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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea, Hi everybody. Welcome to a

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Speaker 1: new episode of Dear Chelsea. I have been getting a

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Speaker 1: lot of sister advice. I got a lot of sister

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Speaker 1: action in my life, a lot of sisters in my life,

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Speaker 1: a lot of sisters asking for advice, and a lot

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Speaker 1: of sisters come to see me perform. So I thought

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Speaker 1: it would be kind of fun to have my sisters

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Speaker 1: on to dull, loud advice because my older sister Simone

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Speaker 1: is who I go to for all my advice, Shoshanna.

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Speaker 1: I also Shanna is more of like a love like

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Speaker 1: a love seat, like you go to her for love

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Speaker 1: and and warm stuggle ship. Yeah, she's a lot like

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Speaker 1: my mom. And then my sister Simone is less emotional

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Speaker 1: and more practical. And so I have both sides of

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Speaker 1: the coin and my sister's Yes, I feel very, very lucky.

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Speaker 1: Notice that I'm not mentioning how lucky I feel about

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Speaker 1: my brother's um. But I do have a really sweet

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Speaker 1: brother named Roy. He is so sweet. He's just a

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Speaker 1: little He's like a just a love muffin. Also, but

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Speaker 1: I'm not asking him for advice either. I'm so excited

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Speaker 1: that they're joining us I know it's a very exciting.

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Speaker 1: So I want to give a warm welcome to both

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Speaker 1: of my sisters, Simone and Shoshanna. Look they're both here

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Speaker 1: at the same time, so serendipitous or an appointment. Hello, Hello, Hello, Simone,

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Speaker 1: you look so profession I love it. I am a professional,

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Speaker 1: so I know, I know, I know all the fucking

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Speaker 1: about it. Catherine, nice to meet you. I likewise, I'm

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Speaker 1: so excited for today, shawna beginning. See you but not

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Speaker 1: hear you yet. This is what it's like to get

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Speaker 1: a phone call from her. Hi, girls, do we not

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Speaker 1: get to me? Brad Brat? Come say hi, Brad. Bring

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Speaker 1: the dogs. They got a brother and sister combo platter,

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Speaker 1: just like Burton Bernice pug puppies. Oh my god. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and we have an older pug whose seven nice. They're

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Speaker 1: the two dogs. I'd say, Hi, look at that they're

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Speaker 1: making out with each other. That's sweet when they kiss

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Speaker 1: each other like that. Okay, So to continue our family story,

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Speaker 1: so Simone had her surgery. Then I went so Shanna

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Speaker 1: got the rough of it because someone was in bad

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Speaker 1: shape for the first week. And then when I came

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Speaker 1: on the scene, we turned a corner and I forced

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Speaker 1: her into a physical therapy regimen, a walking exercise regimen

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Speaker 1: post spinal book camp is what I like to call it.

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Speaker 1: And then Shoshanna was like, Chelsea, don't give her alcohol.

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Speaker 1: You know, you can't give her alcohol. She's recovering, she's

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Speaker 1: on oxycotton. And I was like, first of all, oxy

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Speaker 1: cotton was made to be paired with alcohol, so like, obviously,

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Speaker 1: if you know anything about a medical procedure or recovery,

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Speaker 1: you want to make it as painless as possible. That

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Speaker 1: first Margarita was delicious, yes, exactly, and then she's like,

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Speaker 1: and definitely don't give her edibles. And of course, you know,

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Speaker 1: three days in, I'm like, this is gonna make you

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Speaker 1: relax and feel better. So we had two different experiences.

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Speaker 1: But on the last day of our trip, Simone had

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Speaker 1: a goal to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. Right

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Speaker 1: it's at the bridge. We walked across Money, which was

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Speaker 1: a lot less pleasant than we thought it was going

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Speaker 1: to be because you're basically on a bridge that feels

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Speaker 1: like it's swaying back and forth while hundreds of cars

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Speaker 1: are zooming past. It's like this, and you can't talk

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Speaker 1: because you can't hear anything. So it's basically was like

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Speaker 1: a march and we got to one side. I was like,

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Speaker 1: let's call an uber. She's like, let's just walk back.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, but why it's so unpleasant. All I saw

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Speaker 1: that you were there was posts of margarite is and luncheons,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, what happened? I mean, what did

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Speaker 1: I mean? You didn't get the raw end of the field.

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Speaker 1: Shanna thought they were going to board a board together.

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Speaker 1: She's like, when are we gonna go paddle boarding? Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I left Simone in great Stead. So Shoshanna is technically

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Speaker 1: a registered nurse, but I'm a medical practitioner, and I

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Speaker 1: would like to say that even though everyone advises me

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Speaker 1: against advising others of medicine, I'm going to continue to

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Speaker 1: do it because I feel like I know what I'm doing,

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Speaker 1: and I can tell by Simone's progress while I was

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Speaker 1: there that I do know what I'm doing. You were

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Speaker 1: on CNN yesterday for that? Did you see that? No?

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Speaker 1: For what? I don't watch CNN anymore. Oh, for my ozempic.

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Speaker 1: People are like, Chelsea Handler didn't know she was on ozempic.

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Speaker 1: I was like, first of all, do you think I

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Speaker 1: would admit that I don't know the difference between the

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Speaker 1: sun and the moon, but then lie about a zempic.

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Speaker 1: I mean, obviously I tell the truth about everything, and

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Speaker 1: it's called sema glue tide. So I did not know

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Speaker 1: I was on a zempic until I was on a

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Speaker 1: zempic anyway. Okay, so girls, let's talk about both of you.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, Katherine, you had something right, I do. I

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Speaker 1: actually have an email from one of our listeners, and

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Speaker 1: I wanted to get your perspective on it. Ladies. A

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Speaker 1: very special flight attendant emailed us and she said, Dear Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you'll ever read this, but I

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Speaker 1: watched your special last night with a fond memory of

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Speaker 1: having you on board my flight in first class when

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Speaker 1: I was a person on a flight we were taxing

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Speaker 1: out when the in parents, these white businessman gentleman next

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Speaker 1: to you rang his call button and decided to tell

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Speaker 1: me you hadn't turned off your phone. You looked at

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Speaker 1: him and said, are you fucking kidding me? Are we

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Speaker 1: in high school? You're telling on me? I was laughing

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Speaker 1: so hard I almost paid myself. Your mention of respect

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Speaker 1: for flight attendants was touching, as was the mention of

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Speaker 1: your fear of pregnancy in the forties. I am one

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Speaker 1: of those women who chose to never have children. And yes, drunk,

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Speaker 1: I thought you couldn't get pregnant in your forties and did,

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Speaker 1: and yes, thank God had access to abortion. So thank

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Speaker 1: you for mentioning it, and thank you for one of

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Speaker 1: my most memorable flight stories. So what I would love

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Speaker 1: perspective on is has she always been this way? Just

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Speaker 1: able to say stuff like this to like strangers who

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Speaker 1: were trying to read her on the plane. Yes, that's

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Speaker 1: a really quick, easy answer. Yes, And that's the most

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Speaker 1: common question we get about Chelsea is what she always

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Speaker 1: like this? Yes, since she was probably three years old.

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Speaker 1: And are you both like that as well or less direct?

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Speaker 1: We'll say no. Now we have different styles. I'm kind

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Speaker 1: of a pleaser. I don't like to make waves and

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Speaker 1: those confrontational type things. I mean, I will get annoyed,

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Speaker 1: but it takes a little bit more for me to

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Speaker 1: get annoyed. Like I had someone on the plane once who,

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Speaker 1: during an eight hour flight to France, got up six

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Speaker 1: times to bee and the fifth time I just looked

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Speaker 1: over and said, really, well, we both have the same language,

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Speaker 1: because really was the first thing I said to that

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Speaker 1: guy too. I'm reasonable up to a point and then

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Speaker 1: I lose it. So yeah, I feel kind of the

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Speaker 1: same way. I mean, you know, it takes a lot

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Speaker 1: to get me going, but it it's something like that,

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Speaker 1: I would definitely have said something. Yeah. I love the

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Speaker 1: idea of an adult person telling on another adult person

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Speaker 1: to a flight attendant, like you can't settle this little

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Speaker 1: kerfuffle between two people. She's not turning off her phone.

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Speaker 1: It's so that's like her saying her seat tray isn't up,

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Speaker 1: which I still don't understand why those have to be

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Speaker 1: up when we take off, like they're gonna fly off

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Speaker 1: into our eyes. I don't understand why we can't be reclined.

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Speaker 1: And actually, with all of my newer relationships with flight

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Speaker 1: attendants and the good will that I've instilled with them

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Speaker 1: for me, I feel like I should be able to

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Speaker 1: ask one of them. I don't understand why we can't

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Speaker 1: be reclining when we take off. When I take a

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Speaker 1: sleeping pill and then get on a plane, I want

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Speaker 1: to go straight to sleep. I don't want to take

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Speaker 1: off and go to sleep. There must be a reason

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Speaker 1: I don't know what it is and get those answers

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Speaker 1: for you, Chelsea. Yeah, well there's yeah. And also the

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Speaker 1: like turned your phone on airplane mode. I don't believe

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Speaker 1: that's true either, that you have to do that. I

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Speaker 1: do it. Do you do it when you guys go

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Speaker 1: on planes put your phones on airplane mode to do it?

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Speaker 1: But the last couple of years I hit or miss,

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Speaker 1: I just forget and they don't get. Somewhether you do it,

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Speaker 1: somewhether I do it. That's above our pay grade. Yeah. Sorry, Okay, well,

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Speaker 1: thanks for all your help you guys. That's the end

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Speaker 1: of the episode. Thank you for coming her. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: let's talk about Catherine. I want to talk about sisters

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Speaker 1: and the dynamic between sisters. So Simone's oldest sh Shauna

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Speaker 1: is the middle and I'm the youngest. Even though I'm

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Speaker 1: the loudest and the most obnoxious and the most opinionated,

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Speaker 1: I'm the baby. But I also act like I run

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Speaker 1: the family, right, guys, act like the boss of the family. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I will defer to other people's opinions if I

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Speaker 1: find them a value, so kind of you. I'll defer

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Speaker 1: to Simone on a lot of things because I know

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Speaker 1: Simone smarter than I am. So when I asked her

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Speaker 1: a question about how to frame something in a more

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Speaker 1: reasonable way, or how to tell somebody that they're fucking

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Speaker 1: annoying without hurting their feelings, Simone is the person to

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Speaker 1: go to. And Shoshanna has recently blossomed and burst into

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Speaker 1: her own stage of womanhood right with her personal business.

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Speaker 1: When she's at ear Piercer, a remote ear piercer, and

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Speaker 1: she's a registered nurse so you're getting a safe ear

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Speaker 1: piercing when you you can follow her on Instagram at

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Speaker 1: Piercing's I Shoshanna. Shanna started her own business how long

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Speaker 1: ago Shauna two years, one year, about a year ago, okay,

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Speaker 1: and it's thriving doing it about four years. So yeah.

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Speaker 1: It's a mobile concierge piercing service to become right to

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Speaker 1: your home and make it a safe, fun experience. Everyone

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Speaker 1: gets a certificate of bravery for pictures and it's just

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Speaker 1: a really happy, fun way to do it that's comfortable

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Speaker 1: and relaxed in your own home. And there's a huge

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Speaker 1: market of little babies and little girls that are getting

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Speaker 1: their ears pierce. I had no idea that so many

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Speaker 1: people do this. Oh my gosh, yes, every little girl

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Speaker 1: in Jersey. Yeah, and everybody I tell, they tell five

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Speaker 1: or six friends. Do you do like birthday parties and stuff?

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Speaker 1: I do? Sometimes I'm the actual president and the kid

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Speaker 1: doesn't even know I'm coming. But she's been begging to

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Speaker 1: get her ears pierce for months. And I walked on

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Speaker 1: the door and they say, do you know who this is?

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Speaker 1: She's gonna pierce your ears. And then I popped out

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Speaker 1: of the cake topless. All all everyone in our family

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Speaker 1: goes topless. It's not just me, it's hereditary. My point

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Speaker 1: of that story, Shauna, was you were working in the

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Speaker 1: medical industry, not medical industry with healthcare, proper healthcare. You

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Speaker 1: were a nurse. My sister was a nurse and then

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Speaker 1: she kind of got tired of that, and I guess

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Speaker 1: the hours and the sense of responsibility. So you started

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Speaker 1: your own business, and I think it's given you a

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Speaker 1: really big boon, right, like a boost of self confidence

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Speaker 1: of self esteem. Tell us about that, Well, in a

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Speaker 1: million years, I never thought I would own my own business,

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Speaker 1: so it's been so much fun. I kind of fell

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Speaker 1: into it because I started out with another company and

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Speaker 1: then they ended up stopping the home piercings, and there

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Speaker 1: was such a huge demand, so Shoshana continued to moonlight

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Speaker 1: that I thought, you know, how can I keep doing this,

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Speaker 1: you know, legitimately, And so I formed my own company.

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Speaker 1: And I love it. It's so rewarding and fun. Everybody

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Speaker 1: I need is so nice and they're so happy. It's

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Speaker 1: such a happy occasion. Everything's good about it, and I

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Speaker 1: love it. It's so cute because you're so much more

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Speaker 1: social now, Like I never really thought of you as

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Speaker 1: being super social, but you're out there, like meeting new

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Speaker 1: people all the time, and they adore you. It's really cute. Yeah. No,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think I ever had a problem

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Speaker 1: being social or anything. I'm like more shy and quiet

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Speaker 1: than you guys are. But I've always give been good

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Speaker 1: with patients and patient care in the hospital and all that,

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Speaker 1: so it's just transferring it to the home. So for me,

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Speaker 1: it's been easy, but I love it. Well. I think

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Speaker 1: that Pivot is really great for our listeners to hear

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Speaker 1: because I have a ton of people who call in

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Speaker 1: or right in and they're like, well, this is what

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Speaker 1: I learned to do, this is what my career has

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Speaker 1: been for the last twenty years. I can't really get

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Speaker 1: out of it, especially when it's something really like you

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Speaker 1: had to study for a long time for like healthcare, etcetera.

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Speaker 1: And you pivoted into something where your background is super relevant.

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Speaker 1: But it's definitely outside the box, and you know, you

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Speaker 1: got creative with it, and look at you now. And

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Speaker 1: both of them have had big life moves. Simone moved

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Speaker 1: to San Francisco, like how many years ago? Money, It's

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Speaker 1: been like six and a half years. I guess, yeah,

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Speaker 1: from New Jersey. Her kids were getting older, and but

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Speaker 1: she still had one kid in high school, my niece Sunny.

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Speaker 1: So she was deliberating whether or not to move out west,

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Speaker 1: which was a huge culture shift really, I mean as

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Speaker 1: far as a culture shift as you can get in

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Speaker 1: like America. I guess Mississippi would be a bigger culture shift.

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Speaker 1: But you know, and you kind of did change not careers,

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Speaker 1: but in a in a way, you did you change

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Speaker 1: what you were doing. Yeah. No, I mean I think

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Speaker 1: in my career I've done a lot. I've had a

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Speaker 1: lot of different jobs or different positions, but so it

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Speaker 1: has been in healthcare law, and so I think as

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Speaker 1: my kids were getting Holder, and I was divorced and

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Speaker 1: I was living in Suberby, and I was kind of

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Speaker 1: just bored with living there and that whole routine of

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Speaker 1: taking kids to soccer and baseball, and I didn't really

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Speaker 1: find my people there where I was, And then I thought,

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Speaker 1: you know, I really do need to change. So when

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Speaker 1: I found this job in California, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I could. I could totally live in San Francisco. Why

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Speaker 1: couldn't I. The only big stumbling block was my daughter,

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Speaker 1: who was in high school and had to move her

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Speaker 1: whole life here, But even for her, for her it

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Speaker 1: was probably a huge benefit as well, so it worked out.

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Speaker 1: I don't know for both of us. It's change the venue.

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Speaker 1: I think is that was good. I feel like those

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Speaker 1: big changes are always beneficial to everybody. Because you were

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Speaker 1: kind of like, this, isn't that a far move? I

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Speaker 1: remember you talking about it, and it's like, no, you

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Speaker 1: gotta go for it. Switch things up in a big way.

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Speaker 1: And you've never looked back and regretted that you ever

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Speaker 1: moved across the country exactly, And Shoshana, even when you

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Speaker 1: were starting your business, you were like, oh, I gotta

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Speaker 1: go register as like an LLC or whatever it was,

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Speaker 1: or an s corp or whatever you were talking about,

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Speaker 1: and you're like, it's just such a pain in the ass,

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Speaker 1: and then you did it, and look and then you

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Speaker 1: have never looked back. Right, Like, all the little reasons

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Speaker 1: that we always have for not doing something, we don't

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Speaker 1: ever even end up remembering those reasons. So, like when

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Speaker 1: you're making a big decision or a life move and

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Speaker 1: you're making it's almost like you're making excuses for why

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Speaker 1: it can't be done. And when you overcome hurdles, which

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Speaker 1: you kind of need to do to take a risk

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Speaker 1: in life, you have to overcome these hurdles otherwise it's

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Speaker 1: not a risk. You really rarely ever look back and

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Speaker 1: be like, oh God, I wish I hadn't done that,

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Speaker 1: you know, when you're taking leap of faith. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm three years old and it's the best thing I've

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Speaker 1: ever done, and I'm happier now than I've ever been

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Speaker 1: doing anything professionally. I couldn't be happier. So I'm so

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Speaker 1: glad that I did found out what I had to do,

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Speaker 1: and it was a pain in the ask and it

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Speaker 1: took a while, but now it's done. I also like

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Speaker 1: the fact that when you do something like that, you

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Speaker 1: know you have two kids that see that change in you,

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Speaker 1: and so you're modeling this behavior of doing something unique

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Speaker 1: and different and and risky. So they see that and

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Speaker 1: they benefit from that in their own lives and their

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Speaker 1: own decision making too. Yeah, I totally agree with that.

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Speaker 1: They definitely do. I know Burton Bernice have benefited from

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Speaker 1: all of the challenges and risks I put myself in

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Speaker 1: front of. The only thing is Russell, my fourteen year

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Speaker 1: old teenage son tells his friends when they ask what

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Speaker 1: his mother does, they say, she stabbed babies for a living.

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Speaker 1: So that's a little yeah, but those are babies whose

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Speaker 1: parents are choosing for them to be stabbed, Like that's

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Speaker 1: an unfair assessment. I always used to look at like

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Speaker 1: babies getting their ear pierce as hard, So now I

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Speaker 1: think it's adorable. It looks so cute, I know, and

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Speaker 1: and plus it's over in a second, right, It's not

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Speaker 1: like it goes on. I said to Sean, I go,

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Speaker 1: what happens when you do the one ear and then

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Speaker 1: they know what's going on? How do you do the

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Speaker 1: second ear? She's like, they forget right away quickly. You're

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Speaker 1: smiling and happy. Two minutes. It's great and they never

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Speaker 1: remember it, so everybody's happy. The parents are happy. Do

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Speaker 1: you only do ears? I do only do ears. You

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Speaker 1: know a few months ago, Chelsea put up on Instagram

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Speaker 1: that I would pierce pretty much anything on your body,

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Speaker 1: you know, anything, anything, And I got all these private

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Speaker 1: messages if I could come pierce their private parts, and

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Speaker 1: they're this and that, and I had to you know,

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Speaker 1: I had to let them down gently that right now,

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Speaker 1: it's uh, it's just an ear business. So it was

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Speaker 1: an area for expansion down the road. Don't roll it out. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'll think about that. Just get some extra alcohol swabs

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Speaker 1: and you'll be all set. Maybe I'll practice nipple piercing

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Speaker 1: on my husband, Mike. I'm sure he would be thrilled.

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Speaker 1: Nipple piercing can't be that bad. Oh yeah, copy that? Okay,

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Speaker 1: got it? Got it. Shshana is more virginal than I am.

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Speaker 1: If you haven't picked up on that. Also, where's our

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Speaker 1: where's Roy? Shoshanna? What's roy status? These days? Our brother

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Speaker 1: Roy was living with Shoshanna. He came out to visit

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Speaker 1: with Simone when we were we were tending to her back.

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Speaker 1: That's right, there was a surprise visit. He just showed

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Speaker 1: up at my doorstep. That was that was a really

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Speaker 1: nice surprise. Yeah, And then he hung out with us

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Speaker 1: all week. And then what we would do is each

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Speaker 1: of us had to take Simone for well. We took

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Speaker 1: her for like her geriatric walk basically every day because

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Speaker 1: she wasn't very mobile. So we would take her out

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Speaker 1: for like thirty minutes or as much as she could handle,

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Speaker 1: and then we get back and then Roy would go

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Speaker 1: for a real walk, and then he'd come back and

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Speaker 1: I'd go for a real walk. I was smoking a

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Speaker 1: lot of pot during this time because I had nothing

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Speaker 1: going on except to care for Simone, and that I

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Speaker 1: could barely handle. So one day and our only responsibility

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Speaker 1: was not to leave Simone alone like that was it

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Speaker 1: just don't leave her alone because in case she got

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Speaker 1: herself into a jam, she wouldn't be able to get

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Speaker 1: out of it because he had stitches up and down

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Speaker 1: her back. So one day Simone was like, oh, I

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Speaker 1: have a tesla appointment at two, that's all we have today.

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Speaker 1: After we went for a walk, I said sure, okay.

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Speaker 1: So Roy went for a walk, I smoke a joint,

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Speaker 1: I go for a walk. I go for a longer

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Speaker 1: walk than expected because I'm stoned. And I get back

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Speaker 1: and Simone's not there, and I was like, Roy, what

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Speaker 1: the fuck? Where's Simone? And he's like, oh, she went

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Speaker 1: to a Tesla appointment. I was like, you let her

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Speaker 1: drive herself and he goes, yeah, you weren't back and

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Speaker 1: she didn't want to teach me how to use the Tesla.

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Speaker 1: Her tesla's for some reason extra annoying, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: the whole reason we're here is to never leave her alone.

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Speaker 1: He's like, you're the one who missed the appointment, and

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Speaker 1: I said, I know, Roy, but I thought I could

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Speaker 1: rely on you. So then I was like, okay, well

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Speaker 1: I have to go to her find she's at the

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Speaker 1: a Tesla dealership. And I was like, we have to

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Speaker 1: call an uber, Roy, call an uber and he's like

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to call an uber. I don't

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Speaker 1: know how to call a newper either. And then and

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Speaker 1: these are the people that are in charge of me,

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Speaker 1: are protect me, and like can't. I was like screaming

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Speaker 1: at him in the kitchen. I go, why don't you

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Speaker 1: have Uber? That doesn't even make any sense. He's like

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Speaker 1: why would I need Uber And I'm like, well, I

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Speaker 1: don't eat Uber, and so anyway, I had Uber Eats

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Speaker 1: on my phone and I was like, I wonder if

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Speaker 1: they can pick me up in the middle of a

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Speaker 1: food delivery and take me to my sister. And then

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Speaker 1: finally I had Uber on my phone. I just had

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Speaker 1: to find it and I called an Uber. It was

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Speaker 1: a huge success. I got there as Simone was just

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Speaker 1: in the waiting room, just with a tiny bit of attitude,

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Speaker 1: not too much, and she's like, I told you at

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Speaker 1: an appointment at two. I was like, this is fucking

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Speaker 1: roy She stayed another week or two. I know it

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Speaker 1: would have been more fun if we were all together. Sean,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry you got the brunt of it. I mean,

386
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Speaker 1: really came in hot. He was cooking every day, I

387
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Speaker 1: mean and me made chicken soup for twenty six people

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Speaker 1: even though there's only three of us. So and then

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Speaker 1: one night he made turkey meatballs for twenty six people

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Speaker 1: even though there were three of us. I still have

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Speaker 1: those meet balls in the freezer. By the way, It's like, boy,

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Speaker 1: who are you serving here? He has no can't you

393
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Speaker 1: can only cook for like fifty people at a time.

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Speaker 1: He can't cook for two or three people at the time. Yeah,

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00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 1: he can't cook individually. Yeah it's individually or for fifty people.

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00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 1: It's nothing in between exactly. But anyway, they nursed me

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Speaker 1: back to health. How are you feeling money, I'm good.

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Speaker 1: I mean this lovely deluxe chair that you kindly bought me,

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Speaker 1: and I'd say I'm about eighty five percent there. I

400
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Speaker 1: think the last ten or fifteen percent will take another

401
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:29,919
Speaker 1: six months. There's certain twisting right and left sending that

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00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,560
Speaker 1: I can't really do. But I got a physical therapy

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00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,360
Speaker 1: once or twice a week, and they are great. I'd

404
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,000
Speaker 1: like to go there every day, frankly, but apparently that's

405
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 1: not really necessary. I just like having a trainer. I

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00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:43,639
Speaker 1: like someone who tells me what to do and I

407
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,760
Speaker 1: do it. It feels like you should go more than

408
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Speaker 1: once a week. Now They're like, I've progressed so much

409
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,199
Speaker 1: that I only need to I just need to do

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Speaker 1: what they tell me seven days a week. And also,

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Speaker 1: when I was out there with someone, I said, listen,

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Speaker 1: this is a make or break moment in your life.

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Speaker 1: This could be the end or this could be a

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Speaker 1: new beginning. And she looked at me. She goes, just

415
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:07,399
Speaker 1: shut up. Okay, I have another peak left in me.

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Speaker 1: This is not the end. And I was like, yeah,

417
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,119
Speaker 1: but you can go for it in this moment and

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Speaker 1: get really healthy and strong, or some people in their

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Speaker 1: mid fifties that get a procedure like this just slide

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Speaker 1: straight downhill to happen to you. No, no, I've got

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00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 1: many good years left. So this was just a little hiccup. Okay,

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00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 1: good to know. Good. You know. By the way, to

423
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:39,159
Speaker 1: all of our straight male listeners, Simone is available. I'm available. Yeah, hey, okay,

424
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 1: so what do we have in store today? Catherine? Amazingly,

425
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 1: I do have a straight male listener who has written

426
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,320
Speaker 1: in is it for Simone? Oh my god, this would

427
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 1: be amazing. I don't know, but he has married somebody.

428
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:57,680
Speaker 1: Sounds like an eager beever. Listen. I have some sister questions.

429
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,760
Speaker 1: I have some dating questions and all kinds of stuff.

430
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 1: Let's do sisters question. All right, well, let's go quick

431
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:12,360
Speaker 1: break and we'll be right back. And we're back. We

432
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:17,679
Speaker 1: are back. Well. This first question is from lovable Aunt.

433
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 1: Growing up with my three years older sister was sort

434
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,159
Speaker 1: of a battle. She was always so headstrong, almost like

435
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:29,119
Speaker 1: a bully to everyone, especially me. She had this bad attitude,

436
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 1: always looking for a fight, and she was spoiled rotten.

437
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 1: When we were young, we weren't friends. She always pushed

438
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 1: me around, teased me to the point where I would cry.

439
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 1: She once said to a new friend that she didn't

440
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 1: know me and that I was a neighbor who lived

441
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 1: on another street. Fast forward to now, and we are

442
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 1: the best of friends. Somewhere along the way she grew

443
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: up and finally realized what's right and wrong and became normal.

444
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,880
Speaker 1: The issue is she has a four year old son

445
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,880
Speaker 1: who looks exactly like her, and I'm terrified to say,

446
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,159
Speaker 1: is exactly like she was when she was younger. My

447
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 1: nephew is a bully in the making, just like she was.

448
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,200
Speaker 1: He's only four and he already has this bad attitude.

449
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 1: I feel like it's giving me PTSD of some sort.

450
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 1: I do love him, but I cannot tolerate him. It's

451
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,439
Speaker 1: hard to like him. Do I have to wait till

452
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,480
Speaker 1: he's in his twenties to be able to bond with him?

453
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,879
Speaker 1: He is just so awful? And No, I do not

454
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,160
Speaker 1: have kids on my own, nor do I ever want one.

455
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 1: He is my birth control. Any advice lovable aunt with

456
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 1: an unlikable nephew. Oh jeez, that's an interesting one. I

457
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,400
Speaker 1: haven't heard like that. When you started out, I was like, oh,

458
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 1: this is Shoshana and Chelsea when they were little. Yeah,

459
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,399
Speaker 1: that's what I thought too, except I was the youngest

460
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 1: and I was the bully, and this is what would

461
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 1: have happened if you had children, right, which is why

462
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,439
Speaker 1: everyone in our family advised me over and over again.

463
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: You guys say I don't listen, but obviously I did

464
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 1: because I didn't have children, and all of you kept

465
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 1: telling me definitely don't when you didn't need to say that.

466
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 1: But okay, so go on, okay, so continue siga most simon. Now.

467
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 1: So I think this is a tough one because I

468
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 1: feel like commenting on someone's child is that you have

469
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,680
Speaker 1: to tread really lightly. It's a delicate area. If she's

470
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 1: good friends with her sister now, but that's a great

471
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 1: starting point. There's got to be an opportunity that when

472
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:19,160
Speaker 1: they're all together, for her to not necessarily criticize her

473
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 1: her nephew, but when her sister corrects her nephew or

474
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 1: parents her nephew. I wonder if there's an opportunity to

475
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:32,159
Speaker 1: have a broader discussion about his behavior, or you know,

476
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 1: even saying things like, oh, how does he do it preschool?

477
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 1: How's he doing with other kids? Like asking more objective

478
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 1: questions about his behavior to see if she'll realize that

479
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 1: this child is having some behavioral issues and is a

480
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 1: bit of a bully. But I wouldn't do it very

481
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 1: subjectively and really go in there and say your kid

482
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 1: is a nightmare, like you need to fix him, because

483
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 1: that's that's never goes well. Yeah, do you think that

484
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 1: she's aware that her son is acting like she did

485
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 1: when she was young or that's a question that you know,

486
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,640
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to know. It's interesting to talk about

487
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 1: who's aware of their children and who Isn't you know

488
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 1: what I mean, you're so blind when it's your own child.

489
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 1: I just talked to a friend of mine who said

490
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 1: it was a straight cup I was with recently that

491
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 1: they both were working big jobs, both CEOs of different companies,

492
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 1: and they realized that their kid was turning into a

493
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 1: major brat. And she's like, I just realized that she

494
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,719
Speaker 1: was turning into that. She's like, so one of us

495
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,160
Speaker 1: had to stop working and we had to spend more

496
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 1: time with her, and I was like, oh, oh, I've

497
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 1: never heard anyone say that about their own kids. Yeah.

498
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 1: I mean that takes a lot of self awareness to

499
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 1: realize that. I think in some cases, like if the

500
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 1: child is now emulating the parents, some people find that endearing.

501
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 1: And it was just like me, as a kid, he's looking, oh,

502
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 1: I've heard that so many times from so many mothers.

503
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 1: She's like, she's just like me, Like, that's actually not

504
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 1: appropriate behavior a child. So it's a difficult area. Again.

505
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,880
Speaker 1: I think siblings providing advice on their nieces and nephews

506
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 1: is just a touchy area. I just think you have

507
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,120
Speaker 1: to I think it's worth bringing up, but I think

508
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:03,440
Speaker 1: you have to do it in a in a very

509
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 1: sort of diplomatic way. Well maybe this woman could she

510
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 1: start doing stand up and just out everybody that way.

511
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: There you go. There's another option. That's option B. That's

512
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,159
Speaker 1: the straightest path to success. I think if the sisters

513
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,879
Speaker 1: have a close enough relationship, there is a way to

514
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: open up that conversation gently. It depends how tight they

515
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: are to be able to work that in slowly gently,

516
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 1: But if you really do have that really tight close relationship,

517
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 1: I think that you can find a space to talk

518
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 1: about it in the right way without being really obnoxious

519
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 1: about it. I also think, depending on the relationship that

520
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 1: you have with your nephew and with your sister, if

521
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,720
Speaker 1: it's appropriate, where like she doesn't mind if you reprimand

522
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 1: him or have some input on his behavior. I have

523
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:53,439
Speaker 1: a niece who was a Hellian growing up, and I

524
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 1: was a person in her life who set like really

525
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: firm boundaries, and she knew that, like I was the

526
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 1: auntie that if I said no, the answer was no.

527
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 1: If I said later, the answer was later, and that

528
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 1: as I set those boundaries early on, that paid off

529
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,680
Speaker 1: in dividends as she got older. Yeah, Catherine, I think

530
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 1: you definitely that's a good point about as the child

531
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 1: grows up, you develop your own relationship with that child.

532
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,679
Speaker 1: I don't think she has to wait till he's eighteen

533
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 1: years old, but it develops over time. And I know

534
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 1: all of my kids benefit from the ants and novels.

535
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 1: Starting school to might help correct some of this behavior,

536
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: because a lot of times kids are bad in a

537
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,360
Speaker 1: way that like their peers are not going to put

538
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: up with. So like, as he gets into kindergarten, first grade, whatever,

539
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 1: some of this might start coming out in the wash.

540
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 1: Hopefully that's true. I mean that wasn't the case for

541
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,880
Speaker 1: Chelsea when she was little. But you know, I got more.

542
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,199
Speaker 1: I was more confrontational. Once I met other people. I

543
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, there's a whole there's a whole sea

544
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 1: of people I can disagree with. I remember getting thrown

545
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 1: out of nursery school because I said something to the

546
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 1: teacher that Dad had said to me about her. I

547
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 1: said to her face, and then I got in troubled.

548
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,679
Speaker 1: She had Dad picked me up, and Dad's I give

549
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: to go and apologize. I think she was trying to

550
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 1: get me to take a nap and I hated that.

551
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 1: Now I would love it, but back then I didn't

552
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,879
Speaker 1: want to be forced to lie on those stupid cots.

553
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: I was like, first of all, there's accounting to be

554
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,399
Speaker 1: done for my family, Like I have to figure out

555
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 1: where the money is coming from, or where is it

556
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 1: where is it coming in? And my dad was like,

557
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: you have to apologize. I'm like, you're the one who

558
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,359
Speaker 1: said it. It was either something about the way she

559
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:24,880
Speaker 1: dressed or it was something I can't remember, but anyway,

560
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 1: I was so mad that I was basically getting in

561
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 1: trouble for something he told me, and then I repeated.

562
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,639
Speaker 1: I was like, you're a bad influence. But yeah, so

563
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,639
Speaker 1: I'm not a good example, but other people are. You

564
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 1: do get socialized when you go to school. I feel

565
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 1: like teachers are so tired and exhausted now that they're

566
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: not gonna put up with any bullshit anyway. Yeah, okay,

567
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,479
Speaker 1: while lovable aunt, tell us what happens with their nephew,

568
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 1: and if you can set some boundaries, let us know

569
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: what happens. Problem solved. It sounds like froved at the

570
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 1: end of the day. I gotta wait it out right, Well,

571
00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 1: we have a caller. Are you ready for a caller?

572
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:08,160
Speaker 1: Ladies of color? Color? Okay, Amber says, dear Chelsea. I've

573
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 1: been dating my perfect man for two years this time around.

574
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,360
Speaker 1: We dated seventeen years ago and had a tumultuous eight

575
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 1: year relationship that ended with cheating, and I was the cheater.

576
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 1: In the seven years apart, he dated one girl and

577
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:26,119
Speaker 1: I dated several douchebags. He was always on my mind, though,

578
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,439
Speaker 1: and about two years before we got back together, I

579
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,359
Speaker 1: started pursuing him again, even while he was committed to

580
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 1: someone else. Needless to say, I want him back. I

581
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:37,239
Speaker 1: know there's a lot to unpack there, but we've been

582
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 1: working really hard. But he has major trust issues. I

583
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 1: cheated on him ten years ago, and I'm a completely

584
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: different person now. I have done a ton of therapy

585
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 1: and twelve step programs and even a two month retreat

586
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 1: in Thailand. They all have the same message of truth

587
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 1: telling and honesty. So I've been exactly that honest. How

588
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 1: do I earn his trust back and convinced him that

589
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 1: I'm not the Amber from ten years go? Will the

590
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 1: trust ever come back? Or will my shitty ways haunt

591
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: me forever? Amber? Hi Amber, Hi Catherine, how are you?

592
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 1: Show everyone your shirt? I'm very excited about this. Let's

593
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 1: go to therapy. That's cute, Hi Amber, how are you?

594
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 1: These are my sisters. There are a special guests today.

595
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: Hi sisters. Hi get you. Nice to meet you as well. Wow,

596
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 1: that's a long breakup and then you got back. How

597
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 1: many years were you guys apart? We were apart for

598
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 1: seven years? Wow? So you had let me get this straight.

599
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 1: You had eight years together, then broke up for seven

600
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,480
Speaker 1: and then you've been together again for the second time

601
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 1: for two years. Correct? Okay, that's yeah. So we've been

602
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 1: together for eight years and then I cheated on him

603
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: and I had a little bit of an affair, about

604
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 1: a three month affair. Obviously he found out about it.

605
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: We broke up, he got involved in a new relationship,

606
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 1: and I was pining for him that whole time time.

607
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 1: Then ended up getting back together and we've been back

608
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 1: together this last two years, but he just does not

609
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 1: trust me. Wait, I have a question, Amber, Was that

610
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: the only time you cheated on him? One time? Okay, yeah, Okay,

611
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,800
Speaker 1: go ahead, someone, So how has it been these last

612
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 1: two years? You obviously both still had something going on

613
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 1: for each other, so enough to bring you back together? Yeah?

614
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 1: What is How is he demonstrating this distrust Like he's

615
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: just not there? You know? For me, it's been great.

616
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: I'm just so excited to be back together with him

617
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 1: that I think I'm a little bit blinded by his insecurity.

618
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: He gets insecure about kind of the silliest things, like

619
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,719
Speaker 1: if I'm on my phone for too long. Maybe if

620
00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 1: I'm on an app and I close out of the

621
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 1: app too soon, He's like, why why are you doing that?

622
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously we cheated on him eight years ago.

623
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 1: A lot of it was related around the phone. So

624
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 1: he's just been really insecure. He doesn't really voice it.

625
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: He's a little bit passive aggressive. I can just tell

626
00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: that something's upsetting him. He's not really good at ver

627
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 1: balizing it. And then it gets to a point where

628
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 1: I start to retreat because he's being he's retreating, and

629
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 1: then we'll have kind of like a blow up where

630
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 1: he's like, I just don't trust you. You're doing these things.

631
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 1: You're being shady with your phone U, you're closing out

632
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 1: of these apps some things. I I don't even know

633
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: what he's talking about. I'm I'm confused on why he's right.

634
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 1: He's in a different state of mind altogether than you are. Right,

635
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 1: the jealousy thing is a serious thing that's not going

636
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: to automatically go away. Have you guys gone to counseling

637
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 1: together at all? I go to therapy. I asked him

638
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 1: to go to therapy, and he was not on board

639
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 1: with going to therapy. Well that's a big problem right there.

640
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: That's a big red flag. This is a hurdle that

641
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 1: you have to figure out, and therapy is not the

642
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: only way, but it might be, you know, the easiest

643
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: and best way to have a third party figure out,

644
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 1: you know, with you guys, if you can get past this,

645
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 1: because it's hanging over your relationship and it's not healthy.

646
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 1: So you have to move through this or you have

647
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: to probably not be together. So if you're going to

648
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 1: make it work, you have to find a way to

649
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 1: address this issue because it's not going away. Yeah, and

650
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: it's you know, it's been seventeen years and I have

651
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 1: so many amazing single girl friends, and I want to

652
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 1: be in a long term relationship and I want to

653
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: be with him, and I don't want to give up

654
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 1: on the relationship. And I know that he loves me

655
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 1: very much too and doesn't want to give up either.

656
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 1: I don't want to say he doesn't. He doesn't want

657
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 1: to go to a traditional therapist. He does his own work.

658
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 1: He's very spiritual. He listens to a lot of like

659
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 1: Eckhart totally and Deepak, and he's just really into that

660
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 1: spiritual side of himself. He's a pretty special human. He

661
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 1: just can't get past this hurdle. And I'm not sure.

662
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 1: I'm not sure what to do. I think the fact

663
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 1: that he's had this experience, I mean, he has he

664
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 1: has a legitimate reason to have this trust issue with you.

665
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 1: You have never been in that position, it sounds like,

666
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,800
Speaker 1: so you can't really understand what he's going through and

667
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 1: why he's acting this way, but it's legitimate for him.

668
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 1: So I think you really do. If he is spiritual,

669
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 1: maybe you just need to go to a different type

670
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 1: of third party as someone that's a little bit, you know,

671
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 1: more connected to mindfulness, or someone that he's on board with,

672
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: because I don't think you can kind of grow together

673
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 1: if you really think he's the one and he thinks

674
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 1: you're the one, but there's this constant issue hanging over

675
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: your head. I don't think it's gonna work unless you

676
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 1: really hash it out. Yeah, I just feel like he's

677
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: punishing me for something I did ten years ago. Well,

678
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 1: he's not punishing you. He's still hurt from something that

679
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 1: you did ten years ago. He's hurting and he's not

680
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 1: able to let it go. And the whole thing about

681
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 1: spirituality is not to hold onto the past or to

682
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 1: harbor the past, and that's what he's doing. So he

683
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 1: can be as spiritual as he wants, but he's not

684
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: taking the advice that he's listening to, which is to

685
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 1: let go. You're a different person. You've gone to therapy

686
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: all these years. If he doesn't even have the interest

687
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,480
Speaker 1: in going and sitting down with you to hear about

688
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 1: what you've learned and to figure out a way for

689
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 1: you guys to continue, that is a really big red flag.

690
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 1: And that's to say what he could spend the next

691
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 1: ten years holding this over your head. I feel like

692
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,800
Speaker 1: you have done the work to account for your behavior.

693
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 1: You're not going to do it again. Enough time has passed,

694
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 1: It's been two years. How long is he going to

695
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 1: hold onto this for he has to accept and trust

696
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 1: in order for you guys to grow, and if he can't, Yeah,

697
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 1: you've got to either figure you have to have a

698
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 1: third party sit down and have a conversation about it,

699
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 1: because it's irrational. At this point, you're not doing anything

700
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 1: that's warranting his distrust. And if he wanted to get

701
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: back in this relationship, even though you went and pursued

702
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 1: him and I'm sure you were very influential and getting

703
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 1: you back together, he agreed to get back together, So

704
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 1: he has to agree to like a new set of

705
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 1: terms at a fresh start. Yeah, I mean enough time

706
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:48,400
Speaker 1: has passed since this happened, and you've demonstrated your behavior

707
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: in the past two years and then this newest part

708
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 1: of your relationship, and if that's not enough, then it

709
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 1: has to be you know, you have to work on

710
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 1: it together for him to either get past or if

711
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,399
Speaker 1: you if he realizes he can't get past it, that's

712
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 1: a problem. Yeah, it makes me really sad because I'm

713
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 1: worried that he can't and it sounds like he might

714
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 1: not be able to. I do wonder if there is

715
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 1: something that's, not, like you said, traditional therapy that might

716
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 1: be really healing for him. First of all, of course,

717
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,880
Speaker 1: there's a ton of books about getting over cheating and

718
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 1: how to repair relationships, so like that might be something

719
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:26,279
Speaker 1: to be like, Hey, I need you to read a

720
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 1: couple of these books so we can start to move

721
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:31,919
Speaker 1: on from this and rebuild that trust. But you might

722
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:35,880
Speaker 1: also look into like a weekend retreat with a shaman

723
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,880
Speaker 1: based on connecting with your significant other or something like

724
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,960
Speaker 1: that that feels a little bit more you, guys, or

725
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:44,799
Speaker 1: feels a little bit more of him that he might

726
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 1: be more comfortable with now. Liked ayahuasca. He did an

727
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 1: Ayahuaska retreat and cost and I think that really helped him.

728
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: I don't think it was as powerful as he was

729
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 1: expecting it to be, but I know that's more his

730
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 1: route and I'm willing to support him and that, so

731
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 1: I really I really like that idea. Well, I mean,

732
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 1: it's good that he's into this stuff, and then he's

733
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: sort of open to sort of you know, forward thinking

734
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 1: and and and you know, changing his outlook and all

735
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: of that, so it sounds like he's got the potential

736
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,879
Speaker 1: to do it. I mean, this one issue is kind

737
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 1: of significant for him, but there's got to be a

738
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 1: way that you can address it together, because again, you're

739
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 1: you're speaking about two different things. He's experiencing things, and

740
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,800
Speaker 1: he's not able to verbalize it to you what the

741
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: triggers are and when it happens and how that makes

742
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 1: him feel, and you need to have this conversation together.

743
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,600
Speaker 1: And I think the only way to do is to

744
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 1: have an interpreters their party that can really help you

745
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 1: and try maybe you can do a Molly m d

746
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 1: m A session with somebody. Those are good. No, really,

747
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 1: it's helpful for couples, especially when they're cheating involved, because

748
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,759
Speaker 1: it kind of like gets rid of your ego and

749
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 1: people are just like you're so loving and communicative that

750
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 1: you can solve a lot of these kinds of big

751
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:55,960
Speaker 1: issue relationship issues in one session, Like if you get

752
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,800
Speaker 1: somebody who can guide you through an m d M

753
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 1: a therapy journey with you and your partner, and that

754
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 1: way it's not traditional therapy. Yeah, we've tried be made together,

755
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: but having somebody lead it, I think would be would

756
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:12,879
Speaker 1: probably be more powerful. Yeah. Yeah, because for him at

757
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,919
Speaker 1: this point, his wrote response, his pattern and his brain

758
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: is like I'm afraid, I'm afraid. I'm afraid. So he

759
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 1: needs something to break him out of that, and he

760
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 1: also needs to be taking the initiative to work on

761
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 1: that healing for himself. Yeah. I just hope, I just

762
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 1: hope that the relationship that hasn't it hasn't gone too far,

763
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:31,239
Speaker 1: because I do love him, and it sounds like you

764
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,240
Speaker 1: want to do the work, So that's half the battle,

765
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 1: and I just have to make sure he wants to

766
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 1: do the work. Yeah. Yeah, you just need to figure

767
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 1: out what that work looks like and let him know

768
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: how much you're committed to trying to get there where

769
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 1: whatever it is that it takes to get him more comfortable.

770
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:48,280
Speaker 1: You guys, are on the same page and get past

771
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 1: this that you'll do it. Well, I'll do what it

772
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 1: what it takes. I'm hoping he does as well. Yeah,

773
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 1: I mean, you've got like seventeen years together now, right,

774
00:37:56,160 --> 00:38:00,040
Speaker 1: so try and figure it the funk out what I

775
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,680
Speaker 1: tell him? That? Tell him that, I'll tell him. Chelsea

776
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 1: said that, Yeah, please, do I need another straight fan

777
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:14,879
Speaker 1: to add to the other two. All right, well, thanks

778
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: for calling in, Amber, keep us posted and let us

779
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:19,919
Speaker 1: know how everything goes. Good luck, Amber will so much.

780
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 1: Thank you, sisters. By that's a good podcast title, you guys.

781
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 1: Thank you sisters, unless it's about nuns. Well, I have

782
00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:36,319
Speaker 1: an email from a straight listener. His name is Sean.

783
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my name is Shawn, and I wanted to

784
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:41,800
Speaker 1: write in and see if I could get some advice

785
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:46,240
Speaker 1: about an upcoming diagnosis. My wife, yes I'm a straight

786
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 1: man writing in, has come into recent awareness that she

787
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:51,879
Speaker 1: might be on the autism spectrum. She's going to get

788
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:53,799
Speaker 1: tested because she would like to have the answer to

789
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 1: some of the idiosyncrasies in her life. We've been together

790
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,359
Speaker 1: for six years and married for a little over a year.

791
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,480
Speaker 1: I've expressed that no matter what the outcome could be

792
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: it doesn't change any part of who she is as

793
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:07,839
Speaker 1: a person, and more importantly, she's my wife. I am

794
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 1: just worried that she could go into a grieving or

795
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: depression about this discovery. She's expressed to me that she

796
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 1: would most likely grieve for her younger self. But I

797
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: want to make sure I can show up for her

798
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 1: in every facet as a role model for women and

799
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 1: mental health. I feel that you would be able to

800
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,719
Speaker 1: help give some perspective as to how I can best

801
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 1: support and comfort my wife through this time. You're a

802
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 1: north star for both my wife and my mother in law,

803
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 1: sharing many similar traits and beliefs. That's why I thought

804
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 1: you'd be perfect to give an outside perspective. Sean, What

805
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 1: a sweetheart. I know. Yeah, that's sweet Sean. We're all

806
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 1: attracted to you. Now, okay, I'll go first. I think

807
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,279
Speaker 1: that first all, that's a total gift to get a

808
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 1: diagnosis so you understand where your behaviors are coming from.

809
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 1: My friend Amy Schumer, who has been very public about

810
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:57,400
Speaker 1: her husband's autism diagnosis, was also directed by her. She

811
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,800
Speaker 1: noticed some weird behaviors or some non tradition sinel behavior

812
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 1: stuff She wasn't used to seeing. She saw and asked, hey,

813
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:06,399
Speaker 1: do you think I've looked this up, and I think

814
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 1: there's a chance you might want to get tested because

815
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 1: you might be on the spectrum. And he did, and

816
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 1: it was like such an informational tool. Then he understood

817
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 1: why he acted differently in his behavior towards things like

818
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 1: she fell down once and he didn't go to pick

819
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,239
Speaker 1: her up, and he's like, I don't know why I

820
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:25,720
Speaker 1: didn't do that either. She's like, usually if someone falls,

821
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 1: you know, somebody comes to help me, Like why are

822
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,919
Speaker 1: you standing there? And he's like, I don't know. So,

823
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 1: you know, the synapses are different, and the reactions are different,

824
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 1: and your socialization is very different. So it's a very

825
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 1: big gift to get the information to understand and put

826
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:44,360
Speaker 1: in context all of these things that you've kind of

827
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,759
Speaker 1: been confused about for so long. So I think you

828
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 1: have to look at it and go at it from

829
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:51,400
Speaker 1: that very positive angle, like, oh my god, great we

830
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 1: have answers. Yeah, yeah, I agree. I mean data is key.

831
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 1: So you know, she could potentially being diagnosed with a

832
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,440
Speaker 1: form of autism, but she's not being diagnosed with terminal cancer.

833
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:05,400
Speaker 1: So it's something she's had probably since she was a child,

834
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 1: and it's just putting sort of a name to it,

835
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,799
Speaker 1: in diagnosis to it. But it's not changing her life

836
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 1: in anyway. She's still living the same life with her husband.

837
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 1: So this information can be useful, you know, they can

838
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 1: read more about it, and they can sort of maybe

839
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:20,920
Speaker 1: I don't even know if you would change anything, to

840
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 1: be honest, but just recognizing the signals in the symptoms

841
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: and the behaviors that she's been seeing, I think, yeah,

842
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 1: I agree, it's it's valuable to get that information back.

843
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with data. Yeah, And being autistic is

844
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 1: an advantage in many ways that we don't see. So

845
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:41,960
Speaker 1: there's this whole additional layer of added value that autistic

846
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 1: people bring to the table in the way they see

847
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 1: things and in the way they take information in in

848
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 1: the way that they see the world. It's just so

849
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 1: much different, and so like there's so much value in

850
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:55,239
Speaker 1: teaching more people about that. Your children. You it's not

851
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 1: a bad thing. It's not like you're getting a cancer diagnosis.

852
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 1: You're getting a personality diagnosed this and that is always helpful. Yeah,

853
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,560
Speaker 1: And it might be like a little just a relief

854
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 1: just to know Okay, now that's that's what I have.

855
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:09,319
Speaker 1: I have a name for it, this is what it is.

856
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 1: If I know that I have autism, then there are

857
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 1: very specific people that you can go see that deal

858
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 1: with that you know, regarding autism, that can help you,

859
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 1: as opposed to seeing somebody that may not be familiar

860
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 1: with that or that kind of thing. So it's a

861
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:27,840
Speaker 1: good opportunity to move forward with it knowing what you

862
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 1: have and knowing where to go to get help if

863
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: there's things you want to change. And I also think

864
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 1: to Sean's original question, which I think was about how

865
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:39,080
Speaker 1: do I provide appropriate support, I think you know she's

866
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:41,399
Speaker 1: gonna handle it, how she's gonna handle it. We can't

867
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 1: predict if she's going to be depressed about it initially,

868
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 1: or she's going to be kind of excited to have

869
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: this data and want to see a therapist or want

870
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:51,840
Speaker 1: to see a specialist. So you kind of have to

871
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 1: react to her and know not to diminish any of

872
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,439
Speaker 1: those feelings that she's having and just be there as

873
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 1: you have been apparently in support her regardless of her reaction.

874
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 1: And then it's really ultimately her decision as to whether

875
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 1: she takes the next steps or not, because I remember

876
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,320
Speaker 1: it sounds very similar to Amy's story. So some people,

877
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,759
Speaker 1: you know, there's nothing to do, it's just to be

878
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,239
Speaker 1: there and support those reactions and sort of help her

879
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:19,799
Speaker 1: walk through the emotions that she might experience. Yeah. Yeah,

880
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:21,719
Speaker 1: and great for you for even asking, you know, I

881
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 1: mean that says it all about your personality. It's already

882
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,839
Speaker 1: where it needs to be that you'll be supportive and

883
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 1: very encouraging and always I think just keep reminding your

884
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 1: wife in the moments that she needs to hear it

885
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 1: what a positive thing this is. Knowledge is power, and

886
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 1: like you have all this information now, assuming she does

887
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 1: tests and is on the spectrum, so positivity is everything too.

888
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 1: You know, just to be like a solid kind of

889
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:48,720
Speaker 1: stable force in someone's life when they're going through something

890
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 1: is a big gift. Yeah. I think that's all good advice. Well, Sean,

891
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes. Let us know if

892
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 1: you found some resources and we're able to put some

893
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:00,280
Speaker 1: good systems in place, and I think we should start. Also,

894
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:02,959
Speaker 1: we're giving rewards to the straight men that call into

895
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: the podcast, Catherine. I mean, if they're this kind, there

896
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 1: should be a list obviously, anyone straight man who's listening

897
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:12,759
Speaker 1: to this or calling in is very masculine, because you

898
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 1: would have to be very confident. Oh, I just hit

899
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 1: myself in the face with a microphone. It's almost like

900
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 1: men were just kicking me in the face as a

901
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 1: response to that. But yeah, it takes a big man

902
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:27,239
Speaker 1: to do that, and that's very sexy. So, like I said,

903
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:34,480
Speaker 1: we're all attracted to you, Sean. Yes, this is another

904
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:42,320
Speaker 1: sibling related questions. So Live wrote into us and she said,

905
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my brother and his Now what breaks my

906
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:49,240
Speaker 1: heart to say ex girlfriend have been separated for close

907
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: to a year. To make a long story short, they

908
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 1: encountered issues as they both got older and faced real

909
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 1: world responsibilities. It had an impact on their relationship where

910
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 1: they felt they needed to separate and of the record,

911
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:04,480
Speaker 1: there here's the thing. The two of them are still

912
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 1: in love with each other and have both admitted it

913
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 1: to me, and it's so obvious to everyone who knows

914
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,760
Speaker 1: and loves them that they're meant to be. For some reason,

915
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 1: they haven't been able to get it together to resolve

916
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 1: the situation, most likely poor communication. Our entire family has

917
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,360
Speaker 1: been under the impression that we were just waiting for

918
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 1: them to be in the right headspace to get back together. However,

919
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 1: after his ex told him he should move on, even

920
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 1: though she didn't actually want him to, my brother has

921
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,280
Speaker 1: taken it upon himself to start dating a new girl.

922
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 1: I'm entirely sure that this is a band aid, an

923
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,399
Speaker 1: easy situation for him to have fun and feel better.

924
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 1: He was hiding this from me because he knows I'm

925
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:44,640
Speaker 1: still close with his ex. I always envisioned her as

926
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 1: my future sister in law. I really don't want to

927
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 1: make this situation about myself. However, I'm having a hard

928
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:52,920
Speaker 1: time because only I know how the two of them

929
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 1: still feel about each other. But now he wants me

930
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:57,439
Speaker 1: to meet his new girl that he's seeing. I feel

931
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 1: like it's too soon and frankly have no interest in

932
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,720
Speaker 1: meeting her. But I don't want to hurt his feelings.

933
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 1: How do I handle this situation without imposing my feelings

934
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:08,879
Speaker 1: onto his life? Ps Listening to this podcast every week

935
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,880
Speaker 1: has probably enabled me to not have very strong emotional

936
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:14,960
Speaker 1: reaction to the situation to begin with. I appreciate this

937
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:17,959
Speaker 1: basically free therapy, and I should probably go to real

938
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:21,760
Speaker 1: therapy live. I feel like has she expressed her feelings

939
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:25,319
Speaker 1: about this to her brother, I don't think so. Like,

940
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:27,799
Speaker 1: I think they've talked about it, and she said, like

941
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 1: she's close with both of them, are both still in

942
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:31,760
Speaker 1: love with each other, but it's also been a year

943
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,640
Speaker 1: since they broke up. Yeah, but look at our last couple,

944
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 1: they were broken up for seven years. I feel like

945
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:40,520
Speaker 1: not meeting a new girlfriend is not the move. I

946
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 1: don't think that like she's holding it against him that

947
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 1: he hasn't. He may need five years to come to

948
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 1: that conclusion, you know, And it's not really for her

949
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 1: to sort of force them together at this point in

950
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 1: their life if they've decided they need to be separate

951
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 1: at this point in their life. So this no girlfriend

952
00:46:57,239 --> 00:46:59,239
Speaker 1: hasn't done anything wrong. She's just happens to be the

953
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 1: new girlfriend. And if it's important to her brother that

954
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:05,879
Speaker 1: they meet, I don't see why she can't honor that

955
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 1: and don't think of it as you this is your

956
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 1: sister in law. This is just someone he's dating right

957
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,760
Speaker 1: now at this moment in time. I think he's reading

958
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:16,479
Speaker 1: a lot into it. And I don't think that people

959
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 1: need to find their life partner years old. Yeah, definitely

960
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 1: not at twenty five years old. And if you really

961
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:23,879
Speaker 1: believe that they're so in love with each other, then

962
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 1: you can say that to your brother, like, hey, it's

963
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,399
Speaker 1: very obvious to me that you guys are in love

964
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,880
Speaker 1: with each other still. So all you have to do

965
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,239
Speaker 1: is just express that to him once and then your

966
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:35,640
Speaker 1: job is done and your conscious is clear. You can't

967
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 1: prevent him from moving on and dating people or any

968
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 1: of that. It's like you're not in charge of their relationship.

969
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 1: All you can do is just tell him your truth,

970
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 1: tell him once, don't repeat it fifty times, and then

971
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 1: move on with it. And this new girl didn't do anything,

972
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: she's just dating somebody. And the fact that he's twenty

973
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:53,399
Speaker 1: five years old is also a sign that everybody needs

974
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 1: a little bit more growing up than to get settled

975
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:57,759
Speaker 1: down at twenty five. That's just so super young. So

976
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,239
Speaker 1: I mean, they may have gotten super scared if they

977
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 1: were so intense and so like ready for marriage, and

978
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,719
Speaker 1: that could have caused the breakup. Maybe they realized, like

979
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:08,359
Speaker 1: we were going too fast, too young, and maybe they'll

980
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:10,399
Speaker 1: come around and it will get back together. But again,

981
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:14,279
Speaker 1: it's not her job to force them together and get

982
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: in the middle of it. It It is a lot about her,

983
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 1: is this I'm getting a future him. This is the

984
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,319
Speaker 1: sister right writing in yeah, this is just writing in

985
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:23,759
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And I think you know, we do get

986
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 1: so bonded to the people that are siblings. Bring home.

987
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: I know my mother in law was even more devastated

988
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:32,400
Speaker 1: with a breakup that happened with one of her sons

989
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:34,840
Speaker 1: than he was. I mean, and for years who was

990
00:48:34,880 --> 00:48:38,760
Speaker 1: devastated about the loss of this relationship. And it's okay

991
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: to grieve that, But at the same time, you do

992
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 1: have to respect, like, maybe your brother does want to

993
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 1: move on, Maybe maybe he does want a little band

994
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 1: aid and a little fun, and maybe they will get

995
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:50,520
Speaker 1: back together, and maybe they won't. You just have to

996
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:52,399
Speaker 1: be nice and civil to the new girl while she's there.

997
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 1: But it doesn't mean you have to like me or

998
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,400
Speaker 1: bestie all the time. And you don't need to sabotage

999
00:48:56,400 --> 00:49:01,279
Speaker 1: it either. Yes, yeah, right, right, Trishanna, anymore wisdom on

1000
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:03,759
Speaker 1: that one. I mean, she really needs to take a

1001
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:08,120
Speaker 1: step back. She's too involved with the whole their adults,

1002
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,839
Speaker 1: so they're gonna do what they're gonna do and let

1003
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 1: nature take its course. I agree with Chelsea that she

1004
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 1: should let her know how she feels for him, know

1005
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:19,439
Speaker 1: how she feels. But you know, that's all you can say.

1006
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 1: And and they're grown up, so you know, maybe it'll happen,

1007
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 1: maybe it won't. Don't hold it against the new person

1008
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:29,680
Speaker 1: that's you know, it seems wrong, and what's going on

1009
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:32,600
Speaker 1: with you and your boyfriend and your relationships? Like you know.

1010
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:42,440
Speaker 1: But I will say I want to go on the

1011
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 1: record because I've had this conversation with both of my

1012
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:47,440
Speaker 1: sisters about previous relationships that I've been in when they

1013
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 1: didn't say anything to me when I was with somebody

1014
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 1: that they thought was creepy or weird or whatever. I'm like,

1015
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:55,759
Speaker 1: you guys, way to tell me After the fact, They're like, well,

1016
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 1: we never liked him. It's like, well, fuck off. It

1017
00:49:58,160 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 1: was like two or to four years of my life.

1018
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 1: But and their excuses, what'sman, that I wouldn't listen to

1019
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 1: you if you have. I think it's a different sitation.

1020
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 1: I think those are different situations. Here. We're talking about

1021
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:10,320
Speaker 1: someone she loves an ex girlfriends. She wants them to

1022
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 1: marry the ex girlfriend. It's like, not for her to

1023
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 1: make that happen. When it's I'm seeing with you that

1024
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 1: I don't think someone that you're with is currently perfect.

1025
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,359
Speaker 1: I know, I know, it's not the same situation. I

1026
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 1: know how how that can sabotage. You can say like

1027
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 1: you can say I really don't like this person. Then

1028
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,240
Speaker 1: you end up getting married and you have a twenty

1029
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 1: five year married and I put that out there that

1030
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:33,959
Speaker 1: I just don't love this guy. There's that risk there

1031
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 1: to the relationship. If I really thought the person was

1032
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:40,319
Speaker 1: dangerous for you or it was an unhealthy relationship, I

1033
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 1: think that's a different story, and that's where you do

1034
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 1: have to step up and say something to prevent that

1035
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 1: from becoming a long term unhealthy relationship. Yeah, I guess, so,

1036
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 1: I guess so. I don't know. I feel like you

1037
00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:54,440
Speaker 1: should tell people when you don't like their spouse, but

1038
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 1: I know it does backfire. But I just think with

1039
00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 1: sisters and siblings, it's a different story. You're hearing that

1040
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 1: from a doubling like, oh, yeah, this person is dangerous

1041
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:04,560
Speaker 1: or this person is weird or I think it would

1042
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:08,880
Speaker 1: have a different impact, especially girls. But then again, conversely,

1043
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 1: girls can be totally bitchy and county and be pissed

1044
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,120
Speaker 1: about it. So I get it. Yeah, Well, it's like

1045
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:16,400
Speaker 1: that movie what was that show Bad Sisters where all

1046
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 1: the sisters where they murdered the brother in law. I

1047
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,640
Speaker 1: love that best. I know they were at the Critics

1048
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:23,680
Speaker 1: Choice Awards. I gave them a shout out for murdering

1049
00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:28,239
Speaker 1: their brother, their brother, their brother, and that's how their

1050
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 1: brother in law. I said that my family. I've been

1051
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 1: wanting to do that for years, but I could never

1052
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 1: get any of my siblings on board. You know who

1053
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 1: I was really talking about. Anyway, Okay, that's a crap.

1054
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:46,800
Speaker 1: We are done. We're not going to ask them for advice, Catherine,

1055
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:49,520
Speaker 1: because it's silly. You know. I'm like, we're gonna ask you,

1056
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 1: a little sister for a lot of unsolicited advice. Anyway,

1057
00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:58,440
Speaker 1: So all the time. Yeah, well, thank you, ladies. What

1058
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 1: a great job, Sissy Bomb, so good to meet you.

1059
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:06,400
Speaker 1: Oh likewise, I'm so pleased to finally meet you. And

1060
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:11,840
Speaker 1: She'll say, I confirmed the March connection. Yes, the March babies.

1061
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 1: I know. That's a great birthday to have. Actually, March

1062
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 1: fifteen three now free and our family from the family,

1063
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 1: Mike and me, Yeah, okay, and Olga's March right, Okay, Okay, Well,

1064
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:27,480
Speaker 1: good to know. I'm gonna write all those dates down

1065
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:30,319
Speaker 1: right now, because I don't want to miss your birthday.

1066
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 1: Bye girls, thank you. Also, I'm going back on tour. Everybody,

1067
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:36,800
Speaker 1: I have a new tour. It's called a little Big

1068
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:39,240
Speaker 1: Bitch because I'm a little big bitch and I always

1069
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,319
Speaker 1: have been. Sometimes. Well now i'm a big little bit. No,

1070
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,879
Speaker 1: I'm still a little big bitch. Whatever. Anyway, I'm going

1071
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:48,800
Speaker 1: back on tour. I'm warming up my new one hour

1072
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 1: that I have to create from scratch. But I have

1073
00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:54,920
Speaker 1: some very strong ideas. I'm gonna be a Daney's Nashville

1074
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: March twenty nine through Sunday April six, and then Irvine

1075
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:02,719
Speaker 1: improv and then and I have dates theater dates everywhere

1076
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 1: from Peoria, Illinois, Carmel, Kalamazoo, Spokane, Washington, Boys Idaho, Vegas, Highland, California, Tulsa, Oklahoma,

1077
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 1: and more and more and more. So go to Chelsea

1078
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:16,240
Speaker 1: Handler dot com for tickets. And yeah, that starts in April.

1079
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:22,000
Speaker 1: So I'm very excited, Katherine. Yeah, I have family in Peoria, Illinois.

1080
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 1: They might feel too square though to come to you. Well,

1081
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 1: now they can see me. They just reach. Shouldn't interact

1082
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 1: riot exactly, don't forget to watch my special on Netflix.

1083
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:35,440
Speaker 1: You guys revolution. It's a revolution. So if you'd like

1084
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 1: advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear

1085
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:42,920
Speaker 1: Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a

1086
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:46,880
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stuff,

1087
00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 1: produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.