WEBVTT - 2026 is Starting Off Rocky with A Breakup

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, I do Part two. It's your celebrity mentor Kelly

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<v Speaker 1>ben Simone. And today I've got my great producer and friend,

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<v Speaker 1>Heather Monday to join me because I've got some big

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<v Speaker 1>news to share with you. I've been nothing but honest

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<v Speaker 1>since I joined the podcast, and that's the only way

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<v Speaker 1>we heal and grow by sharing our own truth. So

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<v Speaker 1>today I need to talk through it for you and

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<v Speaker 1>for me. Hi, Heather, I love you.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, I love you. What's going on? Well, first of all,

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<v Speaker 2>happy right, this is you know, one of our first

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<v Speaker 2>episodes of the new year, So happy New Year to

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<v Speaker 2>anybody that's listening. But even though twenty twenty six has

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<v Speaker 2>just started, I know a lot of things have changed.

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<v Speaker 2>So what's happened?

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<v Speaker 1>So I went through a breakup over the holiday. My

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<v Speaker 1>application applications are now open. I closed them before the

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<v Speaker 1>holidays and now I open them.

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<v Speaker 2>Well let's rewind. Yeah, let's talk a little bit about

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<v Speaker 2>what happened, because I think from a listener's perspective, right,

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<v Speaker 2>we were all really excited when you announced that you

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<v Speaker 2>had a boyfriend, and you seemed really excited about it,

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<v Speaker 2>So kind of tell me, was this a long time coming?

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<v Speaker 2>Or was this like something happened over the holidays and

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<v Speaker 2>this decision was made.

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<v Speaker 1>So I did have a breakup over the holidays, and

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<v Speaker 1>this is not something that just happened. But I am

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<v Speaker 1>a Taurus and I have a lot of bandwidth and

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<v Speaker 1>then and sometimes I just snap. And I had some

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<v Speaker 1>health issues last last year, and I was going through

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of things personally, and it really made me

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<v Speaker 1>see what I wanted in my romantic life and like

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<v Speaker 1>how I wanted to navigate that and move forward into

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<v Speaker 1>twenty twenty six.

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<v Speaker 2>So be a little bit more specific for me, What

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<v Speaker 2>does that mean? Was this person not showing up for you?

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<v Speaker 2>Were they not by your bedside when you were needing

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<v Speaker 2>you know, some nursing or aid? Like what kind of

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<v Speaker 2>I guess. Try to break it down and be a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit more specific for me as to like what

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<v Speaker 2>went into this decision.

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<v Speaker 1>They did not show up when I really really needed them, now,

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<v Speaker 1>got it? They did not shot?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, that's unfortunate. So just to be clear, you were

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<v Speaker 2>the one who had this breakup. It was not a

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<v Speaker 2>mutual decision.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd like to say it was a mutual decision because

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<v Speaker 1>in order for me to break up, I had to

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<v Speaker 1>feel something that would encourage me to make that decision.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's not like just like I woke up one

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<v Speaker 1>day and I was like, oh, I'm going to break

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<v Speaker 1>up with this person. It was a this is not

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<v Speaker 1>going to work, this is not going to move forward,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's you know, it's at the stage I am

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<v Speaker 1>in my life, like, I want a gorgeous family for

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<v Speaker 1>my family, Heather, I want. I've always from day one.

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<v Speaker 1>The reason I got divorced from my first husband and

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<v Speaker 1>only husband, is because I want a gorgeous, loving, healthy

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<v Speaker 1>family for my family. That's all I want. M h.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to want to I want to create a family.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to be in a loving relationship, and I

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<v Speaker 1>want to be cherished and cared for. I spent my

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<v Speaker 1>life being the caregiver of every single man, with the

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<v Speaker 1>exception of my twin brother or my father. They're the

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<v Speaker 1>only two men that I haven't been the caregiver for,

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<v Speaker 1>and I it's time that we that the tables turn

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<v Speaker 1>and that someone cares for me, cherishes me, adores me,

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<v Speaker 1>loves me for who.

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<v Speaker 2>I am exactly. I definitely think that those are wonderful

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<v Speaker 2>things to want, and I think that you deserve those

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<v Speaker 2>no doubt. I guess when I say, is it mutual?

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<v Speaker 2>He wasn't shocked when you tried to break up with him.

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<v Speaker 2>He wasn't trying to, you know, say I can change

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<v Speaker 2>or let's fix this or work on this. There was

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<v Speaker 2>no that discussion. Because what you're expressing to me sounds

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<v Speaker 2>like you initiated this breakup. You wanted this breakup.

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<v Speaker 1>I could feel that there was a change. I feel,

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<v Speaker 1>I felt like there was a change in temperature. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>and I just knew in my heart that this is

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<v Speaker 1>not right. And even you know, I mean, I can't

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<v Speaker 1>speak for him, but I know that he was not

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<v Speaker 1>happy with the change in the temperature.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, got it. So the holidays happen, you guys were together,

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<v Speaker 2>and I know that your kids were also there. What

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<v Speaker 2>was your kid's perspective on him or on your relationship?

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<v Speaker 2>Because I asked that because I think a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>people in their Chapter two and their I Do Part

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<v Speaker 2>two era tend to be parents, you know, and navigating

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<v Speaker 2>dating as a single mom versus as a single person

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<v Speaker 2>is very different, especially with you. Your kids aren't babies,

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<v Speaker 2>they're young adults, So how much you know did they

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<v Speaker 2>give their input or feelings on your relationship. How much

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<v Speaker 2>of that do you take into consideration when you're making

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<v Speaker 2>these kinds of decisions. Kind of tell me a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit about that.

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<v Speaker 1>So he's a very dynamic human, which is one of

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<v Speaker 1>the things. Very very smart, very dynamic, very successful, which

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<v Speaker 1>is those are the things that I and he has,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, very good good values. So he has he has,

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<v Speaker 1>he checks like all the boxes. That's why I fell

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<v Speaker 1>in love with him. I fell in love with him

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<v Speaker 1>because he was I thought that he was my person.

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<v Speaker 2>Wait, I'm going to jump in here. You said fell

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<v Speaker 2>in love with him. You've also said on this podcast

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<v Speaker 2>that you've never been in love before.

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<v Speaker 1>True, I have never been in love. I fell madly

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<v Speaker 1>in love with him. I love him.

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<v Speaker 2>So you were in love?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I was so in love with him, Like I

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<v Speaker 1>had those love goggles on, like they were like so tight.

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<v Speaker 1>I was in madly in love with him. He could

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<v Speaker 1>do no wrong.

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<v Speaker 2>But you so, so this is this is big then,

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<v Speaker 2>not to say not to little any sort of relationship,

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<v Speaker 2>but you have you know, taken our listeners on this

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<v Speaker 2>journey and expressed how you've never been in love before.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, you've had a lot of ups and downs

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<v Speaker 2>since the calling off of your engagement over a year ago.

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<v Speaker 2>So this guy, however, you know, the chemistry was he

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<v Speaker 2>was able to make a very strong connection with you,

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<v Speaker 2>and you were in love.

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't just in love. I was madly in love.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so you were in love.

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<v Speaker 1>And I also loved him, so it was Yes, it

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<v Speaker 1>was twofold. I cared about him, but I was also

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<v Speaker 1>I had these very strong love feelings. I wasn't in

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<v Speaker 1>my feelings. I was in love feelings.

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<v Speaker 2>So I digress. Go back, Tell me about your kids

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<v Speaker 2>and their input and their thoughts.

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<v Speaker 1>So that my kids said to me, they were like, Mom,

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<v Speaker 1>you're just not yourself. You're just not yourself. And there

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<v Speaker 1>were some a couple of things that happened that made

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<v Speaker 1>them question what was going on and my relationship, and

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<v Speaker 1>you know, my girls and I were very very tight.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I know a lot of people are like my kids

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<v Speaker 1>and my everything, and they always talk about how their kids,

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<v Speaker 1>their kids, their kids, Like I speak to my kids

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<v Speaker 1>all day long. I see them every single day. I

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<v Speaker 1>take them on vacations, I go everywhere anytime that I

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<v Speaker 1>have free time. In the past, I've always spent with

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<v Speaker 1>them Tuesday Night's, Wednesday night, Thursday night, Saturday, Sunday, holidays.

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<v Speaker 1>Whatever it is they are, they are it.

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<v Speaker 2>So how much does their opinion weigh in on who

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<v Speaker 2>you date?

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<v Speaker 1>They are a ton and I know that I know,

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<v Speaker 1>like there's probably going to be a therapist that say, like,

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<v Speaker 1>you have to make your own decisions, don't crowd source

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<v Speaker 1>your decisions for love. I'm sure that people are going

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<v Speaker 1>to be analyzing and like crazy, I'm not crowdsourcing anything.

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<v Speaker 1>I am saying that. I have always been very adamant

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<v Speaker 1>about making sure that every man knows that we're three people,

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<v Speaker 1>We're not just one. And it's really important for people

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<v Speaker 1>to understand that they are very well educated, very insightful,

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<v Speaker 1>very mindful, loving, philanthropic. They're very well rounded girls. And

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<v Speaker 1>they were just like, Mommy, you're not you.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that's what makes dating in chapter two so

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<v Speaker 2>much more difficult than chapter one. Right, Not only do

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<v Speaker 2>you have the perspective that you gained in chapter one

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<v Speaker 2>through your marriage, for example, of what you want, what

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<v Speaker 2>you don't want, but then now you have adult children

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<v Speaker 2>in the mix that you didn't have when you got

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<v Speaker 2>married the first time. You have a whole different life

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<v Speaker 2>and career than you had in chapter one, and you

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<v Speaker 2>have now just a laundry list of things that you

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<v Speaker 2>are looking for in this hopefully forever you know, partner

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<v Speaker 2>that you have for the rest of you know, your life.

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<v Speaker 2>So it does make things more difficult than say, dating

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<v Speaker 2>in your twenties. So tell me about now that it's over.

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<v Speaker 2>Where are the feelings of love? Is that complicating things?

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<v Speaker 2>Is it making it difficult? How are you feeling about

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<v Speaker 2>him right now in this moment?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, in terms of my health, I feel so much better.

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<v Speaker 1>So my mindset is very clear, very calm, and I

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<v Speaker 1>adore him. I still love him very much. I still

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<v Speaker 1>think that he's an amazing human. I don't see him

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<v Speaker 1>the way that I did maybe two weeks ago. I

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<v Speaker 1>saw a lot of things when we did have like

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<v Speaker 1>a confrontational moment. I saw a lot of things I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't like. But that doesn't make him bad. It just

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<v Speaker 1>makes him not right for me.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you think that there's any chance of reconciliation, Could

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<v Speaker 2>couples counseling or anything like that fix any of these issues?

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<v Speaker 2>Or do you think it's not worth repairing? I just

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<v Speaker 2>asked because you said love. I know I know that

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<v Speaker 2>that was something that was really important to you and

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<v Speaker 2>that you hadn't experienced yet. So I just want to

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<v Speaker 2>ask the question because I'm sure listeners are thinking the

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<v Speaker 2>same thing, like would you ever think about doing couples

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<v Speaker 2>counseling with him?

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<v Speaker 1>I just feel like because it was such a short

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<v Speaker 1>period of time that and so intense, Like when I

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<v Speaker 1>saw him, I met him, I spoke to him on

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<v Speaker 1>the phone, and when I saw him, I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>there he is. And I've never ever, I've never I

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<v Speaker 1>dated one guy before who I was just like I

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<v Speaker 1>had a similar feeling, but not as intense. I just

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<v Speaker 1>was like, there he is, there's my person. And it

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't about the way he looks. It wasn't about anything.

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<v Speaker 1>It was just like I just was like, that's step

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<v Speaker 1>that's the person.

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<v Speaker 2>So you're saying you don't think that you should do

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<v Speaker 2>couples counseling because you hadn't been together long enough.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if couple's counseling. I just feel, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I have these like these. I always say things like

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<v Speaker 1>you don't paint over rotten lumber, and it's like the

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<v Speaker 1>things that you can I can't unheer things and I

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<v Speaker 1>can't unfeel things.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, I am going to agree with you wholeheartedly on that, Kelly,

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<v Speaker 2>because I too believe you can't unring a bell, and

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<v Speaker 2>it is very hard for me to pretend or go

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<v Speaker 2>back as if you know, certain conversations haven't happened. So

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<v Speaker 2>I totally understand where you're coming from with that. Okay, Well,

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<v Speaker 2>how you said your mindset has been better? How since

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<v Speaker 2>this happened, have you been healing or making time for yourself?

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<v Speaker 2>What's been working for you? Are you still in therapy?

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<v Speaker 2>Are you journaling? What have you been doing since this happened?

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<v Speaker 1>So I journaled throughout the entire relationship. I bought us

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<v Speaker 1>these orange books, and I left one at his house

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<v Speaker 1>and I had one at my house, and I was

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<v Speaker 1>just writing about every time I would go to see him,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd play a little piano, eat some cookies, and I

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<v Speaker 1>would write something about my thoughts about him, and which

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<v Speaker 1>is very vulnerable of me. I mean, it was just

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<v Speaker 1>but I just just wanted to write it down. I

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<v Speaker 1>just was I had no I had no inhibitions zero.

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<v Speaker 1>I just felt really open. But I'm not you know,

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<v Speaker 1>there's flowers, and there's gardeners and I've been gardening Heather

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<v Speaker 1>all my life, all my life. Let me take care

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<v Speaker 1>of you. Let me do this for you. Do you

0:14:35.120 --> 0:14:37.000
<v Speaker 1>need this, do you need that? Let me go here,

0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:38.320
<v Speaker 1>let me go there for you. Let me do this,

0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:40.480
<v Speaker 1>whatever you need, whatever you need, whatever you need. Oh,

0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:43.640
<v Speaker 1>no problem, oh no problem. Doing everything all day long,

0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:49.240
<v Speaker 1>all my life. And I'm tired. Tired. Yeah, like I know,

0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.080
<v Speaker 1>it's like I can only you know. It's like, just

0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:56.840
<v Speaker 1>because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm not exhausted. Exhausted, No,

0:14:57.080 --> 0:14:57.720
<v Speaker 1>for sure.

0:14:57.520 --> 0:15:01.800
<v Speaker 2>I think that is you know, any healthy relationship, right,

0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:05.120
<v Speaker 2>nobody listening. Come for me when I say this. But

0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:07.880
<v Speaker 2>one of the great perks in being in a partnership,

0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:11.240
<v Speaker 2>whether that's a marriage or a long term partnership, is

0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:15.480
<v Speaker 2>the fact that you have a built in team player. Now, obviously,

0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.840
<v Speaker 2>if the relationship is unhealthy, you don't have that, but

0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:22.280
<v Speaker 2>that is one of the great perks of being in

0:15:22.320 --> 0:15:25.320
<v Speaker 2>a partnership. Is when you are having a rough day,

0:15:25.520 --> 0:15:28.200
<v Speaker 2>you have somebody to help pick up the load, when

0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:32.160
<v Speaker 2>you are struggling with something, you have someone to lean on,

0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:35.000
<v Speaker 2>somebody to talk to, somebody to do these things with.

0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:39.200
<v Speaker 2>And when you're single, you don't have a person, and

0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:43.960
<v Speaker 2>it can be very challenging to put that kind of

0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:48.480
<v Speaker 2>weight and stress on family members or friends. So unfortunately,

0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:51.520
<v Speaker 2>as single people, we tend to keep it in. I know,

0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:56.480
<v Speaker 2>as a very loving and active mom, you probably don't

0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:59.720
<v Speaker 2>open up to your daughters too about these kinds of pressures.

0:15:59.760 --> 0:16:02.080
<v Speaker 2>And because you're their mom, you're not their friend.

0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:05.640
<v Speaker 1>No, I'm not their friend. I'm definitely say so.

0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:10.880
<v Speaker 2>That's you know, it's a very exhausting place to be in.

0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:15.440
<v Speaker 2>For sure. I want to know from you now that

0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:19.560
<v Speaker 2>this is in the rear view mirror when it comes

0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:24.920
<v Speaker 2>to your next relationship, what intentions are you setting.

0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:27.800
<v Speaker 1>I told myself in the car in the way here

0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:32.320
<v Speaker 1>that I just and I told I was talking about

0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:35.840
<v Speaker 1>it this weekend, you know, on Instagram, about giving people,

0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:37.880
<v Speaker 1>talking about me telling me what's going on, and just

0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:41.120
<v Speaker 1>talking about giving them grace and just giving my own

0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:43.800
<v Speaker 1>self some grace.

0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:47.520
<v Speaker 2>It's okay. Why is this making you emotional right now?

0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:51.200
<v Speaker 1>Guys? I you know, I have such an amazing father

0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:55.440
<v Speaker 1>with incredible values, and we have such an unbelievable provider

0:16:55.560 --> 0:17:00.320
<v Speaker 1>and he was always there for me and I just

0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:04.720
<v Speaker 1>the men that I meet, they're just not they're just

0:17:04.800 --> 0:17:07.800
<v Speaker 1>they just they're they're they're just not pulling the weight

0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:12.439
<v Speaker 1>like they see me carrying the load, and they're not like,

0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:13.960
<v Speaker 1>let me take it off of you. Oh my god,

0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:15.919
<v Speaker 1>what can I do for you? Like I was I

0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:17.119
<v Speaker 1>was thinking in the car, I was like, what are

0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:19.840
<v Speaker 1>the things that like, really like make me feel good?

0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:22.359
<v Speaker 1>Like when my daughter sends me a coffee, or when

0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:24.520
<v Speaker 1>I send her a coffee, She's like, Mommy, to send

0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:27.160
<v Speaker 1>you a coffee. I'm like, oh my god, I love you.

0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.120
<v Speaker 1>Like I'm a little thing kind of person. I will

0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:31.920
<v Speaker 1>give you the shirt off my back. But I don't

0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:35.080
<v Speaker 1>expect anything from people. And I'm going to start expecting

0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:38.480
<v Speaker 1>and I'm going to start and dating with actual intentions.

0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:40.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm not just going to go to dinner and I'm

0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:42.680
<v Speaker 1>not just going to be the girl that like has

0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:47.800
<v Speaker 1>fun and talks to everyone about everything and be you know, happy,

0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:51.479
<v Speaker 1>go lucky, and you know, I'm not gonna be very

0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:54.080
<v Speaker 1>Tyler Moore and smiling my way through things. I'm just

0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:57.959
<v Speaker 1>gonna be like, very real and raw with people. And

0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:01.320
<v Speaker 1>I think that one one of the big biggest misconceptions

0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:03.639
<v Speaker 1>is that and I actually spoke to a friend of

0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:05.680
<v Speaker 1>mine about it this weekend. He was like, well, you

0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:08.560
<v Speaker 1>have this big Instagram presence and you do all these

0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:10.320
<v Speaker 1>things and there's a lot of press, and I'm like,

0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:15.000
<v Speaker 1>that's my work. It's I know how to work. I

0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:17.120
<v Speaker 1>know how to work well. I know how to make

0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:20.200
<v Speaker 1>things happen for my clients and for all my brand

0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:22.680
<v Speaker 1>partnerships and for the things that I'm doing. I understand

0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:26.840
<v Speaker 1>how to do that job reporting for duty. I understand

0:18:26.880 --> 0:18:32.240
<v Speaker 1>the assignment. My personal life is my personal life. I mean,

0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:35.560
<v Speaker 1>I told you guys that I fell in love because

0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:38.160
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to share it. I was like, I fell

0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:44.359
<v Speaker 1>in love, Yeah, and now I'm like, I'm heartbroken, and

0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:49.399
<v Speaker 1>I just want to be able to allow myself to

0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:54.840
<v Speaker 1>like when i'm honestly, like when I'm sick, they should

0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:57.800
<v Speaker 1>be like you need to lay down and watch a

0:18:57.840 --> 0:18:59.040
<v Speaker 1>movie and do nothing.

0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:03.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Well, can we go back to the intentions real quick.

0:19:03.200 --> 0:19:05.520
<v Speaker 2>I want to give you one to maybe try on

0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:09.280
<v Speaker 2>for size in your next relationship. I want you to

0:19:09.359 --> 0:19:12.639
<v Speaker 2>try the next time you're in something committed. Okay, so

0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:15.959
<v Speaker 2>this is not somebody you're dating flippantly, somebody you're dating

0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:20.160
<v Speaker 2>while seeing other people. This is in your next committed relationship.

0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:26.359
<v Speaker 2>I want you to consider doing a check in date now.

0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:29.679
<v Speaker 2>It is not a date where we decide to go

0:19:29.720 --> 0:19:33.760
<v Speaker 2>to dinner and we're dating and we're talking over dinner. No,

0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:37.240
<v Speaker 2>this is a intentional We put it on our calendars

0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:41.280
<v Speaker 2>and this is what we call our check in date.

0:19:41.840 --> 0:19:44.800
<v Speaker 2>It does not take place in public. It takes place

0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:49.280
<v Speaker 2>in private so we can speak freely with one another

0:19:49.440 --> 0:19:53.320
<v Speaker 2>and not be concerned about who might be overhearing at

0:19:53.359 --> 0:19:57.200
<v Speaker 2>the next table. And that is where you check in

0:19:57.280 --> 0:20:02.360
<v Speaker 2>with your partner and you both openly talk intimately about

0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:07.240
<v Speaker 2>how you're feeling currently in the relationship, whether that is

0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:10.439
<v Speaker 2>about I am extremely happy right now. I want you

0:20:10.520 --> 0:20:13.200
<v Speaker 2>to know that when you sent me a coffee earlier

0:20:13.240 --> 0:20:16.399
<v Speaker 2>this week, that meant so much to me. And I

0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:19.440
<v Speaker 2>want to know what can I do to show up

0:20:19.480 --> 0:20:23.400
<v Speaker 2>for you? And it has to be that give of

0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:27.080
<v Speaker 2>telling somebody in your life that is important to you

0:20:28.680 --> 0:20:33.160
<v Speaker 2>what they did right and asking how can I show

0:20:33.280 --> 0:20:35.399
<v Speaker 2>up for you? Because it is a two way street

0:20:35.440 --> 0:20:38.360
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship, right, is there something that I can

0:20:38.400 --> 0:20:42.760
<v Speaker 2>do better? I want to say for you this week

0:20:42.840 --> 0:20:45.800
<v Speaker 2>when you weren't picking up your socks and offering and

0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:48.240
<v Speaker 2>I had a lot going on that actually led to

0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:50.600
<v Speaker 2>more stress in my life. It would help me out

0:20:50.720 --> 0:20:53.640
<v Speaker 2>if you know, this next week you were more cognizant

0:20:53.680 --> 0:20:57.040
<v Speaker 2>of socks on the floor, whatever it might be, you

0:20:57.040 --> 0:20:57.600
<v Speaker 2>know what I mean.

0:20:57.880 --> 0:20:59.800
<v Speaker 1>So he did do that. If he did do that,

0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:03.760
<v Speaker 1>not like that, but he would say, I'm very happy

0:21:03.800 --> 0:21:04.280
<v Speaker 1>with us.

0:21:04.640 --> 0:21:08.000
<v Speaker 2>But I want you in your next relationship to say that.

0:21:08.720 --> 0:21:12.440
<v Speaker 2>But I want you to try on for size, doing

0:21:12.480 --> 0:21:15.440
<v Speaker 2>a check and date with whoever you're dating, and say

0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:18.720
<v Speaker 2>to them, I really like you and I really want

0:21:18.760 --> 0:21:21.760
<v Speaker 2>to see this relationship flourish. So I think we should

0:21:21.800 --> 0:21:24.560
<v Speaker 2>have a check and date once a week. Maybe we

0:21:24.640 --> 0:21:27.280
<v Speaker 2>do it on Tuesdays. We do it for thirty minutes,

0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:32.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, and just see how if that deepens intimacy,

0:21:32.680 --> 0:21:36.719
<v Speaker 2>if that deepens Because this is the thing in knowing you.

0:21:37.000 --> 0:21:39.120
<v Speaker 2>I think you are such a giver and you are

0:21:39.200 --> 0:21:45.520
<v Speaker 2>such a light. But I think that sometimes you keep

0:21:46.240 --> 0:21:51.720
<v Speaker 2>your feelings of oh I didn't like when he did that,

0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:54.240
<v Speaker 2>or oh I didn't like when he said that, you

0:21:54.359 --> 0:21:57.240
<v Speaker 2>keep a lot of it buried and inside. And then,

0:21:57.320 --> 0:22:01.080
<v Speaker 2>like you said at the beginning of this episode, okay,

0:22:01.320 --> 0:22:04.439
<v Speaker 2>and it's a pressure building situation. I think if you

0:22:04.480 --> 0:22:08.960
<v Speaker 2>are having a this is a designated weekly check in time.

0:22:09.040 --> 0:22:11.080
<v Speaker 2>It is not sexy date night. It is not we're

0:22:11.119 --> 0:22:14.200
<v Speaker 2>going out for whatever it is. We are sitting together,

0:22:14.359 --> 0:22:18.399
<v Speaker 2>we are alone check in date. That it will help

0:22:18.520 --> 0:22:22.280
<v Speaker 2>you to vocalize more of those problems so that they

0:22:22.320 --> 0:22:27.399
<v Speaker 2>don't build build, build build inside of you, and it

0:22:27.440 --> 0:22:30.760
<v Speaker 2>will help you because I think that a lot of

0:22:30.800 --> 0:22:34.000
<v Speaker 2>these guys you have dated have not really understood your

0:22:34.040 --> 0:22:34.800
<v Speaker 2>love language.

0:22:35.160 --> 0:22:37.240
<v Speaker 1>No, they have no idea what I love languages.

0:22:37.359 --> 0:22:41.440
<v Speaker 2>But Kelly, that's partly on you, right, They're not mind readers.

0:22:41.640 --> 0:22:43.160
<v Speaker 2>So how are they going to know what your love

0:22:43.240 --> 0:22:46.399
<v Speaker 2>language is if you're not taking the time to express

0:22:46.520 --> 0:22:49.080
<v Speaker 2>and say, hey, if you send me a cup of

0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:51.640
<v Speaker 2>coffee during the day, that really actually means a lot

0:22:51.680 --> 0:22:54.679
<v Speaker 2>to me, you know what I mean. Now, I'm going

0:22:54.760 --> 0:22:57.600
<v Speaker 2>to play Devil's advocate on myself right now. This is

0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:01.520
<v Speaker 2>an area that I struggle in in relationship because my

0:23:01.760 --> 0:23:05.560
<v Speaker 2>feeling is, oh, if I vocalize it and they do it,

0:23:05.560 --> 0:23:09.600
<v Speaker 2>it's actually not coming from a place of being genuine.

0:23:10.119 --> 0:23:13.120
<v Speaker 2>It's them doing it to please me because I have

0:23:13.200 --> 0:23:16.439
<v Speaker 2>said it. Now, I have learned through a lot of

0:23:16.480 --> 0:23:20.000
<v Speaker 2>therapy that that is not how I should be viewing things,

0:23:20.040 --> 0:23:22.520
<v Speaker 2>and that people are not mind readers, right, and that

0:23:22.600 --> 0:23:25.879
<v Speaker 2>we have to give people the benefit of the doubt,

0:23:25.920 --> 0:23:28.199
<v Speaker 2>and we need to be able to express what we

0:23:28.359 --> 0:23:32.960
<v Speaker 2>want and desire in relationships, and if it then does

0:23:33.000 --> 0:23:36.920
<v Speaker 2>not get met after we've expressed, then that's a time

0:23:36.920 --> 0:23:40.879
<v Speaker 2>where we reevaluate and say, hey, I have come to

0:23:40.920 --> 0:23:42.879
<v Speaker 2>the table. I have said that X, Y, and Z

0:23:43.080 --> 0:23:45.800
<v Speaker 2>is not working for me. If it continues to not

0:23:45.880 --> 0:23:49.320
<v Speaker 2>work for me past this point, I'm going to have

0:23:49.359 --> 0:23:53.080
<v Speaker 2>to make a decision. And that is you know, but

0:23:53.359 --> 0:23:55.800
<v Speaker 2>that is my two cents as somebody who has gotten

0:23:55.840 --> 0:23:57.480
<v Speaker 2>to spend a lot of time with you and knows

0:23:57.520 --> 0:24:00.080
<v Speaker 2>you and knows what a giving heart that you have.

0:24:00.680 --> 0:24:03.080
<v Speaker 2>I think that sometimes you tend to give, give, give,

0:24:03.560 --> 0:24:06.959
<v Speaker 2>and you're waiting for that reciprocation. But I think that

0:24:07.000 --> 0:24:11.800
<v Speaker 2>these men are not aware of how much the giving

0:24:11.880 --> 0:24:14.920
<v Speaker 2>is part of your love language, and that the reciprocation

0:24:15.160 --> 0:24:17.920
<v Speaker 2>is what you hope to receive. So I think there's

0:24:17.920 --> 0:24:20.000
<v Speaker 2>a little bit of a disconnect there.

0:24:20.200 --> 0:24:22.800
<v Speaker 1>But you know, it's interesting just to touch on that too.

0:24:23.080 --> 0:24:25.600
<v Speaker 1>You know. It's like, you know, the listeners are going

0:24:25.640 --> 0:24:28.400
<v Speaker 1>to be like Okay, here she comes with her Midwestern values.

0:24:28.960 --> 0:24:32.320
<v Speaker 1>But I was raised in the Midwest, and I started

0:24:32.320 --> 0:24:36.000
<v Speaker 1>coming to New York when I was fifteen, And New

0:24:36.080 --> 0:24:40.159
<v Speaker 1>Yorkers are much more open and verbal about their feelings

0:24:40.240 --> 0:24:43.159
<v Speaker 1>and what's happening, the weather, all these different things, Like

0:24:43.760 --> 0:24:46.119
<v Speaker 1>that's just the way that that's such just what the

0:24:46.160 --> 0:24:49.560
<v Speaker 1>culture of New York is. People are much more communicative

0:24:49.600 --> 0:24:55.840
<v Speaker 1>about the things that are they like, they don't like Midwest,

0:24:55.520 --> 0:24:58.600
<v Speaker 1>we don't say anything. I mean, I've never heard I've

0:24:58.640 --> 0:25:01.360
<v Speaker 1>never even heard anyone talk about the weather or talk

0:25:01.400 --> 0:25:03.440
<v Speaker 1>about the travel plans to get to X, Y or Z.

0:25:04.400 --> 0:25:11.080
<v Speaker 1>So I was never raised with communicating like that as

0:25:11.119 --> 0:25:16.119
<v Speaker 1>an option. And so I'm a listener and I'll listen.

0:25:16.960 --> 0:25:21.520
<v Speaker 1>But I'm also a gardener. So if I see a

0:25:21.560 --> 0:25:23.440
<v Speaker 1>pop up, if I've seen something, you know, you've seen

0:25:23.480 --> 0:25:25.800
<v Speaker 1>this with how I am with you, if there's something

0:25:25.800 --> 0:25:28.960
<v Speaker 1>that's bothering you, I'm like, I'm going to send Heather president,

0:25:29.520 --> 0:25:31.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to do something for I'm going to check

0:25:31.040 --> 0:25:33.960
<v Speaker 1>in on her, like I am that person, you know.

0:25:34.000 --> 0:25:36.680
<v Speaker 1>I want you to know that, like our friendship means

0:25:36.720 --> 0:25:40.480
<v Speaker 1>a lot to me, and my relationships mean a lot

0:25:40.520 --> 0:25:45.919
<v Speaker 1>to me, and I've just been so so disappointed, so disappointed.

0:25:45.920 --> 0:25:48.199
<v Speaker 1>And I think people think that because I am, like

0:25:48.240 --> 0:25:51.800
<v Speaker 1>we talked about this before, because I have been a

0:25:51.800 --> 0:25:55.480
<v Speaker 1>provider for my family and had been under so much

0:25:55.520 --> 0:26:00.119
<v Speaker 1>financial stress for so long and still made sure that

0:26:00.160 --> 0:26:05.520
<v Speaker 1>my girl said everything that I'm so strong, and I'm

0:26:05.680 --> 0:26:09.120
<v Speaker 1>just because just because I can, Just because I can,

0:26:09.400 --> 0:26:13.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm good at math and good at transactions and I

0:26:13.600 --> 0:26:16.359
<v Speaker 1>have an eye for aesthetics does not mean I'm not

0:26:16.400 --> 0:26:19.800
<v Speaker 1>a wildly sensitive human exactly. And I think that's the

0:26:19.800 --> 0:26:24.080
<v Speaker 1>big thing is that they don't realize how sensitive I

0:26:24.119 --> 0:26:27.199
<v Speaker 1>really am. Like every single thing that you say, I

0:26:27.280 --> 0:26:29.560
<v Speaker 1>listen to, and I don't just be like, okay, Heather,

0:26:29.920 --> 0:26:33.040
<v Speaker 1>I like listen, I'll think about it. I'm going to

0:26:33.160 --> 0:26:35.520
<v Speaker 1>use it in a sentence with you later. Like I

0:26:35.560 --> 0:26:39.280
<v Speaker 1>am that kind of person. Unfortunately, unfortunately, I'm not like

0:26:39.359 --> 0:26:41.720
<v Speaker 1>most people are like, yeah, what about me, I'm feeling gorgeous.

0:26:41.840 --> 0:26:44.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm like no, no, no, I heard everything, but.

0:26:44.400 --> 0:26:48.200
<v Speaker 2>My thing is going back to it. Why don't they

0:26:48.240 --> 0:26:51.280
<v Speaker 2>know this about you? Why don't they know that you're sensitive?

0:26:51.760 --> 0:26:53.800
<v Speaker 2>Why don't they know that you're looking for somebody to

0:26:53.840 --> 0:26:55.200
<v Speaker 2>help take off the load.

0:26:55.560 --> 0:26:59.280
<v Speaker 1>Because for some reason, I think that men because they

0:26:59.400 --> 0:27:02.080
<v Speaker 1>see that I am such a I'm such a nurturer.

0:27:02.160 --> 0:27:06.480
<v Speaker 2>Ully, it's because you don't tell them. I'm being serious.

0:27:06.640 --> 0:27:08.639
<v Speaker 1>I don't tell them. I just say that. They're like,

0:27:09.000 --> 0:27:12.199
<v Speaker 1>she's over there taking care of everything. Everything's happening, all

0:27:12.280 --> 0:27:16.320
<v Speaker 1>the bows are tied, everything's done. I don't tell them.

0:27:16.359 --> 0:27:18.320
<v Speaker 1>What am I going to do? Be like I am sensitive?

0:27:19.000 --> 0:27:23.160
<v Speaker 2>Yes, because you know what, again, this is how I'm

0:27:23.440 --> 0:27:27.280
<v Speaker 2>now thinking about men and men listeners. If you're out there,

0:27:27.320 --> 0:27:29.040
<v Speaker 2>I really don't think you are. I think we're all

0:27:29.560 --> 0:27:31.160
<v Speaker 2>a lot of big girls out here.

0:27:31.760 --> 0:27:33.800
<v Speaker 1>We have a lot of men listeners, male listeners.

0:27:34.119 --> 0:27:39.560
<v Speaker 2>Sure. What I'm about to say is is that all

0:27:39.760 --> 0:27:44.800
<v Speaker 2>I know is that men are not mind readers. And

0:27:44.880 --> 0:27:48.960
<v Speaker 2>it has to be said. So we come into this

0:27:49.080 --> 0:27:52.480
<v Speaker 2>relationship right with expectations. And anybody listening that says you

0:27:52.480 --> 0:27:55.960
<v Speaker 2>shouldn't have expectations when you're dating somebody, I'm going to say,

0:27:55.960 --> 0:27:59.159
<v Speaker 2>that's bs am I getting. When I get into a

0:27:59.200 --> 0:28:03.520
<v Speaker 2>relationship with I have the expectation of monogamy. I have

0:28:03.640 --> 0:28:08.720
<v Speaker 2>the expectation of communication, and I have the expectation of

0:28:09.520 --> 0:28:13.800
<v Speaker 2>that I am that person's you know, not necessarily maybe

0:28:13.800 --> 0:28:16.600
<v Speaker 2>their main focus, but that I'm high on the priority

0:28:16.680 --> 0:28:20.240
<v Speaker 2>list of that person. I am above friends. I will

0:28:20.280 --> 0:28:24.160
<v Speaker 2>say that those are the first few expectations I come

0:28:24.200 --> 0:28:28.440
<v Speaker 2>into in a relationship. Now when expectations change and build

0:28:28.520 --> 0:28:32.639
<v Speaker 2>upon that, sure, depending on the seriousness of the relationship,

0:28:33.520 --> 0:28:38.040
<v Speaker 2>but you have a lot of expectations. You're looking for

0:28:38.120 --> 0:28:42.800
<v Speaker 2>somebody that can help provide. You are looking for a

0:28:42.880 --> 0:28:46.440
<v Speaker 2>family for your family. You're looking for somebody that when

0:28:46.440 --> 0:28:48.880
<v Speaker 2>you are sick, is going to care for you. You're

0:28:48.920 --> 0:28:52.480
<v Speaker 2>looking for somebody who is going to check in, communicate,

0:28:52.680 --> 0:29:00.440
<v Speaker 2>send maybe gifts or love notes or something throughout the day.

0:29:00.520 --> 0:29:02.560
<v Speaker 2>You know what I mean. I'm thinking of you. I'm

0:29:02.560 --> 0:29:06.400
<v Speaker 2>so proud of you, whatever it might be. Communication, and

0:29:06.480 --> 0:29:13.719
<v Speaker 2>so these kinds of expectations are key for you. They

0:29:13.800 --> 0:29:16.920
<v Speaker 2>might not be key for somebody else. So I want

0:29:16.960 --> 0:29:19.280
<v Speaker 2>you to just try and kind of keep thinking about

0:29:19.280 --> 0:29:22.360
<v Speaker 2>that this is important to me. It might not be

0:29:22.440 --> 0:29:25.800
<v Speaker 2>important to them. They're not going to know what's important

0:29:25.800 --> 0:29:28.840
<v Speaker 2>to me unless I tell them, and you have to

0:29:28.880 --> 0:29:32.520
<v Speaker 2>say it. You have to say out loud, Hey, I

0:29:32.560 --> 0:29:34.120
<v Speaker 2>know that I might look like I have it all

0:29:34.120 --> 0:29:36.080
<v Speaker 2>together when I'm out on a red carpet and doing

0:29:36.080 --> 0:29:38.239
<v Speaker 2>a step and repeat. But I just want you to

0:29:38.320 --> 0:29:42.880
<v Speaker 2>know that, like I'm super sensitive and like you might

0:29:42.920 --> 0:29:45.600
<v Speaker 2>get to see that side of me, but just know

0:29:45.960 --> 0:29:49.560
<v Speaker 2>and like you have to verbalize things more, and I

0:29:49.560 --> 0:29:51.840
<v Speaker 2>think that that's something you should take into twenty twenty

0:29:51.920 --> 0:29:56.080
<v Speaker 2>six as we're navigating this landscape. We do have to

0:29:56.120 --> 0:29:58.040
<v Speaker 2>wrap it up pretty soon. But I did want to

0:29:58.080 --> 0:30:00.920
<v Speaker 2>ask you before we go, what do you want to

0:30:00.960 --> 0:30:03.720
<v Speaker 2>say to the listeners who might be finding themselves going

0:30:03.800 --> 0:30:06.920
<v Speaker 2>through a breakup right now at the top of the year.

0:30:07.760 --> 0:30:08.720
<v Speaker 2>What would you say to them?

0:30:08.840 --> 0:30:11.040
<v Speaker 1>You know, I really just I'm gonna have to go

0:30:11.120 --> 0:30:13.520
<v Speaker 1>with what you just said to me, because those this

0:30:13.560 --> 0:30:17.320
<v Speaker 1>is this is a new these these are new ground

0:30:17.440 --> 0:30:21.880
<v Speaker 1>rules that I've never had before. And You're right, I

0:30:21.920 --> 0:30:26.560
<v Speaker 1>can't expect people to They're not mind readers. You know.

0:30:26.720 --> 0:30:29.440
<v Speaker 1>Friends aren't mind readers. Partners aren't right mind readers, They're not.

0:30:30.160 --> 0:30:34.320
<v Speaker 1>And I have to be more forthcoming with that really

0:30:34.400 --> 0:30:37.280
<v Speaker 1>hurt my feelings. I really appreciate when you said that

0:30:37.560 --> 0:30:44.160
<v Speaker 1>I have to be more cognizant of showing them you

0:30:44.200 --> 0:30:47.040
<v Speaker 1>know how much I appreciate them, and I hope I

0:30:47.240 --> 0:30:49.920
<v Speaker 1>do I'm I'm a like I said, I'm a show person.

0:30:50.200 --> 0:30:53.080
<v Speaker 1>Like I'm not like a talking person, like I show

0:30:53.160 --> 0:30:55.640
<v Speaker 1>up for people all the time. I am that person

0:30:56.320 --> 0:30:58.440
<v Speaker 1>and I want to be that person for my partner.

0:30:58.680 --> 0:31:01.360
<v Speaker 2>You like to give gifts, you like to give experiences,

0:31:01.400 --> 0:31:04.480
<v Speaker 2>you like to bring people. That's the perk of being

0:31:04.520 --> 0:31:06.760
<v Speaker 2>in your world is like you know, X, Y, and Z,

0:31:07.000 --> 0:31:09.360
<v Speaker 2>so you like to share those things with people.

0:31:10.160 --> 0:31:12.440
<v Speaker 1>I would like to share all of those perks with

0:31:12.480 --> 0:31:16.400
<v Speaker 1>my life, whether it's being able to go to a

0:31:16.520 --> 0:31:19.240
<v Speaker 1>next game, or whether it's being able to go to

0:31:19.280 --> 0:31:23.080
<v Speaker 1>the Brockettes together, or whether it's you know, being able

0:31:23.120 --> 0:31:25.640
<v Speaker 1>to go to a fun movie or you know, a

0:31:25.640 --> 0:31:30.640
<v Speaker 1>fun event that you know is interesting. I love that.

0:31:30.760 --> 0:31:34.040
<v Speaker 1>I love sharing that part of my life. But that's

0:31:34.120 --> 0:31:38.000
<v Speaker 1>not my life. My life is me at home with

0:31:38.120 --> 0:31:42.719
<v Speaker 1>Tarzan on my couch eating Chinese food. What does that

0:31:42.760 --> 0:31:46.520
<v Speaker 1>look like? What am I watching? You know? It's interesting because,

0:31:46.600 --> 0:31:50.360
<v Speaker 1>like I was, the summer was the summer that ever,

0:31:50.520 --> 0:31:52.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, the summer I turned pretty, And that's how

0:31:52.600 --> 0:31:55.320
<v Speaker 1>I felt. I felt like it was the summer that

0:31:55.480 --> 0:31:59.840
<v Speaker 1>I turned pretty, except for the only problem was that

0:32:01.480 --> 0:32:06.320
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't really feeling pretty. I thought that I was

0:32:06.360 --> 0:32:09.520
<v Speaker 1>feeling pretty, but I had so many things that I

0:32:09.920 --> 0:32:13.040
<v Speaker 1>wasn't communicating with the things that were really really bothering me.

0:32:13.800 --> 0:32:15.800
<v Speaker 1>And those were really, really big, and I just couldn't

0:32:15.800 --> 0:32:18.320
<v Speaker 1>bring them into twenty twenty six. I just couldn't. I

0:32:19.680 --> 0:32:27.320
<v Speaker 1>found myself in a physical situation and I had just

0:32:27.320 --> 0:32:30.800
<v Speaker 1>just had to turn it off. I just couldn't. I

0:32:30.880 --> 0:32:31.640
<v Speaker 1>just couldn't do it.

0:32:41.920 --> 0:32:44.600
<v Speaker 2>So to anybody that's going through a breakup right now,

0:32:44.680 --> 0:32:48.280
<v Speaker 2>just like you, what would you say to them you're

0:32:48.280 --> 0:32:49.640
<v Speaker 2>going through it too, just like.

0:32:49.600 --> 0:32:52.440
<v Speaker 1>That communicating, I mean, if I'm going to communicate, and

0:32:52.440 --> 0:32:56.280
<v Speaker 1>we're going to spend the next couple episodes and this,

0:32:56.480 --> 0:32:58.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, communicating, and I'm going to I'm going to

0:32:58.800 --> 0:33:01.760
<v Speaker 1>talk to you through how how I communicate and what

0:33:01.800 --> 0:33:05.080
<v Speaker 1>that's happened, what's how that's helped me or what that's

0:33:05.120 --> 0:33:08.120
<v Speaker 1>been bad for me? And you know, I'm always I've

0:33:08.200 --> 0:33:12.520
<v Speaker 1>always been honest. I have I'm not here to sugarcoat things,

0:33:12.600 --> 0:33:15.760
<v Speaker 1>and I wear my heart on my sleeve for you guys.

0:33:16.320 --> 0:33:18.440
<v Speaker 1>But I haven't been wearing my heart on my sleeve

0:33:18.720 --> 0:33:22.800
<v Speaker 1>for those guys, and so I need to It's not

0:33:22.840 --> 0:33:28.880
<v Speaker 1>about being vulnerable. It's about me being more communicative and

0:33:29.040 --> 0:33:30.080
<v Speaker 1>opening up a narrative.

0:33:30.160 --> 0:33:31.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to say it's a little bit of both.

0:33:31.720 --> 0:33:35.040
<v Speaker 2>It is about vulnerability, and it is about being communicative,

0:33:35.120 --> 0:33:39.240
<v Speaker 2>because I think you have no problem communicating here, there,

0:33:39.280 --> 0:33:42.360
<v Speaker 2>and everywhere, whatever the plans are. But it's about that

0:33:42.480 --> 0:33:48.720
<v Speaker 2>vulnerable communication of hey I'm sensitive. That's vulnerability to tell

0:33:48.800 --> 0:33:52.880
<v Speaker 2>somebody that, or hey, I'm really needing somebody to like

0:33:53.960 --> 0:33:57.160
<v Speaker 2>help take the load off of me. Like I got money,

0:33:57.240 --> 0:33:59.840
<v Speaker 2>I got my kids, I got all that covered, but

0:34:00.120 --> 0:34:02.600
<v Speaker 2>like I'm looking for somebody to be in a partnership

0:34:02.640 --> 0:34:04.600
<v Speaker 2>and share a life with, and like, if you're not

0:34:04.720 --> 0:34:07.000
<v Speaker 2>willing to do that, then I don't want to waste

0:34:07.000 --> 0:34:10.600
<v Speaker 2>anybody's time, your time or my time. And you know

0:34:11.040 --> 0:34:13.960
<v Speaker 2>that's that's vulnerability. So I think it's a little bit

0:34:13.960 --> 0:34:18.000
<v Speaker 2>of both, and it's scary. And that's probably why you've

0:34:18.040 --> 0:34:21.880
<v Speaker 2>avoided having those kinds of direct conversations with people, because

0:34:21.960 --> 0:34:24.640
<v Speaker 2>you do like to be light and breezy and airy

0:34:24.800 --> 0:34:27.840
<v Speaker 2>and a good time. But the way is crushing you

0:34:28.120 --> 0:34:30.560
<v Speaker 2>because you're taking on too much and you're not being

0:34:30.600 --> 0:34:31.760
<v Speaker 2>authentic to yourself.

0:34:32.120 --> 0:34:36.520
<v Speaker 1>I already have a work life that is a mother load.

0:34:37.280 --> 0:34:39.160
<v Speaker 1>People are constantly like, I can't believe what you do.

0:34:39.200 --> 0:34:41.600
<v Speaker 1>And that's so nice that they say that, But that's

0:34:41.640 --> 0:34:45.040
<v Speaker 1>what I have to do for my life, but for

0:34:45.200 --> 0:34:49.160
<v Speaker 1>my personal life, I also feel too. That's what's been happening.

0:34:49.239 --> 0:34:51.919
<v Speaker 1>And what I've noticed is a pattern that I need

0:34:51.920 --> 0:34:56.360
<v Speaker 1>to break is that men is when they meet me

0:34:56.480 --> 0:34:58.680
<v Speaker 1>and they hear what I'm going through, I think what

0:34:58.719 --> 0:35:02.160
<v Speaker 1>they're listening to, I'm not listening to. That's a great accomplishment,

0:35:02.200 --> 0:35:05.319
<v Speaker 1>that's a great accomplishment. They're like, it's too much. I

0:35:05.400 --> 0:35:09.720
<v Speaker 1>want to take her away and bring her home and

0:35:11.440 --> 0:35:13.439
<v Speaker 1>keep her home and keep her safe so she doesn't

0:35:13.440 --> 0:35:17.480
<v Speaker 1>have to do anything. But then they're not trying to

0:35:17.520 --> 0:35:20.520
<v Speaker 1>keep me safe. They're just pulling me away from what

0:35:20.520 --> 0:35:24.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm doing and I'm not feeling secure and I'm not

0:35:25.040 --> 0:35:30.879
<v Speaker 1>feeling I'm not feeling good. Yeah, it's like, you can't both.

0:35:30.960 --> 0:35:35.200
<v Speaker 1>You can't have me working hard and then being like, Okay,

0:35:35.200 --> 0:35:37.319
<v Speaker 1>she's got to be like the girl from Illinois. I

0:35:37.360 --> 0:35:39.920
<v Speaker 1>am the girl from Illinois. That's who I am. I

0:35:39.920 --> 0:35:42.239
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't be able to do the things I do if

0:35:42.239 --> 0:35:43.880
<v Speaker 1>I weren't that girl from Illinois.

0:35:44.880 --> 0:35:48.400
<v Speaker 2>I think twenty twenty six is the year of leaving

0:35:48.520 --> 0:35:51.560
<v Speaker 2>less blank spaces to be filled in by somebody else

0:35:52.400 --> 0:35:56.040
<v Speaker 2>and filling them in ourselves. And if we have the

0:35:56.080 --> 0:35:59.279
<v Speaker 2>pen in our hand, we are in control of what's

0:35:59.320 --> 0:36:02.360
<v Speaker 2>being written. And that is what you're going to do

0:36:02.400 --> 0:36:04.560
<v Speaker 2>in twenty twenty six. You're going to stop leaving these

0:36:04.600 --> 0:36:06.960
<v Speaker 2>blank spaces for these guys to fill in the holes,

0:36:07.280 --> 0:36:09.200
<v Speaker 2>and you're going to write in and you're going to

0:36:09.239 --> 0:36:12.719
<v Speaker 2>express to them what you are looking for. Kelly, I

0:36:12.760 --> 0:36:15.280
<v Speaker 2>love you so much, and I'm sorry to hear about

0:36:15.280 --> 0:36:18.680
<v Speaker 2>this breakup, but I'm really excited about what this year

0:36:18.760 --> 0:36:21.000
<v Speaker 2>could be for you. And we're going to take our

0:36:21.040 --> 0:36:24.680
<v Speaker 2>listeners on this journey once again, because it's I Do

0:36:24.840 --> 0:36:27.680
<v Speaker 2>Part two and you're looking for your part two. You

0:36:27.719 --> 0:36:30.359
<v Speaker 2>want to get married and find love, and I have

0:36:30.440 --> 0:36:31.719
<v Speaker 2>no doubt that you're going to find it.

0:36:32.320 --> 0:36:34.680
<v Speaker 1>I love you, Heather, Thank you for that. I really

0:36:34.760 --> 0:36:41.920
<v Speaker 1>really really appreciate your constructive criticism and amazing thoughts to

0:36:41.960 --> 0:36:44.799
<v Speaker 1>make me better. I want to be better and I

0:36:44.840 --> 0:36:47.680
<v Speaker 1>want to I want to I want to full, I

0:36:47.719 --> 0:36:51.600
<v Speaker 1>want to feel full, but I'm just I mean the

0:36:51.600 --> 0:36:55.840
<v Speaker 1>most important part of this breakup is that I felt

0:36:55.880 --> 0:36:59.360
<v Speaker 1>love for the first time of my life, and I'm very,

0:36:59.680 --> 0:37:01.160
<v Speaker 1>very very grateful for that.

0:37:02.120 --> 0:37:04.640
<v Speaker 2>That's amazing. You have to feel full on your own,

0:37:05.000 --> 0:37:07.600
<v Speaker 2>not from somebody else coming into your life. So we'll

0:37:07.600 --> 0:37:10.319
<v Speaker 2>work on that this year. But I love you. That's

0:37:10.360 --> 0:37:11.440
<v Speaker 2>for another episode.

0:37:11.800 --> 0:37:13.960
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much for joining us today and I

0:37:14.040 --> 0:37:19.040
<v Speaker 1>do Part two. You can follow us Instagram. Everything is

0:37:19.120 --> 0:37:22.640
<v Speaker 1>in the show notes. We are here for you, guys.

0:37:23.280 --> 0:37:25.560
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming on my

0:37:25.640 --> 0:37:29.200
<v Speaker 1>journey with me. I appreciate you and love you. I

0:37:29.320 --> 0:37:33.200
<v Speaker 1>do Part two. We're falling in love is always the

0:37:33.239 --> 0:37:34.319
<v Speaker 1>main objective.