Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless. The production of Our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effect Oh Ship were back on the air.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode. What's Your Girl?
Speaker 1: Just hilarious? Now? If y'all hair and a c unit,
Speaker 1: it's because I'm in this fucking shoe box of a
Speaker 1: house in Bronx, New York. Now, not coming at the Bronx,
Speaker 1: not coming at any type of establishment or home or
Speaker 1: residency in New York. But y'all know, they try to
Speaker 1: fit as many fucking people in the city as they can,
Speaker 1: so they build all these low ass houses put together
Speaker 1: like this, and it's like a fucking like a raw
Speaker 1: dominoes and ship but Bronx whatever. So we're gonna jump
Speaker 1: straight into it again. I'm fixing people's mask. Now. We
Speaker 1: had a couple of updates. I'm not going to play
Speaker 1: the updates this week. I'm gonna save that for next
Speaker 1: week because we had some pretty rough stories I was reading. Again,
Speaker 1: everyone stays anonymous, and we're gonna jump straight in. Hi,
Speaker 1: just I need your help. I am twenty seven years old,
Speaker 1: and I am in a very rough and convolated place
Speaker 1: in my life. That's the first time I've heard of that.
Speaker 1: I lost my mother to stage four breast cancer last year.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, only after a week of finding out
Speaker 1: that she was even sick. She along with my father,
Speaker 1: were preachers. Since then, I've really been hurting emotionally and
Speaker 1: really seeking some reprieve in the form of a man
Speaker 1: for contacts. I am a gay black man, and I
Speaker 1: have never ever been in a relationship. I tried to
Speaker 1: approach men in person through d m S, dating apps,
Speaker 1: et cetera. I find that I am usually met with
Speaker 1: the same responses, which are either you're nice, but you
Speaker 1: aren't what I'm looking for, absolutely no response at all,
Speaker 1: even in person, or I'm immediately blocked on their social
Speaker 1: media at the top of the conversation. Damn, what's what
Speaker 1: are you being weird? What the fund is going on?
Speaker 1: Because I'm kind of your profile and you were very handsome,
Speaker 1: you know, and gorgeous at the same time, you know,
Speaker 1: when you slept a makeup on. I know that I
Speaker 1: am not the ideal beauty for gay men, but it
Speaker 1: is hard to gauge why this has happened my entire life.
Speaker 1: I'm an independent person with his own loft car job,
Speaker 1: et cetera. But no one seems like they care about
Speaker 1: those things. What advice can you give me to help
Speaker 1: gain clarity on my situation? And it is my desire
Speaker 1: for experiencing romance something that I should just pray away
Speaker 1: because it isn't in the cards for me. Any guidance
Speaker 1: will be greatly appreciated. Just thank you in advance, first
Speaker 1: of all, babes, because I'm not gonna see your name,
Speaker 1: although I want to, because that's how mad I am
Speaker 1: with you. It seems like you have low self esteem.
Speaker 1: That's the first thing I noticed just off the rip
Speaker 1: with you talking. I also want to say I do
Speaker 1: feel for you, and my heart goes out to you
Speaker 1: for losing your mom and um you said your dad
Speaker 1: as well. You use the tents of past because you
Speaker 1: said they were preachers. I don't know if your father
Speaker 1: is deceased, but I do give you my condolence for that. Now. Yes,
Speaker 1: I do see that you seem like you don't have
Speaker 1: the least bit of confidence to say something like that,
Speaker 1: and then you think that you should give up. Baby,
Speaker 1: You're only twenty seven years old. Okay, you may be
Speaker 1: in a rough place right now, and maybe that actually
Speaker 1: it's causing a lot of insecurity as well. Maybe you
Speaker 1: feel flawed. I don't know exactly why. I also noticed
Speaker 1: in your Instagram pictures you are a lot of makeup,
Speaker 1: so you kick it up on you now, listen, I've
Speaker 1: seen drag queens do that, but you're not a drag queen.
Speaker 1: I mean, if I'm right, you're just a gay man
Speaker 1: who loves to wear makeup, but you put a lot
Speaker 1: of it on. You also don't have any pictures of
Speaker 1: you without makeup. That's also a sign that you don't
Speaker 1: have hot self esteem. You don't think that the natural
Speaker 1: you was beautiful and is handsome and pretty, so you're
Speaker 1: covering up yourself a lot. I see that. You also
Speaker 1: say you've never been in a relationship. Have you been
Speaker 1: gay all your life? Have you ever experienced a woman
Speaker 1: being with a woman or being attracted to them? Why
Speaker 1: haven't you ever been in a relationship? Has this always
Speaker 1: been a problem for you? Know you said this has
Speaker 1: been happening your whole entire life. But you know how
Speaker 1: you have puppy love where you're like middle school. I
Speaker 1: wonder if you ever had like a playboyfriend or play
Speaker 1: girlfriend or somebody that that you liked, like your first
Speaker 1: little crush in school and those grade school years, you know,
Speaker 1: because that are also tell me a lot about you
Speaker 1: as well. Now you've tried approaching men in person through
Speaker 1: d m s and dating apps, and you're met with
Speaker 1: the same responses. Usually when people say you're nice, but
Speaker 1: you aren't what I'm looking for, you're either trying to
Speaker 1: buy them, You're very clingy, you're overbearing. Now, these are
Speaker 1: not what I'm deeming you. This is not what I'm
Speaker 1: calling you. I'm just saying that's what people with those
Speaker 1: responses are kind of thinking. You probably come on very strong,
Speaker 1: and you probably are extremely likable, but you probably overdo
Speaker 1: it in those settings because you are looking for love.
Speaker 1: But that's the problem. You're looking for it and you're
Speaker 1: really really on the prow and that's why it's not coming.
Speaker 1: Just be yourself. But it's kind of seems like you
Speaker 1: don't know who you are yet. You don't know exactly
Speaker 1: who you are, and that has nothing to do with
Speaker 1: your sexuality. You probably still don't know what you want
Speaker 1: and a man, because not Canna you even know what
Speaker 1: do you want? If you've never been in a relationship,
Speaker 1: you know you want to be happy. But getting down
Speaker 1: to the nitty gritty and the specifics. With specifics, you
Speaker 1: really don't know what you're looking for. What are you
Speaker 1: looking for? Do you have a type? Do you know
Speaker 1: what you want from a man when you finally get one,
Speaker 1: Like do you have a list of deal breakers? It's
Speaker 1: in a list of demands? Do you know your love languages?
Speaker 1: Do you know how you may come off to people sometimes?
Speaker 1: Do you know how to be laid back and chill?
Speaker 1: Have you ever asked yourself all these you have to
Speaker 1: self assess, like, you have to test yourself and really
Speaker 1: get to know yourself. It doesn't seem like you know
Speaker 1: yourself enough to even know why you're having this issue
Speaker 1: with dating. So that's the first thing you have to do,
Speaker 1: get to know yourself before you try to jump in
Speaker 1: a relationship after not having one your whole entire life.
Speaker 1: Because when you find out who you are, then you
Speaker 1: can be yourself and then that's what just attracts people.
Speaker 1: A confident person who is sure of themselves, who can
Speaker 1: adapt in any social setting. That's how you attract people.
Speaker 1: And that seems hard, It probably seems easier said than done,
Speaker 1: but that's what you have to do. Now, what's going
Speaker 1: on with people immediately blocking you on social media? And
Speaker 1: when you try to come and then what are you
Speaker 1: saw you sending dick pics or what are you saying
Speaker 1: some ship like you know, how are you running these
Speaker 1: people away? Because then nobody is going to immediately block
Speaker 1: your ass and keep it moving. There has to be
Speaker 1: something that you're doing and nobody playing with you. Now
Speaker 1: you gotta tell me what do you be doing that
Speaker 1: sounds like you'd be just jumping in niggas dms like yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to suck a dick from the back or
Speaker 1: hey you have eight is before you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1: Come on now, just what are you saying? You want
Speaker 1: to sneak dick after so? Well? Like what's going on?
Speaker 1: You're trying to swim through these chocolate alletes? Are you
Speaker 1: saying these kind of things? Because yes, I would block
Speaker 1: you too. You gotta check yourself sometimes, ain't nobody just
Speaker 1: block you for no reason? And then you said sometimes
Speaker 1: you get absolutely no response? Who are you going at? Like?
Speaker 1: Who have you hollered at? It also depends on the
Speaker 1: status as well, like are you jumping in celebrities d
Speaker 1: M s? Are you like what who are you? Are
Speaker 1: you dating on your level? Are you trying to do
Speaker 1: it on your level? And when I say on your level,
Speaker 1: I mean people that you can actually see, uh, somebody
Speaker 1: that you that you just don't see on the internet,
Speaker 1: people that you can actually meet up with and go
Speaker 1: on dates and actually, you know, like people in your
Speaker 1: own city and people who work in the same profession
Speaker 1: as you and things like that. That's what I mean
Speaker 1: when I say on your level. It has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with money, has nothing to do with popularity, just
Speaker 1: someone that can compare to you, like your companion and
Speaker 1: congratulations on an independent I'm glad. I'm glad that you
Speaker 1: are a young, successful black man who has its own
Speaker 1: loft car job. All of that sounds good, But you
Speaker 1: also said it seems like no one cares about these things.
Speaker 1: I can see why that's defeating a little bit. But
Speaker 1: a part of you better be glad that people don't
Speaker 1: care about those things, because then people would take advantage
Speaker 1: of you for the things you do have. You know,
Speaker 1: just because of the things you do have. You have
Speaker 1: a good job. Oh yeah, people see that, they see
Speaker 1: dollar signs. Got his own car. Okay, he might take
Speaker 1: me anywhere I want to go, or you can pick
Speaker 1: me up and drive me around. He works, okay, so
Speaker 1: I don't have to work. No people will take advantage
Speaker 1: of people like you, So you actually should be glad
Speaker 1: that not a lot of people care about those things
Speaker 1: and you're being independent and having your own that's my
Speaker 1: advice for you. Look inside of yourself and try to
Speaker 1: work on your your self esteem and your confidence and
Speaker 1: learning to live with who you are instead of trying
Speaker 1: to cover it up. Okay, that's what you need to do,
Speaker 1: because as soon as you learn to be yourself, you'll
Speaker 1: be yourself and be you with the fullest, most bubbliest
Speaker 1: personality being you most efficiently, the people will come to you,
Speaker 1: and before you know it, you're gonna be struggling with
Speaker 1: picking motherfucker's you like. Hold Up, I know, I asked
Speaker 1: you know, I asked for this advice, and I know
Speaker 1: I said what nobody trying to pay me no mind?
Speaker 1: But now it's too many niggas for me to focus.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, So that's what you need to work on.
Speaker 1: Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good,
Speaker 1: but listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen. Moving on, I'm finding
Speaker 1: it nearly impossible to not drink water whenever I get
Speaker 1: the chance, I don't, and I have never let it
Speaker 1: interfere with my work or functionality. I still work full
Speaker 1: time and maintain relationships and stuff like that. However, I
Speaker 1: simply cannot resist drinking and high volume whenever the opportunity
Speaker 1: presents itself, mainly at my home on my own, and
Speaker 1: I feel like it's ultimately getting in the way of
Speaker 1: my intellectual and spiritual growth. It's like I have an
Speaker 1: appetite for fun and good times that I simply can't
Speaker 1: satisfy no matter how many bottles are empty. I understand
Speaker 1: it's not necessarily as bad as smoking meth or crack
Speaker 1: every night, but it's still effectively similar in principle. So, girl,
Speaker 1: I need some advice on how to lower my intake
Speaker 1: and learn how to appreciate a sober night at home.
Speaker 1: Love and respect from the United Kingdom. Hey, baby girl, listen,
Speaker 1: I literally just had the same problem. I just, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say, suffer because I have al serrative colitis and
Speaker 1: drinking flares that up. It's when you have alcers on
Speaker 1: your colon and it gets inflamed with your diet. I'm
Speaker 1: not supposed to eat a lot of fried foods, a
Speaker 1: lot of spicy ship, a lot of liquor. So when
Speaker 1: I was diagnosed with all serative colitis and they told
Speaker 1: me that, you know, I couldn't drink heavy liquor like consistently,
Speaker 1: and I couldn't do it or it would get worse
Speaker 1: in it ultimately damages your liver, and then other things
Speaker 1: get sucked up, and then everything else gets sucked up,
Speaker 1: and then you know it's just an ongoing health issue.
Speaker 1: I took breaks. Now you don't have to stop drinking.
Speaker 1: That would be nice as well, that would be greater
Speaker 1: than anything. However, you don't always have to because you
Speaker 1: drink so much. It would be wiser and easier for
Speaker 1: you to win yourself off this way. If you drink
Speaker 1: every day, drink every other day, put yourself on the schedule,
Speaker 1: and so you wan yourself completely down to where you
Speaker 1: think you'll be fine. If you drink every day, put
Speaker 1: yourself on a schedule Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday, and then
Speaker 1: go back to Monday. So to those days you are
Speaker 1: drinking back to back. But that's how you wan yourself,
Speaker 1: if you're not going to go to a a if
Speaker 1: you're not going to seek professional help. If you're not
Speaker 1: going to do that, these are some home remedies you
Speaker 1: can do. Drink every other day for two weeks, then
Speaker 1: for the following two weeks, drink every two days. Do
Speaker 1: that for two weeks, and then for the following two
Speaker 1: weeks drink every three days. Into your drinking minimalizes so
Speaker 1: much where you're only doing it on the weekends now,
Speaker 1: or you're only doing it in the middle of the
Speaker 1: week or two three times a week. Now, you have
Speaker 1: to do that. You and you have to be strong
Speaker 1: willed enough, which you admit to me that you are not.
Speaker 1: So it does saying like if you can't do this
Speaker 1: slowly but surely minimalizing your intake, you just may need
Speaker 1: to seek alcohol therapy. You may need to seek professional
Speaker 1: help that I can't give you. I can just tell
Speaker 1: you what's not good for you. And drinking every day,
Speaker 1: whether you're functional or not, it's not good because you
Speaker 1: even admit it, it's starting to funk with your intellectual
Speaker 1: and spiritual growth. Spiritual growth is one thing that I
Speaker 1: have delayed in my life time and time again. So
Speaker 1: I know exactly how you feel. That's why you have
Speaker 1: to put your spirit first. Your spirit is loud, and
Speaker 1: it's like a mosquito. It keeps following you, it keeps
Speaker 1: biting you, it keeps poking you. And for your spirit
Speaker 1: is loud, you just have to listen to it. And
Speaker 1: you have to be serious about this problem that you're
Speaker 1: telling me you have. And I know that you know
Speaker 1: you have it, because you wouldn't be telling me you
Speaker 1: got the damn problem. So just pace yourself. Try to
Speaker 1: pace yourself. Remember every other day for two weeks, then
Speaker 1: every two days for two weeks, then every three days
Speaker 1: for two weeks, all the way until you get to
Speaker 1: drinking two days a week, which can be on the
Speaker 1: days where you don't work. Try to check back in
Speaker 1: with me, all right, and thank you for sending in
Speaker 1: your mess all the way from the UK. Baby, I
Speaker 1: shall be there soon. She try next you come here,
Speaker 1: I need you to fix my mess. I'm a drunk
Speaker 1: h all right. Last, but not least, Hey, Jess, I'm
Speaker 1: in desperate need of some advice. So a couple of
Speaker 1: months ago, my boyfriend threw a part and did not
Speaker 1: invite me. I played it cool, until the day of
Speaker 1: the party, got fine as fuck and popped up with
Speaker 1: some of my home girls. Parties aren't my things, so
Speaker 1: he was completely surprised. At the party, I was confronted
Speaker 1: by a female who admitted to having a sexual relationship
Speaker 1: with my man. As devastated as I was, I played
Speaker 1: it cool because I'm not giving no bitch the power
Speaker 1: to see me cry as you shouldn't. She showed me
Speaker 1: text messages, videos, pictures, and cash apps everything. She was
Speaker 1: playing it like she was the other woman and my
Speaker 1: BF was two times in the both of us whole time.
Speaker 1: She knew about me and had been stalking me for months.
Speaker 1: During the whole encounter, my boyfriend was nowhere to be found.
Speaker 1: The next day, he was bagging for my forgiveness, even
Speaker 1: asked me to marry him. Fast forward to today, although
Speaker 1: we aren't together, he's still been trying as hardest to
Speaker 1: prove to me that he's changed and wants me to
Speaker 1: take him back. So my question to you is it's
Speaker 1: wants a cheater, always a cheater, or do you think
Speaker 1: it was just a mistake that helped him grow up
Speaker 1: and realize what he wants? All right? So that was
Speaker 1: very detailed, honey Bunn. Okay, so this was just a
Speaker 1: couple of months ago, all right. I'm not saying it's
Speaker 1: impossible to grow up in a couple of months. But
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is it hasn't been that much time.
Speaker 1: Because this was a couple of months, It hasn't been
Speaker 1: that much time since this should happened. And I just
Speaker 1: don't want you to jump back in because you are
Speaker 1: young and you do love your boyfriend, I mean your
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend. You know you're now ex boyfriend. I just
Speaker 1: don't want you to jump back in it and then
Speaker 1: be disappointed again. I think you should give him more time.
Speaker 1: He needs to fill that ship for a little bit
Speaker 1: more than a couple of months, because apparently he was
Speaker 1: lying to y'all, both of y'all for a long time. Now,
Speaker 1: although she knew about you, she still owes you nothing,
Speaker 1: and this ship would have still been going on if
Speaker 1: she would have never approached you at that party, if
Speaker 1: you would have never decided to go to the party
Speaker 1: that he didn't invite you to. Now that says a
Speaker 1: lot because he's your boyfriend. He had a party, his
Speaker 1: girlfriend wasn't invited, but the side which was in at
Speaker 1: it because she was there, and how the hell he
Speaker 1: was nowhere to be found if it was his party
Speaker 1: and you and the side bitch then had a whole
Speaker 1: goddamn sha boinga Shenanigan talk and he ain't nowhere to
Speaker 1: be found. Where did he leave the party? Because if
Speaker 1: that's the case, you know why the hell he wasn't
Speaker 1: nowhere to be found because now both of his girls
Speaker 1: are at the same party. Okay, it's given the boy
Speaker 1: his mind, That's what it's given. It's given the boy
Speaker 1: his mind. Music video with mcai Kaife for Brandy and
Speaker 1: monniccause that's what it's given. If you don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about, cause you're so damn young, you ain't
Speaker 1: nothing but the Lord whipper Snapper, then go and search
Speaker 1: that video on YouTube. It's a very good music video
Speaker 1: at the end, both of them. But well, look, I
Speaker 1: ain't gonna ruin it for you. Back to your story. Yes,
Speaker 1: so I would give him a lot more months. That girl,
Speaker 1: whether she knew about your ass or not. He cheated.
Speaker 1: He's been lying to both of y'all, and this's been
Speaker 1: going on for quite some time, and that's why it
Speaker 1: was so good. That's why he was having his kick
Speaker 1: and eating it too. It was played very well because
Speaker 1: one girl knew, one girl actually knew. See, it's hard
Speaker 1: when both of y'all don't know. It's hard when a
Speaker 1: guy it's too time and two women who don't know
Speaker 1: about each other. It's a little easier to move when
Speaker 1: one of the bitches know about the other one, because
Speaker 1: now you only got one to hide everything from, and
Speaker 1: that's the actual girlfriend. Now, if he's begging you to
Speaker 1: come back, that's exactly what the funk he should be doing. Okay,
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying he doesn't mean it. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that he hasn't come to a census. But you
Speaker 1: ain't over that ship. I know you're not over it.
Speaker 1: I can tell by the way you type the story
Speaker 1: to me. I know you're not over it, but you
Speaker 1: do love him, So I would say give it to
Speaker 1: the end of the year. We in August. See what
Speaker 1: how you feeling around Christmas. If that's too long, go
Speaker 1: ahead and try it, but don't be fucking crawling back
Speaker 1: in my fucking DM telling me that he did some
Speaker 1: more ship by Christmas. If you get back with him
Speaker 1: before Christmas, all right, now, check back in with me.
Speaker 1: I love y'all, And just like that we've come to
Speaker 1: the end of another Carefully Reckless a soul. What's your girl?
Speaker 1: Just hilarious and I'll be fixing mess to the end
Speaker 1: of the year, y'all. Make sure you submit all your
Speaker 1: mess whether you type it, give me a voice note
Speaker 1: however you send it, send it and I will fix it.
Speaker 1: And then my deepest pan voice peace, yeah h. Carefully
Speaker 1: Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The
Speaker 1: Black Effect. For more podcasts from our heart Radio, visit
Speaker 1: the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.