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Speaker 1: Welcome to Pretty Private with ebine a space where no

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Speaker 1: question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views

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Speaker 1: shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain and empower.

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Speaker 1: From the laughs to the lessons. Just remember tough times

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Speaker 1: don't last, but professional homegirls do enjoy the show.

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Speaker 2: What's up y'all? Ishagara ebine here and I hope all

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Speaker 2: is cute? Now, Welcome back to another episode a Pretty

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Speaker 2: Private with Ebiney, where storylines become lifelines.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 2: In today's episode, I am sending down with Nicole Belle

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Speaker 2: as she opens up about her film After Shock, The

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Speaker 2: Nicole Bell Story, and shares her personal memories of Sean Bell.

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Speaker 2: We talk about who Sean was behind closed doors, what

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Speaker 2: their relationship truly look like, and how she continues to

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Speaker 2: carry his legacy forward. Nicole also reflects on what love

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Speaker 2: looks like for her now, how griefly shapes you, and

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Speaker 2: what healing means when your story has unfoldused so publicly.

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Speaker 2: So get ready because my conversation with Nicole Belt starts now.

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Speaker 2: All right, I am super excited about this week's conversation.

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Speaker 2: To my guest, Nicole, thank you so much for being

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Speaker 2: on the show and Happy New Year.

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Speaker 3: Oh, happy New Year. That's right, we're in twenty twenty six.

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Speaker 4: I know, I don't feel like it, right, it doesn't.

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Speaker 3: It feels like a continuation of twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 4: It right, It just keep going and going. Right. Well,

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Speaker 4: how are you doing? How you feeling?

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Speaker 3: Oh, besides all of the madness going on in the world. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I am doing well. I'm doing blessed. My family's you know, healthy,

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Speaker 3: everyone's doing well. So I have no complaints.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like it's been a little heavy for

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Speaker 2: all of us. So I'm trying to stay off of

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Speaker 2: social media in the news because it's a lot.

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Speaker 3: No, it really is. It's a lot, and you got

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Speaker 3: to give yourself a break at some point. You know,

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Speaker 3: you want to stay informed, so you know, it's good

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Speaker 3: to check in every once in a while, but you know,

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Speaker 3: it's easy to get hooked. So yeah, that's something to

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Speaker 3: be careful of and just to look out for.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what are you doing to keep your spirits up?

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Speaker 3: To keep my spirits up? So right now, I'm in

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Speaker 3: the middle of writing a book. Okay, and come on, book? Yes,

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Speaker 3: So it's that is really therapeutic. I've been able to

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Speaker 3: kind of go deep deeper into some areas that I

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Speaker 3: wasn't able to on in your movie. Yeah, on the

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Speaker 3: movie on Aftershop. So it's to me that it's it's

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Speaker 3: been therapeutic. Other than that, I like spending time with

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Speaker 3: my family, you know, just going out with my girls,

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Speaker 3: enjoying you know, family time. That's usually things that make

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Speaker 3: me good. And reading and reading. I love to read

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Speaker 3: about about us, you know, our culture. I love to

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Speaker 3: read about of help books.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, what's your favorite stuff? Her book?

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Speaker 3: Well, the most recent one I read was Meil Robbins.

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Speaker 2: It's really that good because everybody swear by mel Robins.

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Speaker 3: It's good. It really really good, so I agree with

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Speaker 3: a lot of it. To me, it's like a I

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Speaker 3: like reading different types of books, so I can, you know,

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Speaker 3: different perspectives and things like that. But it really is good.

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Speaker 3: You should read it. If you haven't read it, you

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Speaker 3: should read it.

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Speaker 2: Because I love to read. My bag is more autobiographies

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Speaker 2: and memoirs. So I haven't been reading as much because

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Speaker 2: it was a point in time I was reading a

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Speaker 2: new book like every week, But because I've been so busy,

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Speaker 2: it hasn't allowed me the time to do it. But

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I need to get back into reading because

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Speaker 2: I miss reading.

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Speaker 3: Yeah you should. I mean even if you read a

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Speaker 3: fiction book, it takes you away from what's going on. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and just you have that little escape there. But I

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Speaker 3: love things like that, watching good movies or you know,

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Speaker 3: spending time with the family, going to the beach when

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Speaker 3: I'm away and things like that. That's that's always the best.

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Speaker 4: And I know you be outside, Nicole, right.

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Speaker 2: Right, So how does it feels to have after shot

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Speaker 2: your story out now?

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Speaker 4: Like what does that feel like for you?

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Speaker 3: So after shot just feels like, you know, it's amazing

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Speaker 3: to For one, I'm thankful to the production team and

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Speaker 3: the executive producers who decided to tell the story. It's

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Speaker 3: really it's a real feeling just processing the fact that

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Speaker 3: you know, my life's out there and my story's out there.

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Speaker 3: It's something that as a survivor of any trauma or tragedy,

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Speaker 3: you wann't a story told. Yeah, when I look to me, honestly,

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Speaker 3: it took me a while to be able to watch

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Speaker 3: the movie and remove myself from it, just because I

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Speaker 3: lived all everything that's in it, I really lived it,

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Speaker 3: So it took As I was working with the producers

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Speaker 3: executive producers initially on everything, I mean, from writing the

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Speaker 3: script to picking the cast. And then I did come

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Speaker 3: on set a few times when they were filming.

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Speaker 4: Dan you was in a movie.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they have a little cameo and yeah.

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Speaker 4: That finally made me emo.

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh wow, like I can only imagine

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Speaker 2: how that made you feel.

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Speaker 3: Oh man, as I said, surreal. Yeah, And it probably

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Speaker 3: didn't hit me right away once everything was all said

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Speaker 3: and done and I saw the full package together because

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Speaker 3: they had been working on this for a while for

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Speaker 3: quite a few so once I saw the package together,

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Speaker 3: like the first few times, I just bowled, you know, cried, cry,

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Speaker 3: ride the hook. So once I got through that, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I was able to really process like wow, I've you know,

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Speaker 3: been through a lot of steps, even though in my

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Speaker 3: mind the ultimate goal was always like getting accountability and

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Speaker 3: just justice for justice, right, But once you see everything

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Speaker 3: like into a hole, so a whole, you know, nineteen

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Speaker 3: years almost in an hour and forty five minute movie,

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Speaker 3: it condenses everything into one, you know, small space, and

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Speaker 3: then you know, I was able to kind of look

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Speaker 3: at it like, wow, you know, I've actually been through

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Speaker 3: a lot. I've overcome a lot, accomplished a lot, and

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Speaker 3: you know, you hear people say it, but it's one

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Speaker 3: thing to actually feel it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and also see it.

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Speaker 3: And see it. Yeah, and see it and yeah. So

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Speaker 3: you know, I've been seeing some of the feedback from

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Speaker 3: people like yourself who have seen it, and I'm just

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Speaker 3: really grateful, just you know, from the reaction, the response,

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Speaker 3: and it is triggering, you know, especially for those who

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Speaker 3: were there. You know, back then, there's so many victims

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Speaker 3: and survivors who were around. It's triggering for so many people.

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Speaker 3: For me, found myself like mourning him all over again.

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Speaker 3: We had his mom at the premiere, and I spoke

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Speaker 3: to her beforehand, you know, a few days before. I

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Speaker 3: called her and said, listen, you know, it's all fun

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Speaker 3: in games, you know, to invite her and have her there,

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Speaker 3: but this is real, Like this is her baby. She's

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Speaker 3: never going to see her son again, and we're telling

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Speaker 3: the story of what happened to him. And my kids

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Speaker 3: are really close with his parents, their grandparents. But I

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Speaker 3: had to give her a call just let her know, like,

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Speaker 3: all right, missus, Bell, this is like I really want

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Speaker 3: you to be there, but it's not. And I'm worried

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Speaker 3: about how you're going to feel, but she reassured me, like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: if it's too much, I'll step out, you know, take

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Speaker 3: a moment. So it really felt good to have her there,

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Speaker 3: just as a mom. Yeah, mother's point of view, because

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Speaker 3: it happened the New York premiere took place on the

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Speaker 3: nineteenth anniversary, so.

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Speaker 2: The emotions are already like, yeah, I don't see how

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Speaker 2: you have makeup on your face because I would have

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Speaker 2: been so And.

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Speaker 3: That's it's interesting you say that because there were two premiers.

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Speaker 3: The one in LA was the week before and the

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Speaker 3: New York premiere was on the anniversary in New York

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Speaker 3: City in Times Square AMC. And that day when I

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Speaker 3: woke up that morning, you know, it just so many emotions. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: just you know, that normal anniversary memorial type of feeling.

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Speaker 3: Like you know, anyone who's ever lost anyone, they know

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Speaker 3: exactly what I mean. Yeah, And I say that if

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Speaker 3: you've ever lost anyone, it's.

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Speaker 2: Like your mind, it keeps the score, so it reminds

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Speaker 2: you that it's about to come.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, So that day I didn't like anything when

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Speaker 3: I got to the premiere, like my hair, I didn't

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Speaker 3: like make up. I didn't like I was agitated. I

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Speaker 3: didn't want to be on the Red Carpet, like, I

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Speaker 3: just didn't. I wasn't there, and it took me. Even

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Speaker 3: at the end when we did the they had a

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Speaker 3: small short Q and A and I was just I

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Speaker 3: didn't have many words. As opposed to the La premiere,

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Speaker 3: which was not on the anniversary, it felt different. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and I realized, now, after all these years, I still

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Speaker 3: have triggers. You know, there are still triggers, and they

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Speaker 3: show up in different ways, you know, and that's just

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Speaker 3: trauma and different grief and trauma. You know, when you

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Speaker 3: are triggered, it doesn't always come out as you know, tears.

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Speaker 3: You may be agitated, you know, you may be short

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Speaker 3: with some people. And that was me on the Red carpet.

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Speaker 3: I was like, okay, come on, can we can weame you?

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Speaker 2: Because even when I was watching it, I was like

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Speaker 2: it felt like it reminded me because I wasn't in

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Speaker 2: New York. Yeah, I was just leaving college and I

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Speaker 2: was moving to New York. So when it happened, my

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Speaker 2: grandma had called me and we was talking about it.

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Speaker 2: So when I was watching the movie, I I remember

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Speaker 2: like the music and the whole feeling and everything, And

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Speaker 2: I'm like, how does she get through doing this because

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Speaker 2: I'm triggered and it's like bringing up all these emotions.

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Speaker 2: So I can only imagine how you felt in the family.

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Speaker 3: That's right, that's right. But therapy will take you a

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Speaker 3: long way. Yeah, i'd you a good therapist, you know,

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Speaker 3: and somebody you can talk to that's non biased, you know.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's good to have.

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Speaker 3: Girlfriends like I have really close friends I've been cool

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Speaker 3: with since elementary school. Like my I have two best friends,

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Speaker 3: Tila and Alicia, and the childhood friends. We are like

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Speaker 3: thickest these everyone lives in a different state now we've

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Speaker 3: all grown up and moved away, but playing vacations to

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Speaker 3: get together. But there's something different about, you know, actually

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Speaker 3: hiring a professional somebody who is not your girlfriend to

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Speaker 3: check you, you know, like or like, all right that

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Speaker 3: you know that train of thought is not healthy. Don't

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Speaker 3: think that way.

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Speaker 4: Because my therapist be called, she'd be cursing me out.

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Speaker 3: But need it don't.

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Speaker 4: Either, Like, girl, I'm not paying you to curse me out.

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Speaker 4: But all right, But you know, you don't want.

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Speaker 3: To have those problems with your friends because right, you know,

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Speaker 3: then you got y'all got beef over something that you're

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Speaker 3: going to just talk to the therapist about, right.

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Speaker 2: Right, facts, So wait, how did the movie come about?

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Speaker 2: Because if I'm not mistaken, your mom low key like

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Speaker 2: pitched it to Manny or so.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, she sure did. Like we were at an event,

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Speaker 3: we ran into Manny. But this was a conversation that

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Speaker 3: we that I had, you know, with different producers, and

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Speaker 3: you know, it was just an idea that it's like, hey,

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Speaker 3: you know, why not tell a story, why not tell

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Speaker 3: Sean's story? Why not tell Sean and Nicole's story. So

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Speaker 3: my mom ran into Manny. First, she got to Manny

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Speaker 3: and she was like, hey, you know, he had done

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Speaker 3: a few movies and just as a black producer, independent

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Speaker 3: producer in general, app to me was or important than

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Speaker 3: you know, anything else, is really being able to have

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Speaker 3: someone that can relate to like what you've been through.

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Speaker 3: So she did. My mom ran into him and she's like,

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Speaker 3: what do you think about you know, this idea? And

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Speaker 3: I think he thought about it for a little while

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Speaker 3: and we exchanged phone numbers. Then after some time his

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Speaker 3: he called me like on a meeting with his team

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Speaker 3: and you know, they decided they wanted to do it,

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Speaker 3: and then that's when you know, everything kind of moved forward.

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Speaker 3: At that point, they talked about what angle it would

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Speaker 3: come from, and like what's the easiest thing, what makes sense.

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Speaker 3: But the producers were one hundred percent independent, so there

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Speaker 3: was no major you know, motion picture behind them sponsoring them,

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Speaker 3: and that you know is more like close to grassroots

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Speaker 3: if you asked me, is when you're able to give

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Speaker 3: your truth and they put it into a film without

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Speaker 3: trying to make it into something else.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it was well done too, Like I really

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Speaker 2: enjoyed it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it did a good job. I'm proud. The thing

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Speaker 3: with the movie is trying to condense all of those

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Speaker 3: years into hour and forty five minute film. They're not

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Speaker 3: able to include everything. Like, there were a lot of

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Speaker 3: people who were involved in the movement for justice, Like

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Speaker 3: Reverend Sharpton stepped right in. He was he was like

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Speaker 3: a leader, the leader back then. Yeah, a lot of

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Speaker 3: the movements now came from you know, people like us

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Speaker 3: our age who were who were like, okay, so we

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Speaker 3: got to step up, we gotta do something something different,

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Speaker 3: we need something different, we need a new movement. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but Reverend Sharpton. He's helped trying to light on what

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Speaker 3: happened to Sean. But this organization, you know, was amazing.

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Speaker 3: That was my first time really getting involved in like

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Speaker 3: a social justice movement, a justice family, and that's where

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Speaker 3: I met Tamika Mallory. I'm not sure if you know.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, she's on my network too, that's.

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Speaker 3: Right, that's right, Mali. She was working under Reverend Sharpton

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Speaker 3: at the time, Reverend Kirsten John Foyd, who's an amazing

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Speaker 3: civil rights activist, Rachel nor Linger, who's, you know, like

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Speaker 3: the guru of public relations when it comes to social justice.

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Speaker 3: She works with Reverend Sharpton still to this day. And

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Speaker 3: attorneys like Attorney Michael Hardy, who passed away a legend

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Speaker 3: in criminal justice. And so these are some of the

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Speaker 3: people who are really involved in planning the marches and

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Speaker 3: people aware and getting the the the word out be

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Speaker 3: because there wasn't like social media like there is right now,

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Speaker 3: body cams and things like that. That's what we advocated

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Speaker 3: for after Sean was killed. So it was amazing just

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Speaker 3: to see the whole movement of what happens behind the

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Speaker 3: scenes and really to become a part of that naturally,

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Speaker 3: you know, after Sean was killed, it was like the

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Speaker 3: only thing I could do to keep me sane was

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Speaker 3: to get active and do something to keep his memory alive. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and you know, and help me sleep at night, because

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Speaker 3: really I was twenty two years old when I lost him.

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Speaker 3: I had two young daughters. Jordan was only five months

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Speaker 3: and it was turning four. She was about two weeks

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Speaker 3: from her fourth birthday when he was killed. So it

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Speaker 3: was tough, you know, imagine being a young parent. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: he forced to become a young single parent on top,

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Speaker 3: but the trauma and the public.

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Speaker 2: And then on your wedding day, it's just like, man,

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Speaker 2: was there anything that surprised you doing this entire journey

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Speaker 2: as far as like you're doing a movie and you

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Speaker 2: sharing your story, Like, were you surprised about anything about yourself?

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Speaker 3: Uh? Wow? Yeah, just seeing you know that you really

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Speaker 3: don't lose unless you give up, you know, and sink

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Speaker 3: or swim. Sink or swim. And I can say that,

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Speaker 3: you know, if I could go back and talk to

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Speaker 3: the twenty two year old Nicole who you know, couldn't

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Speaker 3: figure out, you know, how to make it to the

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Speaker 3: next day, like patch yourself on the back. You know,

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Speaker 3: you made it, you did it, and you've done amazing things,

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Speaker 3: you know, to help keep his memory alive. And it's tough.

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Speaker 3: You know, I've learned that I'm resilient as hell. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but who wants to be resilient? Right? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: That's just exhausted, right, you know, we tired. That is exhausted.

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Speaker 3: And what you see and you see going running the

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Speaker 3: news is making us all.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, how can you not drink like or

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Speaker 2: like something because it's too much?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah. And what you see it now with ice

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Speaker 3: and happening in Minnesota and other states is is similar

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Speaker 3: to what's happened with stopping frisk in New York City

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Speaker 3: and other areas. So we've seen this before, you know,

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Speaker 3: and it's it's now other people outside of the culture,

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Speaker 3: they're waking up. Now it's a problem, right, Dressed in

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Speaker 3: peace to Keith Porter Jr. I saw the video with

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Speaker 3: his his daughter, who makes me think of my daughters

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Speaker 3: now and Renee Good and the story and what happened

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Speaker 3: to her and how they you know, try to use

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Speaker 3: the whole you know, try to basically tell us that

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Speaker 3: we don't believe what you see, you know, he tried

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Speaker 3: to car as a weapon. And if you remember the

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Speaker 3: story of what happened to Sean, that was exactly the

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Speaker 3: playbook that they used. Yeah, he used the car as

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Speaker 3: a weapon. You try to run over a detective and

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Speaker 3: they fired at him. And that's the same. It's the

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Speaker 3: same like verbiage that you're hearing today. Yeah, Renee good,

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Speaker 3: she used the car as a weapon. They you know,

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Speaker 3: he feared for his life, he fired in defense. Those

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Speaker 3: are the those are the same playbook. And then to

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Speaker 3: be drinking, say it again, the cop was drinking. Oh

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Speaker 3: oh well yeah, yeah, so he was a part of

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Speaker 3: the vice squad. Yeah, and the vice squad is undercover

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Speaker 3: and playing clothes, blending in with the neighborhood, blending in

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Speaker 3: with the bar and at at the.

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Speaker 4: That's New York for you.

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Speaker 3: As a trial, they testified like there weren't. It was

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Speaker 3: a bench trial. There were no cameras allowed in, but

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Speaker 3: there was press, so there was lots of stories every

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Speaker 3: day being reported. And so because there were no cameras

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Speaker 3: in there, a lot of information is not provided. The

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Speaker 3: public doesn't know unless we are the ones to tell them.

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Speaker 3: So like the detectives didn't didn't get understand, you know,

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Speaker 3: they had their grand jury testimonies read, so we never

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Speaker 3: I never got a chance to see them testify on

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Speaker 3: the stand. And the detective who was undercover that night,

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Speaker 3: he was allowed to drink to blend in if needed

336
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Speaker 3: sitting in the bar because he was undercovered at the bar.

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Speaker 3: That was a part of the vice squad policy rules.

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Speaker 3: They were allowed to do that if needed to blend in.

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Speaker 3: So when and the shooting happened, we learned that he

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Speaker 3: didn't turn himself in right away after the shooting. He

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Speaker 3: didn't turn himself in until some time later, some time later,

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Speaker 3: and policy stated that they turned themselves in right right

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Speaker 3: away just for assessment. He did not do that. So

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Speaker 3: a lot of information we learned later on and hearing

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Speaker 3: on the trial and hearing the bartender testify that they

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Speaker 3: served him drinks during that night, and then getting the

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Speaker 3: record years later and seeing that, oh, every time the

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Speaker 3: defense attorney objected, and every time the defense attorney acts

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Speaker 3: to have that removed from the record, they were actually

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Speaker 3: concocting on record to stay, you know, permanently in history,

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Speaker 3: so that anyone who goes back and pulls these transcripts,

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Speaker 3: it doesn't show the amount of right he had that

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Speaker 3: night as it's safe, so.

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Speaker 4: They're still trying to control the narrative.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, and this is something that with Aftershock, my goal

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Speaker 3: was to really educate people on what happens as much

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Speaker 3: as possible, right, as much. It's so much you can

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Speaker 3: do in a theatric project like that, and we're hoping

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Speaker 3: that there'll be more from that. You know, there'll be

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Speaker 3: more stories told and there'll be more projects behind it,

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Speaker 3: but it's really to educate people on what happens when

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Speaker 3: things like this take place, yeah, and really figure out

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Speaker 3: how we can change and what we can do different

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Speaker 3: instead of repeating the same cycle over and over.

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Speaker 2: What's up, y'all. It's Shagara eb and A here, and

366
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Speaker 2: be sure to follow me on Instagram and TikTok at

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Speaker 2: pretty private podcasts, and don't forget to subscribe to my

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Speaker 2: YouTube channel at the Professional home Girl. Now let's get

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Speaker 2: back to the show. I'm not gonna lie. That course

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Speaker 2: scene definitely had me pissed off because I'm like, why

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Speaker 2: y'all get my guy to play the black lawyer.

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Speaker 4: I was so annoyed.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, first of Sheila, now is this episode right?

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Speaker 2: I was like because it's crazy, because it's like a

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Speaker 2: lot of times people just don't know. So unfortunately, this

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Speaker 2: is a blueprint to know what to do when it

377
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Speaker 2: comes to moving forward with certain things because if you

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Speaker 2: don't have that support system like you and so many

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Speaker 2: others do, Like what do you do?

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Speaker 3: That's right, what do you do?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: And and for those people, I would say, you know,

383
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Speaker 3: joining an organization, you know, finding it, find a network,

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00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,440
Speaker 3: They're they're out there there, especially now these days, there

385
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 3: are people, you know, social media, there's a lot of

386
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 3: people within reach that you can send a message to,

387
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:48,760
Speaker 3: you know, and join in an organization or you know,

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Speaker 3: sign up on a website. I'm just to find your people, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and find a way to get back, like what you're doing,

390
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 3: you know with your podcast, Like this is your of

391
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,679
Speaker 3: you know, getting your stories out and things that are

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00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 3: important to you and that it was important and that's

393
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Speaker 3: and that's what we all have to do. Everyone has

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Speaker 3: to find their niche. Yeah, and you know, and really

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Speaker 3: be able to get back to the culture.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I always say, you never know how your storyline

398
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Speaker 2: can be someone else's lifeline. So it's really important that

399
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Speaker 2: we share our stories because I think even during the movie,

400
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 2: even Reverend Al Sharper told you, like, you need to

401
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Speaker 2: say something like it's important for your voice to be heard.

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Speaker 3: That's right, And that was, you know, a pivotal moment

403
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 3: for me. Is is making that decision too? You know,

404
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:42,160
Speaker 3: handle this privately, yeah, not get involved like some people say.

405
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Speaker 3: You know, we all know someone a friend or a

406
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 3: family member who's like, oh, I'm not going to get

407
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 3: involved in that. You know, you make a decision. That

408
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 3: was a pivotal moment for me. And I had to

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Speaker 3: make a decision that would not only change my life,

410
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Speaker 3: but it would, you know, affect everyone's life around me. Yeah,

411
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Speaker 3: and to this day, tell me the story, it wakes

412
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Speaker 3: it up for everyone every you know, everyone who was involved,

413
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Speaker 3: especially his family and my daughters. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Now take us back to the beginning, because I

415
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 2: feel like in the in the movie, I understand now

416
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Speaker 2: what you mean about you can add more to in

417
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Speaker 2: your book, because I feel like in the movie, like

418
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Speaker 2: we didn't really get to know more about your upbringing,

419
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Speaker 2: your parents and stuff, because at one point I was like, wait,

420
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Speaker 2: who's her parents? I got your parents confused with his parents.

421
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Speaker 2: So what was your upbringing like? Because you're from South

422
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Speaker 2: South Jamaica, Right.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I am so yeah. No, my parents are regular,

424
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 3: you know, every day working you know people who My

425
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 3: mom came from Brooklyn. My dad immigrated from Haiti and

426
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:46,920
Speaker 3: came with his family and move to Queens. My dad

427
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 3: is a musician, so oh nice. Yeah, he's always played.

428
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 3: He was a part of like the whole eighties funk

429
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Speaker 3: you know, Queen's band I'm Crewe.

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Speaker 4: So so Pops is a vide Pops he.

431
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:05,639
Speaker 3: Still and some of his friends are like, you know,

432
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,320
Speaker 3: legends out there, Like I grew up with my dad

433
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 3: having rehearsals and meet. My dad's a guitar player, so

434
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 3: I grew up with him always having a guitar in

435
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:20,159
Speaker 3: his hand, having a rehearsal in the basement. Legends like

436
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 3: from old school, back in the days, right, you know

437
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:27,360
Speaker 3: who do you Love songs? Or like grew up as

438
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 3: like my godfather Bernard Wright was he wrote that song

439
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 3: who do you Love that l who J made Over? Yeah,

440
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 3: it was a part of that era. He was a

441
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 3: part of the whole like Queens music funk era, and

442
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 3: I just grew up with, you know, watching him perform.

443
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,000
Speaker 3: My mom grew up in Brooklyn, she's from Crown Heights.

444
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 3: They moved to Jamaica Queen's and that's where I was raised.

445
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,640
Speaker 3: Sean and I didn't meet until high school, and that's

446
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 3: where the movie starts. And Shawn's mom is like a

447
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,119
Speaker 3: Christian woman. She's a church lady. She's you go to

448
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:07,919
Speaker 3: her house on any given day and she's in the

449
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,960
Speaker 3: kitchen cooking something you know, real good, you.

450
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 4: Just smell it.

451
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 3: She's a you know, a church woman. And he has

452
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:23,159
Speaker 3: two siblings, DJ, his sister, and his brother William and

453
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 3: his dad, mister Bell. We came from like a similar upbringing.

454
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 3: Just both grew up in Jamaica Queens with our parents.

455
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 3: And when we met in high school, which was like

456
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 3: around the year two thousand.

457
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,399
Speaker 2: I know, and I was looking at her, I was like, wow,

458
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 2: what a throwback broke back.

459
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 3: Yeah. So he was a baseball player, so that's how

460
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:50,679
Speaker 3: I met him. He was the star, like lead player,

461
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:55,199
Speaker 3: lead pitcher on the baseball team at John Adams High School,

462
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 3: and you know, just like high school crush. We started

463
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,239
Speaker 3: talking and we went out like on dates with some

464
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 3: movies and things like that Green Acres Mall when they

465
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 3: used to have some rise.

466
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 2: He know, I love Acres Mall. I used to stay

467
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 2: going to that movie theater.

468
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 4: What a throwback.

469
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 3: That's a throwback. And so we we you know, did

470
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 3: things like that. We were true queens people. Yeah, yeah,

471
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:29,640
Speaker 3: born and raised and you know, we fell in love.

472
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,640
Speaker 3: It was young love. We became young parents.

473
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,199
Speaker 2: And I was really in love because I'm like, oh,

474
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 2: they're not playing.

475
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 4: Y'all babies time.

476
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 3: Like all the time, every every day we were together.

477
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 3: And he was a year ahead of me in school.

478
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 3: So we graduated first and he went to Nasall Community

479
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:55,920
Speaker 3: College and he did study some studies there. So I

480
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,920
Speaker 3: got pregnant as a young mom, like right out of

481
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,119
Speaker 3: high school. After our GRADU waited and it threw my plans,

482
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 3: you know, because I had plans to go away to school.

483
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:05,919
Speaker 4: Where do you want to go?

484
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 3: I believe I was accepted, Oh my god, so long ago,

485
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 3: but it was Virginia State. I believe I was going to. Honestly,

486
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 3: I cannot remember because I never went. Yeah, but I

487
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 3: love to write. Growing up, I was always reading and

488
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 3: writing was my favorite thing. Math science not your girl

489
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 3: or not took at that right, right, But I love

490
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 3: to write. I love to read, and I lost that

491
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 3: passion and like after like real life kicked my ass

492
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 3: and yeah, for sure, And after I lost him and

493
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 3: I started my organization and I was doing like fighting

494
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 3: for reform and policies, I started writing again. And that's

495
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 3: the project that I'm working on now, which is my book.

496
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 3: And I got a deal with Penguin Random House. Okay,

497
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 3: come on now, congratulations through lit Imprint. So that's rac Nation,

498
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 3: That's right, nation, Come.

499
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 4: On now, jayc still coming through. That's what I'm talking about.

500
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 2: Baby, Listen, I knew you was in love. There was

501
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 2: a scene in a movie where Sean was he was

502
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,479
Speaker 2: buying popcorn for y'all, and Shorty was like giggling all

503
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 2: in his face and the way he was looking, then

504
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:22,959
Speaker 2: you're gonna accidentally.

505
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 4: Drop the popcorn, I said, girl, he ain't do that

506
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 4: on purpose.

507
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 3: I did. I did though.

508
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 4: I said, Oh, she is gone, baby, she is in love,

509
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 4: because I'm like, why is she laughing in this man's

510
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 4: face and his girl right here?

511
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 3: Yes? And then you know what, And that seemed happened

512
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 3: for real, like I know it did. I don't know

513
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 3: if it was in my head or not, but I

514
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 3: was like, Okay, she seems like she's smiling a little

515
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 3: too hard.

516
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, she was, and then he laughing. I'm like, y'all

517
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 4: can't be serious right now.

518
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 3: But that's the type of person. He was really charming.

519
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 3: So yeah, you know, he was like, you know, just

520
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 3: he would make you you know, if he was around you,

521
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 3: you would you would definitely end up smiling. So that

522
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 3: was natural. But yeah, on the first date, child.

523
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 2: Right, So before Sewan's story, did you know anything or

524
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 2: understand police brutality, like, were you familiar with it?

525
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 3: No, that wasn't my my lane at all. You know,

526
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 3: I was going to school, you know, I love to write.

527
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 3: I was going to go to school for journalism and

528
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 3: become a writer, you know, somehow and find my way.

529
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 3: I'd never imagine that. But growing up in Jamaica Queens,

530
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 3: you would see stopping friss. Yeah, I you know, when

531
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 3: my parents would let me go out to go you know,

532
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 3: go to parties and things like that, or coming home

533
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 3: from school, you would see the detectives jumping out on people.

534
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 3: I did witness that with Sean. You know, when he

535
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 3: would hang out with his friends, they would hang out

536
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 3: like near the parks and they would hang out by

537
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 3: the pizza shop and things like that, and one day

538
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 3: he was coming to pick me up in South Jamaica.

539
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 3: I was at near my old neighborhood where I grew

540
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 3: up in Boulevard and one nineteen so I was in

541
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 3: that area at a friend of mine her house, and

542
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 3: he called and said he was outside, and then I

543
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 3: happened to see like lights coming through the curtains. So

544
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 3: when I went out there, he was him and my

545
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 3: brother in law who happened to be with him that

546
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 3: night at the bache Of party. My brother in law kahem,

547
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 3: I was yeah, yeah, they were. They were coming to

548
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:39,000
Speaker 3: pick me up and gonna go, you know, we were

549
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 3: all going home. So they had detectives had pulled him

550
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 3: over as he was like pulled picking us up, and

551
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 3: he was like unmarked, you know, not like blue and

552
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 3: white uniformed officers. It was like playing clothes detectives. And

553
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 3: they were like doing what you see them do to

554
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 3: people's cars, Like they were like searching the car and

555
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 3: going through it and things like that. And I'm like, hey,

556
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,160
Speaker 3: what's going on, Yeah, you know what's going on. And

557
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 3: they were like have a good night, you know, and

558
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 3: just like left like let them go and left everything

559
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 3: alone and walked away from it, and it was to me.

560
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 3: I was I had my daughter with me, so I

561
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 3: was shaken up by it. Yeah, the guys were like embarrassed,

562
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 3: you know, humiliated, like having to be pulled over just

563
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 3: for nothing, and.

564
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 4: What can you do?

565
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 3: And then what can you do?

566
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 4: And that's the scary part.

567
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 3: That's the scary part. But in two thousand and six

568
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 3: and before that, in New York City, like that was

569
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 3: a real thing. Stopping first was very bad. There was

570
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:52,959
Speaker 3: the broken windows policies, which you know was police officers

571
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 3: reacting harshly on smaller infractions in order to prevent, you know,

572
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 3: larger crimes, deterred larger things from happening. That's a big

573
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 3: thing that was happening around the time that Sean was killed.

574
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 3: And the neighborhood that we grew up in was like

575
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 3: a product of it, you know, that's what was happening.

576
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,239
Speaker 3: And if you were young and our age, we were

577
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 3: young in our twenties. I didn't hang outside, but Sean was,

578
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 3: you know, somebody hung outside with his friends. That's what

579
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 3: he did. Yeah, And the night that he was going

580
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:35,239
Speaker 3: to the bachelor party, he was pulled over on the

581
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 3: way there by a blue and white marked car he

582
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 3: was parking. Like I learned this during the trial. I

583
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 3: didn't know this had happened. So one of the guys

584
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 3: testified that during the trial. At the trial that when

585
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 3: he was arriving to the party, the bachelor party, they

586
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 3: were parking and they got pulled over by Blue and White,

587
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,239
Speaker 3: the uniform office or came to the window acting us

588
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,959
Speaker 3: I D and he gave him his ID and you know,

589
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 3: they didn't issue a ticket, they just like ran his license,

590
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 3: came back and said, okay, have a good night. And

591
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:18,799
Speaker 3: then hours later, leaving the party, he's engaged with this

592
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 3: undercover detective who was was or wasn't drinking at the

593
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 3: bar right and you know, and now he's lost his life.

594
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 3: It's just the you know, the the excessiveness of it.

595
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 3: And there were no body cameras, you know, all of

596
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 3: these yeahs.

597
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 4: Because this is Sewn's case.

598
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,760
Speaker 2: That's the reason why we have shrove lights and uh

599
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 2: and unmarked cars. And also bruthalyzed the task for the

600
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 2: police as undercover, so the.

601
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,879
Speaker 3: Breath of lots. So when he was killed, we testified

602
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 3: with the Senate. The New York Senate had put together

603
00:34:55,800 --> 00:35:01,359
Speaker 3: a special like task force to help create policies within

604
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 3: the NYPD that could make so certain things were passed.

605
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 3: There were lots of policies proposed, but not all of

606
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 3: them passed. One of them was the breathalyzer, another one

607
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 3: with sensitivity training, reform of the vice squad, and and

608
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 3: pretty much pulled more close attention paid to those type

609
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 3: of departments. So we had to we had to fight

610
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:29,280
Speaker 3: for those things. We had to fight for those policies

611
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 3: to go through, and some of that did. Yeah, And

612
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 3: I did read that there was someone who tried to

613
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 3: have it overturned some years later, but the judge denied it.

614
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,320
Speaker 3: So I'm glad that they're still upholding the policy because

615
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 3: why would they not receive a birthalyzer exam after you've

616
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 3: taken somebody's life or after you've fired your weapon. Yeah,

617
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 3: that's that's real, Like why not? There has to be accountability.

618
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:01,640
Speaker 3: And these are some of the steps that we took

619
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:05,480
Speaker 3: back then. Right now, it's out of control. See what's

620
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:09,360
Speaker 3: happening with Ice and Me is no different than stopping

621
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 3: first back in New York City. It's the same thing.

622
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 3: Families being ripped apart and incent people losing their lives.

623
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:21,240
Speaker 3: You know, parents taken from children, children taken away. It's

624
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 3: the same thing. And the immunity for the federal ice

625
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 3: agents like this was what we fought against when Sean

626
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 3: was killed, was immunity because the detectives. One of the

627
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 3: detectives involved the officer who was in the club and

628
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 3: playing clothes. His identity was kept secret, kept private until

629
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 3: he was actually indicted. So if the state had never

630
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 3: indicted him, we would have never known who he was.

631
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 3: And that's why some of those bills that you see

632
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 3: a lot of the activists are fighting for, like the

633
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 3: George Floyd Bill and things like that, you have those

634
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 3: aspects in it because of what's happened historically and how

635
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 3: they've handled it, sort of like a playbook that you

636
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:11,840
Speaker 3: see it's playing out today.

637
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, who is just man?

638
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 2: Well, hopefully since other people are, unfortunately are being killed,

639
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:20,360
Speaker 2: he'll be a wake up call because obviously black and

640
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 2: brown is just not enough.

641
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 3: It's rough right now. It's disgusting, Yeah, it is, And

642
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,400
Speaker 3: I know people are afraid, you know, because you just

643
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 3: don't know, especially if you live in those areas that

644
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 3: are heavily affected.

645
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like you just stay in the house because

646
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 4: who wants to go outside.

647
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 3: You know, I know, it's it's it's tough, but there's

648
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 3: ways that you can advocate, you know. And even in

649
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 3: the news today, you see Don Lemon.

650
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

651
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 2: When I saw that, I was like wow. I literally

652
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 2: said a prayer for him because I'm like, wow, like

653
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 2: this is.

654
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 3: Crazy, right, right, So what about his rights you know

655
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 3: as a journalist, you know, and being able to tell

656
00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:01,360
Speaker 3: the story from a three sixty point of view from everyone,

657
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:03,839
Speaker 3: So I get it. Like the church side, I've seen

658
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 3: the arguments where like the church folks are like, oh,

659
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 3: you know, you not sumove the march into the building,

660
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 3: like don't come inside, you know, you could have stayed outside.

661
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 3: I've seen the church like arguments on that. And then

662
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,799
Speaker 3: there's the other side that's like, you know, well Don

663
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 3: Lemon was just reporting the story, you know, of what

664
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 3: doing his job. Yeah. The pastor was allegedly an ice

665
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:35,800
Speaker 3: some affiliation wise, Yeah, I agent, he has some affiliations there.

666
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 4: A pastor and you and you ice agent. You know,

667
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 4: people are I didn't even think about that.

668
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 3: But you know, like even like historically that's you know,

669
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 3: religion has been like an influence, yeah, you know in politics,

670
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 3: and you know, for him to be there and you

671
00:38:55,760 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 3: know from you know, promoting Jesus, like when I was

672
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:03,320
Speaker 3: literally out there murdering people.

673
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 2: Like it can't be the same Jesus, I talked too,

674
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 2: because that is crazy.

675
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:11,799
Speaker 4: Well, how do you?

676
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:13,399
Speaker 2: Is it hard for you or has it been hard

677
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 2: for you to make peace with the what ifs? Because

678
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:17,359
Speaker 2: and the reason why I asked is, I'm thinking about

679
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 2: the one part in the movie where you wake up

680
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:23,879
Speaker 2: the morning up and you saw a miss call. And

681
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,760
Speaker 2: the reason why I asked, I actually had a homegirl

682
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 2: her boyfriend was killed from gun violence, and when she

683
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 2: woke up, she had a miss call, and like she

684
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:35,880
Speaker 2: was like just going down spiral, just thinking about like

685
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 2: should asked a call, maybe he still would have been here,

686
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 2: things of that nature. So like has that ever like

687
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 2: haunted you or like how do you?

688
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I woke up and I saw that I didn't

689
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 3: miss his call, Like I was frantic, So I just

690
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:50,839
Speaker 3: I started calling him on the cell phone. I ran,

691
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 3: I was at my mom's house. I ran like to

692
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:54,760
Speaker 3: the kitchen phone on the wall.

693
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:55,919
Speaker 4: Yeah.

694
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 3: Now I'm just like not even thinking straight, just calling

695
00:39:58,520 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 3: from another.

696
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 2: Phone here his voice, trying to hear his voice.

697
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 3: And afterwards, Yes, afterwards, that's you know, it's the stages

698
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 3: of guilt that you go through, the stages of grief

699
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 3: that you go through, and guilt is one of them.

700
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:17,839
Speaker 3: And things like that, like missing the call. What could

701
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,359
Speaker 3: I have done different? Like if I had spoken to him,

702
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 3: maybe he would have, you know, done something different. Maybe

703
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 3: he would have left earlier, maybe he would have left later.

704
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 3: I don't know, right, And I did go through that,

705
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:31,399
Speaker 3: you know, I you can like it's like poison. It's

706
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:35,920
Speaker 3: like cancer, you go down that rabbit hole. So I

707
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 3: still have moments like it's this year, will be the

708
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:47,400
Speaker 3: twentieth year. Yeah, And there are times when, especially with

709
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 3: going through the book and the movie and being reminded

710
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,320
Speaker 3: of it, there's times when I think back, you know,

711
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 3: to that, and I have to catch myself because grief

712
00:40:59,120 --> 00:40:59,800
Speaker 3: is not linear.

713
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 4: The crazy like grave ain't no bitch.

714
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 2: Like when I was grieving, I was like, wow, like

715
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 2: this is intense, Like it's like you want to swing

716
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 2: and fight any and everybody.

717
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's right. And and I had those moments

718
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 3: like with my sister. In the movie, you see a

719
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 3: little bit of me and my sister Shelby. But that

720
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 3: was real, like we it got even worse than that,

721
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:24,319
Speaker 3: you know, but.

722
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 4: Do you want her husband and the other guy that

723
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 4: was in the car.

724
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,960
Speaker 3: I was like, wow, Yeah, it was two guys in

725
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:35,839
Speaker 3: a car, Trent and Joe, and like you know, it's

726
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 3: it's traumatizing for everybody. It's traumatizing for everybody. We didn't

727
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 3: have I didn't know them before then. They were like

728
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 3: some of the guys from the neighborhood that Sean used

729
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 3: to hang out with all the time him and he

730
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 3: met them through my brother in law. So once everything happened,

731
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 3: like naturally, it was like okay, let me check and

732
00:41:58,040 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 3: see if they're okay, Like you know, like they were

733
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 3: in my car. They were the last people that were

734
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 3: with Shawn when it happened. And like Joe was shot

735
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,960
Speaker 3: so many times. Yeah, he was in a coma for

736
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 3: some time. And Trent was shot as he tried to

737
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 3: exit out the car, exit out the back seat. And

738
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 3: then during the trial you saw how the defense attorneys

739
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 3: like flipped it on them and made it seem like

740
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 3: they brought it on themselves. And because of like what

741
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,800
Speaker 3: they've been through in the past, Yeah, you know that

742
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:39,680
Speaker 3: somehow influenced like what they saw and what happened. So

743
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 3: the judge fell for it. It was a bench trial.

744
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 3: There was no jury, and I believe that if there

745
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 3: was a jury it would have been different.

746
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:46,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure.

747
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:50,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, Queen citizens at that time, No, there was no

748
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 3: trust in the police and it was part it was

749
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:53,880
Speaker 3: their fault because.

750
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:54,959
Speaker 4: But that's why they didn't have no jury.

751
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 3: Even the message that their union was given out was like,

752
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 3: oh so you know these guys burner on themselves. These

753
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:04,919
Speaker 3: were bad guys and they tried to hit a cop.

754
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 3: That wasn't the truth. Yeah, And that's why it was

755
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:09,920
Speaker 3: so important for me to be like, all right, I

756
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 3: gotta tell this story. I gotta tell what what they're

757
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 3: telling me happened, because these guys are over here saying

758
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 3: something else. And Reverend Sharp didon helped us with that.

759
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:22,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, how has this affected your sense of safety?

760
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 3: You know? Mentally, it's a lot. Yeah, a lot. And

761
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 3: that's why, like constantly I have to see a therapist,

762
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 3: like on and off. This is like from my sanity,

763
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 3: my own happiness. I do disconnect a lot. So if

764
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 3: they're if I feel like something is too much for

765
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 3: me or it's too triggering, like I will distance myself.

766
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 3: I am a person who does not take like the

767
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:58,520
Speaker 3: little things for granted. You know, spending time with having

768
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:03,280
Speaker 3: experiences with my family is more valuable than anything tangible.

769
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 3: You know. It's really about moments and memories and you know,

770
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 3: cherishing the small things and just loving on your people

771
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 3: because we all have a day, you know, we all

772
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 3: have a time, you know when that is. But it's

773
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 3: really about like leaving your footprint. You know, how can

774
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 3: you how will you be remembered? What's your story? What

775
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:27,720
Speaker 3: have you done? What's your impact? What have you left behind?

776
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 3: And see if my girls grow up and you know

777
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 3: them to now understand what has happened, and for their

778
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 3: reaction and be like, oh mom, I'm proud of you.

779
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:45,719
Speaker 3: Yeah that makes me feel because twenty two there's no

780
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 3: happier Yeah right, there's.

781
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 4: No where two babies like what?

782
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 3: Yeah?

783
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 2: Do you ever think about the version of yourself before

784
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:55,400
Speaker 2: all of this happened?

785
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 3: I do. I often think about that. I think about

786
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 3: like that road, you know, like you're the road and

787
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:06,479
Speaker 3: you decide to go you know, one way? What about

788
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:10,319
Speaker 3: the the untraveled path? You know, what about that one?

789
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 3: And you know, how would that have been? What if

790
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:15,720
Speaker 3: I would have went away to school. I think about

791
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:16,800
Speaker 3: all of those things.

792
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 4: So, yeah, you know that grief itself, Yeah.

793
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 3: It does, it does, but at a certain time, at

794
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:30,360
Speaker 3: a certain point, you can't like get stuck in those moments.

795
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:33,840
Speaker 3: You have to understand that there's a reason for everything

796
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,359
Speaker 3: and that you know whatever whoever you pray to your God,

797
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 3: like there's a reason for everything. And yeah, that has

798
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:45,200
Speaker 3: that's taken me further than anything else, like just knowing

799
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 3: that like something else is, there's something else out there,

800
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 3: there's something more that can come of this. That's to

801
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 3: me further than like anything ever in life. Just that

802
00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 3: having that sense of self and knowing that that's like,

803
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:04,960
Speaker 3: no one can take that from me, you know, it

804
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:10,320
Speaker 3: lead somebody who doesn't give up right, right, And it

805
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:14,879
Speaker 3: was absolutely traumatic, like losing sewn on my wedding day,

806
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:18,759
Speaker 3: like for most women, we are like young girls. You

807
00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:20,319
Speaker 3: look forward to the day that you're going to get

808
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 3: married and wear a wedding dress and walk down the aisle.

809
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 3: So that was that was taken from me and I

810
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 3: did the best I could to really make lemonade from

811
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:33,640
Speaker 3: lemons that were given.

812
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, that did this change your perspective on love? Like,

813
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:41,360
Speaker 2: has it been hard for you to love again? So

814
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 2: I am a businesses.

815
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:49,320
Speaker 3: So so listen, I am so I when I started

816
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:55,439
Speaker 3: like I'm married, now I am married, okay, And when

817
00:46:55,640 --> 00:47:00,799
Speaker 3: I first hang heaby, So when I first met him,

818
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:05,800
Speaker 3: like I was a full blown activist, public speaking and

819
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:10,400
Speaker 3: you know, shining light on injustices in my community.

820
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:12,359
Speaker 4: And this I know you from Queens shining.

821
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 3: Light on That's right? Right? Did right? That was? That

822
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 3: was where I was at and I was not. I

823
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:28,440
Speaker 3: was afraid of that balling in love again and then

824
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:31,400
Speaker 3: I was conflicted, you know, like I felt like I

825
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 3: belonged to Sean, and even though I was twenty two

826
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 3: when he was killed, I was I felt like I

827
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 3: belonged to him. You know, we were he died on

828
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 3: my wedding day, Like there was no closure there. We

829
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 3: were planning to get married and you know, in a

830
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 3: snap of a finger, he was gone. And now I'm

831
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,480
Speaker 3: a single mother trying to pick up the pieces.

832
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

833
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 3: So I never ever imagine and wanted to love again

834
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 3: like I never wanted to love again. That the idea

835
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:07,640
Speaker 3: of being vulnerable and putting your happiness and you know,

836
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 3: an external like being that's too like there's no certainty there,

837
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,840
Speaker 3: like I can't control what's going to happen. That's what

838
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 3: That's what I felt like I lost. I felt like

839
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 3: I lost a part of me, you know, the vulnerable side,

840
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 3: you know, like was there. The love I have for

841
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 3: him was there. And it's different, you know, I can

842
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 3: say it's different. It's not the same, and it's it's

843
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 3: it's a different, you know, type of feeling. I was,

844
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 3: first of all working on myself, you know, to find

845
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 3: like who I am now the new norm, Like who

846
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:53,879
Speaker 3: is Nicole now that you know I've lost Sean, I'm

847
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 3: a single mom, you know, fighting to keep his legacy

848
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:03,399
Speaker 3: alive and trying to fight for justice, trying to fight

849
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 3: for reform, trying to you know, just exist and survive,

850
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:12,719
Speaker 3: doing the best to my ability. The last thing I

851
00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:18,080
Speaker 3: would think about was dating again, and so I was afraid,

852
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 3: like I didn't trusted I. We dated. I dated, and

853
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 3: then I fell back, you know from it, and then

854
00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:28,360
Speaker 3: we dated it like we would go to lunch and

855
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:30,239
Speaker 3: we would try to get to know each other. And

856
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 3: for me, it wasn't like dating. It was just you know,

857
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:37,320
Speaker 3: going out having a conversation. I would talk about you know,

858
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 3: what I'm going through or things that I'm what I'm

859
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 3: studying in school. I have gone back to school. Being

860
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 3: a mom I was, you know, I would talk about

861
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:49,800
Speaker 3: you know, small things like trying to find certain items

862
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:53,399
Speaker 3: for Christmas and you know, being running from school to work,

863
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:56,800
Speaker 3: to my organization to my kids' school. You know, just

864
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:57,320
Speaker 3: things like that.

865
00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 2: Then it's like you're getting back to yourself or rediscovering yourself,

866
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 2: should I say.

867
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:07,399
Speaker 3: And then in that time, you know, things had quieted down,

868
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:11,840
Speaker 3: so you really get to sit with yourself and you

869
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:15,520
Speaker 3: know and figure out, okay, like you know what now,

870
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 3: Like what am I going to do? I had run

871
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 3: for city council.

872
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:20,600
Speaker 4: Oh I didn't know that.

873
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:26,399
Speaker 3: Yep. In Southeast Queens South Queens so District twenty eight

874
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:30,240
Speaker 3: back in twenty twenty ten, there was a special election

875
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:35,200
Speaker 3: for the council seat after the councilman, Thomas White, had

876
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:41,800
Speaker 3: passed away to complete his to complete his term. I

877
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 3: ran for that. I learned so much about politics in

878
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 3: my community, and I came in like second place, and

879
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:50,920
Speaker 3: I ran against a career politician. So I gave him

880
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:51,840
Speaker 3: a run for his money.

881
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 4: Right, because that's good, right, I learned.

882
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 3: But it was also a way of keeping Shawn's name

883
00:50:57,040 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 3: out there because I ran on safety, you know, and

884
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:04,879
Speaker 3: and that's fined me. So so I learned a lot.

885
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 3: But after all of that was over all, that was

886
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 3: setting down. I was running my organization, going to school,

887
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:12,919
Speaker 3: getting back to who I am, being a mom, going

888
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 3: to going to rallies and going to marches and running

889
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:21,160
Speaker 3: my organization was like a part of my therapy. So

890
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 3: I had to find who I was again. And then

891
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 3: you know, I met I met Jay, who's my husband now,

892
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,160
Speaker 3: and I didn't really want to give him a chance.

893
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:36,400
Speaker 3: I didn't really trust it. We were cool as friends

894
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:41,279
Speaker 3: and we were like we hung out for like a year,

895
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,400
Speaker 3: and then after that I was like, okay, you know what,

896
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 3: I don't think I can do this.

897
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 4: Yeah it's patient, but that's what you needed.

898
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:51,879
Speaker 3: Patient as hell.

899
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 4: I know, if I could see you now like Jay, no,

900
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 4: I can't please.

901
00:51:57,120 --> 00:52:02,319
Speaker 3: And that was really it, really so. And some time

902
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 3: had passed, maybe another year had passed, and we had

903
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 3: connected again somehow. We went to lunch and then we

904
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:14,000
Speaker 3: just started you know, talking, and he understood my fears.

905
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:17,479
Speaker 3: He when he met me, I was you know, going

906
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:21,880
Speaker 3: through like all of you know, the the trying to

907
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 3: find myself again. You know, that's a messy time to

908
00:52:24,719 --> 00:52:27,760
Speaker 3: try and get into a date, into any type of relationship.

909
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:30,840
Speaker 3: That's a bad time. Yeah, and the trauma that I faced,

910
00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 3: I just wasn't ready for it. Yeah. He was patient

911
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 3: and we started as friends. He's very like, hands on,

912
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:46,120
Speaker 3: very handy, so it helped. Yeah. Well, and he's a

913
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 3: great communicator. He you know, will listen, a great listener.

914
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:54,799
Speaker 3: And those are some of the things that I needed. Yeah.

915
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:56,120
Speaker 4: Well, shout out to Jay.

916
00:52:56,200 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 3: Okay, shout out to Jay. And you know, as all

917
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:06,479
Speaker 3: this comes up, and I have really never stopped doing,

918
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:11,440
Speaker 3: you know, anything that I could to help keep Shawn's

919
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 3: legacy alive and to help like remind the community of

920
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:18,359
Speaker 3: what happened back then so that we don't keep going

921
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:23,720
Speaker 3: through this. You know, Jay has been you know, proud

922
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:26,440
Speaker 3: to just be by my side. He's like, you know,

923
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 3: we all have a past. I have a past. You know,

924
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 3: I've grown. I'm who I am because of what I've

925
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 3: been through. When I met you, this is who you were,

926
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 3: So you know, I'm happy to just be with you.

927
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 3: I'm happy to be by a side during this process

928
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 3: right now, and I respect that I appreciate him and

929
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,719
Speaker 3: I respect that. And I know in our culture it's

930
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:51,879
Speaker 3: like so cliche for people to move on with their lives. Yeah,

931
00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:55,000
Speaker 3: you know, it really is. And it took a lot

932
00:53:55,080 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 3: of praying. It took a lot of me like searching,

933
00:54:00,719 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 3: like it's just so free, Like I don't this feeling

934
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,040
Speaker 3: that I'm having, Like what is this?

935
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, not for you, because you deserve to be happy.

936
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,560
Speaker 2: And when I was watching her interviews, I'm like, Okay,

937
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:13,879
Speaker 2: Nicole is a beautiful woman.

938
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 4: I'm like, where's her man? Does she have a man?

939
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:16,000
Speaker 3: Anything?

940
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 2: Nobody would ever ask you that question, and let's not

941
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 2: have a Yeah, So shout out to Jay because he's

942
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 2: a good man.

943
00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:27,200
Speaker 4: Savannah. Okay, So we're almost finished.

944
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:31,240
Speaker 2: But you know, we see stories like Eric Garner, Breonna

945
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:34,480
Speaker 2: Taylor and George Floyd and so many more. So we're like,

946
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:36,080
Speaker 2: what do you think that you or what do you

947
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:38,279
Speaker 2: wish people understood more about the families that go through

948
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 2: a loss like this, because I feel like when people

949
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 2: look at y'all and we see all these things, and

950
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 2: y'all get the setlement and then they just think the

951
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 2: life's supposed to go on, And I'm like, that's not

952
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:48,120
Speaker 2: how it's supposed to be. And I actually have a

953
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 2: had Emerald Gardner, I think she is. That's her dad,

954
00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:55,040
Speaker 2: And she was on the show and she was just

955
00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:56,680
Speaker 2: like people just think like we're just supposed to go

956
00:54:56,719 --> 00:54:58,600
Speaker 2: on with our lives, and it's just not that easy.

957
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:01,040
Speaker 4: Tom does not heal everything.

958
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:07,279
Speaker 3: Because Tom does not heal all, it actually makes it worse. Yeah,

959
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 3: especially when you're constantly reminded because nothing is being done. Yeah,

960
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:18,040
Speaker 3: everyone's falling victim to the same system and the justice system,

961
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:22,440
Speaker 3: the government that we feel so betrayed by. You know,

962
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:25,439
Speaker 3: we we we all have to pick up the phone

963
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:27,320
Speaker 3: and call for help, you know, in the event that

964
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 3: you know, our house is burning down, or somebody's choking,

965
00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:33,120
Speaker 3: or you know, our family member is sick or ill,

966
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:37,880
Speaker 3: and we're not expecting those people to turn, you know,

967
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:41,800
Speaker 3: and and kill us, you know, and kill our ones.

968
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:47,040
Speaker 3: And and and some people will say, like the system

969
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:49,640
Speaker 3: is doing exactly what it was designed to do. And

970
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:56,920
Speaker 3: we we as family members of these type of murders,

971
00:55:57,000 --> 00:56:01,800
Speaker 3: these type of state sanctioned violence, like this is the

972
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:06,640
Speaker 3: ultimate it's the ultimate betrayal. And to see, after all

973
00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:10,080
Speaker 3: we've been through that the same cycle is just being

974
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:15,280
Speaker 3: like rinsed and repeated over and over again. It's triggering

975
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:21,440
Speaker 3: to the families, it's it's re traumatizing, and no one

976
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:23,080
Speaker 3: wants to be a part of the group.

977
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:24,600
Speaker 4: That's what she said too.

978
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 3: We we don't want any more members. We don't want

979
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:30,160
Speaker 3: anybody else coming to join. No one wants to be there,

980
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:38,840
Speaker 3: being around, being around the network of families and mothers.

981
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:40,680
Speaker 4: And this is what we have in common.

982
00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 3: This is what we have in common, and it's try,

983
00:56:44,239 --> 00:56:48,640
Speaker 3: it's traumatizing, and the best thing we can do is

984
00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:51,400
Speaker 3: really to be there for one another when you know,

985
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:55,319
Speaker 3: when someone does go through this, because the worst place

986
00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 3: to feel like it's like you're alone, and that especially

987
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 3: when you're dealing do something severe like this. But I

988
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:06,399
Speaker 3: just want people to understand that, you know, nobody really

989
00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 3: wants to be here. And regardless of whatever the steps are,

990
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 3: you know, in the justice system, whether it's the trial,

991
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:20,920
Speaker 3: the state trial, the federal investigation, the civil rights the

992
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 3: civil suit, the police departmental hearings, whatever it is, those

993
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:30,240
Speaker 3: are the that the government, the law allows us to follow.

994
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:34,200
Speaker 3: And once we're at the end of it, we have

995
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:36,640
Speaker 3: to then make a decision what do we do you know,

996
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 3: do we continue to fight. No, we continue to support

997
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:44,240
Speaker 3: each other. And that's what do they go out to

998
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:49,480
Speaker 3: the marches, they show up and they they support, they donate,

999
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:54,960
Speaker 3: you know, donate to your organizations. You sure can't, you

1000
00:57:55,040 --> 00:57:57,720
Speaker 3: sure can't. And we have to support us, like all

1001
00:57:57,760 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 3: we got is us, really and we can see that.

1002
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,560
Speaker 3: You see that right now, and what's happening today in

1003
00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:05,120
Speaker 3: twenty twenty six, that all we have is us and

1004
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,080
Speaker 3: we have to boycott when the boycott show up. We

1005
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:12,560
Speaker 3: got to invest in the small businesses, the black businesses, yeah,

1006
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:17,400
Speaker 3: the Latino businesses, the minority businesses, like, we have to

1007
00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:19,600
Speaker 3: support each other. That's how we're gonna make it. And

1008
00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:22,800
Speaker 3: we have to use history as an example. And how

1009
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:24,959
Speaker 3: did they make a change. They made a change because

1010
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 3: they decided that, Okay, we ain't doing this no more. Yeah,

1011
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:30,200
Speaker 3: we're not speaking a bus no more. We're not right.

1012
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:34,720
Speaker 4: With target, like yeah, and it's working.

1013
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:35,439
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1014
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 4: So that's what's going on two years now, right, that's right.

1015
00:58:40,320 --> 00:58:42,760
Speaker 3: And they I think they've been like there was a

1016
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 3: report I just read that said they were dropped out

1017
00:58:45,160 --> 00:58:48,320
Speaker 3: of like the Forbes type the Forbes list that they

1018
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 3: were that they had been like statistically on like they've

1019
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:55,680
Speaker 3: finally fallen out of that because we made a decision

1020
00:58:55,760 --> 00:58:59,680
Speaker 3: that y'all gonna be y'all gonna y'all gonna flake on DEI.

1021
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:01,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know us.

1022
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 3: We're gonna hit them what it hurts at and then

1023
00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:06,240
Speaker 3: right give up in twenty twenty five. Okay, well this

1024
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:09,880
Speaker 3: is what we're gonna do. Yeah, do that mentality, and

1025
00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:12,280
Speaker 3: that's how you're gonna make a change. Like, we have

1026
00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 3: to decide we're not gonna do this anymore. We're gonna

1027
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,440
Speaker 3: boid out, stick together, We're gonna unify on whatever the

1028
00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 3: message is. We're gonna do that, and we're gonna see

1029
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:24,400
Speaker 3: it through facts. And I feel like that's how we

1030
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 3: can really make a change as the people, because it's

1031
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:28,680
Speaker 3: not gonna last forever. What's going on today is not

1032
00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:31,960
Speaker 3: gonna happen forever. We have to figure out as a people,

1033
00:59:32,080 --> 00:59:34,800
Speaker 3: like what are we gonna do collectively? How far are

1034
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:37,000
Speaker 3: we willing to go and what are we willing to sacrifice?

1035
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 3: How long are we willing to be a part of

1036
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 3: it to see it doing? Yeah?

1037
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 2: Facts, come on, correcta, Scott King, That's what I'm talking about,

1038
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:46,480
Speaker 2: Baby Nicole, not playing no games.

1039
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:48,600
Speaker 4: I am just so thankful that we was able to

1040
00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 4: make this happen.

1041
00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 2: It's so crazy because when I reached out to you,

1042
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:54,400
Speaker 2: I remember that I reached out to you maybe like

1043
00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:56,640
Speaker 2: five years ago to be on the show.

1044
00:59:57,440 --> 00:59:59,160
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's that's insane.

1045
00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, I'm yeah, because I think I saw it

1046
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:04,080
Speaker 2: in the DM and I'm like, wow, I actually reached

1047
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:04,680
Speaker 2: out to her before.

1048
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:06,560
Speaker 4: So I'm really happy that we were able to do this.

1049
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 1: Me too.

1050
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1051
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:10,920
Speaker 2: And last but not least, if Sean we're here right now,

1052
01:00:11,320 --> 01:00:13,200
Speaker 2: what do you think he would be most proud.

1053
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:17,200
Speaker 3: Of you for for keeping his name alive? Like he

1054
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:21,600
Speaker 3: you know what he would say to me, you know,

1055
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:26,160
Speaker 3: if anything ever happened to me, make sure that you

1056
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:30,479
Speaker 3: take care of our girls. And I think he would

1057
01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:33,479
Speaker 3: be most proud of Jada and Jordan, just to see

1058
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:38,720
Speaker 3: how beautiful, how strong, how happy they are, and you

1059
01:00:38,800 --> 01:00:43,240
Speaker 3: know how they process life. And of course I always

1060
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:46,200
Speaker 3: wonder like what their relationship would have been like, you know,

1061
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:49,920
Speaker 3: if they had him around. Jada is Jada is the

1062
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:52,800
Speaker 3: age that Sean was when he was killed. She's twenty

1063
01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 3: three years old, Jordan is nineteen.

1064
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:58,760
Speaker 2: Is that emotional for you in fact that she's his

1065
01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:01,400
Speaker 2: age now, like do you think about it or yeah?

1066
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:06,080
Speaker 3: Absolutely? When she turned twenty two, that was that hit

1067
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 3: me because that was the age that I was and

1068
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:11,720
Speaker 3: I just couldn't imagine my baby, you know, like going

1069
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:14,760
Speaker 3: through what I had been through two thousand and six,

1070
01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:19,160
Speaker 3: and as a mother, like I would have never left

1071
01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:21,160
Speaker 3: my daughter's side, and I can and I can see

1072
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:23,600
Speaker 3: while my mom is the way she is. Yeah, the

1073
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:26,880
Speaker 3: facts that I am at that stage. But I think

1074
01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:31,520
Speaker 3: I know that Sean is proud. I know he's proud that,

1075
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:37,200
Speaker 3: you know, seeing the girls as as smart, as strong

1076
01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:40,760
Speaker 3: and just like they have their peace of mind, they

1077
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:44,560
Speaker 3: are you know, they're good like that would make him

1078
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:46,000
Speaker 3: most proud. Yeah.

1079
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:49,280
Speaker 2: And you did good, Nicole, despite everything, you did really good.

1080
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:51,920
Speaker 2: So I'm really proud of you. I cannot wait for

1081
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:53,680
Speaker 2: your book to come out. So give us more details.

1082
01:01:53,680 --> 01:01:56,000
Speaker 2: How can we support you? Where can everybody watch after Shock?

1083
01:01:56,360 --> 01:01:58,760
Speaker 2: Give us your social media so we can follow you

1084
01:01:58,840 --> 01:01:59,760
Speaker 2: and all those good things.

1085
01:02:00,360 --> 01:02:04,200
Speaker 3: Yes, So okay, So Aftershock the Nicole Pea Bell Story

1086
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:08,280
Speaker 3: is digital and you can watch it on Prime Video

1087
01:02:09,160 --> 01:02:13,880
Speaker 3: and Dango Home or Apple TV and stay tuned for

1088
01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:17,080
Speaker 3: the book forever. After we'll be out at the end

1089
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:19,400
Speaker 3: of the year and that is published through rock Lit,

1090
01:02:19,760 --> 01:02:23,280
Speaker 3: paying a random house, and we're gonna tell the story.

1091
01:02:23,360 --> 01:02:26,600
Speaker 3: But this is diving deeper. You can do so much

1092
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 3: more with the book than you can with the film,

1093
01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:33,440
Speaker 3: trying to condense a story. And I'm really able to

1094
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:37,280
Speaker 3: talk about all the people who influenced me throughout my

1095
01:02:37,360 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 3: life and just who I am, you know, as before

1096
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:45,480
Speaker 3: this happened, you know, before this happened and really changed

1097
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:50,840
Speaker 3: the trajectory of trajectory of my life. So my instagram

1098
01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:56,520
Speaker 3: is Nicole P. Bell and my ex is real Nicole Bell.

1099
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:58,920
Speaker 2: Okay, perfect, And hope I can get advanced copy so

1100
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:00,280
Speaker 2: we can have you back on the shelves. We can

1101
01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:02,360
Speaker 2: really deep dive because I know there's some things that

1102
01:03:02,520 --> 01:03:04,120
Speaker 2: did not make the movie that will make the book.

1103
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:07,760
Speaker 3: So I cannot wait to read so good. It's so good.

1104
01:03:07,880 --> 01:03:10,000
Speaker 3: I can't wait for y'all to read it. And I

1105
01:03:10,040 --> 01:03:12,400
Speaker 3: will absolutely make sure you get one of those comedies. Yea.

1106
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 4: But thank you so much to the listeners.

1107
01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:16,680
Speaker 2: If you have any questions, comments and concerns, please make

1108
01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:19,520
Speaker 2: sure to email me and hello at the psgpodcast dot com.

1109
01:03:20,240 --> 01:03:21,920
Speaker 4: The code thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

1110
01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:23,680
Speaker 2: I feel like your story is the epitome of what

1111
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:26,360
Speaker 2: my brand is all about, when storylines become lifelines.

1112
01:03:26,440 --> 01:03:31,840
Speaker 4: So thank you so much and until next time, everyone later.

1113
01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:34,040
Speaker 3: Thank you and thank you for doing what you do.

1114
01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:35,040
Speaker 4: Thank you sis.

1115
01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:45,320
Speaker 2: Pretty Private is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.

1116
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 2: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,

1117
01:03:51,080 --> 01:03:54,160
Speaker 2: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget

1118
01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:57,600
Speaker 2: to subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect

1119
01:03:57,640 --> 01:04:00,600
Speaker 2: with me on social media at pretty Private Podcast