Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. It's your celebrity mentor Kelly
Speaker 1: ben Simone. And today I've got my great producer and friend,
Speaker 1: Heather Monday to join me because I've got some big
Speaker 1: news to share with you. I've been nothing but honest
Speaker 1: since I joined the podcast, and that's the only way
Speaker 1: we heal and grow by sharing our own truth. So
Speaker 1: today I need to talk through it for you and
Speaker 1: for me. Hi, Heather, I love you.
Speaker 2: Hi, I love you. What's going on? Well, first of all,
Speaker 2: happy right, this is you know, one of our first
Speaker 2: episodes of the new year, So happy New Year to
Speaker 2: anybody that's listening. But even though twenty twenty six has
Speaker 2: just started, I know a lot of things have changed.
Speaker 2: So what's happened?
Speaker 1: So I went through a breakup over the holiday. My
Speaker 1: application applications are now open. I closed them before the
Speaker 1: holidays and now I open them.
Speaker 2: Well let's rewind. Yeah, let's talk a little bit about
Speaker 2: what happened, because I think from a listener's perspective, right,
Speaker 2: we were all really excited when you announced that you
Speaker 2: had a boyfriend, and you seemed really excited about it,
Speaker 2: So kind of tell me, was this a long time coming?
Speaker 2: Or was this like something happened over the holidays and
Speaker 2: this decision was made.
Speaker 1: So I did have a breakup over the holidays, and
Speaker 1: this is not something that just happened. But I am
Speaker 1: a Taurus and I have a lot of bandwidth and
Speaker 1: then and sometimes I just snap. And I had some
Speaker 1: health issues last last year, and I was going through
Speaker 1: a lot of things personally, and it really made me
Speaker 1: see what I wanted in my romantic life and like
Speaker 1: how I wanted to navigate that and move forward into
Speaker 1: twenty twenty six.
Speaker 2: So be a little bit more specific for me, What
Speaker 2: does that mean? Was this person not showing up for you?
Speaker 2: Were they not by your bedside when you were needing
Speaker 2: you know, some nursing or aid? Like what kind of
Speaker 2: I guess. Try to break it down and be a
Speaker 2: little bit more specific for me as to like what
Speaker 2: went into this decision.
Speaker 1: They did not show up when I really really needed them, now,
Speaker 1: got it? They did not shot?
Speaker 2: Okay, that's unfortunate. So just to be clear, you were
Speaker 2: the one who had this breakup. It was not a
Speaker 2: mutual decision.
Speaker 1: I'd like to say it was a mutual decision because
Speaker 1: in order for me to break up, I had to
Speaker 1: feel something that would encourage me to make that decision.
Speaker 1: So it's not like just like I woke up one
Speaker 1: day and I was like, oh, I'm going to break
Speaker 1: up with this person. It was a this is not
Speaker 1: going to work, this is not going to move forward,
Speaker 1: and it's you know, it's at the stage I am
Speaker 1: in my life, like, I want a gorgeous family for
Speaker 1: my family, Heather, I want. I've always from day one.
Speaker 1: The reason I got divorced from my first husband and
Speaker 1: only husband, is because I want a gorgeous, loving, healthy
Speaker 1: family for my family. That's all I want. M h.
Speaker 1: I want to want to I want to create a family.
Speaker 1: I want to be in a loving relationship, and I
Speaker 1: want to be cherished and cared for. I spent my
Speaker 1: life being the caregiver of every single man, with the
Speaker 1: exception of my twin brother or my father. They're the
Speaker 1: only two men that I haven't been the caregiver for,
Speaker 1: and I it's time that we that the tables turn
Speaker 1: and that someone cares for me, cherishes me, adores me,
Speaker 1: loves me for who.
Speaker 2: I am exactly. I definitely think that those are wonderful
Speaker 2: things to want, and I think that you deserve those
Speaker 2: no doubt. I guess when I say, is it mutual?
Speaker 2: He wasn't shocked when you tried to break up with him.
Speaker 2: He wasn't trying to, you know, say I can change
Speaker 2: or let's fix this or work on this. There was
Speaker 2: no that discussion. Because what you're expressing to me sounds
Speaker 2: like you initiated this breakup. You wanted this breakup.
Speaker 1: I could feel that there was a change. I feel,
Speaker 1: I felt like there was a change in temperature. Okay,
Speaker 1: and I just knew in my heart that this is
Speaker 1: not right. And even you know, I mean, I can't
Speaker 1: speak for him, but I know that he was not
Speaker 1: happy with the change in the temperature.
Speaker 2: Okay, got it. So the holidays happen, you guys were together,
Speaker 2: and I know that your kids were also there. What
Speaker 2: was your kid's perspective on him or on your relationship?
Speaker 2: Because I asked that because I think a lot of
Speaker 2: people in their Chapter two and their I Do Part
Speaker 2: two era tend to be parents, you know, and navigating
Speaker 2: dating as a single mom versus as a single person
Speaker 2: is very different, especially with you. Your kids aren't babies,
Speaker 2: they're young adults, So how much you know did they
Speaker 2: give their input or feelings on your relationship. How much
Speaker 2: of that do you take into consideration when you're making
Speaker 2: these kinds of decisions. Kind of tell me a little
Speaker 2: bit about that.
Speaker 1: So he's a very dynamic human, which is one of
Speaker 1: the things. Very very smart, very dynamic, very successful, which
Speaker 1: is those are the things that I and he has,
Speaker 1: you know, very good good values. So he has he has,
Speaker 1: he checks like all the boxes. That's why I fell
Speaker 1: in love with him. I fell in love with him
Speaker 1: because he was I thought that he was my person.
Speaker 2: Wait, I'm going to jump in here. You said fell
Speaker 2: in love with him. You've also said on this podcast
Speaker 2: that you've never been in love before.
Speaker 1: True, I have never been in love. I fell madly
Speaker 1: in love with him. I love him.
Speaker 2: So you were in love?
Speaker 1: Oh, I was so in love with him, Like I
Speaker 1: had those love goggles on, like they were like so tight.
Speaker 1: I was in madly in love with him. He could
Speaker 1: do no wrong.
Speaker 2: But you so, so this is this is big then,
Speaker 2: not to say not to little any sort of relationship,
Speaker 2: but you have you know, taken our listeners on this
Speaker 2: journey and expressed how you've never been in love before.
Speaker 2: You know, you've had a lot of ups and downs
Speaker 2: since the calling off of your engagement over a year ago.
Speaker 2: So this guy, however, you know, the chemistry was he
Speaker 2: was able to make a very strong connection with you,
Speaker 2: and you were in love.
Speaker 1: I wasn't just in love. I was madly in love.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you were in love.
Speaker 1: And I also loved him, so it was Yes, it
Speaker 1: was twofold. I cared about him, but I was also
Speaker 1: I had these very strong love feelings. I wasn't in
Speaker 1: my feelings. I was in love feelings.
Speaker 2: So I digress. Go back, Tell me about your kids
Speaker 2: and their input and their thoughts.
Speaker 1: So that my kids said to me, they were like, Mom,
Speaker 1: you're just not yourself. You're just not yourself. And there
Speaker 1: were some a couple of things that happened that made
Speaker 1: them question what was going on and my relationship, and
Speaker 1: you know, my girls and I were very very tight.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people are like my kids
Speaker 1: and my everything, and they always talk about how their kids,
Speaker 1: their kids, their kids, Like I speak to my kids
Speaker 1: all day long. I see them every single day. I
Speaker 1: take them on vacations, I go everywhere anytime that I
Speaker 1: have free time. In the past, I've always spent with
Speaker 1: them Tuesday Night's, Wednesday night, Thursday night, Saturday, Sunday, holidays.
Speaker 1: Whatever it is they are, they are it.
Speaker 2: So how much does their opinion weigh in on who
Speaker 2: you date?
Speaker 1: They are a ton and I know that I know,
Speaker 1: like there's probably going to be a therapist that say, like,
Speaker 1: you have to make your own decisions, don't crowd source
Speaker 1: your decisions for love. I'm sure that people are going
Speaker 1: to be analyzing and like crazy, I'm not crowdsourcing anything.
Speaker 1: I am saying that. I have always been very adamant
Speaker 1: about making sure that every man knows that we're three people,
Speaker 1: We're not just one. And it's really important for people
Speaker 1: to understand that they are very well educated, very insightful,
Speaker 1: very mindful, loving, philanthropic. They're very well rounded girls. And
Speaker 1: they were just like, Mommy, you're not you.
Speaker 2: I think that's what makes dating in chapter two so
Speaker 2: much more difficult than chapter one. Right, Not only do
Speaker 2: you have the perspective that you gained in chapter one
Speaker 2: through your marriage, for example, of what you want, what
Speaker 2: you don't want, but then now you have adult children
Speaker 2: in the mix that you didn't have when you got
Speaker 2: married the first time. You have a whole different life
Speaker 2: and career than you had in chapter one, and you
Speaker 2: have now just a laundry list of things that you
Speaker 2: are looking for in this hopefully forever you know, partner
Speaker 2: that you have for the rest of you know, your life.
Speaker 2: So it does make things more difficult than say, dating
Speaker 2: in your twenties. So tell me about now that it's over.
Speaker 2: Where are the feelings of love? Is that complicating things?
Speaker 2: Is it making it difficult? How are you feeling about
Speaker 2: him right now in this moment?
Speaker 1: Well, in terms of my health, I feel so much better.
Speaker 1: So my mindset is very clear, very calm, and I
Speaker 1: adore him. I still love him very much. I still
Speaker 1: think that he's an amazing human. I don't see him
Speaker 1: the way that I did maybe two weeks ago. I
Speaker 1: saw a lot of things when we did have like
Speaker 1: a confrontational moment. I saw a lot of things I
Speaker 1: didn't like. But that doesn't make him bad. It just
Speaker 1: makes him not right for me.
Speaker 2: Do you think that there's any chance of reconciliation, Could
Speaker 2: couples counseling or anything like that fix any of these issues?
Speaker 2: Or do you think it's not worth repairing? I just
Speaker 2: asked because you said love. I know I know that
Speaker 2: that was something that was really important to you and
Speaker 2: that you hadn't experienced yet. So I just want to
Speaker 2: ask the question because I'm sure listeners are thinking the
Speaker 2: same thing, like would you ever think about doing couples
Speaker 2: counseling with him?
Speaker 1: I just feel like because it was such a short
Speaker 1: period of time that and so intense, Like when I
Speaker 1: saw him, I met him, I spoke to him on
Speaker 1: the phone, and when I saw him, I was like,
Speaker 1: there he is. And I've never ever, I've never I
Speaker 1: dated one guy before who I was just like I
Speaker 1: had a similar feeling, but not as intense. I just
Speaker 1: was like, there he is, there's my person. And it
Speaker 1: wasn't about the way he looks. It wasn't about anything.
Speaker 1: It was just like I just was like, that's step
Speaker 1: that's the person.
Speaker 2: So you're saying you don't think that you should do
Speaker 2: couples counseling because you hadn't been together long enough.
Speaker 1: I don't know if couple's counseling. I just feel, you know,
Speaker 1: I have these like these. I always say things like
Speaker 1: you don't paint over rotten lumber, and it's like the
Speaker 1: things that you can I can't unheer things and I
Speaker 1: can't unfeel things.
Speaker 2: Now, I am going to agree with you wholeheartedly on that, Kelly,
Speaker 2: because I too believe you can't unring a bell, and
Speaker 2: it is very hard for me to pretend or go
Speaker 2: back as if you know, certain conversations haven't happened. So
Speaker 2: I totally understand where you're coming from with that. Okay, Well,
Speaker 2: how you said your mindset has been better? How since
Speaker 2: this happened, have you been healing or making time for yourself?
Speaker 2: What's been working for you? Are you still in therapy?
Speaker 2: Are you journaling? What have you been doing since this happened?
Speaker 1: So I journaled throughout the entire relationship. I bought us
Speaker 1: these orange books, and I left one at his house
Speaker 1: and I had one at my house, and I was
Speaker 1: just writing about every time I would go to see him,
Speaker 1: I'd play a little piano, eat some cookies, and I
Speaker 1: would write something about my thoughts about him, and which
Speaker 1: is very vulnerable of me. I mean, it was just
Speaker 1: but I just just wanted to write it down. I
Speaker 1: just was I had no I had no inhibitions zero.
Speaker 1: I just felt really open. But I'm not you know,
Speaker 1: there's flowers, and there's gardeners and I've been gardening Heather
Speaker 1: all my life, all my life. Let me take care
Speaker 1: of you. Let me do this for you. Do you
Speaker 1: need this, do you need that? Let me go here,
Speaker 1: let me go there for you. Let me do this,
Speaker 1: whatever you need, whatever you need, whatever you need. Oh,
Speaker 1: no problem, oh no problem. Doing everything all day long,
Speaker 1: all my life. And I'm tired. Tired. Yeah, like I know,
Speaker 1: it's like I can only you know. It's like, just
Speaker 1: because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm not exhausted. Exhausted, No,
Speaker 1: for sure.
Speaker 2: I think that is you know, any healthy relationship, right,
Speaker 2: nobody listening. Come for me when I say this. But
Speaker 2: one of the great perks in being in a partnership,
Speaker 2: whether that's a marriage or a long term partnership, is
Speaker 2: the fact that you have a built in team player. Now, obviously,
Speaker 2: if the relationship is unhealthy, you don't have that, but
Speaker 2: that is one of the great perks of being in
Speaker 2: a partnership. Is when you are having a rough day,
Speaker 2: you have somebody to help pick up the load, when
Speaker 2: you are struggling with something, you have someone to lean on,
Speaker 2: somebody to talk to, somebody to do these things with.
Speaker 2: And when you're single, you don't have a person, and
Speaker 2: it can be very challenging to put that kind of
Speaker 2: weight and stress on family members or friends. So unfortunately,
Speaker 2: as single people, we tend to keep it in. I know,
Speaker 2: as a very loving and active mom, you probably don't
Speaker 2: open up to your daughters too about these kinds of pressures.
Speaker 2: And because you're their mom, you're not their friend.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not their friend. I'm definitely say so.
Speaker 2: That's you know, it's a very exhausting place to be in.
Speaker 2: For sure. I want to know from you now that
Speaker 2: this is in the rear view mirror when it comes
Speaker 2: to your next relationship, what intentions are you setting.
Speaker 1: I told myself in the car in the way here
Speaker 1: that I just and I told I was talking about
Speaker 1: it this weekend, you know, on Instagram, about giving people,
Speaker 1: talking about me telling me what's going on, and just
Speaker 1: talking about giving them grace and just giving my own
Speaker 1: self some grace.
Speaker 2: It's okay. Why is this making you emotional right now?
Speaker 1: Guys? I you know, I have such an amazing father
Speaker 1: with incredible values, and we have such an unbelievable provider
Speaker 1: and he was always there for me and I just
Speaker 1: the men that I meet, they're just not they're just
Speaker 1: they just they're they're they're just not pulling the weight
Speaker 1: like they see me carrying the load, and they're not like,
Speaker 1: let me take it off of you. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: what can I do for you? Like I was I
Speaker 1: was thinking in the car, I was like, what are
Speaker 1: the things that like, really like make me feel good?
Speaker 1: Like when my daughter sends me a coffee, or when
Speaker 1: I send her a coffee, She's like, Mommy, to send
Speaker 1: you a coffee. I'm like, oh my god, I love you.
Speaker 1: Like I'm a little thing kind of person. I will
Speaker 1: give you the shirt off my back. But I don't
Speaker 1: expect anything from people. And I'm going to start expecting
Speaker 1: and I'm going to start and dating with actual intentions.
Speaker 1: I'm not just going to go to dinner and I'm
Speaker 1: not just going to be the girl that like has
Speaker 1: fun and talks to everyone about everything and be you know, happy,
Speaker 1: go lucky, and you know, I'm not gonna be very
Speaker 1: Tyler Moore and smiling my way through things. I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna be like, very real and raw with people. And
Speaker 1: I think that one one of the big biggest misconceptions
Speaker 1: is that and I actually spoke to a friend of
Speaker 1: mine about it this weekend. He was like, well, you
Speaker 1: have this big Instagram presence and you do all these
Speaker 1: things and there's a lot of press, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's my work. It's I know how to work. I
Speaker 1: know how to work well. I know how to make
Speaker 1: things happen for my clients and for all my brand
Speaker 1: partnerships and for the things that I'm doing. I understand
Speaker 1: how to do that job reporting for duty. I understand
Speaker 1: the assignment. My personal life is my personal life. I mean,
Speaker 1: I told you guys that I fell in love because
Speaker 1: I wanted to share it. I was like, I fell
Speaker 1: in love, Yeah, and now I'm like, I'm heartbroken, and
Speaker 1: I just want to be able to allow myself to
Speaker 1: like when i'm honestly, like when I'm sick, they should
Speaker 1: be like you need to lay down and watch a
Speaker 1: movie and do nothing.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, can we go back to the intentions real quick.
Speaker 2: I want to give you one to maybe try on
Speaker 2: for size in your next relationship. I want you to
Speaker 2: try the next time you're in something committed. Okay, so
Speaker 2: this is not somebody you're dating flippantly, somebody you're dating
Speaker 2: while seeing other people. This is in your next committed relationship.
Speaker 2: I want you to consider doing a check in date now.
Speaker 2: It is not a date where we decide to go
Speaker 2: to dinner and we're dating and we're talking over dinner. No,
Speaker 2: this is a intentional We put it on our calendars
Speaker 2: and this is what we call our check in date.
Speaker 2: It does not take place in public. It takes place
Speaker 2: in private so we can speak freely with one another
Speaker 2: and not be concerned about who might be overhearing at
Speaker 2: the next table. And that is where you check in
Speaker 2: with your partner and you both openly talk intimately about
Speaker 2: how you're feeling currently in the relationship, whether that is
Speaker 2: about I am extremely happy right now. I want you
Speaker 2: to know that when you sent me a coffee earlier
Speaker 2: this week, that meant so much to me. And I
Speaker 2: want to know what can I do to show up
Speaker 2: for you? And it has to be that give of
Speaker 2: telling somebody in your life that is important to you
Speaker 2: what they did right and asking how can I show
Speaker 2: up for you? Because it is a two way street
Speaker 2: in a relationship, right, is there something that I can
Speaker 2: do better? I want to say for you this week
Speaker 2: when you weren't picking up your socks and offering and
Speaker 2: I had a lot going on that actually led to
Speaker 2: more stress in my life. It would help me out
Speaker 2: if you know, this next week you were more cognizant
Speaker 2: of socks on the floor, whatever it might be, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So he did do that. If he did do that,
Speaker 1: not like that, but he would say, I'm very happy
Speaker 1: with us.
Speaker 2: But I want you in your next relationship to say that.
Speaker 2: But I want you to try on for size, doing
Speaker 2: a check and date with whoever you're dating, and say
Speaker 2: to them, I really like you and I really want
Speaker 2: to see this relationship flourish. So I think we should
Speaker 2: have a check and date once a week. Maybe we
Speaker 2: do it on Tuesdays. We do it for thirty minutes,
Speaker 2: you know, and just see how if that deepens intimacy,
Speaker 2: if that deepens Because this is the thing in knowing you.
Speaker 2: I think you are such a giver and you are
Speaker 2: such a light. But I think that sometimes you keep
Speaker 2: your feelings of oh I didn't like when he did that,
Speaker 2: or oh I didn't like when he said that, you
Speaker 2: keep a lot of it buried and inside. And then,
Speaker 2: like you said at the beginning of this episode, okay,
Speaker 2: and it's a pressure building situation. I think if you
Speaker 2: are having a this is a designated weekly check in time.
Speaker 2: It is not sexy date night. It is not we're
Speaker 2: going out for whatever it is. We are sitting together,
Speaker 2: we are alone check in date. That it will help
Speaker 2: you to vocalize more of those problems so that they
Speaker 2: don't build build, build build inside of you, and it
Speaker 2: will help you because I think that a lot of
Speaker 2: these guys you have dated have not really understood your
Speaker 2: love language.
Speaker 1: No, they have no idea what I love languages.
Speaker 2: But Kelly, that's partly on you, right, They're not mind readers.
Speaker 2: So how are they going to know what your love
Speaker 2: language is if you're not taking the time to express
Speaker 2: and say, hey, if you send me a cup of
Speaker 2: coffee during the day, that really actually means a lot
Speaker 2: to me, you know what I mean. Now, I'm going
Speaker 2: to play Devil's advocate on myself right now. This is
Speaker 2: an area that I struggle in in relationship because my
Speaker 2: feeling is, oh, if I vocalize it and they do it,
Speaker 2: it's actually not coming from a place of being genuine.
Speaker 2: It's them doing it to please me because I have
Speaker 2: said it. Now, I have learned through a lot of
Speaker 2: therapy that that is not how I should be viewing things,
Speaker 2: and that people are not mind readers, right, and that
Speaker 2: we have to give people the benefit of the doubt,
Speaker 2: and we need to be able to express what we
Speaker 2: want and desire in relationships, and if it then does
Speaker 2: not get met after we've expressed, then that's a time
Speaker 2: where we reevaluate and say, hey, I have come to
Speaker 2: the table. I have said that X, Y, and Z
Speaker 2: is not working for me. If it continues to not
Speaker 2: work for me past this point, I'm going to have
Speaker 2: to make a decision. And that is you know, but
Speaker 2: that is my two cents as somebody who has gotten
Speaker 2: to spend a lot of time with you and knows
Speaker 2: you and knows what a giving heart that you have.
Speaker 2: I think that sometimes you tend to give, give, give,
Speaker 2: and you're waiting for that reciprocation. But I think that
Speaker 2: these men are not aware of how much the giving
Speaker 2: is part of your love language, and that the reciprocation
Speaker 2: is what you hope to receive. So I think there's
Speaker 2: a little bit of a disconnect there.
Speaker 1: But you know, it's interesting just to touch on that too.
Speaker 1: You know. It's like, you know, the listeners are going
Speaker 1: to be like Okay, here she comes with her Midwestern values.
Speaker 1: But I was raised in the Midwest, and I started
Speaker 1: coming to New York when I was fifteen, And New
Speaker 1: Yorkers are much more open and verbal about their feelings
Speaker 1: and what's happening, the weather, all these different things, Like
Speaker 1: that's just the way that that's such just what the
Speaker 1: culture of New York is. People are much more communicative
Speaker 1: about the things that are they like, they don't like Midwest,
Speaker 1: we don't say anything. I mean, I've never heard I've
Speaker 1: never even heard anyone talk about the weather or talk
Speaker 1: about the travel plans to get to X, Y or Z.
Speaker 1: So I was never raised with communicating like that as
Speaker 1: an option. And so I'm a listener and I'll listen.
Speaker 1: But I'm also a gardener. So if I see a
Speaker 1: pop up, if I've seen something, you know, you've seen
Speaker 1: this with how I am with you, if there's something
Speaker 1: that's bothering you, I'm like, I'm going to send Heather president,
Speaker 1: I'm going to do something for I'm going to check
Speaker 1: in on her, like I am that person, you know.
Speaker 1: I want you to know that, like our friendship means
Speaker 1: a lot to me, and my relationships mean a lot
Speaker 1: to me, and I've just been so so disappointed, so disappointed.
Speaker 1: And I think people think that because I am, like
Speaker 1: we talked about this before, because I have been a
Speaker 1: provider for my family and had been under so much
Speaker 1: financial stress for so long and still made sure that
Speaker 1: my girl said everything that I'm so strong, and I'm
Speaker 1: just because just because I can, Just because I can,
Speaker 1: I'm good at math and good at transactions and I
Speaker 1: have an eye for aesthetics does not mean I'm not
Speaker 1: a wildly sensitive human exactly. And I think that's the
Speaker 1: big thing is that they don't realize how sensitive I
Speaker 1: really am. Like every single thing that you say, I
Speaker 1: listen to, and I don't just be like, okay, Heather,
Speaker 1: I like listen, I'll think about it. I'm going to
Speaker 1: use it in a sentence with you later. Like I
Speaker 1: am that kind of person. Unfortunately, unfortunately, I'm not like
Speaker 1: most people are like, yeah, what about me, I'm feeling gorgeous.
Speaker 1: I'm like no, no, no, I heard everything, but.
Speaker 2: My thing is going back to it. Why don't they
Speaker 2: know this about you? Why don't they know that you're sensitive?
Speaker 2: Why don't they know that you're looking for somebody to
Speaker 2: help take off the load.
Speaker 1: Because for some reason, I think that men because they
Speaker 1: see that I am such a I'm such a nurturer.
Speaker 2: Ully, it's because you don't tell them. I'm being serious.
Speaker 1: I don't tell them. I just say that. They're like,
Speaker 1: she's over there taking care of everything. Everything's happening, all
Speaker 1: the bows are tied, everything's done. I don't tell them.
Speaker 1: What am I going to do? Be like I am sensitive?
Speaker 2: Yes, because you know what, again, this is how I'm
Speaker 2: now thinking about men and men listeners. If you're out there,
Speaker 2: I really don't think you are. I think we're all
Speaker 2: a lot of big girls out here.
Speaker 1: We have a lot of men listeners, male listeners.
Speaker 2: Sure. What I'm about to say is is that all
Speaker 2: I know is that men are not mind readers. And
Speaker 2: it has to be said. So we come into this
Speaker 2: relationship right with expectations. And anybody listening that says you
Speaker 2: shouldn't have expectations when you're dating somebody, I'm going to say,
Speaker 2: that's bs am I getting. When I get into a
Speaker 2: relationship with I have the expectation of monogamy. I have
Speaker 2: the expectation of communication, and I have the expectation of
Speaker 2: that I am that person's you know, not necessarily maybe
Speaker 2: their main focus, but that I'm high on the priority
Speaker 2: list of that person. I am above friends. I will
Speaker 2: say that those are the first few expectations I come
Speaker 2: into in a relationship. Now when expectations change and build
Speaker 2: upon that, sure, depending on the seriousness of the relationship,
Speaker 2: but you have a lot of expectations. You're looking for
Speaker 2: somebody that can help provide. You are looking for a
Speaker 2: family for your family. You're looking for somebody that when
Speaker 2: you are sick, is going to care for you. You're
Speaker 2: looking for somebody who is going to check in, communicate,
Speaker 2: send maybe gifts or love notes or something throughout the day.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean. I'm thinking of you. I'm
Speaker 2: so proud of you, whatever it might be. Communication, and
Speaker 2: so these kinds of expectations are key for you. They
Speaker 2: might not be key for somebody else. So I want
Speaker 2: you to just try and kind of keep thinking about
Speaker 2: that this is important to me. It might not be
Speaker 2: important to them. They're not going to know what's important
Speaker 2: to me unless I tell them, and you have to
Speaker 2: say it. You have to say out loud, Hey, I
Speaker 2: know that I might look like I have it all
Speaker 2: together when I'm out on a red carpet and doing
Speaker 2: a step and repeat. But I just want you to
Speaker 2: know that, like I'm super sensitive and like you might
Speaker 2: get to see that side of me, but just know
Speaker 2: and like you have to verbalize things more, and I
Speaker 2: think that that's something you should take into twenty twenty
Speaker 2: six as we're navigating this landscape. We do have to
Speaker 2: wrap it up pretty soon. But I did want to
Speaker 2: ask you before we go, what do you want to
Speaker 2: say to the listeners who might be finding themselves going
Speaker 2: through a breakup right now at the top of the year.
Speaker 2: What would you say to them?
Speaker 1: You know, I really just I'm gonna have to go
Speaker 1: with what you just said to me, because those this
Speaker 1: is this is a new these these are new ground
Speaker 1: rules that I've never had before. And You're right, I
Speaker 1: can't expect people to They're not mind readers. You know.
Speaker 1: Friends aren't mind readers. Partners aren't right mind readers, They're not.
Speaker 1: And I have to be more forthcoming with that really
Speaker 1: hurt my feelings. I really appreciate when you said that
Speaker 1: I have to be more cognizant of showing them you
Speaker 1: know how much I appreciate them, and I hope I
Speaker 1: do I'm I'm a like I said, I'm a show person.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not like a talking person, like I show
Speaker 1: up for people all the time. I am that person
Speaker 1: and I want to be that person for my partner.
Speaker 2: You like to give gifts, you like to give experiences,
Speaker 2: you like to bring people. That's the perk of being
Speaker 2: in your world is like you know, X, Y, and Z,
Speaker 2: so you like to share those things with people.
Speaker 1: I would like to share all of those perks with
Speaker 1: my life, whether it's being able to go to a
Speaker 1: next game, or whether it's being able to go to
Speaker 1: the Brockettes together, or whether it's you know, being able
Speaker 1: to go to a fun movie or you know, a
Speaker 1: fun event that you know is interesting. I love that.
Speaker 1: I love sharing that part of my life. But that's
Speaker 1: not my life. My life is me at home with
Speaker 1: Tarzan on my couch eating Chinese food. What does that
Speaker 1: look like? What am I watching? You know? It's interesting because,
Speaker 1: like I was, the summer was the summer that ever,
Speaker 1: you know, the summer I turned pretty, And that's how
Speaker 1: I felt. I felt like it was the summer that
Speaker 1: I turned pretty, except for the only problem was that
Speaker 1: I wasn't really feeling pretty. I thought that I was
Speaker 1: feeling pretty, but I had so many things that I
Speaker 1: wasn't communicating with the things that were really really bothering me.
Speaker 1: And those were really, really big, and I just couldn't
Speaker 1: bring them into twenty twenty six. I just couldn't. I
Speaker 1: found myself in a physical situation and I had just
Speaker 1: just had to turn it off. I just couldn't. I
Speaker 1: just couldn't do it.
Speaker 2: So to anybody that's going through a breakup right now,
Speaker 2: just like you, what would you say to them you're
Speaker 2: going through it too, just like.
Speaker 1: That communicating, I mean, if I'm going to communicate, and
Speaker 1: we're going to spend the next couple episodes and this,
Speaker 1: you know, communicating, and I'm going to I'm going to
Speaker 1: talk to you through how how I communicate and what
Speaker 1: that's happened, what's how that's helped me or what that's
Speaker 1: been bad for me? And you know, I'm always I've
Speaker 1: always been honest. I have I'm not here to sugarcoat things,
Speaker 1: and I wear my heart on my sleeve for you guys.
Speaker 1: But I haven't been wearing my heart on my sleeve
Speaker 1: for those guys, and so I need to It's not
Speaker 1: about being vulnerable. It's about me being more communicative and
Speaker 1: opening up a narrative.
Speaker 2: I'm going to say it's a little bit of both.
Speaker 2: It is about vulnerability, and it is about being communicative,
Speaker 2: because I think you have no problem communicating here, there,
Speaker 2: and everywhere, whatever the plans are. But it's about that
Speaker 2: vulnerable communication of hey I'm sensitive. That's vulnerability to tell
Speaker 2: somebody that, or hey, I'm really needing somebody to like
Speaker 2: help take the load off of me. Like I got money,
Speaker 2: I got my kids, I got all that covered, but
Speaker 2: like I'm looking for somebody to be in a partnership
Speaker 2: and share a life with, and like, if you're not
Speaker 2: willing to do that, then I don't want to waste
Speaker 2: anybody's time, your time or my time. And you know
Speaker 2: that's that's vulnerability. So I think it's a little bit
Speaker 2: of both, and it's scary. And that's probably why you've
Speaker 2: avoided having those kinds of direct conversations with people, because
Speaker 2: you do like to be light and breezy and airy
Speaker 2: and a good time. But the way is crushing you
Speaker 2: because you're taking on too much and you're not being
Speaker 2: authentic to yourself.
Speaker 1: I already have a work life that is a mother load.
Speaker 1: People are constantly like, I can't believe what you do.
Speaker 1: And that's so nice that they say that, But that's
Speaker 1: what I have to do for my life, but for
Speaker 1: my personal life, I also feel too. That's what's been happening.
Speaker 1: And what I've noticed is a pattern that I need
Speaker 1: to break is that men is when they meet me
Speaker 1: and they hear what I'm going through, I think what
Speaker 1: they're listening to, I'm not listening to. That's a great accomplishment,
Speaker 1: that's a great accomplishment. They're like, it's too much. I
Speaker 1: want to take her away and bring her home and
Speaker 1: keep her home and keep her safe so she doesn't
Speaker 1: have to do anything. But then they're not trying to
Speaker 1: keep me safe. They're just pulling me away from what
Speaker 1: I'm doing and I'm not feeling secure and I'm not
Speaker 1: feeling I'm not feeling good. Yeah, it's like, you can't both.
Speaker 1: You can't have me working hard and then being like, Okay,
Speaker 1: she's got to be like the girl from Illinois. I
Speaker 1: am the girl from Illinois. That's who I am. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to do the things I do if
Speaker 1: I weren't that girl from Illinois.
Speaker 2: I think twenty twenty six is the year of leaving
Speaker 2: less blank spaces to be filled in by somebody else
Speaker 2: and filling them in ourselves. And if we have the
Speaker 2: pen in our hand, we are in control of what's
Speaker 2: being written. And that is what you're going to do
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty six. You're going to stop leaving these
Speaker 2: blank spaces for these guys to fill in the holes,
Speaker 2: and you're going to write in and you're going to
Speaker 2: express to them what you are looking for. Kelly, I
Speaker 2: love you so much, and I'm sorry to hear about
Speaker 2: this breakup, but I'm really excited about what this year
Speaker 2: could be for you. And we're going to take our
Speaker 2: listeners on this journey once again, because it's I Do
Speaker 2: Part two and you're looking for your part two. You
Speaker 2: want to get married and find love, and I have
Speaker 2: no doubt that you're going to find it.
Speaker 1: I love you, Heather, Thank you for that. I really
Speaker 1: really really appreciate your constructive criticism and amazing thoughts to
Speaker 1: make me better. I want to be better and I
Speaker 1: want to I want to I want to full, I
Speaker 1: want to feel full, but I'm just I mean the
Speaker 1: most important part of this breakup is that I felt
Speaker 1: love for the first time of my life, and I'm very,
Speaker 1: very very grateful for that.
Speaker 2: That's amazing. You have to feel full on your own,
Speaker 2: not from somebody else coming into your life. So we'll
Speaker 2: work on that this year. But I love you. That's
Speaker 2: for another episode.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today and I
Speaker 1: do Part two. You can follow us Instagram. Everything is
Speaker 1: in the show notes. We are here for you, guys.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming on my
Speaker 1: journey with me. I appreciate you and love you. I
Speaker 1: do Part two. We're falling in love is always the
Speaker 1: main objective.