Speaker 1: Imagine you have a glass of water and someone says
Speaker 1: they're thirsty, and you give them the whole glass, and
Speaker 1: then you're trying to give them more from that glass,
Speaker 1: but there's no more left. You end up feeling guilty
Speaker 1: and the other person is looking at you like, what
Speaker 1: are you trying to do? Right? It doesn't make sense,
Speaker 1: but we do it emotionally. Emotionally, we try to overgive, overshare,
Speaker 1: over provide, over promise, and actually we end up under delivering. Hey, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back to on Purpose. I am so grateful that
Speaker 1: you're here right now. It truly means the world to
Speaker 1: me that you tune in every day, some of you
Speaker 1: multiple times per day or multiple times per week. And
Speaker 1: it's been an incredible, incredible journey over the last four
Speaker 1: and a half years of serving you through this podcast.
Speaker 1: I feel like the community we've developed, the relationship we've developed,
Speaker 1: the depth that we've created has been absolutely phenomenal. And
Speaker 1: today's episode is very very special for me because this
Speaker 1: is my birthday episode, which means I want to share
Speaker 1: with you the lessons I've learned, the mistakes I've made,
Speaker 1: the challenges I've faced, what has been happening in my
Speaker 1: life over the last twelve months, because I feel like
Speaker 1: you know me and I know you, and we've built
Speaker 1: this incredible relationship over the last few years. Whether you
Speaker 1: started listening one episode ago or whether you started listening
Speaker 1: three hundred episodes ago, I feel connected to you, and
Speaker 1: I know you feel connected too. So I want to
Speaker 1: kind of talk through some personal things, and at the
Speaker 1: same time, I want to share with you the learnings,
Speaker 1: the messages, the wisdom that I've gained through those experiences
Speaker 1: in my life. My birthday was on the sixth of September,
Speaker 1: a couple of days ago, and I woke up in
Speaker 1: the morning and I wrote this caption for what I
Speaker 1: was sharing on Instagram that day, and it's inspired an
Speaker 1: entire episode to share with you some of my top learnings.
Speaker 1: And for me, my birthday's always been a day of reflection,
Speaker 1: a day of celebration, a day of reconnecting to my purpose,
Speaker 1: reconnecting to my essence. And I'm really excited that I
Speaker 1: get to share that with you in a deeper, more
Speaker 1: thoughtful way. So I want to dive straight in because
Speaker 1: I've got twelve reminders, twelve lessons I've learned in the
Speaker 1: last twelve months. So let's start with number one. And
Speaker 1: by the way, these are personal and professional, so lesser
Speaker 1: Number one is be really conscious about who you keep
Speaker 1: and let go from your life. Just because you have
Speaker 1: history doesn't mean you have to force a future. A
Speaker 1: lot of people have been asking me, Jay, it just
Speaker 1: seems like you've been able to do so much recently.
Speaker 1: I was able to launch my second book, I was
Speaker 1: able to go on tour, the podcast hasn't missed. It's
Speaker 1: been incredible to make some really cool content for our
Speaker 1: social channels. I've been able to get involved in lots
Speaker 1: of meaningful impact work behind the scenes. And a lot
Speaker 1: of people say to me, Ji, it seems like you've
Speaker 1: been doing so much, And the truth is I can
Speaker 1: only do that because of the incredible team I have
Speaker 1: around me. I'm surrounded today by an amazing group of
Speaker 1: people that work with me because they believe in the purpose,
Speaker 1: they believe in what we're trying to do, They see
Speaker 1: the impact. They are so proud of doing good work
Speaker 1: by themselves. I have a number of people on my
Speaker 1: team that are just leaders, and previously they never got
Speaker 1: given the opportunity, they didn't get given the break, they
Speaker 1: didn't get given the responsibility for whatever reason, and so
Speaker 1: anything I'm able to do today is truly to give
Speaker 1: credit to them, no notice. How I said, be really
Speaker 1: conscious about who you keep and let go from your life.
Speaker 1: And the reason I use the word conscious is because
Speaker 1: when you're present, when you're aware, you can energetically in
Speaker 1: the moment, tell whether you connect with someone or whether
Speaker 1: you don't. How many times have you met someone and
Speaker 1: thought to yourself, this is someone I'm going to be
Speaker 1: friends with for a long time. Or how many times
Speaker 1: have you met someone and thought to yourself, Yep, me
Speaker 1: and this person don't align. No judgment, no criticism, but
Speaker 1: but we just don't see ittoi. And I started to
Speaker 1: realize that, especially in the workplace, I wanted to work
Speaker 1: with people that I'd be happy going out to lunch
Speaker 1: and dinner with. I wanted to work with people and
Speaker 1: bring people on to my team that I'd want to
Speaker 1: invest in and coach and guide a mentor. I wanted
Speaker 1: to have people on my team that I thought could
Speaker 1: challenge me. For a long time, I was just looking
Speaker 1: at people's backgrounds and work experience and things like that,
Speaker 1: and I started to realize I was actually neglecting my
Speaker 1: energy check. I was denying my ability to use my
Speaker 1: intuition and see the frequency of someone and see whether
Speaker 1: we align on that level. And you see that happen
Speaker 1: on the podcast all the time. I'm sure you see
Speaker 1: me with guests where you can see where we're on
Speaker 1: the same vibration, same wavelength. And it's interesting how we
Speaker 1: all have that ability, we all have that skill, but
Speaker 1: we often kind of put it aside, or we try
Speaker 1: to shun it. We go, oh no, no, let me
Speaker 1: look at the facts, let me look at the data.
Speaker 1: And I almost wanted to give you a reminder that
Speaker 1: I want you to trust your intuition. I want you
Speaker 1: to trust your gut. I want you to think energetically
Speaker 1: about the people that make you feel good, that lift
Speaker 1: you up, that make you feel like they bring out
Speaker 1: the best in you? Right, does someone bring out the
Speaker 1: best in you? Does someone make you feel like the
Speaker 1: best version of yourself? How can you connect with them
Speaker 1: more closely and more deeply? And I added a part
Speaker 1: to this lesson as well, the idea that just because
Speaker 1: you have history with someone doesn't mean you have to
Speaker 1: force the future. Because it's really interesting how nostalgia and
Speaker 1: how attachments hold this deep space in our life. We
Speaker 1: feel we have to stay connected to people because we
Speaker 1: were once connected to them. We feel we have to
Speaker 1: force ourselves to have a relationship with someone because we
Speaker 1: had a relationship in the past. And what I've learned
Speaker 1: is that you can honor a relationship like I've got
Speaker 1: lots of friends that we were really really close back
Speaker 1: in the day, and if I'm completely honest, if I
Speaker 1: see them now, we can slot straight back into that
Speaker 1: energy that we had then. And I love doing that
Speaker 1: with them. But I'm not trying to force and create
Speaker 1: and build a new part to that relationship anymore. If
Speaker 1: that's not natural, if that's not organic. And you know,
Speaker 1: we've all heard the old phrase that you become the
Speaker 1: five people you're surrounded by. You know, you become the
Speaker 1: average of the five people around you, and it's lasted
Speaker 1: the test of time, that advice, because it's so true.
Speaker 1: And I want you to be conscious about where you
Speaker 1: want to go. I want you to be conscious about
Speaker 1: who you want to be. And if you can answer
Speaker 1: those questions, who do I want to be, who am
Speaker 1: I becoming? And where do I want to go? That's
Speaker 1: the people you want to surround yourself by how can
Speaker 1: you find those new communities and new people around you? Now?
Speaker 1: Number two, take care of your body and mind like
Speaker 1: your life depends on it, because it does. In order
Speaker 1: to serve and give more, I often push myself beyond
Speaker 1: my limits, and therefore I also need to give them
Speaker 1: the attention they deserve. Now I've done this time and
Speaker 1: time again. I love what I do, I believe in
Speaker 1: what I do, but I give more than what I have.
Speaker 1: How many of you have ever done that before? Well,
Speaker 1: you're just trying to give and give and give, and
Speaker 1: you're trying to give way beyond what you actually have.
Speaker 1: How's that possible? Imagine you have a glass of water
Speaker 1: and someone says they're thirsty, and you give them the
Speaker 1: whole glass, and then you're trying to give them more
Speaker 1: from that glass, but there's no more left. You end
Speaker 1: up feeling guilty and the other person is looking at
Speaker 1: you like, what are you trying to do? Right? It
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense, but we do it emotionally. Emotionally, we
Speaker 1: try to overgive, overshare, over provide, over promise, and naturally
Speaker 1: we end up under delivering. We end up feeling undervalued.
Speaker 1: And what I realized a while ago was I could
Speaker 1: only truly extend myself and give myself to others if
Speaker 1: I was truly taking care of myself. Had I slept well,
Speaker 1: had I eaten well? Had I worked out? Had I meditated?
Speaker 1: Because is not only would I be able to give more,
Speaker 1: the quality of what I was able to give was
Speaker 1: elevated as well. If I'd meditated, I was more clear.
Speaker 1: If I'd worked out, I felt more strength. If I'd
Speaker 1: eaten well, then I felt like I had better decision
Speaker 1: making capabilities. How many of us are trying to extend
Speaker 1: ourselves to others, but we're just giving them our leftovers.
Speaker 1: How many of us are trying to be there for
Speaker 1: other people, but we're not even there for ourselves in
Speaker 1: the first place. I really really want you to remember this.
Speaker 1: It sounds so basic and it's so simple, but I
Speaker 1: know that there are so many of you that want
Speaker 1: to do good in the world, that you want to
Speaker 1: do something for others. And what I've realized time and
Speaker 1: time again is that it is so so important and
Speaker 1: necessary for us to remember that helping yourself is a
Speaker 1: part of helping others. We often see helping ourselves and
Speaker 1: helping others as complete opposites. We see them as two
Speaker 1: things that don't connect. Actually, loving yourself in order to
Speaker 1: love others makes it connected. Taking care of yourself in
Speaker 1: order to care for others makes it connected. We have
Speaker 1: to start looking at our life as interconnected and symbiotic,
Speaker 1: as opposed to disconnected. Now, how do we do this?
Speaker 1: When you look at meditation, exercise, diet, and sleep, those
Speaker 1: are the four things I think about. I call it meds, meeds, meditation, exercise,
Speaker 1: diet and sleep. You can't solve all four at the
Speaker 1: same time, and I often think that doing them in
Speaker 1: a certain order can help you. So I always say
Speaker 1: to people, start with your sleep. If you can start
Speaker 1: with your sleep pattern, a lot of other things are
Speaker 1: going to take care of themselves. For example, if you
Speaker 1: sleep well, you're likely to eat better because now you're
Speaker 1: not turning to sugars and carbs or at least the
Speaker 1: bad ones for energy because you've slept well, so now
Speaker 1: you're not filling up that energy gap. If you are
Speaker 1: sleep well, also your energy increases to want to exercise,
Speaker 1: to want to work out, and you're sleeping better because
Speaker 1: when you exercise, you're using up that energy throughout the
Speaker 1: day and of course meditation, allowing you to have stillness,
Speaker 1: and so I want you to think about how you
Speaker 1: can start with just one of them. If you've already
Speaker 1: nailed sleep, go to diet. If you've done diet, got
Speaker 1: to exercise. If you don't exercise, go to meditation. Move
Speaker 1: through your meds very effectively. And this second lesson was
Speaker 1: most important for me this year with the tour. I
Speaker 1: was so enjoying my time on tour, and at the
Speaker 1: same time it was one of the most exhausting things
Speaker 1: I've ever done. I was in each city for like
Speaker 1: one and a half days if that, and most of
Speaker 1: that would be coming in, checking in, sleeping in a hotel,
Speaker 1: eating something, going on a walk, getting on stage, getting
Speaker 1: back off, flying on a plane again. It was so
Speaker 1: exhausting that my meds took care of me. And I've
Speaker 1: realized that your capacity in life, I've increases or decreases
Speaker 1: based on meditation, exercise, diet, and sleep, and so in
Speaker 1: my own life this year I learned even more so
Speaker 1: how important it was to take care of my body
Speaker 1: and mind and what they were capable of and what
Speaker 1: was possible when I did that. So number three, this
Speaker 1: one's a big one. For me and I want to
Speaker 1: be open and vulnerable with you. It's okay to ask
Speaker 1: for help or a hug. You're human, after all, and
Speaker 1: so am I. If you're trying to be there for others,
Speaker 1: it's easy to forget you also need to be held
Speaker 1: and embraced emotionally. Often I forget this, don't ignore that need.
Speaker 1: I can't tell you the amount of times I've tried
Speaker 1: to be strong for others. I've held back my own emotions,
Speaker 1: my tears, my vulnerabilities, my weaknesses because I didn't think
Speaker 1: it was okay to ask for help or a hug.
Speaker 1: And recently, in the past year, I have been so
Speaker 1: proud of myself for reaching out to peace people and
Speaker 1: just saying, hey, I'd love to chat, he I'd love
Speaker 1: to talk. Hey, let me just open up about this
Speaker 1: for a second. And I'm so grateful that I have
Speaker 1: so many incredible friends in my life, men and women
Speaker 1: who are consistently there for me, always to help, with
Speaker 1: a hug, with support, whatever it may be. And I
Speaker 1: think what's really interesting is why do we struggle to
Speaker 1: ask for help. One of the first reasons is because
Speaker 1: we're scared that no one will care. We actually have
Speaker 1: this inbuilt fear inside of us that no one's coming,
Speaker 1: that no one's coming to help us, that no one's
Speaker 1: coming to care, And because of that fear, we don't
Speaker 1: ever ask. And what I've found is that the more
Speaker 1: I develop and deepen my relationships, the more I'm able
Speaker 1: to actually have confidence that when I open my heart
Speaker 1: to someone don't want to help me. Another reason why
Speaker 1: we struggle to tell people is we think it will
Speaker 1: make us look weak. So now we're worried about how
Speaker 1: will be perceived or how will appear to the other
Speaker 1: person if we express this vulnerability, if we express this need,
Speaker 1: does it make us look like weaker? Does it make
Speaker 1: us look less skilled and less able? What does it do?
Speaker 1: And it's really interesting because I realized in my line
Speaker 1: of work, people always think, oh, Jay has to have
Speaker 1: it all together, he has to have it all going,
Speaker 1: and I don't, and I don't think anyone does. And
Speaker 1: I think that opening up and sharing that with my
Speaker 1: friends more openly has allowed me to have them feel
Speaker 1: like they can reach out because in the past people
Speaker 1: don only reach out for advice, But then now you
Speaker 1: have friends reaching out going, hey you okay, how are
Speaker 1: you feeling? About this, and I love that. I love
Speaker 1: that it makes me feel great when people do that.
Speaker 1: And so I've had friends reach out to me and say, Jay, hey,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to check in and see how you're feeling.
Speaker 1: You know, I wanted to make sure you do it
Speaker 1: all right. And people check in on you when you
Speaker 1: allow them to check in on you. So often we
Speaker 1: push people away from checking in with us if we
Speaker 1: always portray our life as perfect, or if the perception
Speaker 1: of us is that life is great. And so we
Speaker 1: have to help break down that wall for people so
Speaker 1: that people can actually reach out to us, because otherwise
Speaker 1: we just sit there going well, no one reaches out
Speaker 1: to me, No one cares about how I feel, No
Speaker 1: one really knows. Another reason why we don't give ourselves
Speaker 1: permission to ask for our hug or ask for help
Speaker 1: is because sometimes we're scared of whether we deserve it.
Speaker 1: I've known people in my life who've had incredible people
Speaker 1: in their life be open with them to want to
Speaker 1: help them and support them, and these people haven't taken
Speaker 1: it up because they feel like they don't deserve it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes maybe we feel we won't fulfill the advice, we
Speaker 1: won't follow through with it, so we feel unqualified, and
Speaker 1: I think what's important to know in that case is
Speaker 1: just hell the other person. I often say to someone, Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure I have the energy right now to
Speaker 1: follow through with your advice, but I would love to
Speaker 1: get your perspective. I'm not sure I'm emotionally mature enough
Speaker 1: to dissect and digest this right now, but I'd love
Speaker 1: to give it a shot. Can you share this with me?
Speaker 1: If we were able to tell people what we were
Speaker 1: really going through and how we felt, it would be
Speaker 1: fascinating to see how much more we'd be able to
Speaker 1: learn about ourselves and they'd be able to learn about us.
Speaker 1: I don't feel scared anymore to actually open my mind
Speaker 1: and say this is what I'm grappling with. This is
Speaker 1: the dichotomy I'm struggling with. This is the challenge that
Speaker 1: exists for me. Lesson number four, don't buy into your
Speaker 1: own hype. Stay connected to why you started, and remain
Speaker 1: a humble student of life. If you forget this, life
Speaker 1: will remind you. I love this one because I genuinely
Speaker 1: believe that it's so easy to get caught up in
Speaker 1: your own hype and forget why you started. And forget
Speaker 1: why you began, and forget the feeling you got when
Speaker 1: you started doing whatever it is that you do. And
Speaker 1: for me, I really, on tour this year tried to
Speaker 1: take in the love that I received from all of
Speaker 1: you when I met you at a meet and greet,
Speaker 1: or I met you walking off stage, or when I
Speaker 1: met you walking into my car after the show, or
Speaker 1: whatever it was, and so many of you shared so
Speaker 1: many beautiful messages of love with me. I really tried
Speaker 1: to take in the love. And I think before I
Speaker 1: used to think that if I took in the love,
Speaker 1: I'd be buying into my own hype, and I realized
Speaker 1: these are two very different things. So buying into your
Speaker 1: own hype means you're like getting egotistic and arrogant about
Speaker 1: what's going on. And receiving love is actually so beautiful
Speaker 1: because it doesn't go to the head, It goes to
Speaker 1: the heart. And so to me, if someone says something
Speaker 1: and I can help it go to the heart, it
Speaker 1: actually is really nourishing and nurturing. And this is one
Speaker 1: of the reasons why we struggle to say nice things
Speaker 1: about ourselves. This is one of the reasons we struggle
Speaker 1: to receive compliments is because we think they're going to
Speaker 1: go to our ego. And it's really interesting because what
Speaker 1: I try and do and this is how the filtration
Speaker 1: process or the extraction process works. So if someone compliments me,
Speaker 1: let's say someone says, Jay, you gave such a great presentation, right,
Speaker 1: and I'm doing this and it's uncomfortable for me to
Speaker 1: even say this about myself, but let's say someone said
Speaker 1: that to me. The first thing I do is I
Speaker 1: extract gratitude, and I pass that gratitude onto my teacher
Speaker 1: or my teachers or my mentors who gave me that skill.
Speaker 1: So whatever skill someone notices in me, I think of
Speaker 1: the person who helped me develop that skill directly or indirectly,
Speaker 1: and I give it to them in my mind. And
Speaker 1: then I express gratitude to the person who gave that
Speaker 1: to me, because they've just reminded me of my teacher,
Speaker 1: They've reminded me of beautiful memories of learning. They've reminded
Speaker 1: me of the growth that I've made, the progress I've made,
Speaker 1: and some grateful to them as well. So you've just
Speaker 1: turned something that could turn into ego into gratitude. And
Speaker 1: that's how you don't buy into your own hype. And
Speaker 1: what I've understood about life so far is that if
Speaker 1: you do buy into your own hype, life comes back around.
Speaker 1: It humbles you, it brings you back down to ground,
Speaker 1: and it will keep doing that because it's how it's designed.
Speaker 1: We're designed to see the humanity in ourselves and see
Speaker 1: the humanity in others, and value ourselves based on that humanity,
Speaker 1: not value ourselves based on anything else. And I think
Speaker 1: it's truly special and beautiful when we can actually do that.
Speaker 1: Number five. People will always try to tear you down,
Speaker 1: no matter your intention, Trust that the people that know
Speaker 1: you love you, and invest deeply in those relationships to
Speaker 1: protect yourself. I've realized this the hard way that no
Speaker 1: matter how good your intention is, no matter how much
Speaker 1: you care, no matter what you're trying to do in
Speaker 1: the world, there will always be people who try and
Speaker 1: tear you down. There'll always be people who size you,
Speaker 1: who mock you, who ridicule you, who point fingers at you.
Speaker 1: And I take as much of it I can as feedback.
Speaker 1: I always look at any criticism as how can I
Speaker 1: learn from that? How can I grow from that? And
Speaker 1: at the same time I have to realize that the
Speaker 1: people who know me deeply, the people who know me truly,
Speaker 1: the people who know me honestly, I have to check
Speaker 1: in with them. And I do that when I listen
Speaker 1: to some feedback about myself as some criticism, and I'm
Speaker 1: starting to internalize it and take it personally, and trust me,
Speaker 1: I do that. I'll often go to a close friend
Speaker 1: and I'll say, Hey, do you feel this way? Do
Speaker 1: you think this is true? And I'll have friends who
Speaker 1: are really honest with me, and so they'll say, look,
Speaker 1: I don't think this part's true. I think this is
Speaker 1: something you could work on. I think this may have
Speaker 1: some validity to it, but not in that venom that
Speaker 1: it was given with. And having that conversation is so beautiful.
Speaker 1: Or a friend of mine just says to me, Jay,
Speaker 1: you know what, Actually, I'll be honest with you. You're
Speaker 1: right and this isn't the truth. I think it's so
Speaker 1: important to continually deepen our closest relationships. And the challenge
Speaker 1: is if everyone always knows us in a shallow way,
Speaker 1: all the criticism we experience will hit us deep. Right,
Speaker 1: If all of our relationships are shallow, what anyone will
Speaker 1: say will cut us deep. But if we have deep relationships,
Speaker 1: if we deepen our relationships, we can then make sense
Speaker 1: of where things really land. And so for me, I've
Speaker 1: also realized that as your scale grows, the amount of
Speaker 1: people that like and dislike your work also grows. And
Speaker 1: I think I've tried my best to separate myself from
Speaker 1: my work, at least theoretically and intellectually, to recognize that
Speaker 1: someone cannot like my work. They may not like what
Speaker 1: I say, but that doesn't mean they don't like me
Speaker 1: because they may not know me, and that's okay, And
Speaker 1: I'm not bitter towards them. I'm not mad at them.
Speaker 1: I actually share internally a lot of love with them,
Speaker 1: and I practice that if someone has ill, will towards
Speaker 1: me at least internally, and try and practice love and
Speaker 1: compassion towards them. Number six. I was talking to someone
Speaker 1: the other day about how like I feel that as
Speaker 1: people grow in scale, the percentages change. So when you
Speaker 1: first start out, ninety five percent of people will like
Speaker 1: you and five percent of people may not know who
Speaker 1: you are or not like you, and then that keeps
Speaker 1: changing right where you end up to a point where
Speaker 1: a lot of people in this world, if they're really
Speaker 1: well known, fifty percent of people love them, fifty percent
Speaker 1: of people don't care about them. And it's a really
Speaker 1: interesting journey to be on where you start to feel
Speaker 1: like there's more and more people that understand you deeply,
Speaker 1: but at the same time, there's more and more people
Speaker 1: who completely misunderstand you. And I think that's the way
Speaker 1: to explain it. It's not about like or hate, or
Speaker 1: love or hate. It's about people who understand you and
Speaker 1: people who don't. And I feel like, if you've been
Speaker 1: here listening to me, and you've been reading what I'm writing,
Speaker 1: and you've read my books and connected with me, you're
Speaker 1: understanding me really deeply. And I really appreciate that space.
Speaker 1: And at the same time, if someone just sees one clip,
Speaker 1: they may not understand me at all, and I have
Speaker 1: to be okay with that. And that's a really hard
Speaker 1: thing to wrap your head around. And that leads nicely
Speaker 1: on the lesson number six. Different levels come with different problems.
Speaker 1: Focusing on developing new skills and strengths because they will
Speaker 1: lead to peace. So what I've realized is that there
Speaker 1: is no problem free life. There is no amount of
Speaker 1: money that will solve your problems, all your problems, or
Speaker 1: amount of fame or amount of success that can solve problems. Now,
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that money can't help with happiness, right.
Speaker 1: I think we always use the term money can't buy happiness,
Speaker 1: and I don't believe money can buy happiness. But I
Speaker 1: also think money can help with happiness. I think success
Speaker 1: can help with happiness. It can be a part of it.
Speaker 1: It can help with sorting out certain problems. Right, different
Speaker 1: problems in the past, I have different problems today. And
Speaker 1: that's why this lesson that I've learned this year is
Speaker 1: that different levels come with different problems, and a lot
Speaker 1: of us are trained to pursue or seek a problem
Speaker 1: free life. We want a life where we don't ever
Speaker 1: have problems again. And by the way, I would love
Speaker 1: to have one of those two, but it's just not realistic.
Speaker 1: And so I've realized that rather than focusing on thinking
Speaker 1: I hope I never hit a problem again, I hope
Speaker 1: that I never have a challenge again. I hope that
Speaker 1: I never have a difficulty again. I've realized, actually, if
Speaker 1: I focus on developing strengths and skills, if I focus
Speaker 1: on developing new ideologies, new methods, new approaches. That's actually
Speaker 1: what shifts my mindset effectively, that's actually what shifts my
Speaker 1: energy as well. So people often ask me Jay, what
Speaker 1: should I read? Like, what book do you recommend? And
Speaker 1: I always say, well, what are you struggling with? And
Speaker 1: I would ask yourself that question today. What is it
Speaker 1: that you're currently struggling with? What are you stuck on?
Speaker 1: What is difficult? What is uncomfortable? And all I want
Speaker 1: you to do is I want you to find a book.
Speaker 1: I want you to find a TED talk. I want
Speaker 1: you to find a podcast episode all on that subject.
Speaker 1: And if you have more time, go and find a course. Literally,
Speaker 1: that's what you need to do. Go and find a
Speaker 1: Ted Talk. Then go and find a book, go and
Speaker 1: find a podcast, and if you can, go and find
Speaker 1: a course on that subject matter. And I promise you
Speaker 1: that if you immerse yourself in learning, you will overcome
Speaker 1: that problem. Now, when you overcome that problem, you'll unlock
Speaker 1: a different problem. It's literally like a video game. You
Speaker 1: unlock one level and guess what, you have another bad
Speaker 1: person at the end of it that you got to
Speaker 1: deal with. You get over that problem. Now you unlock
Speaker 1: another level. Now there's another challenge. Right, every level unlocks
Speaker 1: a challenge, and when you finish a level of a
Speaker 1: video game, you get really excited and then you go, oh, gosh,
Speaker 1: now I've got to beat this bad guy right, and
Speaker 1: it gets harder again, and then you celebrate again, and
Speaker 1: then it gets harder again. So life's kind of like that,
Speaker 1: where different levels come with different problems, and so don't
Speaker 1: expect a life without problems. When you get promoted, when
Speaker 1: you get that moment in your career, when you have
Speaker 1: the perfect family, whatever it may be, there will be
Speaker 1: another problem. But instead of being defeatist about it, what
Speaker 1: you want to do is be skills oriented about it,
Speaker 1: be strength focused about it. Lesser number seven. As you
Speaker 1: get older, don't forget to do things for your younger self.
Speaker 1: There have been times in the past we neglected ourselves
Speaker 1: because we weren't emotionally intelligent enough. We may think our
Speaker 1: needs have changed, but some remained the same. Don't negate
Speaker 1: them because they feel insignificant to the older you. They
Speaker 1: remain important to the younger you. I'm going to give
Speaker 1: you a personal example. This year, I got to take
Speaker 1: my best friend to Old Trafford, which is the stadium
Speaker 1: of Manchester United which is my football team or soccer
Speaker 1: team that I've followed since I was a kid, and
Speaker 1: I got to take a bunch of my friends. We
Speaker 1: had the honor of meeting Sir Alex Ferguson, who's the
Speaker 1: legendary manager at the club. I've got to meet the
Speaker 1: current manager. I've got to meet some former players, legends, icons.
Speaker 1: And my today's self that is trying to be more evolved,
Speaker 1: more spiritual, more about personal growth, may not have appreciated that,
Speaker 1: but my younger self was like, you just got invited
Speaker 1: to your childhood club that you love to go, and
Speaker 1: what's the team that you love playing the sport that
Speaker 1: you love, which is my first love. And my younger
Speaker 1: self was so proud of me, was so excited, was
Speaker 1: so over the moon. And what I find is that
Speaker 1: our oldest self, our more evolved self, often talks down
Speaker 1: our younger self. Maybe there's a thing that you still
Speaker 1: like from your childhood. Maybe you're a sneakerhead, right, And
Speaker 1: your older self's like, come on, grow up, you don't
Speaker 1: need to sneakers anymore. But your younger self's like, oh no,
Speaker 1: but now I actually have the money to go out
Speaker 1: and grab that thing that I want right, Or maybe
Speaker 1: there was something else you liked in your younger years
Speaker 1: and you didn't have the time, you didn't have the money,
Speaker 1: you didn't have the energy to do it properly. Today
Speaker 1: you have a bit more of those things than you can,
Speaker 1: but you kind of look down on it because you think, oh,
Speaker 1: that's irresponsible, I should do something better with my life.
Speaker 1: I think it's so important to honor those younger interests,
Speaker 1: those younger those things that we didn't get to fully
Speaker 1: enjoy when we were young because we didn't allow ourselves,
Speaker 1: our parents didn't allow us, whatever it may have been.
Speaker 1: And now that we have the opportunity, you can't just
Speaker 1: deny that. You can't just negate that. And I feel
Speaker 1: that that kind of denial often leads to a sense
Speaker 1: of bitterness. It leads to a sense of disconnectedness, and
Speaker 1: it leads to that inner child always feeling starved, always
Speaker 1: feeling like it didn't get the love, the care to
Speaker 1: support the thing that it needed. Again, I'm not saying
Speaker 1: go crazy and live out every one of your childhood dreams,
Speaker 1: but I'm saying that some of them need to be pursued.
Speaker 1: Maybe you really loved art growing up and you never
Speaker 1: took that art class, and you're going to invest in
Speaker 1: that now. Maybe when you were growing up, you really
Speaker 1: wanted to play an instrument, and your parents can afford
Speaker 1: to buy you, and so you're going to go and
Speaker 1: get your classes right now, Like, what is that thing
Speaker 1: that honors your younger self that you never got to
Speaker 1: honor that time? Because I promise you that you don't
Speaker 1: want to make something feel insignificant just because it feels insignificant. Now,
Speaker 1: if there's still a part of you, that inner child
Speaker 1: is still there that wants that experience, don't deny your
Speaker 1: younger self of an experience just because your older self
Speaker 1: thinks it's insignificant. That's one of my favorite ones, one
Speaker 1: of my biggest ones. I feel like my life right
Speaker 1: now is fully living in both. I'm living in my
Speaker 1: evolved self and I'm also living in my childhood self.
Speaker 1: There are so many things I do just because I'm
Speaker 1: like teenage me would think I'm the coolest if I
Speaker 1: did this, even if it's paradoxical to who I am now.
Speaker 1: And I allow myself to live that way because I
Speaker 1: don't want to deny my younger self of dreams, aspirations
Speaker 1: and gifts all right. Number eight, give yourself permission to
Speaker 1: be all of you. The more we try to extract
Speaker 1: parts of ourselves and the hopes of becoming perfect, the
Speaker 1: more we lose a valuable expression of ourselves. Let opposites
Speaker 1: co exist. Be a paradox. I think you've heard me
Speaker 1: talk about this one enough. I think I live a paradox.
Speaker 1: I breathe a paradox every day in the life that
Speaker 1: I lead, the life I've chosen to lead. And I've
Speaker 1: just realized that being all of myself and giving myself
Speaker 1: permission to be all of myself is far more fulfilling
Speaker 1: than again denying or neglecting parts of myself. Number ten.
Speaker 1: This one is huge. I really really hope this one
Speaker 1: resonates with so many of you, because I really believe
Speaker 1: so many of you have so much to offer the world.
Speaker 1: So listen to this one carefully. You don't have to
Speaker 1: be perfect to help others. I'm definitely not perfect. Actually
Speaker 1: I'm far from it. I don't have the answer for
Speaker 1: everything or know everything about anything. All I know is
Speaker 1: that you and I have the ability to do things
Speaker 1: we haven't even imagined yet, that we can get unstuck,
Speaker 1: move forward, and change our lives. I think so many
Speaker 1: of us are holding ourselves back because we're not perfect,
Speaker 1: we're not masters. We don't think we know everything. And
Speaker 1: the truth is, the more you master something, the more
Speaker 1: you become humble about it. You don't master something and
Speaker 1: then think, oh, I know everything about everything. You master
Speaker 1: something and then you go oh wow, there is so
Speaker 1: much left to learn. And that's why I just want
Speaker 1: to remind you that if you're someone who has something
Speaker 1: to offer, you can always take people to the level
Speaker 1: you're at, and I promise you there's someone who needs
Speaker 1: to be at your level. Right when I've spoken to
Speaker 1: people who've been a part of AA, they may have
Speaker 1: a sponsor who's one year ahead of them, five years
Speaker 1: ahead of them, ten years ahead of them. All of
Speaker 1: those people have valuable experiences. If you've got a new startup,
Speaker 1: someone who's one year ahead of you, three years ahead
Speaker 1: of you, five years ahead of you can all be
Speaker 1: helpful at different times. Right now, my wife and I
Speaker 1: are working on JUNI. We're Sparkling Adaptogenic Tea company, and
Speaker 1: we're taking so much advice and mentorship from people, some
Speaker 1: people who just started a couple of years ahead of us,
Speaker 1: and some people who've been building for two decades, and
Speaker 1: everyone has something to teach us, and so often we
Speaker 1: think to ourselves, well, unless I'm done, least unless I'm
Speaker 1: the complete finished article, that I have nothing to share.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be perfect to help others. I'm
Speaker 1: definitely not and I haven't got it all figured out.
Speaker 1: But you can still help people because you have something
Speaker 1: to share. And I think I've been really embracing that
Speaker 1: idea because even I sometimes get into imposter syndrome and think, well,
Speaker 1: what do I have to share or what am I
Speaker 1: going to do about this? And then I realized all
Speaker 1: I need to do is go and learn more, read more,
Speaker 1: connect with people more. It's why I love doing the podcast.
Speaker 1: I get to learn about so many different topics from
Speaker 1: so many different people. All Right, two more I want
Speaker 1: to share with you. Number eleven. Make new memories instead
Speaker 1: of living old ones again and again. Don't live in nostalgia.
Speaker 1: You have so much more to experience. Don't try to
Speaker 1: recreate moments from the past. Instead, be open to new feelings,
Speaker 1: new emotions, new people, and new places. I think so
Speaker 1: many of us always talk about, oh, the best times
Speaker 1: were before the best day of my life was ten
Speaker 1: years ago. The best moment was this. It's beautiful to
Speaker 1: have great memories, but it's even more beautiful to keep
Speaker 1: making new memories. And I think that's what keeps us youngest,
Speaker 1: what keeps us fresh. I think this year, one thing
Speaker 1: I did with my team, we went on a team
Speaker 1: retreat that I loved and made lots of good memories.
Speaker 1: I made so many memories while I was on tour.
Speaker 1: I tried to make a memory in every city. So
Speaker 1: I tried to do something special, personal in every city
Speaker 1: that would make that city memorable for me, and a
Speaker 1: lot of it included going on walks, going to art galleries,
Speaker 1: going outdoors, seeing monuments, seeing special historical parts of a
Speaker 1: city that I will never ever forget. And I think
Speaker 1: that was so important to me, because I didn't just
Speaker 1: want to travel the world and come back not having
Speaker 1: felt like I was able to make new memories. And
Speaker 1: actually I came back with so many new memories of
Speaker 1: cities I'd been to. You can go to the same
Speaker 1: place and shift your mindset about it. You can go
Speaker 1: to a place you've been to again and again and
Speaker 1: again and have a new experience there. Un lesson number twelve.
Speaker 1: The last one is Serve, Serve, serve, use your gifts
Speaker 1: and skills in the service of others. It will create
Speaker 1: opportunities you never thought of, give your life more meaning
Speaker 1: than ever, and help you make memories for a lifetime.
Speaker 1: And for me, I can honestly say that till this day,
Speaker 1: my only goal has been to serve through everything I
Speaker 1: do to help make a positive impact in the world.
Speaker 1: And I constantly reconnect with that feeling because it's what
Speaker 1: inspires me more and more and more. I keep going
Speaker 1: because I want to keep serving, I want to keep giving,
Speaker 1: I want to keep learning, I want to keep growing,
Speaker 1: and I'm just grateful that you give me the opportunity
Speaker 1: to serve you, and you serve me as well by
Speaker 1: being present here. So I hope that this episode was useful.
Speaker 1: I hope that you take something away from it, even
Speaker 1: if there's one lesson that shifts your mindset and how
Speaker 1: you think, that would be a win for me, and
Speaker 1: I wish you all the best for the year ahead.
Speaker 1: If you're selling brain your birthday this month or while
Speaker 1: you're listening to this too, A happy birthday to you.
Speaker 1: Thank you for all the love you gave me on
Speaker 1: my thirty sixth birthday. It means the world to me
Speaker 1: and I can't wait for many many more birthdays and
Speaker 1: many many more lessons to share with you all over
Speaker 1: the years. So thank you again, and make sure you
Speaker 1: share this with a friend who needs to hear it.
Speaker 1: And make sure you tag me on Instagram, on TikTok,
Speaker 1: on Twitter or an X and let me know what
Speaker 1: you're taking away and what's stuck with you. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much, sending you so much love. Thanks for listening
Speaker 1: to on purpose,