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Speaker 1: All right, guys, welcome back to another new episode of

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Speaker 1: You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat, I'm the host.

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Speaker 1: Quick reminder up top that although I'm a therapist and

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Speaker 1: today you have another therapist here with you, and this

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Speaker 1: podcast is called You Need Therapy, and you might need therapy.

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Speaker 1: This podcast does not serve as a replacement or a

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Speaker 1: substitute for actual mental health services, although it can be

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Speaker 1: helpful along your way and it might help encourage you

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Speaker 1: to go seek those things from people that you get

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Speaker 1: to actually be in a relationship with. I mean, we

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Speaker 1: can be in an online relationship, but it's not an

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Speaker 1: abiding therapy to contract. So we are back with another

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Speaker 1: one of our difference between series episodes, talking about some

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Speaker 1: things that I'm pretty excited to talk about, talking about

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Speaker 1: some things that happened in pop culture that this specific

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Speaker 1: thing that I'm about to bring up was now probably

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Speaker 1: six weeks ago, but to me it's still relevant. But

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Speaker 1: before we get into that, welcome back, Tara, Thanks for

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Speaker 1: having me. Yeah, we started this series a couple months

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Speaker 1: ago to talk about things that are seen in pop

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Speaker 1: culture in the world on social media that are mental

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Speaker 1: health focused, where terms or diagnoses or ideas can be

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Speaker 1: somewhat convoluted. So we're taking those things and we're talking

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Speaker 1: about how we're seeing them and how we're using them

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Speaker 1: and what they actually might be to help give more language,

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Speaker 1: a better understanding, and to kind of open our eyes

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Speaker 1: to what we're actually experiencing versus what somebody might be

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Speaker 1: telling us we're experiencing. So we're gonna start with something.

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Speaker 1: And I want to say I have a little bit

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Speaker 1: of fear inside my body talking about this specific thing

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Speaker 1: because I know there's gonna be a lot of huh what.

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Speaker 1: And I don't want to put out the idea ever

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Speaker 1: that I'm minimizing somebody's experience, because your experience is your experience.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like you're triggered, but I am triggered. I'm

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Speaker 1: triggered because I had an experience about this. Um oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, I am. Yeah. We're talking about being triggered.

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Speaker 1: What is being triggered? I mean, what is our responsibility

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Speaker 1: and being triggered? What is the world's responsibility and being triggered?

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Speaker 1: How is this scene around the world? What do you

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Speaker 1: think versus what your parents saying? Because my parents would

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Speaker 1: say suck it up, Buttercup. They won't even say buttercup,

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Speaker 1: they just say suck it up. They'd say everybody's so

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Speaker 1: sensitive and all of that. And so I don't wanna,

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Speaker 1: you know, say somebody is wrong or bad for being

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Speaker 1: sensitive or feeling something deeper than somebody else. And I

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Speaker 1: think it's just important to talk about this because there

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Speaker 1: isn't a lot of conversation around this. It's just like

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Speaker 1: you're allowed to do whatever you want or need, whatever

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Speaker 1: you want to ask for, whatever you want to say.

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Speaker 1: And are we asking ourselves for what we need? So

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Speaker 1: when I even bring the topic up, what comes up

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Speaker 1: for you? It's a couple of like two different sides,

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Speaker 1: I think the first I'll start with the first side,

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Speaker 1: which is just that the word triggered is actually a

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Speaker 1: very neutral word in its technical meaning. It just means

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Speaker 1: that there is an external stimuli that has brought about

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Speaker 1: a reaction in me It's a word people use it

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Speaker 1: in all kinds of different scenarios medical, probably in mechanical

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Speaker 1: like this triggered that the end interesting Culturally, it's taken

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Speaker 1: on a very different meaning for the most part when

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Speaker 1: people are using it now, so like in the context

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Speaker 1: of trigger warning or those kinds of things that now

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Speaker 1: it's everywhere and it's being just kind of thrown around

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Speaker 1: a lot. I think that's just always like a good

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Speaker 1: reminder that words kind of have a pure beginning and

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Speaker 1: then culturally then there take they take on different meanings

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Speaker 1: and they become a different thing when people use them. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I like that you started with the like this triggered that,

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Speaker 1: and like mechanical things and trigger warnings, those are important, right,

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Speaker 1: So recently, I don't know if you did you ever

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Speaker 1: watch or read Luckiest Girl Alive? Have you heard about it? Yes? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna keep you cool. That's all I know. Okay.

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Speaker 1: So I listened to the book first and then it

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Speaker 1: was made into a movie, and it was a hard

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Speaker 1: book to listen to, and at the same time, listening

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Speaker 1: to that it triggered an experience of like, this is sad,

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Speaker 1: this is scary. I cried and I was Okay. Some

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Speaker 1: people might not be that way because of their experiences. However,

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Speaker 1: the movie was so graphic in the way that they

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Speaker 1: showed what happened some people they probably did not blink.

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Speaker 1: I had to literally pull the covers over my head

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Speaker 1: and I couldn't watch it. So I can't imagine somebody

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Speaker 1: who listening to the book if they had a higher

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Speaker 1: reaction to me, what that was like for them. And

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Speaker 1: so I'm like, yeah, trigger warnings could be important, just

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Speaker 1: like our car might say if you step on the

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Speaker 1: gas while you're turning your car on something, my malfunction

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Speaker 1: or if you I don't know, you don't want to

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Speaker 1: electric heal yourself, so like turn your something off before

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Speaker 1: you connect these wires. I don't know. I'm not a mechanic,

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Speaker 1: but in some shows and books and it is important

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Speaker 1: to say, hey, we're talking about some sensitive stuff their ratings.

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Speaker 1: That's a trigger warning. I don't know. I want you

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Speaker 1: to know what you're about to experience. Yeah, so that's helpful. Demilovado,

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Speaker 1: do you know the story about when she walked into

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Speaker 1: the frozen yogurt? Okay, you keep me. It's just a

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Speaker 1: long time ago. People are gonna be like, hold the

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Speaker 1: mate check out. Um So, Demi Lado walked into a

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Speaker 1: frozen yogurt store and I think it was in l

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Speaker 1: A And I think they had like sugar free, your

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Speaker 1: fat free frozen yogurt, and she was very upset. Now,

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Speaker 1: Demi Lovato has a history of a neating disorder and

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Speaker 1: that felt very diet culture to her, which is I

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Speaker 1: do remember this now. Yeah, it was interesting to me.

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Speaker 1: I understood the sentiment of what she was saying, and

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Speaker 1: I think it's very fair that she was triggered by

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Speaker 1: walking into that yogurt store. I thought like, oh, that's interesting.

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Speaker 1: My dad has diabetes and that's the kind of ice

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Speaker 1: cream he can actually eat that won't send him into

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Speaker 1: some kind of something, And so it didn't really bother

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Speaker 1: me to see that kind of stuff. I have a

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Speaker 1: different experience. So the issue is not that she was

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Speaker 1: triggered and I wasn't, that's right. The issue is she

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Speaker 1: blasted this place. How dare you? I don't know exactly

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Speaker 1: what she said, but it was like like she was

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Speaker 1: trying to take down this business that was just trying

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Speaker 1: to offer other options. Granted, not an option she wanted.

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Speaker 1: Not actually an option. I want an option. My dad

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Speaker 1: needs an option. Other people have the prerogative to desire.

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Speaker 1: Just like there's weight watchers in the world. I'm not

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Speaker 1: going into one right right now. If somebody shoved me

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Speaker 1: into a weight watchers, meaning I probably would be triggered,

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Speaker 1: right but I'm not asking the world to shut those

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Speaker 1: down even though they are problematic in a lot of ways.

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Speaker 1: We'll get into that at a different time. So I

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Speaker 1: want to bring up this idea of what's the value

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Speaker 1: of acknowledging our triggers and then what do we do

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Speaker 1: with them. I don't know about you, but I felt

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Speaker 1: very angry when the whole DEMI about a thing went on.

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Speaker 1: That's a great example, because I do think it is

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Speaker 1: an easier way to look at all the sides of

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Speaker 1: it and try to come up with like there is

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Speaker 1: sort of a compromise, there's sort of both, and to

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Speaker 1: give attention to what you're describing is the unhealthy side

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Speaker 1: of the cultural use of trigger and the cultural understanding

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Speaker 1: or the way we kind of co opt something to

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Speaker 1: do a thing with it that isn't necessarily helpful to

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Speaker 1: us or to other people. And it's like when we

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Speaker 1: take an experience or that external stimuli and we name

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Speaker 1: it as triggering to something distressing or harmful to me,

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Speaker 1: and then I've now pointed at that as a hurt

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Speaker 1: that was inflicted upon me, like you did this, did

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Speaker 1: this to me, and it's your responsibility to fix it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And sometimes that's true with triggers. Sometimes someone is responsible

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Speaker 1: for an act of hurt upon you, and a lot

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Speaker 1: of the times, you know, I don't even know if

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Speaker 1: I would call that a trigger. I just think I

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Speaker 1: would call that like a moment of assault or abuse,

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Speaker 1: or of hurtful language or disrespect. I think I would

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Speaker 1: call those different things. If someone did a thing that

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Speaker 1: was hurtful to me explicitly, like that person was the

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Speaker 1: cause of the hurt. That person looked at me like

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Speaker 1: you need to eat fat free food because you're fat, Like, WHOA, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm not only am I triggered, you just like assaulted

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Speaker 1: me verbally. So that's different than a like the moment

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Speaker 1: that someone was disrespectful or violated abound like my dignity.

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Speaker 1: It's just a harm. But that's different than you've seen something,

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Speaker 1: right because I say to that kind of thing where

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Speaker 1: let's say somebody has a parent or somebody in their life. This, okay,

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Speaker 1: so it's the holiday, so this is bound to happen.

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Speaker 1: There's We're just gonna stay with the vibe of food.

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Speaker 1: I've had experiences in my life for people have said

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Speaker 1: things to me about food and what I'm eating around

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Speaker 1: the holiday holidays, like you really need to eat that

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Speaker 1: before X or whoa are you gonna eat? One time,

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't laugh at this, but it was funny and

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Speaker 1: we can laugh at it now, and we laughed at

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Speaker 1: the moment too. But my grandma said something to my

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Speaker 1: sister in law during a meal. She took a baked

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Speaker 1: potato and it was like a normal size sneaked potato,

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Speaker 1: and my grandma was like, you're going to eat that

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Speaker 1: whole potato, which coming from my grandma, she didn't mean

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Speaker 1: anything by that. But when you don't know somebody's history

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Speaker 1: or what their thoughts are, what their feelings are, that

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Speaker 1: can be really triggering of like, oh, shoot, I shouldn't

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Speaker 1: do this. But let's say somebody does say something harmful,

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Speaker 1: like you might want to go run an extra couple

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Speaker 1: of miles before dinner tonight because I know you're not

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Speaker 1: gonna able to control yourself around the pie or whatever. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's a clear line of disrespect. There you go. And

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Speaker 1: here's the thing, and I feel about that. If you

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Speaker 1: are walking down a dark alley and some man came

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Speaker 1: up to you, punched to square in the face and

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Speaker 1: broke your nose, I don't think you're going to go

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Speaker 1: back to that man and ask him to fix your nose. Sure, right,

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Speaker 1: you're probably going to go to a doctor somebody who

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Speaker 1: is understanding knows how to heal that and didn't and

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Speaker 1: flick that pain because that person has no interest in

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Speaker 1: They broke your nose, not with the intention of all.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to make this better. And so I think

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Speaker 1: we have to be very aware of where I'm going

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Speaker 1: to heal or where I'm going to get my needs met,

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Speaker 1: where they were once taken away or not met, or

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Speaker 1: where it was hurt or abused. And so if somebody

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Speaker 1: is malicious, Let's say I walk into a frozen yogurt

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Speaker 1: shop and they say, oh, you should go to the

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Speaker 1: fat free section because you're fat, which we'll get into

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Speaker 1: that in a second. That word, I don't think I'm

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Speaker 1: going to go back to that frozen yogurt place at all.

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Speaker 1: I think I'm going to maybe go to my therapist

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Speaker 1: or a friend and talk about that experience and how

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Speaker 1: it hurt me, and then I'm probably going to create

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Speaker 1: a boundary where I don't allow myself to enter that

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Speaker 1: space because they don't deserve my business. That's where a

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Speaker 1: lot of times I see that it's their responsibility to

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Speaker 1: feel that they hurt my feelings. I don't care, which

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Speaker 1: is sad. I think when we're talking about psychological triggers,

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Speaker 1: like this is the mental health world of things, then

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Speaker 1: it's a reaction to something past that's happened to me,

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Speaker 1: that was hurtful, that is now I'm being reminded of

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Speaker 1: through a present stimulus in my life. And how much

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Speaker 1: responsibility do I give to those present things in my

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Speaker 1: life for being that thing that previously hurt me before?

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Speaker 1: I think that is different depending on all kinds of

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Speaker 1: specifics of your circumstance. So if there's certain places that

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Speaker 1: because I've been hurt by you know, culture and body

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Speaker 1: image and eating disorders and stuff, that there are certain

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Speaker 1: places that have that kind of language explicitly kind of

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Speaker 1: just in their restaurants are on display, then I'm going

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Speaker 1: to be triggered. That thing is not the harm that

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Speaker 1: originally occurred to me. It now just has an association

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Speaker 1: to the meaning to because I'm thinking, as you said,

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Speaker 1: that I'm triggered when I see calories on menus and

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Speaker 1: that's everywhere. However, I'm still going to go to chick Fili,

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Speaker 1: so it's my responsibility to learn what I need in

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Speaker 1: order to still order what I want versus what these

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Speaker 1: calories and the past diet culture beliefs that I've held

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Speaker 1: are telling me. It makes me think of something that

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Speaker 1: Courtney Grimes, who is a therapist in Nashville, and she

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Speaker 1: owns a after care step down from residual treatment here.

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Speaker 1: It's called the Collective. But I was talking to her

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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, and the reason she created

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Speaker 1: her program is because she said, nobody cares about your

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Speaker 1: recovery once you leave treatment. Nobody cares. Like the guy

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Speaker 1: at the grocery store doesn't care. Maybe your mom doesn't care.

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Speaker 1: Your friends really might not understand it, so they might

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Speaker 1: not really care. They might not know. But the world

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Speaker 1: is not set up to take care of your recovery.

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Speaker 1: We have to equip ourselves and learn how to move

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Speaker 1: back into the world maintain aiming the skills and the

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Speaker 1: tools and the things that we've learned. And I think

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Speaker 1: that's so important because the frozen yogurt shop does not

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Speaker 1: care about everybody's issues with sugar free frozen yogurt, because again,

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Speaker 1: some people want that and it's sad and it's the

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Speaker 1: reality we can't fight reality, then we're just going to

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Speaker 1: create suffering. Can we talk about Taylor Swift. I'm just

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Speaker 1: gonna lay the what happened out and I'm gonna let

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Speaker 1: Tara give me her thoughts live. We have not talked

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Speaker 1: about this explicitly. I've thought very little. We go we

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Speaker 1: go um okay, so and Taylor Swift's new music video,

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Speaker 1: which I'm not a big Taylor Swift fan, although i

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Speaker 1: do like this song is pretty good. So I never

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Speaker 1: watched the video, listened the song. I didn't know anything

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Speaker 1: about Unti all of a sudden, I've seen all this

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Speaker 1: content and people were asking me about it. So she

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Speaker 1: put out this video for anti Hero. In the video,

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Speaker 1: there is a part where she steps on a scale

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Speaker 1: and instead of a number, the scale else says fat

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Speaker 1: And the video is about like the song is about

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Speaker 1: anti hero, where like your inner critic is like the like,

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Speaker 1: that's who you're rooting for, that's who you're like actually

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Speaker 1: listening to is the anti hero, not the actual hero.

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Speaker 1: And so I started seeing all this stuff everywhere and

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Speaker 1: people will message me, and apparently activists and therapists and

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Speaker 1: people in the mental health community we're saying that is

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Speaker 1: fat phobic, and you're promoting diet culture, you're promoting eating disorders,

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Speaker 1: all of this stuff. You need to take this out

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Speaker 1: And within a day I think she took that part

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Speaker 1: out of the video. What do you think you can

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Speaker 1: give different? Yeah, I'm going to play the two sides

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Speaker 1: because they're always are too sad. They're just the truth.

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Speaker 1: And if we're saying that there is an absolute this

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Speaker 1: is the right way, and this is the wrong way,

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Speaker 1: then we're just not being honest with the reality of life.

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Speaker 1: And so I think one side of it is, yes,

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Speaker 1: that can give that message, That can give a fat

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Speaker 1: phobic message to some people looking at that content that

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Speaker 1: they could experience it that way. It could give that

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Speaker 1: message to lots of little girls who might have that

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Speaker 1: fear and then they look at her and they're like, well,

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Speaker 1: she's not that so all the things like that's true.

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Speaker 1: That's the reality that that can happen and probably did

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Speaker 1: happen for lots of people who were like, I'm experiencing that,

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Speaker 1: so I don't want to feel that. Um, so it shouldn't,

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to look at it. Then

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Speaker 1: there's in that kind of middle lane. Is the human

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Speaker 1: being which is her who gets to decide what she

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Speaker 1: does with that feedback, you know, who's like, okay, even

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Speaker 1: if that probably wasn't my intention in telling in the

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Speaker 1: story that I'm trying to tell, I understand and probably

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Speaker 1: have a sensitivity to the way that people feel around

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Speaker 1: those things, because I have this issue and I'm willing

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Speaker 1: to just call it and just say it's not worth

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Speaker 1: that of it, And then there's the opportunity for her.

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Speaker 1: I think the other side of the argument is if

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Speaker 1: people experience something that way to them, that probably wasn't

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Speaker 1: the message that she was actually giving out of her

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Speaker 1: own brain and experience. I'm going to just assume. We'll

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Speaker 1: just assume that I know that what she was trying

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Speaker 1: to say is this was one of my problems through art.

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Speaker 1: Through an expression of art, I'm going to try to

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Speaker 1: demonstrate an area of struggle for me, like almost like

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Speaker 1: she's naming it as a problem, not as a promotion,

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to try to express that through a video,

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Speaker 1: you know, which is kind of like, you know, live

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Speaker 1: a moving piece of art and my struggle with that

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Speaker 1: and this is how I understand my struggle with this word,

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Speaker 1: and it's my experience it's my experience of stepping on

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Speaker 1: a scale. That's what my body dysmorphia is about, right

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Speaker 1: like it's also naming a thing as it is. My

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Speaker 1: interpretation is a lot of people interpreted what she said.

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Speaker 1: When she didn't say something so she stepped on a scale,

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Speaker 1: it said fat. There was a person going like no, no,

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Speaker 1: no with her finger, and so she was saying Taylor

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Speaker 1: Swift was saying fat is bad. How I saw it

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Speaker 1: was she was somebody who struggled with people telling her

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Speaker 1: she should be it one way, she should be smaller, smaller,

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Speaker 1: people were telling her she was fat when she wasn't,

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Speaker 1: and people were saying fat is bad. I didn't hear

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Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, the human, the authentic, real person saying that

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Speaker 1: to everybody. She's telling the story about her experience, experience

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Speaker 1: with a heart that the way that has harmed her.

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Speaker 1: So the reason I bring that up is because I

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Speaker 1: would have never personally asked her to take that out.

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Speaker 1: And I totally understand how somebody can see that, especially

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Speaker 1: if they're in their stuff and not have the idea

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Speaker 1: that that I just explained in their head. Because when

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Speaker 1: you're in something, you are later focused on it. This

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Speaker 1: is me as a therapist ten years out of having

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Speaker 1: those things. So I get that if a client came

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Speaker 1: to me and said, this is screwed up, this is whatever,

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah, we would talk about it and we

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Speaker 1: get to what actually came up for them, and then

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Speaker 1: we would talk about ways that they can take care

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Speaker 1: of themselves, in ways that they can see things and

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Speaker 1: all of that. It would never fall back on Taylor Swift.

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Speaker 1: I think on an individual level, that's absolutely what I

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Speaker 1: would do. I was thinking, like, what would I do

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Speaker 1: with the client one? I would I would totally validate

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Speaker 1: your experience and I wouldn't be like, that's not about you.

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Speaker 1: You're wrong, right, She's not saying that, there you go.

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Speaker 1: Don't you feel better now? Like get over it? Over

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Speaker 1: this is what she means. Now you you know, because

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Speaker 1: what we know about our emotional reactions is that they're

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Speaker 1: not about rational explanations there. They're about stuff that we

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Speaker 1: carry around in side of us. And so what I

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Speaker 1: would want to do get that person to what is

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Speaker 1: this touching on for you? That is so that part

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Speaker 1: of you that's so sensitive that needs to be taken

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Speaker 1: care of, that starts to get into beliefs and stories

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Speaker 1: like it brought up your stories that are painful triggering

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Speaker 1: the thing from your experience in your life, So we

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Speaker 1: need to address that. We always need to go there

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Speaker 1: and address that. And I talked about this with clients

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Speaker 1: a lot. When they're like in residential treatment and another

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Speaker 1: client triggers them, reminds them of their abusive dad and tech,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm like, I can't make that client different,

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Speaker 1: you know, and they're not doing anything that like breaks

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Speaker 1: the rules. We're gonna have to figure this out. And

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Speaker 1: usually what we do first is we deal with what's

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Speaker 1: coming up around the original wound. So let's go and

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Speaker 1: like deal with dad. And then they get some grounded

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Speaker 1: nous in that part of them that is so not regulated,

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Speaker 1: and they get some clarity about that wasn't right. The

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Speaker 1: way that I understood this to mean about me is

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Speaker 1: the truth about me with my original wound. Now I

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Speaker 1: can look at this thing over here through present day eyes, clear, strong,

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Speaker 1: like grounded sense of self that what would that? How

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Speaker 1: does that part of me want to deal with so

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Speaker 1: and so? And it's usually somewhat different than their original reaction,

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Speaker 1: which is I don't want to be here with that person.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, no, that person is not safe because

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Speaker 1: my dad wasn't safe, right, So usually because they've kind

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Speaker 1: of gotten themselves out of like that was a real

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Speaker 1: threat that I was stuck in. Let me deal with that,

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Speaker 1: and I can see this through a different lens that

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Speaker 1: is present, and there might be action that I want

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Speaker 1: to take about that. I mean, there is activism that's necessary.

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Speaker 1: Like that's the gray of should you or shouldn't you

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Speaker 1: address that in the world. It's up to you, Like

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Speaker 1: what what's your calling? You know, what's your truth. But

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Speaker 1: the way that you're going to go about that when

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Speaker 1: you're clear about what's there in my path asked and

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Speaker 1: what's here in my present, it's going to be different. Well,

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Speaker 1: if this is what I'm hearing in that, this is

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Speaker 1: what just came to my head because I'm sitting here

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Speaker 1: being like, well, maybe yeah, she should have taken it

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Speaker 1: out because it is it worth that about? No, it's

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Speaker 1: not about removing the triggers in life. It's about helping

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Speaker 1: us understand where they come from and doing the work

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Speaker 1: to heal that part of us. And I love that

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Speaker 1: part of us, and a lot of times what will

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Speaker 1: happen is that person. Instead of saying I need to

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Speaker 1: go to a different group, they need to leave treatment

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Speaker 1: I can't be here, They'll sit down and actually have

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Speaker 1: a like I'm gonna tell you what happens, what's what

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling. I'm going to make some request about like

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Speaker 1: can we talk this way about these things instead of

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Speaker 1: this way? Can you knock before you come in my room?

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Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna actually just talk to you about my

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Speaker 1: experience and see if we can meet somewhere I can

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Speaker 1: still address my need versus making it black and white.

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Speaker 1: You do this, or you do this or I can't

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Speaker 1: do this. Yeah, m You know what's funny is we

405
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 1: were talking about this topic and we're gonna put it

406
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,960
Speaker 1: in last week's episode. We're like, we could just do

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00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,200
Speaker 1: in ten minutes because I still have more stuff to say,

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00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 1: but I want to get to something else, So more

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Speaker 1: on that. If you guys have questions, again, always know

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00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 1: that you can email for any kind of clarifications or

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Speaker 1: to give experiences that you want us to talk about,

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Speaker 1: or even if you want to tell us your experience

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Speaker 1: of the Taylor Swift thing or the Demi Lovato thing,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm so open to hearing that I also know,

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Speaker 1: and I'm very aware that I can be wrong and

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Speaker 1: i can say things that I don't mean, and I'm

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Speaker 1: always willing to learn more, so we welcome those. Now

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna switch gears a little bit. This has a

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Speaker 1: little bit to do with that, but also it's different

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Speaker 1: a couple Well was it two years ago or a

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Speaker 1: year It was probably two years ago. Now, I put

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Speaker 1: out a TikTok video. This was the end of my

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Speaker 1: TikTok career. I'll still put out clips of the podcasts

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Speaker 1: on there if I filmed them, but I'm never making

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Speaker 1: like a fun TikTok again because to me, it's just

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Speaker 1: not worth it. I put up this TikTok and it

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Speaker 1: said it was literally that was like sitting in my

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Speaker 1: living room with my my roommate at the time, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, it would be such

430
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 1: a funny idea for a TikTok and we made it

431
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 1: and like literally fifteen minutes I posted it. Didn't think

432
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 1: anything of it, and then like a week later I

433
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:27,640
Speaker 1: was getting like thousands and thousands of notifications TikTok is weird.

434
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 1: Were like I had no followers and people it shows

435
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,639
Speaker 1: my video to people. It's like random. There's no like

436
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:36,159
Speaker 1: rhyme or reason to it, or maybe there is. I

437
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 1: don't know what it is anyway, So the TikTok was me.

438
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 1: There was like a what is it called graphic of text.

439
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,880
Speaker 1: There's text that said things people are willing to do

440
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,120
Speaker 1: except going to therapy. And then it had this fun

441
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: music that was like hit it, hit it, hit it,

442
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 1: hit it, get it, get it, get it, get it.

443
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,120
Speaker 1: And like every time I said something, I would flip

444
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 1: to a different image. And the things I put where

445
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: lie yoga, shopping, dating apps, essential oils, crystals, exercise in general.

446
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 1: I put because this is something I do, like buying

447
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 1: tons of plants, like everybody's coming on a planet, lady

448
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 1: reading self help books. Self help books were on there.

449
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 1: I think like a life coach might have been on there. Food.

450
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 1: It was just all this stuff, and I just thought

451
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 1: it was like kind of like fun and cheeky and

452
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 1: like whatever, because a lot of those things I do. Right,

453
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: what I was saying was not that these are bad,

454
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,360
Speaker 1: but it was no, it was just like these people

455
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,080
Speaker 1: are willing to do all of this, but when I

456
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:42,199
Speaker 1: say maybe you should try therapy, They're like absolutely not.

457
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 1: I don't need therapy or like therapies for people that

458
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 1: are this or either that's too scary. I'm scared of

459
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,160
Speaker 1: that because I think that is one of the things

460
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 1: that keeps you from going to therapy is I feel

461
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 1: like my issues have to be this to go or

462
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,399
Speaker 1: I am afraid because it's intimidating, and going to this

463
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,119
Speaker 1: yoga class is less personal. I don't have to tell

464
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 1: anybody anything and all that I'm not saying it's wrong.

465
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: The feedback I got was probably on a smaller scale

466
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: of how Taylor's was spelt. So Taylor, I feel you.

467
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: I don't think I can see the comments anymore, but

468
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,399
Speaker 1: I remember a lot of them. A lot of people

469
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: were saying how privileged I was. A lot of people

470
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,199
Speaker 1: said you were probably the worst therapist in the whole world.

471
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 1: I was called a basic white B word. I had

472
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 1: one lady cast a spell upon me. I had people

473
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,239
Speaker 1: like stitch, I don't if it's stitching or duetting it

474
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 1: where they like repost it, and I talked about how

475
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 1: terrible of a person you are. I will say I

476
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,399
Speaker 1: had the wherewithal to not watch those because I was like,

477
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 1: this is just make me cry. Because again I am

478
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 1: open to being wrong. I am doing my job to

479
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 1: be a helper, not a hurter. And I was just

480
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 1: being silly. And I had some woman then find on

481
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 1: Instagram because I've locked her, and she wrote me this

482
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 1: whole thing, very long thing. I did read and then

483
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: she was like, I'm out in you to my thirty

484
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,159
Speaker 1: thousand Instagram followers, I'm ruining your life. And then what

485
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 1: it's funny is in between some of those comments, I

486
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 1: had a couple of people be like, she was my

487
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:21,960
Speaker 1: old therapist. I love her. I was like, but I

488
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,159
Speaker 1: thought like, should I defend myself? Should I delete this?

489
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 1: Should I post another video? And ultimately I was like,

490
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 1: probably like Taylor stuff, I was like, this is not

491
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,640
Speaker 1: worth it. I just thought this was funny, so I'm

492
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,679
Speaker 1: taking it down. I actually made it public again just

493
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 1: because I was like, I wonder if I'm going to

494
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 1: get the same response. And nobody is even watching it,

495
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 1: so I feel good about that. But that brings in

496
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:50,120
Speaker 1: this conversation of people saying yoga is my therapy. I

497
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 1: was a indoor cycling instructor and so many people would

498
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 1: say this is my therapy, and I'm like, well, I

499
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 1: want you to know that I'm not your therapist, and

500
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 1: when you're my class or reading is my therapy, or

501
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 1: art art is my therapy. Yes, and how I see

502
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: that as things can be therapeutic, but it doesn't mean

503
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 1: that they are therapy. Tell me what you think. I

504
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 1: think the light side of it of that kind of

505
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 1: thing is that if people really are finding things in

506
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 1: life that promote emotional wellness, then that's therapeutic and that's wonderful.

507
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 1: And that's essentially what I would hear most people saying,

508
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,639
Speaker 1: especially in like the kind of colloquial sense of like

509
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:37,440
Speaker 1: that is my therapy. It helps me process my feelings,

510
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 1: It helps me regulate myself, it helps me take care

511
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 1: of me, it makes me feel better about the human

512
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 1: being that I am. Just things that promote my wellness

513
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 1: in life, which is great. And yeah, it's I mean,

514
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 1: it's not therapy in like, therapy is a thing. It's

515
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: a very real specific thing. Uh, we have license to

516
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: do it, right, it's a profession, it's a skill. There's

517
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 1: not another word, you know, counterying, therapy. Those are the

518
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 1: words for what we do. I don't know what else

519
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,800
Speaker 1: you would call them. And so I think that is

520
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: different what's happening in our offices is very different, even

521
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 1: though there might be some similar qualities to those things

522
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 1: that people are experiencing in their lives. Well, and I

523
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 1: think it's maybe it's my protect my protection of it,

524
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: because yeah, I actually want most of my clients to

525
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 1: do a lot of those things. I want you to

526
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 1: move your body. I want you to eat food. I

527
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 1: want you to date. If you love essential oils, they

528
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: could be very healing, I want you to do that.

529
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 1: Like I want you to find outlet. I want you

530
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 1: to do art, and I do art in therapy as well.

531
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 1: I'm not art therapist, but we use that. And so

532
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 1: it's interesting. My experience was it's interesting that people are

533
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 1: seeing it this way with that video that I made

534
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: when I'm like, I'm not saying these things are bad.

535
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 1: I'm saying that is not this. And when it comes

536
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 1: down to it, it's probably not the most important distinction

537
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 1: we need to make unless we are doing these things

538
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 1: to avoid what we really need. Because therapy can take

539
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 1: something that can be therapeutic, it can be healing, it

540
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 1: can be a coping skill, it can be something that's

541
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 1: very helpful, and it can actually take it to a

542
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: whole different level. Yeah, I think the important distinctions would be,

543
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 1: are you still stuck in something you know? You're doing

544
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: those other things you know? Is it not changing the

545
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 1: way that your thought processes live inside your brain or

546
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 1: the ways that you believe about yourself or the health

547
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 1: that you have in relationships? Like, are those things really

548
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 1: giving you what you would want out of maybe a

549
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 1: therapy session experience relationship And if we call those therapy

550
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 1: and they're not, then then I miss out. Yeah, you're

551
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 1: miss out. You're kind of cutting yourself off from another option.

552
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 1: That's a really good way to say that of is

553
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: this actually giving you what you're looking for? Or is

554
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,480
Speaker 1: it holding you in a space. I mean, it's holding

555
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 1: you in a space and you feel okay, but it's

556
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: not actually giving you what you're looking for. Because me

557
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:23,320
Speaker 1: going to yoga really helps me distress after a tough

558
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 1: holiday weekend with family or a long day at work,

559
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 1: or we can be deeper than that. I think it

560
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 1: can be way deeper than that. But this is just

561
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 1: what's coming in my head. But what it's not doing,

562
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 1: it's not teaching me how to set boundaries with my mom.

563
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 1: It's not teaching me what's my responsibility and what what

564
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 1: I learned that actually isn't true about me from my

565
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 1: family upbringing. And I'm not saying that could never be

566
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: the case. Experience and a book can be so helpful,

567
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 1: and words and information is not what is going to

568
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: just like you said earlier of like when we're in

569
00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: those states logic, that isn't what's going to change our

570
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 1: experience of the world and ourselves. It's an emotional experience

571
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 1: that actually happens through like action and connection with people.

572
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 1: So books are really helpful. I mean, I don't know

573
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 1: how many books I give to clients and read this.

574
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 1: Let me care if you ever give this book back

575
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,719
Speaker 1: to me, you need to read this. But the book's

576
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 1: not going to do the work for them. Yeah. I

577
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 1: was thinking just as you were talking that some other words,

578
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: is that people might say those things are healing to me,

579
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 1: like they're you know, if meditation is actually healing to

580
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 1: my anxiety, and I'm if I'm doing that regularly, that's

581
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,160
Speaker 1: also something I would usually help to do if they

582
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: have high anxiety because it's a great the therapeutic tool. Yeah,

583
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 1: it's gonna actually be healing. Those things might be healing

584
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 1: to your system. Because they are therapeutic in those ways.

585
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 1: That's great if that's what it is. That's what you mean, though,

586
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 1: maybe is that this is healing to me, This is

587
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 1: nurturing to me, This gives me a good sense of

588
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: self in my life. That's what you mean when you

589
00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 1: say it's my therapy? Probably? Yeah, so that's samanta X.

590
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: But I just wanted to talk about that because it's

591
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 1: very interesting to me. And again, you get to do

592
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: if you never want to go to therapy and you're like,

593
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast. Is therapeutic to me, that's my therapy. Okay,

594
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 1: I would prefer to say therapeutic, then that's my therapy. Because,

595
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 1: like I said every episode, this is not a replacement

596
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: for mental health services. It's okay for you to say

597
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 1: that's what I'm going to use. I'm not. I never, ever,

598
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 1: I'm going to say everybody needs to go to therapy,

599
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 1: because I think we even said this in the beginning. Uh,

600
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 1: some people are fine living in that space, and I

601
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 1: might not be fine living in that space, but they are,

602
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 1: so I might say I need to go to therapy,

603
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: but if they were, they wanted, and I think that's

604
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 1: part of being a therapist. As we empower people to

605
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 1: actually do what they actually need to do, not what

606
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: we think they need to do. Okay, so we had

607
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:53,239
Speaker 1: a little bit more, but we're gonna get into it

608
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: next time, because you know, we said we were going

609
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: to do triggering in ten minutes and it took thirty.

610
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 1: So thank you for being here. You're welcome again. Guys.

611
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 1: If you have things you want us to talk about,

612
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 1: feedback comments at all, send it to Catherine at you

613
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast dot com. I also will just add

614
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:15,800
Speaker 1: I haven't been saying this as much. I really appreciate

615
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 1: when you say it kindly because I tried to do

616
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 1: that in the way I speak, and I like receiving feedback.

617
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 1: It doesn't always feel good, but I like receiving feedback

618
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,319
Speaker 1: and it's just always better received when you, guys, give

619
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:32,400
Speaker 1: me some kindness in the way you word things. And

620
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 1: if you don't feel like doing that, then maybe just

621
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 1: give me a trigger warning. Okay, that's going to do

622
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 1: it for us today though, And you can follow the

623
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 1: podcast at You Need Therapy Podcast on Instagram. You can

624
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 1: follow me as well if you are not a client

625
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 1: at cat dot de fata Tera is mysterious and you

626
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 1: can just guess what her life is like, all right,

627
00:34:54,080 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 1: Goodbye tw