Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
Speaker 1: the choices we make and where they lead us. You know,
Speaker 1: I love this podcast because I love getting to hear
Speaker 1: from all different types of people and learning about them
Speaker 1: and learning things from them. And today I'm so excited
Speaker 1: to sit down and chat with my guests because she
Speaker 1: is absolutely incredible. She's a comedian, television host, six time
Speaker 1: six time you Guys, New York Times best selling author,
Speaker 1: about to be seven I'm Predicting, and an advocate. Her
Speaker 1: new book, I'll Have What She's Having, comes out on
Speaker 1: her birthday February twenty fifth. Please welcome my friend Chelsea
Speaker 1: Handler to the podcast.
Speaker 2: Hi, Chelsea, I.
Speaker 1: Was recently on your podcast.
Speaker 2: Which way was a huge hit. I was, Yeah, people
Speaker 2: loved it.
Speaker 3: People conversation around you talking about your like your marriage
Speaker 3: and I'm your current husband, current husband.
Speaker 1: Your husband, I say that too, it's okay.
Speaker 3: Knowing what he signed up for and then kind of
Speaker 3: being like, wait a second, is this my new life?
Speaker 2: Yeah, people loved it.
Speaker 3: I got so many comments about it, and there was
Speaker 3: so we had a great conversation.
Speaker 2: We did.
Speaker 1: I loved it, but we were talking a lot about me,
Speaker 1: and today I just want to talk about you because
Speaker 1: you have a book coming out on your birthday. How
Speaker 1: perfect is that timed?
Speaker 2: Yes, that's perfectly timed.
Speaker 1: I'll have what she's having. Yes, tell me why, Okay,
Speaker 1: tell me why that title? I know that title is
Speaker 1: a line from Harry met Sally. What a great scene,
Speaker 1: What a great line. Did it have anything to do
Speaker 1: with that or just come from a different it?
Speaker 2: Did you know? My I gave the book when I
Speaker 2: was done with it.
Speaker 3: We were trying to fish around for a title, and
Speaker 3: I had given it to my editor obviously and some
Speaker 3: other people in my life.
Speaker 2: And my editor came back and she's like, I think
Speaker 2: the titles. I'll have what she's having. And I'm like,
Speaker 2: I can't name a book that about my own story.
Speaker 2: What is that? And she said, no, that's how you
Speaker 2: feel after you're done reading it. I want what you have.
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, and she's like, and there's
Speaker 3: a Halle Harry Matt Sally reference.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like it had a double and you
Speaker 2: had a real meeting and then it had a kind
Speaker 2: of referential meeting. And I was like oh oh, and
Speaker 2: then I was like I love that. I love that.
Speaker 2: I want to give representing what I have. So that's
Speaker 2: where your.
Speaker 1: Editor is a genius. That is so exactly how I felt.
Speaker 1: I was reading your book last night, speed reading some
Speaker 1: of it and reading all of it like I couldn't
Speaker 1: get enough. I didn't want to stop before the beginning
Speaker 1: of this podcast, so I will complete it. But that's
Speaker 1: how I felt. I felt like I want what Chelsea has.
Speaker 1: I want to be free to make my own decisions,
Speaker 1: not have to like worry about a husband or kids,
Speaker 1: all the things that can strain us in certain ways.
Speaker 1: But you have always lived your life the way you've
Speaker 1: wanted to and that is what's so beautiful about you,
Speaker 1: and it's magnetic.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you so much.
Speaker 3: I think that you know, if you can inspire other
Speaker 3: people to like, feel or think something, then I would
Speaker 3: want to inspire people to feel just more empowered about
Speaker 3: who you are, like how special you are being you,
Speaker 3: Like each one of us is so special, so individual,
Speaker 3: and we all have a purpose. And as soon as
Speaker 3: you nail down what that purpose is, and you nail
Speaker 3: down your strengths and weaknesses, like you.
Speaker 2: Can soar it's sore like an eagle.
Speaker 1: Do you think you only get that sort of awareness
Speaker 1: at fifty Did you have that at forty eight?
Speaker 2: Ah? Good, cush, good question.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think therapy helps a lot with the
Speaker 3: gift of self awareness, right. I think as soon as
Speaker 3: you start going to therapy and finding out that you're
Speaker 3: not everything you thought you were, you're like, oh, whoopsie doodle,
Speaker 3: I had no idea I was a bitch, a cunt
Speaker 3: to all of the things that you know could be
Speaker 3: attributed to me, or that I was nasty, or that
Speaker 3: I inserted myself into situations where no one ask my opinion,
Speaker 3: that I gave unsolicited advice all the time, as soon
Speaker 3: as I had someone who wasn't involved in my life
Speaker 3: give it to me straight and in a gentle, loving way,
Speaker 3: of course, because otherwise, you know, it's therapy, that's they're
Speaker 3: going to tell you in a nice way, right, But
Speaker 3: as soon as you get the gift of self awareness,
Speaker 3: then it's really up.
Speaker 2: To you, like, what what are you going to do
Speaker 2: with now?
Speaker 3: What are you going to do now that you know
Speaker 3: how you're coming across that you're not just crushing it
Speaker 3: all the time, that sometimes you hurt people's feelings. Sometimes
Speaker 3: you're hurtful to yourself sometimes, you know, like all of
Speaker 3: the things you kind of want to know about yourself
Speaker 3: but without being told.
Speaker 1: Wait, your therapist told you these things, Like in a session,
Speaker 1: we just we just.
Speaker 3: Talked about my behavior a lot, and like the way
Speaker 3: that I've gotten through life up until then. You know,
Speaker 3: I didn't go to therapy until I was like forty,
Speaker 3: and then I went real seriously for about two years,
Speaker 3: and that was just a big gift of wake the
Speaker 3: fuck up and take a look at yourself, like you're.
Speaker 2: Not all that you think you are, You're more.
Speaker 3: And less like and take an honest kind of inventory
Speaker 3: of the things that you're doing that are working for
Speaker 3: you and the things that you're doing that aren't working
Speaker 3: for you, and also how are you impacting others?
Speaker 1: And who do you want to be moving forward? Because
Speaker 1: this is like a time when you can do and
Speaker 1: be anything.
Speaker 3: Yes, And I think that's something that we also, like
Speaker 3: we don't ever talk about that, Like you and I
Speaker 3: have never sat down and been like, what did you
Speaker 3: want to be when you grew up? You ask little
Speaker 3: girls all the time, what do you want to be
Speaker 3: when you grow up.
Speaker 2: You don't go what kind of person do you want
Speaker 2: to be when you grow up? You know? What kind
Speaker 2: of like? And and and we don't.
Speaker 3: We rarely check in and say, oh, how am I doing?
Speaker 3: Where am I in life? Is this what I wanted?
Speaker 3: What am I looking for?
Speaker 2: Like? How am I achieving my goals? Or am I
Speaker 2: way off track?
Speaker 3: And so the book starts out with this kind of
Speaker 3: me reflecting when I was a little girl to thinking
Speaker 3: about all of the things that I wanted to be
Speaker 3: as a woman. You know, I wanted to be loud
Speaker 3: and brave and stand up for people, and I wanted
Speaker 3: to have lots of lovers, and I wanted to have
Speaker 3: I speak languages and travel and I wanted to be sophisticated.
Speaker 3: And and you know, we forget when we go through life.
Speaker 2: We forget to check.
Speaker 3: In with that little girl and like her dreams and
Speaker 3: to find out, Wait, am I doing what I dreamt
Speaker 3: I was going to be doing?
Speaker 2: Am I doing more? Am I doing less? Am I
Speaker 2: on track? You know?
Speaker 3: We fall off track all the time too, and it's
Speaker 3: up to us to get back on track. So yeah,
Speaker 3: you really, I mean, being fifty is fucking awesome.
Speaker 2: I'm about fifty and I.
Speaker 3: Can't tell you how grateful I am that I have
Speaker 3: all this knowledge about myself because now I have all
Speaker 3: this data to show you're the one who got you
Speaker 3: all this way, so you don't have to worry about
Speaker 3: you anymore.
Speaker 1: You've said in the book too, two steps forward, three
Speaker 1: steps back, Like, just because you have this great self
Speaker 1: awareness now and you've learned all this wonderful stuff about
Speaker 1: yourself moving forward, it doesn't mean you're going to fuck
Speaker 1: up sometimes, and you know your old habits are going
Speaker 1: to come. Like just ten minutes ago, I was an asshole,
Speaker 1: and I you know, I'm like, ah, I don't want
Speaker 1: to do this. I don't want to be go to
Speaker 1: those old habits of ways that I handle things all
Speaker 1: the time. But in those moments, you're like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: rising in me. You know.
Speaker 2: It's funny you say that because the other day I'm
Speaker 2: dealing with this shoulder.
Speaker 3: I just had shoulder surgery because they found I found
Speaker 3: an infection in my shoulder, and it was like.
Speaker 2: I was supposed to be up skiing. My whole schedule's
Speaker 2: all fucked up, you know, and.
Speaker 3: I have to stay home in LA after the fires,
Speaker 3: which is obviously so depressing, and god, I have a house,
Speaker 3: but you know, I just wanted to be in my
Speaker 3: special place and it just kind of thwarted all my plans.
Speaker 3: And I was like, Okay, here's a perfect opportunity for
Speaker 3: you not to be a bitch, to have all of
Speaker 3: your plans up ended, but to still have gratitude.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Be grateful that you found it, that they got, the
Speaker 3: that they caught, the affection.
Speaker 2: That you're not more sick. And also be kind to
Speaker 2: people when you're in pain.
Speaker 3: Because I was shuffling around from doctor to doctor and
Speaker 3: I was being short and I was just like not
Speaker 3: making eye contact, and I caught myself and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: here's the next level challenge. Can you be nicer to
Speaker 3: people when you are in pain? And my friend's like,
Speaker 3: you don't have to be nice to people when you're
Speaker 3: in pain. I'm like, I know, but that's another level
Speaker 3: that I'd like to get to. I would like to
Speaker 3: be nice to people when I'm in pain. It's easy
Speaker 3: to be nice to people when you feel great, but
Speaker 3: it's harder to be nicer to people when you don't
Speaker 3: feel great.
Speaker 2: So that's my next challenge.
Speaker 3: So you know, the next day I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: everything today, be nice, be respectful, make eye contact please,
Speaker 3: and thank you to everyone. It doesn't matter what kind
Speaker 3: of paying you're in, you know, just kind of stuff
Speaker 3: like that, like self awareness. Nobody tells you about self
Speaker 3: awareness when you're a kid or a teenager. We are
Speaker 3: so stupid and blinded and we're so wrapped up in
Speaker 3: ourselves and have our friends so far enough, so far
Speaker 3: up our own assholes that it's like, it is the best.
Speaker 3: The best gift you can have is someone pointing out
Speaker 3: your shortcomings.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. That's like one of the things when you have
Speaker 1: a spouse or partner or somebody there's supposed to be
Speaker 1: like a mirror of you, and they hold you up
Speaker 1: to see yourself. How you don't see yourself and sometimes
Speaker 1: you don't. It's not something pretty that you want to
Speaker 1: look at. And that's the time you need to do
Speaker 1: that reaching and that growing. Yeah, you think it's good
Speaker 1: that you're like Also, every day is a new chance.
Speaker 1: You were like short and cold yesterday, but that doesn't
Speaker 1: mean today you have to keep doing it that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like the other day, just everything that could go
Speaker 2: wrong went wrong went wrong. Went wrong, and I was like,
Speaker 2: it's like, whack a mole, this fucking what is this?
Speaker 2: And then finally I was like, you know what, go
Speaker 2: take an edible, go up to your room. I also
Speaker 2: have Viking in because of my surgery.
Speaker 3: I'm like, have a little party and then go to
Speaker 3: bed and try again tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Just try again tomorrow.
Speaker 3: No more contact with any other people, Like there's no
Speaker 3: more reason to communicate, right, I need a time out.
Speaker 1: You did give yourself a time out. That's so smart.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. So turning fifty, what do you think
Speaker 1: you've learned from other women? What that looks like, or
Speaker 1: what maybe you want out of it?
Speaker 3: I think the most, Like I've been asking a lot
Speaker 3: of my friends because obviously a lot of my friends
Speaker 3: are the same age or half turned fifty, you know,
Speaker 3: because everyone always asked that question, what is it?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: And you kind of hear these boring answers all the time,
Speaker 3: like I feel great.
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, I've heard that so many times. It's
Speaker 2: not that interesting.
Speaker 3: But I think one of the like the most interesting
Speaker 3: things I've heard said about it is you spend your
Speaker 3: twenties and thirties and worried so much about what you've done,
Speaker 3: the mistakes you've made, and what you need to do
Speaker 3: and not to fuck up in the future. Like we're
Speaker 3: so busy about the past and the future that we're
Speaker 3: not as present. And I think one of the benefits
Speaker 3: of aging is that you become more and more present.
Speaker 3: And when you are present, those are the moments of
Speaker 3: like bliss that you get, the moments of joyfulness that
Speaker 3: are like I love this moment.
Speaker 2: Or like where you know, you make up.
Speaker 3: I don't even drink coffee, but waking up and walking
Speaker 3: into a kitchen and getting a warm cup of coffee
Speaker 3: and actually being like joyful about that experience. As corny
Speaker 3: as that may sound, when you practice that, you can
Speaker 3: have that like fifty one hundred times a day, right,
Speaker 3: you can and be like, oh my god, and my
Speaker 3: bed is so comfortable. You know, this vicodin feels so good.
Speaker 3: You know my dog, like, how good looking my dog is.
Speaker 3: He's so beautiful.
Speaker 2: I'm so proud of his good looks. Like all of
Speaker 2: those things.
Speaker 3: When you make it a pattern of behavior, it becomes
Speaker 3: a pattern of behavior, and you actually do become you
Speaker 3: kind of infect people with your optimism and like it's
Speaker 3: powerful and I wish that's something I didn't know about.
Speaker 2: I didn't know about gratitude in my thirties, yeah, there
Speaker 2: are my forties. Quite frankly, until my late forties, you
Speaker 2: know and practice it. I was like, oh, that's annoying.
Speaker 3: That's like chakras and reiki, and I don't care about
Speaker 3: those things either. But now I know, and I know
Speaker 3: the difference it makes, so it's like it's up there
Speaker 3: on my list.
Speaker 1: That's great.
Speaker 2: I don't make lists, ever, so I shouldn't even pretend.
Speaker 1: So much better way to go about your day feeling
Speaker 1: grateful and seeing what comes to you because of just that,
Speaker 1: just being grateful for.
Speaker 3: Something grateful, and when you're really stuck in it, when
Speaker 3: you're really stuck in your own pity party, reach out
Speaker 3: and help somebody else, because that gets you right out
Speaker 3: of your own ass when you reach out to someone.
Speaker 3: And now with everything that's happened in LA and the fires,
Speaker 3: there are so many people you can help. I immediately
Speaker 3: focus on other people when I'm starting to feel sorry
Speaker 3: for myself or like insurmountable, which nothing really is.
Speaker 1: I mean, in reading your book too, I saw all
Speaker 1: the opportunities that you've had to help other people, how
Speaker 1: many lives you've changed and enriched, and how generous you are.
Speaker 1: And I think I didn't know those things about you,
Speaker 1: quite honestly, and now I kind of have a completely
Speaker 1: different perspective and like like feeling about you after reading
Speaker 1: this book for some reason, Oh wow, I feel like
Speaker 1: I feel closer to you.
Speaker 2: Oh thank you. That's nice to hear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, are you clear on what you're meant to do
Speaker 1: now moving forward? Have you had that moment where you're like, ah.
Speaker 3: I'm clear on Like the best version of me is
Speaker 3: when I'm speaking for others, you know, like highlighting others,
Speaker 3: sharing light, not being selfish with any of the things
Speaker 3: that I have, whether it's my time, whether it's financials,
Speaker 3: whether it's you.
Speaker 2: Know, like a spotlight on me. Like I know now that.
Speaker 3: Like generosity is the key ingredient to like being happy,
Speaker 3: to be generous and to be like greedy and to
Speaker 3: be selfish is like that nothing ends well when those
Speaker 3: two things are at playing right, Like, no one feels good.
Speaker 3: There's never a good story about being selfish. No one's
Speaker 3: ever like and they were really selfish and they lived
Speaker 3: happily ever after.
Speaker 2: But I think also, like I just I'm just getting
Speaker 2: so much better at being who I am.
Speaker 3: And I'm also you know, everyone could argue that I
Speaker 3: never gave a fuck about anybody in the first place,
Speaker 3: because that's how people perceive me.
Speaker 2: Right, I don't know, but I really don't give a
Speaker 2: fuck now, Like I really don't.
Speaker 3: Like I'm so square with myself and what I the
Speaker 3: lengths I've gone to for people and what I'm not
Speaker 3: that you can't hurt me.
Speaker 1: What a great place to be. I love that. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you dedicated this book to flight attendants.
Speaker 3: Tell me why, because I feel like flight attendants really
Speaker 3: need some more respect.
Speaker 2: They have been.
Speaker 3: Through COVID with people who refuse to wear masks as
Speaker 3: if the flight attendants are making these rules. They have
Speaker 3: endured people walking barefoot, playing with their toes, picking their
Speaker 3: toes on planes.
Speaker 2: They have endured people.
Speaker 1: Faring in their sleeves shellfish my friend, my co host
Speaker 1: on my podcast, well farting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, farting. But we're all tolerating that. So that's just
Speaker 3: a flight thing, which I actually read about the other day.
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, well this I was waiting to read
Speaker 3: about this. Obviously, the air pressure in the cabin makes
Speaker 3: everybody fart, because why farting on planes in the first place.
Speaker 2: But my producer on my podcast, Catherine whom you met?
Speaker 2: She when I met.
Speaker 3: Her, she traveled on planes with hard boiled eggs, eggs
Speaker 3: on planes.
Speaker 1: And I was friend.
Speaker 2: First of all, I don't even want to know you anymore.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure.
Speaker 3: Secondly, if you're going to bring a hard boiled egg anywhere,
Speaker 3: and you shouldn't.
Speaker 2: If you are, you need to swallow it whole. You
Speaker 2: can't bring it out.
Speaker 3: Take a bite of it, and then that air emit
Speaker 3: like you have to swallow it.
Speaker 2: Whole, like they did in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Speaker 2: Remember when she was coming. Oh no, that was airplane
Speaker 2: in the movie when the end's just.
Speaker 1: Different movie.
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, But I think flight attendants.
Speaker 3: I spend so much of my life on planes, and
Speaker 3: they make the biggest difference in your travel. It's so
Speaker 3: nice to have a great flight attendant and more drop in.
Speaker 2: They are great. I've only ran into a couple of
Speaker 2: duds in all the time. I mean, I would I would.
Speaker 3: Argue that I spend a third of my life on planes,
Speaker 3: and they just really make everything better and nicer and there,
Speaker 3: and they just really deserve our respect.
Speaker 2: There are babysitters in the sky and they're stuck with us.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. Yeah, I love flight attendants too. You're talking your
Speaker 1: book about boundaries and about friend breakups. Those are two
Speaker 1: big topics. I think as we aged, we're going to
Speaker 1: run into these things. Boundaries isn't all your whole life
Speaker 1: kind of thing. But as for friend breakups, what have
Speaker 1: they taught you?
Speaker 3: Well? I think a lot of boundary the lack of
Speaker 3: boundary making can lead to a lot of friendship breaking,
Speaker 3: you know, I think boundaries go hand. I've never been
Speaker 3: good at boundaries. I didn't have any boundaries growing up.
Speaker 3: I ignored them when they were, you know, introduced to me.
Speaker 2: I've never said that's.
Speaker 3: Too much, or you're too close, or this is I'm
Speaker 3: like the opposite of a boundary, you know, whatever that is.
Speaker 3: So I've had to really learn that lesson probably seventy
Speaker 3: five thousand times in my life.
Speaker 2: But I don't know that I'll ever.
Speaker 3: Change that part of me because I don't hate that
Speaker 3: part of me, you know. I like the fact that
Speaker 3: I'm kind of open and like come on you come
Speaker 3: to the party too. I like that I bring my
Speaker 3: driver in to watch a movie at my friend's house
Speaker 3: or to a funeral. I mean a lot of people
Speaker 3: think it's too much, and like, no, everybody, you know, Chelsea,
Speaker 3: it's too much.
Speaker 2: I like that. I think it's kind of fun to
Speaker 2: like live life and and be that way.
Speaker 1: But but the lack.
Speaker 3: Of boundaries always will come back and bite you in
Speaker 3: the ass because when.
Speaker 2: You don't have them, then they're not there. No one
Speaker 2: else is going to create them.
Speaker 3: Because if a relationship is working in someone's favor and
Speaker 3: there are no boundaries, obviously they're not going to be like, hey,
Speaker 3: hold on.
Speaker 2: A second, I'll want some more boundaries here. So I
Speaker 2: have had a lot of friendship.
Speaker 3: I always have had a lot of moving people in
Speaker 3: my life. Like I've always had friendship breakups ever since
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 2: A little girl.
Speaker 3: A lot in my adult life, I have lots of
Speaker 3: friendships that are you know, very long, but I have
Speaker 3: I've been through a lot of friends and had a
Speaker 3: lot of friend breakups.
Speaker 2: And what I know about it.
Speaker 3: Is that.
Speaker 2: It's painful.
Speaker 3: And when someone doesn't like if you're the one getting
Speaker 3: broken up with, someone asks you for space, give them
Speaker 3: double Just let be like, be graceful.
Speaker 2: Like you know, someone wants to end.
Speaker 3: If you're in a relationship and a guy wants to
Speaker 3: end the relationship, let them go bye.
Speaker 2: That's okay. I will survive. I will come.
Speaker 3: You know, we all are going to survive. We've all
Speaker 3: been through it. We all get there. When you're doing
Speaker 3: the breaking up, that's different, you know now, I know
Speaker 3: to be a little bit less, you know, harsh and
Speaker 3: softer and not everything needs an announcement. You can just
Speaker 3: kind of walk away quietly without making.
Speaker 2: A pronouncement about it.
Speaker 3: But for anyone who's dealing with being broken up with
Speaker 3: in a friendship, I just I would always argue that
Speaker 3: whatever you lose comes back to you in tenfold in
Speaker 3: different versions of other people. If you you know, you're
Speaker 3: going to make a new friend, or you're going to
Speaker 3: make three new friends, and they are going to fill
Speaker 3: what you never got from that friendship in the first place.
Speaker 2: If a guy breaks up with you, the next guy
Speaker 2: you're going.
Speaker 3: To date is going to be great, and he's going
Speaker 3: to be even better than the last guy. Like I
Speaker 3: believe that I think the biggest part problem that we
Speaker 3: have is like kind of resisting reality, Like you just
Speaker 3: need to accept the reality of the situation.
Speaker 2: And I think the biggest hurdle that we all experience.
Speaker 3: And you and I talked about this a lot, actually
Speaker 3: when you were when you finally let go of the
Speaker 3: idea that you know, this relationship might not be the
Speaker 3: relationship is when the relationship came became real again, right,
Speaker 3: And it's letting go, like really letting go. And that's
Speaker 3: what all of these books talk to you about, you know,
Speaker 3: whether it's letting go or let them or all these
Speaker 3: self help books, it's always about just don't hold on
Speaker 3: so tightly to things, because when you do that, that's when.
Speaker 2: Things start to fall away.
Speaker 3: Yeah, someone wants to leave, you, wish them well and
Speaker 3: try not to sit there bitching and moaning and talking
Speaker 3: about them.
Speaker 2: Be graceful.
Speaker 1: It's that attachment, you know. We talk about that a
Speaker 1: lot in this class that I take, it's a Buddhist class.
Speaker 1: It's about the attachment to the way we ca expect
Speaker 1: things to be, or to the way we want things
Speaker 1: to be, or to the way things have been. And
Speaker 1: it's releasing that attachment that you get such freedom.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that sounds cool that Buddhist class. I would
Speaker 3: love to go to a Buddhist class. Maybe I'll come
Speaker 3: with you one day.
Speaker 2: I would love that.
Speaker 3: That's like the only spirituality slash religion. I mean, I'm spiritual,
Speaker 3: but religion it's really debilitating and I can't even wrap
Speaker 3: my head around it.
Speaker 2: But Buddhism really seems to be where it's at.
Speaker 1: It really does speak on a level that I comprehend
Speaker 1: and like I can take it into my real life,
Speaker 1: which is more than I have ever found in any
Speaker 1: other So yeah.
Speaker 3: Right, And and I know you feel this way too,
Speaker 3: Like we go through periods in our life where we're
Speaker 3: not the best that we are. We're not the best
Speaker 3: versions of ourselves. We do behave badly. That's we're human,
Speaker 3: that's what happens. We do things that are regrettable. We
Speaker 3: you know, fire off at people, say things. We act selfishly.
Speaker 3: We're not thoughtful. We can hurt people, but that's not
Speaker 3: that doesn't define you unless you can't see.
Speaker 2: Yourself clearly, like you.
Speaker 3: A real, self actualized person looks at that behavior and goes, Okay,
Speaker 3: I've got to do better, Like I can do better,
Speaker 3: and I will do better.
Speaker 2: A person who's not self actualized, will be.
Speaker 3: Like, everything's fine. What do you mean that person's an asshole.
Speaker 3: That person's an asshole. That person's an asshole. It's like, no,
Speaker 3: sometimes you're the asshole. Yeah, denominator is that you are
Speaker 3: the asshole. And I have no problem, like, you know,
Speaker 3: coming to terms with that at the point of my
Speaker 3: life where I needed to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I always say, stop pointing the finger and start
Speaker 1: pulling the thumb. Yeah, you got to look at yourself
Speaker 1: and what you what part you had in this situation.
Speaker 1: And it's always You're always going to have a pardon.
Speaker 3: It always, always have and always It's just so much
Speaker 3: cooler in life to be non reactive, like you know,
Speaker 3: when when when shit is hitting the fan and everything
Speaker 3: is falling apart of the seams, where you can actually
Speaker 3: sit in a place, you know, absent from running from
Speaker 3: a fire.
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about that. Obviously, you have to be reactive,
Speaker 2: and that's the instance, but I'm.
Speaker 3: Talking about like anything psychological or anything that's happening. It's
Speaker 3: just so much cooler to be like, Okay, let me
Speaker 3: take this information in and come up Instead of being reactive,
Speaker 3: I'm going to come up with a response after I
Speaker 3: thought about it.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't have to fire that text.
Speaker 3: Off in the in the moment that I get the
Speaker 3: text that annoys me, I can sleep on it. Like
Speaker 3: I never believe those were actual options. When people said that,
Speaker 3: I was like, oh yeah, sleep on it.
Speaker 2: I'm like maybe, no, no, no, I've.
Speaker 1: Got to defend myself. I've got to stand up for myself.
Speaker 2: And defend defend right. I'm right, I'm right.
Speaker 3: And then you get to a place in your life
Speaker 3: where you're like, as long as you're arguing you're.
Speaker 1: Wrong, right, nobody's going to feel good right in this moment.
Speaker 2: If you're good, if you're right, you don't have to argue.
Speaker 3: You just sit there and go okay, great, and then
Speaker 3: there's there's no like, you know, you you kind of
Speaker 3: diffuse the whole situation because you're not participating in the argument.
Speaker 1: You say at one point in your book, I'm going
Speaker 1: to paraphrase because I can't remember you say that. To
Speaker 1: know that I'm choosing myself always makes me recognize how
Speaker 1: powerful I am. When I choose that, I will eventually
Speaker 1: land on my feet. So it's all about those choices
Speaker 1: of knowing yourself, knowing what you're capable of knowing what's
Speaker 1: important to you and who you want to be out
Speaker 1: there in the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And also like I've gotten this far right, I'm
Speaker 2: going to be fifty years old. How old are you,
Speaker 2: Jenny fifty two?
Speaker 3: Fifty two? You have gotten to be fifty two. Like
Speaker 3: we're both sitting right here. We both have very healthy lives,
Speaker 3: healthy careers.
Speaker 2: There's no more is this going to break me? Is
Speaker 2: this going to break me? Is this going to be
Speaker 2: my last opportunity?
Speaker 3: Am I gonna There's no more of that because we
Speaker 3: have the scientific data. It's been proven from the ages
Speaker 3: that we started working.
Speaker 2: We're still here. We're still sitting here having this conversation
Speaker 2: for one reason. Yeah, because we are equipped to deal
Speaker 2: with this kind of lifestyle. So there's no more doubt.
Speaker 2: Like the self doubt is not in my you know.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm sure if something comes along, I can
Speaker 3: experience it again. But as a whole, when I look
Speaker 3: at my life and I think about all the times
Speaker 3: I was like freaking out about an opportunity or when
Speaker 3: I quit E I'm like, what if I never get
Speaker 3: another job?
Speaker 2: What if everyone thinks I'm.
Speaker 3: Terrible because I quit my job, and like, no, there's
Speaker 3: none of that anymore. Like I've proven over and over
Speaker 3: and over again how capable, how talented.
Speaker 2: And how reliable I am.
Speaker 3: And like now that I respect myself, like I feel
Speaker 3: it all the time.
Speaker 1: Right, you choose to trust yourself. That's the best feeling.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, right? Is that how you feel now at
Speaker 2: fifty two?
Speaker 1: Absolutely? And it gets stronger and stronger. But I still
Speaker 1: do have to take those beats where I'm like, take
Speaker 1: a deep breath, take a beat, Let think this through
Speaker 1: before you fire back. I still have those you know,
Speaker 1: things to learn and things places to grow to. But
Speaker 1: I feel definitely very different at fifty two.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's pretty beautiful. You know, it's pretty
Speaker 2: beautiful also.
Speaker 3: To like watch what's happening in our industry and watch
Speaker 3: watch all of the women and the ages that they
Speaker 3: are at achieving what they're achieving, Like look at the
Speaker 3: year that Pamela Anderson had, look at the year that
Speaker 3: Demean Moor had, look at June's squib, like, look at
Speaker 3: these women. You know, you used to be considered valueless
Speaker 3: after forty and now Hollywood, which is kind of like
Speaker 3: the leading influence over culture and always has been for
Speaker 3: a long time. I mean, maybe TikTok will take over
Speaker 3: or already has, but Hollywood has a pretty strong is
Speaker 3: a pretty strong indicator of what's to come. It's pretty
Speaker 3: beautiful to see women excelling at these ages and getting.
Speaker 2: More beautiful and more self assured and really being, you know,
Speaker 2: stepping into who they are as women.
Speaker 3: I like, I love seeing that, and I never will
Speaker 3: prescribe or subscribe to the belief that a certain age
Speaker 3: prohibits you from doing a certain thing, Like I was
Speaker 3: talking about my shoulders somewhere that like, doesn't getting old suck.
Speaker 2: I'm like, this has nothing.
Speaker 3: To do with age, Like I will never relent to
Speaker 3: like I will never be like I just give in
Speaker 3: and give up, like, oh I'm getting old. No, no, no,
Speaker 3: this is another bump in the road, and I will
Speaker 3: get past it.
Speaker 1: Watch me, what if you did just lay down and
Speaker 1: then you're like, oh, well, I'm falling apart. So I
Speaker 1: guess I'll just put myself up to pasture.
Speaker 3: I know, I would love to euthanize myself at some point.
Speaker 3: Apparently you have to be you have to be seventy.
Speaker 3: I said that to my sister. I'm like, I'm just
Speaker 3: looking for a euthanasia doctor. And she said, you have
Speaker 3: to be seventy, sissy, you have some time.
Speaker 1: Oh man, that's disappointing to hear.
Speaker 3: Actually because I love that feeling, not because I want
Speaker 3: to be gone from this world.
Speaker 2: I mean, the world is a scary place, but I
Speaker 2: love I had. When I had surgery on Friday, I
Speaker 2: was like, whatever you get put under, I love that feeling.
Speaker 2: So and then they count back.
Speaker 3: They're like count back from ten and they go ten,
Speaker 3: nine and then it's over. And I said to the anesthesiologist,
Speaker 3: I go listen, I want I want to party.
Speaker 2: I want like.
Speaker 3: Ten minutes of a good time. And he's like, I
Speaker 3: want to be awake, don't just put me out and
Speaker 3: it's over. I'm like, I'm getting surgery, but feel it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: let's turn this into a fun vibe. I love talking
Speaker 3: and I'm like, just get let me be on the
Speaker 3: drugs for like ten minutes in the o R and
Speaker 3: then you can put me out.
Speaker 2: And that's what he did. And who do you want
Speaker 2: to party with him? Like, you guys, let's party.
Speaker 1: Wait when you woke up for They're like, this is
Speaker 1: what happened. This is what you said.
Speaker 2: My doctor's like, oh, you hadn't met Chelsea before. She
Speaker 2: loves drugs.
Speaker 3: So no, I remember everything I said. I'm a great
Speaker 3: drug user. We've talked about this. I was fully cognizant.
Speaker 3: And it's not like we were even we were talking
Speaker 3: about geography and world wars and the history of wars.
Speaker 3: But I just love that warm feeling, you know of
Speaker 3: like conversation while you're you know, on opioids.
Speaker 2: You know, I can't really do those in my real life.
Speaker 2: That would be a disaster.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's too far.
Speaker 2: Yeah, too far, Michael Style, can't go there. There. Even
Speaker 2: though I've thought about that, doctor.
Speaker 1: Well, there's still time tells. I know that you've gone
Speaker 1: through breakups in the public eye as I have. And
Speaker 1: right now with this beautiful chapter that you're in, what
Speaker 1: does love mean to you? Like, what are you looking
Speaker 1: for in a relationship?
Speaker 3: I mean, right now I have a relationship with someone.
Speaker 3: I'm in one relationship. I'm not limited to being in
Speaker 3: one relationship, Okay, I'm open to everything. I like the
Speaker 3: idea of lots of lovers throughout my life. I like
Speaker 3: the idea of lots of love stories. I've never been
Speaker 3: someone to subscribe to this kind of Prince Charming fantasy
Speaker 3: bullshit that we've all been fed our whole lives. I
Speaker 3: want someone who knows that I need my space, that
Speaker 3: I'm independent, that I don't need anything from.
Speaker 2: You except for your care. Like I woke up the
Speaker 2: other morning.
Speaker 3: I was with my boyfriend in Whistler, Canada, and up
Speaker 3: the other morning and he goes, do you know how
Speaker 3: lucky I feel to wake up next to you?
Speaker 2: He goes, do you know how many men would die
Speaker 2: to wake up next to you? And I wanted to
Speaker 2: be like, not as many as you think.
Speaker 3: But I was like, what a sweet thing for you
Speaker 3: to think about. And then to say I would.
Speaker 1: Like to articulate. Yeah, yeah, my part part.
Speaker 2: You would keep that to yourself. Most men, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like, I don't want to give her
Speaker 2: too much power, too much love for me, But what
Speaker 2: is to say out loud?
Speaker 1: Yeah it is? We need that because we can do
Speaker 1: anything we need to do on our own. We're all
Speaker 1: such capable women, you and I especially, we call our
Speaker 1: own trots, you know. And the men can feel really
Speaker 1: intimidated by strong women such as us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and a lot of men think no, no, no,
Speaker 3: I'm good. I like, I like your strength, like, yeah,
Speaker 3: not going to emasculate me. And usually they say yeah,
Speaker 3: right right, yep. What are you gonna do for your birthday? Well,
Speaker 3: my book comes out on my birthday, so I'll be
Speaker 3: doing my press tour.
Speaker 2: I have a ski video that I still need to to.
Speaker 3: Shoot, because every year I shoot a ski video of
Speaker 3: me skiing down a mountain with my dogs and a
Speaker 3: joint and the margarita.
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna have parties wherever I go. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: have one in Whistler. I'll have one in New York
Speaker 2: because I'll be there for my book release.
Speaker 3: I'll have one in La probably just kind of little
Speaker 3: gatherings as I kind of go across the country in
Speaker 3: different cities.
Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like I'll just celebrate it throughout
Speaker 2: the year.
Speaker 3: And yeah, fuck it, I thought, you know, I thought,
Speaker 3: oh god, I don't need it.
Speaker 2: Whenever my friends started like, what do we want to do?
Speaker 2: We've got to blow this out.
Speaker 3: This is your fiftieth And as soon as my editor
Speaker 3: said do you want your book to come out on
Speaker 3: your fiftieth, I go, actually, yes, that's perfect because that
Speaker 3: takes the load off of all of this planning and
Speaker 3: talking about planning, but on another aspect of it, I
Speaker 3: just feel like so much of my life is a party.
Speaker 3: So much of my life is a celebration. I've had
Speaker 3: so many nights where I felt like it was my wedding,
Speaker 3: you know, like so many I get up on stage
Speaker 3: every week and perform in front of thousands of people.
Speaker 3: That feels pretty fucking awesome. That feels like at your
Speaker 3: birthday party every single time. So I was like a
Speaker 3: little bit like, I don't know if I want to
Speaker 3: celebrate myself. But anytime now that I'm resistant towards anything,
Speaker 3: I just go for it.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, yes, you have to do it.
Speaker 3: Like I'm really bad at dancing, and I'm decided I'm
Speaker 3: just gonna start dancing.
Speaker 2: I'm very self conscious.
Speaker 3: I know I'm a bad dancer, and i feel like
Speaker 3: everyone's staring at me, and I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 3: this is good. You're going to start dancing at fifty
Speaker 3: and it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: That you were kind of dancing just like solo dancing.
Speaker 3: Any dancing, Like I can't even dance to a beat,
Speaker 3: like at the tailor shone, like just go two step
Speaker 3: and you feel like you.
Speaker 1: Want to dance, but you hold yourself back because it's
Speaker 1: not nobody needs to see that.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, totally like self conscious. It's like, my self
Speaker 3: conscious thing is my dancing.
Speaker 1: And you should be free to just dance. I'm happy
Speaker 1: you get to dance the whole year of yours.
Speaker 3: I know I'm gonna I'm gonna start dancing and not
Speaker 3: care what anyone thinks.
Speaker 1: I love this. This is good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I need I need new challenges.
Speaker 3: I've you know, I need something else to like be like, Okay,
Speaker 3: this is I haven't done. I haven't done a lot
Speaker 3: of acting work recently.
Speaker 2: I'm going to do that decided. I'm like, I'm going
Speaker 2: to do stuff that isn't in my comfort zone.
Speaker 1: It's like a beauty of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I feel like.
Speaker 3: Fifty is like a reset, like a reset, like okay,
Speaker 3: now let me go around. It's like you're going back
Speaker 3: into the hotel room to look and see what you
Speaker 3: forgot right before you check out, You're like, okay, you
Speaker 3: let me do one more past.
Speaker 1: Okay, Chelsea Handler, before I let you go, what was
Speaker 1: your last I choose me moment?
Speaker 2: Well, my breakup with Joe Koy was a big one.
Speaker 2: I choose me. That was great.
Speaker 3: I came to like a moment where it was either
Speaker 3: I would have to compromise my whole being and what
Speaker 3: I've grown up to be or and I didn't want
Speaker 3: to break up. You know, we were in love and
Speaker 3: I wanted it to work out. And in that moment,
Speaker 3: I just remember like thinking, I have to use this
Speaker 3: or choose myself.
Speaker 2: And I chose me.
Speaker 1: That's a big I choose me moment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so glad.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you did. You're so worth choosing. Like
Speaker 1: you've proven time and time again your resilience and you're
Speaker 1: so capable, You've reinvented yourself. And I really do look
Speaker 1: up to you.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you, Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.
Speaker 1: And I'll be celebrating your birthday by dancing from.
Speaker 2: Yes, please dancing throw something of you. You did dancing
Speaker 2: with the Stars, and you really know how to dance.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't anymore. Like once you do it,
Speaker 1: if you don't do it more, you lose it. I've
Speaker 1: lost it.
Speaker 2: So oh it's like Spanish.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but thank you so much for taking the time.
Speaker 1: All the best with your book, tour. You're going to
Speaker 1: have such a great year. I see it, I see it.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Jenny, love talking to you. Thank you so
Speaker 2: much too.
Speaker 1: Okay bye,