WEBVTT - I Choose...To Be Self-Aware with Chelsea Handler 0:00:01.560 --> 0:00:09.240 You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone, 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:12.760 welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:16.079 the choices we make and where they lead us. You know, 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:19.520 I love this podcast because I love getting to hear 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:23.000 from all different types of people and learning about them 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:26.200 and learning things from them. And today I'm so excited 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:29.400 to sit down and chat with my guests because she 0:00:29.600 --> 0:00:33.920 is absolutely incredible. She's a comedian, television host, six time 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:37.720 six time you Guys, New York Times best selling author, 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:41.320 about to be seven I'm Predicting, and an advocate. Her 0:00:41.360 --> 0:00:44.640 new book, I'll Have What She's Having, comes out on 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:49.000 her birthday February twenty fifth. Please welcome my friend Chelsea 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:50.320 Handler to the podcast. 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:52.240 Hi, Chelsea, I. 0:00:52.159 --> 0:00:54.200 Was recently on your podcast. 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:57.400 Which way was a huge hit. I was, Yeah, people 0:00:57.560 --> 0:00:58.320 loved it. 0:00:58.360 --> 0:01:04.720 People conversation around you talking about your like your marriage 0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:08.720 and I'm your current husband, current husband. 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.040 Your husband, I say that too, it's okay. 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:13.360 Knowing what he signed up for and then kind of 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:15.000 being like, wait a second, is this my new life? 0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:16.319 Yeah, people loved it. 0:01:16.400 --> 0:01:18.600 I got so many comments about it, and there was 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:20.640 so we had a great conversation. 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:21.479 We did. 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:23.720 I loved it, but we were talking a lot about me, 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:25.679 and today I just want to talk about you because 0:01:25.680 --> 0:01:28.480 you have a book coming out on your birthday. How 0:01:28.560 --> 0:01:29.920 perfect is that timed? 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:31.960 Yes, that's perfectly timed. 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:35.640 I'll have what she's having. Yes, tell me why, Okay, 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:37.600 tell me why that title? I know that title is 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:40.880 a line from Harry met Sally. What a great scene, 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:42.679 What a great line. Did it have anything to do 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:44.760 with that or just come from a different it? 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:46.959 Did you know? My I gave the book when I 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:47.560 was done with it. 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:49.440 We were trying to fish around for a title, and 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:51.560 I had given it to my editor obviously and some 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:52.800 other people in my life. 0:01:53.360 --> 0:01:56.080 And my editor came back and she's like, I think 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:57.920 the titles. I'll have what she's having. And I'm like, 0:01:57.960 --> 0:02:01.080 I can't name a book that about my own story. 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:03.880 What is that? And she said, no, that's how you 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:06.440 feel after you're done reading it. I want what you have. 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:09.040 And I was like, oh, and she's like, and there's 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:11.280 a Halle Harry Matt Sally reference. 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:13.840 It's kind of like it had a double and you 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:15.440 had a real meeting and then it had a kind 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:18.800 of referential meeting. And I was like oh oh, and 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:20.480 then I was like I love that. I love that. 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:23.000 I want to give representing what I have. So that's 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:23.639 where your. 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.280 Editor is a genius. That is so exactly how I felt. 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:28.840 I was reading your book last night, speed reading some 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:30.520 of it and reading all of it like I couldn't 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:32.480 get enough. I didn't want to stop before the beginning 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:35.040 of this podcast, so I will complete it. But that's 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:37.839 how I felt. I felt like I want what Chelsea has. 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:41.040 I want to be free to make my own decisions, 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:44.000 not have to like worry about a husband or kids, 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:46.440 all the things that can strain us in certain ways. 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:49.600 But you have always lived your life the way you've 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:52.480 wanted to and that is what's so beautiful about you, 0:02:52.520 --> 0:02:53.800 and it's magnetic. 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:56.120 Thank you, Thank you so much. 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:58.959 I think that you know, if you can inspire other 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:02.640 people to like, feel or think something, then I would 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:06.840 want to inspire people to feel just more empowered about 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:10.280 who you are, like how special you are being you, 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:13.320 Like each one of us is so special, so individual, 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:15.720 and we all have a purpose. And as soon as 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:18.400 you nail down what that purpose is, and you nail 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:20.720 down your strengths and weaknesses, like you. 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:22.520 Can soar it's sore like an eagle. 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:25.480 Do you think you only get that sort of awareness 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:28.639 at fifty Did you have that at forty eight? 0:03:29.760 --> 0:03:31.400 Ah? Good, cush, good question. 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:35.200 I mean, I think therapy helps a lot with the 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:38.600 gift of self awareness, right. I think as soon as 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:40.520 you start going to therapy and finding out that you're 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:42.920 not everything you thought you were, you're like, oh, whoopsie doodle, 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:45.400 I had no idea I was a bitch, a cunt 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:46.760 to all of the things that you know could be 0:03:46.800 --> 0:03:49.640 attributed to me, or that I was nasty, or that 0:03:49.680 --> 0:03:52.760 I inserted myself into situations where no one ask my opinion, 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:55.880 that I gave unsolicited advice all the time, as soon 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:58.920 as I had someone who wasn't involved in my life 0:03:58.960 --> 0:04:01.760 give it to me straight and in a gentle, loving way, 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:04.240 of course, because otherwise, you know, it's therapy, that's they're 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:05.960 going to tell you in a nice way, right, But 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:08.040 as soon as you get the gift of self awareness, 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:08.840 then it's really up. 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:10.600 To you, like, what what are you going to do 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:11.280 with now? 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:13.200 What are you going to do now that you know 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:16.240 how you're coming across that you're not just crushing it 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:18.920 all the time, that sometimes you hurt people's feelings. Sometimes 0:04:18.960 --> 0:04:21.400 you're hurtful to yourself sometimes, you know, like all of 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:23.600 the things you kind of want to know about yourself 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:24.960 but without being told. 0:04:24.800 --> 0:04:27.800 Wait, your therapist told you these things, Like in a session, 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:29.560 we just we just. 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:31.839 Talked about my behavior a lot, and like the way 0:04:31.839 --> 0:04:33.680 that I've gotten through life up until then. You know, 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:35.560 I didn't go to therapy until I was like forty, 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:38.040 and then I went real seriously for about two years, 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:41.279 and that was just a big gift of wake the 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:43.480 fuck up and take a look at yourself, like you're. 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:46.280 Not all that you think you are, You're more. 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:50.280 And less like and take an honest kind of inventory 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:52.280 of the things that you're doing that are working for 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:54.839 you and the things that you're doing that aren't working 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:57.599 for you, and also how are you impacting others? 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:01.159 And who do you want to be moving forward? Because 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:03.240 this is like a time when you can do and 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:03.960 be anything. 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:06.880 Yes, And I think that's something that we also, like 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:09.160 we don't ever talk about that, Like you and I 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:10.760 have never sat down and been like, what did you 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:13.160 want to be when you grew up? You ask little 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:14.880 girls all the time, what do you want to be 0:05:14.920 --> 0:05:15.520 when you grow up. 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:17.520 You don't go what kind of person do you want 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:21.000 to be when you grow up? You know? What kind 0:05:21.040 --> 0:05:22.760 of like? And and and we don't. 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:26.599 We rarely check in and say, oh, how am I doing? 0:05:26.680 --> 0:05:28.560 Where am I in life? Is this what I wanted? 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:29.800 What am I looking for? 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:32.719 Like? How am I achieving my goals? Or am I 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:33.600 way off track? 0:05:34.160 --> 0:05:36.400 And so the book starts out with this kind of 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:40.320 me reflecting when I was a little girl to thinking 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:42.680 about all of the things that I wanted to be 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.080 as a woman. You know, I wanted to be loud 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:48.000 and brave and stand up for people, and I wanted 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:50.040 to have lots of lovers, and I wanted to have 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:54.120 I speak languages and travel and I wanted to be sophisticated. 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:58.560 And and you know, we forget when we go through life. 0:05:58.600 --> 0:05:59.680 We forget to check. 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:01.720 In with that little girl and like her dreams and 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:05.159 to find out, Wait, am I doing what I dreamt 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:06.080 I was going to be doing? 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:08.400 Am I doing more? Am I doing less? Am I 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:09.640 on track? You know? 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:12.000 We fall off track all the time too, and it's 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:14.560 up to us to get back on track. So yeah, 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:18.479 you really, I mean, being fifty is fucking awesome. 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:20.200 I'm about fifty and I. 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:22.880 Can't tell you how grateful I am that I have 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:25.920 all this knowledge about myself because now I have all 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:28.360 this data to show you're the one who got you 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:30.680 all this way, so you don't have to worry about 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:31.360 you anymore. 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:34.760 You've said in the book too, two steps forward, three 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:37.360 steps back, Like, just because you have this great self 0:06:37.400 --> 0:06:39.720 awareness now and you've learned all this wonderful stuff about 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:42.040 yourself moving forward, it doesn't mean you're going to fuck 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:44.800 up sometimes, and you know your old habits are going 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:47.240 to come. Like just ten minutes ago, I was an asshole, 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:50.080 and I you know, I'm like, ah, I don't want 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:52.000 to do this. I don't want to be go to 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:54.760 those old habits of ways that I handle things all 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:57.640 the time. But in those moments, you're like, oh, it's 0:06:57.720 --> 0:06:58.680 rising in me. You know. 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:00.919 It's funny you say that because the other day I'm 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:01.960 dealing with this shoulder. 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:03.880 I just had shoulder surgery because they found I found 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:05.520 an infection in my shoulder, and it was like. 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:07.839 I was supposed to be up skiing. My whole schedule's 0:07:07.880 --> 0:07:09.080 all fucked up, you know, and. 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:11.200 I have to stay home in LA after the fires, 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:14.360 which is obviously so depressing, and god, I have a house, 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:16.240 but you know, I just wanted to be in my 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.600 special place and it just kind of thwarted all my plans. 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:21.680 And I was like, Okay, here's a perfect opportunity for 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:24.120 you not to be a bitch, to have all of 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:27.240 your plans up ended, but to still have gratitude. 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:27.200 You know what I mean. 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:29.320 Be grateful that you found it, that they got, the 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:30.920 that they caught, the affection. 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:34.080 That you're not more sick. And also be kind to 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:35.200 people when you're in pain. 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:37.720 Because I was shuffling around from doctor to doctor and 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:39.720 I was being short and I was just like not 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:43.480 making eye contact, and I caught myself and I was like, Okay, 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:46.120 here's the next level challenge. Can you be nicer to 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:48.800 people when you are in pain? And my friend's like, 0:07:48.800 --> 0:07:50.200 you don't have to be nice to people when you're 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:52.320 in pain. I'm like, I know, but that's another level 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.040 that I'd like to get to. I would like to 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:55.960 be nice to people when I'm in pain. It's easy 0:07:55.960 --> 0:07:57.960 to be nice to people when you feel great, but 0:07:58.040 --> 0:07:59.760 it's harder to be nicer to people when you don't 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:00.360 feel great. 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:02.080 So that's my next challenge. 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:04.400 So you know, the next day I was like, okay, 0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:08.000 everything today, be nice, be respectful, make eye contact please, 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:09.800 and thank you to everyone. It doesn't matter what kind 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:12.000 of paying you're in, you know, just kind of stuff 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:14.920 like that, like self awareness. Nobody tells you about self 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:17.600 awareness when you're a kid or a teenager. We are 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:21.240 so stupid and blinded and we're so wrapped up in 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:25.320 ourselves and have our friends so far enough, so far 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:29.000 up our own assholes that it's like, it is the best. 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:31.720 The best gift you can have is someone pointing out 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:32.600 your shortcomings. 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:35.640 Absolutely. That's like one of the things when you have 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:38.520 a spouse or partner or somebody there's supposed to be 0:08:38.559 --> 0:08:40.719 like a mirror of you, and they hold you up 0:08:40.760 --> 0:08:43.760 to see yourself. How you don't see yourself and sometimes 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:46.040 you don't. It's not something pretty that you want to 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:47.360 look at. And that's the time you need to do 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:50.520 that reaching and that growing. Yeah, you think it's good 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:53.199 that you're like Also, every day is a new chance. 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:56.480 You were like short and cold yesterday, but that doesn't 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:57.920 mean today you have to keep doing it that. 0:08:58.120 --> 0:08:59.960 Yeah, Like the other day, just everything that could go 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:01.880 wrong went wrong went wrong. Went wrong, and I was like, 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:04.040 it's like, whack a mole, this fucking what is this? 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:05.920 And then finally I was like, you know what, go 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:08.520 take an edible, go up to your room. I also 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:09.920 have Viking in because of my surgery. 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:12.680 I'm like, have a little party and then go to 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:13.800 bed and try again tomorrow. 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:15.560 Just try again tomorrow. 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:17.760 No more contact with any other people, Like there's no 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:20.880 more reason to communicate, right, I need a time out. 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:23.920 You did give yourself a time out. That's so smart. 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:27.920 Oh my god. So turning fifty, what do you think 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:30.480 you've learned from other women? What that looks like, or 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:32.600 what maybe you want out of it? 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.120 I think the most, Like I've been asking a lot 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:37.880 of my friends because obviously a lot of my friends 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:40.280 are the same age or half turned fifty, you know, 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:42.880 because everyone always asked that question, what is it? 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:43.240 You know? 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:46.000 And you kind of hear these boring answers all the time, 0:09:46.080 --> 0:09:47.239 like I feel great. 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:49.320 I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks. 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:51.920 Yeah, I know, I've heard that so many times. It's 0:09:51.920 --> 0:09:52.720 not that interesting. 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:56.520 But I think one of the like the most interesting 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:58.920 things I've heard said about it is you spend your 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:02.559 twenties and thirties and worried so much about what you've done, 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:06.080 the mistakes you've made, and what you need to do 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:08.840 and not to fuck up in the future. Like we're 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:11.920 so busy about the past and the future that we're 0:10:11.960 --> 0:10:15.439 not as present. And I think one of the benefits 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:18.640 of aging is that you become more and more present. 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.480 And when you are present, those are the moments of 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:24.120 like bliss that you get, the moments of joyfulness that 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:27.040 are like I love this moment. 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:28.960 Or like where you know, you make up. 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:31.360 I don't even drink coffee, but waking up and walking 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:33.240 into a kitchen and getting a warm cup of coffee 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:37.360 and actually being like joyful about that experience. As corny 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:40.240 as that may sound, when you practice that, you can 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.760 have that like fifty one hundred times a day, right, 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:45.079 you can and be like, oh my god, and my 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:47.760 bed is so comfortable. You know, this vicodin feels so good. 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:50.720 You know my dog, like, how good looking my dog is. 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:51.480 He's so beautiful. 0:10:51.480 --> 0:10:53.760 I'm so proud of his good looks. Like all of 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:54.320 those things. 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:56.720 When you make it a pattern of behavior, it becomes 0:10:56.800 --> 0:10:59.640 a pattern of behavior, and you actually do become you 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:04.560 kind of infect people with your optimism and like it's 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:07.520 powerful and I wish that's something I didn't know about. 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:10.640 I didn't know about gratitude in my thirties, yeah, there 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:13.480 are my forties. Quite frankly, until my late forties, you 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:17.160 know and practice it. I was like, oh, that's annoying. 0:11:17.160 --> 0:11:20.280 That's like chakras and reiki, and I don't care about 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:23.000 those things either. But now I know, and I know 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.040 the difference it makes, so it's like it's up there 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:26.640 on my list. 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:27.559 That's great. 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:30.600 I don't make lists, ever, so I shouldn't even pretend. 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:32.960 So much better way to go about your day feeling 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:35.720 grateful and seeing what comes to you because of just that, 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:37.240 just being grateful for. 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:40.040 Something grateful, and when you're really stuck in it, when 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:43.040 you're really stuck in your own pity party, reach out 0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:45.520 and help somebody else, because that gets you right out 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:47.640 of your own ass when you reach out to someone. 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:51.720 And now with everything that's happened in LA and the fires, 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:55.760 there are so many people you can help. I immediately 0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:58.120 focus on other people when I'm starting to feel sorry 0:11:58.120 --> 0:12:02.440 for myself or like insurmountable, which nothing really is. 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:05.520 I mean, in reading your book too, I saw all 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:08.680 the opportunities that you've had to help other people, how 0:12:08.760 --> 0:12:11.800 many lives you've changed and enriched, and how generous you are. 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:15.920 And I think I didn't know those things about you, 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:19.079 quite honestly, and now I kind of have a completely 0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:23.520 different perspective and like like feeling about you after reading 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:26.480 this book for some reason, Oh wow, I feel like 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:27.880 I feel closer to you. 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:30.720 Oh thank you. That's nice to hear. 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:33.240 Yeah, are you clear on what you're meant to do 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:37.959 now moving forward? Have you had that moment where you're like, ah. 0:12:37.920 --> 0:12:40.880 I'm clear on Like the best version of me is 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:45.880 when I'm speaking for others, you know, like highlighting others, 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:49.880 sharing light, not being selfish with any of the things 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:53.320 that I have, whether it's my time, whether it's financials, 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:54.840 whether it's you. 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:59.120 Know, like a spotlight on me. Like I know now that. 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:02.920 Like generosity is the key ingredient to like being happy, 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:06.640 to be generous and to be like greedy and to 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:10.440 be selfish is like that nothing ends well when those 0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:13.280 two things are at playing right, Like, no one feels good. 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:15.760 There's never a good story about being selfish. No one's 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:18.240 ever like and they were really selfish and they lived 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:19.160 happily ever after. 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:27.320 But I think also, like I just I'm just getting 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:29.400 so much better at being who I am. 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:33.240 And I'm also you know, everyone could argue that I 0:13:33.280 --> 0:13:35.360 never gave a fuck about anybody in the first place, 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:36.960 because that's how people perceive me. 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:41.000 Right, I don't know, but I really don't give a 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:42.800 fuck now, Like I really don't. 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:46.440 Like I'm so square with myself and what I the 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:48.760 lengths I've gone to for people and what I'm not 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:51.120 that you can't hurt me. 0:13:52.920 --> 0:14:01.520 What a great place to be. I love that. Okay, 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:03.880 so you dedicated this book to flight attendants. 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:08.120 Tell me why, because I feel like flight attendants really 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:09.679 need some more respect. 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:11.000 They have been. 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:14.240 Through COVID with people who refuse to wear masks as 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:17.080 if the flight attendants are making these rules. They have 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:22.600 endured people walking barefoot, playing with their toes, picking their 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:23.440 toes on planes. 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:24.880 They have endured people. 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:28.680 Faring in their sleeves shellfish my friend, my co host 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:30.440 on my podcast, well farting. 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:33.640 Yeah, farting. But we're all tolerating that. So that's just 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:35.880 a flight thing, which I actually read about the other day. 0:14:35.880 --> 0:14:37.880 I'm like, okay, well this I was waiting to read 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:40.160 about this. Obviously, the air pressure in the cabin makes 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:43.440 everybody fart, because why farting on planes in the first place. 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:47.320 But my producer on my podcast, Catherine whom you met? 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:50.080 She when I met. 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:55.000 Her, she traveled on planes with hard boiled eggs, eggs 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:56.160 on planes. 0:14:56.640 --> 0:14:57.280 And I was friend. 0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:00.480 First of all, I don't even want to know you anymore. 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:01.040 I'm not sure. 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:05.040 Secondly, if you're going to bring a hard boiled egg anywhere, 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:05.800 and you shouldn't. 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:08.200 If you are, you need to swallow it whole. You 0:15:08.200 --> 0:15:09.320 can't bring it out. 0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:11.520 Take a bite of it, and then that air emit 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:13.560 like you have to swallow it. 0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:16.600 Whole, like they did in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:18.520 Remember when she was coming. Oh no, that was airplane 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:19.600 in the movie when the end's just. 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:22.000 Different movie. 0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:24.680 But yeah, yeah, But I think flight attendants. 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:27.360 I spend so much of my life on planes, and 0:15:27.440 --> 0:15:29.760 they make the biggest difference in your travel. It's so 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:32.440 nice to have a great flight attendant and more drop in. 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:34.440 They are great. I've only ran into a couple of 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:37.560 duds in all the time. I mean, I would I would. 0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:39.320 Argue that I spend a third of my life on planes, 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:43.360 and they just really make everything better and nicer and there, 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:45.440 and they just really deserve our respect. 0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:47.920 There are babysitters in the sky and they're stuck with us. 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:53.560 Absolutely. Yeah, I love flight attendants too. You're talking your 0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:57.920 book about boundaries and about friend breakups. Those are two 0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:00.880 big topics. I think as we aged, we're going to 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.960 run into these things. Boundaries isn't all your whole life 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:06.640 kind of thing. But as for friend breakups, what have 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:07.160 they taught you? 0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:10.640 Well? I think a lot of boundary the lack of 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:14.640 boundary making can lead to a lot of friendship breaking, 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:18.880 you know, I think boundaries go hand. I've never been 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:21.680 good at boundaries. I didn't have any boundaries growing up. 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:25.360 I ignored them when they were, you know, introduced to me. 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:27.680 I've never said that's. 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:30.000 Too much, or you're too close, or this is I'm 0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:32.800 like the opposite of a boundary, you know, whatever that is. 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:36.720 So I've had to really learn that lesson probably seventy 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:38.240 five thousand times in my life. 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:39.920 But I don't know that I'll ever. 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:42.240 Change that part of me because I don't hate that 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:44.560 part of me, you know. I like the fact that 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:46.600 I'm kind of open and like come on you come 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:48.560 to the party too. I like that I bring my 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:50.920 driver in to watch a movie at my friend's house 0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:53.480 or to a funeral. I mean a lot of people 0:16:53.480 --> 0:16:56.120 think it's too much, and like, no, everybody, you know, Chelsea, 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:57.040 it's too much. 0:16:57.160 --> 0:16:58.960 I like that. I think it's kind of fun to 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:02.680 like live life and and be that way. 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:05.640 But but the lack. 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.199 Of boundaries always will come back and bite you in 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:09.919 the ass because when. 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:11.800 You don't have them, then they're not there. No one 0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:12.800 else is going to create them. 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.800