WEBVTT - Episode 120: Ft. Radha Blank and Eisa Davis, Writers From "She's Gotta Have It" 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:05.960 Service West Up, It's lip service and you know this 0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:08.360 is like our special holiday edition and I'm really excited 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:10.960 for this and um, we'll get more into it. But 0:00:11.000 --> 0:00:14.000 I'm Angela. Ye, I'm Laurie how and we have two 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:17.840 special guests, Roder Blank and Asa Davis are here. Now, 0:00:17.840 --> 0:00:21.360 you guys, you women are writers for She's Got to 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:23.400 Have It and me and Laura, y'all got into it 0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:28.440 over this show. I'm gonna tell you why. Because she 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:30.360 was mad. I watched the whole thing without her. That 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:33.600 was the first thing. That was the first thing. She 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:36.519 was on episode five and I was just then putting 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:39.559 it on. I'm like, you watched this whole thing. She 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:41.880 was like no, because what happened was I had got 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:44.920 the I'm like, yeah, no, it really happened was we 0:00:44.960 --> 0:00:47.360 didn't have the interview, you know, with the cast member, 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:48.680 so I want to make sure I saw all of 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:50.600 them and if I wait for her, which just wasn't 0:00:50.600 --> 0:00:53.479 gonna happen. But she really had an attitude. I was 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:55.800 mad better, but I was so excited when I found 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:57.640 out they were doing this series because I remember the 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:00.400 movie obviously has seen it so long ago, and I 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:03.080 remember being like kind of controversial and so different than 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:05.959 what was out there at that time, right right, Yeah, 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:08.560 it was ahead of his time. I mean, you know, 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:17.160 black woman um apologetic about unapologetic, sorry, unapologetic about her 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:20.880 sex life, having you know, three lovers and not you know, 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:24.880 having any qualms about it thirty years ago. I think, yeah, 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:28.080 you think times they're so different now, Like is it 0:01:28.200 --> 0:01:29.600 or do you think it's still kind of the same 0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:32.120 as far as how society judges you as a woman 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:35.440 if you're sleeping with you know, more than one man 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:38.160 but you're single. I mean I think it's you know, 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:43.920 the changing same like we like to say, because because 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:48.080 I think there's more recognition that women should be equal 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:51.160 to men, there shouldn't be that double standard. And at 0:01:51.200 --> 0:01:55.000 the same time, I think that there's still so much 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:57.960 in terms of shaming. You know, there's so much in 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:00.919 terms of you know, people just saying like, Okay, well 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:02.880 she had that coming to her. You know, she's a 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:05.280 whole Like if anything goes wrong, it's like, oh, well 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:07.360 she was with you know this, what was she wearing? 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:10.680 What time are you coming home? And not blame and 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:14.800 you see that it's instantaneous, you know what I mean. Um, like, 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:17.240 you see somebody like Rihanna, and we love her, and 0:02:17.880 --> 0:02:20.600 we actually love the fact of what she represents, Like 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:23.960 she's unapologetic about whatever she does. She makes these guys 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:26.600 look crazy, right, and she's just like, I don't give 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:31.720 a ship right right. She um. She's also Caribbean, and 0:02:31.960 --> 0:02:34.240 you know, women from the Caribbean and don't apologize for 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:39.200 short nibat. But but there's always some scrutiny behind it, 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:42.480 you know, And so we're not quite there yet. Women 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:46.840 still make what seventies cents to the men to the 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:50.239 men's dollar, and so I feel like across the board 0:02:50.360 --> 0:02:52.840 there's so much more, so much further we have to 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:56.560 go as as women. But I think that in this 0:02:56.639 --> 0:03:00.200 day and time, the show still feels like it's a 0:03:00.240 --> 0:03:04.120 conversation piece. And I think that anytime we can give 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:07.320 women permission to just do whatever the funk they want, 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:10.360 then we need to kind of support those kind of 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:12.360 things because people, I don't know about you, but people 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:14.520 hit me up all the time since the show has 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:18.480 come out, just saying, like, you know, I'm releasing my 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:21.480 inner Nola. That's it. Summer two thousand eighteen. I'm no 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:24.320 longer apologizing for what I want to do. I don't 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:26.920 know if they're all going to expose themselves that she 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:29.520 did in the end, because there's a lot of questions 0:03:29.560 --> 0:03:32.520 about how realistic that is. But just to say to 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:37.760 me nothing, I would not if I was dating more 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:39.320 than one guy, they are not going to meet each other, 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:42.080 I'll be horrified. Well can I sort of thing? Okay, 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:44.320 go ahead, But I was just gonna say, I have 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:49.520 a friend who is who calls himself poly polyamis. I 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:53.400 can't even say the word see polyamorous. He has several 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:57.480 partners and they all know about each other, and I 0:03:57.520 --> 0:03:59.400 think that they had an agreement from the very beginning, 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:03.000 because you know, when he brings each love around his friends, 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:05.840 he doesn't want the friends to feel like we have 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:08.960 to perform or lie. And so there are people who 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:11.520 you know are actually making it work and that in 0:04:11.560 --> 0:04:14.440 these relationships only because he'd be like, oh, last week 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:17.920 with Kim, and you're sitting there with Kim last week, 0:04:18.240 --> 0:04:20.600 like that's the only thing that I would feel like 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:24.000 you get, well, not even jealousy, it's just that if 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:26.640 the friend all right, for instance, you out with him 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:28.960 and his friends and his friend come over to him, 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:32.599 and say like, yeah, when when you and Kim last 0:04:32.600 --> 0:04:35.599 week and you're sitting right there, you get what I'm saying. 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:38.280 I'm supposed to just be okay with that, like if 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:39.919 you have an agreement, but yeah, if you have an 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:44.600 agreement and understand is that people have completely different love styles, 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:48.400 love languages, love personality. Some people are just let me 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:51.479 lock it down with this one person forever, you know. 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:54.400 Some people are like, let me lock it down just 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:56.560 for show with this one person. But I'm going to 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:59.920 have all these d L creeping things on the side, 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:02.760 which to me, that's really what's messed up. The thing 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:06.080 that Nola does that is so amazing is she's totally accountable, 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:07.720 and that's what I think. You know, people who are 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:11.039 truly polyamorous, you do you have to say, like, this 0:05:11.080 --> 0:05:13.680 is what I'm up to, I'm with other people, and 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:15.680 you have to be straight up about it. Not only 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:19.360 it's like it's both psychological health is also physical health, 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:22.159 Like you need to know things, And I think that's 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:26.120 what's really great about you know what what Nola models. 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:28.839 Whether or not it's hard for people to get with 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:31.719 people to understand that you might actually be that open. 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:34.720 That's what about them meeting each other, though I think 0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:37.520 it's one thing to be like I'm dating other people, right, Well, 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:40.320 I'll say this. I'll say this. I had one little 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:44.320 spell of polyamory where I was I was like coming 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:46.400 out of college, and I was just kind of thinking 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:50.640 to myself, I've never really tested the notion of monogamy. 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:52.440 I just always assumed, you know, I'm just going to 0:05:52.520 --> 0:05:55.080 be with this one person at a time. And then 0:05:55.200 --> 0:05:56.800 when I came out of college, I just thought, well, 0:05:57.120 --> 0:05:59.320 what if I tried, you know, dating a few people 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:01.200 at the same time. I've been seeing what that's like. 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:05.240 And I did, and and the two of the people 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:08.760 did know about the other person like met each other, 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:10.760 and I was just, you said it up for them 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:12.880 to meet each other. I was just I was like, 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:14.440 why don't you guys come over my house? I liked 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:19.080 them both. There were people that could take space, so 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:21.680 that if I had have done it, it had been 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:25.120 at the park. We have witnesses, so they have something 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:32.000 ship POSSI you public space. There were a lot of 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:34.520 people there, Okay, I thought it was just like there 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:36.320 were a lot of people there and I can't say that, 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:39.520 you know, like the person who I wasn't spending the 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:45.320 night with was happy about it that night, and right, 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:51.880 don't now Actually it was though, is that I tested 0:06:51.880 --> 0:06:54.240 it out. They knew they were it was and it 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:56.880 was not. It was not. It was not easy to 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:59.839 deal with that feeling that they had about the other person. 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:02.279 And then you know, after a couple of months of that, 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:05.839 I was like, this is tired. I can't handle this. 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:08.400 So now I know and I'm good to go back. 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:12.360 You did it, got it out of your system. I 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:15.800 think the thing with um no less example, as I 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:18.440 should say, it's like, you know, what I hear from 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:21.080 a lot of my male friends is that they cheat 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:24.440 or they take other lovers and keep it quiet because 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:26.760 they don't think that the woman that they're saying will 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:30.040 understand it. They never really ask us and give us 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:34.000 a chance, you know exactly. Now, That's what I think. 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.160 Maybe the reason they don't tell us is because we 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:39.800 might actually be okay with it, and then they'd have 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:43.160 to think about us entertaining like, well you're doing you so, 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:46.920 and I feel like, give me a choice. Just put 0:07:46.920 --> 0:07:53.000 me in a situation where it's like I'm blindsided. You 0:07:53.120 --> 0:07:54.760 have to let me know if you think that for 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:59.080 Black women and white women is different. Like I think 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:03.440 it might be different only because black women not to 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:07.080 get all deep, but black women in terms of like 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:10.160 our sexuality and connection to a time when we didn't 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:13.400 really own our bodies in this country, I do feel 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:17.480 like there's just this added pressure often to as a 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:21.360 black woman, to perform in the light of good you 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.360 know what I mean. And when we do something, I 0:08:24.360 --> 0:08:27.640 don't know that white women feel that it speaks for 0:08:27.680 --> 0:08:30.080 an entire race or an entire gender, you know what 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:33.720 I mean. So I do think that might make it harder. Yeah, 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:36.120 I feel like we have different rules too, Like in college, 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:38.120 you know, I feel like, because you know how they 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:40.520 always say becky is like you know, obviously that came 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:42.880 from white girls giving head, And I feel like I 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:44.520 know a lot of white women because I went to 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:47.960 a predominantly white college, but they feel like, you know, 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:50.679 giving head is nothing. I felt like for us, it's 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:53.400 a bigger deal in a way, like guys would always 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:55.120 prefer that you had sex with somebody didn't get them 0:08:55.160 --> 0:08:57.960 head when I was when I was young, you gave 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:06.040 her you was a home. Like even to change change 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:11.880 that's it. As soon as the dick, like that would 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:20.640 be a great song, a coming out. That's how it 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:22.280 used to be. But we could do like a black 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:32.320 rabbing mastead of exactly. It's hard for me to generalize 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:35.520 like that though, because you know, like, because I feel 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:41.520 like there are plenty I think that being promiscuous, whether 0:09:41.600 --> 0:09:44.320 you're doing it on the low or doing it up 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:48.040 above for everyone to see. You know, that runs through 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:50.840 every different race, every different Oh I don't. I don't 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:53.040 believe that, no, because, like you said, it seems to 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:56.760 be for for white women. The stereotype is that, like 0:09:57.080 --> 0:10:00.040 there aren't as many qualms, you know, like giving head, it, 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:03.680 sucking dick or whatever. It's like it's just more of 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:06.040 a social thing where it's with black women. We saw 0:10:06.040 --> 0:10:08.520 it on that episode Insecure with like kind of like, 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:12.160 oh no, girl, I don't do that. We have to 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:15.079 have a certain level of relationship for me to just 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:17.160 give head, you know what I mean. So I do 0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:21.480 think that within our community, we have different parameters around 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:24.640 what we consider permissing. I'm telling you every guy he asked, like, 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:27.560 if you ask a black man, he'll be made way 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:29.880 more mad that you gave somebody had he sat the 0:10:29.960 --> 0:10:34.000 dick then if you had I did things? Yeah, because 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:37.760 did you sucking, especially if you something good girl not? 0:10:39.040 --> 0:10:50.400 Don'ts that if you did, she swallowed it. If you 0:10:50.440 --> 0:10:53.040 think about that, she was sucking the next nig dick 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:58.440 remember that a chicken chicken chicken head. So it's like 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:04.800 a playlist playlist on titled for dick sucking song. And 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:09.040 then it's like the other playlist, which is, you know, 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:15.960 Downtown done. Down Town is fun, you go down town. 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:19.440 But when that song came out, it just at the 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:23.920 time it seems so salacious, like damn town. It compares 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:27.560 to nothing that's coming out now. It's like people talking 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:32.800 about leaving my p that. We thought that was racy 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:38.120 back then. You know that he said lay your head 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:41.120 on my pillow was about him performing oral sex on her. 0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:45.800 What's it? Yeah, rail lay your head of my fellow? 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:53.439 What called me that? Because she said Rapiela, did you 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:59.120 call me? I said call me? Yeah, will be look 0:11:59.160 --> 0:12:03.480 at me? The the things that were like racy back then, 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:05.600 or even when Salt and Pepper did the song Let's 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:07.800 talk about sex, and everyone was just like blusoshing. It's 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:13.160 like sex that's almost like a church song. Now. Yeah, 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:15.360 you know what when I was down, I used to 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:17.560 be embarrassed when calling me bad, I want to sex 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:19.800 you up and come on, in the kind eyes of 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:23.360 my parents, I'd be like, oh my god, right right 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:31.960 right right now, right on you talking about that, because 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:35.600 you know anything geting song coming through? You know the beginning, 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:37.079 like the intro of that song where he's like, I 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:40.120 wonder if she could tell I'm hard right now? So 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:44.160 I didn't know what they were talking about because when 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:46.199 they came out, I was kind of young, so that 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:48.959 I was like the little poem. I didn't know, I care, 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:50.920 I miss you. I was young. But you know what 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:52.480 the problem with that song was that it was a 0:12:52.520 --> 0:12:56.679 little poke. I mean, nobody had to. I wanted you 0:12:56.720 --> 0:13:00.000 should have said, I feel a little poke coming through. 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:04.960 I'm through. She should have just walked af to the 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:08.679 next guy. We don't go this. It's a little They 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:13.080 look like they got a little pokes. You guys had 0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:16.959 little dick shaming, and that's not right. It's not right. 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:24.439 Mars has a little dick that was let me tell 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:27.480 you something because listen, so we're in we're in the 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:30.360 writing room. We create these things, and I actually think 0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:34.080 I'm showing my asking. It might have started as a joke. 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:36.760 I think it did. I think it started a joke. 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:39.520 We knew that there was gonna be a painting with 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:42.880 one figure with three heads. And then I'm not I 0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:45.360 won't take credit for it, but somebody said, and the 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:50.760 dick should start talking, and if these dicks could talk 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:55.280 to show burning. But you know what I'm what I 0:13:55.320 --> 0:14:00.440 like about that moment, it's like at the beacond. What 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:02.760 I like about that moment is this real? It's like 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:06.600 everybody as slang, you know what I mean? Um? And 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:09.960 I guess what he lacks in dick size, Mars makes 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:15.959 up for in personality. Personality. He makes a laugh. Good job, Mars. 0:14:17.800 --> 0:14:23.160 Where the dick? Now? Do you think that you could 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:26.160 find everything that you would want in just one person? 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:33.960 I don't know, from not from my experience. Um, I 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:37.240 think I think that that's really dangerous. It comes from 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:40.080 like a whole Victorian notion of romance, you know, like 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:42.960 that's when things started to flip. It used to be like, Okay, 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:45.560 I got my village of people, you know, I have 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:49.520 my ceremonial husband or wife or a partner of whatever. 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:52.760 And then I got my whole family got my friends, 0:14:52.920 --> 0:14:57.960 you know, I got my priest, got the farmer, and 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:00.440 you just and and you could turn into your whole 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:03.400 community to fulfill all your needs. And then there got 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:06.440 to be this pressure on having this one single person 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:09.760 that satisfies everything. And I think I'm sure religion helped 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:15.000 to create that, right, So, I mean, I think it's 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:18.760 very possible. Um, I think that many people end up 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:21.560 living that way, you know, where they are able to 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:24.240 find all the things that they need in a person. 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:27.720 But UM, I think that it's it's you shouldn't put 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:30.480 that pressure on anyone else. I agree. I agree. And 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:34.400 at one time, when um was in therapy, because there's 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:39.080 no shame in doing that act. Exactly when I was 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:43.920 in therapy, I was seeing someone and talking about my 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:49.160 relationship fabulous, talking about my relationship in the therapy session 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:52.800 and talking about how my partner, you know that just 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:55.600 what my disappointments were, and I'll never forget her saying 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:58.920 to me, like, you have to create a partner out 0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:01.120 of all of the people in your life, you know, 0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:05.200 like look to get certain comforts from your female friends, 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:08.440 get certain comforts from your platonic male friends, and get 0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:11.480 a certain comfort from your partner, and it really did 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:13.960 alleviate a lot of pressure that I was putting on 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:16.680 this one person to comfort in all of these ways, 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:20.040 you know. And so I feel like maybe for some 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:23.280 people it would be multiple lovers um or maybe just 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:26.880 taking the pressure off that one lover fulfilling them and 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:30.480 looking for a guidance from their girlfriends and there, you know, coworkers, 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:33.480 that kind of thing is it's a recipe for disaster. Really, 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:36.640 you know, if you're just you have all those expectations, 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:40.240 because of course another person can't make you happy, right, 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:43.280 It's just like that's got to come from here, and 0:16:43.320 --> 0:16:46.200 then you share that with someone. Sure, but I feel 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:48.160 like it's cool that you said, like, put some of 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:50.680 the pressure on your friends, like your girlfriend or whatever. 0:16:51.160 --> 0:17:02.440 I'm tired of everything girl by but I do. I 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:05.040 do feel like that's that's a nice thing to say, 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:07.040 other than being like, all right, just run to the 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:09.760 next person because I'm not gonna lie. I feel like 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:13.560 with I say I'm in a relationship, I want him 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:15.919 to be able to lean on me for certain things 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:18.159 instead of being like, well, let me go confide in 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:20.920 this girl that I met the other day, Like no, 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:23.920 nigga you better tell me anything you've got a problem with. 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:26.560 You don't care if it's your boss. If it's like 0:17:26.840 --> 0:17:29.840 I wouldn't want him to go to another woman and 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:33.360 lean on her. But what about his friends? That's okay, 0:17:33.480 --> 0:17:36.240 So he can't have female friends. I mean, not that 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:39.760 he's like confiding in like that, No, because then what 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:41.639 would am I he? What if it's like a coworker 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:44.600 and they're talking about up there works, that's different. What 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:47.240 about a childhood friend but they've known since you know, 0:17:47.280 --> 0:17:49.639 I have childhood friends like to talk about something like 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:52.040 work or something. But when it's seting close to the heart, 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:55.639 like if you're talking about family or so like just 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:57.399 stuff like that, I feel like you're not supposed to 0:17:57.520 --> 0:18:00.640 let everybody in your business like that. Like, if I'm 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:03.120 talking about something to do with my family, it might 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:05.639 only be one of the person or two people that know, 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:07.760 you know what I mean. I'm not gonna just go 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:10.240 confide in the person that I see at work every 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:13.040 day that I think it's his nice look, she said, 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:15.600 a childhood friend. No, no childhood friends. I mean if 0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:18.280 they've been friends from childhood and they ain't sucked this long. 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:21.680 But if they did, when they were younger, but it's 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:24.920 been twenty years. Since twenty years is a long time. 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:34.800 But at the same time, like you see his dick again, 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:40.200 happen here on it unless he got a new dick, 0:18:40.280 --> 0:18:42.720 if he replaced the dick that he put in her. 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:45.359 You know what, I really what I what I realized though, 0:18:45.400 --> 0:18:48.120 because I also feel like your partner is gonna need 0:18:48.240 --> 0:18:50.800 somebody to talk about you with because they got to 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:55.680 do that. But what I realized is if you're friends 0:18:55.680 --> 0:18:58.560 with someone who is married, their partner not knows all 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:01.840 your business. Just so yeah, I know that except that, 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:04.040 but that was a revelation for me, Like a couple 0:19:04.080 --> 0:19:06.800 of years ago. I was like, wait a minute, oh, girls, 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:10.680 husband knows my business. I could tell because when that 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:14.399 person I was talking about walked in the room, like 0:19:14.800 --> 0:19:19.679 I was like, you know what I mean, okay, right, 0:19:20.280 --> 0:19:27.000 like you need a drink, don't worry about it. There's 0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:31.560 like a difference between you know, being emotionally unfaithful and 0:19:31.880 --> 0:19:35.240 just having like really good friends, you know that where 0:19:35.280 --> 0:19:37.280 you need to work something out before you bring it 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:40.840 back home. You know what I mean? I look for that, 0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:43.800 like I want that kind of openness in a relationhip 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:46.040 I would want my boyfriend to have like a couple 0:19:46.080 --> 0:19:49.359 of female friends that he's cool with, because I wanted 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.080 like that. I'm cool with two and I don't have 0:19:52.080 --> 0:19:55.240 a problem with that. I'm working at, like, please say 0:19:55.320 --> 0:19:58.880 something that I just felt like a couple of female 0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:01.880 friends wanted head gonna end up on his last That's 0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:05.520 not true. I think of other and all his female friends. 0:20:05.600 --> 0:20:07.119 I'm one of them. How many of them did he 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:11.159 sucked up? Like not Angela, but other one? She was 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:14.400 the exception. Oh my gosh. I'm sure he has other 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:17.960 females around that he didn't suck But he has females 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:21.040 around that he did that he calls friends. But you 0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:23.159 know that. But okay, but that's a perfect example. Like 0:20:23.200 --> 0:20:25.240 you know that he would call me and talk about 0:20:25.280 --> 0:20:27.359 like stuff and you don't have a problem with that. 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:30.280 You will talk about me when I said stuff me. 0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:34.240 You know what? The reason I think, at least I'm 0:20:34.280 --> 0:20:36.399 saying this on paper, right, I don't know if this 0:20:36.480 --> 0:20:38.480 is real. I haven't really tried it out. But the 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:41.400 reason I think I like the idea of my partner 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:47.439 having a good female friend is because we are different 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:49.880 sometimes down the gender line, you know, and I feel 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:52.680 like I've learned a lot about men and how they 0:20:52.720 --> 0:20:55.639 walk through the world from my male friends, like checking 0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:58.520 in with them and saying, am I crazy for that's 0:20:58.680 --> 0:21:00.840 Y and Z and the like where you are? You know? 0:21:03.080 --> 0:21:05.280 You know what I mean? Like sometimes it does come 0:21:06.160 --> 0:21:09.400 about our tribes around gender and if there's a friend 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:11.840 of mine who can enlighten me in terms of yeah, 0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:13.960 you want to approach a person as an individual, but 0:21:14.440 --> 0:21:17.800 we are conditioned based on gender sometimes and my male 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:20.280 friends can be like, oh, girl, I don't know, he 0:21:20.400 --> 0:21:22.400 better have a sister. I know he got a mother. 0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:26.040 You don't have guy friends if you're talking to somebody 0:21:26.200 --> 0:21:30.199 like when my last real real relationship, most of my 0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:33.320 men friends with his friends. What I'm talking about your 0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:35.400 own friends? Yeah, I have my own friends, but they 0:21:35.480 --> 0:21:38.080 wasn't guys, and like, you don't think that's a problem. 0:21:38.440 --> 0:21:41.719 And my guy friends wasn't Like I wasn't like that 0:21:41.840 --> 0:21:44.520 at all, and he knew them, like it was different, 0:21:44.800 --> 0:21:47.760 Like they have relationships too, so that would be something, 0:21:47.960 --> 0:21:50.280 but not just like a guy like y'all said a 0:21:50.320 --> 0:21:53.320 guy that I had sex with many years about that 0:21:53.400 --> 0:21:56.200 now I'm just saying a friend, Yeah, definitely I mean, 0:21:56.280 --> 0:21:58.600 you're like somebody that I knew, but he would know them. 0:21:58.720 --> 0:22:00.399 Like I need to know if I'm dating guy that 0:22:00.440 --> 0:22:02.280 he can be friends with women without wanting to sun 0:22:02.400 --> 0:22:04.399 them and have a ton of relationship. Now, yeah, I 0:22:04.440 --> 0:22:07.280 think it's a problem if men don't have women friends. 0:22:07.280 --> 0:22:09.399 That means that anybody that they interact with us the 0:22:09.440 --> 0:22:12.000 woman and somebody they that's cool, but I don't want 0:22:12.040 --> 0:22:14.880 this woman to know all of my business business. But 0:22:15.000 --> 0:22:17.639 he's confronted, He's like, what should I get her for Christmas? 0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:21.159 That's different if we're talking about gifts for me. You 0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:26.280 can talk to anybody if um, you know there's an 0:22:26.280 --> 0:22:29.119