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Speaker 1: So I was away on vacation. I was by pool

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Speaker 1: and I bought one of those little round beds versus

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Speaker 1: the regular chairs, and it was more expensive than just

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Speaker 1: a regular chair, but it wasn't crazy. And I just

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Speaker 1: decided to sponge one day with Britain because a couple

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Speaker 1: of people were coming up to me and we just

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Speaker 1: we just gave us a little bit more privacy. And

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Speaker 1: my daughter said, what is a v I P. Because

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Speaker 1: I guess there was a little sign that said v

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Speaker 1: I P on these little beds, not just not my bed,

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Speaker 1: but just in general. And I had to hesitate as

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Speaker 1: I said it out loud, and I said a very

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Speaker 1: important person. I almost threw up because I thought, and

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Speaker 1: she said, well what does that mean? And I said,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what the hell it means, because

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Speaker 1: I said, what it means in practice is some there's

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Speaker 1: a private room or a stanchion, or someone's paid more um,

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Speaker 1: but they don't call first class on an airplane v

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Speaker 1: I P section because why is that person more important

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Speaker 1: than somebody else? And because I chose that I wanted

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Speaker 1: a shade and not to be roasting in the sun,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted a little privacy doesn't mean I'm important.

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Speaker 1: It means I made that choice. If I order a

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Speaker 1: pasta that's over twenty dollars versus the one that's six dollars,

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean I'm a v I P. It means I

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Speaker 1: ordered a more expensive pasta. So I said to her,

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Speaker 1: I don't like that term at all. I don't It

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Speaker 1: makes other people feel bad, because then someone's saying, and

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Speaker 1: this is kids, what's a v I P. Oh, it's

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Speaker 1: a very important person. Wait, so if if somebody else's

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Speaker 1: parents couldn't afford to or didn't get one of these

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Speaker 1: round bed chairs, then their kids gonna think they're not important.

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Speaker 1: I don't like that. I don't like that. Where I'd

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Speaker 1: like to cancel the term v I P. Oh it's

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Speaker 1: a v I P. What in the funk does that

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Speaker 1: even mean? A very important person? Who's not an important person?

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Speaker 1: We canceled so many things. Let's cancel v I P.

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Speaker 1: You pay more money your v I P. You're very important?

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Speaker 1: Said who said some jerk off that you gave money

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Speaker 1: to because vass waters ten dollars at a fucking nightclub

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Speaker 1: and you're buying three dollars spending three dres for a

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Speaker 1: bottle of vodka somewhere you're v I P. I just

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Speaker 1: it just occurred to me that I just think that

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Speaker 1: that's a gross terminology and I'd like to cancel it.

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Speaker 1: I don't like because even like, yeah, friends and family, Okay,

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Speaker 1: your friends and family, you go there a lot, You

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Speaker 1: may spend a little more money. You may be friends

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Speaker 1: and family very important. Person is wildly offensive, wildly offensive.

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Speaker 1: It's very I'm a perier down there. My guest today

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Speaker 1: is actor, director, producer Justin Baldoni. You might have seen

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Speaker 1: him on the hit TV show at Jane the Virgin

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Speaker 1: as Raphael, or you might know his work behind the camera,

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Speaker 1: including the feature film Five Feet Apart Clouds or award

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Speaker 1: winning documentary My Last Days. Beyond making a name as

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Speaker 1: an all around filmmaker, Justin remains busy as a father,

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Speaker 1: podcast host, and author. His work often tackles the culture

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Speaker 1: of toxic masculinity as he aims to redefine what it

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Speaker 1: is to be a man in today's society. Justin co

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Speaker 1: founded a production company called Wayfarer Studios and started a

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Speaker 1: nonprofit of the same name, aim to serve the unhoused

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Speaker 1: community in Los Angeles. I can't wait to talk through

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Speaker 1: Justin's journey and entertainment, entrepreneurship and sharing love for your community.

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Speaker 1: You guys will leave here feeling inspired by today's show.

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Speaker 1: Hope you enjoy. So how did you get into acting?

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Speaker 1: Was it something you always wanted to do? Did you

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Speaker 1: fall into it? Are you passionate about it? What is

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Speaker 1: that part of your life? Um, I'm probably not going

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Speaker 1: to give you these normal answers. You're there is no normal.

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Speaker 1: I never, I never. I never really thought that I

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Speaker 1: was going to become an actor. I didn't have this

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Speaker 1: self confidence I am. I was a bit of an

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Speaker 1: ugly duckling. My dad was in the entertainment business growing up,

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Speaker 1: and it just felt so far away from me. So

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Speaker 1: when I moved to Los Angeles, really it was for

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Speaker 1: sports from Oregon. I Uh, I took an acting class

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Speaker 1: and I really liked it. But I honestly took an

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Speaker 1: acting class because I had no idea what the hell

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Speaker 1: I was going to do with my life. I didn't know.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't I was either gonna be a psychologist or

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Speaker 1: an actor. I wanted to be a filmmaker. Was that

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Speaker 1: was what I really wanted to be. And then I

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Speaker 1: found myself after a pretty devastating breakup. When I was

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Speaker 1: about moving, I moved into this tiny office building. I

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Speaker 1: slept on a couch in my dad's office. He had

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Speaker 1: kept this tiny office and in that building there was

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Speaker 1: a manager that asked me if I was an actor,

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Speaker 1: and I said no, but I I'd be very open

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Speaker 1: to be. As it turns out, he was hitting on me.

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Speaker 1: Um became my manager. We ended up parting ways, but

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Speaker 1: I started working right away and and I I didn't

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Speaker 1: know what I was doing. I learned how to act

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Speaker 1: on on sets. Um. It was terrible. I doubt that

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Speaker 1: you have to have something to be. I think I

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Speaker 1: think I just maybe looked unique. I don't know. Um,

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Speaker 1: but I uh, but I'd learned and I am And

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Speaker 1: really I just knew. I knew I wanted to be

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Speaker 1: of service in some capacity. Faith has been a huge

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Speaker 1: part of my life. The one but now what I

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Speaker 1: joke about when everyone asked me, like, did you always

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Speaker 1: want to be an actor or did director? You know?

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Speaker 1: I look back and I'm like, so much of this

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Speaker 1: was really just a trauma response of my wanting to

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Speaker 1: be loved and appreciated and valued and seen. Thinking that,

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Speaker 1: oh if I got on TV, then maybe all those

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Speaker 1: people that were mean to me would appreciate me or

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Speaker 1: I just get you know, if I just had that

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Speaker 1: car or that So much of so much of my

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Speaker 1: special in my early life was driven unconsciously by a

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Speaker 1: lot of those things. Um. So I've just been unpacking

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Speaker 1: a lot of that and it's informed the way that

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Speaker 1: I work now and the things that I do and

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Speaker 1: when I focused my timeline. But are you passionate about

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Speaker 1: acting now and being an actor? Do you actively work

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Speaker 1: really hard to get roles? It seemed interesting to you?

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Speaker 1: And you know, I stopped acting, so you're not acting

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Speaker 1: anymore at all? Period. You don't want to act at all.

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Speaker 1: It's not that I don't want to act. I just

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Speaker 1: i'm somebody that. So I started a studio. I raised

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Speaker 1: a large amount of money and we're financing movies and

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Speaker 1: television shows now wait for studios. Yeah, and I and

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Speaker 1: I direct. So I haven't acted since Jane the Virgin,

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Speaker 1: which has been three uh three and a half years now.

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Speaker 1: And there wouldn't be a role that you would create

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Speaker 1: or director you'd think that you'd be the best there is. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I am, I'm there is a role that I'm going

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Speaker 1: to take on for a movie, We're going to finance. Um.

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Speaker 1: But but it's one of these things where I don't

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Speaker 1: I don't wake up thinking about it. No, it's your question.

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Speaker 1: It's not like it's a huge passion. It's more like

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Speaker 1: there are days that I wake up when I feel like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm drawn to it, and then there are days that

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Speaker 1: I wake up when I'm much more drawn to the

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Speaker 1: creative process of filmmaking or simply producing or just writing,

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Speaker 1: or there are days when I just want to be

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Speaker 1: focused on the business aspect of my work or the

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Speaker 1: foundation whatever it is. I don't have like a one thing.

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Speaker 1: I get it. I really get it. I literally get

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Speaker 1: it more than most people. I don't either, and I

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Speaker 1: just do what Yeah, I do a lot of things,

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Speaker 1: not because you know, someone said to me today, do

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Speaker 1: you want to continue with having a production company and

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Speaker 1: really focus on that? And I know that a lot

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Speaker 1: of people would give me money to do that, and

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Speaker 1: I could do, and I say, I don't really want

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Speaker 1: to do that, Like I don't. I kind of just

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Speaker 1: do what I want to do and then if I

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Speaker 1: really like it, I'll execute it. But if I don't,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't want to how much money there is. I

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Speaker 1: just don't do it. And it's so funny because people

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Speaker 1: like you and like myself, people think that we have

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Speaker 1: this big, grand chessboard plan. I am aware of the

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Speaker 1: board always and I but it's almost like fantasizing in

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Speaker 1: your mind, like that will happen, and then that will happen,

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Speaker 1: and this will happen, and I am planning, but it's

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Speaker 1: not really a plan. It's sort of just like a

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Speaker 1: game in my mind. Does that make any sense? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: No, no no, no, for sure, I think of it. I

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Speaker 1: think of it a little bit like I always say,

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of a feather in the wind, going wherever

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Speaker 1: God takes me. So you are more spiritual about it

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Speaker 1: than I am. I'm like, I don't think I want

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Speaker 1: to do that. So I think that the same principles.

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Speaker 1: I think the same principle applies. I think that it

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Speaker 1: is in many ways a game UM. And I think

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Speaker 1: that this conversation also it's like we can't take the

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Speaker 1: privilege out of it, which is like how blessed? How

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Speaker 1: blessed are we to be able to choose UM? So

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Speaker 1: that it's not feaster famine. Although I will admit that

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Speaker 1: the feaster famine still lives inside of me and govern

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Speaker 1: some of the rules. Even though I have plenty, there's

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Speaker 1: still this part of me that thinks I have nothing.

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Speaker 1: But that comes from having nothing, right, that comes know,

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Speaker 1: I get it, well, that comes from having nothing. But

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Speaker 1: also you have the luxury and the privilege now of choosing,

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Speaker 1: because back then you had no choice, you had to

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Speaker 1: do anything. I mean, I had my five dollar car

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Speaker 1: with the cracked windshield and was was panicked and alone

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Speaker 1: in the family. So you did all that to then

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Speaker 1: now be able to say I don't want to do X,

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Speaker 1: Y and Z exactly. And I also think it lives

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Speaker 1: in us, you know, generationally. You know, half of my

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Speaker 1: family is Jewish, and so I have you know, the

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Speaker 1: Holocaust in me and um the Great Depression for my

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Speaker 1: grandparents and what they taught my mom, and scarcity, and

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Speaker 1: you know, I think that lives in us to a

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Speaker 1: certain extent and informs some some of those things and

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Speaker 1: has made me like extra fast on the hamster wheel.

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Speaker 1: I talk a lot about this with my wife, which

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Speaker 1: is what is enough in this society? What is enough?

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Speaker 1: What is when is it enough? How much money do

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Speaker 1: I need to make? What do I need to many

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Speaker 1: Instagram followers? How many movies do I need to make?

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Speaker 1: Is there a role that would make me feel enough?

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Speaker 1: And when you dig into it, you don't you realize

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Speaker 1: there's no number, there's no thing. Absolutely no, Well, there

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Speaker 1: could be a number, and then after that number, just

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Speaker 1: because that's also part of the game, it's not really

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Speaker 1: it's not a number that really matters or really means

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Speaker 1: that you're done. But then after that the rest is great.

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Speaker 1: You're playing with. The house is money. You can choose

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Speaker 1: to do what you want. That's that's that's and I

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Speaker 1: mean metaphorical money. You're you're It's funny that you're talking

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Speaker 1: with this because I'm at that place now. I've been successful.

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Speaker 1: I I just told an apartment in the city, and

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Speaker 1: I keep taking things off the board that are very

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Speaker 1: lucrative and there aren't even that much time to spend

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Speaker 1: that I just even the five seconds on it. I

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Speaker 1: don't like it. Are the people that I have to

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Speaker 1: work with. I don't like them. I don't like the

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Speaker 1: way they work or their culture. And I just say no.

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Speaker 1: And it's literally a lot of money. It's been millions

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Speaker 1: of dollars in situations and to say no is very liberating,

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Speaker 1: and to say more is not more is very very freeing.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like you're protecting your time and your energy

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Speaker 1: right now more than you are valuing making more money.

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Speaker 1: And that's an important it's a privilege to be able

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Speaker 1: to be in that place to do that, and a

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Speaker 1: really important step. I think in all of our journeys,

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Speaker 1: when we really take a step back and you look

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Speaker 1: at it, time is our most valuable asset. I say

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Speaker 1: it all the time because it is the one thing

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Speaker 1: that we can never get back, and that is ticking away,

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Speaker 1: and we have to be really mindful of how we

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Speaker 1: are spending our time. It's not time. It's not that

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Speaker 1: equation of like time equals money. Um, no, not at all,

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Speaker 1: and are worse than that. It's time is priceless. Well,

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Speaker 1: and your relationship to time evolves because it used to

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Speaker 1: be for me and it still is in a way.

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Speaker 1: I stack work so I want to if I'm putting

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Speaker 1: some eyelashes on, I want to do five things that day,

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Speaker 1: and then I don't want to do things for days.

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Speaker 1: But it used to be that I would stack than

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Speaker 1: to be with my daughter. So I was totally present

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Speaker 1: with my daughter and totally present with work. But there

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Speaker 1: was no time with myself because no me, it's just

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Speaker 1: you're doing that. You're doing that, you're doing this, so

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Speaker 1: you could do more of that, but there was no

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Speaker 1: just me, like being like a bowl of oatmeal. And

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Speaker 1: I wanted that, you know, because being doing meat as

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Speaker 1: a mean doing yoga, doing massa, like it just means

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Speaker 1: like laying and scaring at the television. Yeah, it's very meditative. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: it's very hard to for people to do nothing. It's

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Speaker 1: one of the things that's come up from me and

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Speaker 1: my healing journey. It's antithetical doing nothing right. You don't

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Speaker 1: you put those two kind of things together. It's a verb,

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Speaker 1: what are you doing nothing? Doing right? That's funny, And

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Speaker 1: that's funny and it's but it's really been important for

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Speaker 1: me to practice that. That's funny because doing something is

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Speaker 1: the opposite of nothing. That's interesting. The world always tells

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Speaker 1: me like, hey, you have to be doing something because

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Speaker 1: I believe in a system, a patriarchal system. If you

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Speaker 1: will are our worth is tied to our productivity. So

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Speaker 1: if I'm not doing anything, i am I am trained,

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Speaker 1: i am brainwashed, i am I've been built in a

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Speaker 1: way in this system that tells me that I don't

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Speaker 1: have value, so foresight and why would I ever take

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Speaker 1: care of myself? Why would you ever take hairy self

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Speaker 1: about the ny if if the world has told you

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Speaker 1: by doing nothing, it means you're not being productive and

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Speaker 1: you you're wasting your time, So how are we valuing time?

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Speaker 1: Is really what's important? Well, also I know I'm you're

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Speaker 1: very cause driven as you mentioned, and you work, you

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Speaker 1: have a foundation, and philanthropy is important to you as

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Speaker 1: it is to me. Sometimes it feels like a sham

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Speaker 1: because it's just another transference of doing business. It's just

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Speaker 1: not for profits. So while it's incredible and I'm so

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Speaker 1: proud that we have an effort in Ukraine that's literally

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Speaker 1: never been done before in history. It's unprecedented, it's it's

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Speaker 1: so quickly for hundreds of millions of dollars of aid,

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Speaker 1: but I've treated it like a business because it's so

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Speaker 1: it doesn't So sometimes my fiance will feel guilty telling

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Speaker 1: me like it's a lot, because you can't say that

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Speaker 1: to someone who's saving lives and helping people. But he's

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Speaker 1: seeing the tax that it takes on me. So you're giving,

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Speaker 1: but it's still like it not a sham, but you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like you're still working, Oh for sure.

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Speaker 1: That's why I think it's important to to to mix

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Speaker 1: philanthropy with with what I call secret service, which is

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Speaker 1: you are physically doing things on the ground that nobody

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Speaker 1: knows about. You don't talk about it, you don't post it,

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Speaker 1: you don't share it with anybody. Maybe your fyance, your

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Speaker 1: kids don't even know. But there's a part of every

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Speaker 1: human being that lights up when we are of service,

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Speaker 1: when in true service has no other benefit except for

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Speaker 1: who that person is serving. It's not for you now.

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Speaker 1: The way God designed us is that, yeah, it feels

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Speaker 1: good to be of service, so we're supposed to do it.

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Speaker 1: But I think oftentimes we can get disconnected from the

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Speaker 1: actual cause and be on the ground. And sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: been really helpful for me to actually just go and

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Speaker 1: have a conversation with somebody who's unhoused again like I

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Speaker 1: did ten years ago, and hear their story and their

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Speaker 1: pain and what they're up to, and see and connect

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Speaker 1: with them and look in their eyes they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is why I'm doing it, Or physically talk to

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Speaker 1: somebody um, who I've helped or who I who needs

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Speaker 1: help without ever making it a thing. But that's and

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Speaker 1: that's the true test of the purity of it too,

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Speaker 1: which is like, oh, I don't I'm not doing it

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Speaker 1: for that. I'm not doing it for that. I'm doing

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Speaker 1: it for the sole purpose of helping this other person

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Speaker 1: and in return, God knows, nobody else needs to know.

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Speaker 1: That's what we've kind of fallen away from in this

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Speaker 1: very like on demand, let's broadcast how good we are

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Speaker 1: as human beings world, so and so it can become

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Speaker 1: so it can feel like a business because again you're

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Speaker 1: you're literally having to run it like a business because

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Speaker 1: that's how it works. But I think the thing that

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Speaker 1: can then put fuel in your tank is is doing

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Speaker 1: the work that you would normally like have a team

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Speaker 1: on the ground doing. That's what That's what Yes and

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Speaker 1: I have. But it's funny that you say that, because

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Speaker 1: I took a really big time celebrity to Puerto Rico

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Speaker 1: and we had we had hundreds of houses to bring

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Speaker 1: crisis kids to and this person stayed four hours with

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Speaker 1: one one one woman and held the whole group up.

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Speaker 1: And I understand that that was their experience on the day,

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Speaker 1: but we literally had hundreds of people in chow to

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Speaker 1: help the most people. So it's it's there is a

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Speaker 1: balance in that because oh, that situation is totally different

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Speaker 1: because yeah, you're you're doing it for a reason and

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Speaker 1: you have it's a volume business. I can't go help

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Speaker 1: one poll one person in Poland right now. No no no, no, no, no, yeah, no, no,

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Speaker 1: of course, I'm just talking about when you get drained,

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Speaker 1: that's how you refill your for yourself. You're just saying, know, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was speaking more about like you and I no,

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Speaker 1: I agree, I agree. I knew what you were saying.

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Speaker 1: But it's funny. It just becomes While I would also

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Speaker 1: like to sit and talk to that woman in her house,

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Speaker 1: I would love to do that, it's just not And

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Speaker 1: that's why sometimes I feel cold, because when I'm doing

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Speaker 1: talking about it, it doesn't you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: You're not like it at the end of the day.

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Speaker 1: But but I do think someone once told me that

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Speaker 1: our world is designed like if you think of an army,

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Speaker 1: everybody has a purpose, right, So if we were designed too,

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Speaker 1: and everyone has a role, you need a Bethany Frankel

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Speaker 1: in order to create the charity, the nonprofit that helps

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Speaker 1: those millions of people, to hire the people that are

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Speaker 1: on the ground doing that. Like we all have our

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Speaker 1: purpose here, right and and we can't start to you

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Speaker 1: know something that I tell myself, I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: I wish I was more of the other person. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I wish I was like, you know, I wish I

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Speaker 1: was doing more of the work on the ground. I

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Speaker 1: feel so disconnected, but in reality, like, Okay, if there

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Speaker 1: weren't a you, then that wouldn't be happening. That's what

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Speaker 1: my fiance says. It's not it's guilt because I I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be in Poland the first week and my

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Speaker 1: partner was on the border and said, we have no

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Speaker 1: phone service. You have to be doing all this. And

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Speaker 1: I'm the sort of person that drives the whole opera.

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Speaker 1: I'm the CEO of And so I said to my fiance,

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Speaker 1: I'm not standing. I'm not in the warehouse. He said,

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Speaker 1: I don't think the head of Coca Cola is putting

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Speaker 1: Coca Cola in bottles either right now. So you have

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Speaker 1: to be where you're So there's a level that's just

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Speaker 1: I haven't talked about that. That's interesting so, but if

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Speaker 1: I want to hear about your philanthropy, so you're not,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I wouldn't consider myself a philanthropist more than

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Speaker 1: somebody who's just you know, I grew, I was raising

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Speaker 1: the high faith. But Alla says that every human being

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Speaker 1: must engage in an occupation or a trade, and that

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Speaker 1: trade must be their form of service. So for me,

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, I'm just always looking for opportunities to

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Speaker 1: be of service with my privilege in my work, and

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Speaker 1: I just so happened to be able to create some

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Speaker 1: cool stuff in our business, which again I battle with

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Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm not doing anything and everyone's

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Speaker 1: far more successful than me. But that's my trauma speaking.

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Speaker 1: But what little I have done or to some a lot,

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to mean something more than just from

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Speaker 1: my ego or for my name right um, for my brand,

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Speaker 1: if you will all because we're all brands now. I

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Speaker 1: guess I want to I want to, you know, I

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Speaker 1: I want to leave something behind that is more than

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Speaker 1: just me creating things selfishly or to look good or

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Speaker 1: or do you do that you have that filter? You don't?

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Speaker 1: I want to know two things, what your project, you're

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Speaker 1: most proud of. And is that a filter? You don't

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Speaker 1: create or produce, or direct a project or write a

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Speaker 1: project if it doesn't, if it's not cause driven, or

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Speaker 1: I don't touch anything. And if it's not cause driven,

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Speaker 1: I don't touch it. Okay, So give me to tell

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Speaker 1: me one of tell me that what you think is

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Speaker 1: the most most influential or been the most impactful cause

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Speaker 1: driven project that you've created. Oh, that's a great question.

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Speaker 1: That's hard, um, because everything is different. Um. I started.

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Speaker 1: I quit acting when I was twenty five to make

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Speaker 1: a documentary series called My Last Days, where I traveled

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Speaker 1: the country and I told the stories of individuals who

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Speaker 1: are dying of a terminal illness because I wanted to

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Speaker 1: help people remember that they don't have to find out

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Speaker 1: they're dying to start living. Wow. Because we procrastinate to

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Speaker 1: become the people we want to be. We procrastinate to

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Speaker 1: do everything. We always push everything off. And I was

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Speaker 1: looking at this and I'm like, this doesn't make any sense.

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Speaker 1: Why am I doing this? I was twenty five, I

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Speaker 1: wasn't happy acting. I quit. I made that show for

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Speaker 1: four thousand dollars an episode. I lost everything. My house

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Speaker 1: went into foreclosure and I was the happiest that I've

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Speaker 1: ever been. And um, and that show inspired my first film,

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Speaker 1: which was called five ft Apart, which was inspired by

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Speaker 1: a friend of mine who had cystic fibrosis five ft

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Speaker 1: apart before the world even knew what that was saying

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Speaker 1: five ft apart. And you know, that movie went on

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Speaker 1: to make about a hundred million dollars around the world,

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Speaker 1: and it changed cystic firebrosis and awareness and save lives

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Speaker 1: and all kinds of stuff, and that's super impactful. But

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Speaker 1: you know, and I made a movie called Clouds about

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Speaker 1: my other friend from that show, My Last Day Zach,

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Speaker 1: that's on Disney, and we raised millions of dollars for

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Speaker 1: Osteo Sarcoma, and that was a very special project. But

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Speaker 1: then also my my work with masculinity and trying to

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Speaker 1: help men by help and help myself recognize that we're

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Speaker 1: enough as we are. Um, all of these things are

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Speaker 1: are are both. There's a double bottom line always of course,

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Speaker 1: I want them to be successful so that I can

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Speaker 1: make more of them. But I've always said, like when

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Speaker 1: I when I first made that documentary series My Last Days,

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Speaker 1: my business partner at the time and I were looking

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Speaker 1: at the YouTube comments, and it was intent almost ten

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Speaker 1: years ago on YouTube, and it literally broke upworth these website.

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Speaker 1: It was how up worth? They really started? Fourteen million

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Speaker 1: views for a twenty two minute video. And this was

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Speaker 1: ten years ago when everybody was watching cat videos and

427
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 1: we're like, what is happening? And talk shows are calling

428
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 1: us and like we had no infrastructure and we didn't

429
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 1: know what we were doing. It cost ten thousand dollars

430
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 1: to make that thing. But one of the comments said,

431
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,199
Speaker 1: I had tried to take my own life multiple times

432
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 1: and failed. I was going to take my life today

433
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,239
Speaker 1: and I stumbled on this video and I now know

434
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 1: why I'm still here. That's the only thing you ever

435
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:42,959
Speaker 1: did in your life. And so it was the if

436
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 1: that was the and that's what we've said. That's so

437
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 1: that's what I've built all of my stuff on, which

438
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: is okay, if that was it, Yeah, and I got

439
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 1: one view, Yeah, it might have been a colossal flop

440
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 1: to the business. But how much is his life worth?

441
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,120
Speaker 1: And that's the metric by which I'm building my studio

442
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,879
Speaker 1: and we do everything. I mean, look, man, enough, I

443
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: had a great deal with HarperCollins. They paid me really

444
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,200
Speaker 1: good money. To write the book. I write the book,

445
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 1: and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I

446
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 1: tried to get out of it multiple times and give

447
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 1: the money back literally um, and we finally get it done.

448
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 1: I'm nervous, I'm passionate about it. It's it's here, it's

449
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:27,960
Speaker 1: for men, and everybody's focused on it becoming a bestseller.

450
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,320
Speaker 1: That's all anybody's talking about is how do we get

451
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 1: it on the New York Times list? How do we

452
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 1: get on the New York Times List. Everything in me

453
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 1: was like, this isn't why I wrote the book. This

454
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,719
Speaker 1: isn't why I do anything. This is the system. But

455
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 1: you know, but more you can, more people will read

456
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 1: it if it's on the list, and you'll get another

457
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 1: book deal. If it's time, you'll get another book. But

458
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,640
Speaker 1: but do I want to be on that hamster wheel, Bethany?

459
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,400
Speaker 1: And that's not and that's a question that we don't

460
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 1: ask ourselves often, is I don't want to do They've

461
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 1: offered me more book deals. I don't want to do nothing.

462
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 1: I don't I don't need to do all of it

463
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 1: until it comes from a creative place and I'm ready

464
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:06,160
Speaker 1: to do. This was all about But I remember all

465
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 1: being about the best seller list because it helps, of course,

466
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 1: it gets the message out more, it makes it, it

467
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 1: makes it all these things, and I knew I had

468
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 1: this feeling like I wasn't going to make the list.

469
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 1: It's a very nuanced topic. It's about masculinity. Men are

470
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 1: not men are. I wouldn't think it would make the

471
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 1: list if I heard the concept at a time, because

472
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 1: it's women, who are you know, the target audience? So well,

473
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 1: men are the target audience of the book in the world,

474
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: I'm saying, in this landscape and the talk shows, you're

475
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 1: talking about the book and its women. They're talking to

476
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 1: so we and so we and so they do all

477
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 1: this press for it, and we're you know, and and

478
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 1: I actually, for a good month bought into the hype

479
00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 1: and I was so focused on trying to help this

480
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 1: book become a best seller. I'm reaching out to all

481
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: my celebrity friends, I'm doing all this and mailings and

482
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,439
Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, this is what Why am I

483
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:58,440
Speaker 1: doing this? Right? I just want to reach that one man.

484
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 1: And in many ways, I was like, I have this

485
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 1: feeling I'm not and I think it'll be better if

486
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 1: I don't, because I want to. I want to feel

487
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 1: that humility and be reminded of why I did this

488
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 1: in the first place. So, of course, interestingly enough, I

489
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 1: write a book. It's a nonfiction book, undefining my masculinity.

490
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:20,199
Speaker 1: It's not a self help book. And the feeling is

491
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 1: probably somebody at the New York Times a guy was

492
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 1: triggered by he put it in the self help category.

493
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 1: Of course I didn't make the list. Ironically, had it

494
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,360
Speaker 1: been a had been a nonfiction book, I probably would

495
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 1: have debuted number two. It doesn't matter. The point was

496
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,880
Speaker 1: I didn't make the list. Everybody was disappointed, and I

497
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,120
Speaker 1: was fucking relieved, because you know what would happened all

498
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 1: then it would have been about staying it's the hamster wheel.

499
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: And I said, oh, and now the books that of

500
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,959
Speaker 1: life of its own, it's moving, it's touching people. I'm

501
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: getting those individual messages from men. Sure a lot more

502
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 1: women bought the book. Women bought it for their men,

503
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 1: and everybody wins in the end. I'm grateful for that.

504
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 1: So so, and it's a long tangent to answer, no,

505
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 1: it's not I get it. I get it. But that's

506
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 1: how I think. That's what I'm trying to think about

507
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 1: my place in this very strange intersection of art and capitalism.

508
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: We want to do things for the right reasons. You

509
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 1: have to. It's like that philanthropy you said doing on

510
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 1: your own, that's a private moment. You want to yourself

511
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 1: do it for the right reasons. Like Kelly, my book

512
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 1: is called Business is Personal because they're so intertwined. And

513
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,119
Speaker 1: you know the blurbs. When we need a blurb, we

514
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,959
Speaker 1: need a blurb. A blurb. What's the blurb? You need

515
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: a blurb? You need to call fame. Okay. I literally

516
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 1: texted Katie Kirk. I was like, yeah, I go, I

517
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 1: go out. Okay, she goes what I didn't read it.

518
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 1: I go. Just talk about me, say something, say something true,

519
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 1: and send me a book. Kelly rip she was dealing

520
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 1: with something with her mom. I don't remember. Just send

521
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 1: me a blurb, Mark Cuban, send me a blurb. I

522
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 1: need a blurb. They want a blurb, and then then

523
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 1: they want to yeah, right, I don't read the blurbs.

524
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 1: And then in six months or May, sorry, in two months,

525
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 1: they're gonna me then to tell Kelly Rippa to tweet

526
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,439
Speaker 1: about it. But I'm not asking Kelly y tweet about this.

527
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: That is where my line is. But I get it

528
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 1: because but I feel bad because I'm partners with the

529
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: book industry, people who it's so hard to push something

530
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,479
Speaker 1: and and their asses are on the line too. So

531
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,400
Speaker 1: you're on the wheel everybody. You owe yourself. You owe

532
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 1: yourself to everybody, and by stepping on the wheel, you uh,

533
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,399
Speaker 1: you become a slave to it in many ways. But

534
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 1: I don't think yourself up. You only write books because

535
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,680
Speaker 1: it's a top. You're writing books because it's a topic

536
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: you want to pour out of you, and then you

537
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 1: start writing it and you probably get bogged down. But

538
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 1: I only write books because I'm like, I want to

539
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,439
Speaker 1: say this now, I'm ready to talk. You get a

540
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 1: book deal and then you start talking, and then you're like,

541
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,159
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear my voice anymore, so you

542
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: don't want to them promote it over your sen Yeah,

543
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 1: for me, it's a little bit different, Bethany. I wish

544
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: I had I think ten percent of your confidence. For me,

545
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 1: it is it's deeply personal and the things I'm writing

546
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 1: about at least what I wrote about, and man enough, um,

547
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 1: I'm writing about masculinity in a way that a lot

548
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 1: of men haven't talked about it because it's so hard,

549
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,359
Speaker 1: so personal. From from stories that have happened to me

550
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 1: when I was young. Embarrassing moments are you know, things

551
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,640
Speaker 1: from our bodies changing that we never want to talk about,

552
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 1: to even a traumatic you know, sexual assault that I

553
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 1: experienced when I lost my virginity. These are things that

554
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: men have never been able to talk about. It's very

555
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 1: and and also tying that into equality and how we

556
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:34,640
Speaker 1: should show up in the world as men um with

557
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 1: not just women and queer and trans people, but like

558
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 1: with ourselves. How to make this world a better place

559
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: by becoming not just better men, but better humans. This

560
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: is a very personal, hard thing because the whole point

561
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 1: of writing the book was recognizing how deeply unhappy I was,

562
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 1: and how I was just wanting to be liked and

563
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 1: loved and seen by other men and seen as enough

564
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 1: in this world. And uh, and by writing the book,

565
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 1: it triggers other men uh and the exact same thing

566
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 1: ends up happening, where then I'm mocked and demonized and

567
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 1: told that I'm you know, all of the things that

568
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 1: they call men like me who are in touch with

569
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 1: their feelings and emotional which I believe you mean like

570
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 1: words like Metro or words like stuff like that. You no, no, no,

571
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 1: I'm talking about I'm talking about I'm talking about things

572
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 1: that more you know, uh, much more derogatory statements than that. People.

573
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 1: I don't care if you call me Metro or any

574
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: of those. But you know, I think it's such a great,

575
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 1: amazing topic because, um I read you know, I have

576
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: the information here about some of the things you talk

577
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: about and some of the things you went through. But

578
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 1: in talking about masculinity, it's such a stereotype and you're

579
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 1: only allowed to you know, men aren't allowed to wine

580
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 1: and be as sick as women aren't. There was a

581
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 1: man I was at a spot and he was like,

582
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: do you have a blanket? I get really cold? And

583
00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, Oh, that's not very mascive, Like

584
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: why isn't a man allowed to get cold? Like I'm

585
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: always getting cold. It's such a double standard in so

586
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 1: many different areas where men have to act more um

587
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:14,960
Speaker 1: stoic and hardcore, yeah, hardcore, because they're not allowed to

588
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 1: to to be vulnerable in the same way. So where

589
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,280
Speaker 1: does that go? Where does that go? That's got to

590
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 1: be trapping and it turns into anger, It turns into frustration,

591
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 1: It turns into the reason men are so violent, It

592
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 1: turns into you know, when we can't cry? Where does

593
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 1: that go? It just goes deeper and deeper and deeper

594
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 1: and deeper, until one day the well bursts and explodes. Well,

595
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 1: that brings up the Will Smith thing, and it brings

596
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 1: up I want to talk to you quickly, that quickly,

597
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 1: but about the Will Smith's lap, but also the conversation

598
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 1: that he had with Jada when you know, she was like,

599
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: you knew about August, the guy who I guess she

600
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 1: was having an affair with, and Will was sitting at

601
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: the table and you may not have seen it, but

602
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 1: he was just like, oh, yeah, I knew about it.

603
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 1: But it felt like degrading, Like he had to be like, yeah,

604
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: I knew that you were sleeping with somebody else, like

605
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 1: at a table, as if she was talking about something

606
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 1: that they should be able to just talk about in

607
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 1: front of millions of people, and you know, she was

608
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 1: like it was it was just this weird conversation and

609
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 1: it didn't seem the stereo type of masculine for him

610
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 1: to just sit there and be in a discussion with

611
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: Jada about the other guy that she was hooking up

612
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 1: within that he was presumably aware of it, and what

613
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 1: this like triangle was with them. And then I connect

614
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 1: that to him sitting next to Jada and standing up

615
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: and slapping another human being, and you know that that's

616
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,960
Speaker 1: that's a man saying that he's defending his woman and

617
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 1: that he has to protect his family because he's a man.

618
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 1: And I'm just curious what you think of that, like

619
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: the whole thing. Honestly, I think I don't really I

620
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 1: might say it might not be cool, but I don't

621
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 1: really want to comment on it because I feel like, here,

622
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 1: here's what I can tell you. There are so many

623
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 1: layers to this conversation that I don't know if two

624
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 1: white people can can can really enter and have an

625
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 1: opinion about. With the exception of ah, we know that

626
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 1: going up on a stage and slapping somebody is not right.

627
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 1: That's very very clear. But you're talking about you know,

628
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 1: when I when I look at the situation, I'm looking

629
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 1: at from from multiple standpoints, from a from a place

630
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 1: of the way we have devalued black women in our

631
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 1: society forever, and how very few people stand up for

632
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: them to also um, the need for men in general,

633
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 1: let alone black men, to prove their masculinity. I mean,

634
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: there are so many systems at play that intertwine here

635
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 1: and then intersect into this um that I don't really

636
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 1: have a view on it other than I wish I've

637
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: always loved well Smith, and I wish it didn't happen.

638
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 1: I wish that. I love that you bring up that

639
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 1: it's too too black, and it's really just a nuanced

640
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 1: conversation that that. Honestly, I just don't think. I just

641
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 1: don't think as white people we really have the frame

642
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 1: of reference to be able to unpack it because we

643
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 1: have not lived in any of the experiences that these

644
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 1: people have, especially the black woman. Okay, so Bradley Cooper

645
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 1: gets up on the stage and slaps Brad Pitt that

646
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: that could happen. It can happen as much as this

647
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 1: happened could. But we do I do have to I

648
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 1: mean I think we do have to look at also,

649
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 1: like you know, there are acts of white violence and

650
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 1: things like that that happen all the time. UM. You

651
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 1: know the conversations I have is you know, of the

652
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: second that that it's around black folks, then it becomes

653
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 1: this whole thing um and there are again, there are

654
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:56,720
Speaker 1: just there are centuries of trauma that exists underneath all

655
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 1: of these and it's just really hard. So again it's

656
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 1: it's it's so much more nuanced than like should you

657
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,240
Speaker 1: have done it? Should you have not? Because also, yeah,

658
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 1: you're you're bringing up stuff that I'm not an expert on,

659
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,399
Speaker 1: like the situation that happened with them. I don't know.

660
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,279
Speaker 1: I know, I mean, i've I've I've known about it.

661
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:14,840
Speaker 1: But what I can tell you is that in our society,

662
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 1: here's what I can speak to. In our in our world,

663
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 1: in a in a patriarchal uh fantasy land that we're

664
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 1: living in, I can tell you firsthand that there is

665
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 1: a rage that happens deep down in every man when

666
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:40,359
Speaker 1: he feels as if he is being emasculated, right, which

667
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:43,280
Speaker 1: I believe is not a real thing. I don't believe

668
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:48,400
Speaker 1: it's possible for one to be emasculated because masculinity is

669
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 1: not something that can be taken away. Your femininity can't

670
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 1: be taken away. I can't feminate you now that I

671
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: can feel masculine because I'm so tough. And that's the

672
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 1: constructs that have been created but I couldn't emasculate you,

673
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 1: bethany Um, how could you emasculate me? Why is it that? Why?

674
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 1: Why can masculinity be taken away? Why does my masculinity?

675
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 1: I've had someone say to me, how does someone hand it?

676
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 1: You're so tough, you should soften up a little, or

677
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 1: something like that, and that, Yeah, that makes me feel

678
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 1: less feminine. Well but no, but here's the thing. The

679
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 1: reason they're saying that to you is because of how

680
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,919
Speaker 1: you're going to make someone else feel. That's a man,

681
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 1: I guess, but it still I still feel that feeling.

682
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,719
Speaker 1: I can understand how the people use the term that

683
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:38,319
Speaker 1: a man can feel emasculine. I understand what that means.

684
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 1: It's just the same. I can understand it too. But

685
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: I think the system the problem is we're talking about

686
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:48,600
Speaker 1: an overarching idea that one's masculinity okay, totally, and it's

687
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 1: got many different definitions in terms of it. And if

688
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: I am going through my life raised in the system

689
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,360
Speaker 1: that tells me that every day I have to prove

690
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 1: my masculinity, how am I going to I'm going to

691
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 1: be in a state of fire flight, I'm going to

692
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,880
Speaker 1: be ready to fight my nervous system is always going

693
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: to be on, and I'm not going to be able

694
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 1: to take feedback from anybody. The second somebody tells me

695
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,279
Speaker 1: that I can do better at something or that I

696
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,799
Speaker 1: failed at something, my defenses are going to go up

697
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna have to prove myself right. We've seen

698
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:21,280
Speaker 1: this a lot um with white fragility, as an example

699
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 1: in the conversation around race with men and women. We

700
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 1: don't want to be we don't want to be racist, right,

701
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 1: so we get all super defensive because God forbid we

702
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,800
Speaker 1: unconsciously said something or did something that hurt this other person.

703
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 1: Like we don't, we can't be bad. We'll imagine as

704
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: a man moving through your life knowing that anywhere you

705
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:45,760
Speaker 1: go you must prove your worth, your value, your masculinity,

706
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 1: because if you don't write, we gonna we want to

707
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 1: go back to the old days, like the primal nous.

708
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: Someone can take your woman, someone can kill your kids.

709
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 1: All of that stuff. Well, today it's just about value.

710
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 1: Today it's a about I need to prove my word

711
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 1: so that I'm seen as enough, that I'm seen as

712
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 1: a man. I get that, and I also get that

713
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:08,840
Speaker 1: the undertow of what could have been going on, and

714
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,520
Speaker 1: it could have been the perfect storm that went on

715
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 1: to get up to that stage. But I don't. When

716
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,880
Speaker 1: I go to the supermarket and I encounter a hundred

717
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,400
Speaker 1: different people, they all have their own undertow. And if

718
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 1: I'm only in a supermarket where there's only a hundred

719
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 1: African Americans or you know, then they all have their

720
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 1: own undertow. But people can't just act out on that.

721
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 1: And I think it talked about Hollywood. So many things

722
00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 1: went on interception, there's an intersection of all of it.

723
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: I think it's just a woman needing to be defend

724
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 1: a woman, not just a black woman, a woman needing

725
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:45,800
Speaker 1: to be defended by a man entitled Hollywood. Um, yes,

726
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: rage and things going on. Put it all in a pot,

727
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:51,399
Speaker 1: put it all together. Yeah, I think it's an interesting soup.

728
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,440
Speaker 1: So I think I like you because I think. But

729
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 1: just to my point, Bethany, that's what I go back

730
00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 1: to is the only thing that I can share from

731
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:02,280
Speaker 1: my personal spective is knowing what it feels like when

732
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 1: my masculinity is being challenged and knowing that I have

733
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 1: done and which is one of the reasons why I

734
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: wrote the book that I have over the course of

735
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,840
Speaker 1: my life, said things and done things and acted in

736
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:15,000
Speaker 1: a way that I didn't want to act like because

737
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 1: I felt like I had to puff up. You should

738
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:19,920
Speaker 1: speak on it because you have a better perspective than

739
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 1: most people. But that's well, every man has that perspective.

740
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 1: Every man knows knows the feeling of being challenged and

741
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 1: needing to step up and pump out their chest and

742
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 1: do something performative to earn that back. And then if

743
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 1: you lay your in actual physical abuse, being young and

744
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 1: seeing that you have again this person, this this melting

745
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 1: pot of all of these traumas that coexist to form

746
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 1: this unique situation. But that is the experience of many men.

747
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,440
Speaker 1: Many men have been taught that they solve their problems

748
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 1: with their fists. Right, you're not talking about the what

749
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 1: you disagree with the what You're just talking about the

750
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:00,919
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about the issue at all. I'm talking

751
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,440
Speaker 1: about what's underneath. The issue kind of relates back to

752
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 1: masculinity in my book, which is all we all are

753
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 1: told every single day that we have to prove our masculinity.

754
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:14,239
Speaker 1: And my point is that I don't believe masculation really

755
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 1: exists because I don't think you can take one's masculinity away.

756
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 1: I think it's perception, and I think that's how we've

757
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 1: been raised. I think that you even admitted yourself what

758
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 1: you what you talked about, when you said, well, why

759
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:27,919
Speaker 1: does that that's not very masculine, that man doesn't want

760
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 1: a blanket. That's called internalized misogyny. Okay, and women experiences

761
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,960
Speaker 1: this too. Bell Hooks, the late great Bell Hooks, who

762
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 1: was one of the most prolific black feminist authors, writes

763
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:42,480
Speaker 1: about this that in a system such as this, women

764
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 1: experienced internalized misogyny as well, which then reinforces the need

765
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 1: for us men to be this way, because when we're

766
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 1: getting it from men and then we get it from women, well,

767
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: how the hell are we going to ever change. It's

768
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 1: so interesting because my fiance had a different feeling when

769
00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,800
Speaker 1: he first heard about the slap than he did a

770
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 1: day later. It was like lasagna the next day, like

771
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,359
Speaker 1: it just was different. He first was thinking, like if

772
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 1: someone said something bad about his mother or someone around him,

773
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,400
Speaker 1: how he'd feel that rage inside and how you have

774
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 1: to do something about it and pain in your chest,

775
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 1: but obviously intellectually knows that it's wrong. I think it's

776
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 1: a I think this is why it's so provocative, this

777
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,879
Speaker 1: particular issue an incident, because it's bringing up so many

778
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 1: things that have nothing to do with celebs and bullshit

779
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 1: pop culture, just that have to do with human beings,

780
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 1: so many, so many things going on. So that's the

781
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 1: way the way I would look at it. Bethany said,

782
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:37,799
Speaker 1: it's a rocheck test. People are gonna see what they

783
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 1: see totally very interesting. And that's how I kind of

784
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 1: look at what happened. Um, but what I saw as

785
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,399
Speaker 1: I saw, I saw myself, I saw, I saw men

786
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 1: that I loved, I I saw that I saw I

787
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,720
Speaker 1: saw the pain of the people in the audience. I felt,

788
00:40:55,960 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 1: I'm an EmPATH, I felt everybody, and but that but

789
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 1: that's how I also moved through life that stuff. That

790
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 1: stuff happens every day. We just saw it in a

791
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 1: way that most people have not experienced it from people

792
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,880
Speaker 1: that they would not expect it from. But this happens

793
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 1: every single day everywhere, of course, and so now it's

794
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 1: in our faces and we have to look at it

795
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 1: and wonder why why was our reaction the way that

796
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 1: it was. But I don't think we can have that

797
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:28,720
Speaker 1: conversation without also including all of the unique individual traumas

798
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 1: that exist grace and gender, and I thought, love it.

799
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 1: It's amazing. Wow, Well that's I love. I'm glad I

800
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,760
Speaker 1: asked you. See, you didn't have an opinion with jaded opinion.

801
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 1: So the last thing I wanted to ask you was

802
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 1: your rose and your thorn of your career. That's so funny.

803
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 1: Every single every day, every night, I asked my wife

804
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:49,759
Speaker 1: and I talked to our kids about their roast and

805
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 1: their thorn of the day. We do too. Um, that's

806
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 1: funny because I we always used to start with rose,

807
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:57,799
Speaker 1: and then I was like, you know, I'm gonna start

808
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 1: with my thorn. I want to end with my rose.

809
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: M hm. We can act the kids. The pedal is

810
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:05,719
Speaker 1: like we just made it up. The pedal is like

811
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 1: a thing that you like to see happen, like a

812
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 1: you know, a goal or a dream or something. So

813
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 1: my rose and thorn of my career thus far, I

814
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 1: feel like I'm at the beginning of my career. I

815
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 1: would say my I would say my thorn isn't an

816
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 1: event or a thing. I would say my thorn has

817
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 1: been my my my giving in my allowing the unconscious

818
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:45,800
Speaker 1: need to be seen and valued. Two accelerate the hamster

819
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: wheel like to keep me on it, to keep me creating.

820
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 1: When I could have very well stepped back and said, no,

821
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,399
Speaker 1: I've done enough for this month, or I'm I need

822
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:59,720
Speaker 1: to go to sleep. I think that I have fallen

823
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 1: um to that system that only measures worth via productivity

824
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 1: and just kept going and prided myself in many ways

825
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 1: on being a machine. I used to get so puffed

826
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 1: up and feel so good about myself when people are like, dude,

827
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 1: how do You're like, how do you do this? You're

828
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,240
Speaker 1: like a robot, like a machine. How do you keep going?

829
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:24,400
Speaker 1: And I would feel amazing when someone said that, But

830
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 1: machines break down. Machines do not live forever. And my

831
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 1: body started breaking down, and I started feeling the weight

832
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:39,840
Speaker 1: and the pressure mentally and physically. And I don't pride

833
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 1: myself on being a machine anymore because the machine isn't human.

834
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 1: As men and boys, we've been taught that we need

835
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:47,800
Speaker 1: to be more machine like than human like our entire lives,

836
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 1: when in reality, we need to be more human like.

837
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:58,360
Speaker 1: Rest is important, doing nothing is important, Peace is important.

838
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,800
Speaker 1: So that would be my thorn is for years and

839
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,560
Speaker 1: years and years not listening to my body when it

840
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 1: said stopped not listening when my kids needed me, and

841
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:11,360
Speaker 1: I was like, no, not, I only send one more email,

842
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:15,400
Speaker 1: which still happens. I'm not perfect. That's my thorn, and

843
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:18,680
Speaker 1: it's an existing thorn that I'm going to constantly be

844
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:21,040
Speaker 1: trimming and working on and trying to pull out over

845
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:24,879
Speaker 1: the course of my life. I would say, my road,

846
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:28,360
Speaker 1: it might not be a great answer for you, but

847
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,200
Speaker 1: here's what's coming up. That's what I feel in my body.

848
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 1: I would say my rose is acknowledging my thorn. Oh no,

849
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 1: that's totally good. I would say that my rose from

850
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 1: my career is acknowledging that I have that thorn and

851
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:43,160
Speaker 1: being aware of it so that I don't let it

852
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: drive me. Because I could very easily have the type

853
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,879
Speaker 1: of personality where I wake up when I'm eight five

854
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,319
Speaker 1: one day and I've accomplished so much and I've made

855
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 1: millions of dollars, but at what cost? And I would

856
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 1: have missed my life because I was so focused on

857
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 1: the producer aspect of it. That is the value that

858
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:05,960
Speaker 1: I see in recognizing the thorn, and that would be

859
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:09,239
Speaker 1: the roust. That's amazing. Wow. Well, it's been so great

860
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 1: to meet you and to talk to you and to

861
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 1: go on this little journey, and you nowhere where I

862
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 1: thought we'd go. So that's what I love about it.

863
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 1: And it's great to talk to you. It's so nice

864
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:20,399
Speaker 1: to meet you, and good luck with everything, and thank

865
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,319
Speaker 1: you for doing all of your work from that high

866
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 1: level place, and I, oh, thank you. I hope every

867
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: once in a while getting your hands dirty will reinvigorate you. Absolutely, absolutely, Oh,

868
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 1: it's so good to talk to you. We'll have a

869
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:45,839
Speaker 1: great day, and love to your family. Thank you bye.

870
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: Justin so kind and gentle and interesting and opinionated and thoughtful,

871
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 1: and I really enjoyed the conversation a lot. Every conversation

872
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 1: is so different and it's horribly goes in a direction

873
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:03,759
Speaker 1: that I never knew it would. But I'd like talking

874
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 1: to people who dedicate their life to service but still

875
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:13,919
Speaker 1: have success from I don't explain it, have success from

876
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:17,319
Speaker 1: like what other people perceived as a superficial metric, meaning

877
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:21,319
Speaker 1: he's had commercial success, but everything that he does is

878
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 1: of service, which I really I think you can do

879
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 1: great things and still be successful and profitable, Like it's

880
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 1: what a great isn't that the perfect convergence UM in

881
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 1: someone's life. I'm really glad that I asked. Justin his

882
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 1: opinion on the Will Smith saga, I continues because while

883
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 1: when it first happened, I did think about the joke,

884
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 1: the undertow, the subtext, the meaning, the anger, the preamble,

885
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:58,280
Speaker 1: the history that we don't know about there between them

886
00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:04,799
Speaker 1: um and making jokes, et cetera. It also Chris Rock

887
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:07,320
Speaker 1: handled himself with grace and dignity that needs to definitely

888
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:10,359
Speaker 1: be said. But you know, I'm not a black man,

889
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 1: and I don't know what that feels like. And I

890
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 1: don't know what Will Smooth is going. I don't know

891
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:21,880
Speaker 1: what So many of us are so appalled and outraged

892
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 1: by what happened that we're not thinking about what happened before,

893
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 1: because you know, when you take a situation too far,

894
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:35,239
Speaker 1: when you push something too far, you close off the conversation.

895
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 1: Meaning I've said this before, and Will Smith gotten on

896
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:40,759
Speaker 1: stage and won his award and said, I just want

897
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 1: to mention that I think what Chris said was probably

898
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 1: unintentionally but definitely hurtful and disrespectful because alopecia is this

899
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,319
Speaker 1: and uh, you know, he doesn't have to go into

900
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:55,920
Speaker 1: his whole life and his back history with his wife

901
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 1: and infidelity or whatever. It is enraging him that we

902
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:00,239
Speaker 1: don't even know about what he could have said thing,

903
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 1: and then the conversation would have been about Alpha and

904
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 1: Chris Rock would have not been in the in the

905
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 1: best part of that dynamics. So you can flip things

906
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:11,440
Speaker 1: upside down by what you do. So while it's great

907
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,839
Speaker 1: to have the luxury of thinking about all of the

908
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:17,839
Speaker 1: things that go into who somebody is when they do

909
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:21,840
Speaker 1: something and have compassion for that, you know, we what

910
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:23,920
Speaker 1: about Jesse Smillet and that that's that's the same thing.

911
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 1: Are we having compassion for what he's done? And we

912
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:29,480
Speaker 1: have a compassion for Harvey Weinstein or Matt Lower or

913
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 1: Roman Polanski or Kanye when he took away Taylor's award

914
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:37,319
Speaker 1: or Mike Tyson when he bit off Evander Holyfield's ear

915
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 1: because Mike Rapp Report brought that up in his podcast.

916
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 1: So how much how much license are we giving to

917
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 1: people for what's going on ahead of time? I mean,

918
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 1: Megan Kelly of all people, was talking about the privilege

919
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,279
Speaker 1: and how people got a hundred forty thousand dollar gift back.

920
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:54,200
Speaker 1: So it's kind of hard to think about the plight

921
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 1: of Will and Jada with what's going on in the world,

922
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 1: and everything is relative. I'm sure he's pain is as

923
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:01,439
Speaker 1: real as someone else's, but it's hard when you're walking

924
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:04,800
Speaker 1: out with a hundred forty thou gift bag to think about, Oh,

925
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:08,600
Speaker 1: whar Will and what he's been through as uh an

926
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 1: oscar winning man whose wife has had an affair and

927
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 1: who is a black man and what that has entailed.

928
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 1: So it's just hard. You have two conduct yourself in

929
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 1: a certain way unless you're certified, like you know you

930
00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:24,400
Speaker 1: have to. You can't just do what you want. Sometimes

931
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 1: I want to be a bit Sometimes I want to,

932
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 1: you know, slap somebody like I literally Sometimes you're like,

933
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 1: I would like to get into a buy right now,

934
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:32,000
Speaker 1: so you hurt somebody out. You feel that, you feel

935
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: that that the you feel that if you haven't slept,

936
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:35,440
Speaker 1: you feel it up your p ms, you feel that

937
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 1: you have menoplause, you feel that you're at the market,

938
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:40,520
Speaker 1: you've been driving hours, you work five jobs, you're exhausted.

939
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 1: You feel that you just can't act on So while

940
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:46,880
Speaker 1: it's interesting to bring up what's going on with someone,

941
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 1: they didn't create a space where we could think about

942
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 1: that because you just can't act the rational. So that's

943
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:58,760
Speaker 1: what I say about that. So anyway, thank you for listening.

944
00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:04,960
Speaker 1: Remember to rate, review and subscribe and tell me you

945
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 1: are rose and your thorn for your career, uh, for

946
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,239
Speaker 1: your your life, whatever you want. So have a great

947
00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 1: day and thank you. M