WEBVTT - Danielle Brooks: Mourning Pre-Mom Self, Embracing the NEW 0:00:01.600 --> 0:00:04.440 Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio 0:00:04.559 --> 0:00:14.080 in partnership with I Heart Radio. Hi everybody, and welcome 0:00:14.080 --> 0:00:17.560 back to Katie's Crib. Today we have an awesome episode 0:00:17.600 --> 0:00:20.759 with my dear friend Dan Yelled Brooks. You would know 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:23.640 her as Tasty on Orange is the New Black amidst 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:26.440 a million other things. She just welcomed her daughter Freya 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:28.960 into the world, and so it's a very interesting episode 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:31.840 to talk all about her emergency c section which she 0:00:31.880 --> 0:00:35.000 didn't plan, her struggles with postpartum depression which she also 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:37.479 didn't plan, and all of the body image stuff that 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:42.519 comes up around pregnancy, having a baby, and postpartum. She 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:46.760 just exudes joy and hope. I love her so much. 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:49.480 Let's give it up for the one and only Dan 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:54.400 Yelle Brooks. You have had like a lot of changes 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:56.640 in the past year issue to say goodbye to your 0:00:56.680 --> 0:00:59.760 Orange is the New Black families six years, you know 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:03.600 it a life's like, Oh my god, we're so lucky. 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:08.360 That's such a lightning in a bottle like situation. To 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:11.760 get first of all, to get an acting job period right, 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:17.600 To get an acting job that you love that lasts 0:01:17.640 --> 0:01:21.319 for a while is insane and then to also like 0:01:22.000 --> 0:01:24.880 go through all these life changes, you know, and you 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:28.720 had a female boss who's like incredible and mine too. 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:32.240 I feel like Genji Cohen, who created Orange the New Black, 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:35.039 and Shawna Rhymes are just like the best of the 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:38.600 best in terms of like powerful women who are also 0:01:38.760 --> 0:01:43.280 moms and who are encouraging of you making a family 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:46.560 while on your show, did you get pregnant and shoot 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:51.960 at the same time. I literally got pregnant, almost not 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:55.080 to the day, but almost the day after we wrapped. 0:01:56.360 --> 0:02:00.600 I was like, oh wow, I'm pregnant. Perfect but like 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:02.960 what a great setup, and like, no big deal, But 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.360 you got engaged to death. I got a ring on it. 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:13.160 I want to talk to you about a million things, 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:16.520 but like just about you getting engaged. You got engaged 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:19.960 after you had the baby. Yes, I think there's a 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:24.760 lot of society tradition ship that we have to face 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:29.480 as moms, and I think I just think you're already 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:31.840 fucking throwing that out with the bathwater. But you were like, 0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:35.000 oh no, no no, no, Like I got pregnant, he's loved 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:37.200 my life. We got engaged. Like you're just not doing 0:02:37.240 --> 0:02:39.960 anything in the order that people are supposed to subscribe to. 0:02:40.320 --> 0:02:43.440 Have you always been like that? I think I have, 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:47.840 but I didn't grow up like that. My family is 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:52.519 very rooted in tradition in the church. Is your dad 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:54.880 a no? No? My father is a dea, and my 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:59.160 mother's and minister. So this was definitely not the order 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:03.080 that they would have liked it to go. UM. But 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:06.200 I think I kind of always been the type to 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:09.440 ben the rules and do it best for me um, 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:12.280 which has always been important because I don't want to 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:15.200 live for someone else's happiness if I'm not going to 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:18.480 be happy. So did you find a lot of judgment, 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:20.400 like with your family or friends at all when you 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:23.360 were like, I'm pregnant and people were like what, No? 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:27.040 And I think it's because I was thirty. I think 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:29.320 it's because I'm like at that age with people like 0:03:29.360 --> 0:03:32.400 are you gonna have a baby? You need to have baby? 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:34.480 You know what I mean. So I think it was 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:40.040 kind of like oh yeay, friendly versus and your family 0:03:40.120 --> 0:03:42.840 was just so excited about the baby versus the order 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:44.800 in which you didn't. Well, that's good to hear, because 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:48.120 I don't know. I'm sure other people in your situation 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:52.040 probably would have had it and I'm a Southern girl, 0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:55.000 so you know, if you're from the South and listening 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:59.320 to this, I'm sure you get it right. Um. Do 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:02.760 you play being raised religiously with your parents and the church. 0:04:02.800 --> 0:04:05.160 Do you feel like that will be a big part 0:04:05.680 --> 0:04:08.560 of how you raise Frea or is that a conversation 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:10.320 you have with Dennis a lot that's sort of more 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:13.960 fluid or Uh, that's definitely a conversation that we have 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:17.160 with my fiance. Uh. You know, I think it's important 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:21.719 that we're on the same page religiously, and luckily we are. 0:04:22.120 --> 0:04:24.760 You know, I'm sure it can work in other households 0:04:24.760 --> 0:04:27.960 where you can be fluid and believe what you want, 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:30.200 but it really works for us to be on the 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:34.200 same page. So we're both Christians, and um, we plan 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:37.600 to raise her that way. Um, but I also just 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:41.200 want her to be raised, you know, like her name, 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:44.919 her name is Freya. Yeah, tell me about that, Tell 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:47.880 me about that. Where does the name come from? It's beautiful? 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:52.080 Thank you? Well, Okay, so me and him are both 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:55.760 d's and we wanted d names that that didn't really 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:58.240 land because we kept looking at stuff and we're like, okay, 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:01.640 d Well, it's hard to SAYD because can you call 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:06.800 each other D? Yeah? I got but it's like, okay, 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:09.800 Dunn this, you know, you say your name and I'll 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:11.680 say mine at the same time. If we land on 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:13.440 the same d names, and that's going to be it. 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:17.680 We never landed on the same name, and so he 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:20.000 was like, what's open up the pool? Two different letters? 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:22.120 I was like okay. So I had told him the 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:25.640 story about a young guy I met name Chosen, and 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:28.200 I was like, I like that. It just had presents 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:31.320 to his name the way he said it, and so 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:34.840 I was like, I want something powerful and um he 0:05:34.960 --> 0:05:37.640 was like what about free? And I was like, oh, 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:42.200 that's so good. Good Man is so well with me. 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:45.719 So he started looking up different ways free could be, 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:49.080 you know, said or you know a name for it 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:52.680 and eat saw Freda and it's actually this Nordic goddess 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:55.680 who was like the goddess of love and beauty and 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:59.279 war and all that kind of good. Come on. So 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:03.320 we're like done. We were like this is it? And 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:06.320 did you have a easy pregnancy? Was it hard? Was 0:06:06.360 --> 0:06:10.440 it like everything you thought and more? Did you feel okay? 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:14.600 I did feel good. I mean I had morning sickness 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:18.679 the first uh, you know, try master and then um, 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:22.520 things got easier. You know, you do start feeling like 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:24.560 you're getting your strength back and stuff like you can 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:27.440 do more, but they're always kind of was this like 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:31.080 tiredness that lingered over me, but I just kind of 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:34.159 leaned into it and I was like, I'm not going 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:39.120 to but for you, I know, but now I'm feeling it. 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:42.600 It's kind of a double edged sword because at first 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:46.000 I really enjoyed the pregnancy, like I ate what you 0:06:46.080 --> 0:06:48.599 didn't do it? Yeah? Lord? I was like, I can't 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:52.120 tell my shoe can you do that? Then my pregnancy 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:55.679 did not go as planned, which is fine. My plan 0:06:55.920 --> 0:07:00.440 was to go with whatever guy's plan was and okay 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:04.560 with that. So I wanted to go natural, um you know, 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:07.839 no epidural, no nothing, um and just see where it 0:07:07.880 --> 0:07:10.360 takes me. And I had people say, oh, would you 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:13.360 do that? That's crazy, Like if you don't have to 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:15.040 deal with the pain, when I deal with the plane, 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:17.360 I was like, I want to experience all that. Motherhood 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:21.160 is like my thing. I want to I want to 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:24.320 be that Amazonian woman that's like, yeah, I did that. 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:31.200 Yeah you wanted to get into the Yeah. The Lord 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:34.720 was like no, so one that ended up happening. Girl 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:37.760 I ended up having to have an emergency C section 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:42.480 because Freya and maconium in her system, which mcconium is 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:46.800 basically when the baby poops inside their amniotic sect. So 0:07:47.080 --> 0:07:50.840 she was in distress and therefore we both could be 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:54.040 in distress and we just had to make it happen. 0:07:54.320 --> 0:07:56.080 It's interesting, I'm so glad to be talking to you 0:07:56.160 --> 0:08:00.360 because we've we've done an episode on C sections in 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:03.280 the first season, but I actually can't remember if we've 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:06.080 really gone into detail on an emergency C section, which 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:10.920 sounds in my head it's like on Grey's Anatomy or 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:13.680 something like all of a sudden, things are beeping and 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:16.480 like people are running into the room, and all of 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:20.000 a sudden, a sort of peaceful labor vibe goes into 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:23.160 like def con for and it's really fucking scary and 0:08:23.200 --> 0:08:25.440 you don't know what's happening. And that's when you know 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:28.760 that doctors are like such miracle workers. I once asked 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:30.560 my o B. I was like, how fast can you 0:08:30.560 --> 0:08:32.720 get a baby out if there's trouble. She's like, oh, 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:34.440 I can get a baby out, and like twenty seconds 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:36.400 or a minute and twenty seconds. I'm probably this is 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:40.600 now through telephone and in my dramatic actress brain, but 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:42.720 I think she said within like a minute and twenty 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:45.040 seconds she could have you cut open the baby out 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:49.400 and like everyone, okay, um was it? It was exactly 0:08:49.440 --> 0:09:00.360 that horrifying scary It was of E R m H. 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:08.040 It started out really smooth and she was like, oh, 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:10.240 you haven't dilated with too cinames. I'm like, I've been 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:12.440 like and labor for like nine hours. What are you 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:15.160 talking about? And she was like, yeah, you haven't dilated. 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:17.040 Just go get something to eat or come back, go 0:09:17.160 --> 0:09:20.959 home whatever. And like two minutes later she looks at 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:24.560 a monitor and the doctor doesn't really say much. She 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:28.280 just starts calling other nurses and doctors in and they 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:32.840 throw a oxygen mask on my face. They start throwing 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:37.320 ivy in my arm, and now I'm not joking. It 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:40.360 was almost about ten people in a room, a very 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:44.440 tiny room now watching a monitor and telling me to 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:47.319 stay calm when you just threw oxygen masks and ivy 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:49.920 and my arm and you're telling me that my child 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:56.360 isn't like her working like like they literally called it flatlining, 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:01.880 oh flat lining. When the heart rate goes like there's 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:05.520 no activity happening, right, So when you hear that, you 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:10.240 so I immediately started just praying and singing the gospel 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:14.880 song and I know you really did. I was taking 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:17.200 out the Oxen's like put it back. Oh, I was 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:23.320 singing Precious Lord. Where was Dennis? Is Dennis when Dennis 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:27.240 losing his mind? Like? Is he staying very calm for me? 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:32.320 My Dula was there who also worked in pediatric for 0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:35.840 children who are in distress, so she knew what to do. 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.280 She was kind of a little more equipped than some 0:10:38.360 --> 0:10:41.839 of the other nurses, so um, having someone to advocate 0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:44.920 for me there was important too. But yeah, I just 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:48.840 was like, I gotta stay comfort. I've heard when I 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:51.400 have heard like friends who had emergency c sections, a 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:53.280 lot of them have said they were just afraid, Like 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:56.360 they felt very uninformed in the moment because I don't 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:58.520 know if you would even understand the medical terms anyway, 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:01.640 and so everything is just sort of happening around you. Yeah, 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:04.280 everything's happening around you. And I just ended up telling 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.640 the doctor when things calm down, because they ended up 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:09.760 getting the heart rate back up, and she's like, we're 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:11.960 just gonna monitor you for a little bit before we 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:14.640 go into the C section, and I said okay, and 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:20.240 I told her, I said, please let me know step 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:23.280 by step what is going to happen, because what happened 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:27.600 in there was unnecessary. Y'all. Just talk to me, communicate 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:31.000 with me what's going on, and I will stay calm. 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:33.160 Like for some women maybe that's not the case. You 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:35.880 hear too much information, you freak out, But for me, 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:38.240 I was like, I'm about to go onto a sixth 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:40.880 section that I had no intention of having right now, 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:43.760 so which is a major fucking surgery. And you're just like, 0:11:44.000 --> 0:11:47.280 I just found eight nine layers in your body, like 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:52.560 I have apps right now. Okay, now tell me when 0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:55.079 they finally so they get the heart rate back up 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:59.280 two stable, and then they say, does the doctor sort 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:01.599 of drop the bomb like we're going to do a 0:12:01.679 --> 0:12:03.800 C section? We'll see. I'm gonna tell you the T. 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:06.200 I don't know. I can't wait. I think it's important 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:09.800 to know the T. So the thing was I didn't 0:12:09.800 --> 0:12:12.199 have the doctor that I was supposed to have, because 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:14.959 it's you know, if you don't know and you want 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:17.720 to be in my most likely you might not get 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:20.840 the doctor that you think, because it's just how it works, right. 0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:23.959 So I didn't have the doctor, but thank god I 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.640 didn't and I love her. But the reason I'm say 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:29.720 I think god I didn't is because when the prior 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:33.880 before getting pregnant, my doctor kept hinting to me that 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:38.160 I might have pre aclampsia. She kept saying, pretty clampsy, 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:40.079 is pretty clamsy that, blah blah blah blah blah. And 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:42.439 I kept saying, I don't have it though there's no 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:44.480 signs of it. I don't have high blood pressure. I 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:48.080 don't have anything that's pre Clampsia is a it's basically 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:50.480 when you have high blood pressure that can be dangerous 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:53.440 to the mommy and the baby. Yes, and it's this 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:56.400 is very scared, like you don't want it, like they 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:58.280 don't want it. But people like, there are a lot 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:01.120 of cases and you can be three hundred pounds. You 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:04.280 could be perfect, doesn't thirty, It don't matter. You could 0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:06.959 be so healthy, you could be not healthy. But it 0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:09.720 kept bringing in my ears. She kept saying that it 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:14.040 might need to get um what was it called induced? 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:16.920 I didn't want to get induced, right, And then like 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:21.320 she just kept kind of like saying the good reasons 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:23.320 why it's okay to get a C section and all 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:25.640 the stuff, and I was like, I don't want it. 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:30.080 I don't wow. So all the doctor's appointment's fleeting up. 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:33.320 She some some of these phrases and catchphrases and words 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:37.000 had been floating around. They were floating around. But if 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:39.880 I would have had that doctor, I probably would not 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:43.200 have gotten that C section because I would have felt like, oh, 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:45.520 this whole time, she's been putting that on me, and 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:47.120 now she wants me to do this and saying this 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:50.880 an emergency. I ain't doing it. And thank god you 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:54.200 know this. This new doctor said, look, I want to 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:57.480 honor what you want to do. You want to do 0:13:57.520 --> 0:13:59.600 this naturally. I want to help you do that, but 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:03.440 right now it's not looking like that's the best thing 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:05.640 for you. So I'm gonna let you hold out for 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:10.120 an hour. I think we can do that, and after that, girlfriend, 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.200 we need to come up with Plan B. And that's 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:15.400 what we did. And I'm so glad it worked out 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:17.920 that way because I just don't know if I would 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:20.080 have followed through that C section and how that would 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:22.240 have went down. Oh and how great. So you have 0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:26.640 this hour where you kind of got less. You came 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:31.800 around to the idea and like felt more like you 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:34.200 were in control, in the know. Yeah, And I talked 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:36.840 to my dol about it, you know, and I love her. 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:39.160 My Da was really trying to say what did she say? 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:42.840 She kept being like, oh see, I think I'm seeing 0:14:42.920 --> 0:14:47.840 some more activity on the monitor. Wouldn't happening on end? 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:53.680 Now tell me about that this C section was it? 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:56.000 Could you feel anything? You had already had an epidural 0:14:56.080 --> 0:14:59.720 in or so they they did the spinal tap. Um. 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:02.160 But but again I told the doctor, I said, man, 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:06.280 tell me every step, and she coached me like the best, 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:09.200 like what's the best football team that what's oh my god, 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:13.720 you're asking Tom Brady, I don't know, yeah, one of those. 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:17.160 So you're getting fucking coached through like you're a goddamn quarterback. 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:20.840 That's like the Patriots in this we like the Patriots, right, 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:25.240 And she taught me through every step and they did 0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:27.760 the spinal tap and I couldn't even feel it going 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:30.720 my back, and um, you know, but then all of 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:34.360 a sudden, you can't feel nothing, like everything is. You 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:37.880 just feel like a sixteen will truck is laying on 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:41.880 you because everything is so heavy. Yeah, you can't feel anything. 0:15:41.880 --> 0:15:43.960 I had that feeling too. I had it, but I 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:46.480 had it. Yeah, I had it epidural like my bottom 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:49.360 half were just Remember my legs were like bricks. Like. 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:52.240 I was like, you can't lift them. They feel like 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:56.920 a billion pounds like and um. Then I you know, 0:15:57.040 --> 0:15:59.800 I put on my playlist and the nurse held my 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:02.320 hand and I told her I'm just gonna keep my 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:05.400 eyes on you until didn't gets in the room because 0:16:05.440 --> 0:16:07.960 I felt like I was gonna pass out, you know, 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:11.040 because I've never had any major surgery. And then the 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:14.240 important thing to remember is the aftercare. I think we 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:17.760 forget to take care of usself after because I literally 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:20.440 bounced up like I got this because you're so drugged 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:23.640 up and you're like I can move that second acirl? 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:30.320 Fight are you so sore? And just like and they're 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.600 making you walk around the hospital and you can't even 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.480 sit up. You can't get on the toilet. It's a disaster. Know, 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:41.840 You're like, what is happening? What? Oh my gosh, it 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:44.680 was crazy? Did they let you hold the baby? What's 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:50.840 the deal? Like? How would they better give me my baby? 0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:52.840 And how is your here? So did it take like 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:55.360 six weeks? How long until you I mean you said 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:57.800 you're still struggling. Oh, yeah, the app thing is fucked 0:16:57.880 --> 0:17:00.880 for a while. So I was on a commit having 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:05.720 an emergency C section for eight weeks. So that's two 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:10.919 months of not really doing much and it was hard. 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:16.400 To be honest, I gained sixty pounds being pregnant, and um, 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:20.000 it's been the challenge because I had kind of branded 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.879 myself and came into this world as like miss body 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:26.840 Positivity and like you were on the cover of Shape, right, 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:30.240 was on the cover of Coming. I mean I literally 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:34.080 had a sixteen seventeen ft billboard in Times Square in 0:17:34.119 --> 0:17:39.000 two seventeen and me and underwear. I remember this so 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:42.280 well and I loved it. Like I was like yes, 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:44.200 because I maybe I was doing wait or some on 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:45.840 Broadway then, and so I think I was maybe walking 0:17:45.840 --> 0:17:48.920 through Times Square, but like I just remember seeing your 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:52.199 fucking hot body in brawny panties. I mean I was like, 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:55.120 this is like, this is the best shout ever. Tell 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:59.520 me about how your body awareness and your body confidence 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:03.080 has changed, shifted or every day it can feel different, 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:07.280 you know at first because your stomach doesn't go down 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:11.160 right way. For me, I was in this like glorious 0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:14.080 stage of wow, I just had a baby. This is 0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:17.000 kind of cool, you know, like, look what my body 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:21.240 did is changed because of this miracle, magical moment that 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:25.160 I've had. And then after a while, when that big 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.959 belly goes down and it ain't really going down as 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:31.240 much as you wanted to go down side now I was. 0:18:31.480 --> 0:18:36.840 I didn't get down to add anything until two years. 0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:42.159 After years, and I think anyone else is complete fucking bullshit, 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:45.520 Like when you hear like how Hollywood gets their body back, 0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:48.840 give me a fun sorry about it. First of all, 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:52.240 why it's so important what you're doing this podcast is 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:56.440 so important because you we do not get saturated with that. 0:18:56.600 --> 0:19:00.520 We don't hear it takes two years. We don't hear you. Okay, 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:04.840 I'm still you don't hear that. And I had absolutely 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:10.400 no ambition to work out or move my body for 0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:12.240 at least a year or a year and a half, 0:19:12.280 --> 0:19:15.320 and then it wasn't until I quit breastfeeding. I didn't 0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:17.560 feel like myself until my son was a year and 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:20.640 a half. And I didn't get some sort of resemblance 0:19:20.680 --> 0:19:23.000 of what my body once was until two years after 0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:28.680 that's my story. Um, that's insane. I mean, oh wait, 0:19:28.720 --> 0:19:37.720 I think Hi, free guys, we're very lucky on this 0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:40.680 episode of Katie's Crib that the beautiful, one and only 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:44.439 Freya has graced us with her presence. Oh my gosh, 0:19:44.440 --> 0:19:57.160 she's smiling and I my heart just stopped. How are 0:19:57.200 --> 0:20:00.160 you breastfeeding? Did you breastfeed? How is that journey? I'm 0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:04.800 breace feeding, um, and I don't get that much, to 0:20:04.840 --> 0:20:07.159 be honest, one of these women out here, it's like 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:12.840 such a such milk. I guess so angry at women 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:16.760 who like just inst a story their refrigerators and freezers 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:19.800 that are chock full. I'm like, dude, may not be sensitive, 0:20:19.840 --> 0:20:22.639 like that's not every woman is a milkmaid. Like, no, 0:20:23.000 --> 0:20:26.200 it's hard. Yesterday she looked at me bumping. She said, 0:20:26.560 --> 0:20:31.080 that's all he got, little mama. Yeah, And you can't 0:20:31.080 --> 0:20:33.720 say ship like that because we're it's like you're in 0:20:33.720 --> 0:20:36.560 the hormonal spot where if you get an ounce, you're 0:20:36.600 --> 0:20:39.720 like I made that, Like that's that's it, and that's 0:20:39.880 --> 0:20:42.280 that's enough right now. Like just it's a miracle that 0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:45.240 any of it's happening at all. Did you, um always 0:20:45.240 --> 0:20:47.439 want to breastfeed with it something you really fought for. 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:50.440 That was the first thing I asked the I was 0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:54.240 just like, yeah, I presonator now. And to be honest, Katie, 0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:56.840 that was the one class at all the classes I 0:20:56.880 --> 0:21:00.399 did not take and I should have. And and I 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:02.720 put that girl in my breast and the first time 0:21:02.760 --> 0:21:06.040 I was like, oh cool. But we struggled to latch 0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:11.520 her because she had such a hard bite. How these 0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:14.400 nurses would come by and put their finger in her 0:21:14.400 --> 0:21:17.120 mouth to feel how hard she was biting and how 0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:19.960 she was latching, and they're like, this is not normal, 0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:23.320 how hard she was. I hurt so bad. I felt 0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:27.440 it like a vein in my back. It was like 0:21:27.440 --> 0:21:30.840 like sharp pains in my back. And I had to 0:21:30.920 --> 0:21:34.760 stop at one point, which I think stopped how much 0:21:34.840 --> 0:21:39.400 milk that was producing because my nipple fell off. Oh yeah, 0:21:39.400 --> 0:21:42.000 my nipple fell up to I lost nipple. And I'll 0:21:42.000 --> 0:21:45.080 tell you this stuff. I don't think we are given 0:21:45.080 --> 0:21:48.639 an education at all in terms of breast meeting. I 0:21:48.680 --> 0:21:51.560 feel like everyone it should be included an insurance that 0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:55.240 a lactation specialist comes to your house, like three visits 0:21:55.359 --> 0:21:58.879 or whatever, because you even if you had taken that class. 0:21:58.960 --> 0:22:02.080 I have news for you. Read kid and Mouth latches different. 0:22:02.280 --> 0:22:05.000 It's such a personal thing of how it works for you. 0:22:05.119 --> 0:22:08.720 I had the worst time breastfeeding and I had postpartum 0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:12.600 depression and I felt like such a failure because breastfeeding 0:22:12.720 --> 0:22:16.280 was so hard for me. So you had postpartum depression too, Yeah, 0:22:16.800 --> 0:22:22.359 I have. Um. You know, it's crazy because I've always 0:22:22.400 --> 0:22:25.720 been mis positive and I'm still that. It's very important 0:22:25.760 --> 0:22:27.680 what you speak over your life. And so I kept 0:22:27.720 --> 0:22:30.080 saying I don't have it. I'm good I have And 0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:32.399 then I had to just admit to myself, no, you 0:22:32.560 --> 0:22:35.560 have this girl, You're going through it. And it wasn't 0:22:35.600 --> 0:22:39.560 just necessarily crying out all the time and things like that. 0:22:40.160 --> 0:22:43.520 It just was my like mood. I just feel so 0:22:43.640 --> 0:22:47.520 down sometimes, you know, and one minute it could just 0:22:47.600 --> 0:22:51.199 be so exhausted and trying to like keep up with 0:22:51.240 --> 0:22:54.399 the house, find a babysitter, you know, cook dinner for 0:22:54.480 --> 0:22:58.879 your partner, you know, make dinner for yourself, walk to 0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:01.760 stay in shape. But whether ain't helping you with nothing. 0:23:02.320 --> 0:23:08.480 It's raiding. So I've cried inside too, just everything, you know. 0:23:09.119 --> 0:23:12.840