WEBVTT - Healing In The Hoeing Feat. Mandii B 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.520 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:06.440 She couldn't She cleaned and cared for her children and 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:08.880 the man of the house, and of course she didn't 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:12.240 talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature. 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.520 She was a good woman who always made good choice. 0:00:16.280 --> 0:00:17.080 Ship. 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:18.759 We're good Mom's Bad Choices. 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:21.520 You single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:22.480 their bad choices and. 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:24.000 Found out they were so bad after all. 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:26.600 We're experts, Overshares and your new besties. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:30.720 Sit back and enjoy the ride. 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:34.839 Welcome back to good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and 0:00:34.880 --> 0:00:35.400 I'm Mela. 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:36.880 Happy Wednesday? 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:38.200 Did she happy? 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:39.959 Hemp day House? Would it? Do? 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:42.160 I have my favorite hoe in the building? 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:42.680 Do you really? 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:48.840 First off, I am no longer that babbite. You'll always 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:49.600 be a hoe in my eye. 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:50.920 We had hovered. 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:53.800 Okay, So if you're listening to this podcast, you already 0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:57.400 know who it is because you know that voice. 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:01.600 If you don't, let me introduce myself. Because your girl's 0:01:01.640 --> 0:01:06.160 an author. Now I'm ann author. No, it's your girl. 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:10.080 May be one half of the decisions decisions formally horrible 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:15.080 decisions emphasis on whrror and now the author of no 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:15.759 Hol's bar. 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:19.640 Hey, well, welcome to the show. Welcome to the author club. 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:23.280 Baby, no ship, I'm trying to catch up to y'all. Guy, damn, 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:24.120 how does it feel? 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:24.440 Y'all? 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:26.400 Are what a year and a half? Two years? 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:27.320 Two years? 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:30.679 In two years? And as authors? Did it change? Like 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:31.840 the price of y'all's pussy? 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:34.199 Like I wrote a birl, this is your interview. Oh 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:37.319 look at ye, send your little podcasting ass now. 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:39.720 But yes, the price, look at me? 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:41.520 I go write it to interview And y'all, what the 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:42.440 fuck is wrong with you? 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:45.960 Any guy I date? Have you ever such an author? 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:47.240 I didn't think so. 0:01:47.319 --> 0:01:51.320 Yeah, I'm not gonna lie even going on the breakfast club. 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:54.160 Holy shit, I don't even think I can fuck anyone 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:57.280 regular anymore? Like your girl been on the fucking breakfast club? 0:01:57.320 --> 0:02:00.480 Okay, Like I mean, after you hit certain blacks in 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:02.240 your career, you're like, do you know where the fuck 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:02.600 I am? 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:06.120 Oh? That's just listen during the week, like the drop 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:08.400 of the book. If they get me on, like Jimmy 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:11.320 Kimmel or something like that, it's fucking over. I mean, 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:13.760 I'll become a fucking nun because I'm gonna feel like 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:15.200 no one is worthy of my pussy. 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:17.200 Have you been to the Breakfast Club? Oh you haven't? 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:20.400 All right, Sorry, we're not in the same We can't. 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:22.720 You know, we can't do this. But no, it's it's 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:23.200 been dope. 0:02:23.720 --> 0:02:25.519 I understand that. Did your price go up after you 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:27.280 won the Breakfast Club Erica? 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:28.440 I was already had a. 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:30.119 I was gonna say, y'all got, y'all got? 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:31.639 Man? I tell her Landa all the time. 0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:32.639 What the fuck are you talking to? 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:35.400 I'm an author? He tries to talk about my spelling 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:37.200 and should like, do you know have you read a book? 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:38.680 I didn't fucking think so. 0:02:39.320 --> 0:02:43.560 Zip it? Man, he's agreeing over there, He's like yeah, 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:43.880 and then you. 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:45.760 Guess me, he says, No, I that'sked about the fuck 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:46.079 I thought. 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:51.079 That's what I thought. No, it's it's it's interesting now 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:54.799 because like, Okay, been talking on the podcast saying all 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:57.080 my whole ship over the last eight years, right, but 0:02:57.160 --> 0:03:00.720 people are just now getting into podcast us and it's 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:03.600 now a part of life, right, bitch. Books are forever. 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:07.280 People have been reading since the fucking the Bible, right, 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:13.440 they've been reading you know what I mean, Jesus Basically, 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:16.400 I'm basically a Bible Thumper, Mark, what are they? 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:18.560 What are the People's name is Mark, Jeremiah and them 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:20.400 John Them. 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:22.560 My story isn't a book to b. 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:25.920 So yeah, it was. 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:29.600 I think though some of the stories from the podcast 0:03:29.639 --> 0:03:32.520 are in here, but in such a different way, like 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:35.800 I remember and maybe we could talk about anything that 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:38.280 y'all have shared that you see it. And when we 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:40.200 first started the book, it was really important for me 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:42.480 and me and Weezy didn't agree on this at all. 0:03:42.840 --> 0:03:44.920 I was like, I need to be able to include 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:49.440 my shame and being someone who sexually liberated. She felt 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:53.320 like it went against the purpose of our brand, like 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:56.040 we celebrate sex, you can't put shame in there. And 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:56.720 I was like, you. 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:02.680 Acknowledge this actual liberation without what you had to come 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:04.680 to period. 0:04:04.800 --> 0:04:09.800 And so I was in this therapeutic journey like really 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:14.000 like going back into what what my sexual history look 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:19.120 like and in the reflection, really feeling like really bad 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:21.640 about a lot of the decisions I've made, the men 0:04:21.680 --> 0:04:25.599 I let inside me around me, And so I was 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:28.440 just happy to include that because that's what you kind 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:30.719 of don't get on the podcast, like it's not as 0:04:30.800 --> 0:04:34.120 much reflection you get. You get the fucking regret of 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:37.760 these niggas, but not like I'm literally in that book 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:41.120 being like, yeah, you were fucking pathetic, you were desperate, 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:44.880 you were actually insecure. Like I have a whole chapter 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:47.960 do married men really treat you better? 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.240 I wouldn't ask you about that because that, Yeah, I 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:52.720 saw that chapter. I wanted to ask you, like do. 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:56.920 They Well, so, so it's a chapter about and you. 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:57.599 Know how funny. 0:04:57.600 --> 0:05:00.880 Way let's go for a second because Okay, so I've 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:05.200 watched you through a few different phases. I saw I 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:08.680 met you during your married man phase. Yes, and so 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:10.640 that that was like when we first came on horrible 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:14.280 decisions and we went, yeah, you were telling me a 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:16.320 bunch of ship and we realized that we knew a 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:17.640 nigga that you pegged and did. 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:20.560 Was that the same that all one meeting? 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:23.400 Oh, that first meeting. 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:27.560 It was great, nic that was iconic meeting. 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:29.839 I don't think I've met anyone and fell in love 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:32.080 so quickly, like we're best friends now, like and we 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:34.440 weren't supposed to like each other, but we did. And 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:40.760 literally it was it was a story of like adult 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:47.120 womanhood friendships meets New York that would happen nowhere else. 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:50.360 We were fucking swinging topless in a rich man's fucking 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:52.200 loft looking over the Brooklyn. 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:57.760 Bridge to some strangers apartment that had like church windows. 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:02.440 Wait wait wait wait wait wait church windows ketemy wait wait. 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:05.039 The fact that they were sitting at the table behind 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:07.000 us like they weren't even like we didn't even pass 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:08.719 them in the club. There was hey, what are you 0:06:08.760 --> 0:06:11.200 doing after this? Call us? Okay, come over. 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:12.640 Like sure, no problem, we love you. 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:16.280 Hey, no knowing now. So it's one of those things too. 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:19.800 Being able to put all my like hotels and growth 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:23.000 in a book reminds me of how many times I 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:24.520 could have ended up chopped. 0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:28.080 Up in how many holy hey, you are you supposed 0:06:28.080 --> 0:06:28.440 to be here? 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:28.640 Like? 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:32.159 Because what the fuck? I didn't come across the craigsflis killer, 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:35.680 but very well probably could have. Like it's crazy, but 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:38.479 during that time you were in that you were you 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:40.640 were in a different season of your life, and you 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:42.840 had told me that you were very and you were 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:45.440 very convincing because you had a lot of whenever. 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:46.960 You're going through, whatever it is, whatever you're in, you 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:47.600 have conviction. 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:52.000 Okay, I say, I mean he's standing she's standing ten 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:55.000 toes down, honey, Because I said, I was asking you 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:59.400 about married men and you were like, oh no, I 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:01.880 love being was like, I love being the side chick. 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:03.040 It's great, it's perfect. 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:07.200 It's crazy because and I do actually lean into that 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:10.400 into why I thought they were amazing. I felt like 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:13.680 I got the best version of that man. I never 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:16.560 was jealous of the wife, never wanted to be the wife. 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:20.600 I genuinely, I genuinely felt like, this is fun. There's 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:23.520 no responsibility to each other, and I enjoyed or at 0:07:23.600 --> 0:07:26.480 least believed they were being honest with me. Honestly means 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:28.200 a lot in some capacity. 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:32.560 You're probably right. There's a husband that's cheating. He's probably 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:35.120 giving the worst pieces of himself to his wife and 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:37.040 then coming out it's like what it says to say 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:39.080 the weekend, Like, yeah, the weekend, so you're gonna he's 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:40.160 gonna bring the fun and the track. 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:42.080 By the way, I just want to read how I 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:44.960 started this off, because this is how much conviction I have, 0:07:45.240 --> 0:07:48.400 like like and and that's what I did with the book. 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:50.600 I started off with how exactly my mind was at 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:52.800 this time, and then I look back and be like, oh, 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:55.840 bit just because you had no self worth. I tell 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:58.720 myself about myself. So it says I would like to 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:00.880 let it be known that I have been a proud 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:04.120 member of the Side Chick Committee, on the board of 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:07.840 the Mistress Missions, and an elected official to the Jezebel 0:08:08.040 --> 0:08:11.800 Justice League. Does that make me a piece of shit? Perhaps? 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:14.040 And I lead it to just yeah, I was all 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:14.200 with it. 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:16.640 And when I asked you, because I asked you in 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:18.520 that same I think meeting, I said have you ever 0:08:19.000 --> 0:08:21.200 have you ever been in a relationship? And you were like, no, 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:23.920 at that time, I never met a girlfriend. You had 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:26.200 never even been a girlfriends. 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:29.640 As a whole adult, Like my first relationship was at 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:32.680 the age of thirty twenty nine going thirty from the pandemic. 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:34.840 You guys met him, and I think that that was 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:38.240 my thing too. I was so glad it took us 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:41.240 some time to write this book because when we started it, 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:44.200 even the proposal, the chapters were so different because I 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:45.720 was still with him, so. 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:48.640 He would have been like a golden style. 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:52.199 He would have been in here like I finally found love, 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:55.800 Oh my god. And so we ended up breaking up 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:58.640 and there were so many chapters and that I had 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:01.280 to switch. But also it was so hard to remember 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:04.679 the good fun, even sexual moments, because I hated him 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:06.679 so much at the time. I ended up going through 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:09.520 therapy and finding all the beauty that was that relationship 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:12.440 because it taught me like, oh I do like intimacy, 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:16.360 I do like this. Like that relationship. Yes, was a 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:18.600 fucking emotional roller coaster, but it taught me so much 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:21.280 about the love that I deserve to have. Now. Whether 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:22.800 it was real or not, who fucking knows, because he's 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:26.760 a narcissist. But when it felt good, it felt really good, 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:28.960 and I said, oh, I deserve this type of feeling, 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:31.720 and so that's like, that's I guess one good thing 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:32.840 that I got from that fuck Now. 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:36.680 I will say as authors ourselves, I realized too. I 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:39.280 think that when you decide to go on this literary journey, 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:42.720 like it actually takes you like energetically, like you're not 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:45.360 going to finish the book in the same place that 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:47.560 you started the book, Like you're just not you're not 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:48.120 for us. 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:49.240 It took us almost two years. 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:51.600 Two years I remember you guys would be in Costa 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:54.199 Rica literally like we're here to get away from the 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:55.560 noise and write our book, and we and. 0:09:55.600 --> 0:09:57.200 We hadn't led a retreat, and by the time we 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.160 finished this book, we had led retreats, and so we 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:00.840 had been in city, we had with women, and we 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:03.679 had a totally different perspective as to why this book 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:06.599 was important. So like hearing that, and like hearing the 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:08.679 journey that you're on, I feel like other authors that 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:10.600 are writing books like Don't Rush, just. 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:16.040 Because it becomes so much more full and representative of 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:20.120 who you really are, especially a book that's nonfiction that 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:24.440 includes your stories like do Not Rush, Don't don't, don't 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:27.520 give yourself the three months deadline, Because even through my 0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:31.240 therapy journey and the ending of that relationship, this shaped 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:33.800 out to be so much better than I would have 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:37.240 Like at the end of the book, it was supposed 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:39.920 to be, Oh my god, your girl finally found love 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:41.960 and I got my soulmate and da da Da da, 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:44.640 and there were gonna be multiple chapters even about just 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:49.480 him with that relationship ending. The end of the book 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:53.520 ends up really talking about my disconnection to, or my 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:58.200 disassociation to the word need, and it stemmed from me 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:02.040 needing men financially a long time, me needing them to 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:04.840 somewhat survive, which is why I talk about how I 0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:08.960 hate the transactional sex I was having. So it ends 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.320 in the power of me being able to want a 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:14.880 man not need them. And even though men are always like, yeah, 0:11:14.880 --> 0:11:17.920 women need men, I'm like, no, there's so much power 0:11:17.960 --> 0:11:20.600 in being able to exist and not need you to 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:23.360 complete me. Because I love myself now I'm happy. But 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:26.719 also I get to choose you because I like you, 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:29.200 not because I like your pocket, not because you can 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:31.720 put a rupo. But it's not it's not for survival. 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:37.400 Do you think that your survival like relationship with survival 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.040 as it pertains to men, does that come from anything 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:43.400 in particular, like in your childhood or maybe the first 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:46.000 time you had sex, Like where does that? Is it 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:47.560 something maybe you saw your mom go through? 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:49.600 Oh for sure, I felt like so. My mom always 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:54.880 took care of men and they've cheated, they were disrespectful 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:57.440 to her, they all that, and so me growing up, 0:11:57.800 --> 0:11:59.560 I was always like, oh, I'm gonna have a rich 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:03.120 nigga because I ain't gonna have someone broke and disrespect me. 0:12:03.480 --> 0:12:06.200 Like my mom wore two jobs. She was a single parent, 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:08.520 and then men would come in the house. She would 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:11.560 pay they phone bill, cook, clean, do everything, and just 0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:14.480 be miserable. And I'm like, yeah, no, I'm if this 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:17.360 is what a relationship looks like, I'm gonna do it 0:12:17.400 --> 0:12:19.560 in a mansion like I was saying, I was gonna 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:21.800 cry and a Rose Royce, not a Honda, you know, 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:26.640 very early on. But I didn't see any healthy, any 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:29.440 healthy relationships growing up. And then my dad at the 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:32.600 time was a human atm and I mentioned that, like, 0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:35.800 if we needed anything financially, my mom was trapped. She 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:38.400 didn't have it, Go ask, go ask daddy. And then 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:42.320 what ended up happening was he even weaponized the fact 0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:44.400 that he paid child support. Me and my dad don't 0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:47.160 talk now. He feels like he is owed for his 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:51.600 entire life because he paid child support. Bitch. You paid 0:12:51.640 --> 0:12:53.600 a little four hundred dollars a month, thinking that we 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:55.640 was bitch. And now that I'm adult, I was like 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:58.920 a week literally and there's three of there were three 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:01.960 of us. He was paying for two kids thinking it 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:04.960 was doing something. Mind you, Yes, eggs weren't thirty six 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:08.960 dollars back then. Terrorists over here, but it was just like, boy, 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:11.240 like I'm an adult now that that little piece of 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:13.880 change ain't do shit, and so like for me now 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.520 being able to view my dad as an adult, yuck, 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:20.199 I wouldn't even be friends with a nigga like you 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:23.120 you know what I mean? And so yeah, I think 0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:28.079 growing up seeing that relationship between men and women, money 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:31.600 absolutely was what it was. But I dive into in 0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:35.720 the What's Your Price? Chapter, I dive into transactional sex 0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:37.640 and the fact that I know it was survival sex 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:39.320 for me, like I had rent to pay. 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:42.520 Do you remember the first time you had transactional transactional cool? 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:49.920 Okay? So yes, and no, there's there's one in here 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.240 that was real transactional. Now, when I was in high school, 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:56.440 I was dating athletes, so like I remember just dealing 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:58.880 with men with money, and. 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:02.719 You were Dad got fashional athletes in high school? How 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:03.520 are you sourcing these? 0:14:04.040 --> 0:14:05.680 Well? When I met on Facebook while he was in 0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:08.720 college and he got drafted, he was from Atlanta. Ended 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:10.840 up I talk about him in the book because he 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:12.360 was on a mission to make me squirt? 0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:14.319 Did you tell the people that they were in the book? 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:20.200 Some people, but the ones in which the stories that 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:23.640 I talk about it, there's no identifiers, like this isn't 0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:26.840 you're not gonna get this isn't superhead, right, So yeah, 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:29.640 I talk about an athlete that wanted to make me squirt, 0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:31.600 and then I talk about the athlete that stealthed me 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:37.240 and how I had the problem with navigating the assault. 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:38.440 I didn't even think. 0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:39.840 I was assaulted, but he stealthed you. 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:43.440 Yeah, so he removed the condom without my knowledge and 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:48.280 came in me while I was blindfolded. Oh wow, So 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:52.160 so here here I am, I'm maybe maybe twenty four, 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:56.040 twenty four years old, we're having sex. I agree to 0:14:56.080 --> 0:14:58.880 go down there, and so I agreed and consented for 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:01.880 us to fuck, agreed for him to blindfold me. We 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:04.000 agreed for him to wear a condom. Never wanted a 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:06.680 kids was an option. And he's like, oh, he's a 0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:12.520 fucking athlete. So literally he blindfolds me. We're fucking. It's great. 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:16.280 He finishes, and before he removes my blindfold, he stops 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:18.040 me and it's like, you're gonna be mad. 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:20.720 Oh no, that is what he said. 0:15:20.720 --> 0:15:22.920 And I was like, what if I'm gonna be mad for? 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:26.480 And of course he gas lipped me and was like, uh, 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:29.840 it just was feeling so good. It was just too 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:33.080 good to what I had to like, and so he 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:36.840 paid for my Plan B and he gave me a 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:42.520 thousand dollars and I literally talk about wow, like I 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:48.600 was a saultant, but the psychology around it was but 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:52.400 it felt good and I took the money. So and 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:55.240 there's always been just like this conflated thing, and I 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:57.320 think we're talking about it now seeing the Diddy case, 0:15:57.560 --> 0:16:01.800 right when you have the power dynamic, this super megabig 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:06.040 you know, football player in his prime at the time 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:10.960 as well, and he gave you money, and the guilt. 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:13.360 And shame about I already agreed to X, Y and Z, 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:16.560 so I'm obviously guilty about a you know. And it's 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:19.360 like it's not the well, it's because we're just living 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:24.000 in a society that like doesn't really encourage or celebrate 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:26.560 women that say, Yo, that wasn't right, Yo, that was 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:29.840 fucking assault. It's almost like, no, you aren't. You shouldn't 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:32.000 have done that. But it's like if I go fucking 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.680 rob a bank and then also kill the teller, like 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:38.560 I'm a thief and like and a murderer, like there's 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:41.160 certain you can't you can't just say because a woman 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:42.800 has agreed to do certain things, and she is a 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:46.360 deserving of assault or deserving of being like blatantly lied to, 0:16:46.720 --> 0:16:49.440 deserving of being like a boundary clock crossed. And it's 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:52.080 so like deeply ingrained into our society that we also 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:55.480 adopt the fucked up narrative that like I deserved this. 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:58.320 But not only that is the advancement of knowledge and language, 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:01.280 bitch stealthing. I just learned about what the fuck that was. 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:04.639 So I even start that chapter with I'm God's chosen 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:07.880 because I didn't get sexually assaulted till twenty seven. Then 0:17:07.960 --> 0:17:10.399 I go back and realize, oh, wait, no, there was 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:13.600 there was an assault at seven that I put in 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:16.160 the back of my brain, and then the assault at 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:18.320 not only twenty three. Two athletes did that to me. 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:20.439 The other one didn't get the story. He didn't make 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:23.040 it in the book, but there were two and when 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.800 I was eighteen, and the second time I was twenty three. 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:28.960 So here I go thinking like, who, I'm God's chosen 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:31.520 because it took so long for me to experience this 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:36.080 sexual assault, that this baggage, this trauma that most women carry, 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:38.200 not even realizing. 0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:39.359 Oh it's happening also times. 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.240 Yeah, and you just didn't even know, yes, you felt 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:45.160 like you were violated, but at the time, that wasn't 0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:47.400 a conversation about being sexual assault. 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:50.159 And he's also very confusing because at seven at like 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:52.639 I'm also someone who's been assault like molested at a 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:56.760 young age. At some point, just your body is going 0:17:56.840 --> 0:18:00.199 to be aroused it feels good, and then there's the confusion, like, 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:02.680 but it felt good and my body responded this way, 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:05.280 but then I'm holding the guilt and like confusion. You 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:08.440 your body, literally the trauma in your body is also confused, 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:10.159 and so it takes for you to have the language, 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:12.960 it takes for you to feel empowered and independent enough 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:14.879 to be like wait, hold up. And a lot of 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:17.720 times when you're that young, your body hides those type 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:20.600 of those type of that type of trauma from you 0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:22.440 because you can't handle it. You can't process it. 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:23.000 Yeah, you can't. 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:24.639 The only think it knows is to block it out 0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:26.280 and to block it out and to numb yourself out. 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:29.760 And what will happen in adulthood. You'll have consensual sex 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:32.800 and be able to easily block shit out or go 0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:34.840 so far, and then when you don't want to do something, 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:37.320 it's easy for you to be like okay, because you've 0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:39.800 done that even in places you don't remember a lot 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:42.000 of times and you're like, oh okay, and you just 0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:44.280 shut down and you leave your body. And I've done 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:46.639 it so many times and like not realizing, like why 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:48.960 do I feel this way inside? But it's not connecting 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:51.119 to like my heart and my mind because bitch, you 0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:54.919