1 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,480 Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. It's your celebrity mentor Kelly 2 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: ben Simone. And today I've got my great producer and friend, 3 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: Heather Monday to join me because I've got some big 4 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 1: news to share with you. I've been nothing but honest 5 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 1: since I joined the podcast, and that's the only way 6 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:38,519 Speaker 1: we heal and grow by sharing our own truth. So 7 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 1: today I need to talk through it for you and 8 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,360 Speaker 1: for me. Hi, Heather, I love you. 9 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,560 Speaker 2: Hi, I love you. What's going on? Well, first of all, 10 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 2: happy right, this is you know, one of our first 11 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 2: episodes of the new year, So happy New Year to 12 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 2: anybody that's listening. But even though twenty twenty six has 13 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 2: just started, I know a lot of things have changed. 14 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,800 Speaker 2: So what's happened? 15 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:14,039 Speaker 1: So I went through a breakup over the holiday. My 16 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: application applications are now open. I closed them before the 17 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: holidays and now I open them. 18 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 2: Well let's rewind. Yeah, let's talk a little bit about 19 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 2: what happened, because I think from a listener's perspective, right, 20 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 2: we were all really excited when you announced that you 21 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,960 Speaker 2: had a boyfriend, and you seemed really excited about it, 22 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 2: So kind of tell me, was this a long time coming? 23 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:43,360 Speaker 2: Or was this like something happened over the holidays and 24 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,360 Speaker 2: this decision was made. 25 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 1: So I did have a breakup over the holidays, and 26 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: this is not something that just happened. But I am 27 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 1: a Taurus and I have a lot of bandwidth and 28 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 1: then and sometimes I just snap. And I had some 29 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 1: health issues last last year, and I was going through 30 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: a lot of things personally, and it really made me 31 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:21,800 Speaker 1: see what I wanted in my romantic life and like 32 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,519 Speaker 1: how I wanted to navigate that and move forward into 33 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:25,400 Speaker 1: twenty twenty six. 34 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 2: So be a little bit more specific for me, What 35 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 2: does that mean? Was this person not showing up for you? 36 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,920 Speaker 2: Were they not by your bedside when you were needing 37 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,920 Speaker 2: you know, some nursing or aid? Like what kind of 38 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 2: I guess. Try to break it down and be a 39 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 2: little bit more specific for me as to like what 40 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 2: went into this decision. 41 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 1: They did not show up when I really really needed them, now, 42 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 1: got it? They did not shot? 43 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 2: Okay, that's unfortunate. So just to be clear, you were 44 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:02,120 Speaker 2: the one who had this breakup. It was not a 45 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,079 Speaker 2: mutual decision. 46 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,400 Speaker 1: I'd like to say it was a mutual decision because 47 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 1: in order for me to break up, I had to 48 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 1: feel something that would encourage me to make that decision. 49 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: So it's not like just like I woke up one 50 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,399 Speaker 1: day and I was like, oh, I'm going to break 51 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,120 Speaker 1: up with this person. It was a this is not 52 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 1: going to work, this is not going to move forward, 53 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,799 Speaker 1: and it's you know, it's at the stage I am 54 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: in my life, like, I want a gorgeous family for 55 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 1: my family, Heather, I want. I've always from day one. 56 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,600 Speaker 1: The reason I got divorced from my first husband and 57 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 1: only husband, is because I want a gorgeous, loving, healthy 58 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 1: family for my family. That's all I want. M h. 59 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 1: I want to want to I want to create a family. 60 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 1: I want to be in a loving relationship, and I 61 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: want to be cherished and cared for. I spent my 62 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 1: life being the caregiver of every single man, with the 63 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: exception of my twin brother or my father. They're the 64 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 1: only two men that I haven't been the caregiver for, 65 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:17,600 Speaker 1: and I it's time that we that the tables turn 66 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: and that someone cares for me, cherishes me, adores me, 67 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 1: loves me for who. 68 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:29,279 Speaker 2: I am exactly. I definitely think that those are wonderful 69 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:33,440 Speaker 2: things to want, and I think that you deserve those 70 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 2: no doubt. I guess when I say, is it mutual? 71 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 2: He wasn't shocked when you tried to break up with him. 72 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:45,960 Speaker 2: He wasn't trying to, you know, say I can change 73 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,359 Speaker 2: or let's fix this or work on this. There was 74 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 2: no that discussion. Because what you're expressing to me sounds 75 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 2: like you initiated this breakup. You wanted this breakup. 76 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: I could feel that there was a change. I feel, 77 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: I felt like there was a change in temperature. Okay, 78 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: and I just knew in my heart that this is 79 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: not right. And even you know, I mean, I can't 80 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 1: speak for him, but I know that he was not 81 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 1: happy with the change in the temperature. 82 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 2: Okay, got it. So the holidays happen, you guys were together, 83 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 2: and I know that your kids were also there. What 84 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaker 2: was your kid's perspective on him or on your relationship? 85 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 2: Because I asked that because I think a lot of 86 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 2: people in their Chapter two and their I Do Part 87 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 2: two era tend to be parents, you know, and navigating 88 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 2: dating as a single mom versus as a single person 89 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 2: is very different, especially with you. Your kids aren't babies, 90 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:55,400 Speaker 2: they're young adults, So how much you know did they 91 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 2: give their input or feelings on your relationship. How much 92 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,679 Speaker 2: of that do you take into consideration when you're making 93 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 2: these kinds of decisions. Kind of tell me a little 94 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 2: bit about that. 95 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 1: So he's a very dynamic human, which is one of 96 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: the things. Very very smart, very dynamic, very successful, which 97 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,840 Speaker 1: is those are the things that I and he has, 98 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:19,280 Speaker 1: you know, very good good values. So he has he has, 99 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,360 Speaker 1: he checks like all the boxes. That's why I fell 100 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,720 Speaker 1: in love with him. I fell in love with him 101 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: because he was I thought that he was my person. 102 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:32,239 Speaker 2: Wait, I'm going to jump in here. You said fell 103 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:36,440 Speaker 2: in love with him. You've also said on this podcast 104 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,560 Speaker 2: that you've never been in love before. 105 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 1: True, I have never been in love. I fell madly 106 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: in love with him. I love him. 107 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 2: So you were in love? 108 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,960 Speaker 1: Oh, I was so in love with him, Like I 109 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 1: had those love goggles on, like they were like so tight. 110 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,039 Speaker 1: I was in madly in love with him. He could 111 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:57,919 Speaker 1: do no wrong. 112 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:03,279 Speaker 2: But you so, so this is this is big then, 113 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 2: not to say not to little any sort of relationship, 114 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 2: but you have you know, taken our listeners on this 115 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 2: journey and expressed how you've never been in love before. 116 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 2: You know, you've had a lot of ups and downs 117 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 2: since the calling off of your engagement over a year ago. 118 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 2: So this guy, however, you know, the chemistry was he 119 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 2: was able to make a very strong connection with you, 120 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,239 Speaker 2: and you were in love. 121 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:37,119 Speaker 1: I wasn't just in love. I was madly in love. 122 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,480 Speaker 2: Okay, so you were in love. 123 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: And I also loved him, so it was Yes, it 124 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:47,400 Speaker 1: was twofold. I cared about him, but I was also 125 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 1: I had these very strong love feelings. I wasn't in 126 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 1: my feelings. I was in love feelings. 127 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 2: So I digress. Go back, Tell me about your kids 128 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 2: and their input and their thoughts. 129 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 1: So that my kids said to me, they were like, Mom, 130 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: you're just not yourself. You're just not yourself. And there 131 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:10,600 Speaker 1: were some a couple of things that happened that made 132 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:18,320 Speaker 1: them question what was going on and my relationship, and 133 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,679 Speaker 1: you know, my girls and I were very very tight. 134 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:21,240 Speaker 2: You know. 135 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people are like my kids 136 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 1: and my everything, and they always talk about how their kids, 137 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 1: their kids, their kids, Like I speak to my kids 138 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,560 Speaker 1: all day long. I see them every single day. I 139 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,200 Speaker 1: take them on vacations, I go everywhere anytime that I 140 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:39,400 Speaker 1: have free time. In the past, I've always spent with 141 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:44,199 Speaker 1: them Tuesday Night's, Wednesday night, Thursday night, Saturday, Sunday, holidays. 142 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 1: Whatever it is they are, they are it. 143 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 2: So how much does their opinion weigh in on who 144 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 2: you date? 145 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,679 Speaker 1: They are a ton and I know that I know, 146 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:56,840 Speaker 1: like there's probably going to be a therapist that say, like, 147 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 1: you have to make your own decisions, don't crowd source 148 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 1: your decisions for love. I'm sure that people are going 149 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 1: to be analyzing and like crazy, I'm not crowdsourcing anything. 150 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:12,119 Speaker 1: I am saying that. I have always been very adamant 151 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,960 Speaker 1: about making sure that every man knows that we're three people, 152 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:23,200 Speaker 1: We're not just one. And it's really important for people 153 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:28,679 Speaker 1: to understand that they are very well educated, very insightful, 154 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:36,959 Speaker 1: very mindful, loving, philanthropic. They're very well rounded girls. And 155 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 1: they were just like, Mommy, you're not you. 156 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 2: I think that's what makes dating in chapter two so 157 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:48,320 Speaker 2: much more difficult than chapter one. Right, Not only do 158 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 2: you have the perspective that you gained in chapter one 159 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 2: through your marriage, for example, of what you want, what 160 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 2: you don't want, but then now you have adult children 161 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 2: in the mix that you didn't have when you got 162 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 2: married the first time. You have a whole different life 163 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 2: and career than you had in chapter one, and you 164 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 2: have now just a laundry list of things that you 165 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,920 Speaker 2: are looking for in this hopefully forever you know, partner 166 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,240 Speaker 2: that you have for the rest of you know, your life. 167 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:26,960 Speaker 2: So it does make things more difficult than say, dating 168 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 2: in your twenties. So tell me about now that it's over. 169 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 2: Where are the feelings of love? Is that complicating things? 170 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:45,320 Speaker 2: Is it making it difficult? How are you feeling about 171 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 2: him right now in this moment? 172 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 1: Well, in terms of my health, I feel so much better. 173 00:10:53,360 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 1: So my mindset is very clear, very calm, and I 174 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 1: adore him. I still love him very much. I still 175 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 1: think that he's an amazing human. I don't see him 176 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 1: the way that I did maybe two weeks ago. I 177 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:18,200 Speaker 1: saw a lot of things when we did have like 178 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,960 Speaker 1: a confrontational moment. I saw a lot of things I 179 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:25,000 Speaker 1: didn't like. But that doesn't make him bad. It just 180 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: makes him not right for me. 181 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:40,839 Speaker 2: Do you think that there's any chance of reconciliation, Could 182 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:44,880 Speaker 2: couples counseling or anything like that fix any of these issues? 183 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 2: Or do you think it's not worth repairing? I just 184 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 2: asked because you said love. I know I know that 185 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 2: that was something that was really important to you and 186 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 2: that you hadn't experienced yet. So I just want to 187 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 2: ask the question because I'm sure listeners are thinking the 188 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 2: same thing, like would you ever think about doing couples 189 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:06,560 Speaker 2: counseling with him? 190 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 1: I just feel like because it was such a short 191 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:14,559 Speaker 1: period of time that and so intense, Like when I 192 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:16,599 Speaker 1: saw him, I met him, I spoke to him on 193 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 1: the phone, and when I saw him, I was like, 194 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:25,760 Speaker 1: there he is. And I've never ever, I've never I 195 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,439 Speaker 1: dated one guy before who I was just like I 196 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 1: had a similar feeling, but not as intense. I just 197 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,280 Speaker 1: was like, there he is, there's my person. And it 198 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:42,080 Speaker 1: wasn't about the way he looks. It wasn't about anything. 199 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 1: It was just like I just was like, that's step 200 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,120 Speaker 1: that's the person. 201 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 2: So you're saying you don't think that you should do 202 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 2: couples counseling because you hadn't been together long enough. 203 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:57,440 Speaker 1: I don't know if couple's counseling. I just feel, you know, 204 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 1: I have these like these. I always say things like 205 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 1: you don't paint over rotten lumber, and it's like the 206 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 1: things that you can I can't unheer things and I 207 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 1: can't unfeel things. 208 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 2: Now, I am going to agree with you wholeheartedly on that, Kelly, 209 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:20,440 Speaker 2: because I too believe you can't unring a bell, and 210 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 2: it is very hard for me to pretend or go 211 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 2: back as if you know, certain conversations haven't happened. So 212 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:33,720 Speaker 2: I totally understand where you're coming from with that. Okay, Well, 213 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:37,080 Speaker 2: how you said your mindset has been better? How since 214 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,880 Speaker 2: this happened, have you been healing or making time for yourself? 215 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,840 Speaker 2: What's been working for you? Are you still in therapy? 216 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 2: Are you journaling? What have you been doing since this happened? 217 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 1: So I journaled throughout the entire relationship. I bought us 218 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,720 Speaker 1: these orange books, and I left one at his house 219 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: and I had one at my house, and I was 220 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 1: just writing about every time I would go to see him, 221 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 1: I'd play a little piano, eat some cookies, and I 222 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:09,040 Speaker 1: would write something about my thoughts about him, and which 223 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,960 Speaker 1: is very vulnerable of me. I mean, it was just 224 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: but I just just wanted to write it down. I 225 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: just was I had no I had no inhibitions zero. 226 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: I just felt really open. But I'm not you know, 227 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,800 Speaker 1: there's flowers, and there's gardeners and I've been gardening Heather 228 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:33,920 Speaker 1: all my life, all my life. Let me take care 229 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 1: of you. Let me do this for you. Do you 230 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 1: need this, do you need that? Let me go here, 231 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 1: let me go there for you. Let me do this, 232 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 1: whatever you need, whatever you need, whatever you need. Oh, 233 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,640 Speaker 1: no problem, oh no problem. Doing everything all day long, 234 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 1: all my life. And I'm tired. Tired. Yeah, like I know, 235 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,080 Speaker 1: it's like I can only you know. It's like, just 236 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:56,840 Speaker 1: because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm not exhausted. Exhausted, No, 237 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 1: for sure. 238 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:01,800 Speaker 2: I think that is you know, any healthy relationship, right, 239 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:05,120 Speaker 2: nobody listening. Come for me when I say this. But 240 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,880 Speaker 2: one of the great perks in being in a partnership, 241 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 2: whether that's a marriage or a long term partnership, is 242 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 2: the fact that you have a built in team player. Now, obviously, 243 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:18,840 Speaker 2: if the relationship is unhealthy, you don't have that, but 244 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 2: that is one of the great perks of being in 245 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,320 Speaker 2: a partnership. Is when you are having a rough day, 246 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 2: you have somebody to help pick up the load, when 247 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:32,160 Speaker 2: you are struggling with something, you have someone to lean on, 248 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 2: somebody to talk to, somebody to do these things with. 249 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 2: And when you're single, you don't have a person, and 250 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 2: it can be very challenging to put that kind of 251 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 2: weight and stress on family members or friends. So unfortunately, 252 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 2: as single people, we tend to keep it in. I know, 253 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 2: as a very loving and active mom, you probably don't 254 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 2: open up to your daughters too about these kinds of pressures. 255 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,080 Speaker 2: And because you're their mom, you're not their friend. 256 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 1: No, I'm not their friend. I'm definitely say so. 257 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 2: That's you know, it's a very exhausting place to be in. 258 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 2: For sure. I want to know from you now that 259 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 2: this is in the rear view mirror when it comes 260 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:24,920 Speaker 2: to your next relationship, what intentions are you setting. 261 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 1: I told myself in the car in the way here 262 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,320 Speaker 1: that I just and I told I was talking about 263 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: it this weekend, you know, on Instagram, about giving people, 264 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 1: talking about me telling me what's going on, and just 265 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 1: talking about giving them grace and just giving my own 266 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 1: self some grace. 267 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 2: It's okay. Why is this making you emotional right now? 268 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 1: Guys? I you know, I have such an amazing father 269 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:55,440 Speaker 1: with incredible values, and we have such an unbelievable provider 270 00:16:55,560 --> 00:17:00,320 Speaker 1: and he was always there for me and I just 271 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: the men that I meet, they're just not they're just 272 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: they just they're they're they're just not pulling the weight 273 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:12,439 Speaker 1: like they see me carrying the load, and they're not like, 274 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,960 Speaker 1: let me take it off of you. Oh my god, 275 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:15,919 Speaker 1: what can I do for you? Like I was I 276 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,119 Speaker 1: was thinking in the car, I was like, what are 277 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 1: the things that like, really like make me feel good? 278 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,359 Speaker 1: Like when my daughter sends me a coffee, or when 279 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,520 Speaker 1: I send her a coffee, She's like, Mommy, to send 280 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,160 Speaker 1: you a coffee. I'm like, oh my god, I love you. 281 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,120 Speaker 1: Like I'm a little thing kind of person. I will 282 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,920 Speaker 1: give you the shirt off my back. But I don't 283 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: expect anything from people. And I'm going to start expecting 284 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,480 Speaker 1: and I'm going to start and dating with actual intentions. 285 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 1: I'm not just going to go to dinner and I'm 286 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,680 Speaker 1: not just going to be the girl that like has 287 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:47,800 Speaker 1: fun and talks to everyone about everything and be you know, happy, 288 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,479 Speaker 1: go lucky, and you know, I'm not gonna be very 289 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,080 Speaker 1: Tyler Moore and smiling my way through things. I'm just 290 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:57,959 Speaker 1: gonna be like, very real and raw with people. And 291 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 1: I think that one one of the big biggest misconceptions 292 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,639 Speaker 1: is that and I actually spoke to a friend of 293 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,680 Speaker 1: mine about it this weekend. He was like, well, you 294 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 1: have this big Instagram presence and you do all these 295 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,320 Speaker 1: things and there's a lot of press, and I'm like, 296 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: that's my work. It's I know how to work. I 297 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,120 Speaker 1: know how to work well. I know how to make 298 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,200 Speaker 1: things happen for my clients and for all my brand 299 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,680 Speaker 1: partnerships and for the things that I'm doing. I understand 300 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 1: how to do that job reporting for duty. I understand 301 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:32,240 Speaker 1: the assignment. My personal life is my personal life. I mean, 302 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 1: I told you guys that I fell in love because 303 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,160 Speaker 1: I wanted to share it. I was like, I fell 304 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:44,359 Speaker 1: in love, Yeah, and now I'm like, I'm heartbroken, and 305 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:49,399 Speaker 1: I just want to be able to allow myself to 306 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 1: like when i'm honestly, like when I'm sick, they should 307 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,800 Speaker 1: be like you need to lay down and watch a 308 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,040 Speaker 1: movie and do nothing. 309 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,160 Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, can we go back to the intentions real quick. 310 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 2: I want to give you one to maybe try on 311 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 2: for size in your next relationship. I want you to 312 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:12,639 Speaker 2: try the next time you're in something committed. Okay, so 313 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,959 Speaker 2: this is not somebody you're dating flippantly, somebody you're dating 314 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:20,160 Speaker 2: while seeing other people. This is in your next committed relationship. 315 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:26,359 Speaker 2: I want you to consider doing a check in date now. 316 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,679 Speaker 2: It is not a date where we decide to go 317 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:33,760 Speaker 2: to dinner and we're dating and we're talking over dinner. No, 318 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,240 Speaker 2: this is a intentional We put it on our calendars 319 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 2: and this is what we call our check in date. 320 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 2: It does not take place in public. It takes place 321 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:49,280 Speaker 2: in private so we can speak freely with one another 322 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 2: and not be concerned about who might be overhearing at 323 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:57,200 Speaker 2: the next table. And that is where you check in 324 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:02,360 Speaker 2: with your partner and you both openly talk intimately about 325 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 2: how you're feeling currently in the relationship, whether that is 326 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,439 Speaker 2: about I am extremely happy right now. I want you 327 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 2: to know that when you sent me a coffee earlier 328 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,399 Speaker 2: this week, that meant so much to me. And I 329 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,440 Speaker 2: want to know what can I do to show up 330 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,400 Speaker 2: for you? And it has to be that give of 331 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,080 Speaker 2: telling somebody in your life that is important to you 332 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:33,160 Speaker 2: what they did right and asking how can I show 333 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 2: up for you? Because it is a two way street 334 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,360 Speaker 2: in a relationship, right, is there something that I can 335 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 2: do better? I want to say for you this week 336 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,800 Speaker 2: when you weren't picking up your socks and offering and 337 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,240 Speaker 2: I had a lot going on that actually led to 338 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,600 Speaker 2: more stress in my life. It would help me out 339 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,640 Speaker 2: if you know, this next week you were more cognizant 340 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:57,040 Speaker 2: of socks on the floor, whatever it might be, you 341 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:57,600 Speaker 2: know what I mean. 342 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 1: So he did do that. If he did do that, 343 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,760 Speaker 1: not like that, but he would say, I'm very happy 344 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 1: with us. 345 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:08,000 Speaker 2: But I want you in your next relationship to say that. 346 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 2: But I want you to try on for size, doing 347 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,440 Speaker 2: a check and date with whoever you're dating, and say 348 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,720 Speaker 2: to them, I really like you and I really want 349 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,760 Speaker 2: to see this relationship flourish. So I think we should 350 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 2: have a check and date once a week. Maybe we 351 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,280 Speaker 2: do it on Tuesdays. We do it for thirty minutes, 352 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 2: you know, and just see how if that deepens intimacy, 353 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:36,719 Speaker 2: if that deepens Because this is the thing in knowing you. 354 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,120 Speaker 2: I think you are such a giver and you are 355 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 2: such a light. But I think that sometimes you keep 356 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:51,720 Speaker 2: your feelings of oh I didn't like when he did that, 357 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,240 Speaker 2: or oh I didn't like when he said that, you 358 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:57,240 Speaker 2: keep a lot of it buried and inside. And then, 359 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 2: like you said at the beginning of this episode, okay, 360 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,439 Speaker 2: and it's a pressure building situation. I think if you 361 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,960 Speaker 2: are having a this is a designated weekly check in time. 362 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 2: It is not sexy date night. It is not we're 363 00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:14,200 Speaker 2: going out for whatever it is. We are sitting together, 364 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:18,399 Speaker 2: we are alone check in date. That it will help 365 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 2: you to vocalize more of those problems so that they 366 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:27,399 Speaker 2: don't build build, build build inside of you, and it 367 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 2: will help you because I think that a lot of 368 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 2: these guys you have dated have not really understood your 369 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 2: love language. 370 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,240 Speaker 1: No, they have no idea what I love languages. 371 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 2: But Kelly, that's partly on you, right, They're not mind readers. 372 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,160 Speaker 2: So how are they going to know what your love 373 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:46,399 Speaker 2: language is if you're not taking the time to express 374 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,080 Speaker 2: and say, hey, if you send me a cup of 375 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,640 Speaker 2: coffee during the day, that really actually means a lot 376 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,679 Speaker 2: to me, you know what I mean. Now, I'm going 377 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 2: to play Devil's advocate on myself right now. This is 378 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:01,520 Speaker 2: an area that I struggle in in relationship because my 379 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,560 Speaker 2: feeling is, oh, if I vocalize it and they do it, 380 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 2: it's actually not coming from a place of being genuine. 381 00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:13,120 Speaker 2: It's them doing it to please me because I have 382 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,439 Speaker 2: said it. Now, I have learned through a lot of 383 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 2: therapy that that is not how I should be viewing things, 384 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 2: and that people are not mind readers, right, and that 385 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,879 Speaker 2: we have to give people the benefit of the doubt, 386 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,199 Speaker 2: and we need to be able to express what we 387 00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:32,960 Speaker 2: want and desire in relationships, and if it then does 388 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,920 Speaker 2: not get met after we've expressed, then that's a time 389 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:40,879 Speaker 2: where we reevaluate and say, hey, I have come to 390 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,879 Speaker 2: the table. I have said that X, Y, and Z 391 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 2: is not working for me. If it continues to not 392 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 2: work for me past this point, I'm going to have 393 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:53,080 Speaker 2: to make a decision. And that is you know, but 394 00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:55,800 Speaker 2: that is my two cents as somebody who has gotten 395 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 2: to spend a lot of time with you and knows 396 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,080 Speaker 2: you and knows what a giving heart that you have. 397 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 2: I think that sometimes you tend to give, give, give, 398 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,959 Speaker 2: and you're waiting for that reciprocation. But I think that 399 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 2: these men are not aware of how much the giving 400 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,920 Speaker 2: is part of your love language, and that the reciprocation 401 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,920 Speaker 2: is what you hope to receive. So I think there's 402 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 2: a little bit of a disconnect there. 403 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,800 Speaker 1: But you know, it's interesting just to touch on that too. 404 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 1: You know. It's like, you know, the listeners are going 405 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,400 Speaker 1: to be like Okay, here she comes with her Midwestern values. 406 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 1: But I was raised in the Midwest, and I started 407 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 1: coming to New York when I was fifteen, And New 408 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:40,159 Speaker 1: Yorkers are much more open and verbal about their feelings 409 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,159 Speaker 1: and what's happening, the weather, all these different things, Like 410 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,119 Speaker 1: that's just the way that that's such just what the 411 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: culture of New York is. People are much more communicative 412 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:55,840 Speaker 1: about the things that are they like, they don't like Midwest, 413 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:58,600 Speaker 1: we don't say anything. I mean, I've never heard I've 414 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,360 Speaker 1: never even heard anyone talk about the weather or talk 415 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,440 Speaker 1: about the travel plans to get to X, Y or Z. 416 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 1: So I was never raised with communicating like that as 417 00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:16,119 Speaker 1: an option. And so I'm a listener and I'll listen. 418 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 1: But I'm also a gardener. So if I see a 419 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,440 Speaker 1: pop up, if I've seen something, you know, you've seen 420 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 1: this with how I am with you, if there's something 421 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,960 Speaker 1: that's bothering you, I'm like, I'm going to send Heather president, 422 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,000 Speaker 1: I'm going to do something for I'm going to check 423 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,960 Speaker 1: in on her, like I am that person, you know. 424 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,680 Speaker 1: I want you to know that, like our friendship means 425 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,480 Speaker 1: a lot to me, and my relationships mean a lot 426 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:45,919 Speaker 1: to me, and I've just been so so disappointed, so disappointed. 427 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,199 Speaker 1: And I think people think that because I am, like 428 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,800 Speaker 1: we talked about this before, because I have been a 429 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:55,480 Speaker 1: provider for my family and had been under so much 430 00:25:55,520 --> 00:26:00,119 Speaker 1: financial stress for so long and still made sure that 431 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 1: my girl said everything that I'm so strong, and I'm 432 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:09,120 Speaker 1: just because just because I can, Just because I can, 433 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:13,560 Speaker 1: I'm good at math and good at transactions and I 434 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:16,359 Speaker 1: have an eye for aesthetics does not mean I'm not 435 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 1: a wildly sensitive human exactly. And I think that's the 436 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 1: big thing is that they don't realize how sensitive I 437 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:27,199 Speaker 1: really am. Like every single thing that you say, I 438 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 1: listen to, and I don't just be like, okay, Heather, 439 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 1: I like listen, I'll think about it. I'm going to 440 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,520 Speaker 1: use it in a sentence with you later. Like I 441 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,280 Speaker 1: am that kind of person. Unfortunately, unfortunately, I'm not like 442 00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:41,720 Speaker 1: most people are like, yeah, what about me, I'm feeling gorgeous. 443 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,320 Speaker 1: I'm like no, no, no, I heard everything, but. 444 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,200 Speaker 2: My thing is going back to it. Why don't they 445 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,280 Speaker 2: know this about you? Why don't they know that you're sensitive? 446 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:53,800 Speaker 2: Why don't they know that you're looking for somebody to 447 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,200 Speaker 2: help take off the load. 448 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,280 Speaker 1: Because for some reason, I think that men because they 449 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 1: see that I am such a I'm such a nurturer. 450 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:06,480 Speaker 2: Ully, it's because you don't tell them. I'm being serious. 451 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,639 Speaker 1: I don't tell them. I just say that. They're like, 452 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:12,199 Speaker 1: she's over there taking care of everything. Everything's happening, all 453 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 1: the bows are tied, everything's done. I don't tell them. 454 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,320 Speaker 1: What am I going to do? Be like I am sensitive? 455 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 2: Yes, because you know what, again, this is how I'm 456 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 2: now thinking about men and men listeners. If you're out there, 457 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,040 Speaker 2: I really don't think you are. I think we're all 458 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,160 Speaker 2: a lot of big girls out here. 459 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 1: We have a lot of men listeners, male listeners. 460 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 2: Sure. What I'm about to say is is that all 461 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 2: I know is that men are not mind readers. And 462 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:48,960 Speaker 2: it has to be said. So we come into this 463 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,480 Speaker 2: relationship right with expectations. And anybody listening that says you 464 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,960 Speaker 2: shouldn't have expectations when you're dating somebody, I'm going to say, 465 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,159 Speaker 2: that's bs am I getting. When I get into a 466 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:03,520 Speaker 2: relationship with I have the expectation of monogamy. I have 467 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 2: the expectation of communication, and I have the expectation of 468 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:13,800 Speaker 2: that I am that person's you know, not necessarily maybe 469 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 2: their main focus, but that I'm high on the priority 470 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:20,240 Speaker 2: list of that person. I am above friends. I will 471 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:24,160 Speaker 2: say that those are the first few expectations I come 472 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:28,440 Speaker 2: into in a relationship. Now when expectations change and build 473 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:32,639 Speaker 2: upon that, sure, depending on the seriousness of the relationship, 474 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:38,040 Speaker 2: but you have a lot of expectations. You're looking for 475 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:42,800 Speaker 2: somebody that can help provide. You are looking for a 476 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,440 Speaker 2: family for your family. You're looking for somebody that when 477 00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 2: you are sick, is going to care for you. You're 478 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,480 Speaker 2: looking for somebody who is going to check in, communicate, 479 00:28:52,680 --> 00:29:00,440 Speaker 2: send maybe gifts or love notes or something throughout the day. 480 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,560 Speaker 2: You know what I mean. I'm thinking of you. I'm 481 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:06,400 Speaker 2: so proud of you, whatever it might be. Communication, and 482 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:13,719 Speaker 2: so these kinds of expectations are key for you. They 483 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 2: might not be key for somebody else. So I want 484 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 2: you to just try and kind of keep thinking about 485 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 2: that this is important to me. It might not be 486 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 2: important to them. They're not going to know what's important 487 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,840 Speaker 2: to me unless I tell them, and you have to 488 00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:32,520 Speaker 2: say it. You have to say out loud, Hey, I 489 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,120 Speaker 2: know that I might look like I have it all 490 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,080 Speaker 2: together when I'm out on a red carpet and doing 491 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,239 Speaker 2: a step and repeat. But I just want you to 492 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:42,880 Speaker 2: know that, like I'm super sensitive and like you might 493 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,600 Speaker 2: get to see that side of me, but just know 494 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:49,560 Speaker 2: and like you have to verbalize things more, and I 495 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 2: think that that's something you should take into twenty twenty 496 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:56,080 Speaker 2: six as we're navigating this landscape. We do have to 497 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 2: wrap it up pretty soon. But I did want to 498 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,920 Speaker 2: ask you before we go, what do you want to 499 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:03,720 Speaker 2: say to the listeners who might be finding themselves going 500 00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 2: through a breakup right now at the top of the year. 501 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 2: What would you say to them? 502 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,040 Speaker 1: You know, I really just I'm gonna have to go 503 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 1: with what you just said to me, because those this 504 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,320 Speaker 1: is this is a new these these are new ground 505 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:21,880 Speaker 1: rules that I've never had before. And You're right, I 506 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:26,560 Speaker 1: can't expect people to They're not mind readers. You know. 507 00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,440 Speaker 1: Friends aren't mind readers. Partners aren't right mind readers, They're not. 508 00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:34,320 Speaker 1: And I have to be more forthcoming with that really 509 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:37,280 Speaker 1: hurt my feelings. I really appreciate when you said that 510 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 1: I have to be more cognizant of showing them you 511 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: know how much I appreciate them, and I hope I 512 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,920 Speaker 1: do I'm I'm a like I said, I'm a show person. 513 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 1: Like I'm not like a talking person, like I show 514 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,640 Speaker 1: up for people all the time. I am that person 515 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 1: and I want to be that person for my partner. 516 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 2: You like to give gifts, you like to give experiences, 517 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,480 Speaker 2: you like to bring people. That's the perk of being 518 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:06,760 Speaker 2: in your world is like you know, X, Y, and Z, 519 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,360 Speaker 2: so you like to share those things with people. 520 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,440 Speaker 1: I would like to share all of those perks with 521 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: my life, whether it's being able to go to a 522 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,240 Speaker 1: next game, or whether it's being able to go to 523 00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:23,080 Speaker 1: the Brockettes together, or whether it's you know, being able 524 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 1: to go to a fun movie or you know, a 525 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:30,640 Speaker 1: fun event that you know is interesting. I love that. 526 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 1: I love sharing that part of my life. But that's 527 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 1: not my life. My life is me at home with 528 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:42,719 Speaker 1: Tarzan on my couch eating Chinese food. What does that 529 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:46,520 Speaker 1: look like? What am I watching? You know? It's interesting because, 530 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:50,360 Speaker 1: like I was, the summer was the summer that ever, 531 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,600 Speaker 1: you know, the summer I turned pretty, And that's how 532 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:55,320 Speaker 1: I felt. I felt like it was the summer that 533 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,840 Speaker 1: I turned pretty, except for the only problem was that 534 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:06,320 Speaker 1: I wasn't really feeling pretty. I thought that I was 535 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 1: feeling pretty, but I had so many things that I 536 00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:13,040 Speaker 1: wasn't communicating with the things that were really really bothering me. 537 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 1: And those were really, really big, and I just couldn't 538 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,320 Speaker 1: bring them into twenty twenty six. I just couldn't. I 539 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:27,320 Speaker 1: found myself in a physical situation and I had just 540 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:30,800 Speaker 1: just had to turn it off. I just couldn't. I 541 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:31,640 Speaker 1: just couldn't do it. 542 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,600 Speaker 2: So to anybody that's going through a breakup right now, 543 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:48,280 Speaker 2: just like you, what would you say to them you're 544 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:49,640 Speaker 2: going through it too, just like. 545 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:52,440 Speaker 1: That communicating, I mean, if I'm going to communicate, and 546 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:56,280 Speaker 1: we're going to spend the next couple episodes and this, 547 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,520 Speaker 1: you know, communicating, and I'm going to I'm going to 548 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,760 Speaker 1: talk to you through how how I communicate and what 549 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:05,080 Speaker 1: that's happened, what's how that's helped me or what that's 550 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:08,120 Speaker 1: been bad for me? And you know, I'm always I've 551 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:12,520 Speaker 1: always been honest. I have I'm not here to sugarcoat things, 552 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,760 Speaker 1: and I wear my heart on my sleeve for you guys. 553 00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,440 Speaker 1: But I haven't been wearing my heart on my sleeve 554 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:22,800 Speaker 1: for those guys, and so I need to It's not 555 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:28,880 Speaker 1: about being vulnerable. It's about me being more communicative and 556 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:30,080 Speaker 1: opening up a narrative. 557 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:31,640 Speaker 2: I'm going to say it's a little bit of both. 558 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:35,040 Speaker 2: It is about vulnerability, and it is about being communicative, 559 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:39,240 Speaker 2: because I think you have no problem communicating here, there, 560 00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,360 Speaker 2: and everywhere, whatever the plans are. But it's about that 561 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:48,720 Speaker 2: vulnerable communication of hey I'm sensitive. That's vulnerability to tell 562 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:52,880 Speaker 2: somebody that, or hey, I'm really needing somebody to like 563 00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:57,160 Speaker 2: help take the load off of me. Like I got money, 564 00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:59,840 Speaker 2: I got my kids, I got all that covered, but 565 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,600 Speaker 2: like I'm looking for somebody to be in a partnership 566 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 2: and share a life with, and like, if you're not 567 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,000 Speaker 2: willing to do that, then I don't want to waste 568 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:10,600 Speaker 2: anybody's time, your time or my time. And you know 569 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,960 Speaker 2: that's that's vulnerability. So I think it's a little bit 570 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:18,000 Speaker 2: of both, and it's scary. And that's probably why you've 571 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,880 Speaker 2: avoided having those kinds of direct conversations with people, because 572 00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,640 Speaker 2: you do like to be light and breezy and airy 573 00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,840 Speaker 2: and a good time. But the way is crushing you 574 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,560 Speaker 2: because you're taking on too much and you're not being 575 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:31,760 Speaker 2: authentic to yourself. 576 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:36,520 Speaker 1: I already have a work life that is a mother load. 577 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,160 Speaker 1: People are constantly like, I can't believe what you do. 578 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 1: And that's so nice that they say that, But that's 579 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,040 Speaker 1: what I have to do for my life, but for 580 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 1: my personal life, I also feel too. That's what's been happening. 581 00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:51,919 Speaker 1: And what I've noticed is a pattern that I need 582 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:56,360 Speaker 1: to break is that men is when they meet me 583 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,680 Speaker 1: and they hear what I'm going through, I think what 584 00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:02,160 Speaker 1: they're listening to, I'm not listening to. That's a great accomplishment, 585 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:05,319 Speaker 1: that's a great accomplishment. They're like, it's too much. I 586 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:09,720 Speaker 1: want to take her away and bring her home and 587 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:13,439 Speaker 1: keep her home and keep her safe so she doesn't 588 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:17,480 Speaker 1: have to do anything. But then they're not trying to 589 00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,520 Speaker 1: keep me safe. They're just pulling me away from what 590 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:24,960 Speaker 1: I'm doing and I'm not feeling secure and I'm not 591 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:30,879 Speaker 1: feeling I'm not feeling good. Yeah, it's like, you can't both. 592 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:35,200 Speaker 1: You can't have me working hard and then being like, Okay, 593 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,319 Speaker 1: she's got to be like the girl from Illinois. I 594 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,920 Speaker 1: am the girl from Illinois. That's who I am. I 595 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,239 Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to do the things I do if 596 00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:43,880 Speaker 1: I weren't that girl from Illinois. 597 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:48,400 Speaker 2: I think twenty twenty six is the year of leaving 598 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,560 Speaker 2: less blank spaces to be filled in by somebody else 599 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:56,040 Speaker 2: and filling them in ourselves. And if we have the 600 00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,279 Speaker 2: pen in our hand, we are in control of what's 601 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:02,360 Speaker 2: being written. And that is what you're going to do 602 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,560 Speaker 2: in twenty twenty six. You're going to stop leaving these 603 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,960 Speaker 2: blank spaces for these guys to fill in the holes, 604 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:09,200 Speaker 2: and you're going to write in and you're going to 605 00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:12,719 Speaker 2: express to them what you are looking for. Kelly, I 606 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,280 Speaker 2: love you so much, and I'm sorry to hear about 607 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:18,680 Speaker 2: this breakup, but I'm really excited about what this year 608 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,000 Speaker 2: could be for you. And we're going to take our 609 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:24,680 Speaker 2: listeners on this journey once again, because it's I Do 610 00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,680 Speaker 2: Part two and you're looking for your part two. You 611 00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:30,359 Speaker 2: want to get married and find love, and I have 612 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:31,719 Speaker 2: no doubt that you're going to find it. 613 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,680 Speaker 1: I love you, Heather, Thank you for that. I really 614 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:41,920 Speaker 1: really really appreciate your constructive criticism and amazing thoughts to 615 00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,799 Speaker 1: make me better. I want to be better and I 616 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,680 Speaker 1: want to I want to I want to full, I 617 00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:51,600 Speaker 1: want to feel full, but I'm just I mean the 618 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:55,840 Speaker 1: most important part of this breakup is that I felt 619 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,360 Speaker 1: love for the first time of my life, and I'm very, 620 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:01,160 Speaker 1: very very grateful for that. 621 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,640 Speaker 2: That's amazing. You have to feel full on your own, 622 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,600 Speaker 2: not from somebody else coming into your life. So we'll 623 00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,319 Speaker 2: work on that this year. But I love you. That's 624 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:11,440 Speaker 2: for another episode. 625 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,960 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today and I 626 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:19,040 Speaker 1: do Part two. You can follow us Instagram. Everything is 627 00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,640 Speaker 1: in the show notes. We are here for you, guys. 628 00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,560 Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming on my 629 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:29,200 Speaker 1: journey with me. I appreciate you and love you. I 630 00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:33,200 Speaker 1: do Part two. We're falling in love is always the 631 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:34,319 Speaker 1: main objective.