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Speaker 1: Okay, guys, welcome to a new episode of You Need Therapy.

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Speaker 1: This is going to be a fun episode because I

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Speaker 1: was gonna say I don't have an expert here, but

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Speaker 1: I do have an expert, just one that didn't have

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Speaker 1: to get a degree to be an expert in what

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Speaker 1: we're about to talk about. I did put a lot

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Speaker 1: of years. I've studied a lot here. Okay, So I

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Speaker 1: have one of my best friends with me. Her name

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Speaker 1: is Jesse say hi hi, and she has reminded me

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Speaker 1: that she actually has been a guest before on the show,

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Speaker 1: but nobody got to hear the episode because I didn't

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Speaker 1: record it. I forgot that it was a while ago,

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Speaker 1: as a couple of years ago. But I also think

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Speaker 1: that that is just a testament to how our brains work,

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Speaker 1: and they block out the things that they don't want

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Speaker 1: us to remember. And my brain did not want me

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Speaker 1: to know that because I've never crossed my mind. But anyway,

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Speaker 1: I've known Jesse since I was a little child. Twelve,

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Speaker 1: middle school for sure, eleven, and I lived with her

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Speaker 1: and then I didn't live with her, and she's so

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Speaker 1: my friend survived living together. It's pretty big. Yeah, we did,

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Speaker 1: and I have her here today because we are going

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Speaker 1: to talk about something that I promised you guys and

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Speaker 1: talked about doing a long time ago. Actually I did

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Speaker 1: do this episode, but it also didn't record. But that

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Speaker 1: wasn't Jessie. That was with Amy, and I've played that

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Speaker 1: on her, but I also blame that on her computer,

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Speaker 1: because you know what really wasn't her fault. Any who,

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Speaker 1: Jesse is here and we're going to talk about what

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Speaker 1: makes something a red flag? And why is it so

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Speaker 1: easy to ignore red flags? Shall we get started? Do

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Speaker 1: you want to give a background on what makes you

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Speaker 1: have any validity in this conversation? You know what's funny

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Speaker 1: is sure I will. But I was thinking it was

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Speaker 1: like when you told me, Jesse, do you want to

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Speaker 1: do this? I thought, is it a good thing or

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Speaker 1: like a really bad thing that You're like, I'm doing

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Speaker 1: an episode on red flags? Can you talk? It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: am I the red flags? What is the common theme?

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Speaker 1: Isn't me? It's not you know, we might here's actually

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Speaker 1: a thing. We might all have red flags for other people, right,

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Speaker 1: Like I turn everything into a song for some people.

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Speaker 1: That's probably I've been meaning to talk to you about.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I think we all can have red flags,

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Speaker 1: but we're going to talk about some like bigger themed

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Speaker 1: ones that I actually had you guys send in the

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Speaker 1: things that you were wondering if they were red flags

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Speaker 1: or not. So these are actually coming from you guys.

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Speaker 1: Anyway I cut you off. It's like, Hi, my name

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Speaker 1: is Jesse. I've been single for a long time. It's great,

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Speaker 1: it's fine. But in all seriousness, I've explored the dating

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Speaker 1: apps and done my service. What dating apps mainly Hinge

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Speaker 1: and Bumble Why those ones? Because they're easy, inaccessible, and

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's what the people use. So I'm

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Speaker 1: just trying to be where the people are. It's not

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Speaker 1: going great, but I'm like really doing my best effort.

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Speaker 1: And you see a lot of stuff on there. I

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Speaker 1: see a lot of stuff on there. Yeah. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I've done a lot of casual dating, which is

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Speaker 1: great and it's part of it, but I've gotten to

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Speaker 1: see a lot of probably red flags. Yeah. And here's

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Speaker 1: the other thing that you guys might find interesting. If

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Speaker 1: you listen to the show a lot, you might have

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Speaker 1: heard me talk about my shitty date jar. Well, Jesse,

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Speaker 1: actually the jar belonged to you. It's now on my

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Speaker 1: did you take it back? So when we lived together,

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Speaker 1: this must have been two thousand and nineteen eighteen. I

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Speaker 1: think we had just started using the dating maps. It

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Speaker 1: was like it was the same time together. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: we just went on all these dates and they were

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Speaker 1: really bad and some of them were funny. Some of

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Speaker 1: them were like I want to cry. And so we

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Speaker 1: created this jar that we would write all of our

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Speaker 1: dating stories and put them in the jar, because that

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Speaker 1: actually helped alleviate the pain of it all, so we

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Speaker 1: could laugh about it. And guys, the jar is pretty

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Speaker 1: four And I will say sometimes people used to be

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Speaker 1: displayed at my house and when people would come in,

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Speaker 1: they back, oh, I have one, Like I have people's

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Speaker 1: dates in my jar that I don't know who they are,

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Speaker 1: just I think it's nice. Kind of unites to saw.

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Speaker 1: But while we're talking about the shitty date jar, since

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Speaker 1: Jesse was a founding father of the jar, would you

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Speaker 1: like to tell my most favorite story. It was early

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Speaker 1: on in the dating app world in two thousand eighteen.

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Speaker 1: Whenever we started this adventure, I was committed to meeting

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Speaker 1: a man. I met this man, we chatted for a while.

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Speaker 1: He was really fun. Was this the first date that

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Speaker 1: went first. But was it your first dating app date?

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Speaker 1: It was one of no, it was probably top five

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Speaker 1: first five. We chatted for a while. He was very funny.

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Speaker 1: I loved it. Love a funny guy, love a funny guy.

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Speaker 1: And he's like, what do you want to do for

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Speaker 1: the date? I was like, I'm pretty low key. So

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Speaker 1: this man says, let's go to the Prins game, which

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Speaker 1: is my key, not lowkey. Not low key. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I like to wear yoga pants and get coffee and

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Speaker 1: really am up date too. So now, anyways, I'm sober

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Speaker 1: because I was doing the whole thirty at that time.

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Speaker 1: So he was very nervous and he got very drunk

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Speaker 1: on our date, which is fine, we'll not getting very drunk,

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Speaker 1: but like he kept going back for more and he's like,

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Speaker 1: do you want to know I'm still not drinking. Thanks,

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Speaker 1: still hasn't changed in this three hour period. Also, Predators

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Speaker 1: games are very long dates. We also sat in a

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Speaker 1: season ticket section where everyone knew everyone and knew we

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Speaker 1: didn't belong. Anyways, he was very nervous. We didn't talk

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Speaker 1: a ton. Are remember texting y'all? And I was like, guys,

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Speaker 1: this is awkward. I don't know how this is going.

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Speaker 1: I just need everybody in the world to now. I

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Speaker 1: would never agree to go. This is your red flog.

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Speaker 1: You agree with things that are insane. I would never

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Speaker 1: agree to go on a first date to a Predators

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Speaker 1: game where you're stuck sitting next to the person for

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Speaker 1: three hours and everybody around you knows you're on the

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Speaker 1: first date, because how don't you had the conversation of

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Speaker 1: like where did you grow up? When I just I

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Speaker 1: don't get it, Like I get so anxious about this,

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Speaker 1: Like what did you do even if you wanted to leave?

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Speaker 1: You couldn't. If you couldn't be like, oh gosh, I

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Speaker 1: gotta go. It's he persevered. You sat the whole time.

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Speaker 1: You you you have a sporting event to like just

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Speaker 1: distract you from your exit plan. No, I didn't. I

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Speaker 1: was there. I was committed. It was long anyway, carry on.

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Speaker 1: So at the end, after this man has had it,

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Speaker 1: is like two for one. He was coming back with

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Speaker 1: like two drinks for himself at one time. Again not

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Speaker 1: the worst, but like not great when I'm like, hey,

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Speaker 1: drinking water. To be clear, it wasn't two for one.

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Speaker 1: I guess the prends are never two for one. Oh

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Speaker 1: sweet buddy, sweet me like fifteen beers. He came back

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Speaker 1: with each Yeah, it's okay. Well at the end he

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Speaker 1: was like, do you want to drive home? I said,

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Speaker 1: I don't think I have an option. Yes, give me

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Speaker 1: your keys, like you can't drive us. So, so, if

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Speaker 1: you've lived in Nashville and you've been out to a

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Speaker 1: Pred's game, you know when you park at a parking garage,

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Speaker 1: you basically live in the parking garage after the game.

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Speaker 1: So how do you entertain yourself with the drunk man

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Speaker 1: that you've just spent three hours with that's not going well?

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Speaker 1: You have nothing else to talk about. We've talked about

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Speaker 1: it everything. I could tell you his whole life story.

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Speaker 1: I decided to play a game, and the game was

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Speaker 1: tell me this is my red flag, and I see

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Speaker 1: the thing here. I said, Well, we know so much

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Speaker 1: about each other at this point, why don't you go

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Speaker 1: ahead and tell me the three worst things about you?

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Speaker 1: Pause for dramatic effect, But in all seriousness, that's a

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Speaker 1: funny question because it's like in an interview and somebody's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: what are the qualities that or what are they asking

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Speaker 1: your weakness. It's like, well he turned into a rank

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Speaker 1: or whatever. I was thinking. Organized Seriously, I was thinking

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Speaker 1: if he had asked me that, I would have said, well,

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Speaker 1: my friends say I'm too kind, or when I volunteer

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Speaker 1: too much it takes up too much of my time

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Speaker 1: on the weekends, or just too pretty. I would have

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Speaker 1: said all of those things had he asked me, I'm

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Speaker 1: so pretty intimidates all my other friends. He did not

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Speaker 1: go that route. He sat in literally for about a

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Speaker 1: few minutes. And that do I have to say what

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Speaker 1: he actually said? Yeah, that's whole pointed. That's right. So

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Speaker 1: this man comes at me the first thing personality. I

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Speaker 1: think we're kidding still, so I laugh out loud to

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Speaker 1: the drug man as I'm driving his massive pickup truck

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Speaker 1: in a parking garage. And if you guys don't get

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Speaker 1: what that's strange, it's because you're on a first date

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Speaker 1: and it seems like on a first date you're trying

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Speaker 1: to sell your personality, not like I actually have the

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Speaker 1: worst personality that you could ever imagine. Well, then you

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Speaker 1: just he describes why it's bad. It's not like my

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Speaker 1: personality is bad. Let me go into the second one

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Speaker 1: is like, my personality is bad because people these are

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Speaker 1: this is why it's bad. And so I wasn't prepared

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Speaker 1: for an actual answer, so I said, Okay, yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: you're fine. It's great. Number two. How do you top

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Speaker 1: number two? He gave me some bs answer about work.

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Speaker 1: He's like, people say I'm an asshole at work and

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Speaker 1: I'm just too mean and blah blah blah. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, awesome, not a great thing, but okay. And

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Speaker 1: then when you can't stop your personality being the worst

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Speaker 1: thing about you or that you're an asshole, I want

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Speaker 1: people to like, guess in your head actually likes the

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Speaker 1: podcast and send in what you think it is to

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Speaker 1: my Instagram DM give it a follow while you're there maybe,

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Speaker 1: or at the pot you can follow the podcast that

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Speaker 1: you Need Therapy podcast. What do you think the third

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Speaker 1: thing was his worst thing about him? It can't be

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Speaker 1: his personality or that he's a jerk at work, So

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Speaker 1: so nice. That's weird to me too. Okay, so the

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Speaker 1: worst the third worst thing about him, he's a little gassy, said, oh,

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Speaker 1: you cry if you don't say it that way, you know,

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Speaker 1: like being trapped in a car with drunk man with

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Speaker 1: a drunk man who just told you that he's gassy

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Speaker 1: on a first date. And then I said, imagine this,

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Speaker 1: and you're like, I replay it every time. You made

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Speaker 1: me tell the story, which is like my party trick

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Speaker 1: for you tell everyone about your worst date, which one, Gatherine,

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Speaker 1: you know the one every time? It's fine, it's fine.

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Speaker 1: But then, like he did his personality, he described the

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Speaker 1: gassy situation as well, I know that you like, is

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Speaker 1: it certain foods that make him gas? I think it was,

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Speaker 1: and he's like, you know what happens to everyone was like, bro,

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Speaker 1: I'm not about to agree to that on first stage,

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Speaker 1: like hard pass and then guys, when this is about

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Speaker 1: red flags, not my dating life. But at this point

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Speaker 1: he said, what about you? What are your worst three things?

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Speaker 1: And you know you can't follow up to my personality

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Speaker 1: is bad and I'm really gassy, I'm too pretty. So

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Speaker 1: I drink of the three worst things about myself. What

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Speaker 1: do you do you remember what they were? Yeah? I

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Speaker 1: probably said, some people think I mean sometimes I just

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Speaker 1: k Then I probably lied and made up to other

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Speaker 1: things because I didn't actually have like I sweat a

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Speaker 1: lot when I work out. I don't I don't know

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Speaker 1: what I said, I probably lose like people think my

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Speaker 1: hair your hair. I don't like this beautiful air. But

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Speaker 1: I've just said someone who lived with her it gets everywhere,

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Speaker 1: and this is why I'm single from now on after

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Speaker 1: this podcast Like that, I'm kidding. It actually has great hair.

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Speaker 1: I'm not over compensating. It really is beautiful and thick.

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Speaker 1: It is getting awkward, but I still find your hair.

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Speaker 1: I just moved before. It's like confetti every Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: like confess you'll never miss me, right because I always

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Speaker 1: had a piece. If you ever where, you're welcome anyways.

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Speaker 1: So he's happily married. Now, good for him, you know,

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Speaker 1: good for him. But here's the thing. The reason we

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Speaker 1: told you that story is because through dating apps, I

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Speaker 1: feel like we experience very strange dating experiences on a

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Speaker 1: different level than people used to because we're meeting people

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Speaker 1: from all over the place that we normally would never

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Speaker 1: run into or have the chance to experience. So they're

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Speaker 1: just are all kinds of characters out there. Also, I

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Speaker 1: will say this, Jesse is a very forgiving human being,

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Speaker 1: and she will give most people a second chance. Asked

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Speaker 1: me out again and I said yes, But then he

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Speaker 1: didn't you didn't what happened he said, because he said that, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he never followed through with a date, and then he

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Speaker 1: sent you a happy Valentine's Day text with the rose emoji,

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Speaker 1: and it was like two weeks later, and then he

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Speaker 1: ghosted me, and then he got married. Then he got married.

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Speaker 1: So anyway, all that to say, there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: things that we see that we want to excuse or

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Speaker 1: chalk it up to he was nervous or this or that,

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Speaker 1: when really it's like, oh, maybe that was just like

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Speaker 1: a crazy thing to do or say, or maybe this

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Speaker 1: person isn't for me or whatever. So what we're gonna

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Speaker 1: do today is we're gonna play the game. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what the game is called. Red flag, Yellow flag,

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Speaker 1: Green flag, deal breaker. Stop. That's a that's a game

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Speaker 1: you play when you're choy. I think that's what you're

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Speaker 1: essentially say, stop go. What's like, Oh, yeah, who knows.

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Speaker 1: We're going to play a game where we talk about

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Speaker 1: these different things. We're gonna talk about if they we

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Speaker 1: would say that red flag hard passed or do I

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Speaker 1: want to see this out more or whatever. And I

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Speaker 1: also think it's fair to say we're all going to

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Speaker 1: ignore red flags. I've done it a bajillion times for

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Speaker 1: multiple reasons, and I think one of them is, at

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Speaker 1: least it has been for me. It's like when you

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Speaker 1: actually like see a red flag and you're like, this

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Speaker 1: is showing me the truth of the light, and like

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Speaker 1: this person is never going to be able to even

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Speaker 1: if the red flags, just like you, guys communicate differently,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that like a crazy person. When you

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Speaker 1: have to actually admit that, then you're like sitting in

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Speaker 1: the pain of like I have to start over or

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Speaker 1: this isn't gonna be my person or I'm back to

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Speaker 1: square zero, and it's painful. Like I think that's really

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Speaker 1: painful to see that this isn't gonna work, because every

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Speaker 1: time you go out and try to date somebody, you're

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Speaker 1: mustering up hope again of like maybe this person might

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Speaker 1: be my person. The issue is ignoring the reality that

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Speaker 1: this person is not your person doesn't take away your pain.

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Speaker 1: It just ends up treating that pain into suffering because

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Speaker 1: then you're dating this person who is not for you

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Speaker 1: longer and taking yourself deeper into it. I've done that,

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Speaker 1: so I think that gives some of the background of

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Speaker 1: like why we ignore it. People are like, why why

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Speaker 1: couldn't I see that? And it's like, well, I think

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Speaker 1: you could. You just chose to ignore that you could

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Speaker 1: see it because it was more painful for you at

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Speaker 1: that time. Two let that go than to be in it.

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Speaker 1: Anything to add that was from my perspective. No, I

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Speaker 1: was going to say something very similar to that. I

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Speaker 1: think I think everyone understands red flags. Everyone sees them.

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Speaker 1: You're just choosing to ignore them because you either like

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Speaker 1: what you're getting from that person and it means you

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Speaker 1: have to say goodbye to that relationship, which you just said,

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Speaker 1: or it's like I could change them another thing that

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Speaker 1: people think, which is not a great strategy um or

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Speaker 1: it's like I just don't I don't care. I'm happy

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Speaker 1: in it. This might be the worst in the world,

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Speaker 1: but what I'm getting from it is worth whatever the

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Speaker 1: red flag is. Yeah, And it's really a lot easier

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Speaker 1: to be objective on the outside of the relationship and

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Speaker 1: be like, that person isn't good for you. You should

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Speaker 1: have ignored that than to be in it, because you're

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Speaker 1: not feeling their feelings. So you can say that objectively

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Speaker 1: with no emotion attached to it. And the other thing

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Speaker 1: is like your red flags are different than my red flags,

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Speaker 1: just like I said in the beginning, So somebody really

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Speaker 1: might say, hey, I'm willing to not have this emotional

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Speaker 1: connection with this person because he gives me all these

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Speaker 1: other things and that works for me, and I can

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Speaker 1: stand the outside that sounds crazy and that looks crazy,

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Speaker 1: but it's not my life. And so as we talk

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Speaker 1: about this, you're going to hear this from our perspectives,

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Speaker 1: but you might not agree, and so we're just gonna

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Speaker 1: even we might not agree. So I just want to say, like,

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Speaker 1: when you're with your friends and you're like, I can't

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Speaker 1: believe you did that. First of all, give some people

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Speaker 1: grace because they have emotions and they're in it. And also,

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Speaker 1: if you're that person you have shane about like how

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Speaker 1: did I say that so long? Well, because obviously that

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Speaker 1: was working for you in some way, even if it wasn't,

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Speaker 1: like even if outside of it you're like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: like that was so painful. That was the worst relationship ever,

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Speaker 1: that guy, that girls jerk. Okay, but what were they

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Speaker 1: giving you? Because obviously they're giving you something, whether it's

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Speaker 1: attention or whatever. And sometimes we doesn't need someone attention

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Speaker 1: until we can get it somewhere else. Yeah, attention is

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Speaker 1: a need that we all have. So let's get into

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Speaker 1: this red rover game. I just think we just call

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Speaker 1: it red rover alright, So we gonna get to all

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Speaker 1: of them because I have thirty five written down. Oh,

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Speaker 1: let's start with this one. Let's I think I can

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Speaker 1: predict what you'll say. So red flag, yellow flag, or

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Speaker 1: all signs sego different religions. For me, that's a yellow

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Speaker 1: to red flag because I think yellow, Well, if it

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Speaker 1: depends on how you're like defining like religions, is that

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Speaker 1: like true religions, like he's Jewish, Probably not gonna work out, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think because that is like one of my non

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Speaker 1: negotiables for me personally. That matters just in terms of

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Speaker 1: where I am in my faith and what I'm looking

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Speaker 1: forward to. Partner, and I would like to raise a

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Speaker 1: family one day. So to get into something knowing that

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Speaker 1: we are going to be on opposing sides, why would

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Speaker 1: I get myself into something knowing that I might fall

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Speaker 1: for you and at the end it's like yeah, and

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Speaker 1: then like that never changed. That's one of those things

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Speaker 1: of like maybe it will change. I think that for me,

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Speaker 1: it would also be a red flag. And that can

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Speaker 1: be so different for so many people. If you are

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Speaker 1: making it a yellow flag because you're saying, well, maybe

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Speaker 1: they'll change, don't bank on that, like upfront, that has

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Speaker 1: to be a conversation you might want to have earlier

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Speaker 1: when you find that out. But there's some people that

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Speaker 1: are like, I don't really care. So if religion isn't

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Speaker 1: a big part of your life, or your faith isn't

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Speaker 1: a big part of your life, or you can separate

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Speaker 1: those things, I would need some information on how you're

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Speaker 1: able to do that, because a lot of times your

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Speaker 1: faith guides how you live your life and how if

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Speaker 1: you want to have a family, how you might raise

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Speaker 1: your kids. There's so much and it it's not just

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Speaker 1: like I believe this and I do this, or I

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Speaker 1: like to meditate and I like to paint and that's

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Speaker 1: how I connect to my true self. It's like, oh no,

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Speaker 1: these are guiding posts that tell me how I should

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Speaker 1: be living my life. So I think it's pretty fair

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Speaker 1: to say red flag. And I think it's pretty fair

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Speaker 1: if you really don't care to say, as long as

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Speaker 1: that person also is on the same page, truly on

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Speaker 1: the same page. Okay, they've cheated in their past, let's say,

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Speaker 1: like cheating on their X and that's why they broke up.

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Speaker 1: Fun fact, I have been cheated on my boyfriend of

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Speaker 1: three and half years. Do you want to tell that

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Speaker 1: you don't have to tell the story that you don't

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Speaker 1: have enough to podcast over that multiple times? Have been

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Speaker 1: cheated on in the past, same guy, same guy. Yep,

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Speaker 1: so that happened. Guy went on a date with last

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Speaker 1: week also brought up that he had cheated in the

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Speaker 1: past and that's like one of his biggest regrets. I

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Speaker 1: say that because I was talking to my mom this

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Speaker 1: summer actually, and she was talking to me about people's

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Speaker 1: past and is that a deal breaker kind of thing?

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Speaker 1: And I said, the minute for me that I believe

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Speaker 1: that someone can't evolve or personally for me, it's like

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Speaker 1: that God can't redeem someone's story in their past is

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Speaker 1: a minute that I like lose faith in God in

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Speaker 1: the world. Because whoever someone was in the past, that's

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Speaker 1: a flag. I want to take note of it. I'd

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Speaker 1: like to know the background of it. But who's to

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Speaker 1: say you can't grow from that. I think that's great

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Speaker 1: because we've all done things in our past that we

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Speaker 1: would not do again. We learned, we looked into it,

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Speaker 1: we asked ourselves, why did that happen? Why did I

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Speaker 1: choose that? So I think that this, point blank, it

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Speaker 1: would be really sad, I think, and really unfair to

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Speaker 1: a lot of people who because I mean, I'm a therapist,

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Speaker 1: I hear a lot of people's stories and a lot

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Speaker 1: of things that they have shame about, and it's really

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Speaker 1: to me, would be really sad that the world doesn't

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Speaker 1: get to experience all of those people who are doing

395
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Speaker 1: such good work and like real work on themselves so

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Speaker 1: they can be better and not hurt people and all that. So, yeah,

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Speaker 1: all as we have a conversation, you're totally but to

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Speaker 1: write somebody off because they did something and you don't

399
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 1: know the context, you don't know their story, now, I

400
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:15,639
Speaker 1: think it would be a disservice. I agree. Yellow flag.

401
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Speaker 1: Here's another one, different political beliefs. Let's say they're super

402
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Speaker 1: conservative and you're really liberal. I think that's the yellow flag. Also,

403
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Speaker 1: I think it's a topic of conversation to see where

404
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Speaker 1: people are on both sides of it and what that

405
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Speaker 1: actually shapes. Because there are people whose political beliefs are

406
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Speaker 1: one way, But are they like deeply living into that

407
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Speaker 1: or do you just identify as a Republican or conservative

408
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Speaker 1: because your parents grew up that way? I think you know,

409
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Speaker 1: you just gotta It's a conversation. And also again it's

410
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Speaker 1: like the levels, the levels of it, like how deep

411
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Speaker 1: into this are they and where do those beliefs come from? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's its spectrum. Here's one. I don't know how old

413
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Speaker 1: the person is that wrote this. They just said they

414
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Speaker 1: live with their parents. I'm sorry for laughing, but like

415
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 1: if that's not that weird, Oh yeah, that's not that weird.

416
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Speaker 1: And also why because like maybe you just speaking from experience.

417
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Speaker 1: Actually I didn't live with my parents. I moved with

418
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Speaker 1: my sister. But I quit my job when I was

419
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Speaker 1: twenty seven to start my practice because I started with

420
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Speaker 1: zero clients. So I had to move in with my

421
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Speaker 1: sister because I couldn't afford rent. I almost moved in

422
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Speaker 1: with my parents. And like I was hustling, shill makes

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Speaker 1: something to myself, just trying to be just trying to

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Speaker 1: be somebody. So I say, again, it depends if they

425
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,840
Speaker 1: just start mootion off their parents and have no drive.

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Speaker 1: That's one thing. Maybe their caretaking for a parent. Oh

427
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 1: that's sweet. At what point does it become a red

428
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 1: flag when that person's like forty five, living in their

429
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,640
Speaker 1: parents basement, has a full time job, and just wants

430
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 1: to hang out down there. That's that's a red flag

431
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 1: of like what's going on down there? Like all of

432
00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 1: the questions truly, Okay, they don't know if they want

433
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 1: to have kids and you definitely want kidd flag to yeah,

434
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: because that is going to set you up. If you

435
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 1: definitely want kids and this person doesn't know. Imagine dating

436
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 1: them for two years you want to get married, and

437
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 1: then they're like I decided you didn't, and then you're upset,

438
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,520
Speaker 1: and then it's like, well you knew this was an option,

439
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,360
Speaker 1: and you're again, I thought I could change your mind.

440
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 1: I'm a firm believer. I don't always live it out,

441
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: as you know, as someone who watches me date, Like,

442
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 1: if you know based on the first couple of weeks

443
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 1: that it's not going to work out for whatever reason,

444
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,879
Speaker 1: why are you continuing down that? So this would be

445
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 1: one of those for sure, if you don't want kids

446
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 1: or even questionable, why would I put myself in a

447
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,879
Speaker 1: situation where you're gonna make me very sad or I

448
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 1: will be sad. Well. I think the reason people, it's

449
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 1: it's living in the lala land of what this makes

450
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 1: me feel on im with this person versus facing the

451
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 1: reality that this isn't gonna and that's how I want it. Yeah,

452
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 1: I know, lack of social media like none, no Facebook,

453
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 1: no Instagram, no tiki talkie. I don't have a tiki takie.

454
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 1: I don't know that's a green flag. Let's go. He

455
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 1: told me that face? Why is it weird? What are

456
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 1: you hiding? Maybe he loves to read and doesn't have

457
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:16,159
Speaker 1: time to play on social media. To be fair, I

458
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 1: didn't think you already say that, because you do a

459
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,239
Speaker 1: good stocking out of the men in all of our

460
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 1: friends lives, and without social media we can't do as

461
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 1: much stalking. You can still do something Jesse can Jesse

462
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,919
Speaker 1: as the person and our group of friends who you

463
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,160
Speaker 1: literally give them a first initial and what their shoe

464
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,120
Speaker 1: sizes and she's found them in ten seconds, I mean

465
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 1: sometimes thirty seconds. But yeah, okay, yeah, I guess that

466
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 1: is true. Like my I will say, my little brother

467
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 1: doesn't have Instagram. He has he has Facebook, but he

468
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: doesn't have Instagram, but to be fair, he like looks

469
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 1: on his wives. I don't know. I just feel like

470
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:52,919
Speaker 1: that could be really cool or is it weirder if

471
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 1: you have social media you never use it, and it's like,

472
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,879
Speaker 1: I literally am on this just so I can stock people. Like,

473
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 1: think about it. I think how many people just lurk?

474
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: Just lurks? Yeah, I just follows a bunch of people.

475
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 1: You know what. I think it's very important about social

476
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,120
Speaker 1: media if you want a good stocking tip, and most

477
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 1: people have probably already thought about this, is when you

478
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 1: find them and maybe you start dating somebody, you're just

479
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,400
Speaker 1: trying to see what they're like. Go look at who

480
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 1: they follow I did think that is one of the

481
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 1: first things I do. Yeah, go all the way through it,

482
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: because sometimes they are following some accounts that you would

483
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 1: not be comfortable with them following if you were dating them. Sorry,

484
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: I have like very specific memories popping up right now. Okay,

485
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 1: I have one. Okay, red flag, green flag, yellow flag?

486
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 1: Criminal history ship. Do you want to answer that one?

487
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 1: Why don't you answer that one? Okay? It depends what

488
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: are the felonies that are allowed? Listen, guys, I think

489
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 1: this is another one. Of those things is what is

490
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 1: what is it? Are they forthcoming of it? And if

491
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,640
Speaker 1: you stalk them and you find out you might want

492
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,120
Speaker 1: to ask them about it before you just keep dating them.

493
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,679
Speaker 1: How do you bring that up if you've stalked them?

494
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: The sidebar if you're like, we found out on find

495
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,200
Speaker 1: my criminal dot Com that you have remember, oh my god,

496
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,880
Speaker 1: Taylor paid for a background check on this one guy

497
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: that I found on a dating app who he we

498
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,679
Speaker 1: could tell he had been arrested, We don't didn't know

499
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: it for what. And so she signed up for this

500
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,959
Speaker 1: background check website and then it charged her like an

501
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 1: insane amount of money, and they said it was only

502
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 1: going to be a dollar, but then she ended up

503
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 1: having this subscription. It was a whole thing. So we

504
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: could have saved Taylor hundreds of dollars and just been like, hey,

505
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: I saw this on the internet, tell me about it.

506
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 1: I never found out what that was. So the thing is,

507
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,359
Speaker 1: it's another one of those things of what you said

508
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,400
Speaker 1: with the line and the cheating and all that is.

509
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 1: People can change and people can be different. It's when

510
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 1: was this, What were the circumstances? What have they done

511
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,679
Speaker 1: since that? Is this one of those things where like

512
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:02,359
Speaker 1: sometimes people getting situations at the wrong time with the

513
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:05,199
Speaker 1: wrong people, or is this like a reoccurring theme in

514
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 1: their life, that's who you are. It's all of this

515
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 1: A lot of times comes down to patterns like I

516
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:14,679
Speaker 1: could have gotten arrested once in my life. No, they

517
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,640
Speaker 1: would have taken you out of the car and like, please,

518
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 1: just we won't arrestue. You'll get out of our car.

519
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,200
Speaker 1: Please don't really want to take me to jail. Don't

520
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 1: do it. I promise we'll be a good fis sin

521
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 1: and they'd probably be like, Okay, you're free to go. Man.

522
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 1: Red red flag, green flag, yellow flag, they sing like

523
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:39,479
Speaker 1: you do it depends it actually really likes it. We'll

524
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 1: talk about that later. Patrick any boozy oh o o,

525
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 1: red flag, yellow flag, green flag. If they start calling

526
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,400
Speaker 1: you babe or sweetheart before they meet you, I mean

527
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 1: you like it, don't you know? Okay one judge, No,

528
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: I don't like it. But also no, no, I don't

529
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:00,880
Speaker 1: like it. I don't like it. I don't I don't

530
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 1: like any of that kind of stuff because to me,

531
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 1: a lot of times it feels demeaning or it feels

532
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: like they're sexualizing you. If you haven't met the person.

533
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 1: That happens a lot on daty naps and they start

534
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,720
Speaker 1: just like using just like language like that where it's

535
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 1: like babe or baby or see you soon, babe or

536
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 1: can't wait to meet you babe. It's like one. To me,

537
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,959
Speaker 1: you have to earn the right to call me that,

538
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 1: and to it gives me a little bit of the

539
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 1: creepy cheepies. Geep creepies, creepers, sweepy geepes not a thing,

540
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 1: but I like it, okay, So it makes me feel

541
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: uncomfortable and I want somebody to I want to be

542
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 1: respected and to me, if it's somebody I'm in a

543
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 1: relationship with and all of that, they can say that lovingly.

544
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,679
Speaker 1: But if it's just like baby, it's like, oh yeah,

545
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 1: looks like like sweetie. I don't like that. Yeah, I

546
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: don't think I do either. They treat the weight staff

547
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,920
Speaker 1: poorly on your first date. If you were going to

548
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,679
Speaker 1: ask me, Jesse, what are your top three red flags,

549
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:09,400
Speaker 1: this would be in my top three. Why. I think One,

550
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: people just need to respect people across the board. How

551
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:16,439
Speaker 1: you treat a bartender or a white stuff or a

552
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 1: the busser is like very telling. I don't know. I

553
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: just feel like if you're overly what if they like

554
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 1: overly tip on like in there, like I did somebody

555
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:31,360
Speaker 1: who part of his show was he was like so

556
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 1: nice to people at restaurants. At first, I was like, oh,

557
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,880
Speaker 1: this is so sweet, but then I started noticing it's

558
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: like it's you go like over the top, Like you

559
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 1: don't have to have an in depth conversation with every

560
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 1: single server you've ever met in your life about their

561
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 1: whole life story, Like you could just be kind to

562
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 1: them and be gracious, and you know, to me that

563
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 1: it was like an over compensation for something. So it's

564
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 1: like you said, just treat each other like normal even individuals.

565
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 1: Just don't act like you're better than people, right, But

566
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: I think that to me when they are overly they

567
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 1: overly tip and they let you know, it's like I'm

568
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 1: better than them, it's like, oh poor, they're at work

569
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 1: doing their job, like you can treat them with respect. Okay,

570
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: Oh what do you think about this? They tell you

571
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 1: that you look better without makeup? No, I don't like that.

572
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 1: Why don't you like it? Because one my baseline is

573
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 1: I like good whether that's without makeup, right, But like

574
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 1: you look bad. I don't know. It's like a vacated

575
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 1: competent because it's like I would prefer you not to

576
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 1: wear makeup trying too hard? Who are you wearing makeup for? Whatever?

577
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 1: That fill in the blanket is like I don't like it. Well,

578
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: it's like the same thing of like you don't get

579
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: to make a comment about my outfit unless I ask, Like, well,

580
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 1: I guess you can say you like it, but like

581
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: if you don't like it, don't you don't need to tell. Man,

582
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 1: that's for your opinion. And to me, yeah, when they're

583
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 1: saying you look better without makeup, to me, I hear

584
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 1: you don't look good, And I just feel like that

585
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 1: is unkind. Also a lot of people wear makeup and

586
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 1: it's like a way to express themselves or whatever, and

587
00:29:57,840 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: they might wear more makeup than other people and it's

588
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: because like a fun like art form for them, And

589
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 1: I think that's just unkind. Well, and you get to

590
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 1: do what makes you feel good. It's controlling. We're gonna

591
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 1: do a couple more, guys. Don't worry, We're not done.

592
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: You've been dating for ten months and he hasn't asked

593
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 1: you to me his family does his family live in

594
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: the United States, say that you can travel to see them,

595
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 1: you have the means. I think that's a red flag.

596
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: I think that might depend on where you are in

597
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 1: life in terms of age, like if you're in college

598
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 1: and it's like you know, you're younger still, but at

599
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 1: this point, that is a very much a red flag. Yeah,

600
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 1: that happened to me. It was nine months nine months

601
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 1: I didn't meet and then Yeah, it wasn't good, but

602
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 1: I should have it was very telling. I didn't look.

603
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: I didn't pay attention to that because I was like, oh,

604
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: they live in a different state, and like he didn't

605
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 1: see that often, but like he never like face time

606
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 1: me and on in with them. His brother came in

607
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 1: town one time and like he didn't want me to

608
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 1: meet him and he just wasn't ready. And I should

609
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 1: have taken that as a he didn't want me to

610
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 1: meet them. I mean, to me, it's an important thing.

611
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 1: But also you don't have to know you're gonna marry

612
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 1: this person to meet family. To me, I want to

613
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: know do you get along with my family, and also

614
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 1: that's part of getting to know me. Yeah, to me,

615
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 1: it's a red flag. They want to make things official

616
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: in the first couple of weeks of dating. That's for

617
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 1: sure not a green flag for me. That's not a

618
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 1: green flag. When I say a couple of weeks, I

619
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 1: mean too oh yeah, no, no, that's a red flag

620
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 1: if you hadn't ever met this person, like if you're

621
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 1: going like swipe right to dating city of it well

622
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: and like the why I think if I were again

623
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 1: in my younger years, I would be like, this is

624
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: so great in romantic you like me so much, thank you.

625
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 1: But now I'm like, I would like to know what

626
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: kind of candy you like to eat? Like I'll just like,

627
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: like I would like to still have an explore how

628
00:31:56,040 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 1: many yet? Yeah? Yeah that makes sense. Yeah, do I

629
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 1: know this person well enough to know that I want

630
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 1: to be officially dating them? But I also I think

631
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: that has to do with your view of what being

632
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:12,520
Speaker 1: in a relationship is, Like can you be dating somebody

633
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 1: and and be exclusively dating somebody without but also like

634
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: two weeks you don't need to know that either a

635
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: month I think it's fair. Yeah, I think so, and

636
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 1: depending yeah, three weeks, I mean, but like so early

637
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 1: it's like I meet you and I need to be

638
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 1: my girlfriend. It's like this seems almost like a it's

639
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 1: it's very anxious attached behavior, you know, and it can

640
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,719
Speaker 1: feel like, oh, they just like me so much, is

641
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 1: so great, But like again, that's giving off anxious attachedment vibes. Red, yellow, green,

642
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:48,239
Speaker 1: they're extremely sarcastic. As someone who is relatively sarcastic in

643
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:52,000
Speaker 1: my life, I'm gonna go yellow to give myself a chance. Yeah,

644
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 1: But I think there as long as you can temper that,

645
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: I think that's It's also it's that's that's so personal

646
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 1: on people, like sarcasm, and some people can't take it,

647
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 1: and like it's that's like sense and not that's a

648
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: bad thing, but like they just have a different way

649
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 1: of and I feel like there's sometimes that like funny

650
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 1: kind sarcasm that's just like in the moment, and sometimes

651
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 1: it's aggressive and it's like really rude and you're like,

652
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:17,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go cry now because you just said that. Yeah, amen, Okay,

653
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 1: how about this one. This is tricky, tricky. They don't

654
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,440
Speaker 1: get along with my friends or my friends partners. No,

655
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 1: I've never like, if give a billboard with a red spotlight,

656
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 1: that's a red flag, like a bucket of red flags

657
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: that to know, like the perspective of they don't like

658
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: your friends, but your friends might like them. Well, here's

659
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 1: the thing, like, what if your boyfriend doesn't like me

660
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 1: immediately immediately? Well, no, I do think that's a conversation.

661
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: But at this point in my life, my friends are

662
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: a very true reflection of me. Like I'm surrounding myself

663
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 1: by people that I care about. We might have different

664
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 1: preferences and things and see things differently, but we view

665
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,280
Speaker 1: the world in the same perspective. I don't know. We're

666
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 1: kind and to people. So if they're not liking you, yeah,

667
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 1: you're great. So they're not liking you, they're not liking

668
00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 1: likely a version of me as well. What if it's

669
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 1: just the singing that I do that they don't like. Well,

670
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:12,360
Speaker 1: to be fair, I don't know if I like that,

671
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 1: but we're still friends. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Um, you

672
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:21,240
Speaker 1: do it too. Now that's I'm my own red flag.

673
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 1: You've made me a red flag. You're welcome. I think

674
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 1: it's more telling though, if my friends don't like a

675
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 1: guy for that similar similar reason. Yeah, but do they

676
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 1: tell you. I've had this conversation actually yesterday with one

677
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:39,200
Speaker 1: of our friends. Do you don't like Patrick, it's not

678
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 1: it's actually not about you. It was just a general conversation.

679
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 1: But I was like, I would hope that my friends

680
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 1: care enough about me and my happiness and my well

681
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 1: being that if they're seeing something, whether that's a red flag,

682
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 1: all flag, or some personality, you're going me permission to

683
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 1: tell you it is an open door, okay, because I

684
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 1: would never want to be in that situation. Okay, their

685
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,759
Speaker 1: family gives you anxiety a k A. This is a

686
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: version of like, you don't like their family very much.

687
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 1: Their family gives me anxiety. Okay, I don't like their family.

688
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 1: That would be a yellow one. Yeah, that's when you

689
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: have to think through damnos are hard though. What if

690
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: they're like very very very enmeshed with their family and

691
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 1: you just like don't jive with them. I have experienced

692
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 1: in this. Yeah, I it doesn't go well. That can

693
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:30,400
Speaker 1: cause so many issues, so many issues. Another person wrote in,

694
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,480
Speaker 1: like they have mommy issues like that needs to be explored.

695
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 1: Like I would say, it's not a red flag, it's

696
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:37,360
Speaker 1: a yellow flag. It's something that needs to be explored.

697
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 1: But you don't need to cut them off. But you

698
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 1: have to think about like what is my future look

699
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 1: like with this person. If their mom is going to

700
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 1: hate me forever and they're very close with their mom,

701
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:52,280
Speaker 1: how is that going to impact our relationship? And actually,

702
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,640
Speaker 1: on my second date with Patrick, we were playing make

703
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 1: It or Break It. That's my dating trick. If you're like,

704
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 1: just want to be able to never have a car reverstation.

705
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 1: Also get to know them on some weird levels. You

706
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 1: can learn some weird things about people with make it

707
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 1: or Break it? With low stakes, I said, make it

708
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 1: or break it? Your mom hates her, perfect girl, perfect person,

709
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 1: all the things. It's me, he said, make it. He

710
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:19,400
Speaker 1: said that would be awful, But eventually I need to

711
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: find something who's right for me and not somebody who

712
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 1: I'm dating to please my mother. However, I do think

713
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: his mom likes me. Um, if you're listening out there,

714
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 1: can you give it police let into the d MS

715
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:37,879
Speaker 1: as well? Can you let us know? But he said

716
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: he was going to be really tough because he has

717
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 1: a good relationship with mom. But he was like, and

718
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I have to think

719
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:47,799
Speaker 1: about myself too. Also, why does the mom hate her

720
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 1: or me? Is it just because she does or did

721
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:53,319
Speaker 1: I do something that deserves Yeah, into that, just like

722
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:56,720
Speaker 1: a personality trait her mom the mom, Oh yeah, totally.

723
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,080
Speaker 1: If you're listening, I like you too. We like all

724
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 1: the people. Patrick Patrick. Let's do one last one. Okay, guys,

725
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 1: just one more. Make it a funny one. Okay, let

726
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 1: me see if one just make it up. When all

727
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 1: of their exes are crazy and they talk about them

728
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:20,279
Speaker 1: all the time about how their exes are this crazy ones,

729
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 1: but they're all crazy, red flag, red flat. You know

730
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 1: how many people I've worked with that will tell me

731
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 1: stories about how their person they're dating has this crazy

732
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 1: X and this and that. I'm like, hmm, there's a

733
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:40,680
Speaker 1: theme here. I've had multiple exes that I wish, well, no,

734
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 1: I don't wish I didn't date them, but I'm like, oh,

735
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 1: but they're not like all crazy, and I played a

736
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,879
Speaker 1: role on that too. I also can see the one

737
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 1: that was the most crazy. I can look and say, oh,

738
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 1: I played a role in that, and I had to

739
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 1: do some work to fix that role. So if they're

740
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 1: all talk first off, they're talking about their ex a lot, flag,

741
00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 1: I don't really think I need to excite anymore. But

742
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 1: if they are constantly blaming and they're always the victim

743
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:11,040
Speaker 1: of things that other people have done to them. Don't

744
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 1: be suspicious, it be suspicious, be very suspicious. I agree.

745
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,880
Speaker 1: Red flag, yellow flag. I so glad. I told you

746
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 1: guys that was to me in the end. But I

747
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:21,879
Speaker 1: want to play this game where which just like makes

748
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 1: them up. They asked to pick you up from your

749
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: house on the first date, and you met on a

750
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 1: dating map. I feel targeted right now because you are.

751
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 1: That's probably a yellow flag. Catherine would say, it's a

752
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,040
Speaker 1: red flag. Be safe, my mom, if you're listening, that

753
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 1: never happens. Be safe. I got so mad at you

754
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 1: because you put me in danger. This strange man knew

755
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 1: you know who picked you up on the first date.

756
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,960
Speaker 1: Multiple people, but but the guy for the first story.

757
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 1: To be fair, you're right, and he wasn't a serial killer,

758
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 1: but he could have been. They Yeah, I think a

759
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 1: lot of these people do that because they kind so

760
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,239
Speaker 1: it's not a red flag. But to all of the

761
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:05,439
Speaker 1: women and all the men and all the people out there,

762
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 1: don't do that. And your location with friends, please do

763
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 1: use your discernment. I don't do that anymore. Okay. I

764
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:17,439
Speaker 1: walked to my days right, all right? Do you have one?

765
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:19,400
Speaker 1: So this is more of a make it or break it,

766
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 1: but they're sober or they don't drink and you do.

767
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 1: Is that okay? So first of all, as we were

768
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 1: saying that this is making or break it, we're just

769
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 1: not making you decide. We're saying we're giving you the

770
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,400
Speaker 1: option to say, maybe, yeah, there's some gray. But I

771
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: don't know why that's just now clicking that like this

772
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:43,880
Speaker 1: is the same game. It's red rover. I thought we

773
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:50,319
Speaker 1: were just naming random things, random things. Okay, I'm glad

774
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 1: you said that, because that is important. I think there's

775
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: one camp of people who are like, oh, like, I

776
00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 1: don't want to be I want to just not be

777
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 1: judgmental and all that. And I think that's okay to

778
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,800
Speaker 1: be judgmental. A lot of people are dating to get married.

779
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 1: Some people aren't, but a lot if you are, you

780
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,800
Speaker 1: are literally dating to see if you want to spend

781
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: the rest of your life with somebody, and if you

782
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:20,320
Speaker 1: enjoy drinking a glass of wine with your partner, that's okay,

783
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: Like that's an okay thing to choose. Now, maybe it's

784
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 1: not the most important thing, and maybe you meet somebody

785
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 1: that's sober and you're like, honestly, they have all these

786
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:32,319
Speaker 1: other qualities, so I am just gonna be okay with that.

787
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 1: And also you might get married and then somebody decides

788
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 1: they have a drinking problem or they just don't want

789
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 1: to drink anymore. So all that to be said, this

790
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 1: can be very great. But I think if straight off

791
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 1: the bat, if you don't drink and you want somebody

792
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 1: that doesn't drink, that's okay. And if you drink and

793
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:53,439
Speaker 1: you want somebody that drinks, that's okay. I will say

794
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 1: I've dated both, and when it comes down to it,

795
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,839
Speaker 1: I prefer to be able to go have a cock

796
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: to with lifestyle choice style. Yeah, yeah, I think I'm

797
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: glad you said the word lifestyle because it does impact

798
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: the kind of things you do in places you go.

799
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 1: And what about you. I would probably fall into if

800
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:13,439
Speaker 1: we're going back to the flag colors, you know, that's

801
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: like you're we're not we're playing red road right now?

802
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 1: Sorry over there? Um did you say send a beer

803
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:31,440
Speaker 1: over God? If it's not cool? Um, I would fall

804
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,320
Speaker 1: into the yellow green make it or break it? It

805
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 1: would I could make it on that for sure. Yeah,

806
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 1: meaning if you were sober, that'd be fine with me. Okay,

807
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 1: So if there's any sober men out there, are not

808
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 1: sober men wide net there. If there's any men out there, yeah,

809
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 1: really their qualification is are you a man? Don't take anybody.

810
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 1: We'll just have to sit in a car together and

811
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 1: I'll ask you your three worse things? Oh man? All right,

812
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 1: Well we're going to wrap this up because we could

813
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 1: just be going all day and I have some curtains

814
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 1: to hang out on my porch. Do you want to

815
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:08,160
Speaker 1: help me? You don't want to? Okay, thank you. If

816
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 1: you have any more, we could do this all day,

817
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 1: so you can send more. We can talk again. If

818
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 1: you have questions for Jesse. If you want to know

819
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 1: where she lives so you can pick her up for

820
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 1: a date, you can d m her. Yeah, I've got

821
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:25,839
Speaker 1: associated Jesse D Jesse D green Yeah, that's it. Spell

822
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 1: my name s s I E. D. Greene. Follow her,

823
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 1: get to know her. See if you see her on

824
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:35,879
Speaker 1: a dating app. Sweat right, swep right. Unless you don't

825
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 1: want to this wife left, unless you don't fit the

826
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: things that she said that she was looking for. What

827
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 1: if I was like, actually, Jesse, this is really a

828
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 1: dating show podcast. I just started here my first guest,

829
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 1: I'd say, hell, yes, actually would. I wouldn't test it

830
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,000
Speaker 1: on a dating show, thank you. I don't think you

831
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 1: should do it because it's going to it's going to

832
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 1: interrupt your life, and I don't I think you're going

833
00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 1: to get too famous. You're like, no, he wasn't thinking

834
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 1: that at all. I wasn't thinking that. But I just

835
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 1: think that it's a big risk dating. I agree on

836
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 1: a dating show. Are you thinking like Bachelor? Yes, I would.

837
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 1: You would be really good drive Bachelor Nation, puit your

838
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: life to become like one of the people that just

839
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 1: like live the rest of their lives, like reaping the

840
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 1: benefits of being on the Bachelor once. I don't think

841
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,600
Speaker 1: I could do that, but like part time maybe, Okay,

842
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 1: she wants to work and go on a dating show

843
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:33,120
Speaker 1: and be famous and take that out. You don't want

844
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:34,840
Speaker 1: to be famous. You're going to be famous if you

845
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 1: get on the Bachard. No, I don't think so. There's

846
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,239
Speaker 1: some people that aren't famous, Yeah, the people that don't

847
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 1: go very far and don't do very well. That would

848
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 1: be You're right, it's you sign up for fame. Mm hmm.

849
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:49,120
Speaker 1: Famous what you make it? Though famous relative these days.

850
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:53,399
Speaker 1: It's true. All right, we gotta wrap this up. Also,

851
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:54,959
Speaker 1: can you send and make it a break. It's mainly

852
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,400
Speaker 1: because we're going to the beach and we'd love to know. Yeah,

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00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 1: we'll actually be in the car. So if you're listening

854
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,920
Speaker 1: to this on Monday morning and you have any questions

855
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 1: for Jesse or any making a break, it's you want

856
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:05,239
Speaker 1: us to talk about in the car. I'll bring my

857
00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 1: recording stuff you can record in the car. We'll bring

858
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 1: back chit chats with cat Live. I used to have

859
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 1: that on my core I started podcast. I used to

860
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 1: talk to people on my Instagram all the time. I

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00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 1: don't ever, I don't do that very often talked to

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00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 1: my Instagram anymore. There's a really good reason for it. Okay,

863
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 1: some people like it. Raise your hand if you're that

864
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: person spoiler everybody to go, we have to go. I

865
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 1: am that Patrick. Just no, it's just to keep me

866
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:37,120
Speaker 1: with the backpack. No, it's a different cute man with

867
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:39,840
Speaker 1: the backpack. Patrick is not the only cute man with

868
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:43,520
Speaker 1: backpacks out there. We're alert. Okay, all right, well, thank

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Speaker 1: you Jesse and guys. I hope you're having the day

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00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 1: you need to have, and I will be back with

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00:44:48,719 --> 00:45:00,399
Speaker 1: you guys on Wednesday for Couch Talks two