Speaker 1: Puts up you guys.
Speaker 2: This week's episode is kind of deep, a little bit,
Speaker 2: gets a little bit emotional, just giving you guys a
Speaker 2: warning before you know.
Speaker 3: We dive in.
Speaker 1: We are diving and there's a confession.
Speaker 2: Basically one of us has been keeping a secret and
Speaker 2: I didn't even know, well whatever one of us got
Speaker 2: back together with our ex I just wanted to give
Speaker 2: you guys a warning because.
Speaker 1: Shit gets real April folds fuck out of here.
Speaker 2: But what we did do is interview our exes. So yeah,
Speaker 2: jump in our time machine.
Speaker 1: And take a walk down memory lane.
Speaker 2: We find out who the fuck we were back then.
Speaker 2: And if you have any confessions that you want to confess,
Speaker 2: make sure you call our hotline that is eight one
Speaker 2: eight mom zero one five four. Don't be scared.
Speaker 1: You can remain anonymous if you stated on the on
Speaker 1: the voicemail, just like our exes.
Speaker 2: Just like our exes, call your Welcome back to Good
Speaker 2: Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila. Happy home day.
Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 2: How's everyone doing out there in our quarantine world?
Speaker 1: How is everybody doing? Honestly, I have been doing. I've
Speaker 1: been going in and out of doing fine. And also
Speaker 1: on the rigid depression. So it just, you know, just
Speaker 1: depends what you ask me. How about you same?
Speaker 2: You know, I go through days where I'm like, you
Speaker 2: know what, I'm so glad I'm home. I need to
Speaker 2: be home, connect with my kid because you know, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm always gone and shit. But and I'm like, I'm connected.
Speaker 2: I very i've connected or connected. She's part of me.
Speaker 2: I'm part of her in now space. But I mean,
Speaker 2: you know, I think it really helps that I don't
Speaker 2: watch the news because it helps, and like people send
Speaker 2: me shit, like you sent me something out yesterday. I
Speaker 2: didn't open it. I don't like it might be bad
Speaker 2: because I'm not in the know of everything that's happening.
Speaker 3: That's better.
Speaker 2: But then also I feel like, also I don't have
Speaker 2: a wave of hysteria, like of course it's weird. I
Speaker 2: went to the grocery store the other day and everyone
Speaker 2: had masks on, and it felt like I was in
Speaker 2: a weird movie. But in which that was like what
Speaker 2: freaked me out? I was like, is this my new normal?
Speaker 2: But I think also because and I don't want to
Speaker 2: be insensitive, I'm not being insensitive. I just it hasn't
Speaker 2: touched me. Yet you know, Corona, and so I knock
Speaker 2: on wood. So it just almost it's not that it
Speaker 2: doesn't seem real.
Speaker 1: It's just like.
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's just I'm being it's not personal.
Speaker 2: It's not personal, and I don't not I don't want to.
Speaker 2: I don't want there to be a yet I need
Speaker 2: to say that right now.
Speaker 1: But I've been praying lap just about like protecting my family,
Speaker 1: my people, my people's people, just because I know it
Speaker 1: is rapidly spreading and I know it's real, but again same,
Speaker 1: I don't know anybody personally affected by it. So I've
Speaker 1: just been trying to like keep my head clear and
Speaker 1: just pray for the people around me and for my
Speaker 1: family and my friends and myself and just to stay protected.
Speaker 2: And at this point, I just feel like that's all
Speaker 2: we can do.
Speaker 1: And also sometimes I go into these deep thoughts about
Speaker 1: how we need to get some anti viral herbs up
Speaker 1: our immune system, what herbs that we need to do
Speaker 1: that every day, and I just think this.
Speaker 3: Is the time.
Speaker 2: Well, I've just been I've been so much more mindful
Speaker 2: of my health me too. Yeah, Like I routine taking
Speaker 2: so many vitamins every day. I've been like working out.
Speaker 2: I've been just you know, been like I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm like nesting, like you know when they say you're
Speaker 2: like when you're like when you're pregnant. Like I've been
Speaker 2: like reorganizing shit in my house, like getting rid of shit.
Speaker 2: So I don't know. I mean, I feel like there's good,
Speaker 2: there's bad. Obviously, there's a lot of bad. A lot
Speaker 2: of people are have lost their lives and a lot
Speaker 2: of people are being affected. I just I don't really know.
Speaker 2: I don't I don't understand how this is gonna actually end.
Speaker 1: Well, that's what That's what I'm really scared of, as
Speaker 1: far as our economy goes, and just how this is
Speaker 1: actually gonna end, Like when we come up out of this,
Speaker 1: what is the state of the world. I don't think
Speaker 1: we're gonna I don't. I don't hate to say this,
Speaker 1: but I don't think the world is gonna be how
Speaker 1: we once knew it.
Speaker 2: I hope not, though, I mean, because I do feel
Speaker 2: like we're a society that, like things affect us for
Speaker 2: like a few days, and then we move on, Yeah,
Speaker 2: and then it's over and we're back to like our
Speaker 2: regular scheduled programming, And I really hope that that's not
Speaker 2: the case with this, Like I hope that people are
Speaker 2: more mindful. I hope that people are more cleanly. I
Speaker 2: hope that people are more connected and really realize that
Speaker 2: we are all in this together, in this life together,
Speaker 2: and then we all are connected. And it's also kind
Speaker 2: of scary too, like even in business, so I think
Speaker 2: about like my my company, and like thinking about other
Speaker 2: businesses that are been drastically affected by this, like the
Speaker 2: idea that okay, like we've you have to adapt to
Speaker 2: what's happening, and now like do we really Companies are
Speaker 2: gonna start thinking do I really need these employees?
Speaker 1: No, that's what's gonna happen.
Speaker 2: Good do I do? I can? I just do everything?
Speaker 2: AI They're gonna know what what?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 1: What positions are more or essential and not potential and
Speaker 1: then have the you know, the means to let them
Speaker 1: go because they've they've we've done it for three months
Speaker 1: or whatever the fuck this is gonna be. Honestly, I
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about it. Okay 's not okay, Honestly,
Speaker 1: I'm over it. Like we're in the house. We know why,
Speaker 1: Let's just be in the house. Let's just do what
Speaker 1: we could do in the house be the best people,
Speaker 1: which I'm realizing, like I'm just gonna have be the
Speaker 1: best person I could be in the house, and maybe
Speaker 1: when this ship is over, I'll be a better person overall,
Speaker 1: because it is hard for me to focus and remember
Speaker 1: to do shit. So now I don't have a choice
Speaker 1: stay on schedule. I gotta do shit. I gotta fucking
Speaker 1: monitor our kid teacher, blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: What I will say in this time of in the house,
Speaker 2: I've had a lot of self reflecting, and you know,
Speaker 2: over the obviously our podcast is generally self reflecting. We've
Speaker 2: done a few episodes about uh, you know, men are
Speaker 2: still hoes? Or turning a hoe into a can we be?
Speaker 2: Can you turn a hoe into a housewife? Or is
Speaker 2: our podcast running our love life? You know, a lot
Speaker 2: of reflecting on who we are as people that are
Speaker 2: in the dating world, like who we were with our
Speaker 2: baby daddies and who we were before then and Njamilave,
Speaker 2: we're talking about our exes and we came up with
Speaker 2: this great idea and so that's just that's what our
Speaker 2: episode is going to be about.
Speaker 1: Today.
Speaker 2: We decided that we wanted to interview our exes to
Speaker 2: kind of get perspective on what it is like to
Speaker 2: date us, I mean, what it was like to date us, because.
Speaker 1: Honestly, like these exes are from a long time there,
Speaker 1: from a.
Speaker 2: Long time ago, and it it'd be interesting to see
Speaker 2: like the growth and also.
Speaker 1: Who they thought their perception of us, And just honestly,
Speaker 1: you only get our perception of.
Speaker 2: Us from us.
Speaker 1: So here's not an opportunity for us not only to
Speaker 1: hear someone else's perception that we were once intimate with
Speaker 1: a long time ago, but also for you to get
Speaker 1: the perception of us from someone else, because all you
Speaker 1: get is from us.
Speaker 2: Wear the bomb and also like the type of people
Speaker 2: we dated then, yeah, and who we were then.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So what let's get started. I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: on YouTube. I feel like when the kids a watch YouTube.
Speaker 1: But like, hey, guys, let's get started.
Speaker 2: Well do you want to give So we're gonna call
Speaker 2: Jamila's ex first, So do you want to give a
Speaker 2: little backstory quickly? By the way, I'm really excited for
Speaker 2: Jamila's X because you know, I've, as you guys know,
Speaker 2: I've really gotten to know Jamila through the podcast or
Speaker 2: maybe you don't know.
Speaker 1: But me and.
Speaker 2: Jamila, like we're not close friends before we started this podcast,
Speaker 2: and now obviously we're best sties and you know, we're
Speaker 2: up each other's ass all day. But I only know
Speaker 2: Jamila to have dated men, you know, I only known
Speaker 2: her with I don't even really I didn't even really
Speaker 2: know her with her baby daddy was like the exit
Speaker 2: out and then the residual you know, bullshit that's you know,
Speaker 2: taken place over the last two years. But I don't
Speaker 2: know you as a lesbian, and so I am just
Speaker 2: really interested to know what that was, like who.
Speaker 1: She is, well, I mean, okay, most of my long
Speaker 1: term relationships, most of my relationships in general have been
Speaker 1: with women. I've only had two boyfriends, my baby daddy
Speaker 1: from high school, my high school sweetheart, and young Bay,
Speaker 1: which was like a long distance relationship I guess at
Speaker 1: this point a year ago or two years ago. So yeah,
Speaker 1: most of my relationships and like living with people, I
Speaker 1: mean like have been with women. And when I was
Speaker 1: living in Atlanta and college, I was a hardcorel lesbian
Speaker 1: for like a solid four or five years. So this
Speaker 1: is my very first girlfriend. She went to Spellman, I
Speaker 1: went to Clark. They're both in the you see in Atlanta.
Speaker 1: And I always knew I liked girls even when I
Speaker 1: was young, Like I had one girl that I grew
Speaker 1: up with and I liked and she was kind of
Speaker 1: like time boyish. So I like to date like studs
Speaker 1: almost the like pretty kind of soft stud studs if
Speaker 1: you don't know if that's like such a lesbian term.
Speaker 1: There's like a butch girl and a femme is a
Speaker 1: feminine girl that would be like me. And then there's
Speaker 1: a stem, which is like a stem, a stem it's
Speaker 1: like a stud, but like a soft stud, I know, yeah.
Speaker 1: And then there's an age, which is like you could
Speaker 1: be a feminine girl, but you're aggressive. So you're like,
Speaker 1: I may look feminine, but I'm the aggressor in the relationship.
Speaker 1: So anyway, this is my first girlfriend.
Speaker 4: What were you?
Speaker 2: I'm a fem Okay, not a stem and not a
Speaker 2: stem or of ag? A stem? What does AG stand for?
Speaker 1: Aggressive?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Like an aggressive aggressive girl?
Speaker 2: Yes, so I'm gonna.
Speaker 1: Call her right now because she has shit to do
Speaker 1: and we've been trying to do this.
Speaker 2: For a week and okay, but uh is she remaining anonymous?
Speaker 2: Her name or I don't.
Speaker 1: Think she cares, but I'll ask her when she gets
Speaker 1: on the phone. I don't know if I said it already,
Speaker 1: but she was my first girlfriend in college. I saw her,
Speaker 1: I was like, I like her, She's gonna be my girlfriend.
Speaker 2: And then she was, so, you're sure you're not an ag?
Speaker 2: I may be an age honestly. So here, let's give
Speaker 2: her a call and see her.
Speaker 1: I was going to give you a background on what happened,
Speaker 1: but let's just see where her what her perspective is
Speaker 1: before I blast myself.
Speaker 5: Wait, it's okay, this bitch bitter.
Speaker 1: Hi, it's me. It's me La.
Speaker 2: Are you ready?
Speaker 1: Are you ready to participate? Paid in the good Mom's
Speaker 1: bad Choices? Questions for the exis? I just made that up.
Speaker 3: Okay, don gotta sound good.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is Erica's gonna ask you some questions.
Speaker 1: She doesn't know my lesbian side, and she's very curious
Speaker 1: to explore our relationship from ten years ago? Rights longer?
Speaker 3: Did it? Was it longer than I? Oh? I guess
Speaker 3: it's like twelve years ago.
Speaker 1: Yes, it was tough ASO.
Speaker 2: I was like, I was like, actually eighteen dang, she's
Speaker 2: a baby.
Speaker 6: Baby exact baby, I had like turned twenty one. I
Speaker 6: turned twenty one, like I went to before, So.
Speaker 2: You're older than that.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah definitely.
Speaker 2: So tell me how you guys met the short version
Speaker 2: I was there.
Speaker 6: I was at the dorms, in her dorms because I
Speaker 6: stayed off campus and my homie lived in her dormitory
Speaker 6: and we was going to like the gay club that night.
Speaker 6: And I went to the computer lab and I was like,
Speaker 6: anybody wanted to go to gay club?
Speaker 3: And guess who was like me?
Speaker 1: That sounds about the same, And yeah, I.
Speaker 6: Was like one of it was a lot of people
Speaker 6: that had a car at that talked. Most of my
Speaker 6: I had transferred.
Speaker 1: From this is wait, wait guys, this is my smart
Speaker 1: girlfriend who's the scientist and she's a biology major and
Speaker 1: she went to Spellman, so yeah, this is this is
Speaker 1: my bragging rights girlfriend.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So yeah, so I pretty much was like the
Speaker 3: transportation clerk for everybody.
Speaker 6: She was the older the club, and uh, you.
Speaker 3: Know she was that was it?
Speaker 2: Did she fun on the first date?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 7: No?
Speaker 2: Oh wow surprising.
Speaker 1: I'm rather surprised myself.
Speaker 2: Did you know when you how long? When was it?
Speaker 2: When was it that you knew that you guys had
Speaker 2: some sort of like attraction tour to each other and
Speaker 2: that you know you you were actually going to start
Speaker 2: dating or did it just kind of happen.
Speaker 3: Dang?
Speaker 6: I mean I guess I just like assumed it was
Speaker 6: interested in when she wanted to go to the day club,
Speaker 6: and so that's really all.
Speaker 4: I'll go ahead.
Speaker 3: I don't need it. I didn't care she was like
Speaker 3: girls or not?
Speaker 2: Did she did she make the first move?
Speaker 3: I would say, I would say.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah she did.
Speaker 1: Okay, I had plotted on her.
Speaker 2: I knew that.
Speaker 1: I was like, she's gonna be my girlfriend. I don't
Speaker 1: know who that bitch is there? But there was another girl,
Speaker 1: no her, Chris, Did I say her name? Do you
Speaker 1: care if you say your name?
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know. I guess people. I don't know.
Speaker 3: It's fun with me.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well I said it, Chris. Oh yeah, I saw
Speaker 1: her and I was like, Oh, that's gonna be my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: She's cute. And so that day she she wandered her
Speaker 1: ass in the computer lab.
Speaker 2: When I was there, I was like bathing perfect. Basically
Speaker 2: I plotted on her. So tell me about your relationship, Like,
Speaker 2: did you guys you know what was what.
Speaker 3: Was? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like, what was like?
Speaker 2: So Jamila just ran us down like a list of
Speaker 2: like what the different like lesbian like I said to
Speaker 2: them like studs, stems, fems ags. I just yeah, what
Speaker 2: would you what would you say Jamila falls under?
Speaker 1: Okay, I told you that's what she said.
Speaker 2: I said, I think you're like AG.
Speaker 1: She said I was? She said, what about a G?
Speaker 1: I entertained that I was maybe an AG for some time?
Speaker 1: Really yeah, uh huh? Well what do you think you are?
Speaker 1: Are you?
Speaker 2: Are you?
Speaker 1: What do you consider yourself?
Speaker 3: I would probably say, I guess like in your in
Speaker 3: your spectrum? Are you think that you think like A
Speaker 3: or more more like and stuff? Or what is your spectrum? Oh?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I guess everyone has a different interpret soft.
Speaker 6: Stood, which is like I'm not like super masculine, so
Speaker 6: definitely not but which I guess it's the max the
Speaker 6: max like the most meskline be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's the most masculine?
Speaker 1: You could be stud but butch okay, so it's butch
Speaker 1: then stud then then soft stud.
Speaker 6: I don't like a soft study, so that's still no.
Speaker 3: I don't wearing girl clothes.
Speaker 2: Okay, so what is stem girl you don't wear cloth like.
Speaker 3: It stay okay with like be kind of versatile.
Speaker 2: Like you can wear boy clothes sometimes and sometimes I
Speaker 2: wear like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or they might wear like girl pants and like
Speaker 3: big shirt.
Speaker 2: So what do you wear?
Speaker 4: I wear?
Speaker 2: Okay? So what was the hardest thing about dating Jamila?
Speaker 3: How you guess you're just curious about like everything?
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 6: I think like curiously about like the lifestyle. And so
Speaker 6: it was like for me, I guess I was I
Speaker 6: was like wanting to be in like a dedicated, like
Speaker 6: relationship scenario. And I think that once she got into
Speaker 6: like like the lesbian lifestyle, she wanted to explore like everything.
Speaker 2: Like did she want to explore with you? Or she
Speaker 2: just wanted to kind of her you know people, did
Speaker 2: you mean a cheat on you?
Speaker 3: For sure? No?
Speaker 2: I didn't.
Speaker 1: Definitely No, I didn't.
Speaker 2: We broke up and then I cheated. That's not cheating.
Speaker 1: Broke up and then I met somebody else. I think, No,
Speaker 1: I don't think that's just shut up.
Speaker 2: So what happened? So what happened? Tell me when was
Speaker 2: the what happened? Exactly? What I mean? You're in your memory.
Speaker 3: Like completely psarchotic in college, I'm happy.
Speaker 1: You acknowledged that, but who was Like I can tell
Speaker 1: the truth, okay, if you can announce your TD.
Speaker 2: But you you were psychotic in college?
Speaker 6: Yeah, controlling, not like in patrolling in a bad way.
Speaker 6: But I just needed to know, like what she do?
Speaker 6: Like all the time, I was crazy, Like how long?
Speaker 2: How long did you guys date?
Speaker 3: It was like four months?
Speaker 2: It was like first semester September to December.
Speaker 3: It was so short. It was like so much happening
Speaker 3: in a small period of time. It was like so dramatic.
Speaker 1: It was very dramatic.
Speaker 2: Go ahead, wait, wait, I'm not done yet. Would you
Speaker 2: would you say that you loved Jamila for sure? Did
Speaker 2: she break your heart?
Speaker 3: Definitely?
Speaker 2: How did you break your heart?
Speaker 3: Guess?
Speaker 6: I thought that she felt the same way I did
Speaker 6: at the time, and when you know, things took a
Speaker 6: turn for the worst, like she really wasn't like trying
Speaker 6: to fight for a relationship, just like Okay, well.
Speaker 3: This is just another person that wants to feel me,
Speaker 3: so I'm just gonna be at them.
Speaker 2: Oh so she left you for someone else, basically that's
Speaker 2: how I feel. So then how did what did you
Speaker 2: how did your relationship? Like, did you guys maintain a
Speaker 2: really like, would you guys talk after that or when
Speaker 2: it was over?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're just doing the most.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: And when you said that is remembered all the most
Speaker 2: that we.
Speaker 1: Were actually doing what was the most?
Speaker 3: Did everything that people do in a relationship. That's my relationship.
Speaker 2: That called police.
Speaker 1: Actually that happened once.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, that No, that definitely happened. It happened when
Speaker 6: when I guess I thought we were still together, we wasn't.
Speaker 2: You thought we were still together, but we weren't together, right.
Speaker 3: I get. I know, I wasn't aware.
Speaker 2: I guess there was some great area there.
Speaker 6: Maybe I was broken up up with at the time
Speaker 6: because I thought we.
Speaker 2: Didn't do Would you say that Jamila's communication is like
Speaker 2: clear or unclear when it comes to relationships, because it
Speaker 2: sounds like you thought you guys were in a relationship
Speaker 2: and she didn't.
Speaker 6: I just think that she is going to do her
Speaker 6: own thing, Like I don't know if it was a
Speaker 6: communication thing.
Speaker 3: I think like it was so she just didn't want
Speaker 3: to tell.
Speaker 2: Was she the first girl you ever had sex with?
Speaker 1: No, she wasn't the first girl I've had sex with,
Speaker 1: But she was the first girl that I was like
Speaker 1: officially ever in a like was my girlfriend?
Speaker 2: And then so how did you tell your family? Like
Speaker 2: how did you guys introduce your families? Like how did
Speaker 2: that happen?
Speaker 1: Well, I'm always been always like a very unapologetic person,
Speaker 1: and maybe to my fault of mine.
Speaker 2: But I was.
Speaker 1: We were only together like four or five months, but
Speaker 1: she came home with me for Christmas.
Speaker 2: Break, like all three weeks. I was like, this is
Speaker 2: my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I'm a lesbian now and uh yeah, everybody, hey, what's up?
Speaker 1: She met she met my baby daddy, she met my
Speaker 1: baby daddy.
Speaker 2: My mom, my dad, My mom was like, no, my mom.
Speaker 1: My mom liked her because she was a biology major
Speaker 1: and so was my mom, and she went to Spelman.
Speaker 1: It was it was very odd because my second girlfriend,
Speaker 1: she was not feeling. She was like, why does she
Speaker 1: have to sleep in the room with you? I'm like,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? So Chris. Everybody liked Chris.
Speaker 1: She liked Bobby, like you know what, Like there was
Speaker 1: no steps. I didn't break my family and I had
Speaker 1: called them a couple of times to tell them now
Speaker 1: I'm a lesbian. And then I'm like, now we're coming home.
Speaker 1: And that was really much shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so yeah, wait, I wait home. It was Christmas
Speaker 3: and then like bye damn February broken up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was February and I I fucked up. I
Speaker 1: had somebody in my dorm room and Chris. I had
Speaker 1: met a girl at the club, and because I became
Speaker 1: obsessed at the gay club. She's right, and then and
Speaker 1: then I brought her to my dorm room because for
Speaker 1: some reason, I was under impression and we were broken up.
Speaker 8: She was not.
Speaker 1: And I locked in my door dorm room door, but
Speaker 1: we had like a joint bathroom between another room, and
Speaker 1: Chris here came through the other room through the bathroom, oh,
Speaker 1: and walked in on me and this other girl maked yep,
Speaker 1: and then what happened.
Speaker 3: It was what did you do?
Speaker 6: I basically sucked up the whole entire room, everything that
Speaker 6: was in there, tried to beat the girl up.
Speaker 3: It was it was a lot.
Speaker 1: She she threw a metal chair into my dorm mirror
Speaker 1: and it like broke, like I think.
Speaker 3: The actual the other mirror. She's like, got arrested. You
Speaker 3: got arrested my campus police.
Speaker 1: A campus police came, which is what what psycho lesbians
Speaker 1: are generally psycho but she broke I had the new
Speaker 1: Robin six CD I think she had given me.
Speaker 2: She broke it in the hat. Oh you remember that specifically?
Speaker 2: Was it Robin saying maybe phone? Oh you broke my phone?
Speaker 2: Oh wow, you.
Speaker 6: Were good at the had that was like part of
Speaker 6: the stipulations of me. I had to like buy you
Speaker 6: a new phone.
Speaker 1: Did you buy me a new phone?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because I remember I was a brazer. I
Speaker 1: remember those Motorola razors.
Speaker 6: And I grabbed it and I like slammed it on
Speaker 6: on the ground in your room and broke it into pieces.
Speaker 6: And like the stipulation for you, like not the charges
Speaker 6: was I had to buy you a new phone, and
Speaker 6: I had to go to like anger management on campus
Speaker 6: for like two months.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I didn't know this. I didn't go
Speaker 1: to management that way.
Speaker 3: And then it worked allow me and I couldn't go
Speaker 3: with your anymore.
Speaker 2: Oh oh my god.
Speaker 1: Were you sneaking in at one point?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're in the back to go here on my friends.
Speaker 1: I think I was helping you sneak in because I
Speaker 1: lived I lived by the exit, and I felt bad
Speaker 1: kind of well, yeah, you would like.
Speaker 6: Me sneaking like for but after that it wasn't really
Speaker 6: that cool. It for a back too, like a few months,
Speaker 6: I guess, still like the summer.
Speaker 2: We weren't cool for a while.
Speaker 1: But then this is let me just let you into
Speaker 1: my sneaky horrishness. We weren't cool for a while, and
Speaker 1: I say it, I started dating.
Speaker 2: Oh but you know, I started dating the other girl.
Speaker 1: And when the other girl started getting on my nerves
Speaker 1: because she did, I started calling Chris and I was staying.
Speaker 2: I had moved off a campus.
Speaker 1: It was the summer, and I moved in with the
Speaker 1: girl and her parents, and then I was getting tired
Speaker 1: of her and I would have Chris sneak and come
Speaker 1: get me while she was at work from the girl's
Speaker 1: mom's house. And even one time, oh my god, this
Speaker 1: is so bad. Even at one time me and Chris
Speaker 1: went on a getaway. We went with We went on
Speaker 1: a weekend vacation and I had my girlfriend who was.
Speaker 2: I cheated on her.
Speaker 1: Wait, the girlfriend she beat up in my dorm room
Speaker 1: dropped me off at a gas station. I told her
Speaker 1: I was going to stay at my cousin's house, who
Speaker 1: lived in Georgia, and then Chris picked me up from
Speaker 1: the gas station and then we went on like a
Speaker 1: weekend get away like at a cabin or something.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, So Chris, what would you say is
Speaker 2: Jamila's worst trade our worst trait?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 6: I think it's maybe like not knowing like when to
Speaker 6: turn like to turn it and turn it down, like
Speaker 6: turn turned.
Speaker 2: Down, turn turned down in what way? Like party or
Speaker 2: just like or just like sit down and be in
Speaker 2: a relationship like settle down.
Speaker 3: I mean, there's her point, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6: We used to go out and we'd be on club
Speaker 6: like together it like okay, maybe you were getting a
Speaker 6: little bud when you not when you out your friends
Speaker 6: without like yours.
Speaker 3: We'll be together and she'll be like humping on on
Speaker 3: all these people, and like I'm like, what like the
Speaker 3: person a person asking a relationship.
Speaker 6: I don't know if she like she knows how to
Speaker 6: turn off that like okay, now you're like with somebody
Speaker 6: so like a certain little my respect, you know what
Speaker 6: I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Okay, so she has a lack of respect.
Speaker 7: There we go.
Speaker 3: Let's just believe that.
Speaker 2: That was eighteen year old and me. But I don't know,
Speaker 2: this sounds a little similar I feel said, we're not
Speaker 2: in a relation. I think that's not me now, but
Speaker 2: I know her eighteen.
Speaker 3: Year old self obviously, you know, well, I.
Speaker 2: Would say the things that I've heard about Jamila and
Speaker 2: dating wise in the recent years that i've known her
Speaker 2: as that that people think that she's too friendly. Her
Speaker 2: her her men that she's dated, think that she's too friendly,
Speaker 2: which I think.
Speaker 3: That's that and that's pretty much yeah, that's exactly I could.
Speaker 3: I could say that as I can say that, that's
Speaker 3: so what a nice to put it?
Speaker 2: What's what's her best trait?
Speaker 3: You no?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 6: Because the thing about she's probably one of my only
Speaker 6: exists I can hit up. You cannot talk for the
Speaker 6: years and we'll come to the one day randomly and
Speaker 6: we could talk for hours about like the stupidest ship
Speaker 6: and still say the stupid jokes and we just last
Speaker 6: they will have about the best time. And so I
Speaker 6: feel like, you know, so if something about like her
Speaker 6: personality just makes me feel like comfortable regardless of whatever
Speaker 6: we've been through, like that's so old or whatever. But
Speaker 6: I enjoyed talking to her, and I think that like
Speaker 6: she should down the earth type of person.
Speaker 2: Would you say you guys are in sex in sync sexually, Like,
Speaker 2: did you guys have really great sex?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I always.
Speaker 6: Even all my friends like I will tell like they
Speaker 6: would we have like random conversations like what's the best
Speaker 6: like six.
Speaker 3: Person parton you've had? And they would answer for.
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know, so so jamila's the
Speaker 2: best sex you've ever had?
Speaker 3: Yes, I guess, I guess. I'll say. I mean, I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm one right now.
Speaker 1: But you said talking to someone right now. Basically, if
Speaker 1: that person here is not you, we're not talking about you.
Speaker 6: I'm sorry, but the person that I would say, yes,
Speaker 6: but before before that thing, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I get you got to say that's to be safe.
Speaker 1: I said, I get you gotta say that to be safe.
Speaker 1: It's cool and I'm just kidding.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Uh, would you say, what did you learn from the relationship?
Speaker 3: I think I learned how to like red flag, see
Speaker 3: red flag?
Speaker 2: You thought you learned how to see red flags?
Speaker 6: You know, like from the beginning, if I'm know that
Speaker 6: this person's personality might not necessarily mess with me being
Speaker 6: as psychotic as I am, I probably need someone that's
Speaker 6: more like the type of person that checks in or
Speaker 6: reassures me that I'm like the only person for them.
Speaker 6: That's the type of person I need, not a person
Speaker 6: that's extra friendly.
Speaker 1: Okay, we were you surprised to hear that I had
Speaker 1: a bit like having a baby, that I was a mom?
Speaker 1: Was that was that strange?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 3: I want a surprised to hear that you got pregnant.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, I was probably more I was.
Speaker 3: I didn't I thought it would be a great mom.
Speaker 6: I mean more, I mean I didn't ever like, I
Speaker 6: didn't ever think like you wouldn't be a good umber nothing.
Speaker 3: I thought it was a great mom. It's just I
Speaker 3: think you're I think you're a great person, just not
Speaker 3: enough to be in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Okay, does Jamila's because I always make fun of Jamila,
Speaker 2: right because she always says like she's a former lesbian,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, you can't be a former lesbian, Like
Speaker 2: you either are a lesbian or you're not. And I
Speaker 2: always wonder, like, do women who are actual lesbians who
Speaker 2: do not entertain men? Is that annoying for you? Like
Speaker 2: do you think her lack of like her like I'm
Speaker 2: a former lesbian? I'm bye, but I'm like, does that
Speaker 2: annoy you or was it surprising that she started dating
Speaker 2: a man.
Speaker 6: No, I'm not surprised at all. But I used to
Speaker 6: have to when we were together.
Speaker 3: I would talk to Bob young Boom.
Speaker 2: You would talk to Bob you don't say his name,
Speaker 2: you would talk you would, you would talk to her
Speaker 2: baby diving on the phone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were together, and.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, you really bring all of them in, don't you.
Speaker 1: I mean Bobby, Oh god, he would never go anywhere,
Speaker 1: he would never like. We've been friends for so long,
Speaker 1: and she understood that. And actually, in the beginning of
Speaker 1: our relationship, me and Chris, we were such hardcore lesbians,
Speaker 1: or at least I was becoming such a hardcore lesbian
Speaker 1: that she took me to like a lesbian meetup group
Speaker 1: at Spelman.
Speaker 2: What was it called? Do you remember Africa?
Speaker 3: They have like an Instagram page.
Speaker 1: They do Oh my god, attack me.
Speaker 2: So I would love to see what's going on in Afrikiti.
Speaker 1: I don't even know why the fucking lesbian group is
Speaker 1: called fucking Afrikiti.
Speaker 2: But when I first went there.
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I like, I like people, and
Speaker 1: all the lesbians are turning their noses up at me
Speaker 1: and saying like I was. I was like, lesbians don't
Speaker 1: like buy girls. And then I was like crowd and
Speaker 1: by I was like I like everybody, and they're like
Speaker 1: she wants her can eat it too.
Speaker 2: So Chris, she always knew what what like who I was.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like I was in denial, even though at
Speaker 1: one point I was like I don't need boy, I
Speaker 1: don't need guys anymore. I'm good.
Speaker 6: How for a minute, did you yeah, we have sex
Speaker 6: with the strap on?
Speaker 3: Right? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah you might.
Speaker 2: You're the first girl who I've ever had sex with
Speaker 2: the shtrap on?
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 7: Ye?
Speaker 2: Did you guys have three things? No?
Speaker 1: No, no, you sound like you sound like Chris.
Speaker 2: You don't sound like you built for three. She's not.
Speaker 2: I'm happy you observed so quickly.
Speaker 1: She is not learn you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: I already picked you up, but I got you that.
Speaker 2: I'm crazy. You know I'm a little bit like you. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't like to share a lot?
Speaker 3: What uh?
Speaker 2: Okay? So two more questions. Okay, how would you describe Jamila?
Speaker 6: I would say that she's like loving, fun, like charismatic.
Speaker 3: It's like a happy, sneaky person.
Speaker 2: Thank you A happy, sneaky person. Put that on your LinkedIn.
Speaker 2: I'm definitely going to And would you ever date Jamila again?
Speaker 6: You know, we had this conversation almost all the time,
Speaker 6: like when we have our annual conversation or once a
Speaker 6: year talk, we talk about it. If she tells me,
Speaker 6: you know what I'm saying, it's like, you know, like
Speaker 6: you're get married, and you know, like it's always a
Speaker 6: thought in my mind. But you know, I feel like
Speaker 6: it would just be because we would.
Speaker 3: Have so much fun, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6: I don't know if it would be like something week
Speaker 6: that could possibly be like serious.
Speaker 1: We've never uh we uh, I'm gonna We've always had
Speaker 1: a lot of fun together.
Speaker 2: We always have fun. Yeah, so it's safe to say
Speaker 2: that you don't regret the relationship now.
Speaker 3: I think I learned a lot.
Speaker 6: And I think it was like the relationship moved so
Speaker 6: fast because that fore much like seemed like myself because
Speaker 6: I feel like we was talking about get married and.
Speaker 2: Were we talking about getting married?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was like yeah, you know, what the hell
Speaker 3: is gonna do anyway? Like when we get married? And
Speaker 3: so but I think that I learned a lot.
Speaker 6: Just I think like a lot that helped me, even
Speaker 6: though I obviously made way more mistakes going down the line,
Speaker 6: but I learned different things about like myself and like
Speaker 6: how serious I feel like I you know, I probably
Speaker 6: needed to tone down, you know, how crazy I was,
Speaker 6: which I have.
Speaker 1: Actually, Oh that's really good to know. I'm actually way
Speaker 1: less sneaky and more communicative these days. Oh, that's so good.
Speaker 1: Just in case you're wonder Okay, just the case marriage
Speaker 1: was still on the table.
Speaker 3: Got you? Got you all right?
Speaker 2: Well, I think I think that's did I miss anything?
Speaker 1: I think that's it.
Speaker 2: I think that I feel like I got a true
Speaker 2: understanding of nineteen year old lesbian Jami.
Speaker 1: Thank you Chris for coming through for me today. I
Speaker 1: really appreciate you participating.
Speaker 2: Of course, you have fun today, be safe, wear your
Speaker 2: mask and I can't keep us updated on Corona. Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 2: our our resident scientists.
Speaker 1: This is also a resident scientist. When we have your
Speaker 1: any science questions, we asked, Chris.
Speaker 3: Did you have any questions? Hit me up. I gotta
Speaker 3: answer for everything, all right.
Speaker 2: But bye, I love you all right?
Speaker 4: Bye.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm like.
Speaker 1: A sweating I don't even know why.
Speaker 2: I can tell you're moving around like a crackhead, swaying
Speaker 2: back in the what are you gonna say?
Speaker 1: What is this bitch you gonna say? And that was
Speaker 1: actually the better one?
Speaker 3: Great?
Speaker 2: Oh you left? Oh you left? You let the better
Speaker 2: one answer, I'm trying to get the dirt. I'm trying
Speaker 2: to get the TT. Why can't we get the t T?
Speaker 1: I mean, we're gonna call that one too, okay, but uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: that was my very first lesbian girlfriend.
Speaker 2: It was very serious.
Speaker 7: Then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you feel like you got a better glimpse at.
Speaker 1: My lesbian life?
Speaker 2: Yeah, a little bit. I mean, I guess i'd have
Speaker 2: to be there. Yeah, I think that some of the
Speaker 2: things she said I feel like I've heard before. And
Speaker 2: you're in like in talking with you about you know,
Speaker 2: what your most recent, you know, dating situations have been,
Speaker 2: which is that you know, oftentimes people think that you
Speaker 2: are too friendly or that you know, you know, she
Speaker 2: seems like the type of person that wants a committed relationship,
Speaker 2: and I think it probably at that time you didn't
Speaker 2: know how to express what you You probably didn't even
Speaker 2: know what you needed or what you want. Because even
Speaker 2: now you still when you say your ideal man would
Speaker 2: be or partner would be someone who is like encouraging
Speaker 2: you to go and hang out with other people, watching
Speaker 2: you dance with people taking your nude photos. I can't
Speaker 2: take anyone who's really possessive. It's not gonna like me.
Speaker 2: So she was possessive again. She was actually crazy.
Speaker 1: I'm happily she acknowledged that because she's like a stud
Speaker 1: or whatever. But she's super emotional, super emotional, crying a lot.
Speaker 1: At one point, she was crying under my bed because
Speaker 1: she missed her mom, and I was like, you gotta
Speaker 1: call her, just callar.
Speaker 2: And no, I couldn't. I didn't understand. I couldn't deal
Speaker 2: with that.
Speaker 1: I'm not good at dealing with a lot of people's emotions.
Speaker 1: I have my own, and so just like you don't
Speaker 1: seem rational right now, like you gotta go. But just
Speaker 1: I was very heartless and sometimes I still kind of
Speaker 1: can be. And it's just like I feel like you
Speaker 1: should calm down, and like that's not something I would do,
Speaker 1: So what the fuck. I'm much more sensitive as a
Speaker 1: human being now, So yeah, I'm I've grown, I think
Speaker 1: a little. I probably could evolve in more places, but
Speaker 1: for the most part, kind of I feel like she
Speaker 1: contributed to that.
Speaker 2: Got it?
Speaker 1: Okay, So are you ready to call yours Erica?
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 2: Well when you give us a little intro on this one,
Speaker 2: yeah sure, Okay. So my ex is the ex I
Speaker 2: had before my baby daddy. We dated for three years
Speaker 2: and yeah, from the time I was eighteen to twenty one.
Speaker 2: Who was my first real I would say, like the
Speaker 2: first real boyfriend I had, Like I had boyfriends in
Speaker 2: high school, but I mean like mature boyfriend, like we
Speaker 2: had lived on our own, like we could do whatever
Speaker 2: the fuck we wanted when we wanted. Was your mom
Speaker 2: like him initially? Okay, she encouraged the relationship.
Speaker 1: Okay, so.
Speaker 2: Let's give him a and just a little backstory, like
Speaker 2: I have not talked to him and probably eight years
Speaker 2: we broke like we broke up, and then like I
Speaker 2: did not speak to him for years, like I would
Speaker 2: never I was always shocked that I never ran into
Speaker 2: him because we kind of ran in the same crowd.
Speaker 2: He's in the entertainment industry and some capacity are you Okay.
Speaker 1: My armpits are sweating.
Speaker 2: And so we ended. I'll let him tell you the
Speaker 2: story whatever, but.
Speaker 1: So you won't be moving around like a crackhead. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give you something to do.
Speaker 2: Okay, I uh, we didn't talk, and we recently, like
Speaker 2: very recently, had a conversation, like I'm talking about like
Speaker 2: two weeks ago.
Speaker 1: And this is why this this episode even came up.
Speaker 1: I think we had disgusted And then she's like, he
Speaker 1: randomly called me and we facetimed, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: and then we.
Speaker 2: This birth this idea of calling our exes. Yeah, like
Speaker 2: so unlike Jamila, like who's had contact with her ex
Speaker 2: over the years, Like I've had zero none. So yeah,
Speaker 2: let's give him a call.
Speaker 1: What's his name again, I'm not saying his name.
Speaker 2: I think it's fine. Okay, his name is Matt.
Speaker 1: Okay, hopefully the answers.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm.
Speaker 1: Nervous to I know. I told you this one talking
Speaker 1: about you is strange. Hey, hey, hey, Matt, how are you.
Speaker 2: Good?
Speaker 4: Good?
Speaker 1: So we are recording now, Hey, hi, hello, and I'm
Speaker 1: going to ask you a couple of questions about Erica
Speaker 1: and your relationship ten years ago.
Speaker 2: Is how did you and Erica meet?
Speaker 7: Oh my goodness, but I might get in trouble for
Speaker 7: this because I don't know if we were supposed to
Speaker 7: be paid Erica.
Speaker 2: Oh no, it was. Yeah, it was like a great
Speaker 2: love affair. How'd you meet now?
Speaker 7: I used to I used to work. I used to
Speaker 7: work at a record label and she was actually my intern.
Speaker 2: So oh no, oh my god, it's been.
Speaker 7: It's been within years. So you know, I don't think
Speaker 7: I can.
Speaker 4: Get in trouble with this.
Speaker 1: I think I think we're out of the scope of
Speaker 1: the time period of that. How what's your age difference?
Speaker 7: Oh, four years? Four years since she was nineteen, I
Speaker 7: was twenty three.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I mean that sounds about it.
Speaker 1: It was a little GARRONI Garni. So, because this is
Speaker 1: like a forbidden relationship, who made the first move? Who
Speaker 1: was the one initiating such relations.
Speaker 7: It was totally me. It was obviously me, okay, trying
Speaker 7: to figure out somebody. I think there was people who say, like, hey,
Speaker 7: you guys should date, But I definitely have my owner
Speaker 7: and I'm sure I made the first move. I don't
Speaker 7: remember that in exactly when it was.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, we do. We know when it was. We
Speaker 2: were on set. We were we were I was, I
Speaker 2: was your intern, and we were shooting a music video.
Speaker 4: And oh that day okay that day.
Speaker 7: Because I also I thought we had already did some
Speaker 7: flirting or something.
Speaker 2: But yeah, okay, yeah, I think we had flirted. I
Speaker 2: thought he was like he was like a few years
Speaker 2: older than me. He had a good night like a
Speaker 2: he had like a zone office, like he had a
Speaker 2: real job. You know, I was impressed and ship. You know,
Speaker 2: I was still like living at home. I gotta say
Speaker 2: this point, we're still living with your mom? Yes, so okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: it was my first car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you moved from your mom's house in with him.
Speaker 2: I never lived with him.
Speaker 1: Oh, you guys never lived but you guys did live together.
Speaker 2: No, we never lived together.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, I thought you did live together, not with him.
Speaker 2: But but basically might as well.
Speaker 1: This classy internship provided you your apartment and then you're
Speaker 1: like grown.
Speaker 2: No, this internship was an internship. I didn't get paid. Okay, okay,
Speaker 2: we'll go on.
Speaker 1: Sorry, Okay, anyway, what would you say was how would
Speaker 1: you describe Erica in general?
Speaker 7: Let me see, I mean, the first imperson I had
Speaker 7: of her was obviously sheems super smart, she was creative
Speaker 7: because basically what she did for me when she interned
Speaker 7: was she she used to review treatments. So basically like
Speaker 7: music video treatments would come in that I would have
Speaker 7: to read. I would have Erica kind of like go
Speaker 7: through them and just almost as if she was doing
Speaker 7: like script coverage, like give me, give me the gist
Speaker 7: of what this seems about. Right, So I immediately she
Speaker 7: was super creative just the way she explained things. But
Speaker 7: fast forward to our relationship, So I think Erica is
Speaker 7: one of the most she's one of the most is people.
Speaker 7: I know, Like she's super free. She actually like opened
Speaker 7: me up to so much stuff to and I think
Speaker 7: she's very open minded, you know, like she's super wild
Speaker 7: in my van, you know, super.
Speaker 4: Wildly totally wild.
Speaker 7: I think, look, I was coming from the Midwest, I'm
Speaker 7: I'm a country boy, and to start dating the California girl,
Speaker 7: it was like it was like night and day. So
Speaker 7: like the first thing I thought was like, Okay, she's super.
Speaker 4: Free and she's you know, open minded and.
Speaker 7: Kind of wild. Absolutely, but I don't know, I think.
Speaker 1: Keep talking, but wild in a good way, a wild
Speaker 1: and a bad way did this and and.
Speaker 7: Okay, super like super adventurous, yeah, super adventurous, like she
Speaker 7: would put me on this stuff like, hey, let's do this,
Speaker 7: let's do let's do that stuff I would never do.
Speaker 1: So what do you think?
Speaker 2: What would you think?
Speaker 1: You walked away learning from this real hurt your relationship
Speaker 1: with Erica. With that being said, just how.
Speaker 7: To be how to be free, how to be free,
Speaker 7: how to be open minded, and just not take myself
Speaker 7: too seriously. Right, that was the biggest thing that I
Speaker 7: took away, especially in my my relationships since my past
Speaker 7: relationships after her. Yeah, it was like it was it.
Speaker 7: It was a good look.
Speaker 4: It was a good look.
Speaker 1: What was the best thing about Erica in the relationship
Speaker 1: outside of that?
Speaker 7: She was super uh caring, like it's super thoughtful, and
Speaker 7: she always liked to say, I I was never.
Speaker 4: Romantic, and I agree toil the day I'm not romantic.
Speaker 2: At home, nothing exchanged, and so.
Speaker 7: Erica would do little things like you know, bring me
Speaker 7: home something without asking or like you know, she was
Speaker 7: very like just giving me gifts and just little small
Speaker 7: things like it's so many things, but okay, for example,
Speaker 7: like I look through my.
Speaker 4: Clops the other.
Speaker 7: Day and I remember seeing a board game that Erica bought.
Speaker 7: I think it was like for Valentine's Day. But she
Speaker 7: had botic really cool board game. And I was like, yo,
Speaker 7: that was cool. It could be that young and that thoughtful.
Speaker 2: Wait what kind of was this? The sex board game
Speaker 2: sounds about right, and.
Speaker 7: And I'm and I'm being dramatic with that, but it
Speaker 7: was just it was just.
Speaker 4: A little things like that, you know.
Speaker 2: But you know what, you did nice things for me too.
Speaker 2: I remember you got me. He remember I told you
Speaker 2: that my DJ name was dj E Love And I'm
Speaker 2: telling that I think he did. He got me like
Speaker 2: lessons to be a d I think you did, like
Speaker 2: the Scratch Academy. I think I remember something about the
Speaker 2: Scratch Academy. I he was like trying to, you know,
Speaker 2: encourage my artistic endeavors.
Speaker 1: That's wonderful. That was very nice of you. Would you
Speaker 1: would you say, as are sexually in sync? I think
Speaker 1: at one.
Speaker 4: Point for sure? And absolutely.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, just at one point. At one point or
Speaker 2: what point was that?
Speaker 3: I think?
Speaker 4: I think.
Speaker 7: I think, honestly, the relationships are declining. I think the
Speaker 7: two people aren't thinking anymore. So I would say I
Speaker 7: hate to put a number on that. I won't say
Speaker 7: eighty five percent of the relationship with sink because I mean,
Speaker 7: we we spent like every hour together, like we would,
Speaker 7: we would go everywhere together. We would to the point
Speaker 7: where it was like that became the problem. It was
Speaker 7: like we were two up underneath each other all the time.
Speaker 2: So, so what were the problems in the relationship?
Speaker 1: What was what was the like what was a dream
Speaker 1: something drama or like why did it end? What was
Speaker 1: not good about Erica in the relationship?
Speaker 7: Well, I mean I won't say it not good, but
Speaker 7: I would say I think something that at the time
Speaker 7: I was insecure about was her freedom and how open
Speaker 7: minded she was, you know, And I think at times
Speaker 7: I will get jealous and deed controlling because she had friends,
Speaker 7: you know what I mean, She had a bunch of
Speaker 7: she's from she's from her life.
Speaker 4: She had friends, she had a life.
Speaker 7: I mean I had a life too, but she's a home,
Speaker 7: homegrown girl. So I would just be insecure about like, oh,
Speaker 7: she's going out, she's doing this, I would say. And
Speaker 7: it was basically my insecurities, I think what went wrong,
Speaker 7: But it was it was her her just like care free, smart,
Speaker 7: like care free like attitude about everything.
Speaker 2: And basically Matt thought I was always cheating on him,
Speaker 2: and Matt always thought I was cheating on him. I
Speaker 2: had a lot of male friends. Were you cheating on him?
Speaker 2: Did you cheat on him? I flirted heavily. What who
Speaker 2: did I chow? Anyway, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: He's just assuming from ten. Well, let me let me
Speaker 2: just give you some perspective, because when I met Matt,
Speaker 2: I was in a whole relationship. Okay, like when I
Speaker 2: started interning for him, I was with this guy that
Speaker 2: I was in a long distance relationship with this guy
Speaker 2: in New York, and then that nigga was trash and
Speaker 2: Matt was like this, like like creative, Like I called
Speaker 2: him like nerdy the other day. He's like, you think
Speaker 2: I'm a nerd. I'm like no, I mean just more so,
Speaker 2: like he's really into his craft, Like Matt is a
Speaker 2: director and like you know, at the time he wore
Speaker 2: glasses glasses again, like he was just like, I mean,
Speaker 2: he's and he's very good looking. And I I think
Speaker 2: when I got out of so basically I broke up
Speaker 2: with that guy because he was cheating on me. And
Speaker 2: then also I was already into Matt, so it was
Speaker 2: like an easy like bye, and then I immediately started
Speaker 2: dating Matt and so I think because of that, there
Speaker 2: was already a distrust because I could just jump from
Speaker 2: one relationship to the next, Like I literally just jumped
Speaker 2: from one to the next into it with him. And
Speaker 2: so when we would argue, that would come up. Sometimes.
Speaker 2: You know, I had like male friends like Carlton and
Speaker 2: like JT that Matt did not fuck with. And I'll
Speaker 2: never forget this moment. Matt, I'm about to put you
Speaker 2: on blast. I'm sorry, but Matt made me call Carlton.
Speaker 1: Made me call him on speakerphone.
Speaker 2: And yes, and tell him that we could no longer
Speaker 2: be friends. Oh my god. And if you know Carlton.
Speaker 1: He was like, what if you.
Speaker 2: Know Carlton, Because Carlston's still one of my best friends.
Speaker 2: Me and Carlton have never had a sexual relationship at all,
Speaker 2: Like he is not I love that man so much,
Speaker 2: but he's not for me in that way. But Matt
Speaker 2: wasn't fucking with that. He didn't give a fuck. And
Speaker 2: so I'll never forget I had to call Carlton and
Speaker 2: be like and I just remember crying. I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I just can't be.
Speaker 7: Oh, yeah, I'm sorry for that. I mean, and that
Speaker 7: and that goes back to what I was saying is
Speaker 7: like I was just so insecure time because I mean,
Speaker 7: Erica was my first adult relationship, so I didn't know
Speaker 7: how to you know, I didn't know what I was doing,
Speaker 7: you know, but.
Speaker 4: Yeah, go ahead, it comes on.
Speaker 1: What would you say is Erica's worst trait, her worst
Speaker 1: one trait, her worst treat trade?
Speaker 7: Honestly, I'm I'm I have no I couldn't tell you.
Speaker 7: I don't I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't think she has a worst treat.
Speaker 7: I think collectively there's things that you might not, you know,
Speaker 7: I like about somebody, like what I was saying earlier
Speaker 7: about Oh, I just she was like sometimes too free,
Speaker 7: you know, and I think, yeah, I guess that sometimes
Speaker 7: it's free exactly, that's.
Speaker 1: What it is.
Speaker 7: I don't know if she's like that anymore.
Speaker 2: So like when you say two free, like too friendly,
Speaker 2: like too too many male friends, Yeah.
Speaker 4: I mean too olden minded even.
Speaker 1: Just like too open minded.
Speaker 7: I mean to me, I think you would explore at
Speaker 7: the time you explored it, like you would do anything.
Speaker 4: I'm sure like you would do.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know what's anything just very
Speaker 2: say what what's anything with crack.
Speaker 7: I'm just saying, like as far as like drugs, alcohol.
Speaker 1: Drugs, alcohol, you know, you'll do anything, Okay, Okay, So
Speaker 1: she's she's.
Speaker 7: I mean at the time, at the time, she was
Speaker 7: very experimental, which that's part of what I loved about
Speaker 7: her too, Like for to day, like if I think
Speaker 7: it's very addicted, I'm like super experimental, Like is that
Speaker 7: she's dope for that? She inspired me to like just
Speaker 7: break out of my shoel.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 7: Once she told me, she was like, she's like, you
Speaker 7: know what, I think we were arguing. She's like, you
Speaker 7: know what I opened, I opened you.
Speaker 4: Up like a little clam, like you're just so uptight
Speaker 4: you like.
Speaker 7: To fill up tight and close up.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, damn.
Speaker 2: And she was hit her.
Speaker 1: It hurt.
Speaker 2: Did you What did your parents or your family think
Speaker 2: about Erica?
Speaker 7: My mom? She was my mom and my sister.
Speaker 4: They loved Dereka way.
Speaker 2: Your sister did not like.
Speaker 4: Me before, I mean, before we started.
Speaker 2: Your sister threatened to kill me. I was scared of
Speaker 2: your sister for months. I thought she was gonna come
Speaker 2: for me from the Midwest. Yes, bitch, I thought his
Speaker 2: sister was going to track me down and like, beat
Speaker 2: my you're older or younger, sister older, she's older, she's
Speaker 2: super rat.
Speaker 7: But now my mom, my mom loved love Eric. I
Speaker 7: mean even until, like I think a year after we
Speaker 7: broke my mom was still acting, Hey, did you talk
Speaker 7: to Erica? You know y'all did get back together. I'm like,
Speaker 7: I haven't spoken nurses broke up, so originally she stopped asking,
Speaker 7: But yeah, mom, Mom.
Speaker 4: Definitely love.
Speaker 2: Would you say that.
Speaker 4: My dad right here?
Speaker 2: No, I never met your dad.
Speaker 1: Would you say that Erica is equally like or not
Speaker 1: equally or is possessive too and like a little jealous
Speaker 1: and crazy and possessive with her scorpio news?
Speaker 7: None, that never came across. It's crazy. When we were
Speaker 7: talking the other day, she was saying, she's she's more
Speaker 7: like that now or her past relations.
Speaker 4: She was like that, she was not like that, you know,
Speaker 4: so I can't say at all.
Speaker 7: That she was possessively.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: Were you guys sexually in sync?
Speaker 7: Absolutely?
Speaker 4: You know, obviously have man you know totally Matt.
Speaker 2: Matt was the first person to ever make me squirt.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, well that's impressive.
Speaker 3: Matt.
Speaker 1: Are you the are you the guy? Are you the
Speaker 1: go to guy for that?
Speaker 2: Are you the squirting guy? Like, if you've never squired,
Speaker 2: go to math? He will open you up like a clam.
Speaker 1: Is that how you open pitches up like a clam?
Speaker 3: Huh?
Speaker 2: I guess, I guess I have Have you met anyone
Speaker 2: squirt since?
Speaker 3: Then? Have you?
Speaker 7: Have you met?
Speaker 2: So you are the guy?
Speaker 4: I think? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure it out myself. But now I'm
Speaker 1: thinking maybe it's the mends that need. We need to
Speaker 1: figure it out who it is. I feel like you
Speaker 1: could make some money off of this. I will make
Speaker 1: you square.
Speaker 3: Was she was?
Speaker 2: She the best sex of your life?
Speaker 4: Uh? You know what. I'm recently out of a relationship.
Speaker 1: So I could say, yes, oh okay, you really.
Speaker 4: I'll tell you.
Speaker 7: You know something that fucked me up one time? Was
Speaker 7: And it's just how I always know how to cage
Speaker 7: with the relationship. Was pretty much like on into an athlete.
Speaker 7: I think the last two months of Eric and.
Speaker 4: I being together, we didn't have sex.
Speaker 7: And she said something one time like when we I mean,
Speaker 7: I think we were pretty much days from breaking up.
Speaker 7: She was like, I don't even want to have sex
Speaker 7: with anymore, right, I'm.
Speaker 4: Like, damn.
Speaker 7: And that always struck me because in differently, you know,
Speaker 7: when I went into relationship after that, or the relationship
Speaker 7: ended with me, that was a common thing. It was like, yo,
Speaker 7: but the woman don't even want to fucking nomore because
Speaker 7: she's just not inter and that It's so true. But
Speaker 7: I remember that was a that was towards like the
Speaker 7: last two months to Eric. But other than that, it
Speaker 7: was great.
Speaker 2: I will say me and Matt had a very strong
Speaker 2: sexual relationship, like almost to the point that I think
Speaker 2: a lot of the like holding on to some of
Speaker 2: the relationship was based in sex, you know, like we
Speaker 2: you know, I don't. Me and him were the in
Speaker 2: the type of relationship where like we could spend twenty
Speaker 2: days together not leave a room and it feel like
Speaker 2: five maybe five days have passed and like and that
Speaker 2: was very unhealthy because I got nothing done. And then
Speaker 2: we just were so up under each other that when
Speaker 2: we were apart from each other, I think maybe like
Speaker 2: we didn't know how to be, you know, it was
Speaker 2: like either it was all or nothing. And I think
Speaker 2: that I am q I am still quite like that,
Speaker 2: which is why I need to not be in a
Speaker 2: relationship because I don't really know how to have boundaries
Speaker 2: in that way still, But that was the first relationship
Speaker 2: that I was ever in that was like it was
Speaker 2: very intense emotionally and sexually. Why why what was like
Speaker 2: the last straw? Why did the relationship end after three
Speaker 2: four eight three years? After three years? What was the
Speaker 2: like final uh huh, Matt.
Speaker 7: I don't know. I don't know if I remember exactly what,
Speaker 7: but it probably had something to do with me trying
Speaker 7: to be controlled, you know, and she was just like, man,
Speaker 7: fuck you. I mean she she did it so effortlessly,
Speaker 7: you know, Like it wasn't like I think if we
Speaker 7: broke up some times, but it was nothing we ever
Speaker 7: broke up.
Speaker 4: More than like what we could two.
Speaker 7: And it was always tough for her to like communicate
Speaker 7: that to me and me and vice versa. But the
Speaker 7: last time she did it, it was just like I
Speaker 7: knew she had made up her mind.
Speaker 4: She's like, I'm done, you know. But I remember exactly
Speaker 4: what the action situation on that.
Speaker 2: I don't do you remember I remember where I was
Speaker 2: when it happened. I was at the park with Shaka,
Speaker 2: and I was like sitting there at the park, and
Speaker 2: I was like, I just can't, we can't do this
Speaker 2: anymore because we were literally we had the most epic fights,
Speaker 2: Like I've never fought with someone the way I thought
Speaker 2: with Matt. Like I'm talking about like like five hour fights,
Speaker 2: Like we had to take naps in between to like
Speaker 2: continue the fight. I don't know how we could have
Speaker 2: argued that long, like lock like lock each other in
Speaker 2: rooms like it got it got physical at times, it
Speaker 2: got really intense.
Speaker 1: Didn't you break something of his? You told me like
Speaker 1: something important? Oh?
Speaker 3: I threw some.
Speaker 2: I threw just I threw some like he's a director,
Speaker 2: oh oh oh yeah, some film and filmed this project.
Speaker 2: And he had the tapes at my house and I
Speaker 2: got mad and I threw them and he wreaked out.
Speaker 4: She told Flipped, I think that broke the bathroom, right,
Speaker 4: you broke you.
Speaker 2: Broke a few things in my house. You broke the
Speaker 2: bathroom door, you broke my purse. There was definitely a
Speaker 2: lot of things that were broken. Matt's anger. He's a virgo.
Speaker 2: So it was the girl we just got off the phone.
Speaker 1: Really mm hmmm. So that's a lot, you know, and
Speaker 1: he likes.
Speaker 2: The things that he likes a certain way, and I
Speaker 2: don't know there were Oh my god, there's this story
Speaker 2: that I shared on the podcast that actually is about Matt,
Speaker 2: but it's.
Speaker 1: He I don't Oh god, no, let's just leave that there. Wait.
Speaker 2: No, I want him to know. I wanted to know
Speaker 2: the story because Matt, do you remember when we went
Speaker 2: to the like we were not together, we'd broken up
Speaker 2: in the summer, and we went to a ditty party. Like,
Speaker 2: I went to a ditty party and I saw you there.
Speaker 2: It was a white party. It was a white ditty party.
Speaker 4: Oh right, right, you were with your girl.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I saw him there, and I was like, oh fuck,
Speaker 2: oh my god. Like I hadn't seen him, you know,
Speaker 2: maybe in like a month or two. I saw him
Speaker 2: there and like we didn't even talk.
Speaker 3: Did we talk? No?
Speaker 2: No, no, we didn't talk.
Speaker 9: Right.
Speaker 2: I go back home and at the time, like I
Speaker 2: was kind of messing around with this other guy who
Speaker 2: had come over, Matt showed up at my door, knocking
Speaker 2: on my door. You didn't call first, No, he just
Speaker 2: showed up at like four am, five am, and I
Speaker 2: had the guy in my bed, and I felt I
Speaker 2: still loved Matt, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Speaker 2: And also I just felt guilty. And also I was
Speaker 2: scared because I didn't know how Matt was gonna react,
Speaker 2: because the Matt is reactive, and so the niggad jumped
Speaker 2: off the balcony. Oh yeah, I do remember this story.
Speaker 7: I do?
Speaker 4: And yeah, I always wondered about that.
Speaker 2: Do you remember that? Because you were like, I know
Speaker 2: someone's in there?
Speaker 3: He kept banging and saying yeah, because you would you
Speaker 3: would normally open.
Speaker 4: The door, like you know, and you aren't.
Speaker 7: I knew you were all, but yeah I.
Speaker 3: Did.
Speaker 2: I mean yeah, I mean we young, young, dumb love
Speaker 2: we could all makes you do some crazy shit.
Speaker 3: Oh god.
Speaker 2: Okay, So my last question Matt is why do you
Speaker 2: date Eric again?
Speaker 7: As much as I would love to, I just don't think.
Speaker 7: I just don't think it would be healthy. I enjoyed
Speaker 7: and and I think I told this last week, or
Speaker 7: maybe I didn't, but.
Speaker 4: I enjoy just being able to talk to her like
Speaker 4: this and and it be so pure and there's no agenda.
Speaker 4: It's like she's more more.
Speaker 7: Precious to me as a friend now than a lover,
Speaker 7: you know, And part of like just just I'm not gonna.
Speaker 4: Talk, you know.
Speaker 7: But part of why I reached out to Eric after
Speaker 7: ten years was because I had a relationship that I
Speaker 7: just ended and then we were together, if I'm want
Speaker 7: to say four years almost fine. And there was certain
Speaker 7: you know, parallels that things that I did wrong with
Speaker 7: Erica that.
Speaker 4: I did along with my current days girlfriend.
Speaker 7: Right, So part of me needed Erica as a form
Speaker 7: of number one. We never had full closure number two
Speaker 7: as a form of life. Just arab be like, Yo,
Speaker 7: I'm remorseful for.
Speaker 4: Things I've done.
Speaker 7: I'm sorry, and I want to learn about myself, you
Speaker 7: know what I mean. Because there's ship that I fucked
Speaker 7: up in this current relationship.
Speaker 4: That's why I'm.
Speaker 7: Singling it, you know what I mean. So it had
Speaker 7: a lot to do with that, and I think having
Speaker 7: someone like Erica, specifically Erica, I think that's just that's
Speaker 7: more precious thing, you know, fucking it up again, you know,
Speaker 7: not that I was fucking up, but you know, I
Speaker 7: just I don't even really.
Speaker 4: Want to take that risk.
Speaker 1: Well, well that's a big of you to to see
Speaker 1: you know, your patterns and to take responsibility and say, hey,
Speaker 1: maybe it's time for me to go within and see
Speaker 1: why am I reactive like this, Why do I Why
Speaker 1: have I done this to two people that I love?
Speaker 1: You know, not a lot of men are able to
Speaker 1: examine themselves that way and make change and you know,
Speaker 1: amend people you've hurt in you know, even ten years ago.
Speaker 1: So that's good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And to be honest, I feel like me and
Speaker 2: Matt like we have had this huge break, this long break,
Speaker 2: because I think we needed it. I mean, our relationship ended,
Speaker 2: like I don't know, we had such an volatile, loving,
Speaker 2: but volatile relationship that I feel like that time, that
Speaker 2: that time apart, like we wouldn't have been able to
Speaker 2: have this conversation like five years ago, you know, Like, yeah,
Speaker 2: So I appreciate you. Thank you for you know, opening
Speaker 2: up and participating on Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast. Thank you,
Speaker 2: thanks for having appreciate it. Don't listen. Don't listen to
Speaker 2: any of my episodes, thank you. I think he kind
Speaker 2: of nass I think you should listen to some episode.
Speaker 3: Why.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just think he's in a place
Speaker 1: in his life that he would benefit from listening to
Speaker 1: the episodes.
Speaker 2: Well, if you want to send over some suggestion just
Speaker 2: from a just from Women's perspective.
Speaker 1: I think this might be a good time for you
Speaker 1: to just open up and say, you know, sit back
Speaker 1: and listen.
Speaker 2: Eric is looking at me like, what the fuck are
Speaker 2: you talking about? Well, you guys are not getting back together.
Speaker 2: He already thinks you're so free, so you might as
Speaker 2: well just let him benefit. He'll get confirmation about Yeah,
Speaker 2: he will.
Speaker 1: He may need to be free too. I'm clearly, I'm
Speaker 1: clearly her friend. Open up like a clam.
Speaker 7: And I started looking through some stuff, and I definitely
Speaker 7: I'm going to continue to listen to absolutely starts.
Speaker 2: Well, thanks, no pressure, thank you, all right, Well, I'll
Speaker 2: call you later.
Speaker 1: Bye, Matt sounds good, Thank you bye. How do you feel?
Speaker 1: Are you sweating?
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: And I'm really mad that you fucking encouraged him to
Speaker 2: listen to all my all the ship, but I talk.
Speaker 2: I'm just happy he's the one who was knocking on
Speaker 2: the door.
Speaker 1: I didn't know who he was, and I don't know
Speaker 1: if he's gonna be offended now that he knows that
Speaker 1: you were just hot off some other dick.
Speaker 2: Why were I know you were like trying to get
Speaker 2: me not to tell him?
Speaker 1: I don't know why?
Speaker 2: Why do you care what he's feeling so much.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: He seems so sensitive. I mean he is, but I
Speaker 2: think I think it's I don't know, it's God that
Speaker 2: we can laugh about it. He wasn't my nigga at
Speaker 2: the time, like point blank. But I just feel like,
Speaker 2: I don't know. It's interesting to hear that perspective because.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think my last in my like my last relationship,
Speaker 2: he would say that I'm free, but also I'm not.
Speaker 2: Like he would say that, like you're not. Yeah, like
Speaker 2: who are you? My real my like my last act
Speaker 2: on my realie, my last ax, my baby dad. Oh okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: this is so funny.
Speaker 1: This is like a real like walk down memory lane.
Speaker 2: I also think that it's interesting to hear that perspective too,
Speaker 2: because I think that ending that relationship or that relationship
Speaker 2: left me feeling like it took away a little bit
Speaker 2: of my freedom. It made me feel like, am I
Speaker 2: too free? I started questioning myself and I feel like
Speaker 2: now I'm as a single person. That's actually I've been
Speaker 2: single for almost it's gonna be three years this year,
Speaker 2: Like I've had a lot of time to reflect on that,
Speaker 2: and like I'm trying to regain that back.
Speaker 1: So you think he robbed that of you a little
Speaker 1: bit your twenty kind of after that, you I have
Speaker 1: you led with like maybe I am too free because yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I mean, verbal abuse is real.
Speaker 2: And then and then I also got into a relationship
Speaker 2: where I could be really free, and I was like,
Speaker 2: now I'm too free. I was so used to like
Speaker 2: the other you know, I don't know. I don't want
Speaker 2: to say he robbed me.
Speaker 1: I allowed it, you know right right, well, we will
Speaker 1: only we only allow people to take away things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna blame him for that, Like, but he
Speaker 1: probably prompted that. Oh absolutely absolutely no, I mean no,
Speaker 1: people do that to you and you love someone.
Speaker 2: It definitely made me think about it, like, wait, am
Speaker 2: I like I never would.
Speaker 1: Just being me questioning it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, but they're definitely something. I was also
Speaker 2: doing some function too, I mean learning inappropriately. I was
Speaker 2: talking to like ex'es. I was, yeah, I was getting
Speaker 2: numbers at club, like what he.
Speaker 1: Said we could be friends.
Speaker 3: Did I cheat?
Speaker 2: I think I cheated at the end for sure. And
Speaker 2: actually it's funny because and he knows this because I
Speaker 2: told him this. But Freddy at the time like my
Speaker 2: baby daddy, like he was. I knew him, like I
Speaker 2: had met him while I was in the relationship with
Speaker 2: with Matt because of friends. First, we were friends with
Speaker 2: secret friends. He didn't even know he was a secret friend.
Speaker 2: I just kept I knew Matt would not allow me
Speaker 2: to be friends with him or would not want me
Speaker 2: to be friends with him. And you were not allowed
Speaker 2: to be friends with anything because I don't know that
Speaker 2: is sex just literally, That's what he would tell me,
Speaker 2: is that it doesn't exist. It's not real. I'm a man,
Speaker 2: trust me. You know, I've heard this like verbada, I'm
Speaker 2: a man. They don't want to not exist. So I
Speaker 2: was really like, I don't believe that because I'm actually
Speaker 2: experiencing relationships that are platonic with men, right. But he
Speaker 2: just wasn't for it. And then at some point, like
Speaker 2: when you hear that enough and you start to not
Speaker 2: believing it, you know, or like yeah, So it's interesting
Speaker 2: to think about that because I do think I was
Speaker 2: super free at that time. I was also really young too.
Speaker 2: It was going out a lot, but like after that relationship,
Speaker 2: I felt like some of that is not.
Speaker 1: I don't know you didn't leave the relationship the same
Speaker 1: why you came into it exactly.
Speaker 2: I don't think anyone really does well. Sometimes you do
Speaker 2: with bullshit ask relationship, yeah right, but the ones that
Speaker 2: really deeply define you, define parts of your life and
Speaker 2: affect you in that way. That was definitely one of them.
Speaker 1: Damn, that's crazy. We're like Clay, and every time we
Speaker 1: partner with someone, they make their impression on us, whether
Speaker 1: that'd be good or bad, and then you have to
Speaker 1: move on with that baggage or whatever. You've However, you've
Speaker 1: shifted your shape, your original you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's for the better. But sometimes, you.
Speaker 2: Know what also is funny too. I'm sorry, I keep thinking.
Speaker 2: I'm thinking back on this too because I'm thinking about
Speaker 2: that exact idea. And when we were talking when he
Speaker 2: first reconnected, like a few weeks ago, he told me, yeah,
Speaker 2: I remember when you used to be sitting on like
Speaker 2: the computer writing and like making tracks and like singing,
Speaker 2: like built making songs in front of me, and I
Speaker 2: would be doing my thing. And I thought to myself,
Speaker 2: WHOA Like, I can't believe I did that, because there
Speaker 2: was no way I would have done that in front
Speaker 2: of my baby daddy. I did not feel comfortable creating
Speaker 2: in front of him, and he always encouraged my creativity,
Speaker 2: and so that's something that I felt like I lost
Speaker 2: in my next relationship that always encouraged my whereas my ex.
Speaker 2: It's not that he didn't encourage it, he just didn't
Speaker 2: take interest in it, and like I was insecure and
Speaker 2: needed his validation, and because I didn't get it, I
Speaker 2: just thought it wasn't good. So I stopped creating kind
Speaker 2: of and that and I took that with me, and
Speaker 2: I think this podcast has really been the catalyst for
Speaker 2: my creativity out of that, because I felt like I'm
Speaker 2: not an artist, like I know, acting has always been
Speaker 2: there for me regardless, but like other forms of creativity
Speaker 2: like songwriting music, you know, writing stuff, like it was
Speaker 2: just different. And so it's so interesting how things, yeah,
Speaker 2: they do, they take its shape and then you can
Speaker 2: like pop those out.
Speaker 1: Back to how they were, right, know what I mean,
Speaker 1: somethings to go back after some things don't go back
Speaker 1: the same, not to the full capacity, but even maybe
Speaker 1: even to the higher capacity, because you're like fuck that, right,
Speaker 1: But everybody's different and every impression is different and It's
Speaker 1: like it makes me think, how do we had this
Speaker 1: perspective at eighteen? At nineteen, would we have gone into
Speaker 1: these relationships more conscious of that?
Speaker 2: And like how can we prep our kids? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I didn't want to listen to shit. I know, I
Speaker 2: don't know, but now even dropping scenes right now like
Speaker 2: like you know what I mean? No, I know, I know,
Speaker 2: but I'm just saying me personally, like I would not
Speaker 2: have listened, you know, like I am so I still am,
Speaker 2: but it is much as I was then. I was
Speaker 2: so like, I need to live my own life. You
Speaker 2: can't tell me what to do. I know how I feel,
Speaker 2: and I feel confident in my feelings. But when he
Speaker 2: sent me pictures, because that's kind of we're sorry, he
Speaker 2: sent me pictures of like the past, like when I
Speaker 2: was like nineteen hanging out with him, and I was
Speaker 2: looking at those pictures thinking like fuck, I wish I
Speaker 2: could just like whisper in her ear and.
Speaker 1: Tell her some shit real quick.
Speaker 2: I see in my eye I could see like the
Speaker 2: I think I know it all shit in my eyes.
Speaker 1: I swear to God, I was like, you don't know shite,
Speaker 1: whisper you no, no.
Speaker 2: Shit shout the buck up, sit down, listen to her
Speaker 2: mom also, like, because there's there's things that I could
Speaker 2: have totally avoided had I just listened to my mother.
Speaker 2: And sometimes I battle with that now as an adult
Speaker 2: too because I know that. And then she she still
Speaker 2: continuously obviously gives me her opinion advice. I'm solicited, but
Speaker 2: I love you, mom, but sometimes i'm and I don't
Speaker 2: take it all the time because I feel like, okay,
Speaker 2: but I also have to be my own person. It's
Speaker 2: just like knowing what to listen to and how to
Speaker 2: like seed through those things.
Speaker 1: You know, It's true.
Speaker 2: It's just now being a.
Speaker 1: Mom right right now and like being like and knowing
Speaker 1: how it feels to be that person. It's like fuck you,
Speaker 1: you fuck you.
Speaker 2: Then you're like, but I've been there, I see it.
Speaker 1: But I really think it's about That's why I think
Speaker 1: it's really important to start, like not conversations like that,
Speaker 1: but just like really be mindful what type of relationship
Speaker 1: we're making, because we know how they're gonna get and
Speaker 1: so we start now, maybe they'll I don't know, we
Speaker 1: could avoid it. Fuck, I have one more girl, Okay,
Speaker 1: who was the girl who she walked into the dorm
Speaker 1: room and was there.
Speaker 2: Oh god, oh my god, it's like a Beello novella.
Speaker 1: This is my second girlfriend ever that I guess I
Speaker 1: cheated on the one we just got off the phone with.
Speaker 2: Well, how long did this one last? This was like
Speaker 2: maybe a year? Okay or two?
Speaker 1: I can't remember this, but guess who will? She will?
Speaker 8: Okay, make a wish's one eleven?
Speaker 2: H Hi, how are you good?
Speaker 1: We're recording?
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, so this is Erica. Hi, how are you?
Speaker 2: I'm good, I'm good. I'm just gonna ask you if
Speaker 2: you you know, questions about dating Jamila?
Speaker 3: See how that was for you?
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, So how did you guys see how that was?
Speaker 4: You?
Speaker 1: Survey?
Speaker 2: How did you guys meet? How did you and Jamilla meet?
Speaker 3: Atlanta Club?
Speaker 4: Track side?
Speaker 3: Back in I don't even remember what year that was.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you're making this sound like.
Speaker 1: Back on dirt Road, back over there, you know, over
Speaker 1: a back on it was a niggle to get a pop.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: It's her a Georgia accent.
Speaker 2: How long did you guys date?
Speaker 3: I don't know, I like the years.
Speaker 1: Say, okay, would you say that you guys were in love.
Speaker 3: Uh no, no, we thought we were go right back
Speaker 3: in when nineteen?
Speaker 4: But if I want to go back here now?
Speaker 2: Hey, no, no, okay, you are lying.
Speaker 3: I mean I mean I.
Speaker 4: Thought we were.
Speaker 3: How's going on back then? Yeah?
Speaker 4: The lick it back?
Speaker 3: Was it?
Speaker 2: Whose fault was it? That it ended?
Speaker 3: Both?
Speaker 2: What is the Jamila's best trait?
Speaker 3: Her sex feel?
Speaker 2: Is that a trait likes what she's like, sexy, like
Speaker 2: the way she was.
Speaker 9: She just it's some type of fluidity, man, you know,
Speaker 9: can't denier she can stick out in the room.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 2: I agree with that. What's her worst trait.
Speaker 4: Or sex feel?
Speaker 2: I love that answer? So can you elaborate on that?
Speaker 3: Let's see, she knows it. She knows that she's good
Speaker 3: at what she does.
Speaker 6: She has the ability to talk anyone out of anything,
Speaker 6: which is great.
Speaker 3: It's good and bad. But you have to have.
Speaker 4: The dater, really, you have to.
Speaker 2: You have to have touch skin.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you gotta haves tough skin. You gotta be confident
Speaker 3: within yourself. Can't be like you know, all in your
Speaker 3: feelings and shit.
Speaker 9: But she's still still a caregiver, you know, So you
Speaker 9: just gotta look outside of just her eccentric ways, and
Speaker 9: note that she still loved you.
Speaker 1: No matter what you know?
Speaker 2: Right, So what would you say, Like it sounds like
Speaker 2: there was maybe drama in your relationship. What would you say,
Speaker 2: is the most dramatic thing that happened in your relationship?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 4: Oh god, you went through it quite a bit.
Speaker 9: I think we just you know, it was just like, uh,
Speaker 9: all right, we both were young and cheating and ship
Speaker 9: doing stuff we ain't had no business not being honest
Speaker 9: with you, shoulder.
Speaker 1: Oh so you both were cheating, were both cheated? Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: who started it?
Speaker 6: God?
Speaker 3: You did that?
Speaker 9: She's saying.
Speaker 3: I don't agree with it, because Jana is good boy.
Speaker 3: She was. She had a whole d like a whole
Speaker 3: shit o what oh my god.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I had a diary. Okay, I'm a huge journaler,
Speaker 1: or I used to be. Like growing up, I journaled,
Speaker 1: so like I still journaled into college. And because I journaled,
Speaker 1: I got in a lot of trouble from my journals
Speaker 1: at school with my parents. People were reading my ship.
Speaker 1: But I'd like to journal. So at one point I
Speaker 1: started like a secret code. Then I still remember till
Speaker 1: this day, I can write into to this day. So
Speaker 1: I wrote in the code, and I was telling all
Speaker 1: my ship and I wrote and I told I gave
Speaker 1: my I was like, I'm so dumb, I would think
Speaker 1: I was drunk. She was there and I tell my friend,
Speaker 1: you should know my code, and I gave her like
Speaker 1: a key to know my code because I wanted her
Speaker 1: to write to me in it.
Speaker 2: Whatever. I'm like, fucking eighteen nineteen, this bitch while.
Speaker 1: I was at school at college. She finds the she
Speaker 1: must have been wanting to get her hands on that key,
Speaker 1: and she just she like decoded my journal while I
Speaker 1: was at school, but you were writing a secret code,
Speaker 1: Like like I liked to journal, but people kept reading
Speaker 1: my ship.
Speaker 2: So I wrote in a.
Speaker 1: Code, like who is who's always reading your journal? My parents?
Speaker 2: My parents. I'm sorry to call you a bitch, just kidding,
Speaker 2: but like yeah, so this is like yeah.
Speaker 1: So continue, Okay, I don't remember. I don't remember.
Speaker 2: Basically, did you did you guys meet each other's parents?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I lived with her and her parents at one point.
Speaker 2: Oh, what are your what did your what did your
Speaker 2: parents think of Jamila? What about you?
Speaker 1: My parents liked Toya. I think my parents actually on
Speaker 1: this point were like I think they thought when I
Speaker 1: brought the first girl home that it was like h
Speaker 1: ha ha ha. And then I brought the second carl
Speaker 1: home and they're like, bitch. They were getting a little
Speaker 1: annoyed of my lesbianist and lesbianism. And I think we
Speaker 1: came We were staying at her parents house because I
Speaker 1: didn't want to go home for the summer because we
Speaker 1: were so in fucking love. And then she came home
Speaker 1: with me in the summer, and I think we were
Speaker 1: like too broke to get back. So we're there for
Speaker 1: like a month, and then they were getting over us both,
Speaker 1: and then we ended up going back.
Speaker 2: Mmm, would you ever get back in a relationship with Jamila?
Speaker 3: No? Why not?
Speaker 2: Wud you guys talk?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 2: Do you guys ever chat?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 2: Do you know like the type of you? Would you
Speaker 2: say that she's changed much?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 9: I think she's definitely a chron I don't think her
Speaker 9: personality has changed, which is great, that's a good thing personality.
Speaker 2: But you couldn't You can't imagine yourself dating her again.
Speaker 2: I mean, no, would you got would you say that
Speaker 2: in your relationship you guys were like sexually in sync,
Speaker 2: Like you guys had like a really strong connection sexually
Speaker 2: or was it more like mentally.
Speaker 1: Not sexually not sexually, No, definitely sexually, Oh, okay.
Speaker 2: More sexually than mentally.
Speaker 4: Uh you mean now?
Speaker 2: Or then none?
Speaker 9: And it was a little bit both, I think. I mean,
Speaker 9: I definitely learned a great deal from Jamila. If it
Speaker 9: wasn't for her, to be completely honest, I would have
Speaker 9: known a lot of things about different cultures and things
Speaker 9: of sort.
Speaker 2: So how how would you describe her? How would you
Speaker 2: describe Jamila?
Speaker 3: Shit?
Speaker 9: Always happy for the most part, you know, like there's
Speaker 9: nothing that you can't tackle.
Speaker 3: And I don't even know if I ever really see her.
Speaker 9: Sleep, to be honest, always sleeping about sleep, good spirit,
Speaker 9: great person.
Speaker 2: What was your best date night?
Speaker 3: Oh, we got quite a few, you know, I was
Speaker 3: you know, ship ain't did around.
Speaker 4: A daily.
Speaker 3: Huh. Yeah, she gave me a surprise birthday party.
Speaker 2: I'm a Roman, God damn it.
Speaker 3: Imagine. Yeah, I mean, I mean, we have quite a
Speaker 3: few good days. Like it was everything. They didn't have
Speaker 3: a lot of bad moms to toys. Then so.
Speaker 2: All right, well, I don't know, hmmm's big. Sorry, I'm
Speaker 2: high girl.
Speaker 1: We got high high Now I'm like I can sotell
Speaker 1: you're high too, she needs help? No high ass, No,
Speaker 1: it's us, we're high.
Speaker 2: What would you say you learned from dating Jamila? Besides
Speaker 2: you know, I guess you said that she cultured you. Like,
Speaker 2: was it like something like was it like I'll never
Speaker 2: date someone like her again? Or was it something like I.
Speaker 1: I love this.
Speaker 9: What you said, but a long time to get over
Speaker 9: to because there's there's not a lot of women that
Speaker 9: that's a trait of hers.
Speaker 3: It cannot be taught, you know, that's that comes from
Speaker 3: a dan you know a lot of stuff. It's just her.
Speaker 9: It's her inter being, her personality like that cannot be
Speaker 9: nor limit. So it's kind of hard to hold up
Speaker 9: to that pet of story, you know, so.
Speaker 3: To be it was difficult, but I dated it right
Speaker 3: now about my stuff, and I was like, you know,
Speaker 3: you know, it's a.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but.
Speaker 4: I don't get them wrong.
Speaker 3: I was I was a young balk.
Speaker 2: You are young?
Speaker 3: What super.
Speaker 2: A little bumpkin.
Speaker 1: I brought an account l a girl. We're going to
Speaker 1: the club, but we were like doing all types of
Speaker 1: la ship and she's super shy. She's shy, and she's
Speaker 1: just like what the fuck is happening? And like we're
Speaker 1: going to the club. Take off your hand.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Got an idea has the same age. I think she's
Speaker 2: a year older.
Speaker 7: I'm real.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, Well yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2: Well, I I appreciate you. I feel like I've gotten
Speaker 2: to know Jamila's former dating trends to compare now to
Speaker 2: her current dating trends, which are different, but there's some similarities.
Speaker 2: And I think that's just.
Speaker 1: Natural right where we are who we are. But thank
Speaker 1: you for your time, No problem.
Speaker 2: Thanks, I'll call you later.
Speaker 1: By Okay, Oh wow, Okay, you're high.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I just felt like she I'm just high.
Speaker 2: I felt like I don't know, I just felt like
Speaker 2: she wasn't like I don't know, I don't know. I
Speaker 2: just wasn't getting all the answers. I felt like she
Speaker 2: was You both were fine. She was being very You
Speaker 2: were fine, too, thought me because on the last who
Speaker 2: told the other girl more sh about her than you
Speaker 2: said on the phone with her.
Speaker 1: Well, let me be clear and be clear.
Speaker 10: She I'm a very spiteful person, clearly because I just
Speaker 10: realized she cheated on me early, and she was the
Speaker 10: first person cheated.
Speaker 2: She was the first person.
Speaker 1: No, not ever in the relationship and like it was
Speaker 1: just in a way that to me, I did not like.
Speaker 1: It was so blatant, and I think I was like
Speaker 1: kind of like young and dumbs. I didn't say anything.
Speaker 1: I didn't speak up for myself. She made me feel
Speaker 1: super insecure about these two bitches who I look back
Speaker 1: and I'm like, bitch, are you dumb? And I'm just
Speaker 1: like I just remember feeling so I love.
Speaker 3: This bitch so much.
Speaker 1: And she was just like blatantly flirting with these girls
Speaker 1: in my face. And I found out that they had
Speaker 1: fucked around, and after that it was just like, bitch,
Speaker 1: you should have never fuck with me.
Speaker 2: So it was like, so you stayed with her? But
Speaker 2: then frightful shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean basically I had like had a whole
Speaker 1: like Nigga and Philly that I was saying. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: got pregnant by him. He was he was fake Muslim.
Speaker 1: He didn't want to give me the money for an abortion,
Speaker 1: and shit, oh my God told me to call his
Speaker 1: brother because you don't believe in that. And they got
Speaker 1: like seven kids. Now wait, but how did she find
Speaker 1: this out?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Because she read my journal in the secret code.
Speaker 2: What the fuck is the secret code? What is the
Speaker 2: secret code like numbers.
Speaker 1: No, it's like shapes. I got shapes.
Speaker 2: It's fucking symbols.
Speaker 1: It's the alphabet.
Speaker 3: What.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you were writing full words with the shapes?
Speaker 1: Yes, the whole entry.
Speaker 2: Let me find out. Your mother fucking genius.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it makes me a genius.
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't know. I do.
Speaker 2: I couldn't do it. I could show you yet, but
Speaker 2: they must have been short entries.
Speaker 1: No, I've been doing it for years. I've had this
Speaker 1: since I was probably an eighth grade. I told you,
Speaker 1: I've had a chronic issue with journaling and people finding out.
Speaker 1: I got kicked out of school in seventh grade over it.
Speaker 2: Wait, why'd you kicked out of school?
Speaker 1: I went to a Lutheran school.
Speaker 2: I hated it.
Speaker 1: It was it was my first year went in private school.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to go. And I wrote in my
Speaker 1: journal at school and I was like, I said, how
Speaker 1: me and my mom had gotten into it? She had
Speaker 1: like kicked me. How I hated the school. I wanted
Speaker 1: to get finger banged. Literally, I'm like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to have sex. I want to do more than titty sucking.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to get finger banged, and they
Speaker 1: fucking I think that. I mean, I've gotten trouble from
Speaker 1: writing shit literally every day.
Speaker 3: You know what.
Speaker 1: I got in trouble for writing shit too, yeah, like
Speaker 1: my mom. Yeah not like that though, But like I said,
Speaker 1: I hated the teachers. I hated the school. Everybody was
Speaker 1: dumb and small minded and Christian or something. And at
Speaker 1: the end of the year, they're like, we don't know
Speaker 1: if we're going to see the nice Jamala we've seen
Speaker 1: all year or this this side of this sinful side
Speaker 1: of Jamala. Oh god side they called. They called like
Speaker 1: the Social services on my mom because I said, she
Speaker 1: like hit me, it came to my house. It was
Speaker 1: just a whole big deal.
Speaker 3: Girl.
Speaker 1: Then I had Then I got a note read that
Speaker 1: I was a lesbian in eighth grade and I loved
Speaker 1: my my friend Asia, who I still love, but like
Speaker 1: I was really in love with her then. And then
Speaker 1: what else? I got caught with my journal so many times.
Speaker 1: So then this bitch I had made a code, and
Speaker 1: then this bitch decodes it and finds out.
Speaker 2: The fact this is code. I can't fucking code. The
Speaker 2: bitch decoded your secret journal of shapes.
Speaker 1: She did Wow, I mean, right, so I'm on the board.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to show you this anyway. Also was
Speaker 1: I started fucking my friend who was my like stud
Speaker 1: lesbian best friend and we had it bug but then
Speaker 1: I started fucking her. She also read that, and then
Speaker 1: I actually, right after this relationship, started dating my friend
Speaker 1: who I cheated on her with, which was like my
Speaker 1: comma for all of this ship. She started dating, I
Speaker 1: started dating my friend who I was who I had fucked,
Speaker 1: But that was my karma for all of my relationships
Speaker 1: because she was the worst to bitch to me ever,
Speaker 1: chated on me so terribly. I was so in love
Speaker 1: with her.
Speaker 2: She stole money from me, she hit me.
Speaker 1: She was just like the worst ever. But yeah, that
Speaker 1: girl was being super surface and actually she's very judgmental
Speaker 1: and she I just had sex with her recently, like
Speaker 1: a couple of months ago, and the sex was still
Speaker 1: good actually, but.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she was super judgmental.
Speaker 1: That would never work again.
Speaker 2: Anyway.
Speaker 1: I guess the conclusion here is, don't cheat on me first.
Speaker 1: I will never let it go, which is really sad,
Speaker 1: but true, ours.
Speaker 2: Has more free than we think.
Speaker 1: Erica was once a former free but then she now
Speaker 1: coming back to that we are both too free to
Speaker 1: be dated. If you are insecure in any capacity, we're
Speaker 1: not to be fucked with. Get you a California girl,
Speaker 1: especially if from the Midwest or down south, they will
Speaker 1: teach you the ways anything else. And also once you
Speaker 1: go Eric or Jamila, good luck after that. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I guess it's just I don't know.
Speaker 2: And you know, Honor, I'm I'm really there's things about
Speaker 2: the past that I'm like, damn, I'm trying to get
Speaker 2: back to that. Then there's things about the past where
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm so glad I'm not there anymore, I know,
Speaker 2: you know, like even being able to have a conversation
Speaker 2: with my ex and like the are the things I
Speaker 2: never thought I would be able to do. And that's
Speaker 2: just what growth does. Even now, Like I think about
Speaker 2: my relationship with you know, my my my daughter's father,
Speaker 2: you know, like we go through shit all the time,
Speaker 2: I hope. But it's just if this is just a
Speaker 2: reminder that really time does heal things, or it gives
Speaker 2: you the ability to separate yourself and to see them
Speaker 2: and be able to have these conversations without spiraling, Like
Speaker 2: like I'm not gonna get off the mic right now
Speaker 2: and like overthink any of this shit too much, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, Like, I'm not going to cry
Speaker 2: about it like I would have like eight years ago.
Speaker 2: Oh like no, it's just not.
Speaker 1: It's just it just was. It's just this whole episode
Speaker 1: for me is just because even even listening to your story,
Speaker 1: like I can, I can go on my mind and
Speaker 1: envision you, like going over treatments and flirting with your boss,
Speaker 1: you know, like I you know, like in a way,
Speaker 1: that's what even though we're not like if if you
Speaker 1: read a book, we'd imagine it, but even it's taking
Speaker 1: me back to these places and these feelings and who
Speaker 1: I was, and it is I'm grateful to have grown,
Speaker 1: and it's interesting to see the parts of me that
Speaker 1: have not.
Speaker 7: Right.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I feel like we've jumped into a time
Speaker 1: machine and went to two thousand.
Speaker 2: And six and I'm ready to be back quarantining because
Speaker 2: I don't want to be back in my time machine.
Speaker 1: So let's get back in this bitch, go back in
Speaker 1: twenty twenty where we're quarantine.
Speaker 2: Oh, everything's still here on my couch. I'm still here,
Speaker 2: still wearing a mask, and gloves.
Speaker 1: Okay, so.
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us on our time travel and Happy
Speaker 2: April Fool's Day, and make sure to rate and review
Speaker 2: us on Apple Podcasts.
Speaker 1: Scroll all the way down to the bottom and find
Speaker 1: where it says yeah, the shit is confusing, so just
Speaker 1: don't give up.
Speaker 2: Just scrow all the way down. Do it for us, please,
Speaker 2: because reviews really do matter.
Speaker 1: And if you like our podcasts, tell a friend and
Speaker 1: tell Apple.
Speaker 2: You can also watch all of these videos on our Patreon,
Speaker 2: and we also have some extra bonus episodes on Patreon
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Speaker 2: positions one oh one that you don't want to miss
Speaker 2: out on, so go to You.
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Speaker 1: backslash Good Mom's Bad Choices to find us, and yeah,
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Speaker 2: And we will see you next week.
Speaker 9: Have a great week.
Speaker 3: Bye,