Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: Here everybody, Chris Harrison coming to you from the home
Speaker 1: office in Austin, Texas. Today. We're talking about etiquette, about manners,
Speaker 1: about respect, things that I don't want to sound like,
Speaker 1: you know, the old guy here, but I feel like
Speaker 1: we have lost in society today, in social media politics,
Speaker 1: we're all so angry. We're quick to judge, we're quick
Speaker 1: to ignore each other. We live in our phones, and
Speaker 1: when someone opens a door for you and you step
Speaker 1: on their toe on the way in, you don't even
Speaker 1: look them in the eye and say thank you. We
Speaker 1: don't look at the waiter or waitress when we're giving
Speaker 1: our orders anymore. The way we act, the way we dress.
Speaker 1: I feel like etiquette has gone the way of well
Speaker 1: has definitely coincided with kind of the anger and resentment
Speaker 1: we're feeling in society now. And so we called up
Speaker 1: an etiquette expert. Yeah, an etiquette expert. Mariah Grumett is
Speaker 1: going to join me today. What I love about Mariah
Speaker 1: Her mission is to bring an intentional sparkle back to
Speaker 1: a lost art, and she redefines the meaning of etiquette
Speaker 1: with a modern approachable and vibrant twist. Because the other
Speaker 1: thing we have to understand, and I even have to
Speaker 1: understand as I get older, is things change, We evolve.
Speaker 1: Life does move fast. It moves a lot faster than
Speaker 1: it did for our parents and grandparents. My kids' lives
Speaker 1: are faster than mine. But does that mean that we
Speaker 1: need to lose all respect, all etiquette, all manners. Is
Speaker 1: there a way where these two things can come back
Speaker 1: together and we could have this kind of peaceful, loving existence.
Speaker 1: I think so, and so does today's guest, Mariah Grumet
Speaker 1: joins me. Now, all right, where are you coming in
Speaker 1: from today? Where are you? I'm in New York City,
Speaker 1: New York City, be there soon. I love New York.
Speaker 1: Oh good, I really love it. In the fall.
Speaker 2: That is my favorite time of the year in the city.
Speaker 1: Truly, it is hard to beat fall, and that even
Speaker 1: at the first snow in New York you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's magical, and then it gets billy brown and it
Speaker 1: looks horrible and it's terrible again. But I appreciate you
Speaker 1: joining me. I found it very interesting when I was
Speaker 1: researching you about redefining etiquette and what it means today
Speaker 1: and that is something I want to pinpoint here and
Speaker 1: kind of jump on because I think when we talk etiquette,
Speaker 1: I talk about it all the time, and I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm the angry old guy yelling at people to
Speaker 1: get off my lawn, and I don't want to be
Speaker 1: like that. But at the same time, I feel like
Speaker 1: we have lost a modericum of etiquette, a chunk of it,
Speaker 1: and so I'm interested to know what that means to you,
Speaker 1: to redefine it and try to bring it back into
Speaker 1: our society.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I think the word scares people sometimes, right, there's
Speaker 3: this antiquated connotation to it, and you know, people associated
Speaker 3: with a certain class of people or a certain meaning or.
Speaker 1: Well, I think of my grandmother yelling at me.
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, and that's what I hear so so so
Speaker 3: commonly from people. But really, etiquette evolves as our world
Speaker 3: does when we think about our world today, and my
Speaker 3: mission redefining it is really to break down what it means.
Speaker 3: And etiquette is a fancy way to say I want
Speaker 3: someone to feel valued in my presence. I want to
Speaker 3: leave someone better than they were when I got there.
Speaker 3: I want someone to feel heard, valued, respected, cared for.
Speaker 3: And it's also putting others needs in front of our hours,
Speaker 3: you know, and but also still caring about how we're
Speaker 3: presenting ourselves too, and maintaining, you know, the best self
Speaker 3: presentation that we can because I'm a firm believer, and
Speaker 3: you know, when we learn how to shine our light
Speaker 3: in the.
Speaker 2: Right way, we inspire others to do the same.
Speaker 3: So I don't want people to feel scared or be
Speaker 3: scared of the word etiquette, because it's really about kindness
Speaker 3: and confidence and respect.
Speaker 1: How did you head down this path? What sparked an
Speaker 1: interest in this? Where you're like, this is what I
Speaker 1: want to do.
Speaker 3: It's really niche, right, So it's something I've been interested
Speaker 3: in for a long time. I actually wasn't raised with
Speaker 3: any formal etiquette training. People will assume that I was
Speaker 3: raised in a super formal home or grew up to
Speaker 3: doing katillion.
Speaker 2: None of those things are true.
Speaker 3: I moved to New York right after college to work
Speaker 3: in the fashion industry and took an etiquette course as
Speaker 3: a fun weekend activity.
Speaker 2: I'd always been interested.
Speaker 3: In it, especially the history, and when I took that class,
Speaker 3: I kind of felt like I was missing my calling
Speaker 3: and I thought, you know, I have this mission of
Speaker 3: bringing a sparkle back to this lost art, merging generations together,
Speaker 3: keeping tradition alive, but making it work for our world
Speaker 3: and the way we do things today.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, look, so much has changed, whether it's
Speaker 1: social media, what have you, that you do have to evolve.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, there are things that I
Speaker 1: feel like we've lost that are important, that are good.
Speaker 1: And I grew up in Texas, so I grew up
Speaker 1: in the South, and so I didn't go to catillion
Speaker 1: and do all that stuff, but I was around it.
Speaker 1: I knew people that did. And there were the balls
Speaker 1: and all these and everything. There you go, the Debutante balls.
Speaker 2: L I was.
Speaker 1: I did Valet Park for the Debutante ball, so I
Speaker 1: almost went. I was just in the garage all night,
Speaker 1: parking cars. But you know when you hear that, it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: they're teaching me to dance, They're teaching me what fork
Speaker 1: to use. I think we can go deeper and just
Speaker 1: how we treat people on the day to day level.
Speaker 3: Yes, and a lot of it is about, again, like
Speaker 3: I said, making someone feel valued in our presence, but
Speaker 3: it's also about us making sure that we can show
Speaker 3: up in the best way possible and market ourselves, display
Speaker 3: our confidence.
Speaker 2: It's about the making the intentional.
Speaker 3: Decision to assert the best version of ourselves for each situation.
Speaker 2: So yes, etiquet.
Speaker 3: It comes with a set of rules and guidelines and
Speaker 3: things like that, but it's it's much more about your
Speaker 3: social awareness, your emotional and intelligence, thinking on your feet.
Speaker 2: There's a whole psychology part of it. So it does go.
Speaker 3: Much deeper than the debutante falls as much as that
Speaker 3: those are so fun too, But.
Speaker 1: What is what do you think we have lost? What
Speaker 1: are some things from the past that you would like
Speaker 1: to redefine and bring in to society again today.
Speaker 3: I think one of those things is the way that
Speaker 3: we communicate with people. We're so attached to our phones,
Speaker 3: we're so we move so quickly in our society today
Speaker 3: that sometimes we don't take that moment. Whether it's as
Speaker 3: simple as when you go get your coffee somewhere and
Speaker 3: you take a moment to say, hello, how are you
Speaker 3: to the person who's making your coffee?
Speaker 2: I live in New York, I'm in New York, or.
Speaker 3: We move at lightning speed, but sometimes it's about taking
Speaker 3: a moment to say again, like how can I make
Speaker 3: this person's day a little bit brighter. What is that
Speaker 3: thing that's not going to cost me anything or take
Speaker 3: up too much time.
Speaker 2: I mean a lot of that comes from our connection
Speaker 2: with people and our communication.
Speaker 1: And it's funny to me how some things, not only
Speaker 1: it used to be good etiquette, now it's almost offensive again.
Speaker 1: I grew up. I guess you call it the Midwest.
Speaker 1: I call it the South. I mean because anything south
Speaker 1: of me is the Gulf of Mexico or so, I
Speaker 1: feel like it's south. But I know there's a difference
Speaker 1: between the South and Texas South. But I grew up
Speaker 1: saying yes, ma'am and yes sir. It was beat into
Speaker 1: me as a child from my parents, and I'm grateful
Speaker 1: for it. I say it to everybody because I don't
Speaker 1: even think about it. I'm just like if I was
Speaker 1: talking to you, I say yes, ma'am.
Speaker 2: You know, Chris.
Speaker 3: It's also so cultural and geographical too, and that's why, yes,
Speaker 3: there's a rule book, but I think it's so much
Speaker 3: more beneficial for us to look at etiquette is more
Speaker 3: of a fluid thing and more situational, because what works
Speaker 3: for you or worked for you in Texas might be
Speaker 3: extremely different than what works in California or what's expected
Speaker 3: in New York.
Speaker 2: You know, my sister.
Speaker 3: I grew up in New Jersey and my sister went
Speaker 3: to school in the South, and she had to adjust
Speaker 3: some some things when she moved as a way to
Speaker 3: show respect. But when you think about, Okay, I want
Speaker 3: to show respect in the situation, and what do I
Speaker 3: have to do to kind of pivot or change things
Speaker 3: that I'm used to so it fits where I am.
Speaker 2: It's a cultural and geographical thing for sure.
Speaker 1: What do you think etiquette? And I'll kind of even
Speaker 1: put an etiquette slash manners because they're very tightly linked
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways have changed so much because
Speaker 1: you know, say, for example, you're in New York at Starbucks,
Speaker 1: there's one everye hundred yards, but you open the door
Speaker 1: and you know, you see someone behind you and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: come on, you know I would hold the door for you,
Speaker 1: and they just walk on through, no eye contact, no
Speaker 1: thank you, no nothing. And I'm just like, why where
Speaker 1: have we lost just decency in those manners? And I
Speaker 1: feel like we have lost it somewhere along the way.
Speaker 3: Yes, you know, I hate to blame it on the
Speaker 3: pandemic or say anything like that. But it's part of
Speaker 3: the issue is that we were alone for so long
Speaker 3: and we lacked that human connection. And it's not to
Speaker 3: say that that's a good enough excuse for someone to
Speaker 3: not take thank you or not look at someone in
Speaker 3: the eye, but it's almost like readjusting to that. And
Speaker 3: I think it's also what we're deciding to pass down
Speaker 3: the generation. I think social media has a huge part
Speaker 3: of or a huge thing to do with it. Just
Speaker 3: how fast our society moves today. It's like we almost
Speaker 3: forgot about the basics. So I can talk about all
Speaker 3: these intricacies of etiquette till the pals come home. But
Speaker 3: if we forget about the basics, as you mentioned, holding
Speaker 3: the door for someone, looking at someone in the eye,
Speaker 3: saying please and thank you, that's the foundation of it.
Speaker 2: That's the foundation of the respect for each other.
Speaker 1: And I feel like this is where I will seem
Speaker 1: like the old guy yelling at people on my lawn.
Speaker 1: It is and you hit, I really think you hit
Speaker 1: something that's very important. It is a learned behavior. The
Speaker 1: reason I noticed stand up when a woman comes to
Speaker 1: the table is I was taught. The reason I know
Speaker 1: to open a door. I was taught, yes, ma'am, Yes, sir.
Speaker 1: That's how I was taught and raised. If you're not
Speaker 1: teaching that, if you're not passing it on, it's not
Speaker 1: going to be passed on. And I look at people
Speaker 1: with their kids in a restaurant, a very nice restaurant,
Speaker 1: and they have a hat on and they're watching a
Speaker 1: movie and they scream at their parents to give me something,
Speaker 1: and the waiter walks over, and they don't even look
Speaker 1: at the waiter in the eye and they just kind
Speaker 1: of murmur what they want. It just makes me cringe.
Speaker 1: I lose my mind with bad manners and bad etiquette
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: I understand completely.
Speaker 3: And you know that's why what I tell my story
Speaker 3: of not being raised in any kind of formal training.
Speaker 3: One thing that my parents and my grandparents drilled into
Speaker 3: my siblings and I was the idea of that you
Speaker 3: treated everyone with respect, whether it was the person cleaning
Speaker 3: the toilet or the owner of the building, the CEO
Speaker 3: of the company. It was about how you treated people
Speaker 3: and being mindful of how your actions and words and
Speaker 3: behaviors and whereabout how that affects other people. And I
Speaker 3: think that's kind of where we got lost is that
Speaker 3: you know, whether it's me and the nail salon and
Speaker 3: someone's talking on their phone extremely loudly, they're not even
Speaker 3: aware of how that act.
Speaker 2: Is, you know, affecting me or affecting.
Speaker 3: The people around them, and so holding your fork and
Speaker 3: knife not really it's important, of course, but it's how
Speaker 3: we behave and how that affects other people.
Speaker 1: I need to before because I want to ask you
Speaker 1: about relationships and how this can help us all with
Speaker 1: the relationships. But I need you to settle a score
Speaker 1: for me. So Louren and I go back and forth
Speaker 1: on this all the time. I and again, God bless
Speaker 1: my grandmother and my parents. This was beat into me.
Speaker 1: I cannot change it. I can't wear a hat indoors.
Speaker 1: I can't. It just immediately comes off. I don't care
Speaker 1: if I have a bad hat day, my hair or whatever.
Speaker 1: I can't walk into a restaurant with a hat on.
Speaker 1: Is that okay? Now? Do I need to get over this?
Speaker 3: No, it's still expected, especially for a gentleman to remove
Speaker 3: his hat upon going indoors. And you know, any type
Speaker 3: of outdoor hat, regardless of gender. So if it's a
Speaker 3: sun hat, a baseball hat, a winter hat. The only
Speaker 3: exception to the indoor hat role is if a lady
Speaker 3: has an outfit on with a hat that's pinned to
Speaker 3: her head.
Speaker 1: Or totally agree it's part of the outfit. Yes, I
Speaker 1: tell I totally, I totally agree with that. And but
Speaker 1: walking in and don't get me started. If someone has
Speaker 1: a hat on backwards and they walk into a restaurant,
Speaker 1: I just it's all I can do not to snatch
Speaker 1: them by the scruff of the neck and drag them
Speaker 1: outside and talk to him like my grandmother would have
Speaker 1: done to me and Chris.
Speaker 2: People argue with me on that, like who cares? That's
Speaker 2: what they say. Who cares if I'm wearing a hat?
Speaker 3: What if I'm a kind person and I'm respectful to
Speaker 3: the serving staff?
Speaker 2: Who cares if I'm wearing a hat?
Speaker 3: And I say, because we communicate with our body language
Speaker 3: and our physical appearance and our outward appearance in addition
Speaker 3: to our words, and so removing hat is a is
Speaker 3: a basic sign of repect.
Speaker 1: You're immediately You're immediately telling me you don't care. Yes, exactly,
Speaker 1: by walking in like that, exactly, Okay, thank you for
Speaker 1: letting the old man rant. You welcome. The thing I
Speaker 1: think is interesting and I wanted to get to with
Speaker 1: you is relationships, and a lot of people listening to
Speaker 1: this are looking for relationships that are in relationships. I
Speaker 1: think a big red flag is someone with bad manners,
Speaker 1: someone with bad etiquette.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 3: And we can look at, you know, relationships and etiquette
Speaker 3: in two ways. You can look at it as a
Speaker 3: way of, you know, what can I do to show
Speaker 3: respect to the other person, but it's also what can
Speaker 3: I do for myself to put my best foot forward?
Speaker 1: You know. I was listening to Bethany Frankel kind of
Speaker 1: go on this rant the other day. She had a date.
Speaker 1: It was a first date, and I believe it was
Speaker 1: a blind date that was set up for and she
Speaker 1: was saying, how I guess she had talked about this publicly,
Speaker 1: that she was going to go on this first date.
Speaker 1: And she came back on and said, I canceled the date.
Speaker 1: I didn't go on it because this gentleman called her
Speaker 1: and he was he said, he said he had done
Speaker 1: very well text messages, phone message talking and all this,
Speaker 1: all this good stuff, but he lived further She lived
Speaker 1: further out from the city than he did. And so
Speaker 1: it was probably on the way to the restaurant and
Speaker 1: he said, well, why don't you just either pick me
Speaker 1: up or we'll meet there. And that was a red
Speaker 1: flag for her. I think she called it a pink flag,
Speaker 1: but I was like, and I totally agree with Bethany,
Speaker 1: that to me was bad form. It was bad etiquette.
Speaker 1: Either offer to go get her, because if you care,
Speaker 1: you're going to make the drive to go get her.
Speaker 1: I don't care if it costs you an extra five
Speaker 1: miles to go get her. Go offer to pick her
Speaker 1: up on that first date, and or at the very
Speaker 1: least meet there at the restaurant.
Speaker 3: Yes, and this is not about him being the guy
Speaker 3: and her being the girl. It's not about that. It's
Speaker 3: about that he didn't go the extra mile to make
Speaker 3: her feel valued. And it is small thing that he
Speaker 3: could have done that could have totally, you know, made
Speaker 3: a great first impression. And we have to think about
Speaker 3: you know, first impressions with dates.
Speaker 2: Are a huge thing.
Speaker 1: And by the way, to at least have said, hey,
Speaker 1: I'll come pick you up for a date, and then
Speaker 1: Bethany can say that's crazy, don't do that, silly, I'll
Speaker 1: drive in and get you it's on the way, or
Speaker 1: at least I'll drive your house, I'll drop off my
Speaker 1: car and we'll go from there. But you have made
Speaker 1: the effort. Like you said, it's making people feel respected,
Speaker 1: feel valued, feel seen. And so I agreed with her,
Speaker 1: and that was the only reason why she canceled the date.
Speaker 1: But it was definitely one of the flags that she saw,
Speaker 1: and I totally agreed with her. I fully appreciate how
Speaker 1: quickly are you getting off Instagram and off the direct
Speaker 1: messages and text messaging? Are you talking to people? All
Speaker 1: that I think is etiquette in a relationship.
Speaker 3: And I agree with Bethany's take there too, And I
Speaker 3: think it's important for people to determine what's important to
Speaker 3: them and what those red flags are because it might
Speaker 3: look different for everybody. But to basically be told, I'm
Speaker 3: not going to go out of the way to make
Speaker 3: this a special night and come pick them up before
Speaker 3: you even meet them.
Speaker 2: For the first date, your expectations are low from.
Speaker 1: There right well, And I'm sure you see this a
Speaker 1: lot as people talk about relationships and etiquette. They start
Speaker 1: they'll just text yeah and use bad grammar or what
Speaker 1: and leave the relationship on a direct message or a
Speaker 1: text basis and not take it to that next level
Speaker 1: and properly show again making someone feel valued and seen.
Speaker 2: Yes, our phones are such a comfort to us.
Speaker 3: It's like we can hide behind our phone, and so
Speaker 3: it takes away from really developing that connection that you
Speaker 3: get when you are face to face with somebody and
Speaker 3: you're able to hear their voice and hear their tone
Speaker 3: and their passion, and those are things you don't get
Speaker 3: through a DM or a text message.
Speaker 1: Would you say phones are the number one etiquette killer
Speaker 1: in the world right now?
Speaker 2: You know, It's funny.
Speaker 3: I have such a love hate relationship with technology and
Speaker 3: social media.
Speaker 2: I think it's the reason that I get.
Speaker 3: To do what I do. Social media plays a huge
Speaker 3: part in my business, and I'm so grateful for that,
Speaker 3: and I'm grateful for you know, how it's connected.
Speaker 2: Me to people.
Speaker 3: But I think it's there's a line between it totally
Speaker 3: taking home.
Speaker 2: For our lives today.
Speaker 1: It really is, and you know, but we get so
Speaker 1: addicted to it, especially like you said in COVID, we
Speaker 1: lived alone. Many people did anyway, and you became addicted
Speaker 1: and reliable on your phone to almost like that friend,
Speaker 1: that companion and when you go to dinner, you can't
Speaker 1: put it down and you just all of a sudden
Speaker 1: start scrolling while you're sitting at the dinner table. It's
Speaker 1: like rip that leave it in the car.
Speaker 3: Yes, and that's a simple first date or any date
Speaker 3: etiquette tip, but it's basic manners.
Speaker 2: Keep your phone away, you know, unless you are you.
Speaker 3: Have some very important call that you're expecting and you're
Speaker 3: able to tell the person ahead of time. My doctor
Speaker 3: might be calling. I may need to run out real
Speaker 3: quick to take this phone call. Otherwise it should be
Speaker 3: in your bag. You're not scrolling, you're not answering emails.
Speaker 3: That's a huge, huge thing that I hear from people
Speaker 3: on first dates is that someone will, like you said,
Speaker 3: just take their phone out in the middle of dinner
Speaker 3: and it totally kills the conversation.
Speaker 1: What are some other etiquette issues that we should be
Speaker 1: a watching out for as red flags, but be hopefully
Speaker 1: not doing ourselves on dates?
Speaker 3: In relationships, punctuality is a huge thing too, being.
Speaker 1: On phone, where's Lauren? I'm so bad, Lauren's out of town.
Speaker 1: I wish you could hear that.
Speaker 3: I'm so so big on punctuality. Again, you have to
Speaker 3: think about all these things that contribute to the first impression.
Speaker 2: It's if you're being.
Speaker 3: On time, It's what you you choose to wear, It's
Speaker 3: how you decide to enter the restaurant.
Speaker 2: Right are you wherever you're having the date.
Speaker 3: Are you walking in, you know, with your shoulders back
Speaker 3: and you're making eye contact and your body language is open,
Speaker 3: or are you hunch down in your phone, things are
Speaker 3: flying out of your handbag, you're running late. You know,
Speaker 3: we have seven seconds to make a first impression, and
Speaker 3: somebody's creating that storyline of you within those first seven seconds.
Speaker 3: It's not because we're we mean to be judgmental. It's
Speaker 3: the way our brains work, and so we really want
Speaker 3: to put our best foot forward with making sure everything
Speaker 3: that goes into those first few seconds being on time,
Speaker 3: you know, maintaining positive body language, ratsing.
Speaker 2: The part, all those things even.
Speaker 3: Beforehand, like we mentioned about the story about Bethany, what
Speaker 3: you can do beforehand to confirm the day, to offer
Speaker 3: to make something easier. That all goes into you know,
Speaker 3: how that person is perceiving you before you even get
Speaker 3: into the conversation.
Speaker 1: And that point, by the way, applies to our kids
Speaker 1: who one of my son just graduated college and they're
Speaker 1: going on job interviews and looking for jobs. The same
Speaker 1: rule applies. That is just another first date. It's a relationship.
Speaker 1: That job interview, you have seven seconds think about what
Speaker 1: she just said. There's seven seconds to make that impression.
Speaker 1: And yeah, you got to follow up with the correct answers,
Speaker 1: and you know, hold yourself accountable while you're doing the interview.
Speaker 1: But you're right, those those first seven seconds when you
Speaker 1: walk in an office are huge.
Speaker 2: And Chris, it's interesting.
Speaker 3: There's a study, a psychology study that was conducted in
Speaker 3: the late sixties and has been proven again again that
Speaker 3: over half of the way we're perceived by people is
Speaker 3: through our nonverbal behavior. So I know a lot of
Speaker 3: people when they go on first dates, they stress about
Speaker 3: and I ask the right questions that I over shared,
Speaker 3: and I say too much. And while our words are
Speaker 3: still super super important and contribute to the success or
Speaker 3: not out of a first or a date, we really
Speaker 3: want to make sure that we're being open in the
Speaker 3: way that we communicate with our bodies, and not only body.
Speaker 2: Language, but our energy and our smile and what we're wearing.
Speaker 3: All that has a lot to do with how someone
Speaker 3: is perceiving us, and when we're looking to make a
Speaker 3: really great first and lasting impression on a date, sometimes
Speaker 3: we forget about that.
Speaker 2: We're so focused on our works.
Speaker 1: Interesting, okay, so help me better my body language. What
Speaker 1: am I doing right wrong? Tell me what I should
Speaker 1: be doing on a date or in a job interview.
Speaker 1: What's good? Good positive body energy.
Speaker 2: So your walk is super important.
Speaker 3: It falls into that seven seconds a lot of the
Speaker 3: times you're walking into a room.
Speaker 2: So making sure you have a strong walk.
Speaker 3: Your posture is important, and not just the posture that
Speaker 3: you know, if my mom poking me in the back
Speaker 3: when I was a little girl, to stand up straight,
Speaker 3: but it's also you know, the level we keep our
Speaker 3: chin and you know, just our overall energy and our posture.
Speaker 3: We also want to maintain open body language. That's how
Speaker 3: we help create stronger relationships. So an example of closed
Speaker 3: body language would be to you know, cross my legs,
Speaker 3: cross my arm something like that, versus having my hands
Speaker 3: open and visible to someone create stress with our brain
Speaker 3: and also keeps ourselves open, which to the other person
Speaker 3: is related as Okay, we're creating this relationship.
Speaker 2: This person is you know, inviting me to kind of
Speaker 2: you know, be in a close space with.
Speaker 1: Them, have a theme song in your head, walk to
Speaker 1: your theme song. Yes, people always ask guys like, what
Speaker 1: would your play on music be as you walk to
Speaker 1: the plate, Have that in your head as you walk in.
Speaker 1: See you walk with that confidence and sit with that confidence.
Speaker 1: But you're right when people sit down and you know
Speaker 1: they sit back, they have bad posture. But it's like
Speaker 1: all those things tell you so much more. Whether we
Speaker 1: know it or not, You're constantly getting that feedback as
Speaker 1: you look at somebody.
Speaker 3: Yes, And it's not about being fake or perfect or
Speaker 3: anything like that. It's about putting our best foot forward
Speaker 3: and saying I cared enough about you and this date
Speaker 3: and your time that I'm going to give everything good
Speaker 3: that I have to be this hour or hour and
Speaker 3: a half or however long it is, hopefully longer, hopefully
Speaker 3: it's a good date.
Speaker 1: Two more things, leaning forward versus neutral or leaning back.
Speaker 1: And also touch in an appropriate way. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: on a first date.
Speaker 3: I probably I don't know, like a hug at the end,
Speaker 3: I don't know. It depends on your preference. And you know,
Speaker 3: part of exploring body language is not only being conscious
Speaker 3: of our own body language, but it's being extra conscious
Speaker 3: of the other person's body language.
Speaker 2: So before you go to you know, make a move or.
Speaker 3: Hold their hand or give them a hug, pay close
Speaker 3: attention to how they're moving their body.
Speaker 2: Is their body language open to you? Is it kind
Speaker 2: of closed off?
Speaker 3: Again, we communicate so strongly with our so not only
Speaker 3: is it important for us to focus on ours, but
Speaker 3: it will really really put you ahead if you're able
Speaker 3: to focus on other people's body language. And Chris, this
Speaker 3: will ruin you because now you'll go through the rest
Speaker 3: of this week and next week and you'll be so
Speaker 3: hyper punking time people's body language, because that's what happens
Speaker 3: when I talk about this with people. But in terms
Speaker 3: of the leaning, you know, leaning in is a sign
Speaker 3: of interest. So if someone is opening up to you
Speaker 3: telling you a great story, other than eye contact and
Speaker 3: nodding and smiling to signify that you're interested, leaning forward
Speaker 3: is a great way to say, you know, tell me more,
Speaker 3: you have my full attention versus neutral. If you're you know,
Speaker 3: going back and forth over a neutral subject, that's fine
Speaker 3: as well, right.
Speaker 1: And I guess consequently as well, you want to make
Speaker 1: sure you're not giving the wrong signals. But so that's
Speaker 1: a good point. Pick up what the other person's putting down.
Speaker 3: Yes, and think about it as a whole. You know,
Speaker 3: when we think about our words, our tone, our body language,
Speaker 3: we want all three of those things to be working
Speaker 3: together and not against each other. So you might have
Speaker 3: an incredible story to tell your connecting, but if your
Speaker 3: body language is off, there's going to be a disconnect,
Speaker 3: you know, with the listener versus or the same thing.
Speaker 3: If you you know, have green body language, but you're
Speaker 3: struggling to get your point across, you're nervous, you don't
Speaker 3: have good tone, good passion in your voice.
Speaker 2: Again, there's a disconnect for the listeners.
Speaker 3: We want to make sure all those things are working together,
Speaker 3: not against each other.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I used to tell people because I would help
Speaker 1: people as they got into the business. One of the
Speaker 1: hardest things in television I tell people is to be
Speaker 1: yourself because we all have this idea of how we look,
Speaker 1: and sometimes we act like how we think we look.
Speaker 1: And it's like, for example, if I just put a
Speaker 1: camera on someone outside they start doing these crazy things.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well have you ever done that? When have
Speaker 1: you ever started just dancing? You don't do that, and
Speaker 1: so oftentimes you can even have a calm, relatable voice conversational,
Speaker 1: but you're you're stiff, and so even though you're conversationally,
Speaker 1: you're not moving, and that just it's very off putting.
Speaker 1: And so actually being yourself, look at yourself, paid ten
Speaker 1: to how you normally are. If you're a hand talker,
Speaker 1: which I am, I'm a big hand talker. If I don't,
Speaker 1: if I don't do that, it seems very weird. And
Speaker 1: so paying attention to how you act in normal, relaxed environment,
Speaker 1: try to carry that into those other environments, whether it's
Speaker 1: a job, interview, hosting, a TV show, or a first date.
Speaker 3: Alwisi edikn applies to everything. It's for every situation, for
Speaker 3: every walk of life, for every chapter.
Speaker 2: It applied to every situation.
Speaker 1: It really does. Maria, thank you so much. I appreciate
Speaker 1: the time and thank you for bringing etiquette back into
Speaker 1: our lives. I fully believe we need more of it,
Speaker 1: we need more manners. It just makes people more kind
Speaker 1: We need more kindness, more love, more respect, and it
Speaker 1: just makes people feel seen and feel like, Okay, you
Speaker 1: understand what I'm doing, You appreciate what I'm doing so
Speaker 1: thank you because I appreciate what you're doing.
Speaker 2: Oh my pleasure, Chris.
Speaker 3: Thank you for giving me a platform to speak about
Speaker 3: something I'm so passionate about.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most
Speaker 1: Dramatic pod Ever, and make sure to write us a
Speaker 1: review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you
Speaker 1: next time.