1 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,000 Speaker 1: Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through 3 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and 4 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:24,760 Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back 5 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is 6 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,480 Speaker 1: so great to have you here, back for another episode 7 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: as we break down the psychology of our twenties. Before 8 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 1: we get into it, I know I said this in 9 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,239 Speaker 1: the last episode, but I want to keep reminding you 10 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:41,240 Speaker 1: all that this episode of the podcast and many others 11 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 1: are now on Netflix in the UK, Australia, Canada, US, Germany, Malaysia, 12 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,839 Speaker 1: South Africa. I don't know there's a lot of them, 13 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 1: just to name a few. So if you're a fan 14 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 1: of watching the watching podcasts, watching this podcast as you 15 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 1: listen to it, this is your chance. You can go 16 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: and watch the video version of this very episode right now. 17 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 1: Just go and search the Psychology of Your Twenties on 18 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:08,040 Speaker 1: your Netflix app. Give it a go, see what all 19 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,040 Speaker 1: the fuss is about, see what I can't shut up about, 20 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 1: and I hope you enjoy it. Today we are talking 21 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: about how to get out of a funk, how to 22 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: get out of a season of life that honestly just 23 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 1: feels very bland, and more than just bland, feels very boring, frustrating, 24 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:30,120 Speaker 1: maybe even slightly depressing. I think it is so totally 25 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 1: normal to go through periods like this, to go through 26 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,400 Speaker 1: periods where things are just not on the vibrational length 27 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,560 Speaker 1: that you want them to be. But what can be 28 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:43,120 Speaker 1: worrying is when it begins to tank our entire perception 29 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:44,760 Speaker 1: of life and we think that we're never going to 30 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,279 Speaker 1: get out of this state of mind, and it changes 31 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 1: what we think we're capable of, it changes what we 32 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 1: think the world is capable of. I found myself in 33 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,920 Speaker 1: a funk these past few months. I was just angry. 34 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 1: I was just really angry at how much is required 35 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,920 Speaker 1: to say simply be an adult. And I was angry 36 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: at the world, and I was angry at everybody around me. 37 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 1: And it really sucked. But luckily I've been kind of 38 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: clawing my way out of that. And whether it's because 39 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: it's suddenly summer in the UK spring but the sun 40 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,799 Speaker 1: is peeking through, or whether it is the fact that 41 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,840 Speaker 1: I've been having some hard but very kind chats with myself. 42 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: I have been feeling like this is paid off and 43 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,640 Speaker 1: I'm out of this like little chapter, I was in 44 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: it for a while, so I wanted to kind of 45 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: share what I did share why we end up in 46 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: these kind of low points. And yeah, of course some tips, 47 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,520 Speaker 1: some tips that you could put into place literally after 48 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,080 Speaker 1: you listen to this episode to get yourself out of 49 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,919 Speaker 1: a funk. So, without further ado, let's get into it. 50 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:50,359 Speaker 1: So what do we mean by being in a funk? Right? 51 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: I think we all know what it feels like to 52 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 1: be in a bad mood. There's a very normal part 53 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 1: of being human and of experiencing kind of like the 54 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 1: ups and downs of life. Life. We all know the 55 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:05,839 Speaker 1: experience of waking up and just feeling like the world 56 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 1: is against us. But sometimes that feeling, that terrible mood lingers, 57 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: and it's not just one morning, it's every morning, it's 58 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:19,359 Speaker 1: every evening, and it's every lunchtime, and it just becomes 59 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 1: so all encompassing. I think the biggest sign you are 60 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 1: in a funk right now is when you find yourself 61 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:31,920 Speaker 1: taking every single neutral situation and unconsciously without choosing to 62 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 1: turning them into negatives. Right, everything that happens to you 63 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,240 Speaker 1: ends up being terrible. Everything that happens to you interpret 64 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,120 Speaker 1: to be negative. It might feel like you just can't 65 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: catch a break, whether it's to do with work, love, money, friendships, 66 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: all of the above, or even just like daily existence. 67 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: Everything is annoying, everything is slow, everything goes wrong. In addition, 68 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: I think what compounds this is that it can be 69 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 1: really unclear as to why we're feeling this way, And 70 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: I think feeling stuck and helpless are often signs of 71 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,400 Speaker 1: being in a funk as well. Knowing you are the 72 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 1: bad mood and not being able to change it. You 73 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: might be thinking, Gemma, that sounds very similar to being depressed, 74 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,680 Speaker 1: and yeah, I get why you would think that, honestly, 75 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,440 Speaker 1: and we can't deny they definitely go hand in hand 76 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 1: a lot of the time, and often the funk is 77 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:28,280 Speaker 1: the precursor. But being in a funk is not clinical 78 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:34,280 Speaker 1: and it's temporary. Depression is chronic often and it's all encompassing, 79 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 1: and it involves chemical, biological, and social and environmental triggers. 80 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 1: What really differentiates a funk from a depressive state is 81 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: that underneath it all, your capacity for pleasure is still intact. 82 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,599 Speaker 1: A good conversation with somebody that you love, or like 83 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:56,320 Speaker 1: a really beautiful sunny day, or like a really great meal. 84 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: These things still register on your radar when you are 85 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 1: in a f in contrast with depression situations that would 86 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: normally bring you joy. You know, you could literally land 87 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 1: your dream job, you could be on holiday, you could 88 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:14,239 Speaker 1: be spending quality time with your family. Even those moments 89 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 1: cannot lift the black cloud that is present. So it's 90 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 1: important to know the difference because if it is a 91 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:23,840 Speaker 1: depressed state you are dealing with, obviously most, if not all, 92 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: of the stuff we're talking about today probably isn't going 93 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,040 Speaker 1: to register and isn't going to help in the same 94 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,359 Speaker 1: way if you are just in a funk, and I 95 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: think it's rather dismissive to conflate the two. Both stuck 96 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:40,440 Speaker 1: a lot, but depression needs more of a clinical intervention, 97 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 1: just so we are very clear on that before we 98 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,159 Speaker 1: get into kind of the origins of being in the 99 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: state of mind. So back to the funk. What creates this? 100 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:54,039 Speaker 1: You would probably know this. It's not just one thing. 101 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 1: It's often the cumulative load of what we call major 102 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:04,159 Speaker 1: and minus stras. Work sucks, that's the first thing, and 103 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:08,479 Speaker 1: then you're not getting enough sleep, and then you're really 104 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: struggling to make new friends, and then you're really kind 105 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,479 Speaker 1: of tired with your old friends, and then you really 106 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,840 Speaker 1: can't find the time to go to the gym. And 107 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: then you know, all these things on one on top 108 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 1: of the other, and you're not making as much money 109 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 1: and you're feeling detached from your hobbies. One thing on 110 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 1: its own would probably be fine, but with multiple things, 111 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,599 Speaker 1: essentially you don't know what to focus on first, And secondly, 112 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,920 Speaker 1: it's just the weight of it all just gets a 113 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:37,359 Speaker 1: lot heavier. Naturally. Here is something we talk about a 114 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:45,240 Speaker 1: lot in psychology. When stresses aren't acute but instead small, ongoing, 115 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 1: and unresolved, your brain doesn't get the same signal that 116 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 1: the threat has passed. Instead, your threat detection system, your 117 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 1: anxious thoughts, whatever it is, stay mildly activated over long 118 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: periods of time. This means cortisol and other stress hormones 119 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: are not being released in sharp berths that then peek 120 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: and plateau and decline, but in a sustained, lower level 121 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 1: way constantly over time. This means that your alo static load, 122 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,760 Speaker 1: which is essentially the wear and tear on your body 123 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: and brain from adjusting to repeated stress, it just gets 124 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 1: higher and higher. Your system is constantly trying to maintain 125 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:39,160 Speaker 1: balance and recover. But if you can't keep up, that 126 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 1: comes at a cost, the fatigue you feel, the reduced 127 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: executive functioning, which also means that you then find it 128 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,640 Speaker 1: harder to think of a solution. That is the cost 129 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: of all of this, and often the only natural response 130 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 1: is for your brain, your mind, your body to go, 131 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 1: let's just shut it all down. Let's numb ourselves out, 132 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: Let's blunt all the senses so that we can get 133 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:07,000 Speaker 1: through this. So that's the first contributing factor to being 134 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 1: in a funk, combine cumulative stresses. The second is actually 135 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: something quite simple, which is a lack of novelty. Novelty 136 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: and having new experiences. I feel like we talk about 137 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 1: this a lot, but seeing new things, having small shifts 138 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 1: in routine, being excited about something that's not just a 139 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 1: luxury that has been proven and shown to be psychologically 140 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 1: both necessary and protective. You need to have new experiences 141 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,319 Speaker 1: if you want to feel like yourself. In fact, there 142 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,520 Speaker 1: was a twenty nineteen study and I think it was 143 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 1: done in California, that found that novelty is not only 144 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:47,160 Speaker 1: enjoyable dah. It actually sparks the brain to explore more, 145 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 1: meaning we find more novelty, meaning we find more things 146 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:54,040 Speaker 1: that we find fund more good things and also more 147 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 1: solutions because it switches on a curiosity exploratory mindset when 148 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,560 Speaker 1: everything is the same as it's always been or has 149 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:04,320 Speaker 1: been for a while. You know, our brain is kind 150 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: of like a zoo animal or like an animal in captivity. 151 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:11,280 Speaker 1: It like becomes accustomed to things simply being the way 152 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 1: they are, and it's kind of like gnawing at the bars, 153 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 1: being like let me out. So boredom is a big 154 00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: factor here. Interestingly, but not surprisingly, boredom is doesn't get 155 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 1: It doesn't get a research spotlight. Has been researched far 156 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 1: less than other emotions like happiness or sadness or like 157 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 1: the big flashy ones because I think scientifically people think 158 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 1: if boredom is quite trivial, but it's such an unexplored 159 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,679 Speaker 1: emotion and it sits so closely to other more headline 160 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,760 Speaker 1: grabbing emotions like loneliness and sadness when it comes to 161 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:50,239 Speaker 1: our emotional well being. Here's the thing. Boredom, when practiced, 162 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 1: when welcomed, can do wonderful things. For your imagination, wonderful 163 00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: things for your creativity because your brain basically has to 164 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 1: entertain in itself and be imaginative. But when boredom is involuntary, persistent, chronic, 165 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: it literally shrinks our perspective of the world and makes 166 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:19,199 Speaker 1: it narrower. For example, a study from twenty fifteen on 167 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:24,440 Speaker 1: Like It Was Like eight hundred students found that students 168 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:28,719 Speaker 1: who scored high on a boredom scale also tended to 169 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 1: score very high on a depression scale. Boredom is a 170 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 1: psychological feature of depressed states, which we know are linked 171 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:40,760 Speaker 1: to being in this funk light state as well. It 172 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:44,120 Speaker 1: can also make us more impulsive, can drive us more 173 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: towards harmful behaviors. A very famous study from the University 174 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 1: of Virginia in twenty fourteen recruited like hundreds of undergrads, 175 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: hundreds of community members and they got them to take 176 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 1: part in these like what they called prolonged thinking periods. 177 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 1: Participants were placed in these like empty rooms on like 178 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 1: a chair with a desk in front of them, and 179 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:12,760 Speaker 1: they were asked they weren't allowed to bring in any 180 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 1: of their belongings, no books, no nothing, no pens, no phones, 181 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,320 Speaker 1: and they were asked to sit there and think, and 182 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 1: during that time, they were given the option to give 183 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: themselves an electric shock if they wanted to, or to 184 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 1: just sit quietly. The results were drastic, even though all 185 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 1: participants had previously stated they would not even accept money 186 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 1: to be shocked and they would not pay they would 187 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 1: pay money to avoid being shocked. When they were in 188 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: this situation of boredom, sixty seven percent of men twenty 189 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 1: five percent of women chose to continue to inflict themselves 190 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 1: with this electric shock rather than sit there and think 191 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:57,280 Speaker 1: quietly and be bored. Sometimes, like, that's a great example 192 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,680 Speaker 1: of how much we try and avoid boredom. And sometimes 193 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 1: the things we do when we're bored might not be 194 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: actively harmful, like an electric shock, but they're not great either, 195 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:09,960 Speaker 1: you know. They it drives us to just continue spiraling 196 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,560 Speaker 1: into the state of doing behaviors and performing behaviors that 197 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 1: aren't helpful. And so when we are in a funk 198 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 1: and kind of questioning like why am I doing all 199 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 1: these things that like actually aren't helping me, but I 200 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 1: can't stop? Why am I drinking all the time? Like 201 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:28,840 Speaker 1: why am I not reading before bed? Why am I 202 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 1: like continuing to not make moves that I want to make. 203 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 1: That boredom that you are experiencing all the time is 204 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 1: actually shutting down your brain's ability to make creative, new, 205 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:46,679 Speaker 1: fresh choices towards your life. Besides those two factors, I 206 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,640 Speaker 1: do think there's a third thing, and I do think 207 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 1: that that is acknowledging that sometimes, yes, the world around 208 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,959 Speaker 1: us is boring, is difficult, it's putting us in a funk. 209 00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's not fun to admit, but sometimes times we 210 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,720 Speaker 1: are the funk though. We have become the bad day. 211 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,680 Speaker 1: We have become the bad mood. We become the one 212 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 1: ruining things for ourselves and sometimes ruining things for others, 213 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 1: and it can create quite a self fulfilling prophecy that 214 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 1: we do need to snap out of. Like there is 215 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 1: a level of acknowledgment and accountability with certain funk states 216 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 1: that maybe we are we're kind of playing into it 217 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 1: a little bit literally. This is a realization I've kind 218 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 1: of had to sit within recent months. Again. I went 219 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 1: through this period when I first moved to London where 220 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,440 Speaker 1: every day was a bad day, and I realized that 221 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,959 Speaker 1: was probably because I was waking up expecting it to 222 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: be a bad day. So I unconsciously. Throughout every day, 223 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 1: I would wake up and I would be searching for 224 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 1: evidence of this pre existing expectation, and I was probably 225 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 1: even creating situations that matched my expectations without realizing it. 226 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,839 Speaker 1: Like when I was on the train, I started to 227 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,319 Speaker 1: realize that I would only notice the people who didn't 228 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: give up their seats for the elderly. I would only 229 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,400 Speaker 1: notice the people who bumped into me, or the people 230 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,839 Speaker 1: who wouldn't move out of somebody's way. I never at 231 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 1: the time noticed the people who were being kind, or 232 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 1: the kid with like the new Barbie doll, or like 233 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 1: the couple in love. Both of those groups of people 234 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,560 Speaker 1: were present, but I was only noticing one half. It 235 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: was this filter I was applying onto the world around me, 236 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,000 Speaker 1: when in fact, like the world was rather neutral. There 237 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,360 Speaker 1: were some people who were being annoying, some people who 238 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,880 Speaker 1: were being fantastic, most people who were just existing. I 239 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:37,280 Speaker 1: could only see the annoying people. Psychologically, to give this 240 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 1: a name, this is called mood congruent perception. Basically, our 241 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 1: pre existing feelings about something go on to incorrectly dictate 242 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 1: what we see, what we remember, what we experience in 243 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,800 Speaker 1: a way that does not match objective reality. This was 244 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 1: actually first described by Gordon Bauer. He is like one 245 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 1: of the most You might not know this, he's one 246 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 1: of the most famous cognitive psychologists. Fun fact, Gordon Bauer 247 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 1: is actually the creator of mnemonic devices. He's also responsible for, 248 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,840 Speaker 1: like so much of what we know about memory and 249 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 1: short term and long term memory and working memory. But 250 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,600 Speaker 1: he identified this specific phenomena mood congruent perception in the 251 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: eighties when he noticed that he could get people to 252 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 1: remember different aspects of a situation not by changing the situation, 253 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 1: but by changing how they felt. So he would deliberately, 254 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:35,479 Speaker 1: you know, make them angry, make them sad, make them frustrated, 255 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: and then be like, what did you notice about the situation? 256 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 1: Whatever mental and mood like state he put them in 257 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:47,720 Speaker 1: would actually almost systematically change what they saw. We have 258 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,720 Speaker 1: to be aware of this attentional bias. It's tricky when 259 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,760 Speaker 1: you're already in it. But genuinely call yourself out when 260 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: you are being the bad mood, call yourself out when 261 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: you have bad expectations at the start of every day 262 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 1: that this day is can turn out just like the others, 263 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 1: it's gonna be shit. Genuinely, I think that really snapped 264 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 1: me out of it was realizing that the distance between 265 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:13,080 Speaker 1: being annoyed and amused is quite small, and if you 266 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:16,600 Speaker 1: can just shift across those mood states, the load becomes lighter, 267 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,240 Speaker 1: Like if I was really annoyed at something, I'd be like. 268 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: But also this is kind of funny, right shift from 269 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 1: annoyed to amuse, because they sit very close together on 270 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: like the emotional scale. Let's talk about some of the 271 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 1: worst things that you can do when you are in 272 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,600 Speaker 1: a funk. We're going to take a short break. When 273 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: we return, we're going to jump into it. So there 274 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:47,640 Speaker 1: are some things that are gonna make your funk worse scientifically. 275 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: The first is when you chase or soothe with quick 276 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 1: dope mean constantly, or when you involve yourself in passive 277 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: consumption rather than turning your attention towards long term gratification. 278 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 1: We all know it, but when you're in a funk, 279 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 1: your phone scrolling may feel temporarily soothing, but it's actually 280 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:10,399 Speaker 1: just emotional avoidance and at times like it really is 281 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:14,400 Speaker 1: just like an unsustainable form of emotional regulation, because it's 282 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,640 Speaker 1: just covering up the bad feelings without interrogating them and 283 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,520 Speaker 1: not doing anything to really investigate the root cause of 284 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:25,399 Speaker 1: why you feel so terrible, Like this is not going 285 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: to pull you out of a funk. Consuming more is 286 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,560 Speaker 1: not going to help you. It may distract you from 287 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 1: your thoughts for a little while, which you know sometimes 288 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:37,359 Speaker 1: is necessary. It may give you a little burst of dopamine, 289 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,080 Speaker 1: but you need to shift away from consumption to creation 290 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 1: if you want, if you actually want something to change. 291 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:47,879 Speaker 1: Literally nothing changes. If nothing changes, doom scrolling or distraction 292 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 1: feels like something's changing because the hard feelings are being 293 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: quieted for a while, like they're kind of going away. Nothing, 294 00:17:56,040 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 1: it's just turning down the volume. You know, we have 295 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,800 Speaker 1: to get into this creation mindset, which we're going to 296 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 1: talk about in a second. But there's some other things 297 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,600 Speaker 1: that you can that you are probably doing that aren't 298 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,400 Speaker 1: good for you being in this funk. The second one 299 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: is self isolating. It feels like the easiest thing in 300 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 1: the world, right to doomscrob but also to self isolate, 301 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,960 Speaker 1: especially since, let's be honest, when we're in a funk, 302 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 1: people are just really annoying. Even the people you love most. 303 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 1: You just don't want them in your space because your 304 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 1: entire nervous system is already being like repeatedly graded by life, 305 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,120 Speaker 1: like a frickin cheese grater. But you need to fight 306 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:43,000 Speaker 1: that urge to push people aside and to withdraw from 307 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,200 Speaker 1: them and realize this is what you have to realize 308 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,199 Speaker 1: it for what it is, which is your brain is 309 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: trying to avoid stimulation, friction, and oversaturation of any kind. 310 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 1: The problem is this instinct becomes self reinforcing. Social withdrawal 311 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:03,359 Speaker 1: reduces opportunity is for positive reinforcement, like connection, like laughter, 312 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,959 Speaker 1: like support, and that in itself would provide proof that 313 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 1: life is better than you think it is. But when 314 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 1: we are withdrawing, we're essentially shutting down opportunities for life 315 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:18,359 Speaker 1: to give us evidence for its own goodness. I do 316 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 1: think it's important to acknowledge that sometimes we don't want 317 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:22,639 Speaker 1: to see others and we don't want to be around 318 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,680 Speaker 1: others because of feelings of shame that arise from being 319 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 1: in a funk. Definitely in today's hyper productive society, always working, 320 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 1: always hustling, always making big moves, always happy, you know, 321 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 1: sometimes we don't want to be the buzzkill. You don't 322 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,480 Speaker 1: want to be the one who's like throwing that off. 323 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 1: But it's unrealistic. To think that we will always be 324 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,959 Speaker 1: like that. And something I've been saying to myself more 325 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,000 Speaker 1: and more is that giving people the opportunity to love 326 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:53,119 Speaker 1: you through ugly seasons of life is a gift to 327 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 1: them as much as it is a gift to you. Seriously, 328 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 1: ask yourself. I'll think about it as well. But I 329 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,959 Speaker 1: kind of remember my I already know the question I'm 330 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,920 Speaker 1: gonna ask. But do you get a sense of fulfillment 331 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:09,159 Speaker 1: and satisfaction from helping your friends? Like, isn't it a 332 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 1: great feeling when somebody wants your advice or asks you 333 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 1: for help, Because it's like, it's this beautiful thing if like, 334 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,960 Speaker 1: oh my god, you thought of me, you wanted me 335 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,919 Speaker 1: during this time, Like I'll be right over. That's a 336 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:26,000 Speaker 1: great feeling to feel wanted, even if it's to help somebody. 337 00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 1: If you feel that joy in helping others, don't deprive 338 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,240 Speaker 1: them from getting to have that same feeling as well 339 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 1: with you. Also, just from a purely scientific perspective, study 340 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,000 Speaker 1: after study will tell you that even if self isolating 341 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 1: feels good temporarily, your brain just does cope better with 342 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: people around you. Even the deepest of introverts still needs 343 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,840 Speaker 1: to be seen sometimes and we're not just talking physically here, 344 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 1: we're talking emotionally. We thrive best in the safety of others. 345 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 1: So those are two things that I definitely don't think 346 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,439 Speaker 1: you should be doing and you should be conscious of. 347 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:02,199 Speaker 1: Let's talk about the positive things that you can be 348 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,480 Speaker 1: adding back into your life or the strategies. I should say, 349 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 1: not all of these are about adding things. Some of 350 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:11,359 Speaker 1: the strategies that could maybe help you get out of 351 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:17,439 Speaker 1: a funk. What actually works in these situations is a 352 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,960 Speaker 1: couple of things. I think. My very simple advice is, 353 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,720 Speaker 1: like get off your phone and see your friends only 354 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:28,080 Speaker 1: takes us so far. But you really need to be 355 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:32,200 Speaker 1: conscious of again the factors in your life that are 356 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,560 Speaker 1: making it harder for you to feel optimistic about life. 357 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,280 Speaker 1: And I know I said some things that you could add. 358 00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 1: Let's start with the things that you need to subtract 359 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,240 Speaker 1: before you try and add more things into your routine, 360 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:48,400 Speaker 1: more novelty, more creation. It's very easy to just add 361 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,760 Speaker 1: more things in, but at some point you are going 362 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,840 Speaker 1: to have to sit down with a piece of paper, 363 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 1: sit down and look at your life and just have 364 00:21:57,119 --> 00:22:00,440 Speaker 1: an honesty moment and list everything that is making your 365 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,439 Speaker 1: life suck. Sometimes you need to do a bit of 366 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:09,119 Speaker 1: an audit every habit, every weekly activity, every obligation. I 367 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 1: want you to write it down. What do you think 368 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,240 Speaker 1: the reason your life sucks right now? Where is it 369 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,720 Speaker 1: coming from. This could be seeing friends that you've outgrown. 370 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,960 Speaker 1: It could be drinking alcohol. It could be a really 371 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,200 Speaker 1: long and inefficient community. It could be where you live. 372 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,280 Speaker 1: It could be reading the comments on reels. It could 373 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: be looking at your phone first thing in the morning. 374 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 1: It could be always doing everything from eating to showering 375 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:37,240 Speaker 1: to exercising in a very rushed, frantic manner. I need 376 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:43,879 Speaker 1: you to really do an audit. Think about whether the 377 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,920 Speaker 1: things that are genuinely making your life worse are essentials 378 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,920 Speaker 1: or they could be changed. And think about as well 379 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,160 Speaker 1: why you are doing them. Why are you drinking, Why 380 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,440 Speaker 1: are you still seeing these people, Why are you still 381 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 1: living in the city? Do you need these things in 382 00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:04,439 Speaker 1: your life if they make life harder? Sometimes being in 383 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,480 Speaker 1: a funk is made worse by looking at all the 384 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,200 Speaker 1: things you have to go through in the next few 385 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,000 Speaker 1: weeks and months ahead, looking at all the things on 386 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,560 Speaker 1: your to do list and wanting to do none of them, 387 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:17,879 Speaker 1: and just feeling a deep sense of like there is 388 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,720 Speaker 1: nothing to look forward to because my circumstance is a crap. 389 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,679 Speaker 1: This has a name, It's called anticipatory dread. Basically, our 390 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,640 Speaker 1: brain scans the future, thinks about all the horrible things 391 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,679 Speaker 1: waiting for us that could or couldn't happen, and that 392 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 1: makes us feel terrible because it borrows all the future frustration, 393 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 1: anchor annoyance, and it makes it your current problem again, 394 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 1: have a genuine sit down, have an intervention with yourself tonight. 395 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,879 Speaker 1: What are the pain points in your life? What are 396 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,240 Speaker 1: the points? What are the things you keep bumping up 397 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,520 Speaker 1: against and keep going out and haven't thought to remove. 398 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,119 Speaker 1: Once you do that, then you can get down to 399 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,679 Speaker 1: kind of adding things in. And the first thing I 400 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:04,159 Speaker 1: think everyone should be prescribed more of is time and nature. 401 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:09,960 Speaker 1: People are increasingly turning to nature based interventions to deal 402 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,040 Speaker 1: with like the cognitive overload of modern life, because it 403 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 1: resets something really fundamental in us, mainly our natural human drives. 404 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 1: Being in nature resets our curiosity, resets our attentional systems, 405 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 1: resets our sense of awe. In fact, there is this 406 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:34,720 Speaker 1: fascinating idea I personally love called the biophilia hypothesis, which 407 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:38,480 Speaker 1: basically says that every human, all of us, we are 408 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:43,199 Speaker 1: innately driven to seek out a connection with nature and 409 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,679 Speaker 1: to return to nature, and when that is prevented, we suffer. 410 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,920 Speaker 1: When we haven't had enough time in the woods, by 411 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,960 Speaker 1: the ocean, in the trees, in the bush, there's a 412 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,280 Speaker 1: part of us that switches off. A meta analysis from 413 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 1: twenty twenty two actually looked at thirty nine studies that 414 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,520 Speaker 1: examin ment to the link between spending time in nature 415 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:06,160 Speaker 1: and mental health conditions. Ninety two percent of these studies 416 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:12,760 Speaker 1: demonstrated consistent improvements across any and every health outcome when 417 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 1: individuals engaged with natural outdoor environments. Mental health outcomes specifically 418 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,639 Speaker 1: improved in ninety eight percent of these studies, so not 419 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:25,840 Speaker 1: in ninety eight percent of people. Ninety eight percent of 420 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 1: these studies. Physical and cognitive health outcomes as well showed 421 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 1: improvements around eighty three and seventy five percent, respectively. That 422 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:38,320 Speaker 1: is a huge success rate. If those studies were investigating 423 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:42,240 Speaker 1: a cure for a deadly disease, an eighty three seventy 424 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 1: five ninety eight percent improvement like that would represent a 425 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:51,720 Speaker 1: seismic result. It would be in it would be making headlines. 426 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:57,199 Speaker 1: Nature resets our brain like nothing else. So if you 427 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,480 Speaker 1: are in a funk and you have the time, or 428 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 1: you can make the time, dedicate yourself to an outdoor 429 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 1: day or an outdoor afternoon, or an outdoor three or 430 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 1: four hours once a week, and even if it requires 431 00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:11,720 Speaker 1: a little bit of travel, if you live in a 432 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,640 Speaker 1: big city, I really do think it's worth it. It's 433 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,439 Speaker 1: fundamental whilst you are outside. I have another strategy that 434 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:22,119 Speaker 1: you can combine with your prescribed nature time. This is 435 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,240 Speaker 1: a combo and this is an exercise I started doing 436 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: a little while ago to kind of overcome against some 437 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,920 Speaker 1: of that projected negativity I was having, specifically towards others, 438 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,080 Speaker 1: which I'm not proud of, but it was happening. What 439 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 1: I did to counteract that sense of like everybody's annoying, 440 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 1: everybody's in my way, everybody's blah blah blah, was that 441 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,920 Speaker 1: as I was walking, running, riding, whatever it was, as 442 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,120 Speaker 1: people passed me by, I made myself focus in on 443 00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:49,280 Speaker 1: one person at a time, one after another, and every 444 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,320 Speaker 1: single person I had to give them a compliment in 445 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,639 Speaker 1: my mind. So if I were sitting on the tube 446 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,399 Speaker 1: and there was five people in front of me. I 447 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,440 Speaker 1: would silently have to go one, two, three, for five 448 00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 1: and give them all a compliment. I must have talked 449 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,919 Speaker 1: about this for but like it's a habit that truly 450 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 1: shifted me out of a really dark, pessimistic time. It 451 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,600 Speaker 1: forced my brain to have to see the good in 452 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 1: everyone and everything when it was looking for the worst. 453 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:17,160 Speaker 1: Even the most like unassuming person, you can find something 454 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 1: cool or interesting about them, Like you can be like, wow, 455 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,399 Speaker 1: her hair color, his choice of tie. I can tell 456 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:27,320 Speaker 1: he's really enjoying his music. Oh, what a beautiful relationship 457 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,400 Speaker 1: he has with his daughter. It becomes this really nice 458 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:34,440 Speaker 1: ritual of looking for the good. A twenty seventeen paper 459 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:38,639 Speaker 1: also found habits like this. Rituals like this orient you 460 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,720 Speaker 1: towards the good side of humanity, and they actually do, 461 00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,440 Speaker 1: in fact make people nicer to you, which in turn 462 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,400 Speaker 1: changes your expectations about how nice people actually are. Becoming 463 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:53,320 Speaker 1: a self fulfilling prophecy. In the opposite direction, another thing 464 00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:57,440 Speaker 1: we need to make sure we're doing is fulfilling our 465 00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:01,879 Speaker 1: core soul needs the concept I talked about it in 466 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,639 Speaker 1: our episode quite a similar episode actually, now that I 467 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:08,040 Speaker 1: think about it. On How to Rediscover Your personality. It 468 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,880 Speaker 1: just like from Earl January this year. You know, now 469 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,120 Speaker 1: that I think about it, probably is like an amazing 470 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,560 Speaker 1: Companion episode to this one. But in that episode I 471 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 1: talk about soul needs. Soul needs are the spiritual things 472 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,320 Speaker 1: you do to fill your cup. And when I say spiritual, 473 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:27,040 Speaker 1: I don't mean religious, although that can definitely be a 474 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,479 Speaker 1: big part of it. I mean the stuff that makes 475 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,920 Speaker 1: you feel human, feel individual, feel like you are connected 476 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 1: to others, and you are connected to the world that 477 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:44,200 Speaker 1: isn't always fulfilled by other things. And guess what, your 478 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,360 Speaker 1: soul needs aren't productive the way your other needs are. 479 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 1: In fact, they don't need to achieve anything. They actually 480 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:54,840 Speaker 1: become more worthwhile if they're not achieving anything. And they 481 00:28:54,880 --> 00:29:01,680 Speaker 1: include things that inspire adventure, that inspire curiosity. They include 482 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 1: needs like playfulness, silliness, humor, kinship, indulgence, or savoring things 483 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:16,520 Speaker 1: soul needs Filling your soul needs, you know, might include 484 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,920 Speaker 1: listening to your favorite album. It might include having great sex. 485 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,800 Speaker 1: It might include well having great sex with yourself or 486 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:26,400 Speaker 1: somebody else. It might include really laboring over a meal, 487 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:31,560 Speaker 1: really like getting fresh, tasty ingredients, making that meal as 488 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,680 Speaker 1: an act of love to yourself, having a bath, laying 489 00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,160 Speaker 1: in the grass, anything that reminds you that you are 490 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,120 Speaker 1: not a machine, which is hard to come by in 491 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 1: this day and age. Protect your soul needs, view them 492 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 1: as just as important as your physical needs, and try 493 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:53,320 Speaker 1: and fulfill just one soul need per day outside of 494 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:57,680 Speaker 1: your normal habits as a person. Make it a priority again, 495 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:02,680 Speaker 1: almost prescribe this to yourself like an intervention, like a medication. 496 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,480 Speaker 1: Sprinkle them back into your life like a soul needs supplement, 497 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 1: like your frickin' tinker bell. Remember, when we are in 498 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 1: a funk, it's often an aggregation of just like little 499 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:17,760 Speaker 1: things that have let us down or got us down, 500 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,680 Speaker 1: but it's also an aggregation of the loss of the 501 00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,239 Speaker 1: little things that lift us up as well. Like I 502 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:26,680 Speaker 1: genuinely think, it's like two sides of the same coin. 503 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,640 Speaker 1: So make sure that that that is an active priority 504 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,880 Speaker 1: for you. Of course, on top of that, and following 505 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:37,840 Speaker 1: on from before, try and also commit to doing new things, 506 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:42,080 Speaker 1: practicing small deviations from the routine. If novelty and a 507 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:43,920 Speaker 1: lack of it is why we end up in a funk, 508 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 1: and obviously makes sense logically that adding it back in 509 00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 1: might reverse the funk. But like, it doesn't have to 510 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,600 Speaker 1: be monumental, just like taking a different route on your 511 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 1: way home from work, going to the supermarket and only 512 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: buying from brands you've never tried, or only getting stuff 513 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:01,000 Speaker 1: you've always been like, Oh my god, I always wanted 514 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:04,200 Speaker 1: to try that, Like that kind of novelty, reshuffling the 515 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 1: layout of your house, listening to a new album every 516 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 1: single day instead of the same stuff. Checking out a 517 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 1: film you probably wouldn't normally watch, maybe something with subtitles 518 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: like all these things. Meeting your friends at different places 519 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: rather than just the same old pub, like switching up 520 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,160 Speaker 1: your gym routine. These things are so small and they 521 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,760 Speaker 1: are not life changing, but they fundamentally change your brain 522 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,520 Speaker 1: and your perception of reality because they just make you 523 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,240 Speaker 1: see that in different reality is possible, even if it 524 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,720 Speaker 1: is only a degree of separation away from your previous reality. 525 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,240 Speaker 1: If you want to commit to something more major, if 526 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:44,200 Speaker 1: your funk is really get into an intense level, perhaps 527 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:46,120 Speaker 1: you could request like a few days off work and 528 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 1: use those days to do something brand new for yourself. 529 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:53,480 Speaker 1: My friend she did a my friends Shelby amazing woman 530 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:56,520 Speaker 1: did a surfing course last year because she's the coolest 531 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 1: person alive and that she was like that was a 532 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:03,240 Speaker 1: reset for me, just creating new distinct memories you never 533 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:07,360 Speaker 1: thought you were going to create, especially in your twenties. Firstly, 534 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:12,920 Speaker 1: medicine to cure the funk. Also psychologically protective long term, 535 00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:15,400 Speaker 1: so that when you perhaps are in the state again, 536 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:18,480 Speaker 1: you can come back to this time when you really 537 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,239 Speaker 1: pushed yourself out of this moment and feel confident that 538 00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 1: you will survive again again. Novel experiences are so valuable. 539 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:33,480 Speaker 1: They trigger slow dopamine release, They improve neuroplasticity, They give 540 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 1: us a sense that there is more to live for, 541 00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,840 Speaker 1: and so especially especially if like you've just started a 542 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,240 Speaker 1: nine to five job, especially if you've just moved into 543 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:44,040 Speaker 1: a corporate career, especially if like you're finding work in 544 00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:48,160 Speaker 1: life and relationships overwhelming. This needs. I literally cannot stress 545 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:53,080 Speaker 1: enough how mentally vital this is for you. I think 546 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,239 Speaker 1: being stuck in a funk because obviously something that can 547 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,840 Speaker 1: feel never ending. I've been there, I'm in it with 548 00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:59,920 Speaker 1: you at times. I probably was a couple months ago, 549 00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,640 Speaker 1: very deep in it. But I promise you it will 550 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 1: end feeling flat and unmotivated, terrible ways to feel. But 551 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:10,160 Speaker 1: they aren't permanent. You guys know how I feel about 552 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:13,160 Speaker 1: the winters of life. But I truly believe that some 553 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:17,160 Speaker 1: years and months are filled with activity, filled with harvest, 554 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:22,080 Speaker 1: filled with new opportunities, filled with feelings of optimism. That 555 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,320 Speaker 1: cannot be the season all the time. You need the 556 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:28,320 Speaker 1: seasons where things are slow and dull and not necessarily 557 00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,760 Speaker 1: what you want them to be to support the summers 558 00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:35,640 Speaker 1: of life. It's just natural. As much as like winter, autumn, spring, 559 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:41,640 Speaker 1: summer are natural parts of how nature regenerates itself and 560 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 1: cycles through itself and has different periods for different seasons 561 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:49,200 Speaker 1: and different feelings like you have that as well, And 562 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,160 Speaker 1: not to put like a toxic positive spin on it, 563 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,920 Speaker 1: but sometimes when I am in a funk, and you know, 564 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,080 Speaker 1: the one I was in previously, I was like, what 565 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:00,320 Speaker 1: is this trying to tell me about how I can 566 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:04,240 Speaker 1: deepen my experience of being alive? And what is this 567 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,200 Speaker 1: current state trying to tell me about what I need 568 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,239 Speaker 1: to reprioritize in my life and the rest that I 569 00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,759 Speaker 1: need and the habits that need to change. And so 570 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:14,880 Speaker 1: I think, even though it's terrible, it is still a 571 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:19,040 Speaker 1: valuable experience. Obviously, do all these things and Obviously we 572 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,040 Speaker 1: want to rush out of these moments as fast as possible, 573 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,400 Speaker 1: and we want to like feel better as fast as possible. 574 00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:27,080 Speaker 1: But it's also important to just use this as a 575 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:31,160 Speaker 1: queue for what isn't going right and what temporary fixes 576 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,960 Speaker 1: maybe aren't working, and do a full reset, do a 577 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:38,200 Speaker 1: full seasonal winter reset, so that you can kind of 578 00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,719 Speaker 1: come alive in this next season of life having kind 579 00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:44,640 Speaker 1: of plowed and replanted. Oh my god, I'm really taking 580 00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:47,480 Speaker 1: this metaphor for a run, but like having really, yeah, 581 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:53,279 Speaker 1: replanted your garden with more fertile, more blossoming habits, practices 582 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,880 Speaker 1: and routines that match you better. So that is all 583 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,320 Speaker 1: we have time for today. I really hope that this episode. 584 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:01,560 Speaker 1: I hope it gets you out of a funk. I 585 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,520 Speaker 1: hope it gets you thinking about maybe what needs to 586 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:07,719 Speaker 1: change in your life and not feeling ashamed that maybe 587 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,040 Speaker 1: something in your life isn't going right, and it is 588 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:12,960 Speaker 1: that you do have the opportunity to fix it. Like 589 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,600 Speaker 1: I think, just taking accountability for the fact that your 590 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,279 Speaker 1: life isn't perfect, it's not a shameful thing. It's like 591 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:22,480 Speaker 1: the best part of new beginnings is like the beginning 592 00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:25,719 Speaker 1: is the beginning stages and is this moment of recognition. 593 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,200 Speaker 1: So I hope you're able to take some motivation and 594 00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:30,520 Speaker 1: inspiration from this and like change something in your life, 595 00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:33,560 Speaker 1: whether it is dramatic or not. Thank you as always 596 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:36,279 Speaker 1: to our researcher Lucy Davidson for doing a lot of 597 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 1: the research and looking into a lot of the papers 598 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:41,840 Speaker 1: for today's episode. I feel like they were so cool 599 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:45,319 Speaker 1: and fascinating to read through. You can follow us on 600 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:49,799 Speaker 1: social substack, you can buy a book. You can look 601 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,040 Speaker 1: at our website. I don't know if anybody looks at 602 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:56,040 Speaker 1: websites anymore, but the option is there. In the links below. 603 00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,080 Speaker 1: We also always include some of our favorite sources, so 604 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,680 Speaker 1: if you want to go deep into this episode and 605 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,400 Speaker 1: some of the research we spoke about, you can do 606 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:07,240 Speaker 1: so below. If you haven't yet watching watch an episode 607 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:09,279 Speaker 1: on Netflix just for me, just you can check it 608 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:11,080 Speaker 1: out and see what it looks like. I do think 609 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:14,279 Speaker 1: our set is really really cool, so we'd love to 610 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:17,200 Speaker 1: see you over there. But until next time, be safe, 611 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,120 Speaker 1: be kind, be gentle to yourself. I hope you get 612 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,839 Speaker 1: out of your funk soon. We will talk later.