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Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio

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Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. Hi guys, and welcome

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Speaker 1: back to Katie's Crib. Today. I am talking to one

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Speaker 1: of the moms that I've known for a long time,

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Speaker 1: and she inspires me so, so, so so much. I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to share all of her stories and brilliance

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Speaker 1: and genius with you. We've got Gabrielle Union on the

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Speaker 1: podcast today. UM, if you guys follow Gabrielle, and if

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Speaker 1: you don't, you should. She has been very open about

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Speaker 1: her surrogacy and we were really lucky in this episode

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Speaker 1: that she goes even deeper into her fertility struggles, into

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Speaker 1: her experience of surrogacy and the impact that Kavia has

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Speaker 1: made on her life. And I think it's going to

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Speaker 1: speak to so many of you guys. Um. There's a

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Speaker 1: few things to note about this week's episode, and that's

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Speaker 1: that we actually recorded it like two days before the shutdown,

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Speaker 1: so keep that in mind. Also, she talks about her book,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Party, which is now out and if

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Speaker 1: you don't have it, go get it. It's wonderful. She

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Speaker 1: also brings up in the interview that surrogacy is not

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Speaker 1: legal in all states, and since the recording of this episode,

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Speaker 1: the state of New York has made gestational surrogacy legal. Finally. Okay, guys,

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Speaker 1: let's get to the interview. She is an actor, She

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Speaker 1: is a producer. She is an activist. She is a

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Speaker 1: New York Times best selling author. She is my woman

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Speaker 1: crush every day and day. Please welcome the one, the

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Speaker 1: only Gabrielle Union. And I feel like there needs to

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Speaker 1: be sound that's like, that's just me, yes, But that's

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Speaker 1: when it sounds like should follow. You are such an

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Speaker 1: inspiration to me as a mom, I feel like to

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Speaker 1: so many women out there. Um, you recently celebrated your daughter,

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Speaker 1: Covey James first birthday. I saw on Instagram it was

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Speaker 1: Whiz themed. That was incredible. Congratulations on making it to one.

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Speaker 1: By the way, Like, come on, don't you feel like

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Speaker 1: you need to like pat yourself on the back and

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Speaker 1: just be like, oh my god, I just I'm happy

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Speaker 1: that I survived bathtime. That's it. I had no idea

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Speaker 1: what battles I would be facing every day that no

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Speaker 1: one would ever like count as battles except other mothers. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So have you always wanted to be a mom Like no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: if you were one of those little girls that like

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Speaker 1: wished for that, No, no, not at all. I didn't

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Speaker 1: really have dolls like that, like I made my mom

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Speaker 1: get me a cabbage patch at all, but only because

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Speaker 1: like to be like a part of the frenzy. I

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Speaker 1: wanted my mom to be trampled um, you know at

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Speaker 1: the local department store a cabbue patch all. What changed,

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Speaker 1: you know what? I think becoming a stepmother and really

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Speaker 1: finding being a caregiver incredibly rewarding. Again, these like these

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Speaker 1: little battles that unless you're doing it, they don't feel

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Speaker 1: like much, but just feeling such such such a sense

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Speaker 1: of accomplishment, you know, after you know, studying with kids

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Speaker 1: or or practicing with them, and you watch them thrive,

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Speaker 1: and you watch them be happy, and you you you

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Speaker 1: survived the first breakup or you survived the first heartache

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Speaker 1: or or whatever, because you came into being their stepmom

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Speaker 1: when they were already I mean they weren't babies anymore, right, No,

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Speaker 1: they were, so I feel like to me, that scares

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Speaker 1: a ship out of me. I mean, for you to

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Speaker 1: come in dealing with kids who are already sort of

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Speaker 1: who they are, and they're dealing with like big emotional

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Speaker 1: things like oh my god. So you come to this

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Speaker 1: decision you're like, I've really enjoyed being a stepmom. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, well, maybe maybe were the other women

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Speaker 1: in your life becoming moms, Like were they like was it?

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Speaker 1: Was it something that you were like, everyone's doing that

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Speaker 1: and I'm sort of interested or were close friends of

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Speaker 1: your doing it? And I was like, looks tough. It

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Speaker 1: looks exactly like it is. It looks tough. Um. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like and you know, when you're around enough, you're not

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Speaker 1: just seeing the social media moments that that parents tend

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Speaker 1: to post, watching the full on meltdowns, you're watching illness.

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Speaker 1: You're watching like how it tests marriages and relationships. You're saying,

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Speaker 1: you're saying what it really is? Um. But for us

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Speaker 1: in our household, it just felt like maybe we could

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Speaker 1: do this. And so it started off with maybe we

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Speaker 1: could do this, to let's go for it, and then

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Speaker 1: each time it felt like we were getting closer, but

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Speaker 1: the carrot kept moving, you know, with our fertility journey.

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Speaker 1: But we're like, no, we're doing this, no one, you know,

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Speaker 1: So it starts to become this thing that it's like, wait,

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Speaker 1: we're working really hard for a goal and now it's

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Speaker 1: becoming a parent that we really want this. I kind

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Speaker 1: of had a similar situation because I had a miscarrot.

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Speaker 1: Like the first time I got pregnant, I was like,

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Speaker 1: I think I want to do this. I think, but

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Speaker 1: I'm also absolutely terrified. And then it wasn't until I

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Speaker 1: got pregnant and lost that pregnancy where I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh no, like I really wanted this, Like this is

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Speaker 1: oh God, Now I feel like I really really, really

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Speaker 1: really want and I didn't know. Also, you want to

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Speaker 1: conquer your body totally, like if you're used to you

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Speaker 1: work hard. Then X happened and it's like, okay, so

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Speaker 1: I've worked hard and is your birthday October twenty. I'm

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Speaker 1: a Scorpio. Are my favorite women on the planet by

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Speaker 1: the way, full on scorpio. So I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna lose, right, So you're it's all kind of

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Speaker 1: mixed in right at this desire to expand the family,

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Speaker 1: but also I'm not losing I'm working too hard. I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to lose it this And my body was

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Speaker 1: like was it like paint? Like so you got diagnosed

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Speaker 1: with I'm going to pronounce this incorrectly, but you've told

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Speaker 1: me there's multiple ways your pronounces. I've heard it pronounced

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Speaker 1: demosis and I say adamomosis, adam myosis. Yes, are are

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Speaker 1: IVF doctor you know pronounces it slightly different. Um. But

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Speaker 1: I pronounced it adnomosis. But it's endometriosis of the muscle.

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Speaker 1: How did you know you had that? It was? I

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Speaker 1: went undiagnosed for through multiple pole rounds of IVF with

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Speaker 1: different leading doctors in the field around the country. I

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Speaker 1: went to dark Are you kidding you? Went through multiple

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Speaker 1: rounds of I VF and no one was like this

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Speaker 1: is the issue. Not until the last doctor, Dr Kelly,

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Speaker 1: back in California. UM that you know, first first ultrasound,

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Speaker 1: she was like, oh, so you have ad myosis. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, what's that and she was like yeah,

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Speaker 1: she was like it's pretty pronounced. UM. I doubt this

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Speaker 1: just arrived. I don't know why no one would have

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Speaker 1: noticed this. This is really you know, because I guess

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Speaker 1: you can have varying degrees of how bad your case

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Speaker 1: is it, which is similar in endometriosis as well. But

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Speaker 1: also I'm reading these statistics that like one in ten

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Speaker 1: women have adno myosis and that's and they probably don't

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Speaker 1: know it. They don't know it. And the first and

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Speaker 1: only person i'd heard address it publicly was Lena Dunham.

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Speaker 1: So the second I heard you know that word, I

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Speaker 1: didn't know her. I mean, I know who she is,

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Speaker 1: but I just d M her and I was like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I just got this diagnosis. You've been pretty open about

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Speaker 1: your journey, Like what is like, what is this like?

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Speaker 1: Can you help connect me to know other women who

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Speaker 1: never felt a pain or anything? No, it doesn't, I

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Speaker 1: mean to me, it didn't feel I've had it. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: forever long I've had it. And it was a different

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Speaker 1: experience than Lena's. So then it was like, well, it's

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Speaker 1: not one thing. It's not one way of of of

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Speaker 1: manifesting in one's body, and every woman is not going

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Speaker 1: to experience the same thing. I would have never probably

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Speaker 1: known had I not been on this fertility journey. So

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Speaker 1: going back, so when my doctor started at when doctor

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Speaker 1: Beck started asking me more questions going back to my periods,

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Speaker 1: um and what my my experience was like with my

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Speaker 1: periods as a you know, as a younger woman, And

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Speaker 1: I explained that I ended up getting on the pill,

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Speaker 1: not for birth control reasons, but because my periods were

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Speaker 1: lasting like a third of the month and I was

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Speaker 1: bleeding like I had been shot in the vagina. I

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Speaker 1: have goose bumps when I hear stuff like this because

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Speaker 1: I feel like we do a terrible job like just

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Speaker 1: teaching women. I don't know whose fault that is, but

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Speaker 1: I'm going to point finger. I mean, I just I

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Speaker 1: we do a really bad job of knowing our bodies

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Speaker 1: and knowing when we need to ask for help, Like

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Speaker 1: because the period, we don't talk about our periods and everything,

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Speaker 1: so like private and embarrassing and shame is circling all

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Speaker 1: of these things. And I remember, like when I was

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Speaker 1: trying to I didn't get a period for six months

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Speaker 1: after I had a miscarriage because I had a d

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Speaker 1: n C and it took me a long time to

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Speaker 1: get regular. So I ended up going to a fertility

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Speaker 1: acupuncturist who was like teaching me for the first time,

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Speaker 1: like what my body does every month of when you

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Speaker 1: would be fertile. Like she's like, well, is your discharge? Yeah, guys,

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Speaker 1: I said, it discharge like this or like that, and

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Speaker 1: what's the fluid and where your service? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: I've never had this conversation with anybody ever, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know like if we're supposed to be having that

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Speaker 1: with our daughters or mothers, or like how long is

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Speaker 1: your period because if it's one third of the month,

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Speaker 1: like that's too long, or if like you have to

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Speaker 1: cancel your life because you're in that much pain every

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Speaker 1: time you get it, like we need to see somebody. Well,

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Speaker 1: when we use words like the curse, you know, or

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Speaker 1: or the woman's burden like or whatever, it kind of

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Speaker 1: it kind of conditions you to think periods equal badd right,

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Speaker 1: And and to say that, you know, having a period

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Speaker 1: that's extremely long or extremely heavy isn't normal. We can't

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Speaker 1: confuse the words you know, not normal with not common. Right,

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Speaker 1: That's very true. That's very true. Right, So it's actually

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Speaker 1: quite common to have a regular period, of course, but

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Speaker 1: using you know, a lot of doctors will say I'm

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Speaker 1: going to put you on birth control to regulate your period.

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Speaker 1: But what they're not saying is being on birth control

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Speaker 1: is the absence of a period. You're not actually having

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Speaker 1: a period. What you're experiencing is breakthrough breakthrough bleeding due

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Speaker 1: to taking the bliss sed in the last week, but

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Speaker 1: if no one spells that out for you, so you

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Speaker 1: think you're controlling or you're regulating your period and you're

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Speaker 1: treating or whatever it is what is causing these long

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Speaker 1: periods or painful periods or heavy periods when you're not.

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Speaker 1: It's just masking whatever the issue is for however long

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Speaker 1: you're on birth control right and you might not know

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Speaker 1: there is something and whether or not you have an

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Speaker 1: uncommon cycle that can be totally your body doing its thing,

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Speaker 1: or it might be something in your case that was

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Speaker 1: something that needed to be more looked at. And especially

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Speaker 1: when I read these statistics that like it's one intent,

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Speaker 1: like that's that's normal, guys, turns out like one intent,

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Speaker 1: like that's not one in five hundreds. That's like a

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Speaker 1: lot of people are dealing with things and either masking

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Speaker 1: them with birth control or not seeking help or feeling

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Speaker 1: embarrassed not to talk about it or something like that.

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Speaker 1: So Dr Beck, Yeah, Dr Kelly back. Dr Kelly Back,

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Speaker 1: She's amazed, amazing. She tells you she has this, and

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Speaker 1: does she say to you, you're not gonna be able

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Speaker 1: to get pregnant, Like what does she say? No? She

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Speaker 1: just is honest for the first time that, like, my

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Speaker 1: road will be extremely challenging, and the only way that

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Speaker 1: I would be able to physically carry my baby myself

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Speaker 1: is if I use this drug called lupron. And I

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Speaker 1: remember Lena Donna mentioned lupron. But what lupron does is

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Speaker 1: it creates kind of like brittle bones. So like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you guys remember Lena was walking her

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Speaker 1: dog and I think stepped off the curb and broke

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Speaker 1: like Baker broke her like ankle or something. And I

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Speaker 1: live an active lifestyle. The roles I'm playing are very

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Speaker 1: asical and it only gives you, like I think it's

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Speaker 1: like a thirty percent chance. So do I run the

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Speaker 1: risk of causing greater harm to my body for a

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Speaker 1: thirty percent chance? And she was one of the first

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Speaker 1: people to really like be honest about surregacy, you know,

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Speaker 1: and also anomosis, you know, affects your ovarian reserve, so

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Speaker 1: doing you know if you're if you're going to a

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Speaker 1: fertility clinic where they're charging you par ound a you know,

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Speaker 1: if you're going in and no one's diagnosing you correctly,

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Speaker 1: and what is that per round? It's gun or something

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Speaker 1: it's expensive. Well it varies from you know, place to place,

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Speaker 1: but a lot of places will offer older women or

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Speaker 1: women who have, you know, these conditions that have been

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Speaker 1: diagnosed rounds to basically bundle, almost like bundling, you know, cycles.

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Speaker 1: So you you might do um, three round for this price. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: for this price, because you're not going to get a

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Speaker 1: ton of eggs. And even if you do get a

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Speaker 1: ton of eggs, which of those eggs would be viable?

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Speaker 1: You know, it's just not that many. So but no

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Speaker 1: one's super clear or honest because that affects your your business,

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Speaker 1: right um. And she was the first person that was

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Speaker 1: just honest, so kind of you know. Immediately when she

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Speaker 1: says surrogacy, I took that as failure. You are a failure.

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Speaker 1: And so I was like, I think I can do

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Speaker 1: some lupron. I'm pretty sure I can film being Mary

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Speaker 1: Jane and and I might be able to break some

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Speaker 1: bones and okay, you know. And my husband was like, Babe,

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Speaker 1: I want you. I want you as much as we

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Speaker 1: want this baby. I want you. Like, but let's let's

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Speaker 1: pump the brakes and think about this, um and make

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Speaker 1: a family decision. Um I And it was just like

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Speaker 1: you know, and so we really do take that on

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Speaker 1: as women though, like we really feel that failure thing

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Speaker 1: like pretty hard. But also yeah, no, you're not a woman.

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Speaker 1: Your body has failed you and you're not You're not

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Speaker 1: woman enough. You think, what did I do wrong? How

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Speaker 1: can I fix this? My body has failed me and

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Speaker 1: I'm basically a nothing. And if there's a chance I'll

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Speaker 1: take it, I'll quit work, you know, like the thing

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Speaker 1: that I love to do, Like you will sacrifice all

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Speaker 1: of those things in order to prove yourself, you know.

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Speaker 1: Just so yeah, Dwayne, yea and yea you for coming

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Speaker 1: around to the idea and then going down this surrogacy path,

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Speaker 1: which this is amazing, Like we haven't spoken to anybody,

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Speaker 1: I don't think yet on Katie's script. That's how to

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Speaker 1: start get even though I've had a few friends go

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Speaker 1: down the journey and it's unbelievable once you wrapped your

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Speaker 1: head around. Now this is part of my fertility journey,

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Speaker 1: and this is part of our story to get CoV

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Speaker 1: Like how did you find a part? Like what did

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Speaker 1: you do well? You know, as a scorpio, I am

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Speaker 1: super type A. I'd like to control as much of

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Speaker 1: any given situation as I can control. So imagine me

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Speaker 1: having to figure out a who to trust and then

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Speaker 1: trusting someone for ten months. For ten months, that's not

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Speaker 1: living in your house that you don't control. You don't

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Speaker 1: know what they're doing, you know, Um, you don't know

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Speaker 1: if they are eating a cheetah or a or a

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Speaker 1: cucumber or like if that would have been your call anyway,

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Speaker 1: like who knows, or they're doing their prenatal yoga classes.

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Speaker 1: I mean, whatever the thing is that you're harping on you,

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Speaker 1: I'm a control freak. Also, that would key me up

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Speaker 1: at night. So, I mean, luckily we found a surrogate

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Speaker 1: who had been a surrogate before, who also had her

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Speaker 1: own children and and a very supportive husband and a

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Speaker 1: really flexible job. And the thing that let me know

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Speaker 1: that this was the right was the right woman. We

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Speaker 1: were reading the same books. You can rest your head

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Speaker 1: on the pillow knowing that your taste is similar and

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Speaker 1: your maybe your values or in alignment if you're reading

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Speaker 1: the same books. Wow, um honey, sure other people forever

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Speaker 1: reason because I was like, look, she's obviously done this before,

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Speaker 1: she's she's had healthy babies. I'm not going to micromanage

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Speaker 1: somebody who's honey, lesson, I got this. But the thing

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Speaker 1: that gave me peace, and what gives every family piece

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Speaker 1: is obviously different. For my husband, what gave him peace

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Speaker 1: was her husband being so supportive of her and them

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Speaker 1: wanting us to know their whole family right. And for me,

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Speaker 1: it was that we had similar taste in books, and

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Speaker 1: I was, like, that means a lot. It's just it's

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Speaker 1: just one of those weird things. And for me, that

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Speaker 1: was the thing that allowed me to sleep. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I also feel like it would be so like I

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling such a relief by knowing she had done

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Speaker 1: it before, you know what I mean like that like

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Speaker 1: she was sort of like, I got this, I know

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Speaker 1: how it works. Like we're good. How was the forty weeks?

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Speaker 1: Was can you have open surgency or closer? Like is

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Speaker 1: it something where like you're texting all the time and

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Speaker 1: checking in or maybe some people want to keep it

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Speaker 1: more you know, more like not that personal. Every every

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Speaker 1: surrogacy journey is different. I've come to learn, like most

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Speaker 1: people don't say like and our baby like and like

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Speaker 1: kind of really be more transparent about the whole process

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Speaker 1: because again, there's so much shame involved with not carrying

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Speaker 1: you know, your child and the birth journey. There's just

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Speaker 1: a lot of shame, you know for you know, it's

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Speaker 1: and it's sad, and it's super unfortunate and it's unnecessary,

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Speaker 1: which is why we wanted to show people a different

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Speaker 1: way and that your baby is still going to be

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Speaker 1: celebrated in your birth journey, is still going to be celebrating,

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Speaker 1: your family is still going to be celebrated. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: we had a group chat. So it's me and my husband,

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Speaker 1: her her husband, and we went we all all four

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Speaker 1: of us went to all of the doctor's appointments um together.

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Speaker 1: You know, we might exchange a group text about like

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Speaker 1: what we're binge watching because she was on bed rest

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Speaker 1: for a bit in the first trimester when the pregnancy

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Speaker 1: was a bit in jeopardy due to you know, something

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Speaker 1: happening with her cervix, and so we were all kind

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Speaker 1: of binging you know, the same shows. We could have

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Speaker 1: something to talk about, like she's stuff, you know, like

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Speaker 1: she's stuck at home and it's like, you know, the

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Speaker 1: least we can do is have a common interest. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but we were we would just stayed connected through the

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Speaker 1: whole time, and they weren't physically that like far and

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Speaker 1: and again, like if you're listening in a state where

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Speaker 1: surrogacy is is outlawed um like like in New York

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Speaker 1: or in Arizona, and that that kind of thing. Everyone's

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Speaker 1: surrogacy journey is different. There is no one right way

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Speaker 1: or wrong way. I think for some families who don't

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Speaker 1: have as much contact, it's just a heart. It's just

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Speaker 1: a hard sometimes odd thing to kind of wrap your

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Speaker 1: brain around. Yes, so everyone kind of copes in different

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Speaker 1: sitting here thinking like how important it is the work

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Speaker 1: you do, and that how open you are with this stuff,

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Speaker 1: and how wonderful it was that Lena was so open

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Speaker 1: about her endometriosis because you can see the direct line

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Speaker 1: of help, you know what I mean, Like you reached

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Speaker 1: out to her and now like people will look to

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Speaker 1: you for surreg you know, for surgasy support. Like that's

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Speaker 1: you know, if you've been in the mix of a

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Speaker 1: surrogacy challenge, I don't know, it's I don't know how

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Speaker 1: exactly it all happens or who kind of puts the

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Speaker 1: word out there is like a fertility I feel like

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Speaker 1: I can say this underground railroad if you will, of

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Speaker 1: women who are completely connected to doctors, acupuncturist, therapist, other women.

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Speaker 1: But it's like shrouded in secrecy because again, everyone moves

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Speaker 1: through this fertility journey differently, and for so many there

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Speaker 1: is so much shame about your body betraying you, and

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Speaker 1: you just don't want people to know. But there's this

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Speaker 1: amazing network of women working low key um to help

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Speaker 1: you through the process. And once I went through the

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Speaker 1: process and was vocal about it, I get at least

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Speaker 1: a few times a week people wanting I know someone

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Speaker 1: who you make the connections. That's just how I like

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Speaker 1: the idea of paying it forward, because it's hard and

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Speaker 1: certain parts of it just freaking suck. Whereas there ever

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Speaker 1: a time that you were like your biggest fears about

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Speaker 1: not being able to control the pregnancy in the way

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Speaker 1: you would have Was there anything that came up that

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Speaker 1: would like you were so freaked out? Was she when

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Speaker 1: she was on bed rest? Or was there anything? I

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Speaker 1: think by that time I had suffered so much loss

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Speaker 1: you're almost expecting it. You start to just this is

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Speaker 1: gonna work for the worst case scenario, like, well, this

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Speaker 1: is one more thing that didn't work, you know, like

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Speaker 1: the first miss, my first miscarriage was by far the

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Speaker 1: most traumatizing and just destructive to my soul. It broke

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Speaker 1: me in a different kind of way. So the ones

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Speaker 1: that followed after, like they're like, how many do you have?

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Speaker 1: Like I don't know. I kind of lost track because

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Speaker 1: it's you're just conditioned to like, I'm going to keep trying,

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Speaker 1: because that's what that's what winners do. But it didn't

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00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 1: hit like that first one, and and having to call

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Speaker 1: back all those people and say it's not happening. And

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Speaker 1: and for me, like I have a real fear of

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Speaker 1: public humiliation, I mean in any part of my life,

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Speaker 1: and the humiliation I felt when miscarriage is so common,

385
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Speaker 1: but the humiliation I felt having to call those people

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Speaker 1: who were like literally in tears that we've gotten this

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Speaker 1: far and and have to call them back and be like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's not it's not happening. That was like

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Speaker 1: like excruciating, excruciating, you really, Like I remember when we

390
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Speaker 1: were first pregnant, and I was like taking videos of

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Speaker 1: when I told people I was pregnant, like my grandparents

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Speaker 1: and my parents and all this stuff. And I still

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Speaker 1: have those videos somewhere, and I just told that him.

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00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 1: I was like delete, like I can't because and then

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Speaker 1: the next time you get pregnant, you're like horrified and

396
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Speaker 1: you're like, I'm not telling anyone until they're in college

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Speaker 1: because I'm yeah, like you, that first month of surrogacy,

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Speaker 1: you were just like, well, I've already I mean, this

399
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Speaker 1: has been fucking impossible. It wasn't until the fifth month

400
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 1: where we were like, okay, at month five, I should

401
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 1: probably tell my job. Right month five, I suppose we

402
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 1: can tell people. We didn't that, so I told my job,

403
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Speaker 1: and thank god, I mean I have part of being

404
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,280
Speaker 1: the boss is you know, like and and Jessica being

405
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Speaker 1: so clear when she took the job, like I am

406
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,120
Speaker 1: breast fading. This is what it is like, I'm a mom.

407
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Speaker 1: My kids are going to be around like they were

408
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 1: like perfect and we're not nothing. No part of us

409
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Speaker 1: being active mothers or you know other people in our

410
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 1: production being active parents slows us down. You know what

411
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Speaker 1: I mean, we are probably the most efficient production beyonause

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Speaker 1: we value parenthood. I was like, oh, okay, okay, cool.

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Speaker 1: You know, so at what point can should we tell

414
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Speaker 1: the network spectrum or whoever? And I was like, I guess, no,

415
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Speaker 1: I don't know because I've never gotten this far. And

416
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Speaker 1: then as it started getting closer to the do date,

417
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Speaker 1: I started freaking out, like, oh, this is actually happening.

418
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Speaker 1: Like I've been so prepared for loss. I was not

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Speaker 1: ready for like Cobb to be a thing. And I

420
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Speaker 1: was like, when she was born, it was like, tell

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Speaker 1: me about that, did you? Were you all in the

422
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 1: hospital together? Yeah? Yeah, So it was It's like a

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00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 1: weird out of body experience, but for me it kind

424
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Speaker 1: of lasted for months and months and months, like because

425
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 1: it's a it's happening outside of your body, so you

426
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 1: don't have that physical change happening. That kind of helps

427
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 1: to sort of, I guess, prepare you that something's going

428
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 1: to leave your body at something you're kind of just

429
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 1: sort of like watching it, and then there she is

430
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 1: and it's like, oh my god, you're overjoyed and this

431
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: is like oh wow. But like imposter syndrome hits quick,

432
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,920
Speaker 1: like HiT's. I mean, for me, it hits like how

433
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 1: do I even announce this? Are they going to say

434
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,439
Speaker 1: I'm super Hollywood and I didn't want to mess up

435
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 1: my body? Are they going to say, like you waited

436
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 1: too long as they did you have people again like

437
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 1: when you started to announce, So did you not announce

438
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 1: to the world that you were using a surrogate during

439
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 1: the surrogacy? I can't remember. So it wasn't until she

440
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 1: was there. No, I mean and and because like we're

441
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 1: you know, we're we're cool with with with Kim Kardashian

442
00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,119
Speaker 1: and watching her surrogate be hunted, um, which you know,

443
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: puts the baby, and we yeah, not again, that was

444
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 1: we only needed the one time to see that happening.

445
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 1: We're like, yeah, I know, um, but we were very

446
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 1: clear we as a family that we were going to

447
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:13,040
Speaker 1: be very transparent once she arrived safely that she came

448
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: via surrogate and what our journey looked like. And thankfully

449
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,440
Speaker 1: Oprah was like I would like to be a part

450
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,159
Speaker 1: of telling this story, you know, like we want to

451
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 1: try to help as many people as possible, and so

452
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 1: we you know, we were able to do the two

453
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 1: part or Super Soul Sunday with with Oprah. But even that,

454
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 1: it was like I'm holding Cobb and I'm like they're

455
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 1: gonna come take her, like they're going to figure out

456
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 1: that Even then, like a fraud like that I didn't

457
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,679
Speaker 1: do it, like I didn't, I didn't birth her, like

458
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,440
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm doing, like I'm not ready,

459
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 1: like I don't. I'm not prepared, even though I'm nutty

460
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,639
Speaker 1: about preparation. Had you already done the baby? Like was

461
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 1: her room ready? That was like that? Like did you

462
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 1: have a shower? Did you like was all that stuff

463
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 1: or you were like I don't want any of that

464
00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 1: stuff because I'm superstitious, like people feel you, we're nervous

465
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 1: about having a shower because then it's out there. It

466
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 1: could be out there, and you can't trust every person

467
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 1: to just keep that what they think is sharing good

468
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 1: news is like putting our curguit in danger. So we

469
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 1: had a shower, if you will. After she was born,

470
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:18,159
Speaker 1: it was welcome to the party, CoV um, you know,

471
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 1: a celebration of life, like you know, introducing her to

472
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 1: everybody beautiful aside from like personally, once people knew you

473
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 1: were going about the surregacy route, and of course there's

474
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 1: all those stupid horrible Hollywood like she just didn't want

475
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,360
Speaker 1: to blah blah blah. What about in your personal life,

476
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:47,159
Speaker 1: were there anybody that was like friends of yours or

477
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:51,000
Speaker 1: work people who were like judgmental or no. I mean,

478
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I think partly because people had been on

479
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:58,199
Speaker 1: this long year's long journey and had, like most of

480
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: them had probably suggested probably around year two, like you

481
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 1: know there's other ways, you know what I mean that

482
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 1: they had been through the phone calls of miscarriages. So

483
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 1: everyone was just so happy. Even before I was diagnosed correctly,

484
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 1: they were like, you know, there's another way, like you

485
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:19,120
Speaker 1: don't have to keep doing this, And I was like, sabotage,

486
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, to win, you know, like

487
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 1: totally yeah. But no, they were so so so understanding.

488
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 1: My my father was and I to this day still

489
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 1: confused how she looks like us and not like the surrogate. Yeah,

490
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 1: she looks like you guys like you, But he just

491
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: doesn't understand that that our surrogate. And with different surrogacy stories,

492
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 1: it might be a donor sperm or a donor egg

493
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 1: or you know, like it could be any combination of things.

494
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 1: Each person's is different every and everyone's is the right

495
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 1: way for them. But my dad does not get that

496
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 1: there is no biological connection to the circuit. They're like,

497
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 1: it's it's it's crazy she's she's so brown, like is

498
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 1: it because her parents are black? Like Dad, like, I don't.

499
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 1: It's just so it's a crazy j of like oh,

500
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 1: this is like possible. And he'll say things like deal,

501
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,239
Speaker 1: do you let her see her kid? And we're like

502
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 1: are you being wilfully ignorant or just to hurt me?

503
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:34,639
Speaker 1: Or like are you legit still confused about how this works? Wow? Um,

504
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:39,119
Speaker 1: when she was born, did you feel an immediate connection?

505
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: Because I did not to my son. I for weeks.

506
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 1: I was like, this is a stranger in my house

507
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 1: who has disrupted everything. Did you feel did you take

508
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 1: one look at her? And no? Did you take one

509
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: look at her? And it was completely complicated? Was it? No?

510
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 1: I mean not with the her of it all, Like

511
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 1: I think when she immediately came out, I was like,

512
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 1: she looks like my husband, like like from Jump and

513
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 1: so I'm not to sound like a weird sap, but

514
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 1: like I'm so in love with my husband. Her looking

515
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,680
Speaker 1: like him was just like oh dope, like yeah, like

516
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 1: like this is great. Yeah, Like so it was like

517
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,920
Speaker 1: I love him, I love her Like it was more

518
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 1: of like I didn't. I never even had like dolls,

519
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 1: like I never babysat, Like I was more inclined to

520
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 1: most someone's lawn or walk their dogs than and we

521
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 1: always had animals. This is nothing like when people like, oh,

522
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,400
Speaker 1: it's the same as a puppic. No, No, it's actually not.

523
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: I can stick my dogs in a kennel for a minute,

524
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 1: you know, I can't do that with a kid. So

525
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: I just felt like I'm so ill equipped, like I'm

526
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 1: not knowledgeable enough, Like I don't know what the hell

527
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 1: is there a test I'm supposed to take, Like they're

528
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: just going to drop her off and no one's coming

529
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 1: back to check, Like this is insane. Why are why

530
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: is anyone trusting his dude? We're good with babies. I

531
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: know you became a stepmom later, and he started off

532
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: as a team m um, so he was a teen parent.

533
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 1: So he's been a parent more than half his life.

534
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: So he's, oh yeah, he's like a vet, you know,

535
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: like he's the old ground. I would love to see that,

536
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 1: Like what a role reversal of him teaching you, Like

537
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: that's not how you do a good swaddle, you know.

538
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 1: I mean like he's he's old hat, like has done this,

539
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 1: you know, so many times, And because he was not

540
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,960
Speaker 1: super wealthy, you know, teen parent, you know, like him

541
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 1: and his ex wife, you know, when they were teen parents.

542
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 1: You know, he was an athlete on scholarship, so they

543
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 1: were on you know, they used social services, they were

544
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 1: on with you know, like that there. It was a

545
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 1: different experience, but he figured it out. And he had

546
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 1: to be out of necessity because I couldn't afford daycare,

547
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 1: hands on like school practice home she you know, so

548
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: he had to learn as at a very young age.

549
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 1: So yeah, he was super And You're like, I don't

550
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: I didn't take this time us this I can. I

551
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 1: don't know what to do well. And he took this

552
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: you know, paternity leave in the middle of an NBA season,

553
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 1: which had not happened. I'm you know, I love him. Yeah,

554
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 1: like during his his farewell tour, you know, he took

555
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: this two weeks and and then he was gone. And

556
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: now I'm like alone because he's back in Miami. We're

557
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 1: in l A because I'm filming in l A. And

558
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm going and luckily we have a ton

559
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 1: of you know, of help in our village, all like

560
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 1: descended like locusts, which is a whole different thing that

561
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 1: parents don't really talk about like trying to manage a newborn,

562
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: and also extended family's expectations about what they need in

563
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 1: your time of need, like it's that's whole, a whole

564
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 1: different the worst, Like you need to know we have

565
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: like in your you know, people have these like plans

566
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 1: of what it's going to look like. And I'm always like, well,

567
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 1: who are your who are who's your village that's actually

568
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 1: helpful and like washes dishes, and who's the village that

569
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 1: sits on the couch and now you're making them meals

570
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: and taking care of your kid because that those people

571
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:06,960
Speaker 1: you don't want around and offering NonStop commentary about everything

572
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: you're doing wrong, like no, thank you? How is your

573
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 1: work life balance shift, identity crisis? Did you have one? Did?

574
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 1: How do we feel? It's all? Do you feel better now?

575
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: Was it a shock at first? Like it's the same

576
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 1: when people ask about balance. I was like, I'm always

577
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 1: like the balance is no balance is understanding. There is

578
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 1: no balance. There just isn't. There's just there's this It's

579
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: it's physically impossible. I have too many things going on

580
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 1: in any given day. Something is going to give. She's like, no,

581
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 1: the day I'm an amazing mom is the day I'm

582
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 1: a failure as a writer. And the day I'm at

583
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 1: like Sandro's last day on Gray's Anatomy, is the day

584
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: that I'm not showing up to my daughter's piano recital

585
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: and I'm fucking failing as a mom. So like, you

586
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 1: make choices and maybe it evens out at an end

587
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: of a certain year, but like who knows, well, yeah, no,

588
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:02,560
Speaker 1: I mean and and the mom guilt right is real,

589
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 1: But it's also like because I'd heard it, you know,

590
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 1: like I've been around mothers and and reading and seeing

591
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: in media and you know, and entertainment. The mom guilt.

592
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 1: Mom get mom guilt. I felt guilty for not feeling guilty.

593
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 1: And I was like, well what happens when a mom

594
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 1: doesn't feel guilty? But other moms are talking about mom guilt?

595
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 1: And I'm like I feel but yeah, you're like, I

596
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 1: feel fucking great? Great where the spot? Yeah went to

597
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 1: the gym. My friend Liz Asked wrote this book that

598
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: was like the stay at work Mom. She's the mom

599
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 1: that's like staying in her car because she's delivering a script.

600
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:37,960
Speaker 1: She's a very fancy comedy writer and she's like, I

601
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 1: think I'll just make it for the last two minutes

602
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 1: before they go to bed, and she loves it. She's

603
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 1: like it takes all. Also, you might this is a

604
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 1: long journey, and I feel like there might be certain

605
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,959
Speaker 1: My husband like say, like there might be certain years

606
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: you just prefer than others, Like you might just not

607
00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: be like so into the baby ship. You might be

608
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 1: really into seven year old. You might be really down

609
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 1: for the twelve year old. Like you just don't know,

610
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 1: and that can change week to week, that can change

611
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 1: year to year. But this is like a long asshole

612
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 1: that we are on. And it's okay to feel guilt

613
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 1: Monday zero Tuesday, Like it doesn't have to be your thing.

614
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be part of your identity. Is

615
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 1: where you're always like, oh my god, you know, I

616
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: feel so guilty because then people are like, oh, that's

617
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: the kind of mom she is, and you kind of

618
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: established this identity that you You're like, well, it doesn't

619
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 1: always apply. Like it's okay to like be whoever you

620
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 1: are in any given moment. And also really like working

621
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 1: and I'm like sweating, like I'm in the like I'm

622
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:43,719
Speaker 1: on the stand, You're beautiful and it's a glow. I

623
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 1: can tell you guys, all right, now get really sweat

624
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: she glows. Now. How was the introduction? Like did your

625
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: blended family know the insides and outs of the surrogacy

626
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 1: situation or where were we not filling everyone in because

627
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 1: they were kids and who knows that built up of

628
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 1: friends and friends and I don't know how everyone knew

629
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 1: everyone knew and your immediate family and how was the

630
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 1: introduction like this is the way our family looks now?

631
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:14,839
Speaker 1: Has everyone been on board? Well? I think because it's

632
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: been such a long journey for our family and the

633
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 1: people who took that first miscarriage the hardest after me

634
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:30,879
Speaker 1: were the kids, Like when you get so excited about

635
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 1: something and then it's the idea of something you were

636
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 1: excited about is not happening, and then explaining the concept

637
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 1: of miscarriage and like they take it as like dead

638
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,240
Speaker 1: you know what I mean in wrapping your brain around

639
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: that with children who have never really experienced like a

640
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 1: grandparent dying or you know, anyone sort of close to

641
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:57,479
Speaker 1: them in that kind of way dying, So explaining all

642
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: of that was brutal for them. So we wanted them

643
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,360
Speaker 1: to be a part of this of this journey. We

644
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:08,720
Speaker 1: told them after the first trimester and really started sharing

645
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: more of the pictures after the fifth month, so sonograms things,

646
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 1: so in case they slipped up and wanted to share

647
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:19,760
Speaker 1: with somebody, at least we were kind of past a certain,

648
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 1: of course point, but they didn't. Our kids are freaking dope,

649
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 1: and they're so family and I know there's differences between

650
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:30,880
Speaker 1: what we put out there and not and I do

651
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 1: think you're one of the most incredible follows, not only

652
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 1: in its honesty and your openness, but I just feel

653
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 1: like your blended family is very supportive of each other

654
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 1: and looks it just is like can I get in that?

655
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 1: Like I'm just like this is the best, Like your

656
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 1: parties looks like, of course everything is about a partying,

657
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:55,399
Speaker 1: but it just seems like everyone's really supportive of each other,

658
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:58,240
Speaker 1: and like, what else do you guys want? Like, come on, everybody,

659
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 1: get on in our house. Like our kids only know

660
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 1: like their most conscious memories are with a famous father.

661
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,760
Speaker 1: And then when I join in, it's like it's too

662
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: fer And they see because they have phones, they have

663
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 1: friends who can't wait to tell them all the negative stuff,

664
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 1: so they see the attacks. They see all the negative,

665
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 1: any negative, they're like, maybe they missed it. Nope, they

666
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:23,280
Speaker 1: didn't miss it. They'll go down a rabbit hole about

667
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 1: you know, us, and they'll have these like random questions like,

668
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,839
Speaker 1: oh baby, you know everything on a blog isn't actually real?

669
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 1: Those kind of things. So they've seen all the negative,

670
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 1: and then when they got to a certain age, they

671
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 1: started adults taking shots at them, wanting the worst for them.

672
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: So you you was like, who can you turn to?

673
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:49,200
Speaker 1: Who understands what this is? But family. So we're very

674
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 1: like protective of each other, very supportive of each other

675
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,799
Speaker 1: because if not us, we know what's out there, you know,

676
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: and we know that we have, you know, a lot

677
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 1: of people that love us. But they're just very conscious

678
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 1: and even there their their support systems that are outside

679
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,840
Speaker 1: of our family, their friend group. They haven't quite figured

680
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 1: out that you're not being a great friend sharing every

681
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,800
Speaker 1: negative thing that has ever said or written or done

682
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 1: about children, certainly children, Like when they share things about us,

683
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 1: it's like that's still not cool, still not great. But

684
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:25,840
Speaker 1: when they share the things about them, you know, especially

685
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 1: you know our preteen, it's terrified, terrified, it's it's you,

686
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:34,800
Speaker 1: your physical safety feels scary. Look, I think social media,

687
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: like did you and Duyanne have a conversation about like

688
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 1: when obviously you guys are cool. Kavia has her own Instagram.

689
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: It's also an incredible follower, but like, how did you

690
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 1: guys decide that you guys were going to be posting her?

691
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 1: What about CoV in this? Like? What about a one

692
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 1: year old in this? Yeah? And I think because so

693
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 1: much of our fertility journey was kind of you know,

694
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 1: out there and espec. Actually, when I was on being

695
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 1: Mary Jane, people assume we are the same person. So

696
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 1: when Mary Jane was on her fertility journey and I

697
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: actually also was on my fertility journey, they're people want

698
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 1: what is that I want to I've been on this

699
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:17,800
Speaker 1: damn journey with you, I need to say. And so

700
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:21,439
Speaker 1: it becomes a It can create a weird frenzy if

701
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 1: you withhold there is a sermost worse, it's almost worse

702
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,360
Speaker 1: so for us because we are such an open family,

703
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 1: whether we're like at a kid's game or a recital

704
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:35,720
Speaker 1: or at target or wherever. We didn't want to create

705
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,839
Speaker 1: a whirlwind where there hasn't been pictures of collage. Yeah,

706
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 1: where it's like this thing, and we also wanted to

707
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 1: give hope, and that's what she we kind of recognized

708
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 1: rather quickly. We wanted to give people hope that there

709
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 1: is some because I'm not gonna lie and say every

710
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:53,880
Speaker 1: fertility journey in and baby, but for people who said, oh,

711
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 1: you're too old, or it can't happen, or you know,

712
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 1: give up, let it go, she has become a symbol

713
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 1: of hope a number of people, for a number of

714
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 1: different reasons come to find out because people are like,

715
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,399
Speaker 1: shady baby has just gotten me through the worst time

716
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,319
Speaker 1: in my life. And I'm like, Okay, that's amazing, and

717
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 1: I love that she gives zero Fox like like this

718
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 1: girl is like she's the She is such an example

719
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 1: of hope and where your determination and your your beautiful

720
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,200
Speaker 1: like need to win and beat this thing has really

721
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 1: like she's incredible, but also her face is just like yeah,

722
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 1: and then what happens, Well, we didn't want to create

723
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 1: an Instagram for her about her cuteness or that leans

724
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 1: into beauty or lens into stuff or outfits or whatever.

725
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,399
Speaker 1: At times she wears Cuteman's um, but we didn't want

726
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:46,840
Speaker 1: it to be about that specifically. We wanted people to

727
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:51,399
Speaker 1: be okay with liking a little black girl because she's

728
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:55,320
Speaker 1: got a great personality and she has been very clear

729
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:59,479
Speaker 1: with her personality from one the beginning. I truly believe

730
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,879
Speaker 1: I in nanny for like ten years, and I've met

731
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: a lot of babies as they've come out, and it's

732
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 1: really interesting the nature nurture thing, because they are who

733
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 1: they are, like these spirits and Cavia James so much so,

734
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 1: like if you go on a deep dive on her,

735
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 1: I mean, her attitude of of how she walks this

736
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 1: world is hers and like it's it's so wonderful that

737
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 1: you guys celebrate and just like yeah's all hilarity and right,

738
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 1: I mean, but it becomes like another job, like trying

739
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: to figure out like funny captions, like it was supposed

740
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 1: to be a job that me and Duane shared. And

741
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 1: then his first and only time on the job, he

742
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:42,720
Speaker 1: did a tribute to himself congratulations daddy on a great game,

743
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 1: and it was like a picture of him and his

744
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 1: stat line. I'm like, like, this doesn't count now, and

745
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 1: go if you go to her Instagram and go all

746
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: the way to the beginning and be like, oh, this

747
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 1: was the one she's talking about and that was the

748
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 1: first and last time, Like this is supposed to be funny,

749
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 1: not a weird tribute. You're hilarious. Turns out you should

750
00:40:57,200 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 1: think about writing. So now let's segue into your your

751
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:03,839
Speaker 1: amazing kids book, Welcome to the Party that I don't

752
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 1: know if you can tell us much about it, because

753
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:06,719
Speaker 1: I don't think is it out yet? No, No, it'll

754
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 1: come out May five. Yea, look out, guys, I mean

755
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:14,279
Speaker 1: we need to. That is a great gift. I have

756
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 1: so many new and expecting parents in my life. So

757
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 1: can you tell us a little bit about the book? Yeah,

758
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:22,520
Speaker 1: it's it's really for us. We wanted to do a

759
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 1: book about celebrating families however they arrive, right, however they

760
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:33,120
Speaker 1: come to be however you define that right. So for

761
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:35,799
Speaker 1: us welcoming cob to the party, and we said it

762
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 1: in her original post, you know, like welcome to the party. Um,

763
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 1: but like my mom, my mom is seventy two. At sixty,

764
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:49,279
Speaker 1: she adopted her first child, and she subsequently adopted, you know,

765
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,880
Speaker 1: she has three children as a senior, As a single senior,

766
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:54,800
Speaker 1: my parents got divorced, you know, after almost thirty of

767
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,839
Speaker 1: years of marriage, and this is what her her her

768
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 1: life is, and those families should be support. Welcome to

769
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:05,959
Speaker 1: the family, my new siblings to my mother, like it's

770
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to all be the same birth story

771
00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 1: and family creation story. For a lot of people their

772
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 1: work family is their most consistent, reliable family. Welcome to

773
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,919
Speaker 1: the party. You know, you're chosen family can be your

774
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:23,840
Speaker 1: most you know, um for a lot of loving and

775
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 1: reliable family. I watched I'm Addicted to Pose, So like

776
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 1: chosen family for a lot of communities is the family,

777
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:35,800
Speaker 1: and we wanted to celebrate all all of that blended families.

778
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 1: So however, you are welcoming people in, whether they are

779
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 1: grown as adults or newborn babies or foster children that

780
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:49,479
Speaker 1: are coming in you know, midstream, welcome, Welcome to the party.

781
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 1: And that's really what it's a celebration of. I can't

782
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,439
Speaker 1: wait to read was the cover. I've seen the cover.

783
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:58,680
Speaker 1: It was incredible. It's um, Ashley Evans right, incredible. So

784
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:01,840
Speaker 1: tell me your memoir. We're going to need more wine.

785
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: So you're just you're a writer as well. It's all

786
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:09,799
Speaker 1: these things seen, so a lot has changed. We need

787
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 1: like a part Part two is happening. I'm working on

788
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:17,560
Speaker 1: that now. I don't want to say I don't know

789
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 1: if it's luckily or fortunately unfortunately. I had a lot

790
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 1: of chapters that didn't make it into the first memoir

791
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:27,239
Speaker 1: because I wasn't ready. Because to me, I what I

792
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,120
Speaker 1: don't like is I do a deep dive on a

793
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 1: memoir or you know, an autobiography, and then you you

794
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 1: can't wait to see these people on these talk shows

795
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 1: or you want to go to their book tour and

796
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:38,960
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, I'm not talking about that that's in

797
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 1: the book, because really, what what you're saying is I

798
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 1: haven't really made peace with some of the show. I

799
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 1: was sharing it in a way that can be helpful.

800
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 1: I wanted to make sure everything I put in wasn't

801
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 1: just salacious for salacious sake. I wasn't knocking on people

802
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 1: just to be knarking on them. I wanted to be

803
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 1: able to really talk about everything in my book in

804
00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,959
Speaker 1: a way that can make people feel like they're not drowned,

805
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:02,399
Speaker 1: like they're not on an island by themselves, like they're

806
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 1: not screaming into a hurricane and no one can hear them.

807
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:07,320
Speaker 1: I wanted to truly be able to talk about everything

808
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 1: and if I wasn't going to be able to be transparent,

809
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 1: don't put it in the yeah good idea because you

810
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: have to go around and publicize it. So like what

811
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 1: the hell? Yeah, So some of those chapters that I saved,

812
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 1: I have been going to therapy diligently. Um, But I'm

813
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:25,360
Speaker 1: also one of those people that's like traditional using my

814
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 1: finger quotes, are traditional therapy, you know, spiritual healers, shamans.

815
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:32,919
Speaker 1: I mean, like, listen, if there's like a lady like

816
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 1: in New Orleans on a street, must see her. Yes,

817
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:51,319
Speaker 1: I agree, I'm so with you. I just feel like

818
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 1: it's been so like wonderful having on Kati's crib because

819
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 1: you struck such a chord in me, Like screen, I

820
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 1: feel like Katie's crib. Really, That's what we're trying to

821
00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 1: do here too, is just like make ms feel like

822
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 1: they're not by themselves. And I know we have a

823
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 1: lot of listeners all over the country and aren't lucky

824
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 1: to have like a strong village or a strong support

825
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,719
Speaker 1: system or and so I feel like this is so

826
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 1: it's just been so helpful to hear from you. Um,

827
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 1: what advice would you give to somebody who maybe has

828
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 1: Adam I don't know. And what's the other version of

829
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 1: the pronounce it? Didn't I don't even know how to

830
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 1: pronounce it the way they're pronouncing it. But it's it's

831
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 1: it's like A D A D E N O M

832
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 1: Y O S I S as long as you can

833
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,719
Speaker 1: spell it. Kids, that's that's like. What does advice for

834
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:43,279
Speaker 1: women who have been diagnosed with this? Well? One of

835
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:46,799
Speaker 1: the biggest helps again, being connected once you once you

836
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 1: claim it and say it. I've been very fortunate that

837
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 1: people have come forward with more help. So I once

838
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,360
Speaker 1: I started talking about it. Hannah Brofman, a friend of

839
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,319
Speaker 1: mine from New York, she said, oh my god, I

840
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,840
Speaker 1: just did I think she did a podcast or a

841
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 1: or a tape being with a Lisa Vitty who is

842
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:06,320
Speaker 1: a hormone specialist, and who can you know? So I

843
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: got linked with a Lisa and she was like, cut

844
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:14,960
Speaker 1: out gluten, dairy, caffeine, and alcohol from your diet. Girl.

845
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: I mean, my book was called We're gonna need more

846
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 1: wine for at least and the next day after you

847
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:23,440
Speaker 1: need more wine, I'm gonna need more um so all

848
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: of and I who doesn't love freaking gluten and I

849
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 1: love real butter like, so the idea of giving these

850
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:32,239
Speaker 1: things up to see if any of these things was

851
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 1: sort of um exacerbating my symptoms and how I am

852
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 1: experiencing I don't know, my oasis. And it had a

853
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 1: massive effect. So one of the things that I would

854
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:44,440
Speaker 1: experience would be bloating that made me look like I

855
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:47,399
Speaker 1: was in my second trimester, which is fun because people

856
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 1: are like, she is bragnet. So it was like this

857
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,879
Speaker 1: constant bump watch. But I'm like, why am I so like?

858
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:55,400
Speaker 1: I mean, the blow was extreme. It's not even like

859
00:46:55,520 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 1: normal like noon, no bloat four pm. I look like

860
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: like I'm six months pregnant. It was weird, insane. Couldn't

861
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 1: figure it out. At least it was like cut out gluten,

862
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 1: dairy dad, So I cut it out and listen that

863
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:15,840
Speaker 1: full disclosure. I've pretty I pretty much stick to certainly

864
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 1: during the week during my work week. Uh no gluten,

865
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:23,440
Speaker 1: no dairy. Um. Yeah, the alcohol, we can't. I'm sorry,

866
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 1: but I need it. What I did definitely noticed was

867
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: my skin cleared up. I was having hair loss. So

868
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 1: let's okay, let's get into it. Hair loss. That was insane.

869
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 1: I have that right now. Hormonal Yeah, yeah, it's a

870
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:45,360
Speaker 1: good time, so you noticed that totally stopped from dietary.

871
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:50,239
Speaker 1: So what started happening after my first round of IVF

872
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 1: like years ago, but usually about three months after my

873
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:58,400
Speaker 1: last you know, after my egg retrieval, like a dime

874
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:03,320
Speaker 1: size bald spot which just open up on my scalp right. Luckily,

875
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 1: the first few were kind of in the back right

876
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,480
Speaker 1: and on. Being Mary Jane, I would wear you know,

877
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 1: wigs and stuff, so it's like they're like, did you

878
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:13,960
Speaker 1: notice there's a bald spot? I'm like, where where? You know,

879
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: mostly like you're not looking at the top of your head,

880
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 1: so I didn't. I hadn't noticed. So then, you know,

881
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 1: a couple more rounds a few months go by, they

882
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 1: started popping up towards the front, and what would happen

883
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 1: is the dime size bald spots would connect, So now

884
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 1: they're freaking ovals at the front of my head. So

885
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: even wig placement became there's nothing to pin it to

886
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 1: and then there's no there's no little hair to kind

887
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 1: of like blend it in within the front, can't use adhesive.

888
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 1: Developed this your emergency. It became this whole thing with

889
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 1: my hair, and I'm launching a hairline. I can't wear

890
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 1: my natural hair because I've got all spots all over

891
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 1: my head. So the body was having a major crazy

892
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:04,760
Speaker 1: and IVF and all the drugs and horn. I started

893
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,959
Speaker 1: having these weird like cystic like mound, you know, those

894
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 1: cystic acne that feel like they're painful, like these eruptions

895
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:16,279
Speaker 1: that are happening underneath and then they rise, but there's

896
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,399
Speaker 1: no head to pop like. You just got to live

897
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:21,959
Speaker 1: with these things anyway. So when I changed, she said,

898
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 1: you'll probably see a difference with the bloating and your skin,

899
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:27,600
Speaker 1: and it will. Let's just see what happens with Like

900
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 1: with your hair, hair started growing back. The blow was immediate,

901
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:35,920
Speaker 1: like immediately the bloat gone. The skin it took a

902
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:38,000
Speaker 1: little bit more time, but it started clearing up and

903
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:40,760
Speaker 1: I didn't get anymore those I am the lucky person

904
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 1: sitting across from Miss Gallion right now. Your skin is absurd.

905
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:47,239
Speaker 1: I don't even understand what's happening right now. It's like

906
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 1: I have to wear sunglasses because it's so glowy and stunning.

907
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:53,839
Speaker 1: And this is diet, so we recommend so like people

908
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 1: who are dealing with major hormonal certainly hormonal like this

909
00:49:57,840 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 1: you think that if you could maybe talk to a

910
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: horn mortal specialists. Luckily, she has a book Alsa VITTI

911
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 1: v I T T I, and she's got websites books,

912
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 1: and she literally changed my life. Um you know, I'm

913
00:50:12,239 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 1: I'm on I'm on her book, you know, talking about

914
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 1: like how amazing this book is because it legit made

915
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 1: a massive difference, you know. And again like pay like

916
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:22,200
Speaker 1: learning to pay attention to your body and what your

917
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 1: normal is. And if you come to that realization like

918
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:26,759
Speaker 1: I did at at you know in my forties that

919
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 1: I have no idea what my normal is because I've

920
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 1: my body has never been I don't say it's never

921
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 1: been normal, but I didn't know what to look forward

922
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:36,800
Speaker 1: to figure it out. I just thought, well, this is

923
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 1: what happened, just like very misinformed and very uneducated when

924
00:50:41,239 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 1: it comes to our own female bodies. It sucks. I

925
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 1: don't know why that is. It's a cultural thing, it's

926
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 1: a I don't know religiously. I mean, it's like a

927
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,839
Speaker 1: lot of different things, but it's terrible. Well, I mean

928
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 1: and for younger women, right, if your periods are extremely

929
00:50:56,680 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 1: long or extremely painful, or extremely heavy or irregular, these

930
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:04,319
Speaker 1: things should be these, there's some follow up questions you

931
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 1: need to ask your your o B or your your

932
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 1: primary care physician, or go to plant parenthood and and

933
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:12,160
Speaker 1: ask for you know, you know, help, a lot of

934
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:14,239
Speaker 1: low and no costs, you know, um plant parenthoods are

935
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 1: out there around the country, But ask follow up questions.

936
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 1: If the immediate response is birth control and you are

937
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 1: not actively trying to not have a baby, understand that

938
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 1: you're just masking whatever the issue actually is. And and

939
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 1: for a lot of us, that's enough, like we just

940
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:34,319
Speaker 1: want this to stop whatever, go away. What I don't

941
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:36,400
Speaker 1: want to do the work. But when you are, if

942
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 1: and when you are actually ready to have a baby,

943
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 1: understand that not treating whatever the actual root causes of

944
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 1: these irregular periods could factor into your fertility journey. So

945
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:49,879
Speaker 1: it's better to at least have the information as young

946
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 1: as you possibly can know if it's manifesting itself at

947
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:56,000
Speaker 1: a younger age, to at least know what's happening with

948
00:51:56,120 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 1: your body so you can make conscious, educated choices. And

949
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 1: it sounds like the I think this is my last

950
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 1: mental thing, but it also sounds like just from listening

951
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 1: to you talk for the last bit, I just feel

952
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:10,440
Speaker 1: like there's a thing about asking follow up questions and

953
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:13,880
Speaker 1: holding yourself accountable for demanding more and knowing more. And

954
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,640
Speaker 1: then there's also this thing about getting over your own

955
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:20,839
Speaker 1: shame and ego and things like that. And if you

956
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:23,480
Speaker 1: tell a few people, they might know someone who can

957
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:26,120
Speaker 1: help you. And that has been a motherhood thing for me,

958
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:29,640
Speaker 1: Like whenever I suck at something or I don't understand something,

959
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:32,800
Speaker 1: instead of just staying quiet, if I just bring it

960
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:34,239
Speaker 1: up to a few people who I think I might

961
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 1: who think I think they might know better, they can

962
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:38,759
Speaker 1: connect me to someone who does. And that's really the

963
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:41,400
Speaker 1: thing we have to get over, is like using your

964
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:44,239
Speaker 1: voice asking the questions, because it will most likely lead

965
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:45,920
Speaker 1: you to someone who has the answers. It might not

966
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 1: be the first person you ask, it might not be

967
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 1: the third, but if you don't give up, they're going

968
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:52,879
Speaker 1: to direct you to the right person. Right. And if

969
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:57,359
Speaker 1: you're okay with sort of dismantling the mirage, right, if

970
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 1: you're okay to like allow yourself to be I love

971
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: any hash like that, dismantle that. If you allow yourself

972
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 1: to be be presented as anything less than perfect, people

973
00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 1: will actually give you grace. People will extend that grace.

974
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 1: The same grace that you want, people will extend it

975
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 1: to you. And it's okay to not have everything retouched

976
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 1: or filtered or or the outfits don't match. If your

977
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:25,200
Speaker 1: kid makes it through the day, it's a damn success.

978
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 1: They don't have to make it through the day with

979
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:31,800
Speaker 1: perfect everything whatever, you know, like whatever. Like my husband

980
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 1: is like, are we gonna do anything with coughs hair?

981
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, not today, probably not tomorrow either. I like

982
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 1: him the mom that doesn't brush herkids hair because he

983
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 1: hates it and he fights me and he cries, and

984
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:43,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't care. She loves it. But you

985
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 1: know what, I have not mastered the art of all

986
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 1: those damn freaking snaps. Like the zipper makes me feel

987
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:54,880
Speaker 1: like I'm zipping up her skin the snaps, and I'm like, listen,

988
00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:58,120
Speaker 1: I got about two of the fourteen snaps. Um, how

989
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:00,759
Speaker 1: about just you and this this diaper? At least then

990
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 1: I don't have to take the thing off to check

991
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 1: the stripe to see if you pee, Like like listen, yeah,

992
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 1: we're gonna keep the house at about seventy four degrees,

993
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:11,319
Speaker 1: so you know, so when it's just me and mommy time.

994
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:14,280
Speaker 1: We're all just kind of naked because mommy can't handle

995
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:17,760
Speaker 1: the damn pajama or anything that requires buttons or snaps

996
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:20,239
Speaker 1: or zippers. Well, this one's really easy again, you know

997
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:24,360
Speaker 1: what's terrible? And I'm like, clearly I'm not in mensa

998
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 1: because I can't put my baby in. And also I'm

999
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:29,480
Speaker 1: like really on set all like arthritis because my fingers

1000
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:32,160
Speaker 1: like aren't nimble enough to really handle all the baby clothes.

1001
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:36,680
Speaker 1: A little shaking, oh, for sure, Like and it's I

1002
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 1: don't know if it's shaking from stress or just like

1003
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:42,920
Speaker 1: it's probably like I don't know what came first, the

1004
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:46,400
Speaker 1: shaking or the or my age or or my anxiety

1005
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:51,279
Speaker 1: about freaking backtime pajamas. Like it's impossible. Then when they

1006
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 1: don't want to get dressed, is there anything else you

1007
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:56,360
Speaker 1: want to add before we say goodbye? You know what,

1008
00:54:56,760 --> 00:55:00,960
Speaker 1: we're super conditioned to not center ourselves and our own stories,

1009
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 1: and because anything less than giving everything, every part of

1010
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:10,399
Speaker 1: ourselves to other people, we're that self is bitch. We're

1011
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:14,200
Speaker 1: the bad mom, We're the bad wife, We're the bad friend.

1012
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:18,080
Speaker 1: When you don't give every piece of yourself to everyone else,

1013
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 1: Whenever they feel like they need it. It is okay

1014
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 1: to center yourself and your needs and advocate for yourself

1015
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:26,360
Speaker 1: and be the center of your own story and be

1016
00:55:26,520 --> 00:55:30,239
Speaker 1: your best self for yourself so you can offer, in

1017
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:34,719
Speaker 1: reasonable doses as you see fit parts of you to

1018
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:38,160
Speaker 1: other people. We say in our family, you know, and

1019
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:40,760
Speaker 1: in our crew we all we got but that that

1020
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:44,160
Speaker 1: that includes the month in the mirror, like start with

1021
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 1: you first. I love it so much for coming on

1022
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 1: Katie's Crib. This was so special. I learned a ton.

1023
00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 1: I know our listeners did too. And you guys please

1024
00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:58,359
Speaker 1: line up for Welcome to the Party. Yes, you can

1025
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 1: pre order now. Pre order now. I will be doing

1026
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 1: that for sure, and we will link to it on

1027
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 1: Katie's Crib. Thank you so much. I want to say

1028
00:56:06,719 --> 00:56:08,680
Speaker 1: thank you again to Gabrielle Union for coming on the

1029
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:11,279
Speaker 1: show and I'm going to take it with me. Give

1030
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:13,799
Speaker 1: yourself some grace. I'm saying that to myself and I'm

1031
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:16,439
Speaker 1: saying that to all you guys listening. Thank you so much.

1032
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 1: Tell your friends, subscribe to the podcast Katie's Crib, follow

1033
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:24,560
Speaker 1: us on social channels at Katie's Crib, everywhere you get social,

1034
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 1: and if you have any thoughts or questions or comments,

1035
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:31,439
Speaker 1: Please email me at Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com.

1036
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:42,120
Speaker 1: I love you, guys. Katie's Crib is a production of

1037
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:45,120
Speaker 1: Shonda land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. For

1038
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:48,160
Speaker 1: more podcasts from Shanda land Audio, visit the iHeart Radio app,

1039
00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:52,799
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

1040
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:54,799
Speaker 1: I Want, You Want,