WEBVTT - Chris Goes to Cotillion 0:00:01.040 --> 0:00:06.000 This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:09.600 Here everybody, Chris Harrison coming to you from the home 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:16.440 office in Austin, Texas. Today. We're talking about etiquette, about manners, 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:21.280 about respect, things that I don't want to sound like, 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:23.479 you know, the old guy here, but I feel like 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:27.680 we have lost in society today, in social media politics, 0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:30.840 we're all so angry. We're quick to judge, we're quick 0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:33.239 to ignore each other. We live in our phones, and 0:00:33.280 --> 0:00:35.880 when someone opens a door for you and you step 0:00:35.920 --> 0:00:37.720 on their toe on the way in, you don't even 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:39.839 look them in the eye and say thank you. We 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:41.960 don't look at the waiter or waitress when we're giving 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:45.560 our orders anymore. The way we act, the way we dress. 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:51.280 I feel like etiquette has gone the way of well 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:54.960 has definitely coincided with kind of the anger and resentment 0:00:55.040 --> 0:00:58.920 we're feeling in society now. And so we called up 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:03.320 an etiquette expert. Yeah, an etiquette expert. Mariah Grumett is 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:06.280 going to join me today. What I love about Mariah 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:11.399 Her mission is to bring an intentional sparkle back to 0:01:11.520 --> 0:01:16.320 a lost art, and she redefines the meaning of etiquette 0:01:16.440 --> 0:01:19.759 with a modern approachable and vibrant twist. Because the other 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:21.800 thing we have to understand, and I even have to 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:24.360 understand as I get older, is things change, We evolve. 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:27.560 Life does move fast. It moves a lot faster than 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:30.280 it did for our parents and grandparents. My kids' lives 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:34.160 are faster than mine. But does that mean that we 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:37.600 need to lose all respect, all etiquette, all manners. Is 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:39.800 there a way where these two things can come back 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.880 together and we could have this kind of peaceful, loving existence. 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:47.640 I think so, and so does today's guest, Mariah Grumet 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:50.960 joins me. Now, all right, where are you coming in 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:54.360 from today? Where are you? I'm in New York City, 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:57.560 New York City, be there soon. I love New York. 0:01:57.920 --> 0:01:59.880 Oh good, I really love it. In the fall. 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:02.280 That is my favorite time of the year in the city. 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:05.440 Truly, it is hard to beat fall, and that even 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:08.000 at the first snow in New York you're like, oh, 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:10.800 it's magical, and then it gets billy brown and it 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:14.679 looks horrible and it's terrible again. But I appreciate you 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:18.000 joining me. I found it very interesting when I was 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:24.840 researching you about redefining etiquette and what it means today 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:30.400 and that is something I want to pinpoint here and 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:32.679 kind of jump on because I think when we talk etiquette, 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:35.360 I talk about it all the time, and I feel 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:37.480 like I'm the angry old guy yelling at people to 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:39.560 get off my lawn, and I don't want to be 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:42.800 like that. But at the same time, I feel like 0:02:42.880 --> 0:02:46.480 we have lost a modericum of etiquette, a chunk of it, 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:49.080 and so I'm interested to know what that means to you, 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:52.040 to redefine it and try to bring it back into 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:53.080 our society. 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:56.600 Absolutely, I think the word scares people sometimes, right, there's 0:02:56.680 --> 0:03:01.519 this antiquated connotation to it, and you know, people associated 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:04.200 with a certain class of people or a certain meaning or. 0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:06.240 Well, I think of my grandmother yelling at me. 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:10.520 Yes, absolutely, and that's what I hear so so so 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:14.880 commonly from people. But really, etiquette evolves as our world 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:17.040 does when we think about our world today, and my 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:21.359 mission redefining it is really to break down what it means. 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:25.000 And etiquette is a fancy way to say I want 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:27.720 someone to feel valued in my presence. I want to 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:31.560 leave someone better than they were when I got there. 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:35.800 I want someone to feel heard, valued, respected, cared for. 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:40.600 And it's also putting others needs in front of our hours, 0:03:40.840 --> 0:03:43.920 you know, and but also still caring about how we're 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:47.720 presenting ourselves too, and maintaining, you know, the best self 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:50.200 presentation that we can because I'm a firm believer, and 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:52.360 you know, when we learn how to shine our light 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:52.640 in the. 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:54.800 Right way, we inspire others to do the same. 0:03:55.360 --> 0:03:57.920 So I don't want people to feel scared or be 0:03:57.960 --> 0:04:00.840 scared of the word etiquette, because it's really about kindness 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:03.280 and confidence and respect. 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:06.120 How did you head down this path? What sparked an 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:07.640 interest in this? Where you're like, this is what I 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:08.080 want to do. 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:12.160 It's really niche, right, So it's something I've been interested 0:04:12.160 --> 0:04:14.640 in for a long time. I actually wasn't raised with 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:17.640 any formal etiquette training. People will assume that I was 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:19.599 raised in a super formal home or grew up to 0:04:20.000 --> 0:04:20.720 doing katillion. 0:04:20.800 --> 0:04:22.200 None of those things are true. 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:24.560 I moved to New York right after college to work 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:27.320 in the fashion industry and took an etiquette course as 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:28.520 a fun weekend activity. 0:04:28.640 --> 0:04:30.320 I'd always been interested. 0:04:29.880 --> 0:04:33.120 In it, especially the history, and when I took that class, 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:35.120 I kind of felt like I was missing my calling 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:38.080 and I thought, you know, I have this mission of 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:41.760 bringing a sparkle back to this lost art, merging generations together, 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:45.159 keeping tradition alive, but making it work for our world 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:46.360 and the way we do things today. 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:49.240 Yeah, I mean, look, so much has changed, whether it's 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:54.320 social media, what have you, that you do have to evolve. 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:57.640 But at the same time, there are things that I 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:03.240 feel like we've lost that are important, that are good. 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:05.479 And I grew up in Texas, so I grew up 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:07.440 in the South, and so I didn't go to catillion 0:05:07.880 --> 0:05:11.159 and do all that stuff, but I was around it. 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:13.000 I knew people that did. And there were the balls 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:18.160 and all these and everything. There you go, the Debutante balls. 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:18.800 L I was. 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:21.440 I did Valet Park for the Debutante ball, so I 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:24.080 almost went. I was just in the garage all night, 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:27.960 parking cars. But you know when you hear that, it's like, Okay, 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:29.960 they're teaching me to dance, They're teaching me what fork 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:32.840 to use. I think we can go deeper and just 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:35.360 how we treat people on the day to day level. 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:37.800 Yes, and a lot of it is about, again, like 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:40.000 I said, making someone feel valued in our presence, but 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:42.719 it's also about us making sure that we can show 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.480 up in the best way possible and market ourselves, display 0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:46.360 our confidence. 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:49.839 It's about the making the intentional. 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:52.799 Decision to assert the best version of ourselves for each situation. 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:54.040 So yes, etiquet. 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:56.080 It comes with a set of rules and guidelines and 0:05:56.080 --> 0:05:58.400 things like that, but it's it's much more about your 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:01.679 social awareness, your emotional and intelligence, thinking on your feet. 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:04.359 There's a whole psychology part of it. So it does go. 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:07.400 Much deeper than the debutante falls as much as that 0:06:07.440 --> 0:06:09.160 those are so fun too, But. 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:11.279 What is what do you think we have lost? What 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:13.359 are some things from the past that you would like 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:18.400 to redefine and bring in to society again today. 0:06:18.680 --> 0:06:20.200 I think one of those things is the way that 0:06:20.240 --> 0:06:23.719 we communicate with people. We're so attached to our phones, 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:27.160 we're so we move so quickly in our society today 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:30.320 that sometimes we don't take that moment. Whether it's as 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:32.839 simple as when you go get your coffee somewhere and 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:34.839 you take a moment to say, hello, how are you 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:36.599 to the person who's making your coffee? 0:06:36.720 --> 0:06:38.280 I live in New York, I'm in New York, or. 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:41.760 We move at lightning speed, but sometimes it's about taking 0:06:41.760 --> 0:06:43.800 a moment to say again, like how can I make 0:06:43.839 --> 0:06:46.039 this person's day a little bit brighter. What is that 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:48.680 thing that's not going to cost me anything or take 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:49.719 up too much time. 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:52.080 I mean a lot of that comes from our connection 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:53.400 with people and our communication. 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:59.040 And it's funny to me how some things, not only 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:02.799 it used to be good etiquette, now it's almost offensive again. 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:05.000 I grew up. I guess you call it the Midwest. 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:07.200 I call it the South. I mean because anything south 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:10.120 of me is the Gulf of Mexico or so, I 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:11.800 feel like it's south. But I know there's a difference 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:15.960 between the South and Texas South. But I grew up 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:19.520 saying yes, ma'am and yes sir. It was beat into 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:22.600 me as a child from my parents, and I'm grateful 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:25.400 for it. I say it to everybody because I don't 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:26.880 even think about it. I'm just like if I was 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:28.000 talking to you, I say yes, ma'am. 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:28.960 You know, Chris. 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:33.160 It's also so cultural and geographical too, and that's why, yes, 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:35.320 there's a rule book, but I think it's so much 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:37.640 more beneficial for us to look at etiquette is more 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:41.600 of a fluid thing and more situational, because what works 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:43.800 for you or worked for you in Texas might be 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:47.000 extremely different than what works in California or what's expected 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:47.520 in New York. 0:07:47.840 --> 0:07:48.640 You know, my sister. 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:51.160 I grew up in New Jersey and my sister went 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:53.120 to school in the South, and she had to adjust 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:55.960 some some things when she moved as a way to 0:07:56.280 --> 0:07:58.520 show respect. But when you think about, Okay, I want 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:01.160 to show respect in the situation, and what do I 0:08:01.200 --> 0:08:04.320 have to do to kind of pivot or change things 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:06.400 that I'm used to so it fits where I am. 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:08.720 It's a cultural and geographical thing for sure. 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:23.360 What do you think etiquette? And I'll kind of even 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:27.120 put an etiquette slash manners because they're very tightly linked 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:29.960 in a lot of ways have changed so much because 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.960 you know, say, for example, you're in New York at Starbucks, 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:36.000 there's one everye hundred yards, but you open the door 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:40.120 and you know, you see someone behind you and you're like, oh, 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:42.199 come on, you know I would hold the door for you, 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:45.320 and they just walk on through, no eye contact, no 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:49.480 thank you, no nothing. And I'm just like, why where 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:52.439 have we lost just decency in those manners? And I 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:54.520 feel like we have lost it somewhere along the way. 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:57.520 Yes, you know, I hate to blame it on the 0:08:57.559 --> 0:09:00.960 pandemic or say anything like that. But it's part of 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:03.760 the issue is that we were alone for so long 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:06.360 and we lacked that human connection. And it's not to 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:08.840 say that that's a good enough excuse for someone to 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:10.640 not take thank you or not look at someone in 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:14.760 the eye, but it's almost like readjusting to that. And 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:17.920 I think it's also what we're deciding to pass down 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:22.040 the generation. I think social media has a huge part 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:24.280 of or a huge thing to do with it. Just 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:27.199 how fast our society moves today. It's like we almost 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:30.319 forgot about the basics. So I can talk about all 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:32.559 these intricacies of etiquette till the pals come home. But 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:35.839 if we forget about the basics, as you mentioned, holding 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:37.920 the door for someone, looking at someone in the eye, 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:40.320 saying please and thank you, that's the foundation of it. 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:42.960 That's the foundation of the respect for each other. 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:45.559 And I feel like this is where I will seem 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:47.480 like the old guy yelling at people on my lawn. 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:50.199 It is and you hit, I really think you hit 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:53.840 something that's very important. It is a learned behavior. The 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:56.040 reason I noticed stand up when a woman comes to 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:58.080 the table is I was taught. The reason I know 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:01.520 to open a door. I was taught, yes, ma'am, Yes, sir. 0:10:01.559 --> 0:10:05.000 That's how I was taught and raised. If you're not 0:10:05.080 --> 0:10:08.240 teaching that, if you're not passing it on, it's not 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:11.400 going to be passed on. And I look at people 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:15.400 with their kids in a restaurant, a very nice restaurant, 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:18.200 and they have a hat on and they're watching a 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:21.880 movie and they scream at their parents to give me something, 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:25.200 and the waiter walks over, and they don't even look 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:27.280 at the waiter in the eye and they just kind 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:31.160 of murmur what they want. It just makes me cringe. 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:35.400 I lose my mind with bad manners and bad etiquette 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:35.719 like that. 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:37.480 I understand completely. 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:39.600 And you know that's why what I tell my story 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:42.000 of not being raised in any kind of formal training. 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:45.160 One thing that my parents and my grandparents drilled into 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:48.320 my siblings and I was the idea of that you 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:51.360 treated everyone with respect, whether it was the person cleaning 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:54.000 the toilet or the owner of the building, the CEO 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:56.440 of the company. It was about how you treated people 0:10:56.520 --> 0:10:59.920 and being mindful of how your actions and words and 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.839 behaviors and whereabout how that affects other people. And I 0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:05.679 think that's kind of where we got lost is that 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:07.680 you know, whether it's me and the nail salon and 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:10.360 someone's talking on their phone extremely loudly, they're not even 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:12.400 aware of how that act. 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:16.439 Is, you know, affecting me or affecting. 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:18.280 The people around them, and so holding your fork and 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:21.800 knife not really it's important, of course, but it's how 0:11:21.840 --> 0:11:23.720 we behave and how that affects other people. 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:26.000 I need to before because I want to ask you 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.480 about relationships and how this can help us all with 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:30.800 the relationships. But I need you to settle a score 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:32.600 for me. So Louren and I go back and forth 0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:37.120 on this all the time. I and again, God bless 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:39.880 my grandmother and my parents. This was beat into me. 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:42.880 I cannot change it. I can't wear a hat indoors. 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:46.280 I can't. It just immediately comes off. I don't care 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:49.360 if I have a bad hat day, my hair or whatever. 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:51.640 I can't walk into a restaurant with a hat on. 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:55.640 Is that okay? Now? Do I need to get over this? 0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:59.319 No, it's still expected, especially for a gentleman to remove 0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:01.840 his hat upon going indoors. And you know, any type 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:04.319 of outdoor hat, regardless of gender. So if it's a 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:06.880 sun hat, a baseball hat, a winter hat. The only 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:09.800 exception to the indoor hat role is if a lady 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:12.719 has an outfit on with a hat that's pinned to 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:13.400 her head. 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:16.920 Or totally agree it's part of the outfit. Yes, I 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:20.360 tell I totally, I totally agree with that. And but 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:23.360 walking in and don't get me started. If someone has 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:25.440 a hat on backwards and they walk into a restaurant, 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:28.199 I just it's all I can do not to snatch 0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:29.760 them by the scruff of the neck and drag them 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:31.800 outside and talk to him like my grandmother would have 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:33.360 done to me and Chris. 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:35.520 People argue with me on that, like who cares? That's 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:37.079 what they say. Who cares if I'm wearing a hat? 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:39.960 What if I'm a kind person and I'm respectful to 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:40.720 the serving staff? 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:42.080 Who cares if I'm wearing a hat? 0:12:42.160 --> 0:12:45.559 And I say, because we communicate with our body language 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:48.480 and our physical appearance and our outward appearance in addition 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:51.439 to our words, and so removing hat is a is 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:52.679 a basic sign of repect. 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:56.960 You're immediately You're immediately telling me you don't care. Yes, exactly, 0:12:57.000 --> 0:12:59.640 by walking in like that, exactly, Okay, thank you for 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:04.400 letting the old man rant. You welcome. The thing I 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:06.000 think is interesting and I wanted to get to with 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:09.080 you is relationships, and a lot of people listening to 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:12.720 this are looking for relationships that are in relationships. I 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:16.960 think a big red flag is someone with bad manners, 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:18.240 someone with bad etiquette. 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:18.960 I agree. 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:22.200 And we can look at, you know, relationships and etiquette 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:24.160 in two ways. You can look at it as a 0:13:24.200 --> 0:13:26.840 way of, you know, what can I do to show 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:29.480 respect to the other person, but it's also what can 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:33.040 I do for myself to put my best foot forward? 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:36.440 You know. I was listening to Bethany Frankel kind of 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:39.720 go on this rant the other day. She had a date. 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.240 It was a first date, and I believe it was 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:45.440 a blind date that was set up for and she 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:47.720 was saying, how I guess she had talked about this publicly, 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:49.120 that she was going to go on this first date. 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:51.439 And she came back on and said, I canceled the date. 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:55.679 I didn't go on it because this gentleman called her 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:57.240 and he was he said, he said he had done 0:13:57.320 --> 0:13:59.679 very well text messages, phone message talking and all this, 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:04.880 all this good stuff, but he lived further She lived 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:07.400 further out from the city than he did. And so 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:10.320 it was probably on the way to the restaurant and 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:12.520 he said, well, why don't you just either pick me 0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:16.240 up or we'll meet there. And that was a red 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:18.120 flag for her. I think she called it a pink flag, 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:21.480 but I was like, and I totally agree with Bethany, 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:25.160 that to me was bad form. It was bad etiquette. 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:27.960 Either offer to go get her, because if you care, 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:29.840 you're going to make the drive to go get her. 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:31.760 I don't care if it costs you an extra five 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:35.560 miles to go get her. Go offer to pick her 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:39.040 up on that first date, and or at the very 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:40.640 least meet there at the restaurant. 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:43.760 Yes, and this is not about him being the guy 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:46.000 and her being the girl. It's not about that. It's 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.640 about that he didn't go the extra mile to make 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.480 her feel valued. And it is small thing that he 0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:55.240 could have done that could have totally, you know, made 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:57.160 a great first impression. And we have to think about 0:14:57.400 --> 0:14:59.359 you know, first impressions with dates. 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:00.000 Are a huge thing. 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:04.680 And by the way, to at least have said, hey, 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:06.680 I'll come pick you up for a date, and then 0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:09.720 Bethany can say that's crazy, don't do that, silly, I'll 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:11.320 drive in and get you it's on the way, or 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:13.120 at least I'll drive your house, I'll drop off my 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:15.280 car and we'll go from there. But you have made 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:18.400 the effort. Like you said, it's making people feel respected, 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:21.680 feel valued, feel seen. And so I agreed with her, 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:23.680 and that was the only reason why she canceled the date. 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:26.480 But it was definitely one of the flags that she saw, 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:31.200 and I totally agreed with her. I fully appreciate how 0:15:31.280 --> 0:15:33.800 quickly are you getting off Instagram and off the direct 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:37.080 messages and text messaging? Are you talking to people? All 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:39.280 that I think is etiquette in a relationship. 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:41.680 And I agree with Bethany's take there too, And I 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:45.240 think it's important for people to determine what's important to 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:47.560 them and what those red flags are because it might 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:51.480 look different for everybody. But to basically be told, I'm 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.080 not going to go out of the way to make 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:54.960 this a special night and come pick them up before 0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:55.920 you even meet them. 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:59.200 For the first date, your expectations are low from. 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:01.520 There right well, And I'm sure you see this a 0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:05.840 lot as people talk about relationships and etiquette. They start 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:10.200 they'll just text yeah and use bad grammar or what 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:13.480 and leave the relationship on a direct message or a 0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:17.760 text basis and not take it to that next level 0:16:18.040 --> 0:16:22.080 and properly show again making someone feel valued and seen. 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:25.440 Yes, our phones are such a comfort to us. 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:28.600 It's like we can hide behind our phone, and so 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:32.080 it takes away from really developing that connection that you 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:34.560 get when you are face to face with somebody and 0:16:34.560 --> 0:16:37.200 you're able to hear their voice and hear their tone 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:39.640 and their passion, and those are things you don't get 0:16:39.640 --> 0:16:41.440 through a DM or a text message. 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:44.240 Would you say phones are the number one etiquette killer 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:45.200 in the world right now? 0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:46.400 You know, It's funny. 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:49.000 I have such a love hate relationship with technology and 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:49.720 social media. 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:51.640 I think it's the reason that I get. 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:53.520 To do what I do. Social media plays a huge 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:55.480 part in my business, and I'm so grateful for that, 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:58.560 and I'm grateful for you know, how it's connected. 0:16:58.120 --> 0:16:58.720 Me to people. 0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:01.600 But I think it's there's a line between it totally 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:02.440 taking home. 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:03.440 For our lives today. 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:06.840 It really is, and you know, but we get so 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:09.240 addicted to it, especially like you said in COVID, we 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:14.120 lived alone. Many people did anyway, and you became addicted 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.879 and reliable on your phone to almost like that friend, 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:20.160 that companion and when you go to dinner, you can't 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:21.399 put it down and you just all of a sudden 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:23.760 start scrolling while you're sitting at the dinner table. It's 0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:26.119 like rip that leave it in the car. 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:29.200 Yes, and that's a simple first date or any date 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:31.119 etiquette tip, but it's basic manners. 0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:33.880 Keep your phone away, you know, unless you are you. 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:36.399 Have some very important call that you're expecting and you're 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:38.760 able to tell the person ahead of time. My doctor 0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:40.399 might be calling. I may need to run out real 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:42.720 quick to take this phone call. Otherwise it should be 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:45.640 in your bag. You're not scrolling, you're not answering emails. 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:49.119 That's a huge, huge thing that I hear from people 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:51.120 on first dates is that someone will, like you said, 0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:52.760 just take their phone out in the middle of dinner 0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:54.320 and it totally kills the conversation. 0:18:06.000 --> 0:18:08.600 What are some other etiquette issues that we should be 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:11.720 a watching out for as red flags, but be hopefully 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:13.760 not doing ourselves on dates? 0:18:14.200 --> 0:18:17.960 In relationships, punctuality is a huge thing too, being. 0:18:17.720 --> 0:18:20.400 On phone, where's Lauren? I'm so bad, Lauren's out of town. 0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:21.240 I wish you could hear that. 0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:24.960 I'm so so big on punctuality. Again, you have to 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:28.080 think about all these things that contribute to the first impression. 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:29.320 It's if you're being. 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:32.080 On time, It's what you you choose to wear, It's 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:35.480 how you decide to enter the restaurant. 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:37.320 Right are you wherever you're having the date. 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:40.280 Are you walking in, you know, with your shoulders back 0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:42.879 and you're making eye contact and your body language is open, 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:45.399 or are you hunch down in your phone, things are 0:18:45.400 --> 0:18:48.080 flying out of your handbag, you're running late. You know, 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:51.479 we have seven seconds to make a first impression, and 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:55.680 somebody's creating that storyline of you within those first seven seconds. 0:18:55.720 --> 0:18:58.560