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Speaker 1: Imagine you have a glass of water and someone says

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Speaker 1: they're thirsty, and you give them the whole glass, and

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Speaker 1: then you're trying to give them more from that glass,

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Speaker 1: but there's no more left. You end up feeling guilty

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Speaker 1: and the other person is looking at you like, what

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Speaker 1: are you trying to do? Right? It doesn't make sense,

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Speaker 1: but we do it emotionally. Emotionally, we try to overgive, overshare,

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Speaker 1: over provide, over promise, and actually we end up under delivering. Hey, everyone,

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Speaker 1: welcome back to on Purpose. I am so grateful that

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Speaker 1: you're here right now. It truly means the world to

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Speaker 1: me that you tune in every day, some of you

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Speaker 1: multiple times per day or multiple times per week. And

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Speaker 1: it's been an incredible, incredible journey over the last four

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Speaker 1: and a half years of serving you through this podcast.

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Speaker 1: I feel like the community we've developed, the relationship we've developed,

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Speaker 1: the depth that we've created has been absolutely phenomenal. And

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Speaker 1: today's episode is very very special for me because this

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Speaker 1: is my birthday episode, which means I want to share

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Speaker 1: with you the lessons I've learned, the mistakes I've made,

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Speaker 1: the challenges I've faced, what has been happening in my

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Speaker 1: life over the last twelve months, because I feel like

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Speaker 1: you know me and I know you, and we've built

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Speaker 1: this incredible relationship over the last few years. Whether you

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Speaker 1: started listening one episode ago or whether you started listening

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Speaker 1: three hundred episodes ago, I feel connected to you, and

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Speaker 1: I know you feel connected too. So I want to

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Speaker 1: kind of talk through some personal things, and at the

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Speaker 1: same time, I want to share with you the learnings,

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Speaker 1: the messages, the wisdom that I've gained through those experiences

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Speaker 1: in my life. My birthday was on the sixth of September,

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Speaker 1: a couple of days ago, and I woke up in

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Speaker 1: the morning and I wrote this caption for what I

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Speaker 1: was sharing on Instagram that day, and it's inspired an

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Speaker 1: entire episode to share with you some of my top learnings.

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Speaker 1: And for me, my birthday's always been a day of reflection,

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Speaker 1: a day of celebration, a day of reconnecting to my purpose,

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Speaker 1: reconnecting to my essence. And I'm really excited that I

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Speaker 1: get to share that with you in a deeper, more

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Speaker 1: thoughtful way. So I want to dive straight in because

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Speaker 1: I've got twelve reminders, twelve lessons I've learned in the

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Speaker 1: last twelve months. So let's start with number one. And

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Speaker 1: by the way, these are personal and professional, so lesser

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Speaker 1: Number one is be really conscious about who you keep

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Speaker 1: and let go from your life. Just because you have

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Speaker 1: history doesn't mean you have to force a future. A

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Speaker 1: lot of people have been asking me, Jay, it just

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Speaker 1: seems like you've been able to do so much recently.

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Speaker 1: I was able to launch my second book, I was

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Speaker 1: able to go on tour, the podcast hasn't missed. It's

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Speaker 1: been incredible to make some really cool content for our

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Speaker 1: social channels. I've been able to get involved in lots

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Speaker 1: of meaningful impact work behind the scenes. And a lot

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Speaker 1: of people say to me, Ji, it seems like you've

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Speaker 1: been doing so much, And the truth is I can

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Speaker 1: only do that because of the incredible team I have

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Speaker 1: around me. I'm surrounded today by an amazing group of

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Speaker 1: people that work with me because they believe in the purpose,

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Speaker 1: they believe in what we're trying to do, They see

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Speaker 1: the impact. They are so proud of doing good work

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Speaker 1: by themselves. I have a number of people on my

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Speaker 1: team that are just leaders, and previously they never got

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Speaker 1: given the opportunity, they didn't get given the break, they

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Speaker 1: didn't get given the responsibility for whatever reason, and so

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Speaker 1: anything I'm able to do today is truly to give

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Speaker 1: credit to them, no notice. How I said, be really

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Speaker 1: conscious about who you keep and let go from your life.

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Speaker 1: And the reason I use the word conscious is because

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Speaker 1: when you're present, when you're aware, you can energetically in

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Speaker 1: the moment, tell whether you connect with someone or whether

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Speaker 1: you don't. How many times have you met someone and

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Speaker 1: thought to yourself, this is someone I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: friends with for a long time. Or how many times

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Speaker 1: have you met someone and thought to yourself, Yep, me

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Speaker 1: and this person don't align. No judgment, no criticism, but

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Speaker 1: but we just don't see ittoi. And I started to

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Speaker 1: realize that, especially in the workplace, I wanted to work

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Speaker 1: with people that I'd be happy going out to lunch

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Speaker 1: and dinner with. I wanted to work with people and

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Speaker 1: bring people on to my team that I'd want to

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Speaker 1: invest in and coach and guide a mentor. I wanted

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Speaker 1: to have people on my team that I thought could

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Speaker 1: challenge me. For a long time, I was just looking

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Speaker 1: at people's backgrounds and work experience and things like that,

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Speaker 1: and I started to realize I was actually neglecting my

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Speaker 1: energy check. I was denying my ability to use my

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Speaker 1: intuition and see the frequency of someone and see whether

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Speaker 1: we align on that level. And you see that happen

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Speaker 1: on the podcast all the time. I'm sure you see

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Speaker 1: me with guests where you can see where we're on

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Speaker 1: the same vibration, same wavelength. And it's interesting how we

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Speaker 1: all have that ability, we all have that skill, but

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Speaker 1: we often kind of put it aside, or we try

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Speaker 1: to shun it. We go, oh no, no, let me

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Speaker 1: look at the facts, let me look at the data.

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Speaker 1: And I almost wanted to give you a reminder that

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Speaker 1: I want you to trust your intuition. I want you

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Speaker 1: to trust your gut. I want you to think energetically

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Speaker 1: about the people that make you feel good, that lift

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Speaker 1: you up, that make you feel like they bring out

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Speaker 1: the best in you? Right, does someone bring out the

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Speaker 1: best in you? Does someone make you feel like the

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Speaker 1: best version of yourself? How can you connect with them

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Speaker 1: more closely and more deeply? And I added a part

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Speaker 1: to this lesson as well, the idea that just because

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Speaker 1: you have history with someone doesn't mean you have to

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Speaker 1: force the future. Because it's really interesting how nostalgia and

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Speaker 1: how attachments hold this deep space in our life. We

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Speaker 1: feel we have to stay connected to people because we

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Speaker 1: were once connected to them. We feel we have to

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Speaker 1: force ourselves to have a relationship with someone because we

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Speaker 1: had a relationship in the past. And what I've learned

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Speaker 1: is that you can honor a relationship like I've got

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Speaker 1: lots of friends that we were really really close back

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Speaker 1: in the day, and if I'm completely honest, if I

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Speaker 1: see them now, we can slot straight back into that

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Speaker 1: energy that we had then. And I love doing that

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Speaker 1: with them. But I'm not trying to force and create

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Speaker 1: and build a new part to that relationship anymore. If

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Speaker 1: that's not natural, if that's not organic. And you know,

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Speaker 1: we've all heard the old phrase that you become the

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Speaker 1: five people you're surrounded by. You know, you become the

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Speaker 1: average of the five people around you, and it's lasted

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Speaker 1: the test of time, that advice, because it's so true.

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Speaker 1: And I want you to be conscious about where you

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Speaker 1: want to go. I want you to be conscious about

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Speaker 1: who you want to be. And if you can answer

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Speaker 1: those questions, who do I want to be, who am

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Speaker 1: I becoming? And where do I want to go? That's

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Speaker 1: the people you want to surround yourself by how can

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Speaker 1: you find those new communities and new people around you? Now?

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Speaker 1: Number two, take care of your body and mind like

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Speaker 1: your life depends on it, because it does. In order

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Speaker 1: to serve and give more, I often push myself beyond

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Speaker 1: my limits, and therefore I also need to give them

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Speaker 1: the attention they deserve. Now I've done this time and

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Speaker 1: time again. I love what I do, I believe in

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Speaker 1: what I do, but I give more than what I have.

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Speaker 1: How many of you have ever done that before? Well,

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Speaker 1: you're just trying to give and give and give, and

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Speaker 1: you're trying to give way beyond what you actually have.

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Speaker 1: How's that possible? Imagine you have a glass of water

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Speaker 1: and someone says they're thirsty, and you give them the

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Speaker 1: whole glass, and then you're trying to give them more

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Speaker 1: from that glass, but there's no more left. You end

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Speaker 1: up feeling guilty and the other person is looking at

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Speaker 1: you like, what are you trying to do? Right? It

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Speaker 1: doesn't make sense, but we do it emotionally. Emotionally, we

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Speaker 1: try to overgive, overshare, over provide, over promise, and naturally

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Speaker 1: we end up under delivering. We end up feeling undervalued.

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Speaker 1: And what I realized a while ago was I could

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Speaker 1: only truly extend myself and give myself to others if

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Speaker 1: I was truly taking care of myself. Had I slept well,

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Speaker 1: had I eaten well? Had I worked out? Had I meditated?

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Speaker 1: Because is not only would I be able to give more,

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Speaker 1: the quality of what I was able to give was

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Speaker 1: elevated as well. If I'd meditated, I was more clear.

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Speaker 1: If I'd worked out, I felt more strength. If I'd

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Speaker 1: eaten well, then I felt like I had better decision

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Speaker 1: making capabilities. How many of us are trying to extend

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Speaker 1: ourselves to others, but we're just giving them our leftovers.

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Speaker 1: How many of us are trying to be there for

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Speaker 1: other people, but we're not even there for ourselves in

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Speaker 1: the first place. I really really want you to remember this.

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Speaker 1: It sounds so basic and it's so simple, but I

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Speaker 1: know that there are so many of you that want

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Speaker 1: to do good in the world, that you want to

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Speaker 1: do something for others. And what I've realized time and

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Speaker 1: time again is that it is so so important and

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Speaker 1: necessary for us to remember that helping yourself is a

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Speaker 1: part of helping others. We often see helping ourselves and

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Speaker 1: helping others as complete opposites. We see them as two

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Speaker 1: things that don't connect. Actually, loving yourself in order to

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Speaker 1: love others makes it connected. Taking care of yourself in

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Speaker 1: order to care for others makes it connected. We have

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Speaker 1: to start looking at our life as interconnected and symbiotic,

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Speaker 1: as opposed to disconnected. Now, how do we do this?

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Speaker 1: When you look at meditation, exercise, diet, and sleep, those

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Speaker 1: are the four things I think about. I call it meds, meeds, meditation, exercise,

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Speaker 1: diet and sleep. You can't solve all four at the

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Speaker 1: same time, and I often think that doing them in

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Speaker 1: a certain order can help you. So I always say

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Speaker 1: to people, start with your sleep. If you can start

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Speaker 1: with your sleep pattern, a lot of other things are

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Speaker 1: going to take care of themselves. For example, if you

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Speaker 1: sleep well, you're likely to eat better because now you're

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Speaker 1: not turning to sugars and carbs or at least the

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Speaker 1: bad ones for energy because you've slept well, so now

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Speaker 1: you're not filling up that energy gap. If you are

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Speaker 1: sleep well, also your energy increases to want to exercise,

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Speaker 1: to want to work out, and you're sleeping better because

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Speaker 1: when you exercise, you're using up that energy throughout the

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Speaker 1: day and of course meditation, allowing you to have stillness,

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Speaker 1: and so I want you to think about how you

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Speaker 1: can start with just one of them. If you've already

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Speaker 1: nailed sleep, go to diet. If you've done diet, got

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Speaker 1: to exercise. If you don't exercise, go to meditation. Move

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Speaker 1: through your meds very effectively. And this second lesson was

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Speaker 1: most important for me this year with the tour. I

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Speaker 1: was so enjoying my time on tour, and at the

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Speaker 1: same time it was one of the most exhausting things

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Speaker 1: I've ever done. I was in each city for like

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Speaker 1: one and a half days if that, and most of

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Speaker 1: that would be coming in, checking in, sleeping in a hotel,

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Speaker 1: eating something, going on a walk, getting on stage, getting

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Speaker 1: back off, flying on a plane again. It was so

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Speaker 1: exhausting that my meds took care of me. And I've

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Speaker 1: realized that your capacity in life, I've increases or decreases

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Speaker 1: based on meditation, exercise, diet, and sleep, and so in

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Speaker 1: my own life this year I learned even more so

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Speaker 1: how important it was to take care of my body

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Speaker 1: and mind and what they were capable of and what

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Speaker 1: was possible when I did that. So number three, this

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Speaker 1: one's a big one. For me and I want to

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Speaker 1: be open and vulnerable with you. It's okay to ask

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Speaker 1: for help or a hug. You're human, after all, and

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Speaker 1: so am I. If you're trying to be there for others,

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Speaker 1: it's easy to forget you also need to be held

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Speaker 1: and embraced emotionally. Often I forget this, don't ignore that need.

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Speaker 1: I can't tell you the amount of times I've tried

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Speaker 1: to be strong for others. I've held back my own emotions,

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Speaker 1: my tears, my vulnerabilities, my weaknesses because I didn't think

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Speaker 1: it was okay to ask for help or a hug.

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Speaker 1: And recently, in the past year, I have been so

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Speaker 1: proud of myself for reaching out to peace people and

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Speaker 1: just saying, hey, I'd love to chat, he I'd love

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Speaker 1: to talk. Hey, let me just open up about this

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Speaker 1: for a second. And I'm so grateful that I have

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Speaker 1: so many incredible friends in my life, men and women

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Speaker 1: who are consistently there for me, always to help, with

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Speaker 1: a hug, with support, whatever it may be. And I

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Speaker 1: think what's really interesting is why do we struggle to

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Speaker 1: ask for help. One of the first reasons is because

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Speaker 1: we're scared that no one will care. We actually have

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Speaker 1: this inbuilt fear inside of us that no one's coming,

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Speaker 1: that no one's coming to help us, that no one's

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Speaker 1: coming to care, And because of that fear, we don't

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Speaker 1: ever ask. And what I've found is that the more

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Speaker 1: I develop and deepen my relationships, the more I'm able

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Speaker 1: to actually have confidence that when I open my heart

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Speaker 1: to someone don't want to help me. Another reason why

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Speaker 1: we struggle to tell people is we think it will

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Speaker 1: make us look weak. So now we're worried about how

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Speaker 1: will be perceived or how will appear to the other

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Speaker 1: person if we express this vulnerability, if we express this need,

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Speaker 1: does it make us look like weaker? Does it make

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Speaker 1: us look less skilled and less able? What does it do?

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Speaker 1: And it's really interesting because I realized in my line

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Speaker 1: of work, people always think, oh, Jay has to have

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Speaker 1: it all together, he has to have it all going,

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Speaker 1: and I don't, and I don't think anyone does. And

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Speaker 1: I think that opening up and sharing that with my

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Speaker 1: friends more openly has allowed me to have them feel

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Speaker 1: like they can reach out because in the past people

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Speaker 1: don only reach out for advice, But then now you

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Speaker 1: have friends reaching out going, hey you okay, how are

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Speaker 1: you feeling? About this, and I love that. I love

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Speaker 1: that it makes me feel great when people do that.

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Speaker 1: And so I've had friends reach out to me and say, Jay, hey,

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to check in and see how you're feeling.

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Speaker 1: You know, I wanted to make sure you do it

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Speaker 1: all right. And people check in on you when you

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Speaker 1: allow them to check in on you. So often we

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Speaker 1: push people away from checking in with us if we

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Speaker 1: always portray our life as perfect, or if the perception

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Speaker 1: of us is that life is great. And so we

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Speaker 1: have to help break down that wall for people so

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Speaker 1: that people can actually reach out to us, because otherwise

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Speaker 1: we just sit there going well, no one reaches out

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Speaker 1: to me, No one cares about how I feel, No

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Speaker 1: one really knows. Another reason why we don't give ourselves

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Speaker 1: permission to ask for our hug or ask for help

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Speaker 1: is because sometimes we're scared of whether we deserve it.

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Speaker 1: I've known people in my life who've had incredible people

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Speaker 1: in their life be open with them to want to

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Speaker 1: help them and support them, and these people haven't taken

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Speaker 1: it up because they feel like they don't deserve it.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes maybe we feel we won't fulfill the advice, we

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Speaker 1: won't follow through with it, so we feel unqualified, and

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Speaker 1: I think what's important to know in that case is

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Speaker 1: just hell the other person. I often say to someone, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure I have the energy right now to

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Speaker 1: follow through with your advice, but I would love to

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Speaker 1: get your perspective. I'm not sure I'm emotionally mature enough

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Speaker 1: to dissect and digest this right now, but I'd love

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Speaker 1: to give it a shot. Can you share this with me?

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Speaker 1: If we were able to tell people what we were

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Speaker 1: really going through and how we felt, it would be

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Speaker 1: fascinating to see how much more we'd be able to

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Speaker 1: learn about ourselves and they'd be able to learn about us.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel scared anymore to actually open my mind

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Speaker 1: and say this is what I'm grappling with. This is

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Speaker 1: the dichotomy I'm struggling with. This is the challenge that

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Speaker 1: exists for me. Lesson number four, don't buy into your

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Speaker 1: own hype. Stay connected to why you started, and remain

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Speaker 1: a humble student of life. If you forget this, life

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Speaker 1: will remind you. I love this one because I genuinely

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Speaker 1: believe that it's so easy to get caught up in

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Speaker 1: your own hype and forget why you started. And forget

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Speaker 1: why you began, and forget the feeling you got when

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Speaker 1: you started doing whatever it is that you do. And

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Speaker 1: for me, I really, on tour this year tried to

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Speaker 1: take in the love that I received from all of

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Speaker 1: you when I met you at a meet and greet,

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Speaker 1: or I met you walking off stage, or when I

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Speaker 1: met you walking into my car after the show, or

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Speaker 1: whatever it was, and so many of you shared so

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Speaker 1: many beautiful messages of love with me. I really tried

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Speaker 1: to take in the love. And I think before I

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Speaker 1: used to think that if I took in the love,

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Speaker 1: I'd be buying into my own hype, and I realized

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Speaker 1: these are two very different things. So buying into your

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Speaker 1: own hype means you're like getting egotistic and arrogant about

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Speaker 1: what's going on. And receiving love is actually so beautiful

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Speaker 1: because it doesn't go to the head, It goes to

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Speaker 1: the heart. And so to me, if someone says something

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Speaker 1: and I can help it go to the heart, it

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Speaker 1: actually is really nourishing and nurturing. And this is one

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Speaker 1: of the reasons why we struggle to say nice things

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Speaker 1: about ourselves. This is one of the reasons we struggle

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Speaker 1: to receive compliments is because we think they're going to

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Speaker 1: go to our ego. And it's really interesting because what

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Speaker 1: I try and do and this is how the filtration

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Speaker 1: process or the extraction process works. So if someone compliments me,

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Speaker 1: let's say someone says, Jay, you gave such a great presentation, right,

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Speaker 1: and I'm doing this and it's uncomfortable for me to

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Speaker 1: even say this about myself, but let's say someone said

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Speaker 1: that to me. The first thing I do is I

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Speaker 1: extract gratitude, and I pass that gratitude onto my teacher

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Speaker 1: or my teachers or my mentors who gave me that skill.

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Speaker 1: So whatever skill someone notices in me, I think of

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Speaker 1: the person who helped me develop that skill directly or indirectly,

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Speaker 1: and I give it to them in my mind. And

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Speaker 1: then I express gratitude to the person who gave that

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Speaker 1: to me, because they've just reminded me of my teacher,

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Speaker 1: They've reminded me of beautiful memories of learning. They've reminded

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Speaker 1: me of the growth that I've made, the progress I've made,

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Speaker 1: and some grateful to them as well. So you've just

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Speaker 1: turned something that could turn into ego into gratitude. And

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Speaker 1: that's how you don't buy into your own hype. And

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Speaker 1: what I've understood about life so far is that if

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Speaker 1: you do buy into your own hype, life comes back around.

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Speaker 1: It humbles you, it brings you back down to ground,

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Speaker 1: and it will keep doing that because it's how it's designed.

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Speaker 1: We're designed to see the humanity in ourselves and see

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Speaker 1: the humanity in others, and value ourselves based on that humanity,

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Speaker 1: not value ourselves based on anything else. And I think

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Speaker 1: it's truly special and beautiful when we can actually do that.

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Speaker 1: Number five. People will always try to tear you down,

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Speaker 1: no matter your intention, Trust that the people that know

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Speaker 1: you love you, and invest deeply in those relationships to

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Speaker 1: protect yourself. I've realized this the hard way that no

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Speaker 1: matter how good your intention is, no matter how much

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Speaker 1: you care, no matter what you're trying to do in

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Speaker 1: the world, there will always be people who try and

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Speaker 1: tear you down. There'll always be people who size you,

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Speaker 1: who mock you, who ridicule you, who point fingers at you.

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Speaker 1: And I take as much of it I can as feedback.

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Speaker 1: I always look at any criticism as how can I

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Speaker 1: learn from that? How can I grow from that? And

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Speaker 1: at the same time I have to realize that the

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Speaker 1: people who know me deeply, the people who know me truly,

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Speaker 1: the people who know me honestly, I have to check

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Speaker 1: in with them. And I do that when I listen

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Speaker 1: to some feedback about myself as some criticism, and I'm

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Speaker 1: starting to internalize it and take it personally, and trust me,

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Speaker 1: I do that. I'll often go to a close friend

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Speaker 1: and I'll say, Hey, do you feel this way? Do

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Speaker 1: you think this is true? And I'll have friends who

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Speaker 1: are really honest with me, and so they'll say, look,

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Speaker 1: I don't think this part's true. I think this is

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Speaker 1: something you could work on. I think this may have

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Speaker 1: some validity to it, but not in that venom that

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Speaker 1: it was given with. And having that conversation is so beautiful.

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Speaker 1: Or a friend of mine just says to me, Jay,

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Speaker 1: you know what, Actually, I'll be honest with you. You're

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Speaker 1: right and this isn't the truth. I think it's so

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Speaker 1: important to continually deepen our closest relationships. And the challenge

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Speaker 1: is if everyone always knows us in a shallow way,

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Speaker 1: all the criticism we experience will hit us deep. Right,

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Speaker 1: If all of our relationships are shallow, what anyone will

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Speaker 1: say will cut us deep. But if we have deep relationships,

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Speaker 1: if we deepen our relationships, we can then make sense

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Speaker 1: of where things really land. And so for me, I've

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Speaker 1: also realized that as your scale grows, the amount of

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Speaker 1: people that like and dislike your work also grows. And

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Speaker 1: I think I've tried my best to separate myself from

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Speaker 1: my work, at least theoretically and intellectually, to recognize that

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Speaker 1: someone cannot like my work. They may not like what

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Speaker 1: I say, but that doesn't mean they don't like me

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Speaker 1: because they may not know me, and that's okay, And

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Speaker 1: I'm not bitter towards them. I'm not mad at them.

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Speaker 1: I actually share internally a lot of love with them,

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Speaker 1: and I practice that if someone has ill, will towards

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Speaker 1: me at least internally, and try and practice love and

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Speaker 1: compassion towards them. Number six. I was talking to someone

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Speaker 1: the other day about how like I feel that as

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Speaker 1: people grow in scale, the percentages change. So when you

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Speaker 1: first start out, ninety five percent of people will like

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Speaker 1: you and five percent of people may not know who

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Speaker 1: you are or not like you, and then that keeps

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Speaker 1: changing right where you end up to a point where

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Speaker 1: a lot of people in this world, if they're really

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Speaker 1: well known, fifty percent of people love them, fifty percent

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Speaker 1: of people don't care about them. And it's a really

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Speaker 1: interesting journey to be on where you start to feel

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Speaker 1: like there's more and more people that understand you deeply,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time, there's more and more people

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Speaker 1: who completely misunderstand you. And I think that's the way

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Speaker 1: to explain it. It's not about like or hate, or

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Speaker 1: love or hate. It's about people who understand you and

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Speaker 1: people who don't. And I feel like, if you've been

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Speaker 1: here listening to me, and you've been reading what I'm writing,

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Speaker 1: and you've read my books and connected with me, you're

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Speaker 1: understanding me really deeply. And I really appreciate that space.

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Speaker 1: And at the same time, if someone just sees one clip,

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Speaker 1: they may not understand me at all, and I have

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Speaker 1: to be okay with that. And that's a really hard

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Speaker 1: thing to wrap your head around. And that leads nicely

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Speaker 1: on the lesson number six. Different levels come with different problems.

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Speaker 1: Focusing on developing new skills and strengths because they will

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Speaker 1: lead to peace. So what I've realized is that there

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Speaker 1: is no problem free life. There is no amount of

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Speaker 1: money that will solve your problems, all your problems, or

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Speaker 1: amount of fame or amount of success that can solve problems. Now,

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Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that money can't help with happiness, right.

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Speaker 1: I think we always use the term money can't buy happiness,

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Speaker 1: and I don't believe money can buy happiness. But I

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Speaker 1: also think money can help with happiness. I think success

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Speaker 1: can help with happiness. It can be a part of it.

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Speaker 1: It can help with sorting out certain problems. Right, different

431
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 1: problems in the past, I have different problems today. And

432
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 1: that's why this lesson that I've learned this year is

433
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,639
Speaker 1: that different levels come with different problems, and a lot

434
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,400
Speaker 1: of us are trained to pursue or seek a problem

435
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 1: free life. We want a life where we don't ever

436
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 1: have problems again. And by the way, I would love

437
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 1: to have one of those two, but it's just not realistic.

438
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 1: And so I've realized that rather than focusing on thinking

439
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 1: I hope I never hit a problem again, I hope

440
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 1: that I never have a challenge again. I hope that

441
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 1: I never have a difficulty again. I've realized, actually, if

442
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 1: I focus on developing strengths and skills, if I focus

443
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 1: on developing new ideologies, new methods, new approaches. That's actually

444
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:42,679
Speaker 1: what shifts my mindset effectively, that's actually what shifts my

445
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 1: energy as well. So people often ask me Jay, what

446
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 1: should I read? Like, what book do you recommend? And

447
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 1: I always say, well, what are you struggling with? And

448
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: I would ask yourself that question today. What is it

449
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,199
Speaker 1: that you're currently struggling with? What are you stuck on?

450
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:59,640
Speaker 1: What is difficult? What is uncomfortable? And all I want

451
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 1: you to do is I want you to find a book.

452
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: I want you to find a TED talk. I want

453
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: you to find a podcast episode all on that subject.

454
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,679
Speaker 1: And if you have more time, go and find a course. Literally,

455
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 1: that's what you need to do. Go and find a

456
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,399
Speaker 1: Ted Talk. Then go and find a book, go and

457
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,680
Speaker 1: find a podcast, and if you can, go and find

458
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,439
Speaker 1: a course on that subject matter. And I promise you

459
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,680
Speaker 1: that if you immerse yourself in learning, you will overcome

460
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 1: that problem. Now, when you overcome that problem, you'll unlock

461
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,119
Speaker 1: a different problem. It's literally like a video game. You

462
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,440
Speaker 1: unlock one level and guess what, you have another bad

463
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 1: person at the end of it that you got to

464
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 1: deal with. You get over that problem. Now you unlock

465
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 1: another level. Now there's another challenge. Right, every level unlocks

466
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 1: a challenge, and when you finish a level of a

467
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 1: video game, you get really excited and then you go, oh, gosh,

468
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 1: now I've got to beat this bad guy right, and

469
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 1: it gets harder again, and then you celebrate again, and

470
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,919
Speaker 1: then it gets harder again. So life's kind of like that,

471
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: where different levels come with different problems, and so don't

472
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 1: expect a life without problems. When you get promoted, when

473
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 1: you get that moment in your career, when you have

474
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 1: the perfect family, whatever it may be, there will be

475
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,919
Speaker 1: another problem. But instead of being defeatist about it, what

476
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 1: you want to do is be skills oriented about it,

477
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 1: be strength focused about it. Lesser number seven. As you

478
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 1: get older, don't forget to do things for your younger self.

479
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 1: There have been times in the past we neglected ourselves

480
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 1: because we weren't emotionally intelligent enough. We may think our

481
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:28,399
Speaker 1: needs have changed, but some remained the same. Don't negate

482
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:32,000
Speaker 1: them because they feel insignificant to the older you. They

483
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 1: remain important to the younger you. I'm going to give

484
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,120
Speaker 1: you a personal example. This year, I got to take

485
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 1: my best friend to Old Trafford, which is the stadium

486
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,960
Speaker 1: of Manchester United which is my football team or soccer

487
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: team that I've followed since I was a kid, and

488
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 1: I got to take a bunch of my friends. We

489
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 1: had the honor of meeting Sir Alex Ferguson, who's the

490
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 1: legendary manager at the club. I've got to meet the

491
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 1: current manager. I've got to meet some former players, legends, icons.

492
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:06,360
Speaker 1: And my today's self that is trying to be more evolved,

493
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 1: more spiritual, more about personal growth, may not have appreciated that,

494
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,400
Speaker 1: but my younger self was like, you just got invited

495
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: to your childhood club that you love to go, and

496
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: what's the team that you love playing the sport that

497
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,639
Speaker 1: you love, which is my first love. And my younger

498
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 1: self was so proud of me, was so excited, was

499
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 1: so over the moon. And what I find is that

500
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:31,120
Speaker 1: our oldest self, our more evolved self, often talks down

501
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,440
Speaker 1: our younger self. Maybe there's a thing that you still

502
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 1: like from your childhood. Maybe you're a sneakerhead, right, And

503
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,880
Speaker 1: your older self's like, come on, grow up, you don't

504
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 1: need to sneakers anymore. But your younger self's like, oh no,

505
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 1: but now I actually have the money to go out

506
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: and grab that thing that I want right, Or maybe

507
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,400
Speaker 1: there was something else you liked in your younger years

508
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,120
Speaker 1: and you didn't have the time, you didn't have the money,

509
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 1: you didn't have the energy to do it properly. Today

510
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 1: you have a bit more of those things than you can,

511
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: but you kind of look down on it because you think, oh,

512
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 1: that's irresponsible, I should do something better with my life.

513
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 1: I think it's so important to honor those younger interests,

514
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 1: those younger those things that we didn't get to fully

515
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 1: enjoy when we were young because we didn't allow ourselves,

516
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 1: our parents didn't allow us, whatever it may have been.

517
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 1: And now that we have the opportunity, you can't just

518
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: deny that. You can't just negate that. And I feel

519
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 1: that that kind of denial often leads to a sense

520
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:25,159
Speaker 1: of bitterness. It leads to a sense of disconnectedness, and

521
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 1: it leads to that inner child always feeling starved, always

522
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 1: feeling like it didn't get the love, the care to

523
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:36,359
Speaker 1: support the thing that it needed. Again, I'm not saying

524
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: go crazy and live out every one of your childhood dreams,

525
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: but I'm saying that some of them need to be pursued.

526
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 1: Maybe you really loved art growing up and you never

527
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,320
Speaker 1: took that art class, and you're going to invest in

528
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 1: that now. Maybe when you were growing up, you really

529
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 1: wanted to play an instrument, and your parents can afford

530
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 1: to buy you, and so you're going to go and

531
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 1: get your classes right now, Like, what is that thing

532
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: that honors your younger self that you never got to

533
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 1: honor that time? Because I promise you that you don't

534
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 1: want to make something feel insignificant just because it feels insignificant. Now,

535
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: if there's still a part of you, that inner child

536
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 1: is still there that wants that experience, don't deny your

537
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 1: younger self of an experience just because your older self

538
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:23,959
Speaker 1: thinks it's insignificant. That's one of my favorite ones, one

539
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: of my biggest ones. I feel like my life right

540
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 1: now is fully living in both. I'm living in my

541
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: evolved self and I'm also living in my childhood self.

542
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: There are so many things I do just because I'm

543
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 1: like teenage me would think I'm the coolest if I

544
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 1: did this, even if it's paradoxical to who I am now.

545
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,040
Speaker 1: And I allow myself to live that way because I

546
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 1: don't want to deny my younger self of dreams, aspirations

547
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 1: and gifts all right. Number eight, give yourself permission to

548
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 1: be all of you. The more we try to extract

549
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 1: parts of ourselves and the hopes of becoming perfect, the

550
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: more we lose a valuable expression of ourselves. Let opposites

551
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: co exist. Be a paradox. I think you've heard me

552
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 1: talk about this one enough. I think I live a paradox.

553
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: I breathe a paradox every day in the life that

554
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 1: I lead, the life I've chosen to lead. And I've

555
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 1: just realized that being all of myself and giving myself

556
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: permission to be all of myself is far more fulfilling

557
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 1: than again denying or neglecting parts of myself. Number ten.

558
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 1: This one is huge. I really really hope this one

559
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,440
Speaker 1: resonates with so many of you, because I really believe

560
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 1: so many of you have so much to offer the world.

561
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 1: So listen to this one carefully. You don't have to

562
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 1: be perfect to help others. I'm definitely not perfect. Actually

563
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 1: I'm far from it. I don't have the answer for

564
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 1: everything or know everything about anything. All I know is

565
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: that you and I have the ability to do things

566
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 1: we haven't even imagined yet, that we can get unstuck,

567
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 1: move forward, and change our lives. I think so many

568
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 1: of us are holding ourselves back because we're not perfect,

569
00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: we're not masters. We don't think we know everything. And

570
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:04,520
Speaker 1: the truth is, the more you master something, the more

571
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 1: you become humble about it. You don't master something and

572
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 1: then think, oh, I know everything about everything. You master

573
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 1: something and then you go oh wow, there is so

574
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 1: much left to learn. And that's why I just want

575
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 1: to remind you that if you're someone who has something

576
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 1: to offer, you can always take people to the level

577
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: you're at, and I promise you there's someone who needs

578
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 1: to be at your level. Right when I've spoken to

579
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: people who've been a part of AA, they may have

580
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 1: a sponsor who's one year ahead of them, five years

581
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: ahead of them, ten years ahead of them. All of

582
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 1: those people have valuable experiences. If you've got a new startup,

583
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 1: someone who's one year ahead of you, three years ahead

584
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 1: of you, five years ahead of you can all be

585
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 1: helpful at different times. Right now, my wife and I

586
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 1: are working on JUNI. We're Sparkling Adaptogenic Tea company, and

587
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:52,719
Speaker 1: we're taking so much advice and mentorship from people, some

588
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 1: people who just started a couple of years ahead of us,

589
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 1: and some people who've been building for two decades, and

590
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 1: everyone has something to teach us, and so often we

591
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: think to ourselves, well, unless I'm done, least unless I'm

592
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 1: the complete finished article, that I have nothing to share.

593
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 1: You don't have to be perfect to help others. I'm

594
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 1: definitely not and I haven't got it all figured out.

595
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 1: But you can still help people because you have something

596
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 1: to share. And I think I've been really embracing that

597
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: idea because even I sometimes get into imposter syndrome and think, well,

598
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: what do I have to share or what am I

599
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 1: going to do about this? And then I realized all

600
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 1: I need to do is go and learn more, read more,

601
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 1: connect with people more. It's why I love doing the podcast.

602
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 1: I get to learn about so many different topics from

603
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 1: so many different people. All Right, two more I want

604
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: to share with you. Number eleven. Make new memories instead

605
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 1: of living old ones again and again. Don't live in nostalgia.

606
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: You have so much more to experience. Don't try to

607
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 1: recreate moments from the past. Instead, be open to new feelings,

608
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: new emotions, new people, and new places. I think so

609
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 1: many of us always talk about, oh, the best times

610
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 1: were before the best day of my life was ten

611
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: years ago. The best moment was this. It's beautiful to

612
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 1: have great memories, but it's even more beautiful to keep

613
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 1: making new memories. And I think that's what keeps us youngest,

614
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 1: what keeps us fresh. I think this year, one thing

615
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 1: I did with my team, we went on a team

616
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 1: retreat that I loved and made lots of good memories.

617
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: I made so many memories while I was on tour.

618
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 1: I tried to make a memory in every city. So

619
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 1: I tried to do something special, personal in every city

620
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: that would make that city memorable for me, and a

621
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 1: lot of it included going on walks, going to art galleries,

622
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 1: going outdoors, seeing monuments, seeing special historical parts of a

623
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 1: city that I will never ever forget. And I think

624
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: that was so important to me, because I didn't just

625
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: want to travel the world and come back not having

626
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 1: felt like I was able to make new memories. And

627
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 1: actually I came back with so many new memories of

628
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 1: cities I'd been to. You can go to the same

629
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: place and shift your mindset about it. You can go

630
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,080
Speaker 1: to a place you've been to again and again and

631
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: again and have a new experience there. Un lesson number twelve.

632
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:08,440
Speaker 1: The last one is Serve, Serve, serve, use your gifts

633
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 1: and skills in the service of others. It will create

634
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 1: opportunities you never thought of, give your life more meaning

635
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: than ever, and help you make memories for a lifetime.

636
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: And for me, I can honestly say that till this day,

637
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,319
Speaker 1: my only goal has been to serve through everything I

638
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 1: do to help make a positive impact in the world.

639
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,000
Speaker 1: And I constantly reconnect with that feeling because it's what

640
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,759
Speaker 1: inspires me more and more and more. I keep going

641
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: because I want to keep serving, I want to keep giving,

642
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 1: I want to keep learning, I want to keep growing,

643
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 1: and I'm just grateful that you give me the opportunity

644
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 1: to serve you, and you serve me as well by

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Speaker 1: being present here. So I hope that this episode was useful.

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00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 1: I hope that you take something away from it, even

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00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 1: if there's one lesson that shifts your mindset and how

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00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,760
Speaker 1: you think, that would be a win for me, and

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00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 1: I wish you all the best for the year ahead.

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00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,839
Speaker 1: If you're selling brain your birthday this month or while

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00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: you're listening to this too, A happy birthday to you.

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00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 1: Thank you for all the love you gave me on

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00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,319
Speaker 1: my thirty sixth birthday. It means the world to me

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00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,279
Speaker 1: and I can't wait for many many more birthdays and

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Speaker 1: many many more lessons to share with you all over

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Speaker 1: the years. So thank you again, and make sure you

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00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:15,360
Speaker 1: share this with a friend who needs to hear it.

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00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 1: And make sure you tag me on Instagram, on TikTok,

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00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 1: on Twitter or an X and let me know what

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00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 1: you're taking away and what's stuck with you. Thank you

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00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:27,839
Speaker 1: so much, sending you so much love. Thanks for listening

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Speaker 1: to on purpose,