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Speaker 1: You know, I saw on the YouTube files like, I

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Speaker 1: don't like how I looked at all, So I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to make my lighting a little bit better. My vanity

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Speaker 1: really like crashed out. I think you look great, Oh dude,

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Speaker 1: on the one you just posted, I'm like, it's like dark,

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Speaker 1: I got bags under my eyes. Like, try and get

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Speaker 1: a little soft lighting up in this bitch.

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Speaker 2: Everyone's response with the new YouTube movement, everyone's like, oh, no,

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Speaker 2: make up people, how much would that cost for a

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Speaker 2: whole season?

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Speaker 1: Do you want to do?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: I know we do it over it. We do this

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Speaker 1: over zoom obviously. But when you when I go to

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Speaker 1: those people, when I do podcasts like We're Bigley or

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Speaker 1: rich Roll or the other one, they're so beautifully lit.

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Speaker 1: When you go, like, they have a setup and it's

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Speaker 1: in studio and they make the most beautiful videos, like

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Speaker 1: little short things to advertise the episode, and they look gorgeous,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, I mean, I know we do ours

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Speaker 1: over the riverside, but.

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Speaker 4: Guess what that shit costs way more money than what

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Speaker 4: we do, so.

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Speaker 1: Well, we would do it if we were able to

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Speaker 1: meet up once a week in person and it wasn't

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Speaker 1: a pain in the ass. I would love to do

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Speaker 1: that with.

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Speaker 4: You, absolutely, it would be nice.

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Speaker 1: But you know what, it's just not feasible.

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Speaker 4: It isn't it's impossible. You know what it is.

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Speaker 1: It's not feasible. It's not infeasible. It's it's unfeasible, all

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Speaker 1: not feasible.

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Speaker 5: I don't think infeasible, it's infeasible.

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Speaker 1: Think he went to college, you went to Northwestern. Isn't

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Speaker 1: that the Harvard of Infeasible didn't come it didn't come up.

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Speaker 1: Infeasible never came up. But it is the Harvard of

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Speaker 1: the Midwest Northwestern University.

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Speaker 4: Because nothing, nothing was inconceivable or infeasible.

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Speaker 1: Inconceivable Wallace quote, I'm so excited about today's episode and guest,

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Speaker 1: because you're a single man. He's going to give us

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Speaker 1: some good advice. And I, you know, often when I'm

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Speaker 1: walking to my computer to do the episode, a song

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Speaker 1: comes into my head. And the song that came into

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Speaker 1: my head today was wook and penub in all the

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Speaker 1: wrong play says wo pu up.

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Speaker 4: You said it already wrong. It's wooking putting up in

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Speaker 4: all the wrong paces. You can't say to el.

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Speaker 1: For those of you who don't know this is old Murphy.

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Speaker 1: Eddie Murphy doing Buckwheat singing the song looking for Love

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Speaker 1: and all the wrong places Donald, Will you do it justice?

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Speaker 1: Because I didn't do it justice.

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Speaker 4: You can order Buckwheat sings Wooking put' ub and all

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Speaker 4: the long paces wooking putting ub. He sings some of

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Speaker 4: your favorite hits, A dead Daba, a dead on dime

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Speaker 4: and done Ben and dame him. Yeah, you know what

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Speaker 4: holds up if.

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Speaker 1: You were born everything Eddie Murphy ever did on SNL.

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Speaker 4: Everything, if you were born in the nineteen seventies and

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Speaker 4: you grew up and had the best of Eddie Murphy's

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Speaker 4: Saturday Night Live video.

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Speaker 1: Cassette didn't only do like one season, No, he did

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Speaker 1: a couple. But if you had the best, well, how

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Speaker 1: many seasons did he do? I feel like they're all

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Speaker 1: from one season?

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Speaker 4: He did two or three?

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Speaker 1: If you haven't, If you're listening to this and you

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Speaker 1: like our sense of humor, you must track down Eddie

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Speaker 1: Murphy's Scien Live's greatest hits.

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Speaker 5: The Jones four seasons.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, I was very wrong. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 4: They're they're Jones. I want to be a hoe. That's

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Speaker 4: one of the best books ever made.

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Speaker 1: Mister Robinson's Neighborhood.

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Speaker 4: Robinson, can you say, scum bucket?

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Speaker 1: This is how you are?

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Speaker 4: This is how to the door in my neighborhood? Is it?

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Speaker 4: When I was a kid that ship got all the

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Speaker 4: play in my house when we were younger? Coming?

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Speaker 1: What about once again? Buckwheed has been shot right? Just

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Speaker 1: coming to us live.

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Speaker 4: And then you find out that how Falfon is the

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Speaker 4: one that shot him.

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Speaker 1: What have you never seen it?

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Speaker 4: Joel? What are you doing?

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Speaker 5: A lot of these?

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Speaker 1: But you see when he dresses up like a white

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Speaker 1: man and goes undercover.

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Speaker 4: What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm buying

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Speaker 4: this newspaper.

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Speaker 1: Go ahead, he goes. I began to realize when white

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Speaker 1: people are alone, they just give each other. He guys,

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Speaker 1: he goes to try and behind newspaper and he gives

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Speaker 1: them money. He's dressed up like he got all this

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Speaker 1: white makeup on, and the guy and behind the count

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Speaker 1: he goes, what are you doing? He goes, I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to buy this newspaper. This newspaper and he goes, no, no,

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Speaker 1: there's nobody around. Just take it.

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Speaker 4: That's just hilarious.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's when he goes to try and get a

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Speaker 1: bank loan. All right, everybody, how you doing? Joel?

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Speaker 5: Doing good, doing good, staying busy, party planning, living it up.

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Speaker 4: Her birthday?

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Speaker 1: Oh, when's your birthday?

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Speaker 5: October first?

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Speaker 1: Oh, next Tuesday?

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Speaker 5: Several days right now?

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Speaker 1: And Daniel, how are you house? New York?

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Speaker 6: And very well? New York is great? Finally setting in

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Speaker 6: feeling like I live here now it's been going on. Yes,

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Speaker 6: good for you, bro.

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Speaker 4: It takes a while. It took me five years to

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Speaker 4: feel like I was a Californian.

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Speaker 1: Agree, at least I really like it here right now.

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Speaker 1: I've been bopping around, but I'm loving in LA right now.

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Speaker 4: It's breezy out well, you know that's that's the key,

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Speaker 4: That is the key.

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Speaker 5: Joe Coverage.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, the weather has changed for the better. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 4: not two hundred. It's not one hundred and seventeen when

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Speaker 4: you go outside here, not a billion degrees literally not literally,

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Speaker 4: but you know it was literally it was literally one

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Speaker 4: hundred and seventeen degrees.

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Speaker 6: I do know this, nuts I was. Yeah, I felt

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Speaker 6: for all of my LA people during that time.

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Speaker 1: I am will can put up Donald and you can.

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Speaker 4: Putting up You will can putting up in all the

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Speaker 4: long paces, buddy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm looking put up in all the long paces.

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Speaker 1: But I think that that I'm ready to turn new

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Speaker 1: leaf forty nine. It's not too late for me, right, Joell,

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Speaker 1: It's too late for me.

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Speaker 5: Too late. I don't understand the concept of question. There's

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Speaker 5: no I'm.

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Speaker 1: Going to ask Matthew Hussey's slave for me to have

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Speaker 1: kids and all that stuff. He's going to tell me.

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Speaker 4: He's not going to say no. Bro. If he says time,

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Speaker 4: he's not really he's not really good at his job. Imagine,

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Speaker 4: do you think I'm too old to have kids, Matthew Hussey?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I know he's not going to say that,

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Speaker 1: But we need advice. I need advice for I might be.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm so set in my ways and I'm

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Speaker 1: you know, I I I don't know. Maybe maybe maybe

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Speaker 1: maybe when you're younger, you can handle like getting up

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Speaker 1: in the middle of nite for a screaming kid.

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Speaker 4: That only lasts like a year or two. Bro, that's it,

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Speaker 4: really yeah, and just you do it and you don't

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Speaker 4: even have to do it because you've got nothing that

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Speaker 4: the baby wants.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think I feel like i'd marry a wife

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Speaker 1: who would make me get up. I don't know that

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Speaker 1: I'd end up with a woman who'd be like, you

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Speaker 1: stay asleep, baby.

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Speaker 4: I know you know, this is what you do. You've

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Speaker 4: got you've got a little bit of money. You get

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Speaker 4: yourself a night nurse, and the night nurse goes and

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Speaker 4: gets the baby and brings it to you.

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Speaker 1: Oh really, yeah, I need a night nurse a baby.

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Speaker 1: Can I get a night nurse if I don't have

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Speaker 1: a baby, because I have the worst insomnia, If I

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Speaker 1: could have a night nurse just rock me to sleep.

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Speaker 4: A night nurse doesn't do that. A night nurse gives

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Speaker 4: you the baby so you can rock the baby to sleep.

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Speaker 1: No, but you give me an idea if I were

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Speaker 1: to hire a woman with that not to not have

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Speaker 1: anything sexual. Don't don't go there. Just when I have insomnia,

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Speaker 1: lightly rocked me to bed.

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Speaker 4: The minute you get in bed with somebody and start

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Speaker 4: rocking them, it gets sexual. Bro, There's no way it doesn't. Listen.

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Speaker 1: Please, just I'm just trying to think this could be

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Speaker 1: a new occupation for somebody. Adult night nurse. But so

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Speaker 1: wait and also go back to it.

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Speaker 4: Totally hire somebody.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, all right, so you uh, you hire people

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Speaker 1: who have money. They hire someone and they get the

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Speaker 1: baby and then they just bring it to you.

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Speaker 4: They bring you the baby and the mom usually breastfeeds

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Speaker 4: at this point, rocks the baby back to sleep, right,

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Speaker 4: and then they hand the baby.

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Speaker 1: Back to Oh that's bougie. Now, now how long does

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Speaker 1: that happen for? That's probably just like the first two

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Speaker 1: three weeks, right.

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Speaker 4: Three monks, and then you got to learn how to

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Speaker 4: let the baby scream pretty much until they fall as.

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Speaker 1: Oh you have to ferborize. Now here's my question for you, Donald. No,

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Speaker 1: what are you shaking your hand about. Jell no, ferb that.

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Speaker 2: No, that's one hundred percent a tactic people use, and

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Speaker 2: it works. I'm recalling my parents talking about me at

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Speaker 2: the stage in life, and it's very funny because I was, yeah.

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Speaker 4: Because some kids don't do that shit, and go ahead, Joe,

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Speaker 4: tell them tell me.

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Speaker 2: My mother is like you, Donald, She was like, listen,

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Speaker 2: I don't fed you already, so you're not gonna start

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Speaker 2: if I'm going back to bed.

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Speaker 5: My father couldn't stay asleep, so it was it was

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Speaker 5: just me and.

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Speaker 2: Him all night, just't basing the floors until I would

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Speaker 2: go to sleep and she was like it was insane

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Speaker 2: and he hurstley. She was like, what if we just

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Speaker 2: move the crib an I room? But my dad was like,

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Speaker 2: the baby is not getting used to sleeping in here. No,

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Speaker 2: I'll rather say that all night during this phase.

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Speaker 5: Get it done. As opposed to.

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Speaker 4: Your parents have ursed you, I have have educated you well,

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Speaker 4: because those are things that are true. Yo. Look straight up,

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Speaker 4: if you give in, the baby will not stop crying

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Speaker 4: until it feels the rock at night. And if you

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Speaker 4: give in and go into that room and pick up

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Speaker 4: the baby, the baby will be up all night with

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Speaker 4: you pretty much. That's the first one.

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Speaker 1: As soon as you want to sort of go through crying,

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Speaker 1: it's like you have to like let them. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I know this is controversial, so I'm not taking a side,

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Speaker 1: but I'm saying this technique is you let them cry

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Speaker 1: it out until they stop and they sued themselves.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and you and your instincts are saying, I'm going

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Speaker 4: in that room and I'm gonna suthe this baby. That

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Speaker 4: baby needs me, that baby needs me. That's the first one.

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Speaker 4: The second one, though, is the is the biggest one

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Speaker 4: with the uh with the sleeping in the bedroom the

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Speaker 4: minute you Oh, buddy, you ain't never getting that kid

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Speaker 4: out if you do that. Ship, I promise you that.

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Speaker 1: I know a lot of people can't handle the crying,

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Speaker 1: so they just uh give in and say, fine, fucking

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Speaker 1: sleep with us.

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Speaker 4: Right, yeah, bring it.

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Speaker 1: Bring What did you do with these last with these

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Speaker 1: last two kids?

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Speaker 4: With these last two kids, we had a night nurse.

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Speaker 1: Oh I can the night nurse live in like elsewhere

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Speaker 1: with the kids? I have a question, did when you

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Speaker 1: do you think that one percentage of the of the

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Speaker 1: of the partners the wife says, honey, you stay asleep.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing you can do. I just have the breastfeed,

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Speaker 1: And then what percentage you think are like, get the

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Speaker 1: fuck up, because if I have to get up, you

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Speaker 1: have to get up.

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Speaker 4: I think once you realize that there's nothing that the

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Speaker 4: dude can do unless you're storing milk, but you.

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Speaker 1: Can massage your feet. Did you get where you rotate?

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Speaker 2: So like, if I have to wake up of the

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Speaker 2: night to feed the baby, then my partners staying asleep

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Speaker 2: then so that they can be awake with the baby

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Speaker 2: because the baby don't really sleep.

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Speaker 4: My wife power was like my wife was like, look,

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Speaker 4: every time you're around, I don't like it, So you

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Speaker 4: get out of here and let me be with the wow.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 1: That's kind of a technique, all right. You know I

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Speaker 1: know another couple where I know another couple that's like

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Speaker 1: when we're both getting up or and then I know

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Speaker 1: another couple where they alternate like your turn and then he,

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Speaker 1: I guess he must give a bottle of breast milk

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Speaker 1: she pumped or something.

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Speaker 4: We saved, so we pumped early and then save it,

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Speaker 4: froze it, and saved it for when it was time

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Speaker 4: to stop giving up the the titty. Because at a

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Speaker 4: certain point, you want your titty back. You know what

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Speaker 4: I mean. As a man, you want your you know

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Speaker 4: what I mean. Now as a woman, you want your

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Speaker 4: titty back too. I want to be chafed anymore.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you put this stuff that they put

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Speaker 1: on cow utters on the nipple. I read, I don't.

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Speaker 4: I don't recall that too well.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm talking about, cream, which it was

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Speaker 2: in the Midwest.

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Speaker 5: This is real.

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Speaker 1: You know it's real. It's it's I forgot what it's

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Speaker 1: called bab or something. It's called bag bomb. I don't

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Speaker 1: know why, I know this. It was made for cow utters,

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Speaker 1: but women find it soothing on their sore area.

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Speaker 2: Bomb is correct. There is also a thing called utter cream.

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Speaker 2: They're both, they're both real products.

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Speaker 4: You know what. I think you are ready for a baby, now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I got you. Sound like I'm well, if if

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Speaker 1: I can have Donald's boogie set up where the baby

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Speaker 1: cries and I'm like Jeeves and I ring a bell

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Speaker 1: Monica Benson. All of a sudden, Benson from Webster comes

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Speaker 1: in from Webster.

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Speaker 4: No from Benson, Benson from Benson.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I'm conflating my eighties sitcoms. Sit Benson comes in.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if they had a a I'm not

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Speaker 4: gonna say servant, but a.

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Speaker 1: Housekeeperson a servant.

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Speaker 4: Pretty much bro like.

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Speaker 1: He was like the SEMs, like a male.

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Speaker 4: He was the assistant to the governor who did everything.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Benson's the Okay, I'm mixing up my shows. I

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Speaker 1: was sinking about mister Belvidere. Mister, why did mister Belvidere

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Speaker 1: have Webster.

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Speaker 4: Mister Belvidere didn't have Webster either. Webster lived with ma'am

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Speaker 4: and George. I don't think they had a housekeeper.

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Speaker 1: Who is mister Belvidere.

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Speaker 4: Mister Belvedere was the housekeeper for the kid that they

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Speaker 4: thought was Marilyn Manson later on, who I played tennis

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Speaker 4: with and is a fucking phenomenal tennis player.

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Speaker 1: Is he Marilyn Manson?

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Speaker 4: No, he's not Marilyn Manson.

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Speaker 1: Okay, spoilers, Now, that's three different sitcoms I combined.

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Speaker 4: Yes, miss coach. Remember little Wesley.

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Speaker 1: Our tennis coach, not my tennis coach anymore. But he

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Speaker 1: was in the news recently. Did you see that. I

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Speaker 1: think he planted that ship, not to him, not to

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Speaker 1: go down the rabbit hole. So we will speak tactfully,

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Speaker 1: but uh.

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Speaker 4: Our tennis coach was in the news talking about how

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Speaker 4: he might be responsible for a breakup between two people.

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Speaker 1: Right and and and and I don't think that he

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Speaker 1: knowing who he is that he was at all, but

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Speaker 1: he certainly likes being in the public eye. And I

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Speaker 1: think he enjoyed being in the gossip rags. Yes, with

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Speaker 1: his shirt off, with his shirt off, and I wonder

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Speaker 1: to be here.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna keep it one hundred. The dude got a

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Speaker 4: good body for he's he's my agent. Rich.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that well First of all, he's

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Speaker 1: he plays tennis all day long. But second of all,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if those pictures were recent.

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Speaker 5: Yall with this tear right now, I think he leaves.

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Speaker 1: Some old ship. All right, Wait, we can't we can't

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Speaker 1: make Matthew Hussey. Wait, he's fancy. We got a really

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Speaker 1: fancy guest. This guy's on all the cool Kids podcasts.

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Speaker 1: He's a relationship coach. He wrote so many books. And

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Speaker 1: we're so honored to have Matthew Hussey on.

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Speaker 4: Let's bring him in Box six seven stories.

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Speaker 7: Not sure we made about a bottles, he said, he's

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Speaker 7: the stories.

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Speaker 1: Sound you here?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: No, DoD hould it together. This episode is not for you.

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Speaker 1: It's like that are alone.

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Speaker 3: I get it, that are alone, that build a pillow

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Speaker 3: girlfriend and spoon.

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Speaker 4: Listen, I build a pillow girl too, because my wife,

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Speaker 4: don't you My wife doesn't like to cuddle. Are you kidding?

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Speaker 1: Well, listen, don't hog this conversation.

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Speaker 4: You got it.

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Speaker 1: No. I want you to participate, but I want you

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Speaker 1: to be asking dumb questions. You gotta we gotta make

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Speaker 1: the use of this free session we're getting. I don't

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Speaker 1: want you to questions.

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Speaker 4: As the kids say.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, let me eat, let me let you cook. Joelle

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Speaker 1: is a cook or eat? What am I do?

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Speaker 5: Either one both depending on the situation.

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Speaker 1: Well hell yes, wow, So.

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Speaker 4: Matthew, this isn't my podcast today. You are here to

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Speaker 4: cater to the man Zach. He is going to interview you.

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Speaker 4: One hundred percent. He's the Lonel not on the plan.

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Speaker 1: Not true. I just want to say to this, I

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Speaker 1: just want to say to the audience that if you

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Speaker 1: don't know what Matthew Hussey looks like, I just realized

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Speaker 1: what this is all bullshit because he's very, very, very handsome.

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Speaker 1: So what the fuck are his techniques going to do

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Speaker 1: to help any of us regular people? You just have

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Speaker 1: to look like Matthew Hussey.

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Speaker 8: Do you know?

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Speaker 1: I was using the British accent to Donald. What the fuck?

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Speaker 1: The book must be very short, look like me and

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Speaker 1: have this accent.

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Speaker 8: I was in the bathroom before coming on here and

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Speaker 8: I could hear Donald's voice through head fighters Man two

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Speaker 8: rooms alive.

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Speaker 4: Matthew, turn your ship down.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Matthew, don't worry when we mix this. Daniel brings

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Speaker 1: his volume down to point five.

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Speaker 4: And that wasn't me, that was Zach. That was yelling

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Speaker 4: by the way hold on.

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Speaker 8: You guys have the greatest theme tune of any parts

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Speaker 8: I've ever heard.

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Speaker 1: We do.

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Speaker 8: I really hope you never change it.

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Speaker 1: We never really we we wrote it and then we

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Speaker 1: gave it to Charlie Poof who's a friend of ours,

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Speaker 1: and he produced the funk out of it.

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Speaker 8: That's amazing. That's so good. Yeah, please never change it.

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Speaker 8: It's so catchy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Even when I'm doing our my read my listen

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Speaker 1: back to to to make sure that I have to

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Speaker 1: cut anything stupid Donald or I said, I, I always

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Speaker 1: listen to the theme song. I don't skip it. It's

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Speaker 1: fire scrubb watch show with Zach and.

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Speaker 4: Dude.

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Speaker 1: It's such an honored anyone, I the algorithm of Instagram

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Speaker 1: knows that I love you because I get I get

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Speaker 1: like ninety five percent you. I get some some cars,

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Speaker 1: some watches, some pretty girls, and then you.

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Speaker 8: I really I'm honored to be among that.

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Speaker 4: That's a great list to be among.

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Speaker 1: How did this happen? How did you come become such

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Speaker 1: a specialist in relationships? People of all shapes and sizes

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Speaker 1: and ages and genders to you for advice on dating?

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Speaker 6: Did?

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Speaker 1: How did it come about.

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Speaker 8: Such a I honestly feel like I never know how

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Speaker 8: to ask to answer this question anymore, because when I

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Speaker 8: started out, I was someone who really I was into

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Speaker 8: self development from a teenager, like I was always interested

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Speaker 8: in Like one of the first books I read in

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Speaker 8: this area was on my parents' bookshelf growing up, which

401
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,919
Speaker 8: was how to Win Friends and Influence People. Yeah, And

402
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Speaker 8: it's funny because I read it, and it was to

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Speaker 8: me as a very shy and introverted kid, it was

404
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Speaker 8: like a revelation that you didn't have to be stuck

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Speaker 8: with how shy you were or with your you know,

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Speaker 8: the people skills that you had at the time, Like

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Speaker 8: you could improve those things. And so when I first

408
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Speaker 8: started out, I was coaching very small groups, and I

409
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Speaker 8: kind of got known for helping people get out there

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Speaker 8: and just take more chances and put themselves out there more.

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Speaker 8: And you know, I had a very in some ways

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Speaker 8: naive hypothesis at the time, which was like, hey, people

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Speaker 8: make bad choices in love because they don't have enough choice.

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Speaker 8: So if I can just help them create more choice,

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Speaker 8: they'll make better choices. That hypothesis was wrong, by the way,

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Speaker 8: really that yeah, because it's people, there's a lot more

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Speaker 8: deeper stuff going on for people in the choices that

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Speaker 8: they make. And you can present someone with a wonderful

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Speaker 8: human being and a chaotic human being and they'll choose that.

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Speaker 8: Many people will choose the chaotic human being.

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Speaker 4: Matthew say, it gets old fast.

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Speaker 1: But you know why, Matthew, you know, why are you

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Speaker 1: knowing knowing Donald? He's probably implying that they're crazy in bed?

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Speaker 1: Is that what you're going?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what everybody thinks if.

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Speaker 8: That. But well, that's an interesting thing because that's the

427
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Speaker 8: kind of a classic that's a dichotomy we have in

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Speaker 8: our heads, is that there is this proverbial choice between

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Speaker 8: you know, nice and boring or exciting and is going

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Speaker 8: to make my life worse? Yeah, and that happens on

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Speaker 8: the side of men and women. And so I think

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Speaker 8: a lot of what I've come to do now I've

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Speaker 8: been doing this for seventeen years of my life. Now,

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Speaker 8: what I have come to realize is so much of

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Speaker 8: what I'm doing is helping people find peace. Because when

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Speaker 8: you're single and you want to find love and you're

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Speaker 8: not finding love, that it's very hard to be at peace.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's very it's very dispiriting and demoralizing and I

439
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 1: have you know, I have very good female friends that

440
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 1: are single. I might me and another best friend of

441
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Speaker 1: mine are still single in our late forties, and so

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Speaker 1: I and then of course I see what's going on

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Speaker 1: in the culture. So much talk about both men and

444
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 1: women not being able to find their person and people

445
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,399
Speaker 1: giving up and the apps had their moment. But is

446
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 1: the app culture, you know, just turning it into a

447
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 1: slot machine where it's just like so much next, next, whatever, next,

448
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,199
Speaker 1: next next? Are people addicted to the to the to

449
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 1: the newness of just swiping left and right?

450
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,159
Speaker 4: Well, it goes back to what Matthew said, it's just

451
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 4: too many choices.

452
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know if that's his theory anymore. Go ahead, Matthew, Sorry, right.

453
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 8: No, I think it's it's all relevant. It was interesting.

454
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 8: Is the more we say no to people in our life,

455
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 8: I think the stakes get higher. It's almost like you,

456
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,160
Speaker 8: the person you eventually say yes to, has to justify

457
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 8: everyone you said nay, no time.

458
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:48,360
Speaker 1: That's interesting.

459
00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 8: So I think for a lot of people, when they're

460
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 8: still looking for love an age where they thought they

461
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 8: would have found it, they feel like there's this the

462
00:22:56,080 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 8: stakes have become so impossibly high, because now, why yes

463
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 8: to this person? Yeah, you know, if yes to this person,

464
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 8: why not yes to the person ten years ago that

465
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 8: I gave up because I felt like it wasn't quite right.

466
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 8: Around was eighty percent right, but I felt like I

467
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,159
Speaker 8: could get ninety percent right. And you know, I think

468
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 8: there's a lot of there's like an optimization mindset that

469
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,199
Speaker 8: happens in our love lives that in some areas of

470
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 8: our life is really useful. You know, it could be

471
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 8: really useful in business, it could be really useful with

472
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 8: our bodies. When it comes to human beings, it's a

473
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:35,960
Speaker 8: challenge because you know, no one's perfect. We're not perfect.

474
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 8: You know that. A friend of mine said, he said

475
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,000
Speaker 8: to his mom. He was in his he was in

476
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 8: his late thirties, and his mom said to him, why

477
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,680
Speaker 8: haven't you found someone? And he was like, you know, mom,

478
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 8: I just was. He was French, and he was like,

479
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:52,360
Speaker 8: you know, I just you know, I'm looking for someone perfect,

480
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:54,960
Speaker 8: you know. And his mum looked at him and said,

481
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 8: I just want to break it to you. You're not perfect.

482
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 8: So so like this thing that you keep looking for

483
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:07,679
Speaker 8: is you know, it doesn't even exist in you, let

484
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 8: alone somebody else. So I, you know, I I think

485
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 8: there's this interesting question around at what point do we

486
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 8: say I'm going to choose this person and then I'm

487
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 8: going to lean in? And I think it's the it's

488
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 8: the difference between if you take the word to settle,

489
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,440
Speaker 8: right or the phrase to settle. It's seen as an

490
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 8: obviously negative phrase by most people, like I don't want

491
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 8: to settle. I don't want to settle in any area

492
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 8: of my life, especially not with the person I'm going

493
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 8: to share a bed with for the rest of my life.

494
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 8: But there's a big difference if you change the language

495
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 8: around the word settle. You if you think of settling

496
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 8: for someone, you think of being short changed, If you

497
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:59,919
Speaker 8: think of settling on someone that that implies an empowered approach,

498
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 8: implies agency, It implies that. I'm I almost think of

499
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 8: it like people going across America, you know, when they

500
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 8: first got to like when they got to the East coast,

501
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,679
Speaker 8: there was like at some point they were going to

502
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 8: start going west. And of those people who went west,

503
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,399
Speaker 8: you know, who's to say what was the best place

504
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 8: to decide to stop. Who's to say whether it was,

505
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 8: you know, Chicago on Montana or California. Like, who's to say.

506
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 8: At some point you had to say, you know what,

507
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 8: I'm going to build a home here, and what's going

508
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,159
Speaker 8: to make this home really special is the investment I

509
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 8: put into it. Not that I have found the perfect land.

510
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 1: But I hear you, and that's an amazing analogy. But

511
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 1: you still have to have these feelings for this person

512
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,719
Speaker 1: that you go, wow, I'm willing to invest everything in

513
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:48,960
Speaker 1: this relationship.

514
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 4: Wait, yeah, okay, this is and I think this is

515
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 4: the problem that a lot of people face, Zach. Maybe

516
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 4: your feelings change a little bit faster than everyone else's,

517
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 4: do you know what I mean? Like, maybe that's maybe

518
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:11,439
Speaker 4: that's what it is, like everybody goes through. When you

519
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:15,400
Speaker 4: go through a relationship, you go through ups and downs, obviously,

520
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 4: but it's a journey, right and the way you feel

521
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 4: in the beginning of the journey isn't going to be

522
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 4: the way you feel in the middle of the journey

523
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,439
Speaker 4: or at the end of the journey. But if you

524
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,720
Speaker 4: can throw that out and just be on the you know,

525
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 4: when we started, I committed to loving you and you

526
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:38,600
Speaker 4: committed to loving me. Let's continue this even though you

527
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,120
Speaker 4: might not be feeling me right now. Even though you might,

528
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 4: I know you still have love for me. I haven't taken.

529
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 4: That's not gone yet. Let's see where this journey goes.

530
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,959
Speaker 4: Relationships are not I feel like I need to I

531
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 4: feel like, like Zach, you and I have a great relationship.

532
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 4: Do you feel like you need to be around me

533
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 4: all the time? Do you feel like you you know

534
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 4: what I mean that if we don't talk about certain things,

535
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,120
Speaker 4: your our relationship's gonna suffer, you know.

536
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 1: But a friendship. But a friendship is so different because

537
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 1: I can check no, I disagree, I can check out

538
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 1: from I can check out from you. I can go, oh,

539
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 1: he's annoying me. Thank god we don't live together. I'll

540
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 1: fucking talk to him in a week. That can be

541
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:21,360
Speaker 1: working love.

542
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely it does.

543
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 1: You just don't think Let's ask Matthew argument on the show.

544
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:28,480
Speaker 4: We're arguing.

545
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 8: No, no, no, I think it's a I actually, Donald,

546
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 8: I actually think that what you're saying makes so much sense.

547
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 8: You do you have to have enough of feeling to

548
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 8: get something off the ground, That's for sure. I think

549
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 8: it's we have to be careful because one of the

550
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 8: things I I like to say is don't comparison shop

551
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:56,919
Speaker 8: for chemistry, because there's always I think that we often

552
00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 8: compare chemistry we might be feeling now with a chemistry

553
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 8: that we felt with a certain person in a certain

554
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 8: moment of our life that has become the kind of

555
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 8: benchmark for what we expect, And often the conditions that

556
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 8: produced that chemistry were not sustainable in the first place.

557
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 8: So even if we had stayed with that person, that

558
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:25,960
Speaker 8: chemistry wouldn't have even lasted with that person. Yeah, So

559
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 8: the fact that we take the absolute peak of an

560
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:33,960
Speaker 8: experience we have had that isn't sustainable, and then we

561
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 8: compare every bit of chemistry we have in the future

562
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 8: with that, that's like a It's a completely unfair thing

563
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 8: to put any new relationship through. In fact, I think

564
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 8: often the healthier relationships, in some ways, they produce less

565
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 8: of that. It's not I'm not against chemistry, by the way.

566
00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 8: I want to make that clear because there's always going

567
00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,240
Speaker 8: to be people listening to this going. But chemistry is

568
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 8: really important to me. It's really important to me too.

569
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 8: But I do think that sometimes when someone comes along

570
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 8: and they are a lot of the right things, it's

571
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 8: more subtle. It often produces more of a calm for

572
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 8: a lot of us. Calm feels like the opposite to

573
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 8: the kind of volatile passion that we've experienced in other

574
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 8: situations before, and especially when we've been single for a minute.

575
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 8: I saw myself being single. When I was single, I

576
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 8: was like, at a certain point, I felt a bit

577
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 8: like a junkie. I was like, I am in a

578
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 8: kind of current right now that is not conducive to me,

579
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 8: even necessarily appreciating the right thing when I see it

580
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 8: a bit like someone It's like taking someone who is

581
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 8: trying to wean themselves off drugs, and like, literally two

582
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 8: days into them being sober, you try to get them

583
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 8: to sit in front of a sunset and appreciate a sunset.

584
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 8: A sunset is amazing, but you're like, fix, no, because

585
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 8: a sunset is never going to compare to that. It's

586
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 8: never gonna be that. And so I do think that

587
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 8: there's almost a kind of like we have to get

588
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 8: far enough away from that frenetic, like constant novelty of

589
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 8: jumping from one person to the next that is always

590
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 8: inherently like it's fun and it's sexy and it's charged.

591
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 8: But I do think that, like, you know, there's people

592
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 8: that come into our lives where you go, Yes, I'm

593
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 8: attracted to this person. I am. I can't not be

594
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 8: attracted to this person. That's a that's a problem. I

595
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 8: am attracted to this person. But there's something about this

596
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 8: that feels like home, you know. It feels like I

597
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 8: can really be myself here, And I think that's a

598
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 8: really powerful feeling to look for.

599
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 1: Now, Matthew, are you saying that you shouldn't have I mean,

600
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 1: I feel like the more up to bats you have,

601
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 1: the better your odds. That is to say, if you're

602
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: being proactive and you're going on dates and you're letting

603
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 1: your friends set you up, and you're going to parties

604
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 1: and you're and you're you're, you're, you're putting yourself on

605
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 1: the field as as many times as possible up at bat,

606
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 1: the better your odds are of stumbling into someone new

607
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 1: that could that could produce those feelings. But it also

608
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 1: sounds like you're saying some of that sort of manic

609
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 1: dating energy isn't conducive for finding the right person. What's

610
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: the balance there?

611
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 8: Yeah, well, the balance is the right word. I think.

612
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 8: Imagine for a moment that someone set up five TVs

613
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 8: in your living room and they put a great movie

614
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 8: on each of them and press play at the same time.

615
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 8: They're all great movies, but at the end of that

616
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 8: two hours, are you really going to be able to

617
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 8: connect to any of them? Can you really say, you know,

618
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 8: I love that movie or I really felt like I

619
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 8: know that movie. No. And I think that's a lot

620
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 8: of what happens in dating is that, you know, we

621
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 8: have these movies playing out, but we're not really present

622
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:39,840
Speaker 8: for a lot of them because we've got multiple movies

623
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 8: going on at the same time. I'm not By the way,

624
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 8: it's going to sound a little bit like I'm talking

625
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 8: out both sides of my mouth because I'm also I

626
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 8: warned people against giving up all of their other options

627
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 8: too quickly, because I think people I deal with people

628
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:59,239
Speaker 8: all the time who have been on one date with

629
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 8: someone and they're already planning a future with them, and

630
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 8: meanwhile that person is still dating three other people right now.

631
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 8: So I do think we have to be careful.

632
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 4: But how does that work. I've never done that. For

633
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 4: those who have done that, how does that work? How

634
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 4: do you go out and say, you know what, I'm

635
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 4: going to date as many people as I can right

636
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 4: now and then form a connection. It just doesn't seem

637
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 4: like it's possible.

638
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 1: Well, I think about in the beginning, well, first of all.

639
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 4: Now, even in the beginning, even in the beginning.

640
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 1: Like, well, you missed this whole app dating craze, which is,

641
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: you know, people meet lots of different people and those

642
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 1: some people don't do it at all, but some who

643
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 1: are active, you know, they can be going on dates

644
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 1: with multiple people and they're not committing to one yet

645
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: and and and so I think that's what you're saying, right, Matthew.

646
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 8: I think, yeah, I think sex is a good thing

647
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 8: to be really conscious about if you're being intentional in

648
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,960
Speaker 8: your love life, like I'm not. I think there's a

649
00:33:57,960 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 8: lot of people who come to the table talking about

650
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 8: this in a very prudish manner. I'm not one of them.

651
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 8: I think if you want to go and have fun

652
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 8: and you know, sleep at a bunch of people, do

653
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,319
Speaker 8: your think. But if you're being intentional and you're like,

654
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 8: that's not the game I'm playing right now. The game

655
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 8: I'm playing is I want to find a meaningful relationship

656
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 8: and a partner. I think being more conscious about you know,

657
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 8: how when do I have sex with someone? Am I

658
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 8: having sex with multiple people at the same time. You

659
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 8: know that is going to that's naturally going to confuse everything.

660
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 8: So I'm a fan of like, yes, go on dates

661
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 8: with multiple people, but but take your time with those people.

662
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 8: And if you actually are like I kind of like

663
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 8: this person, I feel like there might be something here.

664
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 8: It's I almost think we have to resist the urge

665
00:34:55,520 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 8: in some ways to race forward, because when we miss

666
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 8: a lot, you know, we get super excited. We start

667
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 8: projecting a lot onto this person that we don't know

668
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,840
Speaker 8: much about at all. You know, we know five percent

669
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 8: of this person, we've already decided they're the person for us.

670
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,799
Speaker 8: I think it's slowing down being intent tru I.

671
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 1: Did that recently. I was just so I met someone

672
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 1: and I was really crazy about them, and then you

673
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 1: just instantly make up like ninety eight percent of who

674
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,919
Speaker 1: they are, you know what I mean.

675
00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 8: I've done that.

676
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 4: The reality hits.

677
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 1: And then you're like, oh my god, I'm in love

678
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 1: with this person that I've created in my mind. And

679
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:40,399
Speaker 1: then of course you get to know them a little

680
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 1: bit more like, oh, that's this is a lovely human

681
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 1: but they're they're not what I thought they were at all,

682
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 1: And I'm sure a lot of people will fall into

683
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 1: that because you're so you're so geeked and excited to

684
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,840
Speaker 1: meet the right person that you project, as you said,

685
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:01,279
Speaker 1: a personality onto them that is an them because you

686
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 1: haven't slowed down and taken the time to get to

687
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 1: know them.

688
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:08,240
Speaker 8: Yeah, and I think the opposite can happen too, where

689
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:13,799
Speaker 8: you have someone great who's interested in you, and you

690
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:17,880
Speaker 8: something about it doesn't feel familiar to you. It doesn't

691
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 8: feel like it comes with that same I don't know.

692
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 8: It doesn't come with that chaotic or phrenetic energy. It

693
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 8: doesn't come with the push, Paul. It comes in the

694
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 8: form of someone who's actually quite straightforward.

695
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 4: And exactly how I got knocked on my ass. Broll

696
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 4: me how it happened. I was very used to going

697
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 4: out with girls and stuff like that who were exciting

698
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 4: and fun and did crazy, crazy, crazy shit, the type

699
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 4: of shit where I was like, well, you know, and.

700
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: Not just in bed, I know, you mean in bed,

701
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 1: but also like they were big personalities, and they were

702
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 1: and they were the life of the party and all

703
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:04,760
Speaker 1: that stuff.

704
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:09,319
Speaker 4: And I met someone who still had some of those qualities,

705
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 4: like my wife is definitely the life of the party.

706
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 4: She's definitely you know it, has a shit ton of charisma,

707
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,759
Speaker 4: and I think that's what attracted me to her. But

708
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 4: she was straightforward from the gate from the minute I

709
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 4: met her. She was like, if you're going to waste

710
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 4: my time, we don't need to do this shit, and

711
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 4: that fucking perked me up, Like, oh shit, really, and

712
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 4: she was like, yeah, I don't want to get married.

713
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 4: I'm not moving in with you, you know what I mean.

714
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 4: These things are not on my to do list right now.

715
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 4: What I want to do is discover myself. I like you,

716
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,320
Speaker 4: we can fuck around and you can be my boyfriend.

717
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 4: But all of this move in with me, play this

718
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,840
Speaker 4: house game. Shit, We're not doing that. And I was like,

719
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:51,920
Speaker 4: this is the best day ever. This is exactly what

720
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 4: I'm talking about. This is what I need in my life,

721
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. And it turned by the

722
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 4: end of it, six years later, I'm begging her to

723
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:05,440
Speaker 4: move in, I'm begging her to marry me, and I'm

724
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 4: begging her to have kids. And at that moment though,

725
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 4: she's ready to do the shit too, and we do it.

726
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 4: But she was straightforward from the gate, don't waste my

727
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 4: fucking time. If there's something else that you want to do,

728
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 4: Go do that shit. I don't give a fuck. I'm fine,

729
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 4: you know what I mean.

730
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 8: I but she was saying, she was saying, this needs

731
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,799
Speaker 8: to be a committed relationship from the shit from the gate,

732
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 8: if you're gonna.

733
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 1: Be But she was also saying, get all this bullshit

734
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 1: out of your system. I don't want to date. I

735
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 1: don't want to date a playboy. I don't want to

736
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 1: date someone who's gonna cheat on me. If you got shit,

737
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 1: you need to get out of your system.

738
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 4: Go do that shit. Go do that shit, and maybe

739
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 4: me and you ain't. We're not supposed to be. But

740
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 4: if you want a relationship and you want to fuck,

741
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 4: like I tried to break up with her, like I'm

742
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:49,839
Speaker 4: going on, I'm gonna get so pussy, I'm good. Fuck

743
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 4: what you said, I'm going to get me. And she

744
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 4: was like, but if you do that, you and I

745
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 4: aren't going to have a relationship anymore. And don't you

746
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 4: feel like our relationship is special? And I would think

747
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 4: about it. Really, he is special.

748
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 8: She's right, And that's a great thing for someone to

749
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 8: for someone to back that up because a lot of people,

750
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 8: I think when they hear. When I talk about having standards,

751
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 8: a lot of people imagine this sort of like you know,

752
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:20,440
Speaker 8: pounding the table, like aggressive or passive aggressive way of

753
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 8: saying what you want. And what you just highlighted is

754
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 8: such a powerful combination, is the ability to have a

755
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,840
Speaker 8: standard about what you expect in order for someone to

756
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 8: and it's not what you you don't feel entitled to it.

757
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:37,360
Speaker 8: You're just like, if you want, if you want my energy,

758
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 8: if you want my time, if you want intimacy with me,

759
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 8: this is what I need from you. And if you

760
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:47,799
Speaker 8: can't give that, no problem. But then to say, but

761
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 8: I think that would be stupid, because we've got something

762
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 8: pretty great. That's a very powerful combination because there's a

763
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 8: there's a there's a you know, there's a warmth at

764
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,400
Speaker 8: the same time as having those standards, and there's also

765
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 8: a kind of pointing to the thing and going but

766
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 8: also this is pretty great. But also leave if you

767
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 8: need to. You're not also this is pretty great.

768
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 4: It was she She did a lot of this, stay back,

769
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,799
Speaker 4: come here, stay back. She did a lot of that,

770
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 4: you know what I mean, early on in our relationship.

771
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:22,240
Speaker 4: But she was she was she was honest about everything

772
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 4: and she never like when she was doing the stay back,

773
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 4: come here, she was like, I work for somebody right now.

774
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 4: My time she was a personal assistant. My time, I

775
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,320
Speaker 4: don't have a lot of it, but I really fucking

776
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:37,919
Speaker 4: like you, So don't get too close. But next time

777
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 4: I see you, do be a nice guy and do

778
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 4: do the same thing that you did before my wife

779
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 4: is done, she sounds Great's focus on him because he

780
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:49,040
Speaker 4: already found in love his life. But let's take a break.

781
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after these fine words. Matthew, I

782
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 1: want to talk abeople about texting because I feel like

783
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 1: this is where you know, they used to say it

784
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 1: goes down on the DM. I think it goes down

785
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:09,400
Speaker 1: in the in the in the text chat, because you know,

786
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 1: this is where flirting sort of happens these days. And

787
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,840
Speaker 1: I feel like you learn a lot from someone by

788
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: how they respond to you, how quickly they respond to you,

789
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 1: if they're playing games with you. I wonder what your

790
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 1: thoughts are on this. I read a quote I forgot

791
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 1: who said it. I didn't say, but I'd landed with

792
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 1: me and said, if they like you, you'll know if

793
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 1: you're confused they don't. That's all you need to know,

794
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:40,720
Speaker 1: and I wonder. You know, sometimes I'm you know, hanging

795
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:43,360
Speaker 1: out with someone and they don't get back to me

796
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:46,759
Speaker 1: for like too long, and I'm like, well, I'm confused,

797
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 1: and like this this is all I need to know.

798
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on on the sort of the

799
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 1: text game of flirting in twenty twenty four.

800
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 8: I think we we keep a lot to us set

801
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 8: and there's a lot of thoughts going on in our

802
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 8: head about like, oh, I don't feel very safe in

803
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:12,479
Speaker 8: this situation emotionally because I feel like this person isn't

804
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 8: really consistent, and you know, they one minute they seem

805
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 8: to be into me, the next minute they're cold. And

806
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 8: we have different response systems to feeling unsafe. You know,

807
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,360
Speaker 8: some of us cling on and you know, we start overtexting.

808
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 8: Others are like screw you and we turn that person

809
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 8: into the devil and we say, you know you're you're out,

810
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:38,320
Speaker 8: I'm not going to text you anymore. And what doesn't

811
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 8: happen a lot is actually being able to communicate. And

812
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:49,839
Speaker 8: I think communicating is an interesting word because it's there's

813
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 8: a there's there's It's not as easy as that, right,

814
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 8: there's right ways to communicate and there's ways to communicate

815
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 8: that don't that do us a disservice. There's a way

816
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 8: to communicate that makes us appear very needy and desperate

817
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 8: and weak, and you know, and sometimes just feels like it.

818
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 8: You know, a lot of times when you hear people

819
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,759
Speaker 8: talk about what to say and how to say it

820
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:14,399
Speaker 8: in any context, it can feel a bit, a bit

821
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:17,440
Speaker 8: clinical and a bit strange and a bit like you

822
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 8: kind of look at it and you go, people don't

823
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 8: really talk like that in real life. That would sound

824
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:24,839
Speaker 8: weird to say. So I always think, what's the communication

825
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 8: that you feel like you could actually say? And you

826
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 8: have to communicate a moment where you have leverage, because

827
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 8: there's no point communicating about what you're not happy with

828
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:36,880
Speaker 8: at a time when you have no leverage, you know

829
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:38,840
Speaker 8: what I mean. Like if someone hasn't been texting you

830
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:43,839
Speaker 8: back and it's kind of their turn texting them at

831
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 8: that point and being like, I'm really not happy with

832
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 8: the way this is, just like you, you might as

833
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:54,759
Speaker 8: well the clown face on, right, I know, But isn't

834
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:55,360
Speaker 8: that everything?

835
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:57,359
Speaker 1: And then and the spirit of the quote, isn't that

836
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:58,480
Speaker 1: everything you need to know?

837
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 8: I think it is, But I think What complicates dating

838
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:05,760
Speaker 8: is that often people come back, they do text again,

839
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 8: they do ask you what you're up to tonight, and

840
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 8: they do it after you having not heard from them

841
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 8: for the last week or two or not getting back

842
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:18,239
Speaker 8: to your last two messages. And those moments are really

843
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 8: interesting because the yes, the time where you've been reaching

844
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 8: out to someone and they're giving you nothing, why bother

845
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:30,279
Speaker 8: continuing with that investment, that's you know, like all your

846
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 8: energy is better served putting it in a different direction.

847
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 8: But people dating is strange because people, you know, they

848
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 8: get lonely one night and they look through their phone

849
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:43,520
Speaker 8: and they're like, oh, you know, I'll reach back out

850
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 8: to that person who I haven't texted recently. Oh no,

851
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 8: they sent me two messages I didn't get back to.

852
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,799
Speaker 8: Oh well let's try. You know, people do that. They

853
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 8: get lonely, they get bored, or you know, they're just whatever.

854
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 8: They need some stimulation, they need some validation. So we

855
00:44:58,080 --> 00:44:59,879
Speaker 8: have to be very careful when we're on the other

856
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 8: side of that because otherwise you just you literally become

857
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:08,279
Speaker 8: someone's validation when they need a hit, they need a

858
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:12,439
Speaker 8: doper mean, and you're there. And of course we when

859
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 8: we get a text from someone that we really like,

860
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:20,879
Speaker 8: and our brain doesn't register in that moment that this

861
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 8: they're trying to get a dopamine hit necessarily, or that

862
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:26,440
Speaker 8: they haven't texted back to our last two messages. We're

863
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,839
Speaker 8: just we get a rush of blood to the head,

864
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 8: we're excited. We call a tribunal with our friends and

865
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 8: we're like, what should I say?

866
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,120
Speaker 1: Screenshot? What's the move?

867
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 8: But we have to start. I always say follow your path,

868
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 8: not your feelings. Right, your feelings will tell you text back,

869
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 8: call this person, do this, do that, But your path

870
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 8: says what is it I really value? What is the

871
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 8: kind of communication I want in my life? What is

872
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:54,360
Speaker 8: the kind of relationship I want to have with another person?

873
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 8: And once you've established that, you have to lean into

874
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 8: that over for your feelings because you often can't trust

875
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:03,240
Speaker 8: your feelings your feelings.

876
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 4: You know.

877
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:05,359
Speaker 8: I once saw someone with a T shirt that said

878
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:07,800
Speaker 8: your feelings are valid, and I was like, not really,

879
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 8: your feelings are not always valid. Our feelings can be

880
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:16,800
Speaker 8: crazy based on nothing, can be irrational. So it's saying

881
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 8: at that point where someone texts you and says, hey,

882
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 8: what are you up to this weekend? And you're like,

883
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 8: I send you three messages you didn't get back to.

884
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 8: That's the moment of leverage. That's where you do have

885
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 8: leverage because someone's reaching out to you. And this is

886
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:31,880
Speaker 8: like a moment where I get to set my stall

887
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,920
Speaker 8: out and say this is what I'm about. Now. You

888
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,400
Speaker 8: can do that in a you don't have to do

889
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 8: that in a an over the top or aggressive way.

890
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 8: It might literally be saying to someone, you know, I

891
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 8: I'm so a little surprised to hear from you. I

892
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:49,359
Speaker 8: didn't you know, I felt like we had a good

893
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 8: thing going, but then I didn't really hear from you.

894
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:54,440
Speaker 4: That puts and then that puts them in that you

895
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,000
Speaker 4: know what, we did have a good thing going, but

896
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:59,439
Speaker 4: I've been busy or I said, then here comes the excuses, though,

897
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:00,759
Speaker 4: and if it's goodness.

898
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:06,640
Speaker 8: And by the way, even if the excuse is like

899
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:11,359
Speaker 8: I'm I'm you know this and work and blah blah blah,

900
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 8: that's okay. But the thing I always say to people

901
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,959
Speaker 8: is you have to take the view that Okay, they

902
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 8: have their reasons, but I have my reality and the

903
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 8: only thing that really matters to me is my reality.

904
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:28,799
Speaker 8: Your reasons don't determine the quality of my life. My

905
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 8: reality determines the quality of my life. So it's okay

906
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:34,759
Speaker 8: if someone's the kind of person that's so busy they

907
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:37,880
Speaker 8: have a business and this and that and they're never available,

908
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:41,320
Speaker 8: that's okay. But you might not be in the market

909
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:43,800
Speaker 8: for a relationship. Yeah, And so it's.

910
00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:46,319
Speaker 1: Okay to say in that in that case, Matthew, like,

911
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:49,919
Speaker 1: if you if you're really you know, protecting yourself. Look,

912
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:53,759
Speaker 1: you know in some some some form of listen, you're

913
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,640
Speaker 1: really great, but I'm really looking for someone who's available

914
00:47:57,640 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 1: more and who I mean, is there a way to

915
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:01,959
Speaker 1: do it that? I mean, I think the honesty is when.

916
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 4: You have the courage the best way to do it. Bro.

917
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:05,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think when you have the courage to be honest.

918
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:12,399
Speaker 1: You know, the last person I was seeing, I had

919
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,839
Speaker 1: the courage right off the bat to be like, hey,

920
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 1: I really like I want to just I'm not going

921
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 1: to play games with the text at all. I'm like,

922
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm too old. I'm just going to really

923
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 1: communicate like, well, I hope you'll get back to me quickly,

924
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,920
Speaker 1: Like it's just it's just I'm not going to like

925
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: sit here and wait, oh I should wait forty eight hours,

926
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 1: and like, I have to say that the text game

927
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 1: and the text response was amazing. It was she always

928
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 1: replying quickly. I never I was never in my head

929
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 1: of like, oh god, don't send her another you know,

930
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 1: text right now. And so in that way it was

931
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: I sort of did a proof of concept. But oh,

932
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:50,759
Speaker 1: this is this is what I need. If I'm going

933
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:52,359
Speaker 1: to be dating someone. I don't want to be in

934
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 1: my head about communication. I don't want them to not

935
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 1: be getting back to me. Everyone has their phone on

936
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 1: them all day long. I mean, if you're not texting

937
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 1: me back like then like that day, that's crazy. Then

938
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:03,840
Speaker 1: then you're then you are too busy for me.

939
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:08,960
Speaker 8: Agreed. And I think at knowing that standard, the standard

940
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 8: you want to have for yourself before the fact, is

941
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,440
Speaker 8: really important because otherwise you start making all sorts of

942
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:18,759
Speaker 8: justifications based on how much you like someone, and that's

943
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:21,399
Speaker 8: again following your feelings, not your path. If you say,

944
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:23,839
Speaker 8: if you know what makes me happy is being able

945
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 8: to talk. If I'm really like into someone, I like

946
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 8: to be able to talk to them once a day,

947
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:32,319
Speaker 8: whether it's by text or phone or whatever. I like

948
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 8: to I don't want to look for it that's what

949
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 8: we're looking at for it like, that's what's fulfilling to me.

950
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 8: And therefore, when someone's not doing that, it's being able

951
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 8: to say, look, I really like you, but I feel like,

952
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 8: you know, I don't I don't hear from you that much,

953
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 8: or we don't you know, talk often enough, and you know,

954
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:53,320
Speaker 8: I I kind of I don't want to back away,

955
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:55,720
Speaker 8: but I feel myself backing away a little bit because

956
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,359
Speaker 8: I feel like, you know, you know, maybe the way

957
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,759
Speaker 8: we communicate it is very different, or you know, maybe

958
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:03,959
Speaker 8: you're just you know, in a different place right now.

959
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 8: When I I me and my wife, when we were dating,

960
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:12,279
Speaker 8: we were long distance, and she did the best thing

961
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:17,240
Speaker 8: we I sent her a message we were we had

962
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 8: we weren't dating anymore. We liked her, you know, basically

963
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:23,680
Speaker 8: we had seen each other when we were in London together.

964
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,959
Speaker 8: I came back for the holidays and we were seeing

965
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:29,520
Speaker 8: each other. And then I live in Los Angeles. I

966
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:32,880
Speaker 8: came back, she was still there, and you know, it

967
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 8: kind of fizzled, and gradually my communication got less and less.

968
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:39,879
Speaker 8: I was like, I can't do a long distance relationship.

969
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 8: I just can't. I'm like LA to London I'm not

970
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 8: in the market for that, and so gradually, gradually I

971
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:51,960
Speaker 8: texted Less, I called Less, and then one day after

972
00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 8: I probably hadn't reached out in a in a week

973
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:56,640
Speaker 8: or two, I don't know how long it was, maybe

974
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:58,440
Speaker 8: it was even less, maybe it was a few days,

975
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:00,799
Speaker 8: but I sent her a message saying I miss you,

976
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:05,919
Speaker 8: and she this is this is the moment, because that's

977
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:08,440
Speaker 8: a moment where you're you get excited and you're like,

978
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 8: I miss you too, and you know all of that.

979
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,160
Speaker 8: But she didn't do that. She followed her path, not

980
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 8: her feelings. She sent me this message, and to this

981
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:18,760
Speaker 8: day is one of the most brutal messages.

982
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 4: I've ever seen her.

983
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:26,520
Speaker 8: She said, Hey, I hope you're well. To be honest,

984
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 8: I'm a little surprised to get this message from you.

985
00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:36,319
Speaker 8: We haven't felt that close in a while now. And

986
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:39,879
Speaker 8: rightly or wrongly, this message comes off as a bid

987
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:40,440
Speaker 8: for attention.

988
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 4: Wow, hits you with the truth because it's the truth.

989
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:48,160
Speaker 1: Wow. Everyone just write that down and put that in your.

990
00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 4: Freaking perk you up.

991
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:53,240
Speaker 8: When she did that ship, well, this is the interesting.

992
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 1: They're married. They're married.

993
00:51:54,640 --> 00:52:00,840
Speaker 8: I for me, I was like, she truly I felt

994
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 8: naked with that text because I was like, I've got

995
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 8: nothing to say to that. That was this is exactly

996
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:10,279
Speaker 8: what's happening right now. And I wasn't trying, you know,

997
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,520
Speaker 8: I wasn't coming from a bad place. I wasn't, but

998
00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:16,080
Speaker 8: I was. It's what I was doing, It's exactly And yeah,

999
00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 8: and she was, and she laid it out and that

1000
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:21,760
Speaker 8: I was never unsure of what her standard was again

1001
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:26,280
Speaker 8: after that, and that's the that's the difference. But most people,

1002
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 8: most people will never send that message because they are terrified.

1003
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:37,360
Speaker 8: Most people's dating lives are all about risk aversion.

1004
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was very courageous of.

1005
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 8: Her, very because it feels like what's happening is you're

1006
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 8: pushing away the very thing that you want, but actually

1007
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 8: what you're doing is making it ten times more likely

1008
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 8: that you get the thing that you want.

1009
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 4: You're just telling the person I value myself a lot,

1010
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 4: and there's nothing that anyone can do that will take

1011
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:04,439
Speaker 4: away from that. If you want to be a part

1012
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 4: of this, dude, I have all the room in the

1013
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:10,840
Speaker 4: world to value you the way I value myself, but

1014
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:13,400
Speaker 4: I don't fucking I'm not going to play this bullshit

1015
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,839
Speaker 4: where you know you can call me and just be like, hey,

1016
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:18,640
Speaker 4: I miss you, and I'm going to jump to it

1017
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 4: because I value myself weight.

1018
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:23,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, because then that person devalues you. They go whenever

1019
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 1: I want, or I can just text what's up.

1020
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 8: That's exactly right. And everyone has had I think if

1021
00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:31,640
Speaker 8: anyone is ever asking, but how do you get like

1022
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:33,319
Speaker 8: the courage to do that in the moment, or how

1023
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:36,160
Speaker 8: do you you know, how do you get the like, Well,

1024
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:40,040
Speaker 8: here's the thing. Probably every one of us have been

1025
00:53:40,080 --> 00:53:45,240
Speaker 8: in a relationship where we ignored that feeling and because

1026
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:50,279
Speaker 8: someone was super hot or super successful or something they had,

1027
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 8: like some they were a ten in some area of life.

1028
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 8: In some areas they were like yeah, that charisma was

1029
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 8: off the charts or something about them, the kids calling.

1030
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:05,840
Speaker 8: You awed that feeling, and you got into a relationship

1031
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:08,719
Speaker 8: with that person. But what what happened was you got

1032
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 8: you kind of got into a hostage situation because you

1033
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:17,359
Speaker 8: then spent the relationship never really authentically being yourself, being

1034
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 8: afraid that if you were really yourself, you would lose

1035
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:23,480
Speaker 8: this person because you'd be too high maintenance, You wouldn't

1036
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 8: be the cool customer that attracted them in the first place.

1037
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:31,760
Speaker 8: You know, and and I've been in that situation before

1038
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 8: where I did that for a while and I lost myself,

1039
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 8: like really lost myself, and by the way, ended up

1040
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 8: getting my heart broken anyway, So I look when I

1041
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 8: after that, I was like, this, this isn't a winning formula.

1042
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 8: Even if you get the person, you're going to be miserable.

1043
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:57,560
Speaker 1: You're gonna because you have to keep playing a fucking character. Yeah,

1044
00:54:57,719 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 1: you never, You're never You're never yourself because you're like, oh,

1045
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:04,920
Speaker 1: I put on this facade to get them, and then

1046
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:07,680
Speaker 1: and I have to keep playing this character, which is

1047
00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 1: exhausting to keep them. I'm not myself.

1048
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:13,520
Speaker 8: Whereas the person you can like, even the person you know,

1049
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:15,040
Speaker 8: we will have that moment where we get a little

1050
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:17,200
Speaker 8: jealous of something, and I think a lot of us

1051
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:20,360
Speaker 8: as men were like, don't show it, don't show it,

1052
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:23,319
Speaker 8: because the cool thing to do is to be unfazed

1053
00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:26,960
Speaker 8: always and forever. That's the like alpha way to be

1054
00:55:27,040 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 8: and whatever. But then now you're stuck being a person

1055
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:31,000
Speaker 8: who's never jealous.

1056
00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:32,719
Speaker 4: Right, you can't have to.

1057
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 1: Play that forever.

1058
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 4: Are you jealous? No, I'm not jealous.

1059
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:42,920
Speaker 8: I just thought that was out of line. I'm not jealous.

1060
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:44,240
Speaker 1: I'm not threatened.

1061
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:49,120
Speaker 8: Yeah, but I remember the first time I expressed jealousy

1062
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:52,560
Speaker 8: to my wife when we were dating, and I have

1063
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 8: realized I had I had a really hard time being vulnerable.

1064
00:55:56,640 --> 00:56:00,880
Speaker 8: I thought I was good at being vulnerable, and I wasn't.

1065
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:02,719
Speaker 8: I was good at being vulnerable in ways that were

1066
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:07,760
Speaker 8: easy to be vulnerable, but not when I genuinely felt

1067
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:11,080
Speaker 8: like I was bearing, you know, some part of me

1068
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 8: that I thought wasn't attractive and insecurity and insecurities, and

1069
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 8: I had had that go wrong in the past. By

1070
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 8: the way I remember, I remember this is I think

1071
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 8: what happens to a lot of people is you do

1072
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:27,280
Speaker 8: it with the wrong person and it backfires. I remember

1073
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 8: expressing like an insecurity I had about someone else to

1074
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 8: in a relationship that wasn't the right relationship, and this

1075
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:38,719
Speaker 8: person looked at me and said I. And I thought

1076
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:40,560
Speaker 8: the moment I said it, I was like, shouldn't have

1077
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 8: said it, shouldn't have said it, shouldn't have said it?

1078
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 8: You were too honest, then you should you just revealed

1079
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:47,640
Speaker 8: yourself to be a weak man. And then this person

1080
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:52,880
Speaker 8: looked at me and went, I just that was I

1081
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 8: find that really unattractive.

1082
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:58,320
Speaker 1: Oh, and the right person instantly.

1083
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:00,400
Speaker 8: Well, but that's not the conclusion I came into at

1084
00:57:00,400 --> 00:57:03,320
Speaker 8: the time. At the time, I was like, I hated

1085
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:06,680
Speaker 8: myself because I was like, why did I say that?

1086
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,640
Speaker 8: I never should have said that. A conclusion I came

1087
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 8: to was like, I'm never doing that again. I screw.

1088
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:17,480
Speaker 1: Here's question off of what you're saying, because and this

1089
00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 1: goes for people who are coupled up already. What do

1090
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 1: you think? Obviously, if someone's in that situation where they

1091
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:28,400
Speaker 1: want to be vulnerable but they're afraid, what is the

1092
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:31,600
Speaker 1: what how do you approach just an example of jealousy

1093
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 1: to your partner in a way that is vulnerable and

1094
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:39,520
Speaker 1: honest but also is an accusatory what what do you?

1095
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:41,160
Speaker 1: How do you? How did you do it? I guess

1096
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 1: is what I'm asking.

1097
00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 8: Well, I didn't do it very well.

1098
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:46,120
Speaker 4: I don't think there is a way to do it well.

1099
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 1: I disagree. I think there's a way to do it,

1100
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:51,360
Speaker 1: to do it to expressly jealousy, to say, I mean,

1101
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:53,160
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I'm just gonna guess, Matthew, you tell

1102
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 1: me where I go wrong. I would say, I'm not

1103
00:57:57,080 --> 00:57:59,520
Speaker 1: saying you did anything wrong. I just want to be

1104
00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 1: honest with you and share what I felt.

1105
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 4: You already started off wrong by saying I'm not saying

1106
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:05,400
Speaker 4: you did anything wrong because.

1107
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:07,840
Speaker 1: You are don't know, Matthew might disagree with you. I'm

1108
00:58:07,840 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 1: not saying I'm not saying you did something. I'm saying

1109
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 1: I want to share with you what I felt. And

1110
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:15,120
Speaker 1: then I don't know Matthew is at the right area.

1111
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:19,160
Speaker 8: Well, I like, I actually liked the idea of saying, look,

1112
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:22,880
Speaker 8: remember when my partner sent me that message, she said,

1113
00:58:23,080 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 8: rightly or wrongly, this comes across across as a bid

1114
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 8: for attention, and the rightly or wrongly was a very

1115
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 8: important part of that message because she was it was

1116
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 8: removing ego from it, and it was saying, look, I

1117
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 8: could be wrong, I could have misread this whole situation,

1118
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 8: but this is what it feels like. And so I

1119
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 8: think what you just said is picking up on that

1120
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:46,680
Speaker 8: tone is like, Look, I'm I don't know if I'm overreacting.

1121
00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:50,720
Speaker 8: I don't know if you know what happened was was

1122
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 8: actually an issue, but I know I feel strange.

1123
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,320
Speaker 4: You just know what he didn't say, I'm not saying

1124
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:58,880
Speaker 4: you did anything wrong, though you didn't say that what

1125
00:58:58,920 --> 00:59:01,920
Speaker 4: you did say was the way I feel right now.

1126
00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 4: I could be totally overreacting and I could be freaking

1127
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 4: I could have misread the whole situation point to her.

1128
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:11,040
Speaker 1: But I want to be honest with you and tell

1129
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 1: you how I.

1130
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,480
Speaker 8: Felt, exactly like I it made me feel, And I

1131
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:17,760
Speaker 8: think strange is a good word like strange is kind

1132
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:21,520
Speaker 8: of this is kind of a nicely ambiguous word like it.

1133
00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 8: It made me feel strange, you know, And rather than

1134
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,680
Speaker 8: keep it in my head, and I'm a big believer

1135
00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:33,360
Speaker 8: in stuff you keep in your head, just yeah, that's resentment,

1136
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:35,480
Speaker 8: and I want to have that with you because.

1137
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:37,680
Speaker 1: I like it, because because I like you so much.

1138
00:59:37,760 --> 00:59:39,520
Speaker 1: I mean, I think you all say because I like

1139
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:42,440
Speaker 1: you so I mean, I'm not I mean to be

1140
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 1: coaching you. I'm saying, I guess I'm asking, And then

1141
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:48,080
Speaker 1: it might also be good to say, I'm I'm going

1142
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable because I like you so much, and

1143
00:59:50,080 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 1: I don't want weird shit in my head right exactly.

1144
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:54,520
Speaker 8: I don't want to. I don't want to carry this

1145
00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 8: around with me. I'd rather just share it with you

1146
00:59:57,320 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 8: so we can talk about it. And the nice thing

1147
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:04,920
Speaker 8: about that is that you really are giving yourself an

1148
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:09,520
Speaker 8: opportunity to have a better relationship, and you're also anyone

1149
01:00:09,560 --> 01:00:13,120
Speaker 8: who's afraid of Well, what if they bite my head

1150
01:00:13,120 --> 01:00:15,360
Speaker 8: off for saying that? What if they judge me for

1151
01:00:15,400 --> 01:00:18,320
Speaker 8: saying that? What if they shame me for saying that?

1152
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:24,800
Speaker 8: That's like you're that vulnerability is a filter. It's a

1153
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:28,560
Speaker 8: filter for the wrong people. Because the wrong people they

1154
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 8: often will throw things like that back in your face.

1155
01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:36,360
Speaker 8: They often will make you feel stupid. They you know,

1156
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:38,720
Speaker 8: they will be like, oh, that's so ridiculous, I can't believe.

1157
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 8: Then you go, okay, this is no longer. This is

1158
01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:44,560
Speaker 8: not a red flag against me. The fact that I

1159
01:00:44,600 --> 01:00:46,960
Speaker 8: can't share something with you is actually a red flag

1160
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 8: against you, right, And that's something we have to pay

1161
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:53,600
Speaker 8: attention to because I believe the right relationship, like, in

1162
01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:57,280
Speaker 8: the right relationship, communication makes the relationship better. In the

1163
01:00:57,320 --> 01:01:00,320
Speaker 8: wrong relationship, it often makes the relationship.

1164
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 1: You and that's the best. That's a fucking giant red

1165
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:06,000
Speaker 1: flags if you can't communicate in a in a in

1166
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:07,160
Speaker 1: a healthy way.

1167
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:10,720
Speaker 8: Yeah, but we often internalize that, like if I communicated

1168
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:14,919
Speaker 8: and you reacted badly, I screwed up. I should never

1169
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:17,240
Speaker 8: have said that, but as long as you're coming to

1170
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:21,720
Speaker 8: the table in a compassionate and loving way. But compassionate

1171
01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:24,000
Speaker 8: and loving doesn't mean passive, and it doesn't mean you're

1172
01:01:24,040 --> 01:01:28,360
Speaker 8: a walk over. Compassionate and loving means you know, and

1173
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:30,880
Speaker 8: especially if you saw something that you feel like strongly

1174
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:35,520
Speaker 8: wasn't right. Listen, I've I you know, I don't know

1175
01:01:35,920 --> 01:01:39,560
Speaker 8: that wasn't okay for me, Like I really that hurt

1176
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:42,520
Speaker 8: my feelings. I wouldn't do that to you, you know

1177
01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:44,880
Speaker 8: if the table. You know, loyalty is really important to me,

1178
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:48,080
Speaker 8: you wouldn't find me doing that if the tables were turned,

1179
01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:52,640
Speaker 8: because that me respecting you means everything to me, and

1180
01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:55,480
Speaker 8: I expect the same from you, you know, like it's

1181
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:58,880
Speaker 8: it's you can be kind and still be really really

1182
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:02,200
Speaker 8: candid about what's not okay for someone to do.

1183
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:05,720
Speaker 4: Again, well, I'll say this, it starts off that way, Matthew.

1184
01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 4: It sounds like my wife read your book or something,

1185
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 4: because you guys talk a lot alike, you know what

1186
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:14,360
Speaker 4: I mean. In time, no, as you're married and life,

1187
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:18,320
Speaker 4: eventually the filter gets thrown out, like I'm not gonna

1188
01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:21,080
Speaker 4: be nice to this motherfucker no more. Listen, you are

1189
01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:26,240
Speaker 4: bothering the fuck out of me. Get out of the room, please,

1190
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:29,080
Speaker 4: that's what it turns into. But because you've had that

1191
01:02:29,200 --> 01:02:32,840
Speaker 4: honesty from the beginning, that doesn't hurt anymore. That's just like,

1192
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 4: all right, my bad, I'm out, or fuck you, I'm out,

1193
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:37,840
Speaker 4: or whatever it is, you know what I mean, And

1194
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:40,760
Speaker 4: then arguments that that would have turned into an argument

1195
01:02:40,920 --> 01:02:43,959
Speaker 4: in other relationships, but for me and my wife, shit

1196
01:02:44,120 --> 01:02:47,120
Speaker 4: like that's like, all right, the fuck have your space,

1197
01:02:47,240 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. But that's because we started

1198
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:52,040
Speaker 4: the conversation a long time ago. I'm gonna tell you

1199
01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:54,320
Speaker 4: what the fuck is all with rolling me? You tell

1200
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:55,080
Speaker 4: me what's wrong with you.

1201
01:02:55,760 --> 01:02:58,640
Speaker 8: I also think it's probably you know, obviously there's a

1202
01:02:58,680 --> 01:03:02,720
Speaker 8: point at which, you know, you tell someone if you

1203
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:04,920
Speaker 8: feel like you're not getting what you need from their

1204
01:03:04,960 --> 01:03:09,000
Speaker 8: communication style. But it sounds like for you, Donald, that's

1205
01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:11,439
Speaker 8: kind of a reflection of the fact that you both

1206
01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 8: feel very safe.

1207
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:14,360
Speaker 4: Absolutely, because if you don't, because.

1208
01:03:14,120 --> 01:03:16,360
Speaker 8: If you don't feel safe in a relationship, you don't

1209
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:20,040
Speaker 8: feel like you can come and have that like it's

1210
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:22,800
Speaker 8: almost like a superficial It sounds like there's almost a

1211
01:03:22,840 --> 01:03:25,840
Speaker 8: superficiality to it in a way like, you're not really

1212
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:30,120
Speaker 8: saying deeply hurtful things. You're more like, I can say

1213
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:33,080
Speaker 8: this thing to this guy because I know he loves

1214
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:36,040
Speaker 8: me and I know I'm safe. But you don't bring

1215
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 8: that to the table with someone that you don't feel

1216
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:38,480
Speaker 8: safe with.

1217
01:03:38,560 --> 01:03:40,560
Speaker 4: Well, it also was our stick in the beginning, you

1218
01:03:40,560 --> 01:03:42,640
Speaker 4: know what I mean. Like in the beginning, when we

1219
01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:45,160
Speaker 4: would go out, we'd be brutally honest with each other

1220
01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 4: in front of people, and people would get a kick

1221
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:49,120
Speaker 4: out of it, and we were like, you know, that

1222
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:51,720
Speaker 4: was our thing. We'd go out and freaking bust each

1223
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:54,600
Speaker 4: other's chops and bust our friends chops, and that was

1224
01:03:54,640 --> 01:03:57,280
Speaker 4: our thing so much soda Zach deals with this shit now.

1225
01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:01,480
Speaker 4: My wife is the supreme Zach brand bulls of Buster.

1226
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:08,400
Speaker 4: You know what I mean, love you.

1227
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:07,280
Speaker 1: She loves me.

1228
01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 4: Let's take a break.

1229
01:04:08,400 --> 01:04:18,080
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after these fine words. I saw

1230
01:04:18,200 --> 01:04:22,200
Speaker 1: Casey at a charity event and she said something so

1231
01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:24,560
Speaker 1: blunt to me I can't even share it on the podcast,

1232
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:26,840
Speaker 1: but I was like no, but I was like whoa

1233
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:33,720
Speaker 1: and she was like, I'm just keeping it real. It

1234
01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:37,400
Speaker 1: was about someone I was hanging out with, and she's like, now,

1235
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:39,439
Speaker 1: that it's over. I just want to say one thing,

1236
01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:41,560
Speaker 1: and she said it, and I was like, whoa, and

1237
01:04:41,640 --> 01:04:43,240
Speaker 1: she's like, I'm just keeping it real.

1238
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:47,960
Speaker 8: I always I always think it's like I wish people

1239
01:04:47,960 --> 01:04:53,840
Speaker 8: would say those things when the past, she's.

1240
01:04:54,920 --> 01:04:57,680
Speaker 1: Worried that, you know, I'm going to like become committed

1241
01:04:57,680 --> 01:04:59,919
Speaker 1: to the person, and then she's fucking said this thing.

1242
01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:05,080
Speaker 8: That's exactly what happens the way, Like sometimes you find

1243
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:08,200
Speaker 8: out your family and friends never really felt that like

1244
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:11,560
Speaker 8: cane on someone until you left them or until they

1245
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:14,200
Speaker 8: left you, and you're like, that was three years of

1246
01:05:14,240 --> 01:05:14,680
Speaker 8: my life.

1247
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:17,320
Speaker 1: The funniest. The funniest is when your friend breaks up

1248
01:05:17,360 --> 01:05:19,360
Speaker 1: with somewhere you're like and you're like, bro, she sucked.

1249
01:05:19,400 --> 01:05:21,280
Speaker 1: I'm so glad it's over. And then like twenty four

1250
01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:22,800
Speaker 1: hours they're like, we got back together.

1251
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 8: That said, that happens all the time.

1252
01:05:26,720 --> 01:05:29,120
Speaker 1: That's why you gotta wait, Joelle, do you have any

1253
01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:31,680
Speaker 1: questions for the legendary Matthew Hussey.

1254
01:05:31,960 --> 01:05:35,320
Speaker 5: Oh Man, Matthew kind of golden guest here. Amazing.

1255
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:36,920
Speaker 8: It's nice to meet you, Joel.

1256
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:38,800
Speaker 5: It's lovely to meet you too, Matthew.

1257
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:43,040
Speaker 2: I'd love to hear more about the long distance relationship

1258
01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:45,080
Speaker 2: and how you mean I'm talking to somebody long distance

1259
01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 2: right now.

1260
01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:46,520
Speaker 5: It's a lot of fun.

1261
01:05:47,080 --> 01:05:49,960
Speaker 2: It's weird because you like can't hang on on the

1262
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:53,160
Speaker 2: weekends or you know, if they're need a hug, I

1263
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:55,560
Speaker 2: can't give it to them, And it's strange.

1264
01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:58,440
Speaker 5: I've never done this before, and so I don't know

1265
01:05:58,480 --> 01:05:58,760
Speaker 5: how to.

1266
01:06:01,640 --> 01:06:03,440
Speaker 2: I don't wants to make it work. It seems too nebulous,

1267
01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:05,360
Speaker 2: but like it. It's like an interesting space to be in,

1268
01:06:05,360 --> 01:06:06,840
Speaker 2: and I'd love to hear more about, like how you

1269
01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:09,120
Speaker 2: guys strengthen your relationships from a long distance.

1270
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:13,919
Speaker 8: So I think, firstly, Joelle, you have to almost say

1271
01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:16,880
Speaker 8: to yourself. Firstly, you have to be honest with yourself

1272
01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:20,920
Speaker 8: about what you want like in life, because if you

1273
01:06:20,960 --> 01:06:23,760
Speaker 8: don't start by being honest with yourself about this, you're

1274
01:06:23,760 --> 01:06:26,040
Speaker 8: gonna just get swept along in the current of whatever

1275
01:06:26,120 --> 01:06:30,000
Speaker 8: current situation is happening. So be clear about what you want.

1276
01:06:30,040 --> 01:06:32,160
Speaker 8: Are you do you want a relationship or you're not.

1277
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:35,480
Speaker 2: Sure I would have a relationship with this person. I'm

1278
01:06:35,480 --> 01:06:39,040
Speaker 2: not like a person who dreams about like being in

1279
01:06:39,080 --> 01:06:40,800
Speaker 2: love or is like God, I've really got to find

1280
01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:43,600
Speaker 2: my person. That's just not who I feel very self

1281
01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:45,360
Speaker 2: sustained to have, like a strong community.

1282
01:06:45,600 --> 01:06:47,440
Speaker 5: I don't long for it.

1283
01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:53,240
Speaker 2: But this person is stupid special, Like it's like, holy

1284
01:06:53,240 --> 01:06:54,840
Speaker 2: how they're so smart, Oh my god, there's so beautiful.

1285
01:06:54,840 --> 01:06:57,080
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Like just everything about them like sort

1286
01:06:57,080 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 2: of makes me excited. And if they were like into it,

1287
01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:03,160
Speaker 2: at be like, yeah, like let's try for a relationship.

1288
01:07:03,920 --> 01:07:06,920
Speaker 8: So that's okay, there's nothing wrong with that. But what

1289
01:07:06,960 --> 01:07:09,760
Speaker 8: you have to what you have to be really clear about,

1290
01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:14,240
Speaker 8: is that there is a serious opportunity cost to what

1291
01:07:14,280 --> 01:07:17,440
Speaker 8: you're doing right now mm hmm. That it's not free

1292
01:07:18,640 --> 01:07:23,720
Speaker 8: that this person is. I guarantee you, even if you're

1293
01:07:23,760 --> 01:07:26,000
Speaker 8: only speaking to them a handful of times a week. Firstly,

1294
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:28,760
Speaker 8: probably you're spending doing some pretty long phone calls, so

1295
01:07:29,280 --> 01:07:34,400
Speaker 8: that's time, right. You're making plans to see this person sometimes,

1296
01:07:34,600 --> 01:07:39,200
Speaker 8: so that's real energy invested. And more than anything, this

1297
01:07:39,280 --> 01:07:43,000
Speaker 8: person is I guarantee you taking up a significant amount

1298
01:07:43,040 --> 01:07:46,240
Speaker 8: of emotional and mental bandwidth even when you're not speaking

1299
01:07:46,240 --> 01:07:49,480
Speaker 8: to them and you're not seeing it. Right, So there's

1300
01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:51,720
Speaker 8: an opportunity cost to all of that. Because all of that,

1301
01:07:51,840 --> 01:07:54,040
Speaker 8: by the way, it doesn't just it's not just a

1302
01:07:54,080 --> 01:07:58,120
Speaker 8: time suck and an emotional drain. It also is making

1303
01:07:58,160 --> 01:08:01,240
Speaker 8: it far more likely that if you go to your

1304
01:08:01,320 --> 01:08:04,800
Speaker 8: local coffee shop today and there is a really cute

1305
01:08:04,840 --> 01:08:07,320
Speaker 8: person there that you want to talk to, or that

1306
01:08:07,360 --> 01:08:10,240
Speaker 8: you would under different circumstances if you're a little bit

1307
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:15,160
Speaker 8: more hungry talk to. You're not hungry, yeah, because you're

1308
01:08:15,200 --> 01:08:17,519
Speaker 8: like I, I you know what, I'm just gonna I'm

1309
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:19,360
Speaker 8: just going to text this person. I'm just going to

1310
01:08:19,600 --> 01:08:23,000
Speaker 8: so like you, it's it creates a kind of tunnel

1311
01:08:23,080 --> 01:08:28,000
Speaker 8: vision in your everyday life that takes away other options.

1312
01:08:28,240 --> 01:08:30,640
Speaker 8: None of that means you shouldn't keep going, but I

1313
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:33,519
Speaker 8: think it's important to be honest about that because it

1314
01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:34,439
Speaker 8: does cost us.

1315
01:08:34,680 --> 01:08:36,719
Speaker 1: I want to say, I feel like someone in church

1316
01:08:36,720 --> 01:08:41,639
Speaker 1: who says preach. I'm not, seriously, I don't. I've never

1317
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:43,920
Speaker 1: been religious. But Matthew, when you talk, I want to

1318
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:44,960
Speaker 1: say preaching. Amen.

1319
01:08:45,200 --> 01:08:50,320
Speaker 4: I found myself. I found myself doing this.

1320
01:08:51,360 --> 01:08:56,400
Speaker 1: I feel like and this is something I'm sure people

1321
01:08:56,400 --> 01:08:59,200
Speaker 1: listening can relate to. If you have a thing going

1322
01:08:59,360 --> 01:09:02,120
Speaker 1: that's long day distance, or it's only once in a while,

1323
01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:07,599
Speaker 1: you it's tacking up bandwidth in your brain and your

1324
01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 1: life for just as Matthew said, when you when you

1325
01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:12,639
Speaker 1: do see someone at the coffee shop, where you do

1326
01:09:12,720 --> 01:09:15,639
Speaker 1: see someone at the at the bar or at your

1327
01:09:15,640 --> 01:09:20,720
Speaker 1: friend's party, you're less likely to be hungry enough to

1328
01:09:20,760 --> 01:09:23,000
Speaker 1: have the courage to talk to them because you're like, Oh,

1329
01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:25,799
Speaker 1: I'll just go text my long distance person I never see.

1330
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:29,720
Speaker 8: Right, that's exactly right, That's exactly right because we take

1331
01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:32,120
Speaker 8: the path of least resistance, and the path of least

1332
01:09:32,160 --> 01:09:35,880
Speaker 8: resistance is always reaching out to the person we already

1333
01:09:35,920 --> 01:09:39,040
Speaker 8: have in our lives in whatever capacity, not going risk

1334
01:09:39,120 --> 01:09:43,559
Speaker 8: getting rejected by a perfect stranger. So there's there's that

1335
01:09:43,760 --> 01:09:46,839
Speaker 8: element of it. So given that if we say okay,

1336
01:09:47,000 --> 01:09:51,040
Speaker 8: there's a real opportunity cost to this, then the follow

1337
01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:54,519
Speaker 8: up kind of the kind of a what's what's the

1338
01:09:54,520 --> 01:09:58,040
Speaker 8: word I'm looking for? The consequence of that is that

1339
01:09:59,120 --> 01:10:03,720
Speaker 8: this has to be worth it. Corollary, this has to

1340
01:10:03,760 --> 01:10:06,960
Speaker 8: be worth it, and then you have to ask what

1341
01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:11,400
Speaker 8: would make it worth it? Well, what would make it

1342
01:10:11,439 --> 01:10:14,320
Speaker 8: worth it is that we have a clear plan. Let's

1343
01:10:14,320 --> 01:10:16,280
Speaker 8: say I'm throwing out examples and we have a clear

1344
01:10:16,320 --> 01:10:17,920
Speaker 8: plan for the next time we're going to see each other.

1345
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:21,280
Speaker 8: What would make it worth it is that there's actually

1346
01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:23,960
Speaker 8: some kind of a vision for what the hell this

1347
01:10:24,080 --> 01:10:27,080
Speaker 8: is and where it's going, because otherwise, what are we

1348
01:10:27,160 --> 01:10:32,160
Speaker 8: doing here? It's too hard, Yeah, like long distance is

1349
01:10:32,240 --> 01:10:35,640
Speaker 8: too hard for it not to be great, right, So

1350
01:10:37,080 --> 01:10:39,640
Speaker 8: it should have an even higher standard than someone who

1351
01:10:39,720 --> 01:10:42,240
Speaker 8: lives in your town, who's easy to go and see.

1352
01:10:42,280 --> 01:10:45,639
Speaker 8: It's like, if you really want me to, you know,

1353
01:10:45,920 --> 01:10:48,679
Speaker 8: focus on you, someone who I can't kiss and hug

1354
01:10:48,760 --> 01:10:50,800
Speaker 8: and touch at a moment's notice, I have to make

1355
01:10:50,840 --> 01:10:53,679
Speaker 8: a plan to see you two weekends from now. If

1356
01:10:53,720 --> 01:10:57,240
Speaker 8: you want me to commit energy to that. This has

1357
01:10:57,280 --> 01:11:01,720
Speaker 8: to be great and have a future and have it

1358
01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:04,439
Speaker 8: and there has to be some kind of vision there,

1359
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:07,479
Speaker 8: even if just the vision is here's a time when

1360
01:11:07,520 --> 01:11:09,559
Speaker 8: I could see as actually being in the same place.

1361
01:11:10,000 --> 01:11:12,040
Speaker 1: But also when you get down the path a little bit,

1362
01:11:12,080 --> 01:11:14,559
Speaker 1: it can't just be that. It's got to be like, okay,

1363
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:16,320
Speaker 1: we really like each other, is there are you? Are

1364
01:11:16,320 --> 01:11:18,120
Speaker 1: we ever going to? Is there a world where we

1365
01:11:18,160 --> 01:11:20,320
Speaker 1: live in the same city? Because if there's not, what

1366
01:11:20,320 --> 01:11:23,719
Speaker 1: the fuck are we doing exactly? And that's where Joel,

1367
01:11:23,800 --> 01:11:27,560
Speaker 1: that's where you have to be careful of the cop out,

1368
01:11:27,960 --> 01:11:30,840
Speaker 1: because the cop out for you is easy. It's like

1369
01:11:31,479 --> 01:11:32,760
Speaker 1: I don't know what I want and.

1370
01:11:32,640 --> 01:11:34,800
Speaker 8: I'm just you know, it's like a fun thing for

1371
01:11:34,960 --> 01:11:37,679
Speaker 8: right now or whatever, and you just like that stops

1372
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:41,120
Speaker 8: you from ever having to jeopardize this thing by actually

1373
01:11:42,360 --> 01:11:45,040
Speaker 8: saying like this is what would make it worth my time,

1374
01:11:45,120 --> 01:11:48,320
Speaker 8: and if it's not worth my time, I'm out. So

1375
01:11:48,680 --> 01:11:51,680
Speaker 8: you have to be careful of that trap, that that

1376
01:11:51,840 --> 01:11:54,080
Speaker 8: internal trap that we put ourselves in.

1377
01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:57,080
Speaker 4: Well, she did say she thought the person is special

1378
01:11:57,280 --> 01:11:59,400
Speaker 4: and a lot of fun, and they have a lot

1379
01:11:59,439 --> 01:12:01,559
Speaker 4: of fun when do talk and stuff like that. So

1380
01:12:01,600 --> 01:12:05,960
Speaker 4: there's definitely something there that you're right the committee. That

1381
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:06,800
Speaker 4: is what it is.

1382
01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:11,000
Speaker 8: But that's how you feel about her. That's not how

1383
01:12:11,000 --> 01:12:12,919
Speaker 8: she makes you feel. It's a big difference.

1384
01:12:13,000 --> 01:12:14,479
Speaker 4: Got it special?

1385
01:12:14,800 --> 01:12:15,200
Speaker 5: Special?

1386
01:12:15,560 --> 01:12:18,040
Speaker 8: Special is how you feel about her. You just told

1387
01:12:18,040 --> 01:12:21,240
Speaker 8: me everything that makes you feel like she's awesome. You

1388
01:12:21,280 --> 01:12:23,559
Speaker 8: didn't tell me anything about how she makes you feel.

1389
01:12:23,840 --> 01:12:25,400
Speaker 1: Matthew, will you move into my home?

1390
01:12:28,680 --> 01:12:31,600
Speaker 8: I mean it looks like a comfort couch behind you.

1391
01:12:31,000 --> 01:12:33,639
Speaker 1: I have a little guest house. You and your wife,

1392
01:12:33,800 --> 01:12:34,600
Speaker 1: you come with me.

1393
01:12:34,760 --> 01:12:36,960
Speaker 4: I just want to share something with you. Got I

1394
01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:40,719
Speaker 4: want you to the people that are in relationships. Daniel Matthew,

1395
01:12:41,280 --> 01:12:42,880
Speaker 4: I want to share this with you because this is

1396
01:12:42,920 --> 01:12:45,160
Speaker 4: a recurring dream that I keep having. It's sometimes a

1397
01:12:45,240 --> 01:12:47,920
Speaker 4: daydream and sometimes it's a dream that I have at night.

1398
01:12:48,120 --> 01:12:52,000
Speaker 4: All Right, the end of the world happens and everybody's

1399
01:12:52,040 --> 01:12:54,880
Speaker 4: gathering with the people they love, and my wife says,

1400
01:12:55,280 --> 01:12:58,200
Speaker 4: I gotta go and leaves to go be with the

1401
01:12:58,200 --> 01:13:03,040
Speaker 4: person that's not It's the worst nightmare on the planet, right,

1402
01:13:04,120 --> 01:13:08,120
Speaker 4: But it'ss reoccurring, like that's the ship that keeps fucking

1403
01:13:08,840 --> 01:13:11,000
Speaker 4: showing up, and it's a form of it's a form

1404
01:13:11,040 --> 01:13:14,080
Speaker 4: of I know, I know that that would never happen,

1405
01:13:14,160 --> 01:13:22,520
Speaker 4: but for some reason, that fear is consistently. It's festering

1406
01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:25,519
Speaker 4: in my brain right now. It's rotting in my brain

1407
01:13:25,640 --> 01:13:28,920
Speaker 4: right now because I saw it in a movie and

1408
01:13:28,960 --> 01:13:32,800
Speaker 4: that all of a sudden became my nightmare.

1409
01:13:37,960 --> 01:13:39,720
Speaker 8: The way is the nightmare that at the end of

1410
01:13:39,760 --> 01:13:42,400
Speaker 8: the world, she chooses someone else or another.

1411
01:13:42,600 --> 01:13:46,680
Speaker 4: Yes, I saw it in a movie. And once I

1412
01:13:46,680 --> 01:13:48,320
Speaker 4: saw it in the movie, I was like, that's the

1413
01:13:48,360 --> 01:13:50,519
Speaker 4: most heartbreaking. And it's also at the end of La

1414
01:13:50,560 --> 01:13:54,160
Speaker 4: La Land too, like it's like, you know, this is

1415
01:13:54,240 --> 01:13:54,760
Speaker 4: like me Ba.

1416
01:13:55,960 --> 01:13:58,479
Speaker 1: La La land fucked you up so much that you're

1417
01:13:58,520 --> 01:14:02,559
Speaker 1: worried that when the he's gonna leave you and at

1418
01:14:02,600 --> 01:14:05,120
Speaker 1: your jazz bar and she'll be with the guy from but.

1419
01:14:05,080 --> 01:14:07,680
Speaker 4: At least great songs that we had and.

1420
01:14:07,640 --> 01:14:10,920
Speaker 1: You'll have your and you'll have your own jazz player club.

1421
01:14:11,840 --> 01:14:15,439
Speaker 4: Right but no, but sincerely, like, that's the dream that

1422
01:14:15,479 --> 01:14:18,360
Speaker 4: I've been having lately. And it's the most fucked up dream.

1423
01:14:18,880 --> 01:14:20,200
Speaker 4: I saw it in a movie and it was like

1424
01:14:20,240 --> 01:14:22,040
Speaker 4: the movie was the end of the World.

1425
01:14:22,400 --> 01:14:24,680
Speaker 1: And Okay, we got it. Do you think that your

1426
01:14:24,800 --> 01:14:29,320
Speaker 1: wife that that is insecurity about you? Feeling like your

1427
01:14:29,360 --> 01:14:30,920
Speaker 1: wife is one day not going to put up with

1428
01:14:30,960 --> 01:14:35,439
Speaker 1: your shenanigans? Yeah, then why don't you clean up something?

1429
01:14:35,560 --> 01:14:38,040
Speaker 1: Maybe it's God. Maybe it's God telling you to clean

1430
01:14:38,120 --> 01:14:39,559
Speaker 1: up some of your said you're.

1431
01:14:39,439 --> 01:14:42,200
Speaker 4: Not a religious person, man, you can't the universe.

1432
01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:44,720
Speaker 1: The universe if you don't like God, I like to say,

1433
01:14:44,720 --> 01:14:45,640
Speaker 1: the universe.

1434
01:14:46,080 --> 01:14:47,200
Speaker 8: All your shenanigans.

1435
01:14:48,040 --> 01:14:51,160
Speaker 1: He's very very very let me tell you, he's very

1436
01:14:51,520 --> 01:14:54,840
Speaker 1: very very He's like a child. He he gets to

1437
01:14:54,880 --> 01:14:59,040
Speaker 1: do whatever he wants. I get to His wife does

1438
01:14:59,080 --> 01:14:59,960
Speaker 1: all the heavy lifting.

1439
01:15:00,040 --> 01:15:01,760
Speaker 4: Now that's true anymore either, But.

1440
01:15:01,840 --> 01:15:06,960
Speaker 1: He gets high all day and Matthew and also bring

1441
01:15:06,960 --> 01:15:07,599
Speaker 1: in big checks.

1442
01:15:07,600 --> 01:15:08,000
Speaker 4: Matthew.

1443
01:15:08,439 --> 01:15:11,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's his whole thing is like I bring

1444
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:12,920
Speaker 1: in the money, I'll be in here animating. You take

1445
01:15:12,920 --> 01:15:16,880
Speaker 1: care of them kids, Zach are you are? Your money

1446
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:18,200
Speaker 1: is not going to be any good at the end

1447
01:15:18,240 --> 01:15:20,640
Speaker 1: of the world. So maybe that maybe that's.

1448
01:15:21,439 --> 01:15:23,639
Speaker 4: That's why she'll be like, you know what, your money

1449
01:15:23,680 --> 01:15:26,240
Speaker 4: ain't ship right now, right.

1450
01:15:27,200 --> 01:15:29,080
Speaker 1: And you know how the movie ends. You know how

1451
01:15:29,080 --> 01:15:32,040
Speaker 1: the movie ends, Donald the earth blows up? No, right

1452
01:15:32,080 --> 01:15:34,880
Speaker 1: before that, Zacha love you, Zach?

1453
01:15:41,840 --> 01:15:42,160
Speaker 4: All right?

1454
01:15:42,200 --> 01:15:46,880
Speaker 1: On that note, you think that's funny, it's Matthew. But

1455
01:15:47,000 --> 01:15:50,040
Speaker 1: how do people but we want to give you some plugs?

1456
01:15:50,320 --> 01:15:52,439
Speaker 1: What's your Instagram? How do people find you?

1457
01:15:53,160 --> 01:15:57,559
Speaker 8: My Instagram is at the Matthew Hussey uh for anyone

1458
01:15:57,600 --> 01:15:58,840
Speaker 8: who wants to follow me there?

1459
01:15:59,240 --> 01:16:02,760
Speaker 1: H U s e y Yeah. And then what was

1460
01:16:02,800 --> 01:16:04,040
Speaker 1: your latest book you had come out?

1461
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:06,840
Speaker 8: I have a book. It's called Love Life. I don't

1462
01:16:06,840 --> 01:16:11,360
Speaker 8: even know if this video is being put out. It's

1463
01:16:11,680 --> 01:16:14,400
Speaker 8: called Love Life, How to Raise your standards, find your

1464
01:16:14,439 --> 01:16:17,639
Speaker 8: person and live happily no matter what. It just came

1465
01:16:17,640 --> 01:16:18,280
Speaker 8: out this year.

1466
01:16:18,320 --> 01:16:19,600
Speaker 1: And can you read the audiobook?

1467
01:16:20,120 --> 01:16:20,479
Speaker 8: I do?

1468
01:16:20,640 --> 01:16:21,000
Speaker 4: Oh? Good.

1469
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:22,680
Speaker 1: I'm going to listen to that on my hikes.

1470
01:16:23,040 --> 01:16:24,800
Speaker 8: I'm very proud of it. I think I think you'll

1471
01:16:24,800 --> 01:16:27,680
Speaker 8: love it. It's it's deep. It's a lot deeper than

1472
01:16:27,720 --> 01:16:30,080
Speaker 8: people think it's going to be, and you know it's

1473
01:16:30,160 --> 01:16:33,920
Speaker 8: much more. It traverses love and life and you know

1474
01:16:33,960 --> 01:16:36,760
Speaker 8: what happens when things don't play out the way that

1475
01:16:36,800 --> 01:16:40,640
Speaker 8: we thought, But how do we not lose our optimism

1476
01:16:40,800 --> 01:16:43,360
Speaker 8: about how they could still play out but also be

1477
01:16:43,439 --> 01:16:46,759
Speaker 8: happy at the same time before it's even happened.

1478
01:16:46,800 --> 01:16:48,480
Speaker 1: So it's making me optimistic.

1479
01:16:49,000 --> 01:16:52,160
Speaker 8: There's nothing cliche about it. It's just a very real

1480
01:16:52,200 --> 01:16:54,600
Speaker 8: book about for people who want to find love but

1481
01:16:54,680 --> 01:16:57,599
Speaker 8: also want to be happy on the journey. And we

1482
01:16:57,640 --> 01:17:00,200
Speaker 8: also have this new thing, this really crazy exact. You

1483
01:17:00,240 --> 01:17:04,680
Speaker 8: have to try this. It is absolutely wild. We just

1484
01:17:04,800 --> 01:17:09,439
Speaker 8: released matthew a I and it is.

1485
01:17:10,160 --> 01:17:12,799
Speaker 4: It is the craziest thing already.

1486
01:17:12,920 --> 01:17:13,080
Speaker 2: Bro.

1487
01:17:13,600 --> 01:17:16,360
Speaker 8: Well, the thing is, I'm never going to stop doing

1488
01:17:16,360 --> 01:17:16,720
Speaker 8: what I do.

1489
01:17:16,920 --> 01:17:20,360
Speaker 1: You can't coach everyone, So he's training AI model to

1490
01:17:20,479 --> 01:17:21,720
Speaker 1: give you.

1491
01:17:21,400 --> 01:17:24,160
Speaker 8: One on one advice so that the idea you're going to.

1492
01:17:24,160 --> 01:17:26,200
Speaker 1: Keep that AI under control though, because it could it

1493
01:17:26,240 --> 01:17:31,320
Speaker 1: could go rogue and be like yeah again, texture again

1494
01:17:31,560 --> 01:17:36,160
Speaker 1: again again, and you don't know that like some dude

1495
01:17:36,160 --> 01:17:39,839
Speaker 1: in like you know, BROLLI, he's getting this shitty advice.

1496
01:17:45,640 --> 01:17:47,160
Speaker 8: It hasn't gone rogue yet.

1497
01:17:47,640 --> 01:17:48,400
Speaker 4: It hasn't gone.

1498
01:17:48,640 --> 01:17:50,720
Speaker 1: It's the craziest thing to to me. Sorry, I just

1499
01:17:50,760 --> 01:17:54,799
Speaker 1: to digress. I got this TM from this knockout looking

1500
01:17:54,840 --> 01:17:59,800
Speaker 1: woman and she was complimenting my work in how much

1501
01:17:59,840 --> 01:18:02,439
Speaker 1: it means to her and saying the nicest things, and

1502
01:18:02,479 --> 01:18:06,120
Speaker 1: she was stunning. And I clicked on it because like,

1503
01:18:07,040 --> 01:18:09,760
Speaker 1: I'm a human being, and uh, it's said in the

1504
01:18:09,800 --> 01:18:14,760
Speaker 1: description a AI, I am an AI whoa shit? And

1505
01:18:15,320 --> 01:18:19,679
Speaker 1: I would the pictures different, the pictures of her looked

1506
01:18:19,720 --> 01:18:24,080
Speaker 1: on And I just think that that's fucking nuts. What's

1507
01:18:24,160 --> 01:18:27,640
Speaker 1: coming and if that's if that's happening already in the

1508
01:18:27,720 --> 01:18:30,520
Speaker 1: in the in the fall of twenty twenty four, HiT's

1509
01:18:30,520 --> 01:18:31,760
Speaker 1: about to get wild, okay, But.

1510
01:18:31,720 --> 01:18:34,880
Speaker 4: What if you could take that AI character that freaking

1511
01:18:35,240 --> 01:18:37,680
Speaker 4: made you feel so good and stuff like that and

1512
01:18:37,880 --> 01:18:40,000
Speaker 4: put it into some type of.

1513
01:18:41,360 --> 01:18:46,879
Speaker 1: Synthetic by yeah, robot that's coming in our lifetime.

1514
01:18:47,000 --> 01:18:50,439
Speaker 8: But that's kind of Blade Runner esque, right, That's that's happened,

1515
01:18:50,439 --> 01:18:51,400
Speaker 8: that will happen.

1516
01:18:51,600 --> 01:18:54,439
Speaker 1: It's happening. That's happening virtually now. I mean you can have.

1517
01:18:54,920 --> 01:18:58,040
Speaker 4: I have a friend who's best not best friend is

1518
01:18:58,040 --> 01:19:01,519
Speaker 4: the AI, but the person that like his assistant, and

1519
01:19:01,640 --> 01:19:04,160
Speaker 4: the way they talk to each other is straight up

1520
01:19:04,200 --> 01:19:07,920
Speaker 4: AI and AI complish, you're doing such a great job today.

1521
01:19:07,960 --> 01:19:10,800
Speaker 4: I'm really impressed with what that's really fun that part

1522
01:19:10,800 --> 01:19:13,439
Speaker 4: in the book. AI is doing that shit already, and

1523
01:19:15,240 --> 01:19:18,280
Speaker 4: his conversation with his like, I watched him have a

1524
01:19:18,280 --> 01:19:21,879
Speaker 4: conversation with his phone and I was like, when it started,

1525
01:19:22,080 --> 01:19:24,320
Speaker 4: the judgment automatically started, and I was like, yo, dude,

1526
01:19:24,320 --> 01:19:25,560
Speaker 4: you got to show the fuck out and not be

1527
01:19:25,600 --> 01:19:28,160
Speaker 4: a judgmental cat in this situation because you don't know

1528
01:19:28,400 --> 01:19:30,640
Speaker 4: what this man's life is like. And so I just

1529
01:19:30,640 --> 01:19:34,759
Speaker 4: sat there and listened, and I was bewildered, Like, people

1530
01:19:35,080 --> 01:19:39,480
Speaker 4: as rudimentary as AI is right now, it's still fulfilling needs.

1531
01:19:39,200 --> 01:19:41,559
Speaker 1: For a lot of pears, of course, and imagine what

1532
01:19:41,600 --> 01:19:43,960
Speaker 1: that is in five years. But wait, you have to

1533
01:19:44,040 --> 01:19:46,160
Speaker 1: end the show. So Matthew tell us about how do

1534
01:19:46,200 --> 01:19:48,680
Speaker 1: people try Matthew Hussey, AI.

1535
01:19:48,880 --> 01:19:51,479
Speaker 8: Just go try it because it will blow your mind.

1536
01:19:51,520 --> 01:19:53,519
Speaker 8: If you have a question that you're like, I really

1537
01:19:53,560 --> 01:19:59,040
Speaker 8: want Matthew to answer my very specific, contextual question. You

1538
01:19:59,080 --> 01:20:02,720
Speaker 8: can go to MH dot com a s k m

1539
01:20:03,160 --> 01:20:06,240
Speaker 8: H dot com and you can literally call my AI.

1540
01:20:06,479 --> 01:20:08,760
Speaker 8: You get like a few minutes for free. So if

1541
01:20:08,760 --> 01:20:10,400
Speaker 8: you just want to go and ask one question, just

1542
01:20:10,400 --> 01:20:12,839
Speaker 8: go ask one question and you'll get my answer for free.

1543
01:20:13,160 --> 01:20:18,479
Speaker 8: But it's it literally will take into account the specifics

1544
01:20:18,520 --> 01:20:24,040
Speaker 8: of your situation, and you're it will give you very.

1545
01:20:23,280 --> 01:20:25,800
Speaker 1: The more information better like and then he was like,

1546
01:20:25,880 --> 01:20:27,920
Speaker 1: and then I was like, and then he was like.

1547
01:20:28,040 --> 01:20:30,240
Speaker 8: Well yeah, because you actually end up getting a much

1548
01:20:30,280 --> 01:20:33,280
Speaker 8: more specific answer like. This thing will literally it will

1549
01:20:33,280 --> 01:20:36,080
Speaker 8: do anything from help you through heartbreak to give you

1550
01:20:36,120 --> 01:20:39,639
Speaker 8: a specific text that you can send, like the ones

1551
01:20:39,680 --> 01:20:41,040
Speaker 8: we've been talking about today.

1552
01:20:41,200 --> 01:20:43,160
Speaker 1: So you'll say, look craft your response.

1553
01:20:43,360 --> 01:20:45,639
Speaker 8: It will give you the response. So you'll say, this

1554
01:20:45,680 --> 01:20:47,439
Speaker 8: is what's been going on this, I don't know what

1555
01:20:47,520 --> 01:20:49,880
Speaker 8: to text back? What do you think I should text

1556
01:20:49,880 --> 01:20:52,200
Speaker 8: back to this? And this isn't like giving you This

1557
01:20:52,240 --> 01:20:54,679
Speaker 8: isn't like I want to be clear, this isn't some

1558
01:20:54,920 --> 01:21:00,839
Speaker 8: knockoff chat GPT. This has been fed only seventy years

1559
01:21:01,040 --> 01:21:04,960
Speaker 8: of my content, all of my books, all of my programs,

1560
01:21:05,320 --> 01:21:08,200
Speaker 8: my videos, my private videos that I've done for my

1561
01:21:08,280 --> 01:21:11,439
Speaker 8: members that aren't even public. Like all of that. This

1562
01:21:11,760 --> 01:21:14,960
Speaker 8: has been trained on. So when you ask this a question,

1563
01:21:15,000 --> 01:21:17,400
Speaker 8: you're going to hear my voice, which is crazy. It's

1564
01:21:17,479 --> 01:21:21,400
Speaker 8: literally my voice, and it gives you my answer, not

1565
01:21:21,560 --> 01:21:22,799
Speaker 8: some Google answer.

1566
01:21:23,280 --> 01:21:25,519
Speaker 1: You're going to get us to continue to have someone

1567
01:21:25,560 --> 01:21:29,200
Speaker 1: continue to monitoring it though, right because letter you remember

1568
01:21:29,240 --> 01:21:31,360
Speaker 1: like that there was that amazing article where some New

1569
01:21:31,439 --> 01:21:33,880
Speaker 1: York Times or someone interviewed an AI and after like

1570
01:21:33,880 --> 01:21:36,680
Speaker 1: a four hours it'd start going roague and it was

1571
01:21:36,760 --> 01:21:39,120
Speaker 1: like break up with your girlfriend, break up with your girlfriend.

1572
01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:40,680
Speaker 1: From what I did read it, I remember that it

1573
01:21:40,760 --> 01:21:41,360
Speaker 1: was crazy.

1574
01:21:41,560 --> 01:21:43,599
Speaker 8: There was something with fell off the track.

1575
01:21:43,680 --> 01:21:45,280
Speaker 1: It was trying to one this one.

1576
01:21:45,920 --> 01:21:48,320
Speaker 8: This one has very specific rules like if you ask

1577
01:21:48,400 --> 01:21:50,320
Speaker 8: it to say anything, if you if you ask it

1578
01:21:50,400 --> 01:21:53,640
Speaker 8: anything about like a personal relationship with Matthew AI, it

1579
01:21:53,720 --> 01:21:56,320
Speaker 8: will redirect you and be like, hey, let's stay on topic.

1580
01:21:56,439 --> 01:21:59,280
Speaker 8: This is about your love life, and but it's we

1581
01:21:59,400 --> 01:22:01,800
Speaker 8: had one per three weeks ago, have a four and

1582
01:22:01,840 --> 01:22:05,160
Speaker 8: a half hour conversation with Matthew A. I like it

1583
01:22:05,320 --> 01:22:08,720
Speaker 8: is conversational. People are calling in at two a m.

1584
01:22:08,880 --> 01:22:12,040
Speaker 8: When they're anxiously like in bed, thinking I want to

1585
01:22:12,080 --> 01:22:15,800
Speaker 8: text my ex and instead they're calling Matthew AI and

1586
01:22:15,840 --> 01:22:18,200
Speaker 8: they're like, help me. I'm on the brink. I'm about

1587
01:22:18,240 --> 01:22:20,840
Speaker 8: to text them, and it will talk you off the ledge.

1588
01:22:21,240 --> 01:22:23,200
Speaker 8: So it's just really powerful for anyone who wants to

1589
01:22:23,280 --> 01:22:25,439
Speaker 8: try it is to ask m h Dot.

1590
01:22:25,439 --> 01:22:31,400
Speaker 4: Ask everybody the answer for that already when you said

1591
01:22:32,160 --> 01:22:34,680
Speaker 4: I could be right, I could be wrong, it just

1592
01:22:34,760 --> 01:22:39,120
Speaker 4: seems like you're texting for attention. Yeah, I will remember

1593
01:22:39,240 --> 01:22:45,960
Speaker 4: that the next time I freaking I'm no longer married.

1594
01:22:46,520 --> 01:22:49,760
Speaker 4: I will remember that when my wife has left me

1595
01:22:49,880 --> 01:22:53,120
Speaker 4: at the end of the world and I'm no, no,

1596
01:22:53,640 --> 01:22:57,720
Speaker 4: but sincerely, sincerely no, for real. I do that in

1597
01:22:57,920 --> 01:22:59,920
Speaker 4: other things, though not necessarily.

1598
01:23:00,200 --> 01:23:02,439
Speaker 1: You can use it for other relationships, not your not

1599
01:23:02,520 --> 01:23:05,000
Speaker 1: your dating life. All right, Matthew, thank you so much

1600
01:23:05,160 --> 01:23:07,320
Speaker 1: for coming on. We really appreciate you to come back.

1601
01:23:08,280 --> 01:23:10,519
Speaker 1: I could talk to you all day. And Donald and

1602
01:23:10,560 --> 01:23:12,400
Speaker 1: I are going to make ais of ourselves so we

1603
01:23:12,439 --> 01:23:14,559
Speaker 1: don't have to do the podcast. We just have them

1604
01:23:14,640 --> 01:23:15,840
Speaker 1: chat with each other for hours.

1605
01:23:16,000 --> 01:23:19,439
Speaker 4: No problem with that, Zach, there's a problem. There's no

1606
01:23:19,560 --> 01:23:21,080
Speaker 4: cut that. Donald, there's no cut.

1607
01:23:23,000 --> 01:23:31,760
Speaker 1: Donald, I would go thank you so much.

1608
01:23:32,160 --> 01:23:33,080
Speaker 8: Guys, it's a pleasure.

1609
01:23:40,400 --> 01:23:43,000
Speaker 1: What a guest, What a guest? Wow, Yo, I gotta

1610
01:23:43,000 --> 01:23:44,400
Speaker 1: tell you when it's a good guest like that. I

1611
01:23:44,439 --> 01:23:45,880
Speaker 1: could have talked to him for two more hours.

1612
01:23:45,920 --> 01:23:47,759
Speaker 4: I don't stop.

1613
01:23:48,320 --> 01:23:50,640
Speaker 1: Well we we we kind of asked people to do

1614
01:23:50,760 --> 01:23:53,320
Speaker 1: an hour, and he's very fancy. He's hit demand. He's

1615
01:23:53,400 --> 01:23:57,519
Speaker 1: like he's he's all over, Like, guys, I gotta go, well,

1616
01:23:57,560 --> 01:23:58,439
Speaker 1: I don't like to do that.

1617
01:24:00,040 --> 01:24:01,320
Speaker 4: Ship Man, we had a good one.

1618
01:24:01,640 --> 01:24:03,400
Speaker 1: That was good, and I know we had a good

1619
01:24:03,439 --> 01:24:05,960
Speaker 1: one on the hook. He was interesting. I really like him.

1620
01:24:06,040 --> 01:24:08,800
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, if everybody listen, uh, if you are

1621
01:24:08,920 --> 01:24:11,479
Speaker 1: out there in the dating world, follow him on Instagram.

1622
01:24:11,600 --> 01:24:14,760
Speaker 1: He he posts great stuff. He posts useful information and

1623
01:24:15,720 --> 01:24:19,000
Speaker 1: obviously I'm going to check out his book and uh and.

1624
01:24:19,640 --> 01:24:22,040
Speaker 4: Like quickly he got to Joelle's situation. You know what

1625
01:24:22,080 --> 01:24:25,559
Speaker 4: I mean? Uh, you know Joe, that.

1626
01:24:25,600 --> 01:24:33,479
Speaker 2: Last one, I said, yeah, right, like automatically, I was like,

1627
01:24:33,760 --> 01:24:35,360
Speaker 2: ship he did not hold back.

1628
01:24:35,439 --> 01:24:40,840
Speaker 5: He just gave her like yeah, yeah, yeah.

1629
01:24:40,880 --> 01:24:44,000
Speaker 1: He does workshops and like, uh, he's got all this,

1630
01:24:44,160 --> 01:24:45,840
Speaker 1: He's got so much going on. I mean, in addition

1631
01:24:45,920 --> 01:24:49,840
Speaker 1: to being smart and articulate about relate about dating. He's

1632
01:24:50,120 --> 01:24:52,080
Speaker 1: such a good business man. He's got so many things

1633
01:24:52,160 --> 01:24:52,439
Speaker 1: going on.

1634
01:24:53,360 --> 01:24:55,560
Speaker 4: Well. I like the fact that he's he's using his

1635
01:24:55,720 --> 01:24:57,920
Speaker 4: power for good because many people who have the power

1636
01:24:58,000 --> 01:25:00,920
Speaker 4: that he has write books like how you could get

1637
01:25:01,000 --> 01:25:03,519
Speaker 4: laid ten times a night, or how you can do this?

1638
01:25:03,760 --> 01:25:05,680
Speaker 4: You know what I mean? He has the freaking he's

1639
01:25:05,760 --> 01:25:09,720
Speaker 4: using his gift for good and freaking putting his.

1640
01:25:09,800 --> 01:25:12,519
Speaker 1: Powers for good. Yes, he's using the force for good,

1641
01:25:12,560 --> 01:25:13,360
Speaker 1: you might say, good.

1642
01:25:13,479 --> 01:25:15,920
Speaker 4: Yes, he has not formed, he has not taken to

1643
01:25:16,000 --> 01:25:16,639
Speaker 4: the dark side.

1644
01:25:16,920 --> 01:25:19,320
Speaker 1: He could be taking this skill set that he has

1645
01:25:19,439 --> 01:25:21,560
Speaker 1: and his looks and his English accident and be on

1646
01:25:21,680 --> 01:25:24,880
Speaker 1: the dark side and be real dark dude. Like yeah,

1647
01:25:25,120 --> 01:25:29,040
Speaker 1: he could be like like freak off dark, You're.

1648
01:25:28,880 --> 01:25:34,680
Speaker 4: Gonna go freakoffish, but freak figure out freak off yet

1649
01:25:34,800 --> 01:25:35,520
Speaker 4: has anyone.

1650
01:25:35,400 --> 01:25:38,040
Speaker 1: Figured it out? Danield is going to judge our freak off.

1651
01:25:38,240 --> 01:25:40,840
Speaker 1: You and I are going to Daniel, you don't want

1652
01:25:40,840 --> 01:25:45,400
Speaker 1: to do that, all right, Donald and I are going

1653
01:25:45,479 --> 01:25:49,040
Speaker 1: to have a virtual freak off and Joe and we believe.

1654
01:25:48,800 --> 01:25:51,760
Speaker 4: That a freaking well you want to hear contest where

1655
01:25:51,960 --> 01:25:54,960
Speaker 4: I do my freak ship and then the judges put up.

1656
01:25:54,960 --> 01:25:57,320
Speaker 5: Until I listen to the episode Okay.

1657
01:25:58,560 --> 01:26:01,400
Speaker 4: Your freak ship and then the judge put up a

1658
01:26:01,479 --> 01:26:03,639
Speaker 4: tin or whatever it is, and then Zach.

1659
01:26:07,320 --> 01:26:10,479
Speaker 1: Freak off his Donald. Daniel doesn't feel like he wants

1660
01:26:10,520 --> 01:26:12,600
Speaker 1: to judge. So we're gonna have to find who do

1661
01:26:12,640 --> 01:26:15,040
Speaker 1: you think we could get? Who's probably not an iHeart

1662
01:26:15,080 --> 01:26:19,519
Speaker 1: employee that would judge our freak? Thought maybe Casey, but

1663
01:26:19,600 --> 01:26:20,680
Speaker 1: she'd leaned towards.

1664
01:26:20,400 --> 01:26:22,840
Speaker 4: The Casey's going towards my freak. She's gonna be like

1665
01:26:23,240 --> 01:26:25,880
Speaker 4: my man, She's like I like it. Damn.

1666
01:26:25,960 --> 01:26:28,000
Speaker 1: Look how he's riding it. Look how he's riding it.

1667
01:26:29,800 --> 01:26:31,880
Speaker 1: More baby oil, more baby oil.

1668
01:26:32,640 --> 01:26:37,800
Speaker 4: Have to cut all Daniel, don't come because you got

1669
01:26:37,840 --> 01:26:39,400
Speaker 4: specific bro, you got.

1670
01:26:40,360 --> 01:26:44,160
Speaker 9: I'm sorry, Daniel got that. Do not come, do not come,

1671
01:26:46,960 --> 01:26:52,240
Speaker 9: Do not come. Kamalas said, do not come. Trump said

1672
01:26:52,240 --> 01:26:52,960
Speaker 9: I'm gonna come.

1673
01:26:53,520 --> 01:26:54,360
Speaker 1: Do not come.

1674
01:26:54,520 --> 01:26:56,760
Speaker 4: I'm gonna come. All right.

1675
01:26:57,280 --> 01:26:59,200
Speaker 1: How about how they indicted the mayor of New York.

1676
01:26:59,360 --> 01:27:01,400
Speaker 4: But we don't have time for this, but listen, we

1677
01:27:01,479 --> 01:27:04,320
Speaker 4: can talk five seconds. What the fuck is going on? Bro?

1678
01:27:04,600 --> 01:27:08,840
Speaker 1: I think he allegedly took bribes from Turkey? Question Mark?

1679
01:27:09,000 --> 01:27:09,519
Speaker 8: Is that what it is?

1680
01:27:09,680 --> 01:27:14,360
Speaker 1: Yeah? Dane on those politics is allegedly he took bribes

1681
01:27:14,479 --> 01:27:19,240
Speaker 1: from the from the Turkish government. Daniel, that's what, Yeah,

1682
01:27:19,360 --> 01:27:22,160
Speaker 1: that's the that's what had to do with their embassy

1683
01:27:22,240 --> 01:27:25,040
Speaker 1: getting getting like permits for their embassy. And they were like,

1684
01:27:25,479 --> 01:27:28,639
Speaker 1: it's taking too long, and he's like, well maybe there's

1685
01:27:28,640 --> 01:27:30,479
Speaker 1: a way. It didn't take too long, and like here's

1686
01:27:30,520 --> 01:27:32,599
Speaker 1: some Turkish money. And they were like, all right, good,

1687
01:27:32,720 --> 01:27:37,080
Speaker 1: thank you, it's done in the spirit of that something

1688
01:27:37,160 --> 01:27:41,840
Speaker 1: like that. Okay, Well damn did you see the picture

1689
01:27:41,920 --> 01:27:44,200
Speaker 1: was a picture of him and Sean Combs together getting

1690
01:27:44,200 --> 01:27:45,920
Speaker 1: the key of the city, and everyone's like, this picture

1691
01:27:45,960 --> 01:27:52,560
Speaker 1: didn't age. Well, actually, how much your life now? No,

1692
01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:55,280
Speaker 1: the headline was, look how much your life can change

1693
01:27:55,280 --> 01:27:55,720
Speaker 1: in a year?

1694
01:27:56,320 --> 01:28:02,680
Speaker 4: Well, you know, I'll say it again, freaking Harvey Dent

1695
01:28:03,000 --> 01:28:03,360
Speaker 4: was right.

1696
01:28:04,360 --> 01:28:05,400
Speaker 1: What did Harvey Dent say?

1697
01:28:05,560 --> 01:28:08,080
Speaker 4: Harvey Dent said, you either die the hero or you

1698
01:28:08,200 --> 01:28:10,599
Speaker 4: live long enough to see yourself become the villain. It's

1699
01:28:10,760 --> 01:28:13,600
Speaker 4: just what it is. It's just look at all of

1700
01:28:13,680 --> 01:28:16,000
Speaker 4: our Look at all of these heroes. Look at all

1701
01:28:16,080 --> 01:28:17,360
Speaker 4: of these heroes.

1702
01:28:17,240 --> 01:28:21,320
Speaker 3: Not all of them that long and many not all

1703
01:28:22,479 --> 01:28:26,240
Speaker 3: What you're trying to get into one day, what you're

1704
01:28:26,320 --> 01:28:28,480
Speaker 3: trying to do politics.

1705
01:28:29,240 --> 01:28:31,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you shouldn't. I think we should stay

1706
01:28:31,920 --> 01:28:34,799
Speaker 1: away from Freakoffs absolutely.

1707
01:28:34,240 --> 01:28:36,439
Speaker 4: And what I'm talking about, and stay away from what

1708
01:28:36,520 --> 01:28:39,000
Speaker 4: I'm talking about. Stay away from running for government.

1709
01:28:40,240 --> 01:28:43,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm looking to I'm not interested in that. Wait,

1710
01:28:43,840 --> 01:28:45,439
Speaker 1: I just want to play some of the sound effects.

1711
01:28:45,439 --> 01:28:46,120
Speaker 1: It's been so long.

1712
01:28:46,200 --> 01:28:48,760
Speaker 4: Everybody likes little Assay. Don't even act like you don't. Okay,

1713
01:28:48,800 --> 01:28:51,320
Speaker 4: so that doesn't age well. Now that's not aging well

1714
01:28:52,640 --> 01:28:52,800
Speaker 4: for you.

1715
01:28:53,800 --> 01:28:55,599
Speaker 1: We're going to see We're going to see this at

1716
01:28:55,640 --> 01:28:56,200
Speaker 1: the Freakoffs.

1717
01:28:56,240 --> 01:29:03,920
Speaker 4: Everybody likes Little gone for a while. That's not aging

1718
01:29:04,000 --> 01:29:04,439
Speaker 4: well either.

1719
01:29:04,880 --> 01:29:06,560
Speaker 1: All Right, we gotta go. We love you all. We

1720
01:29:06,640 --> 01:29:08,719
Speaker 1: hope that was helpful. Donald count us out.

1721
01:29:11,280 --> 01:29:12,120
Speaker 4: That show we.

1722
01:29:12,479 --> 01:29:16,519
Speaker 7: Made about a bunch of talks and nurses and the

1723
01:29:16,760 --> 01:29:17,720
Speaker 7: janitor who loved me.

1724
01:29:18,160 --> 01:29:20,880
Speaker 3: I said, he's a stormye net you.

1725
01:29:20,920 --> 01:29:21,840
Speaker 4: All should no.

1726
01:29:23,479 --> 01:29:28,519
Speaker 1: So gather round you here, yether, round you here, spect me.

1727
01:29:29,000 --> 01:29:29,720
Speaker 4: Show is that