaker 1: Cities the King of New York hilarious video bashing Lebron,
Speaker 1: and then Lebron James and the Cavaliers. And by the way,
Speaker 1: this is not a slam. I'm not slamming Lebron James.
Speaker 1: But they were on the New York City subway on
Speaker 1: the Sea Train, and they were acting like kind of cocky.
Speaker 1: They weren't acting like a New York I would act
Speaker 1: on the subway train. In fact, there's one scene where
Speaker 1: a friend of a friend of mine was sitting next
Speaker 1: to Lebron and they put the camera on him and
Speaker 1: the guy was like, get that. Can you stop and
Speaker 1: he put his hand over there, the lens of the camera,
Speaker 1: the phone, whatever. It was typical New Yorkers like I
Speaker 1: don't wanna be bothered. So Michael Rappaport puts up rants
Speaker 1: on YouTube almost every day. So this is what we
Speaker 1: could have. This is him talking about Lebron. If you're
Speaker 1: an indie, if you're a Cavs fan, this is not
Speaker 1: me ranting on. I'm just letting you know. Here we go,
Speaker 1: Michael Rappaport, Yo, Lebron James is one of the corniest
Speaker 1: motherfucker's ever Forget in the NBA, Lebron James is one
Speaker 1: of the cornyest mother fucker's every top five dead or alive.
Speaker 1: Look at this corny motherfucker on the subways of New York.
Speaker 1: My man, you're on the motherfucking subway. Hold your head, duke.
Speaker 1: You ain't at Disneyland. This ain't the motherfucking little teacup rod.
Speaker 1: Hold your fucking head, corn Ball. Oh motherfucker, I'll be
Speaker 1: putting that fucking camera in his face. Man. One man
Speaker 1: is trying to do his thing. Man, he's trying to
Speaker 1: skeeak man. This is New York City. Man, fun as
Speaker 1: you do Corny More, the funk of taking videos like
Speaker 1: he's in Egypt and King touchs to motherfucker, you better
Speaker 1: get the funk off this train before you get Rob
Speaker 1: Jones pizza for the first New York This motherfucker on
Speaker 1: his as tonight. Hey listen, I was trying to think
Speaker 1: for the audience, thinking like nobody cares about Michael Rapport
Speaker 1: telling me he's great. Okay, so then let's I do
Speaker 1: want Let's have Michael Rappaport one. Okay, if the audience
Speaker 1: wants him on, let's have him. So, just so there's
Speaker 1: no bad blood, I need you to say, Michael Rappaport, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I scared Jones. I'm sorry, Michael Rappaport, I scary Jones.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Thank you. A little later, by the way,
Speaker 1: I'm hoping that we can have Bethany come in here
Speaker 1: and do her curse for the week. So we got
Speaker 1: some text messages saying, hey, you guys, concurse on your podcast.
Speaker 1: Bethany never curses, Love Terra curse. Bethany cannot curse today,
Speaker 1: but she wants to be prepared with a really good curse.
Speaker 1: He's gonna come in on our next episode. Our next
Speaker 1: episode on the next episode. Another one that we do
Speaker 1: the next episode. So she got a quick story. I
Speaker 1: doesn't want to tell you about what happened to me
Speaker 1: with Ubert. You want to talk about cursing. I had
Speaker 1: a Uber driver that all he did was cursed while
Speaker 1: I was in the car and he was telling me stories,
Speaker 1: just running expletives out of his mouth. How did he
Speaker 1: not know that? You know that I was gonna, you know,
Speaker 1: if I was gonna be sensitive to that or not.
Speaker 1: I mean, actually I kind of thought it was funny
Speaker 1: because that's the kind of person. I am like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: you want to curse it fine, But the guy he
Speaker 1: starts cursing up a storm, and I could be some driver,
Speaker 1: you know, I could be some passenger who gives him
Speaker 1: like one star. You gotta be careful when you're driving Uber's.
Speaker 1: You know who your passenger is. You don't even know
Speaker 1: if you're gonna offend them. Um. But was even more
Speaker 1: offensive was not the cursing. The guy tells me, He's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: So after I drop you off, I'm gonna head over
Speaker 1: to the doctors. I got a doctors appointment. I got
Speaker 1: my neck and I'm like, oh what what happened to
Speaker 1: your neck? He goes. Oh, he goes, I was driving
Speaker 1: for Uber last week in the overnight, and um, I
Speaker 1: fell asleep on the road and I hit the guardrail. Hello,
Speaker 1: why is he telling you this? Why are you telling
Speaker 1: me that you just gotta do a fucking car accident
Speaker 1: a week ago? I do not share of stories like that.
Speaker 1: From that point forward. In the rest of my trip,
Speaker 1: I felt like I want to get out of the car.
Speaker 1: I'm like, is this guy gonna crash into something right now?
Speaker 1: Do not do that? You're you're headed to the doctor's Like,
Speaker 1: at least make up a story and tell you that's
Speaker 1: what you're a doctor's office, He's like, yeah, I just
Speaker 1: got out of a malpractice case. I'm sorry, I'm late, right,
Speaker 1: or or the surgeon that's about to operate on you.
Speaker 1: But he's like, uh, did you know that I'm blind
Speaker 1: in one eye? His hand shaking, Yeah, I have Parkinson's Okay. Well,
Speaker 1: by the way, I know we sounded like that was scary.
Speaker 1: That was me. Come on, shut up, brod with a
Speaker 1: broken boys are offending stand up for a living? Not
Speaker 1: so yes, I don't want anyone like that operating on me.
Speaker 1: Do do we favor after that comment, don't get taken
Speaker 1: to have you a picture taken with a met head on.
Speaker 1: Shut up, dick, No. But but truth is, this uper
Speaker 1: driver probably should have spared me the story. Worry that
Speaker 1: he's freaking. He's on his way to the doctor to
Speaker 1: help correct his neck because he was in a car
Speaker 1: accident a week before, from falling to sleep from driving
Speaker 1: on the road. And I asked him, I said, were
Speaker 1: you did you have a passenger in the car at
Speaker 1: the time? What were you going going to an appear?
Speaker 1: It was It was in Jacksonville, and I was headed
Speaker 1: to the St. John's Town Center Christmas tree lighting because
Speaker 1: I was down at the I had a gig last week. Simon,
Speaker 1: I was at Simon Malls. Okay, I don't get into
Speaker 1: where you were going. Come on, because they're a sponsor,
Speaker 1: right did Simon Maull. Why couldn't you just say you
Speaker 1: were going in appearance? I was. I was going to
Speaker 1: my appearance at the St. John's Town Center. Maybe there's
Speaker 1: people listening to the podcast that can do again. You know,
Speaker 1: we talked about this, We talked about you know, plugging clients.
Speaker 1: Damn it, hold on, yea, what the hell was that
Speaker 1: that's a scary and appropriate product endorsement, not cool jingle.
Speaker 1: But I'm not getting paid to talk about Simon Mall's
Speaker 1: right here. I'm just telling you what scary doesn't gain
Speaker 1: and hold on scary. No, No, you set me up
Speaker 1: for that. I was talking about an uber driver. You
Speaker 1: asked me where that where? The uber driver told me
Speaker 1: about the story. What you know about his neck and
Speaker 1: getting into an accident, and I'm telling you it happened
Speaker 1: in Jacksonville, Florida. And then you lad the witness Brody,
Speaker 1: you let a scary and appropriate commercial slipping. I have
Speaker 1: that one too. I didn't slip that in on purpose.
Speaker 1: It was an accident, That's what she was, just being
Speaker 1: descriptive that I was at my peak sign. Stop it.
Speaker 1: It was an outdoor mall. They were lighting the Christmas trade.
Speaker 1: You're done, no more, don't mention them again. Stop it.
Speaker 1: They're not paying me for this, all right, I'm done.
Speaker 1: What about you know what you get for that? What's jingles?
Speaker 1: You really are? Yeah? Alright, So listen, there's a couple
Speaker 1: of things that I want to rant about. But there's
Speaker 1: a couple of things you and I are both mad about.
Speaker 1: The same time. Well, it's not like we're mad. This
Speaker 1: is more of a discussion. Okay, one of them are
Speaker 1: mad about and one of them. You didn't get something.
Speaker 1: Elvis was like, this is great, I want to show
Speaker 1: loves it and You're like, I don't get it right,
Speaker 1: And then no one in the room agree with you.
Speaker 1: And you looked over at me and I was like,
Speaker 1: I agree with you. I know, I know you got
Speaker 1: my back on this one. Um. Carpool Karaoke James Cordon,
Speaker 1: He's been doing that bit now for a couple of years. Listen.
Speaker 1: Very talented man. I think he's hysterical. He does that
Speaker 1: Mike drop bit. You know, did you drop the micing?
Speaker 1: He dances. He's funny, very creative, very cool. I love
Speaker 1: when they, you know, do that those rap rankouts of
Speaker 1: each other and they go back and forth. Hilarious. But
Speaker 1: when it comes to carpool karaoke as a scholar of
Speaker 1: comedy or entertainment and general entertainment, UM, I've been afraid
Speaker 1: for the past couple of years to come out with this.
Speaker 1: I'm coming out a friend of getting shamed. Coming Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm getting I got shamed by Danielle. I don't understand
Speaker 1: what the big fucking deal is about carpol karaoke. Everyone
Speaker 1: on Earth loves it. Every time he does a car
Speaker 1: James Cordon does a carpolo karaoke, which is, if you're unfamiliar,
Speaker 1: he sits in a car and drives around wherever, yeah,
Speaker 1: with artists and celebrities and they sing songs and they
Speaker 1: do all kinds of crap in a car and they're
Speaker 1: off key and they're having fun. It's like, just picture
Speaker 1: the quintessential um Wayne's world, you know, in the car
Speaker 1: doing the Queen's song Bohemian Raapsody, and everybody's here singing
Speaker 1: Scott a moose Scott. Okay, all that. This is what
Speaker 1: James Gordon does on UP. I guess he goes once
Speaker 1: or twice a week, but every time he does it,
Speaker 1: it always makes the press. Twitter goes crazy about it
Speaker 1: and everyone say, that's so great. I've been afraid to say,
Speaker 1: but I'm now gonna have to just come forward and
Speaker 1: be the only guy on Earth. I fucking hate that big,
Speaker 1: but now I said it to the show. Danielle went
Speaker 1: off on me like I knew she would, because that's
Speaker 1: which is why I was in fear all this time
Speaker 1: because of people like her, who's gonna come out and
Speaker 1: start I think this is one of those things that
Speaker 1: people are afraid to admit they don't like. And I
Speaker 1: think everyone's saying they like it so they can feel
Speaker 1: like they're part of the in crowd. But secretly people
Speaker 1: are gonna email us and tweet us and go, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I hate it to me too, because when
Speaker 1: I looked at you, Brody, you you looked at me,
Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, I'm with you, dude. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Don't they get this straight. People get in a car,
Speaker 1: they drive, We all do that. They sing to the radio,
Speaker 1: we all do we all do that. But more importantly,
Speaker 1: it's singers singing, right. Why are we amazed by that?
Speaker 1: You know? Why? What is the show made? Demi Levado
Speaker 1: hitting a fastball that you know, like carpool baseball, I'll
Speaker 1: watch that. But the other thing is it's not there's
Speaker 1: there's no mind words, it's mindless, there's no clever. It's
Speaker 1: not clever. It's it's not like do a parody, change
Speaker 1: the words and make it fun. Yeah, you do something.
Speaker 1: That's the fact that Britney Spears is singing a Selena
Speaker 1: Gomez song and their da sing at the same time. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's it's just whatever. You you can do that with
Speaker 1: your phone on Snapchat. I'm gonna go in my car
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna drive. And some of these artists do
Speaker 1: they go if you go look at them on Snapchat
Speaker 1: or into the story. Some of these artists are out
Speaker 1: there like singing into a mirror or whatever. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't get it. But here's what's worse. It's a phenomenon.
Speaker 1: Why is it as big as it is? You know what.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's as big on television. I think
Speaker 1: it's a great share able moment on Facebook and Twitter.
Speaker 1: You can send the YouTube, I think. On I think
Speaker 1: the purpose of that is to be a shareable YouTube thing.
Speaker 1: But look, if you get Paul McCartney to sing call
Speaker 1: me maybe right, then I go, you know what, that's
Speaker 1: pretty big. But if you have called Carl ray Jepson
Speaker 1: singing the Beatles and I don't care. So unless it's
Speaker 1: something shocking, oh my god, I can't believe. Like if
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift was singing Katie Perry and you know that
Speaker 1: and they hate each other, sign me up. There, you go,
Speaker 1: that's a good version if he if he could end
Speaker 1: a beef, if he could have like Meek Mill. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's like sing a Drake song whoever they're feuding with,
Speaker 1: like one of those one of those feuds. Did I
Speaker 1: go you know what callpool karaoke brought them together? Like
Speaker 1: if if back in the day he had Tupac singing
Speaker 1: Biggie or Biggie singing Tupac, Did I go this is news?
Speaker 1: Uh so yes, tweet us but Sam Smith singing one direction? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: hashtag carpool Carrie nod the same thing. Because we great
Speaker 1: minds think alike, Oh look what I found scary? Hold on,
Speaker 1: here we go tell you that I gety. You can
Speaker 1: do that from the street the black sawake and not dude,
Speaker 1: I'm not impressed. Not impressed, by the way. Did you
Speaker 1: see Real Fortune? By the way, speaking of television, so annoying. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you know at the end round, people used to
Speaker 1: always guess R S t l n E. So they
Speaker 1: give you R S t l n E, and they
Speaker 1: let you pick three more letters in a vowel. So
Speaker 1: this guy and his I guess his daughter. I don't know,
Speaker 1: doesn't matter if he younger, younger woman, he picked C, D,
Speaker 1: P O. Right, those are some odd letters anyway, So
Speaker 1: it was food, right, right. So I'm looking at the puzzle.
Speaker 1: The puzzle is blank blank blank E D. So something right,
Speaker 1: and then it's blank blank C C blank blank and blank.
Speaker 1: So here's the clip, okay, and then we'll tell you
Speaker 1: that the grandpa going for millions dollars, all right, and
Speaker 1: here's why he should. I'll tell you why he should
Speaker 1: have one that's not correct, and then we don't have
Speaker 1: to check the time because you are amazing. Okay. So
Speaker 1: the old guy didn't win his daughter wherever she is,
Speaker 1: I assume it's his daughter. First of all, she yelled
Speaker 1: out fried like he was, like, it's zucchini. She fried
Speaker 1: fried zucchini. First of all, they didn't confer. She yelled
Speaker 1: it out. They had plenty of time. Now, if I'm
Speaker 1: looking at if we know it's zucchini and it's blank
Speaker 1: blank blank e D. If you eat zucchini and it's
Speaker 1: been blanked, it's been fried, it's right exactly. Zucchini is fried.
Speaker 1: So f and they they said it was baked zicchini. Now,
Speaker 1: he's the only thing that I can that fuck you
Speaker 1: with baked who you don't baked zucchini. That's not the
Speaker 1: first thing that you think of when you think of zucchini.
Speaker 1: You fry zucchini. Zucchini is fried. This is what pisces
Speaker 1: me off. Now. The only he had it black blank
Speaker 1: blank e d it's gotta be fed. I just credit
Speaker 1: the person who wrote the puzzle, because nobody bakes zucchini
Speaker 1: but his right. But here's what I'm gonna say is
Speaker 1: why they screwed the guy. I feel I sound like you, Bertie.
Speaker 1: Here's why. Here's why they're screwing people. I'll tell you
Speaker 1: why they're screwing people. If your wheel of fortune and
Speaker 1: you know you're giving them rst l n E, then
Speaker 1: you just make a puzzle that doesn't have those letters.
Speaker 1: And this way the guy doesn't win the million. They
Speaker 1: picked baked because they didn't have an R in it fried.
Speaker 1: By the way, she R was a used letter because
Speaker 1: they would give an R s t l n E.
Speaker 1: She should have known not to say fried. And maybe
Speaker 1: if she spoke to her father rather than blurting it out,
Speaker 1: she would have seen that it can't be fried, right
Speaker 1: because there was no RS in the puzzle. But who
Speaker 1: baked sukin it don't tweet us an emails that you
Speaker 1: baked zucchini because you're healthy. The point is it's like
Speaker 1: you wouldn't say, like french baked French fries. You wouldn't
Speaker 1: say piece of pizza. You'd say slice of pizza. So
Speaker 1: it can't be peace. You say, like there are certain
Speaker 1: things that just go. You wouldn't say fried Alaska, you'd
Speaker 1: say baked Alaska, baked potato, you would say fried potato necessarily,
Speaker 1: and you said French fries. But the point is, so
Speaker 1: she shouldn't have yelled out fried should because there was
Speaker 1: no R in the puzzle. And you may, I know
Speaker 1: you've given away a million dollars, but when you make
Speaker 1: it baked zucchini, and you know, looking at that puzzle,
Speaker 1: there's no there's no R, there's no S, there's no T,
Speaker 1: there's no L, there's no there's only one N and
Speaker 1: and one E. They basically gave them an E and
Speaker 1: an N. They knew by saying big zucchini, no one
Speaker 1: was guessing at tweet us and tell me you would
Speaker 1: have guessed bag zucchini. No one would have guessed big zucchini. No,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't. That's why they didn't want to give away
Speaker 1: the million dollars. That's what I'm saying is a scam
Speaker 1: going on. They deliberately absolutely R S T L n E.
Speaker 1: We'll just have a puzzle with none of those letters. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always said that, by the way, and they throwing
Speaker 1: us and eyes in zucchini because what if what what
Speaker 1: letter you're gonna pick A or oh, you're not gonna
Speaker 1: pick you R. I'm gonna pick you R I. By
Speaker 1: the way, it's it's it's it God call back. All right,
Speaker 1: done with that. I got one more short rant. You
Speaker 1: got a rant. When you spoil something, okay, milk, no,
Speaker 1: like a movie or TV show, like a spoiler, Like
Speaker 1: if you say, oh, spoiler alert, no no, no, right, no,
Speaker 1: you know when you say the spoiler, it's a spoiler.
Speaker 1: What what What I'm saying is you don't go, hey,
Speaker 1: no spoiler alerts no no, no, no. Spoiler alert means
Speaker 1: you're about to spoil something, right, But a spoiler alert
Speaker 1: isn't the spoiler. People keep confusing that, oh, a spoiler alert,
Speaker 1: he dies. That's fine because you gave an alert. You
Speaker 1: really should get more of a time space. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: shouldn't just say it and go right into it. People
Speaker 1: are calling spoilers spoiler alerts, like, hey, hey, I didn't
Speaker 1: watch the episode, so here's a spoiler alert for right.
Speaker 1: No spoiler alerts, No, no, no, you mean no spoilers. Right,
Speaker 1: I got out of the way. I feel like you're
Speaker 1: getting this very cathartic for you, prod. You're getting a
Speaker 1: lot of you. Okay, so let me cross off Kevin
Speaker 1: Spacey in the Mad Hat. Okay, Michael Rapp. I love
Speaker 1: how you have a list. Oh I got Okay. It's
Speaker 1: it's literally like you you purge on the podcast, Like
Speaker 1: I just can't wait to say record on that podcast
Speaker 1: because I gotta listen things that I just gotta get off.
Speaker 1: This podcast is helping my marriage because I'm not venting
Speaker 1: at home. Now. Here's what I have. I have unused
Speaker 1: jokes which are definitely gonna get to I have intern
Speaker 1: resumes which are almost a rant because they're pathetic. They're
Speaker 1: hilarious and pathetic. Um, I want to talk about I wanted.
Speaker 1: This is one more rant I want to do. It's
Speaker 1: not really a rant, it's a mini rant. It's more
Speaker 1: of a complaint. It's my own fault. I went to
Speaker 1: the Movies Friday. Here's what I'm gonna say. If they
Speaker 1: remake a murder mystery with a surprise ending, it shouldn't
Speaker 1: be the exact same surprise ending. So I none of
Speaker 1: the reviews said it. It's the same exact it's exact.
Speaker 1: So if you see Murder on the Orient Express if
Speaker 1: you've seen the original from the seventies, which is a
Speaker 1: classic film, but don't go see it. It's like, um,
Speaker 1: if they remake King Kong, which they keep doing, he's
Speaker 1: gonna die at end, right, Titanic, same thing, same thing.
Speaker 1: The boat's gonna crash. By the way, they rereleasing Titanic
Speaker 1: next month, and know what New York they're doing. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's national for the twentieth anniversary. By
Speaker 1: the way. That okay, so you can spoiler alerts. When
Speaker 1: Titanic was new came out the December ninety, I said
Speaker 1: to somebody, go, wow, the scene where it hits the iceberg,
Speaker 1: like hey, hey, hey, don't get away the ending. You can't.
Speaker 1: You can't spoil history like it already happened. The Nazis
Speaker 1: lost World War Two. I'm not weaken. Got shot in
Speaker 1: the theater, that's right. I mean, it's my fault. I'm
Speaker 1: just letting you know I wasted fourteen dollars express Uh
Speaker 1: does it look better in high definition and with my
Speaker 1: you know, in imax whatever it was? Yeah, it was great.
Speaker 1: It looked great on the screen in my recliner chairs.
Speaker 1: That AMC has loved the leather recliner chairs. But don't
Speaker 1: waste your fourteen dollars on a murder mystery if you
Speaker 1: already know the ending, which I did, and so few
Speaker 1: murder mystery remakes. Wow, we're just gonna just just hit
Speaker 1: him hard with rants. So when even gonna have a
Speaker 1: conversation about this stuff? All right? You know, I just
Speaker 1: my my head is like pounding. I wanted to tell
Speaker 1: you a couple more things, actually what was going on?
Speaker 1: Because I want a bitch about a kid in the
Speaker 1: movie theater, and then I want to talk about resumes
Speaker 1: and jokes. But it's a kid. It's a kid. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's what he said. Okay, hold on, I'm gonna Oh
Speaker 1: my god, Brodie. So I'm at the movie theater and
Speaker 1: I'm online, and you know what, I went by myself.
Speaker 1: I just decided on Friday, my wife was out with
Speaker 1: the kids running errands whatever. I was like, I'm going
Speaker 1: to the movies. I said, if the movie is playing
Speaker 1: at this exact time, I'm going, And it was playing
Speaker 1: at that exact time, and out of my house, got
Speaker 1: run right to the theater. I'm online. There's maybe five
Speaker 1: people online, but right in front of me is three teenagers.
Speaker 1: I am gonna say, seventeen baseball caps flannel shirts walk
Speaker 1: right of an Abercrombie and Fitch store. Great Abercrombie if
Speaker 1: this small. So they're laughing up a storm, and you
Speaker 1: know me, I'm Mr Fun. Everybody knows that, and you
Speaker 1: put the fun in fun, right. Yeah. So the one guy,
Speaker 1: the one, the one teenager I'm assuming, backs up into
Speaker 1: me as he's laughing and it kind of elbows me,
Speaker 1: gives like a half turn to make like to just
Speaker 1: look for a split second, and then goes back to
Speaker 1: joking with his friends. Now you know me. So I
Speaker 1: say excuse me, and he says, what I said, you
Speaker 1: bumped into me with your elbow. Oh, he says, oh,
Speaker 1: so I said, you know, you could say excuse me
Speaker 1: or sorry it it would be nice. He's ir, Mr,
Speaker 1: It's all good. Relax, relax. He told you to relax
Speaker 1: by the way, when if you ever seen me relaxed,
Speaker 1: So I say, no, I'm relaxed, but you should you should,
Speaker 1: you know, you should say you're sorry, You're excuse me.
Speaker 1: When you bump into somebody, you know, you elbowed me
Speaker 1: and was trying to teach this guy. Uh. I was
Speaker 1: kind of annoyed so and it was my wife wasn't
Speaker 1: then to stop. There was no apparent other people's kids.
Speaker 1: I wasn't doing that. I was saying an adult to adult,
Speaker 1: and there was nobody there to calm me down. There
Speaker 1: was nobody that talks sense into me. You even like Brody,
Speaker 1: let it go, but no one was there. So I said, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm calm, but when you bump into me, I'm just
Speaker 1: saying you should say excuse me. That's the polite thing
Speaker 1: to do. It really is right. But you can't. You
Speaker 1: gotta expect the worst out of people, Brody, You can't.
Speaker 1: You know. I've I've made a living walking through life
Speaker 1: just being extremely uh, you know, just kind of like
Speaker 1: expecting very little from people. And if you expect nothing
Speaker 1: from someone, then you know what, you're pleasantly surprised when
Speaker 1: you get something good in return. Otherwise I just curb
Speaker 1: my enthusiasm. I know what you're saying, should curb your enthusiasm,
Speaker 1: but I can't do that. I can't do that. So
Speaker 1: instead I say to him, listen, seriously, you awe me
Speaker 1: an apology, and he says, relaxed, man, I'm just a kid,
Speaker 1: like because he thinks someone see now, that would be
Speaker 1: the job of somebody else to intervene and say, like, hey,
Speaker 1: leave the guy alone. He's just a kid. But you
Speaker 1: can't be the kid. And he's a kid, right, He's like,
Speaker 1: hey man, I'm just a kid. Like in other words,
Speaker 1: don't come at me. First of all, I wasn't coming
Speaker 1: and I wasn't threatening at all. I'm not a violent person.
Speaker 1: But he's like, hey man, I'm just a kid. Like
Speaker 1: relax Like, okay, he gets a free pass. So I said, no,
Speaker 1: what you are as a kid with no manners? Boom,
Speaker 1: I'm tilling. You know. I vented at him, So fuck him.
Speaker 1: It's my job to say he was just a kid.
Speaker 1: Fuck him and his two buddies with the backward baseball
Speaker 1: caps that he that with him. He was just a kid.
Speaker 1: He's still a kid, but he's a you know what
Speaker 1: a kid is fourteen twelve, thirteen eleven. The kid is
Speaker 1: eleven holding his mom's hands. A kid is not sixteen seventeen.
Speaker 1: Maybe drove the car himself to the movie theater. Few
Speaker 1: kid and I'm a kid, Hey man, I'm just a kid.
Speaker 1: I don't approve of him using the excuse it was
Speaker 1: somebody else's job to jump in and be like but
Speaker 1: nobody would have jumped in because I was being polite.
Speaker 1: I was being I was being pleasant. You can't let
Speaker 1: anyone get away with it. I wouldn't sound it's being pleasant.
Speaker 1: But body, I swear to God, if you weren't working here,
Speaker 1: you'd be a great lawyer. Well you know, I told
Speaker 1: you I was going to be a lawyer. I was
Speaker 1: on my way pre law you were, you were on
Speaker 1: your way. But that did happen. You know, public service
Speaker 1: for people, uh, this is people with iPhones. I know
Speaker 1: this doesn't apply to the public service, doesn't apply to me, okay,
Speaker 1: but but you know, and I talked about this quickly
Speaker 1: on the air, but for about two weeks. Now, that
Speaker 1: problem where you say the letter I or I am
Speaker 1: and it comes out as capital a question mark with
Speaker 1: a box around it. That was a glitch that happened
Speaker 1: with Apple about two weeks ago. So everybody on the
Speaker 1: internet was going crazy thinks that their phone was There
Speaker 1: was even a shirt that said a question mark love you.
Speaker 1: It's very funny, I love you. So anyway, it became
Speaker 1: a thing. Here's the problem. Here we are now two
Speaker 1: weeks after this glitch happened, and people are still writing
Speaker 1: in their everyday comments on social media and they're still
Speaker 1: having these issues, and the a question mark is still there.
Speaker 1: It shouldn't be a thing anymore. People. It's really very simple. Okay,
Speaker 1: they issued Apple issued Apple issued affix in software. Listen,
Speaker 1: eleven point one point one has been sitting there in
Speaker 1: your inbox on your phone now for about a week
Speaker 1: and a half. It's time to just go into that
Speaker 1: little section of your phone and click the button. This
Speaker 1: is installed now. In five minutes, the problem will be gone.
Speaker 1: You do not ever have to have a question mark again.
Speaker 1: There's no It doesn't take up more space on your phone,
Speaker 1: if you you know what I'm saying, Like like, it
Speaker 1: just boggles my mind that when I put this out
Speaker 1: there on Twitter, people actually came back to me and
Speaker 1: said thank you. I had no idea how do you
Speaker 1: have not know? How do you not have an idea?
Speaker 1: Are you the kind of person that doesn't update the
Speaker 1: software on your phone? Do you not update your software? Protect?
Speaker 1: I update myself. I updated myselfware this week. And what
Speaker 1: would you if did the software update? Why would you
Speaker 1: not update? I don't get the podcast we were talking
Speaker 1: about downloading updates for you? Yeah, a bug fix? Yeah? Whatever?
Speaker 1: What point is I put on a flight updates? Sometimes
Speaker 1: when they say security, if they say like security patch
Speaker 1: or like your phone now speaks Turkish, but I don't need.
Speaker 1: But when you know that you've all gotten a Turkish update,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about? Cares about that? I
Speaker 1: don't care. But when you know that the software update
Speaker 1: is containing the glitch to a the fix to a
Speaker 1: glitch that has been plaguing you every fucking ten seconds
Speaker 1: because you use the letter I the word I in
Speaker 1: a sentence, then then you should probably update your phone.
Speaker 1: I feel like this started out where it could have
Speaker 1: been a rant, but it ended up as a public
Speaker 1: service announcement. It's a public service announcement. I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to rant. You've done enough ranting. I'm not I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to I'm trying to balance it out with a
Speaker 1: public service. I'm gonna take your phone. I'm gonna make
Speaker 1: my public service into a public service rant. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: meet you in the middle. You're gonna meet me halfway,
Speaker 1: meet you halfway in turn season again. And I'm the
Speaker 1: guy that was through all the resumes and cover letters
Speaker 1: and on Elvistra and dot com. It tells you what
Speaker 1: I need. It says to put in a resume with
Speaker 1: a cover letter, and the cover letter should have certain things.
Speaker 1: Tell us why you want to intern here, talk to
Speaker 1: us about why you want to be why you think
Speaker 1: you'd be a good intern, right right. It tells you
Speaker 1: what I want you to talk about. And I get
Speaker 1: I get cover letters that act like they didn't see it,
Speaker 1: They pay no attention to it. They do copy and
Speaker 1: paste where they just like I really want to work
Speaker 1: for your company, paste Elvistrand in the morning show, right,
Speaker 1: I think I would be great at your company. Look,
Speaker 1: I know a copy and paste cover letter when I
Speaker 1: see it. But it's when you get the same grammatical
Speaker 1: mistakes every semester, when you get run on sentences, when
Speaker 1: you get one long paragraph the whole page is one
Speaker 1: you can't read it, so I'm gonna read to you
Speaker 1: just some Here's the number one mistake. I tweet this
Speaker 1: every semester. Three of the first four resumes I read
Speaker 1: this semester had the same mistake. Wait, wait, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: I know what it is. I can I guess the
Speaker 1: opening sentence? No, I want to be a part of
Speaker 1: your morning show. Yes, it's not the opening sentence, but
Speaker 1: it's always there. Apart They actually they make one word,
Speaker 1: one word as a part apart. Right. Now, here's how
Speaker 1: you remember it. Apart is separate. Now it's it's reversed
Speaker 1: because technically apart separately is the opposite of apart. It
Speaker 1: means the opposite, right, So apart actually means away from,
Speaker 1: and a part means together. Even though a part is
Speaker 1: is actually separated. They're reversed when you look at them.
Speaker 1: But if you say to me in one word that
Speaker 1: you look you want to be a part of the
Speaker 1: morning show A P A R T. A part of
Speaker 1: the morning show is one word means away from, separate from,
Speaker 1: and I assure you that you're going to stay that way,
Speaker 1: separate from the morning. Come on, do you really disqualify people,
Speaker 1: because yes, yes, yes, yes, So wait a second. Now, now,
Speaker 1: how long is it gonna You said three out of
Speaker 1: the first four resumes, right, that's right? Fourth? Does that
Speaker 1: mean those three resumes automatically get tossed and it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter how great they might be? Pretty much? Really? Now, look,
Speaker 1: you could have could your typo, but when you do
Speaker 1: it two or three times in the sentence, in the paragraph,
Speaker 1: or in the cover letter, you're out. Look if you
Speaker 1: have a fantastic resume and a fantastic and you make
Speaker 1: that mistake, I might overlook you. Instructor. Here are some
Speaker 1: more resume flubs. I am submitting this for consideration for
Speaker 1: position as an intern for Elvis Duran and The Morning
Speaker 1: How capital h o w wow, you're out in the morning.
Speaker 1: This person wrote, since I remember myself, I was always
Speaker 1: very passionate about music. What they mean is as long
Speaker 1: as I can remember. But what they wrote was, since
Speaker 1: I remember myself, you're out, well, prod you waiting second
Speaker 1: death birds? And could be like a Nope, they're not.
Speaker 1: They're not someone that is learning the English anguage. They're
Speaker 1: not there. But what if they're skilled at all the
Speaker 1: other things? They're not. Since I remember them as they're
Speaker 1: not throughout. Let's see, this person wrote, Danielle's laugh caused
Speaker 1: my mother and I, So that's wrong. It's my mother
Speaker 1: and me uh to burst to burst out laughing, So
Speaker 1: that's fine. Then they wrote, not a day goes by
Speaker 1: that I tell almost everyone I come across the Elvis
Speaker 1: Durran Show is my future boss, and how Danielle is
Speaker 1: my best friend. What they meant was not a day
Speaker 1: goes by that I don't tell everyone. They left out
Speaker 1: the word don't, so they're saying, not a day goes
Speaker 1: by that every day I don't tell people. Okay. Then
Speaker 1: they wrote my willingness to offer anything in a heartbeat,
Speaker 1: will not be hesitant. Wait what does that even mean?
Speaker 1: I don't know. Then they wrote, Then they wrote, then
Speaker 1: they put a coal in my person No, no, no,
Speaker 1: just not the not the best in cover letters. So
Speaker 1: then they wrote to getting coffee, writing or editing news
Speaker 1: stories for the Danielle okay, you're out. Okay, by the way,
Speaker 1: so far, that would be the only one that I
Speaker 1: would disqualified all the rest I would actually give second
Speaker 1: chances to. I mean that one was hold on. I
Speaker 1: learned about this internship whenever the people on the s
Speaker 1: O w talk about it on the air, and also
Speaker 1: I listened on the fifty minute morning shows. Right, I
Speaker 1: see that you're accepting resumes and cove letters. No are
Speaker 1: you're out? Okay? Uh? Hold on. I am a junior
Speaker 1: at Blank University majoring majoring in journalism and media studies,
Speaker 1: with the goal of one day becoming a new reporter,
Speaker 1: a new news report. You're out. I'll but come on,
Speaker 1: brod you just a little. There's other problems. These are
Speaker 1: just ones that I'm highlighting in the couple is other.
Speaker 1: Don't rule my bit. Okay, it makes you sound like
Speaker 1: a tyrant. Hold On, hold on, hold on, you gotta
Speaker 1: explain that there were other things wrong, because if it's done,
Speaker 1: I make it sound right now, it sounds you're coming
Speaker 1: across one other and you're out. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you're not giving anyone a second change. No, this is
Speaker 1: this is hold on. This person wrote, I understand the
Speaker 1: ideal candidate for this position would obtain multiple qualities. No, no,
Speaker 1: you have to have multiple qualities. You don't obtain them
Speaker 1: when you get here. Okay, but they're probably not with
Speaker 1: a men. Hold on. Here's where I call this one
Speaker 1: the ironic resume of the week. This is the same
Speaker 1: one I just read. This is continuing. Proper grammar and
Speaker 1: efficient speaking speaking skills are two more qualities that I
Speaker 1: would be able to contribute if chosen. I am one
Speaker 1: who is able to clearly express my words in a
Speaker 1: way that would not disappoint. I can guarantee I possess
Speaker 1: these p O s E s okay uh. And they
Speaker 1: wrote and then they said these previously listed qualities in
Speaker 1: a manner that would excel the requirements of an ideal candidate.
Speaker 1: They meant exceed. You're out. Hold on. By the way,
Speaker 1: those are all from last cemented on as a kid. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I was, Okay, look at this one. This this one,
Speaker 1: here is the full pageh either tell me what we're
Speaker 1: going for here. By the way it starts off with
Speaker 1: my name is there's no hello, dear sir madam. Nothing,
Speaker 1: there's no address, not in the form of a couple letter.
Speaker 1: You can use word and it tells you like it,
Speaker 1: formats it for you, but no, there's no format here.
Speaker 1: Here's what they wrote, and you tell me what they're saying.
Speaker 1: I want to intern for Elvisten in the morning show
Speaker 1: because I feel they are my kind of people because
Speaker 1: it's the place where opportunity happens, and simply because I
Speaker 1: would like to work towards goals. They have to give
Speaker 1: back for how they helped me reach mine, and I
Speaker 1: had nothing else but to smile about and learn from them. Wait,
Speaker 1: what right? You're out? That sounds like my weird Al
Speaker 1: Yankovic question. That's correct. Okay, here is them selling themselves. Ready,
Speaker 1: this is the couple letter. I would be a good
Speaker 1: fit for this internship position because this is a position.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I would be a good fit for this
Speaker 1: internship position because this is position. It one that I
Speaker 1: really want it one. This one. This kid's aiming high,
Speaker 1: aiming high. This guy wants to go in turn to see,
Speaker 1: I am interested in being the radio industry. That's really high,
Speaker 1: going for the top. Hey that guy, he's the radio industry,
Speaker 1: the industry. Okay, Um, I can learn new new resume.
Speaker 1: I can learn new things about radio that I never
Speaker 1: did before. I can handle difficult, that's it. I am
Speaker 1: always fascinated by how radio industry work. You're out? Nope? Okay,
Speaker 1: uh next one. I am currently taking a course in
Speaker 1: title writing for radio entitle Yeah you should so granted
Speaker 1: the d is missing. That's not a big deal with
Speaker 1: doing this podcast. That's what I'm reading this for. But
Speaker 1: the fact that he's taking a course in writing. It's
Speaker 1: entitled writing for Radio. So you're out. This person starts
Speaker 1: off their cover letter Elvis Duran D you r R
Speaker 1: A N. Get the guy's name right, Hello, that's the first.
Speaker 1: That's rule one one. The company and the position you're
Speaker 1: applying for. Know what it is, No, how it's spelled.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's terrible. And this one this is here.
Speaker 1: Look at this one here, there's no margins zero fox
Speaker 1: given by the way, no margins. And look at it closely.
Speaker 1: There's not a capital letter on that page. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And there's no periods, there's no punctuation. Cover letter looks
Speaker 1: like a text message. So yeah, wow, this is brutal.
Speaker 1: And and she's got a hotmail account. Who the hell
Speaker 1: still have those? Snob email? Doesn't matter who you listen,
Speaker 1: I get it l address. So so you think the
Speaker 1: whole world should have Gmail? That's it, right? What else
Speaker 1: is there? What else? The hotmail went out of business?
Speaker 1: I thought, who the hell has a hotmail address? Apparently
Speaker 1: a lot of people have. I get a little hotmailed emails.
Speaker 1: Get out of here. What's the difference with hotmail? What
Speaker 1: is the difference what your email says, what we're saying.
Speaker 1: I would say, who's a snob? Now I'm looking through this.
Speaker 1: This is ridiculous while you're doing that hotmail account right,
Speaker 1: this is uh, that's not my music? What are you
Speaker 1: looking for? Brodie rant music? Not not? Sorry, my bad?
Speaker 1: There we go. What was that unused jokes? That was
Speaker 1: the circus music? That's our news Understokes, Ready go for
Speaker 1: it in Loo. It's a little bit. These are jokes
Speaker 1: that I wrote for the show that we didn't get to.
Speaker 1: There was a news reporter. Garrett played a clip of
Speaker 1: a news reporter where everything she said was a song
Speaker 1: title of Taylor Swift's and she came off kind of hack.
Speaker 1: So I said, that's because her i Q is fifteen
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift joke. All right, Um, she has a song
Speaker 1: called ted Okay, I like two? All right? Well then
Speaker 1: he was twenty two, just his bed. Elvis said on
Speaker 1: the radio, if people watch come to my house for
Speaker 1: a party and they turn on sports, they're out. And
Speaker 1: my joke was which he didn't want to do. Elvis,
Speaker 1: everyone at your party is out. Of course, I knew
Speaker 1: that was coming. There you go. Um oh. Nate was
Speaker 1: talking about how he had um a pro lapsed hemorrhoid,
Speaker 1: meaning on the outside of his ass, pro lapses like
Speaker 1: outside right. So he said he did something stupid and
Speaker 1: I said, oh, he had a pro lapse of judgment.
Speaker 1: We're gonna get to that. Uh. Nate said he took
Speaker 1: a picture of that gross thing on his ass, and elvislys,
Speaker 1: I want to see it. He goes, I'm not showing
Speaker 1: to you, and I said, oh, I think he posted
Speaker 1: it on snapschat. We didn't get to that. Bob Saggett.
Speaker 1: Bob Saggett was here from full House, Fuller House, the
Speaker 1: Great Bob Saget and he was eating our Italian food
Speaker 1: and Elvis said, hey, can you go get him? I
Speaker 1: want to bring him in and yell at I'm freating
Speaker 1: our Italian food. He was out in the hall. So
Speaker 1: I go out there and Bob Saggett says, hey, I
Speaker 1: can't come in because I got another interview I gotta do.
Speaker 1: I'll try to come in later. So, uh, this was
Speaker 1: my joke. I got to use my joke. He didn't
Speaker 1: want to do it. So I did the joke myself
Speaker 1: on the air. He says, where's Bob sagett I said,
Speaker 1: he couldn't come in right now. He's he's starting in
Speaker 1: a new show called full Mouth. Okay. Uh. Elvis was
Speaker 1: talking about his beautiful new cornucopia but he has on
Speaker 1: his table and I said, oh, it's gorgeous. They don't
Speaker 1: want to do that. That's cute. There you go. Uh.
Speaker 1: Danielle couldn't remember the name of a perfume. She's like,
Speaker 1: I can't. It was Guardinias something, Guardinia Guardinia, So I said,
Speaker 1: did it smell like Vincent Guardinia, the old Italian actor?
Speaker 1: He didn't wanna do that joke. I wouldn't have done that.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have done that one. You said you tried
Speaker 1: to convince people you're fat Tom Cruise. Yes, so I said,
Speaker 1: you're a Tomato Cruise. You're a big, fat tomato looking
Speaker 1: Tom Cruise's cute. Yeah, he didn't do that. Uh. Here's
Speaker 1: some jokes that weren't for the show, but there. They
Speaker 1: were too dirty for the show and really probably too
Speaker 1: offensive to put on Twitter because I don't want to
Speaker 1: offend my fellow comics. But Louis c K, one of
Speaker 1: the greatest stand up comics in the world, is in
Speaker 1: a lot of trouble for masturbating in front of women
Speaker 1: and uh, sexual harassment and whatever. So I wrote two
Speaker 1: jokes that I have not been able to use anywhere,
Speaker 1: but I'm using him here one what a jerk off? Okay,
Speaker 1: and Tom and you guys can use this, but give
Speaker 1: me credit. Remember you can't spell cock without c K.
Speaker 1: So there you go. Not was unused joke. Why do
Speaker 1: I have this one in front of me? Wheel of flatulent? Oh?
Speaker 1: This is This is an unused joke that that got
Speaker 1: rejected to me by Elvis. I I wrote it for him.
Speaker 1: We both wrote a joke. This was an example of
Speaker 1: us both writing a joke. So Garrett played a clip.
Speaker 1: Let's see if I could find Oh it was. It
Speaker 1: was a Wheel of Fortune clip. It was from the
Speaker 1: show Wheel of Fortune, not the same one where the
Speaker 1: grandfather loses a million dollars that we just played. It
Speaker 1: was I think a woman was talking. Excuse me, that's right? Oh,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, I just heard she got a free play. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I wrote a joke for him that was Wheel
Speaker 1: of Fortune? Were fortune? And that's the one he went
Speaker 1: with on the air, right, but I, at the same
Speaker 1: time gave Elvis a joke wheel of flatulent right now,
Speaker 1: it's funny, but fortune and fortune is closer. He went
Speaker 1: with that. He went with fortune right, well, a fortune, well,
Speaker 1: a flatulent flatulence flatulent, not as close will a flatulen?
Speaker 1: Come on, it's flatulent flatulen. Anyway, he gave that advantage, Brodie,
Speaker 1: he used Brodie, Mine was the unused joke, because that's
Speaker 1: why I read it to you right here. And by
Speaker 1: the way, funny story. The next letter that lady chose
Speaker 1: and real fortune was yeah, So I want to I
Speaker 1: want to apologize for I've teased this before. I have
Speaker 1: a rant about a pool store. Now it's still oh
Speaker 1: my god, I know. So next episode I will get
Speaker 1: the rant out about the pool store, terrible customer service,
Speaker 1: f them and I'll tell you why. And I caught them.
Speaker 1: I caught them. We'll do it next episode. Alright, we
Speaker 1: had we We had no conversations here. It was just
Speaker 1: list list list. It was listing rant rant, Michael, list
Speaker 1: list list. You want to have a conversation. I want
Speaker 1: to have a conversation with me. I think the uber
Speaker 1: thing was a good conversation, so let's get at it.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to episode who Is We Love
Speaker 1: You appreciated Brooks Boys, Boys