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Speaker 1: Everybody.

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Speaker 2: Yes, sure, wind down with Jane Kramer and Michael Cosson

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Speaker 2: and wow, you.

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Speaker 3: Know that it was a name change. It's like a

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Speaker 3: fish and Michael cuss It's like official. Oh dad didn't

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Speaker 3: get neither.

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Speaker 1: I didn't get that j in her abbreviation.

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Speaker 3: Made I hung out with Julie too late last night,

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Speaker 3: so yeah, that's true. I was breaking up all my words.

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Speaker 3: It's that out.

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Speaker 1: I came.

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Speaker 3: Real fast. We just got to thank everyone that came

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Speaker 3: out to the podcast tour because it was insane, mark

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Speaker 3: like crazy.

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Speaker 1: I believe it. It was nuts.

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Speaker 3: I mean, the crowd was amazing. Everyone asks awesome questions, interaction.

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Speaker 3: I felt like we were comedians but also therapists. And

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Speaker 3: then I sang songs. It was the cool It was

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Speaker 3: the coolest the three day thing we've ever done. We

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Speaker 3: shout out to everyone that went because it was insane

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Speaker 3: and just I loved every second of it.

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Speaker 1: Virginia and New York, Boston, everyone showed up and it

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Speaker 1: really just it felt like a party every night, like

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Speaker 1: it was crazy. Like after the whole run, Jane and

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Speaker 1: I are just in the back of the bus, like

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Speaker 1: what just happened?

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Speaker 3: We just couldn't believe people showed up. It was cool.

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Speaker 4: It was really cool, right because you.

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Speaker 2: Do this show in a room it's three other people,

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Speaker 2: like it was if anybody's listening to it, and then.

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Speaker 4: You go and all these people are there cheering for you.

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Speaker 1: That's so great.

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Speaker 3: It was crazy, and people like laughed. It was I

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Speaker 3: don't know, it was just really cool. People laughed, they

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Speaker 3: did they laughed. And I don't want to say some

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Speaker 3: of the bits. But like our opening song, we can't

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Speaker 3: talk about it just in case if we do another

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Speaker 3: few dates, because the opening song that Michael walks out

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Speaker 3: to is hilarious.

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Speaker 4: It's perfect.

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Speaker 3: It's the funniest thing ever. But again, sorry, Mark, we

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Speaker 3: can't share it because.

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Speaker 1: Those are only for the live viewers.

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Speaker 3: But they know what we're talking about.

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Speaker 1: Uh.

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Speaker 3: I'm really excited because we're about to move.

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Speaker 1: Yeah we are. You're sad.

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Speaker 3: I am getting sad really Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Why? Well, because because it's sixty five seventy here and

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Speaker 1: it's going to be ninety five and miserable and natural. Yeah. Same.

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Speaker 3: Michael's driving his truck cross country in a few days,

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Speaker 3: so that's going to be interesting.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that'll be fun. Me two dogs and my brother.

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Speaker 3: Well, I've got the kids four days, so which one.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Gianna keeps throwing that at Me's like I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be stuck with the kids. I'm like, if you want

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Speaker 1: to switch, by all means, go drive two thousand miles

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Speaker 1: across country.

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Speaker 3: Now. I would love to be the passenger because I

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Speaker 3: would want to stop along the way and see things

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Speaker 3: like I would want to do the Grand Canyons again

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Speaker 3: and do that route, and then maybe I don't know,

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Speaker 3: to stop at like all the cool little touristy things

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Speaker 3: like the big hay ball or a haything, the.

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Speaker 1: World's biggest ball of yarn or something like that.

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Speaker 3: I just find that stuff super interesting, and like, I

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Speaker 3: don't know, there'd be such quality time. And I know

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Speaker 3: that you also love quality time.

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Speaker 1: I love quality time. But yeah, I drew the short straw.

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Speaker 3: I don't. You're riding with your brother, though, which I

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Speaker 3: think is really cute. Michael has a brother that's fourteen

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Speaker 3: years younger than him, so.

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Speaker 1: He's about to graduate high school. So before he goes

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Speaker 1: off to college, him and I are going to have

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Speaker 1: this road trip together, which is gonna be a really

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Speaker 1: cool memory.

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Speaker 3: Are you guys gonna, you know, talk about well, I'm

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Speaker 3: sure he's already had the He've already had the sex

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Speaker 3: talk with him.

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Speaker 1: He's eighteen.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Oh and his parents did find condoms right?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 3: Oh god, sorry Jack good. He doesn't listen.

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Speaker 1: No, he doesn't.

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Speaker 3: Well on your drive, y'all give you this.

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Speaker 1: It's funny. It's probably not even his friends. His teachers

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Speaker 1: probably listen.

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Speaker 3: Oh gosh, I just okay, let me talk about this

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Speaker 3: really fast. We were at I was at a friend's

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Speaker 3: house and the kids were playing and I don't know

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Speaker 3: what to do. Mark, this is interesting. I kind of

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Speaker 3: want you to pipe him because you have kids older.

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Speaker 3: So it was arranged so Jolie's. Three of the girls

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Speaker 3: was four, one of the boys was five, and I

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Speaker 3: took a call in the other room because I was

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Speaker 3: kind of the mom that was staying down stairs with

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Speaker 3: the kids, and all of a sudden, the kids like,

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Speaker 3: do you want to live? Or do you want me

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Speaker 3: to kill you? Do you want to die? And I'm like,

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Speaker 3: he didn't just say that, And so I walk back

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Speaker 3: in the room and he's just like, you can go

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Speaker 3: to heaven or I can kill you. Do you guys

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Speaker 3: want to die? And I just thought that was super inappropriate.

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Speaker 4: Wow, right, yeah, I'd be horrified by it.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I go whoha, whoa, whoa.

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Speaker 5: I go, you can't.

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Speaker 3: I was like, that is very inappropriate language and he's like, no,

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Speaker 3: it's not, and I said, yes, it is our daughter.

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Speaker 3: My daughter's three. I don't want her hearing that, so

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Speaker 3: please stop talking about the D word, thank you. But

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Speaker 3: then I start thinking about it, like should they know death?

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Speaker 3: And like that's the thing. I what age is he talking?

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Speaker 1: He doesn't really know what that means? He's five? He

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Speaker 1: was five, so he said.

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Speaker 3: I believe he's five. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Right, so that's that age where it's you're impressionable, right,

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Speaker 1: so you probably hear something.

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Speaker 3: Well, And the girls were like laughing. I'm like, that's

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Speaker 3: not funny. We're not laughing about death, guys, because.

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Speaker 1: They don't know what. I don't really understand.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but the way he was saying, he's like, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to kill you.

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Speaker 5: Oh.

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Speaker 1: I mean, regardless if I'm understanding it or not, he

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Speaker 1: needs to know not to say that period ever.

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Speaker 4: So where is he hearing that?

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Speaker 3: That's exactly like You're like, but kids, that's what I'm

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Speaker 3: just scared of. I those kids know things sooner now.

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Speaker 3: But to say I'm going to.

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Speaker 1: Kill you, that's up to that's the thing that's up

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Speaker 1: to the parents. That's that's parenting. That's what that is.

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Speaker 1: It's not not parenting. Like if your kid ends up

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Speaker 1: saying that you did a bad job, but if you

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Speaker 1: don't talk about it and fix that, then that's bad parenting.

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Speaker 5: I like it.

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Speaker 3: It just made me really uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: I bet a lot of those things have come up

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Speaker 2: over the years where something will come up with like, oh,

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Speaker 2: we don't talk about that, But then in the back

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Speaker 2: of my mind, I'm like, should.

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Speaker 1: We be talking about that?

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Speaker 4: Should they know about yeah?

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Speaker 2: Because I mean, that's one of the saddest things about

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Speaker 2: being a parent, in my opinion, is when they realize

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Speaker 2: that the world isn't rainbows and unicorns. Right when they're three,

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Speaker 2: everything's wonderful in the world. The world is parks and

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Speaker 2: play dates and chicken nuggets and television and everything's great.

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Speaker 2: And then they start to realize that there was a

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Speaker 2: nine to eleven and that there are people who shoot

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Speaker 2: people and kill them in public places, and that's the

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Speaker 2: stuff that when they start to realize.

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Speaker 4: That stuff, it's heartbreaking.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, But when are they ready for that, and when

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Speaker 2: do you talk about this, When do you stop shielding

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Speaker 2: from that? And should you ever shield them from that?

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Speaker 2: And that's the part I've always had a hard time,

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Speaker 2: So what did you do? We've shielded them from that,

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Speaker 2: We've made the decision to kind of keep that away

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Speaker 2: from them, and then they kind of will learn about

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Speaker 2: it in school, they'll learn about it in the world,

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Speaker 2: and then they'll come home and ask us about it,

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Speaker 2: and then we can talk about it. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if that's the best thing.

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Speaker 1: It may not be, but I think to your point,

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Speaker 1: I see why it would be the best thing, because

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Speaker 1: if you and your wife have offered an inviting, a

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Speaker 1: a comfortable environment for them to bring those kind of

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Speaker 1: things to you, then I think that backs up y'all's

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Speaker 1: kind of theory behind it. Now, if you didn't, if

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Speaker 1: you didn't have a comfortable household for them to bring

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Speaker 1: up stuff with you and didn't talk about it, then

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Speaker 1: there's no room for them right space for them to

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Speaker 1: discuss it.

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Speaker 2: My wife went to a seminar recently that was specifically

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Speaker 2: about sex talk and how do you do that with

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Speaker 2: your kids? And the main lesson from the teacher or

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Speaker 2: whatever you call them. Was that when they come to

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Speaker 2: you with questions, you answer them honestly and it's no

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Speaker 2: big deal because it scares us because when they come

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Speaker 2: to us and ask a question that we can feel

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Speaker 2: like is completely inappropriate about specific sexual acts.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know what that is.

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Speaker 2: You know, that's our instinct. This guy, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to talk about that. But that's not the right move.

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Speaker 2: The right move is oh, yeah, that's what this is.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, people do it, yeap deal, No, it's no

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Speaker 2: big deal.

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Speaker 3: We know it's crazy. So I this isn't a plug.

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Speaker 3: But I partnered with a company of Committee for Children

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Speaker 3: and it was all about kids. Ninety it was eighty

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Speaker 3: nine or it was like ninety percent of kids know

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Speaker 3: their abuser when we're going sexual, which is like the

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Speaker 3: whole stranger danger thing, like that's not even a that's

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Speaker 3: that's actually myth.

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Speaker 1: And I was already meth this is not as impactful

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Speaker 1: as people that are close to you.

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Speaker 3: Well, no, I mean I was taught stranger danger.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I think you all are, which people they

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Speaker 1: should kids should still not go with a stranger. I

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Speaker 1: shouldtill understand that.

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Speaker 3: But that's talking to your kids about like how to

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Speaker 3: it was. It's actually really cool if you guys should look.

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Speaker 3: It's called hot Chocolate talk dot org. But it's about

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Speaker 3: how to talk to your kids about because Jolie pointed

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Speaker 3: to my privates and I was like, what is that?

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Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, it's mummies, like hu ha,

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Speaker 3: Like I just made up a name, and I was like,

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Speaker 3: I probably should name it, like actually, give it the

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Speaker 3: proper name.

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Speaker 4: Yah, that's what we were told to give it the name, give.

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Speaker 3: It the name, give it the yeah, and say he's

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Speaker 3: got a penis. I don't know if we can say

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Speaker 3: that on air, but it's it's just very interesting because

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Speaker 3: you want kids to be able to talk to you,

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Speaker 3: But I think it's so awkward and uncomfortable for us

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Speaker 3: to have those conversations because I'm not ready to talk

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Speaker 3: to Joli about death. I want her to be right.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to, which I think is okay.

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Speaker 2: It's hard to talk about stranger danger because then then

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Speaker 2: I say, well why why, Well, somebody met one people

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Speaker 2: in this world who might want to take you, and

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Speaker 2: then why would they want to take me?

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Speaker 4: Well, I don't want to talk about that part. You know,

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Speaker 4: it's weird. It's a tough thing.

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Speaker 3: It's just starting to get real complicated and starting to

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Speaker 3: kind of stress me out a little bit because I

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Speaker 3: don't want to do it the right wrong way. I

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Speaker 3: want them to be able to come and talk to us,

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Speaker 3: but then it's also scary, and I just like, ugh.

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Speaker 1: I don't like it.

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Speaker 3: I think I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: Kind of what Mark was touching on is like, I

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Speaker 1: feel pretty comfortable in having those conversations. I honestly don't

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Speaker 1: think I'll be that uncomfortable. I think it's because it

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Speaker 1: is just you just say it like it is, because

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Speaker 1: you don't want to make something taboo, right, you don't

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Speaker 1: want to create this like secret thing around it, and

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Speaker 1: then it all of a sudden becomes that urge for

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Speaker 1: people to do Oh, I want to do this because

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Speaker 1: it's taboo, it's wrong.

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Speaker 2: And you don't want them to learn about it from

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Speaker 2: their friends at school, right because they're going to get

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Speaker 2: inaccurate information.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why, but the death thing is just

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Speaker 3: really freaking me out a really hard time.

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Speaker 1: That it's really hard, especially with today's the environment of

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Speaker 1: today's society, with everything going on, that's terrifying to.

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Speaker 3: Hear and also our girlfriend. I know, we just like

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Speaker 3: got negative. We'll bring it back up, but I just

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Speaker 3: it scares me in today's society because a very great

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Speaker 3: school in Nashville where our kids are most likely going

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Speaker 3: to go to elementary or high school. One of the

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Speaker 3: kids sent a picture because my girlfriend crawled and told

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Speaker 3: me this send a picture to a friend saying, look

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Speaker 3: how many guns I can fit into my backpack? Don't

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Speaker 3: go to school tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: And that isn't a one of the top places school,

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Speaker 3: like they're ranked ten in Nashville or Brentwood, And it's like,

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Speaker 3: holy crap. That's like even I'm like, oh god, I'm

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Speaker 3: like terrified to send Joel to school.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's one of the things. Actually when this came up,

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Speaker 1: Jane and I were talking about it, where like the

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Speaker 1: relieving part to get out of La County is, you know,

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Speaker 1: the homeless, the chances of things happening just playing a

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Speaker 1: numbers game. And if you think about a terrorist attack, right,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be La Chicago, New York. You know, big cities, right.

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Speaker 1: You think the chances of a terrorist attack in Nashville

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Speaker 1: are you know, smaller than major city, right, God willing

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Speaker 1: but the school stuff can touch anywhere anywhere.

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Speaker 3: How in freaking Brentwood, Tennessee. Yeah, just makes me really sad.

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Speaker 3: And then I'm like, is it the parents? Is the

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Speaker 3: kids just being funny? Because that sort of ended up

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Speaker 3: being the kid just thought it was funny. That's not

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Speaker 3: whoever thinks that. If my daughter thinks that's funny, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to I'm in the ground over the rest of

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Speaker 3: her life. That's not funny.

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Speaker 4: So the parents and teachers got involved and investigated.

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Speaker 3: The situation the whole Thank you he was joking. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I mean it's like, who thinks that's funny?

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Speaker 1: Like we're talking to our friend who told us this.

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Speaker 1: We're like we all agreed, like that kid should get

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Speaker 1: locked up for a few days, just giving scared straight,

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Speaker 1: give them twenty four hours in a cell, Like look, dumbass,

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Speaker 1: I don't care how how funny you think this is,

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Speaker 1: how old you are you do this. You got to

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Speaker 1: pay a little bit something like a little bit more

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Speaker 1: than a slap on the wrist, Like this isn't good.

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Speaker 1: Just it's just too sensitive.

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Speaker 3: I would expel the kid. Yeah, if I was a principal,

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Speaker 3: because I'm always Michael always makes fun of me. But

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Speaker 3: I always say, like, in your right brain, how did

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Speaker 3: you think this was right? Like, we had an issue

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Speaker 3: with a few things in our house, So I always

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Speaker 3: like to know people's like thought process. So my thought

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Speaker 3: process for the kid is like, how did you think

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Speaker 3: this is funny? Because all these kids have lost their

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Speaker 3: lives and I don't know. I just get really upset

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Speaker 3: about that. All right, we have an awesome in studio

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Speaker 3: guest today, Krishelle Hartley. Before we talk to her, though,

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Speaker 3: let's take a quick break, all right.

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Speaker 1: So moving back to Nashville, Jane and I are really

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Speaker 1: trying to figure out what we're going to do to

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Speaker 1: stay in shape, and we're.

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Speaker 3: Really thinking, oh, for yourself, buddy.

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Speaker 3: Just text Janna to thirty thirty thirty. Okay, So in

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Speaker 3: studio we have the gorgeous Chrishelle Hartley.

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Speaker 5: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: You're like, like genuinely beautiful, Like you're so pretty. Stop,

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Speaker 3: that's so nice.

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Speaker 5: Thank you so much.

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Speaker 3: You're so pretty. You're obviously you.

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Speaker 1: There we go Battle of the beauties.

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Speaker 4: You're more pretty.

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Speaker 5: Well when you just see someone from Instagram, I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 5: I'm excited to me and you you look better in person,

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Speaker 5: if that's possible. Normally it's the opposite, babe, I love you.

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Speaker 3: Been here. So you are married to Justin Hartley. I

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Speaker 3: am how long you as married for?

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Speaker 5: Uh, we'll be married in October two years, but we'll

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Speaker 5: be together.

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Speaker 3: Six sex okay. And then you guys met on a soap, right, No,

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Speaker 3: actually you did soap?

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Speaker 5: So I did, okay, And I was working with one

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Speaker 5: of his best friends on Days of Our lif and

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Speaker 5: he his first job ever was on Passions and so they.

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Speaker 3: Were best friend fashion. That was my guilty pleasure, and

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Speaker 3: then it just ended and I was like, no.

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 5: So I was working with his friend on Days of

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Speaker 5: our Lives and he asked him to kind of like,

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Speaker 5: what's the deal? You know, she's single, and so the

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Speaker 5: friend is actually a terrible matchmaker because he didn't tell

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Speaker 5: me that at first, and I went on to date

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Speaker 5: some really weird people, and then I later on asked him, Hey,

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Speaker 5: what's the deal with your friend Justin? He obviously seems

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Speaker 5: single and very handsome and anyway, and that's when we

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Speaker 5: figured it all out. And so if I hadn't asked,

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Speaker 5: we give him a hard time, like.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, right maker? And how long was he divorced before

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Speaker 3: you guys?

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Speaker 5: Two years?

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Speaker 3: Okay, So then Isabella was.

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Speaker 5: She was nine when I came into her life.

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Speaker 3: She's the sweetest, by the way, I really is. She's

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Speaker 3: so sweet. Oh hello, Justin. We did a movie together

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Speaker 3: years ago.

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Speaker 1: I remember what we saw.

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Speaker 3: So I'm at the and that's where I met her daughter,

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Speaker 3: his daughter, y'all's daughter. Yeah, and she's really sweet. But

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Speaker 3: I'm curious, like how that was going in at that age.

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Speaker 5: So actually I think nine years old was that. I

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Speaker 5: don't know every other person's experience, but I can only

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Speaker 5: speak for mine. It was a great age because she

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Speaker 5: looked at me and she liked my dress, and she

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Speaker 5: liked my hair and she didn't it pretty yeah, So,

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Speaker 5: and I used to be a camp counselor and the

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Speaker 5: little girls were like that same age group, perfect, so

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Speaker 5: it was kind of an easy fit in the beginning.

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Speaker 5: And then you know it's not. You know, you go

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Speaker 5: through different things throughout when they start to grow and

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Speaker 5: those kind of things. But I will say the beginning,

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Speaker 5: I feel like I got I got out a little

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Speaker 5: easy because she was just so enthralled with, you know,

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Speaker 5: my purse or my shoes or my hair. So I

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Speaker 5: had an easy audience.

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Speaker 3: How has the co parenting been with the other lady?

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Speaker 5: Yes, so, you know, I feel like she's you know,

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Speaker 5: you know, well, I feel like probably a lot of

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Speaker 5: your listeners are gone through the same thing. And it's

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Speaker 5: a process, you know, it doesn't it's not always something

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Speaker 5: that's like the easiest thing. And then you learn and

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Speaker 5: you grow and everyone kind of like gets their own boundaries,

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Speaker 5: and as time goes on, then it ends up just

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Speaker 5: being your normal and hopefully that's something that you know,

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Speaker 5: you want it to be healthy for the child obviously,

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Speaker 5: so that's if that's everyone's goal, then you've you've got

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Speaker 5: it made.

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Speaker 1: And how is it when you when you are in

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Speaker 1: that situation kind of getting to the point where because obviously,

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Speaker 1: you know, she's a part of your life and she's

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Speaker 1: your kid too at this point, right because you're married

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Speaker 1: to Justin. So at what point did you start to

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Speaker 1: feel where you could kind of be a disciplinarian and

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Speaker 1: kind of take on that motherly but not stepping over

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Speaker 1: boundaries like I have. I really feel like that's going

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Speaker 1: to be difficult for.

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Speaker 5: It is it is, and I feel like I connect

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Speaker 5: with any other you know, parent in my place because

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Speaker 5: it's really tough. You know, I have to try and

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Speaker 5: play like you know, sometimes i'm her friend and she'll

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Speaker 5: ask me questions that she wouldn't feel comfortable asking her parents.

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Speaker 5: And so I've had to go from not having kids

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Speaker 5: to all of a sudden jumping into the like, oh

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Speaker 5: my god, I've answered some of the most uncomfortable like

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Speaker 5: coming of age, you know, those kind of questions where

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Speaker 5: I'm like, Okay, how do I explain to her what

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Speaker 5: this is? I don't know if I'm allowed to say

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Speaker 5: all I had to explain what sixty nine was.

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Speaker 1: We were just talking about this.

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Speaker 5: It's one of those things. It's like, you're right, it's

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Speaker 5: she they're making jokes about it at school, So what

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Speaker 5: do you not? You have to tell her because she's

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Speaker 5: going to figure it out one way or the other.

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Speaker 5: So it's like, Okay, what's the best way I could

443
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 5: explain this?

444
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:43,959
Speaker 3: How did you explain that?

445
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:44,240
Speaker 5: Oh?

446
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 3: Lord, I believe it was else. Please, I know, because

447
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,480
Speaker 3: we have a three and a half and a five

448
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,600
Speaker 3: month old or six month old. You guys have a while,

449
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,520
Speaker 3: so like, I need some bullet points.

450
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:59,000
Speaker 5: I I said, I believe it was you know, it's

451
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:03,640
Speaker 5: when someone wants to kiss someone's private air. Oh my god,

452
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,320
Speaker 5: I'm so uncomforabed. At the same time, exactly, I tried

453
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:12,000
Speaker 5: to make it as clinical as possible. Face, why want

454
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,960
Speaker 5: to do actually exactly what she said?

455
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, when would you say?

456
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 5: I said, you got me? People are so weird.

457
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:20,320
Speaker 4: I don't know.

458
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 1: Wow, I can't watch you squirm and you have to tell.

459
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 3: You confrontation like that stuff just really gets me. Okay,

460
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 3: So yeah, I just I mean, that would just be

461
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,440
Speaker 3: really hard. I feel like I would be the worst

462
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 3: because when we were thinking about divorcing. When about divorce,

463
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,359
Speaker 3: but I was I had my number one thing, and

464
00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 3: this is what my girlfriend, especially Catherine, I said this

465
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 3: to her a million times. I was like, I don't

466
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,440
Speaker 3: want another woman raising my child. And now, but that's

467
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:55,320
Speaker 3: the thing I and it's nothing against the other woman,

468
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:59,159
Speaker 3: because that's also great for the child to have two

469
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,800
Speaker 3: strong women. But I just looked at it from such

470
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:05,680
Speaker 3: a like territorial like she's mine. But like at the

471
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 3: end of the day, I'm like, what a blessing that

472
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 3: Bella is to be able to have two strong women

473
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 3: in her life.

474
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 5: And I think that guide natural thought, and I think

475
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 5: that's why it is probably a lot tougher in the beginning,

476
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,240
Speaker 5: in the beginning until you start to it starts to

477
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 5: become your normal. But of course that's that's everyone's natural instinct.

478
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 5: And I think, you know, coming into that position and

479
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,880
Speaker 5: knowing that and kind of you know, and also I'm

480
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,400
Speaker 5: sure it's difficult for it's you know, it's just something

481
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,159
Speaker 5: that you slowly grow and adapt and then hopefully and

482
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 5: luckily that's where we are now, where everything is we

483
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,760
Speaker 5: try and all work together, and you know, it's it's

484
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,760
Speaker 5: nice to have the extra hands and the extra help

485
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,639
Speaker 5: and somebody. Now it's kind of a bonus where it's like,

486
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:44,040
Speaker 5: you know, you just have more people involved, and more

487
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 5: people that love her, and more people that are trying

488
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 5: to make sure she grows up to be a wonderful

489
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,200
Speaker 5: human being. So it actually is a positive. But of course,

490
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,680
Speaker 5: in the beginning, I'm sure many people don't feel that way,

491
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:58,360
Speaker 5: and that is totally understandable. Chrishelle, she just.

492
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 3: Cause it, Yeah, okay, because that would be like something

493
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,280
Speaker 3: I'd like, you cannot call something.

494
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,680
Speaker 1: I can see that at that age, at nine years old,

495
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,159
Speaker 1: I wouldn't assume that they that she would call you

496
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 1: mom or ever necessarily call you mom. But if it

497
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,120
Speaker 1: was in Jana in that situation, you know, back when

498
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 1: we talked about divorce.

499
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:17,240
Speaker 3: A week ago, ya kidding, you know.

500
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 1: If it's an infant, it's like, how do they not call?

501
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,399
Speaker 3: Because that's person's technically you know, from the ground up,

502
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:24,120
Speaker 3: don't right, That's.

503
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 1: What I'm saying. It'd be hard to not call someone

504
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 1: who's raising you a mom or dad. Yeah, from that.

505
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,680
Speaker 5: Age, joining when I did again she was nine, I

506
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,399
Speaker 5: kind of took the role of like her friend and like,

507
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 5: so there are where like if there needs to be disciplined,

508
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 5: that happens a lot of times. I'll just you know,

509
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,439
Speaker 5: debrief her dad when he gets home and kind of

510
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,719
Speaker 5: like talk to him because I just feel like, I

511
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 5: don't know. It's I'm probably not. I don't know. Probably

512
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 5: a lot of other people did better than me. I

513
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,439
Speaker 5: tiptoe around things because I just don't want to be

514
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,439
Speaker 5: in a position where I am stepping on toes or whatever.

515
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 5: So maybe I veer too far on the other side

516
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:08,719
Speaker 5: of that, but I think it's better safe than you know,

517
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,199
Speaker 5: wishing you hadn't done or said something I don't know.

518
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,200
Speaker 3: So before we talk about your Netflix series, I heard

519
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 3: you have a really cute story about your name.

520
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:21,240
Speaker 5: Oh o god, Well, I'll let you decide it's cute

521
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:25,640
Speaker 5: or ridiculous. But in a nutshell, So, my mother went

522
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 5: into labor when she was getting her car worked on.

523
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 5: Remember when the shell station saw it were also a

524
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 5: mechanic shop. Yes, okay, So she was getting her car

525
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,920
Speaker 5: worked on, and all of a sudden she goes into

526
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 5: labor and the guy there helping her, the mechanic He

527
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 5: was holding her hand and calming her down and called

528
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 5: the ambulance. So I was not born in a shell station.

529
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:46,800
Speaker 5: I just have to clarify. That's kind of what I

530
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 5: ended up seeing on the internet that did not happen,

531
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 5: but she wanted to name me after him because he

532
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 5: was so lovely and his name was Chris.

533
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 3: Stop it Chris.

534
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 5: Chris amazing, And a lot of people are like, well,

535
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:04,919
Speaker 5: there's Christina. There's a lot of other Chris names. But

536
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 5: if you know any of my other sisters, they have

537
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 5: very unique names. I have a Shonda, Tabitha, Carissa, Sabrina.

538
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 5: So Christina would not have worked in our family, so

539
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:15,400
Speaker 5: she went with Krishell.

540
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:16,920
Speaker 1: That's fantastic.

541
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,880
Speaker 3: I love think it's a great story. So you actually

542
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 3: watched the docu series? No, I haven't yet, but put

543
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 3: on your queue.

544
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I put on my on my list to watch. Yeah,

545
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 1: because I love like Million Dollar Listing La and New York.

546
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 1: I love that kind of stuff, and so I haven't

547
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 1: watched it yet, but I'm excited to.

548
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:34,880
Speaker 5: It's got some great property.

549
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 1: To tell us a little bit about it, so.

550
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:39,640
Speaker 5: I feel like it will appeal to what they called again.

551
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,880
Speaker 5: It's called Selling Sunsets, Selling Sunset and it's a very

552
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 5: binge worthy show on Netflix, and it basically is Million

553
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 5: Dollar Listing meets Laguna Beach or The Hills. I don't

554
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:52,320
Speaker 5: know if you've seen either of those.

555
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 3: Are the drama. So are there other than beautiful real

556
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:56,199
Speaker 3: estate agents?

557
00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 5: Yes, they're gorgeous, and unfortunately there is some drama. So

558
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 5: they were such a tight knit group working together for

559
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 5: a really long time, and I joined as a newbie.

560
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,439
Speaker 5: You're hated, right, I got a little hazing. I'm not

561
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 5: gonna lie. Yeah, So you kind of watch me go

562
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 5: through the process of kind of falling on my face

563
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,680
Speaker 5: but then kind of figuring it out and learning as

564
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 5: I go. And you also get to see these amazing properties.

565
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 5: It's kind of a bird's eye view into this luxury

566
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 5: market that not everybody would get to see but on

567
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 5: these shows, you know. So, I think that's why they're

568
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,679
Speaker 5: so popular, because people really want to see that, because

569
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 5: who's going to go spend forty million dollars on the house?

570
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,680
Speaker 5: Very very very few people. However, we all want to

571
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:39,720
Speaker 5: see what it looks like, like.

572
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we zillow it all the time to be

573
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:44,440
Speaker 3: there's a nice skating rink in there.

574
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 5: I always think I'm like, the tax is alone on

575
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 5: a house like that.

576
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 1: I always think, I'm like, what do these people do?

577
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 5: Exactly what you have to be like assaultant?

578
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 3: So those are the houses that you're selling are forty

579
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 3: million dollar houses?

580
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 5: Well, okay, the cump because I was like saying, girl,

581
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 5: if anyone's listening and wants to buy, when I there

582
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,959
Speaker 5: is one on the market, I'm happy to show it

583
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 5: to you. Qualified virus license, I do all yeah, And

584
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,159
Speaker 5: so I live in the valley, and I feel like

585
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 5: I tend to work a little more in the valley,

586
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 5: but I also you know, if you have your license,

587
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 5: you can work wherever. It's just that that is the

588
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 5: area I'm a little more passionate about. And I know

589
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 5: all about the school districts and where you can get

590
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 5: the best cup of this and the best bowl of that.

591
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 5: So I tend to have more clients in the in

592
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 5: the valley, but mine are The highest thing I've sold

593
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 5: so far is five million, which I'm amazing.

594
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:36,160
Speaker 3: That's fantastic.

595
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 5: But at my company, yeah, it goes all the way

596
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,760
Speaker 5: up to like fifty million, so it's great.

597
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 3: So I'm selling Sunset is just in a part of

598
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 3: it at all? Or is he like I don't want

599
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 3: to be part? Like what like how much do they

600
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 3: show your outside lives?

601
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 5: So some of the girls do show their outside lives,

602
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,159
Speaker 5: But at first it was a conflict because you know,

603
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 5: he's under contract with Fox, and so we were trying

604
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 5: to work that out, and then it kind of became

605
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 5: once the show started filming, there was drama with I

606
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 5: didn't I thought I was doing a real estate show

607
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,360
Speaker 5: in the beginning. I didn't know that.

608
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,919
Speaker 3: This was gonna have drama.

609
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 5: So by the time we started fleshing out what his

610
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 5: availability would be if he you know, got it cleared,

611
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 5: I realized she knew what Maybe it's best that we

612
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:21,199
Speaker 5: keep these two things separate because I really like my

613
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 5: personal life. I'm so protective over it, and you know,

614
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 5: I mean marriage is hard enough on its own. I

615
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 5: don't need an added force adding any kind of you know,

616
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 5: outward drama at all. So I feel like it that's

617
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 5: kind of what happened. So he, you know, there's like

618
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 5: an intro and intros. You know who I'm married to.

619
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 5: It's not a secret at all. And I talk about him, yeah,

620
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,159
Speaker 5: you know, in my interviews and stuff. But he's not

621
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 5: featured on the show.

622
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 3: So when did you stop acting or are you still acting?

623
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 5: I'm still recurring on Days of Our Lives right now,

624
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,400
Speaker 5: and and I actually have a movie coming out on

625
00:26:55,600 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 5: Netflix June twenty fifth called staged Killer. Okay, so you

626
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 5: know what, it just kind of comes and goes, and is.

627
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 3: There one that you're Are you more passionate in the

628
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:10,359
Speaker 3: real estate or are you like, where's your where's your focus?

629
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 5: So, I mean, I always grew up wanting to be

630
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 5: an actress, so I'm more passionate doing acting. But what

631
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 5: happens is you can't really pick and choose when you work,

632
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 5: and so I wanted something else. So I'm not going

633
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 5: to lie and say I'm as passionate about real estate.

634
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 5: But I've come to really love it. It's kind of

635
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 5: one of those things that like grew on me and

636
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 5: now I really enjoy it. At first, it was like,

637
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,879
Speaker 5: you know, you're taking all these tests and it's people

638
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 5: are wasting your time, and it's kind of a kind

639
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:40,159
Speaker 5: of a headache. And now as I'm in entrenched in

640
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,640
Speaker 5: the process, and now I really have people that I've

641
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 5: worked with that I've loved, and these amazing moments that

642
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 5: you get to hand somebody their first keys to their

643
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 5: first home. It's pretty important and special. So now I

644
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:51,199
Speaker 5: love it.

645
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 3: I think. I mean, I definitely can relate because you know,

646
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,399
Speaker 3: obviously my main goal is I want to be on

647
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,360
Speaker 3: a you know, a TV show, get back on a show,

648
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 3: because I was on a show for a couple of

649
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:06,199
Speaker 3: years and that's the steady income that I want. But unfortunately,

650
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,919
Speaker 3: like you said, we can't pick and choose and you

651
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,919
Speaker 3: have to we have to support our family. And it's

652
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 3: there's certain things that I'm doing that make the money,

653
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 3: but that's not one hundred percent what I'm actually passionate

654
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,120
Speaker 3: in doing, right, But you find the passion in it exactly.

655
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:22,800
Speaker 3: So that's where it's like you found your passion with

656
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 3: the real estate, and both things can be okay. That's

657
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,120
Speaker 3: why the things I'm doing the side, I'm like, yes,

658
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,959
Speaker 3: do I love love doing this? No, But I'm loving

659
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 3: doing it because I'm finding I have to find the

660
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 3: passion in it because I want to be able to

661
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 3: enjoy everything.

662
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 5: Then and it empowers you when you can, you know,

663
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 5: be in charge of when you work and when you don't.

664
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,239
Speaker 5: As an actor, you're kind of a slave too, and

665
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 5: it kind of can take a hit to your self

666
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 5: confidence if you keep not booking things, you know, and

667
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:48,959
Speaker 5: so I just feel like it empowers you when you

668
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 5: have a whole other thing and then you sometimes end

669
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 5: up booking more because you're like, I don't need this job.

670
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 5: It'd be great if I got it, but I don't

671
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 5: need to pay my light bill tomorrow.

672
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 1: Right with the busy schedules, I'm sure you and Justin

673
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,720
Speaker 1: have separate. What do you guys do to kind of

674
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 1: come back together and reconnect with you know, to drown

675
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 1: out all the noise?

676
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, Actually he was just in Canada shooting a movie

677
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 5: for a month, so that was a little tough. I

678
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 5: went up there or for a week, and then when

679
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 5: he got back, it was one of those things where

680
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 5: I feel like you just kind of have to seclude

681
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 5: yourself a little bit, and even if you maybe go

682
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 5: out or maybe don't, but just kind of like to reconnect.

683
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 5: So it sounds kind of cheesy, you're kind of laying

684
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 5: but when you're away that long, you don't want it

685
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 5: to feel normal, you know. So I wanted as soon

686
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 5: as we got back together to get back to kind

687
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 5: of the way that it felt, where it's like it's

688
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 5: not normal to sleep outside of the same bed for

689
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 5: that long. So let's like, you know, do we have

690
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,160
Speaker 5: to take that meeting in the morning. Let's push it back, like,

691
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 5: let's stay in but I don't know, little things like

692
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 5: that where I feel like we just kind of reconnect, like.

693
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 1: Making intentional time. That's a big thing Jana and I

694
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 1: talk about, is like making intentional time for each other,

695
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 1: not coming back together and going about your regular day routine.

696
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 1: It's like, let's intend to do this together and reconnect.

697
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 3: So, yeah, obviously, you know you were so happy for

698
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 3: your husband. Yes, has there ever been that jealousy underneath

699
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 3: or that frustration.

700
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 5: No, I have to say, it's not like we ever

701
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 5: are going out for the same parts, you know. But

702
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 5: I'm so genuinely happy for him because when I met him,

703
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 5: he was on revenge and to see him then, you know,

704
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 5: kind of assent to this a list actor. And of

705
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 5: course he'd always worked before.

706
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 3: I always felt bad for him because he was always

707
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 3: the lead of like a pilot, But then the pilot

708
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 3: and get picked up ord only ran once. I'm like, God,

709
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 3: I'm like, he's such a good actor. He's had such

710
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 3: a good look, and so it never really added up

711
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 3: to me. So it was it was really cool from

712
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 3: an outsider too to see him go.

713
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 5: I think, and again I can only speak for myself,

714
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 5: but I think if you have a I think healthy

715
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 5: competition in a playful way is a good thing, But

716
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 5: if you're actually competitive with your partner, I think that's detrimental.

717
00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 5: I support him and I want him to rule the world.

718
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 5: If he wants to rule the world. There are times

719
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 5: where he has offers. It's like, if you want to

720
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 5: do that, I will. I will get behind you one

721
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 5: thousand percent. But if you're not going to be happy

722
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 5: doing that, who cares. You don't need any more of whatever.

723
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 5: Do it if you want to. And I feel like

724
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,000
Speaker 5: he does the same for me, so you know, I

725
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 5: have to say it's definitely just one of those things

726
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 5: where we're not in competition with each other. The only

727
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 5: times we compete against each other is like when it's

728
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 5: for fun. If what we'll get, like if you get

729
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 5: us in a game night, then.

730
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 3: We'll see you there.

731
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 1: We're the same way.

732
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 3: Can we get into the biggest arguments of game nights

733
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 3: because we get so into it?

734
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're probably too into it because then we leave

735
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,239
Speaker 1: getting actually mad at each other and take it too

736
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: person's only New Year's last year, Yeah, that was no good.

737
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 1: So I've always been curious about that when people are

738
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 1: in the same kind of profession like you and Justin

739
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 1: and whether Jan and past relationships with people and music

740
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 1: and acting, how that relationship is with being competitive. Do

741
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 1: you think there's I'm asking both of you guys, do

742
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 1: you think there's couples out there that are like that? Like,

743
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 1: just for an example, Ryan Gossen and even Mendez, I

744
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 1: feel like ever since they've been together, like even Mendoz

745
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 1: hasn't really done anything. Do you think that's a testament

746
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 1: to them agree like, hey, you take a back seat,

747
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: let me do my thing, or I'm just curious from

748
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 1: you all. Y'all are professionals in this world and around

749
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 1: those kind of people. Do you think that takes place?

750
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm sure it does. I know what Jen

751
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 3: and Ben did was like she would take a role,

752
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 3: he would take a role. It's kind of what I've heard,

753
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 3: like everyone kind of goes. I mean, even like our

754
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 3: friends that we just met, Like right, someone's having a show.

755
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 3: It's like, all right, then now you need to take

756
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 3: the next whatever time off.

757
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 1: Right.

758
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 3: But that's what I will say. I was when I

759
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 3: was in the relationship. I was super jealous, but it

760
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 3: was only because from my insecurities, Whereas I had insecurities

761
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 3: because I'm like, well, I want to be doing that,

762
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 3: I want to be up on that state. I like,

763
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 3: why why don't I have that crowd like? And then

764
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 3: so then I but that was all my insecurities feeding

765
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 3: into which ended up ruining the relationship because I was

766
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 3: so insecure and think and I think.

767
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 5: That's that's part of it, where it's like I can

768
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 5: see that. But luckily because when I was in a

769
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 5: bad place and I wasn't working, and that's actually when

770
00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 5: I decided to get my real estate license because I

771
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 5: had to. You know, I'm not one of those people

772
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 5: that just wants somebody to pay for me. Like I

773
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 5: take a lot of pride in always having been, you know,

774
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 5: a self made person and paying and supporting myself and

775
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 5: my family because.

776
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 3: You came from a homeless background, I did.

777
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 5: So well, yeah, what happened well And just basically just

778
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:22,239
Speaker 5: to say, in that scenario, instead of being jealous, I

779
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 5: was so thankful that he was able to be there

780
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 5: for me when I was in a place where I

781
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 5: had never been able to count on. You know, my family,

782
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 5: they come from nothing, so I couldn't ever have any

783
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 5: help financially from them, So to have him be able

784
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,400
Speaker 5: to financially like be there for me while I went

785
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 5: and got my license. So it was the opposite of that.

786
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 5: I was just so grateful that he did that as

787
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,959
Speaker 5: opposed to the competition part of it. And then as

788
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 5: far as my family goes, they you know, we're from

789
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 5: we were homeless several stints in our life, and you know,

790
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 5: it's just kind of something that we I lied about

791
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 5: for so long because you know, you're embarrassed, and I

792
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:00,960
Speaker 5: was a kid in school and I missed a grade.

793
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 5: And so anyway, now to be able to have a

794
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 5: platform and it's covered on the show in a beautiful way,

795
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:12,160
Speaker 5: I think, and now I'm able to bring a spotlight

796
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,359
Speaker 5: to it and talk about it and help others. I

797
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 5: have to, you know, I think you have to kind

798
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 5: of initially had to get over myself and the embarrassment,

799
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 5: and now I'm not embarrassed anymore. It's something that you know,

800
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:24,880
Speaker 5: it happens, and it happens to a lot of people.

801
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 5: And I see these people all the time where it's like,

802
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 5: you know, I think people have especially living in this

803
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,760
Speaker 5: luxury la type of market that I work in, people

804
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 5: have a predisposition to have judgment about people that are homeless,

805
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 5: and you know, I just feel like coming from a

806
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,879
Speaker 5: family that has kind of dealt with I've never said

807
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 5: this before, but a family that has dealt with not

808
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 5: just homelessness, but also addiction and different things like that,

809
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 5: I sometimes tiptoe about what I say because you know,

810
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 5: it's not just me involved in this story. But there

811
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 5: were a lot of factors, you know, so we basically

812
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:06,799
Speaker 5: had to bend for ourselves for a certain sense of

813
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 5: our childhood. And now I I really appreciate and love

814
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 5: that they always said it felt like the best they

815
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 5: could with the means that they had. My parents aren't educated,

816
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 5: you know. My dad unfortunately just passed, but he you know,

817
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 5: he couldn't read, and so it was just like, you know,

818
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 5: there were just so many there's so many people born

819
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:31,800
Speaker 5: into these poverty type situations and everything is stacked against

820
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 5: you to get out of it. I mean, you don't

821
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 5: have so any kind of those programs. I'm so passionate

822
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 5: about the programs that are helping people that. You know,

823
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 5: I just feel like sometimes when people really have everything

824
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 5: at their feet, they're judging people that don't. And it's like,

825
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 5: you know, if the amount of effort that it takes

826
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,280
Speaker 5: to get from that spot where you have no help

827
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 5: and to pull yourself out of it. I just I

828
00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:58,760
Speaker 5: want to help all those people that I can, because

829
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 5: it's you have no idea how much it helps their

830
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 5: lives to just kind of give them a hand as

831
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 5: opposed to, you know, just blowing them off and thinking that,

832
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 5: you know, get it together. I don't know if I

833
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 5: spoke very.

834
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 1: No, that was brilliant. I think to your point, it's

835
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,439
Speaker 1: sometimes it's unfortunately out of their control, right, Like it's

836
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 1: easy to say, hey, get your together. World. There's probably

837
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 1: fell apart, not because of them, but because of the

838
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 1: environment that they're brought into. And that's can't blame somebody

839
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:32,400
Speaker 1: for that, like you're saying. And so kudos to you

840
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,800
Speaker 1: for being as strong as you are to pull yourself

841
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 1: out of that and to be successful you know everything

842
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 1: that you're.

843
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 3: Doing, and everyone go to upwardboundhouse dot org to help

844
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:43,479
Speaker 3: give back.

845
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:45,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's actually, if I can just say real quick,

846
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 5: it's a it's what I love about them. They don't

847
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 5: just give you a place to stay. They for a

848
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,319
Speaker 5: whole year that you're there. They give you classes that

849
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 5: they give you childcare while you go interview, they give

850
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 5: you interview clothes, they give you an apartment to stay in,

851
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 5: and so they're not just here's here's a bed, you know.

852
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:05,720
Speaker 5: So that's why I those are the kind of places

853
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:06,879
Speaker 5: that will change someone's life.

854
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're trying to help and to grow. I think

855
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,399
Speaker 3: there are our only you know how we've because we've

856
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 3: talked about homeless and honestly not in a respectful way

857
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 3: at times, but we had someone we tried to do

858
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 3: this giving back challenge and we gave a bunch of

859
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 3: food to a homeless person. He's like, oh, no, I

860
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 3: don't eat that stuff. And for us, we're like, well,

861
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 3: why wouldn't they? You know. But it's so it's that

862
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:32,319
Speaker 3: was kind of a tricky situation for us because we're like,

863
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 3: we're trying to give back and then they're being picky

864
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 3: about I don't know right, And.

865
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 5: I've had that happen before. You know, you you go

866
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 5: to give like what you think is like amazing, and

867
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,839
Speaker 5: then yeah, I've actually done the same thing. I think

868
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 5: the best thing if you want to give is to

869
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 5: find these kind of organizations. And there's food on foot,

870
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 5: there's a word boundhouse, there's my Friend's Place. I work

871
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:52,920
Speaker 5: with all three of those places that are all that's

872
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 5: about rehabilitating, right, and.

873
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 3: Because those people really want they're willing to they want

874
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 3: to change or not to check, but they want the

875
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 3: help and they need the help.

876
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, and there's ways to work the program where if

877
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 5: you really use what they provide you. I think some

878
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 5: of one of them has a ninety five percent success

879
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 5: rate upper Bound House of once you go into their

880
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 5: facility for the year that you're there, ninety five percent

881
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:21,439
Speaker 5: success rate of not being homeless again. Wow, So that's

882
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:22,360
Speaker 5: really amazing.

883
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 1: Do they do any of these programs like upper Boundhouse

884
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: or the other ones that you mentioned, Do they focus

885
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,359
Speaker 1: on any kind of addiction tw addiction twelve step concept too?

886
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: Because this might be a stereotype or whatever, but from

887
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: your experience and working with these programs, are there a

888
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 1: lot of people that are addicts that may not know

889
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 1: that come into this and want to get help, But

890
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 1: then you know, the professionals they are realizing they have

891
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 1: addictive tendencies or whatever is their correlation there.

892
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 5: That's a great question. My Friend's Place and Food on

893
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 5: Foot both accept people in that are whatever however you

894
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 5: come in. Is how you come in and they will

895
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 5: help you no matter what, and they will help you

896
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,920
Speaker 5: really truly. These people are so passionate. They're volunteers and

897
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 5: they're so amazing. They deserve all the praise because they're

898
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 5: in there every single day volunteering and they are providing

899
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,839
Speaker 5: them with resources to really change their life if they

900
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 5: want it. Upward Bound House is a little different, you know,

901
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,239
Speaker 5: because they house children as well, so I think you

902
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 5: have to be really careful past drug tests. So I

903
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,759
Speaker 5: work with both kinds, one that does not accept them

904
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:27,799
Speaker 5: and one that does. But they're both important, you know,

905
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 5: and obviously it makes sense they're accepting small children, so

906
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,200
Speaker 5: you have to you have to start seeing it.

907
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 3: Yeah. Wow, Well you're just like inspiring all around. You're

908
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:39,080
Speaker 3: not only beautiful, but you're smart and you're encouraging and

909
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 3: we just can't thank you enough for coming on the show.

910
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 3: Watch Selling Sunset, it's a docu series for Netflix, and

911
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 3: then please give you know, get some more information, especially

912
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:52,319
Speaker 3: go visit Upward Bound House dot org. Forshall. Thank you

913
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 3: seriously so.

914
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 1: Much, Thank you so much for going on.

915
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:55,279
Speaker 5: Thank you.

916
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 3: All right, babe, So you you went to college, you have, yes,

917
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 3: you did, and you have student loans, don't you?

918
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 5: Or you did?

919
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 3: I did at one point, so you definitely needed so

920
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 3: Fi back in the day, because did you know that

921
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,759
Speaker 3: millennials have three times as much student debt as their

922
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 3: parents And that's honestly, that's not right. But you can

923
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 3: get your student loans right by refinancing your loans with Sofi.

924
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 3: It's really fast and easy process all online, only takes

925
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 3: two minutes to check your rate. So refinancing your student

926
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 3: loans could save you thousands. So you definitely needed that.

927
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 3: I wish it's really just one simple monthly payment. Refinancing

928
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 3: your student loans could save you thousands. Again, lowering your

929
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 3: interest rate super easy. So all you have to do

930
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:39,759
Speaker 3: is check your rate in two minutes on sofi dot

931
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 3: com slash Jana. That's so Fi s o Fi dot

932
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:45,719
Speaker 3: com slash Jana. You do not want to miss this.

933
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,759
Speaker 3: Lock in a fixed low rate today at sofi dot

934
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 3: com slash Jena. That's Sofi dot com slash Jana. So

935
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,359
Speaker 3: now the students don't have to like stress as much,

936
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 3: you know, because I'm honestly worried about when Jolie and

937
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 3: Jace go to college.

938
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 1: More money in your pockets less debt. I love it.

939
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 1: So Fie awesome. She's so sweet, she's super like very genuine.

940
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:12,360
Speaker 3: Extremely genuine, and I just I love I love her

941
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:14,759
Speaker 3: journey make you can tell she's a hustler, yes, and

942
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 3: I appreciate that. Instead it's just kind of wallowing or

943
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:20,719
Speaker 3: being like, oh, you know, just the spouse up, like

944
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 3: she's making a name for herself, and I just she's

945
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 3: already had the name, but still like she's she's not stopping.

946
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 3: And I really appreciate that.

947
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 5: Driving.

948
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 1: I think that no matter who she's married to, whether

949
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 1: it's Justin or nobody, she wouldn't change. Yeah, Like, she

950
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 1: just has that passion, she has that grind to do

951
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 1: things that she wants to do and nothing's going to

952
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 1: change that. Yeah, you can definitely just get you get

953
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 1: that from her vibe and her personality is awesome.

954
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree. I just I really like everything about her.

955
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 3: So we should do double date.

956
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:49,800
Speaker 1: Sure?

957
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 3: Anyway, Hey, Mark, do you gt any emails for us?

958
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 5: Well?

959
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 2: This one is particularly pertinent death thought. This is from

960
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 2: Holly's thin very what pertinent?

961
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 5: I don't know?

962
00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 3: That word is too big for me.

963
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 2: I've been with my husband for ten years now. We

964
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 2: started struggling with our marriage and divorce was a daily topic.

965
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:06,399
Speaker 2: I started a new job and met a man there.

966
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 2: As time went on, we grew closer and closer, to

967
00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 2: the point that I told him I loved him and

968
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 2: we could start life together. I just needed to leave

969
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 2: my husband, but I didn't.

970
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 4: Have sex with him.

971
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:16,279
Speaker 2: I didn't kiss this man because my heart I knew

972
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:18,879
Speaker 2: it was wrong. One night, my husband recorded me having

973
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,319
Speaker 2: a conversation with this other man. I confessed and told

974
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 2: him everything. I did contact the other guy one last

975
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,360
Speaker 2: time to tell him it was over. Since then, my

976
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 2: husband has been by my side, but I am still

977
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,479
Speaker 2: living in the mess that I made. He still holds

978
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 2: it over my head, has no faith or trust in me,

979
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 2: and it's been going on four years and a child later.

980
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:37,359
Speaker 2: I walk on eggshells because I want to show him

981
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 2: that I love him, and yes, I want this marriage,

982
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 2: but it doesn't seem enough. So what could I possibly

983
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 2: do more than I've already tried to get him to

984
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 2: forgive and forget this kind of thing. I want him

985
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 2: to trust me and love me the way he did

986
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 2: ten years ago.

987
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,880
Speaker 3: It's a that's hard. I mean, it's a great email.

988
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:58,880
Speaker 3: Then thank you for sharing all that. Holly, that's a

989
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 3: really hard one because you can't put a time limit

990
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 3: on someone's How would I say that someone's process of grieving?

991
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 3: So I know for us, you know hereis there are

992
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 3: still times that's just so hard because you don't want

993
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 3: to put you don't want to put a time because

994
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 3: in ten years, like just when we talk to Jason

995
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:27,560
Speaker 3: and Shelley about it, this will They're like, we're still

996
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 3: talking about it and it's fifteen minutes, fifteen, fifteen years.

997
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 1: Yes, this will be a part of their life no

998
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 1: matter what.

999
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:37,840
Speaker 3: Now do you think it sounds like maybe he's not well, I'm.

1000
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,239
Speaker 1: Just gonna I'm curious. Do you think the emotional aspect

1001
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:44,359
Speaker 1: cuts deeper than the physical because she didn't According to her,

1002
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 1: she didn't do anything physical with him, but she told

1003
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 1: him that she loved him and talked about starting our

1004
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 1: life together.

1005
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 3: I think again, it just depends. I would Well, I'm

1006
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:55,400
Speaker 3: asking you if I did that, what would be harder me?

1007
00:43:55,520 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 3: Just having physical relations or an emotional relation from a guy?

1008
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 1: Say point, I mean, obviously neither one of them are great.

1009
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:11,800
Speaker 1: But I think the physical thing, with the physical there's

1010
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 1: I feel like there's fixable issues because it was probably

1011
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:20,480
Speaker 1: like a a time frame or something specific that caused

1012
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 1: the person to go outside the marriage with the with

1013
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 1: the emotional I worry about can this ever be repaired?

1014
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,440
Speaker 1: Like will you ever love me because you fail for

1015
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 1: another man? Like you told another person you loved them

1016
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 1: and you wanted to start a life with them.

1017
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 3: But maybe she truly didn't. I know, I've said I

1018
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 3: loved you as people and I didn't really love them.

1019
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,719
Speaker 3: I just was needing a I was just needing that

1020
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:52,319
Speaker 3: emotional connection, you know what I mean. Yeah, So but

1021
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 3: again that's hard for a husband to unsee that and

1022
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:55,319
Speaker 3: get that.

1023
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, but.

1024
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:00,880
Speaker 3: I just you know, you guys obviously have another kid.

1025
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 3: You bren another kid into the world. So I think

1026
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 3: it's one of those things where you know, you just

1027
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:11,399
Speaker 3: you can't put the time on it. But also there's

1028
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 3: got to be some growth on his side too to

1029
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:14,799
Speaker 3: try to Yeah, and.

1030
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 1: The fact that she even says the way she says it,

1031
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 1: he still holds it over my head.

1032
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's something where it's like, that's not that's.

1033
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 1: Different than expressing yes, all right, hey honey, you want

1034
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,840
Speaker 1: to go out with your friends. Okay, But here's my fears. Yeah,

1035
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:30,359
Speaker 1: because of what happened. That's the way, Yeah, saying hold

1036
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 1: it over my head. It's like, no, I don't want

1037
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 1: you to do that. Because I don't you're probably going

1038
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,319
Speaker 1: to do this. Yeah again four years in a child later.

1039
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,080
Speaker 1: You know, I'm sure she's just based on that she's

1040
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 1: trying to show. I make up that she's showing that

1041
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:44,880
Speaker 1: she loves him and wants her life with her husband.

1042
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 3: Well she's still there.

1043
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:50,280
Speaker 1: Yeah right, I'm saying, like through her actions.

1044
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 3: Mark, what do you think?

1045
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 4: Well, obviously, I mean, look, she broke his heart.

1046
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,399
Speaker 2: If I'm putting myself in his position, it's it's it's

1047
00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:02,040
Speaker 2: just it's just profound sadness. It's heartbreak, it's it's a betrayal,

1048
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 2: it's why.

1049
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,919
Speaker 4: Wasn't I enough? It's all that stuff. But I don't

1050
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 4: know that it gives him the right to be a

1051
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:08,799
Speaker 4: dick to you remember the rest of your life?

1052
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to. That's the part where he has

1053
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:12,200
Speaker 3: to start, you know.

1054
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:14,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think I don't know if you

1055
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 2: guys are in therapy, but I know that you guys

1056
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 2: have gotten great results from that sort of thing, and

1057
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 2: I think that will help him get over those emotions

1058
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 2: of being so jerky about it. He doesn't have to

1059
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 2: do that anymore, and maybe that's how you guys get

1060
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 2: tart together. But like you guys said, it's just time. Yeah,

1061
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:32,240
Speaker 2: time is gonna He's not going anywhere, and that's great.

1062
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:34,360
Speaker 2: It's great that he's not going anywhere. It's not great

1063
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:36,319
Speaker 2: that he's got this. He's still holding it over your.

1064
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,840
Speaker 1: Head, which could be enticing him to not go anywhere

1065
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 1: because he feels like he has this power and control

1066
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:45,160
Speaker 1: of the relationship, right, and so you know, if they're

1067
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 1: not going to therapy number one, they definitely should. And

1068
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 1: he's probably hasn't owned anything that he's done where maybe

1069
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,719
Speaker 1: he had something to do with driving her away, but

1070
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 1: he's still holding on to it. Again, just based off

1071
00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 1: the vernacular she uses, it doesn't seem like he's like, well,

1072
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 1: what could I have done to to not push her away?

1073
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:05,479
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like he's doing that at all, which

1074
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 1: he needs to, right because divorce was a daily topic

1075
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 1: before this happened, right, so obviously there's issues. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

1076
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: just seems like he's still fingerpointing as opposed to being like,

1077
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 1: is there something I could have done? Like you know,

1078
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:19,239
Speaker 1: you for you, it took you a while, it took you,

1079
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:21,919
Speaker 1: you know, some time, but you got to the place

1080
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:24,280
Speaker 1: eventually where it's like, well what can I do different?

1081
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 5: You know?

1082
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 1: And it takes time.

1083
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:30,320
Speaker 3: But four years down this place now, not before.

1084
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:33,359
Speaker 1: No, I'm not saying like immediately after. It takes some time,

1085
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 1: but four years down the road. Again, everyone's different, everyone's

1086
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,120
Speaker 1: timeline is different. But I'd like to think that they

1087
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 1: should be in a place, or hopefully he'd be in

1088
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:43,520
Speaker 1: a place to start to look at himself.

1089
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 3: Can I mention something that kind of came up at

1090
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 3: the podcast tour that kind of has still stuck with me,

1091
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 3: that's bothered me a little bit about the kind of

1092
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:52,800
Speaker 3: this topic. Sure, I'm kind of interested to see Mark's

1093
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 3: point of view too. So I had asked our guests

1094
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 3: and then I kind of asked Michael, I said, what

1095
00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 3: would be your marriage deal breaker? And he had said

1096
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:06,279
Speaker 3: if I cheated on him? And so, after everything we've

1097
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,439
Speaker 3: been through, after everything we've been through, if you cheat

1098
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 3: on me, And I'm thinking to myself, I get that

1099
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:16,240
Speaker 3: because we've done so much work, but I but still

1100
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:23,319
Speaker 3: it feels so one sided to me that after me

1101
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 3: sticking through it because I thought we did a lot

1102
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:27,600
Speaker 3: of work. And I know, Granton, we've done so much

1103
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 3: work now post you know, getting married and stuff. But

1104
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:35,600
Speaker 3: it's that you would really truly leave me if I

1105
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 3: cheated on you, And that feels so shallow to me

1106
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:39,479
Speaker 3: in a way.

1107
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 1: I understand why it would, and I understand why anyone

1108
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:46,839
Speaker 1: male or female, if they're in your position. Why if

1109
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 1: the other person said, that's like really, like what the

1110
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 1: f Like? I took you back? I was willing to

1111
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 1: work at this. Why would that be a deal breaker

1112
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:57,799
Speaker 1: for me? It's not about the act. It's about if

1113
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 1: Because we value our communication, we value therapy and discussing

1114
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 1: on what's going on in our life. If we got

1115
00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 1: to that point where you weren't talking about things that

1116
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: were wrong, and you get to a point where you

1117
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:11,680
Speaker 1: just stuffed it all down and acted out outside of

1118
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 1: our marriage, then I'd be like, what have we been

1119
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 1: doing all this work for? Like? Then then that means

1120
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:19,239
Speaker 1: you weren't doing the work and coming to me and

1121
00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:20,400
Speaker 1: bringing up issues that you have.

1122
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 3: So maybe I had my own issues and wouldn't you

1123
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 3: wouldn't stick. I didn't know that you had your issues

1124
00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:27,799
Speaker 3: before we got married, you know, and it's I'm just

1125
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:31,320
Speaker 3: plaining Devil's advocate in a get I don't understand that

1126
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 3: that really bothers me, that that would be your thing.

1127
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:37,960
Speaker 3: I'm like, man, after everything I've stuck out with you,

1128
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:42,360
Speaker 3: and if I have my moment where sometimes because everything

1129
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:44,840
Speaker 3: we're going through was a lot and maybe that is

1130
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:50,839
Speaker 3: my way of having my slip, not saying it's right,

1131
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 3: but like after you know, we might get into a

1132
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:57,800
Speaker 3: big argument and you might have a medium relapse or something,

1133
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 3: maybe not even a physical but and if I go on,

1134
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm like, you're gonna leave me because of that?

1135
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,239
Speaker 3: Like that for it just really like bothers me.

1136
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:09,120
Speaker 1: Just like we talk about a lot on this right,

1137
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:10,759
Speaker 1: you don't know what you're doing in this situation until

1138
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:13,680
Speaker 1: you're in it. All I'm saying is because of all

1139
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,280
Speaker 1: the work and all the time and all the therapy

1140
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 1: we have put into this.

1141
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:19,759
Speaker 3: Just terrupts me.

1142
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 1: And which I understand. I understand why I would I

1143
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 1: do I empathize with that.

1144
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:27,239
Speaker 3: Because I'm like, I can I can still grow with

1145
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:33,080
Speaker 3: because again, everything that we've been through, I could foresee

1146
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 3: maybe one day Not saying I would ever cheat on you,

1147
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 3: but having being so like, you know, what ef.

1148
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 1: It right again? Because of all the things that we

1149
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:44,160
Speaker 1: do to prevent those things, But.

1150
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 3: What if we didn't? What if? Likes said, But I'm

1151
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 3: just saying that to me just feels Mark, do you

1152
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 3: have any insight on that? And because you're just kind

1153
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 3: of staring at.

1154
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 4: It, trying to hang back on.

1155
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 2: I do think it's silly to think that there will

1156
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:00,320
Speaker 2: never be any more problem. It's because you're putting in

1157
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 2: this work, which is great, and you're working together on this,

1158
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 2: There's still going to be problems.

1159
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 1: Along the way.

1160
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:08,160
Speaker 3: I still might be holding resentment to you, and I

1161
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:10,560
Speaker 3: still have resentment, but in some day, one day that

1162
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 3: might flare up more and I might be weak just

1163
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 3: like you've been weak. And but yet to know that

1164
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:19,279
Speaker 3: my partner, after all this stuff would leave me from

1165
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:22,839
Speaker 3: a weak moment like that just feels so like, Man,

1166
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:25,840
Speaker 3: what is this then? That you wouldn't fight through it

1167
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 3: with me to get back to a good place again,

1168
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:34,480
Speaker 3: Because I honestly will say, I mean, it's just that's just.

1169
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:34,879
Speaker 5: I don't know.

1170
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 4: I think he would. Honestly, I think he'd leave. I

1171
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 4: don't I do I think he would.

1172
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:41,920
Speaker 3: Because the fact that he even said that because he

1173
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:50,239
Speaker 3: had no I but I'll tell you, I'll tell you

1174
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:52,360
Speaker 3: this would have been my answer, because I wouldn't have

1175
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,080
Speaker 3: said if you cheated on me again. It would be

1176
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:59,360
Speaker 3: if you if you continuously were defensive or or or

1177
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 3: so ink like I can't live in that kind of household, right,

1178
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 3: that would be my marriage deal breaker, not if he

1179
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 3: cheats again. Okay, so that's what else?

1180
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 1: People?

1181
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:10,359
Speaker 5: All right, But.

1182
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:14,200
Speaker 1: I mean where again, what else would mine be?

1183
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:15,239
Speaker 5: Oh?

1184
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,760
Speaker 3: Gosh, I could I could shame you twenty four to seven?

1185
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,680
Speaker 4: I could, Yes, you know, I guess that would be

1186
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 4: a deal. But we're past that.

1187
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:21,640
Speaker 5: We're not.

1188
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:23,640
Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. Like there might be days that I.

1189
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:26,160
Speaker 1: Still yeah, and you still have those moments, but it's

1190
00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 1: not like it was at the beginning. If you still

1191
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 1: shame me now like you used to, Yes, and I

1192
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 1: even told and I even contemplated that stuff then where

1193
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:35,399
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know if I can stay

1194
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:37,719
Speaker 1: in this because of that. But we got past that.

1195
00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:41,440
Speaker 1: So you said, like from this point moving forward, if

1196
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 1: you just randomly started to shame in me all the

1197
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:47,359
Speaker 1: time like you used to, then yes, but that's not

1198
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 1: what's happening. So the only thing I could I could

1199
00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 1: come up with is if you did that, it would

1200
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 1: just be really hard after all of the work that

1201
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:59,400
Speaker 1: we've done. That's like now if I if I relapsed physically.

1202
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 3: But you'll say, well, it's an addiction.

1203
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:04,000
Speaker 1: I've never used it as an.

1204
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:06,320
Speaker 3: Excuse, but you have. You're like, you know, I'm an addict.

1205
00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:08,400
Speaker 3: This is a possibility, you said.

1206
00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: Right, because I could never say never.

1207
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:12,800
Speaker 3: Right. But you're saying, but in therapy, you'd say, like, well,

1208
00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:15,480
Speaker 3: I said, you know, but I wouldn't.

1209
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:16,920
Speaker 1: Expect you But I wouldn't. I wouldn't write that off

1210
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 1: and expect you to be okay, I wouldn't, you know

1211
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:23,360
Speaker 1: what I mean. So, but I'm saying, if if I

1212
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 1: did that, you're telling me that you wouldn't have a

1213
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 1: really hard time staying.

1214
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:32,360
Speaker 3: It wouldn't be the reason I left.

1215
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 1: I didn't ask that, we say, would I asked that.

1216
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 1: I didn't ask that. I said, would you have a

1217
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:39,080
Speaker 1: really hard time staying?

1218
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:41,839
Speaker 3: Of course I would, right, But that wouldn't.

1219
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: Be because of why, because of all the work that

1220
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 1: we've done.

1221
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 3: Well, No, because of the principle. Yeah, but it's you know,

1222
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 3: that's not for me, But that's not my deal breaker.

1223
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:55,359
Speaker 1: But you would still be a really hard It would

1224
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:57,120
Speaker 1: be really hard for you determine whether to stay or not.

1225
00:53:57,680 --> 00:53:59,839
Speaker 3: That doesn't that's not my deal breaker though, And that's okay.

1226
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:03,719
Speaker 3: We have different ones. It's just I'm just having I'm.

1227
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:04,760
Speaker 1: Trying to put you in the same position where.

1228
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 3: But I would not that would not be my deal breaker.

1229
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:08,440
Speaker 3: You're trying to like put me and say that I

1230
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:10,640
Speaker 3: understand it'd be hard decision, but it wouldn't be my

1231
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:12,399
Speaker 3: deal breaker. And that's what you said, your deal breaker

1232
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 3: would be.

1233
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:15,799
Speaker 1: Okay, let me rephrase then, Jesus, it would be a

1234
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:16,600
Speaker 1: really hard decision.

1235
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:20,359
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, we have to go pick up her daughter.

1236
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:23,000
Speaker 3: This has been a really good episode.

1237
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:27,120
Speaker 1: Note thanks for your email, Holly.

1238
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks, Holli By it's a lot.

1239
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:32,880
Speaker 5: We're going to be out.

1240
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:36,040
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah,